Original subtitles

Hey, what do you want in your omelet?

Hello? It's the week before Halloween

Right

So candy corn, Good 'n Plenty and Reese's Pieces

But make it with egg whites it's healthier

Oh, can you make another one? Leo's gonna join us

Oh...Leo

How come every time I say Leo

you have to say "oh...Leo"?

Because I'm trying to make the passive-aggressive point that I'm not crazy about him

I don't know why you haven't picked up on that

You know, you could make an effort

This guy's really important to me

I could make an effort but I wouldn't be able to go

"oh...Leo" all the time

What are you doing?

Well, you know I like to dine al fresco

so I opened up a little cafe "Jacques"

Cimanin

-Did you know that-- -Uh-huh

Oh, God

Two guys are already lining up for the next Star Wars movie

I wanna show up in two years and cut right in front of them

Hey, guys

Adler, do you have two singles? I'm short

I told the cab driver I was gonna get some money for his tip

Screw it, I'm already here

Hi Hey, Will

Hey, Leo! Great to see you, buddy

Thanks for dropping by!

"Hey, Leo," I like that

It's a lot better than "Oh...Leo."

Yeah, how does "Goodbye, Leo" grab you?

Oh, look at this

Pumpkin picking day trips in the Catskills

-We should do this -I know

We always talk about it We really should do it this time

We could rent bikes

Bike up there Pick our own pumpkin

I got a Jeep

I could drive up We could all go together

Sounds great Right, Will

Uh, sure Maybe

I got a friend He loves to bike

Maybe you would hit it off

We could go Halloween unless you have to work

Uh, it's Halloween

Excellent Oh, I gotta go

My latte's probably ready

Have you guys been to Jacques'?

No, but I pass it every day on my way to work

That bike trip's never gonna happen

No, of course not Who does that

Hey. You guys ready?

I got the bikes, I got the Jeep

I got the annoying clapping

-Come on, let's do it -Do what?

Pumpkins? Catskills?

You know, the bike trip

My buddy's in the lobby He's really excited

Come on. Pumpkins!

Outdoors! Fresh air!

Let's raise the roof

Too far

He's kidding, right?

He's kidding, right?

We talk about doing things but we never do them

I know Oh, God

He thinks I do things!

A pumpkin-picking bike trip on a brisk fall day?

It's madness!

You have to come Come on, it could be fun

We're always saying we should be more spontaneous, right?

Yeah. I just didn't think it would happen so suddenly

You okay, Kare?

You haven't touched your Jack-accino

Yeah, I am fine It's just this song

Stan always puts it on whenever we're making love

Or as I like to call it being trapped under rubble

Gosh, Kares, is it hard to be with him after almost having an affair?

No, honey That's all behind us

I don't even think about that anymore

Ooh. Look I got a little spot on my jacket

Out

Out, damned spot

Filthy whore!

I'm sorry, Stan I almost cheated on you!

You know, I could probably take this to the dry cleaners

Uh-oh. I think your behavior is masking some deeper turmoil

But what?

Grr, psychology is so hard

All right, listen. I tell you what

I'll take you to my gay group therapy

-They'll help -No

No more of your damn gay group therapy

How many times you expect me to sit through "Mamma Mia"?

Karen, I'm serious

Come with me They'll help

I used to have multiple personalities

Now I'm only dating one guy

Oh, and if anybody asks your drag name is All-Beef Patty

Nope

Sorry, there's a 20-minute wait Thank you

-Thanks for doing this -Well, I'm a good friend

Who knows, maybe this guy Leo's bringing along is gonna turn out to be totally hot

Hello

Will, this is my friend, Kim

It is nice to meet you

Score

Nice to meet you, too... Kim Um, why don't you guys go on ahead?

and we'll meet you downstairs Looking forward to it

-Down, boy -Shut up, man

You owe me big time

-Or... you owe her -Huh

Well, you see what you have there, don't you?

I see what I don't have the other half of my date

What you have...

is a pocket gay

A pocket gay?

A pocket gay?

A pocket gay

The perfect travel-size homosexual

Just pop him in a man-purse a briefcase

and you're good to go

In ten years they'll be making 'em all that way

And ever since it happened I feel so guilty

Well, I feel a little bit uncomfortable

All of these gay eyes on me

Judging me Undressing me

Then dressing me up again in a different outfit

Well, I can understand your reservations, Ms. Beef Patty

But I just want you to understand that we don't judge in here

But seriously, you do seem troubled

But we understand what you're going through in here

I mean, a lot of us in here have cheated

Roger

But I think that your conscience is telling you what you need to do

I have to tell Stan, don't I?

In here, we value honesty above all else

All right, all right Come on, stop!

Little man, you wanna race?

Oh, come on, Leo It's such a beautiful day

let's-- Psych!

God, Kim's like a machine

Or a wind-up toy

This sucks, riding around in this stupid yellow helmet

It's like I'm on a bike trip with Curious George

I know. If this seat goes any further up my ass

I'm gonna have to take my underwear off with tweezers

-Fall off your bike -What?

Fall off You'll break something

we'll go back to the lodge get a stack of pancakes

and end this rotten day

I'm not falling off You fall

-He's your boyfriend -And Kim's your boyfriend

-Hey, stop that! -You stop!

Can we just please enjoy this?

God, I'm so sick of myself

You know what? I'm making a change

From here on it's a new Grace

And New Grace is gonna be adventurous and outdoorsy

Like the girls on "Little House on the Prairie," (Little House on the Prairie: 1974-1983�� ��۵� �̱��� �����ϱ�)

but with makeup and sight

Get off it There's no new Grace

Nobody changes and there's nothing new

You're just jealous

because in the last two minutes I've matured and you haven't

Any other pearls of wisdom from New Grace?

