All language subtitles for Web.Therapy.S03E01.HDTV.x264-EVOLVE-eng.EN

Previously on Web Therapy...

I've learned to monetize
this gift I have,

and I think I'm going
to call it "Net Therapy."

What?

I'm going to be taking
a little bit of a leave,

because I've been working a lot
with Dr. Hodge.

What?

Hayley will step in for me
while I'm with Dr. Hodge...

- Oh, no.
- ...to work for you.

No, I'm going to Santa Fe,
New Mexico, with Ben.

- Oh.
- We need a little time apart.

I pitched...

I pitched
Whistling While I Worked

as a musical,
and they loved it.

- Yeah, they loved it.
- What?

It's gonna be called Whistlin'.

- What?
- [Whistles]

I took a pregnancy test
four times,

and I got four pluses.

We are having quadruplets,
daddy.

3.01 - Relax, Reboot, Revenge
Sync and corrected by Elderfel
www.addic7ed.com

Fiona:
This is truly paradise.

Fiona:
It's exactly what I needed.

Jackson:
So beautiful.

Fiona:
It's nice to just look at it, too.

Fiona: You don't have to go down there
and deal with it, you know?

Fiona: Okay, well,
that's enough of that.

And then we have to call me
on your computer.

There I am.

[Computer beeps]

- Hello.
- Hello.

- And here I am.
- This is web therapy.

- Welcome to web therapy.
- Thanks for having me.

- Well, here...
- I'm so screwed up.

[Laughs]
That's funny.

People never say that
when they really could.

- I love your laugh.
- Oh, thank you.

Last night was very special.

It really was.

It was just exactly
what I needed...

what the doctor ordered.

- Thank you, doctor.
- [Laughs]

And thank you, myself.

[Sighs contentedly]

I don't know why
I'm looking at you there

when you're right here.

Well, because
the whole idea is that

you're looking into the laptop,

and that's
how we see each other.

Just so you could
experience my work, you know.

So how does this...
How does this work?

Well, this is how it works,

is that I...
you know, we...

my clients and I
speak to each other

over the Internet like this,

and I conduct a session.

And you find this
to be helpful?

Very helpful.

And I don't have
to have an office,

and I don't have
to have proximity.

We had proximity last night.

And look where that led.

- Yes.
- [Laughs]

I can't do that
with every client.

[Chuckles]
I should hope not.

I hope my beard
didn't tickle too much.

No, it's very soft.

You must use conditioner
on it or something.

I do.

Everything about you
is so well-groomed.

- You're well-groomed, too.
- Thank you.

But you're much, much more
than well-groomed.

So are you.

You're a very special woman.

Thank you very much.

And I think last night,
in my opinion,

was a transition
for both of us.

Oh?

It's a point in my history,
and in your history,

that we will remember,
and we will cherish...

Yes.

- ...and we will build upon.
- Memories, memories.

They're important.

Do you have memories
of the future?

I... No, I don't.

- It's not impossible.
- Well...

I have a memory of our future.

Really?
Aren't you leaving...

I thought you were going back.

I love you so much.

That's soon.

I'm sorry, that sounds strange.

Well, I don't think
it's strange.

It's not like
I haven't experienced

someone falling in love
with me before.

But it is very soon.

And yet, not soon enough.

- I think I'm in love with you.
- Oh.

That's really lovely,

and I'm sure,
if there were more time,

you might become someone
that I could be in love with.

- You're being very guarded.
- But...

Guarded or reasonable?
I mean...

You're ostriching.

What?

Are you familiar
with what ostriches do?

Yes, they put their heads
in the ground.

It's a little more complicated
than that.

Well, I don't see it that way,
but I can tell that

whatever seminars you attended
while on your company retreat

have been very useful.

You're taking them to heart
to use as a sales tool.

You don't want to be seen.

You don't want me to see you.

And I saw you last night.

Yes, well, that's sort of
part of the deal

when you engage
in that kind of sport.

That's what you're doing,
Fiona, you're...

Wait a second. Fiona Wallice.

