Original subtitles

- Amy, hi! - Big sister!

My Amy, she is so wonderful.

I love her so much more than my other daughter, Jane.

Gregg?

If I sense any danger, I'll caw like a crow.

Ca-caw!

Giant inflatable Gregg head! Hello!

All paid for by my investors, man.

I'm with a debt collection agency.

On Monday, you'll report to the dentist's office,

where you'll be manning the reception desk until all the money's paid off.

She was your high school crush.

You always wished for a night with Jenny Spiegel.

I thought you were kind of cute.

Did you really?

You lied to my face.

You might have elbow patches on your sleeves, David,

but you're still a child.

You're gonna get her back.

I just know it.

Oh, Mrs. Spiegel. Ma'am, let me help you with that.

- Happy Passover, by the way. - Good yontif, dear.

- Grandma! - Oh!

- Excuse me. - Oh, my God.

I, okay, so-- excuse me, sorry.

Jen. Jen, I love you.

Here, let me, uh...

I'll pay for this if I, uh...

- What? - No, I don't have any cash.

Um, ma'am, what's your Venmo?

- My what? - Venmo.

David, it's okay.

- Should I get a Venmo? - Absolutely not.

I'm such an idiot.

It's fine. Everyone hates Passover candy.

- Just... - Yeah, it's the worst.

Uh, Jenny, I, uh, I just wanted to say

I am so sorry that I lied to you.

I know.

I got all of your texts.

Listen, after what Paul put me through, I just can't take any more.

- I can't. - Yeah, yeah, totally. I understand.

Um, look, you know, we're both in for

a pretty long and pretty boring night of seder.

So if you wanted to, you could totally sneak over later

and then hang, hang for a bit.

Come on, Passover is about redemption.

I'll see how it goes.

- Okay. - Yeah, but...

Friends?

Yeah, of course.

Okay. Oh, David, just a little tip.

Uh, never text one of these to a woman again.

I'm sorry.

Right.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

Okay.

♪ Hevenu shalom aleichem! ♪

Oh, boy.

♪ Hevenu shalom aleichem! ♪

Mommy, sing!

♪ Hevenu shalom aleichem! ♪

David, go!

♪ Hevenu shalom, shalom ♪

♪ Shalom aleichem! ♪

- Yeah. - Hey! Whoo!

Aunt Amy, hi.

Get in the Passover spirit, everybody.

Oh, hey, David, did I ever tell you who gave me this autoharp?

Yeah, you have, many times,

so we don't really need to hear the whole story.

Ravit!

Ah, here we go.

She was the musical counselor at our Jewish summer camp.

She was like an Israeli Stevie Nicks.

Yeah, Stevie Nicks.

She just had this way of bringing everyone together,

which is what I really wanna do for this Passover.

As Ravit would say,

"We must gather together

and come together as one!

- As one! As one!" - Oh, please, please!

Mother, you know what, I don't need this.

What up, Passover party people!

- Hey! - Whoo!

I'm just gonna get changed real quick.

No, you don't. Come on.

Everybody give it up for the Greggulator,

who just finished his very first week working reception at my office.

Oh, so proud!

Thank you. Can I quit now?

Who even makes these, man?

Toothy Hilfiger?

Yes. The Gap...

Tooth?

David, don't make fun.

I got one! Hugo Floss!

Pretty good!

- Nice one, Dad. - It was fun.

Sorry I'm late. I was picking up everyone's favorite Passover candy!

- Oh. - Oh, yay.

Yum.

Say, Ames, uh, where's Mitch?

Work emergency.

He couldn't make the flight, but he sends his love.

Aw, man!

We were gonna try to break our hacky sack record!

We kept this baby up for six seconds last time!

Ay, yi yi.

All right, well, let's get this seder on the road, huh?

Thanks for including me.

Now that both my parents have passed,

I wasn't sure that I'd have anywhere to go.

Okay, Debbie Downer, let's keep the chatter to a minimum

so we can get us all out of here in time for Young Sheldon.

Come on.

- Hey, Giggles. - Hey.

Gregg, I specifically wanted Rachel sitting--

- Aah! - Oh.

- Gregg! - What? It says kosher for Passover.

See? Rachel gets me.

You're messing with my table.

- Thank you. - Yeah, sure.

In the story of Passover, "God frees the Israelites from Pharaoh

by unleashing the ten plagues upon him:

blood, frogs, lice..."

