All language subtitles for Ally McBeal S05E09

movie info: 25fps
SubEdit b.3873 (http://alfa.icis.pcz.czest.pl/~subedit)/

Can I help you?

-Who are you?
-Nancy Sosha, real estate broker.

-This house is for sale?
-It just went into probate.

Do you have an offer sheet?

-Don't you wanna know how much?
-Oh, okay. How much?

VONDA SINGS:
I've been down this road

Blowing in the Wind

Walking the line
That's painted by pride

And I have made mistakes in my life
That ljust can 't hide

Oh, I believe I am ready
For what love has to bring

I got myself together
Now I'm ready to sing

I've been searching my soul tonight
I know there's so much more to life

Now I know I can shine the light
To fiind my way back home

Baby

ELAINE: You bought it?
-The offer was accepted, 1 5-day escrow.

-Full asking?
-I didn't want to lose it.

-In today's market--
-It's in probate.

-It's always been the house l--
MAN: Hi.

-I'm looking for Ally McBeal.
-I'm Ally McBeal.

Oh, hello, I'm Michael Walker. . .

. . .and I am in need of representation.

Okay.

-Come on into my office.
-Thank you.

Had we met, I'm sure it
would have been an honor.

All I did was go to sleep,
and when I woke up. . . .

I can help, but I don't
want anyone to know.

-Promise you won't tell anybody either.
-Why not?

Just because.

A chiropractor? No.
Corretta, they're all quacks.

Not this one. He's different.

-Different how?
-Just different.

-You're not giving me much information.
-This man will fix your neck.

And that's all I'll tell you.

-Your wife went to a lot of trouble.
-Yeah, she's tenacious.

She convinced a district attorney
to charge you with criminal fraud.

-Do you know why she did that?
-Well, she's pretty angry.

Why might she think you defrauded her?

Yeah, I ran out of money.

-I'm sorry?
-I used to buy gifts. . .

. . .which she loved, of course,
but then we ran out of money.

It's as simple as that.
We were in the kitchen one night and--

Hit the road, Jack
And don 't you come back

No more no more
No more no more

Hit the road, Jack
And don 't you come back no more

-She sang it?
-No, no, she said it.

Probably.

Every time she speaks,
it sounds like a song to me.

I must say that it's a little odd that
you speak of her with such affection.

-Yeah, I love her.
-But she's trying to put you into jail.

I think if I can solve the money
problem, everything will be okay.

-Very tight. First time?
-What?

-With a chiropractor?
-Oh, yes.

Your back muscles are very tight.

-Is this center accredited?
-Yes, it's accredited.

-Please tell me you've never been sued.
-Only once.

Fence dispute with a neighbor.

-I won. How's the neck now?
-It's okay.

It's. . .

. . .good.

-It's a miracle.
-Not quite.

Right this way.

Right up here.

-Can you lean forward?
-Okay, this makes me a little nervous.

It'll just take a second.

I'm just getting the knot at the base
of your neck out. Try to relax.

Oh, gee, gee, gee.

-Well, what do you think?
-It's a dump.

Richard, just, you know,
just use your imagination.

-I am. Otherwise it's a condemned dump.
-With painting and furnished--

That's a furnished dump.
This place is a--

You know, you just
wait till I get done with it.

What do you mean,
you get done with it?

-Yeah, I'm going to do the work myself.
-Very funny.

No, I'm serious.

Basically, it's stripping,
painting and a little board here. . .

. . .and I can do it.

Can I help?

Wait, but-- I'm sorry?

I've always wanted to strip
and paint and do stuff like that.

Growing up, my father never even
let me touch his hammer.

Can l?

Well, l. . . .

-I guess, yeah.
-That's great.

-Okay, not now.
-No?

-Richard, I have to go to court.
-Yeah.

All right.

When you married your husband,
did you discuss. . .

. . .an arrangement
in regards to income?

Yes, we agreed to both work.

It was supposed
to be a partnership.

Was this arrangement you both
agreed upon fulfilled?

No, he spent money faster
than it came in.

I spoke to him,
and he kept doing it.

-In fact, things actually got worse.
-How so?

