Original subtitles

(max) How do I look, guys?

(woody) It's a magazine interview, max.

(max) Well, I know, but just in case She brings a photographer...

(byron) This is so great.

Entrepreneurs of the year.

[laughing] I can't even spell it.

And we are it. It's great.

(kathy) Hi, I'm kathy From business life magazine.

So what do you say We get right down to work here?

Now, who is going to be Telling the story?

(max) Where would you Like us to start?

(kathy) Well, let's start Way back at the beginning.

(roy) Well, in the beginning,

The earth was ruled By enormous reptiles

Trampling foliage And villagers.

(max) Roy, that's too far back.

(roy) Oh, I'm sorry.

(max) It seemed like it would be Just another summer.

Little did I know that I would Be making major decisions,

Crucial decisions,

Decisions that would affect The rest of our lives.

Too much cardboard Right up front.

That's wrong.

That's wrong.

Alternate. You alternate.

Put the suitcase...

This goes on top; I know that. Okay.

(man) C'mon, let's get out of here.

Watch this.

Watch what happens.

That's wrong.

You've been out here For four hours, max.

There's nothing on the truck.

Hey, who's working

As a professional mover This summer?

You're working as a mover.

Thank you.

Who knows the difference

Between a reefer strap And a hump dolly?

Or a hump... Who knows the difference...

Uh, a hump strap And a reefer dolly?

I know what they are.

Max, it's not supposed To take this long.

Dwight, packing a truck,

It's a very delicate, It's a very complicated deal.

look, you want to...

You can do it your way: Rush things and get it wrong.

or you can do it My way

And get it right.

What do you want to do?

That's a choice.

Heads up, wood man.

How're you doing?

why do they call you Wood man?

I'll tell you one thing.

It's not because Of the toothpick.

I think your tie's A little crooked there.

I could use a hand Here, byron.

Dwight, you know, I'm thinking about this

Moving thing.

We are thinking So small.

We're not thinking big.

The entire universe Is moving, right?

Why do we have To move within that?

The universe, byron?

I'll let the universe Move your stuff.

This whole school year's Gone by so fast.

I-I-I feel like as though I've missed a great deal of it.

That about does it.

Let's go.

Where's roy?

He said he'd be down In a second.

I really enjoyed Our little exchange.

Here goes.

Ah, this is exhilarating.

Excuse me. Pardon me.

Ah, pard... Uh-oh.

I didn't plan On this.

Ah, ah, ow!

Oh, ooh!

[screaming]

(man) ♪ never gonna look back. ♪

♪ headin' down The right track. ♪

♪ never felt this way before. ♪

(max) It wasn't long before we were On the road to greatness.

(roy) I thought we were On the interstate, max.

(max) It's just an expression, roy.

(roy) Well, I was stuck On the cul-de-sac of life.

(max) That's too many expressions, Roy.

♪ ♪

♪ lightning Never strikes twice, does it? ♪

♪ ready now to play dice. ♪

♪ and you know we play to win. ♪

(max) It was just the five of us,

Your average bunch Of normal guys.

How's... How's, uh, Therapy going?

Good, good.

You know, I always enjoyed it.

How's yours going?

Good. Do they Give you drugs?

No, do you get drugs?

Well, yeah.

♪ and now is Such the prime time. ♪

(max) There were just the five of us,

But working together, Nothing could stop us.

Working together, We could overcome any obstacle.

(woody) Working together Was out of the question, man.

(byron) So long, wood man.

See ya guys.

(max) All right.

Only byron and dwight actually Planned on working together.

Then you can Do anything...

Tells you about golf?

Yeah, perfect example.

Let's look at golf. What is it?

You've got to hit That little ball

In that Little hole, right?

Right. Very freudian.

Very freudian.

(dwight) I'm telling you, byron.

Being a caddie Is a piece of cake.

All you gotta do Is pick up the balls

And carry the bags.

Be nice to the golfers, And they give you big tips.

That's good for me.

I can deal With people like that.

How come your dad's Not picking you up this year?

Oh, yeah, well,

He's working On this big military contract.

my father's Working on

Lawn equipment for third-world Nations that require

Armed lawn equipment.

I don't know They have that.

Well, they do now, Thanks to my dad.

You get the little ball In the little hole.

How many holes? 18 holes?

Divide that by two. What do you got?

Nine. Nine months...

(max) We were all Going our separate ways

To our various odd jobs, But still we remain close.

So, uh, how's, uh, Sally doing?

Good.

Do you talk to her a lot?

No, probably haven't spoken To her for two...

About, like, two... Two or five months.

Oh, that's... That's love.

Yeah, because it's...

You know, It's unspoken.

I didn't talk to my father For about three months once,

And he took my birth certificate And destroyed it.

(max) That's not very normal.

(roy) Well, then again, Neither is my father.

(max) It was the end of another Long, hard year of college.

(woody) You think it's easy spending All your parents' money?

(byron) Yeah, but from then on,

We were going to be Supporting ourselves.

(dwight) Making our own living.

(max) Working toward That american dream

With two cars In every garage.

(kathy) Speaking of which,

Wasn't that the summer Of the car theft crisis?

(max) All right, One car in every garage.

Roy wasn't sure what he was Going to be doing that summer.

(roy) My dad wanted me to do Freelance work

As a mercenary In south america.

[over bullhorn] Identify yourselves.

It's me, dad,

Your son roy, You know, serial number one.

So will you be kicking Some commie ass?

You idiot!

It's nighttime.

I'm going to the market.

The market's not open At this hour.

[laughing]

It will be.

Now get On the front yard

And dig your dinner trench, You wimp.

K-rations at 2100.

Yes, sir. See you around, roy.

Nice tank.

I can dig you guys A trench if you...

on the double!

move out. Let's go.

hut, hut, hut, hut.

See you, max.

Take it easy.

(max) So long, guys. I'll call you tomorrow.

Listen, dwight, I gotta thank you.

This thing with Your parents

Putting me up For the whole summer.

It's great. I really appreciate it.

Oh, it's no problem.

I told you My family's cool.

I mean, I know They're cool.

I mean, they're black, right?

I mean, you're black; They're black.

Of course they're Going to be cool, man.

Just relax. Just relax.

Dwight, of course I'm going to relax.

I mean, I know how To relate to people.

I mean, I'm a people person, Right?

We all know that.

I'm going to relax.

I can deal with this.

Just be cool.

Yeah, I mean, Be cool, right?

Be cool... Yeah.

[impersonating james brown] Wow!

Hot pants.

(man) ♪ order, order. Order in the courtroom. ♪

♪ wait a minute. ♪

♪ I didn't do nothin'. ♪ ♪

Byron.

♪ ♪

Hi, sweetheart.

You look good.

[soulfully] Dr. Lawrence.

Whoa, what's happening?

Ooh, mrs. Lawrence,

That dress is All the way live.

You people got some Serious crib, yeah.

It's fresh. I like it.

Yeah.

He's majoring in The black studies program

At school.

(byron) You know, I really enjoyed Living at your house, dwight.

(dwight) Yeah, byron, well, You almost died there too.

(max) And me?

Well, I rushed right into the Arms of the woman I loved.

It's simple.

Simple.

I'll just tell her, "Sally",

"I know I said I wasn't ready For a serious relationship

"And that we should See other people,

"But I made a mistake.

"I don't want to see Anybody else,

"And I know you're not Seeing anybody else

except maybe this guy."

You know, sal, I'd never Met anyone that didn't like me,

But then what's not To like?

Max.

Sally.

Hey, come on, babe.

[engine pops]

Nice truck, dude.

Would you hold on A second, spud?

Spud? That's the guy's name?

Spud?

I've never met a person Named spud.

Why haven't you called?

I don't know.

I thought I would just, You know, kind of surprise you

And show up, so I did.

We've got to talk, max.

Absolutely. I think we should talk.

Let's talk now; I'm free.

(spud) Hey, come on, sal.

Talk's cheap.

Let's book.

You don't understand.

If you would have just Called once.

