All language subtitles for Wisdom of Trauma with Dr. Gabor Mate.en

our earliest experiences being in the

our earliest experiences being in the
womb formed the template of who we

womb formed the template of who we

womb formed the template of who we
believe we are about how we see other

believe we are about how we see other

believe we are about how we see other
people and our place in the

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when I see human faces I see beauty I

when I see human faces I see beauty I

when I see human faces I see beauty I
see tremendous

see tremendous

see tremendous
suffering and enormous potential for

suffering and enormous potential for

suffering and enormous potential for
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Transcendence a Greek playright wrote

Transcendence a Greek playright wrote
that the God's created us human beings

that the God's created us human beings

that the God's created us human beings
so that we have to suffer into truth our

so that we have to suffer into truth our

so that we have to suffer into truth our
job as human beings is to learn from

job as human beings is to learn from

job as human beings is to learn from
from our

from our

from our
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suffering we don't have to keep

suffering we don't have to keep

suffering we don't have to keep
perpetuating pain for ourselves and

perpetuating pain for ourselves and

perpetuating pain for ourselves and
inflicting suffering on

others and working with so many people

others and working with so many people
I've learned that working through trauma

I've learned that working through trauma

I've learned that working through trauma
can teach us so much

can teach us so much

can teach us so much
wisdom and can reveal the beauty of our

wisdom and can reveal the beauty of our

wisdom and can reveal the beauty of our
existence that because of trauma we had

existence that because of trauma we had

existence that because of trauma we had
lost sight

lost sight

lost sight
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of

my name is Gabor mate I'm a retired

my name is Gabor mate I'm a retired
medical doctor and these days I travel

medical doctor and these days I travel

medical doctor and these days I travel
the world speaking and teaching about

the world speaking and teaching about

the world speaking and teaching about
Child Development health illness stress

Child Development health illness stress

Child Development health illness stress
and Trauma

and Trauma

and Trauma
and speaking about trauma is really part

and speaking about trauma is really part

and speaking about trauma is really part
of the Zeitgeist these days and I'm very

of the Zeitgeist these days and I'm very

of the Zeitgeist these days and I'm very
passionate about it for a simple

passionate about it for a simple

passionate about it for a simple
reason because in 30 years or more of

reason because in 30 years or more of

reason because in 30 years or more of
medical practice and of addiction

medical practice and of addiction

medical practice and of addiction
medicine what I found was that the

medicine what I found was that the

medicine what I found was that the
common template for virtually all

common template for virtually all

common template for virtually all
afflictions mental illness physical

afflictions mental illness physical

afflictions mental illness physical
disease is in fact

trauma and there's a wisdom in drama

trauma and there's a wisdom in drama
when we realize that our traumatic

when we realize that our traumatic

when we realize that our traumatic
responses and imprints are not ourselves

responses and imprints are not ourselves

responses and imprints are not ourselves
and that we can work them through and

and that we can work them through and

and that we can work them through and
thus become

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ourselves virtually every week There's a

ourselves virtually every week There's a

ourselves virtually every week There's a
study that more and more people are

study that more and more people are

study that more and more people are
needing or seeking help for mental

needing or seeking help for mental

needing or seeking help for mental
health issues more and more youth are

health issues more and more youth are

health issues more and more youth are
diagnosed with anxiety many more kids

diagnosed with anxiety many more kids

diagnosed with anxiety many more kids
are diagnosed with the whole pleora of

are diagnosed with the whole pleora of

are diagnosed with the whole pleora of
childhood conditions such as ADHD

childhood conditions such as ADHD

childhood conditions such as ADHD
Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder

Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder

Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder
depression is rising youth suicide is

depression is rising youth suicide is

depression is rising youth suicide is
rising addictions are rising genuinely

rising addictions are rising genuinely

rising addictions are rising genuinely
it's an

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epidemic 20% of Youth or more are now

epidemic 20% of Youth or more are now

epidemic 20% of Youth or more are now
diagnosable with anxiety according to

diagnosable with anxiety according to

diagnosable with anxiety according to
all the race and study that that's

all the race and study that that's

all the race and study that that's
1/5th and those are only the people who

1/5th and those are only the people who

1/5th and those are only the people who
are sufficiently anxious to be

are sufficiently anxious to be

are sufficiently anxious to be
diagnosed well we're talking about an

epidemic when you're grow up in a

epidemic when you're grow up in a
circumstance like I grew up you're

circumstance like I grew up you're

circumstance like I grew up you're
waiting for somebody to scream at you

waiting for somebody to scream at you

waiting for somebody to scream at you
you're waiting for something to be

you're waiting for something to be

you're waiting for something to be
thrown you don't know if you're going to

thrown you don't know if you're going to

thrown you don't know if you're going to
eat you don't know if you're going to be

eat you don't know if you're going to be

eat you don't know if you're going to be
evicted so you're constantly anxious and

evicted so you're constantly anxious and

evicted so you're constantly anxious and
stressed I used to think this was a

stressed I used to think this was a

stressed I used to think this was a
rarity but when I talk to people a huge

rarity but when I talk to people a huge

rarity but when I talk to people a huge
number of

number of

number of
people have these traumatic experiences

people have these traumatic experiences

people have these traumatic experiences
a child that carry they carry with them

a child that carry they carry with them

a child that carry they carry with them
it's like a monkey on your

it's like a monkey on your

it's like a monkey on your
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back dramaa is an overwhelming threat

back dramaa is an overwhelming threat
that you don't know how to deal with

that you don't know how to deal with

that you don't know how to deal with
so trauma is not the bad things that

so trauma is not the bad things that

so trauma is not the bad things that
happen to you but what happens inside

happen to you but what happens inside

happen to you but what happens inside
you as a result of what happens to

you my father was shot and killed on

you my father was shot and killed on
December 25th 1999 they found his body

December 25th 1999 they found his body

December 25th 1999 they found his body
in someone's front yard so essentially I

in someone's front yard so essentially I

in someone's front yard so essentially I
didn't have anybody to raise me so I was

didn't have anybody to raise me so I was

didn't have anybody to raise me so I was
raised in the juvenile court

raised in the juvenile court

raised in the juvenile court
system I've lived on the street since I

system I've lived on the street since I

system I've lived on the street since I
was 10 years old by

was 10 years old by

was 10 years old by
myself the law didn't scare me and and I

myself the law didn't scare me and and I

myself the law didn't scare me and and I
mean they could have locked me up and

mean they could have locked me up and

mean they could have locked me up and
what's the difference nobody out here is

what's the difference nobody out here is

what's the difference nobody out here is
going to miss

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me my mother alcoholic bad alcoholic

me my mother alcoholic bad alcoholic

me my mother alcoholic bad alcoholic
like my father sex

like my father sex

like my father sex
addiction his sex addiction ruined our

addiction his sex addiction ruined our

addiction his sex addiction ruined our
whole family you know cheating and cause

whole family you know cheating and cause

whole family you know cheating and cause
divorce

divorce

divorce
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I started hearing at

me just takes the pain away I tried

me just takes the pain away I tried
building my my dream so many times I

building my my dream so many times I

building my my dream so many times I
don't really have a dream no

more so trauma fundamentally means a

more so trauma fundamentally means a
disconnection

disconnection

disconnection
from self why do we get disconnected

from self why do we get disconnected

from self why do we get disconnected
because it's too painful to be

because it's too painful to be

because it's too painful to be
ourselves that then becomes a lifelong

ourselves that then becomes a lifelong

ourselves that then becomes a lifelong
Dynamic I no longer know how to deal

Dynamic I no longer know how to deal

Dynamic I no longer know how to deal
with

with

with
emotions uh it means that in

emotions uh it means that in

emotions uh it means that in
relationships when I feel a bit hurt I

relationships when I feel a bit hurt I

relationships when I feel a bit hurt I
immediately withdraw so I don't have to

immediately withdraw so I don't have to

immediately withdraw so I don't have to
feel those emotions that I don't know

feel those emotions that I don't know

feel those emotions that I don't know
what to do

what to do

what to do
with so there's a

with so there's a

with so there's a
disconnect it also means that when I've

disconnect it also means that when I've

disconnect it also means that when I've
got feelings I don't follow

got feelings I don't follow

got feelings I don't follow
them so I create situations of risk for

them so I create situations of risk for

them so I create situations of risk for
myself the trauma also affects how our

myself the trauma also affects how our

myself the trauma also affects how our
brains develop certain key brain

brains develop certain key brain

brains develop certain key brain
circuits that have to do with how we

circuits that have to do with how we

circuits that have to do with how we
react and respond and regulate ourselves

react and respond and regulate ourselves

react and respond and regulate ourselves
how we handle stress how we interact

how we handle stress how we interact

how we handle stress how we interact
with other people how much empathy and

with other people how much empathy and

with other people how much empathy and
insight that we have how much compassion

insight that we have how much compassion

insight that we have how much compassion
we have these functions of the

we have these functions of the

we have these functions of the
midfrontal cortex are limited and

midfrontal cortex are limited and

midfrontal cortex are limited and
constricted by trauma because we not

constricted by trauma because we not

constricted by trauma because we not
know that the brain develops an

know that the brain develops an

know that the brain develops an
interaction with the environment so the

interaction with the environment so the

interaction with the environment so the
brains of traumatized children don't

brains of traumatized children don't

brains of traumatized children don't
look like the brains of non-traumatized

children you can take it I've had enough

children you can take it I've had enough
of your crap you're going to start

of your crap you're going to start

of your crap you're going to start
acting like a young man instead of a

acting like a young man instead of a

acting like a young man instead of a
toddler as a matter of fact her ass is

toddler as a matter of fact her ass is

toddler as a matter of fact her ass is
on punishment right now and she ain't

on punishment right now and she ain't

on punishment right now and she ain't
even going to go the [\h__\h] back outside

even going to go the [\h__\h] back outside

even going to go the [\h__\h] back outside
what the [\h__\h] are you doing Dad I swear

what the [\h__\h] are you doing Dad I swear

what the [\h__\h] are you doing Dad I swear
to God no no there's no other way for

to God no no there's no other way for

to God no no there's no other way for
you to learn this please

stop during your first 18 years of life

stop during your first 18 years of life
if a parent or other adult in the

if a parent or other adult in the

if a parent or other adult in the
household often or very often would

household often or very often would

household often or very often would
swear at you insult you put you down or

swear at you insult you put you down or

swear at you insult you put you down or
humiliate you step inside the

circle if the parent or other adult in

circle if the parent or other adult in
the household often pushed grabbed

the household often pushed grabbed

the household often pushed grabbed
slapped or threw something at you step

slapped or threw something at you step

slapped or threw something at you step
inside the

inside the

inside the
circle if a parent or other adult in the

circle if a parent or other adult in the

circle if a parent or other adult in the
household often or very often ever hit

household often or very often ever hit

household often or very often ever hit
you so hard that you had marks or were

you so hard that you had marks or were

you so hard that you had marks or were
injured step inside the

injured step inside the

injured step inside the
circle if you often felt that no one in

circle if you often felt that no one in

circle if you often felt that no one in
your family loved you step inside the

your family loved you step inside the

your family loved you step inside the
circle step inside the

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circle

I think Society got prison wrong and

I think Society got prison wrong and
they're seeing what's wrong with people

they're seeing what's wrong with people

they're seeing what's wrong with people
instead of what happened to

instead of what happened to

instead of what happened to
people our mission at Compassion prison

people our mission at Compassion prison

people our mission at Compassion prison
project is to transform communities and

project is to transform communities and

project is to transform communities and
prisons with compassionate action an

prisons with compassionate action an

prisons with compassionate action an
adverse childhood experience is a

adverse childhood experience is a

adverse childhood experience is a
terrible event that continues to happen

terrible event that continues to happen

terrible event that continues to happen
to a child

to a child

to a child
and there's no way to know when it's

and there's no way to know when it's

and there's no way to know when it's
going to happen again which puts the kid

going to happen again which puts the kid

going to happen again which puts the kid
into a hypervigilant State I have eight

into a hypervigilant State I have eight

into a hypervigilant State I have eight
of those Aces and when I found out I

of those Aces and when I found out I

of those Aces and when I found out I
have eight adverse childhood

have eight adverse childhood

have eight adverse childhood
experiences and that my behavior was a

experiences and that my behavior was a

experiences and that my behavior was a
direct result of the trauma that I

direct result of the trauma that I

direct result of the trauma that I
experienced in childhood it changed my

experienced in childhood it changed my

experienced in childhood it changed my
life the men and women in prison 64% of

life the men and women in prison 64% of

life the men and women in prison 64% of
them have six or more of

no hi

no hi
gab Monique hi

gab feel like I'm in the throne I want

gab feel like I'm in the throne I want
to 30 because about why you think you

to 30 because about why you think you

to 30 because about why you think you
got addicted about what may happen to

got addicted about what may happen to

got addicted about what may happen to
you as a child the way you saw yourself

you as a child the way you saw yourself

you as a child the way you saw yourself
as being deficient somehow I was

as being deficient somehow I was

as being deficient somehow I was
kidnapped at 16 and sold off so that's a

kidnapped at 16 and sold off so that's a

kidnapped at 16 and sold off so that's a
trauma that's just something that's in

trauma that's just something that's in

trauma that's just something that's in
my life that you can't turn around right

my life that you can't turn around right

my life that you can't turn around right
and

and

and
get there's a taxi driver who took me

get there's a taxi driver who took me

get there's a taxi driver who took me
and a girlfriend when we were 16 and

and a girlfriend when we were 16 and

and a girlfriend when we were 16 and
held us for 6 months in a motel and sold

held us for 6 months in a motel and sold

held us for 6 months in a motel and sold
left my

left my

left my
virginity

virginity

virginity
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and the police was looking for you all

and the police was looking for you all
that time and well my mom just thought

that time and well my mom just thought

that time and well my mom just thought
that I had run away from home so she

that I had run away from home so she

that I had run away from home so she
didn't look for me so didn't look for no

didn't look for me so didn't look for no

didn't look for me so didn't look for no
I really need your permission

I really need your permission

I really need your permission
to continue or not to continue it's okay

to continue or not to continue it's okay

to continue or not to continue it's okay
give you

give you

give you
permission the taxi driver knew exactly

permission the taxi driver knew exactly

permission the taxi driver knew exactly
who to

who to

who to
kidnap

kidnap

kidnap
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the Predator can always tell who's

the Predator can always tell who's

the Predator can always tell who's
without

without

without
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protection anybody hate you as a child

protection anybody hate you as a child

protection anybody hate you as a child
yes my

yes my

yes my
father he would spank us and take a belt

father he would spank us and take a belt

father he would spank us and take a belt
to

to

to
us do you remember how that felt to you

us do you remember how that felt to you

us do you remember how that felt to you
like I just remember the pain of it

like I just remember the pain of it

like I just remember the pain of it
instead of thinking oh why why did I

instead of thinking oh why why did I

instead of thinking oh why why did I
deserve this I just remember pain and

deserve this I just remember pain and

deserve this I just remember pain and
that and how long did that go on for

that and how long did that go on for

that and how long did that go on for
went on until I was approximately 16 and

went on until I was approximately 16 and

went on until I was approximately 16 and
started fighting bad so 10 11 years yeah