We were living beyond our means.

He spent everything we had.

Don Juan, your money's gone

And when your money's gone
Yeah, your baby's gone

I had to take a job as a photographer,
and he spent that as well.

Soon, he was forging
my name on bank loans.

Are you all right?

He put us into such debt, eventually
we even lost our house.

I woke up broke because of him.

-What did he spend the money on?
-Flowers, jewelry--

I'll rephrase.
Who did he spend the money on?

-Me.
-You? Oh, he spent the money on you.

Presenting me with
the gift of bankruptcy.

Mrs. Walker, did you ever
return the gifts?

-No.
-In fact, you loved getting them.

The best things in life are free

But you can save it
For the birds and the bees

-Just give me money
-That's what I want

Just give me money

I didn't come as a patient.
I want to hire you as an expert.

-An expert?
-Yeah.

-On what?
-Well, I believe my client is ill.

Or at least. . .

. . .not right.

And this woman, his ex-wife,
she got him arrested. . .

. . .and when she talks,
he only hears a song.

And I would like to make the argument
that his actions are not voluntary.

-Do you think you could help me?
-I'd have to talk with him first.

Listen to his testimony.
His cross is up first thing tomorrow.

(CLEARS THROAT]

You've seen Ted.

Which is why we need to talk.

-You're not feeling better?
-No, I feel fine, thank you.

When you go to. . .

. . .Ted, does he ever put you
in this massage chair?

And when you're in
the chair, does Ted. . .

. . .ever lean into you and push
his chin into your neck?

Mm-hm.

And when he does that,
I mean, have you ever. . .?

How does he do that?

-It's not Ted.
-It isn't?

It's the chair.

The chair.

(POUNDING]

Ally?

Oh, Elaine, you scared me.

-This is it?
-Yeah.

-Yeah, isn't it great?
-Are you going to fix this up yourself?

Richard's helping.

What, you don't like it?
I know you have an imagination.

It's just. . . .

Buying a house, that's something
two people usually do.

Elaine, they do sell houses
to single people.

I realize that.
It's just such a commitment.

Is there a reason
why you seem so sad?

No, I'm thrilled for you.

-I just hope this doesn't mean. . . .
-What?

That you're committed
to living alone.

Elaine, I bought this house
because I love this house.

Great.

Like I said, I'm thrilled for you.

Do you think you could get
some paint on the wall?

Say that to Jackson Pollock.

-That's probably how he got started.
-Can I say something?

Sure.

Is it wise to do the work
before you close?

-The bank assured me the house is mine.
-Excellent, let me then ask you this.

I realize every endeavor
you undertake. . .

. . .it's about getting a man
because without one, you're. . .

. . .an empty hole, which I respect.
The thing is. . .

. . .owning your own home
will drive men away. . .

. . .because the best ones
are providers. It's nature's way.

The man provides while the woman
welcomes his seed into her egg.

What is there for the man to provide
if you've already got a house?

-There's the query.
-Why can't you take this seriously?

Well, it's a bit rash. Have you even
thought about furnishing it?

You don't just paint it
and move in.

-The first thing to get is a coat rack.
-Before a satellite dish?

Something to hang my coat on. . .

. . .so when I walk in, hang up
my coat, I know I'm home.

Won't this place look
beautiful with a coat rack?

That'll be perfect.

Perfect, that's all it needs.

How would you describe your
feelings for your wife now?

I still love her. More than life.

And yet, by buying her
all of these things. . .

. . .you put her in financial hardship.

It was never my intent. I just--

To see her smile when she would
open a box to see a diamond bracelet.

You are so beautiful

To me

Michael?

-Are you with me?
-Yeah.

Where. . .?

The look in her eye when
she would smell gardenias. I just--

I wanted to keep giving her things.

I guess I couldn't stop.

-Well, can you help?
-Yes, he's compulsive.

Were his actions involuntary?

Not insanity involuntary. I can say
he lacks intent to commit a crime.

That's perfect.

Well, we have some time.
Do you want to see the house?

-Isn't it fabulous?
-Oh, it is. It's you, Allison.

It's beautiful but neglected.

