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1
00:01:48,354 --> 00:01:49,922
Hey, there
are the boys!
2
00:01:49,990 --> 00:01:50,956
Hi.
How's it goin'?
3
00:01:51,024 --> 00:01:51,957
Man,
am I glad to see
4
00:01:52,025 --> 00:01:53,258
some real
flesh-and-blood humans.
5
00:01:53,326 --> 00:01:54,994
10 hours of sitting
alone on the couch
6
00:01:55,061 --> 00:01:56,729
can do strange things
to a man.
7
00:01:56,796 --> 00:01:58,330
Right.
Absolutely.
8
00:02:02,552 --> 00:02:03,486
I'm gonna
grab a beer.
9
00:02:03,553 --> 00:02:05,321
Make a phone call.
10
00:02:07,207 --> 00:02:10,242
God, I love
Friday afternoons.
11
00:02:10,310 --> 00:02:11,511
I feel
like an artist
12
00:02:11,578 --> 00:02:13,445
and the weekend that lies
ahead, that's my canvas.
13
00:02:13,514 --> 00:02:14,446
So, what've
you got planned?
14
00:02:14,515 --> 00:02:17,049
A lot of naps.
How about you?
15
00:02:17,117 --> 00:02:20,019
Actually, I told O'Boyle
I'd work a half day tomorrow.
16
00:02:20,086 --> 00:02:22,388
You volunteered to work on a Saturday?
17
00:02:22,455 --> 00:02:25,024
Loser!
18
00:02:25,091 --> 00:02:26,659
Hey. Kelly's got
the kids this weekend,
19
00:02:26,727 --> 00:02:29,194
and going to work beats
sitting at home in my apartment
20
00:02:29,262 --> 00:02:30,262
listening to the echo
21
00:02:30,330 --> 00:02:32,097
of what a family
used to sound like.
22
00:02:33,650 --> 00:02:35,651
Loser.
23
00:02:35,718 --> 00:02:38,487
Anyway, I should
get rolling.
24
00:02:39,989 --> 00:02:41,923
Hey.
25
00:02:41,991 --> 00:02:43,859
Deacon.
26
00:02:43,926 --> 00:02:46,578
Hey, Carrie.
Come here.
27
00:02:47,647 --> 00:02:49,581
Come on.
28
00:02:49,649 --> 00:02:51,583
Ah!
29
00:02:51,651 --> 00:02:54,319
Oh, yeah! That's
the good stuff.
30
00:02:54,388 --> 00:02:56,555
All right, get on out
of here, you big lug.
31
00:02:56,623 --> 00:02:57,556
Go on.
32
00:02:57,624 --> 00:02:58,957
Right, uh...
33
00:02:59,025 --> 00:03:00,860
See ya.
34
00:03:01,928 --> 00:03:02,862
Do you have
to hit on him
35
00:03:02,929 --> 00:03:03,962
right in front
of me?
36
00:03:04,030 --> 00:03:05,030
Shh.
37
00:03:07,634 --> 00:03:08,768
They're getting back
together.
38
00:03:08,835 --> 00:03:09,769
Who?
39
00:03:09,836 --> 00:03:10,936
Who? Who do you think?
40
00:03:11,003 --> 00:03:12,905
Van halen?
41
00:03:12,973 --> 00:03:15,424
Deacon and Kelly.
42
00:03:15,526 --> 00:03:16,492
What're you
talking about?
43
00:03:16,559 --> 00:03:17,676
He didn't say
anything about it.
44
00:03:17,744 --> 00:03:18,644
Because he doesn't
know about it yet.
45
00:03:18,712 --> 00:03:20,595
I just had lunch
with Kelly in the city,
46
00:03:20,663 --> 00:03:22,064
and she said she's done
finding herself,
47
00:03:22,132 --> 00:03:23,933
learning who Kelly is,
blah, blah, blah,
48
00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:25,467
and she is ready
to come home,
49
00:03:25,535 --> 00:03:27,419
so when she drops the
kids off Sunday night,
50
00:03:27,487 --> 00:03:29,638
she's gonna tell him
she wants to stay.
51
00:03:29,706 --> 00:03:30,639
My God.
That's great.
52
00:03:30,707 --> 00:03:32,241
Great? Come on!
It's fantastic!
53
00:03:32,309 --> 00:03:35,577
It is! They finally get
their family back together.
54
00:03:35,645 --> 00:03:36,479
Man, seeing those kids
55
00:03:36,630 --> 00:03:37,813
pack up their little
underoos every weekend,
56
00:03:37,881 --> 00:03:39,531
that was rough.
57
00:03:39,599 --> 00:03:41,350
Yeah. You know who had it
rough? You and me, pal.
58
00:03:41,551 --> 00:03:43,919
Hanging out with all those
other couples the last 2 years.
59
00:03:43,987 --> 00:03:45,821
I hated one
more than the next.
60
00:03:45,889 --> 00:03:47,340
Remember the pernworths?
61
00:03:47,391 --> 00:03:49,759
Oh. "Doug, wanna see
my radio-controlled boat?"
62
00:03:49,826 --> 00:03:51,861
Bbblttt! No!
63
00:03:51,928 --> 00:03:53,863
No!
64
00:03:53,930 --> 00:03:55,498
God.
65
00:03:55,565 --> 00:03:56,315
So, why
is Kelly waiting
66
00:03:56,383 --> 00:03:57,466
till Sunday night
to tell him?
67
00:03:57,534 --> 00:03:58,801
She's gotta
take the kids
68
00:03:58,869 --> 00:04:00,770
to visit
her mother upstate.
