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1
00:00:15,098 --> 00:00:17,182
[BOTH SCREAMING]
2
00:00:17,475 --> 00:00:19,760
- CHANDLER: I'm sorry!
- RACHEL: Oh, my God! That is it!
3
00:00:19,769 --> 00:00:21,027
You just barge
in here, and you
4
00:00:21,052 --> 00:00:22,221
- don't knock?
- I'm sorry!
5
00:00:22,230 --> 00:00:24,106
You have no respect
for anybody's privacy!
6
00:00:24,115 --> 00:00:26,099
- Rachel, wait, wait.
- No! You wait! This is ridiculous!
7
00:00:26,109 --> 00:00:28,610
- Can I just say one thing?
- What?! What?!
8
00:00:28,778 --> 00:00:32,072
That's a relatively open weave
and I can still see your...
9
00:00:32,782 --> 00:00:35,242
- nippular areas.
- Ugh!!
10
00:00:39,266 --> 00:00:44,266
Sync by chocomoon
www.addic7ed.com
11
00:00:44,290 --> 00:00:48,690
{an8}♪ So no one told you
life was going to be this way ♪
12
00:00:48,714 --> 00:00:51,414
{an8}♪ Your job's a joke,
you're broke ♪
13
00:00:51,438 --> 00:00:54,238
{an8}♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪
14
00:00:54,262 --> 00:00:58,262
{an8}♪ It's like you're always
stuck in second gear ♪
15
00:00:58,286 --> 00:01:00,486
{an8}♪ And it hasn't been your day ♪
16
00:01:00,510 --> 00:01:04,310
{an8}♪ Your week, your month,
or even your year ♪
17
00:01:04,334 --> 00:01:07,934
{an8}♪ But I'll be there for you ♪
18
00:01:07,958 --> 00:01:09,858
{an8}♪ When the rain starts to fall ♪
19
00:01:09,882 --> 00:01:12,682
{an8}♪ I'll be there for you ♪
20
00:01:12,706 --> 00:01:14,706
{an8}♪ Like I've been there before ♪
21
00:01:14,730 --> 00:01:18,130
{an8}♪ I'll be there for you ♪
22
00:01:18,154 --> 00:01:22,954
{an8}♪ 'Cause you're there
for me, too ♪
23
00:01:28,922 --> 00:01:31,507
{an8}Oh, honey, honey, tell them
the story about your patient
24
00:01:31,674 --> 00:01:33,467
{an8}who thinks things are,
like, other things.
25
00:01:33,635 --> 00:01:35,260
{an8}You know?
26
00:01:35,595 --> 00:01:38,514
{an8}Like, when the phone rings
and she takes a shower.
27
00:01:40,308 --> 00:01:42,017
{an8}That's pretty much it.
28
00:01:42,041 --> 00:01:43,519
{an8}Oops.
29
00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:45,813
{an8}But you tell it
really well, sweetie.
30
00:01:46,064 --> 00:01:48,190
{an8}Thanks. Okay.
31
00:01:48,358 --> 00:01:50,984
{an8}Now go away so we
can talk about you.
32
00:01:51,486 --> 00:01:52,903
{an8}Okay. I'll miss you.
33
00:01:55,031 --> 00:01:56,115
{an8}Isn't he great?
34
00:01:56,282 --> 00:01:58,617
{an8}He's so cute! And he seems
to like you so much.
35
00:01:58,827 --> 00:01:59,868
{an8}I know, I know.
36
00:02:00,036 --> 00:02:02,996
{an8}He's so sweet, oh,
and so complicated, you know?
37
00:02:03,248 --> 00:02:06,625
And for a shrink, he's not
too "shrinky," you know?
38
00:02:06,793 --> 00:02:08,752
So, you think you'll
do it on his couch?
39
00:02:09,003 --> 00:02:11,855
Oh, I don't know, I don't know.
I think that's a little weird, you know?
40
00:02:12,006 --> 00:02:13,382
It's vinyl.
41
00:02:16,553 --> 00:02:19,346
- Okay. Any of you guys want anything else?
- Oh, yes.
42
00:02:19,397 --> 00:02:21,298
- Could I have one of those...?
- No, I'm sorry. We're all out of those.
43
00:02:21,307 --> 00:02:22,599
- Anybody else?
- Okay.
44
00:02:23,643 --> 00:02:25,394
Did I, uh, did I miss
something between...?
45
00:02:25,603 --> 00:02:28,814
No. She's still upset
because I saw her boobies.
46
00:02:29,607 --> 00:02:32,568
You what? Wh-what were you
doing seeing her boobies?
47
00:02:32,819 --> 00:02:33,861
It was an accident.
