All language subtitles for Web.Therapy.S03E03.HDTV.x264-EVOLVE-eng.EN

Previously on Web Therapy...

By the way, on that subject...

You might be getting
a phone call from, uh...

I think they're, like,

the U.S. attorney
in Philadelphia or something.

- What?
- It's about...

just wrapping up all
the campaign, uh, loose ends.

And I'm sure there's gonna be
a very lucky waitress,

or some, you know, shop clerk
who's going to be thrilled

to be with... You're probably,
you know, a very good salesman,

'cause it looks like you have
a nice office.

You're shrouding yourself.

I see it.

I might have planted
a few cameras...

Hidden cameras?
Illegally hidden?

What is it, Robin?

You want to bring down
the campaign to... what?

Get back at me
for I don't know what?

♪ That's who! ♪

This is fun...
Writing songs.

And it's so easy.

I think I'm going to walk
in there tomorrow morning,

spit-spot, and I am going
to present these titles,

and they are going
to love them.

3.03 - Believe It or Not
Sync and corrected by Elderfel
www.addic7ed.com

Hi, Franny!

Oh!
Hi.

I heard.
I'm so sorry.

Oh, my God, it was a bloodbath.

That's what I heard.

I mean, like, not only
screaming and yelling.

- Actual physical violence, and...
- Oh!

- Yeah.
- Oh, no!

- Oh, yes.
- Hayley could be vicious.

It's not enough to fire you
and humiliate you,

she had to
physically attack you?

She's a biter.
Yeah.

- Ooh, that's awful.
- Mm-hmm.

But if it makes you
feel any better,

I heard that they lost
their investor,

so the whole show
might be over.

Oh, well.

Right.
I think it is.

I mean, it almost certainly is.

I took all of my music.

Oh, good for you.

And under no circumstances
will I be restoring it to them.

- Good for you!
- Thank you.

Well, you don't
really seem that upset,

to tell you the truth.

Oh, gosh, I was a wreck.

I mean, I was
a complete basket case.

I headed out
of that rehearsal room

like I was heading out
of a war zone,

and I am grasping all
of my music to my breast,

clutching it.

- Right.
- I take my songs...

Your songs.
That's right, they're yours!

My songs.
They're my songs...

- That's right.
- ...that I wrote.

I wrote every single one
of these songs...

That's right.

- ...all by myself.
- Yes, you did.

And I thought to myself,
"Oh, my God, I need a yogurt."

And so I head to Yogurtland,
and I am singing,

because I'm actually feeling
very empowered

by what has happened.

And I hear a voice
behind me say,

"Oh, my God,
are you Franny Marshall?"

- Aw.
- Isn't that nice?

Wonderful.
You have a fan.

I know, and I'm thinking
the same thing.

I'm thinking, "Oh, my gosh,
it's one of my fans."

And I turn around
and lo and behold,

it is Lady Gaga.

Oh, she's very famous.

Lady Gaga is extremely...

There is probably no one
more famous on Earth.

Right. Yes.

Okay, turns out Lady Gaga

is this huge fan
of Franny Marshall.

Oh, wow!

And she is obsessing over
this song that I was humming.

Oh, which one were you humming?

- "Extraordinary Woman."
- Oh!

And she said, "What's it called?"
I said, "Extraordinary Woman."

She said, "Oh, my God,
I'm an extraordinary woman."

Yes.

"I wear dresses
made out of meat."

And I said, "This is exactly
the kind of woman

that this song
was intended for."

Oh, that's a big compliment.

She loved what I was doing
so much,

she said,
"Let me see your work."

And I just happened to have...
these with me.

- Is that everything that...
- I handed them over.

She looked over my music.

And at the end,
she said, "By God,

I want to hire you exclusively
to write all of my songs."

Did she... so she bought
"Extraordinary Woman"?

Did she buy "Smarts and Beauty"
and "'F' is a Four-Letter Word"?

She bought all
of the songs that...

Our songs, too?
The ones that I wrote?