69
00:04:02,172 --> 00:04:04,339
Maybe I should go over there
and tell him myself.
70
00:04:04,407 --> 00:04:07,326
What?! You can't do that. Why not?
71
00:04:07,393 --> 00:04:08,594
Because it's between
Deacon and Kelly.
72
00:04:08,661 --> 00:04:10,463
It's
a private thing.
73
00:04:10,530 --> 00:04:12,298
Meanwhile, Deacon's gotta be
miserable for the whole weekend?
74
00:04:12,366 --> 00:04:13,699
It's 2 days.
75
00:04:13,766 --> 00:04:15,667
Let me paint
a picture for you, ok?
76
00:04:15,735 --> 00:04:17,569
Tonight he's lonely.
77
00:04:17,637 --> 00:04:20,072
He drinks himself to sleep
holding a lit cigarette.
78
00:04:20,140 --> 00:04:22,541
He wakes up
in the morning dead!
79
00:04:22,609 --> 00:04:25,294
He doesn't
drink or smoke.
80
00:04:25,361 --> 00:04:27,329
Ah, ok.
But he shaves, right?
81
00:04:27,397 --> 00:04:29,231
So he's crying while he's
shaving.
82
00:04:29,299 --> 00:04:31,033
Then cuts his throat!
Dead!
83
00:04:31,100 --> 00:04:33,001
That's not
gonna happen.
84
00:04:33,069 --> 00:04:34,002
He's eating a sandwich-
85
00:04:34,070 --> 00:04:35,638
Doug!
86
00:04:35,705 --> 00:04:36,639
Carrie, I'm serious.
87
00:04:36,706 --> 00:04:37,807
Look, I mean...
88
00:04:37,874 --> 00:04:39,742
The guy's
been a wreck, ok?
89
00:04:39,810 --> 00:04:41,043
We got a chance
to help him out here.
90
00:04:41,110 --> 00:04:42,545
Why let him suffer?
91
00:04:44,380 --> 00:04:46,265
All right.
You know what?
92
00:04:46,333 --> 00:04:48,934
You wanna go tell your friend
the good news, go tell him.
93
00:04:49,002 --> 00:04:50,236
All right.
94
00:04:50,303 --> 00:04:53,004
I'll do it tomorrow.
Traffic's brutal right now.
95
00:04:59,463 --> 00:05:00,596
Coming.
96
00:05:01,731 --> 00:05:02,831
Howdy-doo!
97
00:05:02,899 --> 00:05:04,066
Hey, man.
What you doin' here?
98
00:05:04,134 --> 00:05:05,234
Just doin' the Saturday errands.
99
00:05:05,302 --> 00:05:06,268
Thought
I'd come over here,
100
00:05:06,336 --> 00:05:07,903
see if I could
lift your spirits.
101
00:05:10,640 --> 00:05:14,376
Although your spirits
seem pretty lifted.
102
00:05:14,443 --> 00:05:16,979
Yup. Got a little company
coming over in a few minutes.
103
00:05:17,047 --> 00:05:18,280
Oh, yeah? Who?
104
00:05:18,348 --> 00:05:19,882
Oh, you're not
gonna believe it, man.
105
00:05:19,950 --> 00:05:21,250
This morning
I had a pickup
106
00:05:21,317 --> 00:05:22,752
at the airport
marriott, right?
107
00:05:22,819 --> 00:05:24,453
So I'm standing
in the lobby, waiting,
108
00:05:24,521 --> 00:05:27,356
and I glance over,
and there, checking in,
109
00:05:27,423 --> 00:05:30,559
smiling at me, is this
crazy hot stewardess.
110
00:05:30,627 --> 00:05:33,078
So we start talking. You
know, whatever, whatever.
111
00:05:33,146 --> 00:05:34,179
And she's, like,
112
00:05:34,247 --> 00:05:35,314
"oh, I just got transferred
113
00:05:35,382 --> 00:05:36,382
"to the European route.
114
00:05:36,449 --> 00:05:37,482
"I'm going
to London tomorrow
115
00:05:37,550 --> 00:05:38,717
and I won't be back
for at least a year."
116
00:05:38,785 --> 00:05:42,621
And I'm, like,
"that's cool. That's cool.
117
00:05:42,688 --> 00:05:44,323
So, uh, how you gonna
spend your last day here?"
118
00:05:44,457 --> 00:05:46,041
And she says-
get this-
119
00:05:46,108 --> 00:05:47,976
"any suggestions?"
120
00:05:48,044 --> 00:05:50,479
Ha ha ha!
121
00:05:50,547 --> 00:05:53,232
I mean, I'm in
my delivery uniform,
122
00:05:53,300 --> 00:05:55,234
she's in
her stewardess uniform.
123
00:05:55,302 --> 00:05:58,470
It was like
the first scene in a porno.
124
00:05:58,538 --> 00:06:01,306
So, long story short,
125
00:06:01,374 --> 00:06:03,292
we're going to the met game
this afternoon,
126
00:06:03,359 --> 00:06:05,260
and then afterwards
she's cooking me dinner
127
00:06:05,328 --> 00:06:07,196
here, in my apartment.
128
00:06:07,263 --> 00:06:11,467
It's on, baby!
Ha ha ha ha!
129
00:06:13,185 --> 00:06:14,720
Huh!
130
00:06:14,755 --> 00:06:16,588
It's-it's wild, Doug.
131
00:06:16,656 --> 00:06:17,873
I've been
through such hell,
132
00:06:17,941 --> 00:06:19,558
and then today,
out of nowhere,
133
00:06:19,626 --> 00:06:22,677
a little somethin'- somethin'
from the man upstairs.