48
00:02:34,028 --> 00:02:36,964
Not like I was across the street with
a telescope and a box of doughnuts.
49
00:02:37,031 --> 00:02:38,323
[ROGER LAUGHS]
50
00:02:38,491 --> 00:02:40,492
Okay, okay. Could we change
the subject, please?
51
00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:44,872
Yeah, because, hello? These aren't her
"boobies," these are her breasts.
52
00:02:46,416 --> 00:02:49,501
Okay, Pheebs, I was hoping
for more of a change.
53
00:02:50,461 --> 00:02:54,089
You know, I don't know why you're so
embarrassed. They were very nice boobies.
54
00:02:55,383 --> 00:02:56,550
"Nice"?
55
00:02:56,968 --> 00:02:58,051
They were "nice"?
56
00:02:58,303 --> 00:03:01,054
I mean, that's it?
I mean, mittens are "nice."
57
00:03:02,891 --> 00:03:05,517
Okay. Rock. Hard place.
58
00:03:05,727 --> 00:03:07,144
Me.
59
00:03:08,313 --> 00:03:10,355
[ROGER LAUGHING]
60
00:03:11,443 --> 00:03:14,683
You're...you're...
you're so funny!
61
00:03:14,903 --> 00:03:16,778
He's really funny!
62
00:03:17,155 --> 00:03:20,908
Of course, I wouldn't want to be
there when the laughter stops.
63
00:03:21,659 --> 00:03:23,118
Whoa, whoa.
Back up there, Sparky.
64
00:03:25,413 --> 00:03:26,663
What did you mean by that?
65
00:03:27,582 --> 00:03:30,792
Oh, it just seems as though that
maybe you have intimacy issues...
66
00:03:31,002 --> 00:03:34,838
you know, that you use your humor as
a way of keeping people at a distance.
67
00:03:35,965 --> 00:03:37,132
Huh.
68
00:03:37,383 --> 00:03:40,219
I mean, hey! I just met you,
I don't know you from Adam.
69
00:03:41,971 --> 00:03:43,138
Only child, right?
70
00:03:44,599 --> 00:03:46,850
Parents divorced
before you hit puberty.
71
00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:50,562
Uh-huh. How did
you know that?
72
00:03:51,272 --> 00:03:52,397
It's textbook.
73
00:03:55,652 --> 00:03:56,693
Hey, you guys.
74
00:03:56,745 --> 00:03:59,187
- Hey, you all know my dad, right?
- ALL: Hey! Hey, Mr. Trib!
75
00:03:59,197 --> 00:04:01,606
- Hey, how long are you in the city?
- Just for a couple of days.
76
00:04:01,616 --> 00:04:02,699
I got a job midtown.
77
00:04:02,951 --> 00:04:04,785
I figure I'm better off
staying with the kid
78
00:04:04,953 --> 00:04:07,663
than hauling my ass back
and forth on the ferry.
79
00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:09,039
I don't know this one.
80
00:04:09,207 --> 00:04:11,375
- Oh, this is my friend Roger.
- Hi.
81
00:04:11,384 --> 00:04:13,410
- Hey, hey. Good to meet you, Roger.
- ROGER: You, too, sir.
82
00:04:13,461 --> 00:04:16,255
What happened to the,
uh, puppet guy?
83
00:04:16,464 --> 00:04:18,715
- Dad, uh, Dad.
- Oh, oh.
84
00:04:18,883 --> 00:04:19,967
Excuse me.
85
00:04:20,176 --> 00:04:21,843
So, Ross, uh,
how's the wife?
86
00:04:22,011 --> 00:04:23,720
[ROSS GROANS]
87
00:04:24,639 --> 00:04:26,431
Off there too, huh? Heh.
88
00:04:26,599 --> 00:04:29,142
Uh, Chandler, quick,
say something funny.
89
00:04:38,403 --> 00:04:41,029
Got to go. Ha, ha.
I miss you, too.
90
00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:43,365
I love you, but it's
getting real late now.
91
00:04:43,616 --> 00:04:45,242
Let me say hi.
Hey, Ma!
92
00:04:45,493 --> 00:04:49,162
Listen, I made the appointment
with Dr. Bassida and...
93
00:04:50,248 --> 00:04:51,456
excuse me?
94
00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:56,503
Did you know
this isn't Ma?
95
00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:06,722
Her name's Ronni.
96
00:05:08,433 --> 00:05:09,891
She's a pet mortician.
97
00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:15,230
Sure.
98
00:05:16,441 --> 00:05:18,358
So how long have you been...?
99
00:05:20,486 --> 00:05:23,363
Remember when you were a little kid,
I used to take you to the Navy yard
100
00:05:23,531 --> 00:05:24,990
and show you the big ships?
