All language subtitles for Web Therapy - 02x08 - Man Cave Man.FIRST.English.HI.C.orig.Addic7ed.com.EN

Previously on Web Therapy...

I'm not comfortable with
any of this. I have to say.

She pushing me and Hayley to have a baby,

and I'm telling you, she's pushing so hard

she might just convince her.

I...

it's just been a recording
of the conversation that we just had.

Which I think, if I'm
not crazy... I'm not...

uh, it's gonna play great, and
the media's gonna love this.

This is more of a... a directive.

You will hire Robin Griner.

to be the documentarian of the campaign.

I'm slightly anxious that
there's a schism here...

there's a Ben schism...

[Web alert sound]

- Oh, hello, Jerome.
- Hi, Dr. Wallice.

Yeah, I have a busy
schedule, as you well know.

Oh, I know, but if you'll
look at your itinerary,

you'll see that I've actually
booked myself for a full session

with you, um, right
now, from 2:00 to 2:03.

- Okay.
- Um, I... I have some news

that I think is important
to discuss with you.

I'm very excited about
it, but it's something

that I really think we
should share as partners.

- You know, I...
- Right, well...

Um... [Chuckles]

I am going to be a father.

- Oh, really?
- Yes.

So the commitment is now made
even more firm with Hayley.

Yeah, we've been talking a
lot, and we've sort of decided

to renew our marriage vows
after the baby is born.

She really wanted to impress upon me

that to love another person
is to see the face of God.

- Is... wha... is what?
- And... and so I... I think

that's a beautiful
sentiment, and I wanted myself

to experience what that
would be like to discover,

and so I'm very excited about it.

All right, well, hopefully,

it won't be too distracting to you...

It's gonna change my life,
it's gonna change my life here.

- Yes, and my life...
- That's right.

Which means my life, so
thanks for including me

- in on the discussion...
- Well, you're welcome.

After the fact, but anyway...

- I'm ex...
- I'm waiting. What?

- Oh, sorry, sorry. I thought...
- What is that?

- Um, oh, this is Tammy.
- Is that Hay... ?

Tammy, this is Dr. Wallice,
I was telling you about.

- I'm confused.
- Oh, let me get you a chair.

Hold on.

I'm confused.

Jerome, have you become a Mormon?

[Laughs] That's funny, Dr. Wallice.

No, no, no. This is, uh, this is Tammy.

Tammy is... is carrying for us.

- She's a surrogate?
- Yes, Tammy's our surrogate.

- Hi.
- Yes.

Why are you in there?

Pardon me?

- It's Skype. We're on Skype.
- I'm in my office,

as are you, 'cause this is my office.

It's a web chat. And she's...

- This is what I do.
- Oh! This is your house?

- Yeah, remember, we were...
- It's so cute.

- Talking about that. Yeah.
- Oh, my goodness.

We're expecting twins... uh,
triplets, actually, right?

- What?
- Yeah, triplets.

There's three of them in there.

Well, how on earth did
you end up with three?

That's too many.

Hayley really wanted to implant...

Yeah, like, six went in,

and, like, three are comin' out.

[Laughs] [Chuckles] Yeah.

- Um...
- What?

- This, like, hurts.
- Oh, I'm... do you... oh, no, sorry.

My mind is swimming with
questions at this point.

I guess the first one is, why
is Tammy here at our office?

Um, well, 'cause I
needed to borrow his car,

but, I don't know, he needed it back,

and I'd drive myself home,
I have to get home now,

'cause the DirecTV guy is coming,

'cause I get a cable hookup
as part of this whole package.

- Oh, was that today?
- Yeah, it's today,

and I would drive myself,
but I don't want to be seen

in a PT Cruiser, you know? [Laughs]

Oh, yeah, did you leave
the keys in the car?

- I don't know, it's your car.
- Because if it shuts...

I'm gonna have to drive Tammy back home,

- um, real quick, just so that...
- Or you could

take me to the mall, and
you can go to my house

and wait for the DirecTV guy.

