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1
00:00:15,510 --> 00:00:19,520
[grunts] Come on, come on,
stupid neck.
2
00:00:19,560 --> 00:00:22,730
[grunts] After all the food
I put down you.
3
00:00:22,760 --> 00:00:24,330
[inhales deeply]
4
00:00:27,610 --> 00:00:28,740
[choking]
5
00:00:28,770 --> 00:00:29,980
Mmm. Button.
6
00:00:30,010 --> 00:00:30,980
[gags]
7
00:00:31,010 --> 00:00:34,150
Homie! What's going on?
8
00:00:34,180 --> 00:00:36,420
[choking]
9
00:00:36,460 --> 00:00:37,630
Knee?
10
00:00:37,730 --> 00:00:38,730
HAIM?
11
00:00:38,860 --> 00:00:39,860
Lick?
12
00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:42,330
[gasps] "Need Heimlich!"
13
00:00:46,910 --> 00:00:48,010
Well played, Marge.
14
00:00:48,150 --> 00:00:49,180
For God's sakes,
15
00:00:49,250 --> 00:00:52,150
why don't you just buy a shirt
with a bigger neck?
16
00:00:52,290 --> 00:00:55,030
Neck shaming, Marge.
Neck shaming.
17
00:00:55,060 --> 00:00:56,460
That's not a thing.
18
00:00:56,560 --> 00:00:58,570
Who made you
president of things?
19
00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:00,570
Quit your bickering.
We'll be late.
20
00:01:00,700 --> 00:01:04,310
Dad, we were saving that suit
for you to be buried in.
21
00:01:04,340 --> 00:01:06,380
This isn't my funeral?
22
00:01:06,520 --> 00:01:07,620
Oh.
23
00:01:15,370 --> 00:01:17,140
Mm...
24
00:01:19,170 --> 00:01:20,780
Hey, hey!
25
00:01:25,050 --> 00:01:28,060
It's the 35th Annual
Springie Awards,
26
00:01:28,160 --> 00:01:30,060
honoring our town's finest.
27
00:01:30,200 --> 00:01:33,200
And here's Ms. Hoover.
Who are you wearing?
28
00:01:33,340 --> 00:01:36,480
Same thing I always wear.
I can only afford one dress.
29
00:01:36,510 --> 00:01:40,680
Ah, teachers. We can never
repay you for all you do.
30
00:01:40,720 --> 00:01:42,290
So, we won't. [chuckles]
31
00:01:42,320 --> 00:01:45,060
Rainier Wolfcastle.
What are you up for?
32
00:01:45,160 --> 00:01:46,760
I am a presenter.
33
00:01:46,800 --> 00:01:49,030
I'll be back...
34
00:01:49,070 --> 00:01:50,340
stage in the green room,
35
00:01:50,370 --> 00:01:53,040
gobbling up the caprese panini.
36
00:01:54,580 --> 00:01:56,820
[announcer]
And now please welcome
37
00:01:56,920 --> 00:01:58,450
your host for this evening.
38
00:01:58,490 --> 00:02:00,120
He's charming, he's svelte,
39
00:02:00,220 --> 00:02:01,860
he's got beer on his belt,
40
00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:03,230
Duffman!
41
00:02:03,330 --> 00:02:07,240
Oh, yeah! This shamelessly
self-indulgent awards show
42
00:02:07,340 --> 00:02:10,380
is brought to you by Duff Lite.
43
00:02:10,480 --> 00:02:12,280
Some right-wing groups
have accused our beer
44
00:02:12,380 --> 00:02:14,250
of being "too woke."
45
00:02:14,280 --> 00:02:17,220
Let me say the only thing
our beer stands for
46
00:02:17,320 --> 00:02:19,460
is getting drunk, getting fat,
47
00:02:19,490 --> 00:02:22,670
and buying more
till you pass out.
48
00:02:22,700 --> 00:02:24,710
God bless America!
49
00:02:24,740 --> 00:02:25,980
Can I still say that?
50
00:02:26,110 --> 00:02:27,340
-Oh, yeah!
-[audience cheering]
51
00:02:27,440 --> 00:02:29,750
So, if you have a chance,
take your family
52
00:02:29,880 --> 00:02:32,790
to the fabulous new
Springfield Academy Museum.
53
00:02:32,890 --> 00:02:35,490
Closed Mondays, Tuesdays,
Wednesdays and Fridays.
54
00:02:35,630 --> 00:02:38,970
Admission is free, but parking
is extremely expensive.
55
00:02:39,070 --> 00:02:40,240
[audience booing]
56
00:02:40,340 --> 00:02:43,240
And now I'm afraid
we must apologize
57
00:02:43,380 --> 00:02:46,110
for an earlier
"In Memoriam" tribute
58
00:02:46,150 --> 00:02:48,220
to the person we said was dead
59
00:02:48,320 --> 00:02:50,220
but was actually alive...
60
00:02:50,360 --> 00:02:52,830
who now is actually dead.
