Original subtitles

Previously on Young Children... So where should I go?

Caltech? MIT?

I'm so excited to visit MIT.

Me too.

I'm proud of you, son.

Thank you, dad.

Caltech?

Caltech!

I always believed my extraordinary life would be chronicled in numerous biographies.

I even used to make up my own titles.

My favorites were From Texas to Success, The Sheldon Cooper Journey, and Cooper for

Kids, a preschool introduction to quantum gravity and superstrings.

The point is, I knew my formative years would be well documented, which meant I

needed to polish up some of my early academic

credentials, especially East Texas Tech.

What am I looking at?

My proposal for next semester's curriculum on string theory.

I may be leaving, but that doesn't mean you can't attract

more brilliant minds by staying on the cutting edge.

Sheldon, you are not a professor here.

Oh, I know.

If I were to teach, it would be at a much better university than this one.

And in 54 days, you will no longer be a student here.

Not that I'm counting.

True. We should relish these moments.

Oh, I'm relishing.

Look at me relish.

So, what am I supposed to do with this?

Just because I won't be here doesn't mean I

won't forever be associated with this university.

And it would be nice if people look at my resume and said, East Texas Tech,

not East Texas Tech.

You said those the exact same way.

Really? In my head, the second one was dripping with scorn.

East Texas Tech.

How was that?

Dripping.

Sheldon, I appreciate this, but we have an excellent faculty here, and they are quite

capable of devising their own curriculum without your help.

I suppose it's been East Texas Tech as a hardship I had to overcome.

Like a hunchback or a clubfoot.

54 days.

I know. I'm going to miss this, too.

So, this is the new physics curriculum I've developed for next year.

Introduction to nonlinear sigma models?

That's some pretty advanced stuff.

And that's the point.

Sheldon may be leaving, but we can attract the

next brilliant mind if we stay on the cutting edge.

Couldn't agree more.

In fact, John, why don't you take point of that nonlinear class and I'll teach...

so much here I've heard of.

Which one do I pick?

If this material is too challenging for you, maybe I should rethink my faculty.

What are you saying?

Well, legally, I can't say that I'm replacing

you with someone younger, so I'm not saying that.

Legally.

Nice try, but I have tenure.

I don't.

Tough luck.

Another thing I'm not saying is that I'm going to put

your office at the top of a flight of very steep stairs.

Okay, that won't be necessary.

We may be out of the loop on this stuff, but we can catch up.

Agreed.

We can be up to speed in two shakes of a lamb's tail.

Don't say that.

You sound old.

Lickety-split.

Better.

Lickety-split.

Come to Nana.

Oh, you got so big.

I said that to her when she was pregnant.

No bueno.

So what movie are y'all going to see?

Ace Ventura, Pet Detective.

Mandy, you want to see that?

I don't care. I'm going to be asleep before the lights go down.

Well, we are so happy to babysit.

In fact, if you want to go to dinner after the movies, that's fine with us.

Oh, thanks, but we're trying to save money.

George, give them some money so they can go to dinner.

We're not babysitting for free.

But we never get to see this little one,

because her mean mommy and daddy moved her away.

Well, mommy and daddy have their own bathroom now, so...

Well, that's a dream right there.

All right.

Bye, baby.

Bye, honey. Be good.

Oh, she'll be an angel for Nana and Grampy.

Grampy?

I didn't sign off on that.

Okay, let's go.

I want to get this nap started.

See you, Grampy.

Grant, I finished reading Ed Whitten's article on the Landau-Gidsburg orbifold.

I'm almost done with one on Plunkian scattering.

I don't know why we were so reluctant to dive into these new theories.

Agreed.

Exciting stuff.

Thrilling.

So thrilling.

A little hard to parse.

A bit enigmatic.

I had to read the same paragraph four times.

I fell asleep on one paper, drooled all over it.

Is it possible that we're too old to learn new things?

Nonsense.

This would have been over my head even as a young man.

Maybe we just need someone to explain it to us.

Are you talking about Sheldon?

I'm sure he'd be happy to help.

Oh, that's what I'm afraid of.

I don't want to give him the satisfaction of thinking he's smarter than us.

But he is smarter than us.

I know that and you know that, but he can never know that.

Okay, how about this?

We take one of these papers, buckle down, and figure it out together.

Teamwork. I like it.

Actually, could you move it a bit closer?

That's a little fuzzy.

Now it's fuzzy for me.

Put on your cheaters.

I forgot them on the bus.

Have an extra pair.

Would you like them?

That would be lovely.

Teamwork.

Say nana, nana, nana.

Ain't she a little young for that, Mayor?