started fighting bad so 10 11 years yeah

started fighting bad so 10 11 years yeah
okay let's say you're the mother of the

okay let's say you're the mother of the

okay let's say you're the mother of the
5-year-old and this 5-year-old is being

5-year-old and this 5-year-old is being

5-year-old and this 5-year-old is being
hit with the belt and she's in pain she

hit with the belt and she's in pain she

hit with the belt and she's in pain she
doesn't understand you know and then she

doesn't understand you know and then she

doesn't understand you know and then she
just it just hurts and it hurts

just it just hurts and it hurts

just it just hurts and it hurts
emotionally cuz this man who's supposed

emotionally cuz this man who's supposed

emotionally cuz this man who's supposed
to love me is beating

to love me is beating

to love me is beating
me so when you're being hit like that

me so when you're being hit like that

me so when you're being hit like that
there's only two possibilities my

there's only two possibilities my

there's only two possibilities my
father's a bad person or hates me or I'm

father's a bad person or hates me or I'm

father's a bad person or hates me or I'm
a or I'm a bad

a or I'm a bad

a or I'm a bad
person so the your only protection is to

person so the your only protection is to

person so the your only protection is to
believe

believe

believe
that oh I'm not I'm not lovable let's

that oh I'm not I'm not lovable let's

that oh I'm not I'm not lovable let's
say you're the mother of the 5-year-old

say you're the mother of the 5-year-old

say you're the mother of the 5-year-old
who would you want that 5-year-old to

who would you want that 5-year-old to

who would you want that 5-year-old to
talk to myself okay who did you talk to

talk to myself okay who did you talk to

talk to myself okay who did you talk to
nobody that's the

nobody that's the

nobody that's the
trauma in other words by the time you

trauma in other words by the time you

trauma in other words by the time you
were 5 years old you were completely

were 5 years old you were completely

were 5 years old you were completely
alone

alone

alone
what I'm suggesting really ala is that

what I'm suggesting really ala is that

what I'm suggesting really ala is that
your mother was traumatized

your mother was traumatized

your mother was traumatized
too do you know anything about her child

too do you know anything about her child

too do you know anything about her child
and she was abused as a child as well

and she was abused as a child as well

and she was abused as a child as well
from an alcoholic father you see she

from an alcoholic father you see she

from an alcoholic father you see she
learned in her

learned in her

learned in her
childhood not to pay attention to her

childhood not to pay attention to her

childhood not to pay attention to her
feelings that's the only way she could

feelings that's the only way she could

feelings that's the only way she could
survive yeah so the reason she didn't

survive yeah so the reason she didn't

survive yeah so the reason she didn't
know is not cuz she didn't love you but

know is not cuz she didn't love you but

know is not cuz she didn't love you but
because she herself was shut down inside

because she herself was shut down inside

because she herself was shut down inside
and that's what I'm saying it's it's

and that's what I'm saying it's it's

and that's what I'm saying it's it's
just it's multigenerational MH okay

just it's multigenerational MH okay

just it's multigenerational MH okay
yeah can't pick out who's at fault here

yeah can't pick out who's at fault here

yeah can't pick out who's at fault here
it didn't begin with anybody it it goes

it didn't begin with anybody it it goes

it didn't begin with anybody it it goes
on and on and on for one generation to

on and on and on for one generation to

on and on and on for one generation to
the

next we were talking about the effects

next we were talking about the effects
of slavery on our behavior and I'll be

of slavery on our behavior and I'll be

of slavery on our behavior and I'll be
honest with you I ain't agree with it

honest with you I ain't agree with it

honest with you I ain't agree with it
when I first heard it but then when he

when I first heard it but then when he

when I first heard it but then when he
talked about the discipline I had a

talked about the discipline I had a

talked about the discipline I had a
flashback of how I used to get wh with a

flashback of how I used to get wh with a

flashback of how I used to get wh with a
bull

bull

bull
whip

whip

whip
naked I didn't put the two and two

naked I didn't put the two and two

naked I didn't put the two and two
together but I realized you know that's

together but I realized you know that's

together but I realized you know that's
how slav was whipped because it was

how slav was whipped because it was

how slav was whipped because it was
generational trauma passed on from one

generational trauma passed on from one

generational trauma passed on from one
mother to another mother to another

mother to another mother to another

mother to another mother to another
mother and it passed on to me I still

mother and it passed on to me I still

mother and it passed on to me I still
got marks on my legs and stuff behind

got marks on my legs and stuff behind

got marks on my legs and stuff behind
that and I just remember there was no

that and I just remember there was no

that and I just remember there was no
one I can run to no one could help me

one I can run to no one could help me

one I can run to no one could help me
and she just was telling me how much she

and she just was telling me how much she

and she just was telling me how much she
loved me and she cried and she beat me

loved me and she cried and she beat me

loved me and she cried and she beat me
with a bull

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whe

he's the bestselling author of four

he's the bestselling author of four
books published in 12 languages sold on

books published in 12 languages sold on

books published in 12 languages sold on
five continents please welcome Dr

gar I actually wrote my speech out

gar I actually wrote my speech out
tonight don't usually do but maybe a lot

tonight don't usually do but maybe a lot

tonight don't usually do but maybe a lot
of nervousness in front of this group of

of nervousness in front of this group of

of nervousness in front of this group of
strong women you know be all the truth

strong women you know be all the truth

strong women you know be all the truth
the truth is that guys are afraid of

the truth is that guys are afraid of

the truth is that guys are afraid of
women I don't you I don't know if you

women I don't you I don't know if you

women I don't you I don't know if you
realize that but that's uh a lot of the

realize that but that's uh a lot of the

realize that but that's uh a lot of the
stuff that we do is totally out of fear

stuff that we do is totally out of fear

stuff that we do is totally out of fear
well um when you felt bad as a kid who

well um when you felt bad as a kid who

well um when you felt bad as a kid who
did you speak

did you speak

did you speak
to when the pain is there and there's no

to when the pain is there and there's no

to when the pain is there and there's no
one to share it with then the child has

one to share it with then the child has

one to share it with then the child has
very limited resources to deal with that

very limited resources to deal with that

very limited resources to deal with that
and what they do is they disconnect from

and what they do is they disconnect from

and what they do is they disconnect from
themselves when you disconnect from

themselves when you disconnect from

themselves when you disconnect from
yourself you no longer have yourself

yourself you no longer have yourself

yourself you no longer have yourself
you've lost yourself when we talk about

you've lost yourself when we talk about

you've lost yourself when we talk about
trauma we usually think of something

trauma we usually think of something

trauma we usually think of something
terrible happening to a person but

terrible happening to a person but

terrible happening to a person but
that's not the only trauma there is and

that's not the only trauma there is and

that's not the only trauma there is and
so the other kind of trauma may not have

so the other kind of trauma may not have

so the other kind of trauma may not have
to do with terrible things happening to

to do with terrible things happening to

to do with terrible things happening to
you most people look at my childhood

you most people look at my childhood

you most people look at my childhood
damn you had an awesome you know

damn you had an awesome you know

damn you had an awesome you know
childhood and cuz uh I had everything

childhood and cuz uh I had everything

childhood and cuz uh I had everything
you know I we come from upper upper

you know I we come from upper upper

you know I we come from upper upper
middle class you know and uh in

middle class you know and uh in

middle class you know and uh in
Idaho and I got everything given to me

Idaho and I got everything given to me

Idaho and I got everything given to me
but that was their way of parenting they

but that was their way of parenting they

but that was their way of parenting they
give me everything so I'd shut up and

give me everything so I'd shut up and

give me everything so I'd shut up and
would buug them they're always too busy

would buug them they're always too busy

would buug them they're always too busy
they I was

they I was

they I was
working so children don't get

working so children don't get

working so children don't get
traumatized because they get hurt

traumatized because they get hurt

traumatized because they get hurt
children get traumatized because they're

children get traumatized because they're

children get traumatized because they're
alone with the hurt I'm a life for

alone with the hurt I'm a life for

alone with the hurt I'm a life for
inmate I'm here on a first-degree murder

inmate I'm here on a first-degree murder

inmate I'm here on a first-degree murder
I committed my crime when I was 20 years

I committed my crime when I was 20 years

I committed my crime when I was 20 years
old and I asked myself what events in my

old and I asked myself what events in my

old and I asked myself what events in my
life brought me to the point where I

life brought me to the point where I

life brought me to the point where I
could think that it's okay to take a

could think that it's okay to take a

could think that it's okay to take a
human life and it had had to do with a

human life and it had had to do with a

human life and it had had to do with a
lot of adverse childhood experiences my

lot of adverse childhood experiences my

lot of adverse childhood experiences my
main one as to why I started going

main one as to why I started going

main one as to why I started going
downhill was um being abandoned by my

downhill was um being abandoned by my

downhill was um being abandoned by my
father I looked up to him I wanted to be

father I looked up to him I wanted to be

father I looked up to him I wanted to be
just like my dad he was my

just like my dad he was my

just like my dad he was my
hero but when I turned eight or N9 years

hero but when I turned eight or N9 years

hero but when I turned eight or N9 years
old he got deported to Mexico and that

old he got deported to Mexico and that

old he got deported to Mexico and that
devastated me as a kid my mom used to

devastated me as a kid my mom used to

devastated me as a kid my mom used to
tell me uh Miho pray to God that he will

tell me uh Miho pray to God that he will

tell me uh Miho pray to God that he will
come back but he never

came a baby that you don't pick up will

came a baby that you don't pick up will
actually die even if you feed them and

actually die even if you feed them and

actually die even if you feed them and
you change them and look after them

you change them and look after them

you change them and look after them
because they get overwhelmed by their

because they get overwhelmed by their

because they get overwhelmed by their
feelings and they get overstressed and

feelings and they get overstressed and

feelings and they get overstressed and
so the baby needs

so the baby needs

so the baby needs
the mother's and the father's brain to

the mother's and the father's brain to

the mother's and the father's brain to
regulate her own brain to regulate their

regulate her own brain to regulate their

regulate her own brain to regulate their
emotions

emotions

emotions
it's not just that you're

it's not just that you're

it's not just that you're
overwhelmed it's also there's nobody

overwhelmed it's also there's nobody

overwhelmed it's also there's nobody
there to hold

you there's a huge school of thought in

you there's a huge school of thought in
North America that teaches mothers to

North America that teaches mothers to

North America that teaches mothers to
help their babies sleep by ignoring

help their babies sleep by ignoring

help their babies sleep by ignoring
their

their

their
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crying never mind the mother's milk the

crying never mind the mother's milk the

crying never mind the mother's milk the
infant just wants to attach because the

infant just wants to attach because the

infant just wants to attach because the
only way the infant can attach is

when he's not being held he's not being

when he's not being held he's not being
attached to when that's done night after

attached to when that's done night after

attached to when that's done night after
night after night that's traumatic and

night after night that's traumatic and

night after night that's traumatic and
we're still telling mothers to do

that if you actually look at genuine

that if you actually look at genuine
human needs if you connect to God and

human needs if you connect to God and

human needs if you connect to God and
the heart and the Soul then there's

the heart and the Soul then there's

the heart and the Soul then there's
nothing more normal than a child

nothing more normal than a child

nothing more normal than a child
sleeping in the arms of a

parent

parent
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so I've often thought about the sources

so I've often thought about the sources

so I've often thought about the sources
of my own issues an infant 2 months of

of my own issues an infant 2 months of

of my own issues an infant 2 months of
age in Hungary when the Germans the

age in Hungary when the Germans the

age in Hungary when the Germans the
Nazis marched into a country and they

Nazis marched into a country and they

Nazis marched into a country and they
began to exterminate the Jewish

began to exterminate the Jewish

began to exterminate the Jewish
population so that was my first year of

population so that was my first year of

population so that was my first year of
life with a terrorized mother

life with a terrorized mother

life with a terrorized mother
grandparents killed in Ash it's a father

grandparents killed in Ash it's a father

grandparents killed in Ash it's a father
way enforced labor

way enforced labor

way enforced labor
anti-Semitism the ever nearing shadow of

anti-Semitism the ever nearing shadow of

anti-Semitism the ever nearing shadow of
annihilation and and ultimately a

annihilation and and ultimately a

annihilation and and ultimately a
separation from my

separation from my

separation from my
mother I was a little short of 1 year

mother I was a little short of 1 year

mother I was a little short of 1 year
old when my mother had to hand me to a

old when my mother had to hand me to a

old when my mother had to hand me to a
stranger in the ghetto of

stranger in the ghetto of

stranger in the ghetto of
Budapest and send me away to some

Budapest and send me away to some

Budapest and send me away to some
relatives in hiding so I didn't we

relatives in hiding so I didn't we

relatives in hiding so I didn't we
didn't see each other for 6 weeks and

didn't see each other for 6 weeks and

didn't see each other for 6 weeks and
she didn't know if she would live or not

she didn't know if she would live or not

she didn't know if she would live or not
in her diary she said that this is the

in her diary she said that this is the

in her diary she said that this is the
hardest 6 weeks of my

hardest 6 weeks of my

hardest 6 weeks of my
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life that was the experience of the

life that was the experience of the

life that was the experience of the
first nearly year and a half of my life

first nearly year and a half of my life

first nearly year and a half of my life
and sometimes I thought well GE I must

and sometimes I thought well GE I must

and sometimes I thought well GE I must
have received a lot of love at the same

have received a lot of love at the same

have received a lot of love at the same
time otherwise would be a lot more crazy

time otherwise would be a lot more crazy

time otherwise would be a lot more crazy
than I actually

than I actually

than I actually
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am for trauma to happen you don't need

am for trauma to happen you don't need

am for trauma to happen you don't need
second world war and you don't need

second world war and you don't need

second world war and you don't need
racism you don't need genocide and you

racism you don't need genocide and you

racism you don't need genocide and you
don't need uh uh the privations of War

don't need uh uh the privations of War

don't need uh uh the privations of War
you just need parents who are so

you just need parents who are so

you just need parents who are so
alienated from their own good feelings

alienated from their own good feelings

alienated from their own good feelings
that they will let their infants cry

that they will let their infants cry

that they will let their infants cry
without picking them up and that child

without picking them up and that child

without picking them up and that child
is desperate for a relationship that's

is desperate for a relationship that's

is desperate for a relationship that's
all it

takes hi

takes hi
welcome welcome cabor

welcome welcome cabor

welcome welcome cabor
wow what of you thank

wow what of you thank

wow what of you thank
you for me being a drug addict the Deep

you for me being a drug addict the Deep

you for me being a drug addict the Deep
down

down

down
need um to escape I think is almost into

need um to escape I think is almost into

need um to escape I think is almost into
a more

a more

a more
realistic place than the insanity that

realistic place than the insanity that

realistic place than the insanity that
we see the chaos we see around us you

we see the chaos we see around us you

we see the chaos we see around us you
know I I just wanted that place all the

know I I just wanted that place all the

know I I just wanted that place all the
time I can really talk for the 37 years

time I can really talk for the 37 years

time I can really talk for the 37 years
I've been recovered and have had slips

I've been recovered and have had slips

I've been recovered and have had slips
in the program quote AA and what's the

in the program quote AA and what's the

in the program quote AA and what's the
fear well the fear is I'll be AB

fear well the fear is I'll be AB

fear well the fear is I'll be AB
abandoned you know it's back with the

abandoned you know it's back with the

abandoned you know it's back with the
homo sapiens will be thrown out of the

homo sapiens will be thrown out of the

homo sapiens will be thrown out of the
cave what is your fear of being

cave what is your fear of being

cave what is your fear of being
abandoned well naturally that I'll die

abandoned well naturally that I'll die

abandoned well naturally that I'll die
unless I do all the stuff for other

unless I do all the stuff for other

unless I do all the stuff for other
people when you do all the stuff for

people when you do all the stuff for

people when you do all the stuff for
other people mhm what are you doing to

other people mhm what are you doing to

other people mhm what are you doing to
yourself I'm abandoning me yeah yeah

yourself I'm abandoning me yeah yeah

yourself I'm abandoning me yeah yeah
okay yeah so you're actually enacting

okay yeah so you're actually enacting

okay yeah so you're actually enacting
mhm your worst fear

mhm I was the youngest of five very

mhm I was the youngest of five very
ambitious family very sucessful except

ambitious family very sucessful except

ambitious family very sucessful except
everyone's alcoholic I go in the bar

everyone's alcoholic I go in the bar

everyone's alcoholic I go in the bar
they're

they're

they're
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drinking there's no room for me it's

drinking there's no room for me it's

drinking there's no room for me it's
like oh shut up Allison shut up you're

like oh shut up Allison shut up you're

like oh shut up Allison shut up you're
wrong you're wrong so my job was to be

wrong you're wrong so my job was to be

wrong you're wrong so my job was to be
wrong in the

wrong in the

wrong in the
family I'll never forget my mother you

family I'll never forget my mother you

family I'll never forget my mother you
know saying to me I just don't

know saying to me I just don't

know saying to me I just don't
understand you and I was 6 years old and

understand you and I was 6 years old and

understand you and I was 6 years old and
I thought my God if you don't understand