-It's sad but--
-Don't psychoanalyze it.

-Look at it for what it is.
-It's a dump.

It is not.

Robert Kennedy said, "People look at
things the way they are and say, 'Why?'

I see things the way they never were
and say, 'Why not?' "

He would have hated this place.
Why'd you buy it?

The problem with you
is, you're a man.

All you see is peeling paint, cracked
floors and fights with contractors. . . .

What do you see?

I see beauty.

Yeah, I see in front of me beauty
in its raw, naked form. . .

. . .and I want to make mad love to it.

I see a carpenter.

What?

Oh, my. Hi.

Where did you come from?
Real, right?

-Real.
-The bank sent me.

They want me to bring
the place up to code.

I guess I'll be working
in your basement.

Oh.

Okay.

I was talking about the house.
I want to make love to the house.

I'm a--

An edifice-sexual.

I'm trying to help.
Trust your therapist.

-I'll just be a day or two.
-Great.

-Hey, Jen.
-Glenn. Hi.

-Whoa, whoa, what's wrong?
-Nothing.

-Why is your face red?
-Red?

The only time I've seen it
that red is when you have--

I gotta get to work.

You went back.

-Excuse me?
-To the chair. You went back.

-Well, l, my neck was--
-Be very careful, Jenny.

-That chair can ruin relationships.
-What? Don't be ridiculous.

I got back problems. I thought from
stress, because I wasn't with anybody.

Then I figured out I got back problems,
because I wasn't with anybody.

Be very careful.

There's no question. Mr. Walker
suffers from an impulse disorder.

-What does that mean?
-Well, he feels a need to give.

He predicates his love
on his capacity to give. . .

. . .and he's become obsessed
with making his wife happy.

Well, what causes that, Dr. Milter?

He's addicted to the rush
he gets when he sees her happiness.

-Addicted to her happiness?
-Yes, and he feeds the addiction. . .

. . .by acting in ways
he knows to be harmful.

And shopping?

Classic.

-What about shopping?
-Many people buy to escape.

One patient bought a house,
so much did she hate her life.

She was--

(CLEARS THROAT]

Not all house buying
is bad, of course.

Could we talk about Mr. Walker?
Could we do that?

Mr. Walker, feeling inadequacies
with himself or his relationship. . .

. . .would buy for Mrs. Walker
because. . .

. . .to see her smile, he could convince
himself he was pleasing her. . .

. . .that she loved him.

Again, this is typical on more
minimal levels, but in this case. . .

. . .it just got out of control.

Excuse me? Excuse me, Ally?

Yeah, I think you're cutting
into the wood there. It's. . . .

A lot of people buy houses,
not because it's a fix for unhappiness.

-It's because they want a house.
-I believe in houses.

Well, thank you.

If people didn't have homes,
where would they put their stuff?

Is that what a house is to you?
Somewhere to put stuff?

It's American. A house makes
you work hard to get money. . .

. . .so you can afford
better stuff, expensive stuff.

Rich fabric dripping from curtain rods,
countertops. It's life.

That's why I'm proud of you here.
Look around.

You're officially a have person.

Life is full.

I am not a have person, Richard,
and I will never be a have person.

Yeah, well, all right.

Excuse me. It's gonna take
longer than I thought.

I could come back
later if that's okay?

-Okay.
-Thanks.

-Did he come with the house? Because--
-Oh! Richard.

It's a bargain.

-Look, what's going on, Jen?
-What do you mean?

Are you. . .?

-Are you having an affair?
-What?

Me? Glenn. God! No.

I don't know how
to exactly say this. . .

. . .but your face gets red
when you have an or--

I'm not suspicious,
but something is going on.

Okay.

I'm not having an affair. . .

. . .but this chiropractor,
he has a chair that vibrates. . .

. . .and, for whatever reason,
it makes me have. . . .

A chair?

-I never revealed information.
-You testified about me.

-I didn't say your name.
-So?

You're talking about a client,
who was buying a house.

-I wasn't talking about you.
-Why do you think I'm unhappy?

-You whine.
-I can't just buy a house?

It has to be some emotional problem?

If the wind hadn't been
blowing, you'd still be a renter.

