Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:38,138 --> 00:00:39,539
Carrie: Well, OK, great. So...
2
00:00:39,606 --> 00:00:42,910
So, that price for my dad's cruise
includes everything, right?
3
00:00:42,978 --> 00:00:44,713
I mean, all shows?
4
00:00:44,780 --> 00:00:46,049
What about gratuities?
5
00:00:46,116 --> 00:00:49,419
Because the man does not tip.
6
00:00:49,487 --> 00:00:51,156
I'd hate to see Gopher
and Isaac get stiffed,
7
00:00:51,224 --> 00:00:54,161
you know what I'm sayin'?
8
00:00:54,229 --> 00:00:56,498
Yeah, I guess you would hear
those kinda jokes a lot.
9
00:00:56,565 --> 00:00:57,666
OK, well, thanks.
10
00:00:57,733 --> 00:00:59,468
Alrighty, bye-bye.
11
00:00:59,569 --> 00:01:01,371
Who is the luckiest
father in the world?
12
00:01:01,438 --> 00:01:05,877
Phew. I'm gonna go
with the Osmond dad.
13
00:01:05,945 --> 00:01:07,514
No, I was talkin' about my dad.
14
00:01:07,582 --> 00:01:09,482
I am getting him a cruise
15
00:01:09,550 --> 00:01:11,452
to Bermuda for Christmas!
16
00:01:11,520 --> 00:01:13,355
Oh, wow, what a generous gift!
17
00:01:13,423 --> 00:01:14,657
He's gonna love that!
18
00:01:14,725 --> 00:01:15,725
I know. I usually get him a robe
19
00:01:15,792 --> 00:01:17,328
or one of those old
man caps he likes,
20
00:01:17,395 --> 00:01:18,530
but I thought, you
know, why not dig
21
00:01:18,598 --> 00:01:19,764
into my pocket this year
22
00:01:19,832 --> 00:01:21,434
and do something special?
23
00:01:21,501 --> 00:01:24,170
Aw, I'd love to give my
dad something like this.
24
00:01:24,239 --> 00:01:27,643
Course, I'd have
to find him first.
25
00:01:30,214 --> 00:01:32,049
Anyway, Holl,
26
00:01:32,117 --> 00:01:33,851
uh, we're gonna be, uh,
doin' a little thing here
27
00:01:33,918 --> 00:01:35,053
for Christmas on Saturday.
28
00:01:35,121 --> 00:01:36,356
Deacon's comin'
by with the kids.
29
00:01:36,423 --> 00:01:37,457
If you're free.
30
00:01:37,524 --> 00:01:38,525
Really? Yeah.
31
00:01:38,593 --> 00:01:40,261
Oh, my God, I'd love to!
Thank you, Carrie!
32
00:01:40,328 --> 00:01:41,796
Oh, no problem. Anything
special you like?
33
00:01:41,864 --> 00:01:45,302
Just a bucket of eggnog
and a ride home.
34
00:01:48,407 --> 00:01:50,275
Damn.
35
00:01:50,343 --> 00:01:51,276
What?
36
00:01:51,344 --> 00:01:52,946
I screwed up. I ate
all the franks.
37
00:01:53,013 --> 00:01:56,985
Now all I have left is a
crappy bowl of beans.
38
00:01:57,053 --> 00:01:59,322
Yeah. It's like Raisin Bran
39
00:01:59,390 --> 00:02:00,991
after you finish
all the raisins.
40
00:02:02,494 --> 00:02:04,562
Right. That's exactly
what it's like.
41
00:02:06,231 --> 00:02:09,001
Come in!
42
00:02:09,069 --> 00:02:11,171
Hey, guys! Both: Hey, Spence.
43
00:02:11,238 --> 00:02:13,607
Look what I got.
44
00:02:13,675 --> 00:02:15,310
What the hell is that?
45
00:02:15,378 --> 00:02:16,712
Hello?
46
00:02:16,780 --> 00:02:18,215
You don't remember that
from when we were kids?
47
00:02:18,283 --> 00:02:20,685
That's a vintage Joe
Rogers action figure,
48
00:02:20,752 --> 00:02:23,322
circa 1975.
49
00:02:23,390 --> 00:02:26,159
OK, this isn't an action figure.
It's a doll.
50
00:02:26,227 --> 00:02:28,996
Yeah, the only action that
guy's gettin' is with Ken.
51
00:02:30,967 --> 00:02:32,001
Yeah, you guys laugh it up,
52
00:02:32,069 --> 00:02:33,937
but this happens to be
a collectors' item,
53
00:02:34,005 --> 00:02:36,508
cost me 70 bucks on eBay.
54
00:02:36,576 --> 00:02:37,942
You paid 70 bucks just for that?
55
00:02:38,010 --> 00:02:40,681
Uh, and 6 outfits?
56
00:02:40,748 --> 00:02:43,218
That's crazy, man. I tell ya,
57
00:02:43,286 --> 00:02:45,921
the only old toy I'd shell
out any cash for is Mentalo.
58
00:02:45,989 --> 00:02:47,023
You remember Mentalo?
59
00:02:47,091 --> 00:02:48,392
Oh, yeah, that's the
dude with the big head
60
00:02:48,459 --> 00:02:50,595
with the turban that told your future.
It was like, uh...
61
00:02:50,663 --> 00:02:53,966
My sources from beyond the grave say...
proceed!
62
00:02:54,034 --> 00:02:55,302
Yeah! That's it!
63
00:02:55,369 --> 00:02:57,071
That's the one, man.
I loved that toy.
64
00:02:57,138 --> 00:02:58,773
You know what?
65
00:02:58,841 --> 00:03:00,710
I might try and track
one of those down.
66
00:03:00,777 --> 00:03:03,747
Mentalo was a weak-ass toy, man.
67
00:03:03,815 --> 00:03:06,251
"Weak-ass"? Are you on pot?
