Original subtitles

Come on, Grace, hurry up I got an early meeting

I knew when we installed that

pulsating shower head it was gonna slow down our mornings

Grace!

Who you talking to?

I'm talking to you Now hurry up and get out of the bathroom

Wait

That is one smooth-talking shower head

Will, it's happening again

I'm having that dream where she's everywhere

It's more interesting than that one

about the hot dog breaking up with the doughnut

What are you doing here?

What, can't a friend stop by a friend's place for a quick shower?

Why don't you shower at Marlo and Phil's?

I thought that's where you've been staying since you left Stan

Oh, I am It's been super cool

Yeah, it's all braiding each other's hair, pillow fights

comparing breast size

Then Marlo comes home and the fun stops

Oh, look at the time I gotta fly

-Karen? -Hmm?

-Your hair -Oh. Right, I forgot. Thank you

- How does it?? - Money

That is so creepy People just appearing out of nowhere

I know, using your apartment like it's their own

It's rude is what it is

What happened to manners? What happened to respect?

What happened to tennis socks with the pom-poms on the back?

There ain't nothing wrong with those

Oh, Jack. Cute as a button Not quite as smart

You know what's going on with Karen, don't you?

Reason why she has to shower here? The big secret?

No, I don't Tell me

No/Tell me No/Tell me

No!

Fine, don't tell me

Now I wanna tell you

No/Yeah, come on No/ Come on

No/ Come on Fine

Stan froze all her assets she has no money

she's too proud to ask for help

so she's living in her limo

Oh... my God She's living in her limo?

You heard that too? Who told you?

So don't lecture me on ethics, Eugene

I don't care if there is no precedent

If we don't put ourselves on the line for this guy, he's gonna fry

and I will not have that on my conscience!

And then Lara Flynn Boyle comes in and totally shuts him down

I love "The Practice."

It's so good

Anyway, back to business

Show of hands

All those in favor of going to Beefsteak Charlie's for Sarah's birthday?

T.G.I. Friday's?

I'm sorry the Charlies have it

Okay. Who hasn't signed the card?

Uh, Will, listen I won't be able to go to the party

I'm going to the opera tonight

- Love the opera - Yeah

Dressed up, hanging out with fabulous people

Drinking champagne

If it weren't for the damn music it'd be a perfect evening

Good tickets?

Oh, the company box

What? That is so unfair

I've asked to use the company box like a hundred times

I never get to

That is unfair

You should have these

Too bad you don't

Hey. Hi, Will

You won't believe who just got off the elevator

Mr. Stein is back and he's coming this way

I love you, Will

I mean... bye, Will

Mr. Stein? Doucette's old partner?

I thought he left the business

No, no, he's been running the London office

I never even met him Okay, look

who wrote "Sarah rocks" in bubble letters?

You took up way too much space

-Oh! Mr. Stein -Mr. Stein

-Welcome back -It's very exciting to have you here

Enough!

Sit

As you may know, my partner Ben Doucette, has retired

And it's fallen on me to turn this company around

You may think that just because I've been in London all this time

that I've failed to notice this office's deficiencies

Well... I have

NOT!

You throw money away on new clients who never materialize

Your billing system is rotten

And the softball team has lost two years running to Spragg

Askins and Rovello

And Rovello throws like a girl

Rovello is a girl, sir

Is that any excuse?!

You're right You're right, sir

What is this?

Oh, that's a birthday card for Sarah

You can sign it if you want to, sir Right under the wheelbarrow of wishes

You see, this is the kind of problem I'm talking about

I know, I told them not to use bubble letters. I--

This is a law firm

And you are lawyers

Not schoolgirls writing in a yearbook

Unless I'm mistaken Are there any schoolgirls here?

There it is There's Karen's limo

I don't think so

No. No, it is. See the red green and yellow mark

on the bumper where she hit that clown?

The one outside Radio Shack?

I don't know about that clown

The one I'm talking about was outside the McDonald's in Times Square

That's a good McDonald's

Don't I know it So what's the plan?

Well, since she's too proud to ask for our help

I say we get in there

and we refuse to leave until she agrees to come stay with us

Hey, are you wearing smarty-pants?

'Cause that's a pretty good plan

Well, maybe not smarty-pants

but perhaps a witty thong

- Let's move in - Okay

Oh, my god

It's worse than I thought

Yuh. Karen's a bottom

So, from now on this is protocol

You may not like it

you may not be used to it

but this is the way it's going to be

Sorry, Mr. Truman Does my pounding disturb you?

No, sir, it just caught me by surprise

Oh, okay. Well, I'll try to be more considerate in the future!

Okay, folks

That wasn't easy for any of us

but I think we're gonna benefit from this new work ethic

Uh, first things first Did anybody see where my troll went?

Hello?

-Occupied! -Oh, sorry!

Mr. Stein, what's wrong?

Nothing

Can't a senior partner crouch on top of a toilet if he wants to?