61
00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:55,100
It is... our bad!
62
00:02:55,200 --> 00:02:57,710
[Moleman]
But I'm alive.
63
00:02:57,810 --> 00:02:59,370
Oh...
64
00:02:59,510 --> 00:03:02,110
And now, Springfield's
Nicest Person.
65
00:03:02,150 --> 00:03:04,150
Here's a surprise.
Not!
66
00:03:04,250 --> 00:03:06,660
The winner is Ned Flanders!
67
00:03:06,790 --> 00:03:09,530
-[audience grumbles]
-[band plays
"Everyone Loves Ned Flanders"]
68
00:03:09,630 --> 00:03:11,800
I really don't deserve this.
I don't.
69
00:03:11,830 --> 00:03:14,070
I mean, what do I do
that any good man wouldn't?
70
00:03:14,100 --> 00:03:16,280
-I'm not worthy. I'm not worthy.
-[orchestral music plays]
71
00:03:16,310 --> 00:03:19,280
Thank you for playing me off.
Just what I deserve.
72
00:03:19,410 --> 00:03:20,750
[Duffman]
Oh, yeah!
73
00:03:20,890 --> 00:03:22,250
Oh, skunked again.
74
00:03:22,290 --> 00:03:25,860
I can't believe Maggie lost
for "Best Silent Baby."
75
00:03:28,700 --> 00:03:32,140
And now the award for Best
Sailboat Painting goes to...
76
00:03:32,170 --> 00:03:34,040
Sideshow Mel!
77
00:03:34,140 --> 00:03:35,510
[cheering, applause]
78
00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:39,290
They have
the same painting as us.
79
00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:41,160
But yours is askew.
80
00:03:41,260 --> 00:03:43,260
Askew, I say.
81
00:03:43,300 --> 00:03:45,500
Will this show never end?
82
00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:47,770
Enough!
83
00:03:47,910 --> 00:03:49,340
And finally, the award
84
00:03:49,440 --> 00:03:53,050
for our town's
Most Underappreciated Person...
85
00:03:53,180 --> 00:03:54,890
[exclaims quietly]
86
00:03:54,920 --> 00:03:56,160
...who is so modest
87
00:03:56,290 --> 00:03:57,660
they have no idea
88
00:03:57,690 --> 00:04:00,900
their name
is about to be called.
89
00:04:01,030 --> 00:04:02,170
The winner is...
90
00:04:02,270 --> 00:04:04,300
Marge Simpson!
91
00:04:04,440 --> 00:04:06,080
-Wha?!
-Way to go, Mom.
-[cheering, applause]
92
00:04:06,180 --> 00:04:08,180
Yay, Mom!
93
00:04:08,310 --> 00:04:10,920
[audience chanting]
Marge! Marge! Marge!
94
00:04:11,050 --> 00:04:12,690
[cheering, whooping]
95
00:04:15,460 --> 00:04:17,600
Oh, just a dream.
96
00:04:17,700 --> 00:04:20,340
But I can still enjoy it
one minute more.
97
00:04:20,470 --> 00:04:22,040
Bart's kicking my ribs!
98
00:04:22,070 --> 00:04:23,480
Lisa's ribs are poking my foot.
99
00:04:23,510 --> 00:04:24,610
-[kids clamoring]
-Marge, I'm gonna sing
100
00:04:24,650 --> 00:04:26,010
in the shower and I need backup.
101
00:04:26,110 --> 00:04:28,750
-[all clamoring]
-All right, all right,
I'm getting up.
102
00:04:29,790 --> 00:04:30,860
[sighs]
103
00:04:30,890 --> 00:04:33,460
I'll just say this.
Even when you visit me,
104
00:04:33,500 --> 00:04:36,000
it's worse than
when you don't visit me.
105
00:04:36,130 --> 00:04:39,840
I'm sorry to say your dog
is getting along in years.
106
00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:43,120
I'm afraid he's developed
Dogzheimer's.
107
00:04:43,220 --> 00:04:44,820
Dogzheimer's?
108
00:04:44,850 --> 00:04:46,260
Oh, I've heard of that.
109
00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:48,960
Not as bad
as Cowheimer's, but...
110
00:04:49,060 --> 00:04:50,700
What were talking about again?
111
00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:52,830
[barks]
112
00:04:54,340 --> 00:04:56,280
Oh, I totally agree.
113
00:04:56,380 --> 00:04:58,450
[barking]
114
00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:02,520
I can put either of them down.
115
00:05:02,620 --> 00:05:04,690
-What the...
-[yelps]
116
00:05:05,890 --> 00:05:08,500
Look, Ma! I broke
both my middle fingers.
117
00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:10,500
Ew, ew, ew!
That is so gross
118
00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:13,780
I can't even enjoy
that it's you. Ugh!
119
00:05:13,910 --> 00:05:17,380
Homie. I need help!
Where are you?
120
00:05:17,420 --> 00:05:18,890
[grumbles]
121
00:05:19,620 --> 00:05:20,620
Hmm.