68
00:03:06,319 --> 00:03:09,456
It was nothing but a
glorified magic 8-ball.
69
00:03:09,691 --> 00:03:11,792
Magic 8-ball? Ohh-ohh!
70
00:03:11,860 --> 00:03:13,228
"Try again later."
71
00:03:13,295 --> 00:03:14,263
Phht!
72
00:03:17,835 --> 00:03:19,503
Hey, Arthur, ready for our walk?
73
00:03:19,571 --> 00:03:22,375
Just wrappin' a gift.
I'll be right with you.
74
00:03:22,443 --> 00:03:24,645
Chopsticks. Who are those for?
75
00:03:24,713 --> 00:03:26,647
Look at the initials.
76
00:03:28,050 --> 00:03:29,485
"C.H."
77
00:03:29,553 --> 00:03:31,288
For "Carrie Heffernan."
78
00:03:31,356 --> 00:03:32,656
Wow, you had them monogrammed?
79
00:03:32,724 --> 00:03:36,595
No, the owner of the Cantonese
Hut had them monogrammed.
80
00:03:36,663 --> 00:03:37,930
2 lunches a week,
81
00:03:37,998 --> 00:03:39,031
a coat with ample sleeves,
82
00:03:39,099 --> 00:03:42,236
and, voilà, here
comes Santy Claus!
83
00:03:42,305 --> 00:03:45,508
So, that's all you're gonna get Carrie?
Some chopsticks?
84
00:03:45,576 --> 00:03:48,312
Some chopsticks? I'm gettin'
her a gross of them!
85
00:03:48,380 --> 00:03:52,117
She can eat like Charlie
Chan till she's 100.
86
00:03:52,185 --> 00:03:55,221
Arthur, are... are you sure
that's a nice enough gift?
87
00:03:55,290 --> 00:03:57,024
Trust me, it's fine.
88
00:03:57,092 --> 00:03:59,161
She'll probably just get
me another old man cap.
89
00:03:59,228 --> 00:04:00,830
I don't know how
many more of those
90
00:04:00,898 --> 00:04:04,001
I can "accidentally"
leave on the bus.
91
00:04:04,303 --> 00:04:05,671
Trust me, Arthur,
92
00:04:05,738 --> 00:04:07,139
I think you're gonna
wanna get her something
93
00:04:07,207 --> 00:04:09,310
a little bit nicer this year.
94
00:04:09,377 --> 00:04:10,311
Why?
95
00:04:11,847 --> 00:04:13,882
Do you know what
she's gettin' me?
96
00:04:13,950 --> 00:04:15,017
Me?
97
00:04:15,084 --> 00:04:16,687
No! How would I know?
98
00:04:16,754 --> 00:04:17,789
You're silly.
99
00:04:17,856 --> 00:04:19,991
Spill it, or I'll tell
people you beat me.
100
00:04:21,093 --> 00:04:22,729
I don't beat you!
101
00:04:22,797 --> 00:04:23,730
My word against yours,
102
00:04:23,798 --> 00:04:25,700
and I can bruise
myself up pretty easy.
103
00:04:25,767 --> 00:04:27,703
I'm like a ripe banana.
104
00:04:28,806 --> 00:04:30,039
All right, fine, fine.
105
00:04:30,106 --> 00:04:32,409
She's getting you a
cruise to Bermuda.
106
00:04:32,477 --> 00:04:34,479
A cruise to Bermuda!
107
00:04:34,547 --> 00:04:37,015
What a thoughtful
and generous gift!
108
00:04:37,083 --> 00:04:39,085
Damn her!
109
00:04:39,153 --> 00:04:40,921
Now I'll have to get
her a nice gift, too.
110
00:04:40,989 --> 00:04:42,391
What do you think she wants?
111
00:04:42,458 --> 00:04:43,592
Oh, I... I don't know.
112
00:04:43,660 --> 00:04:44,927
Then you're gonna
have to find out.
113
00:04:44,995 --> 00:04:46,830
Oh, no, no! I... I
don't wanna do that.
114
00:04:46,898 --> 00:04:47,898
You don't, and so help me,
115
00:04:47,965 --> 00:04:50,602
I'll knock myself
into next week!
116
00:04:55,578 --> 00:04:57,044
Hey.
117
00:04:57,112 --> 00:04:59,514
I just got off the phone
with the travel agent.
118
00:04:59,581 --> 00:05:01,751
About my dad's cruise.
Guess what her name is.
119
00:05:01,818 --> 00:05:02,819
I don't know.
120
00:05:02,887 --> 00:05:04,321
Gertrude!
121
00:05:04,389 --> 00:05:05,957
And she sounded younger than us!
122
00:05:06,025 --> 00:05:07,993
Isn't that weird?
123
00:05:08,061 --> 00:05:09,362
Uh-huh.
124
00:05:09,430 --> 00:05:10,396
What are you doin'?
125
00:05:10,464 --> 00:05:12,366
I'm bidding on a
mint-condition Mentalo,
126
00:05:12,434 --> 00:05:14,402
and I'm 30 seconds away
127
00:05:14,470 --> 00:05:16,171
from reelin' him in.
128
00:05:16,240 --> 00:05:18,575
Oh, crap. Someone's
tryin' to outbid me!
129
00:05:18,643 --> 00:05:22,481
Back off, Rosiefan19!
130
00:05:22,549 --> 00:05:25,318
Wait a minute. You're
bidding 180 bucks?
131
00:05:25,386 --> 00:05:26,787
Are you insane?
132
00:05:26,856 --> 00:05:27,822
Stop it. Stop it. Knock it off.
133
00:05:27,890 --> 00:05:29,258
No, you knock it off.
Sto... Get off!
134
00:05:29,326 --> 00:05:30,659
Get off, woman!
135
00:05:30,728 --> 00:05:32,964
Nice!
136
00:05:33,031 --> 00:05:35,167
That was the only
Mentalo on eBay!