Men can't be romantic about wind
unless they break it.

Vulgarity. You chose that rat hole
because it was in ruins. . .

. . .a project you can rebuild
as you remake yourself.

-Give me your hand.
-Why don't you just choose a finger?

A gust blew off your hat in front
of a house. You purchased it.

-This isn't how grownups act.
-I never wanted to be one.

You committed the most symbolic act
of being grown-up, next to marriage.

You bought a house.
You are clinically messed up, Allison.

-The house works, right?
-It depends on the purpose.

Oh, now, don't you start.
Okay, please?

The house works.

Your plumbing's old.

-I beg your pardon?
-It's gonna need work.

-Well, are you a plumber?
-I do a little bit of everything.

I bought a house years ago.
Rebuilt it, and then I sold the place.

-Why?
-I don't know.

I guess it didn't represent who I was.

-Which is?
-A work in progress.

My therapist thinks that I see
myself in this house.

-You know, a total fixer-upper.
-But not a teardown.

No, not a teardown.

Well, the electricity's good.

I don't deny that
he's ill or something.

Then why prosecute?

Miss McBeal, he may be compulsive,
but he did steal.

-He took my money.
-To buy things for you.

You do know he's still
in love with you?

Yes.

He hears you sing.

Like I said, I know
he's got some deficit.

He has the ability
to control it, and he won't.

My doctor says
he may not have control.

It's out of my hands.

The district attorney
is gonna keep prosecuting. . .

. . .with my blessing or not.

Can I ask you. . .?

Do you still love your husband?

No. I did once, yes, and it had
nothing to do with the gifts.

Do I now?

-Richard, you're pressing too hard.
-What?

-You're pressing too hard!
-Stop criticizing me!

Richard, I am not criticizing you.
Richard, l--

Yes, you are!

Too much. Not enough.
Now I'm pressing too hard.

If I wanted to be micromanaged,
I'd ask for sex.

I'm trying to get it right. I am going
to be living here. This is my home!

-What?
-Oh, wow. Richard?

Richard, it's hitting me.
This is my home.

Do you have buyer's remorse?
I mean, any?

-No.
-You know, Ally. . .

. . .no matter how low I set the bar
of common sense, you slither under it.

-Thank you.
-Why did you buy this house? Really?

Well, my therapist thinks
that I see this house. . .

. . .as something that needs
to be worked on forever. . .

. . .because that's the way
I see myself.

Do you think that's true?

I bought it because it's beautiful. . .

. . .and it's something I can commit to.

Yeah.

And I also, I admit, find some joy in
the fact that I was able to buy it. . .

. . .you know, with money I made,
you know, that I earned.

I didn't need a husband to take that
step, and I didn't need his income.

I did it. All me.

I get pleasure from that. Nobody is
gonna be able to take that joy from me.

Nobody can.

Or should.

-A work crew?
-Well, this house is important to her.

She was hallucinating
a boy with skates.

How long will this firm
be held hostage by that woman?

Bitch!

RICHARD:
Yeah. You know what, Nelle?

People in this firm,
we rally around one another.

The appliances will arrive tomorrow.
They can be installed.

-Why can't we hire professionals?
-She wants this to be a labor of love.

-Oh, make me vomit my intestines.
-Witch!

We're gonna do it.
Tonight, we're going shopping.

-Shopping?
-For what?

A coat rack. For some reason,
home is a coat rack. Yeah.

Well. . . .

-Victor, hey.
-Good news, bad news?

Oh, no. All right, I'll take
the bad news first.

Your plumbing's shot.

Good news?

I'm not speaking as your
gynecologist.

Plumbing humor.

-How bad is it?
-Pipes are corroded.

They're gonna have to be replaced.

-Well, can you do it?
-I can. . .

. . .but the house passes inspection.
The bank's not gonna pay for it.

-I have to hire you?
-You have to hire me.

Well, are you married?

Bonded?

I'm bonded.

Okay. Okay, you're hired, Victor.

Great.

Great.

-You forbid me to see a chair?
-Yes.

-That's ridiculous.
-It's not ridiculous.

-You have a problem.
-What?