- I just noticed.
- Oh, yes.

You're that...
You're Fiona Wallice.

- Yes.
- I had no idea.

Do you know...
Oh, so you've heard of me.

Have you heard of me?
'Cause...

- Yes.
- Oh.

Well, I'm happy to know
my work is getting out there.

- Oh.
- That's wonderful.

This sheds a light...

Not from the campaign.
That's not...

It's from my work, probably.

And now you know my last name,
and you know who I am.

- I do.
- Well...Oh, well.

I guess, you know,
having an anonymous tryst,

- a shipboard romance...
- You're pulling away.

Oh, maybe I am
because I know that it's over.

So...
Because you're leaving.

It's only over
if you think it's over.

And I don't think it's over.

Oh, well,
that's a different situation.

- You're... you're moating.
- I'm moating?

- You're moating.
- Emoting? No.

- Not emoting.
- Okay.

- That's a completely different...
- 'Cause I don't do that. Right.

- You don't do that.
- No.

You're putting
a protective barrier...

- Oh.
- ...around yourself...

- Okay, and you turned it into a verb.
- ...full of...

You can turn any word
into a verb.

- Not really.
- Words are interchangeable.

- Words can be verbs or adverbs...
- They're really not.

...or adjectives.

It just depends on whether
you put a "Y" on the end,

or whether
you make them active.

Mm-hmm.

You are moating,

and when you put a moat
around your heart,

then you cannot emote.

That's fun wordplay.

You are so special.

And I'm going to bring
who you really are out,

going to awaken
that which I saw last night.

If I say "Okay,"
does that make this over?

So where do we go?
Where do we go from here?

Well, you're going to go.
Your plane waits for no man.

You should start plane-ing.

Time to go.
Don't you think?

Wouldn't you say?
Yes.

It's good to make the move.

Oh.

I have a feeling
we're not done here.

Oh.

- Hey, Dr. Wallice. There you are.
- Hello. Hi, Jerome.

Hi. It's good to see you.

You look great.

Thank you.
Yes, I do.

I haven't... I haven't talked
to you in a couple of weeks.

I've been trying to...

I've left you a couple of messages.
Have you gotten any of them?

Oh, well, you see,
that's my horrible assistant.

Oh, well...

I don't know what's
wrong with Hayley, but...

- Well, I do know. She's horrible.
- No, you know,

she's been really
stretched kind of thin,

so I'm sort of picking up
some of the slack for her.

She's been working
on the musical,

and, uh,
it's really going well,

so I wanted to maybe
lend her a hand

while I was here
at Net Therapy,

working for Dr. Hodge.

- Hold on a second.
- She's not a doctor.

Net Therapy.
Can you hold, please?

Net Therapy, please hold.
Sorry about that.

[Mumbles]

We got a new composer

for the musical,
uh, Franny Marshall,

the Tony-nominated...

- Oh, she's known.
- Yeah.

- I've heard that name.
- Oh, yeah, yeah.

- She did shows...
- Jivin'.

Jivin', right.
I've heard of that.

Couldn't see it,
of course, 'cause...

- It was really good.
- Well, that's what you say.

Yeah, and she was gr...
and she's great.

She's working with Hayley,
and they're...

I think they're really
making a lot of progress.

Well, that's impressive, but,
unfortunately, I don't really care.

All I know is
the option check cleared,

so I'm happy.

Well, it looks like
you're getting some R&R,

- which... which is great.
- Yes.

No, I've been having
a wonderful time, actually.

Came out here, you know, to...

Net Therapy.
Can you hold, please?

Net Therapy, please hold.

You know, the Conan appearance

that was promised
by Conan O'Brien.

Yes.

But then, somehow, you know,

something happened
with the producers,

or they weren't prepared,

or either it wasn't going
to be useful to me...

wasn't going
to be useful to me.

Right, so it didn't work out.

Net Therapy.
Can you hold, please? Sorry.

You know, you really...

You're keeping 13 people
on hold.

- That can't be good.
- I know.