I'm feeling kind of, like, parched,

- so I need to get a slurpee.
- Okay, um, all right,

well, Dr. Wallice, we should probably talk

about sort of what the parameters...

I was... I was wondering

whether I could maybe
go onto the mommy track,

um, at the office.

Yes, but you won't be a mommy,

and what mommy track
are you talking about?

You're my only employee. I'm really not...

Pretty. Is there a pool out there?

Uh, there is, but you
actually... that's off-limits

- to you as well.
- Do you swim in it?

Remember, I told you the area...

- Is it heated?
- Uh, you could play around in?

I've been having all these, like...

- No.
- Oh, my God.

- One just kicked, I think.
- Oh, it did?

- Can I... ?
- What? How far along are you?

- No, I'm really "sensy."
- How long has this

been going on without telling me?

How far along are you with this baby?

- Oh, like two months.
- Not that...

Yeah, more like eight weeks.

- What?
- Look, it's very recent.

She started showing right away.

With triplets, apparently,

you just start showing. Pop, like that.

Yeah, it just, like,
happened, like, overnight.

Wow. Well, it's something I
want to talk about with you.

Hayley thinks it's important
that we take care of Tammy

in the best way possible to make...

Uh-huh. I'm just curious, Tammy,

have you ever been a
surrogate before, or, um...

Yeah, I have. This is,
like, my second... like,

I've done it before, but
usually not for people this poor.

You know, like, I went to their house,

and it was, like, I don't
know, it just smelled poor,

and then I feel, like, is that how I want

my babies to be raised?

- Your babies. Yes.
- Well, ours.

We really see this... we're all partners

in this process, and we
all sort of want to...

Whose babies are they?
Genetically, that is.

Biologically? Oh...

I don't know. We got 'em online.

- [ What?]
- We didn't want Hayley, like...

- Well.
- We don't want Hayley's eggs.

- She doesn't... well, anyhow...
- What?

We got them online, but
Hayley wanted to make sure

that they were not
biologically Tammy's, so...

- Yes, I understand that.
- They are my sperm,

and we were able to get
some eggs online, and...

That's... all right. I...
I... you know, this is just...

It's so disturbing. It's clearly...

This is one of the seven signs.

Well, that's how it's done now.

You can get, like, everything online.

Oh, my God, do you know, I was upstairs,

and I was noticing your
bed. Did you get that online?

Is that the same bed that,
like, the spaceships make?

- Well, y...
- Jerome?

Oh, I... I told you not to
actually go past the area,

- remember, outside the kitchen?
- I didn't know.

I was looking for you. I
was waiting, I was outside.

- I was, like, melting.
- Oh, that's okay. My bad.

- Can you put this in?
- My bad. Oh, sure.

- It's so hard. I'm, like...
- My bad, my bad.

You know, this is my home,
and I will have to ask you,

Tammy, to please respect
it as such, all right?

- What?
- I can't have you...

- Both: What?
- Yeah, you can't...

- I'm sorry.
- Can you translate

- into her language, please?
- Absolutely. Tammy, just...

I'm sorry. I was, like, upstairs.

I was, like, melting, my brain is fried,

and all these pregnancy hormones,

and I'm sorry, I saw your bed,
and then, when I jumped on it,

it looked li the same one that,

when the wine is in the commercial,

it doesn't even spill over,
so I wanted to know if it was

- the one the spaceships made...
- Tempurpedic. Tempur-pedic,

- you do have a tempur-pedic bed.
- Cause, since I'm pregnant,

I think it would be something I could use,

- and I'm just saying.
- Well, Tammy, it was lovely meeting you.

You unfortunately won't
be allowed back here.

- Do you have an ashtray.
- Oh, gosh, no.

You're smoking?

- Um, Dr. Wallice.
- Like, I'm quitting.

As soon as the babies are born,

- I'm done.
- Right.

But you know what,
that's "nunya." [Laughs]

None... [Mouths words]

All right, I need to have a
session with you and Hayley,

and maybe not with Tammy.
There are things to discuss.

