Original subtitles

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(FROG CROAKING)

There you go, Lenny. That's a good boy.

Oh, hello there. I was feeding my pet kangaroo.

Off you go, Lenny.

Welcome to Lifestyles of the Wealthy and Obnoxious,

the show that goes inside the homes of the rich and famous

to remind you how sad and pathetic your lives are.

I'm your host, Tad Tucker.

And today, we're going inside the mansion

of a super-fabulous, super-famous, mega hunk, me!

Tad Tucker.

So come on in, and let me show you how cool and rich I am.

There's only one thing as pretty as my Italian sports car.

And that's me.

You... handsome... devil.

(KISSING)

(THUDS)

Right now, you're probably saying,

"Hey, Tad, what's with all the rabbits?"

Well, I'm gonna have a big rabbit barbeque.

Nothing like eating a bunch of rabbits

right from the grill. (CRANKING)

Oh, no! My ride! Get back here!

I'm gonna give Tad Tucker a ride, all right.

A ride to crazy town.

(PANTING)

Well, bad news is I never did catch up to my car.

Whoo!

It's out there somewhere.

But the good news is, you can definitely catch my beautiful sprawling grounds.

The place where I love to boost my self-esteem

through solitary low-skill hobbies,

like boomerang throwing.

As soon as I give the signal, Lenny back there will launch a clay pigeon into the air

and I'll knock it down like the expert I am.

Okay, pull! (EXCLAIMS)

Oh, my knickers! (CHUCKLES SHEEPISHLY)

I'll just, uh, tie these babies up.

Okay, pull!

Betraying trousers! (GROANS)

(GRUMBLING)

(GRUNTS)

This ultra-top wombat tape oughta keep my bloomers up.

Okay. Pull!

(GROANING)

Let's go for something a little more relaxing.

Like a stroll through me old hedge maze.

Fans always ask me, "Tad, what are..." (GROANS)

Ow.

The grounds keep a muscle...

(MUMBLING)

(GROANING)

Whoa! Talk about a noggin' throbber.

I think the smart thing to do is just stand still.

(GROANING AND MUTTERING)

(EXCLAIMING)

Ah, my pants. Whoa! (SCREAMING)

Hello there. Ugh, it only took me two hours to get out of that hedge maze.

Nothing can help you recover like a sweat in my very own steam room.

I'll just sit back and let the steam melt all that tension away.

(CRANKING) (DOOR LOCK CLICKS)

What? Sounds like the door locked.

Well, it does seem to be getting a bit warmer in here.

Feels good, though. Good for the pores.

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

Just gonna take a looky-loo outside for a second.

(GRUNTING)

No! The humidity, it made the door swollen.

I got to get out. Got to get out!

Ow! Hot rock. Hot rock.

(EXCLAIMS AND GROANS)

(PANTING) Got to stay low. Got to stay low.

(TAD PANTING)

(POPPING)

(WEAKLY) Lenny, I'm gonna miss you most of all.

(EXPLOSION)

(SIZZLING)

Let me show you the inside of my mansion.

This is my dining room.

And that there is my favorite piece of art work.

Now, if you're thinking that's my favorite because I'm the subject of it,

you're absolutely right.

And being beautiful can make me work up quite an appetite.

Which is why I always have an elaborate spread like this sitting out.

Here are some wonderful Anzac biscuits.

Some mouthwatering barramundi

and some witchetty grubs.

(CHOMPING LOUDLY)

(SLURPING)

(SMACKS LIPS)

Yummy. And here's my second favorite food after rabbit,

the Outback wild turkey.

(SMACKS LIPS) Ow!

What the... (GROANS)

(GROANING)

(SNARLING)

Oh, take that, turkey.

That's the drawback to fighting a turkey.

It always... makes me... so sleepy. Oi!

Isn't that right, Tad? (GROANS)

I'm back, and I'm here to show you a toy only rich people have.

It's called an exercise gyroscope.

It's how we wealthy people stay slim and trim.

The faster I spin, the harder the work out.

Whoo! Oh, yeah. I can really feel it working.

(WHIMPERS) Oh, no. I'm going too fast.

Whoa! Whoa!

(BABBLING)

No! (GRUNTS)

TAD: Hey, there's my car.

Tad might be wealthy and obnoxious,

but it doesn't make him smart.

Just sit still. I'm almost done probing you.