137
00:05:35,235 --> 00:05:39,305
Doug, you can't spend
$180 on a stupid toy.
138
00:05:39,373 --> 00:05:41,008
Oh, yeah? Just last week,
you put twice that much
139
00:05:41,076 --> 00:05:43,411
into some I.R.A. that
we can't even touch.
140
00:05:43,479 --> 00:05:44,680
And, needless to say,
141
00:05:44,748 --> 00:05:46,449
can't tell our future!
142
00:05:46,517 --> 00:05:48,218
Will you stop? Come on,
143
00:05:48,286 --> 00:05:50,355
we're already spending way
too much this Christmas.
144
00:05:50,422 --> 00:05:52,993
My dad's cruise alone is
costing over 600 bucks.
145
00:05:53,060 --> 00:05:54,895
Well, why are you gettin' him
that stupid cruise, anyway?
146
00:05:54,962 --> 00:05:56,663
Why don't you just get
him another old man cap?
147
00:05:56,731 --> 00:05:59,267
He told me he left the
last one on the bus.
148
00:05:59,335 --> 00:06:01,371
I'm getting him the cruise.
149
00:06:01,438 --> 00:06:03,607
Why are you so obsessed
with this toy, anyway?
150
00:06:03,675 --> 00:06:05,443
I don't know. It just... I...
151
00:06:05,511 --> 00:06:08,246
I guess it reminds me of a simpler
time in my life, you know?
152
00:06:08,314 --> 00:06:11,786
A time when I didn't have
to worry about payin' bills
153
00:06:11,853 --> 00:06:14,056
or goin' after that
big promotion.
154
00:06:14,123 --> 00:06:17,093
OK, you've never done
either of those.
155
00:06:17,161 --> 00:06:19,062
But I know I should,
156
00:06:19,130 --> 00:06:22,034
and it's very stressful, OK?
157
00:06:22,101 --> 00:06:24,071
You just don't know what
Mentalo meant to me.
158
00:06:30,147 --> 00:06:32,181
Woman: Dougie, come on down!
159
00:06:32,249 --> 00:06:34,886
Pa's takin' you fishin'
down at the crick.
160
00:06:34,954 --> 00:06:36,388
Coming!
161
00:06:39,026 --> 00:06:42,063
Mentalo, are we gonna
hook any catfish today?
162
00:06:42,131 --> 00:06:45,434
The spirit world tells me...
163
00:06:45,469 --> 00:06:46,769
yes.
164
00:06:46,837 --> 00:06:48,873
Hot dog!
165
00:06:52,312 --> 00:06:54,781
"The crick"?
166
00:06:54,850 --> 00:06:56,650
Yeah, the crick.
167
00:06:56,718 --> 00:07:01,759
OK, where was there
a crick in Queens?
168
00:07:01,827 --> 00:07:03,360
All right, take it easy, OK?
I'm just makin' a point.
169
00:07:03,428 --> 00:07:04,996
And that point is,
I loved Mentalo.
170
00:07:05,064 --> 00:07:06,265
He made me happy.
171
00:07:06,333 --> 00:07:07,800
And if my sister hadn't
have smashed him
172
00:07:07,868 --> 00:07:09,937
after I made fun of her
for gettin' her period,
173
00:07:10,004 --> 00:07:12,207
he'd be makin' me
happy to this day.
174
00:07:30,466 --> 00:07:31,399
Hey!
175
00:07:31,467 --> 00:07:32,701
Hey, Holl.
176
00:07:32,768 --> 00:07:34,304
Wrappin' gifts.
177
00:07:34,372 --> 00:07:35,738
Hey, you're a wrapper.
178
00:07:38,277 --> 00:07:40,045
Right.
179
00:07:40,112 --> 00:07:41,447
If you were wrapping those gifts
180
00:07:41,515 --> 00:07:42,949
and then you slapped me
around a little bit,
181
00:07:43,017 --> 00:07:44,818
you'd be a gangsta wrapper.
You know?
182
00:07:45,955 --> 00:07:47,789
♪ Boom, boom, shh, boom, boom ♪
183
00:07:47,857 --> 00:07:49,558
♪ Wickie, wickie,
wickie, wickie, wick ♪
184
00:07:51,729 --> 00:07:53,463
I'm sorry, did I forget
to pay you, or...
185
00:07:53,531 --> 00:07:55,033
No! No.
186
00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:56,168
I... I need your
help with something.
187
00:07:56,236 --> 00:07:58,238
I have to buy, um, a gift,
188
00:07:58,305 --> 00:07:59,372
uh, for my cousin.
189
00:07:59,440 --> 00:08:01,142
And I wanna get her
something really nice.
190
00:08:01,209 --> 00:08:02,677
Um, do you have any suggestions?
191
00:08:02,745 --> 00:08:04,279
Well, what kinds of
things does she like?
192
00:08:04,347 --> 00:08:06,215
What do you like?
193
00:08:06,283 --> 00:08:07,751
Me?
194
00:08:07,818 --> 00:08:10,088
Yeah. I mean, you guys have,
like, the exact same taste.
195
00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:12,925
I mean, you guys were practically
separated at birth, you know?
196
00:08:12,992 --> 00:08:14,727
I mean, not
surgically, more like
197
00:08:14,795 --> 00:08:17,532
as if one of you
was, like, stolen.
198
00:08:19,202 --> 00:08:21,705
Get a little head start on
that eggnog there, Holl?
199
00:08:21,772 --> 00:08:24,241
No, I guess I'm just
kinda freaked out
200
00:08:24,309 --> 00:08:25,611
'cause I really need
to get this gift.
201
00:08:25,678 --> 00:08:26,778
I mean, do you have any ideas?
202
00:08:26,846 --> 00:08:28,114
I mean, remember, nice.
203
00:08:28,181 --> 00:08:29,750
OK, nice. Um...