The songs that what?

Well, the ones
that I wrote with you.

You didn't write
any songs with me.

You didn't write
any songs with me.

I wrote all of these songs
myself, as you know,

and as you just said
three minutes ago,

that I wrote all of these songs
completely myself.

I'm the one who's drinking
like a fish.

Are you delusional?

I'm just used to, you know,

in the real world,
during a session,

which is what
we had that night,

you know,
it's intellectual property

and, you know, it's sort of
mine and mine alone.

I think it was two women
out at a bar, getting wasted,

trying to pick up
a pair of twins...

Is what it was.

You were interested in the twins,

which was really one person.

You were just seeing double.

Well, whatever it was,
it was very muscle-y.

Well, I'd hate
to get into that area

of lawyers and all of that.

I feel like, at this point,
with the kind of money

I'm going to be making,
I can get

into any kind of area
you'd like to get into.

Well, but that's just
for the sake of being fair.

It's, you know,
it's my intellectual property

and, you know,
to be perfectly fair,

I did collaborate with you.

I'm getting a call
from someone named "Beyonce."

Beyonce?

Yeah, I'm just going
to let it go to voicemail,

but... Oh, Beyoncé!

Oh, because Gaga told me
she was gonna hook me up with...

Oh, I love that!

Beyoncé and Jay-T,
her husband, he is...

She's married to James Taylor?

What are you talking about?

You don't know
who James Taylor is?

He's not married to Beyoncé.

Oh. Oh!
Who's married to Beyoncé?

No, Beyoncé's
married to Jay-T.

- Beyoncé...
- And then this, uh

is married to Jay-Z!

Someone named Jay-Z.

All ri...
In your version of it.

And so all the big pop stars
she's turned me on to.

So in any event,

I'm going to be writing songs
for Jay-T-Z.

- Well...
- And you know what?

Yes?

Fuck Broadway.
Who cares about Broadway?

Well, I couldn't agree more,
except...

I mean, Broadway is for nerds.
Broadway is for losers.

Well, that's true.

I am now
in the real world of music...

That's right,
with all of these people who

with artists,
like Bruno March.

You might want to familiarize
yourself with their names.

Obviously, I know
all I need to know...

for now,
because look what's happened.

Look where I've...
Look where this has put me.

Yes, I see where it's put you,

but where does that leave me?

What are you talking about?

I'm just saying,
there you are with all of that,

- and then here I am.
- "Here I"...

- And I'm the one that helped.
- Wait a minute.

"Here I am"?
"Here I am"?

That's a good song for Gaga.

♪ Here I am! ♪

♪ Here I am,
I'm Gaga! ♪

♪ Oh, yes! ♪

♪ I've got a dress
made out of dogs! ♪

Wh... I just did it again.

♪ Here I am ♪

♪ I've got a dress
made out of frogs! ♪

Frogs or dogs?

Which do you like better?

Hello, Jerome.

Dr. Wallice.

- What?
- Hello.

No, no, that's
my New York penthouse.

What are you doing there?

Yes, well,
I came to visit Hayley.

I came...
She's been staying

at your apartment...
thank you so much for that...

when she has theater business.

No, you're not welcome.

I didn't authorize her
to stay in my apartment.

Oh, but, I thought
we talked about that

when we were working
on the musical,

that we're all a team,
and we all can work together

on... on the musical...

Then she won't be there
much longer,

because the musical's done.

Franny Marshall's quit,
or got fired, and so...

- She did.
- Now the whole thing's over.

Right, exactly.
It seemed like it was over.

But there's a whole new burst
of energy and excitement

that I want to tell you about,

because we have
a brand-new investor.

Thanks to Hayley, of course,

who's been doing such amazing
work now with Quorum,

as you know.

She has been introduced
to, really, an angel,

who has come in and wants
to invest in the musical...

She's been introduced
to an angel?

Yes, and I'm going
to introduce you to him as well.

- He's here in the apartment.
- Who?

Hold on, hold on.