I understand.

Sally, you don't have To explain things to me.

I'm a big boy, And I'm fine.

I'm going to be busy anyway.

I didn't tell you I got a job Starting tomorrow.

(max) Well, I didn't stay Depressed too long.

I threw myself into my work,

Where I found myself a member Of the cabrizzi brothers'

Elite team Of moving professionals.

Zwoop! Zwoop!

[uproarious laughter]

You could have Served that one up for lunch,

frankie.

(max) They were truly a rare breed.

I'm not sure which species,

But they were definitely A rare breed.

You been to a dentist?

[whirring drill noise]

nicky, nicky, please.

you know how that Disturbs me.

please don't do that.

(roy) I can't believe you actually Had to work with those guy, max.

(max) Right, of course,

You worked for a fortune 500 Company that summer.

(roy) Actually it was more like A misfortune 500 company,

[rousing music and clapping]

(man) If god were alive today,

He would buy a monty Vacuum cleaner.

and do you know Who he'd buy it from?

He would buy it from you!

And you!

and you.

say hallelujah.

(all) ♪ hallelujah. ♪ ♪

I want you

To get out there And sell those house suckers.

Any questions?

(woody) How do you guys expect to work With classy people

Unless you're a classy guy?

Good evening.

Whoa.

That was a badass year.

I think you're going To really like this.

(max) Yeah, or unless your Uncle lou owns the restaurant.

Woodrow?

Oh, yeah, thanks, froggie.

Yeah, I needed this.

I think these things just...

Just pop... Just pop right off.

Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh.

I think it's time To check the roast.

(dwight) You had better luck with Relatives than I did, woody.

(byron) Hey, what are you talking about?

Right from the first day, I felt like part of the family.

[silverware tinkling]

Yo, these are good grits, Mrs. Lawrence.

Those are Rice krispies, byron.

(byron) Oh, yeah.

yeah, I can see them

Snap, crackle, and pop lockin' In my bowl.

check it out, man.

they spinnin' On their heads.

Yo, brad.

You see dr. J The other night?

Dr. J, the brother Know basketball, man.

He know da hoops.

He like ali.

He da ali Of basketball.

Ali's another good one.

Ow, man, don't be kicking me, Dwight.

Let the brother be free, man.

Abraham lincoln Gave us all freedom.

mr. Lawrence,

roots. I seen roots.

Two or three times In reruns, man.

It changed my life, Mr. Lawrence,

to see the brother fightin'

for the struggle Against oppression.

oh, man, That's some cold shit.

They try that shit with me, I'd be all in their face.

I'd say, "What are you Talking about?"

that's some bullshit."

[whistling]

♪ ♪

(max) Right from the first day, I learned a lot

About the fine art Of residential relocation.

[glass shattering]

It's a very delicate thing.

[whistling]

Hey, nicky.

(max) I learned the lingo.

This place is gonna be A cakewalk.

this antique cardboard Frenchy faggot shit.

[laughs]

Hey, you're a pretty strong guy.

You lift weights?

[laughing] Lift weights!

(max) I learned the moves.

Frankie. [whistling]

(frankie) Yes!

[laughter]

Hey, dickweed.

Ya thirsty?

[top pops]

(max) Not right now, later.

Or now is good too.

[cackling]

(max) I learned you should never Lift something you can't lift.

(roy) On my first day,

I was made head sales Representative for my zone.

(woody) Yeah, the twilight zone.

[laughter]

(roy) Yeah, I didn't see That signpost up ahead.

[banjo music]

Nice reception.

you know, this is actually My favorite movie.

but I didn't find it All that believable.

I...

Then again, That's just my opinion.

Uh...

[inhaling rapidly]

[swallows hard]

[sighs]

Ahh!

Hey, earl.

Some guy out here Wants to sell us some more crap.

(roy) What happened? Ball lightning?

(woman) No, we had some rain Last week, though.

(roy) Oh, man, well, that'll happen When you don't have a roof.

(woman) Yeah.

Uh, shoplifting A problem here?

Hi, honey.

Slap!

God dang.

Mmm.

La-la-la.

Oh, fellers, This here's roy.

Roy, this is earl.

He's my cousin And my brother

And my husband.

Now, this here's lester.

he's my uncle And my first husband.

we broke up, but we're Still "Friends."

It's a pleasure, roy.

[woman laughing]

Well, I'll see Y'all later.

I still have a whole mess

Sheep to tend to.

Mmm.

Here I come.

Boy, that lester.

He's a real Slop jockey, ain't he?

[laughing]

Well, honey, Can I help ya?

Thud!

So what you got In that fancy case of yours,

Rooooooy?

Well, folks, I'd like You to meet

The monty 6000.

[dramatic music]

It's a nuclear vacuum cleaner.

Uh-ooh?

[rumbling]

♪ ♪

Well, that's the monty 6000 For you, folks.

Sort of the .44 magnum Of vacuum cleaners.

How much you say They cost?

Earl, I want it.

oh, um...

[mumbling] $2,500.

Earl, get it for me.

How much?

$2,500.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

I'll take it.

[woman squealing]

(roy) Well, that was my first sale.

It was the kind of incentive A salesman lives for.

(byron) Hey, the first day Is always the toughest.

Whtoo!

What did I tell you?

Is caddying a breeze, Or what?

Oh, it's great. It's great.

You know, I gotta tell you.

I have finally Figured this game out.

Really? Oh, yeah.

There's something Very primitive about it.

Young men with clubs Trying to prove their manhood

In the open field.

This is...

Uh, they're following Their animalistic urges,

Struggle for survival With nothing but a stick.

They're beasts.

Watch this.

Whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo!

(man) He needs to work On his grip.

(man) He's moving his left hand...

Poof! [shattering]

Marvelous shot, j.B.

marvelous.

Great shot.

You've really Got your shit together.

(woody) Well, I found out pretty quick

The key to making tips Is personality.

Let me get that For you, there.

That is a very lovely Dress you're wearing.

That's a great tie.

Ooh.

You.

What do I have to do To get a fresh glass of water?

What am I? Your slave?

[unzipping] [gasping]

[zipping] Just kidding.

Why don't you give me A little kiss right...

Ooh! Ooooh!

[man over radio] And in local news,

the car theft crisis Continues unabated.

mayor brady And local insurance carriers

have established a reward Totalling $50,000

for information leading To the arrest and conviction

of the thieves.

and on the national scene,

the pentagon has cancelled Its program

to send armed lawn equipment To third world nations.

when asked if there was A great need

for such equipment...

(nicky) Frankie.

Moogy bite!

[screaming]

Ow!

Come on, That really hurts.

[laughing]

come on, nicky.

come on.

[laughing]

[synthesizer music]

♪ ♪

This place is weird, man.

Yeah.

I think I like it.

I-I think... I think we could, uh,

All go for another Round of drinks all around.

Yes!

Okay, that'll do it. Thank you.

When, when, when.

Thank you So much.

Hey, isn't that Your old boyfriend over there?

Nice guy.

So, sal, what do you Think we'll do later?

Max, whenever I have This problem,

This first think I do is...

How are You doing, guys?

(all) Great, great.

Max has got A problem.

I know what you'd do.

I'm not like you.

Now, wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Okay, now, sally is A very sensitive girl.

I know.

What you've Got to do is,

You have to be Aware of her needs.

You have to understand Her desires.

Basically what you've Got to do, max, is,

You've got to treat her Like a woman.

Well, how do I do that?

Boff her.

I don't know why I talk to you guys.

Can I explain something?

First of all,

I don't know When I'm going

To even get to talk To sally.

Tomorrow they're Sending me out on the road.

I'm going out With another trucker that...

I don't even know Who this guy is.

In the meantime, She's still seeing this...

This scud... This spud.

(all) Spud.

Oh, That's spud.

Yeah, that's him.

Do you want To see a little magic?

I used to want To be a magician.

Watch this.

Comin' out your nose. It's green.

[laughing]

Spud. That's disgusting.