101
00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:28,994
- Since then?!
- No, it's only been six years.
102
00:05:29,203 --> 00:05:31,071
I just wanted to put a
nice memory in your head
103
00:05:31,122 --> 00:05:34,333
so you'd know I wasn't
always such a terrible guy.
104
00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:39,338
Joe, have you ever been in love?
105
00:05:41,049 --> 00:05:42,090
I don't know.
106
00:05:42,842 --> 00:05:44,217
Then you haven't.
107
00:05:44,844 --> 00:05:47,804
- You're burning your tomatoes.
- Hmm. You're one to talk.
108
00:05:50,433 --> 00:05:52,351
Joe, your dad's in love,
big time.
109
00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:55,354
And the worst part of it is,
it's with two different women.
110
00:05:55,605 --> 00:05:58,648
Oh, man, please tell
me one of them is Ma.
111
00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:01,818
Of course, course one of them's Ma.
What's the matter with you?
112
00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:13,121
It's like if you woke up
one day and found out
113
00:06:13,331 --> 00:06:15,457
your dad was leading
this double life.
114
00:06:15,666 --> 00:06:19,669
He's, like, actually some spy,
working for the CIA.
115
00:06:20,296 --> 00:06:21,588
That would be cool.
116
00:06:22,423 --> 00:06:23,840
This blows!
117
00:06:25,927 --> 00:06:28,970
Yeah. I know. I mean, why can't
parents just stay parents?
118
00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:31,139
Why do they have
to become people?
119
00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:33,308
Why do they have...?
120
00:06:33,893 --> 00:06:35,811
Why...
121
00:06:37,063 --> 00:06:40,357
can't you stop staring
at my breasts?
122
00:06:41,776 --> 00:06:46,363
What?
What?
123
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:49,950
Did you not get a good enough
look the other day?
124
00:06:50,001 --> 00:06:51,776
All right, all right.
We're all adults here.
125
00:06:51,786 --> 00:06:54,579
There's only one way
to resolve this.
126
00:06:54,789 --> 00:06:56,331
Since you saw her boobies,
127
00:06:56,541 --> 00:06:59,084
I think, uh, you're going to have
to show her your pee-pee.
128
00:07:08,553 --> 00:07:10,971
You know, I don't
see that happening.
129
00:07:12,181 --> 00:07:14,516
Come on. He's right.
Tit for tat.
130
00:07:19,397 --> 00:07:21,898
Well, I'm not showing
you my tat!
131
00:07:22,984 --> 00:07:24,025
[INTERCOM BUZZES]
132
00:07:24,986 --> 00:07:26,027
Hello?
133
00:07:26,195 --> 00:07:28,488
- PHOEBE: It's Phoebe.
- ROGER: And Rog!
134
00:07:29,866 --> 00:07:30,907
Come on up.
135
00:07:31,117 --> 00:07:34,119
Oh, good. Rog is here.
136
00:07:35,371 --> 00:07:38,540
- What's the matter with Rog?
- Ah, it's nothing. It's a little thing.
137
00:07:38,791 --> 00:07:40,584
I hate that guy.
138
00:07:41,252 --> 00:07:44,880
What? So he was a little analytical.
That's what he does, you know?
139
00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:47,007
Come on, he's not that bad.
140
00:07:47,216 --> 00:07:50,010
You see, that's where you're
wrong. Why would I marry her
141
00:07:50,219 --> 00:07:53,054
if I thought on any level
that she was a lesbian?
142
00:07:54,056 --> 00:07:55,390
I don't know.
143
00:07:55,641 --> 00:07:57,350
Maybe you wanted
your marriage to fail.
144
00:08:02,190 --> 00:08:04,441
- Ha, ha.
- Why? Why would I? Why?
145
00:08:04,609 --> 00:08:06,485
Why? Why? Why?
146
00:08:06,736 --> 00:08:10,655
I don't know. Maybe...
maybe low self-esteem.
147
00:08:10,865 --> 00:08:14,868
Maybe...maybe to compensate for
overshadowing a sibling. Maybe you...
148
00:08:15,036 --> 00:08:17,913
Wait...wait! Go back
to that sibling thing.
149
00:08:18,164 --> 00:08:20,832
Well, I don't know.
150
00:08:21,042 --> 00:08:24,211
I mean, it's conceivable that you
wanted to sabotage your marriage
151
00:08:24,462 --> 00:08:28,089
so that the sibling would feel like less
of a failure in the eyes of the parents.
152
00:08:28,257 --> 00:08:29,883
[SQUEAKS IN DISBELIEF]
153
00:08:31,844 --> 00:08:35,722
That...that's ridiculous!