- Ugh!
- She's on the phone.

Um, this is
the head of Quorum...

- Oh.
- Mr. Jackson Pickett.

You're the head of Quorum.

- I'm the angel.
- Yeah.

I can't believe you're here.

Hello, Fiona.

Hello, Jackson...
the head of Quorum.

Yeah.

So...Uh...

Do you guys...
know each other?

- We do.
- We've met.

Oh, you...

Did you go on the seminar
that I told you to go on?

No, I absolutely
have not done the program.

We met.
We met, okay?

You don't need to know
any more than that.

Isn't the universe
a wonderful, wonderful place?

- Sometimes.
- Just by coincidence...

- Sometimes not.
- ...the two of us...

There are no coincidences,
though, right?

You taught us that.

- Right?
- Well, sometimes.

- Okay.
- You're the one.

You taught the shrouding,

and all of that
ridiculous jargon

that they keep hurling at me

that is utter nonsense.

That's from you?
Okay. Good.

My God, you're so,
so beautiful right now.

Yes, I've heard that,

because you've told me
about a million times

how beautiful I am.

Thank you.

I don't like
being deceived, Jackson.

I really don't.

- I didn't deceive you.
- Yeah, you set me up.

No, this was
a complete coincidence.

Our paths crossed,

the universe had its way.

We met...

We made love...

We fell in love.

And now...

that I know who you are,

I'm going to make your musical.

No, I don't want you
to make my musical,

so no, thank you.

Do you want to hear
something funny?

Hayley has been imploring me
to invest in this musical...

- See?
- And I had no interest.

Until I found out
that it was you.

It was meant to be, in a way.

You're the perfect subject
for this musical,

and it will do so much good
for Quorum.

Yeah, see what "Book of Mormon"
did for...Mormon?

I mean, this is... this could
be a huge opening up

of millions of people to...
to what Quorum can do.

But you were attracted
to me before you knew

I was the subject
of the musical?

- Well, yes.
- Is that what... Is that true?

- Yes, that is true.
- Okay.

Everything... He will always
tell you the truth, always.

I'm even
more attracted to you now,

because I see how...
how hollow you are.

- Yeah.
- That's not flattering.

It's like
her life-wallet is empty.

Would that be correct to say?

- Your life-wallet is empty.
- Yeah.

Good, Jerome.
Good boy.

You are... you are
at a deficit, emotionally.

Well, I don't feel that I am.

I feel perfectly fine, and I
don't need any help from you.

- Is this how you show "love"?
- She's shrouded.

This is your version
of being "in love"?

You don't need to do this.

Well, I do need to do this...

'cause I need
to highlight "the irony".

No, no, no.

Chop these fingers off.

Well, I don't think I will.

Put your fingers up.

Do this for me.

Put your fingers up,

'cause you're going
to do quotes.

Now when you want
to do the quotes,

fold the fingers down
into little fists...

Fists, great.

'Cause you want to fight
your way out.

You want to fight your way out
of who you are.

Pretty happy with who I am.

You want to love yourself.
You want to love me.

You want to love Quorum.

You know, just 'cause
you say something ten times,

it doesn't become true.

Is that the magical
brainwashing number?

- "Brainwashing"?
- Ten?

- There... We face this every day.
- I'm sure you do.

We face the whole idea
of brainwashing, of cultism.

This is not...
a cult.

- That is funny...
- It's the furthest thing

because...
- ...from being a cult.

...it looks, smells,
and sounds exactly like one.

What, are you a religion,
and you're the Pope?

See, she's...

You're insane.

She needs to learn
"Loa-ho-ho,"

which is
the "Listen with your heart."

Right.
Well, listen.

You two can have your session,

'cause Jerome seems to get
a lot out of this.

Well, Dr. Wallice,

it's really changed
for me and Hayley.

I mean, it really
will change you, trust me.

And the musical will flourish.

- You need to be changed.
- Yeah.

- No, I don't want to be changed.
- Like a baby...