Max, I think you have to Settle something over there.

What am I... Do it.

Do it now.

Max, what are You doing?

He's got to talk To spud.

Go, max, go.

I have to talk... I'm sorry.

I have to talk to you.

Take a hike, there, Fruit loop.

But I don't think this is Really the right place.

Um, I'll tell you later.

you think sally Has any respect for me?

(woody) No.

But I bet she feels Sorry for you, max.

Hey, pity's okay.

I like pity.

Yeah, you've got To make the best

Of what you've got.

Max, it's not That bad.

I mean, really.

I mean, look at it Like this.

It's not just anybody That gets a week

On the road With a real trucker.

You know, max, This could be great.

Yeah, The fresh air,

The open road.

Yeah, roadside sex.

Good food.

Here's a guy who's got His own truck.

He's his own man.

You know how much These guys make?

The independent guys?

A fortune. They make a fortune.

(byron) You know, max,

This could be A great education.

(max) These guys are smart.

You know, max,

Truckers are the backbone Of the country.

Max, they're good people.

(wylie) Hey, you.

Come here, boy.

I want to give you A big sloppy kiss.

[laughing]

[horn blaring]

(max) I soon came to realize

That there a lot of strange And wonderful people

In this moving business.

(byron) Hey, max, did you meet Any of the wonderful ones?

(max) It's easy to make fun, guys, Very easy.

(kathy) What does it mean when you say This guy wylie

Was an independent?

(max) Okay, you see, the cabrizzis Get more work

Than they can actually handle.

So they hire guys like wylie To do it,

And then they pay him Less than they're getting.

So they make money,

And they don't even Do any of the work.

(byron) Yeah, they make money The old-fashioned way:

Like slavery.

[laughter]

(max) Actually I was hoping That the long trip

Would help me Forget about sally.

But the problem was,

Wylie only seemed to have One thing on his mind.

(wylie) Let me tell you About my best gal, dalene.

Now, there is a god-fearing Piece of ass.

I'm talking sins of the flesh Here, little buddy.

I'd love to meet her Some day.

Oh, I sure do wish She was here right now.

What a gal.

Fully equipped.

Yes, siree.

You know, she's classy,

real classy.

I don't doubt that.

I might have A little picture.

Would you hold the wheel?

Ahh!

Yeah!

[tires screeching]

Would you... Would you...

Take a look at my Little love bunny.

Do you have the wheel?

I got the wheel.

I got the wheel.

what do you think?

Nice outfit.

yeah.

she's creative too.

You know, she made that Little ensem-blay herself.

she made that herself?

yeah, it's a tutu.

Miss mobile home, Proud of that, I imagine.

Yes, she is. She won it last year.

You know, just last year.

She gonna win Again this year

If we're lucky.

Shlooop!

lucky rabbit's foot, huh?

It's lucky, But it ain't no foot.

[throaty laughter]

boy, I tell you.

jimmy. It's max.

you goin' just love it

Down here In the south, mikey.

It's max. It's m-a-x, max.

(wylie) Like I was saying, mike.

Max.

You're just going To love it down in the south.

It's max. M-a-x, max.

You're going To love it down there.

[man over p.A.] Welcome to the dwight lawrence International golf classic.

I'm talking today With the first black golfer,

willie johnson.

(dwight) ♪ putt it. Putt it. ♪

♪ putt it, willy, putt it. ♪

♪ putt it, willy, putt it. ♪

♪ putt it. ♪

Excuse me.

♪ willy... ♪ ♪

Would you please just...

Shut up,

Dude?

Look, guys.

So I'm boffing Your buddy's girl.

It's no big deal.

We can all be gentlemen On the golf course,

Right?

so bring me My putter.

Yes, sir, spud. Coming right up.

Splut!

Putter?

ooh.

Tough lie.

(spud) All right, men.

This one's for sally.

This should be good.

He's a much better golfer Than max.

Better-looking too.

(max) You can never tell What attracts women.

That's one thing I learned from wylie,

That there's more to being a man Than meets the eye.

(woody) Yeah, unless you're wearing Really tight pants.

(max) Woody, come on. There's a lady here.

Don't touch the chrome.

Don't touch that chrome.

Mike, come over here.

What the hell kind of name Is max, anyway?

That some kind Of twinkie name?

I want to tell you Something.

I don't like it.

I don't like it One little bit.

It's just my name.

Shh.

From now on, Your name is chuck.

Yeah, chuck, That's a real man's name.

All right, Call me chuck.

This is A nice place.

Hey, what is this shit?

It's part of the shirt.

Rip!

That's... It's part... It looks...

Look at this hair.

What's the matter...

What kind of tutti-frutti Haircut is this, anyway?

It's not tutti-frutti.

It's just... It's just what it...

Are you going to touch Me with that?

Ow!

Perfect. It's perfect.

All right.

If you want To be a man...

Ah, yeah.

Buddy. What? You wanna walk...

Don't spit on me again.

Oh, god.

You want to be...

You want to be a man, Don't you?

Yeah, sure.

Well, in order To be a man,

You got to think A man's thoughts,

Walk a man's walk.

(man) ♪ you need a man. ♪

You've got to talk A man's talk.

Yeah, fine.

I'm listening. Do what I do.

♪ ain't got to work no more. ♪

Hey, good-lookin'.

Hey-ho.

Your man's Back in town.

Good.

Ter Get yourself together. ♪

♪ 'cause a man's Gonna make love to you. ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I'll make you burn ♪

♪ the way you should. ♪

♪ I'll make you scream, ♪

♪ but that won't do you No good. ♪

[gruffly] Hey, good-lookin'.

Your man is back in town.

♪ get yourself together ♪

♪ 'cause a man's gonna ♪

Ooooh!

♪ make love to you. ♪ ♪

Like your hair.

(wylie) Come here. You're embarrassing me.

Oh, ow.

(woody) Now, remember The mayor's daughter?

(byron) Here we go With this story.

(roy) I rather enjoy that story.

(max) Would you leave it Out of the article, please?

I said to the vet, I said, "Dr, garner",

Are you telling me that cupcakes Needs to have oral surgery

when a partial or a crown Would suffice just as well?

We are talking about a dog With a nervous condition.

And we are talking About surgery, major surgery.

Give him a kiss.

Yes, I give him a kiss.

Mmm-mmm-mmm.

Mayor brady. Yes.

Hi. hello.

It's going to be my honor To serve you tonight.

why, thank you.

we appreciate that.

Let me freshen up this ashtray A little bit there.

(woman) God.

What's your name?

Amanda.

You can call me mandy.

Woody. You can call me woody.

Hi, woody.

What do you say, gang? Let's eat, huh?

Get a little chow.

[rock and roll music]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Woof! Whoa!

[high-pitched squeal]

oh.

Oh, precious.

Oh, my god, daddy went through Change of life.

Sweetheart, are you all right?

[man over radio] Last night's total, a record 17 Luxury and sports cars,

stolen from the bedford park Section of the city,

as the car theft crisis Continues with no end in sight.

sheriff margaret williams Warns motorists

that no car is safe.

and the next theft could be Right in your own neighborhood.

(dwight) Well, anyway,

After spud talked to the Chairman of the golf club,

Byron and I Were out of a job too.

(byron) Yeah, it was a rough time.

But our family Really helped us through it.

[silverware clinking]

(byron) That's bad, huh?

I'm tired.

I was up all night Cornrowin' my head.

[giggling]

Packing mud in And shit.

(mrs. Lawrence) Byron?

You got a daughter?

(wylie) ♪ turn your radio on. ♪

♪ and listen to the music... ♪

(max) Life with wylie wasn't getting Any easier for me either.

♪ heaven's glory's there. ♪

(max) There's a saying

That country music Speaks to the heart.

The only trouble is,

It has to go through your ears To get there.

[singing off-key] ♪ get in touch with god. ♪

♪ turn your radio... ♪

♪ on. ♪ ♪

[laughing]

hey, listen, chuckie,

What is the key word In moving?

The key word?