I thought my God if you don't understand

I thought my God if you don't understand
me I'm lost

allow me to give you another perception

allow me to give you another perception
of you you're the one that more than

of you you're the one that more than

of you you're the one that more than
others absorbs all the pain and stress

others absorbs all the pain and stress

others absorbs all the pain and stress
in the family and then you manifest it

in the family and then you manifest it

in the family and then you manifest it
mhm and they can't stand seeing it mhm

mhm and they can't stand seeing it mhm

mhm and they can't stand seeing it mhm
so in exiling you they're exiling their

so in exiling you they're exiling their

so in exiling you they're exiling their
own pain and stress right

needs one need that's with us is infancy

needs one need that's with us is infancy
and it's absolute and it's not

and it's absolute and it's not

and it's absolute and it's not
negotiable is

attachment and so the other need then is

attachment and so the other need then is
authenticity authenticity therefore is

authenticity authenticity therefore is

authenticity authenticity therefore is
the connection to

the connection to

the connection to
ourselves because without authenticity

ourselves because without authenticity

ourselves because without authenticity
without a connection to our good

without a connection to our good

without a connection to our good
feelings just how long do you survive

feelings just how long do you survive

feelings just how long do you survive
out there in

out there in

out there in
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nature so authenticity is not some new

nature so authenticity is not some new

nature so authenticity is not some new
AG pseudo spiritual concept it's is

AG pseudo spiritual concept it's is

AG pseudo spiritual concept it's is
actually a survival

necessity what happens if in order to

necessity what happens if in order to
survive or

survive or

survive or
to adjust your environment you have to

to adjust your environment you have to

to adjust your environment you have to
suppress your gut feelings you have to

suppress your gut feelings you have to

suppress your gut feelings you have to
suppress your

suppress your

suppress your
authenticity so normal society does not

authenticity so normal society does not

authenticity so normal society does not
allow anger and and and and the child

allow anger and and and and the child

allow anger and and and and the child
who's angry must be separated in other

who's angry must be separated in other

who's angry must be separated in other
words we have to threaten his attachment

words we have to threaten his attachment

words we have to threaten his attachment
relationships on which his life depends

relationships on which his life depends

relationships on which his life depends
so that he can suppress his emotions

so that he can suppress his emotions

so that he can suppress his emotions
well that child if he learns the lesson

well that child if he learns the lesson

well that child if he learns the lesson
well will disconnect from their anger

well will disconnect from their anger

well will disconnect from their anger
and then he's a Sitting Duck for

and then he's a Sitting Duck for

and then he's a Sitting Duck for
depression mental illness or for

depression mental illness or for

depression mental illness or for
physical

physical

physical
illness okay so kid is angry but how

illness okay so kid is angry but how

illness okay so kid is angry but how
about helping him move through the anger

about helping him move through the anger

about helping him move through the anger
to learn how to modulate it not to

to learn how to modulate it not to

to learn how to modulate it not to
repress it but to learn to become

repress it but to learn to become

repress it but to learn to become
friends with

friends with

friends with
it we don't want people who are not

it we don't want people who are not

it we don't want people who are not
angry we want people who know that anger

angry we want people who know that anger

angry we want people who know that anger
doesn't have to be

doesn't have to be

doesn't have to be
destructive

destructive

destructive
what were you pushing down when you were

what were you pushing down when you were

what were you pushing down when you were
depressed I don't get the [\h__\h] out

depressed I don't get the [\h__\h] out

depressed I don't get the [\h__\h] out
anchor right you were pushing down ra

anchor right you were pushing down ra

anchor right you were pushing down ra
you were pushing down your anger right

you were pushing down your anger right

you were pushing down your anger right
yeah can you see howai for a

yeah can you see howai for a

yeah can you see howai for a
six-year-old it might be a really

six-year-old it might be a really

six-year-old it might be a really
brilliant idea to push on the rage yeah

brilliant idea to push on the rage yeah

brilliant idea to push on the rage yeah
why for survival

why for survival

why for survival
exactly you talked about your many

exactly you talked about your many

exactly you talked about your many
failures mhm I just want you to pick one

failures mhm I just want you to pick one

failures mhm I just want you to pick one
the fear if left on my loan

the fear if left on my loan

the fear if left on my loan
I won't get out of

I won't get out of

I won't get out of
bed i' I've I've done that

before and you regard that as a failure

before and you regard that as a failure
falling apart I regard as a failure you

falling apart I regard as a failure you

falling apart I regard as a failure you
regard that as a failure right okay so

regard that as a failure right okay so

regard that as a failure right okay so
your failure is that you got depressed

your failure is that you got depressed

your failure is that you got depressed
and as you put it you fell apart is that

and as you put it you fell apart is that

and as you put it you fell apart is that
the failure yeah just identify the age

the failure yeah just identify the age

the failure yeah just identify the age
that you first recall being depressed

that you first recall being depressed

that you first recall being depressed
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that probably about 6 or seven

that probably about 6 or seven

that probably about 6 or seven
how old are your kids now my oldest

how old are your kids now my oldest

how old are your kids now my oldest
daughter's 33 my son is 30 and my

daughter's 33 my son is 30 and my

daughter's 33 my son is 30 and my
youngest daughter's 27

youngest daughter's 27

youngest daughter's 27
okay choose one as a thought experiment

okay choose one as a thought experiment

okay choose one as a thought experiment
right now and I want you to imagine them

right now and I want you to imagine them

right now and I want you to imagine them
at 87 mhm let's say they get

at 87 mhm let's say they get

at 87 mhm let's say they get
depressed would you go to them and

depressed would you go to them and

depressed would you go to them and
say you are a total failure of course

say you are a total failure of course

say you are a total failure of course
not why not no you calling yourself a

failure I'm going to say something

failure I'm going to say something
radical to you okay the Depression was a

radical to you okay the Depression was a

radical to you okay the Depression was a
major

major

major
success not a

success not a

success not a
failure okay no I know that sounds

failure okay no I know that sounds

failure okay no I know that sounds
ridiculous but no no I'm listening

ridiculous but no no I'm listening

ridiculous but no no I'm listening
you're telling me that having that pain

you're telling me that having that pain

you're telling me that having that pain
showed me deeper inside of

showed me deeper inside of

showed me deeper inside of
myself how I was abandoning myself

myself how I was abandoning myself

myself how I was abandoning myself
precisely so maybe you want to stop

precisely so maybe you want to stop

precisely so maybe you want to stop
calling it a failure mhm

calling it a failure mhm

calling it a failure mhm
you go through your whole life like that

you go through your whole life like that

you go through your whole life like that
and see how everything that you judge

and see how everything that you judge

and see how everything that you judge
about yourself actually serve the

about yourself actually serve the

about yourself actually serve the
purpose at the time

purpose at the time

purpose at the time
yeah

yeah mhm really isn't simple it is

yeah mhm really isn't simple it is
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simple Gabel Matty thanks very much for

simple Gabel Matty thanks very much for

simple Gabel Matty thanks very much for
coming on Under the Skin the reason I'm

coming on Under the Skin the reason I'm

coming on Under the Skin the reason I'm
so excited to talk to you the reason

so excited to talk to you the reason

so excited to talk to you the reason
that I believe you're having such an

that I believe you're having such an

that I believe you're having such an
important cultural impact is because of

important cultural impact is because of

important cultural impact is because of
your uh rare compassion and insight into

your uh rare compassion and insight into

your uh rare compassion and insight into
the world of addiction when it was

the world of addiction when it was

the world of addiction when it was
heroin I would like have I would reflect

heroin I would like have I would reflect

heroin I would like have I would reflect
after I'd use and just go right this

after I'd use and just go right this

after I'd use and just go right this
is't for me this has got to stop this is

is't for me this has got to stop this is

is't for me this has got to stop this is
not a sustainable system you think You'

not a sustainable system you think You'

not a sustainable system you think You'
never needed anymore cuz you feel

never needed anymore cuz you feel

never needed anymore cuz you feel
complete and then comes the remorse of

complete and then comes the remorse of

complete and then comes the remorse of
what have I done and then you say I

what have I done and then you say I

what have I done and then you say I
don't need to do this again and then by

don't need to do this again and then by

don't need to do this again and then by
the time I'm home I'm running back to

the time I'm home I'm running back to

the time I'm home I'm running back to
the store again to get the next thing

the store again to get the next thing

the store again to get the next thing
that I didn't buy in the life of every

that I didn't buy in the life of every

that I didn't buy in the life of every
person who's ever been addicted and ever

person who's ever been addicted and ever

person who's ever been addicted and ever
will be addicted there's always

trauma an addiction is any behavior that

trauma an addiction is any behavior that
a person finds relief in the short term

a person finds relief in the short term

a person finds relief in the short term
and craves but suffers negative

and craves but suffers negative

and craves but suffers negative
consequences and cannot give it up

consequences and cannot give it up

consequences and cannot give it up
that's what an eviction is could be

that's what an eviction is could be

that's what an eviction is could be
drugs obviously alcohol nicotine could

drugs obviously alcohol nicotine could

drugs obviously alcohol nicotine could
also be sex could be gambling could be

also be sex could be gambling could be

also be sex could be gambling could be
shopping could be eating could be

shopping could be eating could be

shopping could be eating could be
pornography

pornography

pornography
could be the internet could be gaming

could be the internet could be gaming

could be the internet could be gaming
could be work could be uh

could be work could be uh

could be work could be uh
relationships that's what addiction

is first issue is not why the addiction

is first issue is not why the addiction
but why the

in our society there are two uh myths

in our society there are two uh myths
around addiction the pernicious one is

around addiction the pernicious one is

around addiction the pernicious one is
the belief that addiction is a choice

the belief that addiction is a choice

the belief that addiction is a choice
and that the decisions that arise out of

and that the decisions that arise out of

and that the decisions that arise out of
addictions are therefore a matter of

addictions are therefore a matter of

addictions are therefore a matter of
individual

individual

individual
culpability and so therefore addicts for

culpability and so therefore addicts for

culpability and so therefore addicts for
the most part are punished for being

the most part are punished for being

the most part are punished for being
addicted now the other belief un

addicted now the other belief un

addicted now the other belief un
addiction but still misleading is that

addiction but still misleading is that

addiction but still misleading is that
it's an inherited disease it's a

it's an inherited disease it's a

it's an inherited disease it's a
biological disorder of the brain that

biological disorder of the brain that

biological disorder of the brain that
belief is more Humane much more than the

belief is more Humane much more than the

belief is more Humane much more than the
choice belief because at least if

choice belief because at least if

choice belief because at least if
somebody inherits a disease they're not

somebody inherits a disease they're not

somebody inherits a disease they're not
to be punished for it but they provide

to be punished for it but they provide

to be punished for it but they provide
they're to be provided with treatment as

they're to be provided with treatment as

they're to be provided with treatment as
with any disease however it's also

with any disease however it's also

with any disease however it's also
misleading because it ignores why people

misleading because it ignores why people

misleading because it ignores why people
really get addicted which is got nothing

really get addicted which is got nothing

really get addicted which is got nothing
to do with disease it's among the normal

to do with disease it's among the normal

to do with disease it's among the normal
human responses to trauma when people

human responses to trauma when people

human responses to trauma when people
are suffering they want to escape their

are suffering they want to escape their

are suffering they want to escape their
suffering that's

uh my name is jutah po shello sheep I'm

uh my name is jutah po shello sheep I'm
43 years old I come from a a taii a

43 years old I come from a a taii a

43 years old I come from a a taii a
family of Thai restaurant owners I moved

family of Thai restaurant owners I moved

family of Thai restaurant owners I moved
away when I was 14 I was never good

away when I was 14 I was never good

away when I was 14 I was never good
enough I mean I think if I had a parents

enough I mean I think if I had a parents

enough I mean I think if I had a parents
who didn't really care and was lenient

who didn't really care and was lenient

who didn't really care and was lenient
and I don't think I would have really

and I don't think I would have really

and I don't think I would have really
got right into it and really got

got right into it and really got

got right into it and really got
addicted I might have just you know

addicted I might have just you know

addicted I might have just you know
tried it once or twice but I think the

tried it once or twice but I think the

tried it once or twice but I think the
pressure was on from the upbringing and

pressure was on from the upbringing and

pressure was on from the upbringing and
having to feel like I had to achieve and

having to feel like I had to achieve and

having to feel like I had to achieve and
be the best of what I did an a student

be the best of what I did an a student

be the best of what I did an a student
and so when I moved away I really wanted

and so when I moved away I really wanted

and so when I moved away I really wanted
to prove not to just myself but to them

to prove not to just myself but to them

to prove not to just myself but to them
that I I was more than what they saw

that I I was more than what they saw

that I I was more than what they saw
you know I I did apply to Stanford

you know I I did apply to Stanford

you know I I did apply to Stanford
University that was my number one choice

University that was my number one choice

University that was my number one choice
um I was disappointed I didn't get in

um I was disappointed I didn't get in

um I was disappointed I didn't get in
and San Francisco State University was

and San Francisco State University was

and San Francisco State University was
my second choice and um while there I

my second choice and um while there I

my second choice and um while there I
did do the same things that I was doing

did do the same things that I was doing

did do the same things that I was doing
when I was in high school playing for

when I was in high school playing for

when I was in high school playing for
the NCAA singing

choir with doing so many things pledging

choir with doing so many things pledging
sororities and doing being different

sororities and doing being different

sororities and doing being different
club members I'm saying I was just

club members I'm saying I was just

club members I'm saying I was just
trying to find my way in in in the world

trying to find my way in in in the world

trying to find my way in in in the world
and then I started to work at the

and then I started to work at the

and then I started to work at the
nightclubs here and so I think that's

nightclubs here and so I think that's

nightclubs here and so I think that's
when I really evolved because I wanted

when I really evolved because I wanted

when I really evolved because I wanted
to do everything I wanted to go to

to do everything I wanted to go to

to do everything I wanted to go to
school wanted to work but I needed to do

school wanted to work but I needed to do

school wanted to work but I needed to do
homework as well so the pressure was on

homework as well so the pressure was on

homework as well so the pressure was on
then so then it it got into heavier

then so then it it got into heavier

then so then it it got into heavier
drugs so I needed the meth to stay

drugs so I needed the meth to stay

drugs so I needed the meth to stay
[Music]

[Music]

[Music]
up I think our society just doesn't

up I think our society just doesn't

up I think our society just doesn't
understand addiction without the

understand addiction without the

understand addiction without the
addiction they felt incomplete they felt

addiction they felt incomplete they felt

addiction they felt incomplete they felt
this huge emptiness inside and so the

this huge emptiness inside and so the

this huge emptiness inside and so the
addiction was to complete themselves and

addiction was to complete themselves and

addiction was to complete themselves and
and and to

and and to

and and to
somehow temporarily cover up the

somehow temporarily cover up the

somehow temporarily cover up the
emptiness why the finger pointing why

emptiness why the finger pointing why

emptiness why the finger pointing why
the judgments on a particular group of

the judgments on a particular group of

the judgments on a particular group of
people who are addicted who happen to

people who are addicted who happen to

people who are addicted who happen to
use

use

use
[Music]

[Music]

[Music]
substances my first job that I ever had

substances my first job that I ever had

substances my first job that I ever had
as a physician in Vancouver after I did

as a physician in Vancouver after I did

as a physician in Vancouver after I did
my internship was actually the down on

my internship was actually the down on

my internship was actually the down on
east side of Vancouver is North

east side of Vancouver is North

east side of Vancouver is North
America's most concentrated and most

America's most concentrated and most

America's most concentrated and most
dramatic area of drug use where there's

dramatic area of drug use where there's

dramatic area of drug use where there's
more people injecting and ingesting and

more people injecting and ingesting and

more people injecting and ingesting and
inhaling all kinds of substances than

inhaling all kinds of substances than

inhaling all kinds of substances than
anywhere else in in the planet and I go

anywhere else in in the planet and I go

anywhere else in in the planet and I go
to this old broken down hotel with

to this old broken down hotel with

to this old broken down hotel with
cracking paint on the walls

cracking paint on the walls

cracking paint on the walls
and strange people walking in and out

and strange people walking in and out

and strange people walking in and out
and I felt totally at home right away

and I felt totally at home right away

and I felt totally at home right away
and after 2 years I shifted my full-time

and after 2 years I shifted my full-time

and after 2 years I shifted my full-time
work to the

work to the

work to the
downtown well so I worked there for 12

downtown well so I worked there for 12

downtown well so I worked there for 12
years

years

years
and they all suffered tremendous torment

and they all suffered tremendous torment

and they all suffered tremendous torment
as children which also meant that their

as children which also meant that their

as children which also meant that their
addictions were extreme they were quite

addictions were extreme they were quite

addictions were extreme they were quite
willing to sacrifice love life

willing to sacrifice love life

willing to sacrifice love life
relationship Health just for the next

relationship Health just for the next

relationship Health just for the next
hit they were that desperate to escape

hit they were that desperate to escape

hit they were that desperate to escape
from reality because reality had been so

from reality because reality had been so

from reality because reality had been so
cruel to them we were dealing with

cruel to them we were dealing with

cruel to them we were dealing with
people with severe infections they would

people with severe infections they would

people with severe infections they would
inject drugs that would give them aises

inject drugs that would give them aises

inject drugs that would give them aises
not only in their skin or their muscles

not only in their skin or their muscles

not only in their skin or their muscles
but also in their brains in their spinal

but also in their brains in their spinal

but also in their brains in their spinal
cord in their joints so they have to be

cord in their joints so they have to be

cord in their joints so they have to be
hospitalized which is the only facility

hospitalized which is the only facility

hospitalized which is the only facility
where you can deliver IV antibiotics

where you can deliver IV antibiotics

where you can deliver IV antibiotics
several times a day but they were users

several times a day but they were users

several times a day but they were users
so there'll be always discing from the

so there'll be always discing from the

so there'll be always discing from the
hospital and even using the IV lines to

hospital and even using the IV lines to

hospital and even using the IV lines to
inject through so inevitably they'd be

inject through so inevitably they'd be

inject through so inevitably they'd be
kicked out of the hospital which means

kicked out of the hospital which means

kicked out of the hospital which means
that their life-threatening infections

that their life-threatening infections

that their life-threatening infections
would be

would be

would be
untreated this is how I met Joey

untreated this is how I met Joey

untreated this is how I met Joey
Carter I think I pushed him across an

Carter I think I pushed him across an

Carter I think I pushed him across an
intersection once in his wheelchair

intersection once in his wheelchair

intersection once in his wheelchair
maybe that's the first time he actually

maybe that's the first time he actually

maybe that's the first time he actually
met and he helped me up and he said what

met and he helped me up and he said what

met and he helped me up and he said what
are you doing he enough's enough I'm

are you doing he enough's enough I'm

are you doing he enough's enough I'm
going to admit you to ctct are you going

going to admit you to ctct are you going

going to admit you to ctct are you going
to go there and I was like well what

to go there and I was like well what

to go there and I was like well what
about my addiction and he said well what

about my addiction and he said well what

about my addiction and he said well what
are you using and I said well I've been

are you using and I said well I've been

are you using and I said well I've been
using Morphin and M

using Morphin and M

using Morphin and M
salons I said how many will you give me

salons I said how many will you give me

salons I said how many will you give me
a day you said as many as you have in

a day you said as many as you have in

a day you said as many as you have in
your

by meeting people where they're at and

by meeting people where they're at and
treating them like human beings and not

treating them like human beings and not

treating them like human beings and not
trying to change

trying to change

trying to change
them actually opens up the possibility

them actually opens up the possibility

them actually opens up the possibility
of transformation for them andjoy is a a

of transformation for them andjoy is a a

of transformation for them andjoy is a a
prime

prime

prime
example they had come in like every 4

example they had come in like every 4

example they had come in like every 4
hours to give me more morphine and and

hours to give me more morphine and and

hours to give me more morphine and and
and I wasn't eating it I was saving it

and I wasn't eating it I was saving it

and I wasn't eating it I was saving it
right and and I woke up and there was

right and and I woke up and there was

right and and I woke up and there was
like morphine all over the bed and I

like morphine all over the bed and I

like morphine all over the bed and I
thought I was in

thought I was in

thought I was in
[Laughter]