I'm going to be
doing intakes with them

in a couple of minutes,
and that was one

of the things
I was going to tell you.

- Oh, you're doing intakes?
- Yeah, Net Therapy's exploding,

and I want to thank you
for a lot of the inspiration for that.

- It's been very exciting.
- The inspiration for it?

Net Therapy. Can you hold, please?
I'm so sorry.

You know,
inspiration and plagiarism,

there's a fine line.

Right, right.

You know, inspired by,
stolen from.

And I'm also very grateful
that you're able

- to understand that...
- Who said I understood?

Some of the things are gonna
sort of fall by the wayside.

'Cause Austen's
been trying to reach you,

and I haven't been able to get
those messages through to you.

No, I don't care, though,

because I can call Austen
whenever I want.

Oh, okay.

I don't want to,
because I'm punishing him.

He got Gina pregnant.
You know, Gina Spinks.

- Gina's pregnant?
- Yes.

And so, while he still wants me
by his side, I'm sure,

I just feel like I need
to distance myself a little.

How far along is she?
Do you know?

I don't...
Three, four months, or...

I'm not sure.

Net Therapy, please hold.

Um, that's amazing.

Huh. Okay.

Well, I will, um...

Well, I'll leave it
to you, then,

to... to contact him.

Yes, I will call him.

Net Therapy.
Can you hold, please?

Net Therapy, please hold.
Net Therapy...

So now I'm just...
I get to enjoy myself.

Good for you.
Good for you.

You know what?
You deserve that.

You deserve
to take care of you.

Yeah, that's what I'm doing.

Especially after
what you've been through.

Take some time off
when things don't work out...

The Conan thing falling through
and the campaign fiasco...

No, everything's
working out just fine.

Your husband running off
with the campaign manager,

that could not have felt good.

But that was fine with me.

And all the financial problems.

I'm... I don't...
I am so sorry about all that.

What financial problems?
I'm fine.

I'm fine.
I am very busy.

- I hear you.
- I'm on vacation.

You should take
all the time in the world

to sort of recharge.

I think that's
really important.

And let the...
Let us do the heavy lifting.

You know what I'm saying?

The heavy lifting for me?

Well, for Net Therapy.

I mean, there's so many
positive reviews for Net Therapy

that Google started
to pay attention at that point

and is making us a huge offer.

It's going to be, like,
in the seven figures.

[Laughs]
It's amazing.

We're all going to be rich.

- "All"?
- Well, we all.

We all are going to be rich.

I mean, Dr. Hodge,
obviously,

is the mastermind
behind all this, but I feel...

Oh, is she the mastermind...

of my idea?

Well, it was something
that, I think,

- that was in the zeitgeist...
- Really? How dare you.

After I provide the idea
that my mother steals from me,

and you help it
into her car for her,

so she can drive off
with my work.

This is a company
that I've built...

- Graham?
- And now she's taking...

Graham-meister.
It's Google.

What?
[Laughs]

Dude, don't make me guess.

Does it have a seven
in front of it?

[Laughs]

- Fiona, Fiona.
- Yes?

Ah, thank goodness
you answered.

It's been months.

Well, yes.
A few weeks, I guess.

I've been so, so worried,
and so missing you.

Well, I needed some time.

It was kind of
devastating news.

Are you...
you're better now?

Yes, I am.
I'm... I'm better.

I understand.

Uh, I've... I've, uh...

I have something
to tell you, Fiona.

Oh?

I'm going to marry Gina.

I need to have
a legitimate heir

to inherit the castle
and my empire.

And so I'm going to marry Gina.

But I want
to tell you immediately

that this will not affect
our relationship at all.

- Well, I don't know.
- You will still be...

You'll still be...
You'll be married.

So I wish you luck
in your relationship with Gina.

Fiona, please, no.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.

I bought you that apartment
you liked in New York.

The penthouse?

Yes, the one
on the Upper East Side.

Yes.

I'll just, uh,
send you the link here.

There, it's coming now.

- Yes, I have it.
- You got it?

Yes, that's the one, yes.

I actually
bought the whole building,

'cause I just thought,
you know...