134
00:06:22,745 --> 00:06:24,463
And this
somethin'- somethin'
135
00:06:24,530 --> 00:06:27,032
is definitely leavin'
the country tomorrow?
136
00:06:27,100 --> 00:06:28,167
Yeah. Why?
137
00:06:28,234 --> 00:06:30,019
Ooh. Bye.
138
00:06:35,675 --> 00:06:36,859
How'd it go?
139
00:06:36,927 --> 00:06:39,195
Great. Stopped off
at the walgreen's,
140
00:06:39,262 --> 00:06:40,596
and you'll
be happy to know
141
00:06:40,663 --> 00:06:43,966
somebody's nose hairs
will not survive the night.
142
00:06:44,034 --> 00:06:45,784
No, how'd it go
at Deacon's?
143
00:06:45,852 --> 00:06:46,885
Oh, that.
144
00:06:46,953 --> 00:06:49,739
Uh, I decided not
to tell him after all.
145
00:06:49,806 --> 00:06:51,473
You didn't
tell him?
146
00:06:51,541 --> 00:06:53,008
Nah.
147
00:06:53,076 --> 00:06:56,378
All right, I need some kind
of cheese to step forward.
148
00:06:56,446 --> 00:06:57,645
Well, what happened?
149
00:06:57,713 --> 00:06:58,747
Why'd you
change your mind?
150
00:06:58,814 --> 00:06:59,915
I don't know.
151
00:06:59,983 --> 00:07:01,783
I was thinking about
what you said, you know,
152
00:07:01,851 --> 00:07:03,651
about how it's really
Kelly's place to tell him.
153
00:07:03,719 --> 00:07:04,887
That was
quite persuasive.
154
00:07:04,954 --> 00:07:08,490
Sometimes your shrill tone
masks a very good point.
155
00:07:08,557 --> 00:07:10,525
Doug, I just got off
the phone with Kelly,
156
00:07:10,593 --> 00:07:11,543
and she liked
the idea of, you know,
157
00:07:11,611 --> 00:07:12,811
you going over there
158
00:07:12,879 --> 00:07:14,713
and setting the table
for her.
159
00:07:14,781 --> 00:07:17,049
All righty, then
I'll set a kick-ass table
160
00:07:17,117 --> 00:07:18,367
first thing
tomorrow morning.
161
00:07:18,434 --> 00:07:20,819
Doug, come on.
I don't understand.
162
00:07:20,887 --> 00:07:22,021
Why'd you
change your mind?
163
00:07:22,088 --> 00:07:23,155
You're the one who
didn't want your friend
164
00:07:23,222 --> 00:07:24,857
to be miserable
all weekend.
165
00:07:24,924 --> 00:07:25,925
He's hangin' in there.
166
00:07:25,992 --> 00:07:27,193
Doug!
167
00:07:29,896 --> 00:07:31,280
Hey! Me again.
168
00:07:31,347 --> 00:07:32,514
Hey,
what's goin' on?
169
00:07:32,582 --> 00:07:33,782
You got a sec
'cause, uh, actually,
170
00:07:33,849 --> 00:07:35,317
I do want to talk
to you after all.
171
00:07:35,385 --> 00:07:36,952
Ok, I think we're
getting food at the game
172
00:07:37,020 --> 00:07:40,222
'cause that lunch meat in your
fridge has seen better days.
173
00:07:40,290 --> 00:07:41,991
Oh, hi.
174
00:07:45,111 --> 00:07:46,678
All right.
175
00:07:52,935 --> 00:07:54,569
Ah, Douglas, just the man I want to see.
176
00:07:54,637 --> 00:07:57,005
Perhaps you could help me
finish up my crossword puzzle.
177
00:07:57,072 --> 00:07:59,373
Not right now, Arthur.
178
00:07:59,441 --> 00:08:01,092
But I'm
tantalizingly close.
179
00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:05,713
The final clue is "I dream
of Jeannie star Larry blank."
180
00:08:07,266 --> 00:08:08,517
Hagman.
181
00:08:08,584 --> 00:08:09,851
That's what I thought,
but apparently
182
00:08:09,919 --> 00:08:14,172
the first 3 letters
are b, x, x.
183
00:08:15,358 --> 00:08:16,591
Anything?
184
00:08:16,659 --> 00:08:19,227
Will you please-I-I got
something on my mind here.
185
00:08:19,294 --> 00:08:22,847
Then don't you think you
should talk about it, son?
186
00:08:22,915 --> 00:08:24,982
Maybe you're right.
187
00:08:25,051 --> 00:08:26,351
You got a second?
188
00:08:26,419 --> 00:08:27,885
Of course.
189
00:08:27,953 --> 00:08:29,020
Today I was over at-
190
00:08:29,088 --> 00:08:30,688
time's up!
191
00:08:30,756 --> 00:08:32,123
Marvelous gag,
isn't it?
192
00:08:32,191 --> 00:08:34,392
Learned that from
an old army buddy.
193
00:08:36,662 --> 00:08:38,446
Anyway...
194
00:08:38,514 --> 00:08:42,450
You know Deacon and Kelly have been
separated for a couple years now, right?
195
00:08:42,518 --> 00:08:44,352
Well, Kelly's finally ready
to get back together,
196
00:08:44,420 --> 00:08:45,553
but Deacon
doesn't know that yet.
197
00:08:45,621 --> 00:08:47,822
And I went over there today
to tell him that,
198
00:08:47,890 --> 00:08:49,641
but... I didn't.
