Original subtitles

[Music]

our earliest experiences being in the

our earliest experiences being in the

our earliest experiences being in the womb formed the template of who we

womb formed the template of who we

womb formed the template of who we believe we are about how we see other

believe we are about how we see other

believe we are about how we see other people and our place in the

world

[Music]

[Music]

[Music] when I see human faces I see beauty I

when I see human faces I see beauty I

when I see human faces I see beauty I see tremendous

see tremendous

see tremendous suffering and enormous potential for

suffering and enormous potential for

suffering and enormous potential for [Music]

Transcendence a Greek playright wrote

Transcendence a Greek playright wrote

Transcendence a Greek playright wrote that the God's created us human beings

that the God's created us human beings

that the God's created us human beings so that we have to suffer into truth our

so that we have to suffer into truth our

so that we have to suffer into truth our job as human beings is to learn from

job as human beings is to learn from

job as human beings is to learn from from our

from our

from our [Music]

[Music]

[Music] suffering we don't have to keep

suffering we don't have to keep

suffering we don't have to keep perpetuating pain for ourselves and

perpetuating pain for ourselves and

perpetuating pain for ourselves and inflicting suffering on

others and working with so many people

others and working with so many people

others and working with so many people I've learned that working through trauma

I've learned that working through trauma

I've learned that working through trauma can teach us so much

can teach us so much

can teach us so much wisdom and can reveal the beauty of our

wisdom and can reveal the beauty of our

wisdom and can reveal the beauty of our existence that because of trauma we had

existence that because of trauma we had

existence that because of trauma we had lost sight

lost sight

lost sight [Music]

[Music]

[Music] of

[Music]

my name is Gabor mate I'm a retired

my name is Gabor mate I'm a retired

my name is Gabor mate I'm a retired medical doctor and these days I travel

medical doctor and these days I travel

medical doctor and these days I travel the world speaking and teaching about

the world speaking and teaching about

the world speaking and teaching about Child Development health illness stress

Child Development health illness stress

Child Development health illness stress and Trauma

and Trauma

and Trauma and speaking about trauma is really part

and speaking about trauma is really part

and speaking about trauma is really part of the Zeitgeist these days and I'm very

of the Zeitgeist these days and I'm very

of the Zeitgeist these days and I'm very passionate about it for a simple

passionate about it for a simple

passionate about it for a simple reason because in 30 years or more of

reason because in 30 years or more of

reason because in 30 years or more of medical practice and of addiction

medical practice and of addiction

medical practice and of addiction medicine what I found was that the

medicine what I found was that the

medicine what I found was that the common template for virtually all

common template for virtually all

common template for virtually all afflictions mental illness physical

afflictions mental illness physical

afflictions mental illness physical disease is in fact

trauma and there's a wisdom in drama

trauma and there's a wisdom in drama

trauma and there's a wisdom in drama when we realize that our traumatic

when we realize that our traumatic

when we realize that our traumatic responses and imprints are not ourselves

responses and imprints are not ourselves

responses and imprints are not ourselves and that we can work them through and

and that we can work them through and

and that we can work them through and thus become

[Music]

[Music]

[Music] ourselves virtually every week There's a

ourselves virtually every week There's a

ourselves virtually every week There's a study that more and more people are

study that more and more people are

study that more and more people are needing or seeking help for mental

needing or seeking help for mental

needing or seeking help for mental health issues more and more youth are

health issues more and more youth are

health issues more and more youth are diagnosed with anxiety many more kids

diagnosed with anxiety many more kids

diagnosed with anxiety many more kids are diagnosed with the whole pleora of

are diagnosed with the whole pleora of

are diagnosed with the whole pleora of childhood conditions such as ADHD

childhood conditions such as ADHD

childhood conditions such as ADHD Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder

Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder

Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder depression is rising youth suicide is

depression is rising youth suicide is

depression is rising youth suicide is rising addictions are rising genuinely

rising addictions are rising genuinely

rising addictions are rising genuinely it's an

[Music]

[Music]

[Music] epidemic 20% of Youth or more are now

epidemic 20% of Youth or more are now

epidemic 20% of Youth or more are now diagnosable with anxiety according to

diagnosable with anxiety according to

diagnosable with anxiety according to all the race and study that that's

all the race and study that that's

all the race and study that that's 1/5th and those are only the people who

1/5th and those are only the people who

1/5th and those are only the people who are sufficiently anxious to be

are sufficiently anxious to be

are sufficiently anxious to be diagnosed well we're talking about an

epidemic when you're grow up in a

epidemic when you're grow up in a

epidemic when you're grow up in a circumstance like I grew up you're

circumstance like I grew up you're

circumstance like I grew up you're waiting for somebody to scream at you

waiting for somebody to scream at you

waiting for somebody to scream at you you're waiting for something to be

you're waiting for something to be

you're waiting for something to be thrown you don't know if you're going to

thrown you don't know if you're going to

thrown you don't know if you're going to eat you don't know if you're going to be

eat you don't know if you're going to be

eat you don't know if you're going to be evicted so you're constantly anxious and

evicted so you're constantly anxious and

evicted so you're constantly anxious and stressed I used to think this was a

stressed I used to think this was a

stressed I used to think this was a rarity but when I talk to people a huge

rarity but when I talk to people a huge

rarity but when I talk to people a huge number of

number of

number of people have these traumatic experiences

people have these traumatic experiences

people have these traumatic experiences a child that carry they carry with them

a child that carry they carry with them

a child that carry they carry with them it's like a monkey on your

it's like a monkey on your

it's like a monkey on your [Music]

back dramaa is an overwhelming threat

back dramaa is an overwhelming threat

back dramaa is an overwhelming threat that you don't know how to deal with

that you don't know how to deal with

that you don't know how to deal with so trauma is not the bad things that

so trauma is not the bad things that

so trauma is not the bad things that happen to you but what happens inside

happen to you but what happens inside

happen to you but what happens inside you as a result of what happens to

you my father was shot and killed on

you my father was shot and killed on

you my father was shot and killed on December 25th 1999 they found his body

December 25th 1999 they found his body

December 25th 1999 they found his body in someone's front yard so essentially I

in someone's front yard so essentially I

in someone's front yard so essentially I didn't have anybody to raise me so I was

didn't have anybody to raise me so I was

didn't have anybody to raise me so I was raised in the juvenile court

raised in the juvenile court

raised in the juvenile court system I've lived on the street since I

system I've lived on the street since I

system I've lived on the street since I was 10 years old by

was 10 years old by

was 10 years old by myself the law didn't scare me and and I

myself the law didn't scare me and and I

myself the law didn't scare me and and I mean they could have locked me up and

mean they could have locked me up and

mean they could have locked me up and what's the difference nobody out here is

what's the difference nobody out here is

what's the difference nobody out here is going to miss

[Music]

[Music]

[Music] me my mother alcoholic bad alcoholic

me my mother alcoholic bad alcoholic

me my mother alcoholic bad alcoholic like my father sex

like my father sex

like my father sex addiction his sex addiction ruined our

addiction his sex addiction ruined our

addiction his sex addiction ruined our whole family you know cheating and cause

whole family you know cheating and cause

whole family you know cheating and cause divorce

divorce

divorce [Music]

[Music]

[Music] I started hearing at

26 that's what really destroyed

me just takes the pain away I tried

me just takes the pain away I tried

me just takes the pain away I tried building my my dream so many times I

building my my dream so many times I

building my my dream so many times I don't really have a dream no

more so trauma fundamentally means a

more so trauma fundamentally means a

more so trauma fundamentally means a disconnection

disconnection

disconnection from self why do we get disconnected

from self why do we get disconnected

from self why do we get disconnected because it's too painful to be

because it's too painful to be

because it's too painful to be ourselves that then becomes a lifelong

ourselves that then becomes a lifelong

ourselves that then becomes a lifelong Dynamic I no longer know how to deal

Dynamic I no longer know how to deal

Dynamic I no longer know how to deal with

with

with emotions uh it means that in

emotions uh it means that in

emotions uh it means that in relationships when I feel a bit hurt I

relationships when I feel a bit hurt I

relationships when I feel a bit hurt I immediately withdraw so I don't have to

immediately withdraw so I don't have to

immediately withdraw so I don't have to feel those emotions that I don't know

feel those emotions that I don't know

feel those emotions that I don't know what to do

what to do

what to do with so there's a

with so there's a

with so there's a disconnect it also means that when I've

disconnect it also means that when I've

disconnect it also means that when I've got feelings I don't follow

got feelings I don't follow

got feelings I don't follow them so I create situations of risk for

them so I create situations of risk for

them so I create situations of risk for myself the trauma also affects how our

myself the trauma also affects how our

myself the trauma also affects how our brains develop certain key brain

brains develop certain key brain

brains develop certain key brain circuits that have to do with how we

circuits that have to do with how we

circuits that have to do with how we react and respond and regulate ourselves

react and respond and regulate ourselves

react and respond and regulate ourselves how we handle stress how we interact

how we handle stress how we interact

how we handle stress how we interact with other people how much empathy and

with other people how much empathy and

with other people how much empathy and insight that we have how much compassion

insight that we have how much compassion

insight that we have how much compassion we have these functions of the

we have these functions of the

we have these functions of the midfrontal cortex are limited and

midfrontal cortex are limited and

midfrontal cortex are limited and constricted by trauma because we not

constricted by trauma because we not

constricted by trauma because we not know that the brain develops an

know that the brain develops an

know that the brain develops an interaction with the environment so the

interaction with the environment so the

interaction with the environment so the brains of traumatized children don't

brains of traumatized children don't

brains of traumatized children don't look like the brains of non-traumatized

children you can take it I've had enough

children you can take it I've had enough

children you can take it I've had enough of your crap you're going to start

of your crap you're going to start

of your crap you're going to start acting like a young man instead of a

acting like a young man instead of a

acting like a young man instead of a toddler as a matter of fact her ass is

toddler as a matter of fact her ass is

toddler as a matter of fact her ass is on punishment right now and she ain't

on punishment right now and she ain't

on punishment right now and she ain't even going to go the [\h__\h] back outside

even going to go the [\h__\h] back outside

even going to go the [\h__\h] back outside what the [\h__\h] are you doing Dad I swear

what the [\h__\h] are you doing Dad I swear

what the [\h__\h] are you doing Dad I swear to God no no there's no other way for

to God no no there's no other way for

to God no no there's no other way for you to learn this please

stop during your first 18 years of life

stop during your first 18 years of life

stop during your first 18 years of life if a parent or other adult in the

if a parent or other adult in the

if a parent or other adult in the household often or very often would

household often or very often would

household often or very often would swear at you insult you put you down or

swear at you insult you put you down or

swear at you insult you put you down or humiliate you step inside the

circle if the parent or other adult in

circle if the parent or other adult in

circle if the parent or other adult in the household often pushed grabbed

the household often pushed grabbed

the household often pushed grabbed slapped or threw something at you step

slapped or threw something at you step

slapped or threw something at you step inside the

inside the

inside the circle if a parent or other adult in the

circle if a parent or other adult in the

circle if a parent or other adult in the household often or very often ever hit

household often or very often ever hit

household often or very often ever hit you so hard that you had marks or were

you so hard that you had marks or were

you so hard that you had marks or were injured step inside the

injured step inside the

injured step inside the circle if you often felt that no one in

circle if you often felt that no one in

circle if you often felt that no one in your family loved you step inside the

your family loved you step inside the

your family loved you step inside the circle step inside the

[Music]

[Music]

[Music] circle

[Music]

I think Society got prison wrong and

I think Society got prison wrong and

I think Society got prison wrong and they're seeing what's wrong with people

they're seeing what's wrong with people

they're seeing what's wrong with people instead of what happened to

instead of what happened to

instead of what happened to people our mission at Compassion prison

people our mission at Compassion prison

people our mission at Compassion prison project is to transform communities and

project is to transform communities and

project is to transform communities and prisons with compassionate action an

prisons with compassionate action an

prisons with compassionate action an adverse childhood experience is a

adverse childhood experience is a

adverse childhood experience is a terrible event that continues to happen

terrible event that continues to happen

terrible event that continues to happen to a child

to a child

to a child and there's no way to know when it's

and there's no way to know when it's

and there's no way to know when it's going to happen again which puts the kid

going to happen again which puts the kid

going to happen again which puts the kid into a hypervigilant State I have eight

into a hypervigilant State I have eight

into a hypervigilant State I have eight of those Aces and when I found out I

of those Aces and when I found out I

of those Aces and when I found out I have eight adverse childhood

have eight adverse childhood

have eight adverse childhood experiences and that my behavior was a

experiences and that my behavior was a

experiences and that my behavior was a direct result of the trauma that I

direct result of the trauma that I

direct result of the trauma that I experienced in childhood it changed my

experienced in childhood it changed my

experienced in childhood it changed my life the men and women in prison 64% of

life the men and women in prison 64% of

life the men and women in prison 64% of them have six or more of

those

[Music]

no hi

no hi

no hi gab Monique hi

gab feel like I'm in the throne I want

gab feel like I'm in the throne I want

gab feel like I'm in the throne I want to 30 because about why you think you

to 30 because about why you think you

to 30 because about why you think you got addicted about what may happen to

got addicted about what may happen to

got addicted about what may happen to you as a child the way you saw yourself

you as a child the way you saw yourself

you as a child the way you saw yourself as being deficient somehow I was

as being deficient somehow I was

as being deficient somehow I was kidnapped at 16 and sold off so that's a

kidnapped at 16 and sold off so that's a

kidnapped at 16 and sold off so that's a trauma that's just something that's in

trauma that's just something that's in

trauma that's just something that's in my life that you can't turn around right

my life that you can't turn around right

my life that you can't turn around right and

and

and get there's a taxi driver who took me

get there's a taxi driver who took me

get there's a taxi driver who took me and a girlfriend when we were 16 and

and a girlfriend when we were 16 and

and a girlfriend when we were 16 and held us for 6 months in a motel and sold

held us for 6 months in a motel and sold

held us for 6 months in a motel and sold left my

left my

left my virginity

virginity

virginity [Music]

and the police was looking for you all

and the police was looking for you all

and the police was looking for you all that time and well my mom just thought

that time and well my mom just thought

that time and well my mom just thought that I had run away from home so she

that I had run away from home so she

that I had run away from home so she didn't look for me so didn't look for no

didn't look for me so didn't look for no

didn't look for me so didn't look for no I really need your permission

I really need your permission

I really need your permission to continue or not to continue it's okay

to continue or not to continue it's okay

to continue or not to continue it's okay give you

give you

give you permission the taxi driver knew exactly

permission the taxi driver knew exactly

permission the taxi driver knew exactly who to

who to

who to kidnap

kidnap

kidnap [Music]

[Music]

[Music] the Predator can always tell who's

the Predator can always tell who's

the Predator can always tell who's without

without

without [Music]

[Music]