- It's a wonderful building.
- It's a lovely building.

- That's a great investment.
- Uh-huh.

And it's a great investment...

in our relationship.

Okay.

I want you to be at the top
of that penthouse,

and, like superman,
I will fly down

and scoop you up
and take you to balls.

- That's so...
- And galas.

...nice of you
to buy me a penthouse,

and... in my name, or?

Absolutely in your name.

Oh.
Then it's a true gift.

It is a true gift.
It's for you.

- It is yours, Fiona.
- That means a lot to me.

And I want you
to be there waiting for me,

so that when I come over
from Scotland,

when I leave Gina behind,
leave my whole life here behind,

as I'm going to,

because as soon
as the baby's born...

little Angus, he's a boy.

Oh, you get
to know that already.

- Yes, I saw the picture.
- Oh.

He will be born.

The very next day,
I will file for divorce.

And that afternoon,
I'll be on my jet,

flying to that little aerie
on the Upper East Side,

where you will be flapping

your beautiful,
little, blonde wings.

With the baby?

No, the baby
will remain in Scotland

to be looked after
by my team of nannies.

Oh.
Oh, that's nice.

- Yeah.
- Oh, lovely.

Nice, warm environment.

- [Chuckles]
- Oh, okay.

Oh, so nothing's changed.

- Nothing's changed, Fiona.
- And Gina's on board with...

It's been difficult for her
to comprehend the situation,

- but...
- Oh, well, yes.

It's been difficult for her
to comprehend anything.

Is she the...
hormones, or...

- I hate you.
- See?

Oh, hi, Gina.

I'm not...
I hate living in Scotch-land...

Easy.

And I can't understand
what anybody is saying.

- It's difficult, I know.
- And I hate them.

It's a difficult accent.
I know.

- You see what I mean?
- Well...

This is just endless,
endless, endless.

If it wasn't for that
little bundle of joy

wrestling under
that leopard skin...

What the fuck are you saying?

I don't understand you.
I don't understand you.

What the fuck?

It's... They are difficult
to understand.

I have trouble myself,
sometimes.

It's so nice to speak
to somebody who speaks American.

I know, you must be
very lonesome for it.

- Very stupid, annoying.
- Yeah.

I can't understand you.

- Oh.
- Why don't you speak English?

You're better off
not understanding.

What does it matter?

You're in a beautiful,
old castle, okay?

You know, it's like
you're a princess in a castle.

It smells.
It's old, with old furniture.

Why can't you
buy new furniture?

They're antiques
worth millions.

They're heirlooms.

- You know what, Gina?
- And that's not a tomato.

What's a to-mah-to?
I'm so tired of this.

I'm so sick of it.
It's awful.

That means...
that means "tomato."

And I'm thirsty.

Do you want me to get you
one of your mocktails?

- Yes.
- She understood that.

- Oh.
- I want my mocktail.

'Cause I guess you can't
say "cock" in this country.

Yes, you can say cock.

We have cock-a-leekie soup
as one of our delicacies.

What the hell
is cock-a-leekie soup?

It sounds disgusting,
like I would die from it.

No, I know, they have
strange food in Scotland.

But honey, I mean, do you think
you should be drinking?

- No, it's not a... it's not alcohol.
- It's non-alcoholic.

It's the only way
I've been able

to stop her drinking alcohol,
is to give her these mocktails.

Oh, so she... It feels like
you're having a drink.

Yes.
Appletini.

Oh, good.
All right.

You can still party, then.
You feel like you're partying.

- Mm.
- That's clever.

- Oh, my God.
- Oh, good.

So you're happy.

- [Sighs]
- I worry.

I worry so much.

[Burps]
It's so, so good.

I hear.
So I hear.

Um, could we
just talk girl talk?

- Yes?
- You know, I've been talking

- to a girlfriend...
- Mm-hmm?

And I don't really think
that this

is the most opportune time
for me to get married,

because my tits are looking
really fantastic

and I really should not
be boycotting the clubs.

[Clears throat]
But it's not good for the baby.