122
00:05:21,760 --> 00:05:24,130
[all exclaiming]
123
00:05:24,160 --> 00:05:25,200
Nothin' gets through.
124
00:05:25,230 --> 00:05:27,400
Only thing I want
going in their brains is booze.
125
00:05:27,440 --> 00:05:29,270
[chuckles]
126
00:05:29,410 --> 00:05:31,610
[all exclaim]
127
00:05:32,180 --> 00:05:33,750
Mm...
128
00:05:33,880 --> 00:05:35,520
[groans]
129
00:05:35,550 --> 00:05:37,260
[groans] So, who won?
130
00:05:37,360 --> 00:05:39,630
Me, 'cause I wasn't playing.
131
00:05:43,970 --> 00:05:45,040
[phones ringing]
132
00:05:46,110 --> 00:05:48,680
Oh, my God. Marge has been
trying to reach me all day.
133
00:05:48,780 --> 00:05:50,880
Aah!
My father's in the hospital.
134
00:05:51,020 --> 00:05:52,590
As a patient!
135
00:05:53,390 --> 00:05:54,490
Mm...
136
00:05:54,630 --> 00:05:56,160
Mm?
137
00:05:56,300 --> 00:05:59,600
-Marge...
-Not a word.
138
00:06:01,810 --> 00:06:05,310
Can you fix these?
My ass hangs out.
139
00:06:05,350 --> 00:06:06,420
Give 'em to me.
140
00:06:06,450 --> 00:06:09,150
Where all problems end up.
141
00:06:09,190 --> 00:06:10,560
[grumbles]
142
00:06:10,660 --> 00:06:13,700
[TV Announcer] We now return
to Trash for Cash.
143
00:06:13,730 --> 00:06:17,770
This seemingly average weather
vane was originally made...
144
00:06:17,900 --> 00:06:19,070
in France.
145
00:06:19,110 --> 00:06:22,150
Makes sense.
I bought it in "Jivernay."
146
00:06:22,180 --> 00:06:24,080
Yes. I'd say the value is,
147
00:06:24,180 --> 00:06:27,590
at the very least, $5,000.
148
00:06:27,690 --> 00:06:31,330
We'll be able to cover the
whole back 40 in insecticide.
149
00:06:31,470 --> 00:06:34,740
[sighs]
When will I get my insecticide?
150
00:06:34,870 --> 00:06:37,180
My late husband
owned these pants.
151
00:06:37,210 --> 00:06:39,180
He was a rather large man.
152
00:06:39,210 --> 00:06:40,580
Don't much miss him.
153
00:06:41,380 --> 00:06:43,320
The key to the value
of these jeans
154
00:06:43,460 --> 00:06:45,590
is that both E's
155
00:06:45,630 --> 00:06:48,330
in "Leevi's" are capitalized.
156
00:06:48,370 --> 00:06:49,600
Ooh!
157
00:06:49,740 --> 00:06:51,840
Also very good for you,
158
00:06:51,870 --> 00:06:54,710
these pants have hidden rivets.
159
00:06:55,680 --> 00:06:56,450
Hm!
160
00:06:56,480 --> 00:06:59,220
Which were used before 1967
161
00:06:59,350 --> 00:07:03,060
when open rivets
were considered vulgar.
162
00:07:03,100 --> 00:07:04,100
[gasps]
163
00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:05,270
Does it matter that these
164
00:07:05,370 --> 00:07:06,870
were frequently worn?
165
00:07:06,900 --> 00:07:08,810
Including, sometimes, in bed?
166
00:07:08,910 --> 00:07:11,350
Ugh.
I never visit his grave.
167
00:07:11,380 --> 00:07:12,920
Actually, with jeans,
168
00:07:13,050 --> 00:07:17,190
a highly distressed seat
can increase the value.
169
00:07:17,990 --> 00:07:21,000
I'd say the minimum
possible value
170
00:07:21,100 --> 00:07:23,370
for these pants is...
171
00:07:23,500 --> 00:07:24,710
-Oh...
-Uh-huh? Uh-huh?
172
00:07:24,810 --> 00:07:27,740
$2,600.
173
00:07:28,710 --> 00:07:29,780
[gasps]
174
00:07:29,880 --> 00:07:32,860
Having a husband
finally paid off.
175
00:07:44,310 --> 00:07:46,320
Uh, Homer?
176
00:07:46,420 --> 00:07:47,850
I couldn't fix your pants.
177
00:07:47,950 --> 00:07:49,660
You'll have to wear
something else.
178
00:07:49,790 --> 00:07:50,920
Can I wear my Speedo to work?
179
00:07:51,020 --> 00:07:54,400
I'm afraid not,
but we'll be fine.
180
00:07:54,530 --> 00:07:57,400
-Mm.
-Aw. I make her happy.
181
00:07:57,440 --> 00:08:00,010
Oh, you got a loose hair.
Fixed it.