[Music] protection anybody hate you as a child

protection anybody hate you as a child

protection anybody hate you as a child yes my

yes my

yes my father he would spank us and take a belt

father he would spank us and take a belt

father he would spank us and take a belt to

to

to us do you remember how that felt to you

us do you remember how that felt to you

us do you remember how that felt to you like I just remember the pain of it

like I just remember the pain of it

like I just remember the pain of it instead of thinking oh why why did I

instead of thinking oh why why did I

instead of thinking oh why why did I deserve this I just remember pain and

deserve this I just remember pain and

deserve this I just remember pain and that and how long did that go on for

that and how long did that go on for

that and how long did that go on for went on until I was approximately 16 and

went on until I was approximately 16 and

went on until I was approximately 16 and started fighting bad so 10 11 years yeah

started fighting bad so 10 11 years yeah

started fighting bad so 10 11 years yeah okay let's say you're the mother of the

okay let's say you're the mother of the

okay let's say you're the mother of the 5-year-old and this 5-year-old is being

5-year-old and this 5-year-old is being

5-year-old and this 5-year-old is being hit with the belt and she's in pain she

hit with the belt and she's in pain she

hit with the belt and she's in pain she doesn't understand you know and then she

doesn't understand you know and then she

doesn't understand you know and then she just it just hurts and it hurts

just it just hurts and it hurts

just it just hurts and it hurts emotionally cuz this man who's supposed

emotionally cuz this man who's supposed

emotionally cuz this man who's supposed to love me is beating

to love me is beating

to love me is beating me so when you're being hit like that

me so when you're being hit like that

me so when you're being hit like that there's only two possibilities my

there's only two possibilities my

there's only two possibilities my father's a bad person or hates me or I'm

father's a bad person or hates me or I'm

father's a bad person or hates me or I'm a or I'm a bad

a or I'm a bad

a or I'm a bad person so the your only protection is to

person so the your only protection is to

person so the your only protection is to believe

believe

believe that oh I'm not I'm not lovable let's

that oh I'm not I'm not lovable let's

that oh I'm not I'm not lovable let's say you're the mother of the 5-year-old

say you're the mother of the 5-year-old

say you're the mother of the 5-year-old who would you want that 5-year-old to

who would you want that 5-year-old to

who would you want that 5-year-old to talk to myself okay who did you talk to

talk to myself okay who did you talk to

talk to myself okay who did you talk to nobody that's the

nobody that's the

nobody that's the trauma in other words by the time you

trauma in other words by the time you

trauma in other words by the time you were 5 years old you were completely

were 5 years old you were completely

were 5 years old you were completely alone

alone

alone what I'm suggesting really ala is that

what I'm suggesting really ala is that

what I'm suggesting really ala is that your mother was traumatized

your mother was traumatized

your mother was traumatized too do you know anything about her child

too do you know anything about her child

too do you know anything about her child and she was abused as a child as well

and she was abused as a child as well

and she was abused as a child as well from an alcoholic father you see she

from an alcoholic father you see she

from an alcoholic father you see she learned in her

learned in her

learned in her childhood not to pay attention to her

childhood not to pay attention to her

childhood not to pay attention to her feelings that's the only way she could

feelings that's the only way she could

feelings that's the only way she could survive yeah so the reason she didn't

survive yeah so the reason she didn't

survive yeah so the reason she didn't know is not cuz she didn't love you but

know is not cuz she didn't love you but

know is not cuz she didn't love you but because she herself was shut down inside

because she herself was shut down inside

because she herself was shut down inside and that's what I'm saying it's it's

and that's what I'm saying it's it's

and that's what I'm saying it's it's just it's multigenerational MH okay

just it's multigenerational MH okay

just it's multigenerational MH okay yeah can't pick out who's at fault here

yeah can't pick out who's at fault here

yeah can't pick out who's at fault here it didn't begin with anybody it it goes

it didn't begin with anybody it it goes

it didn't begin with anybody it it goes on and on and on for one generation to

on and on and on for one generation to

on and on and on for one generation to the

next we were talking about the effects

next we were talking about the effects

next we were talking about the effects of slavery on our behavior and I'll be

of slavery on our behavior and I'll be

of slavery on our behavior and I'll be honest with you I ain't agree with it

honest with you I ain't agree with it

honest with you I ain't agree with it when I first heard it but then when he

when I first heard it but then when he

when I first heard it but then when he talked about the discipline I had a

talked about the discipline I had a

talked about the discipline I had a flashback of how I used to get wh with a

flashback of how I used to get wh with a

flashback of how I used to get wh with a bull

bull

bull whip

whip

whip naked I didn't put the two and two

naked I didn't put the two and two

naked I didn't put the two and two together but I realized you know that's

together but I realized you know that's

together but I realized you know that's how slav was whipped because it was

how slav was whipped because it was

how slav was whipped because it was generational trauma passed on from one

generational trauma passed on from one

generational trauma passed on from one mother to another mother to another

mother to another mother to another

mother to another mother to another mother and it passed on to me I still

mother and it passed on to me I still

mother and it passed on to me I still got marks on my legs and stuff behind

got marks on my legs and stuff behind

got marks on my legs and stuff behind that and I just remember there was no

that and I just remember there was no

that and I just remember there was no one I can run to no one could help me

one I can run to no one could help me

one I can run to no one could help me and she just was telling me how much she

and she just was telling me how much she

and she just was telling me how much she loved me and she cried and she beat me

loved me and she cried and she beat me

loved me and she cried and she beat me with a bull

[Music]

[Music]

[Music] whe

[Music]

he's the bestselling author of four

he's the bestselling author of four

he's the bestselling author of four books published in 12 languages sold on

books published in 12 languages sold on

books published in 12 languages sold on five continents please welcome Dr

gar I actually wrote my speech out

gar I actually wrote my speech out

gar I actually wrote my speech out tonight don't usually do but maybe a lot

tonight don't usually do but maybe a lot

tonight don't usually do but maybe a lot of nervousness in front of this group of

of nervousness in front of this group of

of nervousness in front of this group of strong women you know be all the truth

strong women you know be all the truth

strong women you know be all the truth the truth is that guys are afraid of

the truth is that guys are afraid of

the truth is that guys are afraid of women I don't you I don't know if you

women I don't you I don't know if you

women I don't you I don't know if you realize that but that's uh a lot of the

realize that but that's uh a lot of the

realize that but that's uh a lot of the stuff that we do is totally out of fear

stuff that we do is totally out of fear

stuff that we do is totally out of fear well um when you felt bad as a kid who

well um when you felt bad as a kid who

well um when you felt bad as a kid who did you speak

did you speak

did you speak to when the pain is there and there's no

to when the pain is there and there's no

to when the pain is there and there's no one to share it with then the child has

one to share it with then the child has

one to share it with then the child has very limited resources to deal with that

very limited resources to deal with that

very limited resources to deal with that and what they do is they disconnect from

and what they do is they disconnect from

and what they do is they disconnect from themselves when you disconnect from

themselves when you disconnect from

themselves when you disconnect from yourself you no longer have yourself

yourself you no longer have yourself

yourself you no longer have yourself you've lost yourself when we talk about

you've lost yourself when we talk about

you've lost yourself when we talk about trauma we usually think of something

trauma we usually think of something

trauma we usually think of something terrible happening to a person but

terrible happening to a person but

terrible happening to a person but that's not the only trauma there is and

that's not the only trauma there is and

that's not the only trauma there is and so the other kind of trauma may not have

so the other kind of trauma may not have

so the other kind of trauma may not have to do with terrible things happening to

to do with terrible things happening to

to do with terrible things happening to you most people look at my childhood

you most people look at my childhood

you most people look at my childhood damn you had an awesome you know

damn you had an awesome you know

damn you had an awesome you know childhood and cuz uh I had everything

childhood and cuz uh I had everything

childhood and cuz uh I had everything you know I we come from upper upper

you know I we come from upper upper

you know I we come from upper upper middle class you know and uh in

middle class you know and uh in

middle class you know and uh in Idaho and I got everything given to me

Idaho and I got everything given to me

Idaho and I got everything given to me but that was their way of parenting they

but that was their way of parenting they

but that was their way of parenting they give me everything so I'd shut up and

give me everything so I'd shut up and

give me everything so I'd shut up and would buug them they're always too busy

would buug them they're always too busy

would buug them they're always too busy they I was

they I was

they I was working so children don't get

working so children don't get

working so children don't get traumatized because they get hurt

traumatized because they get hurt

traumatized because they get hurt children get traumatized because they're

children get traumatized because they're

children get traumatized because they're alone with the hurt I'm a life for

alone with the hurt I'm a life for

alone with the hurt I'm a life for inmate I'm here on a first-degree murder

inmate I'm here on a first-degree murder

inmate I'm here on a first-degree murder I committed my crime when I was 20 years

I committed my crime when I was 20 years

I committed my crime when I was 20 years old and I asked myself what events in my

old and I asked myself what events in my

old and I asked myself what events in my life brought me to the point where I

life brought me to the point where I

life brought me to the point where I could think that it's okay to take a

could think that it's okay to take a

could think that it's okay to take a human life and it had had to do with a

human life and it had had to do with a

human life and it had had to do with a lot of adverse childhood experiences my

lot of adverse childhood experiences my

lot of adverse childhood experiences my main one as to why I started going

main one as to why I started going

main one as to why I started going downhill was um being abandoned by my

downhill was um being abandoned by my

downhill was um being abandoned by my father I looked up to him I wanted to be

father I looked up to him I wanted to be

father I looked up to him I wanted to be just like my dad he was my

just like my dad he was my

just like my dad he was my hero but when I turned eight or N9 years

hero but when I turned eight or N9 years

hero but when I turned eight or N9 years old he got deported to Mexico and that

old he got deported to Mexico and that

old he got deported to Mexico and that devastated me as a kid my mom used to

devastated me as a kid my mom used to

devastated me as a kid my mom used to tell me uh Miho pray to God that he will

tell me uh Miho pray to God that he will

tell me uh Miho pray to God that he will come back but he never

came a baby that you don't pick up will

came a baby that you don't pick up will

came a baby that you don't pick up will actually die even if you feed them and

actually die even if you feed them and

actually die even if you feed them and you change them and look after them

you change them and look after them

you change them and look after them because they get overwhelmed by their

because they get overwhelmed by their

because they get overwhelmed by their feelings and they get overstressed and

feelings and they get overstressed and

feelings and they get overstressed and so the baby needs

so the baby needs

so the baby needs the mother's and the father's brain to

the mother's and the father's brain to

the mother's and the father's brain to regulate her own brain to regulate their

regulate her own brain to regulate their

regulate her own brain to regulate their emotions

emotions

emotions it's not just that you're

it's not just that you're

it's not just that you're overwhelmed it's also there's nobody

overwhelmed it's also there's nobody

overwhelmed it's also there's nobody there to hold

you there's a huge school of thought in

you there's a huge school of thought in

you there's a huge school of thought in North America that teaches mothers to

North America that teaches mothers to

North America that teaches mothers to help their babies sleep by ignoring

help their babies sleep by ignoring

help their babies sleep by ignoring their

their

their [Music]

[Music]

[Music] crying never mind the mother's milk the

crying never mind the mother's milk the

crying never mind the mother's milk the infant just wants to attach because the

infant just wants to attach because the

infant just wants to attach because the only way the infant can attach is

physically

when he's not being held he's not being

when he's not being held he's not being

when he's not being held he's not being attached to when that's done night after

attached to when that's done night after

attached to when that's done night after night after night that's traumatic and

night after night that's traumatic and

night after night that's traumatic and we're still telling mothers to do

that if you actually look at genuine

that if you actually look at genuine

that if you actually look at genuine human needs if you connect to God and

human needs if you connect to God and

human needs if you connect to God and the heart and the Soul then there's

the heart and the Soul then there's

the heart and the Soul then there's nothing more normal than a child

nothing more normal than a child

nothing more normal than a child sleeping in the arms of a

parent

parent

parent [Music]

[Music]

[Music] so I've often thought about the sources

so I've often thought about the sources

so I've often thought about the sources of my own issues an infant 2 months of

of my own issues an infant 2 months of

of my own issues an infant 2 months of age in Hungary when the Germans the

age in Hungary when the Germans the

age in Hungary when the Germans the Nazis marched into a country and they

Nazis marched into a country and they

Nazis marched into a country and they began to exterminate the Jewish

began to exterminate the Jewish

began to exterminate the Jewish population so that was my first year of

population so that was my first year of

population so that was my first year of life with a terrorized mother

life with a terrorized mother

life with a terrorized mother grandparents killed in Ash it's a father

grandparents killed in Ash it's a father

grandparents killed in Ash it's a father way enforced labor

way enforced labor

way enforced labor anti-Semitism the ever nearing shadow of

anti-Semitism the ever nearing shadow of

anti-Semitism the ever nearing shadow of annihilation and and ultimately a

annihilation and and ultimately a

annihilation and and ultimately a separation from my

separation from my

separation from my mother I was a little short of 1 year

mother I was a little short of 1 year

mother I was a little short of 1 year old when my mother had to hand me to a

old when my mother had to hand me to a

old when my mother had to hand me to a stranger in the ghetto of

stranger in the ghetto of

stranger in the ghetto of Budapest and send me away to some

Budapest and send me away to some

Budapest and send me away to some relatives in hiding so I didn't we

relatives in hiding so I didn't we

relatives in hiding so I didn't we didn't see each other for 6 weeks and

didn't see each other for 6 weeks and

didn't see each other for 6 weeks and she didn't know if she would live or not

she didn't know if she would live or not

she didn't know if she would live or not in her diary she said that this is the

in her diary she said that this is the

in her diary she said that this is the hardest 6 weeks of my

hardest 6 weeks of my

hardest 6 weeks of my [Music]

[Music]

[Music] life that was the experience of the

life that was the experience of the

life that was the experience of the first nearly year and a half of my life

first nearly year and a half of my life

first nearly year and a half of my life and sometimes I thought well GE I must

and sometimes I thought well GE I must

and sometimes I thought well GE I must have received a lot of love at the same

have received a lot of love at the same

have received a lot of love at the same time otherwise would be a lot more crazy

time otherwise would be a lot more crazy

time otherwise would be a lot more crazy than I actually

than I actually

than I actually [Music]

[Music]

[Music] am for trauma to happen you don't need

am for trauma to happen you don't need

am for trauma to happen you don't need second world war and you don't need

second world war and you don't need

second world war and you don't need racism you don't need genocide and you

racism you don't need genocide and you

racism you don't need genocide and you don't need uh uh the privations of War

don't need uh uh the privations of War

don't need uh uh the privations of War you just need parents who are so

you just need parents who are so

you just need parents who are so alienated from their own good feelings

alienated from their own good feelings

alienated from their own good feelings that they will let their infants cry

that they will let their infants cry

that they will let their infants cry without picking them up and that child

without picking them up and that child

without picking them up and that child is desperate for a relationship that's

is desperate for a relationship that's

is desperate for a relationship that's all it

[Music]

takes hi

takes hi

takes hi welcome welcome cabor

welcome welcome cabor

welcome welcome cabor wow what of you thank

wow what of you thank

wow what of you thank you for me being a drug addict the Deep

you for me being a drug addict the Deep

you for me being a drug addict the Deep down

down

down need um to escape I think is almost into

need um to escape I think is almost into

need um to escape I think is almost into a more

a more

a more realistic place than the insanity that

realistic place than the insanity that

realistic place than the insanity that we see the chaos we see around us you

we see the chaos we see around us you

we see the chaos we see around us you know I I just wanted that place all the

know I I just wanted that place all the

know I I just wanted that place all the time I can really talk for the 37 years

time I can really talk for the 37 years

time I can really talk for the 37 years I've been recovered and have had slips

I've been recovered and have had slips

I've been recovered and have had slips in the program quote AA and what's the

in the program quote AA and what's the

in the program quote AA and what's the fear well the fear is I'll be AB

fear well the fear is I'll be AB

fear well the fear is I'll be AB abandoned you know it's back with the

abandoned you know it's back with the

abandoned you know it's back with the homo sapiens will be thrown out of the

homo sapiens will be thrown out of the

homo sapiens will be thrown out of the cave what is your fear of being

cave what is your fear of being

cave what is your fear of being abandoned well naturally that I'll die

abandoned well naturally that I'll die

abandoned well naturally that I'll die unless I do all the stuff for other

unless I do all the stuff for other

unless I do all the stuff for other people when you do all the stuff for

people when you do all the stuff for

people when you do all the stuff for other people mhm what are you doing to

other people mhm what are you doing to

other people mhm what are you doing to yourself I'm abandoning me yeah yeah

yourself I'm abandoning me yeah yeah

yourself I'm abandoning me yeah yeah okay yeah so you're actually enacting

okay yeah so you're actually enacting

okay yeah so you're actually enacting mhm your worst fear

mhm I was the youngest of five very

mhm I was the youngest of five very

mhm I was the youngest of five very ambitious family very sucessful except

ambitious family very sucessful except

ambitious family very sucessful except everyone's alcoholic I go in the bar

everyone's alcoholic I go in the bar

everyone's alcoholic I go in the bar they're

they're

they're [Music]

[Music]

[Music] drinking there's no room for me it's

drinking there's no room for me it's

drinking there's no room for me it's like oh shut up Allison shut up you're

like oh shut up Allison shut up you're

like oh shut up Allison shut up you're wrong you're wrong so my job was to be

wrong you're wrong so my job was to be

wrong you're wrong so my job was to be wrong in the

wrong in the

wrong in the family I'll never forget my mother you

family I'll never forget my mother you

family I'll never forget my mother you know saying to me I just don't

know saying to me I just don't

know saying to me I just don't understand you and I was 6 years old and

understand you and I was 6 years old and

understand you and I was 6 years old and I thought my God if you don't understand

I thought my God if you don't understand

I thought my God if you don't understand me I'm lost

allow me to give you another perception

allow me to give you another perception

allow me to give you another perception of you you're the one that more than

of you you're the one that more than

of you you're the one that more than others absorbs all the pain and stress

others absorbs all the pain and stress

others absorbs all the pain and stress in the family and then you manifest it

in the family and then you manifest it

in the family and then you manifest it mhm and they can't stand seeing it mhm

mhm and they can't stand seeing it mhm

mhm and they can't stand seeing it mhm so in exiling you they're exiling their

so in exiling you they're exiling their

so in exiling you they're exiling their own pain and stress right

okay as a child we have two fundamental

needs one need that's with us is infancy

needs one need that's with us is infancy

needs one need that's with us is infancy and it's absolute and it's not

and it's absolute and it's not

and it's absolute and it's not negotiable is

attachment and so the other need then is

attachment and so the other need then is

attachment and so the other need then is authenticity authenticity therefore is

authenticity authenticity therefore is

authenticity authenticity therefore is the connection to

the connection to

the connection to ourselves because without authenticity

ourselves because without authenticity

ourselves because without authenticity without a connection to our good

without a connection to our good

without a connection to our good feelings just how long do you survive

feelings just how long do you survive

feelings just how long do you survive out there in

out there in

out there in [Music]