I don't think...
You shouldn't do that, though.

- Well, right now, I'm not.
- Yeah.

Yeah, but when
he sticks it in me,

- it barely reaches the baby.
- Well...

The baby is way up there.
It'd have to be a...

It doesn't even
get in my vagina.

- Excuse me, excuse me.
- Well...Really?

Having sex with this one is like,
as we say in Scotland,

throwing a sausage up a close.

Is that... The close
would imply cavernous?

It's like a vast stairwell.

I used to see those ads
in the American magazines

for vaginal rejuvenation.

I never knew what that meant.
Now I do.

- Oh.
- Well...

I have met a vagina
that needs rejuvenating.

Well, totally, I'm ready.

I want lots of plastic surgery.

Stop spending money
on used furniture

and start spending money
on fixing my vagina.

Yes, well,
you can make many plans.

Plus I'm gonna have the baby.

- It's good, you know?
- Right.

- After the baby.
- After the baby,

you can do anything
you want to your vagina.

- Of course.
- Yeah...

I'm not even sure
I'm gonna marry you, honestly.

- We have to get married.
- Wha...

You're carrying my child.
I will not bring

an illegitimate heir
into the world.

Well, then why can't you
just pay someone

to teach it to read?

You have enough money.

No, "illegitimate."

It's... She thought
you said "illiterate."

- Nope, that's a different word.
- Fiona...

- You know, it's... Let me...
- God, I miss you.

I understand.
Let me help.

You know, I think what
you're not seeing here, Gina,

is a wonderful opportunity.

So, you know,
if the two of you get married

and then Austen has his heir...

- Right?
- Mm-hmm.

...which is what he wants,
and then you don't want

- to be married, right?
- Right.

So you can get divorced
almost immediately after.

But here's
the even better part,

- is you have a pre-nup.
- That's great.

- What's a pre-nup?
- A pre-nuptial agreement,

that before you get married,
you're guaranteed

a certain sum of money,
say, oh, $75,000...

- [Gasps]
- ...if you want.

Give her 100, give her 100.

Oh, my God.
Butt out, butt out!

Why are you always
in my business?

I want $75,000.

Yes, Austen, please,

let the ladies
conduct their business.

- Yes, okay, I'll do it.
- Good.

Are there any... any other
conditions in the pre-nup?

- Conditions?
- If you want,

you don't ever have
to have sex with him again,

- starting right now.
- That's great.

- Yes, right now, never again.
- Great.

- No sex, no kissing.
- That works for us.

Good, that works for us.

Then you can get married,

have a fairy-tale wedding...
[Doorbell rings]

- ...I'm sure.
- [Gasps] Oh!

Uh, it's my fedex
with my nachos.

- Oh, okay.
- Bye, you guys!

- Love you!
- Yes.

Ooh.

- You see?
- You're welcome.

Thank you, thank you
for sorting that situation out.

If there's anything more
I can do

- to show my appreciation...
- [Laughs] Well...

- Beyond the penthouse?
- Yes. That's just a...

Which is... I have to say,
it's a lovely start.

So thank you.
Well, there is one thing.

- Mm-hmm?
- I don't know.

- Do you have Google over there?
- Sadly, yes.

They're ruining
my publishing wing.

Oh! Well, how would you
like to ruin their day?

[Computer beeps]

- [Gasps]
- Oh.

Oh, my God!
Is it really you?

Oh, my goodness,
you're Franny Marshall.

- I am.
- The composer!

I'm thrilled to meet you.

- The subject of my musical.
- Yes! You know...

I'm finally seeing you, wow.

I've been banned from the set.

You should know that
it's not out of disinterest. Okay?

I'm really... I'm not allowed
to be on the set.

I gave my rights... I signed
my rights away to the book

that this is based on, so...

That's a tragedy.
People should see you!

- Thank you very much.
- [Cackling laugh]

Well, especially
if it's about me, you know.

The visual is so much better
than...

My husband Kip has dragged me
to every one of your shows.

[Laughs]
"Dragged"?