Right, moving on.

No, no, no. That's only three plagues.

Yeah, I know, I just skipped ahead like I used to do with the boy's bedtime stories.

No. God gonna be so angry with you.

I don't think he's gonna notice. The boys never did.

Hey, you know what, come to think of it,

why don't we skip all this stuff

and go straight to the part we all love the most?

You know what I'm talking about, the Langer Games!

Harvey, no.

Yeah, Dad, no. We're adults now.

Come on, just for old time's sake.

What are the Langer Games?

It's what Harvey calls the part of the seder

where you hide a piece of matzo for the little kids to find.

Oh, the afikoman.

Yes, Kofi Annan. Yes.

Yeah, but it devolves into mayhem every single year.

It's like cockfighting, but with children.

You say that like it's a bad thing.

It is a bad thing!

Harvey, I told you, this seder is going to be

about love and unity, not competition.

Okay, no Langer Games.

What? Hey, what unifies more than competition?

Uh, David?

Den. Now.

Yo, what is up with you and Rachel?

What?

Nothing.

Okay, then why did you just--

Shh! Focus, will you?!

David, I have incredible news.

The world has finally discovered my prank channel.

Your what?

My little baby boy.

We're going viral.

Hey, what's up, David?

You got soak'd!

You got spray'd!

Hey, check this one out. Look at that.

You got snake'd!

You got Gregg'd!

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Please, please don't tell me you've been posting these all along.

Come on, dude, don't you wanna be famous?

Yeah, as a professor!

Hey, mission accomplished!

Look at this one.

Professor Sissypants wets himself.

Gregg, you can't just post these without my permission.

Take them down or I will sue!

What?!

Yeah.

No, dude, these videos are my ticket out of Dad's dental office, man.

And then I'll be...

Who are you texting, bro?

- My attorney. - You're texting Grandpa?

Your attorney grandpa?

Yeah. Yeah, you better hope it's a pickleball court, man,

'cause dude's been retired for centuries!

And, also, he loves me.

Not as much as he loves justice.

Boys, back to the table.

Sheldon's not getting any younger.

Now, in Hebrew, the word "dayenu" means, "It would have been enough."

But in the song "Dayenu," we were just really just reveling--

Less talk, more rock.

Okay.

♪ If he'd only set us free but had not judged those who enslaved us ♪

♪ Had not judged those who enslaved us ♪

♪ Dayenu ♪

Everybody!

♪ Day-dayenu ♪

♪ Day-dayenu ♪

♪ Day-dayenu ♪

♪ It would have been enough ♪

- ♪ Dayenu ♪ - No, no, no! Stop! Stop!

Stop it now!

Come on, Ma, we're all singing!

Why are you ruining it?

The seder plate must have a shankbone.

I don't see me no shankbone there.

Mom, chill.

They didn't have any at the grocery store, so I looked online,

and they said you can substitute a roasted beet.

We're good. Okay--

A roasted beet?

A roasted beet.

- A roasted beet? - A roasted beet.

I did not risk my life escaping Soviet Union,

chased by dogs the size of large dogs,

to celebrate Pesach with a roasted beet!

Even Amy, she have a shankbone--

and she a vegan!

Okay, great, so next year, go do seder at Amy's.

But, you know, Mommy, I have been kind of busting my ass all day

to make, like, a really beautiful night for everybody.

So we're gonna use a roast beet, no disre--

What the shit, Mommy?!

Mm-hmm.

Hey, you know what, Mom, why wait till next year?

Tomorrow, when Amy flies back to Santa Fe,

why don't you get on that plane and go with her, huh?

- Oh, honey, you don't mean that. - Mm.

Okay? Yeah, and you two can just go relax

in your little blonde, curly hair paradise,

with shankbones up the wazoo!

Well, that sounds wonderful to me!

- Me too! - Mm-hmm!

- Great! - Terrific!

- Great! - Terrific!

Jane, can I help you in the kitchen?

You understand, it's not that I don't want to take her in.

It's just... it's her health I'm worried about.

You know, I mean, at Mom's age,

like, just the tiniest change in routine and boom--

massive brain hemorrhage!

Cut the crap, Amy.

This is my one chance at peace, harmony, and unity in this house.

And she clearly wants to go with you. She said yes.

But I'm saying no.

She's lived with me for the last ten years.

