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NARRATOR: Previously on X-Men...
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Uh-uh.
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Don't touch that diall
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And what, pray tell, are you
X-Men going to give this
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00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:12,804
mind-numbed bunch of couch potatoes
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and the trillions watching at home?
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They want blood and guts
and love and hate.
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They want entertainment!
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Violence and destruction
are not forms of amusement.
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(EXCLAIMS)
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Trust me, they are.
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This, if you haven't been paying
attention, is my dimension!
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Get with the program
or get crushed!
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(SCREAMS)
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Red light. Red light!
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-l saw it!
-Yeah, right.
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Why don't you pull in over there.
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(TIRES SQUEALING)
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I'll just be a minute.
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Don't take all day!
I'm just starting to get good.
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I always forget that clutch part.
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Hey, watch out!
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Hello, sweetheart.
I don't believe we've been introduced.
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Wow!
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Uh-oh!
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Wolverine! Who ordered the fireworks?
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Where are we?
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Why does this stuff
always happen to me?
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-There! Take him!
-They mean you!
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(SCREAMING)
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(GRUNTS)
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Nice try. But your luck just ran out.
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Spiral! The Master Programmer
wants him brought back
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-alive.
-He didn't specify in what condition.
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Stop!
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(EXPLOSIONS)
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Jubilee, Princess of Pyrotechnics,
commands you
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-to release the human!
-lgnore her.
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-She's just a little girl.
-A little girl?
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(CROWD CLAMORING)
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We should probably go.
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If that rebel scum gets away,
I'll cancel you, permanently!
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(GRUNTING)
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Warwolves! After the Lucky One!
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Uh-oh.
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Jubilee!
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(SNIFFING)
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Longshot.
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(GROWLING)
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Come on!
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LONGSHOT: I think we're rid of them.
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(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
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JUBILEE: Whoa! Not good.
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(SCREAMING)
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(SNARLING)
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Back off, metalhead!
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(WOLVERINE ROARING)
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Bad doggie! No biscuit.
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We got leash laws in this town, mutt.
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Hey, Rover! Heel!
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(SCREAMING)
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That's no way to treat a lady.
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Cancel them. Cancel them all.
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(ROARING)
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Let's just finish it here.
Just you and me, pal.
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These warriors were not anticipated.
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-Time to pull the plug.
-Long broadcast Mojo!
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This isn't over, Longshot!
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Are you okay, Jubilee?
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Longshot! What are you doing here,
pretty boy?
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-Are you blind? He's on our side!
We don't know that.
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You've got about two seconds to tell
me what's going on, blondie.
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I don't know.
I can't remember anything.
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Come on, Jubilee. I'm taking
your buddy here to the professor.
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We could use some answers.
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MOJO: What do you mean
he got away? Nitwits! Dim bulbs!
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He's still under contract!
Do you realize what he's costing me?
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(BURPING)
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As if I don't have enough to
worry about.
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Slave rebellion,
workers who actually want to be paid,
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and my biggest star turned rebel!
Ingrate!
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After all I've done for his career!
Who decided to let actors think?
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00:06:03,896 --> 00:06:08,390
If you want the little jerk so badly,
why don't you go get him yourself?
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You presumptuous stack of armpits!
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00:06:14,807 --> 00:06:18,743
Perhaps the sorceress has a point,
my lardaceous liege.
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An expedition to a primitive dimension
like Earth's,
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home of the indomitable X-Men,
if I'm not mistaken,
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-led by the great Mojo himself.
-X-Men!
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Domo! Domo! I've just had
the most brilliant idea!
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00:06:42,769 --> 00:06:46,569
I, Mojo, will lead the expedition myself!
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(LAUGHING) Yeah! Think of it, think
of it now! Longshot, my biggest star,
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the X-Men, a proven ratings hit,
and me.
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(GIGGLING) It'll be huge!
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(EXCLAIMING)
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When you are on screen,
your bulbousity,
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the universe positively quivers.
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00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:07,818
We shall, however, need Spiral
to cleave time and space?
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00:07:07,927 --> 00:07:10,054
Yeah, yeah, sure, whatever.
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00:07:16,335 --> 00:07:20,032
Gog, where's Gog? Gog!
Get your guys down to wardrobe!
100
00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:22,574
Come on, come on, come on,
we're burning daylight here!
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Scramble a remote crew.
We're going live!
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JUBILEE: And this is the rec room.
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Sure, you don't want something
to drink? It's no problem.
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-What the sam hill is he doing here?
-Says he can't remember anything.
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-I don't trust him.
-He saved your life!
106
00:07:41,494 --> 00:07:45,294
If you ask me, I think he's part of
some Mojo-run set up.