[Music]

[Music] nature so authenticity is not some new

nature so authenticity is not some new

nature so authenticity is not some new AG pseudo spiritual concept it's is

AG pseudo spiritual concept it's is

AG pseudo spiritual concept it's is actually a survival

[Music]

necessity what happens if in order to

necessity what happens if in order to

necessity what happens if in order to survive or

survive or

survive or to adjust your environment you have to

to adjust your environment you have to

to adjust your environment you have to suppress your gut feelings you have to

suppress your gut feelings you have to

suppress your gut feelings you have to suppress your

suppress your

suppress your authenticity so normal society does not

authenticity so normal society does not

authenticity so normal society does not allow anger and and and and the child

allow anger and and and and the child

allow anger and and and and the child who's angry must be separated in other

who's angry must be separated in other

who's angry must be separated in other words we have to threaten his attachment

words we have to threaten his attachment

words we have to threaten his attachment relationships on which his life depends

relationships on which his life depends

relationships on which his life depends so that he can suppress his emotions

so that he can suppress his emotions

so that he can suppress his emotions well that child if he learns the lesson

well that child if he learns the lesson

well that child if he learns the lesson well will disconnect from their anger

well will disconnect from their anger

well will disconnect from their anger and then he's a Sitting Duck for

and then he's a Sitting Duck for

and then he's a Sitting Duck for depression mental illness or for

depression mental illness or for

depression mental illness or for physical

physical

physical illness okay so kid is angry but how

illness okay so kid is angry but how

illness okay so kid is angry but how about helping him move through the anger

about helping him move through the anger

about helping him move through the anger to learn how to modulate it not to

to learn how to modulate it not to

to learn how to modulate it not to repress it but to learn to become

repress it but to learn to become

repress it but to learn to become friends with

friends with

friends with it we don't want people who are not

it we don't want people who are not

it we don't want people who are not angry we want people who know that anger

angry we want people who know that anger

angry we want people who know that anger doesn't have to be

doesn't have to be

doesn't have to be destructive

destructive

destructive what were you pushing down when you were

what were you pushing down when you were

what were you pushing down when you were depressed I don't get the [\h__\h] out

depressed I don't get the [\h__\h] out

depressed I don't get the [\h__\h] out anchor right you were pushing down ra

anchor right you were pushing down ra

anchor right you were pushing down ra you were pushing down your anger right

you were pushing down your anger right

you were pushing down your anger right yeah can you see howai for a

yeah can you see howai for a

yeah can you see howai for a six-year-old it might be a really

six-year-old it might be a really

six-year-old it might be a really brilliant idea to push on the rage yeah

brilliant idea to push on the rage yeah

brilliant idea to push on the rage yeah why for survival

why for survival

why for survival exactly you talked about your many

exactly you talked about your many

exactly you talked about your many failures mhm I just want you to pick one

failures mhm I just want you to pick one

failures mhm I just want you to pick one the fear if left on my loan

the fear if left on my loan

the fear if left on my loan I won't get out of

I won't get out of

I won't get out of bed i' I've I've done that

before and you regard that as a failure

before and you regard that as a failure

before and you regard that as a failure falling apart I regard as a failure you

falling apart I regard as a failure you

falling apart I regard as a failure you regard that as a failure right okay so

regard that as a failure right okay so

regard that as a failure right okay so your failure is that you got depressed

your failure is that you got depressed

your failure is that you got depressed and as you put it you fell apart is that

and as you put it you fell apart is that

and as you put it you fell apart is that the failure yeah just identify the age

the failure yeah just identify the age

the failure yeah just identify the age that you first recall being depressed

that you first recall being depressed

that you first recall being depressed [Music]

[Music]

[Music] that probably about 6 or seven

that probably about 6 or seven

that probably about 6 or seven how old are your kids now my oldest

how old are your kids now my oldest

how old are your kids now my oldest daughter's 33 my son is 30 and my

daughter's 33 my son is 30 and my

daughter's 33 my son is 30 and my youngest daughter's 27

youngest daughter's 27

youngest daughter's 27 okay choose one as a thought experiment

okay choose one as a thought experiment

okay choose one as a thought experiment right now and I want you to imagine them

right now and I want you to imagine them

right now and I want you to imagine them at 87 mhm let's say they get

at 87 mhm let's say they get

at 87 mhm let's say they get depressed would you go to them and

depressed would you go to them and

depressed would you go to them and say you are a total failure of course

say you are a total failure of course

say you are a total failure of course not why not no you calling yourself a

failure I'm going to say something

failure I'm going to say something

failure I'm going to say something radical to you okay the Depression was a

radical to you okay the Depression was a

radical to you okay the Depression was a major

major

major success not a

success not a

success not a failure okay no I know that sounds

failure okay no I know that sounds

failure okay no I know that sounds ridiculous but no no I'm listening

ridiculous but no no I'm listening

ridiculous but no no I'm listening you're telling me that having that pain

you're telling me that having that pain

you're telling me that having that pain showed me deeper inside of

showed me deeper inside of

showed me deeper inside of myself how I was abandoning myself

myself how I was abandoning myself

myself how I was abandoning myself precisely so maybe you want to stop

precisely so maybe you want to stop

precisely so maybe you want to stop calling it a failure mhm

calling it a failure mhm

calling it a failure mhm you go through your whole life like that

you go through your whole life like that

you go through your whole life like that and see how everything that you judge

and see how everything that you judge

and see how everything that you judge about yourself actually serve the

about yourself actually serve the

about yourself actually serve the purpose at the time

purpose at the time

purpose at the time yeah

yeah mhm really isn't simple it is

yeah mhm really isn't simple it is

yeah mhm really isn't simple it is [Music]

[Music]

[Music] simple Gabel Matty thanks very much for

simple Gabel Matty thanks very much for

simple Gabel Matty thanks very much for coming on Under the Skin the reason I'm

coming on Under the Skin the reason I'm

coming on Under the Skin the reason I'm so excited to talk to you the reason

so excited to talk to you the reason

so excited to talk to you the reason that I believe you're having such an

that I believe you're having such an

that I believe you're having such an important cultural impact is because of

important cultural impact is because of

important cultural impact is because of your uh rare compassion and insight into

your uh rare compassion and insight into

your uh rare compassion and insight into the world of addiction when it was

the world of addiction when it was

the world of addiction when it was heroin I would like have I would reflect

heroin I would like have I would reflect

heroin I would like have I would reflect after I'd use and just go right this

after I'd use and just go right this

after I'd use and just go right this is't for me this has got to stop this is

is't for me this has got to stop this is

is't for me this has got to stop this is not a sustainable system you think You'

not a sustainable system you think You'

not a sustainable system you think You' never needed anymore cuz you feel

never needed anymore cuz you feel

never needed anymore cuz you feel complete and then comes the remorse of

complete and then comes the remorse of

complete and then comes the remorse of what have I done and then you say I

what have I done and then you say I

what have I done and then you say I don't need to do this again and then by

don't need to do this again and then by

don't need to do this again and then by the time I'm home I'm running back to

the time I'm home I'm running back to

the time I'm home I'm running back to the store again to get the next thing

the store again to get the next thing

the store again to get the next thing that I didn't buy in the life of every

that I didn't buy in the life of every

that I didn't buy in the life of every person who's ever been addicted and ever

person who's ever been addicted and ever

person who's ever been addicted and ever will be addicted there's always

trauma an addiction is any behavior that

trauma an addiction is any behavior that

trauma an addiction is any behavior that a person finds relief in the short term

a person finds relief in the short term

a person finds relief in the short term and craves but suffers negative

and craves but suffers negative

and craves but suffers negative consequences and cannot give it up

consequences and cannot give it up

consequences and cannot give it up that's what an eviction is could be

that's what an eviction is could be

that's what an eviction is could be drugs obviously alcohol nicotine could

drugs obviously alcohol nicotine could

drugs obviously alcohol nicotine could also be sex could be gambling could be

also be sex could be gambling could be

also be sex could be gambling could be shopping could be eating could be

shopping could be eating could be

shopping could be eating could be pornography

pornography

pornography could be the internet could be gaming

could be the internet could be gaming

could be the internet could be gaming could be work could be uh

could be work could be uh

could be work could be uh relationships that's what addiction

is first issue is not why the addiction

is first issue is not why the addiction

is first issue is not why the addiction but why the

pain

in our society there are two uh myths

in our society there are two uh myths

in our society there are two uh myths around addiction the pernicious one is

around addiction the pernicious one is

around addiction the pernicious one is the belief that addiction is a choice

the belief that addiction is a choice

the belief that addiction is a choice and that the decisions that arise out of

and that the decisions that arise out of

and that the decisions that arise out of addictions are therefore a matter of

addictions are therefore a matter of

addictions are therefore a matter of individual

individual

individual culpability and so therefore addicts for

culpability and so therefore addicts for

culpability and so therefore addicts for the most part are punished for being

the most part are punished for being

the most part are punished for being addicted now the other belief un

addicted now the other belief un

addicted now the other belief un addiction but still misleading is that

addiction but still misleading is that

addiction but still misleading is that it's an inherited disease it's a

it's an inherited disease it's a

it's an inherited disease it's a biological disorder of the brain that

biological disorder of the brain that

biological disorder of the brain that belief is more Humane much more than the

belief is more Humane much more than the

belief is more Humane much more than the choice belief because at least if

choice belief because at least if

choice belief because at least if somebody inherits a disease they're not

somebody inherits a disease they're not

somebody inherits a disease they're not to be punished for it but they provide

to be punished for it but they provide

to be punished for it but they provide they're to be provided with treatment as

they're to be provided with treatment as

they're to be provided with treatment as with any disease however it's also

with any disease however it's also

with any disease however it's also misleading because it ignores why people

misleading because it ignores why people

misleading because it ignores why people really get addicted which is got nothing

really get addicted which is got nothing

really get addicted which is got nothing to do with disease it's among the normal

to do with disease it's among the normal

to do with disease it's among the normal human responses to trauma when people

human responses to trauma when people

human responses to trauma when people are suffering they want to escape their

are suffering they want to escape their

are suffering they want to escape their suffering that's

normal

[Music]

uh my name is jutah po shello sheep I'm

uh my name is jutah po shello sheep I'm

uh my name is jutah po shello sheep I'm 43 years old I come from a a taii a

43 years old I come from a a taii a

43 years old I come from a a taii a family of Thai restaurant owners I moved

family of Thai restaurant owners I moved

family of Thai restaurant owners I moved away when I was 14 I was never good

away when I was 14 I was never good

away when I was 14 I was never good enough I mean I think if I had a parents

enough I mean I think if I had a parents

enough I mean I think if I had a parents who didn't really care and was lenient

who didn't really care and was lenient

who didn't really care and was lenient and I don't think I would have really

and I don't think I would have really

and I don't think I would have really got right into it and really got

got right into it and really got

got right into it and really got addicted I might have just you know

addicted I might have just you know

addicted I might have just you know tried it once or twice but I think the

tried it once or twice but I think the

tried it once or twice but I think the pressure was on from the upbringing and

pressure was on from the upbringing and

pressure was on from the upbringing and having to feel like I had to achieve and

having to feel like I had to achieve and

having to feel like I had to achieve and be the best of what I did an a student

be the best of what I did an a student

be the best of what I did an a student and so when I moved away I really wanted

and so when I moved away I really wanted

and so when I moved away I really wanted to prove not to just myself but to them

to prove not to just myself but to them

to prove not to just myself but to them that I I was more than what they saw

that I I was more than what they saw

that I I was more than what they saw you know I I did apply to Stanford

you know I I did apply to Stanford

you know I I did apply to Stanford University that was my number one choice

University that was my number one choice

University that was my number one choice um I was disappointed I didn't get in

um I was disappointed I didn't get in

um I was disappointed I didn't get in and San Francisco State University was

and San Francisco State University was

and San Francisco State University was my second choice and um while there I

my second choice and um while there I

my second choice and um while there I did do the same things that I was doing

did do the same things that I was doing

did do the same things that I was doing when I was in high school playing for

when I was in high school playing for

when I was in high school playing for the NCAA singing

choir with doing so many things pledging

choir with doing so many things pledging

choir with doing so many things pledging sororities and doing being different

sororities and doing being different

sororities and doing being different club members I'm saying I was just

club members I'm saying I was just

club members I'm saying I was just trying to find my way in in in the world

trying to find my way in in in the world

trying to find my way in in in the world and then I started to work at the

and then I started to work at the

and then I started to work at the nightclubs here and so I think that's

nightclubs here and so I think that's

nightclubs here and so I think that's when I really evolved because I wanted

when I really evolved because I wanted

when I really evolved because I wanted to do everything I wanted to go to

to do everything I wanted to go to

to do everything I wanted to go to school wanted to work but I needed to do

school wanted to work but I needed to do

school wanted to work but I needed to do homework as well so the pressure was on

homework as well so the pressure was on

homework as well so the pressure was on then so then it it got into heavier

then so then it it got into heavier

then so then it it got into heavier drugs so I needed the meth to stay

drugs so I needed the meth to stay

drugs so I needed the meth to stay [Music]

[Music]

[Music] up I think our society just doesn't

up I think our society just doesn't

up I think our society just doesn't understand addiction without the

understand addiction without the

understand addiction without the addiction they felt incomplete they felt

addiction they felt incomplete they felt

addiction they felt incomplete they felt this huge emptiness inside and so the

this huge emptiness inside and so the

this huge emptiness inside and so the addiction was to complete themselves and

addiction was to complete themselves and

addiction was to complete themselves and and and to

and and to

and and to somehow temporarily cover up the

somehow temporarily cover up the

somehow temporarily cover up the emptiness why the finger pointing why

emptiness why the finger pointing why

emptiness why the finger pointing why the judgments on a particular group of

the judgments on a particular group of

the judgments on a particular group of people who are addicted who happen to

people who are addicted who happen to

people who are addicted who happen to use

use

use [Music]

[Music]

[Music] substances my first job that I ever had

substances my first job that I ever had

substances my first job that I ever had as a physician in Vancouver after I did

as a physician in Vancouver after I did

as a physician in Vancouver after I did my internship was actually the down on

my internship was actually the down on

my internship was actually the down on east side of Vancouver is North

east side of Vancouver is North

east side of Vancouver is North America's most concentrated and most

America's most concentrated and most

America's most concentrated and most dramatic area of drug use where there's

dramatic area of drug use where there's

dramatic area of drug use where there's more people injecting and ingesting and

more people injecting and ingesting and

more people injecting and ingesting and inhaling all kinds of substances than

inhaling all kinds of substances than

inhaling all kinds of substances than anywhere else in in the planet and I go

anywhere else in in the planet and I go

anywhere else in in the planet and I go to this old broken down hotel with

to this old broken down hotel with

to this old broken down hotel with cracking paint on the walls

cracking paint on the walls

cracking paint on the walls and strange people walking in and out

and strange people walking in and out

and strange people walking in and out and I felt totally at home right away

and I felt totally at home right away

and I felt totally at home right away and after 2 years I shifted my full-time

and after 2 years I shifted my full-time

and after 2 years I shifted my full-time work to the

work to the

work to the downtown well so I worked there for 12

downtown well so I worked there for 12

downtown well so I worked there for 12 years

years

years and they all suffered tremendous torment

and they all suffered tremendous torment

and they all suffered tremendous torment as children which also meant that their

as children which also meant that their

as children which also meant that their addictions were extreme they were quite

addictions were extreme they were quite

addictions were extreme they were quite willing to sacrifice love life

willing to sacrifice love life

willing to sacrifice love life relationship Health just for the next

relationship Health just for the next

relationship Health just for the next hit they were that desperate to escape

hit they were that desperate to escape

hit they were that desperate to escape from reality because reality had been so

from reality because reality had been so

from reality because reality had been so cruel to them we were dealing with

cruel to them we were dealing with

cruel to them we were dealing with people with severe infections they would

people with severe infections they would

people with severe infections they would inject drugs that would give them aises

inject drugs that would give them aises

inject drugs that would give them aises not only in their skin or their muscles

not only in their skin or their muscles

not only in their skin or their muscles but also in their brains in their spinal

but also in their brains in their spinal

but also in their brains in their spinal cord in their joints so they have to be

cord in their joints so they have to be

cord in their joints so they have to be hospitalized which is the only facility

hospitalized which is the only facility

hospitalized which is the only facility where you can deliver IV antibiotics

where you can deliver IV antibiotics

where you can deliver IV antibiotics several times a day but they were users

several times a day but they were users

several times a day but they were users so there'll be always discing from the

so there'll be always discing from the

so there'll be always discing from the hospital and even using the IV lines to

hospital and even using the IV lines to

hospital and even using the IV lines to inject through so inevitably they'd be

inject through so inevitably they'd be

inject through so inevitably they'd be kicked out of the hospital which means

kicked out of the hospital which means

kicked out of the hospital which means that their life-threatening infections

that their life-threatening infections

that their life-threatening infections would be

would be

would be untreated this is how I met Joey

untreated this is how I met Joey

untreated this is how I met Joey Carter I think I pushed him across an

Carter I think I pushed him across an

Carter I think I pushed him across an intersection once in his wheelchair

intersection once in his wheelchair

intersection once in his wheelchair maybe that's the first time he actually

maybe that's the first time he actually

maybe that's the first time he actually met and he helped me up and he said what

met and he helped me up and he said what

met and he helped me up and he said what are you doing he enough's enough I'm

are you doing he enough's enough I'm

are you doing he enough's enough I'm going to admit you to ctct are you going

going to admit you to ctct are you going

going to admit you to ctct are you going to go there and I was like well what

to go there and I was like well what

to go there and I was like well what about my addiction and he said well what

about my addiction and he said well what

about my addiction and he said well what are you using and I said well I've been

are you using and I said well I've been

are you using and I said well I've been using Morphin and M

using Morphin and M

using Morphin and M salons I said how many will you give me

salons I said how many will you give me

salons I said how many will you give me a day you said as many as you have in

a day you said as many as you have in

a day you said as many as you have in your

pocket

by meeting people where they're at and

by meeting people where they're at and

by meeting people where they're at and treating them like human beings and not

treating them like human beings and not

treating them like human beings and not trying to change

trying to change

trying to change them actually opens up the possibility

them actually opens up the possibility

them actually opens up the possibility of transformation for them andjoy is a a

of transformation for them andjoy is a a

of transformation for them andjoy is a a prime

prime

prime example they had come in like every 4

example they had come in like every 4

example they had come in like every 4 hours to give me more morphine and and

hours to give me more morphine and and

hours to give me more morphine and and and I wasn't eating it I was saving it

and I wasn't eating it I was saving it

and I wasn't eating it I was saving it right and and I woke up and there was

right and and I woke up and there was

right and and I woke up and there was like morphine all over the bed and I

like morphine all over the bed and I

like morphine all over the bed and I thought I was in

thought I was in

thought I was in [Laughter]