Okay, well... well, we'll get together,

the three of us then. The
two of us... the three of us,

the six of us, we could all...

- No, no. Without Tammy.
- Ex-squeeze me?

Ever again, I don't think.

Okay, well, Tammy,

why don't you take my car home?

Okay, well, I'm gonna be here,
because I'm driving his cruiser,

- by the way.
- No, no, you can call a cab.

Tammy can ride in a cab,

and you stay here and finish your work.

- Well, d...
- I'm not gonna ride in a cab

with someone that doesn't even understand

- the directions I'm giving.
- Yeah, I'm gonna take Tammy home,

I'll be right back... I have got to go.

And finish the work that I have to do,

'cause I've got a pile of it,

and I've got a couple
of appointments for you.

If anything slips...

I've got most of your reports filled out,

and I also have that...

I've done most of your fine washables,

- so that's pretty much done...
- Okay.

But getting the wires back into your bras

has been taking me a little
extra time, that's like...

All right, but you need to finish it,

because I need them.

Yes, I'm almost finished.

I actually brought it
downstairs so I can finish it.

Ooh, that's pretty!

Yes, it is, isn't it? It's expensive,

so why don't you give
that task to Tammy...

- How much... ?
- Maybe she could...

children like putting things back into...

Can I have it?

[Sighs] Yes, Fiona.

Oh, well, hello, Ben.

Here I sit, at The Allentown
Good Morning show...

Good Morning, Allentown.
It's Good Morning, Allentown.

That's the name of the show that...

Oh, so you know the show?

Do you know that the show has bumped me?

- Yes.
- I come all the way here

to hair and makeup, and
then, "oh, we're sorry",

we're not using you after all."

Yes, uh, I am aware of all
of it, because I'm the one

who made it happen, and
I'm the one who undid it.

Why on earth would you
do something so stupid,

when just weeks ago you said,
"no, it's important that you go

to Allentown", who no one cares about,

"because you are beloved there"?

And now you decide I
shouldn't be on the show?

Yes, I've decided that
you are inappropriate

for even something
that no one cares about,

because you have a...

what I would call the
opposite of a Midas touch,

I'd call it a diaper touch.

Everything you touch turns
to something in a diaper.

Oh, I see, so you're the
genius of the campaign,

who is doing what right now, exactly,

while you're driving
around in a convertible?

It can't be campaign-related.

My God. I'm... you should see
what you've done to your husband

in the last few weeks
with your shenanigans.

I had to pick up his spirits,
by sending him in to my person

to get some highlights
and some Botox done,

because he's developed a frown line,

and it's got your name on it.

He has grey hair. What
are you going to highlight?

You're... the purpose of highlights

is to bring out the
natural, sunny disposition

and youth that's trapped
beneath the surface,

that he has lost,

due to an overcast
lifetime he spent with you.

That's interesting. It's
an interesting picture,

but I don't like how you are casting me

as the saboteur of the campaign.

How 'bout, uh, the fact that you made

a citizen's arrest of an obese girl?

How 'bout that?

Well, I was trying to
demonstrate how... how...

how useful the new law
would be if people were cited

for overeating and how
much revenue it would bring.

I can't predict what's going to happen.

She was four years old.

I thought that was one
of the biggest problems...

- When you...
- Toddler obesity.

When you put her in your car
and drove her to the police,

there was a mother who went on
the news looking for her child,

with your license plate
as the identifying factor.

- How do you think that... ?
- I didn't see her mother,

so I didn't know that it
would be a kidnapping charge,

- which got dropped.
- Well, thank God,

your paramour was able
to get you out of jail

so that your husband's poll numbers

only dropped 30% in a week.

It just makes us more intriguing.

You know, it's interesting, the way
you cast me in this role, you know?

Tomato, "tomah-to." Saboteur, savior.

Let's call the whole thing off.

Thank you for bringing that
up to the '90s, Salt-N-Pepa.

Listen, Kip has been
working night and day.