Like a baby
needs to be changed.

You're soiled.

Your diaper is soiled,
and you need to be changed,

and you can't see it.

But you're crying
like a baby cries

when they've soiled themselves.

They can't help themselves.

Maybe they're protesting

the discomfort
of what they're experiencing.

Exactly, you are protesting
your discomfort.

Only in your company though,
so you're the poop in my diaper.

You walk around
with a loaded diaper

every day of your life,
and you don't realize it.

So have nothing more
to do with me,

and go ahead with the musical,
but change the name.

I think... May I suggest
a soul sweep?

- No.
- It's a very simple procedure.

- Procedure?
- We have a licensed technician.

- What?
- We have a licensed technician.

It's amazing.

It's very simple.

We connect you to a machine...

and it divulges the truths
within you.

It doesn't take long,

and it really...
it will change you.

Oh, well,
if it doesn't take long.

No, I'll pass.

This is insanity, all right?
No, the answer is no.

- It's simply no. All right.
- Very well.

Then I, um,
I'm going to be speaking to,

I believe, an acquaintance
of yours, Austen Clarke,

um, who is looking to come on
as an investor as well.

- No.
- I've never met him.

But I'd love to talk to him.

- Okay, yes, of course.
- Oh, he would love you.

I know who God is, too,
and I've never met him, so, yes.

Maybe Austen and I
could compare notes.

I wonder if he has any...

photographs as well.

No, but Mr. Pollack, no.

Of course I'm not trying
to interfere

with your investigation

of the campaign
finance misappropriation.

No, no, I'm not.

I haven't... I didn't get
any of those messages.

What number were you calling?

That's not my number.

That's... Well, someone
gave you the wrong number.

Who gave you that number?

Was it Ben Tomlund?

- Hello, Robin.
- Fiona Wallice?

What in the world?

- Surprised?
- You could say that.

You're the last person I thought
I would ever hear from.

I know it must be
a bit of a surprise for you,

I'm sure, yes,
but I just wanted you to know

that I've done a lot
of self-reflection

after the demise
of the campaign.

I'm sorry, I just...
I wasn't listening.

I got distracted
by how tired you look.

So it's been hard, huh?

No, it actually
hasn't been hard at all.

I mean, I'm, you know, spending
a lot of time in New York.

I have a place there.

Just trying to hide out
so people don't see you?

Not at all, but that's
getting off the topic.

What I wanted to say was, I
wanted to pay you a compliment,

because I've been online

- looking at your work...
- Mm-hmm.

And I think it's
really wonderful, what you do.

I know!

I'm sorry to sound
so surprised, but...

Well, no, I wouldn't...
It's an art form,

and I wouldn't expect somebody
like you to appreciate it at...

You know, because it's not...
It's a very sophisticated taste.

Well, then, even I was able
to appreciate the art form,

as un-accessible
as you intended it to be,

you know,
and even I got it, so...

- I'm an auteur, really.
- I didn't know.

I knew,
and I tried to tell you.

I really loved especially
"Bras, Boobs, and Implants."

- Ah! Did you?
- That was fascinating.

Thank you, I thought
that that film

was particularly
hard-hitting.

Right.

And Rupert Murdoch was
actually very interested in it.

- Oh!
- Which was great, yeah.

- He was interested?
- He was.

And then?

It turns out it was
for his own personal use,

which was not
what I was hoping for.

Still, an endorsement from
Rupert Murdoch is wonderful.

- Exactly.
- Well, congratulations.

Thank you.

I just wanted you to know
that I'm just...

I'm sorry for you

that none of the footage of Kip

helped you
with your documentary work.

Oh, no, it helped.

And I'm actually
re-cutting it right now,

and putting a new angle in,
which is...

actually, it's about Kip,

but it's more about me
and what it's like

to be a female
documentary filmmaker and...

Oh, yourself as the subject.

It's going to be fascinating.

There's a lot of things
about you in there,

which I'm not so sure
you're gonna wanna look at.