182
00:08:06,790 --> 00:08:09,160
♪ Make me money ♪
183
00:08:11,700 --> 00:08:15,670
♪ They're worth a lot,
they say ♪
184
00:08:15,710 --> 00:08:18,850
♪ And I shall wear sweatpants ♪
185
00:08:18,980 --> 00:08:21,850
♪ And I shall
stretch the waistband ♪
186
00:08:21,990 --> 00:08:25,930
♪ [whoops] And I shall
wear sweatpants ♪
187
00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:29,570
♪ Covering my gorgeous can
[whoops] ♪
188
00:08:29,670 --> 00:08:31,710
[vocalizing]
189
00:08:31,740 --> 00:08:33,810
Mornin', Jerry. [whoops]
190
00:08:33,840 --> 00:08:36,850
♪ And they shall be Leevi's ♪
191
00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:40,460
♪ And I shall wear sweatpants ♪
192
00:08:40,590 --> 00:08:43,730
♪ And they shall be Leevi's ♪
193
00:08:43,860 --> 00:08:46,940
♪ Sweatpants for the husky man ♪
194
00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:48,640
♪ Oh, oh ♪
195
00:08:48,740 --> 00:08:51,480
♪ They shall be ♪
196
00:08:51,580 --> 00:08:54,350
-♪ Leevi's. ♪
-♪ Sweatpants. ♪
197
00:08:58,190 --> 00:08:59,930
[snoring]
198
00:09:00,060 --> 00:09:02,070
Mm...
199
00:09:04,610 --> 00:09:06,210
[entry bell rings]
200
00:09:07,610 --> 00:09:10,450
-Yes, may I help you?
-Comic Book Guy?
201
00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:12,090
No. I am his cousin,
202
00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:14,090
Collectible Pants Dude
203
00:09:14,190 --> 00:09:16,030
or CPD, whatever.
204
00:09:16,130 --> 00:09:18,630
I see. Well, I, uh,
may be interested
205
00:09:18,770 --> 00:09:21,370
in selling this vintage item.
206
00:09:21,500 --> 00:09:23,110
Huh, I say.
207
00:09:23,240 --> 00:09:25,380
I will give you, eh...
208
00:09:25,410 --> 00:09:26,520
twenty dollars.
209
00:09:26,650 --> 00:09:28,490
Not so fast, bub.
210
00:09:28,590 --> 00:09:31,590
I happen to know
these are 501-XX
211
00:09:31,630 --> 00:09:35,000
big double-E jeans
with hidden rivets.
212
00:09:35,030 --> 00:09:37,240
Zoinks!
I see you know pants.
213
00:09:37,270 --> 00:09:39,370
In that case, my offer is...
214
00:09:39,510 --> 00:09:40,640
twenty-two dollars.
215
00:09:40,780 --> 00:09:44,220
I saw a pair on eBay for $3,000.
216
00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:46,290
Oh... [stammers] Uh...
217
00:09:46,320 --> 00:09:49,900
Fine! You have me, madam.
Because I must have them.
218
00:09:49,930 --> 00:09:52,670
I've never seen such
a perfectly distressed rear.
219
00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:55,310
I mean, these pants
have experienced thousands--
220
00:09:55,340 --> 00:09:58,680
I say thousands--
of pounds of butt pressure.
221
00:09:58,780 --> 00:10:00,680
Yes, he's got a big keister.
222
00:10:00,780 --> 00:10:02,790
Are we gonna deal or what?
223
00:10:02,920 --> 00:10:05,760
Sorry. Collectible clothes
are my one addiction.
224
00:10:05,790 --> 00:10:09,000
Also cannabis gummies
and the films of Kenneth Anger.
225
00:10:09,100 --> 00:10:10,140
But I digress.
226
00:10:10,170 --> 00:10:13,910
My offer is $2,595.
227
00:10:14,010 --> 00:10:15,050
Okay?
228
00:10:15,680 --> 00:10:17,350
-Hm...
-I see you hesitate.
229
00:10:17,480 --> 00:10:21,290
Well, let me zip up this deal
and button its fly, okay?
230
00:10:26,100 --> 00:10:29,410
Um, let me think
just a little bit more.
231
00:10:30,680 --> 00:10:33,050
You've already put the money
in your bag.
232
00:10:33,150 --> 00:10:36,120
Oh. So I have. Mm.
233
00:10:36,150 --> 00:10:37,760
Deal.
234
00:10:38,860 --> 00:10:39,560
Mm!
235
00:10:39,700 --> 00:10:40,860
Oh, my God.
236
00:10:40,960 --> 00:10:42,700
There are so many things
I could do
237
00:10:42,740 --> 00:10:45,010
for my family's future
with this money.
238
00:10:45,110 --> 00:10:48,580
Mom, the money you gave me
paid for a week of college.
239
00:10:48,610 --> 00:10:49,720
Next.
240
00:10:49,750 --> 00:10:52,720
You used the money
for a neck tattoo?
241
00:10:52,820 --> 00:10:54,560
Not just the neck.
242
00:10:54,590 --> 00:10:56,960
[grumbles] Next.