199
00:08:49,708 --> 00:08:51,543
Why not?
200
00:08:51,610 --> 00:08:53,077
Well...
201
00:08:53,145 --> 00:08:54,178
Don't say anything
to Carrie,
202
00:08:54,246 --> 00:08:55,713
but it turns out Deacon
met this stewardess
203
00:08:55,781 --> 00:08:57,482
who's leaving the country
for good tomorrow,
204
00:08:57,550 --> 00:09:00,719
and he's got a chance
to, you know,
205
00:09:00,786 --> 00:09:03,388
be with her tonight.
206
00:09:03,456 --> 00:09:08,477
Suddenly this story turns
erotic and fascinating.
207
00:09:10,847 --> 00:09:12,581
So I figured after
all he's been through,
208
00:09:12,648 --> 00:09:13,782
he deserves
a night like that.
209
00:09:13,850 --> 00:09:15,884
But if I tell him
about Kelly coming back,
210
00:09:15,951 --> 00:09:17,619
he's gonna feel too guilty
to go through with it.
211
00:09:17,687 --> 00:09:18,953
So I didn't
say anything.
212
00:09:19,021 --> 00:09:20,522
But now I'm just struggling
with whether or not
213
00:09:20,590 --> 00:09:21,690
I made
the right decision.
214
00:09:21,758 --> 00:09:22,757
What do you think?
215
00:09:25,161 --> 00:09:28,847
The girl's
a stewardess, you say?
216
00:09:28,915 --> 00:09:30,982
Yes, and smoking hot.
217
00:09:31,050 --> 00:09:32,917
Aren't they all?
218
00:09:32,985 --> 00:09:35,603
Not really, no.
219
00:09:35,671 --> 00:09:37,505
Well, fret not,
my boy.
220
00:09:37,573 --> 00:09:40,008
Your instincts were
right on the money.
221
00:09:40,075 --> 00:09:41,676
You think so?
Absolutely.
222
00:09:41,744 --> 00:09:42,844
If Deacon
is in the dark
223
00:09:42,912 --> 00:09:45,079
about his wife's
desire to reconcile,
224
00:09:45,147 --> 00:09:47,148
there are no moral
chains around him.
225
00:09:47,215 --> 00:09:48,215
He's free to frolic
226
00:09:48,283 --> 00:09:50,284
with a sensuous
stranger tonight
227
00:09:50,352 --> 00:09:52,319
and rekindle
228
00:09:52,387 --> 00:09:54,055
the flames of
matrimony tomorrow.
229
00:09:54,122 --> 00:09:55,823
As long as he
changes his sheets,
230
00:09:55,891 --> 00:09:58,793
it's a fairy tale
ending!
231
00:09:58,861 --> 00:10:00,128
Thanks, Arthur.
232
00:10:00,196 --> 00:10:01,696
That really makes me
feel a lot better.
233
00:10:01,764 --> 00:10:03,364
That's what I do!
234
00:10:10,289 --> 00:10:11,223
Hello, darling.
235
00:10:11,290 --> 00:10:12,224
Hi, daddy.
236
00:10:12,291 --> 00:10:13,758
Ooh, a pink box.
237
00:10:13,826 --> 00:10:17,162
Are we being treated to
some delicious baked goods?
238
00:10:17,230 --> 00:10:19,664
No. Sorry. It's a cake
for Deacon and Kelly.
239
00:10:19,732 --> 00:10:21,266
I wanted to get them
a little something
240
00:10:21,334 --> 00:10:22,533
for getting
back together.
241
00:10:22,601 --> 00:10:24,169
Had them spell out
"true love"
242
00:10:24,237 --> 00:10:25,703
in those little
candy hearts.
243
00:10:25,771 --> 00:10:26,938
Kind of silly, eh?
244
00:10:30,610 --> 00:10:33,745
Oh, God!
I'm a monster!
245
00:10:35,731 --> 00:10:37,132
Huh?
246
00:10:37,199 --> 00:10:38,766
I'm an accomplice
to something terrible.
247
00:10:38,834 --> 00:10:40,901
I should just paint
a Scarlet "a" on myself.
248
00:10:40,969 --> 00:10:42,770
"A" for adultery!
249
00:10:44,573 --> 00:10:46,841
Then after
this incident passes,
250
00:10:46,908 --> 00:10:49,611
I suppose it could
stand for Arthur.
251
00:10:49,678 --> 00:10:51,912
That worked out well.
252
00:11:05,643 --> 00:11:06,576
Hi, honey.
253
00:11:06,644 --> 00:11:08,161
Hi.
254
00:11:08,229 --> 00:11:09,512
Whatcha doing?
255
00:11:09,580 --> 00:11:11,748
Just watching
the met game.
256
00:11:11,816 --> 00:11:13,316
Oh. Can I
get you anything?
257
00:11:13,384 --> 00:11:15,452
Coffee, tea,
258
00:11:15,519 --> 00:11:18,122
maybe a complimentary
headset?
259
00:11:24,112 --> 00:11:25,546
Uh-oh.
260
00:11:25,613 --> 00:11:26,547
Yeah.
261
00:11:26,614 --> 00:11:28,849
I heard about
the stewardess,
262
00:11:28,917 --> 00:11:30,233
and you're gonna
wish your exits
263
00:11:30,301 --> 00:11:32,602
were here and here,
264
00:11:32,670 --> 00:11:35,405
'cause I'm about
to kick your ass.
265
00:11:35,473 --> 00:11:37,107
That's funny.
266
00:11:37,175 --> 00:11:38,442
Ow! What is wrong with you?!