Teamwork.

You told me You went to college.

That's two words.

It's a conjunction.

Teamwork is two words.

Okay, what's the... What's the...

And the real word Is chain a command.

Oh, that's one word? Chain of command?

yeah, get it? Get it?

I tell you what to move,

And hey, no problem.

You move it.

[stepping heavily]

[grunting] Oh, ah.

Watch your back.

Oh, watch out.

If you get a second, Could you...

Hey, chuckie, Where're you going?

you can't go anywhere Without no in-tory sticker.

Come here.

I don't need a sticker.

It's a refrigerator.

I know where... I know where it goes.

That's good.

[coughing]

My spine is in my eye.

Hey, you got to get the thing Where it's going, you know?

Head 'em up.

Thanks.

[sniffs]

Chomp!

Watch it. Watch it.

Ow, I got it. I got it.

(roy) Hey, I developed a little Back trouble myself.

Portable Vacuum cleaner, my ass.

(roy) After two weeks,

I came to the conclusion that The vacuum cleaner business,

Well, sucks.

The damn thing Is nuclear.

I mean, that can't be safe.

My children could probably Come out in a jell-o mold now.

Well, all right.

So long, You appliance from hell.

Kaboom!

(roy) You might say That that was the day

My career in sales Went up in smoke.

(woody) Well, I'll tell you.

There's some benefits To being unemployed.

Yeah, so this is where Our mayor lives, huh?

That's great.

[whispering] Shh. Don't say anything.

Wait a minute.

(woody) And I for one enjoyed Having my nights free.

Tried to put the time To good use.

(dwight) That's when you started To get involved in politics,

Wasn't it, woody?

(woody) Well, yeah.

I dabbled a little.

(john leffler) ♪ in the heat of the night. ♪

♪ you know, you take a chance ♪

♪ when you seek romance. ♪

♪ such a dangerous dance. ♪

♪ in the heat of the night. ♪ ♪

(max) I think I broke my spine.

(wylie) Yeah, you did real good There today, chuckie.

Yes, sir, I was Real proud of you.

So I got myself lined up A real special treat for you.

Yeah, you're going to use Deodorant now?

[laughter]

Ha, ha.

Oh, I made myself This promise, you see?

I said to myself, I said,

"Self, you can't let this little Ham bone go home to his mama

without him learning To have hisself a good Time."

I don't want a good time.

and you know,

when I think Of a good time,

you know who I think about?

Dalene, I know.

that's right.

My best gal dalene.

And you know what I think about When I think about dalene?

yes, I know...

No, no, not that... Where I think to go.

Where?

The lion's den.

♪ cadillac cruisin'. ♪

[piano music]

♪ cadillac cruisin'. ♪

♪ ♪

♪ well, I saw my baby walking Down melrose avenue. ♪

♪ I said, "Hey, there, baby, ♪"

♪ where you think You're going to?" ♪

♪ she said, "I'm going to parliament." ♪

This place make you horny Or what?

♪ that's right. ♪

♪ I'd like to be Cadillac cruisin', ♪

♪ cadillac cruisin' With you. ♪

Hi.

Wylie, I was thinking.

if we leave earl...

okay.

[chomping]

Do you believe These two?

♪ what's that you say? ♪

Excuse me.

Wylie, she's got Vegetables.

♪ ♪

(man) Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

♪ well, I'm cadillac cruisin', ♪

♪ cadillac cruisin' with you. ♪

♪ welll.. ♪

Come on, dalene.

Let's go show these homos How to shake and bake.

woo!

♪ ♪

Yeah.

[laughing]

I actually have More chest hair.

That's... I just Brought a little bit.

I didn't know.

[laughter]

I like a man With a little chest hair.

That's why I just Wore that much.

(max) It seemed so easy

For wylie and dalene To have fun together.

I couldn't help but wonder

How come all I had With sally was trouble?

(woody) Max, even when you're Having fun,

Sometimes a woman can be Nothing but trouble.

♪ cadillac cruisin'. ♪

♪ cadillac cruisin' With you. ♪ ♪

My bunny doggy. Are my bunny doggy?

Yes, you're my bunny doggy.

Make all gone.

Yes, are we going to watch David letterman now?

take me to david letterman.

Oops, hides.

this is not The way to david letterman.

It's my father.

Tell him we're not done.

He thinks I'm a virgin.

Nooo! Get out...

Well, sure, We'll go in here.

Daddy's coming. Sweetheart, daddy is going...

Mandy, sweetheart.

what are you Doing up here?

This is most unusual.

Yeah, I just came up To look around

At the campaign posters.

I guess I fell asleep.

well, sweetheart,

When you're All done here,

You take your time.

And I'll be downstairs.

Have you seen big boy?

no, not yet.

Oh, there's precious.

Daddy's missed you. Yes, baby cakes.

Did you miss your daddy?

I missed you so much.

We are going straight to bed.

the two of us are going To take a lay-down

right this minute.

[cheering]

♪ doo-woo... ♪ ♪

[laughing]

Uh, I'm sorry I got A little frisky with you

Back there, but...

That's okay.

Wylie really wants you To have a real good time,

He said that?

yeah, he thinks You're a real nice guy.

He said I'm a nice guy?

Yeah, yeah.

When did he...

That's great.

I guess you're not going To forget somebody like Wylie

For a real long time, Are you, chuck?

No, you don't...

You don't forget wylie Right away.

(max) Wylie really did turn out To be something special.

He taught me a lot.

He taught me How to walk a man's walk,

How to talk a man's talk.

♪ turn your radio on. ♪

♪ turn your radio on. ♪

♪ heaven glory's there. ♪

♪ glories there. ♪

♪ turn your lights down low. ♪

♪ turn your lights down low. ♪

♪ and listen to the gospel On the radio. ♪

♪ get in touch with god. ♪

♪ turn your radio... ♪

[together] ♪ on. ♪ ♪

[harmonizing]

(wylie) Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[talking together]

[yawning]

Well, here we are.

Back home again.

I guess you're glad To be here, ain't you?

Not really.

I mean, I am.

yeah.

But not as much as I thought I was going to be.

I had a great time.

And you're a pretty Extraordinary guy.

Yeah, I think so.

Hey, listen.

I'm going to be swinging back Around this way sometime.

You ever get The white line fever,

You ride with me, all right?

You got it. It's a deal.

Here you go.

What's this for?

Pay, buddy.

I'm not supposed To get this much.

Hey, come on, you earned it. You take it.

And you get the hell Out of here.

Thank you.

Don't mention it.

Ptew! Ptew!

I'll see you around.

Yeah, stay out of trouble, All right?

You too.

hey, max, Wait a minute.

Why don't you Take this?

Might bring you Good luck.

Come on.

You're slipping.

You called me max.

what's in a name, huh?

Listen, you take care.

Get out of here. Go on.

All right.

[engine turning over]

Blow in that.

Whoo! Come on, baby.

Good grouping, Good grouping.

All right, nicky. All right, nicky.

Nice and easy.

Where am I?

Onesies, yo-yo. Come on.

All right.

You've been practicing, nick. You've been practicing.

Nice, nice and easy.

Take your time. Take your time.

oh, good grouping, Good grouping.

nice, easy, easy.

(max) How ya doin', fellas?

How ya doin', peckerhead?

The boss Wants to see you.

All right.

Manny?

Manny wants to see Everybody?

You.

You, you.

Just me? You.

Did he say... Whoo!

He'll tell you What he wants.

All right. All right, nicky.

Nice and easy. Come on, baby.

Very, very close.

very close.

huh? Huh?

[laughter]

You missed!

$800.

$900.

$1,000.

Not bad, kid.

Good boy.

It was a good week.

Yeah.

There's $100 for you.

And $900 for me.

whoa, whoa. What are you talking about?

What do you mean, $100...

I'm supposed to get all of it.

Wylie gave me all the money. He said it's mine.

I don't care What wylie said.

I'm no moron.

I built this place Because I know what's going on.

Yeah, but he told me That I...

