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1
00:00:36,217 --> 00:00:37,784
Good morning.
Hey, deac.
2
00:00:37,851 --> 00:00:40,053
Didn't Doug tell you I have
my law firm picnic today?
3
00:00:40,121 --> 00:00:41,221
Actually, Arthur
left me a message
4
00:00:41,289 --> 00:00:42,556
saying come over
right away.
5
00:00:42,623 --> 00:00:44,224
It's "code blue."
6
00:00:44,292 --> 00:00:45,492
You know what
that means?
7
00:00:45,560 --> 00:00:47,461
Yeah, code blue. Could be
anything from chest pains
8
00:00:47,528 --> 00:00:49,396
to "look what I made
out of paper clips."
9
00:00:49,464 --> 00:00:52,299
Dad, Deacon's here!
10
00:00:52,366 --> 00:00:54,100
Send him down.
11
00:00:57,471 --> 00:01:00,374
Any way he can
come up here?
12
00:01:00,441 --> 00:01:02,175
I've never been
down there.
13
00:01:02,243 --> 00:01:04,428
Hey, dad, why don't you
come up here
14
00:01:04,495 --> 00:01:06,062
and talk to him, ok?
15
00:01:06,130 --> 00:01:07,297
No can do.
16
00:01:07,365 --> 00:01:09,899
This matter is
far too intimate.
17
00:01:11,936 --> 00:01:14,871
If he's wearing a robe,
eyes up, ok?
18
00:01:17,174 --> 00:01:18,375
Are you really gonna
make me wear this shirt
19
00:01:18,443 --> 00:01:19,576
to this stupid picnic?
20
00:01:19,644 --> 00:01:21,211
Yes. Would you
stop complaining?
21
00:01:21,278 --> 00:01:23,213
You look adorable.
22
00:01:23,280 --> 00:01:25,749
I look like
fruit-striped gum.
23
00:01:29,554 --> 00:01:33,257
The people I work with
are gonna be there.
24
00:01:33,324 --> 00:01:34,892
You need to look nice.
25
00:01:34,959 --> 00:01:37,094
What was wrong with
the t-shirt I had on?
26
00:01:37,161 --> 00:01:39,462
Ok, not sure my bosses
need to know
27
00:01:39,530 --> 00:01:42,331
that you're an official
bikini inspector.
28
00:01:46,303 --> 00:01:49,322
Well, this shirt's
got a rip in it.
29
00:01:49,389 --> 00:01:51,391
I just bought that.
Where?
30
00:02:01,352 --> 00:02:03,186
Right here.
31
00:02:09,277 --> 00:02:11,011
Be right
with you, son.
32
00:02:11,078 --> 00:02:12,512
Grab yourself
a seat.
33
00:02:30,330 --> 00:02:33,483
So, Arthur,
what's going on?
34
00:02:33,551 --> 00:02:35,635
Well, I was tracing
my ancestry,
35
00:02:35,703 --> 00:02:38,405
and I had these documents
sent to me.
36
00:02:38,473 --> 00:02:41,241
Turns out my great-grandfather
had a small farm,
37
00:02:41,309 --> 00:02:45,178
and on that farm
he had some...
38
00:02:45,246 --> 00:02:49,933
Chickens?
E-I-e-i-o?
39
00:02:50,001 --> 00:02:52,618
No. He had-
40
00:02:52,686 --> 00:02:55,021
let's just say he had
41
00:02:55,089 --> 00:02:58,458
a little help
around the house.
42
00:02:58,526 --> 00:02:59,792
He had a maid?
43
00:02:59,860 --> 00:03:01,144
No! He had slaves,
damn it!
44
00:03:01,212 --> 00:03:05,448
Slaves, I tell ya.
The man had slaves.
45
00:03:05,516 --> 00:03:08,702
Wow. Ok. Well, um...
46
00:03:08,770 --> 00:03:12,005
You know, a lot of people
had slaves back then.
47
00:03:12,072 --> 00:03:13,356
But this is my family,
48
00:03:13,424 --> 00:03:15,258
and I need
to set things straight.
49
00:03:17,528 --> 00:03:19,763
Uh, what are you doing?
50
00:03:19,831 --> 00:03:22,482
I want to write you
a check.
51
00:03:26,653 --> 00:03:28,855
For reparations.
52
00:03:28,923 --> 00:03:31,023
Why would you
want to pay me?
53
00:03:31,091 --> 00:03:32,242
Well, you're black,
54
00:03:32,309 --> 00:03:33,744
and the only other
black people I know
55
00:03:33,811 --> 00:03:36,813
are on TV.