Of course Crouching's fine

It was the whimpering that threw me

-I'll just leave you -No, wait! Wait

I can't take it

oh, all the people staring at me

Listening to my every word

Why do they all stare?

Because you were talking to them?

You're doing it, too

They all know, don't they? Where I've been all these years

The London office?

There is no London office

You wanna know where I really was? I'll give you a hint

That's right. The loony bin

The nut hatch Nana's change purse

No wonder "London" is in quotes on the company letterhead

You know, just between you and me

I wasn't ready to come back now I know that

But when Doucette left I had to, to save the company

I mean, it's Doucette and Stein

If there's no Doucette, no Stein what's the company gonna be called?

"And"?

I like you

You're like a young me

Do you know where my red wagon is?

Uh, I'll have to check with mom

Will you help me? Please?

This pressure's too much

I can't handle it alone

Look at me I'm nuts

Hey, I don't know what I can do

Well, when I'm down...

and troubled...

and I need a helping hand...

and nothing, whoa nothing is going right

close your eyes and think of me

and soon I will be there

Mr. Stein

To brighten up even

Mr. Stein, Mr. Stein

I'm sorry. That's what they were playing when I had my last treatment

I can't get it out of my head

I'll do whatever I can

Oh, good. Great Thank you

- Okay - Thanks

Oh!

Um, I have a lunch meeting with new clients at Le Cirque. You go

Use my expense account (�� ��ũ��: ���� �ȷ��� ȣ���� �ְ��� ������ �Ĵ�)

Le Cirque

Well, okay, I'll have to cancel my table at Blimpie's, but...

And I have a court appearance at 9:00 and a deposition at 3:00

Consider them covered

Thank you You're helping me

If there's anything that I can do for you

Oh, please. It's my job I'm happy to help

But... If you held a gun to my head

Who told you about that?

No, I'd like to use the company box at the opera sometime

Sure Tonight

I can't Gary's using it

No, he's not It's yours

Really? Thank you

hat's so unfair Poor Gary

For the last time I'm fine!

It's a temporary cash flow problem

Now get out of my limo, bozo

And take your little circus poodle with you

Karen, we're not going anywhere unless you come with us

Listen, I do not need your help, all right?

I may be alone, broke living in a car

and spooning a domestic

but Karen Walker has her dignity Got it?

Here Throw away my urine

It's bad enough I have to do this at the mans. Ugh

Karen? Come on Stay with me

No!

Kar, you may think I only love you for your money

but you know what else is true

I care about you

And that's why I pledge that we will stay here as long as it takes

Very funny putting a quarter on the bottom

Mr. Stein? I-- Mr. Stein? Mr. Stein, it's me, Will

Oh, Will. How nice to see you How you doing?

Pretty good. Pretty good You?

Wonderful

I wanted to th-- Mr. Stein? Mr. Stei--?

Do you think it would--

it would be okay.... if you and I were--

If you and I were in the-- the same room together?

I don't see why not Shall I wait here, then?

Yeah. Yeah you wait right there

I just w.... Mr. Stein!

I just-- I wanted to thank you for letting me use the company box last night

The seats were so comfortable

My ass couldn't stop talking about it the whole way home

I'm glad you enjoyed it

It's the least I could do for all your help

Oh, Mr. Stein

We need your signature on these before we can send them out

good

Fantastic, sir Next time, we'll try signing your name

You saved me again

How can I thank you?

Let me do something for you

No, it's not necessary

How do you like that corner office?

The one with the French doors and the private bath?

It's unbelievable but that's Sarah's office

She's had that for 30 years

Mmm. God bless her

She deserves it

What a treasure that woman is

Oh, there she is now

Oh, Sarah. Sarah, dear

You're fired!

Now clear out your office, darling

Enjoy!

Last chance, Karen You gonna spend the night here...

Or we gonna go back to my nice soft, comfortable bed?

Good Lord. You will do anything to get into my pants

All right, then Let's go to sleep

All right

Night/ Night Night/Noches

Jack? That had better be your penis

I can't do this I sleep on my left. Turn

Oh, pl-- Grace!

Night/ Night Night/Noches

Grace? That had better be your penis

It's a thermos but thank you

Rosario! She keeps poking me with her

-Oh, don't be saying that-- -Don't kick me

-God, what is that smell?! -What do you want me to do?!

Stop it! This is crazy

The only reason to spend a night in a limo is

if the drummer in your prom band dropped a Quaalude in your Fresca

Look, we get it. Okay? We get it

Going through a hard time right now

You just left your husband

But we're your friends and we love you

And if we can't help each other out in the hard times

then what are we doing?

Ditto

You know... Jack what you say is right

But no I'm staying here!

-Why?! -Why? Good Lord, Jack

If I gave in to every persuasive argument

I'd be in some crazy three-way marriage with Maury Povich and Connie Chung!