[Laughter]

[Laughter] heaven I do recall your poetry and and

heaven I do recall your poetry and and

heaven I do recall your poetry and and you you were very a very Avid writer

you you were very a very Avid writer

you you were very a very Avid writer yeah and you shared some of that with me

yeah and you shared some of that with me

yeah and you shared some of that with me um is there one that you you know that

um is there one that you you know that

um is there one that you you know that you're going to recite now yep it goes I

you're going to recite now yep it goes I

you're going to recite now yep it goes I misbehave when I crave to push the Venom

misbehave when I crave to push the Venom

misbehave when I crave to push the Venom in my veins I lose all control of my

in my veins I lose all control of my

in my veins I lose all control of my inner soul and my demons hold the Reigns

inner soul and my demons hold the Reigns

inner soul and my demons hold the Reigns I deceive whoever believes I twist her

I deceive whoever believes I twist her

I deceive whoever believes I twist her open trust with nefarious precision and

open trust with nefarious precision and

open trust with nefarious precision and tunnel vision I pursue the Venom with

tunnel vision I pursue the Venom with

tunnel vision I pursue the Venom with lust with the desire so strong I forget

lust with the desire so strong I forget

lust with the desire so strong I forget all bonds hurting the ones I adore and

all bonds hurting the ones I adore and

all bonds hurting the ones I adore and even though they love me they move on

even though they love me they move on

even though they love me they move on from me to let me fight my War

from me to let me fight my War

from me to let me fight my War uncontrollable I'm inconsolable slowly

uncontrollable I'm inconsolable slowly

uncontrollable I'm inconsolable slowly I'm dying inside a glutton of such I've

I'm dying inside a glutton of such I've

I'm dying inside a glutton of such I've used too much now there's no life in my

used too much now there's no life in my

used too much now there's no life in my [Music]

[Music]

[Music] eyes

I want

I want

I want to tell you guys about why you think you

to tell you guys about why you think you

to tell you guys about why you think you got addicted like what did it do for you

got addicted like what did it do for you

got addicted like what did it do for you in the short term that you wanted or

in the short term that you wanted or

in the short term that you wanted or that you appreciated the one thing that

that you appreciated the one thing that

that you appreciated the one thing that I learned was gratification through sex

I learned was gratification through sex

I learned was gratification through sex like it would pay my rent it would pay

like it would pay my rent it would pay

like it would pay my rent it would pay my food it would pay my clothes but it

my food it would pay my clothes but it

my food it would pay my clothes but it was also a feeling loved right Lov right

was also a feeling loved right Lov right

was also a feeling loved right Lov right having that desire for somebody to care

having that desire for somebody to care

having that desire for somebody to care and want you want you I be able to have

and want you want you I be able to have

and want you want you I be able to have a sexual relationship if I wasn't using

a sexual relationship if I wasn't using

a sexual relationship if I wasn't using because I couldn't feel anything towards

because I couldn't feel anything towards

because I couldn't feel anything towards the other person it made you feel more

the other person it made you feel more

the other person it made you feel more alive yeah it made me feel more in tune

alive yeah it made me feel more in tune

alive yeah it made me feel more in tune yeah yeah like that's and I used it to

yeah yeah like that's and I used it to

yeah yeah like that's and I used it to have feelings I didn't feel pretty I

have feelings I didn't feel pretty I

have feelings I didn't feel pretty I didn't feel like and as soon as I would

didn't feel like and as soon as I would

didn't feel like and as soon as I would do a little bit of drugs my self-esteem

do a little bit of drugs my self-esteem

do a little bit of drugs my self-esteem would instantly go up I did so much

would instantly go up I did so much

would instantly go up I did so much Sports and was on such a strict schedule

Sports and was on such a strict schedule

Sports and was on such a strict schedule that when I started to use

that when I started to use

that when I started to use in like grade 8 grade n like I was free

in like grade 8 grade n like I was free

in like grade 8 grade n like I was free so

so

so Freedom sense of aliveness completion

Freedom sense of aliveness completion

Freedom sense of aliveness completion self-esteem these are all wonderful

self-esteem these are all wonderful

self-esteem these are all wonderful things aren't they when they talk about

things aren't they when they talk about

things aren't they when they talk about addiction being a bad choice they know

addiction being a bad choice they know

addiction being a bad choice they know it isn't it's actually a solution to a

it isn't it's actually a solution to a

it isn't it's actually a solution to a [Music]

[Music]

[Music] problem if we understand that the

problem if we understand that the

problem if we understand that the addiction is not the primary problem but

addiction is not the primary problem but

addiction is not the primary problem but really a response to trauma

really a response to trauma

really a response to trauma then it becomes obvious that in order to

then it becomes obvious that in order to

then it becomes obvious that in order to heal addiction you have to he the trauma

heal addiction you have to he the trauma

heal addiction you have to he the trauma but it means that you see the wound

but it means that you see the wound

but it means that you see the wound that's driving that

that's driving that

that's driving that [Music]

person underneath that traumatized

person underneath that traumatized

person underneath that traumatized Persona there's the healthy individual

Persona there's the healthy individual

Persona there's the healthy individual who has never found expression in this

who has never found expression in this

who has never found expression in this life because they were never given the

life because they were never given the

life because they were never given the venue for expression never given the

venue for expression never given the

venue for expression never given the relationships in which they could their

relationships in which they could their

relationships in which they could their authentic Humanity could be

authentic Humanity could be

authentic Humanity could be [Music]

expressed are we free are we conscious

expressed are we free are we conscious

expressed are we free are we conscious are we making a decision based on full

are we making a decision based on full

are we making a decision based on full awareness or are we driven by

awareness or are we driven by

awareness or are we driven by unconscious

unconscious

unconscious dynamics that we've inherited or that we

dynamics that we've inherited or that we

dynamics that we've inherited or that we developed as a respon resp to Childhood

developed as a respon resp to Childhood

developed as a respon resp to Childhood trauma well in so far as we're not

trauma well in so far as we're not

trauma well in so far as we're not conscious we're not

free we have then a social structure

free we have then a social structure

free we have then a social structure that induces trauma in a lot of people

that induces trauma in a lot of people

that induces trauma in a lot of people therefore it induces Escapist addictive

therefore it induces Escapist addictive

therefore it induces Escapist addictive behaviors in a lot of people and those

behaviors in a lot of people and those

behaviors in a lot of people and those inner Trends line up with how society

inner Trends line up with how society

inner Trends line up with how society looks like on the outside so therefore

looks like on the outside so therefore

looks like on the outside so therefore all this looks perfectly normal be

all this looks perfectly normal be

all this looks perfectly normal be natural fundamentally the message is

natural fundamentally the message is

natural fundamentally the message is that with our minds we create the world

that with our minds we create the world

that with our minds we create the world so if I have a world view that the world

so if I have a world view that the world

so if I have a world view that the world is a horrible place then I want to live

is a horrible place then I want to live

is a horrible place then I want to live in a world where I have to be aggressive

in a world where I have to be aggressive

in a world where I have to be aggressive suspicious competitive and make myself

suspicious competitive and make myself

suspicious competitive and make myself as big as possible so I don't get to

as big as possible so I don't get to

as big as possible so I don't get to eaten my so I have to be grandio and

eaten my so I have to be grandio and

eaten my so I have to be grandio and cunning because that's the RO I'm living

cunning because that's the RO I'm living

cunning because that's the RO I'm living in and these are the people that our

in and these are the people that our

in and these are the people that our society rewards with power

society rewards with power

society rewards with power [Music]

do you think that the inability of these

do you think that the inability of these

do you think that the inability of these individuals to manifest real change is a

individuals to manifest real change is a

individuals to manifest real change is a demonstration that what we have are

demonstration that what we have are

demonstration that what we have are deeply entrench and traumatized systems

deeply entrench and traumatized systems

deeply entrench and traumatized systems that are predicated on unconscious

that are predicated on unconscious

that are predicated on unconscious choices unconscious driv and that the

choices unconscious driv and that the

choices unconscious driv and that the system cannot will not alter itself from

system cannot will not alter itself from

system cannot will not alter itself from within itself but will sustain itself

within itself but will sustain itself

within itself but will sustain itself and it's only sort of new radical ideas

and it's only sort of new radical ideas

and it's only sort of new radical ideas that can alter it that's exactly what

that can alter it that's exactly what

that can alter it that's exactly what I'm saying large segments of the economy

I'm saying large segments of the economy

I'm saying large segments of the economy survive because people buy things that

survive because people buy things that

survive because people buy things that give them temporary pleasure but do them

give them temporary pleasure but do them

give them temporary pleasure but do them no good whatsoever in the long term in

no good whatsoever in the long term in

no good whatsoever in the long term in fact they're even harmful I mean we're

fact they're even harmful I mean we're

fact they're even harmful I mean we're going so far to destroy the Earth

going so far to destroy the Earth

going so far to destroy the Earth because of her

because of her

because of her [Music]

[Music]

[Music] addictions

[Music]

the disconnect from the body of the

the disconnect from the body of the

the disconnect from the body of the Earth really has to do with the

Earth really has to do with the

Earth really has to do with the disconnect from own bodies the two are

disconnect from own bodies the two are

disconnect from own bodies the two are together and the exploitation of the

together and the exploitation of the

together and the exploitation of the earth as if it was something separate

earth as if it was something separate

earth as if it was something separate from us has a lot to do with patriarchal

from us has a lot to do with patriarchal

from us has a lot to do with patriarchal domination I mean we talk about Mother

domination I mean we talk about Mother

domination I mean we talk about Mother Earth look what we're doing to mother

Earth look what we're doing to mother

Earth look what we're doing to mother it's a mother hatred

it's a mother hatred

it's a mother hatred [Music]

almost it speaks to a blindness and a

almost it speaks to a blindness and a

almost it speaks to a blindness and a passivity which itself is a marker of

passivity which itself is a marker of

passivity which itself is a marker of societal and Collective

trauma our schools are full of kids with

trauma our schools are full of kids with

trauma our schools are full of kids with learning difficulties mental health

learning difficulties mental health

learning difficulties mental health issues that are trauma based but the

issues that are trauma based but the

issues that are trauma based but the average teacher never gets a single

average teacher never gets a single

average teacher never gets a single lecture on traa they're fundamentally

lecture on traa they're fundamentally

lecture on traa they're fundamentally working with an essential lack of

working with an essential lack of

working with an essential lack of information I should barely mention the

information I should barely mention the

information I should barely mention the criminal justice system has no

criminal justice system has no

criminal justice system has no understanding or even acquaintance with

understanding or even acquaintance with

understanding or even acquaintance with the concept of trauma in fact they of

the concept of trauma in fact they of

the concept of trauma in fact they of often create policies that further

often create policies that further

often create policies that further beepen people's trauma that these

beepen people's trauma that these

beepen people's trauma that these institutions need to be informed of what

institutions need to be informed of what

institutions need to be informed of what trauma is and how to respond to have in

trauma is and how to respond to have in

trauma is and how to respond to have in custodies of

custodies of

custodies of different States and counties

different States and counties

different States and counties um um since 18 I struggled with

um um since 18 I struggled with

um um since 18 I struggled with addiction and they were sending me to

addiction and they were sending me to

addiction and they were sending me to these places to get the help that you

these places to get the help that you

these places to get the help that you needed I I have nothing but the

needed I I have nothing but the

needed I I have nothing but the authorities telling me it was my fault

authorities telling me it was my fault

authorities telling me it was my fault my fault my fault because you're

my fault my fault because you're

my fault my fault because you're choosing this you know and I can't help

choosing this you know and I can't help

choosing this you know and I can't help choosing but you're supposed to trust

choosing but you're supposed to trust

choosing but you're supposed to trust and believe in these people California

and believe in these people California

and believe in these people California industrialized

industrialized

industrialized [Music]

[Music]

[Music] prison trauma doesn't know a color

prison trauma doesn't know a color

prison trauma doesn't know a color trauma doesn't know her age trauma

trauma doesn't know her age trauma

trauma doesn't know her age trauma doesn't know tax bracket trauma doesn't

doesn't know tax bracket trauma doesn't

doesn't know tax bracket trauma doesn't know any of these things anybody can be

know any of these things anybody can be

know any of these things anybody can be traumatized

traumatized

traumatized anybody symptoms of trauma nightmares

anybody symptoms of trauma nightmares

anybody symptoms of trauma nightmares and night terrors inability to

and night terrors inability to

and night terrors inability to love addictive behavior

love addictive behavior

love addictive behavior insomnia

insomnia

insomnia depression

depression

depression shame that's not who you

shame that's not who you

shame that's not who you are but it's a symptom of being

are but it's a symptom of being

are but it's a symptom of being traumatized and we're here to heal each

traumatized and we're here to heal each

traumatized and we're here to heal each other

we heal in community when I do these

we heal in community when I do these

we heal in community when I do these circles with anybody when they see the

circles with anybody when they see the

circles with anybody when they see the extent of childhood trauma in themselves

extent of childhood trauma in themselves

extent of childhood trauma in themselves but also in the people around them it's

but also in the people around them it's

but also in the people around them it's a shift it it takes the othering out it

a shift it it takes the othering out it

a shift it it takes the othering out it actually brings a human in and that as a

actually brings a human in and that as a

actually brings a human in and that as a society is one of the one of the

society is one of the one of the

society is one of the one of the imperatives that we need to get to we

imperatives that we need to get to we

imperatives that we need to get to we got to start seeing each other for what

got to start seeing each other for what

got to start seeing each other for what happened to us and not what's wrong with

us

[Music]

my name is Romy nage I am the senior

my name is Romy nage I am the senior

my name is Romy nage I am the senior director of San Francisco and social

director of San Francisco and social

director of San Francisco and social Innovation for downtown streets team

Innovation for downtown streets team

Innovation for downtown streets team that is changing the lives of people who

that is changing the lives of people who

that is changing the lives of people who are currently homeless through the

are currently homeless through the

are currently homeless through the Dignity of

Dignity of

Dignity of work labeling people as just drug

work labeling people as just drug

work labeling people as just drug addicts like it's deeper than that they

addicts like it's deeper than that they

addicts like it's deeper than that they probably at a younger age have been

probably at a younger age have been

probably at a younger age have been reinforced of their that their value was

reinforced of their that their value was

reinforced of their that their value was not as significant as others the pain is

not as significant as others the pain is

not as significant as others the pain is the root cause of people trying to feel

the root cause of people trying to feel

the root cause of people trying to feel comfortable in this world using street

comfortable in this world using street

comfortable in this world using street drugs is a method it is is a behavior to

drugs is a method it is is a behavior to

drugs is a method it is is a behavior to support something that is

uncomfortable I was homeless for about

uncomfortable I was homeless for about

uncomfortable I was homeless for about 15

15

15 years it is a survival of the

years it is a survival of the

years it is a survival of the fit I had three kids on the street while

fit I had three kids on the street while

fit I had three kids on the street while homeless walking around no shoes selling