- You might...
- Oh, I want to see it.

- I want to see all of it.
- Do you?

I'd love to see all the
footage, and if you need help,

oh, I'd be so honored,
and moved, I mean...

I'm sorry, you're offering
to help me re-cut my film...

- Yes!
- ...about the campaign?

I'd love to sit
right next to you,

looking at the footage,
and if we can find

the more interesting things
about me

that you'd like to make fun of,

you know,
I can be a good sport.

- I'd be thrilled!
- All right.

Fiona, the jig is up, sister.
What's going on?

You used to be much better
at manipulating people.

This is, like...

I mean, you were never
Robin Griner-level manipulation,

but this is...
I mean, it's almost boring.

Well, the truth is that
I am under investigation...

Ah.

...for campaign finance
improprieties...

of which
I'm completely innocent.

- Oh, are you?
- I am.

I'm being set up by Ben Tomlund.
I'm almost positive of it.

I just don't have
any evidence, so I thought...

I wish you luck with that.

Thank you, and I
could use your help.

If I could see the footage,
I'm sure...

because you had cameras
sequestered everywhere...

we must have something there
of Ben maybe, you know,

exposing his plot
to set me up, somewhere?

I actually have a ton
of footage with Ben and Kip,

and Ben and the other people
working on the campaign.

Great, I would love to see it,

'cause it
would really be helpful.

I'm innocent.

Well, I'm not saying
that you're innocent,

but sure, you can see
the footage.

Oh, that was so easy.

- Sure.
- Thank you.

- Well, not for free.
- What?

I, um, I know that you
and your boyfriend Austen Clarke

are having a party
at MoMA next week

for that British director,
right?

Right.
I don't remember his name.

Wasn't it Kenneth Branagh?

Oh, yes!
That's right.

But I think it's pronounced
"Bran-auch."

Right.
I think it's "Branagh."

Interesting that
you're hosting it but you

don't know exactly who
you're throwing the party for.

Well, that happens
all the time in my circle, dear.

The first thing I want
is to see the guest list.

The second thing
is an invite to the event.

Austen knows a lot of the,
you know, media moguls and...

Maybe do some networking
with the U.K.?

Yes, I think
that coming to that event

would be great for me.

Wonderful!
So you'll come.

- We'll put you up at a hotel.
- Oh, you will?

I'll pay for hair and makeup,

even though it'll be
very expensive.

That'd be great.

But I need all the footage.

- Okay.
- All of it.

- You cannot hold anything back.
- So, um...

We'll have contracts ready
at the hotel.

Okay, a verbal agreement's good,
so next

let's see...

- next Thursday is the... what?
- Oh, my goodness!

- Thurs...
- Are you f-fat?

No, are you?

No, I'm the same.
You're...

- I'm pregnant.
- Are you married?

- You have a ring.
- Yes, I have a ring.

- I am married.
- Fast worker.

It's not actually that fast.
I knew him for quite a while.

I married Richard, actually.

- Pratt?
- Mm-hmm.

Oh...

And he's the father
of the baby.

- Is he?
- Probably.

See you next week.

Hello, Jackson.

Thank you so much
for doing this.

Oh, my pleasure.

I just was rethinking
all of it,

and everyone can use
a little self-improvement,

so thank you
for being patient with me.

Thank you, and thank you
for trusting me in this.

It will be
very, very, very harmless.

- Okay.
- Very, very painless.

All right, 'cause I am
a little nervous, but I got...

I received the package.

- This is the right device, right?
- That's it.

You have that in front of you?

Yes, except I don't know...

I can't figure out
how to put these on.

- The wrist-lets.
- Yes.

Okay.
Well, you know what?

- I have one here.
- I tried.

Let me get...
I have one.

- Yeah.
- Which... I have the 8,000.

Which model did they send you?

- The 6,000.
- Okay.

Well,
mine's a little bit newer,

but, essentially,
it does the same thing.

- Okay.
- I'll take off my watch.

Oh, you'll put it on
and show me?