Well, you know.
Yes, and he loves them...

- Skippin' and...
- Skippin' and Hummin'?

And did you see
the baseball musical, Innin'?

Innin'. No. No, I did not.
We missed that one.

Oh, yeah, I was nominated for
an Outer Critics Circle Award.

Jivin',
I think was one of them.

You don't like the letter "G,"
do you?

Uh, no, it's just...
it's more Broadway

- to leave off the "G."
- Right.

It really brings in
the audiences.

Right, like a loosey goosey
sort of...

- Yeah, it's...
- Neither here nor there.

Yeah, it's just, like, loose.

- Not proper.
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

- That's interesting.
- Yeah, so...

I hear it's going very well.

Yeah, oh, gosh, it is just...

- I mean, it's gonna be a smash.
- Oh?

You know that the musical
is called Fiona!...

exclamation point.

- Oh, no, I didn't.
- Yes, it is.

I thought it was called Whistlin'.

That's the subtitle.

It's Fiona!...
exclamation point...

and then, in parentheses,
(Whistlin').

Oh, I'm not sure
if that's okay,

because I think the names
are supposed to be changed.

Oh, well, we really needed
to get your name in there,

because you are such a...
I mean, it's money in the bank.

- Oh.
- [Laughs]

I mean, look at you.

[Chuckles]

There has not been a villain
like this on Broadway since...

What?

- I can't even remember.
- A villain?

I don't know, have they done
a musical about Charles Manson?

- Because...
- No, the... It's a hero,

who's bringing down
a very poorly run and, you know,

abusing-their-power
sort of finance institution.

- Oh...
- Yeah, Lachman brothers.

It's kind of gone
in a different direction.

Oh.

It's a very, very
evil character,

but it somehow lends itself
to Broadway.

So the kind of evil
that you love, or...

- No.
- Not evil, it's just sort of...

No, the, like, evil evil...

that you hate and that
makes you feel uncomfortable

and almost scared...

Well, who's gonna
want to see that?

Oh, I think there's
an audience for that.

I mean, we have... All the other
characters are very lovable.

It's just the character Fiona
is detestable,

and it's just so the... it's so,
you know, theatrical and...

Okay, you know,
I guess it worked in Wicked.

Right? It was witches and...

They were both, you know...

But it turned out...
It turned out in Wicked

that the bad witch

actually turned out
to sort of have a heart.

- But in this...
- Yeah.

Fiona doesn't.
See, that's the twist,

is you keep thinking
that she's gonna turn around

and you're gonna like her,
but you never do.

You never like her...

- Huh.
- ...the whole time.

- How unsatisfying.
- It's like magic.

It's like crackling electricity
in the rehearsal room.

The problem is that songs
were just flowing from me,

and then, all of a sudden,
I don't know what happened,

I just hit a-a block,
like, a writer's block.

Oh, do you want me to help?

- Well, I...
- As a therapist,

I can certainly help
with writer's block.

Even though you're
not a licensed therapist...

- Well, I am.
- I thought I...

Oh, you... you are?

Credentialed, yes.

- Really?
- Well, yes.

- That's not what I heard.
- Well...

I... whether you're licensed
or not really doesn't matter...

- I am.
- But, you know,

I just thought,
"Why don't I call

the person who's
the inspiration..."

- Uh-huh.
- "And even though

"she's not a
licensed therapist,

"she still has
had some experience,

and it's better
than nothing."

- And I am kind of stumped...
- Or "nothin'."

- So it's kind of like a...
- [Laughs] Yeah.

- What?
- It's better...

And it's kind of...
I don't know, I just thought,

"Let me...
Let me give it a shot,"

because I don't really know
what else to do.

I mean, I've been
drinking like a maniac.

- Oh.
- That doesn't seem to have helped.

- Usually it does.
- Oh.

Maybe 'cause the premise
of the show is at fault.

Oh, no, the premise
of the show is gold.

I mean, I'm very happy
with that.

I feel like the failing
is in me.

- Well...
- I feel like maybe

I'm not drinking enough.