56
00:03:36,881 --> 00:03:38,448
Toss a number at me.
57
00:03:38,516 --> 00:03:40,266
You don't need to
pay me reparations.
58
00:03:40,334 --> 00:03:42,302
You didn't do
anything wrong.
59
00:03:42,369 --> 00:03:44,955
My family committed
a crime against humanity,
60
00:03:45,022 --> 00:03:46,323
and I'm gonna
make it right!
61
00:03:46,390 --> 00:03:48,124
Toss a number at me.
62
00:03:48,192 --> 00:03:49,776
Ok, look,
how about this.
63
00:03:49,844 --> 00:03:50,777
Why don't you
just pay me
64
00:03:50,845 --> 00:03:52,511
what you owe me
from poker?
65
00:03:52,579 --> 00:03:54,381
That is a separate issue!
66
00:03:54,449 --> 00:03:56,299
Arthur,
it's very nice
67
00:03:56,367 --> 00:03:57,934
that you're so concerned about slavery,
68
00:03:58,002 --> 00:04:00,670
but as you may
or may not know,
69
00:04:00,738 --> 00:04:02,839
I'm already free.
70
00:04:02,907 --> 00:04:06,309
So we're good.
71
00:04:06,377 --> 00:04:07,711
I gotta go.
72
00:04:07,778 --> 00:04:09,212
Are you sure?
73
00:04:09,280 --> 00:04:11,181
I wouldn't want things
to get weird between us.
74
00:04:11,248 --> 00:04:13,183
That ship has sailed.
75
00:04:26,163 --> 00:04:28,214
That's 2 dead!
76
00:04:28,282 --> 00:04:29,849
2 dead!
77
00:04:29,917 --> 00:04:31,217
And that's
how I found out
78
00:04:31,285 --> 00:04:33,119
I'm lactose
intolerant.
79
00:04:33,187 --> 00:04:36,722
That's... wild.
80
00:04:36,790 --> 00:04:38,324
All right,
this next guy's a lefty!
81
00:04:38,392 --> 00:04:40,610
Cover the line!
He came your way last time,
82
00:04:40,677 --> 00:04:43,412
Mrs. randolf!
83
00:04:43,480 --> 00:04:44,764
On top of that,
84
00:04:44,832 --> 00:04:47,200
now I'm allergic
to wheat.
85
00:04:47,267 --> 00:04:48,501
Oh.
86
00:04:48,568 --> 00:04:50,186
And you know
how much I love bread.
87
00:04:50,254 --> 00:04:53,173
Yep, that is your rep.
88
00:04:53,241 --> 00:04:55,742
Oh, it looks like we're
back out in the field.
89
00:04:55,809 --> 00:04:56,976
We'll pick this up
next inning.
90
00:04:57,044 --> 00:04:59,045
Absolutely. Ok.
91
00:04:59,113 --> 00:05:01,881
Unless I'm hiding
in the porta-potty.
92
00:05:01,949 --> 00:05:03,416
Did you see
that catch?
93
00:05:03,483 --> 00:05:04,284
Yes, I did.
94
00:05:04,435 --> 00:05:07,036
You are running around
like a lunatic out there.
95
00:05:07,104 --> 00:05:08,655
All right, come on.
I made my rounds,
96
00:05:08,723 --> 00:05:09,940
we can go.
What?
97
00:05:10,007 --> 00:05:12,242
You dragged me here,
now I'm having fun.
98
00:05:12,309 --> 00:05:15,545
Besides, we got a chance
of winning this thing.
99
00:05:15,613 --> 00:05:18,765
Doug, nobody cares
about this thing but you.
100
00:05:18,833 --> 00:05:19,883
For God's sake,
the shortstop
101
00:05:19,950 --> 00:05:22,518
has a full plate
of chicken.
102
00:05:22,586 --> 00:05:23,552
Ok, see right there,
that's the difference
103
00:05:23,620 --> 00:05:25,088
between you and I.
104
00:05:25,156 --> 00:05:26,623
When it comes
to picnic softball,
105
00:05:26,691 --> 00:05:28,692
you got nothing
in here.
106
00:05:28,759 --> 00:05:30,293
Excuse me.
107
00:05:32,813 --> 00:05:35,615
While I'm up, would you
get me a plate of chicken?
108
00:05:59,540 --> 00:06:02,492
Yeah! Whoo-hoo!
109
00:06:02,559 --> 00:06:04,427
Ha ha ha! You!
110
00:06:04,495 --> 00:06:06,512
Oh, my God!
