All language subtitles for Web.Therapy.S03E02.HDTV.x264-EVOLVE-eng.EN

Previously on Web Therapy...

What is it?
What is it, Robin?

You want to bring down
the campaign to, what,

get back at me
for I-don't-know-what?

I was addicted to her,
and she was my drug.

And you flushed her
down the toilet.

I did that for you.

- Thank you, Fiona. I...
- Well, you're welcome.

I love you too.
I love you too.

We're gonna have to learn
to get along.

But the one good thing
that we have

- in common is Kip.
- What?

There are so many positive
reviews for Net Therapy

that Google started to
pay attention at that point...

- What?
- ...and is making us a huge offer.

We had proximity last night.

And look where that led.

Do you have memories
of the future?

I... No, I don't.

I bought you that apartment
you liked in New York.

The penthouse?

♪ Fiona, Fiona,
why are you so fat? ♪

- Well, but it's not accurate.
- Oh, really?

I'm going to be in New York
next week.

It's easy enough for me
to meet you for drinks.

- Oh...
- I'd love to offer to help.

[Jazz music]

3.02 - Who Doesn't Love Musicals
Sync and corrected by Elderfel
www.addic7ed.com

♪ Smarts and beauty too ♪

♪ when you put them
all together ♪

♪ you have smarts
and beauty too ♪

♪ ...in one human being
called Fiona ♪

♪ that's who ♪

Hm. Fantastic.

This is fun, writing songs.

And it's so easy.

[Ringing, click]

Hello, Jackson.

- Fiona.
- Yes, it's me.

It's so good to see you.

Yes, and it's fine
to see you too.

- Listen...
- How are you?

Well, I'm fine.
I'm...

You look beautiful.

Oh, thank you very much.

Listen, this is gonna
be awkward, okay?

Because I'm not calling
to reconnect.

I'm simply calling

so that I could retrieve
my Rolex watch.

- I remember this.
- What?

What's about to happen.

Oh, the future memory.
Yeah, okay.

Good. Do you remember, then,

returning my watch to me?

- You lost your watch.
- Yes, okay.

I "lost" my watch in Laguna,

because I had taken it off
so that...

honestly, out of, you know,
thoughtfulness toward you.

I didn't want to scratch you,
you know, so...

- But you did anyway.
- [Chuckles]

You know, if you took it, then,
you know, I'm sorry.

I left it out,
and it was tempting to you,

given your position,
sort of a...

you know, the commoner
and the princess,

trying to hold on to that piece

or, you know,
feeling that you could

aspire to the likes of me.

I mean, I understand.

You think I took your watch?

- Well, it's a Rolex.
- [Laughs]

I-I'm sure that it is.

- You know.
- Oh.

No, I did not take your watch.

- Oh.
- That's so sweet.

You're so sweet,
but transparent.

Transparent?
Well, "sweet" I understand.

You're trying so hard
not to love me right now.

It's a stunt, but
I'm pulling it off, I think.

"Love me.

All I need is your love.
All I need is love."

Well, you can find it from someone else
more in your station.

I'm speaking in your voice.

- Oh.
- That wasn't me talking.

- Oh.
- That was me talking as you.

Okay, it didn't sound like me,
so it wasn't...

You're so beautiful.

Yes, thank you.

You're handsome too.

And I'm sure there's gonna be

a very lucky waitress
or some, you know,

shop clerk who's going to be
thrilled to be with...

You're probably, you know,
a very good salesman,

'cause it looks like
you have a nice office.

You have a lot to offer,
Jackson.

You really do.

So why don't you stop

ramming your head
into this brick wall?

Just be happy with yourself.

You don't need me.

What I hear you saying is,

"I am giving myself excuses
to call you

"and to see you
and to connect with you

and to love you."

I guess that's from
your perspective, but...

All I can do is see the world
from my perspective.

- Right.
- That's all anyone can do.

No, I think people
with compassion

can see the world
through others' eyes.

And that's what
I'm trained to do, so...

You're shrouding yourself.

I see it.
You're shrouding.

All right. Send the watch
to the Laguna resort.

Thank you and good-bye.

I love you.

[Sighs]

What an exhausting human being
that is.

Uh-oh.

I guess I didn't pack it.

Oh, hello, Kip.