[Laughter]

[Laughter]
heaven I do recall your poetry and and

heaven I do recall your poetry and and

heaven I do recall your poetry and and
you you were very a very Avid writer

you you were very a very Avid writer

you you were very a very Avid writer
yeah and you shared some of that with me

yeah and you shared some of that with me

yeah and you shared some of that with me
um is there one that you you know that

um is there one that you you know that

um is there one that you you know that
you're going to recite now yep it goes I

you're going to recite now yep it goes I

you're going to recite now yep it goes I
misbehave when I crave to push the Venom

misbehave when I crave to push the Venom

misbehave when I crave to push the Venom
in my veins I lose all control of my

in my veins I lose all control of my

in my veins I lose all control of my
inner soul and my demons hold the Reigns

inner soul and my demons hold the Reigns

inner soul and my demons hold the Reigns
I deceive whoever believes I twist her

I deceive whoever believes I twist her

I deceive whoever believes I twist her
open trust with nefarious precision and

open trust with nefarious precision and

open trust with nefarious precision and
tunnel vision I pursue the Venom with

tunnel vision I pursue the Venom with

tunnel vision I pursue the Venom with
lust with the desire so strong I forget

lust with the desire so strong I forget

lust with the desire so strong I forget
all bonds hurting the ones I adore and

all bonds hurting the ones I adore and

all bonds hurting the ones I adore and
even though they love me they move on

even though they love me they move on

even though they love me they move on
from me to let me fight my War

from me to let me fight my War

from me to let me fight my War
uncontrollable I'm inconsolable slowly

uncontrollable I'm inconsolable slowly

uncontrollable I'm inconsolable slowly
I'm dying inside a glutton of such I've

I'm dying inside a glutton of such I've

I'm dying inside a glutton of such I've
used too much now there's no life in my

used too much now there's no life in my

used too much now there's no life in my
[Music]

[Music]

[Music]
eyes

I want

I want
to tell you guys about why you think you

to tell you guys about why you think you

to tell you guys about why you think you
got addicted like what did it do for you

got addicted like what did it do for you

got addicted like what did it do for you
in the short term that you wanted or

in the short term that you wanted or

in the short term that you wanted or
that you appreciated the one thing that

that you appreciated the one thing that

that you appreciated the one thing that
I learned was gratification through sex

I learned was gratification through sex

I learned was gratification through sex
like it would pay my rent it would pay

like it would pay my rent it would pay

like it would pay my rent it would pay
my food it would pay my clothes but it

my food it would pay my clothes but it

my food it would pay my clothes but it
was also a feeling loved right Lov right

was also a feeling loved right Lov right

was also a feeling loved right Lov right
having that desire for somebody to care

having that desire for somebody to care

having that desire for somebody to care
and want you want you I be able to have

and want you want you I be able to have

and want you want you I be able to have
a sexual relationship if I wasn't using

a sexual relationship if I wasn't using

a sexual relationship if I wasn't using
because I couldn't feel anything towards

because I couldn't feel anything towards

because I couldn't feel anything towards
the other person it made you feel more

the other person it made you feel more

the other person it made you feel more
alive yeah it made me feel more in tune

alive yeah it made me feel more in tune

alive yeah it made me feel more in tune
yeah yeah like that's and I used it to

yeah yeah like that's and I used it to

yeah yeah like that's and I used it to
have feelings I didn't feel pretty I

have feelings I didn't feel pretty I

have feelings I didn't feel pretty I
didn't feel like and as soon as I would

didn't feel like and as soon as I would

didn't feel like and as soon as I would
do a little bit of drugs my self-esteem

do a little bit of drugs my self-esteem

do a little bit of drugs my self-esteem
would instantly go up I did so much

would instantly go up I did so much

would instantly go up I did so much
Sports and was on such a strict schedule

Sports and was on such a strict schedule

Sports and was on such a strict schedule
that when I started to use

that when I started to use

that when I started to use
in like grade 8 grade n like I was free

in like grade 8 grade n like I was free

in like grade 8 grade n like I was free
so

so

so
Freedom sense of aliveness completion

Freedom sense of aliveness completion

Freedom sense of aliveness completion
self-esteem these are all wonderful

self-esteem these are all wonderful

self-esteem these are all wonderful
things aren't they when they talk about

things aren't they when they talk about

things aren't they when they talk about
addiction being a bad choice they know

addiction being a bad choice they know

addiction being a bad choice they know
it isn't it's actually a solution to a

it isn't it's actually a solution to a

it isn't it's actually a solution to a
[Music]

[Music]

[Music]
problem if we understand that the

problem if we understand that the

problem if we understand that the
addiction is not the primary problem but

addiction is not the primary problem but

addiction is not the primary problem but
really a response to trauma

really a response to trauma

really a response to trauma
then it becomes obvious that in order to

then it becomes obvious that in order to

then it becomes obvious that in order to
heal addiction you have to he the trauma

heal addiction you have to he the trauma

heal addiction you have to he the trauma
but it means that you see the wound

but it means that you see the wound

but it means that you see the wound
that's driving that

that's driving that

that's driving that
[Music]

person underneath that traumatized

person underneath that traumatized
Persona there's the healthy individual

Persona there's the healthy individual

Persona there's the healthy individual
who has never found expression in this

who has never found expression in this

who has never found expression in this
life because they were never given the

life because they were never given the

life because they were never given the
venue for expression never given the

venue for expression never given the

venue for expression never given the
relationships in which they could their

relationships in which they could their

relationships in which they could their
authentic Humanity could be

authentic Humanity could be

authentic Humanity could be
[Music]

expressed are we free are we conscious

expressed are we free are we conscious
are we making a decision based on full

are we making a decision based on full

are we making a decision based on full
awareness or are we driven by

awareness or are we driven by

awareness or are we driven by
unconscious

unconscious

unconscious
dynamics that we've inherited or that we

dynamics that we've inherited or that we

dynamics that we've inherited or that we
developed as a respon resp to Childhood

developed as a respon resp to Childhood

developed as a respon resp to Childhood
trauma well in so far as we're not

trauma well in so far as we're not

trauma well in so far as we're not
conscious we're not

free we have then a social structure

free we have then a social structure
that induces trauma in a lot of people

that induces trauma in a lot of people

that induces trauma in a lot of people
therefore it induces Escapist addictive

therefore it induces Escapist addictive

therefore it induces Escapist addictive
behaviors in a lot of people and those

behaviors in a lot of people and those

behaviors in a lot of people and those
inner Trends line up with how society

inner Trends line up with how society

inner Trends line up with how society
looks like on the outside so therefore

looks like on the outside so therefore

looks like on the outside so therefore
all this looks perfectly normal be

all this looks perfectly normal be

all this looks perfectly normal be
natural fundamentally the message is

natural fundamentally the message is

natural fundamentally the message is
that with our minds we create the world

that with our minds we create the world

that with our minds we create the world
so if I have a world view that the world

so if I have a world view that the world

so if I have a world view that the world
is a horrible place then I want to live

is a horrible place then I want to live

is a horrible place then I want to live
in a world where I have to be aggressive

in a world where I have to be aggressive

in a world where I have to be aggressive
suspicious competitive and make myself

suspicious competitive and make myself

suspicious competitive and make myself
as big as possible so I don't get to

as big as possible so I don't get to

as big as possible so I don't get to
eaten my so I have to be grandio and

eaten my so I have to be grandio and

eaten my so I have to be grandio and
cunning because that's the RO I'm living

cunning because that's the RO I'm living

cunning because that's the RO I'm living
in and these are the people that our

in and these are the people that our

in and these are the people that our
society rewards with power

society rewards with power

society rewards with power
[Music]

do you think that the inability of these

do you think that the inability of these
individuals to manifest real change is a

individuals to manifest real change is a

individuals to manifest real change is a
demonstration that what we have are

demonstration that what we have are

demonstration that what we have are
deeply entrench and traumatized systems

deeply entrench and traumatized systems

deeply entrench and traumatized systems
that are predicated on unconscious

that are predicated on unconscious

that are predicated on unconscious
choices unconscious driv and that the

choices unconscious driv and that the

choices unconscious driv and that the
system cannot will not alter itself from

system cannot will not alter itself from

system cannot will not alter itself from
within itself but will sustain itself

within itself but will sustain itself

within itself but will sustain itself
and it's only sort of new radical ideas

and it's only sort of new radical ideas

and it's only sort of new radical ideas
that can alter it that's exactly what

that can alter it that's exactly what

that can alter it that's exactly what
I'm saying large segments of the economy

I'm saying large segments of the economy

I'm saying large segments of the economy
survive because people buy things that

survive because people buy things that

survive because people buy things that
give them temporary pleasure but do them

give them temporary pleasure but do them

give them temporary pleasure but do them
no good whatsoever in the long term in

no good whatsoever in the long term in

no good whatsoever in the long term in
fact they're even harmful I mean we're

fact they're even harmful I mean we're

fact they're even harmful I mean we're
going so far to destroy the Earth

going so far to destroy the Earth

going so far to destroy the Earth
because of her

because of her

because of her
[Music]

[Music]

[Music]
addictions

the disconnect from the body of the

the disconnect from the body of the
Earth really has to do with the

Earth really has to do with the

Earth really has to do with the
disconnect from own bodies the two are

disconnect from own bodies the two are

disconnect from own bodies the two are
together and the exploitation of the

together and the exploitation of the

together and the exploitation of the
earth as if it was something separate

earth as if it was something separate

earth as if it was something separate
from us has a lot to do with patriarchal

from us has a lot to do with patriarchal

from us has a lot to do with patriarchal
domination I mean we talk about Mother

domination I mean we talk about Mother

domination I mean we talk about Mother
Earth look what we're doing to mother

Earth look what we're doing to mother

Earth look what we're doing to mother
it's a mother hatred

it's a mother hatred

it's a mother hatred
[Music]

almost it speaks to a blindness and a

almost it speaks to a blindness and a
passivity which itself is a marker of

passivity which itself is a marker of

passivity which itself is a marker of
societal and Collective

trauma our schools are full of kids with

trauma our schools are full of kids with
learning difficulties mental health

learning difficulties mental health

learning difficulties mental health
issues that are trauma based but the

issues that are trauma based but the

issues that are trauma based but the
average teacher never gets a single

average teacher never gets a single

average teacher never gets a single
lecture on traa they're fundamentally

lecture on traa they're fundamentally

lecture on traa they're fundamentally
working with an essential lack of

working with an essential lack of

working with an essential lack of
information I should barely mention the

information I should barely mention the

information I should barely mention the
criminal justice system has no

criminal justice system has no

criminal justice system has no
understanding or even acquaintance with

understanding or even acquaintance with

understanding or even acquaintance with
the concept of trauma in fact they of

the concept of trauma in fact they of

the concept of trauma in fact they of
often create policies that further

often create policies that further

often create policies that further
beepen people's trauma that these

beepen people's trauma that these

beepen people's trauma that these
institutions need to be informed of what

institutions need to be informed of what

institutions need to be informed of what
trauma is and how to respond to have in

trauma is and how to respond to have in

trauma is and how to respond to have in
custodies of

custodies of

custodies of
different States and counties

different States and counties

different States and counties
um um since 18 I struggled with

um um since 18 I struggled with

um um since 18 I struggled with
addiction and they were sending me to

addiction and they were sending me to

addiction and they were sending me to
these places to get the help that you

these places to get the help that you

these places to get the help that you
needed I I have nothing but the

needed I I have nothing but the

needed I I have nothing but the
authorities telling me it was my fault

authorities telling me it was my fault

authorities telling me it was my fault
my fault my fault because you're

my fault my fault because you're

my fault my fault because you're
choosing this you know and I can't help

choosing this you know and I can't help

choosing this you know and I can't help
choosing but you're supposed to trust

choosing but you're supposed to trust

choosing but you're supposed to trust
and believe in these people California

and believe in these people California

and believe in these people California
industrialized

industrialized

industrialized
[Music]

[Music]

[Music]
prison trauma doesn't know a color

prison trauma doesn't know a color

prison trauma doesn't know a color
trauma doesn't know her age trauma

trauma doesn't know her age trauma

trauma doesn't know her age trauma
doesn't know tax bracket trauma doesn't

doesn't know tax bracket trauma doesn't

doesn't know tax bracket trauma doesn't
know any of these things anybody can be

know any of these things anybody can be

know any of these things anybody can be
traumatized

traumatized

traumatized
anybody symptoms of trauma nightmares

anybody symptoms of trauma nightmares

anybody symptoms of trauma nightmares
and night terrors inability to

and night terrors inability to

and night terrors inability to
love addictive behavior

love addictive behavior

love addictive behavior
insomnia

insomnia

insomnia
depression

depression

depression
shame that's not who you

shame that's not who you

shame that's not who you
are but it's a symptom of being

are but it's a symptom of being

are but it's a symptom of being
traumatized and we're here to heal each

traumatized and we're here to heal each

traumatized and we're here to heal each
other

we heal in community when I do these

we heal in community when I do these
circles with anybody when they see the

circles with anybody when they see the

circles with anybody when they see the
extent of childhood trauma in themselves

extent of childhood trauma in themselves

extent of childhood trauma in themselves
but also in the people around them it's

but also in the people around them it's

but also in the people around them it's
a shift it it takes the othering out it

a shift it it takes the othering out it

a shift it it takes the othering out it
actually brings a human in and that as a

actually brings a human in and that as a

actually brings a human in and that as a
society is one of the one of the

society is one of the one of the

society is one of the one of the
imperatives that we need to get to we

imperatives that we need to get to we

imperatives that we need to get to we
got to start seeing each other for what

got to start seeing each other for what

got to start seeing each other for what
happened to us and not what's wrong with

my name is Romy nage I am the senior

my name is Romy nage I am the senior
director of San Francisco and social

director of San Francisco and social

director of San Francisco and social
Innovation for downtown streets team

Innovation for downtown streets team

Innovation for downtown streets team
that is changing the lives of people who

that is changing the lives of people who

that is changing the lives of people who
are currently homeless through the

are currently homeless through the

are currently homeless through the
Dignity of

Dignity of

Dignity of
work labeling people as just drug

work labeling people as just drug

work labeling people as just drug
addicts like it's deeper than that they

addicts like it's deeper than that they

addicts like it's deeper than that they
probably at a younger age have been

probably at a younger age have been

probably at a younger age have been
reinforced of their that their value was

reinforced of their that their value was

reinforced of their that their value was
not as significant as others the pain is

not as significant as others the pain is

not as significant as others the pain is
the root cause of people trying to feel

the root cause of people trying to feel

the root cause of people trying to feel
comfortable in this world using street

comfortable in this world using street

comfortable in this world using street
drugs is a method it is is a behavior to

drugs is a method it is is a behavior to

drugs is a method it is is a behavior to
support something that is

uncomfortable I was homeless for about

uncomfortable I was homeless for about
15

15

15
years it is a survival of the

years it is a survival of the

years it is a survival of the
fit I had three kids on the street while

fit I had three kids on the street while

fit I had three kids on the street while
homeless walking around no shoes selling