111
00:06:12,319 --> 00:06:14,320
Yeah!
112
00:06:20,061 --> 00:06:22,362
Hey, babe, you ready
to hit El cholo's?
113
00:06:22,430 --> 00:06:23,646
Uh, yes, we will eat,
114
00:06:23,714 --> 00:06:26,115
just as soon as you
apologize to Mr. Thompson.
115
00:06:26,183 --> 00:06:29,953
You lured me down
here with Mexican food?
116
00:06:30,021 --> 00:06:33,573
Yes. And once again,
it worked.
117
00:06:33,641 --> 00:06:35,058
Ok, here he comes.
118
00:06:35,126 --> 00:06:36,993
Uh, Mr. Thompson,
do you have a second?
119
00:06:37,061 --> 00:06:39,545
Doug, you remember
Mr. Thompson
120
00:06:39,614 --> 00:06:40,546
and Mr. kaplan,
121
00:06:40,615 --> 00:06:41,748
one of
the senior partners.
122
00:06:41,816 --> 00:06:43,182
Oh.
How you doing?
123
00:06:43,250 --> 00:06:46,319
Good to see you again.
How's it going? Oh.
124
00:06:46,386 --> 00:06:47,921
Hey.
Hey.
125
00:06:49,156 --> 00:06:50,940
Yeah, Doug just wanted
to apologize
126
00:06:51,008 --> 00:06:52,475
for running into you
like that at the game.
127
00:06:52,543 --> 00:06:53,510
Right, honey?
128
00:06:53,578 --> 00:06:55,144
Yeah, I'm sorry
about that.
129
00:06:55,213 --> 00:06:56,145
I guess you won't be
blocking the plate
130
00:06:56,214 --> 00:06:58,381
next time, though,
will you?
131
00:06:58,449 --> 00:07:01,033
Oh, don't worry about it.
It's his own fault.
132
00:07:01,101 --> 00:07:03,035
That's what happens when
you let a corporate lawyer
133
00:07:03,103 --> 00:07:05,004
do a litigator's job.
134
00:07:09,543 --> 00:07:11,777
That is funny.
135
00:07:11,845 --> 00:07:13,997
Anyway, this is great.
Thank you so much.
136
00:07:14,065 --> 00:07:15,414
I like the way
you play, Doug.
137
00:07:15,483 --> 00:07:16,616
I like your hustle.
138
00:07:16,684 --> 00:07:17,700
Really?
139
00:07:17,768 --> 00:07:19,869
Carrie, could you
grab us some coffee?
140
00:07:19,937 --> 00:07:20,970
Doug, you
want some coffee?
141
00:07:21,038 --> 00:07:22,438
Sure.
142
00:07:22,506 --> 00:07:23,806
Honey, you know
how I like it.
143
00:07:27,411 --> 00:07:29,712
Sure. Be right back,
sweetie.
144
00:07:29,780 --> 00:07:32,965
You know,
our firm has a team.
145
00:07:33,033 --> 00:07:34,601
We play in
the lawyers' league
146
00:07:34,669 --> 00:07:35,868
Saturdays in the park,
147
00:07:35,936 --> 00:07:39,406
and I am sick of getting
our heinies kicked.
148
00:07:39,473 --> 00:07:41,641
How'd you like
to come play for us?
149
00:07:41,709 --> 00:07:44,127
I'm not a lawyer.
150
00:07:44,195 --> 00:07:45,444
Well, nobody
has to know that.
151
00:07:45,512 --> 00:07:47,146
Yeah!
152
00:07:47,214 --> 00:07:48,865
You get out there,
you fudge it.
153
00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:52,368
You could do that for us,
couldn't you, Doug?
154
00:07:52,436 --> 00:07:55,138
Well, I do
like fudge.
155
00:07:55,206 --> 00:07:59,309
Excuse me, I really don't
think that's a good idea.
156
00:07:59,376 --> 00:08:00,543
Oh, I think
it's a great idea.
157
00:08:00,611 --> 00:08:02,345
Why am I not
drinking coffee?
158
00:08:02,413 --> 00:08:04,013
Right.
159
00:08:04,081 --> 00:08:05,148
So how would
this work, now?
160
00:08:05,215 --> 00:08:06,583
I just show up
at the ball field
161
00:08:06,651 --> 00:08:08,551
carrying
a briefcase?
162
00:08:08,619 --> 00:08:10,186
Oh, you're marvelous.
163
00:08:10,254 --> 00:08:12,656
No. You just tell them
you're new to the firm.