Hi, Fiona, you look...
You look good.

- Oh, so do you.
- Listen... Oh, thank you.

Ben and I want to use
the Fire Island beach house this weekend.

Actually,
we're leaving tonight.

So I just want to make sure
you're not gonna be there,

because we're arriving.

Well, of course
I'm not gonna be there.

Why would I be there?

Because sometimes you use the house
and I don't know about it.

So you're not gonna be there,
and no one's there?

- That's all I want to know.
- No.

No one... No one will be there.

Why are you asking her
for permission

- to use your own home?
- Ben, Ben,

- because we share the house...
- Yes, because it's my...

We're married, you know,
so it's my house too.

That was my anniversary present
from Kip.

Thank you so much.
Thank you.

- So yes, he should ask me.
- Well, then, he has.

So let's fight about it
some more.

Everything's fine.

So... so we can just
continue packing and...

- I'm sorry.
- Okay, all right.

This is your fam--
your home in New Mexico?

Yes, it is.

It's Albuquerque, which is known
as the Paris of New Mexico.

- Oh.
- There are so many galleries

here, Fiona, you'd love it,
really.

I would love it?

We're out every night
going to galleries

- and meeting people, it's great.
- Oh, that's wonderful.

You can get into the gun...

Isn't there a big gun culture
out there now?

Guns?
Yes, I think there are guns.

There are guns in the house,
probably.

There's also a constitution.

- Yeah.
- No, but that's good.

If you ever want, you know,

a future again in politics.

- I've got a future in politics.
- Yeah.

I'm just taking
a little time off.

No, but it's good to be
in line with the...

you know, the NRA.

I completely agree
with their slogan,

"Guns don't kill people.

People with guns kill people."

- Is that it?
- That's not...

- No.
- Yes, it is.

It's "People kill people."

People kill people,
not just with guns.

They kill them with knives
and with kindness.

- Ever tried that?
- Yeah, but their point...

They're trying to defend guns.

And of course, a gun is not
capable of premeditation.

And a gun is not capable
of escalating emotion.

So of course
a gun can't kill people.

It's people with guns
kill people.

That's their point.

- Is it?
- No.

And this is why

I have been telling you
she is toxic.

- What?
- You are a toxic person.

I think that's a strong word.

You are like a turd
from North Korea.

- Ben... Okay.
- Radioactive poo.

You know what?
Whatever you think

- about guns is your opinion...
- No, I'm just...

- They're very popular here.
- I'm quoting the NRA.

No, you're not.
You're actually not.

Okay, I'm informing you
on what their position is,

because you need
to get in good with them.

- No, we're in fine with them.
- Yeah.

And the reason why we are
is 'cause we know what the slogan is.

And we're friends...
We have friends with guns.

We do.
Darius and Devon.

- Devon... Our friends with guns.
- Mm-hmm.

And they conceal them
and carry them.

- Isn't that what they call it?
- It's conceal/carry.

Conceal/carry.
There are some women with...

that have... two mommies
with their children.

- We have bravo parties.
- Bravo parties.

You know, I know more
about housewives

than I ever thought
I would know.

He does the best Phaedra
impression.

I'm not doing it now.
Don't ask me.

He won't...
He has to be high.

- Okay.
- What?

- Oh, very smart.
- It's one of the housewives...

- It's Atlanta.
- Atlanta, that's what it was.

Phaedra, he does.
"Mmm, I got a donkey booty."

- But he does it better.
- I'm not gonna do it.

I wish you would.
Do you want me to go get an edible?

- What?
- Edible.

It's... I have
medical marijuana.

- Oh.
- Because I have anxiety.

Yeah, I knew he couldn't cope
with the campaign.

He was falling apart
before my eyes.

Ben did a magnificent job
with the campaign, Fiona.

- Oh, "magnificent"...
- Yes.

Means running it
into the ground?

- That's the same thing now?
- No, no, no, no, no.

I don't think that's true.

- By the way, on that subject.
- Yes?

You might be getting
a phone call from...

I think they're, like,
a U.S. attorney

- in Philadelphia or something.
- What?

It's about just wrapping up
all the campaign...

- Wait, like the A.U.S.A.?
- Fine.

You can acronym it
all you want.

No, that's federal.
Is it federal or is it not?

I don't know anything
about this.