107
00:07:45,331 --> 00:07:48,994
-What is your problem?
-Who is our guest?
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-He's one of Mojo's cronies and I...
We saved him from a bunch of...
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-Beast?
-His name is Longshot.
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He was rescued earlier this evening
by Logan and Jubilation
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from his erstwhile employer, Mojo.
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00:07:59,846 --> 00:08:01,780
I didn't want him
wandering around loose,
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00:08:01,814 --> 00:08:03,782
till you could take a look
inside his head.
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Are you blind? He's on our side!
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We don't know that.
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Allowing me to scan his mind must be
Longshot's decision.
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I suggest he take a moment to
consider it.
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Come on, Longshot.
Time to blow this joint.
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Don't go far.
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I'll keep an eye on him.
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The gal's kind of sweet on him,
in case you didn't notice.
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I noticed.
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I hate it when Wolverine treats me
like a kid! I'm 15... 17 years old!
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I can look after myself!
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You certainly looked after me
back there.
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You have great courage.
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-Thank you.
You're welcome.
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(SNORTING)
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Ugh!
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-What's the name of this dump again?
-Earth, your magnificent abundance.
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Earth? As in dirt? That stinks.
Who's afraid of dirt? No, no, no, no, no.
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We'll call it Danger World!
Yeah, yeah, no, no, no, wait, wait.
133
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Terror World! Yeah!
134
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Untold rating points will be mine!
135
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Action! Excitement!
Not too much violence though!
136
00:09:18,991 --> 00:09:21,960
Yeah, we'll leave that for the news
and the talk shows.
137
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XAVIER: His mind is barren,
I think I can help.
138
00:09:40,179 --> 00:09:44,377
-But it will take time.
-I'm gonna go check on Jubilee.
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Huh?
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I don't remember this being here.
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(JUBILEE SCREAMING)
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I remember a great battle.
143
00:10:05,905 --> 00:10:09,432
Mojo's genetically engineered slaves
rebelled.
144
00:10:10,042 --> 00:10:13,375
I his star attraction, was their leader.
145
00:10:14,413 --> 00:10:16,176
I was captured.
146
00:10:18,784 --> 00:10:23,016
Mojo erased my memories, planning to
use me in his televised campaign
147
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to crush the rebels.
148
00:10:26,926 --> 00:10:31,386
My comrades rescued me. Spiral tried
to send them all to oblivion.
149
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-And somehow I ended up here.
-Fascinating.
150
00:10:38,204 --> 00:10:41,037
WOLVERINE: Something's wrong.
Better get here pronto.
151
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What happened here?
152
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BEAST: It appears that the local flora
has somehow been mutated,
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-drained of its life essence.
-It's Mojo! He's here!
154
00:10:52,985 --> 00:10:55,215
(SNIFFING) I can smell him.
155
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I fear that Mojo's continued presence
in our dimension
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could have dire consequences
for all life on Earth.
157
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I found something else!
158
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Jubilee's jacket!
159
00:11:07,366 --> 00:11:11,166
Nothing. I can't read any future for her.
160
00:11:11,203 --> 00:11:14,536
-You don't mean she's...
-No, she's here somewhere!
161
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And we're gonna find her.
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00:11:18,144 --> 00:11:21,580
BEAST: So you see, it seems much
has changed on Mojo World
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since our television debut.
164
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Longshot's an actor. Who says...
165
00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:28,278
(GRUNTING)
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...he ain't playing a part?
167
00:11:29,789 --> 00:11:32,758
-You'll have to trust me.
-My trust is earned, bub.
168
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And if anything happens to
Jubilee, it'll come out of your hide.
169
00:11:36,429 --> 00:11:39,296
Beast was right.
This weird forest is growing.
170
00:11:39,331 --> 00:11:41,526
We gotta stop it before it gets
to peoples' homes!
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00:11:41,567 --> 00:11:47,506
MOJO: Live from Terror World,
it's the premiere and final edition of
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"Intergalactic Gladiators!"
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I, Mojo, programmer to the galaxy,
present our contestants tonight.
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00:11:56,549 --> 00:12:00,417
Back by popular demand, the X-Men!
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Beast, the mind of a genius in
the body of a big blue gorilla.
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Rogue, whose luscious lips...
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(KISSING SOUNDS)
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...no man may kiss!
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Wolverine, whose adamantium bones
can't protect him from a broken heart.
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Tonight's special guest star,
in his final appearance anywhere,
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lover, rebel, movie star,
your heartthrob and mine,
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Longshot!
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Their opponents, the gladiators
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will hunt the X-Men through
the untamed wilds of Terror World,
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-in the match-up of the millennium.
-Fascinating.