204
00:08:29,818 --> 00:08:33,054
Oh! Well, I saw this gorgeous
burgundy leather jacket at Wilsons.
205
00:08:33,122 --> 00:08:34,991
That's great! Great!
What... What size?
206
00:08:35,058 --> 00:08:36,793
How would I know?
207
00:08:36,861 --> 00:08:37,961
Well, what size are you?
208
00:08:38,030 --> 00:08:40,031
And then I'll just add one.
209
00:08:40,098 --> 00:08:41,199
She's got a little
junk in the trunk,
210
00:08:41,267 --> 00:08:43,036
if you know what I mean.
211
00:08:44,472 --> 00:08:46,407
Well, I'm a... I'm a size 2.
I...
212
00:08:46,475 --> 00:08:47,642
That's perfect! That's great.
That's great.
213
00:08:47,710 --> 00:08:48,643
Thanks!
214
00:08:49,713 --> 00:08:52,249
Oh, my God.
215
00:08:52,317 --> 00:08:53,350
"Oh, my God" what?
216
00:08:53,418 --> 00:08:56,422
I just realized what
Holly was doing.
217
00:08:56,490 --> 00:08:57,924
I think Holly's gonna get me
218
00:08:57,992 --> 00:09:00,861
a really expensive leather
jacket for Christmas.
219
00:09:00,929 --> 00:09:03,765
Why? Well, I guess she was really
touched that I invited her
220
00:09:03,833 --> 00:09:06,035
over here to celebrate with us.
221
00:09:06,103 --> 00:09:07,404
Crap!
222
00:09:07,472 --> 00:09:09,541
How's it gonna look when she
hands me a leather jacket
223
00:09:09,609 --> 00:09:12,645
and I hand her a Lady
Gillette gift pack?
224
00:09:12,712 --> 00:09:15,449
Like you're a penny-pinchin' ho.
225
00:09:15,516 --> 00:09:19,088
Ohh! Now I have to get
her something nice!
226
00:09:19,155 --> 00:09:21,491
Man, between that and
my father's cruise,
227
00:09:21,559 --> 00:09:23,561
there's no way I can
afford all this.
228
00:09:23,629 --> 00:09:25,263
What am I gonna do?
229
00:09:25,331 --> 00:09:28,067
Hmm. If we only had
some kind of device
230
00:09:28,135 --> 00:09:31,139
to help us see the future.
231
00:09:31,206 --> 00:09:32,273
Oh, well.
232
00:09:44,058 --> 00:09:46,227
OK. Well, now I understand
233
00:09:46,294 --> 00:09:48,163
why you like these toy fairs.
234
00:09:48,231 --> 00:09:51,535
You're like the James
Dean of this crowd.
235
00:09:51,603 --> 00:09:52,870
Do you want a Mentalo or not?
236
00:09:52,937 --> 00:09:55,306
Damn right I do. I'm sick of
Carrie pushin' me around.
237
00:09:55,375 --> 00:09:58,479
First it's "Eat one vegetable
a week." Now this.
238
00:09:58,546 --> 00:10:02,752
Well, my friend Kenny says he's got
one, so let's go check it out.
239
00:10:04,689 --> 00:10:06,322
Hey, Kenny!
240
00:10:06,391 --> 00:10:08,192
Hu-bey, Spu-bence!
241
00:10:08,260 --> 00:10:10,028
Bu-be ru-bight wu-bith you-bou.
242
00:10:10,096 --> 00:10:11,030
Cool.
243
00:10:13,702 --> 00:10:15,202
So, why does he, uh...
244
00:10:15,270 --> 00:10:16,304
Why is he talkin' like that?
245
00:10:16,372 --> 00:10:18,307
Kenny likes to speak Ubbi Dubbi.
246
00:10:20,144 --> 00:10:21,244
What?
247
00:10:21,312 --> 00:10:22,580
Ubbi Dubbi.
248
00:10:22,648 --> 00:10:24,383
The language from
the old Zoom show?
249
00:10:24,451 --> 00:10:25,584
Ubbi Dubbi!
250
00:10:25,652 --> 00:10:26,887
Get with it.
251
00:10:28,188 --> 00:10:29,657
Yeah, I'm the loser. OK.
252
00:10:30,993 --> 00:10:32,394
Su-bo... Oh.
253
00:10:32,462 --> 00:10:33,763
Uh, this is my friend Doug.
254
00:10:33,831 --> 00:10:35,433
He's lookin' for the Mentalo.
255
00:10:35,500 --> 00:10:38,336
U-bi ju-bust su-bold u-bit.
256
00:10:38,404 --> 00:10:39,739
What? What? What did he say?
257
00:10:39,807 --> 00:10:41,172
He said he just sold it!
258
00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:43,042
What? Wha... Kenny,
what happened?
259
00:10:43,109 --> 00:10:44,444
Wu-bell, thu-be thu-bing...
260
00:10:44,512 --> 00:10:45,845
Talk English, man!
261
00:10:47,583 --> 00:10:49,585
The thing is, some guy
made a really good offer.
262
00:10:49,652 --> 00:10:52,088
Was it Rory? That bastard.
263
00:10:52,156 --> 00:10:53,224
No, it wasn't one
of the regulars.
264
00:10:53,291 --> 00:10:56,128
It was some... some tall
black guy with a beard.
265
00:10:56,195 --> 00:10:58,764
Actually, he was wearing an I.P.S.
cap just like his.
266
00:10:59,801 --> 00:11:01,502
Deacon?
267
00:11:01,569 --> 00:11:02,770
Hang on.
268
00:11:02,838 --> 00:11:03,804
Was it...
269
00:11:03,872 --> 00:11:05,007
this guy?
270
00:11:06,944 --> 00:11:08,846
You have a picture of
Deacon in your wallet?
271
00:11:08,913 --> 00:11:11,683
Don't worry. You're
in there, too.