243
00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:00,970
[grumbles]
244
00:11:02,610 --> 00:11:04,880
Oppenheimer. Oppenheimer!
245
00:11:05,010 --> 00:11:07,550
I am so sick of hearing
about that jerk.
246
00:11:07,580 --> 00:11:10,820
"Wah, I built a bomb then
I was sad when they dropped it."
247
00:11:10,860 --> 00:11:13,830
Boo-hoo. Aren't you sick
of Oppenheimer, Smithers?
248
00:11:13,860 --> 00:11:16,870
Actually, sir, I preferred
another movie last summer.
249
00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:19,140
Another movie?
Besides Oppenheimer?
250
00:11:19,170 --> 00:11:21,080
-That's right.
-There was a second movie
251
00:11:21,210 --> 00:11:22,150
people were seeing?
252
00:11:22,280 --> 00:11:23,980
Yes, there was.
A global phenomenon.
253
00:11:24,020 --> 00:11:26,050
Really?
Global, you say?
254
00:11:26,150 --> 00:11:28,490
And it finally
gave me the courage
255
00:11:28,630 --> 00:11:30,460
to do this.
256
00:11:31,260 --> 00:11:33,640
Mm, well, you seem to be
bleeding from the head.
257
00:11:33,740 --> 00:11:36,310
-It's dye.
-Die on your own time.
258
00:11:36,340 --> 00:11:39,110
Now, regarding Oppenheimer,
follow me.
259
00:11:42,890 --> 00:11:45,860
Have you fellows heard
of "Tickling the Dragon's Tail"?
260
00:11:45,890 --> 00:11:47,860
Sounds like a DreamWorks film.
261
00:11:47,900 --> 00:11:48,900
Well, it's not.
262
00:11:49,030 --> 00:11:50,770
We carefully add small amounts
263
00:11:50,900 --> 00:11:52,510
of fissionable uranium,
264
00:11:52,610 --> 00:11:55,010
stopping
just before critical mass.
265
00:11:55,050 --> 00:11:58,150
We can create the most
profitable atomic pile of all.
266
00:11:58,190 --> 00:12:01,020
Oppenheimer tried it
at Los Alamos but he failed.
267
00:12:01,120 --> 00:12:02,060
Idiot!
268
00:12:02,090 --> 00:12:04,260
That showboat
slides his boney self
269
00:12:04,300 --> 00:12:05,570
into every picture.
270
00:12:05,670 --> 00:12:07,640
Should have called him
Photo-Oppenheimer.
271
00:12:07,670 --> 00:12:09,510
My biopic will be longer,
272
00:12:09,540 --> 00:12:10,940
its star skinnier,
273
00:12:11,080 --> 00:12:13,650
and global annihilation
will not be hinted at,
274
00:12:13,680 --> 00:12:15,750
but rather
the heartwarming climax.
275
00:12:15,790 --> 00:12:18,390
-Excellent.
-[Geiger counter clicking]
276
00:12:20,800 --> 00:12:22,670
Of, uh, course, sir,
277
00:12:22,700 --> 00:12:24,340
if you exceed the critical mass,
278
00:12:24,440 --> 00:12:26,710
it, uh, would lead to an
uncontrolled nuclear explo...
279
00:12:26,810 --> 00:12:28,010
[both gasp]
280
00:12:30,580 --> 00:12:32,250
The plant's gonna blow!
281
00:12:32,290 --> 00:12:33,420
Alarmist.
282
00:12:34,730 --> 00:12:37,460
[man]
My suit's... too bulky!
283
00:12:38,700 --> 00:12:41,570
[vocalizing quietly]
284
00:12:41,710 --> 00:12:43,110
Did you see that, Smithers?
285
00:12:43,140 --> 00:12:45,980
That sweat-panted Superman
rescued us all.
286
00:12:46,010 --> 00:12:48,350
Well, I just
put my sweatpants on
287
00:12:48,390 --> 00:12:51,390
one leg at a time
like any fat guy.
288
00:12:51,420 --> 00:12:53,530
Well, you saved my life.
289
00:12:53,560 --> 00:12:55,130
So I'm giving you two tickets,
290
00:12:55,230 --> 00:12:57,800
front row seats,
to a baseball game.
291
00:12:57,840 --> 00:12:59,570
Debt paid.
Never talk to me again.
292
00:13:01,310 --> 00:13:02,080
Hmm.
293
00:13:02,110 --> 00:13:04,450
I thought I'd enjoy this money,
294
00:13:04,550 --> 00:13:07,260
but I'm not happy.
[groans]
295
00:13:07,390 --> 00:13:09,360
[Barney]
I sure don't envy you, lady.
296
00:13:09,390 --> 00:13:12,130
When life gives you lemons,
make lemonade.
297
00:13:12,270 --> 00:13:14,770
Add vodka,
and meet me down here.
298
00:13:14,870 --> 00:13:17,080
-Oh.
-Mm...