Why wasn't I informed
about this?

Well, this sounds serious,
that's all.

Well, it can't be that serious.

I mean, it's not... Is it?

- No, no, no, no, no. And it...
- So they're looking into what?

It's about the hair and makeup account
that you wanted and opened.

But it's not my account.

What is this about,
the campaign finances?

Well, if it has to do
with money, yes, Fiona,

they call that finance.

It's a fancy word for money.

No, but I handed in invoices,
so I didn't know...

Well, handing in invoices
is the same

as being the person
who is doing the transactions.

I'm not sure if you
were aware of that.

Well, then can't you
just handle it for me, Kip,

- if it's not serious?
- Me?

Yeah, well, I could...
I'm watching television

a lot, but I could
take a minute and call.

No. No, no, no, no, no, no.

You can't be involved
in any of this.

- Why not?
- Because this is not how...

we're trying to make
a break here.

Remember what we discussed?

Yes, I know, but not now,
Ben, not now.

- What?
- No, there's nothing...

I-I don't want to put words
in your mouth,

but I want a divorce.

Hello, Richard.

- Hello, Fiona.
- Hi, it's good to see you.

Well, thank you.

I'm not really able to...

I'm not free to talk to you
right now.

Okay, well, after this,
I won't contact you anymore.

I need your help with regard...

Well, I cannot help you.

I am not at liberty
to discuss anything.

Who told you that?

I'm telling you that.

Oh, this is from you?

This is what I'm saying to you.

Okay, well,
I'll be very brief, okay?

I need to get some records

from the accounts
from the campaign.

Everything was shredded.

Ben had me shred everything.

Oh, Ben had you
shred everything.

And I don't have anything.
I have nothing.

And they took my computer.

Oh, they did?
All right.

They took my computer.

And so it's been
very inconvenient.

And I had things on there

that I don't want people to see.

Oh...Things to do
with the campaign?

And from my accounts?

- No, personal things.
- Oh.

Photographs.
And I had a whole...

Puppies playing?
Or...

Well, I had videos of...
of people getting tased.

I had Two Girls, One Cup.

I don't know.
Sometimes I save videos.

I-I watch videos
late at night.

Yes. Okay.
Well, I'm sure they won't...

- Porn.
- ...do anything...

...as opposed to the other videos
you just mentioned.

Did you know that there's an elephant
that speaks Korean?

That sounds fascinating.

That's what you're concerned
is on the computer?

- I didn't do anything wrong.
- No, you never do.

You're very good at your job.

I just need some help,

in that I need
whatever you have.

'Cause I'm sure
you handed over everything,

but you had backup files

or paper files, didn't you?

I didn't have any...
any files.

You didn't?
Well, that's stupid.

Well, I don't appreciate
you calling me stupid.

I said, "That was stupid."

Not, "You are stupid."

There's behavior,
and then there's the person.

I think the person's
perfectly wonderful.

But the behavior, I think,
was less than

what a top-level professional
accountant would do.

Well, I think
that what you did,

the way you handled
that campaign

and the way you
threw me under the bus,

was unprofessional.

How did I throw you
under the bus?

You got rid of Robin
so that I would be free.

And then, when I asked you
to go out with me,

you were suddenly unavailable.

I know that I tried
to help you,

and then you misinterpret
the help

as a gesture of love,
which it's not.

I'm sorry you were humiliated,

but that wasn't my intention.

Listen. You need to take me
off your Skype list.

I'm sorry you feel that way.

Can you help me?

Did you have access
to the accounts?

Well, of course I had access
to the accounts,

but I don't anymore.
I... There's nothing.

I mean, I...
There's nothing.

I have no records.

Oh, you really don't.

I really don't
have any records...

Oh, you really don't.

I mean, I remember...

You remember?

The code had, like,
a six-five...

The password for the account,
you mean?

The password
for the account had...

A six-five, that sounds
like the account number,

- not the password.
- No, but there was, uh,

something like "dixie"
or "pixie" or something.

I don't remember.

"Pixie six nine." Maybe?
Not "six five."

I think it was "i-x-i-e."

There was a "six-five."

An "H" and... Mm.

I think a heart.

And you know that
smiley-face?

You know how they do
the thing, uh...