272
00:11:11,751 --> 00:11:13,953
Yup, that's him. Just bought
it, like, half an hour ago.
273
00:11:14,021 --> 00:11:15,189
Sorry.
274
00:11:15,256 --> 00:11:17,559
He called Mentalo weak-ass!
275
00:11:17,627 --> 00:11:19,361
Why the hell would he buy it?
276
00:11:19,429 --> 00:11:21,799
Maybe he bought it for you.
277
00:11:21,866 --> 00:11:23,567
What? For Christmas.
278
00:11:23,635 --> 00:11:25,303
No, we said we weren't
gettin' each other gifts.
279
00:11:25,371 --> 00:11:26,505
Although, you know what,
280
00:11:26,573 --> 00:11:28,374
maybe since we invited
him over for Christmas,
281
00:11:28,443 --> 00:11:30,410
he decided to get
me one after all.
282
00:11:30,478 --> 00:11:31,813
There ya go.
283
00:11:31,880 --> 00:11:33,582
Ohh. God. That is the
Deac-man for ya.
284
00:11:33,650 --> 00:11:34,783
Mm-hmm.
285
00:11:34,851 --> 00:11:36,720
Well, you know what? I'm
gonna get him a gift.
286
00:11:36,787 --> 00:11:38,322
I'm gonna get him
a great one, too.
287
00:11:38,390 --> 00:11:41,894
Uh, how 'bout a Bionic
Woman cocktail set?
288
00:11:44,532 --> 00:11:47,235
How 'bout you take my
picture out of your wallet?
289
00:11:52,076 --> 00:11:53,544
Hi, Gertrude?
290
00:11:53,612 --> 00:11:55,146
Carrie Heffernan. Listen,
291
00:11:55,214 --> 00:11:57,015
about my dad's cruise,
292
00:11:57,083 --> 00:11:58,951
turns out the package I selected
293
00:11:59,019 --> 00:12:01,489
is a little pricey
for me right now.
294
00:12:01,556 --> 00:12:03,291
Are there any cheaper options?
295
00:12:04,895 --> 00:12:09,667
OK, any way we can knock the
price even lower than that?
296
00:12:09,735 --> 00:12:12,471
Oh, I don't know, maybe he
could, uh, bunk with the crew
297
00:12:12,539 --> 00:12:16,744
or clean up after the magician?
298
00:12:16,812 --> 00:12:19,214
Uh, excuse me, Gert,
299
00:12:19,283 --> 00:12:21,050
but I am a good daughter, OK?
300
00:12:21,118 --> 00:12:23,988
Just turns out that I had some
other gift obligations arise,
301
00:12:24,056 --> 00:12:25,457
and I just can't
afford it right now.
302
00:12:25,525 --> 00:12:26,926
Besides,
303
00:12:26,993 --> 00:12:29,797
it's not like he's buying
me anything so great.
304
00:12:29,864 --> 00:12:31,399
$198.50...
305
00:12:31,467 --> 00:12:33,001
60...
306
00:12:33,069 --> 00:12:35,972
1, 2, 3. There you go.
307
00:12:36,040 --> 00:12:39,978
Well, some lucky lady's going to be
having a merry Christmas this year.
308
00:12:40,046 --> 00:12:41,481
Ah, shut up.
309
00:12:49,190 --> 00:12:50,358
Deacon: Coming.
310
00:12:52,729 --> 00:12:53,662
Hey!
311
00:12:53,730 --> 00:12:56,199
Merry Christmas eve day!
312
00:12:56,266 --> 00:12:57,802
Same to you.
313
00:12:57,869 --> 00:12:59,671
I love you, man. Bring it in.
314
00:12:59,739 --> 00:13:01,374
Bring it in, man. Bring it in!
315
00:13:02,843 --> 00:13:05,246
OK, player, let's end this
while it's still good.
316
00:13:05,314 --> 00:13:06,348
Right.
317
00:13:07,984 --> 00:13:09,652
So, uh, what brings you by?
318
00:13:09,721 --> 00:13:11,154
Oh, I was just in
the neighborhood,
319
00:13:11,222 --> 00:13:13,257
just pickin' up a couple
things at Target.
320
00:13:13,325 --> 00:13:14,560
Or, as I like to call it,
321
00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:16,896
Tar-"get me one of
everything in here," right?
322
00:13:16,964 --> 00:13:18,999
'Cause they got... They got
everything there, right?
323
00:13:19,067 --> 00:13:20,769
Oh, yeah.
324
00:13:20,837 --> 00:13:22,270
Just out of curiosity,
what's, like,
325
00:13:22,338 --> 00:13:23,873
your favorite thing
in the whole place?
326
00:13:23,940 --> 00:13:24,940
I don't know.
327
00:13:25,008 --> 00:13:27,679
Oh, oh. They just got
this new plasma TV.
328
00:13:27,747 --> 00:13:30,683
50 inches! That sucker's crazy!
329
00:13:30,751 --> 00:13:34,187
Plasma TV, huh? Uh-huh.
330
00:13:36,090 --> 00:13:38,225
What's your
second-favorite thing?
331
00:13:38,293 --> 00:13:42,064
I guess either the titanium
golf clubs or the Jet Ski.
332
00:13:43,368 --> 00:13:46,271
What's your favorite thing
near the cash register?
333
00:13:47,407 --> 00:13:48,774
Wait...
334
00:13:48,842 --> 00:13:50,310
you're not thinking about
gettin' me something, are you?
335
00:13:50,378 --> 00:13:51,980
'Cause we said no
Christmas gifts.
336
00:13:52,048 --> 00:13:53,648
Ri-i-ght...
337
00:13:53,716 --> 00:13:55,918
Seriously, man, 'cause I
didn't get you anything.
338
00:13:55,986 --> 00:13:58,723
Ri-i-ght...
339
00:13:58,790 --> 00:14:01,192
All right, why do you
keep saying "ri-i-ght"?