267
00:11:38,509 --> 00:11:40,844
Arthur!
268
00:11:40,911 --> 00:11:43,847
Oh, don't blame him.
This isn't his fault.
269
00:11:43,914 --> 00:11:44,848
Why did he
even tell you?
270
00:11:44,915 --> 00:11:46,450
An hour ago,
he agreed with me.
271
00:11:46,517 --> 00:11:47,750
Because, as you
pointed out many times,
272
00:11:47,818 --> 00:11:49,353
he's insane.
273
00:11:49,420 --> 00:11:52,622
But at least he has a shred
of decency in him, unlike you.
274
00:11:52,690 --> 00:11:53,790
Will you
let me explain?
275
00:11:53,858 --> 00:11:55,792
Please explain to me
how you casually decided
276
00:11:55,860 --> 00:11:58,695
to help your best friend
cheat on his wife.
277
00:11:58,762 --> 00:11:59,829
First of all,
it wasn't casual.
278
00:11:59,897 --> 00:12:01,698
It was a very
difficult decision.
279
00:12:01,765 --> 00:12:03,083
Oh, I'm glad
you chewed on it
280
00:12:03,150 --> 00:12:05,586
before you came down
on the side of adultery.
281
00:12:05,653 --> 00:12:06,687
Second of all,
it's not adultery,
282
00:12:06,754 --> 00:12:08,671
because they're
not back together.
283
00:12:08,739 --> 00:12:10,590
She's coming back.
He wants her back.
284
00:12:10,658 --> 00:12:13,293
So basically,
they are back together.
285
00:12:13,361 --> 00:12:14,594
But they're not actually back together
286
00:12:14,662 --> 00:12:16,463
until Deacon knows
they're back together,
287
00:12:16,531 --> 00:12:19,032
which is supposed to
happen Sunday night.
288
00:12:19,100 --> 00:12:20,200
Just because we
found out in advance
289
00:12:20,268 --> 00:12:21,301
doesn't give us
the right
290
00:12:21,369 --> 00:12:22,869
to travel
back in time
291
00:12:22,937 --> 00:12:24,204
and change
their destiny.
292
00:12:24,272 --> 00:12:26,739
Carrie, you don't mess
with the fabric of time.
293
00:12:26,807 --> 00:12:29,309
If there's one thing we
learned in back to the future,
294
00:12:29,377 --> 00:12:31,194
it's that.
295
00:12:33,648 --> 00:12:36,449
This is
your explanation?!
296
00:12:36,517 --> 00:12:37,484
You rang, Douglas?
297
00:12:37,551 --> 00:12:38,685
Nothing. Forget it.
298
00:12:38,753 --> 00:12:39,786
While I'm up here,
299
00:12:39,854 --> 00:12:41,187
maybe we can put
our heads together
300
00:12:41,255 --> 00:12:42,389
and finish up
this crossword.
301
00:12:42,457 --> 00:12:43,890
Get out!
302
00:12:46,060 --> 00:12:47,660
Who are you
calling?
303
00:12:47,728 --> 00:12:48,962
I'm not
calling anybody.
304
00:12:49,029 --> 00:12:50,130
You're calling Deacon
305
00:12:50,198 --> 00:12:51,331
to stop
this unholy thing
306
00:12:51,399 --> 00:12:52,832
before it happens.
307
00:12:52,900 --> 00:12:54,468
He's not home.
They're at the met game.
308
00:12:54,535 --> 00:12:56,703
Oh, so that's why you
were watching the met game,
309
00:12:56,770 --> 00:12:59,139
to spy on your handiwork.
310
00:12:59,207 --> 00:13:00,574
You got it. Yeah.
It's a deep fly ball,
311
00:13:00,641 --> 00:13:02,592
way back, sailing
high over the couple
312
00:13:02,660 --> 00:13:04,427
humping
in the bleachers.
313
00:13:04,495 --> 00:13:08,182
You know what? You are going
over there after the game.
314
00:13:08,249 --> 00:13:09,917
No, I am not.
315
00:13:09,984 --> 00:13:11,384
Doug, I don't
understand you.
316
00:13:11,452 --> 00:13:12,619
What's going on
with you?
317
00:13:12,687 --> 00:13:14,321
You could be destroying
a marriage here.
318
00:13:14,388 --> 00:13:15,588
It's not gonna
hurt the marriage.
319
00:13:15,656 --> 00:13:17,825
She's leaving the
country for good tomorrow.
320
00:13:17,892 --> 00:13:18,775
She'll be
out of Deacon's life
321
00:13:18,843 --> 00:13:20,444
before Kelly
walks back in.
322
00:13:20,511 --> 00:13:22,679
We don't have the right
to travel back in time-
323
00:13:22,747 --> 00:13:23,747
will you stop
with that already?
324
00:13:23,815 --> 00:13:26,249
There's no time travel
involved here, ok?
325
00:13:26,317 --> 00:13:27,584
Just have
the guts to admit
326
00:13:27,651 --> 00:13:29,986
that this is about you
wanting your best friend
327
00:13:30,054 --> 00:13:31,621
to bang a stewardess.
328
00:13:31,689 --> 00:13:34,124
Fine. I admit it.
329
00:13:34,192 --> 00:13:35,726
After what Kelly's
put him through,
330
00:13:35,793 --> 00:13:37,527
I think he deserves
this, and you know what?
331
00:13:37,595 --> 00:13:40,063
Letting it happen
is my gift to him.
332
00:13:40,131 --> 00:13:41,181
This is your idea
of a gift?