For the record, I said my first word at four months.

It was hypotenuse.

I asked you to get her bottle, not yours.

Two birds, Mayor.

Get down here and feed her with me.

Why?

Because that's how you bond.

All right.

You're going to have to get me back up.

Cheers.

I'm home.

Oh no, did Dad fall?

No, I'm bonding with the baby.

Isn't she the cutest?

Why, no one else is cute?

Another piercing right up here? - No.

Why?

Heather just got one.

I thought you and Heather were fighting.

Yeah, middle school's complicated.

You're not getting another piercing.

It's my ear.

We made that ear.

It's our ear.

I hate this house.

How many's when she couldn't talk?

Hi, Sheldon.

Hello.

I was hoping I could pick your brain about some

of the latest breakthroughs in string theory.

And maybe we keep this between us.

Dr. Linkletter doesn't need to know.

Grant?

John?

I can't believe you went to Sheldon behind my back.

You're doing the same exact thing.

Yeah, well, you did it first.

In or out, I don't have all night.

Well, thanks so much for watching her.

Was she any trouble?

No, not at all.

How was your nap?

That better?

Hey, a guy talks out of his butt, I laugh.

Dr. Pepper came out your nose.

Yeah, when words came out of his butt.

Okay, Mary, let's rehand the baby back and let him leave.

Just soaking her up.

They don't live in Kansas.

You can see them whenever you want.

Okay, well, Nana loves you.

Nana's the best.

Nana, Nana, Nana, Nana.

All right, Nana, take it down a notch.

Okay, bring her back anytime.

I mean it, anytime.

I think they got it.

We got it.

That was so nice.

What a sweet deal.

You have a little fun and hand her right back.

I don't know. I like having a baby in the house.

Yeah.

You know Russ at work?

He started on over with wife number two.

You should see him.

Looks like a walking corpse.

That doesn't sound so bad.

Are you serious?

Well, Georgie and Cece live across town.

Sheldon's about to move to California.

The house is going to feel empty.

Whoa, whoa, it ain't empty yet.

You still got Missy here.

Missy doesn't let me hug her anymore.

That is not true.

Missy, get out here and hug your mother.

No.

The booth just opened up.

Y 'all want to move over?

The booth?

We're not on a date.

I don't want our knees rubbing up on each other.

Well, excuse me for wanting to be comfortable.

Georgie, you believe this guy wants to sit in a booth? - What?

Oh, yeah.

Come on, Wayne, we're not on a date.

I just made that joke.

Get your head in the game.

Sorry.

That was distracting.

All right, what's going on?

We're babysitting the granddaughter.

I worry Mary's got a little baby fever.

Can you tell her about Russ?

Of course I told her about Russ.

Poor bastard shuffling around like a zombie.

And Russ is in shape.

You can't go around chasing after a baby.

Hey, I'll have you know I got up off the floor all by myself today.

Of course you did.

Just because she's having fun with your grandkid doesn't mean she wants more babies.

I don't know.

She definitely brought it up before.

Oh, boy.

There's going to be a new zombie in town.

Junker zombie.

It's all up to her.

I have a say in this.

I'm serious.

It takes two.

Then be honest with her.

Or you don't want another one.

Do what I did.

I'm not getting a divorce.

No, I mean get a little snip.

Never worry about it again.

You mean like a down there snip?

I can't believe I let you teach health.

What?

Mary'd never go for that.

I didn't know you got snipped.

That's because my balls are none of your business.

Fair point.

If W is the color metric on the algebraic variety X

and the canonical bundle KX is trivial, then X is what?

That's a risky space.

Wrong.

Hey!

Obviously it's an elliptic curve.

Wrong.

Hey!

Why are you hitting us?

Wrong.

Ow! Why'd you hit me?

Pain is the best teacher.

I'm teaching you.

Well, it feels like you're hitting us.

Like you, I struggled with these concepts, but eventually I mastered them through

hard work resilience and a healthy dose of knuckle-whacking.

Son, we are accomplished scientists.

We won't be treated like this.

Very well.

Plus, who knows where the dumkopf went wrong?

Dumkopf?

You're calling me a dummy?

There's also public humiliation.

That was quite effective.

Are you old dumkopfs ready to learn or is it past your bedtime?

Oh, I'm good till at least 7.30.

Hey!

What you doing?

It's the twins' first birthday.

Look how little they were.

Look how little I was.

Why didn't Georgie when he lost his first tooth?

When he learned it was worth a quarter he tried pulling out the rest of them.

Guess he's always been a businessman.

He ain't an idiot.

Tell me you don't miss their sweet little faces.

That's why we took pictures.

It's not the same as rocking them to sleep at night.

Until they wake you up 3 a.m.

Smelling their little heads.

Really? That's the smell you remember?

Come on, it wasn't that bad.

It wasn't, but we were younger then.

I'm not saying we should try for another one. - Great.

I'm just saying if there was an accident, it might be a happy accident.

I guess it's in God's hands.

I guess it is.

Hello.

I'm here about a vasectomy.

Actually, our earliest appointment is in 3 weeks.

How long, huh?

I can't do it. I cannot do it.

Something may have just opened up.

Hello?

Hello, Meemaw.

Well, isn't this a nice surprise?

You're old.

Can you still learn new things?

Want to try that again?

I need your help.

I'm listening.

I'm trying to teach Dr. Linkletter and Dr. Sturgis

a string theory, and they're struggling.

I'm worried that their advanced age is a factor.

And since you're also... Careful.

...in the winter of your life...

You were saying...

And since you're also a wise and mature woman...

Go on.

You might have some tips on how best to educate others in your peer group.

So you want me to help you teach an old dog new tricks?

I feel like if I said that, you would have hung up.

Look, it can't be easy for them to be taught by somebody your age.

I think you're just going to have to be a little understanding and patient.

Patient? They could drop dead at any moment.

What?

Despite this challenging exchange, you know I love you.

Yeah, yeah.

I can't believe you did it without telling your wife.

They called you for a lecture, Wayne, and called you for a ride.

Which you needed because you had a vasectomy without telling Mary.

We went down there to ask some questions and they had an opening.

So you said, get in there, start sniffing.

I panicked.

Mary was looking at baby pictures.

Clearly you had no choice.

I had a lot of pain here, Wayne.

You're not helping.

What do you think she's going to say when she finds out?

She's not going to find out.

You can barely walk.

You think she's not going to notice?

Do you have any idea how much sitting I do at home?

I can imagine.

I do work with you.

Watch out for that...

pothole.

Oh, I saw it.

Twenty-six dimensions.

In what world are the twenty-six dimensions?

When I was an undergraduate, we made fun of the old

professors who didn't understand the theory of mesons.

Me too.

I told my thesis advisor, I'm surprised you don't understand the physics of time.

You were here for the dawn of it.

And now, we've become them.

I wish.

My mentor was a Fields Medal winner, taught at Princeton.

What have I done?

You wrote that article on the positron.

I did.

I was the belt of the physics ball that year.

And you, you've lectured all over the world.

I can ask for Pepto-Bismol in sixteen languages.

Barona, Ejoligo, Pepto-Bismol?

That was Greek.

Clearly we're not too old to learn things.

And there's no shame in needing a little help.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But does it have to be Sheldon?

Yeah.

Yeah.

My meemaw made me realize that Dr. Linkletter and Dr. Sturgis' failure to

learn string theory was my failure as a teacher.

Perhaps the knuckles that really needed to be wrapped were my own.

Ow.

Lesson learned.

Sheldon, we'd like you to teach us again.

Understanding and patience.

Everybody hurts.

Alright, dumb coughs, let's do this.

Sometimes.

You don't do that to all the food, do you?

I got hurt at practice.

Blow your whistle too hard?

Funny.

Well, you make it easy.

George, what happened?

Pulled a muscle at practice.

Also, I'm never eating peas again.

Is it your... Growing, yeah.

Let me run you a warm bath. I bet that'll help.

I'll be fine.

Just need to sit for a while.

And not take a shower for two to three days.

I'll get you some Bengay.

No, no. No.

Heating pad?

I'm good.

Got my peas?

Just need to sit.

You sure you're okay?

I... right as rain.

So, wait a minute.

Are you saying that the particle should be understood as a sequence of functions

executed in a manifold?

He said it, not me.

Actually, that's correct.

We were both thinking it.

That's what's important.

So, that would mean?

Gravity is just a residue of forces within a manifold.

Are you asking me or telling me?

Telling?

You're right.

I'm going to bed.

You coming?

No, I think I'm just going to stay here.

You sure you're okay?

Yeah, I'll be fine.

Look at us.

It's nine o'clock.

I'm exhausted.

You got hurt watching other people exercise.

I can't believe I thought we could handle another baby.

Really?

Fancy's all we need.

Yeah?

If that's how you feel, I support it.

Good night.

Hey, before you go, could you swap me out?

Broccoli or corn?

Surprise me.

I know what it's like to not have a father in the picture.

I'm not going to do that to my child.

I've got regrets, but there's no reason to just give up.

This might be the perfect place to build my future.