homeless walking around no shoes selling

homeless walking around no shoes selling drugs doing drugs hoping they would

drugs doing drugs hoping they would

drugs doing drugs hoping they would miscarry all the babies came out with

miscarry all the babies came out with

miscarry all the babies came out with everything meth Crystal cocaine

everything meth Crystal cocaine

everything meth Crystal cocaine everything you could think of

I did utilize those three moments in

I did utilize those three moments in

I did utilize those three moments in time where I had those babies

time where I had those babies

time where I had those babies to just rest up in in a nice place and

to just rest up in in a nice place and

to just rest up in in a nice place and eat a hot meal just basically took a

eat a hot meal just basically took a

eat a hot meal just basically took a shower those three times um cuz while I

shower those three times um cuz while I

shower those three times um cuz while I was homeless most of us don't shower

was homeless most of us don't shower

was homeless most of us don't shower maybe once a year of

maybe once a year of

maybe once a year of that but I was lucky I had the same

that but I was lucky I had the same

that but I was lucky I had the same foster mom uh all three boys Albert

foster mom uh all three boys Albert

foster mom uh all three boys Albert Jetson and James are all thriving

Jetson and James are all thriving

Jetson and James are all thriving they're very healthy I did fight for

they're very healthy I did fight for

they're very healthy I did fight for them don't get me wrong I did try to

them don't get me wrong I did try to

them don't get me wrong I did try to fight for them but I was ready to give

fight for them but I was ready to give

fight for them but I was ready to give up the drug

up the drug

up the drug life it was fall so it was the rain

life it was fall so it was the rain

life it was fall so it was the rain season I just remember that constant

season I just remember that constant

season I just remember that constant worry about where was I going to go that

worry about where was I going to go that

worry about where was I going to go that would I find shelter cuz there's nowhere

would I find shelter cuz there's nowhere

would I find shelter cuz there's nowhere to go right the people that did love

to go right the people that did love

to go right the people that did love me just said you know what we're not

me just said you know what we're not

me just said you know what we're not going to stand by anymore while you kill

going to stand by anymore while you kill

going to stand by anymore while you kill yourself we can't do it it's hurting

yourself we can't do it it's hurting

yourself we can't do it it's hurting more we're dying a harder death and you

more we're dying a harder death and you

more we're dying a harder death and you are and they just scattered from my

are and they just scattered from my

are and they just scattered from my life I was utterly

life I was utterly

life I was utterly [Music]

alone I've been in the city on the

alone I've been in the city on the

alone I've been in the city on the streets now for 4 years went to college

streets now for 4 years went to college

streets now for 4 years went to college on my GI bill I was in the Army for a

on my GI bill I was in the Army for a

on my GI bill I was in the Army for a total of 11 years then I got diagnosed

total of 11 years then I got diagnosed

total of 11 years then I got diagnosed with non- hodkin lymphoma and I

with non- hodkin lymphoma and I

with non- hodkin lymphoma and I retired my PTSD comes from experiences

retired my PTSD comes from experiences

retired my PTSD comes from experiences with

with

with trying to beat this monkey on my back

trying to beat this monkey on my back

trying to beat this monkey on my back you know I've had the beautiful home and

you know I've had the beautiful home and

you know I've had the beautiful home and vehicles and wife and kids and thrown it

vehicles and wife and kids and thrown it

vehicles and wife and kids and thrown it all away for

all away for

all away for drugs so when you pass by someone

drugs so when you pass by someone

drugs so when you pass by someone homeless on the street that is such a

homeless on the street that is such a

homeless on the street that is such a painful world to live in and a very

painful world to live in and a very

painful world to live in and a very important thing to do is acknowledge

important thing to do is acknowledge

important thing to do is acknowledge them and not pretending or literally

them and not pretending or literally

them and not pretending or literally thinking that no one's sitting right

thinking that no one's sitting right

thinking that no one's sitting right there how are you doing and hanging in

there how are you doing and hanging in

there how are you doing and hanging in there had a rough sleep last night you

there had a rough sleep last night you

there had a rough sleep last night you stay in the TL I do yeah cool how long

stay in the TL I do yeah cool how long

stay in the TL I do yeah cool how long have you been here um I moved here from

have you been here um I moved here from

have you been here um I moved here from Atlanta February the

Atlanta February the

Atlanta February the 7th the number one thing that people who

7th the number one thing that people who

7th the number one thing that people who are experiencing homelessness suffer

are experiencing homelessness suffer

are experiencing homelessness suffer from is feeling looked down

from is feeling looked down

from is feeling looked down on it's like people just passing by them

on it's like people just passing by them

on it's like people just passing by them not acknowledging their experience that

not acknowledging their experience that

not acknowledging their experience that forms an identity that is

forms an identity that is

forms an identity that is internalized

internalized

internalized their sense of self has been attacked

their sense of self has been attacked

their sense of self has been attacked their their dignity has been completely

their their dignity has been completely

their their dignity has been completely reinforced as non-existent every single

reinforced as non-existent every single

reinforced as non-existent every single day humanization of homelessness is

day humanization of homelessness is

day humanization of homelessness is where we need to start because we're

where we need to start because we're

where we need to start because we're working with people we're working with

working with people we're working with

working with people we're working with nervous systems we are working with

nervous systems we are working with

nervous systems we are working with deflated and

deflated and

deflated and traumatized senses of

traumatized senses of

traumatized senses of [Music]

[Music]

[Music] self to be honest if I lived in that

self to be honest if I lived in that

self to be honest if I lived in that world I I would want to use too it'd get

world I I would want to use too it'd get

world I I would want to use too it'd get me out of it it'd make me feel not like

me out of it it'd make me feel not like

me out of it it'd make me feel not like that for a

minute hey Dwayne you home it's

minute hey Dwayne you home it's

minute hey Dwayne you home it's [Music]

[Music]

[Music] Tessa hey how are you how are

Tessa hey how are you how are

Tessa hey how are you how are you I'm Tessa I'm a harm ruction

you I'm Tessa I'm a harm ruction

you I'm Tessa I'm a harm ruction specialist at Abode Housing Services I

specialist at Abode Housing Services I

specialist at Abode Housing Services I help people move through the pain of

help people move through the pain of

help people move through the pain of their addiction regain

their addiction regain

their addiction regain oh my gosh your place looks amazing I

oh my gosh your place looks amazing I

oh my gosh your place looks amazing I took this job because of the harm

took this job because of the harm

took this job because of the harm reduction approach where people get

reduction approach where people get

reduction approach where people get housing you don't have an agenda you

housing you don't have an agenda you

housing you don't have an agenda you must do this or that in order to Access

must do this or that in order to Access

must do this or that in order to Access housing you're worthy of housing cuz

housing you're worthy of housing cuz

housing you're worthy of housing cuz housing should be a right when people

housing should be a right when people

housing should be a right when people get housed after they've been Outdoors

get housed after they've been Outdoors

get housed after they've been Outdoors for 7 15 25 years whatever the number

for 7 15 25 years whatever the number

for 7 15 25 years whatever the number is you're

alone you don't have survival to do so

alone you don't have survival to do so

alone you don't have survival to do so this is when I'm starting to see

this is when I'm starting to see

this is when I'm starting to see everybody's pain start surfacing and

everybody's pain start surfacing and

everybody's pain start surfacing and people are starting to have you know

people are starting to have you know

people are starting to have you know more challenges and emotional challenges

more challenges and emotional challenges

more challenges and emotional challenges than they did out on the

than they did out on the

than they did out on the [Music]

[Music]

[Music] streets Dr Gabor mate when I found his

streets Dr Gabor mate when I found his

streets Dr Gabor mate when I found his teachings and specifically the realm of

teachings and specifically the realm of

teachings and specifically the realm of the Hungry Ghost kind of changed my

the Hungry Ghost kind of changed my

the Hungry Ghost kind of changed my outlook in life I'm very dear to this

outlook in life I'm very dear to this

outlook in life I'm very dear to this [Music]

[Music]

[Music] work

[Applause]

[Applause]

[Applause] I'm gabor's wife and I have been for

I'm gabor's wife and I have been for

I'm gabor's wife and I have been for close to 50

[Music]

[Music]

[Music] years I met gabber in October of

years I met gabber in October of

years I met gabber in October of 1967 when I was a first year student at

1967 when I was a first year student at

1967 when I was a first year student at UBC I saw in the student newspaper that

UBC I saw in the student newspaper that

UBC I saw in the student newspaper that they were looking for

they were looking for

they were looking for cartoonists and I draw I walked into uh

cartoonists and I draw I walked into uh

cartoonists and I draw I walked into uh this small room and he's sitting there

this small room and he's sitting there

this small room and he's sitting there reading a book and I

reading a book and I

reading a book and I said uh my name's Ry um I'm I'm supposed

said uh my name's Ry um I'm I'm supposed

said uh my name's Ry um I'm I'm supposed to draw you would you mind just sitting

to draw you would you mind just sitting

to draw you would you mind just sitting there this is

there this is

there this is it I did this before I knew who he was

it I did this before I knew who he was

it I did this before I knew who he was before I'd had a

before I'd had a

before I'd had a conversation what a mysterious guy dark

conversation what a mysterious guy dark

conversation what a mysterious guy dark you know

intense

intense

intense he was so interesting to

me I've always been a a rebel I mean in

me I've always been a a rebel I mean in

me I've always been a a rebel I mean in communist Hungary in grade six my

communist Hungary in grade six my

communist Hungary in grade six my teacher wrote in my report card that you

teacher wrote in my report card that you

teacher wrote in my report card that you should watch it cuz he insites the other

should watch it cuz he insites the other

should watch it cuz he insites the other students but so that tendency to resist

students but so that tendency to resist

students but so that tendency to resist arbitrariness what I'm being told and

arbitrariness what I'm being told and

arbitrariness what I'm being told and what the official line is so I'm really

what the official line is so I'm really

what the official line is so I'm really not one for group think and and it

not one for group think and and it

not one for group think and and it really helps me to see through all kinds

really helps me to see through all kinds

really helps me to see through all kinds of nonsense that people accept without

questioning on a personal level I'm also

questioning on a personal level I'm also

questioning on a personal level I'm also a

a

a contradiction my longing is really a a

contradiction my longing is really a a

contradiction my longing is really a a sense of being excluded from something a

sense of being excluded from something a

sense of being excluded from something a sense of impossibility even and uh I

sense of impossibility even and uh I

sense of impossibility even and uh I very easily go there I mean that is my

very easily go there I mean that is my

very easily go there I mean that is my Baseline very early in my meeting with

Baseline very early in my meeting with

Baseline very early in my meeting with gabar I saw clear

gabar I saw clear

gabar I saw clear the light that he was and the dark that

the light that he was and the dark that

the light that he was and the dark that he was so I saw Brilliance and I saw

he was so I saw Brilliance and I saw

he was so I saw Brilliance and I saw real I guess trauma is the word I'd use

real I guess trauma is the word I'd use

real I guess trauma is the word I'd use now but I didn't know then to me it was

now but I didn't know then to me it was

now but I didn't know then to me it was dark and of course by then I knew he was

dark and of course by then I knew he was

dark and of course by then I knew he was um directly had been in the

um directly had been in the

um directly had been in the Holocaust um but it was going to be my

Holocaust um but it was going to be my

Holocaust um but it was going to be my job to heal him to bring out that

light I really believe that the purpose

light I really believe that the purpose

light I really believe that the purpose of marriage is to actually go back to

of marriage is to actually go back to

of marriage is to actually go back to the original trauma which comes from the

the original trauma which comes from the

the original trauma which comes from the family I married a man who was so much

family I married a man who was so much

family I married a man who was so much like my

father my scientific interest as well

father my scientific interest as well

father my scientific interest as well has been having to deal with my own

has been having to deal with my own

has been having to deal with my own trauma because in my 40s I was a very

trauma because in my 40s I was a very

trauma because in my 40s I was a very successful physician and I was a

successful physician and I was a

successful physician and I was a national colonist for a Canadian

national colonist for a Canadian

national colonist for a Canadian newspaper and I was the head of the P of

newspaper and I was the head of the P of

newspaper and I was the head of the P of care department at a major Canadian

care department at a major Canadian

care department at a major Canadian hospital and I was depressed and

hospital and I was depressed and

hospital and I was depressed and alienated in a difficult Mar marriage

alienated in a difficult Mar marriage

alienated in a difficult Mar marriage and my children were scared of me and I

and my children were scared of me and I

and my children were scared of me and I didn't like being

alive well there's just nothing more

alive well there's just nothing more

alive well there's just nothing more frustrating to be in a situation to see

frustrating to be in a situation to see

frustrating to be in a situation to see him out there doing this amazing work

him out there doing this amazing work

him out there doing this amazing work just the healing and the wisdom and the

just the healing and the wisdom and the

just the healing and the wisdom and the support and then come home and be

support and then come home and be

support and then come home and be completely uh exhausted irritable and

completely uh exhausted irritable and

completely uh exhausted irritable and then I get the the

negativity

[Music]

[Music]

[Music] I have to be me I have to be

authentic my nervous system is so wired

authentic my nervous system is so wired

authentic my nervous system is so wired that if I'm not authentic to myself I'm

that if I'm not authentic to myself I'm

that if I'm not authentic to myself I'm sick I have a stomach ache I can't sleep

sick I have a stomach ache I can't sleep

sick I have a stomach ache I can't sleep I'm anxious and it's usually

I'm anxious and it's usually

I'm anxious and it's usually here it's usually something in this

here it's usually something in this

here it's usually something in this Dynamic yeah right well when I would uh

Dynamic yeah right well when I would uh

Dynamic yeah right well when I would uh comp possibly shop for compact disc and

comp possibly shop for compact disc and

comp possibly shop for compact disc and lie about it we able to get neck aches

lie about it we able to get neck aches

lie about it we able to get neck aches and after a while she figured out if I

and after a while she figured out if I

and after a while she figured out if I got a neck ache this guy's lying to me

got a neck ache this guy's lying to me

got a neck ache this guy's lying to me he doesn't get away with anything

yeah how are you gab or mate not

yeah how are you gab or mate not

yeah how are you gab or mate not processing your trauma how am I not

processing your trauma how am I not

processing your trauma how am I not person yeah because like if you're not

person yeah because like if you're not

person yeah because like if you're not doing it that's like Steve Jobs going I

doing it that's like Steve Jobs going I

doing it that's like Steve Jobs going I couldn't get my phone to

couldn't get my phone to

couldn't get my phone to work that's another traumatized person

work that's another traumatized person

work that's another traumatized person by the way who whose cancer has

by the way who whose cancer has

by the way who whose cancer has everything to do with the childood

everything to do with the childood

everything to do with the childood trauma that he experienced but that's

trauma that he experienced but that's

trauma that he experienced but that's another book and another

another book and another

another book and another story so you sort of a bit like in The

story so you sort of a bit like in The

story so you sort of a bit like in The Matrix when Neo sees everything's made

Matrix when Neo sees everything's made

Matrix when Neo sees everything's made out of numbers you look at people and

out of numbers you look at people and

out of numbers you look at people and you see all their trauma and damage

you see all their trauma and damage

you see all their trauma and damage that's what I

that's what I

that's what I see until I realized that I was

see until I realized that I was

see until I realized that I was traumatized which really wasn't in my

traumatized which really wasn't in my

traumatized which really wasn't in my late 30s and mid 40s and I began to

late 30s and mid 40s and I began to

late 30s and mid 40s and I began to realize that it didn't have to be this

realize that it didn't have to be this

realize that it didn't have to be this way that there were reasons for it and I

way that there were reasons for it and I

way that there were reasons for it and I started looking for those reasons so I

started looking for those reasons so I

started looking for those reasons so I started waking up fairly late in

started waking up fairly late in

started waking up fairly late in life I was a driven workoholic doctor

life I was a driven workoholic doctor

life I was a driven workoholic doctor now why was I a driven workolic doctor

now why was I a driven workolic doctor

now why was I a driven workolic doctor cuz the message I got is an in is that

cuz the message I got is an in is that

cuz the message I got is an in is that the world didn't want me now how do you

the world didn't want me now how do you

the world didn't want me now how do you deal with not being wanted you make

deal with not being wanted you make

deal with not being wanted you make yourself needed so if you're traumatized

yourself needed so if you're traumatized

yourself needed so if you're traumatized and if you don't think you're lovable my

and if you don't think you're lovable my

and if you don't think you're lovable my God go to medical school now they're

God go to medical school now they're

God go to medical school now they're going to want you all the time when

going to want you all the time when

going to want you all the time when they're dying when they're being born

they're dying when they're being born

they're dying when they're being born every moment in between and that's

every moment in between and that's

every moment in between and that's highly addictive CU you get the

highly addictive CU you get the

highly addictive CU you get the validation all the

time a lot of people that go into

time a lot of people that go into

time a lot of people that go into medicine the last thing they want is to

medicine the last thing they want is to

medicine the last thing they want is to be open and vulnerable in fact what they

be open and vulnerable in fact what they

be open and vulnerable in fact what they want is the authority of the white code

want is the authority of the white code

want is the authority of the white code and the stetoscope and medical school is

and the stetoscope and medical school is

and the stetoscope and medical school is very hard on people people you might

very hard on people people you might

very hard on people people you might look at it almost as a selection process

look at it almost as a selection process

look at it almost as a selection process that weeds out the people that are too

that weeds out the people that are too

that weeds out the people that are too vulnerable the long hours the deference

vulnerable the long hours the deference

vulnerable the long hours the deference to unreasonable Authority the stress

to unreasonable Authority the stress

to unreasonable Authority the stress that you are willing to subject yourself

that you are willing to subject yourself

that you are willing to subject yourself to and these are the people that like me

to and these are the people that like me

to and these are the people that like me become Physicians so that selects out

become Physicians so that selects out

become Physicians so that selects out against the

against the

against the vulnerable I went to medical school here

vulnerable I went to medical school here

vulnerable I went to medical school here at UBC um at that time we did not get a

at UBC um at that time we did not get a

at UBC um at that time we did not get a single lecture of trauma we did not even

single lecture of trauma we did not even

single lecture of trauma we did not even hear the word they still don't hear the

hear the word they still don't hear the

hear the word they still don't hear the word trauma in medical

word trauma in medical

word trauma in medical [Music]