333
00:13:41,248 --> 00:13:42,849
Yeah. A gift
to celebrate the end
334
00:13:42,917 --> 00:13:44,217
of a horrible 2 years.
335
00:13:44,285 --> 00:13:47,871
Did you get him
a gift? No.
336
00:13:47,939 --> 00:13:50,239
Ok, so Deacon
getting his wife back,
337
00:13:50,307 --> 00:13:51,240
his kids,
338
00:13:51,308 --> 00:13:52,442
that's not enough
of a gift.
339
00:13:52,509 --> 00:13:54,510
He needs more
of a gift than that.
340
00:13:54,579 --> 00:13:55,845
They're different
kinds of gifts.
341
00:13:55,913 --> 00:13:57,397
That's why you get more
than one gift for Christmas.
342
00:13:57,465 --> 00:13:58,698
For God's sake, Carrie,
Jewish people
343
00:13:58,765 --> 00:14:00,766
give 8 gifts
for hanukkah.
344
00:14:00,834 --> 00:14:02,685
Oh, ok. So according
to your logic,
345
00:14:02,753 --> 00:14:04,487
would it be ok
if Deacon slept
346
00:14:04,555 --> 00:14:07,157
with 7 other women
tonight?
347
00:14:07,224 --> 00:14:10,694
No, 'cause
he's not Jewish.
348
00:14:10,761 --> 00:14:13,530
The stupidest
conversation
349
00:14:13,597 --> 00:14:15,048
I've ever had.
350
00:14:15,115 --> 00:14:16,683
No. The stupidest
conversation I've ever had,
351
00:14:16,751 --> 00:14:18,918
and besides, Kelly's
been with a million guys
352
00:14:18,986 --> 00:14:20,420
since she left him.
353
00:14:20,487 --> 00:14:22,572
Excuse me. She's been
with exactly 2 guys,
354
00:14:22,640 --> 00:14:24,308
and she only slept
with one of them.
355
00:14:24,375 --> 00:14:26,209
He was an orthodontist.
356
00:14:26,277 --> 00:14:29,029
What the hell does that
have to do with anything?
357
00:14:29,097 --> 00:14:31,114
Just that she regretted
it. It was weird.
358
00:14:31,182 --> 00:14:32,915
The guy cried or
something. I don't know.
359
00:14:32,983 --> 00:14:34,767
The point is that
when that happened,
360
00:14:34,835 --> 00:14:36,869
she didn't know what
was gonna happen
361
00:14:36,937 --> 00:14:38,321
with her
and Deacon, ok?
362
00:14:38,388 --> 00:14:40,824
Today is the day before
they're getting back together.
363
00:14:40,891 --> 00:14:42,742
So if the sex
goes past midnight,
364
00:14:42,809 --> 00:14:44,810
it'll be
the same day.
365
00:14:44,878 --> 00:14:47,130
The sex probably
won't go past midnight.
366
00:14:47,198 --> 00:14:48,231
Don't be so sure.
367
00:14:48,299 --> 00:14:49,466
Some people can actually pull that off.
368
00:14:49,534 --> 00:14:51,935
Oh, I see all the guns
are out now!
369
00:14:52,002 --> 00:14:54,237
You can insult me
all you want.
370
00:14:54,305 --> 00:14:56,039
I'm still not going over
there and telling him.
371
00:14:56,106 --> 00:14:58,274
I'm just not.
372
00:14:58,343 --> 00:14:59,492
All right.
373
00:14:59,560 --> 00:15:01,528
Look, Doug, ok.
374
00:15:01,595 --> 00:15:04,697
I admit that Deacon being
with this girl tonight
375
00:15:04,765 --> 00:15:06,632
probably won't destroy their marriage,
376
00:15:06,700 --> 00:15:08,068
and, yes,
maybe in some way,
377
00:15:08,135 --> 00:15:10,603
he probably
does deserve it.
378
00:15:10,671 --> 00:15:12,338
But I just feel
379
00:15:12,406 --> 00:15:14,691
like not telling
Deacon about Kelly
380
00:15:14,758 --> 00:15:16,193
is just wrong.
381
00:15:16,260 --> 00:15:17,961
Honey, it's wrong,
382
00:15:18,029 --> 00:15:19,312
and I know
in your heart
383
00:15:19,380 --> 00:15:20,880
you know that, too.
384
00:15:23,334 --> 00:15:24,734
I don't know. Maybe.
385
00:15:24,802 --> 00:15:25,735
Come on, honey.
386
00:15:25,803 --> 00:15:28,271
After the game,
we'll go over there,
387
00:15:28,339 --> 00:15:31,475
and we'll tell him,
all right?
388
00:15:33,644 --> 00:15:34,677
All right, fine.
389
00:15:34,745 --> 00:15:37,314
Ok, good. I'll
bet he thanks you.
390
00:15:37,382 --> 00:15:39,967
Oh, yeah. I expect to get
a very hearty handshake.
391
00:15:40,034 --> 00:15:41,068
When's
the game over?
392
00:15:41,135 --> 00:15:43,370
I don't know. A couple hours at least.
393
00:15:43,438 --> 00:15:44,738
Doug?
394
00:15:44,806 --> 00:15:46,306
What?
395
00:15:46,373 --> 00:15:47,974
It's raining.
396
00:15:48,042 --> 00:15:49,008
So?
397
00:15:49,076 --> 00:15:52,178
It's raining!
398
00:15:52,246 --> 00:15:55,415
There's an abbott
and costello movie on.
399
00:15:55,483 --> 00:15:58,017
"Due to today's rain,
400
00:15:58,085 --> 00:16:00,186
the game will be completed
tomorrow as a doubleheader."