I don't feel guilty for her failures.
154
00:08:38,643 --> 00:08:41,186
- Oh! So you think I'm a failure?
- Isn't he good?
155
00:08:41,395 --> 00:08:44,689
Yeah. No, no, no, that...
that's not what I was saying.
156
00:08:44,899 --> 00:08:47,142
You know, all these years,
I thought you were on my side.
157
00:08:47,193 --> 00:08:49,528
But maybe what you were doing
was sucking up to Mom and Dad
158
00:08:49,737 --> 00:08:51,062
so they'd keep
liking you better!
159
00:08:51,072 --> 00:08:53,490
Hey, I married a lesbian
to make you look good!
160
00:08:58,454 --> 00:08:59,721
[VOICE QUAVERING]
You're right.
161
00:08:59,872 --> 00:09:01,289
I mean, you're right!
162
00:09:01,499 --> 00:09:05,293
It wasn't just the Weebles,
but it was the Weeble Play Palace,
163
00:09:08,047 --> 00:09:10,257
and...the Weeble's Cruise Ship...
164
00:09:10,508 --> 00:09:14,427
oh, which had this little lifeboat
for the Weebles to wobble in.
165
00:09:15,638 --> 00:09:17,472
That's tough, tough stuff.
166
00:09:17,848 --> 00:09:21,101
Come on, Pheebs, if we're going to
catch that movie, we got to get going.
167
00:09:21,269 --> 00:09:22,978
Oh, okay. Feel better,
Rachel, okay?
168
00:09:23,187 --> 00:09:24,185
ROGER: Geez, we're going to be
169
00:09:24,210 --> 00:09:25,263
- late, sweetie...
- Oh, okay.
170
00:09:25,273 --> 00:09:28,108
- Listen, thanks for everything, Mon.
- No problem.
171
00:09:28,484 --> 00:09:30,235
Listen, guys, it was great
seeing you again.
172
00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:31,861
[ROSS MUTTERS]
173
00:09:32,947 --> 00:09:35,824
Mon, uh, easy on those
cookies, okay?
174
00:09:36,075 --> 00:09:38,201
Remember, they're just food,
175
00:09:38,452 --> 00:09:39,828
they're not love.
176
00:09:44,333 --> 00:09:45,917
I hate that guy!
177
00:09:49,630 --> 00:09:50,880
JOEY:
Good night, you guys.
178
00:09:53,926 --> 00:09:56,553
Oh, look, it's the
woman we ordered.
179
00:10:00,766 --> 00:10:02,976
Hey. Can, uh,
can we help you?
180
00:10:03,352 --> 00:10:06,479
Aw, no, thanks. I'm just waiting
for, uh, Joey Tribbiani.
181
00:10:07,982 --> 00:10:09,399
I'm Joey Tribbiani.
182
00:10:09,775 --> 00:10:13,236
Oh. Oh, no, not you. Big Joey.
183
00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:14,487
Oh, my God,
184
00:10:14,697 --> 00:10:17,365
you're so much cuter
than your pictures!
185
00:10:19,869 --> 00:10:21,536
I...I'm, I'm Ronni.
186
00:10:24,665 --> 00:10:25,790
Cheese Nip?
187
00:10:27,877 --> 00:10:30,337
Uh...Joey's having
an embolism,
188
00:10:30,963 --> 00:10:32,213
but I'd go for a Nip,
you know?
189
00:10:39,430 --> 00:10:42,015
Now, you see, most people,
when their pets pass on,
190
00:10:42,183 --> 00:10:44,893
they want 'em sort of laid
out like they're sleeping.
191
00:10:45,102 --> 00:10:48,271
But, occasionally you get your person
who wants them in a pose.
192
00:10:48,564 --> 00:10:51,232
Like, uh, chasing their tail,
193
00:10:51,942 --> 00:10:55,236
or, uh, jumping to
catch a Frisbee.
194
00:10:56,447 --> 00:10:58,948
Joey, if I go first, I want
to be looking for my keys.
195
00:10:59,116 --> 00:11:00,950
[RONNI LAUGHS]
196
00:11:01,702 --> 00:11:03,203
- That's a good one.
- Hey, Joe.
197
00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:04,954
Hey, Dad. Ronni's here.
198
00:11:05,206 --> 00:11:06,456
- Huh?
- Hi.
199
00:11:06,707 --> 00:11:07,916
- Hey!
- RONNl: Hey.
200
00:11:08,167 --> 00:11:09,626
Hello, babe.
201
00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:12,796
Wh-what are...what
are you doing here?