He has been on the verge of tears.

I have had to console
him, I have had to hold him

in my arms and let him just breathe,

because he is so up-to-here.

You've held him in your arms?

Yes, because he needed a
shoulder to lean on and cry on

and... and to be... give... we give
massages, we're so stressed out.

If you only knew what it's like
at the campaign headquarters.

So has Kip made advances?

No, I just told you, he has
made retreats in the polls.

It's not looking good.
All right, I'm not...

Okay, brain trust,

I'm not talking about polls,

I'm talking about whether he has made...

sexual advances toward you.

I'm his wife, I have a right to know.

What... what d... what do you
mean, sexu... of course not.

What do you mean? Kip isn't...

He's not gay, and I'm not gay,

and neither of us are
gay, and so therefore...

- Okay, Lady MacBeth.
- I mean, we...

there's a very big
difference between being gay

and being able to finish
another man's sentences,

and laugh.

Okay, just... I sup... as I
suppose there's a difference

between being gay and
having sex with a man.

You have a... a disgusting point of view.

I've been married to the
man for 17 years, all right?

So stop questioning every
single thing that I say!

Do you want proof?

I would like some proof.

All right, well, I have proof.

I know of a woman who
met Kip at a spin class

and then tried to make advances.

They arranged to have
a rendezvous in Atlanta,

and he couldn't go through with it,

because he discovered she
was not a transvestite.

- Kip thinks that...
- He was disappointed that she was not a man,

because that's who he was interested in.

Kip has a profound sense
of... of decency about him,

and he, honestly, has a
fascination with transvestites

for a very simple reason, which is...

Yes, homosexuality.

No. No, the opposite.

That they have both points of view,

and that's what we like to try
and get across with our campaign.

We're reaching everybody.

I'm sorry, I have motion sickness

from the circuitous route you took

to justify Kip's homosexuality.

He is not a homosexual, all right?

I'm just telling you this
right now. I would know.

- I have... we have...
- Why would you know?

I would know because we have
been in steam baths together,

we have... we have looked at,
um, muscle magazines together,

weave wrestled, uh, to get
out some of the aggression

from the campaign, and there
has never been a hint...

not a hint of electricity or warmth

from either of us to the other person.

It has always been business.

Do you hear yourself?

You know what's funny?
I was watching an episode

of America's Next Top Model with Kip.

It was a late night, and
we wanted some Chinese food,

and they had both Miss
"J" and Mister "J" on,

and we were laughing,

and it was the first time
I ever saw him lighten up,

and you know why? 'Cause
your name hadn't come up.

Oh, well, I hope for both your sakes

that Robin Griner wasn't
there, documenting...

Robin Griner? Of the
campaign Robin Griner?

- What about her?
- All right, well,

I suppose you should know everything now.

Robin Griner, it was crucial
that she be paid by the campaign

because she's been blackmailing us.

She is the woman that tried to have an
affair with Kip but didn't have a penis.

So you knowingly put a blackmailer

in the center of our campaign with...

She would've gone to the media with that,

so I saved you once again.

Oh, thank you, thank you. She
would've gone to the media,

so you instead gave her more cameras

and put her behind closed
doors and in supply closets...

Well, how was I supposed
to know that you and Kip

would be braiding each other's hair

and doing each other's
toenails every night?

Your sense of what a
gay man is and does is,

from what I can tell,
wrong. I wouldn't know.

Oh, gay men don't do that. I'm sorry.

Instead, they wrestle and
watch America's Next Top Model.

You know what? I can't take this anymore.

You are an awful human being,

and I cannot take the toxic nature.

You are like a... a
piece of rotting uranium

that... it melts everything in its path,

so I... I am quitting this campaign.

I'm just letting you know right now,

you are getting my notice,

and when Kip's highlights
are done in 15 to 45 minutes,

I will tell him as well,

and I... I am sorry for
him! I... I pity him!

Well, good riddance and good-bye.

Good luck to you.