homeless walking around no shoes selling

homeless walking around no shoes selling
drugs doing drugs hoping they would

drugs doing drugs hoping they would

drugs doing drugs hoping they would
miscarry all the babies came out with

miscarry all the babies came out with

miscarry all the babies came out with
everything meth Crystal cocaine

everything meth Crystal cocaine

everything meth Crystal cocaine
everything you could think of

I did utilize those three moments in

I did utilize those three moments in
time where I had those babies

time where I had those babies

time where I had those babies
to just rest up in in a nice place and

to just rest up in in a nice place and

to just rest up in in a nice place and
eat a hot meal just basically took a

eat a hot meal just basically took a

eat a hot meal just basically took a
shower those three times um cuz while I

shower those three times um cuz while I

shower those three times um cuz while I
was homeless most of us don't shower

was homeless most of us don't shower

was homeless most of us don't shower
maybe once a year of

maybe once a year of

maybe once a year of
that but I was lucky I had the same

that but I was lucky I had the same

that but I was lucky I had the same
foster mom uh all three boys Albert

foster mom uh all three boys Albert

foster mom uh all three boys Albert
Jetson and James are all thriving

Jetson and James are all thriving

Jetson and James are all thriving
they're very healthy I did fight for

they're very healthy I did fight for

they're very healthy I did fight for
them don't get me wrong I did try to

them don't get me wrong I did try to

them don't get me wrong I did try to
fight for them but I was ready to give

fight for them but I was ready to give

fight for them but I was ready to give
up the drug

up the drug

up the drug
life it was fall so it was the rain

life it was fall so it was the rain

life it was fall so it was the rain
season I just remember that constant

season I just remember that constant

season I just remember that constant
worry about where was I going to go that

worry about where was I going to go that

worry about where was I going to go that
would I find shelter cuz there's nowhere

would I find shelter cuz there's nowhere

would I find shelter cuz there's nowhere
to go right the people that did love

to go right the people that did love

to go right the people that did love
me just said you know what we're not

me just said you know what we're not

me just said you know what we're not
going to stand by anymore while you kill

going to stand by anymore while you kill

going to stand by anymore while you kill
yourself we can't do it it's hurting

yourself we can't do it it's hurting

yourself we can't do it it's hurting
more we're dying a harder death and you

more we're dying a harder death and you

more we're dying a harder death and you
are and they just scattered from my

are and they just scattered from my

are and they just scattered from my
life I was utterly

life I was utterly

life I was utterly
[Music]

alone I've been in the city on the

alone I've been in the city on the
streets now for 4 years went to college

streets now for 4 years went to college

streets now for 4 years went to college
on my GI bill I was in the Army for a

on my GI bill I was in the Army for a

on my GI bill I was in the Army for a
total of 11 years then I got diagnosed

total of 11 years then I got diagnosed

total of 11 years then I got diagnosed
with non- hodkin lymphoma and I

with non- hodkin lymphoma and I

with non- hodkin lymphoma and I
retired my PTSD comes from experiences

retired my PTSD comes from experiences

retired my PTSD comes from experiences
with

with

with
trying to beat this monkey on my back

trying to beat this monkey on my back

trying to beat this monkey on my back
you know I've had the beautiful home and

you know I've had the beautiful home and

you know I've had the beautiful home and
vehicles and wife and kids and thrown it

vehicles and wife and kids and thrown it

vehicles and wife and kids and thrown it
all away for

all away for

all away for
drugs so when you pass by someone

drugs so when you pass by someone

drugs so when you pass by someone
homeless on the street that is such a

homeless on the street that is such a

homeless on the street that is such a
painful world to live in and a very

painful world to live in and a very

painful world to live in and a very
important thing to do is acknowledge

important thing to do is acknowledge

important thing to do is acknowledge
them and not pretending or literally

them and not pretending or literally

them and not pretending or literally
thinking that no one's sitting right

thinking that no one's sitting right

thinking that no one's sitting right
there how are you doing and hanging in

there how are you doing and hanging in

there how are you doing and hanging in
there had a rough sleep last night you

there had a rough sleep last night you

there had a rough sleep last night you
stay in the TL I do yeah cool how long

stay in the TL I do yeah cool how long

stay in the TL I do yeah cool how long
have you been here um I moved here from

have you been here um I moved here from

have you been here um I moved here from
Atlanta February the

Atlanta February the

Atlanta February the
7th the number one thing that people who

7th the number one thing that people who

7th the number one thing that people who
are experiencing homelessness suffer

are experiencing homelessness suffer

are experiencing homelessness suffer
from is feeling looked down

from is feeling looked down

from is feeling looked down
on it's like people just passing by them

on it's like people just passing by them

on it's like people just passing by them
not acknowledging their experience that

not acknowledging their experience that

not acknowledging their experience that
forms an identity that is

forms an identity that is

forms an identity that is
internalized

internalized

internalized
their sense of self has been attacked

their sense of self has been attacked

their sense of self has been attacked
their their dignity has been completely

their their dignity has been completely

their their dignity has been completely
reinforced as non-existent every single

reinforced as non-existent every single

reinforced as non-existent every single
day humanization of homelessness is

day humanization of homelessness is

day humanization of homelessness is
where we need to start because we're

where we need to start because we're

where we need to start because we're
working with people we're working with

working with people we're working with

working with people we're working with
nervous systems we are working with

nervous systems we are working with

nervous systems we are working with
deflated and

deflated and

deflated and
traumatized senses of

traumatized senses of

traumatized senses of
[Music]

[Music]

[Music]
self to be honest if I lived in that

self to be honest if I lived in that

self to be honest if I lived in that
world I I would want to use too it'd get

world I I would want to use too it'd get

world I I would want to use too it'd get
me out of it it'd make me feel not like

me out of it it'd make me feel not like

me out of it it'd make me feel not like
that for a

minute hey Dwayne you home it's

minute hey Dwayne you home it's
[Music]

[Music]

[Music]
Tessa hey how are you how are

Tessa hey how are you how are

Tessa hey how are you how are
you I'm Tessa I'm a harm ruction

you I'm Tessa I'm a harm ruction

you I'm Tessa I'm a harm ruction
specialist at Abode Housing Services I

specialist at Abode Housing Services I

specialist at Abode Housing Services I
help people move through the pain of

help people move through the pain of

help people move through the pain of
their addiction regain

their addiction regain

their addiction regain
oh my gosh your place looks amazing I

oh my gosh your place looks amazing I

oh my gosh your place looks amazing I
took this job because of the harm

took this job because of the harm

took this job because of the harm
reduction approach where people get

reduction approach where people get

reduction approach where people get
housing you don't have an agenda you

housing you don't have an agenda you

housing you don't have an agenda you
must do this or that in order to Access

must do this or that in order to Access

must do this or that in order to Access
housing you're worthy of housing cuz

housing you're worthy of housing cuz

housing you're worthy of housing cuz
housing should be a right when people

housing should be a right when people

housing should be a right when people
get housed after they've been Outdoors

get housed after they've been Outdoors

get housed after they've been Outdoors
for 7 15 25 years whatever the number

for 7 15 25 years whatever the number

for 7 15 25 years whatever the number
is you're

alone you don't have survival to do so

alone you don't have survival to do so
this is when I'm starting to see

this is when I'm starting to see

this is when I'm starting to see
everybody's pain start surfacing and

everybody's pain start surfacing and

everybody's pain start surfacing and
people are starting to have you know

people are starting to have you know

people are starting to have you know
more challenges and emotional challenges

more challenges and emotional challenges

more challenges and emotional challenges
than they did out on the

than they did out on the

than they did out on the
[Music]

[Music]

[Music]
streets Dr Gabor mate when I found his

streets Dr Gabor mate when I found his

streets Dr Gabor mate when I found his
teachings and specifically the realm of

teachings and specifically the realm of

teachings and specifically the realm of
the Hungry Ghost kind of changed my

the Hungry Ghost kind of changed my

the Hungry Ghost kind of changed my
outlook in life I'm very dear to this

outlook in life I'm very dear to this

outlook in life I'm very dear to this
[Music]

[Music]

[Music]
work

[Applause]

[Applause]
I'm gabor's wife and I have been for

I'm gabor's wife and I have been for

I'm gabor's wife and I have been for
close to 50

[Music]

[Music]
years I met gabber in October of

years I met gabber in October of

years I met gabber in October of
1967 when I was a first year student at

1967 when I was a first year student at

1967 when I was a first year student at
UBC I saw in the student newspaper that

UBC I saw in the student newspaper that

UBC I saw in the student newspaper that
they were looking for

they were looking for

they were looking for
cartoonists and I draw I walked into uh

cartoonists and I draw I walked into uh

cartoonists and I draw I walked into uh
this small room and he's sitting there

this small room and he's sitting there

this small room and he's sitting there
reading a book and I

reading a book and I

reading a book and I
said uh my name's Ry um I'm I'm supposed

said uh my name's Ry um I'm I'm supposed

said uh my name's Ry um I'm I'm supposed
to draw you would you mind just sitting

to draw you would you mind just sitting

to draw you would you mind just sitting
there this is

there this is

there this is
it I did this before I knew who he was

it I did this before I knew who he was

it I did this before I knew who he was
before I'd had a

before I'd had a

before I'd had a
conversation what a mysterious guy dark

conversation what a mysterious guy dark

conversation what a mysterious guy dark
you know

intense

intense
he was so interesting to

me I've always been a a rebel I mean in

me I've always been a a rebel I mean in
communist Hungary in grade six my

communist Hungary in grade six my

communist Hungary in grade six my
teacher wrote in my report card that you

teacher wrote in my report card that you

teacher wrote in my report card that you
should watch it cuz he insites the other

should watch it cuz he insites the other

should watch it cuz he insites the other
students but so that tendency to resist

students but so that tendency to resist

students but so that tendency to resist
arbitrariness what I'm being told and

arbitrariness what I'm being told and

arbitrariness what I'm being told and
what the official line is so I'm really

what the official line is so I'm really

what the official line is so I'm really
not one for group think and and it

not one for group think and and it

not one for group think and and it
really helps me to see through all kinds

really helps me to see through all kinds

really helps me to see through all kinds
of nonsense that people accept without

questioning on a personal level I'm also

questioning on a personal level I'm also
a

a

a
contradiction my longing is really a a

contradiction my longing is really a a

contradiction my longing is really a a
sense of being excluded from something a

sense of being excluded from something a

sense of being excluded from something a
sense of impossibility even and uh I

sense of impossibility even and uh I

sense of impossibility even and uh I
very easily go there I mean that is my

very easily go there I mean that is my

very easily go there I mean that is my
Baseline very early in my meeting with

Baseline very early in my meeting with

Baseline very early in my meeting with
gabar I saw clear

gabar I saw clear

gabar I saw clear
the light that he was and the dark that

the light that he was and the dark that

the light that he was and the dark that
he was so I saw Brilliance and I saw

he was so I saw Brilliance and I saw

he was so I saw Brilliance and I saw
real I guess trauma is the word I'd use

real I guess trauma is the word I'd use

real I guess trauma is the word I'd use
now but I didn't know then to me it was

now but I didn't know then to me it was

now but I didn't know then to me it was
dark and of course by then I knew he was

dark and of course by then I knew he was

dark and of course by then I knew he was
um directly had been in the

um directly had been in the

um directly had been in the
Holocaust um but it was going to be my

Holocaust um but it was going to be my

Holocaust um but it was going to be my
job to heal him to bring out that

light I really believe that the purpose

light I really believe that the purpose
of marriage is to actually go back to

of marriage is to actually go back to

of marriage is to actually go back to
the original trauma which comes from the

the original trauma which comes from the

the original trauma which comes from the
family I married a man who was so much

family I married a man who was so much

family I married a man who was so much
like my

father my scientific interest as well

father my scientific interest as well
has been having to deal with my own

has been having to deal with my own

has been having to deal with my own
trauma because in my 40s I was a very

trauma because in my 40s I was a very

trauma because in my 40s I was a very
successful physician and I was a

successful physician and I was a

successful physician and I was a
national colonist for a Canadian

national colonist for a Canadian

national colonist for a Canadian
newspaper and I was the head of the P of

newspaper and I was the head of the P of

newspaper and I was the head of the P of
care department at a major Canadian

care department at a major Canadian

care department at a major Canadian
hospital and I was depressed and

hospital and I was depressed and

hospital and I was depressed and
alienated in a difficult Mar marriage

alienated in a difficult Mar marriage

alienated in a difficult Mar marriage
and my children were scared of me and I

and my children were scared of me and I

and my children were scared of me and I
didn't like being

alive well there's just nothing more

alive well there's just nothing more
frustrating to be in a situation to see

frustrating to be in a situation to see

frustrating to be in a situation to see
him out there doing this amazing work

him out there doing this amazing work

him out there doing this amazing work
just the healing and the wisdom and the

just the healing and the wisdom and the

just the healing and the wisdom and the
support and then come home and be

support and then come home and be

support and then come home and be
completely uh exhausted irritable and

completely uh exhausted irritable and

completely uh exhausted irritable and
then I get the the

[Music]

[Music]
I have to be me I have to be

authentic my nervous system is so wired

authentic my nervous system is so wired
that if I'm not authentic to myself I'm

that if I'm not authentic to myself I'm

that if I'm not authentic to myself I'm
sick I have a stomach ache I can't sleep

sick I have a stomach ache I can't sleep

sick I have a stomach ache I can't sleep
I'm anxious and it's usually

I'm anxious and it's usually

I'm anxious and it's usually
here it's usually something in this

here it's usually something in this

here it's usually something in this
Dynamic yeah right well when I would uh

Dynamic yeah right well when I would uh

Dynamic yeah right well when I would uh
comp possibly shop for compact disc and

comp possibly shop for compact disc and

comp possibly shop for compact disc and
lie about it we able to get neck aches

lie about it we able to get neck aches

lie about it we able to get neck aches
and after a while she figured out if I

and after a while she figured out if I

and after a while she figured out if I
got a neck ache this guy's lying to me

got a neck ache this guy's lying to me

got a neck ache this guy's lying to me
he doesn't get away with anything

yeah how are you gab or mate not

yeah how are you gab or mate not
processing your trauma how am I not

processing your trauma how am I not

processing your trauma how am I not
person yeah because like if you're not

person yeah because like if you're not

person yeah because like if you're not
doing it that's like Steve Jobs going I

doing it that's like Steve Jobs going I

doing it that's like Steve Jobs going I
couldn't get my phone to

couldn't get my phone to

couldn't get my phone to
work that's another traumatized person

work that's another traumatized person

work that's another traumatized person
by the way who whose cancer has

by the way who whose cancer has

by the way who whose cancer has
everything to do with the childood

everything to do with the childood

everything to do with the childood
trauma that he experienced but that's

trauma that he experienced but that's

trauma that he experienced but that's
another book and another

another book and another

another book and another
story so you sort of a bit like in The

story so you sort of a bit like in The

story so you sort of a bit like in The
Matrix when Neo sees everything's made

Matrix when Neo sees everything's made

Matrix when Neo sees everything's made
out of numbers you look at people and

out of numbers you look at people and

out of numbers you look at people and
you see all their trauma and damage

you see all their trauma and damage

you see all their trauma and damage
that's what I

that's what I

that's what I
see until I realized that I was

see until I realized that I was

see until I realized that I was
traumatized which really wasn't in my

traumatized which really wasn't in my

traumatized which really wasn't in my
late 30s and mid 40s and I began to

late 30s and mid 40s and I began to

late 30s and mid 40s and I began to
realize that it didn't have to be this

realize that it didn't have to be this

realize that it didn't have to be this
way that there were reasons for it and I

way that there were reasons for it and I

way that there were reasons for it and I
started looking for those reasons so I

started looking for those reasons so I

started looking for those reasons so I
started waking up fairly late in

started waking up fairly late in

started waking up fairly late in
life I was a driven workoholic doctor

life I was a driven workoholic doctor

life I was a driven workoholic doctor
now why was I a driven workolic doctor

now why was I a driven workolic doctor

now why was I a driven workolic doctor
cuz the message I got is an in is that

cuz the message I got is an in is that

cuz the message I got is an in is that
the world didn't want me now how do you

the world didn't want me now how do you

the world didn't want me now how do you
deal with not being wanted you make

deal with not being wanted you make

deal with not being wanted you make
yourself needed so if you're traumatized

yourself needed so if you're traumatized

yourself needed so if you're traumatized
and if you don't think you're lovable my

and if you don't think you're lovable my

and if you don't think you're lovable my
God go to medical school now they're

God go to medical school now they're

God go to medical school now they're
going to want you all the time when

going to want you all the time when

going to want you all the time when
they're dying when they're being born

they're dying when they're being born

they're dying when they're being born
every moment in between and that's

every moment in between and that's

every moment in between and that's
highly addictive CU you get the

highly addictive CU you get the

highly addictive CU you get the
validation all the

time a lot of people that go into

time a lot of people that go into
medicine the last thing they want is to

medicine the last thing they want is to

medicine the last thing they want is to
be open and vulnerable in fact what they

be open and vulnerable in fact what they

be open and vulnerable in fact what they
want is the authority of the white code

want is the authority of the white code

want is the authority of the white code
and the stetoscope and medical school is

and the stetoscope and medical school is

and the stetoscope and medical school is
very hard on people people you might

very hard on people people you might

very hard on people people you might
look at it almost as a selection process

look at it almost as a selection process

look at it almost as a selection process
that weeds out the people that are too

that weeds out the people that are too

that weeds out the people that are too
vulnerable the long hours the deference

vulnerable the long hours the deference

vulnerable the long hours the deference
to unreasonable Authority the stress

to unreasonable Authority the stress

to unreasonable Authority the stress
that you are willing to subject yourself

that you are willing to subject yourself

that you are willing to subject yourself
to and these are the people that like me

to and these are the people that like me

to and these are the people that like me
become Physicians so that selects out

become Physicians so that selects out

become Physicians so that selects out
against the

against the

against the
vulnerable I went to medical school here

vulnerable I went to medical school here

vulnerable I went to medical school here
at UBC um at that time we did not get a

at UBC um at that time we did not get a

at UBC um at that time we did not get a
single lecture of trauma we did not even

single lecture of trauma we did not even

single lecture of trauma we did not even
hear the word they still don't hear the

hear the word they still don't hear the

hear the word they still don't hear the
word trauma in medical

word trauma in medical

word trauma in medical
[Music]