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MOJO: The first to reach
our lovely studio,
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00:12:38,491 --> 00:12:41,619
filled with cash
and fabulous prizes is the winner.
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And the bait, excuse me,
the grand prize, a dream date
189
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with teen heartthrob, Jubilee!
190
00:12:49,635 --> 00:12:52,297
Somebody please get me out of here!
191
00:12:52,338 --> 00:12:56,035
What do we need this little brat for?
She's nothing but trouble.
192
00:12:56,108 --> 00:12:58,975
Passion! Drama! Ratings!
193
00:12:59,011 --> 00:13:02,003
The other actors must be given
the proper motivation.
194
00:13:02,047 --> 00:13:05,175
Besides, I've got just the spinoff for it!
195
00:13:10,990 --> 00:13:12,014
LONGSHOT: Run!
196
00:13:12,057 --> 00:13:13,820
Reckon I'll take a little short cut.
197
00:13:13,859 --> 00:13:14,883
(GROANS)
198
00:13:14,927 --> 00:13:20,422
Oh, sorry, sugar. Air travel is provided
by Mojo and only the Mojo!
199
00:13:20,466 --> 00:13:21,933
(MOJO LAUGHING)
200
00:13:22,301 --> 00:13:26,203
Make no mistake! These two
teams are here to play!
201
00:13:26,272 --> 00:13:27,330
(MOJO BARKING)
202
00:13:27,373 --> 00:13:28,397
(MOJO LAUGHING)
203
00:13:33,579 --> 00:13:35,547
I appreciate the lift.
204
00:13:36,348 --> 00:13:39,840
If you three can draw him off,
I can get to that arena quicker alone.
205
00:13:39,919 --> 00:13:41,477
One of us should accompany you.
206
00:13:41,554 --> 00:13:44,045
I believe the phrase is,
"to watch your back."
207
00:13:44,089 --> 00:13:45,249
I'll go with Wolverine.
208
00:13:45,291 --> 00:13:47,486
-In a pig's eye, you...
-Listen to me.
209
00:13:47,793 --> 00:13:50,557
I know how Mojo works,
and I know the equipment.
210
00:13:50,629 --> 00:13:54,497
I got Jubilee into this.
I'm the only one who can get her out.
211
00:13:55,701 --> 00:13:56,725
WOLVERINE: Move!
212
00:13:58,637 --> 00:14:01,105
This ought to get their attention.
213
00:14:04,810 --> 00:14:06,175
This way.
214
00:14:08,714 --> 00:14:11,877
Hey, hey, hey, hunters!
I want to see some serious carnage
215
00:14:11,951 --> 00:14:14,852
or you guys are going home
in a shoebox!
216
00:14:15,120 --> 00:14:17,486
Can I handle actors or what?
217
00:14:17,590 --> 00:14:19,717
BEAST: We should stay in the tree line.
218
00:14:19,792 --> 00:14:20,850
(SCREECHING)
219
00:14:20,893 --> 00:14:22,724
Now what?
220
00:14:25,664 --> 00:14:29,623
-A big purple lizard?
-Trust me, the kids will love it!
221
00:14:30,970 --> 00:14:32,164
(ROARING)
222
00:14:38,611 --> 00:14:40,306
Hey, stomper!
223
00:14:43,549 --> 00:14:44,573
(GROANS)
224
00:14:47,219 --> 00:14:48,277
Dang!
225
00:14:48,354 --> 00:14:51,289
I sense possible sanctuary
in those cliffs.
226
00:14:56,362 --> 00:14:57,420
Hold it!
227
00:14:57,463 --> 00:14:59,488
(SNIFFING) We're being followed.
228
00:14:59,531 --> 00:15:02,364
You go on ahead. I'll double back.
229
00:15:03,302 --> 00:15:04,360
(MOJO LAUGHING)
230
00:15:04,436 --> 00:15:05,664
Wolverine.
231
00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:13,011
Quark, who do you want to be?
The guy who bumped off an Earther,
232
00:15:13,078 --> 00:15:15,512
or the man who defeated Longshot?
233
00:15:15,681 --> 00:15:17,205
Good point!
234
00:15:27,092 --> 00:15:28,923
He'll be out for a while.
235
00:15:28,994 --> 00:15:31,656
-Are you okay?
-I heal fast.
236
00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:33,095
(VEHICLE APPROACHING)
237
00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:43,935
(SCREAMING)
238
00:15:44,677 --> 00:15:48,238
Shoot them! Somebody shoot them!
239
00:15:52,217 --> 00:15:53,616
Cancel them!
240
00:15:55,521 --> 00:16:00,982
No! No! This is horrible!
All this chaos! All this destruction!