202
00:11:13,005 --> 00:11:15,757
Oh, uh, well, you left your
good hair at my apartment,
203
00:11:16,008 --> 00:11:18,385
I figured you'd need it
tomorrow for your meeting.
204
00:11:21,222 --> 00:11:22,263
Thank you. Uh...
205
00:11:24,392 --> 00:11:26,851
So, who's up for a big
game of Kerplunk?
206
00:11:31,315 --> 00:11:32,440
Look, I, uh...
207
00:11:32,817 --> 00:11:34,317
I shouldn't have come.
208
00:11:34,568 --> 00:11:37,086
I...I'd better get going.
I don't want to miss the last train.
209
00:11:37,196 --> 00:11:39,280
No, I don't want you taking
that thing this late.
210
00:11:39,490 --> 00:11:41,866
- Oh, where am I going to stay...here?
- Who-ah-ho.
211
00:11:43,327 --> 00:11:46,913
We'll go to a hotel.
212
00:11:46,937 --> 00:11:48,456
We'll go to a hotel.
213
00:11:48,457 --> 00:11:50,458
- No, you won't.
- No, we won't.
214
00:11:50,751 --> 00:11:53,586
If you go to a hotel,
you'll be...doing stuff.
215
00:11:53,796 --> 00:11:56,756
I want you right here, where
I can keep an eye on you.
216
00:11:56,966 --> 00:11:58,633
You're going to keep
an eye on us?
217
00:11:58,843 --> 00:11:59,884
That's right, mister,
218
00:12:00,052 --> 00:12:02,795
and I don't care how old you are.
As long as you're under my roof,
219
00:12:02,847 --> 00:12:05,265
you're going to
live by my rules.
220
00:12:08,811 --> 00:12:11,771
And that means no sleeping
with your girlfriend.
221
00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:15,066
Wow. He's strict.
222
00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:16,776
Now, Dad, you'll be
in my room.
223
00:12:17,027 --> 00:12:20,029
Ronni, uh, you can stay
in Chandler's room.
224
00:12:20,322 --> 00:12:22,657
Thanks. You're, uh...
you're a good kid.
225
00:12:22,867 --> 00:12:24,909
Come on.
I'll show you to my room.
226
00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:30,498
That sounds so weird when it's not
followed by, "No, thanks, it's late!"
227
00:12:34,712 --> 00:12:36,232
Okay. Now, this is
just for tonight.
228
00:12:36,257 --> 00:12:38,155
Starting tomorrow, you
got to make a change.
229
00:12:38,382 --> 00:12:40,884
- Six years has gone on long enough.
- What kind of change?
230
00:12:40,935 --> 00:12:42,532
Well, either you break
it off with Ronni...
231
00:12:42,557 --> 00:12:43,318
I can't do that!
232
00:12:43,345 --> 00:12:44,840
Then you got to
come clean with Ma!
233
00:12:44,865 --> 00:12:46,572
- This is not right!
- Yeah, but this is...
234
00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:49,225
I don't want to hear it!
Now go to my room!
235
00:13:03,324 --> 00:13:04,908
Hey, Kicky...
236
00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:10,121
- what are you doing?
- Just trying to get comfortable.
237
00:13:10,372 --> 00:13:13,249
- I can't sleep in my underwear.
- Well, you're going to.
238
00:13:20,090 --> 00:13:21,382
I've been thinking.
239
00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:24,928
You know, about how I'm always
seeing girls on top of girls.
240
00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:31,184
Are they end-to-end,
or tall, like pancakes?
241
00:13:31,769 --> 00:13:34,771
You know what I mean, about how I'm
always going out with all these women.
242
00:13:35,022 --> 00:13:37,857
And I always figured, when
the right one comes along,
243
00:13:38,067 --> 00:13:41,402
I'll be able to be a stand-up guy
and go the distance, you know?
244
00:13:41,612 --> 00:13:44,030
Now I'm looking at
my Dad, thinking...
245
00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:46,658
Hey, you're not him,
you're you.
246
00:13:47,535 --> 00:13:49,430
When they were all over
you to go into your
247
00:13:49,455 --> 00:13:51,436
father's pipe-fitting
business, did you cave?
248
00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:52,705
- No.
- No.
249
00:13:52,873 --> 00:13:55,250
You decided to go into the
out-of-work actor business.
250
00:13:57,211 --> 00:13:59,587
Now, that wasn't easy,
but you did it!
251
00:14:00,256 --> 00:14:03,216
And I'd like to believe that when
the right woman comes along,
252
00:14:03,425 --> 00:14:05,343
you'll have the courage
and the guts to say,
253
00:14:05,553 --> 00:14:06,970
"No thanks, I'm married."
254
00:14:13,769 --> 00:14:14,978
You really think so?