- Okay.
- That wasn't on there,

but a lot of times when Ben
would send me something,

he would send
that little smiley-face.

And so I... Just that image came
into my head,

but that's not a part
of the password.

So this is more of a stream
of consciousness recollection.

It's an inner thought
that I'm just trying

to come up with information
for you.

Thank you. Okay.
So you don't have the pass...

You don't remember
the password.

- All right.
- Oh, you're done with me.

Well, okay.
That's fine.

Good, 'cause
I'm done with you too.

Then be done with me.

[Woman calling]
Richard?

- Well...
- Woman: What are you doing?

- Okay.
- Who's that?

- What?
- Who is that?

I'm... I'm married now.

Oh. Well, good for you,
Richard.

I'm in a very, very healthy,
happy relationship

with somebody
who is sweet and nice.

And yet you still have
a tremendous amount

of emotion
with regard to me, okay.

Woman:
What are you doing up there?

I shouldn't be...
Hold on.

I... You... I... You can't, uh...
Hold on.

I-I'll be right down.

- Woman: Don't you close that door.
- No, I'm not.

I'm not closing the door.

You... I can't talk to you.

She sounds very sweet.

Why don't you hang up, then?

- Good-bye.
- Good-bye.

- Fiona.
- So you just have to hang up.

Well, so do you.

You clearly don't want to.

No, you don't want to.

- I just don't want to be rude.
- I'm...

I don't know what
I'm gonna do that's

gonna set you off again
into some,

you know, state of victimhood

or how I persecuted you,

so I'll let you
make the gesture.

If you can't talk to me,
then hang up.

- You hang up.
- Okay.

- Hello, Jerome.
- Hello, Dr. Wallice.

How are you?

- I'm well. How are you?
- I'm good, thank you.

- Thank you for asking.
- Okay.

I've had a nice...
I've had time to think.

And I've had an epiphany.

And I wanted to share it
with you.

- Okay.
- You know, as it turns out,

I-I did some soul-searching.

And I'm not...
I'm not a corporate guy.

That's interesting, because
you were so enthusiastic

and excited about all the money

you'd be making
from the Google sale.

You're right. You're right.
I got swept up.

I got swept up
in the groundswell.

But when I had time
to think about it,

I realized that I'm really
a more one-on-one,

hands-on kind of person.

And so I've decided to come back
to Philadelphia.

Well, that's interesting.

Why would you give up
this huge windfall?

That situation
didn't really work out.

At the last minute,
a British media company

swooped in and bought
Net Therapy for double.

- Oh, I didn't know that.
- Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, then you're doubly foolish
for throwing away

double the money, I guess.

Well, it wasn't really
my money to throw away.

Dr. Hodge has decided to go

with the British media company,

and I wasn't a part
of those negotiations.

And that's something that
I had to come to terms with.

Really, you didn't have
an agreement with Putsy?

I did. It was kind
of a verbal thing.

- Oh.
- And... and...

That's not worth anything.
It's not worth the ink

that the contract
is not written on.

Dr. Wallice, I thought
I knew Putsy in a different way.

I have to say,
I have a lot more...

a lot more empathy
for what you've been through.

She's... can be quite
a bit of a monster, actually.

- Piece of work.
- Yes, yes.

Piece of work
with a pot problem.

I know.
Well, yes, I know.

She is self-centered.
She is egotistical.

She only sees things
through her stoned eyes.

- You're preaching to the choir.
- Yeah.

- She's a little bit of a bully.
- Yeah.

I find her to be hurtful,

rageful, mean, spiteful, nasty.

She can be a real...
b-i-t-c-h.

- She's a fucking bitch.
- Okay.

Well, now you're talking about
my mother, so...

You're right. I'm sorry.

With all due respect,
I just... I feel like,

in the end,
it wasn't a good fit.

And I-I really miss
working with you.

All you really have to do
is say "yes."

I'd really just love
to come back

and pick up
where we left off and...

Well, this is a problem.

I don't really
have room for you,

because the space you occupied,

- in the basement or the cellar...
- Yeah. That's fine.

...is now being...
Well, it's not fine.

It's not fine for me,
because I have

a lot of wine
being stored there.

I have a lot
of cleaning equipment

- that's being stored there.
- Sure. Okay.

I got a big carpet cleaner,
you know, that...