[Music]

[Music] school so I've I've looked at the whole

school so I've I've looked at the whole

school so I've I've looked at the whole range of Human Experience from birth to

range of Human Experience from birth to

range of Human Experience from birth to death cuz I've worked In Obstetrics and

death cuz I've worked In Obstetrics and

death cuz I've worked In Obstetrics and I worked in paliative care and

I worked in paliative care and

I worked in paliative care and everything else in between the modern

everything else in between the modern

everything else in between the modern medical Paradigm in practice separates

medical Paradigm in practice separates

medical Paradigm in practice separates mind from the body and it separates the

mind from the body and it separates the

mind from the body and it separates the individual from the environment so when

individual from the environment so when

individual from the environment so when you look at that there's an epidemic of

you look at that there's an epidemic of

you look at that there's an epidemic of asthma right now in North America more

asthma right now in North America more

asthma right now in North America more and more people are kids are being

and more people are kids are being

and more people are kids are being diagnosed with it it's all about or

diagnosed with it it's all about or

diagnosed with it it's all about or largely about the increasing stress in

largely about the increasing stress in

largely about the increasing stress in our society so it's a cultural

our society so it's a cultural

our society so it's a cultural manifestation and this is completely

manifestation and this is completely

manifestation and this is completely missing in medical practice if you look

missing in medical practice if you look

missing in medical practice if you look at Black Americans black Americans are

at Black Americans black Americans are

at Black Americans black Americans are more likely to get prostate cancer and

more likely to get prostate cancer and

more likely to get prostate cancer and more likely to die of it and not because

more likely to die of it and not because

more likely to die of it and not because of lack of medical

of lack of medical

of lack of medical care but maybe there's something about

care but maybe there's something about

care but maybe there's something about being a minority in this particular

being a minority in this particular

being a minority in this particular culture that is so highly stressful that

culture that is so highly stressful that

culture that is so highly stressful that it arranges the immune system if you

it arranges the immune system if you

it arranges the immune system if you look at that asthmatic afroamerican

look at that asthmatic afroamerican

look at that asthmatic afroamerican woman is that asthma a manifestation of

woman is that asthma a manifestation of

woman is that asthma a manifestation of her own

her own

her own pathology or is it reflecting a social

pathology or is it reflecting a social

pathology or is it reflecting a social malaise which means the emotion whatever

malaise which means the emotion whatever

malaise which means the emotion whatever you

you

you experienced probably suppressed Rage or

experienced probably suppressed Rage or

experienced probably suppressed Rage or shame whatever you

shame whatever you

shame whatever you experienced actually affects the

experienced actually affects the

experienced actually affects the physiology of your

physiology of your

physiology of your lungs medicine is very interesting that

lungs medicine is very interesting that

lungs medicine is very interesting that way if you go to a dermatologist with an

way if you go to a dermatologist with an

way if you go to a dermatologist with an inflamed skin what kind of cream are

inflamed skin what kind of cream are

inflamed skin what kind of cream are they going to give you anybody know

they going to give you anybody know

they going to give you anybody know steroid cream right if you go to a

steroid cream right if you go to a

steroid cream right if you go to a rheumatologist with an inflame joint

rheumatologist with an inflame joint

rheumatologist with an inflame joint what medication are they going to give

what medication are they going to give

what medication are they going to give you steroid very often if you go to a a

you steroid very often if you go to a a

you steroid very often if you go to a a lung specialist with asthma what kind of

lung specialist with asthma what kind of

lung specialist with asthma what kind of inhaler are you going to get steroid if

inhaler are you going to get steroid if

inhaler are you going to get steroid if you go to a gastroenterologist with an

you go to a gastroenterologist with an

you go to a gastroenterologist with an inflamed intestines what kind of

inflamed intestines what kind of

inflamed intestines what kind of medication are it steroids no what are

medication are it steroids no what are

medication are it steroids no what are steroids but copies of cortisol what is

steroids but copies of cortisol what is

steroids but copies of cortisol what is cortisol the stress hormone we're

cortisol the stress hormone we're

cortisol the stress hormone we're treating everything with stress

treating everything with stress

treating everything with stress hormones maybe it should occur to us

hormones maybe it should occur to us

hormones maybe it should occur to us that stress has something to do with the

that stress has something to do with the

that stress has something to do with the onset of these

onset of these

onset of these conditions the fundamental problem is

conditions the fundamental problem is

conditions the fundamental problem is capitalism or I should say materialism

capitalism or I should say materialism

capitalism or I should say materialism as long as research is driven by the

as long as research is driven by the

as long as research is driven by the profits of pharmaceutical companies

profits of pharmaceutical companies

profits of pharmaceutical companies what's going to drive the education of

what's going to drive the education of

what's going to drive the education of Physicians except the profit motorable

Physicians except the profit motorable

Physicians except the profit motorable pharmaceutical companies I me just

pharmaceutical companies I me just

pharmaceutical companies I me just obvious

people have to be seen as

people have to be seen as

people have to be seen as automatons as beings without really

automatons as beings without really

automatons as beings without really emotional needs or or or spiritual

emotional needs or or or spiritual

emotional needs or or or spiritual needs as globalization and globalized

needs as globalization and globalized

needs as globalization and globalized materialism spreads throughout the world

materialism spreads throughout the world

materialism spreads throughout the world so is autoimmune disease spreading

so is autoimmune disease spreading

so is autoimmune disease spreading throughout the world in societies that

throughout the world in societies that

throughout the world in societies that hardly even knew them before diseases

hardly even knew them before diseases

hardly even knew them before diseases whether mental or physical or normal

whether mental or physical or normal

whether mental or physical or normal responses to abnormal

responses to abnormal

responses to abnormal circumstances and that will we consider

circumstances and that will we consider

circumstances and that will we consider normal in this Society is often actually

normal in this Society is often actually

normal in this Society is often actually insane in the most health obsessed Human

insane in the most health obsessed Human

insane in the most health obsessed Human Society ever all is not well in the US

Society ever all is not well in the US

Society ever all is not well in the US the richest Society in history fully

the richest Society in history fully

the richest Society in history fully half of the citizens have a chronic

half of the citizens have a chronic

half of the citizens have a chronic disorder such as high blood pressure or

disorder such as high blood pressure or

disorder such as high blood pressure or diabetes illness is when part of an

diabetes illness is when part of an

diabetes illness is when part of an organism starts working against the

organism starts working against the

organism starts working against the overall benefit of the organism so that

overall benefit of the organism so that

overall benefit of the organism so that say in an autoimmune disease the immune

say in an autoimmune disease the immune

say in an autoimmune disease the immune system attacks the the whole organism so

system attacks the the whole organism so

system attacks the the whole organism so A system that was designed by nature to

A system that was designed by nature to

A system that was designed by nature to protect you now turns against you cell

protect you now turns against you cell

protect you now turns against you cell division which is meant to be in

division which is meant to be in

division which is meant to be in coordination with the needs of the

coordination with the needs of the

coordination with the needs of the entire organism gets out of hand and

entire organism gets out of hand and

entire organism gets out of hand and know you've got

[Music]

[Music]

[Music] cancer the search is always to find out

cancer the search is always to find out

cancer the search is always to find out what's wrong with the individual cell or

what's wrong with the individual cell or

what's wrong with the individual cell or how you kill the abnormal cells so the

how you kill the abnormal cells so the

how you kill the abnormal cells so the treatment is restricted to the

treatment is restricted to the

treatment is restricted to the biological plane we cut it out or we

biological plane we cut it out or we

biological plane we cut it out or we poison it or we burn it that's our

poison it or we burn it that's our

poison it or we burn it that's our approach to treating

approach to treating

approach to treating cancer most chronic illness is a way of

cancer most chronic illness is a way of

cancer most chronic illness is a way of the body saying no when a person

the body saying no when a person

the body saying no when a person suppressed their nose in order to fit in

suppressed their nose in order to fit in

suppressed their nose in order to fit in I'm saying is that when illness comes

I'm saying is that when illness comes

I'm saying is that when illness comes along we can just look upon it as a

along we can just look upon it as a

along we can just look upon it as a nuisance to get rid of and an enemy to

nuisance to get rid of and an enemy to

nuisance to get rid of and an enemy to fight or we can say okay well it's here

fight or we can say okay well it's here

fight or we can say okay well it's here now what's the

now what's the

now what's the teaching which just doesn't mean that we

teaching which just doesn't mean that we

teaching which just doesn't mean that we don't accept treatment or we don't do

don't accept treatment or we don't do

don't accept treatment or we don't do our best

our best

our best to to to heal but that as part of that

to to to heal but that as part of that

to to to heal but that as part of that healing process we actually ask

healing process we actually ask

healing process we actually ask ourselves what does this mean about my

ourselves what does this mean about my

ourselves what does this mean about my life and and and my relationships and

life and and and my relationships and

life and and and my relationships and particularly about how I treat myself

particularly about how I treat myself

particularly about how I treat myself what is the

what is the

what is the [Music]

teaching my name is Tim I'm 51 years old

teaching my name is Tim I'm 51 years old

teaching my name is Tim I'm 51 years old I was given a diagnosis of pro State

I was given a diagnosis of pro State

I was given a diagnosis of pro State cancer about a year and a half

cancer about a year and a half

cancer about a year and a half ago we actually had a full radical

ago we actually had a full radical

ago we actually had a full radical prostectomy so that means the whole

prostectomy so that means the whole

prostectomy so that means the whole removal of my prostate which was no walk

removal of my prostate which was no walk

removal of my prostate which was no walk in the park it's it's quite a quite an

in the park it's it's quite a quite an

in the park it's it's quite a quite an extensive

extensive

extensive surgery in October they did a bone scan

surgery in October they did a bone scan

surgery in October they did a bone scan and found that there was multiple areas

and found that there was multiple areas

and found that there was multiple areas in my spine ribs and some pelvis that

in my spine ribs and some pelvis that

in my spine ribs and some pelvis that the uh cancer had metastasized to which

the uh cancer had metastasized to which

the uh cancer had metastasized to which was devastating to me at the time there

was devastating to me at the time there

was devastating to me at the time there was no need for me to have the operation

was no need for me to have the operation

was no need for me to have the operation if someone has prostate

if someone has prostate

if someone has prostate cancer and they have their prostate

cancer and they have their prostate

cancer and they have their prostate removed but the cancer is still in their

removed but the cancer is still in their

removed but the cancer is still in their body then the surgery hasn't done any

body then the surgery hasn't done any

body then the surgery hasn't done any [Music]

good there was no root cause analysis of

good there was no root cause analysis of

good there was no root cause analysis of why I got it um what I soon discovered

why I got it um what I soon discovered

why I got it um what I soon discovered was that everything was a

Band-Aid the average general

Band-Aid the average general

Band-Aid the average general practitioner under the insurance

practitioner under the insurance

practitioner under the insurance programs gets to see a person for 6

programs gets to see a person for 6

programs gets to see a person for 6 minutes and a psychiatrist gets to see

minutes and a psychiatrist gets to see

minutes and a psychiatrist gets to see them for 10 minutes what can you do in

them for 10 minutes what can you do in

them for 10 minutes what can you do in 10 minutes you can adjust

10 minutes you can adjust

10 minutes you can adjust medications and the average psychiatrist

medications and the average psychiatrist

medications and the average psychiatrist today is not trained in Psychotherapy

today is not trained in Psychotherapy

today is not trained in Psychotherapy they're trained in what's called

they're trained in what's called

they're trained in what's called biological psychiaty which fundamentally

biological psychiaty which fundamentally

biological psychiaty which fundamentally means altering the biology of the brain

means altering the biology of the brain

means altering the biology of the brain by handing out prescription

by handing out prescription

by handing out prescription which never get to the heart of the

which never get to the heart of the

which never get to the heart of the problem so while I'm not dogmatically

problem so while I'm not dogmatically

problem so while I'm not dogmatically opposed to medications on the contrary I

opposed to medications on the contrary I

opposed to medications on the contrary I acknowledge their value in my own life

acknowledge their value in my own life

acknowledge their value in my own life they are not the answer and at the very

they are not the answer and at the very

they are not the answer and at the very best they should be only as a stop Gap

best they should be only as a stop Gap

best they should be only as a stop Gap measure until we get to work on the real

issues why this disease why in this

issues why this disease why in this

issues why this disease why in this person and why now unless I answer those

person and why now unless I answer those

person and why now unless I answer those questions unless I ask those

questions unless I ask those

questions unless I ask those questions you can't we can't talk about

questions you can't we can't talk about

questions you can't we can't talk about wholeness

wholeness

wholeness we can't talk about healing in the

we can't talk about healing in the

we can't talk about healing in the deepest

deepest

deepest [Music]

[Music]

[Music] sense I grew up in a family with a

sense I grew up in a family with a

sense I grew up in a family with a father who

father who

father who was very angry and never even realized

was very angry and never even realized

was very angry and never even realized it because for me it was just natural

it because for me it was just natural

it because for me it was just natural and normal as a kid I didn't know any

and normal as a kid I didn't know any

and normal as a kid I didn't know any different and I was very

different and I was very

different and I was very scared anytime I acted out in anger it

scared anytime I acted out in anger it

scared anytime I acted out in anger it always backfired so I could never

always backfired so I could never

always backfired so I could never express that anger

so I decided to go more on a healing

so I decided to go more on a healing

so I decided to go more on a healing Journey myself and try to find out what

Journey myself and try to find out what

Journey myself and try to find out what could I do

could I do

could I do myself to be able to maybe cure this

myself to be able to maybe cure this

myself to be able to maybe cure this thing or at least live longer feel

thing or at least live longer feel

thing or at least live longer feel better um and address it at uh at many

better um and address it at uh at many

better um and address it at uh at many different levels so I turned to

different levels so I turned to

different levels so I turned to iasa um mainly because of the anxiety

iasa um mainly because of the anxiety

iasa um mainly because of the anxiety and realizing like what's a deeper

and realizing like what's a deeper

and realizing like what's a deeper spiritual re reason that I got this

spiritual re reason that I got this

spiritual re reason that I got this diagnosis why did I get this cancer I I

diagnosis why did I get this cancer I I

diagnosis why did I get this cancer I I got more out of aasa in one Journey that

got more out of aasa in one Journey that

got more out of aasa in one Journey that I probably did in 5 years of psycho

analysis what I know about aasa and the

analysis what I know about aasa and the

analysis what I know about aasa and the healing of addiction AOS being a

healing of addiction AOS being a

healing of addiction AOS being a Amazonian Brew which is got psychedelic

Amazonian Brew which is got psychedelic

Amazonian Brew which is got psychedelic called

called

called quties can induce visions and deep

quties can induce visions and deep

quties can induce visions and deep [Music]

[Music]