255
00:14:15,479 --> 00:14:17,313
Yeah. I really do.
256
00:14:17,565 --> 00:14:19,148
- Thanks, Chandler.
- Get off!
257
00:14:26,574 --> 00:14:27,949
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
258
00:14:31,912 --> 00:14:33,329
- Hi.
- Hi...
259
00:14:33,497 --> 00:14:34,581
may I help you?
260
00:14:34,748 --> 00:14:38,501
Yeah, uh, Joey said I could use your
shower since, uh, Chandler's in ours?
261
00:14:39,336 --> 00:14:41,254
Okay...who are you?
262
00:14:41,589 --> 00:14:44,799
- Oh! Uh, I'm Ronni. Ronni Rapalono?
- Uh-huh.
263
00:14:45,134 --> 00:14:46,968
The mistress?
264
00:14:48,679 --> 00:14:50,889
- Um, come on in.
- Oh, thanks.
265
00:14:51,098 --> 00:14:51,794
- Hi, I'm Rachel.
- Hi.
266
00:14:51,819 --> 00:14:53,181
- Bathroom's up there.
- Great.
267
00:14:53,267 --> 00:14:54,309
Hey, listen, Ronni,
268
00:14:54,476 --> 00:14:56,686
how long would you say
Chandler's been in the shower?
269
00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:58,688
Oh, like, uh, five minutes?
270
00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:01,065
[UNDER BREATH]
Perfect.
271
00:15:03,277 --> 00:15:04,861
Fasten your seat belts,
272
00:15:05,070 --> 00:15:06,696
it's pee-pee time!
273
00:15:12,703 --> 00:15:13,995
Hey, Mr. Trib.
274
00:15:14,163 --> 00:15:15,914
Hey. Good morning, dear.
275
00:15:15,938 --> 00:15:17,749
[SHOWER RUNNING]
276
00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:21,711
Chandler Bing,
it's time to see your thing.
277
00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:30,219
- [RACHEL SHRIEKS]
- [JOEY SCREAMS]
278
00:15:33,499 --> 00:15:36,093
- JOEY: What's the matter with you?!
- I thought it was Chandler!
279
00:15:36,117 --> 00:15:37,185
What? What?
280
00:15:37,186 --> 00:15:40,813
You were supposed to be in
there so I could see your thing!
281
00:15:42,441 --> 00:15:45,276
Sorry, my...my thing
was in there with me.
282
00:15:52,368 --> 00:15:54,035
- PHOEBE: Hey.
- ALL: Hey, Pheebs.
283
00:15:54,244 --> 00:15:56,621
- MONICA: How's it going?
- Good. Oh, oh!
284
00:15:56,789 --> 00:15:59,540
Roger's having a dinner thing and
he wanted me to invite you guys.
285
00:15:59,708 --> 00:16:00,792
[CHANDLER CHUCKLES]
286
00:16:04,254 --> 00:16:06,547
- So, what's going on?
- Nothing.
287
00:16:07,216 --> 00:16:08,524
It's, um...it's just that, uh...
288
00:16:09,426 --> 00:16:10,510
it's Roger.
289
00:16:10,928 --> 00:16:13,513
Um, ahem, I don't know.
There's something about...ahem.
290
00:16:14,223 --> 00:16:15,974
Basically, we just feel
that he's, uh...
291
00:16:16,225 --> 00:16:17,266
We hate that guy.
292
00:16:17,559 --> 00:16:18,726
MONICA:
We hate him!
293
00:16:19,103 --> 00:16:20,478
We're sorry, Pheebs,
we're sorry.
294
00:16:20,688 --> 00:16:21,980
Uh-huh, okay.
295
00:16:22,231 --> 00:16:25,566
Okay, don't you think, maybe though,
it's just that he's so perceptive
296
00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:27,443
that it freaked you out?
297
00:16:27,653 --> 00:16:29,445
- No, I hate him.
- No, we hate him.
298
00:16:29,655 --> 00:16:30,822
We're sorry.
299
00:16:37,121 --> 00:16:38,663
[POUNDING ON DOOR]
300
00:16:44,128 --> 00:16:45,795
Ma! What are you doing here?
301
00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:48,047
I came to give you this...
302
00:16:48,298 --> 00:16:49,549
- and this!
- Oww!
303
00:16:49,883 --> 00:16:51,259
Big ring!
304
00:16:51,593 --> 00:16:54,554
Why did you have to fill your
father's head with all that garbage
305
00:16:54,805 --> 00:16:57,432
about making things right?
306
00:16:57,683 --> 00:16:59,934
Things were fine the
way they were!
307
00:17:00,185 --> 00:17:02,854
There's chicken in there.