He told me that I'm Supposed to get it all.

That's what he said.

Look, kid, let me Tell you something.

Lesson number one:

He works for himself.

And you work for me.

I...

I work for you?

Yeah.

No.

I used to work for you.

But I don't. You know why?

I quit.

[snide laughter]

[doorbell rings]

She's definitely Going to be impressed.

I'm just going to tell her,

"Sally, I'm learning To take a stand.

"And look, as far as The other guy is concerned,

"It doesn't even bother me Anymore.

"Just 'cause you had a drink With a guy, you know,

It doesn't necessarily Mean that"...

[groaning]

I can't believe She's kissing this guy.

[kicks tire]

Guy is a weasel.

I can't believe She likes this guy.

what does he have?

what does he have? A nice car.

Spud, nice name too.

Fine, she's leaving me For a guy named after potatoes.

That makes a lot of sense.

Fine.

So I decided the only way You make money

Is if you open up Your own business,

And that way, You work for yourself.

You're your own boss.

You can be Your own man.

Yeah, I... I'm going to be my own man.

I'm going to... How?

Let me Show you something.

Feast your eyes On those.

Wow, uh...

little white cards, Clever.

The other side.

Ahh.

You're way ahead of me.

"Maximum moving."

Max, maximum.

Max, that's me. Maximum.

Your own company? Our company.

You and me.

That's right.

What do you think?

Uh...

Wow.

Uh...

You think, "Wow"?

I think, "Wow."

I-I feel, uh, "Gee."

(max) And that was the start of

(all) ♪ bah-bah-bah Bah-bah-bah-bah. ♪

♪ maximum moving. ♪ ♪

(max) See, I knew from the start

That our company wasn't going To be like the others.

I was going to do things my way.

Now, what is the key word In moving?

(roy) Uh, a hernia.

(max) Come on. I told you before.

(roy) Oh, uh...

Chain of command.

(max) Chain of command. That's right.

And there's one more thing Very important, all right?

Inventory stickers.

Now, these stickers Go on everything.

Now, I have all the contents Listed on the...

The content list, Which you'll have,

You know, all of them, For every room.

Make sure Before you move out,

Check out both The code number

For the room And the content list.

'cause I'll have Them both, all right?

And I'll just Start down here.

You can work your way Out that way.

Are you kidding me?

No.

You're not moving?

[gravely] No.

I just wanted the sofa moved

From here...

To there.

[sniffs and clears throat]

Just... Just move the sofa.

Didn't I tell you that?

[laughs]

Uh...

Uh...

Would you excuse us one sec?

[groans]

All right, It's stuck.

It's definitely stuck.

Don't panic.

Let me just check.

It's probably in here.

Stuck couches.

Stuck...

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

[screeching]

No, no. Roy, roy, roy.

Roy, look.

You're doing it All wrong.

You have to do it...

Watch. You have to push it, And then you muzzle.

Yeah, no, it's just a matter of Finding the center of gravity,

And then you lean Into it, yeah.

Grab the corner, roy.

No, the other corner.

♪ ♪

So how's business?

Huh? How's business?

How's business? It's good.

It's great.

It's great.

There's a lot Of money to be made.

Lots... Lots of money.

It's going to be A great summer.

Great, great summer. Really?

Mmm, no.

It sucks. It sucks.

What's the problem?

See, I didn't want To mention this right up front.

We... If we had Extra manpower,

We would really be In good shape.

so as long as you're Out of work anyway,

I was wondering what...

you don't Have to say yes.

Wondering what you would Think of the idea

Of working with us.

Sounds good.

Beats caddying.

If you didn't... If you don't want to,

I would understand that.

And... What?

Sounds good to me.

(dwight) What about money, max?

The only other thing... Tell them.

The only other thing is

We have to figure out A way to get some money,

Because I have to get A truck.

I can't keep doing it In the car,

And we just need Some money.

Money's no problem.

I know a guy.

It's no problem.

(max) What kind of guy?

(dwight) What kind of money?

(woody) Big money.

Don carlucci.

Can I call you don?

you know, You look great.

you dropped a few, huh?

It's good For the heart.

listen, I'm sorry To hear about

your son, vinny, You know, doing time.

Kidnapping, That's a bum rap.

[chomping]

Look, about the $20,000 We talked about.

I was thinking Maybe we could...

[indecipherable mumbling]

[mumbling] We need to borrow Some money.

To start Our own business.

[speaking italian]

[throaty mumbling] A moving company.

You know, Move people's furniture

From one house To another.

It's a special business. We gotta buy a fruck.

We gotta buy Filing cabinets.

We have to buy a phone.

Fis is a start-up business.

[classy italian music]

♪ ♪

[chuckling]

[laughter]

[slurping]

Ptoo!

Ptoo!

[deep chuckling]

No, no, thanks. I've had plenty.

[cocks gun]

(woody) It's time to bail.

[laughing]

I'm going to go out On a limb here,

But that's not a gift.

Am I right?

What is taking him So long in there?

I don't know; I don't know.

Maybe they killed His ass.

You think they... They would?

How ya doin', guys?

What took you so long?

Oh, you know, We were talking,

Had a little chat.

What were you Talking about?

Uh, collateral.

Collateral? Yeah.

What collateral?

Oh, you know, Your house, your car.

That's good. That's good.

No, that's bad.

It's your house, Your car.

What? You did what?

I had to give him Something.

I don't have anything.

What am I Going to give him?

I don't have anything To give him.

(kathy) Now you were really In business.

(max) Thanks to woody's contacts.

(roy) Byron's negotiating acumen.

(byron) Max's management expertise.

(woody) Roy's sense of command.

(kathy) How could you lose, right?

(byron) In a big way.

We're in great shape, guys.

We've got a truck; We've got an office.

We've got phones,

and now I've got the one thing We finally need.

(all) A job!

(max) No.

Look at this calendar. Is this great?

It's got the days and the weeks Listed numerically.

the months according to season, And a picture of a girl.

same girl each month.

You don't have to readjust.

No problem there.

Same girl, I love this.

Max?

We've been here for a week.

When are we gonna work?

I'll check the calendar.

(woody) Oh, max.

This is a great start.

Max, my car's On the line here.

Don't forget Your parents' house too.

And my parents' house too.

(max) I don't know What to tell you.

I've had an ad in the paper Every day this week.

There's been something.

Wait a minute.

We're not using our heads here.

we got to take charge Of the situation.

It's time we played A little hardball.

Right, roy?

[glass breaking]

Tuesday, fix window.

This is going To fill up very fast.

(max) The cabrizzis control The moving business.

(byron) Not because they didn't Have any competition.

(woody) Because they made sure The competition

Didn't have any kneecaps.

(dwight) So we figured max Should take a walk over

While he still could.

How're you doing, gloria?

how are you, max?

Good. Could you do me a big favor?

Could I do you A big favor?

I had... You have a little...

I left a sweatshirt In my locker.

you left a sweatshirt In your locker?

And I was wondering If you could...

You want me To go retrieve it.

Would you mind?

The know the one, The gray one. The gray one.

The writing. Made of cloth.

With a string.

yeah, "Phys ed."

You looked like a wimp When you wore it.

The gray one with the writing, "Phys ed."

I'll go get it. I'll wait here.

[whispering] Thank you.

[metallic crashing]

112.

12 readmont drive, 12 readmont drive.

Finelli. I'll remember that.

12 readmont.

112. 12 readmont drive.

Hey, max.

I couldn't find Your sweatshirt.

Oh, it's probably... [laughing]

Hi, guys.

It's probably in my car.

how're you doing, guys?

nice suits.

Cup of coffee? I was going to have one.

Okay.

Ahhhh!

[grunting]

There's a lot of pain Involved in that.

Okay.

I'm okay.

(dwight) Okay, this is it, guys, Number 12.

(max) Good morning. We're maximum moving.

You must be mrs. Finelli.

That's the ex-mrs. Finelli.

Mrs. Finelli.

(max) The ex-mrs. Finelli?