And bad luck to you. As the Chinese say,

[speaks Chinese]

[Web alert sound]

Hello... Kip?

- Fiona, where's Ben?
- I don't... he was with you.

He drove me to the hair stylist,

I walked out, he was
gone, nowhere to be seen.

I had to take a cab
back to the headquarters.

I texted him, I said, "where are you?"

He said, "ask your wife," so
I'm asking you, where is he?

Well, all right. Your beloved campaign
manager threw a hissy fit and quit.

Well, obviously, you said
something, you caused it.

No, I did nothing of the sort.

He was treating the First
Lady not very well, I think.

You're not the first lady, my
darling, and even if I get...

win this campaign, you
won't be the first lady.

- Well...
- Now, I want him back.

Do you understand me? I
want him back. Make it right.

All right, don't worry,
Austen will find a replacement

very quickly. It's not a problem,

but your hair is a
problem. Are you kidding?

What... what is wrong with my hair?

What? It's just not
highlights nor lowlights,

it's just sort of a dark headband.

You look like a capuchin monkey.

Ben said it would make me look
younger, and I think he's right.

Now, look, I want you to make this right,

and I gotta go. [Door opening]

Ben? Ben, is that you? Ben?

Is it?

He can drive you back
to the "hairstylist."

- Oh, there she is.
- Yes?

- Hello.
- Hello.

- Hi.
- Oh, look who's here,

who I asked specifically not to have here.

- Yes.
- Rude.

And Hayley is... and Hayley is not here.

Does that mean that you've left her?

- No.
- Yeah, no, Hayley sucks.

- No, um, Hayley...
- Really?

- I hate Hayley.
- Yeah, well...

- Hayley hates you too.
- Me?

- No, me.
- Huh?

- Oh, you.
- Of course, me,

because it's a person who doesn't agree

with everything she says or does.

Well, Hayley was not
comfortable coming today,

because she felt that... and
rightly so, that there's...

That I'd point out the
flaws in her life plan?

Dr. Wallice, we felt it was important

that you talk to me and to
Tammy, who is carrying our...

- our children...
- Yeah.

And that we discuss maybe how this
is going to impact all our lives.

Does it matter at all to anybody
that I'm about to be overrun

with a litter of children
that I didn't ask for?

Well, well, our intention
is to find a plan

that works for everybody and
maybe find an area of the house

that can act as sort of a daycare area.

- No. Absolutely not.
- Yeah.

- That's out of the question.
- Um, actually...

If I have to go on bed rest soon,

I might need to use one of these bedrooms.

No, you won't.

And also we should show her this.

We should show her this.

We're very excited,
'cause we just came back

- from the...
- What is that? A skull?

Those are our kids.
Those are our three kids.

- What?
- They're real.

They're there. They beautiful?

- Yup. Mallory, Michael...
- Oh, stop it.

Well, yeah. We're picking names out

that can work for either a boy or a girl.

Well, look at that. One of
them is very, very, very small.

Well, I think they all
sort of come into their own

- at different times.
- What are you saying?

Right, is this the point where the doctor

discusses the reduction with you?

- Huh?
- Oh, no.

You know, the... what's it called?

The sacrificing reduction?

I don't know what you call it.

- Um, well...
- What, are you in the Bible

or something? No, no sacrificing.

Okay, first of all, I have a contract...

- Right.
- And each baby brings in

"x" amount of money, and also, btw,

- I'm a mother, not a murderer.
- Right...

- Well, you're a...
- That was well said.

You're a space that's being occupied

- by not-yet-living things, and...
- Well, Dr. Wallice,

- we... we believe...
- Right, well, thank you.

We believe that these are our children.

We believe that human... human...

Really? I believe that... that
the moon is made of cheese.

- You do? Why?
- Well, why not?

- No, she's... it's an expression.
- If you're going to believe

in fairy tales, then why can't I?

Dr. Wallice, Hayley and I both...

- No one's stopping you.
- We all feel strongly

that, um, life begins at conception.

Okay, well, why stop there?