401
00:16:00,254 --> 00:16:02,305
Oh, my God! They're probably
at his apartment right now.
402
00:16:02,373 --> 00:16:04,040
She's probably unpinning
her little wings
403
00:16:04,108 --> 00:16:05,542
as we speak.
404
00:16:09,280 --> 00:16:11,181
He doesn't even realize the
mummy's right behind him.
405
00:16:11,249 --> 00:16:12,181
Doug!
406
00:16:18,556 --> 00:16:19,856
I hope we're
not too late.
407
00:16:19,923 --> 00:16:23,026
Yeah, me, too.
408
00:16:26,197 --> 00:16:28,397
Can you hear the
doorbell from the bedroom?
409
00:16:28,465 --> 00:16:31,668
I don't know.
410
00:16:31,735 --> 00:16:33,119
Well,
what do you think?
411
00:16:33,187 --> 00:16:34,621
I don't know.
It's been a while
412
00:16:34,689 --> 00:16:37,089
since we had
a slumber party.
413
00:16:37,157 --> 00:16:38,641
All right,
just use your key.
414
00:16:38,709 --> 00:16:39,809
I don't have a key.
415
00:16:39,877 --> 00:16:41,111
Oh, don't give me that.
416
00:16:41,179 --> 00:16:42,946
I know you guys
swapped house keys,
417
00:16:43,013 --> 00:16:44,748
like, 5 years ago.
418
00:16:44,816 --> 00:16:46,333
Oh, right.
419
00:16:46,400 --> 00:16:49,069
My "please burst in if I'm
ever nailing a stewardess" key.
420
00:16:49,136 --> 00:16:50,070
Right.
421
00:16:50,137 --> 00:16:51,604
Just open it.
422
00:16:59,780 --> 00:17:01,815
I don't think
they're here.
423
00:17:01,882 --> 00:17:03,083
Do you think they're
in the bedroom,
424
00:17:03,150 --> 00:17:05,585
you know, doing it?
425
00:17:05,652 --> 00:17:07,554
How the hell
should I know?
426
00:17:07,721 --> 00:17:09,306
Check it out!
427
00:17:15,062 --> 00:17:16,129
Doug.
428
00:17:18,115 --> 00:17:20,534
Hello?
429
00:17:20,601 --> 00:17:21,768
Deac?
430
00:17:21,835 --> 00:17:24,387
Hot stewardess?
431
00:17:24,455 --> 00:17:25,789
Ha ha ha!
I'm sorry.
432
00:17:25,856 --> 00:17:27,524
But I've never seen
anyone run so fast
433
00:17:27,591 --> 00:17:28,692
from a little rain.
434
00:17:28,759 --> 00:17:32,429
This shirt is suede.
It's $60, baby.
435
00:17:32,496 --> 00:17:35,031
Actually,
I'm not sorry
436
00:17:35,098 --> 00:17:37,166
the game
got rained out.
437
00:17:37,234 --> 00:17:39,602
Gives us more time
for dinner
438
00:17:39,670 --> 00:17:41,588
and whatnot.
439
00:17:41,655 --> 00:17:43,406
I like the sound
of whatnot.
440
00:17:43,474 --> 00:17:45,975
Ha ha ha.
441
00:17:46,043 --> 00:17:47,444
How's it going?
442
00:17:52,783 --> 00:17:54,634
What were you
doing in there?
443
00:17:54,702 --> 00:17:56,653
I heard that the met
game got rained out,
444
00:17:56,721 --> 00:17:58,188
so I came over here
445
00:17:58,255 --> 00:18:01,424
to close your windows.
446
00:18:01,442 --> 00:18:04,694
Ok, once again, what
were you doing in there?
447
00:18:04,762 --> 00:18:09,449
Actually, I need to talk
to you a second alone.
448
00:18:09,516 --> 00:18:11,268
Why don't I
just wait inside?
449
00:18:11,335 --> 00:18:12,802
Thanks.
450
00:18:12,870 --> 00:18:14,771
Don't be scared.
451
00:18:14,838 --> 00:18:16,273
The white woman coming
out of the bathroom
452
00:18:16,340 --> 00:18:17,740
will be my wife.
453
00:18:17,808 --> 00:18:18,741
Right.
454
00:18:18,809 --> 00:18:19,742
Ok.
455
00:18:22,313 --> 00:18:25,081
Hi. I'm Melanie.
456
00:18:25,149 --> 00:18:26,949
Wow.
457
00:18:28,386 --> 00:18:29,486
So that's
pretty much it.
458
00:18:29,554 --> 00:18:30,753
Kelly's coming back
tomorrow.
459
00:18:30,821 --> 00:18:34,257
She loves you, and she
wants to stay married.
460
00:18:34,325 --> 00:18:36,826
Yeah, that's it. That's
the whole deal right there.
461
00:18:36,894 --> 00:18:38,428
Great news,
huh, deac?
462
00:18:40,314 --> 00:18:41,848
Deac, you there,
buddy?
463
00:18:46,420 --> 00:18:49,472
I love my wife.
464
00:18:49,539 --> 00:18:51,090
The fact that
she's coming back
465
00:18:51,158 --> 00:18:52,192
is the best news
466
00:18:52,259 --> 00:18:55,445
I could
ever hope to get.
467
00:18:55,512 --> 00:18:57,113
That being said,
468
00:18:57,180 --> 00:18:58,648
you realize
you told me
469
00:18:58,716 --> 00:19:02,218
at the worst
possible time,
470
00:19:02,286 --> 00:19:03,336
don't you?