I've been Recently divorced.

oh, I'm sorry.

I'm not.

well, anyway, mrs. "X."

Ma'am, what I thought We would do is just

Start upstairs...

That's a very big truck.

Is it all yours?

[knocking]

Yeah.

112 readmont drive.

How're you doing?

We're the movers From cabrizzi brothers.

So?

We ain't moving.

Oh, you're moving, nancy.

[giggling]

Ugh... Wh... Wh... Ugh!

[crashing and rumbling]

[giggling]

Nice place.

Yeah, nice place.

(max) Now listen to me.

Now, swing it. Swing it.

[talking simultaneously]

Bring it. Bring it to me.

Angle, angle, angle, Angle it high.

He's right. He's right.

Your left, my right.

(max) Yes, sir.

When there's a job to be done, Maximum moving can do it.

(roy) We sure worked up a sweat On that one.

(dwight) Yeah, especially byron.

Young man?

Do you think you could Give me a hand with this?

Sure.

Mrs. Finelli, There's nothing in the room.

That's not Quite true, byron.

There's you and me.

And the boys.

New friends, How nice.

[cracking]

Max, do you know what the hell You're talking about?

Yes, now, listen to me.

Muzzle it. Muzzle it left.

All right, That's it, nicky.

Let's get the hell Out of here.

(nicky) Hey.

(frankie) That looks like A big tipper.

Let me handle this.

Morning, sir. How you doin'?

What's going on here?

We're moving you, sir.

Well, why would you Be doing that, you cretin?

Ooh, he called you A crouton, frankie.

Hey, yo, wait.

It says here 112 readmont drive.

Mrs. Finelli, Right? Yeah.

Look, You imbeciles.

I'm giving you exactly one hour To put every single piece

Of furniture Back in that house

Just as you found it.

Or I'm calling the police.

Got it?

cretins!

What are you waiting for?

Hang on a second.

Thanks to mrs. Finelli,

Maximum moving Is off and running,

And we are each $138.40 richer.

All right, let's see.

That's finelli, finelli.

Finelli with an "F."

[knocking at window]

Wha... Uh, uh.

Great, more business.

I'll get it.

Blam!

[clanging]

[giggling]

[cackling]

[clattering and crashing]

Wednesday: fix desk.

(manny) So you had a little fun With manny cabrizzi, huh?

Well, I'm here to tell you What a dangerous occupation

Moving furniture can be.

Things happen sometimes.

Maybe a leg gets broken.

Face gets Messed up a bit.

Just a little bit, huh?

Yes, a little bit, A little bit.

Pop! Ahh.

Whoobf!

And remember:

Cabrizzi rhymes with sleazy.

[chuckling]

[giggling]

[clattering]

Have a nice day.

(max) After our chat With manny cabrizzi,

We decided to stay away From their business.

(dwight) 'cause when manny speaks, People listen.

(roy) Unless of course they have An ice pick in their ear.

Good morning. Maximum moving.

Oh, the phone's Definitely working.

Thank you, operator.

The phones Are working.

(dwight) My father,

And my fat-ass sister, Bertha.

(byron) Beautiful girl.

The whole team's Had her.

We all love her.

Good morning. Maximum moving.

Mrs. Finelli.

You're not moving Again, are you?

Oh, just...

Just rearranging Furniture.

Just byron?

Oh, uh, well, then, We'll send byron over.

no problem at all.

it's our pleasure, Mrs. Finelli.

I like working With people.

It's a good job.

Yeah, well, you're doing Something right,

'cause that lady's Our best customer.

She's our only customer.

Is it possible We're doing something wrong?

My father says

That it's a simple matter Of centrified demographics.

You see, population movement Reflects a realignment

In socioeconomic Dispositioning

According to the demonstrated Microeconomic field theory.

(dwight) What you're trying To say is,

People need a reason To move.

Well, yeah, That's the short version,

I suppose.

Time for plan "B."

Wait a second. Wait a second.

What is plan bee?

Oh, plan "B."

Okay, now, everybody knows The plan, right?

Okay, plan "B," right?

(all) Yeah!

Okay, give me the wig. Give me the wig.

[funky techno music]

Okay, give me the hat. Give me the hat.

yeah, yeah, okay.

okay, that's cool.

(woman) ♪ no one's safe at home. ♪

(man) ♪ once upon a time... ♪

What's up, whiteys?

♪ place to be free From all the hassle... ♪

[tires screeching]

[shattering]

[radiator hissing]

♪ but everything's changed In modern times. ♪

♪ the writing's on the wall. ♪

♪ you can read the signs. ♪

♪ there's nothing in the world You can call your own. ♪

♪ because nobody's safe, Not even at home. ♪

(dwight) Baby, this neighborhood Is our dream.

they got little white kids And everything.

We's your New neighbors, whitey.

Oh, my god.

(dwight) Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

What?

Trick wants some more money?

Some more money?

Okay, okay, okay.

Tell him it's $100 more For you, $50 for the bulldozer,

$75 for the three fat chicks In the closet,

The squirrel is $5.50.

Uh, and the moose Is going to be $38.50.

♪ rippin' up the floor. ♪

♪ said he gonna build himself An intercontinental missile ♪

♪ in the hole where you want To put your swimming pool. ♪

♪ it's too bad, dad, Uncle sam's... ♪

I'll be with your white ass In a minute.

I want to talk to you About this jockey.

♪ you must have heard about it On your tv set. ♪

♪ we've got to show the commies That we're rough and tough, ♪

♪ and this missile will prove We got the right stuff. ♪

♪ we want to survive. ♪

♪ we've decided your home's Gotta take the dive. ♪

♪ someone's gotta Pay the price. ♪

♪ then we'll all be grateful For your sacrifice. ♪

♪ when the missile stands Where your home used to be, ♪

♪ remember you did it For humanity. ♪

♪ no one's safe at home. ♪

♪ no one's safe at home. ♪

♪ no one's safe at home. ♪

That's the first one.

♪ no one's safe at home. ♪

♪ you're barbecuing In your backyard. ♪

♪ everybody's jamming And partying hard. ♪

♪ sitting at the table Passing food around, ♪

♪ when something starts bubbling Out of the ground. ♪

♪ it looks real bad. It smells real funny. ♪

♪ it's dark; it's dirty; It's sticky; it's runny. ♪

♪ looks like something From a horror flick. ♪

♪ it turns your stomach. It made you sick. ♪

♪ but it won't go away. ♪

♪ so the next day, ♪

♪ government man Comes to move it away. ♪

♪ when he pulls up In his big white truck ♪

♪ that says "Toxic waste," ♪

♪ you know you're out of luck. ♪

♪ he walks over to examine The crap on your lawn. ♪

♪ he looks scared, So you know something's wrong. ♪

(woody) Just one more to go.

♪ gas masks, Carrying a can. ♪

♪ he's gonna take a sample, ♪

♪ run a few tests And then come back tomorrow ♪

♪ to clean up the rest. ♪

♪ ♪

♪ no one's safe at home. ♪

♪ no one's safe at home. ♪ ♪

All right, All right. A toast for moving.

(all) Maximum moving!

[cheering]

Blueberry pie!

(max) When you're successful,

Everyone knows about it.

(byron) And wants to be A part of it.

(woody) Especially the women.

(roy) It's true.

They start to treat you With a lot more respect.

Crunch!

Roy.

Crunch!

Thpoo!

Here you go.

Are you okay?

Go for her.

(max) It did feel good To accomplish something.

And no, I may not have had Everything I wanted,

But I had myself, and I had Friends who cared about me.

(dwight) You also had enemies Who cared about you.

(max) That's true.

Business is slow.

I don't like it.

[clattering]

I don't like it at all.

I think it's time we taught These punks a little lesson.

Right, boss.

Huh? right, boss.

Huh, moron?

Right, boss.

Squish!

[cackling]

[faraway chatter]

[giggling]

(max) I got it; I got it.

can I say something?

hold it; this is Mr. Handleman's concert piano.