340
00:14:02,595 --> 00:14:04,397
'Cause I know you
got me something.
341
00:14:04,465 --> 00:14:05,533
But I didn't.
342
00:14:06,867 --> 00:14:07,736
Ri-i-ght...
343
00:14:07,803 --> 00:14:09,739
Would you stop that?
344
00:14:09,807 --> 00:14:11,407
You really didn't?
345
00:14:11,474 --> 00:14:13,677
No. Then where is it?
346
00:14:13,745 --> 00:14:15,012
Where's what?
347
00:14:15,080 --> 00:14:17,215
The Mentalo you bought
from the Ubbi Dubbi dude!
348
00:14:17,284 --> 00:14:18,485
You're trippin'! Yeah.
349
00:14:18,552 --> 00:14:20,755
The only thing I'm trippin'
over is your dirty lies!
350
00:14:20,822 --> 00:14:23,024
You know, this is
very insulting.
351
00:14:23,092 --> 00:14:24,526
In the bedroom!
352
00:14:24,594 --> 00:14:26,596
That's even more insulting.
353
00:14:26,664 --> 00:14:28,131
You're... You're
wasting your time!
354
00:14:28,199 --> 00:14:29,668
Oh, am I?
355
00:14:29,735 --> 00:14:32,538
Ha ha ha!
356
00:14:32,606 --> 00:14:34,941
Huh.
357
00:14:35,009 --> 00:14:36,611
That's weird.
358
00:14:36,679 --> 00:14:38,380
I can't believe you, man!
359
00:14:38,448 --> 00:14:40,450
OK, so I bought Mentalo.
Big deal.
360
00:14:40,518 --> 00:14:41,851
I didn't do anything wrong.
361
00:14:41,919 --> 00:14:43,287
Oh, please. You heard me
say I wanted to get one!
362
00:14:43,355 --> 00:14:45,023
Oh, so because you said the
word "Mentalo" out loud,
363
00:14:45,090 --> 00:14:46,491
you deserve it more than I do?
364
00:14:46,559 --> 00:14:48,294
Yeah! Well, too bad. It's mine!
365
00:14:48,362 --> 00:14:49,296
Well, why do you
want it, anyway?
366
00:14:49,364 --> 00:14:51,566
You said it was a weak-ass toy!
367
00:14:51,634 --> 00:14:53,401
'Cause I was hurtin', man.
368
00:14:55,071 --> 00:14:57,674
I've been wanting this toy
since I was 12 years old.
369
00:15:06,921 --> 00:15:08,089
Damn!
370
00:15:09,493 --> 00:15:11,595
Do you like your
new toy, Winthrop?
371
00:15:11,663 --> 00:15:13,397
I suppose it's all right, Mummy.
372
00:15:13,464 --> 00:15:14,699
Just all right?
373
00:15:14,767 --> 00:15:16,402
What I really wanted was a pony.
374
00:15:16,469 --> 00:15:18,238
Boy's Mother: Oh. Very well.
375
00:15:18,305 --> 00:15:20,608
Anderson, to the
stables, please.
376
00:15:20,676 --> 00:15:22,745
Thank you ever so much, Mummy!
377
00:15:29,888 --> 00:15:31,791
Oh, damn!
378
00:15:35,296 --> 00:15:39,635
"Thank you ever so much, Mummy"?
379
00:15:39,670 --> 00:15:41,638
OK, so maybe I
embellished a little.
380
00:15:41,706 --> 00:15:44,777
The point is, Mentalo was something
that kids with money could buy,
381
00:15:44,844 --> 00:15:47,413
something a kid from the
streets could never have.
382
00:15:47,481 --> 00:15:50,284
The streets? Your
father was a dentist.
383
00:15:50,351 --> 00:15:52,287
Yeah, but he wouldn't
buy me a Mentalo.
384
00:15:52,354 --> 00:15:54,390
It wasn't "educational" enough.
385
00:15:54,457 --> 00:15:55,793
But I always wanted one,
386
00:15:55,860 --> 00:15:57,460
and now I finally have it.
387
00:15:57,528 --> 00:15:59,363
And as my best friend,
you should understand
388
00:15:59,431 --> 00:16:01,533
how important this is to me.
389
00:16:01,601 --> 00:16:03,269
But you know what?
390
00:16:03,337 --> 00:16:04,772
If this toy means more to you
391
00:16:04,840 --> 00:16:06,909
than our friendship, then fine.
392
00:16:06,977 --> 00:16:08,677
Go ahead.
393
00:16:08,745 --> 00:16:10,379
Take it.
394
00:16:10,447 --> 00:16:13,986
Mentalo, should I start
working out more?
395
00:16:14,053 --> 00:16:18,158
The voices from beyond
the grave say...
396
00:16:18,226 --> 00:16:20,128
no.
397
00:16:21,329 --> 00:16:24,099
You've done it again,
my turbaned friend.
398
00:16:25,702 --> 00:16:27,103
Oh, look, Mentalo.
399
00:16:27,171 --> 00:16:30,407
There's the mean lady who
didn't want us to be together.
400
00:16:30,475 --> 00:16:32,578
Wait a second. You...
You got a Mentalo?
401
00:16:32,645 --> 00:16:34,814
That's right, and I'm
keeping it, so step away.
402
00:16:34,882 --> 00:16:36,050
So, let me get this straight,
403
00:16:36,117 --> 00:16:37,886
even after I told you not to,
404
00:16:37,954 --> 00:16:39,821
you went out and
bought it anyway?
405
00:16:39,890 --> 00:16:41,925
No, Deacon did, and I took his.
406
00:16:41,992 --> 00:16:43,126
Oh, God.
407
00:16:43,194 --> 00:16:44,796
Well, you gotta give it back.
408
00:16:44,864 --> 00:16:45,997
Get outta here!
409
00:16:46,064 --> 00:16:47,766
Doug, trust me,
410
00:16:47,834 --> 00:16:49,636
you wanna give it back to him.