164
00:08:12,723 --> 00:08:14,023
We'll set you up
with a phone line here
165
00:08:14,091 --> 00:08:15,558
in case anybody calls.
166
00:08:15,626 --> 00:08:17,977
We'll have Carrie
answer the phone.
167
00:08:18,045 --> 00:08:19,845
Won't that be cute?
168
00:08:19,913 --> 00:08:22,632
If I can just
offer a thought here-
169
00:08:22,699 --> 00:08:23,633
you know
what my thought is?
170
00:08:23,701 --> 00:08:25,735
Bagels.
171
00:08:25,803 --> 00:08:28,404
Onion.
172
00:08:39,048 --> 00:08:40,749
Hey.
Hey, Carrie.
173
00:08:40,817 --> 00:08:42,183
Is that Deacon?
174
00:08:43,969 --> 00:08:47,205
I need a one-on-one
with you asap.
175
00:08:47,273 --> 00:08:49,591
Well, what is it?
176
00:08:49,659 --> 00:08:51,893
Not here.
177
00:08:56,332 --> 00:08:58,433
So, slugger's wife,
178
00:08:58,467 --> 00:09:00,134
you want to apologize
to me now
179
00:09:00,202 --> 00:09:01,837
or later with interest?
180
00:09:01,904 --> 00:09:04,172
And by interest
I mean...
181
00:09:04,239 --> 00:09:07,909
Wah wah wah reowrrr.
182
00:09:10,513 --> 00:09:12,814
Stomach cramps?
183
00:09:12,882 --> 00:09:14,632
No. Sex.
184
00:09:14,700 --> 00:09:17,319
And which one of us
is making that noise?
185
00:09:17,386 --> 00:09:19,688
Me, when you
do the wah...
186
00:09:19,755 --> 00:09:22,156
Never mind.
All right, the point is
187
00:09:22,224 --> 00:09:23,374
you have nothing to
worry about, all right?
188
00:09:23,442 --> 00:09:24,442
Your bosses love me.
189
00:09:24,510 --> 00:09:26,078
I'm gonna be their ringer,
for God sakes.
190
00:09:26,145 --> 00:09:27,579
Yeah, about that-
191
00:09:27,646 --> 00:09:29,414
what?
192
00:09:29,481 --> 00:09:31,433
Um, look, I think you're
a great softball player.
193
00:09:31,500 --> 00:09:32,867
Ok, no doubt
about that.
194
00:09:32,935 --> 00:09:34,969
It's just this whole
pretending to be a lawyer thing.
195
00:09:35,037 --> 00:09:36,404
I think we should
slip the pin
196
00:09:36,472 --> 00:09:38,640
back in the grenade
on that one.
197
00:09:40,392 --> 00:09:41,392
What are you
talking about?
198
00:09:41,460 --> 00:09:42,927
You don't think
I should play?
199
00:09:42,995 --> 00:09:45,463
No, I don't.
There's many ways
200
00:09:45,530 --> 00:09:46,948
this thing could go South,
and then all of sudden
201
00:09:47,016 --> 00:09:48,016
they don't
love you so much,
202
00:09:48,084 --> 00:09:50,285
and then they
don't love me so much.
203
00:09:50,353 --> 00:09:51,970
So what you're saying
is lawyer-wise,
204
00:09:52,037 --> 00:09:55,406
you don't think I have
enough convincibility.
205
00:09:56,925 --> 00:09:58,694
Convincibility?
206
00:09:58,761 --> 00:10:02,064
Ok, you're gonna
commit to that word?
207
00:10:02,131 --> 00:10:03,414
Shut up.
208
00:10:04,717 --> 00:10:06,484
I can pass as a lawyer, no problem.
209
00:10:06,552 --> 00:10:08,787
Doug, look, you can pass
as a lot of things, ok?
210
00:10:08,854 --> 00:10:11,456
Furnace guy, uh, roofer,
211
00:10:11,523 --> 00:10:12,440
mall security,
212
00:10:12,592 --> 00:10:15,109
anything in the mall,
really, but lawyer?
213
00:10:16,395 --> 00:10:19,164
That's funny, 'cause
everybody at the firm
214
00:10:19,231 --> 00:10:21,632
seems to think I can
handle it just fine.
215
00:10:21,700 --> 00:10:22,884
They're sending me a limo
for the freakin' games,
216
00:10:22,951 --> 00:10:24,686
and as I recall,
they've asked you
217
00:10:24,753 --> 00:10:26,454
to answer my phone!