He told me it's $90,000 Worth of piano here.

So can we please be A little more careful?

(roy) This may not Be important,

but there's a banana On the stairs.

Well, somebody Pick it up.

(all) I'll get it. I'll get it.

Whoa! Hey!

[discordant piano notes]

[splashing]

That's not where He wanted it.

That's $90... $90,000.

I mean, he specifically Told me he...

He didn't want it there.

$90,000!

[glass breaking]

Oh, fine. $95,000.

All right, so today Wasn't such a good day.

What do we do now?

Uh, insurance Covers the damage.

We've still got one more Payment to the don,

Which means we need cash.

(woody) We could clear almost $3,000 On the smithtown job.

We've got smithtown.

That's this weekend. So we're in great shape.

We are in great shape, guys.

I don't think you reali...

I mean, we... We're fine.

Look, if cabrizzi Brothers wanted

To do that kind Of stuff,

That's them.

That's the way They want to operate,

I don't care.

That's... That's fine.

We are professionals.

We don't have to stoop To their level.

We could. But we could.

(man) Are you sure you set that Hydraulic for 6,000 pounds?

Absolutely, It's diametrically opposed

To the truck's Own weight.

Why, you and mr. Greenzy's Sure got a lot of crap there.

Yeah, a lot of crap Over here.

Yeah, where do you Want us to dump this junk?

I mean, I don't Want to be pushy,

But I want to get Out of here for lunch today.

Listen, you big ape.

You're gonna take good care Of my furniture.

You're going to bring Each piece to the door.

And then we'll show you Where to put it.

Come on.

I'm going to take your ass

And throw it out in the street And stomp on it.

I'm gonna Squash her, frankie.

She didn't mean it.

I could take this one, man.

I don't think so.

Maybe I should have Done it myself,

Missy.

I spent eight hours Under that truck last night.

This is... This is gonna work.

It better.

And for heaven sakes, Be careful.

Squish!

I don't want you Running around

Breaking things.

And if you want to use Our bathroom,

You're not going to.

Go somewhere else.

[belching] Pig.

Hey, listen, lady.

Why don't you and mr. Wrinkles Over there

go park your butts Under that tree?

Yeah.

[beeping]

Here goes.

[ringing]

[grinding]

You touch anything Up there?

I didn't touch Nothing, frankie.

You guys wait right here.

Yeah, don't move.

[screaming]

[hearty laughter]

[laughing stops]

Smack!

You guys all right?

(woman) You big gorilla.

Yeah, They're all right.

Uh, where did you Want us to put

This furniture?

(max) Well, we deserved A little celebration.

(byron) We had one payment To make to the don.

(woody) And the big smithtown job.

(roy) We were pretty much home-free.

(max) And through it all, We kept our dignity,

Our professionalism, And our kneecaps and eardrums.

We showed the cabrizzis

That they couldn't Intimidate us anymore.

Explain it to me again.

How are the cabrizzis Not going to know

That we dumped Their truck?

Max, are we Back to that again?

They're definitely Going to figure it out.

Don't bring up The cabrizzis again.

I thought you thought It was a good idea.

I did, but it was A mistake.

What are they Gonna do?

Blow up the building?

They blew up the building.

(woody) These guys Have no sense of humor.

(dwight) I can't believe it.

(byron) Truck is gone.

[glass shattering]

Great.

[mournful saxophone music]

Look at this!

It's over.

I gotta get laid.

I don't know What to tell you, guys.

What about the insurance?

The insurance.

It covered handleman's piano.

That's why They cancelled the policy.

We... Uh.

We don't have insurance now.

Wait a second.

We have smithtown.

We can make $3,000.

We can't make $3,000 Because we don't have a truck.

And you can't Move furniture

Without a truck.

(man) ♪ you need a man... ♪

Not so fast, peckerface.

Wylie, what...

Chuckie. Ptoo!

You little homo.

Where is your truck, man?

(wylie) Nice, nice.

you get a good deal On this place?

Can we borrow your...

Must be a bitch To heat in the winter.

[raspy laughter]

Wylie, I gotta Borrow your truck.

Can I please borrow Your truck?

Do you know what you Are saying to me?

Do you?

Yes, can I please Borrow your truck?

You can borrow My truck.

I can borrow Your truck. Yeah.

We got a truck.

But I ain't got A trailer.

It's in the shop For a paint job.

Pbbbbt!

(max) We don't got a truck.

No.

But the cabrizzis... Do.

[raucous laughter]

(max) After all we'd been through,

Stealing a truck May not sound like much.

But you have to understand,

It was the ultimate risk.

(dwight) Before long, we knew we'd either Be at the top of the heap

(roy) Or at the bottom of the river.

Now, I want you To hump it again.

Huh!

Wylie, when you get Up there, pull over a second.

what? Pull up there.

where are we?

Sally's house.

something The matter, chuckie?

I'm going To settle something.

Oh, yeah?

You want to talk A man's talk,

Eh, chuckie?

Yeah, yeah.

(max) So there I was,

Going after something Regardless of the outcome,

Risking it all.

(byron) It was inspirational.

(woody) All right, max.

(wylie) Walk a man's walk, chuckie.

(man) ♪ you need a man ♪

♪ to give you love. ♪

♪ well, listen here. ♪

♪ you ain't got to wait No more. ♪

♪ 'cause there's one thing That's for sure. ♪

Max.

Did I ever mention That I really love you

A lot?

Hey, sal.

What's happening, babe?

You really mean that, Don't you?

(max) Yes.

Absolutely. 100%.

Now, you get rid of this animal, Or I will.

Thud! Uh! Oh!

I love that you did that.

I real...

♪ won't do you no good. ♪

(dwight) Yeah, all right.

Woo-ooh! Kiss a man's kiss.

♪ ♪

I have to go.

Why? Where are you going?

We're stealing a truck.

What? You don't steal trucks.

I know. It's new.

I don't... I've never...

I'll explain it to you.

Don't... Stay there.

[whispering] Don't run Right in front of the window.

Come on.

Stay cool.

Yeah, they're inside.

What are they doing?

Come on. Let's roll.

Four.

"How many streets radiate From the arc dee trompy"?

(nicky) Oh, god! That's so easy.

Give me a break. It's my turn.

Nobody ever asks me An easy question.

Your turn'll Come later.

go on, frankie.

Uh, okay.

You got the chomp el-easies.

They're thinking.

They could be busy for hours.

Just break the glass.

Break it.

Just break the glass.

Hurry up.

You can't break this glass.

It's high-tension security...

[shattering]

You hear something?

I didn't hear nothing.

(nicky) Answer the question, Would you?

You've got marco.

You got that other one there. What... What is that?

It comes in. It curves around.

You got 12.

You're right.

It's a switch.

It's a box with a switch.

The switch is right on the top.

Here it is. I got it.

Clunk!

[electricity zapping]

(woody) Holy shit.

look at this!

What?

The cars.

They're... They're very... Very nice.

They're very stolen. These are stolen.

Wait a second. Are you sure?

Look at the...

these are the cars I heard about on the radio.

They must be shipping them Out in the trucks.

(max) Which means

Cabrizzi's not just a sleaze.

He's a criminal.

Oh, I'm really disappointed In these guys.

They have let me down.

We've got to do something About this.

Yeah, let's get The hell out of here.

Good idea.

Wait a second, guys.

There's a reward. 50,000 bucks.

$50,000?

[clattering]

What the hell was that?

[distant arguing]

Let's go.

Roy, just leave Those there.

It's those kids.

I want their eyeballs.

Go get them, nicky.

Get them, frankie.

[screaming]

I don't think I like that.

[dramatic rock music]

♪ ♪

Go on. Get him.

Woody.

That could happen.

[giggling]

Come here. Come on over here.

[cackling]

Come on. You're mine.

Come on. Come on. Come on.

Here we go!

Ahh!

wait. Wait. Don't hurt me.

You don't even Know me.

If you knew me, You would love me.

I like you.

Loved your work In those evolution charts.