411
00:16:49,704 --> 00:16:50,837
I don't trust you,
412
00:16:50,905 --> 00:16:52,740
and I'm not giving
it back to him.
413
00:16:52,808 --> 00:16:55,611
I am telling you, give it back!
414
00:16:55,679 --> 00:16:58,950
And I'm telling you, no!
415
00:16:59,017 --> 00:17:00,184
Do it! No!
416
00:17:00,252 --> 00:17:01,619
Doug! Why do you even care?
417
00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:03,589
Because I bought you
one, you idiot!
418
00:17:03,657 --> 00:17:04,924
You did?
419
00:17:04,992 --> 00:17:07,061
Yes! Yeah, for Christmas.
420
00:17:07,128 --> 00:17:09,631
Your stupid crick story
actually got to me,
421
00:17:09,699 --> 00:17:11,167
so I found one way up in Nyack.
422
00:17:11,235 --> 00:17:13,271
So, between that and
the gold earrings
423
00:17:13,338 --> 00:17:15,239
that I had to buy for Holly,
424
00:17:15,308 --> 00:17:16,341
it's costing me a fortune.
425
00:17:16,409 --> 00:17:18,845
That's why I had to
cancel my dad's cruise.
426
00:17:18,913 --> 00:17:20,848
Well, why didn't you tell
me you got me a Mentalo?
427
00:17:20,915 --> 00:17:23,284
It was a Christmas gift.
428
00:17:23,352 --> 00:17:25,187
I feel horrible.
429
00:17:25,255 --> 00:17:28,626
All I got you was a
Far Side calendar.
430
00:17:28,694 --> 00:17:29,861
Well, that's OK,
431
00:17:29,928 --> 00:17:33,299
because I am getting a
leather jacket from Holly.
432
00:17:33,367 --> 00:17:34,701
So you're gonna give
it back to Deacon?
433
00:17:34,769 --> 00:17:36,470
I will. I will. I...
434
00:17:36,538 --> 00:17:37,439
I'll just give it
to him tomorrow
435
00:17:37,507 --> 00:17:39,240
when he comes over for Christmas
436
00:17:39,308 --> 00:17:41,478
like I'm being the bigger man.
437
00:17:41,545 --> 00:17:43,280
And then I'll act all surprised
438
00:17:43,348 --> 00:17:45,750
when I get my Mentalo.
439
00:17:45,752 --> 00:17:46,819
That's a good idea, right?
440
00:17:46,887 --> 00:17:48,254
Mm-hmm.
441
00:17:48,256 --> 00:17:50,390
I wasn't asking you.
442
00:17:50,457 --> 00:17:52,727
The spirits say...
443
00:17:52,795 --> 00:17:54,630
proceed.
444
00:17:54,731 --> 00:17:55,799
Uh-huh.
445
00:18:01,740 --> 00:18:03,175
Oh, I get it.
446
00:18:03,243 --> 00:18:04,177
I get it.
447
00:18:04,245 --> 00:18:06,948
"Remove funny bone."
448
00:18:07,015 --> 00:18:08,316
Right there.
449
00:18:10,554 --> 00:18:13,223
Aah!
450
00:18:13,291 --> 00:18:15,794
All right, enough of the
holiday yakety-yak.
451
00:18:15,862 --> 00:18:17,697
Let's get down to the
real reason we're here...
452
00:18:17,765 --> 00:18:20,133
Wrapped merchandise.
453
00:18:20,201 --> 00:18:21,502
Deacon, this one's for you,
454
00:18:21,570 --> 00:18:23,137
and it looks like from... Doug.
455
00:18:23,205 --> 00:18:24,941
Well, what do you know?
Here you go, bud.
456
00:18:25,008 --> 00:18:26,176
No, thanks.
457
00:18:26,243 --> 00:18:29,581
Come on. My sources from
beyond the grave say...
458
00:18:29,648 --> 00:18:31,684
you'll like it.
459
00:18:31,751 --> 00:18:33,587
You mean it's...
Batteries included.
460
00:18:37,259 --> 00:18:38,660
Thanks, man.
461
00:18:38,728 --> 00:18:40,563
Well, it is yours, and I
did steal it from you.
462
00:18:40,631 --> 00:18:41,564
Ah, bring it in.
463
00:18:43,067 --> 00:18:45,036
All right, guys, save it
for under the mistletoe.
464
00:18:45,104 --> 00:18:46,572
All right, Holly.
465
00:18:46,640 --> 00:18:47,840
Here you go.
466
00:18:47,908 --> 00:18:49,810
This is for you.
Merry Christmas.
467
00:18:49,878 --> 00:18:51,513
Carrie, you didn't need
to get me anything.
468
00:18:51,580 --> 00:18:54,350
Ohh, I think I did.
469
00:18:54,417 --> 00:18:56,653
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
470
00:18:56,721 --> 00:18:59,457
It's gold earrings! Oh, my God!
471
00:18:59,526 --> 00:19:01,895
This is the best gift
I've ever gotten!
472
00:19:01,962 --> 00:19:03,563
Hope you like it.
473
00:19:03,631 --> 00:19:04,798
Ohh!
474
00:19:04,867 --> 00:19:06,501
I do! Gosh, I'm
kind of embarrassed
475
00:19:06,569 --> 00:19:08,036
about my gift to you, though.
476
00:19:08,104 --> 00:19:09,939
Oh, please, I'm sure
whatever it is,
477
00:19:10,007 --> 00:19:12,042
I'm sure I'll be delighted.
478
00:19:15,883 --> 00:19:16,882
This is it?
479
00:19:16,949 --> 00:19:18,350
Yeah. OK.
480
00:19:18,418 --> 00:19:21,321
Is it folded?
481
00:19:21,388 --> 00:19:23,324
A lot?
482
00:19:23,391 --> 00:19:24,727
Silly, open it up! OK.