218
00:10:27,789 --> 00:10:29,157
If you don't
watch your step,
219
00:10:29,225 --> 00:10:30,792
you're gonna be making
your next pot of potatoes
220
00:10:30,860 --> 00:10:32,794
on the unemployment line.
221
00:10:35,765 --> 00:10:37,132
Not these, though.
I want these.
222
00:10:39,035 --> 00:10:39,735
Take the check.
223
00:10:39,802 --> 00:10:41,035
No.
Please.
224
00:10:41,103 --> 00:10:42,253
I can't sleep.
225
00:10:42,321 --> 00:10:44,106
I was tossing
and turning all night.
226
00:10:44,173 --> 00:10:45,774
My sheets are
soaked with sweat.
227
00:10:45,842 --> 00:10:47,042
Feel them. No, that's all right.
228
00:10:47,110 --> 00:10:48,210
Feel them!
I believe you.
229
00:10:48,277 --> 00:10:49,911
Fine. I'll take
the money, ok?
230
00:10:49,979 --> 00:10:52,113
Thank you.
231
00:10:52,181 --> 00:10:55,666
Huh. $237.
232
00:10:55,734 --> 00:10:57,402
I think
that's a fair number.
233
00:10:57,470 --> 00:10:58,319
It's a little random.
234
00:10:58,471 --> 00:11:00,104
I mean, how'd you
come up with that?
235
00:11:00,172 --> 00:11:02,374
Simple. There were
12 slaves on the farm,
236
00:11:02,441 --> 00:11:05,276
but my great-grandfather
only owned half the farm.
237
00:11:05,344 --> 00:11:07,128
Of his 6,
2 lived in the house.
238
00:11:07,196 --> 00:11:09,564
Let's face it.
That's a sweet deal.
239
00:11:16,022 --> 00:11:18,456
Doug, we're gonna be
at the game in 10 minutes.
240
00:11:18,524 --> 00:11:19,690
Focus.
241
00:11:19,758 --> 00:11:21,559
Where did you
go to law school?
242
00:11:21,627 --> 00:11:22,860
Excuse me. Ahem.
243
00:11:22,928 --> 00:11:26,281
Jeremy? Doug
from the back again.
244
00:11:26,348 --> 00:11:27,232
Yeah, listen.
245
00:11:27,299 --> 00:11:28,699
Could you goose up
the heat a bit?
246
00:11:28,767 --> 00:11:30,418
I'm a little tight.
247
00:11:30,486 --> 00:11:31,987
Thank you.
248
00:11:33,255 --> 00:11:35,490
You, go.
249
00:11:35,557 --> 00:11:37,926
Where did you
go to law school?
250
00:11:37,994 --> 00:11:39,360
I didn't.
I was homeschooled.
251
00:11:39,428 --> 00:11:41,830
Doug, come on! You said you'd
let me coach you through this.
252
00:11:41,897 --> 00:11:43,698
All right, fine.
If anybody asks,
253
00:11:43,766 --> 00:11:45,634
I'll just say
I went to stamford.
254
00:11:45,701 --> 00:11:48,837
I'm sorry. Did you just say
"stamford" with an "m"?
255
00:11:48,904 --> 00:11:50,972
Yeah.
Stamford law school.
256
00:11:51,040 --> 00:11:52,656
Ok, the school
you're thinking of
257
00:11:52,724 --> 00:11:55,143
is Stanford,
with an "n."
258
00:11:55,211 --> 00:11:56,711
No. It's stamford.
259
00:11:56,779 --> 00:11:57,979
I know.
I delivered there.
260
00:11:58,046 --> 00:11:59,514
I've seen the sign.
261
00:11:59,581 --> 00:12:00,431
Ok, dumb-ass,
262
00:12:00,499 --> 00:12:03,267
you're thinking of
stamford, Connecticut, ok?
263
00:12:03,335 --> 00:12:06,321
Stanford law school
is in California.
264
00:12:07,223 --> 00:12:08,439
You know what?
265
00:12:08,507 --> 00:12:10,375
I don't like all this
negativity before a game.
266
00:12:10,442 --> 00:12:12,560
It's disco time.
267
00:12:31,380 --> 00:12:33,982
How long you been
at kaplan hornstein?
268
00:12:34,050 --> 00:12:35,917
Actually,
I, uh, just started.
269
00:12:35,985 --> 00:12:37,219
Where were you
before that?
270
00:12:37,286 --> 00:12:42,023
I was over at Carson...
Daly... and leibowitz.
271
00:12:55,071 --> 00:12:57,939
Doug heffernan's
office.
272
00:12:58,007 --> 00:13:00,175
No, Doug.
No messages.
273
00:13:12,938 --> 00:13:15,290
So, the bailiff walks in,
and he's like, "all rise."
274
00:13:15,358 --> 00:13:16,291
I'm like, "you know what?"
275
00:13:16,359 --> 00:13:17,458
I don't feel
like rising today."
276
00:13:17,526 --> 00:13:18,693
And I didn't.
277
00:13:18,761 --> 00:13:20,661
You're
crazy, heffernan.
278
00:13:20,729 --> 00:13:22,563
You know me.
I don't care.
279
00:13:42,401 --> 00:13:44,119
Doug heffernan's
office.
280
00:13:44,186 --> 00:13:47,555
Not loving the way
you're answering my phone.
281
00:13:47,623 --> 00:13:48,940
I'm busy.
282
00:13:49,008 --> 00:13:51,292
I'm just saying you could
be a little friendlier.
283
00:13:51,360 --> 00:13:52,760
"Good afternoon,
and thank you
284
00:13:52,828 --> 00:13:54,362
"for calling
Mr. heffernan's office.
285
00:13:54,430 --> 00:13:56,464
How may I
assist you today?"
286
00:13:56,532 --> 00:13:57,832
What do you want?
287
00:13:57,900 --> 00:13:59,517
Just checking to see
if I got any messages.
288
00:13:59,584 --> 00:14:02,536
For the 40th time,
no messages.
289
00:14:02,688 --> 00:14:06,658
Not a whole lot of people
looking for a fake lawyer.
290
00:14:09,561 --> 00:14:11,495
Honey, your other line
is ringing.
291
00:14:11,563 --> 00:14:14,132
Be charming. Use the good
greeting. "Good afternoon"-
292
00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:16,667
Doug heffernan's office.
293
00:14:16,735 --> 00:14:20,038
Uh, no, he's not in.
294
00:14:20,106 --> 00:14:22,507
Could you hold on
for one second, sir?
295
00:14:22,574 --> 00:14:23,925
Thanks so much.
296
00:14:24,043 --> 00:14:25,143
I gotta call you back.
297
00:14:25,211 --> 00:14:25,927
Wait. Who is it?
298
00:14:25,995 --> 00:14:28,062
Gary Rogers from
Epstein & Epstein.
299
00:14:28,130 --> 00:14:29,463
He's calling
to congratulate you
300
00:14:29,531 --> 00:14:30,932
on a great game
on Saturday.
301
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:32,834
Really?
Patch me through.
302
00:14:32,901 --> 00:14:34,569
No, I'm not going
to patch you through.
303
00:14:34,637 --> 00:14:36,237
He's a senior partner.
304
00:14:36,305 --> 00:14:39,140
I can handle it. Do your
job, and you patch me through.
305
00:14:39,208 --> 00:14:41,258
Fine, but just
take the compliment,
306
00:14:41,326 --> 00:14:43,995
say "thank you," and hang up
as fast as you can.
307
00:14:47,549 --> 00:14:49,917
Oh, thanks for
joining us, Doug.
308
00:14:49,986 --> 00:14:51,719
Oh, thanks
for calling me.
309
00:14:51,787 --> 00:14:54,072
Nothing like a good mar-tooni
after a tough day at...
310
00:14:54,139 --> 00:14:55,840
Law.
311
00:14:55,908 --> 00:14:56,825
I hear that.
312
00:14:56,892 --> 00:14:58,126
It does get
to be a grind.
313
00:14:58,194 --> 00:14:59,727
Yes, it do, but...
314
00:14:59,795 --> 00:15:01,529
I wouldn't trade it for
anything in the world.
315
00:15:01,596 --> 00:15:03,932
Oh, you love your work, huh?
316
00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:06,400
I do. I really do.
317
00:15:12,491 --> 00:15:14,809
In a lot of ways,
uh-ahem-
318
00:15:14,877 --> 00:15:15,843
being a lawyer,
319
00:15:15,911 --> 00:15:18,313
which I think we can
agree we all are...
320
00:15:20,216 --> 00:15:21,382
Is a lot like, uh,
321
00:15:21,449 --> 00:15:24,952
being a package
delivery guy.
322
00:15:25,020 --> 00:15:26,604
How so, Doug?
323
00:15:26,672 --> 00:15:29,074
Oh, uh, well, you...
324
00:15:29,141 --> 00:15:30,141
Knock on doors,
325
00:15:30,209 --> 00:15:33,278
and you hope you
don't get bit by a dog.