[shouting]

This was a mistake.

This was a big mistake.

Big mistake. I'm going to die.

You're angry at me Because you hate yourself.

It's about you.

Then I said,

"Guys, I don't know If we should steal a truck.

That could be a big mistake."

They said, "Max, you've got To learn to lighten up."

And now I'm under a truck, And I'm going to die.

You know what I learned?

Don't listen to your friends.

[cackling]

Where are you?

Knucklebeak.

♪ ♪

So you're a homicidal manic.

The thing is, you can be The best homicidal maniac

That you could possibly be. That's important.

I'm so glad we had this chat, Aren't you?

♪ ♪

I know. I'll call the police.

They're good at these things.

Oh, come on.

Hey, what are you Doing in there?

[cracking] Oh.

You know, you look A lot better like that.

Oh, yeah?

Do you want a light For that cigar?

Got a wooden match?

[shouting and crashing]

We've found the cars.

The stolen cars.

They're stealing...

They're stealing cars.

Not s...

Not selling.

They're stealing.

Why would I call If they're selling cars?

Okay, look.

I'm prepared To give you $20

If you'll just turn around And forget...

Aha.

All right, Mr. Protein shake.

a superior mind

Always wins out Over brute strength.

Flick!

You take another step, And I'll roast you like a pig.

I swear to god I will.

[hissing]

[boisterous laughter]

Ahh!

Hey, man, you're messing With the wrong dude, man.

I just... I just escaped From a mental institution.

Take one more step, And the brother's a dead man.

He's serious, man.

Put the bat down.

put the bat down.

There are some... There are killers here.

They're after us.

And they have bats And car parts.

And how... I don't know how many.

I... 'cause I can only see... I can see shoes.

I can only see... How many shoes?

Hold on.

[whistling]

Help me, man. This dude is crazy.

man, I don't know What he's gonna do.

Beauregard, do something.

Shut up, bitch.

About 24 shoes.

So figure a dozen guys.

Probably just had A rough childhood, that's all,

All the other second graders Making fun of his beard.

It can't be easy going Through life with no thumbs.

He just has problems with Interpersonal relationships.

That's all.

Just problems. Pop!

Why, beauregard, you didn't Bring the mint juleps,

beauregard.

I thought I told you Not to meet me here!

You know the code.

When a mouse Pisses on cotton,

Who can hear it?

Who can hear it?

You know Something, frankie?

There's more to life Than this.

Hey, why do you think I'm going back

And get My master's, woodman?

Come on, you?

Life ain't shit Without a graduate degree.

You oughta think About that.

[whistling]

[cackling]

Oh.

Good connection.

This is not the way Adults communicate.

If my father were alive, He'd string you up, leroy.

Help me, man. Help me, please.

Please.

Please?

Thunk!

This is the end.

I'd heard so much about it.

Quite frankly, I expected more.

White light, Maybe some dead relatives.

Even though You gave me a hard time,

I thought there was always A little something between us.

Are you nuts?

No, not like that.

No, no, not a sick thing.

[grunting]

That's good. Let that out.

You don't want To keep that in.

Let that out.

Okay, you know, all right.

You know, okay, You know what I'm going to do?

I'm going to take this foot,

I'm gonna put it On that side of your face.

And you want to know something?

There is...

Not a damn thing That you can do about it.

Whooagh!

Ow, ow.

Okay, there is something You can do about it.

[cracking]

That's good.

Boof!

You need a therapist.

[grunting]

I'll tell you Something else.

Yeah, you kind of remind me Of me when I was a kid.

Yeah.

Hey, I'm going to think About that, frankie.

Take care Of yourself, woodman.

I think you guys Are one man short.

Come on, nicky.

I thought we could Be friends, nicky.

[maniacal laughter]

Not great friends. Social friends.

[whistling]

Don't you ever pull a bat On me, sucker.

Are you okay?

Did he hurt you? Are you okay?

What sign are you? Leo?

You're quiet. Sagittarius?

Ooh, let me see That bat.

Can I see it?

[gunshot]

I think maybe this time You made a big mistake.

Hey, easy, man.

You're going to have to die 'cause you know too much.

Yeah.

Know too much About what, boss?

The cars, nick.

They know about the cars.

What about the cars, boss?

Stolen, you idiot.

They're stolen?

Blam!

Hey, frankie, did you know These cars were stolen?

Geez, manny, we thought You just liked cars.

Blam!

Oh, frankie.

uno che moron.

Okay, who's gonna be first?

That's nice.

Whoo-haw!

woo!

yee-haw!

Poof!

[gunshot]

Yeee-haaaw!

[cheering]

[shouting]

[police siren blaring]

(man) "Stolen cars found.

"Cabrizzi arrested.

"Reward to maximum moving: $50,000.

Mayor to honor young heroes."

Film at 11:00.

(kathy) So you got the reward, Lots of free publicity,

An invitation To the mayor's house.

What was going through Your minds during it all?

(max) I remember thinking

We really didn't deserve All the fuss, you know?

It's not that difficult

To outwit a slug Like manny cabrizzi.

You're talking about a man

With the I.Q. Of a grilled cheese sandwich.

(roy) My mind was on That circular driveway.

Who invented that, And what were they thinking?

(kathy) What would you say Is the most important thing

That you've learned From this whole experience?

(max) Well, you have to remember That the road to success

Has many obstacles.

[screaming]

(max) Woody, you ran over the dog.

(all) Ohhhh!

(max) You know what? Let's not jump to conclusions.

Maybe the dog was dead When we pulled in.

(dwight) Wait a minute.

Does this mean We don't get the money?

Turn around, woody. Get the check.

(max) No. Don't turn around.

Keep going.

(kathy) Well, I guess that's about it.

I think it should be A terrific article.

(max) Aren't you going To take any pictures?

(kathy) No, I don't think That's necessary.

(max) Oh.

Well, I'll have my secretary Show you out.

Would you come in And show the lady out, please?

[nicky over intercom] Sure, boys, right away.

[cackling]

(kathy) Is that...

(max) You know how tough it is To get good help?

(man) ♪ never gonna look back. ♪

♪ heading down The right track. ♪

♪ never felt this way before. ♪

♪ knowing it's the right time. ♪

♪ watching for the right sign. ♪

♪ you know, I've been keeping score. ♪

♪ lightning Never strikes twice, does it? ♪

♪ ready now to play dice. ♪

♪ and you know we play to win. ♪

♪ we will steal the thunder. ♪

♪ waiting for the sundown. ♪

♪ we go slipping out Of this town ♪

♪ and escape into a dream ♪

♪ we will make together. ♪

♪ and now Is such the prime time. ♪

♪ 'cause life Is just what you make it. ♪

♪ don't be afraid Of what you might find. ♪

♪ this could be the time ♪

♪ for you. ♪

Captioning by lori At captionmax Www.Captionmax.Com

♪ ready for the new day. ♪

♪ heading down the highway. ♪

♪ now we're riding Against the wind. ♪

♪ no one's showing us how. ♪

♪ and nothing's Stopping us now. ♪

♪ hoping the feeling Never ends. ♪

♪ lightning Never strikes twice, does it? ♪

♪ ready now to play dice. ♪

♪ and you know we play to win. ♪

♪ we will steal the thunder. ♪

♪ and now Is such the prime time. ♪

♪ 'cause life Is just what you make it. ♪

♪ don't be afraid Of what you might find. ♪

♪ this could be the time ♪

♪ for you. ♪

♪ what you gonna do With your life? ♪

♪ what you gonna do With your heart? ♪

♪ you know we may never Find it. ♪

♪ and now Is such the prime time. ♪

♪ 'cause life Is just what you make it. ♪

♪ don't be afraid Of what you might find. ♪

♪ this could be the time ♪

♪ for you. ♪

♪ and now Is such the prime time. ♪

♪ 'cause life Is just what you make it. ♪

♪ don't be afraid Of what you might find. ♪

♪ this could be the time ♪

♪ for you. ♪

♪ yeah. ♪ ♪