I know I've been
having some blackouts.

I could've been
writing brilliant songs

during the blackouts,
I just don't know...

because they're blackouts.

- You know?
- Yes. No, I do. That's how blackouts work.

Yeah.
Yeah, that's the problem.

Well, why don't I hear
some of the songs?

- Okay.
- If that's allowed.

Let's just not...
We won't tell Hayley, okay?

- Okay, please.
- Let's keep it...

We'll keep it, like,
doctor-patient confidentiality.

Okay, even though
you're not licensed,

but we'll just pretend
that we have that.

- But I am... I'm licensed.
- Okay.

- Okay.
- Okay, you're gonna...

This one is so sweet.

- This is the top of the show.
- Okay.

It's when Fiona's
just a little child,

about maybe fifth grade.

- Oh.
- And everybody's...

She's in the playground,
all the kids are around her,

and they're all singing.

♪ Fiona, Fiona
why are you so fat? ♪

♪ Fiona, Fiona

♪ no 12-year-old
should look like that ♪

♪ she's fat,
but not the cuddly kind ♪

♪ she's got the personality
of a porcupine ♪

♪ Fiona, Fiona

♪ why are you so fat?
She's fat! ♪

♪ Fiona, Fiona
why are you so fat? ♪

♪ Really fat! ♪

Like that, but kids,
so it's like,

[childlike voice]
"Really fat!"

- You know?
- Yes.

Yeah, so that's a cute...
isn't that cute?

- Well...
- It's just you as a little...

- No.
- ...little fatty.

Well,
but it's not accurate, so...

So, okay, now here...
Oh, this one,

I don't even know
if I can get through it.

I get emotional.
Okay.

So this is you in your late 20s

after a string
of failed relationships.

- That didn't...happen.
- You're in a spotlight.

And it's the end...
end of act one.

♪ Alone, forever alone ♪

♪ destined to be alone

♪ no friends, no one to bone

♪ really completely alone

♪ because of my personality

Good, right?
It's heartbreaking.

It's heartbreaking,
but I don't know who it's about.

Okay, now this one,
this is more of a,

like, a lighthearted...

this is sort of a comedy number
with the ensemble.

There's a great, like,
you know, tap routine in here.

♪ I've never been loved.

♪ I've never been lo-o-ved

♪ can't get a date
to save my life ♪

♪ just want to be
some gay guy's wife ♪

Right.
[Chuckles]

♪ but nobody comes knocking

♪ nobody comes kno-o-cking

♪ on my woman door

♪ on my lonely woman door
ba dum ba ♪

Hmm.

No...
[Plays piano chord]

- Still blocked, huh?
- No!

- No, that's shit.
- Yes.

- That's not a good song.
- No, right.

Let me... You know what?
Let me offer...

I'm going to be
the bigger person, all right?

Set aside personal feelings
about the content,

and I'm going to help you

as a mental health professional,
all right?

Why don't you
send me the script?

I'll look it over.
And we can meet.

You can get a good load
of me, okay?

Isn't that what you show folk
like to do?

Okay, okay.
Well... [Clears throat]

If I haven't drunk myself
to death by next week...

- Oh. [Laughs]
- It's a date.

You know,
I am starting already,

just knowing
that we're gonna meet,

- I'm getting an idea for a song...
- Oh?

...because I'm looking at you.

♪ I'm feeling so blue

♪ and blue is definitely
not my color ♪

[Playing piano chords]

♪ I'm fe-e-ling so blu-u-e

♪ and I look terrible in blue

Oh.

- See, there you are.
- There I am.

- Yeah, now let me...
- There you are.

Yeah, well,
I have to call myself...

[Laughs]
I'm sorry.

I didn't call.
[Laughter]

Let's start it again.

If I say "Okay,"
does that make this over?

[Laughs]

Oops.

How's that for improvising?

"No. I reject it.
Let's stop talking."

[Laughing]
"Does that make it over?"

[Laughter]

We're having
a business conversation.

Right.
That's right.

Yes, Alan, plea...
"Alan."