Listen, I could work
in the little foyer area.

I could work
outside the powder room.

You know, you have
that little table.

I could work
at the kitchen table.

- I need the kitchen table.
- Sure, right. But I could...

I don't know
that I need an assistant.

I've been doing so well
without one.

I wouldn't expect you
to be paying me

what Putsy was paying me, so...

I can't even pay you
what I was paying you.

- Right.
- I was about to hire an intern.

A paid internship?

Someone fresh out of college.

You pay them minimum wage,
no benefits.

- Okay.
- Call it part-time somehow.

- Possibly travel?
- No.

- Mileage?
- No.

- Stipend?
- No.

- Lunch money?
- No.

- Okay.
- No insurance.

- Okay.
- You know, but it would

be nice to have something

that resembles my former life
back in place.

So that would be nice
if you were back, I have to say.

Well, I-I accept.

Hey, you know what
would be really fun?

What? Name it.

Oh, if you could bring back
all of her clients.

What?

Well, that would be really fun.

I could treat
all of her clients.

She can't help them.
She's horrible.

Right. But I don't know
if I can do that.

- I wouldn't feel right.
- Why not?

Well, there's
a client-patient

confidentiality thing that...

Yeah, but you can
forge her signature,

sign a letter to all of them,
saying that she's

"going out of business,"
or she's not practicing,

and referring everyone to me.

You could do that.
I hear you, I hear you.

But if we could start fresh
and maybe leave

all this old baggage behind,

- and that way I won't feel...
- Never mind.

If you don't want
to work for me,

then you don't have to.

Oh, no. I do.
I absolutely do.

Then do your job
and steal those files.

You're right.
You know what? My bad.

I... You're right.
[Laughs]

I have 'em right here.
I mean...

Oh, that's convenient.

- Most of them are here...
- Oh, great.

...and I could probably
just put them...

Oh, you know what, Jerome?

Also, while you're at it,

please get me that horse statue
over the mantel.

'Cause I think that would
look really good in my place.

- Consider it done.
- Oh, and the urn.

- Oh, the urn too?
- Yes, next to that blue shirt.

Do you see the urn
on the floor?

- Yeah. Oh, yes.
- On the floor. On the floor!

Hi, Franny.

- Hey.
- Good morning.

That was so much fun
last night.

It was very fun to be
out on the town

with the toast...
of it, as you are.

Mm, yeah.
I think I might've

had a little...
a little too much toast.

- Oh, you had fun.
- Yes, I did.

You certainly drank.

Yes, I did.

It's what I do.

Is that why you called?

Well, just to congratulate you

on the wonderful work
you did last night.

I guess that writer's block
is over.

What? What are...
What are you talking about?

You wrote... We left it there
on your piano, right?

What?

Yeah, the songs you wrote.

Wonderful new pieces, I think.

What?
[Grunts]

Oh.

What... what is this?

Well, that's the song
you wrote.

"Smarts and Beauty"?

Oh, that's a fun one.

That's sort of upbeat,
it was really fun, yeah.

♪ Smarts and beauty too ♪

♪ when you put 'em
all together ♪

♪ you have smarts
and beauty too ♪

"In one human being
called Fiona"?

- What?
- Who? And then "who"?

♪ that's who ♪

- That's who.
- Wait, I don't...

- This is terrible.
- What?

- I didn't write this.
- Yes, you did.

- No.
- And it's not terr...

not much worse than anything
you normally write.

I mean, that's...
It's very you.

Why would I write these?

There's not even...
the direction of the show.

This is making the character...

This next song is called
"An Extraordinary Woman."

- That's my favorite.
- Really?

Yes, and
it's your favorite too.

This is...
♪ It's easy to be ♪

♪ extraordinary when
you're living among ♪

♪ so many
unextraordinary women ♪

- Well.
- What?

I think it's more...
♪ It's easy to be ♪

♪ extraordinary
when you're livin' ♪

That's how you did it
last night, anyway.

- Don't sing.
- What?

- Don't sing.
- I have a lovely voice.

Uh, I'm not sure...
I mean,

these lyrics,
they're repetitive.

The melodies are terrible.

I didn't... I don't...

Are you sure...
Did I write these?

Yes, you were very pleased
with them.

Some of your best work,
you said.