Why can't life begin the moment
you think about having a child?

I thought about having a
child, but then I didn't,

so I killed it?

Well, that's a decision that
you're gonna have to make.

Oh, stop it. Just stop it.

Honest to God. [Alarm beeping]

That's my alarm. That's
the beeping. Hold on.

What? What alarm?

Don't worry. I'll be right back.

He has this Hayley thing.

- What?
- Hayley thing.

- Ugh.
- Here I am.

It's almost more than I can
bear, I have to tell you.

- Well...
- Tell me about it.

- What is that?
- Well, this is...

- this is a little Stacy.
- What?

I call her "Stacy." Hayley believes

that I need to learn a little bit more

about nurturing. And
so three times a day...

[Baby cooing sounds] Oh, don't pull at it.

- Don't pull at it, don't...
- Well, I want to play.

There's nothing for me to do in here.

- Right, but I think...
- Oh, give her the doll,

so she has something to do
while the grown-ups talk.

- Okay, all right. Here you go.
- Thank you.

You can practice...
practice holding it, and I...

Yeah, I think that... I
think it really helps...

[Baby cooing sound] to sort of
practice the nurturing experience.

I've found that it's
been very helpful to me,

and I also want to practice
sort of doing my job

here at work with one of the babies.

'Cause I'm... there's
gonna be three of 'em.

We're all gonna have
to roll up our sleeves

- and pitch in.
- Who all?

Well...

You and the thousand of children
that you're about to have?

[Baby sounds] "I like to type."

Well, three. [Laughs]

Okay. All right, well, I'm gonna
take Stacy. [Baby crying sounds]

- Okay, fine.
- Oh, Stacy's tired.

Stacy's tired. [Baby cooing sounds]

Goddamn it. Goddamn it. You know what?

- How do you get the leg in?
- Just shove it in there.

All right. Okay, sorry. I gotta learn...

It's gonna be harder than
that when you have a baby.

- Learning curve.
- I have a question.

How are you going to
pay for all these babies?

You know, all the food, all
of the doctor's appointments?

Well, that's... that's
why I'm here, kinda.

Like, I... there's so many things I need,

and I think that Jerome
needs a little bit of money...

- Yes, I...
- To tide me over,

and the babies, who haven't
done anything to anyone

- and need things.
- That's... that is true, and I...

And I need things.

I'm committed to taking care of Tammy

until the babies are born,
and I believe that insurance...

the health insurance may...

has a clause for, uh, prenatal care.

His insurance doesn't cover dependents

until he's worked here for ten years.

You're not vested yet, so
you're sort of out of luck.

- Okay, well, Dr. Wallice.
- Yeah. No, but we have a contract.

Yeah. No, no, you're
taken care of, don't worry.

- Right.
- Nothing's gonna happen

to you, but I am concerned a little bit

about, um, the babies,

and... and to make sure
that I can continue working

and providing for my family.

Isn't that part of the platform,

that even your husband, uh, is creating?

Yes, but none of it's passed.
I mean, what can we do?

[Scoffs] Is this what you
guys talk about all day?

- It is so boring.
- But Dr. Wallice,

if this is something you believe in,

I would imagine that you
would want to implement it

in your own home with
one of your employees.

No, what I believe in is
that we should stop lawsuits,

and then maybe healthcare
costs would come down.

- Ugh! You guys!
- But whether you're insured

- or not is not my problem.
- Well, that's...

You know how many small
businesses are suffering

because we have to provide
health insurance for all of you?

- It's very expensive.
- Yeah, they wouldn't

be suffering if I had a little more money,

so I could get some
stuff for the babies...

- Right. Okay, well...
- And that's what's the story.

- Don't just come right out...
- You know what I mean? Like...

When are you having the babies?

- When are we done with you?
- Can you see this?

Does this show on here?

Like, does that look on camera like I'm...

- like, have a different eye?
- Yeah, she sees it.

Yes, it does. Why don't
you go into the bathroom,

maybe look in a mirror, and
amuse yourself for 40 hours?