-You're jealous of a chair!
-I'm upset you've become a chair slut.

-Get out.
-You better not go back.

I will see what furniture I want.

I catch you with so much
as an ottoman, we're done.

You are a dolt.

He has a problem, but is he a criminal?
That is the question to ask.

-Is Michael Walker a criminal?
-No.

Objection.

Members of the jury,
do not talk to the attorneys.

He suffers from an impulse
control disorder.

He did what he did
to affirm a love.

All he could think about was short-term
happiness, her happiness.

So he gave her things.

And, like Mrs. Walker said. . .

. . .what woman doesn't like
to get things from her husband?

Hm?

You know, couples go forward. You buy
a house, and you accumulate stuff.

And the husband, his role
is to be the main accumulator.

Well, he. . . .

He lost his way. . .

. . .and he went a little too far.

You can say that he should pay
restitution and that he was wrong. . .

. . .but we can't really
say that he's a criminal.

-Can we?
-No.

And the only reason that we are here
today is because the gifts. . .

. . .they stopped coming.

We are here because he falsified
bank documents. He bankrupted her.

Is it better that he acted
out of love than hatred?

Yes.

He, nevertheless, committed
knowing violations of the law.

That is how you define
a criminal, not, "Is he nice?"

No doubt he is.

The question, the only question:

Did he break the law?

The answer to that is yes.

-It's cheating.
-You can't cheat with furniture.

-Not true.
-I loved Bedknobs and Broomsticks.

-The movie.
JENNY: Let's just paint.

-Jenny, you're in a relationship.
-Come on, that's silly.

Why am I even talking?
Nelle's gonna finish my sentences.

-You're gonna gang up--
-What's going on?

I don't want to talk about it.

The women are running
to the chiropractor for sex.

Why are you threatened?
It's a chair.

-You're having sex with a chair?
-Never mind!

-Corretta is a season ticket holder.
-Bite me.

-Take the chair to dinner.
-I can eat lobster while in it.

-Can I come?
-Every time.

RICHARD: Hold on, women shouldn't
enjoy sex. Period.

If God wanted that,
they'd have penises.

The idea that we could
satisfy ourselves without you. . .

. . .it's all just a little too
threatening, isn't it?

-It isn't that.
-It is.

Men need to be givers.
Our independence emasculates you.

Ally's client can't live
without giving to a woman.

-What a pathetic gender.
-You and the chair would be a match.

-You're afraid that chair is better.
-I'm afraid of the chair?

How would you ever know that?

(ARGUING INDISTINCTLY]

Hey! Come on, now! We got a lot to do
here if we're gonna surprise Ally.

Come on, team, brushes up.

Ally thinks, metaphorically,
that this house is her.

Let's slop some paint on.

I got a little slop for--

JUDGE: Have you reached a verdict?
-We have, Your Honor.

What say you?

"In the matter
of Commonwealth v. Walker. . .

. . .on the charges of larceny. . .

. . .we find the defendant,
Michael Walker, not guilty. "

Adjourned. We thank the jury.
The defendant is free to go.

-Thank you so much, Miss McBeal.
-I think you deserved to lose. . .

. . .and you probably got off
because you have a big heart.

But don't go celebrate
by buying her a gift.

-I know.
-Okay.

I got a new job.
If I don't buy things--?

-It's too late.
-If I promise to get help?

I made myself clear.

Don 't you come home
No more no more

Don 't you come home no more

Hit the road, Jack
And don 't you come back

No more no more
No more no more

Hit the road, Jack
And don 't you come back no more

You're overreacting.

The only question to ask about sex,
Glenn, "Is it good for you?"

Listen to the man.

Don 't care if you do
'Cause it's understood

You ain 't got no money
Youjust ain 't no good

Imagine being jealous of a chair?
It didn't recline.

Well, is it, you know,
really that good?

Yeah.

If we're dancing,
we're on our own.

-Let's go.
-No, you guys go. I'm gonna. . . .

-I have a date.
-Really?

-With anybody I know?
-Yeah, me.

-You?
-Mm-hm.

-And don 't you come back no more
-What you say?

OLD LADY:
You stinker!

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