MARTIAN : (ON COMPUTER) Marvin the Martian, come in. Marvin the Martian.

Oh, drat. I hate when my probing gets interrupted.

Marvin here.

We are ready to invade

the planet of Calzonia's, the evil supreme overlord of the universe.

I didn't think that was happening until the 23rd.

Today is the 23rd.

Well, look at that.

I got so busy with my probing I didn't even notice.

Sorry, earthling, you have to leave.

I have to overthrow the evil supreme overlord of the universe.

(SCREAMING)

Was that real? Or did I overdo it on the goji berries?

Oh, yes, Jackie. I'm headed to the sci-fi movie convention.

You never heard of it?

It's only got all the props and costumes

of the greatest space movies of all time.

(GROANS)

In fact, I see one of the props right now.

Later, Jackie. Whoo-hoo!

Wow! Look at this.

This is the exact replica of a starship from that movie Planet of the Martians.

(GASPING) I bet legendary sci-fi actor Dirk Rodrigo sat right here.

(EXCLAIMING EXCITEDLY)

Who are you and how did you get in here?

Relax, Bob. I got a VIP badge.

I can go anywhere in the convention I want.

This is my spaceship, you crazy earthling.

Are we in character?

Okay, you pretend to be the Martian

and I'll pretend I'm commander of the space force.

Fine, my Martian friend.

Commander Daffy Duck controls your ship now.

Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Ooh! Uh-oh.

(MARVIN THE MARTIAN SCREAMING)

(ELECTRICAL BUZZING)

I'm not sure what movie this thing is from, but I bet it was PG 13.

Oh, wow! Is this a video game, too?

Uh-oh. Looks like we've got some enemy fighters coming our way.

MARTIAN: (OVER RADIO) Sir, come in, sir.

Ooh! Is this an online game, too? Tight.

Daffy Duck here.

We have a detailed battle plan to proceed. We are ready to attack.

Sweet. Let's do this.

(YELLS) Leeroy Jenkins!

You're destroying my entire fleet.

It is not your turn. (GRUNTS)

MARTIAN: The commander ship has been hijacked.

Treat as a hostile enemy.

No! What a spammer.

Give me those controls. We're going to hit the planet!

Take it easy, Bob.

You're geeking me out way too hard.

DAFFY: Whoa. Is this the main ball room?

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Wow! The convention really went all out this year.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC CONTINUES)

You dare invade my zone?

My Calzonius?

Oh, dear. It's Calzonius, evil supreme overlord of the universe.

O-M-G!

You're legendary sci-fi actor Dirk Rodrigo.

I loved you in Green Parade Space Ninja One, Two and Four.

Three? Eh, not so much.

Say, what was it like kissing Carlet Electron?

Kind of like this?

(GRUNTS)

(GROWLS) Whoo-hoo!

(CAMERA CLICKS) My eyes!

Okay. Just a few more with me so people know I'm pals with Dirk Rodrigo.

(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS) Let's try a happy one.

A sad one.

Now act like we just ate bad Chinese food.

(GRUNTS) That is it.

I am going to feed you to my space monster.

Wow. You can even make cheesy lines of dialog like that sound believable.

See? This guy is a genius.

Um, Mr. Duck, he really is the evil supreme overlord of the universe.

You don't have a girlfriend, do you?

(CAL YELLS)

Bon appetit, space monster.

(SPACE MONSTER GROWLING)

What doesn't this sci-fi convention have?

Now, what movie are you from?

Was it Valley of the Spaceworms? The Creature from Planet X?

Amazon Space Monkey?

Stop steaming up my tail.

(GROWLING)

Hey, you're getting a little too into character.

(GROANING)

That's it. Cosplay time is over.

Take off that mask and fight like a real nerd.

What kind of costume is this anyway?

It's not a costume. It's a real space monster.

It's all real!

Huh?

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

Just, uh, let me get that tongue back in there,

close those big sharp teeth.

(SCREAMING) (GROWLING)

(BOTH SCREAMING)

DAFFY: Let's get out of here!

At last, my galaxy battleship cruiser is refueled.

I can finally conquer the entire universe!

Duck!

What are you doing?

Getting us back to Earth.

But I'm from Mars.

Guess what? We're moving.

(CRASHING) (BOTH GRUNTING)

Wow. That entrance was out of this world.

You have no idea.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)