299
00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:20,550
Reverend, what does
our faith say
300
00:13:20,680 --> 00:13:24,190
about spending money
on something just for yourself?
301
00:13:25,260 --> 00:13:28,000
Well, I sure don't know.
but for 20 bucks
302
00:13:28,130 --> 00:13:30,740
I'll wipe the communion cup
before you drink from it.
303
00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:32,070
Eh?
304
00:13:33,180 --> 00:13:34,610
[grumbles]
305
00:13:35,580 --> 00:13:37,780
Oh...
306
00:13:37,890 --> 00:13:40,160
Homer, after a lot
of soul searching,
307
00:13:40,290 --> 00:13:42,390
there's something
I've got to tell you.
308
00:13:42,430 --> 00:13:44,900
-[crowd cheering]
-[organ playing]
309
00:13:45,030 --> 00:13:47,500
Are you at a baseball game?
310
00:13:47,640 --> 00:13:48,810
I am. It's so great.
311
00:13:48,870 --> 00:13:51,450
We got to meet the players,
play "Chopsticks" on the organ,
312
00:13:51,550 --> 00:13:55,150
and they hit a foul ball to you
on purpose.
313
00:13:55,190 --> 00:13:57,090
[organ playing "Chopsticks"]
314
00:14:00,360 --> 00:14:01,630
Are you there alone?
315
00:14:01,770 --> 00:14:03,540
Well, I asked Lenny,
but he was busy.
316
00:14:03,640 --> 00:14:05,040
Carl was out sick.
317
00:14:05,070 --> 00:14:06,680
Smitty was taking or teaching
318
00:14:06,780 --> 00:14:08,750
a Pilates class, I forget which.
319
00:14:08,780 --> 00:14:10,820
So I finally asked
that new guy from Ghana.
320
00:14:10,920 --> 00:14:13,560
I have so many questions
about your baseball.
321
00:14:13,660 --> 00:14:15,190
First, why?
322
00:14:15,290 --> 00:14:17,660
Homer, how come you
didn't ask me?
323
00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:20,200
Uh, well,
you don't like baseball.
324
00:14:20,300 --> 00:14:22,410
Maybe, but more importantly,
325
00:14:22,540 --> 00:14:24,180
I like being asked.
326
00:14:24,210 --> 00:14:26,580
Oh, my God, oh, my God,
uh, can I get you a jersey?
327
00:14:26,680 --> 00:14:28,080
Uh, what's your size again?
328
00:14:28,180 --> 00:14:30,320
Medium!
It's always been medium.
329
00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:33,060
Um, that's something
I should have known, right?
330
00:14:33,100 --> 00:14:36,330
Buster, you should know whether
or not you should've known it.
331
00:14:36,430 --> 00:14:38,940
But thanks
for clearing things up for me.
332
00:14:38,970 --> 00:14:40,940
You're welcome.
Do I get another kiss?
333
00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:43,050
Oh, you'll get a kiss,
all right.
334
00:14:43,080 --> 00:14:44,580
You're gonna get a big kiss.
335
00:14:44,680 --> 00:14:46,820
You just wait for that kiss.
336
00:14:46,960 --> 00:14:48,830
If you come here,
we can get it on the kiss cam.
337
00:14:48,930 --> 00:14:49,830
-[hangs up]
-[dial tone]
338
00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:51,700
Dial tone? Hello?
339
00:14:51,830 --> 00:14:53,570
Marge? Marge?
340
00:14:53,700 --> 00:14:55,670
Hello? Dial tone?
341
00:14:55,710 --> 00:14:57,280
Now I have to kiss him?
342
00:14:57,380 --> 00:15:00,450
Well, if it's
all part of baseball. Mwah.
343
00:15:00,480 --> 00:15:02,690
[grumbles]
344
00:15:04,690 --> 00:15:07,960
I want the biggest ring
I can buy!
345
00:15:08,100 --> 00:15:09,970
Ooh!
That's a coincidence.
346
00:15:10,070 --> 00:15:13,310
I want you to have
the biggest ring I can sell.
347
00:15:13,410 --> 00:15:14,580
Yes!
348
00:15:21,220 --> 00:15:23,260
should cost
three months' salary.
349
00:15:23,300 --> 00:15:25,730
If I don't have a salary,
is it free?
350
00:15:25,770 --> 00:15:26,740
No.
351
00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:28,000
Nice try.
352
00:15:28,140 --> 00:15:31,040
Now, if for some reason
I want to return this?
353
00:15:31,140 --> 00:15:32,210
Ooh, no problem.
354
00:15:32,250 --> 00:15:35,120
You have a full three seconds
to change your mind.
355
00:15:35,150 --> 00:15:37,460
Starting now.
356
00:15:40,460 --> 00:15:42,330
Time's up.
357
00:15:42,370 --> 00:15:44,610
Oh...
358
00:15:44,740 --> 00:15:46,270
[Marge]
Oh, my God.
359
00:15:46,310 --> 00:15:48,280
I didn't know I'd feel
so guilty walking around
360
00:15:48,410 --> 00:15:50,480
wearing something so expensive.