326
00:15:33,345 --> 00:15:35,362
Sounds like you've been in
front of judge Farnsworth.
327
00:15:36,732 --> 00:15:38,032
Good old Farnsworth.
328
00:15:38,100 --> 00:15:39,217
Hey, farnsie!
329
00:15:45,690 --> 00:15:47,458
Oh, anyway, Doug,
330
00:15:47,525 --> 00:15:49,110
let me cut to the chase.
331
00:15:49,177 --> 00:15:50,712
We want to know
if you have any interest
332
00:15:50,779 --> 00:15:53,915
in coming over to Epstein,
Epstein, Rogers & wolf.
333
00:15:53,982 --> 00:15:57,185
To do what?
334
00:15:57,253 --> 00:15:59,553
I don't know.
Corporate litigation?
335
00:15:59,621 --> 00:16:00,888
We'll find
a place for you,
336
00:16:00,956 --> 00:16:04,742
as long as you bring that
big bat of yours with you.
337
00:16:04,810 --> 00:16:08,112
So, what's kaplan
paying you over there?
338
00:16:09,432 --> 00:16:12,267
Oh, I-i get
the going rate...
339
00:16:12,334 --> 00:16:16,771
And an extra $10
for each conviction.
340
00:16:16,838 --> 00:16:20,775
Well, I'm prepared to
offer you a base of 150,000.
341
00:16:20,843 --> 00:16:21,976
What do you say?
342
00:16:36,307 --> 00:16:37,540
Hey, guys.
343
00:16:38,709 --> 00:16:39,959
Why are you wearing a suit?
344
00:16:40,027 --> 00:16:42,896
What'd you do?
345
00:16:43,997 --> 00:16:46,065
Nothing. Just had a little
power lunch with the boys
346
00:16:46,133 --> 00:16:48,568
over at Epstein,
Epstein, Rogers and...
347
00:16:48,636 --> 00:16:50,437
Wolf?
Bingo.
348
00:16:50,504 --> 00:16:51,855
You had lunch with them?
349
00:16:51,922 --> 00:16:54,924
I told you just to say
thank you and hang up!
350
00:16:54,992 --> 00:16:56,325
Well, I tried,
but then they asked me
351
00:16:56,393 --> 00:16:57,343
if I enjoyed
a good steak,
352
00:16:57,495 --> 00:16:58,661
to which I responded,
353
00:16:58,729 --> 00:17:00,830
"I carry my own knife."
354
00:17:00,898 --> 00:17:02,765
Well, what the hell
did you talk about?
355
00:17:02,833 --> 00:17:05,401
Well, first,
we talked about our kids-
356
00:17:05,469 --> 00:17:08,471
by the way,
if it comes up, we have 2.
357
00:17:09,907 --> 00:17:10,974
And then-
358
00:17:11,041 --> 00:17:12,742
well, then
they offered me a job.
359
00:17:12,810 --> 00:17:14,077
What?
360
00:17:14,145 --> 00:17:15,395
Don't worry.
I'll bring you over with me,
361
00:17:15,463 --> 00:17:17,847
you know,
once I get settled.
362
00:17:17,914 --> 00:17:19,449
You took the job?
363
00:17:19,517 --> 00:17:21,551
Well, not yet,
but I'm mulling it over.
364
00:17:21,618 --> 00:17:23,185
Congratulations,
Douglas.
365
00:17:25,072 --> 00:17:26,739
He's not a lawyer.
366
00:17:26,807 --> 00:17:28,040
You're not a lawyer.
367
00:17:28,109 --> 00:17:29,276
Really? Why
don't you tell that
368
00:17:29,343 --> 00:17:30,960
to the 2 firms
currently wooing me?
369
00:17:31,028 --> 00:17:33,329
My God.
Are you insane?
370
00:17:33,397 --> 00:17:34,614
The man
just made lawyer.
371
00:17:34,681 --> 00:17:37,217
Why do you have
to piss all over it?
372
00:17:38,535 --> 00:17:39,970
I'll tell you why.
'Cause that's what she does.
373
00:17:40,037 --> 00:17:41,238
Ever since
this whole thing started,
374
00:17:41,305 --> 00:17:43,006
she's been
knocking me down.
375
00:17:43,074 --> 00:17:44,007
As far as
I'm concerned,
376
00:17:44,075 --> 00:17:45,141
if they hire him
as a lawyer,
377
00:17:45,209 --> 00:17:46,709
he's a lawyer.
378
00:17:46,777 --> 00:17:48,394
When I got hired as
a school psychologist,
379
00:17:48,462 --> 00:17:49,963
do you think I knew the
first thing about it?