[Music]

[Music]
school so I've I've looked at the whole

school so I've I've looked at the whole

school so I've I've looked at the whole
range of Human Experience from birth to

range of Human Experience from birth to

range of Human Experience from birth to
death cuz I've worked In Obstetrics and

death cuz I've worked In Obstetrics and

death cuz I've worked In Obstetrics and
I worked in paliative care and

I worked in paliative care and

I worked in paliative care and
everything else in between the modern

everything else in between the modern

everything else in between the modern
medical Paradigm in practice separates

medical Paradigm in practice separates

medical Paradigm in practice separates
mind from the body and it separates the

mind from the body and it separates the

mind from the body and it separates the
individual from the environment so when

individual from the environment so when

individual from the environment so when
you look at that there's an epidemic of

you look at that there's an epidemic of

you look at that there's an epidemic of
asthma right now in North America more

asthma right now in North America more

asthma right now in North America more
and more people are kids are being

and more people are kids are being

and more people are kids are being
diagnosed with it it's all about or

diagnosed with it it's all about or

diagnosed with it it's all about or
largely about the increasing stress in

largely about the increasing stress in

largely about the increasing stress in
our society so it's a cultural

our society so it's a cultural

our society so it's a cultural
manifestation and this is completely

manifestation and this is completely

manifestation and this is completely
missing in medical practice if you look

missing in medical practice if you look

missing in medical practice if you look
at Black Americans black Americans are

at Black Americans black Americans are

at Black Americans black Americans are
more likely to get prostate cancer and

more likely to get prostate cancer and

more likely to get prostate cancer and
more likely to die of it and not because

more likely to die of it and not because

more likely to die of it and not because
of lack of medical

of lack of medical

of lack of medical
care but maybe there's something about

care but maybe there's something about

care but maybe there's something about
being a minority in this particular

being a minority in this particular

being a minority in this particular
culture that is so highly stressful that

culture that is so highly stressful that

culture that is so highly stressful that
it arranges the immune system if you

it arranges the immune system if you

it arranges the immune system if you
look at that asthmatic afroamerican

look at that asthmatic afroamerican

look at that asthmatic afroamerican
woman is that asthma a manifestation of

woman is that asthma a manifestation of

woman is that asthma a manifestation of
her own

her own

her own
pathology or is it reflecting a social

pathology or is it reflecting a social

pathology or is it reflecting a social
malaise which means the emotion whatever

malaise which means the emotion whatever

malaise which means the emotion whatever
you

you

you
experienced probably suppressed Rage or

experienced probably suppressed Rage or

experienced probably suppressed Rage or
shame whatever you

shame whatever you

shame whatever you
experienced actually affects the

experienced actually affects the

experienced actually affects the
physiology of your

physiology of your

physiology of your
lungs medicine is very interesting that

lungs medicine is very interesting that

lungs medicine is very interesting that
way if you go to a dermatologist with an

way if you go to a dermatologist with an

way if you go to a dermatologist with an
inflamed skin what kind of cream are

inflamed skin what kind of cream are

inflamed skin what kind of cream are
they going to give you anybody know

they going to give you anybody know

they going to give you anybody know
steroid cream right if you go to a

steroid cream right if you go to a

steroid cream right if you go to a
rheumatologist with an inflame joint

rheumatologist with an inflame joint

rheumatologist with an inflame joint
what medication are they going to give

what medication are they going to give

what medication are they going to give
you steroid very often if you go to a a

you steroid very often if you go to a a

you steroid very often if you go to a a
lung specialist with asthma what kind of

lung specialist with asthma what kind of

lung specialist with asthma what kind of
inhaler are you going to get steroid if

inhaler are you going to get steroid if

inhaler are you going to get steroid if
you go to a gastroenterologist with an

you go to a gastroenterologist with an

you go to a gastroenterologist with an
inflamed intestines what kind of

inflamed intestines what kind of

inflamed intestines what kind of
medication are it steroids no what are

medication are it steroids no what are

medication are it steroids no what are
steroids but copies of cortisol what is

steroids but copies of cortisol what is

steroids but copies of cortisol what is
cortisol the stress hormone we're

cortisol the stress hormone we're

cortisol the stress hormone we're
treating everything with stress

treating everything with stress

treating everything with stress
hormones maybe it should occur to us

hormones maybe it should occur to us

hormones maybe it should occur to us
that stress has something to do with the

that stress has something to do with the

that stress has something to do with the
onset of these

onset of these

onset of these
conditions the fundamental problem is

conditions the fundamental problem is

conditions the fundamental problem is
capitalism or I should say materialism

capitalism or I should say materialism

capitalism or I should say materialism
as long as research is driven by the

as long as research is driven by the

as long as research is driven by the
profits of pharmaceutical companies

profits of pharmaceutical companies

profits of pharmaceutical companies
what's going to drive the education of

what's going to drive the education of

what's going to drive the education of
Physicians except the profit motorable

Physicians except the profit motorable

Physicians except the profit motorable
pharmaceutical companies I me just

pharmaceutical companies I me just

pharmaceutical companies I me just
obvious

people have to be seen as

people have to be seen as
automatons as beings without really

automatons as beings without really

automatons as beings without really
emotional needs or or or spiritual

emotional needs or or or spiritual

emotional needs or or or spiritual
needs as globalization and globalized

needs as globalization and globalized

needs as globalization and globalized
materialism spreads throughout the world

materialism spreads throughout the world

materialism spreads throughout the world
so is autoimmune disease spreading

so is autoimmune disease spreading

so is autoimmune disease spreading
throughout the world in societies that

throughout the world in societies that

throughout the world in societies that
hardly even knew them before diseases

hardly even knew them before diseases

hardly even knew them before diseases
whether mental or physical or normal

whether mental or physical or normal

whether mental or physical or normal
responses to abnormal

responses to abnormal

responses to abnormal
circumstances and that will we consider

circumstances and that will we consider

circumstances and that will we consider
normal in this Society is often actually

normal in this Society is often actually

normal in this Society is often actually
insane in the most health obsessed Human

insane in the most health obsessed Human

insane in the most health obsessed Human
Society ever all is not well in the US

Society ever all is not well in the US

Society ever all is not well in the US
the richest Society in history fully

the richest Society in history fully

the richest Society in history fully
half of the citizens have a chronic

half of the citizens have a chronic

half of the citizens have a chronic
disorder such as high blood pressure or

disorder such as high blood pressure or

disorder such as high blood pressure or
diabetes illness is when part of an

diabetes illness is when part of an

diabetes illness is when part of an
organism starts working against the

organism starts working against the

organism starts working against the
overall benefit of the organism so that

overall benefit of the organism so that

overall benefit of the organism so that
say in an autoimmune disease the immune

say in an autoimmune disease the immune

say in an autoimmune disease the immune
system attacks the the whole organism so

system attacks the the whole organism so

system attacks the the whole organism so
A system that was designed by nature to

A system that was designed by nature to

A system that was designed by nature to
protect you now turns against you cell

protect you now turns against you cell

protect you now turns against you cell
division which is meant to be in

division which is meant to be in

division which is meant to be in
coordination with the needs of the

coordination with the needs of the

coordination with the needs of the
entire organism gets out of hand and

entire organism gets out of hand and

entire organism gets out of hand and
know you've got

[Music]

[Music]
cancer the search is always to find out

cancer the search is always to find out

cancer the search is always to find out
what's wrong with the individual cell or

what's wrong with the individual cell or

what's wrong with the individual cell or
how you kill the abnormal cells so the

how you kill the abnormal cells so the

how you kill the abnormal cells so the
treatment is restricted to the

treatment is restricted to the

treatment is restricted to the
biological plane we cut it out or we

biological plane we cut it out or we

biological plane we cut it out or we
poison it or we burn it that's our

poison it or we burn it that's our

poison it or we burn it that's our
approach to treating

approach to treating

approach to treating
cancer most chronic illness is a way of

cancer most chronic illness is a way of

cancer most chronic illness is a way of
the body saying no when a person

the body saying no when a person

the body saying no when a person
suppressed their nose in order to fit in

suppressed their nose in order to fit in

suppressed their nose in order to fit in
I'm saying is that when illness comes

I'm saying is that when illness comes

I'm saying is that when illness comes
along we can just look upon it as a

along we can just look upon it as a

along we can just look upon it as a
nuisance to get rid of and an enemy to

nuisance to get rid of and an enemy to

nuisance to get rid of and an enemy to
fight or we can say okay well it's here

fight or we can say okay well it's here

fight or we can say okay well it's here
now what's the

now what's the

now what's the
teaching which just doesn't mean that we

teaching which just doesn't mean that we

teaching which just doesn't mean that we
don't accept treatment or we don't do

don't accept treatment or we don't do

don't accept treatment or we don't do
our best

our best

our best
to to to heal but that as part of that

to to to heal but that as part of that

to to to heal but that as part of that
healing process we actually ask

healing process we actually ask

healing process we actually ask
ourselves what does this mean about my

ourselves what does this mean about my

ourselves what does this mean about my
life and and and my relationships and

life and and and my relationships and

life and and and my relationships and
particularly about how I treat myself

particularly about how I treat myself

particularly about how I treat myself
what is the

what is the

what is the
[Music]

teaching my name is Tim I'm 51 years old

teaching my name is Tim I'm 51 years old
I was given a diagnosis of pro State

I was given a diagnosis of pro State

I was given a diagnosis of pro State
cancer about a year and a half

cancer about a year and a half

cancer about a year and a half
ago we actually had a full radical

ago we actually had a full radical

ago we actually had a full radical
prostectomy so that means the whole

prostectomy so that means the whole

prostectomy so that means the whole
removal of my prostate which was no walk

removal of my prostate which was no walk

removal of my prostate which was no walk
in the park it's it's quite a quite an

in the park it's it's quite a quite an

in the park it's it's quite a quite an
extensive

extensive

extensive
surgery in October they did a bone scan

surgery in October they did a bone scan

surgery in October they did a bone scan
and found that there was multiple areas

and found that there was multiple areas

and found that there was multiple areas
in my spine ribs and some pelvis that

in my spine ribs and some pelvis that

in my spine ribs and some pelvis that
the uh cancer had metastasized to which

the uh cancer had metastasized to which

the uh cancer had metastasized to which
was devastating to me at the time there

was devastating to me at the time there

was devastating to me at the time there
was no need for me to have the operation

was no need for me to have the operation

was no need for me to have the operation
if someone has prostate

if someone has prostate

if someone has prostate
cancer and they have their prostate

cancer and they have their prostate

cancer and they have their prostate
removed but the cancer is still in their

removed but the cancer is still in their

removed but the cancer is still in their
body then the surgery hasn't done any

body then the surgery hasn't done any

body then the surgery hasn't done any
[Music]

good there was no root cause analysis of

good there was no root cause analysis of
why I got it um what I soon discovered

why I got it um what I soon discovered

why I got it um what I soon discovered
was that everything was a

Band-Aid the average general

Band-Aid the average general
practitioner under the insurance

practitioner under the insurance

practitioner under the insurance
programs gets to see a person for 6

programs gets to see a person for 6

programs gets to see a person for 6
minutes and a psychiatrist gets to see

minutes and a psychiatrist gets to see

minutes and a psychiatrist gets to see
them for 10 minutes what can you do in

them for 10 minutes what can you do in

them for 10 minutes what can you do in
10 minutes you can adjust

10 minutes you can adjust

10 minutes you can adjust
medications and the average psychiatrist

medications and the average psychiatrist

medications and the average psychiatrist
today is not trained in Psychotherapy

today is not trained in Psychotherapy

today is not trained in Psychotherapy
they're trained in what's called

they're trained in what's called

they're trained in what's called
biological psychiaty which fundamentally

biological psychiaty which fundamentally

biological psychiaty which fundamentally
means altering the biology of the brain

means altering the biology of the brain

means altering the biology of the brain
by handing out prescription

by handing out prescription

by handing out prescription
which never get to the heart of the

which never get to the heart of the

which never get to the heart of the
problem so while I'm not dogmatically

problem so while I'm not dogmatically

problem so while I'm not dogmatically
opposed to medications on the contrary I

opposed to medications on the contrary I

opposed to medications on the contrary I
acknowledge their value in my own life

acknowledge their value in my own life

acknowledge their value in my own life
they are not the answer and at the very

they are not the answer and at the very

they are not the answer and at the very
best they should be only as a stop Gap

best they should be only as a stop Gap

best they should be only as a stop Gap
measure until we get to work on the real

issues why this disease why in this

issues why this disease why in this
person and why now unless I answer those

person and why now unless I answer those

person and why now unless I answer those
questions unless I ask those

questions unless I ask those

questions unless I ask those
questions you can't we can't talk about

questions you can't we can't talk about

questions you can't we can't talk about
wholeness

wholeness

wholeness
we can't talk about healing in the

we can't talk about healing in the

we can't talk about healing in the
deepest

deepest

deepest
[Music]

[Music]

[Music]
sense I grew up in a family with a

sense I grew up in a family with a

sense I grew up in a family with a
father who

father who

father who
was very angry and never even realized

was very angry and never even realized

was very angry and never even realized
it because for me it was just natural

it because for me it was just natural

it because for me it was just natural
and normal as a kid I didn't know any

and normal as a kid I didn't know any

and normal as a kid I didn't know any
different and I was very

different and I was very

different and I was very
scared anytime I acted out in anger it

scared anytime I acted out in anger it

scared anytime I acted out in anger it
always backfired so I could never

always backfired so I could never

always backfired so I could never
express that anger

so I decided to go more on a healing

so I decided to go more on a healing
Journey myself and try to find out what

Journey myself and try to find out what

Journey myself and try to find out what
could I do

could I do

could I do
myself to be able to maybe cure this

myself to be able to maybe cure this

myself to be able to maybe cure this
thing or at least live longer feel

thing or at least live longer feel

thing or at least live longer feel
better um and address it at uh at many

better um and address it at uh at many

better um and address it at uh at many
different levels so I turned to

different levels so I turned to

different levels so I turned to
iasa um mainly because of the anxiety

iasa um mainly because of the anxiety

iasa um mainly because of the anxiety
and realizing like what's a deeper

and realizing like what's a deeper

and realizing like what's a deeper
spiritual re reason that I got this

spiritual re reason that I got this

spiritual re reason that I got this
diagnosis why did I get this cancer I I

diagnosis why did I get this cancer I I

diagnosis why did I get this cancer I I
got more out of aasa in one Journey that

got more out of aasa in one Journey that

got more out of aasa in one Journey that
I probably did in 5 years of psycho

analysis what I know about aasa and the

analysis what I know about aasa and the
healing of addiction AOS being a

healing of addiction AOS being a

healing of addiction AOS being a
Amazonian Brew which is got psychedelic

Amazonian Brew which is got psychedelic

Amazonian Brew which is got psychedelic
called

called

called
quties can induce visions and deep

quties can induce visions and deep

quties can induce visions and deep
[Music]

[Music]