It's your turn. You take her.

This isn't fair!

Well, it's not fair to me!

Then how do we settle it?

Ladies and gentlemen, it is time for the Langer Games!

What?! Wowee! Mwah!

Wait, you wanna play?

Yup! Me versus Amy.

You're bananas.

She's right. This is bananas.

Oh, no, you are not backing out.

We're settling this tonight.

What? Settle what?

Nothing. Don't worry about it.

Here, Mommy, why don't you go hide the matzo?

- Oh, thank you. - Thank you.

Yeah, we're in too. David and I wanna play too.

- What?! - Look, if you find the matzo,

then I'll take the videos down.

But if I find the matzo, videos stay up and you can't sue me.

- Okay, fine, I'm in. - Okay, yes!

The Langer Games are on!

Let's go out in the back while Rose hides the matzo.

Make it hard, but not too hard.

Think "Where's Waldo?"

Not it's far more punishing sequel, "Where's Waldo Now?"

Let's go!

Well, it's been a couple years,

so let's review the rules for tonight's competition, shall we?

Forbidden items include guns, knives,

swords, hammers, maces, and bludgeons.

Accepted items: anything that doesn't leave a mark.

Like this sack of oranges.

Do you just have those standing by?

Rachel, honey, you're gonna wanna go home.

Things are probably gonna get a little ugly.

Oh, no, no, no. If you're playing, I wanna play.

Perhaps I, too, shall join the fray.

Wouldn't mind seeing my name etched in gold.

Okay.

What?

You're just not a finder-keeper, Dad. You're a loser-weeper.

You know, I mean, the sheer amount of money you've lost on earbuds alone.

Again with the earbuds! They're slippery, bruh!

- Good yontif to all. - Oh...

And jeez, oh, man, Jane, are you a Pesach vision tonight.

Thank you, Donnie. What are you doing back here?

Good night, Donnie. We're kind of in the middle of our, uh...

Yeah, your seder, I know.

I took it upon myself to, uh, check the bylaws here

in this Haggadah.

And it clearly states: "Let all who are hungry come eat."

You hungry, Lamb?

That's Yiddish for "I could eat."

Hey, this way, Donnie. Come on.

- Oh. - Let's go.

Look, Harv, I don't make the rules.

So if you got a problem, just take it up with the Hashem.

Yeah, Donnie, listen. How's Lambert at finding stuff,

you know, if you give him something to sniff?

Oh, yeah, I mean, he sniffs stuff out all the time.

I mean, believe you me, this little fella right here,

he's eaten his fair share of tampons.

Boys, welcome to our seder.

All right, let's do this!

Let's Jew this! Get it?

Oh, everybody! Listen, everybody!

The matzo has been hidden!

I put it in the--

- Don't tell us, Mom. - No, Nana.

Ready yourselves, matzo-hunters!

The doors will open in five!

Four! Three! Two! One!

Welcome to the Langer Dome! Let the wild rumpus start!

Oh!

My house will be a bastion

of peace and harmony!

And my mother will not ruin that for me!

Oh, come on.

Jenny, hi!

- Hi! - Hi!

Um, I'm just dropping this off. It's a shankbone.

- Your mom called. - Um, thank you very much.

I'm so sorry. She should not have bothered you.

You're in my way, Gregg!

Ah, Jenny, you came.

- Yes. - She's here.

Hi. What's, uh, what's going on?

Oh, you know, Passover. Gregg.

I thought you said it was gonna be boring here tonight.

I really hoped it would be.

Okay, uh, so, it's a high-stakes matzo hunt.

- Uh-huh. - So...

Yeah, so if I beat Gregg, then he takes down

these really embarrassing videos of him clowning on me.

It's pretty dumb, I know.

Want a partner?

Yes, I do.

Ow! Amy, that's my reattached finger!

Oopsie-daisy!

Clear!

Clear!

What? I already said clear.

Have you ever watched a cop show?

Yes, I've watched a cop show. Duh.

Oh.

Wow.

Nimble.

Hey, Gregg, over here!

Killed it.

Okay, Lamb, you got this. Go find the matzo.

Fly, my pretty, fly!

All right, let me know when he finds it.

I'll be in the yard with my sack.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on.

You hack?

You hack?

Check the pack, Jack.

Meet you out back.

This is Gregg's room?

Lord. What is he, eight years old?