380
00:17:50,030 --> 00:17:50,763
Thank you.
381
00:17:50,831 --> 00:17:52,549
Thank you.
382
00:17:54,051 --> 00:17:55,852
Well, thank you
very much, dad.
383
00:17:55,920 --> 00:17:57,320
Could you-what?
Could you move this crap?
384
00:17:57,388 --> 00:17:58,588
What is this?
385
00:17:58,656 --> 00:18:00,890
That's
my ancestry report.
386
00:18:00,958 --> 00:18:02,491
This isn't
even for you.
387
00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:05,428
This is
for Arthur spinner.
388
00:18:09,867 --> 00:18:11,934
Deacon, thank you for the
ride to the senior center.
389
00:18:12,002 --> 00:18:13,470
You drive wonderfully.
390
00:18:13,537 --> 00:18:15,037
You're welcome,
and by the way,
391
00:18:15,105 --> 00:18:16,072
with that money
you gave me,
392
00:18:16,139 --> 00:18:17,857
I put some sweet new
speakers in my car.
393
00:18:17,925 --> 00:18:19,542
Here. Check it out.
394
00:18:19,610 --> 00:18:21,277
Marvelous. Very rhythmic.
395
00:18:21,345 --> 00:18:23,797
That being said,
396
00:18:23,864 --> 00:18:25,498
you'll have
to return them.
397
00:18:25,565 --> 00:18:27,300
What?
398
00:18:27,368 --> 00:18:30,036
I got the wrong
ancestry report.
399
00:18:30,104 --> 00:18:32,305
My family were
actually Irish gypsies.
400
00:18:32,372 --> 00:18:36,176
We never owned slaves.
We were drunken thieves.
401
00:18:37,160 --> 00:18:38,178
So?
402
00:18:38,245 --> 00:18:41,181
So I want
my money back.
403
00:18:41,248 --> 00:18:43,566
Look, you forced me to take
the money in the first place.
404
00:18:43,634 --> 00:18:45,501
I bought speakers.
They're now part of my car.
405
00:18:45,569 --> 00:18:46,902
I'm not giving you
your money back.
406
00:18:46,970 --> 00:18:47,771
Well, I think you are!
407
00:18:47,838 --> 00:18:49,522
Oh, I think I'm not!
408
00:18:49,589 --> 00:18:52,091
Damn it, man! You took those
reparations under false pretenses.
409
00:18:52,159 --> 00:18:53,527
No, I took
those reparations
410
00:18:53,594 --> 00:18:55,511
to get the hell
out of your basement.
411
00:18:57,798 --> 00:18:59,332
Look, Arthur,
412
00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:00,833
I'd give you your money back if I could,
413
00:19:00,901 --> 00:19:03,770
but I'm sorry. I just don't
have the cash right now.
414
00:19:05,256 --> 00:19:07,056
Well, what about this?
415
00:19:07,124 --> 00:19:10,526
In lieu of cash,
maybe you can pay me back
416
00:19:10,594 --> 00:19:14,130
in some type of... services.
417
00:19:14,198 --> 00:19:16,082
Huh?
418
00:19:16,149 --> 00:19:18,084
You know, help out
around the house.
419
00:19:18,151 --> 00:19:20,320
Perhaps...
420
00:19:20,387 --> 00:19:22,855
Work the yard a bit.
421
00:19:27,094 --> 00:19:30,513
You want me
to be your slave?
422
00:19:32,099 --> 00:19:33,232
It's not my first choice,
423
00:19:33,300 --> 00:19:36,169
but it would get us
out of this mess.
424
00:19:43,193 --> 00:19:45,295
Hey. Did you talk
to Rogers?
425
00:19:45,362 --> 00:19:46,462
Did you tell him
no yet?
426
00:19:46,530 --> 00:19:47,863
No, I haven't
talked to him yet.
427
00:19:47,931 --> 00:19:49,432
I'm still mulling.
428
00:19:49,500 --> 00:19:52,769
And you're
still not a lawyer.
429
00:20:00,611 --> 00:20:03,846
I'd be
an awesome lawyer.
430
00:20:05,666 --> 00:20:07,133
Oh!
431
00:20:48,825 --> 00:20:51,161
Oh, God!
432
00:20:51,228 --> 00:20:53,896
Oh, that is not good!
433
00:20:55,882 --> 00:20:58,902
Boy, they sure yanked that
limo pretty quick, huh?
434
00:21:01,906 --> 00:21:03,706
Shamahama!
29788
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