[Music]
experiences so there was a ceremony here

experiences so there was a ceremony here

experiences so there was a ceremony here
led by a Peruvian Shaman and within half

led by a Peruvian Shaman and within half

led by a Peruvian Shaman and within half
an hour of having ingested The Brew it

an hour of having ingested The Brew it

an hour of having ingested The Brew it
felt very much real it felt very much

felt very much real it felt very much

felt very much real it felt very much
like me but it was

like me but it was

like me but it was
new because they experienced the state

new because they experienced the state

new because they experienced the state
of um such deep love and gratitude

of um such deep love and gratitude

of um such deep love and gratitude
such as I had not recalled experiencing

such as I had not recalled experiencing

such as I had not recalled experiencing
before and I saw that all my own

before and I saw that all my own

before and I saw that all my own
addictive

addictive

addictive
behaviors uh were driven precisely

behaviors uh were driven precisely

behaviors uh were driven precisely
because I hadn't been able to experience

because I hadn't been able to experience

because I hadn't been able to experience
that kind of love and that kind of

that kind of love and that kind of

that kind of love and that kind of
gratitude that's from that state there's

gratitude that's from that state there's

gratitude that's from that state there's
no need to be to look for anything else

no need to be to look for anything else

no need to be to look for anything else
outside of

outside of

outside of
yourself and I also learned very shortly

yourself and I also learned very shortly

yourself and I also learned very shortly
that that the iOS has the power to teach

that that the iOS has the power to teach

that that the iOS has the power to teach
people about their dramaa to to to

people about their dramaa to to to

people about their dramaa to to to
actually show them what happened to them

actually show them what happened to them

actually show them what happened to them
all of a sudden oh yes this is what

all of a sudden oh yes this is what

all of a sudden oh yes this is what
happened this is how I decided that life

happened this is how I decided that life

happened this is how I decided that life
is unbearable this is how I decided that

is unbearable this is how I decided that

is unbearable this is how I decided that
I wasn't lovable this is why I decided

I wasn't lovable this is why I decided

I wasn't lovable this is why I decided
that I had to soo myself from the

that I had to soo myself from the

that I had to soo myself from the
outside because there was no peace

outside because there was no peace

outside because there was no peace
inside and immediately I said I'm going

inside and immediately I said I'm going

inside and immediately I said I'm going
to work with

this and once you start working with one

this and once you start working with one
psychedelic then you become aware that

psychedelic then you become aware that

psychedelic then you become aware that
there's a whole world out there and

there's a whole world out there and

there's a whole world out there and
there's a whole Resurgence now in the uh

there's a whole Resurgence now in the uh

there's a whole Resurgence now in the uh
healing power of psychedelic modalities

healing power of psychedelic modalities

healing power of psychedelic modalities
and so there other

substances the Deep therapeutic

substances the Deep therapeutic
potential of

potential of

potential of
psychedelics resides in the fact that

psychedelics resides in the fact that

psychedelics resides in the fact that
they get the condition mind out of the

they get the condition mind out of the

they get the condition mind out of the
way so people have access to two aspects

way so people have access to two aspects

way so people have access to two aspects
of reality that they usually not in

of reality that they usually not in

of reality that they usually not in
touch with one is the Deep trauma and

touch with one is the Deep trauma and

touch with one is the Deep trauma and
pain that they're carrying that they can

pain that they're carrying that they can

pain that they're carrying that they can
actually look at now and in the

actually look at now and in the

actually look at now and in the
appropriate compassionate safe context

appropriate compassionate safe context

appropriate compassionate safe context
they can experience these troubled

they can experience these troubled

they can experience these troubled
emotions and mind states without having

emotions and mind states without having

emotions and mind states without having
to be driven into insanity or uh having

to be driven into insanity or uh having

to be driven into insanity or uh having
to

to

to
escape if you're going to use

escape if you're going to use

escape if you're going to use
psychedelics it has to be combined with

psychedelics it has to be combined with

psychedelics it has to be combined with
very adapt therapy at the same

time so in my work with Tim tomorrow

time so in my work with Tim tomorrow
will'll be using one of these um

will'll be using one of these um

will'll be using one of these um
modalities to see if he can be guided

modalities to see if he can be guided

modalities to see if he can be guided
deep into himself so some answers May

deep into himself so some answers May

deep into himself so some answers May
emerge for the existential and life

emerge for the existential and life

emerge for the existential and life
issues that he's

issues that he's

issues that he's
[Music]

facing hey ptim hi G come

facing hey ptim hi G come
in who are you good thank you you all

in who are you good thank you you all

in who are you good thank you you all
set yeah I'm all set okay come on

set yeah I'm all set okay come on

set yeah I'm all set okay come on
in

in

in
the medication will take about half an

the medication will take about half an

the medication will take about half an
hour to take effect when you're ready

hour to take effect when you're ready

hour to take effect when you're ready
just uh ingest

just uh ingest

just uh ingest
it you've been diagnosed with prostate

it you've been diagnosed with prostate

it you've been diagnosed with prostate
cancer correct and Stage for means that

cancer correct and Stage for means that

cancer correct and Stage for means that
it's spread to elsewhere in the body yes

it's spread to elsewhere in the body yes

it's spread to elsewhere in the body yes
it's red to uh to Bone places in my

it's red to uh to Bone places in my

it's red to uh to Bone places in my
spine um pelvis and uh

spine um pelvis and uh

spine um pelvis and uh
ribs in my view people that develop

ribs in my view people that develop

ribs in my view people that develop
cancer tend to be nice people who are

cancer tend to be nice people who are

cancer tend to be nice people who are
more con with the emotional needs of

more con with the emotional needs of

more con with the emotional needs of
others than their own they have a hard

others than their own they have a hard

others than their own they have a hard
time expressing healthy anger and also

time expressing healthy anger and also

time expressing healthy anger and also
they have this belief that they must not

they have this belief that they must not

they have this belief that they must not
disappoint anybody how do you feel when

disappoint anybody how do you feel when

disappoint anybody how do you feel when
you perceive that somebody is not seeing

you perceive that somebody is not seeing

you perceive that somebody is not seeing
you is not listening to you I felt very

you is not listening to you I felt very

you is not listening to you I felt very
sad and probably a bit of a a tinge of

sad and probably a bit of a a tinge of

sad and probably a bit of a a tinge of
anger there too as well yeah so how

anger there too as well yeah so how

anger there too as well yeah so how
about we we rephrase that anger yeah I

about we we rephrase that anger yeah I

about we we rephrase that anger yeah I
yeah I felt I felt anger what do you

yeah I felt I felt anger what do you

yeah I felt I felt anger what do you
feel in your body when you say those

feel in your body when you say those

feel in your body when you say those
things just just checking with your body

things just just checking with your body

things just just checking with your body
what's happening there I feel a little

what's happening there I feel a little

what's happening there I feel a little
bit energized from it just just saying

bit energized from it just just saying

bit energized from it just just saying
it yeah absolutely I feel a little bit

it yeah absolutely I feel a little bit

it yeah absolutely I feel a little bit
more awake so noce so you deprive

more awake so noce so you deprive

more awake so noce so you deprive
yourself of

yourself of

yourself of
[Music]

[Music]

[Music]
energy

energy

energy
[Music]

[Music]

[Music]
okay that makes me just really sad just

okay that makes me just really sad just

okay that makes me just really sad just
thinking about

thinking about

thinking about
[Music]

it feels good to

it feels good to
feel and underneath that I

feel and underneath that I

feel and underneath that I
just feeling this

just feeling this

just feeling this
frustration [\h__\h] it's too much energy to

frustration [\h__\h] it's too much energy to

frustration [\h__\h] it's too much energy to
I've been holding on to contain that

I've been holding on to contain that

I've been holding on to contain that
like I'm pissed off I have to keep

like I'm pissed off I have to keep

like I'm pissed off I have to keep
[\h__\h] focusing on all this [\h__\h]

[\h__\h] focusing on all this [\h__\h]

[\h__\h] focusing on all this [\h__\h]
working on

myself h

myself h
[\h__\h] tired of

it so what is the thing that you need to

it so what is the thing that you need to
keep your mind

keep your mind

keep your mind
off by trying to figure everything

off by trying to figure everything

off by trying to figure everything
out this little

out this little

out this little
boy that just wants to be

boy that just wants to be

boy that just wants to be
loved and accepted

unconditionally

unconditionally
wasn't and so he's had to figure out how

wasn't and so he's had to figure out how

wasn't and so he's had to figure out how
to

to

to
be

be

be
accepted and loved by others and even my

accepted and loved by others and even my

accepted and loved by others and even my
internal

judge it's a little rat when I was

judge it's a little rat when I was
[Music]

angry he can stop all this

angry he can stop all this
work he just actually just be here and

work he just actually just be here and

work he just actually just be here and
with whatever there

with whatever there

with whatever there
[Music]

[Music]

[Music]
is

see as long as you don't allow the fear

see as long as you don't allow the fear
to be there you're going to be always

to be there you're going to be always

to be there you're going to be always
working to get rid of

working to get rid of

working to get rid of
[Music]

[Music]

[Music]
it that's what the work is all about all

it that's what the work is all about all

it that's what the work is all about all
the work that you're

the work that you're

the work that you're
doing and then you're going to keep

doing and then you're going to keep

doing and then you're going to keep
working to make yourself acceptable and

working to make yourself acceptable and

working to make yourself acceptable and
always nice and dutiful and all

always nice and dutiful and all

always nice and dutiful and all
[Music]

that or you could say okay the fear is

that or you could say okay the fear is
there I'll let it be

there I'll let it be

there I'll let it be
there I'm big enough to there's enough

there I'm big enough to there's enough

there I'm big enough to there's enough
space here for it

space here for it

space here for it
to to be a part of

me this just seems too

me this just seems too
easy yeah it's got to be a lot more

easy yeah it's got to be a lot more

easy yeah it's got to be a lot more
complicated than

complicated than

complicated than
[Music]

that I developed a method of therapy or

that I developed a method of therapy or
Exploration with people called

Exploration with people called

Exploration with people called
compassionate inquiry the essence of

compassionate inquiry the essence of

compassionate inquiry the essence of
which is the belief that the truth is

which is the belief that the truth is

which is the belief that the truth is
inside all of us we just have to ask the

inside all of us we just have to ask the

inside all of us we just have to ask the
right questions to help people arrive at

right questions to help people arrive at

right questions to help people arrive at
the truth that clenched jaw could speak

the truth that clenched jaw could speak

the truth that clenched jaw could speak
what would it say

now I don't want this

now I don't want this
anymore okay is what is the disc that

anymore okay is what is the disc that

anymore okay is what is the disc that
you don't want

you don't want

you don't want
that's what I don't

that's what I don't

that's what I don't
know if we didn't shut our mouth like

know if we didn't shut our mouth like

know if we didn't shut our mouth like
this what is it that wants to come out

this what is it that wants to come out

this what is it that wants to come out
that we're not letting

out rage yeah that is the inquiry how do

out rage yeah that is the inquiry how do
you feel about that I think there's a

you feel about that I think there's a

you feel about that I think there's a
few feelings associated with

few feelings associated with

few feelings associated with
that

that

that
um I'm not blame that one how do you

um I'm not blame that one how do you

um I'm not blame that one how do you
feel towards it how do you feel about

feel towards it how do you feel about

feel towards it how do you feel about
that I'm a part of you how do you feel

that I'm a part of you how do you feel

that I'm a part of you how do you feel
about that what comes up right now shame

about that what comes up right now shame

about that what comes up right now shame
thank

thank

thank
you what what are you ashamed about do

you what what are you ashamed about do

you what what are you ashamed about do
you know that it is a weakness and you

you know that it is a weakness and you

you know that it is a weakness and you
must not be weak

must not be weak

must not be weak
correct because if you're weak then

correct because if you're weak then

correct because if you're weak then
what I won't be able to take care of

what I won't be able to take care of

what I won't be able to take care of
those I

those I

those I
love so you located it it's here in the

love so you located it it's here in the

love so you located it it's here in the
chest area just put your attention on it

chest area just put your attention on it

chest area just put your attention on it
right now I'm I'm looking at this

right now I'm I'm looking at this

right now I'm I'm looking at this
blockage or sense of blockage okay what

blockage or sense of blockage okay what

blockage or sense of blockage okay what
does it want to say to

does it want to say to

does it want to say to
you it's not a word it's soothing it's

you it's not a word it's soothing it's

you it's not a word it's soothing it's
soothing

soothing

soothing
yeah Desiring that is wanting soothing

yeah Desiring that is wanting soothing

yeah Desiring that is wanting soothing
yeah if you're in touch with this sense

yeah if you're in touch with this sense

yeah if you're in touch with this sense
here that youve just identified how

here that youve just identified how

here that youve just identified how
familiar is it to you oh very halfer

familiar is it to you oh very halfer

familiar is it to you oh very halfer
does it go

does it go

does it go
back seven that's when I lost my mother

back seven that's when I lost my mother

back seven that's when I lost my mother
and but it was okay present before that

and but it was okay present before that

and but it was okay present before that
okay so what does it need from

okay so what does it need from

okay so what does it need from
you need to be held need to be held yeah

you need to be held need to be held yeah

you need to be held need to be held yeah
like your mother might have held you

like your mother might have held you

like your mother might have held you
yeah so when it

yeah so when it

yeah so when it
arises my advice is don't try and figure

arises my advice is don't try and figure

arises my advice is don't try and figure
out how better to do your work or how

out how better to do your work or how

out how better to do your work or how
better to be present or any of that or

better to be present or any of that or

better to be present or any of that or
or or how will I fulfill my calling your

or or how will I fulfill my calling your

or or how will I fulfill my calling your
calling is really clear but this part of

calling is really clear but this part of

calling is really clear but this part of
you guess what needs to be he heard and

seen all righty okay yeah mhm that makes

seen all righty okay yeah mhm that makes
sense that's

sense that's

sense that's
good any

good any

good any
questions I think I'm just supposed to

questions I think I'm just supposed to

questions I think I'm just supposed to
feel right

now well that's good that means you're

now well that's good that means you're
paying attention yeah what he he called

paying attention yeah what he he called

paying attention yeah what he he called
you something monster oh yeah he called

you something monster oh yeah he called

you something monster oh yeah he called
Monster he's called me delusional how do

Monster he's called me delusional how do

Monster he's called me delusional how do
you feel when he calls you a monster I

you feel when he calls you a monster I

you feel when he calls you a monster I
mean I feel hurt pain I feel angry okay

mean I feel hurt pain I feel angry okay

mean I feel hurt pain I feel angry okay
so what if I said to you you got

so what if I said to you you got

so what if I said to you you got
beautiful green

beautiful green

beautiful green
hair how would you feel about

hair how would you feel about

hair how would you feel about
that laugh I why would you laugh why

that laugh I why would you laugh why

that laugh I why would you laugh why
would you

would you

would you
laugh cuz I know my hair is not green

laugh cuz I know my hair is not green

laugh cuz I know my hair is not green
uh-huh what if I said you were a

monster the feeling of the anxiety was

monster the feeling of the anxiety was
so

so

so
strong that I wanted to end it anything

strong that I wanted to end it anything

strong that I wanted to end it anything
familiar about any of

familiar about any of

familiar about any of
that are you trying to go back to

that are you trying to go back to

that are you trying to go back to
Childhood

me can you see that you developed the

me can you see that you developed the
belief that I can't be touched nothing

belief that I can't be touched nothing

belief that I can't be touched nothing
can touch me

can touch me

can touch me
mhm guess what what happens when you get

sick that defense is now

sick that defense is now
destroyed

destroyed

destroyed
[Laughter]

[Laughter]