- That's great, okay.
- I'll show you, yes.

- So, see, the wrist-lets...
- Yes?

- You strap in.
- Uh-huh.

Try to get them as tight
as you can.

That's the hard part for me.

- You got that one on?
- It's on.

It's not...

It's a very, very...
tough velcro,

so you may need assistance
getting this off.

Oh, really?

We do it that way
because, generally,

people don't enjoy
the first couple of minutes.

Once... once you start to go,
it'll be fine.

Okay.

But we don't like people
just ripping them off.

"I-I don't want
to do this anymore."

- Right.
- And flip the switch...on.

- Okay.
- You're good?

- Yes.
- It's a different machine,

but it essentially
does the same thing.

Mine... The newer models
add a little tiny bit

of an electric shock

when a response
is deemed false.

Oh!

And that just gives
a little added incentive.

Okay, so I'm gonna get shocked?

- No, no, no.
- Shall I try out a lie?

- On the 8,000.
- Oh, I don't have it.

So not to worry.

Okay. I did!
I got nervous!

- Oh, green!
- You're going to be fine.

- Okay, yeah.
- All right.

Are you ready
for a few questions?

Um, I'm not sure if I'm ready,

but let's go.

Okay, that wasn't
actually a question.

Okay, well,
but still, I don't...

- It's okay.
- Okay.

Um, let's start with something
just sort of fun.

Uh...

Are... are you a blonde?

No.

No.

I know you're not a blonde.

I, of all people,
should know that...

- Because I saw you nude.
- Right.

Um...All right.

Let's get to some...
Are you financially independent?

Yes.

Good.

Do you own real estate?

Yes, with my husband.

Okay.

Have you ever
filed for bankruptcy?

No.

See?
These are all very easy.

- You're doing great.
- It is. It's really easy!

- Yeah, very simple.
- Oh, that's great!

Do you have any questions
for me?

Well, um...

Have you ever been a salesman?

No.

A little shock?

- Just a tiny...
- Oh.

- Well...
- Was it used cars?

No.

Was it, uh...

timeshares?

No.

Ah!

- Ah, yes, yes.
- Oh.

But... but they were
spiritually based.

Gah!

F...Uh!

Okay.
All right.

And is the Quorum just
a way for you to make money?

Excuse me?

Is the Quorum
something you invented

so you can make money
off of innocent people?

Mm...

Mm...No.

Gah!

F... Oh!

Oh, it seems to increase
in intensity.

I'm sorry, there seems to be
something going on here.

Yes. Well then,
let me ask you this...

Is it that you think
your whole membership

are just losers and suckers?

No, no.

F... Ah! Mah! Gah!

Wow, okay.

And do you try to sleep with
every attractive female member?

No. Gah!

- Ooh.
- Oh! Oh! Come on!

Help! Help!

I don't know
if anyone's gonna help.

They're too busy watching.

You see, Hayley sent me
the entire membership email list

'cause she knew
I was going to join,

and so I'm...

This is now a Skype-cast
that I put out to everyone.

I put a link on the email,
so everyone's watching.

Okay, well...

If that is indeed true,
which I assume it is

because your green light
was going on,

I just would like to say
to anyone watching

that this, uh,
was merely a test.

Bah! F... Okay.

- I guess not.
- Okay, you know what?

- A test of what?
- You know what, Fiona?

You are a really horrible person!

You were interested
in the twins

which was really one person.

You were just seeing double,

but I have to tell you...

Cracked myself up.

Bruno March, Rayhanna...

- I mean, so many people...
- Oh, no...

She's hooked me up with...

I'm gonna be
actually writing songs...

Do you mean Benihana?

Are you talking
about the res... Japanese?

Don't look at him
with your eyes,

but look at him
with your asshole.

That's the way to look at this.

That's all I'm hearing.

That's ridiculous!

You can't look at something
with your asshole.

I'm actually embarrassed.

No! Gah!

I...

I got the shock
before I even said...

It's reading my thoughts!