Put it away.
308
00:17:03,147 --> 00:17:05,982
For God's sake, Joey.
Really!
309
00:17:08,360 --> 00:17:09,986
Hold on. You...you knew?
310
00:17:10,195 --> 00:17:12,572
Of course I knew!
What do you think?
311
00:17:12,823 --> 00:17:15,199
Your father
is no James Bond.
312
00:17:15,451 --> 00:17:17,485
You should have heard
some of his cover stories.
313
00:17:17,536 --> 00:17:19,787
"I'm sleeping over at
my accountant's,"
314
00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:22,290
I mean, what is that?
Please!
315
00:17:22,541 --> 00:17:24,475
So, then, how could you,
I mean, how could you?!
316
00:17:24,585 --> 00:17:27,086
Do you remember how
your father used to be?
317
00:17:27,337 --> 00:17:31,549
Always yelling, always yelling. Nothing
made him happy, nothing made him happy,
318
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:35,511
not that wood shop, not those stupid
little ships in the bottle...nothing!
319
00:17:35,763 --> 00:17:37,263
Now he's happy.
320
00:17:37,514 --> 00:17:40,099
I mean, it's nice,
he has a hobby.
321
00:17:42,686 --> 00:17:46,022
Ma, I don't mean
to be disrespectful, but...
322
00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:47,940
what the hell are
you talking about?!
323
00:17:49,735 --> 00:17:52,612
- I mean, what about you?
- Me? I'm fine.
324
00:17:53,363 --> 00:17:54,614
Look, honey...
325
00:17:54,990 --> 00:17:57,075
in an ideal world,
326
00:17:57,367 --> 00:18:00,536
there'd be no her, and your
father would look like Sting.
327
00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:04,582
And I'll tell you something else.
328
00:18:04,792 --> 00:18:08,169
Ever since that
poodle-stuffer came along,
329
00:18:08,420 --> 00:18:12,715
he's been so ashamed of himself
that he's been more attentive,
330
00:18:12,925 --> 00:18:14,801
he's been more loving.
331
00:18:15,302 --> 00:18:17,553
I mean, it's like every
day is our anniversary.
332
00:18:18,180 --> 00:18:20,181
I'm...happy...for you?
333
00:18:20,390 --> 00:18:21,599
Well, don't be,
334
00:18:22,643 --> 00:18:24,519
because now everything's
screwed up.
335
00:18:26,021 --> 00:18:30,274
I just want it the
way it was.
336
00:18:30,526 --> 00:18:33,402
JOEY:
Ma, I'm sorry.
337
00:18:33,654 --> 00:18:37,115
I...I just did what
I thought you'd want.
338
00:18:37,366 --> 00:18:41,285
I know you did, cookie.
Oh, I know you did.
339
00:18:44,248 --> 00:18:45,665
So, tell me...
340
00:18:47,042 --> 00:18:48,167
did you see her?
341
00:18:49,711 --> 00:18:50,795
Yeah.
342
00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:54,340
You're ten times prettier
than she is.
343
00:18:54,550 --> 00:18:55,883
That's sweet.
344
00:18:57,719 --> 00:18:58,970
Could I take her?
345
00:19:00,764 --> 00:19:02,974
Huh...with this ring? No contest!
346
00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:09,497
- ROGER: What's wrong, sweetie?
- PHOEBE: Nothing, nothing.
347
00:19:09,731 --> 00:19:12,150
No, no. What's wrong?
Come on.
348
00:19:12,359 --> 00:19:13,776
Oh, okay.
349
00:19:17,030 --> 00:19:18,781
It's, I mean,
it's nothing, I'm fine.
350
00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:20,950
It's just, um...
it's my friends.
351
00:19:21,201 --> 00:19:23,870
They...they have a liking
problem with you.
352
00:19:24,121 --> 00:19:25,329
In that, um,
353
00:19:25,581 --> 00:19:26,956
they don't.
354
00:19:29,376 --> 00:19:31,752
Oh. They don't?
355
00:19:32,796 --> 00:19:34,046
But, you know,
356
00:19:34,298 --> 00:19:37,091
they don't see all of the
wonderfulness that I see.
357
00:19:37,342 --> 00:19:40,845
They don't see all the good
stuff and all the sweet stuff.
358
00:19:41,096 --> 00:19:42,638
They just think you're a little...
359
00:19:43,515 --> 00:19:46,100
- What?
- Intense and creepy.
360
00:19:48,687 --> 00:19:49,854
Oh.
361
00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:52,648
But I don't.
Me, Phoebe.
362
00:19:54,860 --> 00:19:57,211
Well, I'm not, I'm not at all
surprised they feel that way.