471
00:19:03,403 --> 00:19:04,671
Yes. Yes, I do.
472
00:19:04,838 --> 00:19:05,988
Then why the hell
did you tell me now?!
473
00:19:06,056 --> 00:19:07,707
I'm sorry. Carrie made me.
474
00:19:07,775 --> 00:19:08,792
The only worse time
you could've picked
475
00:19:08,859 --> 00:19:09,793
is if you waited
another half hour
476
00:19:09,860 --> 00:19:11,494
and popped out from
under the covers.
477
00:19:11,562 --> 00:19:12,796
I fought for you!
478
00:19:12,863 --> 00:19:13,863
I fought for you,
479
00:19:13,931 --> 00:19:15,198
and I told her
you've been through hell
480
00:19:15,266 --> 00:19:17,200
and you deserve this,
481
00:19:17,268 --> 00:19:18,468
and then
she said some stuff,
482
00:19:18,536 --> 00:19:19,469
and here we are.
483
00:19:19,537 --> 00:19:21,237
Oh, man.
484
00:19:21,305 --> 00:19:22,939
So what
are you gonna do?
485
00:19:23,007 --> 00:19:24,307
I don't know. I can't
even think straight.
486
00:19:24,374 --> 00:19:25,809
In my mind,
I'm seeing my family
487
00:19:25,876 --> 00:19:27,310
all back together
for Christmas,
488
00:19:27,377 --> 00:19:28,294
except
instead of a tree,
489
00:19:28,412 --> 00:19:30,980
we're decorating
a naked stewardess.
490
00:19:31,048 --> 00:19:34,266
Deac, that is
a million-dollar idea.
491
00:19:37,938 --> 00:19:39,723
Hey.
492
00:19:39,790 --> 00:19:41,758
Did you guys
have your talk?
493
00:19:41,826 --> 00:19:43,076
Yeah.
494
00:19:43,144 --> 00:19:44,727
Oh.
495
00:19:44,795 --> 00:19:46,479
Oh, what?
496
00:19:46,547 --> 00:19:48,398
Nothing. I was just
in there with Melanie,
497
00:19:48,466 --> 00:19:50,249
and, uh,
she ain't ugly,
498
00:19:50,317 --> 00:19:53,369
that's
for darn tootin'.
499
00:19:53,471 --> 00:19:54,670
What are you saying? I
shouldn't have told him?
500
00:19:54,738 --> 00:19:55,871
No, no. You did
the right thing.
501
00:19:55,940 --> 00:19:58,091
Definitely. You definitely
did the right thing,
502
00:19:58,158 --> 00:20:01,327
although she
could not be nicer.
503
00:20:01,395 --> 00:20:03,913
She actually gave me some
free coupons for an upgrade.
504
00:20:03,980 --> 00:20:05,348
What the hell
is she doing to me?
505
00:20:05,416 --> 00:20:06,683
I don't know. What the
hell are you doing to him?!
506
00:20:06,751 --> 00:20:08,685
Nothing,
nothing, nothing.
507
00:20:08,753 --> 00:20:09,903
I'm just thinking.
508
00:20:09,970 --> 00:20:12,288
They still are
technically separated,
509
00:20:12,356 --> 00:20:13,456
and Kelly
did have her thing
510
00:20:13,524 --> 00:20:14,857
with
the orthodontist.
511
00:20:14,925 --> 00:20:16,543
She slept
with Dr. gottleib?!
512
00:20:16,610 --> 00:20:19,245
Kind of. It was
not a big deal.
513
00:20:19,313 --> 00:20:20,829
Listen, Deacon,
you're an adult.
514
00:20:20,864 --> 00:20:22,131
You're capable of making
your own decisions.
515
00:20:22,199 --> 00:20:23,132
We should
have never interfered.
516
00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:24,434
Just do
what feels right, ok?
517
00:20:24,502 --> 00:20:25,868
Come on, babe.
518
00:20:27,338 --> 00:20:30,022
We were never here.
519
00:20:30,090 --> 00:20:32,959
The last 5 minutes
never happened.
520
00:20:33,027 --> 00:20:34,543
You're just getting back
from the met game.
521
00:20:34,611 --> 00:20:36,295
The mets won.
522
00:20:36,347 --> 00:20:37,363
You've got
a beautiful woman
523
00:20:37,431 --> 00:20:39,516
in your apartment
waiting for you.
524
00:20:39,583 --> 00:20:40,800
And go.
525
00:20:55,816 --> 00:20:58,317
Oh, are these
your kids?
526
00:20:58,385 --> 00:21:00,753
They're adorable.
527
00:21:03,040 --> 00:21:04,424
Aw, crap.
528
00:21:11,699 --> 00:21:12,549
You know, Deacon,
529
00:21:12,616 --> 00:21:13,900
I actually think
this time apart
530
00:21:13,968 --> 00:21:15,468
was the best possible
thing for us,
531
00:21:15,535 --> 00:21:16,602
don't you?
532
00:21:16,670 --> 00:21:17,737
We both got out there
533
00:21:17,805 --> 00:21:19,405
and got
to live a little.
534
00:21:19,473 --> 00:21:20,873
I had my experiences,
535
00:21:20,941 --> 00:21:22,592
you had yours.
536
00:21:24,227 --> 00:21:25,428
By the way,
can you take Kirby
537
00:21:25,495 --> 00:21:26,930
to his appointment
at Dr. gottleib's
538
00:21:26,997 --> 00:21:28,731
on Thursday?
539
00:21:33,136 --> 00:21:35,254
We're gonna
need a new mirror.
36868
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