[Music] experiences so there was a ceremony here

experiences so there was a ceremony here

experiences so there was a ceremony here led by a Peruvian Shaman and within half

led by a Peruvian Shaman and within half

led by a Peruvian Shaman and within half an hour of having ingested The Brew it

an hour of having ingested The Brew it

an hour of having ingested The Brew it felt very much real it felt very much

felt very much real it felt very much

felt very much real it felt very much like me but it was

like me but it was

like me but it was new because they experienced the state

new because they experienced the state

new because they experienced the state of um such deep love and gratitude

of um such deep love and gratitude

of um such deep love and gratitude such as I had not recalled experiencing

such as I had not recalled experiencing

such as I had not recalled experiencing before and I saw that all my own

before and I saw that all my own

before and I saw that all my own addictive

addictive

addictive behaviors uh were driven precisely

behaviors uh were driven precisely

behaviors uh were driven precisely because I hadn't been able to experience

because I hadn't been able to experience

because I hadn't been able to experience that kind of love and that kind of

that kind of love and that kind of

that kind of love and that kind of gratitude that's from that state there's

gratitude that's from that state there's

gratitude that's from that state there's no need to be to look for anything else

no need to be to look for anything else

no need to be to look for anything else outside of

outside of

outside of yourself and I also learned very shortly

yourself and I also learned very shortly

yourself and I also learned very shortly that that the iOS has the power to teach

that that the iOS has the power to teach

that that the iOS has the power to teach people about their dramaa to to to

people about their dramaa to to to

people about their dramaa to to to actually show them what happened to them

actually show them what happened to them

actually show them what happened to them all of a sudden oh yes this is what

all of a sudden oh yes this is what

all of a sudden oh yes this is what happened this is how I decided that life

happened this is how I decided that life

happened this is how I decided that life is unbearable this is how I decided that

is unbearable this is how I decided that

is unbearable this is how I decided that I wasn't lovable this is why I decided

I wasn't lovable this is why I decided

I wasn't lovable this is why I decided that I had to soo myself from the

that I had to soo myself from the

that I had to soo myself from the outside because there was no peace

outside because there was no peace

outside because there was no peace inside and immediately I said I'm going

inside and immediately I said I'm going

inside and immediately I said I'm going to work with

this and once you start working with one

this and once you start working with one

this and once you start working with one psychedelic then you become aware that

psychedelic then you become aware that

psychedelic then you become aware that there's a whole world out there and

there's a whole world out there and

there's a whole world out there and there's a whole Resurgence now in the uh

there's a whole Resurgence now in the uh

there's a whole Resurgence now in the uh healing power of psychedelic modalities

healing power of psychedelic modalities

healing power of psychedelic modalities and so there other

substances the Deep therapeutic

substances the Deep therapeutic

substances the Deep therapeutic potential of

potential of

potential of psychedelics resides in the fact that

psychedelics resides in the fact that

psychedelics resides in the fact that they get the condition mind out of the

they get the condition mind out of the

they get the condition mind out of the way so people have access to two aspects

way so people have access to two aspects

way so people have access to two aspects of reality that they usually not in

of reality that they usually not in

of reality that they usually not in touch with one is the Deep trauma and

touch with one is the Deep trauma and

touch with one is the Deep trauma and pain that they're carrying that they can

pain that they're carrying that they can

pain that they're carrying that they can actually look at now and in the

actually look at now and in the

actually look at now and in the appropriate compassionate safe context

appropriate compassionate safe context

appropriate compassionate safe context they can experience these troubled

they can experience these troubled

they can experience these troubled emotions and mind states without having

emotions and mind states without having

emotions and mind states without having to be driven into insanity or uh having

to be driven into insanity or uh having

to be driven into insanity or uh having to

to

to escape if you're going to use

escape if you're going to use

escape if you're going to use psychedelics it has to be combined with

psychedelics it has to be combined with

psychedelics it has to be combined with very adapt therapy at the same

time so in my work with Tim tomorrow

time so in my work with Tim tomorrow

time so in my work with Tim tomorrow will'll be using one of these um

will'll be using one of these um

will'll be using one of these um modalities to see if he can be guided

modalities to see if he can be guided

modalities to see if he can be guided deep into himself so some answers May

deep into himself so some answers May

deep into himself so some answers May emerge for the existential and life

emerge for the existential and life

emerge for the existential and life issues that he's

issues that he's

issues that he's [Music]

facing hey ptim hi G come

facing hey ptim hi G come

facing hey ptim hi G come in who are you good thank you you all

in who are you good thank you you all

in who are you good thank you you all set yeah I'm all set okay come on

set yeah I'm all set okay come on

set yeah I'm all set okay come on in

in

in the medication will take about half an

the medication will take about half an

the medication will take about half an hour to take effect when you're ready

hour to take effect when you're ready

hour to take effect when you're ready just uh ingest

just uh ingest

just uh ingest it you've been diagnosed with prostate

it you've been diagnosed with prostate

it you've been diagnosed with prostate cancer correct and Stage for means that

cancer correct and Stage for means that

cancer correct and Stage for means that it's spread to elsewhere in the body yes

it's spread to elsewhere in the body yes

it's spread to elsewhere in the body yes it's red to uh to Bone places in my

it's red to uh to Bone places in my

it's red to uh to Bone places in my spine um pelvis and uh

spine um pelvis and uh

spine um pelvis and uh ribs in my view people that develop

ribs in my view people that develop

ribs in my view people that develop cancer tend to be nice people who are

cancer tend to be nice people who are

cancer tend to be nice people who are more con with the emotional needs of

more con with the emotional needs of

more con with the emotional needs of others than their own they have a hard

others than their own they have a hard

others than their own they have a hard time expressing healthy anger and also

time expressing healthy anger and also

time expressing healthy anger and also they have this belief that they must not

they have this belief that they must not

they have this belief that they must not disappoint anybody how do you feel when

disappoint anybody how do you feel when

disappoint anybody how do you feel when you perceive that somebody is not seeing

you perceive that somebody is not seeing

you perceive that somebody is not seeing you is not listening to you I felt very

you is not listening to you I felt very

you is not listening to you I felt very sad and probably a bit of a a tinge of

sad and probably a bit of a a tinge of

sad and probably a bit of a a tinge of anger there too as well yeah so how

anger there too as well yeah so how

anger there too as well yeah so how about we we rephrase that anger yeah I

about we we rephrase that anger yeah I

about we we rephrase that anger yeah I yeah I felt I felt anger what do you

yeah I felt I felt anger what do you

yeah I felt I felt anger what do you feel in your body when you say those

feel in your body when you say those

feel in your body when you say those things just just checking with your body

things just just checking with your body

things just just checking with your body what's happening there I feel a little

what's happening there I feel a little

what's happening there I feel a little bit energized from it just just saying

bit energized from it just just saying

bit energized from it just just saying it yeah absolutely I feel a little bit

it yeah absolutely I feel a little bit

it yeah absolutely I feel a little bit more awake so noce so you deprive

more awake so noce so you deprive

more awake so noce so you deprive yourself of

yourself of

yourself of [Music]

[Music]

[Music] energy

energy

energy [Music]

[Music]

[Music] okay that makes me just really sad just

okay that makes me just really sad just

okay that makes me just really sad just thinking about

thinking about

thinking about [Music]

that

it feels good to

it feels good to

it feels good to feel and underneath that I

feel and underneath that I

feel and underneath that I just feeling this

just feeling this

just feeling this frustration [\h__\h] it's too much energy to

frustration [\h__\h] it's too much energy to

frustration [\h__\h] it's too much energy to I've been holding on to contain that

I've been holding on to contain that

I've been holding on to contain that like I'm pissed off I have to keep

like I'm pissed off I have to keep

like I'm pissed off I have to keep [\h__\h] focusing on all this [\h__\h]

[\h__\h] focusing on all this [\h__\h]

[\h__\h] focusing on all this [\h__\h] working on

myself h

myself h

myself h [\h__\h] tired of

it so what is the thing that you need to

it so what is the thing that you need to

it so what is the thing that you need to keep your mind

keep your mind

keep your mind off by trying to figure everything

off by trying to figure everything

off by trying to figure everything out this little

out this little

out this little boy that just wants to be

boy that just wants to be

boy that just wants to be loved and accepted

unconditionally

unconditionally

unconditionally wasn't and so he's had to figure out how

wasn't and so he's had to figure out how

wasn't and so he's had to figure out how to

to

to be

be

be accepted and loved by others and even my

accepted and loved by others and even my

accepted and loved by others and even my internal

judge it's a little rat when I was

judge it's a little rat when I was

judge it's a little rat when I was [Music]

angry he can stop all this

angry he can stop all this

angry he can stop all this work he just actually just be here and

work he just actually just be here and

work he just actually just be here and with whatever there

with whatever there

with whatever there [Music]

[Music]

[Music] is

see as long as you don't allow the fear

see as long as you don't allow the fear

see as long as you don't allow the fear to be there you're going to be always

to be there you're going to be always

to be there you're going to be always working to get rid of

working to get rid of

working to get rid of [Music]

[Music]

[Music] it that's what the work is all about all

it that's what the work is all about all

it that's what the work is all about all the work that you're

the work that you're

the work that you're doing and then you're going to keep

doing and then you're going to keep

doing and then you're going to keep working to make yourself acceptable and

working to make yourself acceptable and

working to make yourself acceptable and always nice and dutiful and all

always nice and dutiful and all

always nice and dutiful and all [Music]

that or you could say okay the fear is

that or you could say okay the fear is

that or you could say okay the fear is there I'll let it be

there I'll let it be

there I'll let it be there I'm big enough to there's enough

there I'm big enough to there's enough

there I'm big enough to there's enough space here for it

space here for it

space here for it to to be a part of

me this just seems too

me this just seems too

me this just seems too easy yeah it's got to be a lot more

easy yeah it's got to be a lot more

easy yeah it's got to be a lot more complicated than

complicated than

complicated than [Music]

that I developed a method of therapy or

that I developed a method of therapy or

that I developed a method of therapy or Exploration with people called

Exploration with people called

Exploration with people called compassionate inquiry the essence of

compassionate inquiry the essence of

compassionate inquiry the essence of which is the belief that the truth is

which is the belief that the truth is

which is the belief that the truth is inside all of us we just have to ask the

inside all of us we just have to ask the

inside all of us we just have to ask the right questions to help people arrive at

right questions to help people arrive at

right questions to help people arrive at the truth that clenched jaw could speak

the truth that clenched jaw could speak

the truth that clenched jaw could speak what would it say

now I don't want this

now I don't want this

now I don't want this anymore okay is what is the disc that

anymore okay is what is the disc that

anymore okay is what is the disc that you don't want

you don't want

you don't want that's what I don't

that's what I don't

that's what I don't know if we didn't shut our mouth like

know if we didn't shut our mouth like

know if we didn't shut our mouth like this what is it that wants to come out

this what is it that wants to come out

this what is it that wants to come out that we're not letting

out rage yeah that is the inquiry how do

out rage yeah that is the inquiry how do

out rage yeah that is the inquiry how do you feel about that I think there's a

you feel about that I think there's a

you feel about that I think there's a few feelings associated with

few feelings associated with

few feelings associated with that

that

that um I'm not blame that one how do you

um I'm not blame that one how do you

um I'm not blame that one how do you feel towards it how do you feel about

feel towards it how do you feel about

feel towards it how do you feel about that I'm a part of you how do you feel

that I'm a part of you how do you feel

that I'm a part of you how do you feel about that what comes up right now shame

about that what comes up right now shame

about that what comes up right now shame thank

thank

thank you what what are you ashamed about do

you what what are you ashamed about do

you what what are you ashamed about do you know that it is a weakness and you

you know that it is a weakness and you

you know that it is a weakness and you must not be weak

must not be weak

must not be weak correct because if you're weak then

correct because if you're weak then

correct because if you're weak then what I won't be able to take care of

what I won't be able to take care of

what I won't be able to take care of those I

those I

those I love so you located it it's here in the

love so you located it it's here in the

love so you located it it's here in the chest area just put your attention on it

chest area just put your attention on it

chest area just put your attention on it right now I'm I'm looking at this

right now I'm I'm looking at this

right now I'm I'm looking at this blockage or sense of blockage okay what

blockage or sense of blockage okay what

blockage or sense of blockage okay what does it want to say to

does it want to say to

does it want to say to you it's not a word it's soothing it's

you it's not a word it's soothing it's

you it's not a word it's soothing it's soothing

soothing

soothing yeah Desiring that is wanting soothing

yeah Desiring that is wanting soothing

yeah Desiring that is wanting soothing yeah if you're in touch with this sense

yeah if you're in touch with this sense

yeah if you're in touch with this sense here that youve just identified how

here that youve just identified how

here that youve just identified how familiar is it to you oh very halfer

familiar is it to you oh very halfer

familiar is it to you oh very halfer does it go

does it go

does it go back seven that's when I lost my mother

back seven that's when I lost my mother

back seven that's when I lost my mother and but it was okay present before that

and but it was okay present before that

and but it was okay present before that okay so what does it need from

okay so what does it need from

okay so what does it need from you need to be held need to be held yeah

you need to be held need to be held yeah

you need to be held need to be held yeah like your mother might have held you

like your mother might have held you

like your mother might have held you yeah so when it

yeah so when it

yeah so when it arises my advice is don't try and figure

arises my advice is don't try and figure

arises my advice is don't try and figure out how better to do your work or how

out how better to do your work or how

out how better to do your work or how better to be present or any of that or

better to be present or any of that or

better to be present or any of that or or or how will I fulfill my calling your

or or how will I fulfill my calling your

or or how will I fulfill my calling your calling is really clear but this part of

calling is really clear but this part of

calling is really clear but this part of you guess what needs to be he heard and

seen all righty okay yeah mhm that makes

seen all righty okay yeah mhm that makes

seen all righty okay yeah mhm that makes sense that's

sense that's

sense that's good any

good any

good any questions I think I'm just supposed to

questions I think I'm just supposed to

questions I think I'm just supposed to feel right

now well that's good that means you're

now well that's good that means you're

now well that's good that means you're paying attention yeah what he he called

paying attention yeah what he he called

paying attention yeah what he he called you something monster oh yeah he called

you something monster oh yeah he called

you something monster oh yeah he called Monster he's called me delusional how do

Monster he's called me delusional how do

Monster he's called me delusional how do you feel when he calls you a monster I

you feel when he calls you a monster I

you feel when he calls you a monster I mean I feel hurt pain I feel angry okay

mean I feel hurt pain I feel angry okay

mean I feel hurt pain I feel angry okay so what if I said to you you got

so what if I said to you you got

so what if I said to you you got beautiful green

beautiful green

beautiful green hair how would you feel about

hair how would you feel about

hair how would you feel about that laugh I why would you laugh why

that laugh I why would you laugh why

that laugh I why would you laugh why would you

would you

would you laugh cuz I know my hair is not green

laugh cuz I know my hair is not green

laugh cuz I know my hair is not green uh-huh what if I said you were a

monster the feeling of the anxiety was

monster the feeling of the anxiety was

monster the feeling of the anxiety was so

so

so strong that I wanted to end it anything

strong that I wanted to end it anything

strong that I wanted to end it anything familiar about any of

familiar about any of

familiar about any of that are you trying to go back to

that are you trying to go back to

that are you trying to go back to Childhood

trauma who

me can you see that you developed the

me can you see that you developed the

me can you see that you developed the belief that I can't be touched nothing

belief that I can't be touched nothing

belief that I can't be touched nothing can touch me

can touch me

can touch me mhm guess what what happens when you get

sick that defense is now

sick that defense is now

sick that defense is now destroyed

destroyed

destroyed [Laughter]

[Laughter]