Fine. Come on, Jack We're outta here

I mean, if Karen's not gonna take my help, then I'm done

Let her live in her limo

A lotta people a lot worse off than that

In Russia, entire families live in their limousines

Good God, Grace I beg you to pick up a newspaper

I can't believe you're taking Sarah's office

She's like the office grandmother

You're taking Bubby's office

Hey, as long as there's been offices there's been office politics

In fact, that's why they built offices

So office politics would have a place to play out

Everybody gets it Nobody takes it personally

- Will? -Oh, hey, Gary. Look

lemme show you that birthday card I got for Kelly

On the outside is a word balloon that says

"Happy birthday from the bunch of us."

And on the inside bananas are talking

Clever

But we don't need your card, Will We bought our own

Oh, you did? Okay, I'll sign it

No, we don't want your signature In fact, here's your $4.50 back

The Gap gift certificate? It's just from us

$4.50 each? Wow, that's like 18 bucks

Happy birthday, Kelly

Knock yourself out at the irregular T-shirt table

What's going on? You guys mad at me?

What do you think, Will?

You got Sarah fired She was like a grandmother to me

Well, now you can visit her twice a year like you do your real grandmother

I got that office because I'm good at my job

No, you got that office because you kissed Stein's ass

That is not true

Stein treats me the same way he treats anybody else in this firm

Oh, Will, I'm clearing out that office next to yours

so your assistant won't be so cramped

But that's Gary's office

Yes, Oh, Gary

I need to speak to you later Enjoy your lunch

- Hey - Hey, G. Where you been?

Well, I thought I saw Karen's limo down the street

so I thought I'd try one more time to talk some sense into her

but when I opened the door

I found Mariah Carey eating ramen in her nightie

Apparently, living in your limo isn't as weird as we thought

Well, I couldn't just sit here, either I've been to every gay bar in New York

-Looking for Karen? -What?

- Will in the shower? - I don't know. I just got here

Oh. Hi, honey

Listen, you gotta talk to that shower head

He got a little fresh I had to put him in his place

Well... my place

Karen, what are you doing here? Did they tow your house?

Or did someone decide to let her friends help her?

What? Your face is pulled too tight I don't need any help

Come on, Karen Stop pretending

You're lonely, you're down and out and you need us

So don't let your stupid pride

get in the way of you asking for help that you obviously need

Amen

Okay. You got me You're right again, Jack

Sorry I was so stubborn

I do wanna stay here

In fact, there's nowhere I would rather be than here

With my two best friends

Lady... Stan caved! Our money came in

Adios, suckers! I'll be at the Palace Hotel!

Oh, you kids wanna come with?

I hear there's a gym with an Olympic-sized lifeguard

-Honey? -Hmm?

-Free porn -Grabbin' my coat

There you go, sir just like you like it

Now, just-- You can take it from here, right?

I don't have to make a little airplane and fly it into your mouth, do I?

No, Will. I'm not a child Am I?

Mr. Stein, I, uh I have something difficult to say

Is it "Annie hit Frannie on the fanny with a flounder"?

Yes. Yes, and thank you for saying it Now I don't have to

One more thing...

It's not that I don't appreciate all you've done for me

-but I just have the feeling that our... -Oh, oh, oh

You're dumping me

I can't dump you, sir We're not a couple

That's exactly what you'd say if you were dumping me

Hey! This fish is raw!

Mr. Stein. Calm down All I'm saying is

it's clearly unhealthy for you to rely on me

Please. Please Is it the office?

You can have mine I'll fire me. Stein, you're fired

You can't do that-- I just did!

Get out! But my wife and children-- I don't give a crap about your wife and children

Mr. Stein, stop

Its not fair Fair has nothing to do w--

Hey, stop. Stop it I hate when you guys fight

Please I need you

You don't need me

You're a legend

You're the man that saved the lead-based paint industry a $100-million lawsuit

I used to be kinda tough

"Kinda tough"?

You obliterated those third-graders on the witness stand

Well, I pretty much let them hang themselves

Don't you be so modest

You're a killer

You're a shark You're Stein. Say it

It

No, say... say "I'm Stein."

I'm Stein

- Louder. "I'm Stein." - Louder. "I'm Stein."

Like you mean it "I'm Stein!"

- I'm Stein! - One more time!

I am Stein! Now get outta here! This is my building!

Why aren't you working? What am I paying you

You! Get that edamame off your desk

Man. Very good, sir Very, very savage

This people will think twice about ever going into a Japanese restaurant again

- You did it again - Well

You saved me

Will, I wanna thank you from the heart of my bottom

No. Wait. Strike that Reverse it

All right. Get the check

What do you mean "Get the check?" I paid last time

You didn't pay last time What are you talking about?

What do you mean? What are you talking about?

Listen to you guys What are you arguing about?

- You just call out my name... - And you know wherever I am...

I'll come running Yeah, yeah, yeah, To see you--

Oh. Sorry