- Can we please...
- That's a long time.

- Um...
- Okay, you ow, I have to go,

- actually. TV's coming.
- Oh.

Supposed to be there
from 9:00 to 6:00, so...

Right, right, right, that's right.

Uh, she's... a small...
a small flat screen TV

- is arriving today.
- Okay, small?

You know, it's the one we talked about.

Okay, well, then, if it's
that small, it's going back.

Right. It's the one we talked about.

- It's the one we talked about.
- Okay.

- Okay, well, good-bye.
- I'll be there.

Goodbye-ee.

Okay.

- I'm waiting.
- All right.

[Thud] Mama!

[Baby crying sounds] Oh. God.

Learning curve.

- Hello, Ben.
- Hello, Fiona.

Um, I guess I should just
come right out with it

and tell you that I am
back on the campaign.

Kip insisted that I call you first.

I haven't even told
anyone on the staff yet.

Um...

there's a lot of things
going on in my mind.

But first of all I just want to say to you

that I'd like to offer
some kind of, I don't know,

peace pipe, I guess.

We're gonna have to learn to get along.

But the one good thing
that we have in common...

is Kip.

What?

I feel like I've just been tossed around

in a washing machine, um...

Wait, what's happened? What...

- Huh?
- I... I...

I don't think I was listening to you

when you first signed on.

I was just so shocked that you were there.

Did you... I've been trying to reach Kip,

and I couldn't. He's not...

Oh, he's not answering.

He's not picking up his phone.

No, no, no.

He's not in the mood for that right now.

We've had an afternoon.

Oh, it would make such a good movie.

What, a buddy romp or something for logo?

Anyway, he's at my place, so...

and I don't get cell reception.

Why was he at your place?

We needed to... he
needed a place to shower.

We, um... we were at the club,

and we were playing handball...

In the middle of a
campaign? You just got...

- Yeah, we just... we both...
- Botox and highlights,

- and then a little handball?
- Yes. Yes!

Okay, well, this is a nice job.

Why on earth would you quit?

It was such a whirlwind. I wish I could...

Oh, if I could speed you through time...

So you had a date, in other words?

No. I wouldn't call it a date.

What I would call it is two people

who discover they have a lot in common.

You know what I mean?
Have you ever had that?

Have you ever just realized,
like, "wow, do I know you?"

I thought I did, but now I do."

Um...

- I...
- Are you crying?

Huh? It's... you know how it is

when you feel like you've
been in a dark room,

and you are in a dark room,

and you are scared of
what's in front of you,

and that person is able with breath...

does he have squares of cinnamon

just tucked away in pockets?

Okay, so you lied to me before,

because you are having sex with Kip.

No. When I told you five hours ago

that there had been
nothing physical between us,

that was, in fact, at the time, the truth.

All right, well, whatever this is,

or whatever it will be, that's...

I don't want to explore it
with you right now, all right?

So let's just remember one thing.

Robin Griner is there at
the campaign with cameras,

so you two are going to have
to really keep it in the closet,

so to speak, all right?

I'm the one who will be calling
the shots of the campaign

from now on, all right? And...

Well, I'll have to run that by Kip.

- I mean, I really will.
- Oh, you can run it by him,

run it over him, or run it all over him.

I don't really care. All right?

I'm the one who will be calling
the shots of this campaign.

And make no mistakes...

there is only one First
Lady of this campaign,

and it is I.

And she is wearing a cable knit sweater

that is really too bulky for her build.

Okay, well, now you're
just going overboard.

Well, how was I supposed to know

that you and Kip would be
braiding each other's hair

and doing each other's
toenails every night?

Your sense of what a
gay man is and does...

Yes, it does. Why don't
you go into the bathroom,

maybe look in a mirror, and
amuse yourself for 40 hours?

- Yeah...
- Can we please...

That's a long time.

[Laughs, coughs]

Oh, gay men don't do that. I'm sorry.

Instead, they wrestle and watch

America's Next Top Model.

[Giggles]

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