I thought I only had, like,

three or four double
Lagavulin scotches.

- No.
- I couldn't have blacked out.

Well, then you asked me
to mix you

a couple of drinks,
and so I did.

Oh, my God.
Was I that loaded...

Well, I don't know.

...that I would write

17 or 18 songs?

Yes. Something about
"Let's Redefine 'Brave'

and Call It 'Fiona,'"
That's a beautiful song, I thought.

Any diva would kill
to sing that one.

Well, you know,
"Let's Redefine 'Brave'

- and Call It 'Fiona.'"
- Yeah.

That was a really touching one,
I thought.

You know, there is something
to that.

You see?
Yes, we discussed how...

Why would you want
to write songs

that vilify
a very strong woman?

You really seemed
to connect with that.

Gosh, I guess
I do sort of owe it

to the sisters to really
step up for women.

- Right.
- Oh, my God.

Well, you said you identified,
you so identified...

No, no. Fiona, Fiona,
Fiona, Fiona,

I think I'm having a...
What is it?

A catharsis?
Is that what they're called?

- I don't know.
- I think I'm having one,

because... do you know
that I think

this entire time
I have been writing

all of these vicious songs,

not about you,
but about Franny.

- Self-hate.
- Self-loathing.

Well, it's very sad
that you'd want

to tear yourself down like that

when you're
a very strong woman.

I am.
I mean, look at me.

I'm such a creative entity.
I just...

Great. So you are remembering
last night.

Oh, God, yes, it's all
coming back to me.

I... Oh, my God.

Why would I drag myself
through the mire in this way?

It's so demeaning.

It's demeaning to me
and to women in general.

Yes. Let's not drag anyone
through the mire...

- No.
- Or the muck.

No, that's hateful.

It's hateful.
That's true.

I think these songs
could be saved.

They just need a few tweaks,
like a different

melody and different lyrics.

- Oh.
- But other than that,

I think that there's really
some possibility here.

Well, you seemed happy
with them last night.

- I like the titles.
- The titles are...

- Yeah.
- Yeah, they're very clever.

So bravo to you.

- I did it.
- Yeah, you did it!

I did it!
[Laughs]

- They're all yours.
- Writer's block, begone.

Oh, I'm glad
you're so clear this morning.

Oh, my God.
This is exciting.

And I have this feeling...

I just have a feeling,
you know,

When you're coming from
the right place, morally...

- Yes.
- ...I think that things

tend to work out just the way
they're supposed to.

And I think I'm gonna walk
in there tomorrow morning,

spit spot, and I am going
to present these titles,

and they are going
to love them.

Or not. And if they don't,
you can leave.

And then they have no musical.

- Then they have no musical.
- Right?

That's very empowering.

- It's very empowering.
- That's very empowering.

Well, tell them
the strongest F-word

in the language is "Fiona."

- [Laughs]
- I think that was the best.

Don't lose that lyric.

- No.
- Okay.

"The Strongest F-word

in the English Language
is 'Fiona.'"

That's... That's beautiful...
Or "Franny."

Right. Now you're having
feelings.

I'm really
having some feelings now.

My creativity
has been unleashed,

and my emotions are flooding
forward as well.

- Okay.
- All right, I have to go.

I need to start
writing more titles.

- Okay. All right.
- Where's my pencil?

I think it fell
out of your hair.

Oh, here it is.
It's my lucky pencil.

- Oh.
- Okay.

- Whew.
- Well, good luck to you.

- This is freeing.
- Oh, good. All right.

[Clears throat]

♪ Smarts and beauty too ♪

♪ smarts and beauty too ♪

♪ I'm beautiful,
I'm beautiful ♪

♪ I'm beautiful ♪

♪ ...and everybody
says so too ♪

I-I thought we hung up.

Oh. I... Okay.
Good-bye.

Fiona?

I see you.
[Laughs]

I see you.
I see you.

- You didn't hit a button.
- I did.

You're pretending.

All right,
I'll hear from you soon.

Oh, you're gonna work now,
I guess.

Okay.

♪ It's easy for me to be ♪

♪ an extraordinary woman ♪

[Vocalizing]

Is that the not-nice?

What are you
queefing about now?

I know what that word is.

- Well...
- That's what you said.

Is that not what you...
[Laughter]