- I think he is, yeah. - This is ridiculous.

Ah.

Matzo, matzo, matzo, matzo, matzo, where are you?

Oh, my God.

Oh, Gregg.

All right, what's this about?

I found it, Gregg.

Then where is it? Where's the matzo?

Oh, no, no, no, I didn't mean the matzo.

You're gonna wish it was just the matzo, yeah.

My dear brother, Gregg, I found your notebook.

What notebook?

You know the one. With the crow on the cover?

Page after page of goopy unsent love letters to a mystery girl next door.

At first, I was like, "Oh, God, Gregg's in love with Jenny."

But then I realized: wrong girl, wrong door.

You're in love with Rachel! Ca-caw!

Hey, hey, hey! Hey!

How dumb do you think I am? I hid it.

Fine! You win!

I will delete the videos.

Just give me back the notebook.

Right after I say, "Suck it, Whoopsie."

Uh, no, you know what, actually, I am gonna bank that one.

Oh, yeah, I'm really gonna savor it.

The way Nana savors her vape.

- I hate you. - I love you.

- Hey. - Hey.

There you are. You find the matzo?

No, no, but, uh, Gregg's gonna take down the videos anyway, so...

Oh.

Let's just say I beat him at his own game.

Wow!

Charlie Brown finally kicked the football.

How'd it feel?

Well, uh, I've never really done drugs,

but, Jenny, it felt like drugs.

So...

Uh, hey, um, would you maybe wanna get out of here?

Grab a drink or something?

David, we talked about this.

Friends, remember?

I know, I know, I know.

But, uh, I just felt like we were really connecting,

you know, 'cause you forgave me and...

I do. And I like you, David. A lot.

So what is, uh, what's the problem? What am I missing?

It's just a vibe.

I'm probably wrong,

but I get the sense that you're afraid to be seen.

Well, I mean, come on,

anybody would want those videos taken down.

No, I don't mean the videos.

I mean afraid to be honest about who you are.

And that makes it hard for me to connect with you.

I... I don't understand.

No, I'm sure I'm full of shit. Sorry.

- Yeah. - Good night, David.

Right, right.

Sorry. Okay, good night.

Oh, my God, Jane. Are you, like, good?

Am I, like, good? Am I, like, good, Amy? I don't know. Am I, like, good?

I mean, I don't have any purpose in my life,

and my kids are all grown, and I don't have any career prospects.

You know, yesterday during lunch,

I took out my phone to play a game of solitaire,

and by the time I looked up, it was dark outside.

So, no, Amy, I guess no. I guess I'm not good.

But do you wanna know what keeps me going?

Is it's nights like this.

Time with my family.

Things that just give me meaning.

This night is supposed to be about togetherness, and instead, look at us,

using a matzo hunt to figure out who's gonna get stuck with our mom.

I mean, what would Ravit think of me?

You can ask her. She's on LinkedIn.

She does PR for an artificial flavoring company.

Really?

That's depressing.

- Oh! Good stretch. - Nice.

Harv, I gotta say, there is a genuine poetry

to the way you handle your sack.

So I've been told.

- Wowee! - It's pretty good, right?

Donnie, you're like a warlock.

Wow.

Come on in here!

We have a winner!

It's no surprise who it is because she was always number one.

Put your hands together for...

Amy!

Wait, where the heck was that stupid thing?

Right there, under the coffee table.

Wait, I looked under that thing, like, 2,000 times.

So did I.

Me too, Daddy.

I thought I had, too, but I just looked again,

and there it was.

Yeah, because it was there all the time!

It's a bunch of flaming horse shit!

David.

Jenny.

You're back.

Yeah. Um, can we...

Uh, wait, um, there's something I gotta do.

- Oh, okay. - Okay.

If I'm gonna own who I am,

that means that I need to own up to what I've done.

So I'm gonna admit to some things,

any one of which probably would have been enough

to ruin my chances with you forever.

But so be it.

Mom?

- Huh? Yeah? - "Dayenu," please.

"Dayenu"?

"Dayenu," please.

- Yeah. - Okay.