363
00:19:57,321 --> 00:19:59,739
You're not? See, that's
why you're so great!
364
00:20:00,115 --> 00:20:02,241
Actually, it's, it's quite,
you know, typical behavior
365
00:20:02,492 --> 00:20:06,662
when you have this kind of
dysfunctional group dynamic.
366
00:20:06,872 --> 00:20:09,498
You know, this kind
of co-dependent,
367
00:20:09,750 --> 00:20:11,375
emotionally stunted,
368
00:20:11,668 --> 00:20:16,797
sitting in your stupid coffee house,
with your stupid big cups
369
00:20:17,049 --> 00:20:20,384
which, I'm sorry, might as
well have nipples on them,
370
00:20:21,845 --> 00:20:26,307
and you're all like, [WHINING]
"Oh, define me! Define me!
371
00:20:26,516 --> 00:20:29,310
Love me! I need love!"
372
00:20:30,812 --> 00:20:32,438
So you talked to
your dad, huh?
373
00:20:32,648 --> 00:20:35,691
Yeah. He's going to keep
cheating on Ma, like she wanted.
374
00:20:35,984 --> 00:20:38,727
Ma's going to keep pretending she
doesn't know even though she does,
375
00:20:38,779 --> 00:20:41,530
and my little sister Tina
can't see her husband anymore
376
00:20:41,782 --> 00:20:43,824
'cause he got
a restraining order...
377
00:20:44,660 --> 00:20:48,079
which has nothing to do with anything
except that I found out today.
378
00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:49,288
Wow.
379
00:20:49,456 --> 00:20:52,083
Things sure have changed
here on Walton's mountain.
380
00:20:54,253 --> 00:20:55,419
So, Joe,
are you okay?
381
00:20:56,046 --> 00:20:57,171
Yeah, I guess.
382
00:20:57,422 --> 00:20:59,674
It's just...you know,
they're parents.
383
00:20:59,925 --> 00:21:02,885
After a certain point,
you got to let go.
384
00:21:03,387 --> 00:21:04,762
Even if you know better,
385
00:21:04,972 --> 00:21:07,473
you've got to let them
make their own mistakes.
386
00:21:07,683 --> 00:21:08,724
And just think,
387
00:21:08,934 --> 00:21:11,060
in a couple of years,
we get to turn into them.
388
00:21:11,311 --> 00:21:12,687
Oh, please!
389
00:21:12,938 --> 00:21:15,523
If I turn into my parents,
I'll either be an alcoholic blond
390
00:21:15,691 --> 00:21:18,776
chasing after 20-year-old boys,
391
00:21:19,027 --> 00:21:20,820
or...I'll end up
like my mom.
392
00:21:25,075 --> 00:21:26,867
- Hey.
- ALL: Hey, Pheebs.
393
00:21:27,244 --> 00:21:28,536
MONICA:
How's it going?
394
00:21:29,663 --> 00:21:32,039
Oh, okay, except I
broke up with Roger.
395
00:21:32,291 --> 00:21:33,791
ALL:
Aww.
396
00:21:34,042 --> 00:21:35,126
Yeah, right!
397
00:21:35,294 --> 00:21:37,920
ALL:
No, no, really. Aww!
398
00:21:39,214 --> 00:21:42,925
- What happened?
- Ugh. I don't know. I mean,
399
00:21:43,135 --> 00:21:44,635
he's a good person,
400
00:21:44,886 --> 00:21:46,762
and he can be really sweet.
401
00:21:47,389 --> 00:21:50,266
And in some ways,
I think he is so right for me.
402
00:21:50,517 --> 00:21:52,935
It's just...I hate that guy!
403
00:22:00,652 --> 00:22:03,112
{an8}Hey, Joey. What's going on?
404
00:22:03,363 --> 00:22:05,990
{an8}Clear the tracks for the
boobie payback express.
405
00:22:06,241 --> 00:22:08,034
{an8}Next stop, Rachel Green.
406
00:22:08,313 --> 00:22:09,913
{an8}[SHOWER RUNNING]
407
00:22:11,538 --> 00:22:12,997
{an8}[MONICA & JOEY YELL]
408
00:22:14,374 --> 00:22:16,751
{an8}Joey!! What the hell
were you doing?!
409
00:22:17,252 --> 00:22:19,545
{an8}Sorry, wrong boobies.
410
00:22:30,743 --> 00:22:32,743
{an8}[SHOWER RUNNING]
411
00:22:32,768 --> 00:22:33,893
{an8}Hello, Joey.
412
00:22:35,437 --> 00:22:36,645
{an8}Oh! Hello, dear!
413
00:22:41,860 --> 00:22:43,861
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