241
00:16:01,260 --> 00:16:04,252
And not a single camera in sight!
242
00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:09,359
All cameras to the arena, pronto!
Yesterday! Move it!
243
00:16:10,669 --> 00:16:13,729
It appears we're no longer
the star attraction.
244
00:16:15,374 --> 00:16:16,602
(GROWLING)
245
00:16:18,243 --> 00:16:19,733
ROGUE: Come on!
246
00:16:24,750 --> 00:16:27,116
Sorry, boys. Closed set.
247
00:16:27,219 --> 00:16:32,020
-Out of our way, Spiral.
-Don't you dare tell me what to do!
248
00:16:32,057 --> 00:16:35,390
-What got her so worked up?
We used to date.
249
00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:40,890
(SHOUTING)
250
00:16:40,966 --> 00:16:43,434
I'll handle her. You get Jubilee.
251
00:16:44,903 --> 00:16:47,337
Uh... Looking for this?
252
00:16:48,841 --> 00:16:52,368
Gog, cancel this little mophead!
253
00:16:52,544 --> 00:16:55,342
This will look great on my resume!
254
00:16:56,115 --> 00:17:00,017
So, Lucky One,
it seems your luck has finally run out.
255
00:17:00,552 --> 00:17:02,179
ROGUE: Bombs away!
256
00:17:02,221 --> 00:17:03,381
(MOJO EXCLAIMING)
257
00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:08,553
(JUBILEE SCREAMING)
258
00:17:10,496 --> 00:17:12,088
You all right, hon?
259
00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:15,728
Remember me, bright-eyes?
260
00:17:17,703 --> 00:17:18,727
(EXCLAIMING)
261
00:17:18,804 --> 00:17:19,896
My remote!
262
00:17:24,510 --> 00:17:28,173
-Jubilee! Are you all right?
-l am now.
263
00:17:28,781 --> 00:17:30,146
Thank you.
264
00:17:31,383 --> 00:17:33,146
MOQJO: My ratings!
265
00:17:33,385 --> 00:17:35,819
I'm risking embarrassment
266
00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:37,788
and possible physical pain!
267
00:17:37,823 --> 00:17:41,020
And there are no ratings? Spiral!
268
00:17:41,226 --> 00:17:46,254
-Spiral, dear, get me out of here!
-Take a number!
269
00:17:50,235 --> 00:17:53,864
You! This is all your fault,
you little toad!
270
00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:55,100
Well, you haven't won yet!
271
00:17:55,140 --> 00:17:56,164
(LONGSHOT GRUNTING)
272
00:17:56,241 --> 00:18:00,371
'Cause the show ain't over
till the fat man stings!
273
00:18:00,446 --> 00:18:01,504
(LAUGHING)
274
00:18:04,116 --> 00:18:06,914
-That's all, folks!
-No!
275
00:18:08,287 --> 00:18:09,584
(SCREAMING)
276
00:18:12,024 --> 00:18:15,050
Fooled you! Really had you
going there, didn't I?
277
00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:16,457
Okay, joke's over.
278
00:18:16,528 --> 00:18:20,988
We can all go home now.
No hard feelings, eh, buddy?
279
00:18:24,303 --> 00:18:27,966
-Nice.
-Nah, just lucky.
280
00:18:28,340 --> 00:18:32,538
Gog! Spiral! Get this freak off of me!
281
00:18:41,620 --> 00:18:46,114
I want a rematch, mutant.
Pay-per-view, of course.
282
00:18:46,158 --> 00:18:50,151
Fifty percent of all intergalactic
merchandise and syndication revenue.
283
00:18:50,195 --> 00:18:52,425
Have I earned that trust yet?
284
00:18:52,531 --> 00:18:55,932
You're close. Go on.
You just got time for a quick goodbye.
285
00:18:56,001 --> 00:18:59,664
-Thanks. Jubilee, I...
-l know.
286
00:18:59,705 --> 00:19:04,335
You have to go. You have a rebellion
to lead and people you care about.
287
00:19:04,409 --> 00:19:07,708
I'll never forget you, Jubilee.
Thank you.
288
00:19:16,021 --> 00:19:19,149
Come on, kid. Let's head home.
289
00:19:27,065 --> 00:19:28,794
WARLOCK: It is the Spire!
290
00:19:29,501 --> 00:19:32,732
The Phalanx will use it to summon
the rest of my people!
291
00:19:33,038 --> 00:19:35,836
To add this planet to
the Phalanx empire!
292
00:19:37,543 --> 00:19:41,502
It is Self's fault.
Self never should have come here.
293
00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:45,541
Now Selfriends Beast, Forge,
294
00:19:45,851 --> 00:19:49,116
your world is doomed!
21970
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