♪ If I'd only made you jealous by making out with my cousin ♪

♪ In a bathroom at a shiva ♪

♪ Dayenu ♪

♪ Day-dayenu ♪

♪ Day-dayenu ♪

♪ Day-dayenu ♪

♪ It would have been enough ♪

♪ Day-dayenu ♪

♪ If I'd only broken into your house to steal back a Valentine ♪

♪ That looked just like a thingus ♪

♪ Dayenu ♪

♪ Day-dayenu ♪

♪ Day-dayenu ♪

♪ Day-dayenu ♪

♪ It would have been enough ♪

♪ Dayenu ♪

♪ If I'd only hid under your bed while you had sex with your boyfriend ♪

♪ I'm sorry, please don't hurt me ♪

♪ Dayenu ♪

Everybody!

♪ Day-dayenu ♪

♪ Day-dayenu ♪

♪ Day-dayenu ♪

♪ It would have been enough ♪

What cousin did he make out with?

I can still feel the adrenaline pumping through my veins!

What a fun night!

Yeah.

Well, it doesn't have to end here.

What do you mean?

Well, you know, we could hang out or, like, watch a movie or...

just talk.

Joke.

- Oh! - Yeah.

I got Gregg'd!

- You got Gregg'd. - I got Gregg'd!

You did.

David, what you just did in there was mortifying.

- And I loved it. - Oh.

But the truth is, I didn't need to hear it.

Not after seeing this.

David, no, these letters are so sweet

and vulnerable and...

sorry, but the word "mortifying" once again just comes to mind.

So the fact that you would share these with me,

that is exactly what I meant about owning who you are.

- Right, Jenny, um... - Shut up.

Shut up and kiss your girl next door.

You know, I gotta tell you, you're all right, Harvey.

So are you, Donnie.

You too, Lamb, even though we lost.

Oh, yeah, he, uh, he really shat the bed tonight.

Ah, it's okay. He'll win it for us next year.

Uh, no, I mean he literally shat the bed.

Your bed.

Your... your side of the bed.

Well, suppose I deserve that after all the times

I've said, "Goodbye, Donnie," and slammed this door in your face.

Water under the bridge.

You know, Passover, after all, is about redemption.

It is? Says who?

The Torah, Harvey.

You should try unfurling one sometime.

Anyway, you ever notice how all them ancient Hebrews,

they all took on multiple wives?

Right? You got your Abraham, your David...

even Noah.

That guy had two of everything, right?

Exactly.

So here's what I was thinking.

Just to balance the scales,

don't you think that a modern Hebrew, such as yourself,

maybe you wanna let your wife take multiple husbands?

Goodbye, Donnie.

I know what you did, Mommy.

I did nothing.

You placed the matzo so that Amy would find it.

'Cause maybe you, I don't know, heard about a little bet or something?

I know nothing.

Come on, like, you wanted me to lose

because you didn't really wanna live with her.

Because, despite all your complaining, you just prefer to live with me.

So why don't you just...

admit it.

I admit nothing.

Mommy...

Wait. I...

I see that. I see that little smile on your...

Mom... Mother...

Mommy!

I knew it. I knew it.

Oh, Amy, I got your tea exactly how you like it.

Got the two sugars, herbal tea, right?

This one.

Amy?

What's wrong with you?

I lied about Mitch having to work tonight.

He's not here 'cause we separated.

He claims I'm a narcissist!

I mean, what?!

- What?! - What?

I'm so ashamed. That's why I didn't want you moving in with me.

'Cause I've been living in the RV, all alone.

Oh, no, not no more, darling. Come here.

Come here. You're going to move in with us. Right, Jane?

- Wait, what? - One big, happy family.

Mm.

Thank you.

Gotta hand it to you, honey, most unifying seder ever.

Yep.

Who's calling?

Hey!

- What's up, Grandpa? - Hey, Pops!

- How are you? - Hello, Irving!

Hey, Grandpa. It's okay, we don't have to sue Gregg anymore.

Don't be ridiculous. I would never sue my own grandson.

I just thought you might have a case, David.

So, I showed the videos to my pickleball partner, Jerry.

He's a litigator and he wants to talk to you, Gregg.

That's great, Gramps, but I'll take down my--

No, no, no, no, kid, it's about your snake.

I'm a snake guy too.

And I don't know where you got Megan the Snake...

Megan Thee Snake.

...but she's of an extremely rare

and sought-after subspecies.

- And-- - Oh, cut to the chase, Jerry.

You're sitting on 50 grand, baby!

- What? - Wowee!

Gregg, say something!

Uh...

Savor this, bitch.

I quit, Dad!

I'm rich! I'm rich!