361
00:15:51,280 --> 00:15:52,720
Calm down, Marge, calm down.
362
00:15:52,750 --> 00:15:54,120
Nobody cares.
363
00:15:54,160 --> 00:15:55,930
Marge, I was
a couple blocks away
364
00:15:56,030 --> 00:15:57,460
and I couldn't help
noticing you wearing
365
00:15:57,560 --> 00:16:00,340
something your husband
couldn't possibly afford.
366
00:16:00,370 --> 00:16:01,270
Tattletale!
367
00:16:01,300 --> 00:16:02,870
[scoffs]
Casual Christian.
368
00:16:02,910 --> 00:16:04,750
Remember, sale's final.
369
00:16:04,780 --> 00:16:06,380
[grumbles]
370
00:16:07,220 --> 00:16:09,020
Okay, okay.
Can't return it.
371
00:16:09,120 --> 00:16:10,890
Might as well enjoy it.
372
00:16:12,900 --> 00:16:14,300
[gasps]
A guilt rash!
373
00:16:14,430 --> 00:16:16,540
The last time I got
one of these was when I took
374
00:16:16,570 --> 00:16:19,070
that bottle of shampoo
from the hotel.
375
00:16:19,170 --> 00:16:22,080
It wasn't opened.
They could have reused it.
376
00:16:24,320 --> 00:16:27,220
[sighs]
I'll just leave it there.
377
00:16:28,020 --> 00:16:31,100
No, no, no.
Someone will find it.
378
00:16:48,030 --> 00:16:49,740
Mm...
379
00:16:49,840 --> 00:16:52,570
So this is what
having a secret feels like.
380
00:16:52,670 --> 00:16:54,310
It's terrible.
381
00:16:54,340 --> 00:16:56,210
Why does everybody do it?
382
00:16:56,250 --> 00:16:58,250
Maybe I could hide it in here.
383
00:16:58,350 --> 00:17:01,730
D'oh! How many places
does Homer hide cookies?
384
00:17:01,830 --> 00:17:03,800
D'oh!
385
00:17:05,430 --> 00:17:07,300
Whoa!
386
00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:09,170
Oh...
387
00:17:12,850 --> 00:17:15,120
Ah, no one can find it now.
388
00:17:15,220 --> 00:17:16,960
[Lisa]
Who are you talking to, Mom?
389
00:17:17,090 --> 00:17:18,960
Aah!
What are you doing here?
390
00:17:18,990 --> 00:17:21,500
Oh, I like to look
at my old report cards.
391
00:17:21,600 --> 00:17:23,940
One teacher--
if you could believe it--
392
00:17:23,970 --> 00:17:26,140
gave me an A-plus-plus.
393
00:17:26,240 --> 00:17:28,250
They're not allowed
to do that anymore.
394
00:17:28,380 --> 00:17:30,350
It makes
the other kids feel bad.
395
00:17:30,380 --> 00:17:33,120
And that's why
we're losing to China.
396
00:17:33,260 --> 00:17:34,960
-Yo.
-Aah!
397
00:17:34,990 --> 00:17:36,430
What are you doing in the attic?
398
00:17:36,530 --> 00:17:38,370
Well, one thing
I'm definitely not doing
399
00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:40,140
is hiding from the cops.
400
00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:41,140
Eh, we'll never find him.
401
00:17:41,270 --> 00:17:43,310
Let's go, boys.
402
00:17:44,110 --> 00:17:45,750
No respect for the law.
403
00:17:45,850 --> 00:17:47,350
Let's get some donuts.
404
00:17:50,990 --> 00:17:53,700
Get to bed, now!
405
00:17:54,830 --> 00:17:57,300
-[sucking sound]
-Now what?
406
00:17:59,710 --> 00:18:00,980
You're not judging me.
407
00:18:01,010 --> 00:18:02,650
With you, I can enjoy it.
408
00:18:02,750 --> 00:18:05,020
Don't swallow it.
409
00:18:05,120 --> 00:18:07,420
-[sighs]
-What's the matter, Homer?
410
00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:09,960
I'm starting to think
I don't appreciate Marge enough.
411
00:18:10,060 --> 00:18:13,300
She does everything for me
and I just take her for granted.
412
00:18:13,400 --> 00:18:15,610
Let me tell you something,
Homer, you are so lucky
413
00:18:15,710 --> 00:18:18,180
that she doesn't leave you
for the next tall, dark
414
00:18:18,210 --> 00:18:20,180
and handsome guy
that comes along.
415
00:18:20,220 --> 00:18:23,160
Oh, Moe, I love...
416
00:18:23,190 --> 00:18:25,930
the way you introduced me
to this guy.
417
00:18:26,030 --> 00:18:27,260
Woo-hoo!
418
00:18:27,300 --> 00:18:29,630
Homer, I think
your problem is...