[Laughter]
wow

wow

wow
wow I asked people to tell me some

wow I asked people to tell me some

wow I asked people to tell me some
recent episode when they're upset with

recent episode when they're upset with

recent episode when they're upset with
somebody with their lives and something

somebody with their lives and something

somebody with their lives and something
that they're open to sharing so it

that they're open to sharing so it

that they're open to sharing so it
doesn't have to be anything sorted or

doesn't have to be anything sorted or

doesn't have to be anything sorted or
something but just something you know

something but just something you know

something but just something you know
whether it's your spouse partner the bus

whether it's your spouse partner the bus

whether it's your spouse partner the bus
driver I I don't care who friend okay so

driver I I don't care who friend okay so

driver I I don't care who friend okay so
what happened describe it what happened

what happened describe it what happened

what happened describe it what happened
yeah all right there were a number of

yeah all right there were a number of

yeah all right there were a number of
issues in my home and I had hired

issues in my home and I had hired

issues in my home and I had hired
someone to do these things while I was

someone to do these things while I was

someone to do these things while I was
gone okay and I came back and none of

gone okay and I came back and none of

gone okay and I came back and none of
them were fixed okay and your emotional

them were fixed okay and your emotional

them were fixed okay and your emotional
reaction was anger anything else besides

reaction was anger anything else besides

reaction was anger anything else besides
anger I

anger I

anger I
was disappointed disappointed is sadness

was disappointed disappointed is sadness

was disappointed disappointed is sadness
let's let's go with that okay so I'm

let's let's go with that okay so I'm

let's let's go with that okay so I'm
going to ask you a silly question what

going to ask you a silly question what

going to ask you a silly question what
were you sad and angry about well angry

were you sad and angry about well angry

were you sad and angry about well angry
that someone had made commitments to me

that someone had made commitments to me

that someone had made commitments to me
and not fulfilled those commitments what

and not fulfilled those commitments what

and not fulfilled those commitments what
what does that mean that they didn't

what does that mean that they didn't

what does that mean that they didn't
fulfill their commitments uh meant that

fulfill their commitments uh meant that

fulfill their commitments uh meant that
they

they

they
didn't care

didn't care

didn't care
about me they didn't uh that they didn't

about me they didn't uh that they didn't

about me they didn't uh that they didn't
respect me so they didn't care about you

respect me so they didn't care about you

respect me so they didn't care about you
and didn't respect you what kind of

and didn't respect you what kind of

and didn't respect you what kind of
person doesn't get cared or

person doesn't get cared or

person doesn't get cared or
respected I don't know someone who

respected I don't know someone who

respected I don't know someone who
doesn't deserve to be cared for or

doesn't deserve to be cared for or

doesn't deserve to be cared for or
respected exactly are there other

respected exactly are there other

respected exactly are there other
reasons why this other person might not

reasons why this other person might not

reasons why this other person might not
have done the work

have done the work

have done the work
that has nothing to do with him or her

that has nothing to do with him or her

that has nothing to do with him or her
not caring about him or not respecting

not caring about him or not respecting

not caring about him or not respecting
him so what other reasons might there be

him so what other reasons might there be

him so what other reasons might there be
uh he had a a flight delay and got

uh he had a a flight delay and got

uh he had a a flight delay and got
caught on Puerto Rico during a hurricane

caught on Puerto Rico during a hurricane

caught on Puerto Rico during a hurricane
yeah he's got ADHD yeah uh he and he

yeah he's got ADHD yeah uh he and he

yeah he's got ADHD yeah uh he and he
can't follow through um and any number

can't follow through um and any number

can't follow through um and any number
of possibilities no of all the

of possibilities no of all the

of possibilities no of all the
possibilities that you've just uh

possibilities that you've just uh

possibilities that you've just uh
outlined including that he they don't

outlined including that he they don't

outlined including that he they don't
care about you or respect you which is

care about you or respect you which is

care about you or respect you which is
the worst one the one I immediately

the worst one the one I immediately

the worst one the one I immediately
defaulted to so let's notice something a

defaulted to so let's notice something a

defaulted to so let's notice something a
you I should say we because we're all

you I should say we because we're all

you I should say we because we're all
like this we don't respond to what

like this we don't respond to what

like this we don't respond to what
happens mhm we respond to our perception

happens mhm we respond to our perception

happens mhm we respond to our perception
of what happens right okay that's what

of what happens right okay that's what

of what happens right okay that's what
the Buddha said it's with our minds you

the Buddha said it's with our minds you

the Buddha said it's with our minds you
create the world number two of all the

create the world number two of all the

create the world number two of all the
possible interpretations we choose the

possible interpretations we choose the

possible interpretations we choose the
worst one thirdly what I just said isn't

worst one thirdly what I just said isn't

worst one thirdly what I just said isn't
true we didn't choose it it's not like

true we didn't choose it it's not like

true we didn't choose it it's not like
you went through all these

you went through all these

you went through all these
possibilities said was multiple choice I

possibilities said was multiple choice I

possibilities said was multiple choice I
chose option D oh no he doesn't care

chose option D oh no he doesn't care

chose option D oh no he doesn't care
about me you he doesn't respect me

about me you he doesn't respect me

about me you he doesn't respect me
didn't do that your brain jumped there

didn't do that your brain jumped there

didn't do that your brain jumped there
automatically right the question is why

automatically right the question is why

automatically right the question is why
first time in your life that you felt

first time in your life that you felt

first time in your life that you felt
hurt and angry that you when you

hurt and angry that you when you

hurt and angry that you when you
perceive somebody didn't care about you

perceive somebody didn't care about you

perceive somebody didn't care about you
or didn't respect you it's not the first

or didn't respect you it's not the first

or didn't respect you it's not the first
time very good and most people I talk to

time very good and most people I talk to

time very good and most people I talk to
it goes back way back yeah this goes way

it goes back way back yeah this goes way

it goes back way back yeah this goes way
back into childhood mhm okay and that's

back into childhood mhm okay and that's

back into childhood mhm okay and that's
what trauma is we don't respond to the

what trauma is we don't respond to the

what trauma is we don't respond to the
present moment we respond to the past so

present moment we respond to the past so

present moment we respond to the past so
who's the one that doesn't care about

who's the one that doesn't care about

who's the one that doesn't care about
you and who's the one that does doesn't

you and who's the one that does doesn't

you and who's the one that does doesn't
think you're worthy your respect no it

think you're worthy your respect no it

think you're worthy your respect no it
would be me it would be you yeah but

would be me it would be you yeah but

would be me it would be you yeah but
that's a learning and that's the beauty

that's a learning and that's the beauty

that's a learning and that's the beauty
of healing is that when you reframe

of healing is that when you reframe

of healing is that when you reframe
things and you and you actually see the

things and you and you actually see the

things and you and you actually see the
source within

source within

source within
ourselves all of a sudden that's

ourselves all of a sudden that's

ourselves all of a sudden that's
liberating because guess what if you're

liberating because guess what if you're

liberating because guess what if you're
feeling that way because this guy did

feeling that way because this guy did

feeling that way because this guy did
this or didn't do that that makes you a

this or didn't do that that makes you a

this or didn't do that that makes you a
victim yeah but if you see that you're

victim yeah but if you see that you're

victim yeah but if you see that you're
the source yeah now you're

powerful can have a vision of society

powerful can have a vision of society
that

that

that
incorporates the achievements of modern

incorporates the achievements of modern

incorporates the achievements of modern
civilization but at the same time still

civilization but at the same time still

civilization but at the same time still
honors the essence of human nature I

honors the essence of human nature I

honors the essence of human nature I
think the answer is yes I know the

think the answer is yes I know the

think the answer is yes I know the
answer is yes not that I expect to see

answer is yes not that I expect to see

answer is yes not that I expect to see
it in my

it in my

it in my
lifetime we need trauma informed Medical

lifetime we need trauma informed Medical

lifetime we need trauma informed Medical
Care trauma-informed

Care trauma-informed

Care trauma-informed
education and Trauma informed uh

therapy everybody that has listened to

therapy everybody that has listened to
talk or read his book always said to

talk or read his book always said to

talk or read his book always said to
me I don't feel like I'm a bad person

me I don't feel like I'm a bad person

me I don't feel like I'm a bad person
anymore I can see their heads higher

anymore I can see their heads higher

anymore I can see their heads higher
yeah they're still using substances but

yeah they're still using substances but

yeah they're still using substances but
something inside of them is starting to

something inside of them is starting to

something inside of them is starting to
change that's their shame is kind of

dissipating well I'm be stumbling across

dissipating well I'm be stumbling across
his

his

his
work I tell you I tell you I would have

work I tell you I tell you I would have

work I tell you I tell you I would have
been different

been different

been different
person childhood trauma is key because

person childhood trauma is key because

person childhood trauma is key because
once you understand that know you were a

once you understand that know you were a

once you understand that know you were a
child and you didn't have help and if

child and you didn't have help and if

child and you didn't have help and if
it's about love then why are we locking

it's about love then why are we locking

it's about love then why are we locking
them

them

them
up underneath that traumatized

up underneath that traumatized

up underneath that traumatized
Persona there's the healthy individual

Persona there's the healthy individual

Persona there's the healthy individual
who has never found expression in this

who has never found expression in this

who has never found expression in this
life if you see that then you're trauma

life if you see that then you're trauma

life if you see that then you're trauma
informed it's not a question of healing

informed it's not a question of healing

informed it's not a question of healing
the

the

the
froma of ever getting rid of the memory

froma of ever getting rid of the memory

froma of ever getting rid of the memory
of what happened

of what happened

of what happened
but to help that person expand so that

but to help that person expand so that

but to help that person expand so that
there's space for all those

there's space for all those

there's space for all those
emotions Dr mate he allowed me to feel

emotions Dr mate he allowed me to feel

emotions Dr mate he allowed me to feel
that what I was seeing was a humanistic

that what I was seeing was a humanistic

that what I was seeing was a humanistic
crisis it was a human not being

crisis it was a human not being

crisis it was a human not being
identified in the light in which they

identified in the light in which they

identified in the light in which they
deserve to

deserve to

deserve to
be we as caretakers in this world need

be we as caretakers in this world need

be we as caretakers in this world need
to see the human in front of us not the

to see the human in front of us not the

to see the human in front of us not the
problem we still have each other's

problem we still have each other's

problem we still have each other's
numbers call me all right good to see

numbers call me all right good to see

numbers call me all right good to see
you good to see you I'm

right how have you been it cannot be a

right how have you been it cannot be a
general constru of this is how we're

general constru of this is how we're

general constru of this is how we're
dealing with people who are homeless

dealing with people who are homeless

dealing with people who are homeless
this is how we are dealing with people

this is how we are dealing with people

this is how we are dealing with people
who are addicted to drugs no this is how

who are addicted to drugs no this is how

who are addicted to drugs no this is how
we deal with Sarah this is how we deal

we deal with Sarah this is how we deal

we deal with Sarah this is how we deal
with Jose this is how we are in

with Jose this is how we are in

with Jose this is how we are in
relationship to each and every person

relationship to each and every person

relationship to each and every person
experiencing trauma within their lives

experiencing trauma within their lives

experiencing trauma within their lives
that is what has been the essence to his

that is what has been the essence to his

that is what has been the essence to his
teaching for me hi who's this hi Fang

teaching for me hi who's this hi Fang

teaching for me hi who's this hi Fang
how are you doing Fang are you his

how are you doing Fang are you his

how are you doing Fang are you his
little

companion when we start the Journey of

companion when we start the Journey of
being compassionate with ourselves not

being compassionate with ourselves not

being compassionate with ourselves not
only does it change ourselves it changes

only does it change ourselves it changes

only does it change ourselves it changes
our communities and our

our communities and our

our communities and our
[Music]

[Music]

[Music]
society today I'm still healing I'm

society today I'm still healing I'm

society today I'm still healing I'm
still healing from my abandonment issues

still healing from my abandonment issues

still healing from my abandonment issues
I am a lifer inmate being here today

I am a lifer inmate being here today

I am a lifer inmate being here today
witnessing all you guys's uh traumatic

witnessing all you guys's uh traumatic

witnessing all you guys's uh traumatic
experiences gives me motivation gives me

experiences gives me motivation gives me

experiences gives me motivation gives me
inspiration to continue on the path that

inspiration to continue on the path that

inspiration to continue on the path that
I'm currently

I'm currently

I'm currently
on every human being is a true genuine

on every human being is a true genuine

on every human being is a true genuine
authentic self and a true J and

authentic self and a true J and

authentic self and a true J and
authentic

authentic

authentic
self can never be

self can never be

self can never be
destroyed when people say you have a

destroyed when people say you have a

destroyed when people say you have a
second chance in life today I know what

second chance in life today I know what

second chance in life today I know what
that means so I performed for the first

that means so I performed for the first

that means so I performed for the first
time singing after not singing in 20

time singing after not singing in 20

time singing after not singing in 20
years so I performed in front of well

years so I performed in front of well

years so I performed in front of well
400 people and that was a dream come

400 people and that was a dream come

400 people and that was a dream come
true and I was able to reunite with my

true and I was able to reunite with my

true and I was able to reunite with my
mother when God blessed me with this son

mother when God blessed me with this son

mother when God blessed me with this son
the my four-year-old boy Douglas I made

the my four-year-old boy Douglas I made

the my four-year-old boy Douglas I made
a promise to myself and I said listen I

a promise to myself and I said listen I

a promise to myself and I said listen I
want to be your mom I want to be a good

want to be your mom I want to be a good

want to be your mom I want to be a good
mom the baby's dad is also with me he's

mom the baby's dad is also with me he's

mom the baby's dad is also with me he's
my

babysitter I've been clean for the last

babysitter I've been clean for the last
10 and 1/2 months cuz you you did you

10 and 1/2 months cuz you you did you

10 and 1/2 months cuz you you did you
made a difference in my life thank you

made a difference in my life thank you

made a difference in my life thank you
for being

touch through the mist and the

touch through the mist and the
pain I've learned to

pain I've learned to

pain I've learned to
maintain there is no

maintain there is no

maintain there is no
[Applause]

[Applause]

[Applause]
shame there is

shame there is

shame there is
no

I am happy to say now that

I am happy to say now that
through my own

through my own

through my own
healing after being off my medication

healing after being off my medication

healing after being off my medication
now for 6 months I I've got a remission

now for 6 months I I've got a remission

now for 6 months I I've got a remission
the cancer is just not is not growing

the cancer is just not is not growing

the cancer is just not is not growing
this is the first time in 4 years where

this is the first time in 4 years where

this is the first time in 4 years where
this has happened so this is just

this has happened so this is just

this has happened so this is just
absolutely

absolutely

absolutely
[Music]

amazing it's been um spiritual work for

amazing it's been um spiritual work for
us both and I've grown up in the

us both and I've grown up in the

us both and I've grown up in the
relationship I've healed in the

relationship I've healed in the

relationship I've healed in the
relationship I'm still healing in the

relationship I'm still healing in the

relationship I'm still healing in the
relationship to me this is this

relationship to me this is this

relationship to me this is this
incredible Love

incredible Love

incredible Love
Story it's really inspiring how he's

Story it's really inspiring how he's

Story it's really inspiring how he's
changed so as we've gotten older

changed so as we've gotten older

changed so as we've gotten older
somehow we've gotten Freer and younger

somehow we've gotten Freer and younger

somehow we've gotten Freer and younger
we just get closer and closer it gets

we just get closer and closer it gets

we just get closer and closer it gets
better and

better

better
[Music]

is through a dynamic emergent process of

is through a dynamic emergent process of
confrontation with the truth that

confrontation with the truth that

confrontation with the truth that
Solutions will

arise trauma involves a lifelong pushing

arise trauma involves a lifelong pushing
down a tremendous expenditure of energy

down a tremendous expenditure of energy

down a tremendous expenditure of energy
into not

into not

into not
feeling the

pain as we heal that same energy is

pain as we heal that same energy is
liberated for life and for being in the

liberated for life and for being in the

liberated for life and for being in the
present so the energy of trauma can be

present so the energy of trauma can be

present so the energy of trauma can be
transformed into the energy of

transformed into the energy of

transformed into the energy of
[Music]

[Music]

[Music]
you can see it in the cars it's playing

you can see it in the cars it's playing

you can see it in the cars it's playing
on the radio it's R in the stars and

on the radio it's R in the stars and

on the radio it's R in the stars and
living in me you can read it in the

living in me you can read it in the

living in me you can read it in the
cards and hiden

cards and hiden

cards and hiden
stereo it's a pull it in your

stereo it's a pull it in your

stereo it's a pull it in your
heart and in

me

me
[Music]

[Music]

[Music]
you can see it in

you can see it in

you can see it in
the they saw

the they saw

the they saw
video Don't let

video Don't let

video Don't let
it

it

it
it's everybody on

it's everybody on

it's everybody on
the talking on Telephone hurry up

the talking on Telephone hurry up

the talking on Telephone hurry up
phone it's killing

phone it's killing

phone it's killing
me over and over

me over and over

me over and over
know the on again they will find you you

know the on again they will find you you

know the on again they will find you you
let

let

let
them over and over and over once again

them over and over and over once again

them over and over and over once again
they will find

they will find

they will find
you

you

you
skin the way that it's working know it's

skin the way that it's working know it's

skin the way that it's working know it's
not working way things are going where I

not working way things are going where I

not working way things are going where I
go what does it matter

go what does it matter

go what does it matter
it's Mind Over

it's Mind Over

it's Mind Over
M when it's all over nothing is

M when it's all over nothing is

M when it's all over nothing is
[Music]

[Music]

[Music]
over it's a in

over it's a in

over it's a in
dis it's hidden in

dis it's hidden in

dis it's hidden in
theor it's a hunger in

theor it's a hunger in

theor it's a hunger in
your it's

your it's

your it's
feeling everybody

feeling everybody

feeling everybody
with coming from a satellite I'm walking

with coming from a satellite I'm walking

with coming from a satellite I'm walking
on

on

on
a

keep over and over and over once again

keep over and over and over once again
they will find you you

they will find you you

they will find you you
me over and over and over once again

me over and over and over once again

me over and over and over once again
they will find you until you

they will find you until you

they will find you until you
Scar the way that it's working you know

Scar the way that it's working you know

Scar the way that it's working you know
it's not working way things are

it's not working way things are

it's not working way things are
going will go what does it matter it's M

going will go what does it matter it's M

going will go what does it matter it's M
over

over

over
matter when it's all over nothing is

matter when it's all over nothing is

matter when it's all over nothing is
over we that it's working you know it's

over we that it's working you know it's

over we that it's working you know it's
not working way things are

not working way things are

not working way things are
going well we go what doesn't matter M

going well we go what doesn't matter M

going well we go what doesn't matter M
matter when it's

matter when it's

matter when it's
so nothing is

so nothing is

so nothing is
[Music]