Yeah Watch out for the pothole

What does that mean watch out for the pot-holy sh--!

-You okay? -No!

Leo did this on purpose

Clearly, this whole trip was planned to humiliate me

I get the crappy bike, a micro-date

and a helmet that makes me look like I ride the special bus

Now, Will, let's not rewrite history

The yellow helmet was the only one that fit over your enormous forehead

Whatever

At least now we get to go home

get away from all this fresh air and scenery

and spend Halloween like civilized people

Getting hammered in a crowded bar

I'm not going anywhere

I meant what I said before about a new attitude

I'm going to finish this bike trip

Oh, please. Nobody has a new attitude

and nobody finishes anything

You know what, Will?

You could stand to be a little more open-minded

Let the new Will out

Who knows, maybe New Will knows how to ride a bike

They were a little bit low on medical supplies. But it's cool

You'll probably pass out from the blood loss

before the excruciating pain kicks in

Okay. So what are we gonna do?

-Head back? -No, are you kidding?

Let's go Let's hit the road

Ooh, sorry, Will

Why don't you go ahead? I'll stay with Will

Okay

-But you owe me one -I owe you nothing

Shut up Get outta here

Well, this is it, Jackie

The moment of truth

Gonna open those doors walk into Stan's office

and tell him that I had an affair

And that I feel awful about it

I wish there was some way I could take it back

Please forgive me!

Well, I feel better What do you say we get outta here?

No, Karen! No!

This isn't one of those ugly situations where you can just close your eyes

and pray it will be over soon like a Jennifer Love Hewitt movie

You have to deal with this

You're right You're right

'Course you're right

Well, I feel better what do you say we get out--

Karen, no!

Oh, why should I?

-Because-- -Because why?

Karen

One of the things I admire most about you is

your ability to meet a challenge head on

You see a difficult situation and you tackle it

Yes

You're strong

You're fearless

Your boobs are as high as an elephant's eye. That's why I love you

I'm gonna help you Okay. I'm opening the door

I'm closing the door

Why? What happened?

Karen, um, one of the things I admire about you is your ability to

run from a challenge

You see a difficult situation and you tackle it with a bottle of J&B

You're weak You're a scaredy-cat

Your elephant boobs are in my eye

Let's go! Come on!

Honey! Get out of my way

I've gotta talk to Stanley

No, Karen, he's busy!

What--what are you trying to hide, Heidi?

Nothing!

Look, uh, a shiny object

Stanley, that had better be me you're having sex with!

All right, just keep these puppies elevated

and we'll be dancin' in no time

Legs don't heal and nobody dances

Look, you know you really don't have to stay with me

I-I'm fine

It's okay, I want to

Why?

Because I like you, okay? I think you're cute

Why do you say that?

I'm not cute

I'm grouchy I'm inflexible

Give me a lawn chair and an open robe

and I'm my grandfather

You see, and I think that's cute

Ooh, your feet are freezing

How's this?

You don't have to do th-- Ooh, boy, that feels good

Need some help?

Please

Would the Little House girls need help

putting a chain back on their prairie bikes?

I don't think so

I am fine This is fun

Well, take as long as you need

I'm having a hell of a time admiring your ass

Oh, good! I got it on

I did it! Look!

How essential is this?

Okay, this is not a problem

This is an opportunity for more fun. Okay?

Guess that's why they call it a to-go cup (to go cup=> ��ȸ�� ��)

-You okay? -Fine

All I need now is another car to go by with a muffin and a paper

Let me get you something to dry off with

Here you go

Thanks

Fun!

-Hey, Jackie -Hi, Kare

I hope you're not hungry The kitchen just closed

No. It's okay

Hmm, quiet tonight

-Well... a holiday -Yeah

Can I get you something to drink

Oh, yeah Bourbon on the rocks (Bourbon : ����Ű)

Oh, we don't have a liquor license

I do

So?

So

It's been going on for months

She works in the prison cafeteria

The hairnet... the pork chops...

how can I compete with that?

Apparently, she had him at jello

So, uh, what are you gonna do?

Well...

Honey, I left him

Sorry

Trick or treat

There it is

I see the one I want

It's orange

Let's go. Whoo!

Whoo! I'm right behind you

This is great

I could be in a crowded gay bar right now getting hammered. Whoo!

Leo?

Leo, where are ya?

-Catch! -Oh, motherf-- Oof!

Are you okay? What was I thinking?

I guessed that you weighed more than the pumpkin

Leo I have to tell you something

I have been trying so hard to be someone that I'm--

-And it's raining -God

You even look beautiful wet

I know, but...

Look, there's something I gotta tell ya

You're having a crappy time

I am

I wish I weren't, but I am

I'm wet and cold

And I've got mud on my Juicy Couture shirt (Juicy Couture : �̱��� �Ƿ� �귣��)

And I've inhaled four bugs

Look, Leo, there is no New Grace

It's just old Grace with pigtails and lower back pain

And I know that you don't know what that means

but I do

So you need a girl who likes to go outside and eat bugs

and I guess you're gonna have to find one, 'cause it ain't me

That's a shame

You were the right size and everything

Hello? Coat hog

When did you know I was hating it?

When we passed that motel with free HBO, and a tear ran down your cheek (HBO : �̱��� ���̺� ä�� �� �ϳ�)

I do love television

-I'm sorry -It's okay

Wanna get outta here?

What's the rush?

I'm starting to feel a little more outdoorsy

You staying at Leo's tonight?

Yeah. What about you?

Ugh. I'm beat I'm probably just gonna crash

Ok. Goodnight

Goodnight