419
00:18:33,170 --> 00:18:35,250
[tune of "You're a Mean One,
Mr. Grinch" playing]
420
00:18:36,080 --> 00:18:37,920
♪ She's a mad wife ♪
421
00:18:38,050 --> 00:18:40,060
♪ Homer J ♪
422
00:18:40,090 --> 00:18:42,890
♪ With tears
behind her smile... ♪
423
00:18:42,930 --> 00:18:44,200
Uh, happy tears?
424
00:18:44,330 --> 00:18:45,830
♪ You treat her
like she's nothing ♪
425
00:18:45,870 --> 00:18:48,810
♪ Unless your gut
needs stuffing... ♪
426
00:18:48,840 --> 00:18:50,340
-What the...
-[yelps]
427
00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:52,810
♪ As a husband,
I would rate you ♪
428
00:18:52,910 --> 00:18:55,590
♪ Beneath Henry VIII you ♪
429
00:18:55,620 --> 00:18:59,790
♪ Really are a selfish guy... ♪
430
00:19:06,310 --> 00:19:08,210
♪ You really are,
all things considered ♪
431
00:19:08,310 --> 00:19:10,950
♪ A nearly spherical,
full of beer-icle ♪
432
00:19:11,050 --> 00:19:15,290
♪ Incredibly selfish guy. ♪
433
00:19:17,830 --> 00:19:19,230
Haw-haw!
434
00:19:19,330 --> 00:19:22,110
Before you,
I rode through dog poop!
435
00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:23,510
[sighs]
436
00:19:23,540 --> 00:19:26,310
I'll just have to
live with my selfishness.
437
00:19:26,450 --> 00:19:28,420
Oh.
438
00:19:32,990 --> 00:19:34,230
What is this?
439
00:19:34,260 --> 00:19:36,230
A fancy ring?!
440
00:19:36,370 --> 00:19:38,510
That Marge bought for herself?!
441
00:19:38,540 --> 00:19:41,110
She's been holding back on us
this whole time.
442
00:19:41,210 --> 00:19:44,350
Oh, my God, the things she does.
443
00:19:46,860 --> 00:19:49,490
The things she does.
444
00:19:53,900 --> 00:19:56,240
The things she does.
445
00:19:57,480 --> 00:19:58,280
Aw.
446
00:19:58,410 --> 00:20:00,780
The things she does.
447
00:20:00,820 --> 00:20:04,260
All the wonderful
things she does.
448
00:20:04,360 --> 00:20:07,400
Putting those sweet notes
in my lunch every day.
449
00:20:07,530 --> 00:20:09,300
Getting everyone
a birthday present
450
00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:11,870
and saying
they're from both of us.
451
00:20:11,970 --> 00:20:13,280
Even in her sleep,
452
00:20:13,380 --> 00:20:14,940
she's perfect.
453
00:20:15,040 --> 00:20:17,820
With all the wonderful,
beautiful things Marge does,
454
00:20:17,920 --> 00:20:21,890
there's only one thing
I can do with this ring.
455
00:20:23,390 --> 00:20:25,900
Homie, you're back.
You...
456
00:20:26,030 --> 00:20:27,800
You put this on me?
457
00:20:27,840 --> 00:20:30,840
Baby, I just wish
I'd bought it for you.
458
00:20:30,940 --> 00:20:33,450
Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
459
00:20:33,550 --> 00:20:36,620
and FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
460
00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:39,430
and TOYOTA.
461
00:20:39,530 --> 00:20:41,770
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
462
00:20:47,510 --> 00:20:48,710
[Brockman] Breaking news.
463
00:20:48,810 --> 00:20:49,910
Amnesty International
has identified
464
00:20:50,050 --> 00:20:54,020
the Spiffany Blue diamond as
the most unethically mined gem
465
00:20:54,060 --> 00:20:55,290
in human history.
466
00:20:55,330 --> 00:20:57,730
It takes six blue whales
to color each carat.
467
00:20:57,760 --> 00:21:00,070
Wearing this
is a sparkly expression
468
00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:02,470
that you love misery.
469
00:21:02,610 --> 00:21:06,350
Well, I'll just wear the ring
inside for a little.
470
00:21:06,380 --> 00:21:09,320
[singer]
♪ Homer's Leevi's size ♪
471
00:21:09,420 --> 00:21:11,830
♪ Is Husky ♪
472
00:21:14,360 --> 00:21:17,340
♪ But he's still too fat,
they say ♪
473
00:21:17,370 --> 00:21:18,340
[Homer] Hey!
474
00:21:18,440 --> 00:21:19,340
[singer] ♪ That's because ♪
475
00:21:19,370 --> 00:21:21,610
♪ He's a fat man ♪
476
00:21:21,710 --> 00:21:25,020
[Homer] ♪ They're making pants
too small these days ♪
477
00:21:25,050 --> 00:21:29,090
-♪ New pants are too small. ♪
-[singer] ♪ You are a fat man. ♪
478
00:21:29,130 --> 00:21:29,860
[both whoop]
479
00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:30,730
Shh!
33006
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