[Laughter] wow

wow

wow wow I asked people to tell me some

wow I asked people to tell me some

wow I asked people to tell me some recent episode when they're upset with

recent episode when they're upset with

recent episode when they're upset with somebody with their lives and something

somebody with their lives and something

somebody with their lives and something that they're open to sharing so it

that they're open to sharing so it

that they're open to sharing so it doesn't have to be anything sorted or

doesn't have to be anything sorted or

doesn't have to be anything sorted or something but just something you know

something but just something you know

something but just something you know whether it's your spouse partner the bus

whether it's your spouse partner the bus

whether it's your spouse partner the bus driver I I don't care who friend okay so

driver I I don't care who friend okay so

driver I I don't care who friend okay so what happened describe it what happened

what happened describe it what happened

what happened describe it what happened yeah all right there were a number of

yeah all right there were a number of

yeah all right there were a number of issues in my home and I had hired

issues in my home and I had hired

issues in my home and I had hired someone to do these things while I was

someone to do these things while I was

someone to do these things while I was gone okay and I came back and none of

gone okay and I came back and none of

gone okay and I came back and none of them were fixed okay and your emotional

them were fixed okay and your emotional

them were fixed okay and your emotional reaction was anger anything else besides

reaction was anger anything else besides

reaction was anger anything else besides anger I

anger I

anger I was disappointed disappointed is sadness

was disappointed disappointed is sadness

was disappointed disappointed is sadness let's let's go with that okay so I'm

let's let's go with that okay so I'm

let's let's go with that okay so I'm going to ask you a silly question what

going to ask you a silly question what

going to ask you a silly question what were you sad and angry about well angry

were you sad and angry about well angry

were you sad and angry about well angry that someone had made commitments to me

that someone had made commitments to me

that someone had made commitments to me and not fulfilled those commitments what

and not fulfilled those commitments what

and not fulfilled those commitments what what does that mean that they didn't

what does that mean that they didn't

what does that mean that they didn't fulfill their commitments uh meant that

fulfill their commitments uh meant that

fulfill their commitments uh meant that they

they

they didn't care

didn't care

didn't care about me they didn't uh that they didn't

about me they didn't uh that they didn't

about me they didn't uh that they didn't respect me so they didn't care about you

respect me so they didn't care about you

respect me so they didn't care about you and didn't respect you what kind of

and didn't respect you what kind of

and didn't respect you what kind of person doesn't get cared or

person doesn't get cared or

person doesn't get cared or respected I don't know someone who

respected I don't know someone who

respected I don't know someone who doesn't deserve to be cared for or

doesn't deserve to be cared for or

doesn't deserve to be cared for or respected exactly are there other

respected exactly are there other

respected exactly are there other reasons why this other person might not

reasons why this other person might not

reasons why this other person might not have done the work

have done the work

have done the work that has nothing to do with him or her

that has nothing to do with him or her

that has nothing to do with him or her not caring about him or not respecting

not caring about him or not respecting

not caring about him or not respecting him so what other reasons might there be

him so what other reasons might there be

him so what other reasons might there be uh he had a a flight delay and got

uh he had a a flight delay and got

uh he had a a flight delay and got caught on Puerto Rico during a hurricane

caught on Puerto Rico during a hurricane

caught on Puerto Rico during a hurricane yeah he's got ADHD yeah uh he and he

yeah he's got ADHD yeah uh he and he

yeah he's got ADHD yeah uh he and he can't follow through um and any number

can't follow through um and any number

can't follow through um and any number of possibilities no of all the

of possibilities no of all the

of possibilities no of all the possibilities that you've just uh

possibilities that you've just uh

possibilities that you've just uh outlined including that he they don't

outlined including that he they don't

outlined including that he they don't care about you or respect you which is

care about you or respect you which is

care about you or respect you which is the worst one the one I immediately

the worst one the one I immediately

the worst one the one I immediately defaulted to so let's notice something a

defaulted to so let's notice something a

defaulted to so let's notice something a you I should say we because we're all

you I should say we because we're all

you I should say we because we're all like this we don't respond to what

like this we don't respond to what

like this we don't respond to what happens mhm we respond to our perception

happens mhm we respond to our perception

happens mhm we respond to our perception of what happens right okay that's what

of what happens right okay that's what

of what happens right okay that's what the Buddha said it's with our minds you

the Buddha said it's with our minds you

the Buddha said it's with our minds you create the world number two of all the

create the world number two of all the

create the world number two of all the possible interpretations we choose the

possible interpretations we choose the

possible interpretations we choose the worst one thirdly what I just said isn't

worst one thirdly what I just said isn't

worst one thirdly what I just said isn't true we didn't choose it it's not like

true we didn't choose it it's not like

true we didn't choose it it's not like you went through all these

you went through all these

you went through all these possibilities said was multiple choice I

possibilities said was multiple choice I

possibilities said was multiple choice I chose option D oh no he doesn't care

chose option D oh no he doesn't care

chose option D oh no he doesn't care about me you he doesn't respect me

about me you he doesn't respect me

about me you he doesn't respect me didn't do that your brain jumped there

didn't do that your brain jumped there

didn't do that your brain jumped there automatically right the question is why

automatically right the question is why

automatically right the question is why first time in your life that you felt

first time in your life that you felt

first time in your life that you felt hurt and angry that you when you

hurt and angry that you when you

hurt and angry that you when you perceive somebody didn't care about you

perceive somebody didn't care about you

perceive somebody didn't care about you or didn't respect you it's not the first

or didn't respect you it's not the first

or didn't respect you it's not the first time very good and most people I talk to

time very good and most people I talk to

time very good and most people I talk to it goes back way back yeah this goes way

it goes back way back yeah this goes way

it goes back way back yeah this goes way back into childhood mhm okay and that's

back into childhood mhm okay and that's

back into childhood mhm okay and that's what trauma is we don't respond to the

what trauma is we don't respond to the

what trauma is we don't respond to the present moment we respond to the past so

present moment we respond to the past so

present moment we respond to the past so who's the one that doesn't care about

who's the one that doesn't care about

who's the one that doesn't care about you and who's the one that does doesn't

you and who's the one that does doesn't

you and who's the one that does doesn't think you're worthy your respect no it

think you're worthy your respect no it

think you're worthy your respect no it would be me it would be you yeah but

would be me it would be you yeah but

would be me it would be you yeah but that's a learning and that's the beauty

that's a learning and that's the beauty

that's a learning and that's the beauty of healing is that when you reframe

of healing is that when you reframe

of healing is that when you reframe things and you and you actually see the

things and you and you actually see the

things and you and you actually see the source within

source within

source within ourselves all of a sudden that's

ourselves all of a sudden that's

ourselves all of a sudden that's liberating because guess what if you're

liberating because guess what if you're

liberating because guess what if you're feeling that way because this guy did

feeling that way because this guy did

feeling that way because this guy did this or didn't do that that makes you a

this or didn't do that that makes you a

this or didn't do that that makes you a victim yeah but if you see that you're

victim yeah but if you see that you're

victim yeah but if you see that you're the source yeah now you're

powerful can have a vision of society

powerful can have a vision of society

powerful can have a vision of society that

that

that incorporates the achievements of modern

incorporates the achievements of modern

incorporates the achievements of modern civilization but at the same time still

civilization but at the same time still

civilization but at the same time still honors the essence of human nature I

honors the essence of human nature I

honors the essence of human nature I think the answer is yes I know the

think the answer is yes I know the

think the answer is yes I know the answer is yes not that I expect to see

answer is yes not that I expect to see

answer is yes not that I expect to see it in my

it in my

it in my lifetime we need trauma informed Medical

lifetime we need trauma informed Medical

lifetime we need trauma informed Medical Care trauma-informed

Care trauma-informed

Care trauma-informed education and Trauma informed uh

therapy everybody that has listened to

therapy everybody that has listened to

therapy everybody that has listened to talk or read his book always said to

talk or read his book always said to

talk or read his book always said to me I don't feel like I'm a bad person

me I don't feel like I'm a bad person

me I don't feel like I'm a bad person anymore I can see their heads higher

anymore I can see their heads higher

anymore I can see their heads higher yeah they're still using substances but

yeah they're still using substances but

yeah they're still using substances but something inside of them is starting to

something inside of them is starting to

something inside of them is starting to change that's their shame is kind of

dissipating well I'm be stumbling across

dissipating well I'm be stumbling across

dissipating well I'm be stumbling across his

his

his work I tell you I tell you I would have

work I tell you I tell you I would have

work I tell you I tell you I would have been different

been different

been different person childhood trauma is key because

person childhood trauma is key because

person childhood trauma is key because once you understand that know you were a

once you understand that know you were a

once you understand that know you were a child and you didn't have help and if

child and you didn't have help and if

child and you didn't have help and if it's about love then why are we locking

it's about love then why are we locking

it's about love then why are we locking them

them

them up underneath that traumatized

up underneath that traumatized

up underneath that traumatized Persona there's the healthy individual

Persona there's the healthy individual

Persona there's the healthy individual who has never found expression in this

who has never found expression in this

who has never found expression in this life if you see that then you're trauma

life if you see that then you're trauma

life if you see that then you're trauma informed it's not a question of healing

informed it's not a question of healing

informed it's not a question of healing the

the

the froma of ever getting rid of the memory

froma of ever getting rid of the memory

froma of ever getting rid of the memory of what happened

of what happened

of what happened but to help that person expand so that

but to help that person expand so that

but to help that person expand so that there's space for all those

there's space for all those

there's space for all those emotions Dr mate he allowed me to feel

emotions Dr mate he allowed me to feel

emotions Dr mate he allowed me to feel that what I was seeing was a humanistic

that what I was seeing was a humanistic

that what I was seeing was a humanistic crisis it was a human not being

crisis it was a human not being

crisis it was a human not being identified in the light in which they

identified in the light in which they

identified in the light in which they deserve to

deserve to

deserve to be we as caretakers in this world need

be we as caretakers in this world need

be we as caretakers in this world need to see the human in front of us not the

to see the human in front of us not the

to see the human in front of us not the problem we still have each other's

problem we still have each other's

problem we still have each other's numbers call me all right good to see

numbers call me all right good to see

numbers call me all right good to see you good to see you I'm

right how have you been it cannot be a

right how have you been it cannot be a

right how have you been it cannot be a general constru of this is how we're

general constru of this is how we're

general constru of this is how we're dealing with people who are homeless

dealing with people who are homeless

dealing with people who are homeless this is how we are dealing with people

this is how we are dealing with people

this is how we are dealing with people who are addicted to drugs no this is how

who are addicted to drugs no this is how

who are addicted to drugs no this is how we deal with Sarah this is how we deal

we deal with Sarah this is how we deal

we deal with Sarah this is how we deal with Jose this is how we are in

with Jose this is how we are in

with Jose this is how we are in relationship to each and every person

relationship to each and every person

relationship to each and every person experiencing trauma within their lives

experiencing trauma within their lives

experiencing trauma within their lives that is what has been the essence to his

that is what has been the essence to his

that is what has been the essence to his teaching for me hi who's this hi Fang

teaching for me hi who's this hi Fang

teaching for me hi who's this hi Fang how are you doing Fang are you his

how are you doing Fang are you his

how are you doing Fang are you his little

companion when we start the Journey of

companion when we start the Journey of

companion when we start the Journey of being compassionate with ourselves not

being compassionate with ourselves not

being compassionate with ourselves not only does it change ourselves it changes

only does it change ourselves it changes

only does it change ourselves it changes our communities and our

our communities and our

our communities and our [Music]

[Music]

[Music] society today I'm still healing I'm

society today I'm still healing I'm

society today I'm still healing I'm still healing from my abandonment issues

still healing from my abandonment issues

still healing from my abandonment issues I am a lifer inmate being here today

I am a lifer inmate being here today

I am a lifer inmate being here today witnessing all you guys's uh traumatic

witnessing all you guys's uh traumatic

witnessing all you guys's uh traumatic experiences gives me motivation gives me

experiences gives me motivation gives me

experiences gives me motivation gives me inspiration to continue on the path that

inspiration to continue on the path that

inspiration to continue on the path that I'm currently

I'm currently

I'm currently on every human being is a true genuine

on every human being is a true genuine

on every human being is a true genuine authentic self and a true J and

authentic self and a true J and

authentic self and a true J and authentic

authentic

authentic self can never be

self can never be

self can never be destroyed when people say you have a

destroyed when people say you have a

destroyed when people say you have a second chance in life today I know what

second chance in life today I know what

second chance in life today I know what that means so I performed for the first

that means so I performed for the first

that means so I performed for the first time singing after not singing in 20

time singing after not singing in 20

time singing after not singing in 20 years so I performed in front of well

years so I performed in front of well

years so I performed in front of well 400 people and that was a dream come

400 people and that was a dream come

400 people and that was a dream come true and I was able to reunite with my

true and I was able to reunite with my

true and I was able to reunite with my mother when God blessed me with this son

mother when God blessed me with this son

mother when God blessed me with this son the my four-year-old boy Douglas I made

the my four-year-old boy Douglas I made

the my four-year-old boy Douglas I made a promise to myself and I said listen I

a promise to myself and I said listen I

a promise to myself and I said listen I want to be your mom I want to be a good

want to be your mom I want to be a good

want to be your mom I want to be a good mom the baby's dad is also with me he's

mom the baby's dad is also with me he's

mom the baby's dad is also with me he's my

babysitter I've been clean for the last

babysitter I've been clean for the last

babysitter I've been clean for the last 10 and 1/2 months cuz you you did you

10 and 1/2 months cuz you you did you

10 and 1/2 months cuz you you did you made a difference in my life thank you

made a difference in my life thank you

made a difference in my life thank you for being

touch through the mist and the

touch through the mist and the

touch through the mist and the pain I've learned to

pain I've learned to

pain I've learned to maintain there is no

maintain there is no

maintain there is no [Applause]

[Applause]

[Applause] shame there is

shame there is

shame there is no

shame

I am happy to say now that

I am happy to say now that

I am happy to say now that through my own

through my own

through my own healing after being off my medication

healing after being off my medication

healing after being off my medication now for 6 months I I've got a remission

now for 6 months I I've got a remission

now for 6 months I I've got a remission the cancer is just not is not growing

the cancer is just not is not growing

the cancer is just not is not growing this is the first time in 4 years where

this is the first time in 4 years where

this is the first time in 4 years where this has happened so this is just

this has happened so this is just

this has happened so this is just absolutely

absolutely

absolutely [Music]

amazing it's been um spiritual work for

amazing it's been um spiritual work for

amazing it's been um spiritual work for us both and I've grown up in the

us both and I've grown up in the

us both and I've grown up in the relationship I've healed in the

relationship I've healed in the

relationship I've healed in the relationship I'm still healing in the

relationship I'm still healing in the

relationship I'm still healing in the relationship to me this is this

relationship to me this is this

relationship to me this is this incredible Love

incredible Love

incredible Love Story it's really inspiring how he's

Story it's really inspiring how he's

Story it's really inspiring how he's changed so as we've gotten older

changed so as we've gotten older

changed so as we've gotten older somehow we've gotten Freer and younger

somehow we've gotten Freer and younger

somehow we've gotten Freer and younger we just get closer and closer it gets

we just get closer and closer it gets

we just get closer and closer it gets better and

better

better

better [Music]

is through a dynamic emergent process of

is through a dynamic emergent process of

is through a dynamic emergent process of confrontation with the truth that

confrontation with the truth that

confrontation with the truth that Solutions will

arise trauma involves a lifelong pushing

arise trauma involves a lifelong pushing

arise trauma involves a lifelong pushing down a tremendous expenditure of energy

down a tremendous expenditure of energy

down a tremendous expenditure of energy into not

into not

into not feeling the

pain as we heal that same energy is

pain as we heal that same energy is

pain as we heal that same energy is liberated for life and for being in the

liberated for life and for being in the

liberated for life and for being in the present so the energy of trauma can be

present so the energy of trauma can be

present so the energy of trauma can be transformed into the energy of

transformed into the energy of

transformed into the energy of [Music]

life

[Music]

[Music]

[Music] you can see it in the cars it's playing

you can see it in the cars it's playing

you can see it in the cars it's playing on the radio it's R in the stars and

on the radio it's R in the stars and

on the radio it's R in the stars and living in me you can read it in the

living in me you can read it in the

living in me you can read it in the cards and hiden

cards and hiden

cards and hiden stereo it's a pull it in your

stereo it's a pull it in your

stereo it's a pull it in your heart and in

me

me

me [Music]

[Music]

[Music] you can see it in

you can see it in

you can see it in the they saw

the they saw

the they saw video Don't let

video Don't let

video Don't let it

it

it it's everybody on

it's everybody on

it's everybody on the talking on Telephone hurry up

the talking on Telephone hurry up

the talking on Telephone hurry up phone it's killing

phone it's killing

phone it's killing me over and over

me over and over

me over and over know the on again they will find you you

know the on again they will find you you

know the on again they will find you you let

let

let them over and over and over once again

them over and over and over once again

them over and over and over once again they will find

they will find

they will find you

you

you skin the way that it's working know it's

skin the way that it's working know it's

skin the way that it's working know it's not working way things are going where I

not working way things are going where I

not working way things are going where I go what does it matter

go what does it matter

go what does it matter it's Mind Over

it's Mind Over

it's Mind Over M when it's all over nothing is

M when it's all over nothing is

M when it's all over nothing is [Music]

[Music]

[Music] over it's a in

over it's a in

over it's a in dis it's hidden in

dis it's hidden in

dis it's hidden in theor it's a hunger in

theor it's a hunger in

theor it's a hunger in your it's

your it's

your it's feeling everybody

feeling everybody

feeling everybody with coming from a satellite I'm walking

with coming from a satellite I'm walking

with coming from a satellite I'm walking on

on

on a

keep over and over and over once again

keep over and over and over once again

keep over and over and over once again they will find you you

they will find you you

they will find you you me over and over and over once again

me over and over and over once again

me over and over and over once again they will find you until you

they will find you until you

they will find you until you Scar the way that it's working you know

Scar the way that it's working you know

Scar the way that it's working you know it's not working way things are

it's not working way things are

it's not working way things are going will go what does it matter it's M

going will go what does it matter it's M

going will go what does it matter it's M over

over

over matter when it's all over nothing is

matter when it's all over nothing is

matter when it's all over nothing is over we that it's working you know it's

over we that it's working you know it's

over we that it's working you know it's not working way things are

not working way things are

not working way things are going well we go what doesn't matter M

going well we go what doesn't matter M

going well we go what doesn't matter M matter when it's

matter when it's

matter when it's so nothing is

so nothing is

so nothing is [Music]

over

[Music]

wonder over

mind