483
00:19:28,333 --> 00:19:29,266
A mug?
484
00:19:29,334 --> 00:19:31,069
Yeah, I painted it
at Color Me Mine.
485
00:19:31,137 --> 00:19:32,170
It's for your hot cocoa. Look,
486
00:19:32,238 --> 00:19:34,742
it says "Merry Swiss-mis."
487
00:19:34,809 --> 00:19:36,110
"Swiss-mis." I... Yeah!
488
00:19:36,177 --> 00:19:38,146
I get it. That's gr-great.
Well, thank you.
489
00:19:38,214 --> 00:19:40,883
All right, sweetheart,
our turn to swap.
490
00:19:40,951 --> 00:19:42,518
Here you go. OK...
491
00:19:43,956 --> 00:19:46,158
Thank you. And here you go.
492
00:19:46,226 --> 00:19:49,095
Ohh, what a lovely box.
493
00:19:49,163 --> 00:19:53,835
I have a feeling my
ship has come in.
494
00:19:56,673 --> 00:19:59,043
Wait a minute.
495
00:19:59,111 --> 00:20:01,146
You bought me the
leather jacket?
496
00:20:01,213 --> 00:20:03,349
Another old man cap?
497
00:20:03,416 --> 00:20:05,018
Where's my cruise?
498
00:20:05,086 --> 00:20:07,221
How'd you know about the cruise?
499
00:20:07,289 --> 00:20:08,590
She told me!
500
00:20:08,658 --> 00:20:11,094
He said he was gonna
punch himself!
501
00:20:11,162 --> 00:20:12,863
I can't believe this.
I get a stupid cap,
502
00:20:12,931 --> 00:20:15,534
and this stranger gets a pair
of beautiful gold earrings!
503
00:20:15,601 --> 00:20:16,701
Hey!
504
00:20:16,770 --> 00:20:18,537
I had to get her
the gold earrings!
505
00:20:18,605 --> 00:20:20,874
I thought she was buying
me a leather jacket!
506
00:20:20,942 --> 00:20:23,244
Plus I had to get Doug
his freakin' Mentalo.
507
00:20:23,311 --> 00:20:24,579
Hey!
508
00:20:24,648 --> 00:20:26,783
This is Mental Man!
509
00:20:29,454 --> 00:20:30,822
It's the same thing.
510
00:20:30,890 --> 00:20:32,892
Mental Man is the
cheap knockoff!
511
00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:34,695
What's the difference?
512
00:20:34,762 --> 00:20:36,630
Fez...
513
00:20:36,699 --> 00:20:39,268
turban! Wake up, woman!
514
00:20:40,937 --> 00:20:42,639
Who cares about that crap?
515
00:20:42,707 --> 00:20:44,208
I'm supposed to go to Bermuda!
516
00:20:44,276 --> 00:20:45,209
I already got my shots!
517
00:20:45,277 --> 00:20:46,378
All right, butt out, Arthur, OK?
518
00:20:46,446 --> 00:20:47,412
Doug, leave him alone!
519
00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:48,414
Hey, calm down.
520
00:20:48,482 --> 00:20:49,415
Yeah, that's easy
for you to say.
521
00:20:49,483 --> 00:20:50,517
You got Mentalo.
522
00:20:50,585 --> 00:20:52,487
Look, Mental Man's
pretty good, too.
523
00:20:52,555 --> 00:20:54,156
Then trade with me. Oh, I
don't want no knockoff.
524
00:20:54,223 --> 00:20:55,558
Well, what's the difference?
525
00:20:55,626 --> 00:20:57,161
Your parents didn't love you
enough to buy you either one!
526
00:20:57,229 --> 00:20:58,662
Shut up, man!
527
00:20:58,730 --> 00:21:00,598
Give me the Mentalo!
Get away from me!
528
00:21:00,666 --> 00:21:02,168
Give me the Mentalo!
Leave me alone!
529
00:21:02,236 --> 00:21:04,004
Stop that!
530
00:21:04,072 --> 00:21:06,808
So? What are we doing
about my problem?
531
00:21:06,875 --> 00:21:09,979
Dad, I can't afford to send
you on the cruise right now.
532
00:21:10,047 --> 00:21:11,748
I'll send you for
your birthday, OK?
533
00:21:11,816 --> 00:21:12,850
Fine!
534
00:21:12,918 --> 00:21:14,151
You can have this back
535
00:21:14,219 --> 00:21:15,721
when I set sail!
536
00:21:15,788 --> 00:21:17,924
Oh, don't be ridiculous!
537
00:21:17,991 --> 00:21:19,693
That cap I got you is great!
538
00:21:19,761 --> 00:21:22,263
Arthur: I can't
stand those caps!
539
00:21:22,331 --> 00:21:24,200
Carrie: Oh, that's...
540
00:21:24,267 --> 00:21:26,837
♪ We wish you a
merry Christmas ♪
541
00:21:26,904 --> 00:21:29,406
♪ And a happy New Year
542
00:21:29,474 --> 00:21:32,045
♪ We wish you a
merry Christmas ♪
543
00:21:32,113 --> 00:21:36,217
♪ And a happy New Year
544
00:21:38,622 --> 00:21:40,590
Richard Nixon: So I guess
that's the question.
545
00:21:40,657 --> 00:21:41,993
Should I do it?
546
00:21:42,060 --> 00:21:45,163
Should I guarantee myself
an unconditional pardon,
547
00:21:45,231 --> 00:21:48,435
resign the presidency
of the United States?
548
00:21:49,872 --> 00:21:54,878
Mentalo: My sources from beyond
the grave say... proceed.
549
00:21:56,415 --> 00:21:58,016
Rosemary,
550
00:21:58,083 --> 00:21:59,851
get me Ron Ziegler.
551
00:21:59,919 --> 00:22:03,457
I need to arrange a
press conference.
38298
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish (Latin American)
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof