All language subtitles for The Munsters S01E32 (Mummy Munster)

There you are, Herman!
Oh.

Who were you calling?
Oh, I was just trying to make
an appointment at that new barbershop.

Well, what's wrong
with your old barber?

Oh, Lily. He-He always made me
very nervous, dear,

the way he'd always blindfold himself
before he'd give me a shave.

Some of those temperamental
hairdressers are such show-offs.

Oh, by the way,
Marilyn has a project to do...

for her course
in ancient history.

I'm going to drive her down
to the county museum tonight.

Oh, uh...
Oh, no, you're not, dear.

I am the head of this house,
and as such,

I will take care of this matter.

All right. But, uh,
just drive her there
and then pick her up later.

I don't want you getting
in any trouble.

Lily, how could I get
in any trouble at a museum?

Thatcher, this may turn out to be
one of the greatest discoveries
in Egyptology...

a perfectly preserved sarcophagus
from the 18th Dynasty.

And you have reason to believe
that it's never been opened?

No evidence of grave robbers,
and the tomb it came from appeared
to be completely undisturbed.

And you actually have hope
that-that it may be occupied?

Well, we can't say
one way or the other.

But if it is, this may be...

the most perfectly preserved mummy
since King Tut.

When we open this lid
at the press conference
tomorrow morning,

we may be face-to-face
with one of the most
incredible and startling sights...

ever seen by modern man.

[Lily]
Eddie, what happened to you?

Oh, I was taking Spot for a walk,
and he chased a car again.

Oh, my. Did he catch it?
No. He just ate
the rear bumper off.

Oh, dear. He's so playful.
He'll be hiccuping all night.

Say, where's Dad?
He took Marilyn
to the museum,

and now he's down
with Grandpa in the lab...

working on an experiment.

Is it anyone we know?
No, dear.

Grandpa's trying to invent
some new kind of sleeping pill.

There you are, Herman.

If this pill doesn't
put you to sleep,
I don't know what will.

[Chuckles]
Uh... But, Grandpa, I can't take
a sleeping pill now.

I've got to go down
and pick up Marilyn
at the museum.

And you know I hate to drive
when I'm asleep.

But, Herman, this is not
an ordinary sleeping pill.

This is an alarm clock pill.

An alarm clock pill?

Yes. I can set it
to put you to sleep...

and wake you up
at any time you want.

Now, uh, it'll only take you
a few minutes to pick up Marilyn.

I'll set it to put you
to sleep in an hour.

- There.
- Oh, fine!

I'm not working tomorrow,
so I can sleep late.

Things are a little slack
at the parlor.

For the past few days,
everything's been going out
with nothing coming in.

In that case,
[Chuckles]

You can sleep through the night.

I'll set it for 24 hours.
It'll wake you up at, uh,

10:00 p.m. Tomorrow night.

Oh, fine!

Uh, but, Grandpa.
Is it all right to take one of these
on an empty stomach?

Sure!

[Gulps]

[Crash]

Well, that really was empty.

Hello, Aunt Lily, Grandpa.
What happened to Uncle Herman?

What happened to him?

Well, he went down
to the museum
to pick you up.

Well, I waited for him,
but I didn't see him anyplace,
so I took a taxi home.

Oh! That Herman!

I shouldn't ever let him
go anywhere alone!

Sometimes he gets so flaky.

Marilyn?
[Echoing]
Marilyn?

Marilyn?
[Echoing]

Marilyn?
[Echoing]

Marilyn?
[Echoing]

Marilyn, Marilyn?
[Echoing]

Marilyn, Marilyn, Marilyn, Marilyn?
[Echoing]

? Marilyn, Marilyn, Marilyn, Marilyn
Life is but a dream?
[Echoing]

Oh, stop it, Herman.
You're not here to have fun.

Oh, I guess she's gone.
I must have missed her. Mmm!

[Sighs]

Hmm. Locked.

Darn!

Well, I'll just have to
rip it off its hinges.

No. Better not.

It does not behoove
a good citizen to desecrate
cultural landmarks.

I'll just telephone
the proper authorities
and have them let me out.

Must be a telephone booth
around here somewhere.

Oh! Hi, there!

Uh, we have a little fella
just like you at home.

[Kissing Noises]

Oh. There are the phone booths.

[Chuckling]

Hmm.

Fancy ones.

Oh! Uh, oh, excuse me, sir.
I didn't know this phone
was taken.

Uh, I'll use
the one over there.

Uh, sorry.

Huh. Door seems to be stuck.

[Creaking]

Hmm. No one in here.

You'd think they could put
a light in these things.

Just hope I can get this call through
before Grandpa's pill hits me.

Uh, let's see.
Where's the phone?

Say, there. Uh, say there.

Uh, listen.
Someone closed the door.

Uh, who closed the door?

[Muttering]

Say, is there anyone out there?
Uh, say, listen.
Someone let me out.!

Let me out.! Let me out.!

In other words, Dr. Wilkerson,
you expect to find...

a fully preserved mummy
when you open this sarcophagus.

That is our hope,
gentlemen... and lady.

From the carvings
and hieroglyphics
on the case,

we believe this to be
from the tomb of Ahmenhotep IV.

We're quite disturbed
by the fact that last night...

we left the sarcophagus upright,

and this morning we found it
here on its back.

Yes. We're not saying that
anyone tried to steal it,

but we do know that a find
such as this would be quite valuable
to any rival museum.

Do you have any worries
about a curse on this mummy case,

like there was on, uh,
King Tut's tomb?

No, we're men of science.

Whatever we find in here
you can be quite sure
will not frighten us.

Thatcher?

Doctor, it's amazing!

He almost looks
as though he's sleeping!

It's the most skillful job
of embalming I've ever seen.

It's a great tribute
to their ancient art.

Observe... only slight traces
of deterioration around the edges.

I'm sorry. We've got to close the lid
of the sarcophagus immediately.

We have no idea what effect
the air may have
on this ancient mummy.

Careful, Thatcher.

We'll open it again
after we've gathered together...

some of the top Egyptologists
from all over the world.

Do you plan to ship this
to one of the large museums
in the East?

Not at all.
This is our discovery.

Matter of fact, I don't mind telling you
that the contents of this sarcophagus...

will leave this room
over my dead body.

It's no use.
I can't eat my supper.

I'm so worried about Herman!

Aunt Lily, wherever he is,

when Uncle Herman wakes up,
he'll come home.

'Course he will!
I'm sure he's still asleep,

'cause every time I try
to tune him in
on my crystal ball,

all I get is a herringbone pattern.

He probably holed up someplace
and fell asleep.

Are you sure that silly
sleeping pill of yours will
wake him up at 10:00 tonight?

Sure, I'm sure. I'd bet
one of my lives on it.

Mom! Marilyn! Grandpa!

I found Pop!
You found Herman?
Where is he?

Right in the front page
of this evening's newspaper.

[Grandpa]
"Local museum makes astounding find.

"Ancient mummy discovered.

"An ancient sarcophagus
was opened today...

by the curator
of the county museum,
Dr. Wilkerson."

L-Look here.!
Under Herman's picture.!

"May be Ahmenhotep IV...

who ruled in the 18th Dynasty"?

[Gasps]
This is terrible!

Uncle Herman in a box
in a museum!

Gee, Mom.
How do you suppose it happened?

I don't know, Eddie,
but it looks as if...

your father has
goofed it again!

What's all this about
a woman waiting to see me?

Well, I thought you'd better
see this one, Doctor.

There she is.
Who...

What is it?
I don't know, sir.

But I think we ought to be,
uh, very nice to her.

It could be another one of those
Hollywood actresses come
to make a donation.

Yes, well, if they want to
throw their money away
on culture,

who are we
to turn 'em down?

Uh, miss, this is our curator,
Dr. Wilkerson.

How do you do?
I was just admiring
your museum.

You have such lovely
dead things on exhibit.

Thank you. Now, how
can we help you, madam.

Well, I came about this article
and picture in the newspaper.
You see, he's mine.

You mean, he's your mummy?

Oh, no. No.
He's my husband.

Now, if you'll show me where he is,
I would like to talk to him.

"Talk to him"? I'm afraid
that's not too practical, madam.

You see, this man is
3,000 years old.

He is no such thing!

I happen to know
that he's not a day over 150.

Do you think
I'd marry an old man?

Now, will you please
take me to my husband.

Uh, will you excuse us
for a moment?

What... What do you think
we should do, Doctor?

Well, she seems quite disturbed,

and we don't want her
to make a scene.

Perhaps if we show her the mummy,
she'll stop insisting it's her husband.

Oh, good idea. No woman
in the world would claim...

to be married to anything
that looks like that.

Well, here we are.

Will you give me a hand
here, Thatcher?
Oh, yeah.

[Grunting]
[Creaking]

Well, there you are.

- What do you have to say now?
- Yes, that's Herman, all right.

He looks just like a little boy
when he's asleep.

Asleep?
Herman.

Herman, it's time
to wake up.

Uh, pussycat,
it's time to go bye-bye.

Madam, I really don't think
he's going to wake up.
You see...

[Gasps]
You know, you're right.

I forgot. He wasn't set
to wake up till 10:00.

Oh, dear. I really must
do my shopping.

Would you do me a favor?

A f... A favor?
Yes. Here's two dollars.

Now, when he wakes up,
would you put him in a cab
and send him home?

- Put him in a cab?
- Yes. He knows the address.

It's 1313 Mockingbird Lane.

Oh, and by the way,
ask Herman to give the driver
a fifty-cent tip.

Good-bye, now.

Oh, and you two have been
just a couple of sweethearts.

What do you think, Thatcher?

Well, sir, when the...
when the visitors start looking
weirder than the exhibits,

I think it's time to get out
of the museum business.
Nonsense.

I think she's some kind of a plant
to size up our layout.

This morning, we found
the sarcophagus on its side,

and now she uses that
ridiculous story to come in here
and get a look at our mummy.

Then you really think
someone is definitely trying...

to steal our mummy.

We can't afford
to take any chances.

We'll post a 24-hour guard,

and I want you
to stay here all night...

and don't take your eyes
off that sarcophagus.

Right, Dr. Wilkerson.

[Banging Continues]

Come in!

Come in!

Hmm. Hello?

Hello? Hello?

Hello.

Hello.

Hello? Hello?

Is anyone out there?

Yes. I'm out here.

- Where are you?
- I'm in here.

You can't be in here.
I'm in here.

Oh. Hi.
[Yawning]

I was dead to the world.
[Laughing]

Some stupid idiot
locked the door!

- Oh, that can be annoying.
- [Screaming]

Oh, now, wasn't that nice of him
to open the door for me like that?

[Yipping]

Here's your favorite soup, dear...
cream of vulture.

Oh! Thank you, Lily.
Poor Uncle Herman.

You had such
a terrible experience!

It's real neat
having you back, Pop.

While you were gone,
I had to mess up
my homework by myself.

It proves one thing...
My sleeping pill works.

Yes, but, Grandpa,
you don't know how it feels
to wake up in a cold, clammy box.

What do you mean?
I do it every morning!

Pop, are you gonna sue
the newspaper for calling you
a dead mummy?

Oh, I think not, Eddie.

We shouldn't be
too hasty to retaliate
when someone treats us ill.

In other words,

one who fights fire
with fire...

only gets in trouble
with Smokey the Bear.

Hot!
[Gasping]

[Dishes Shattering]

What do you mean,
the mummy got out of his case
and walked out of here?

But he did, Doctor!
He got out, and he spoke
to me and everything!

If you don't believe me,
ask the gorilla!

I'll tell you what happened.

You went to sleep in there,
and someone broke in the door
and stole our mummy.

No, Doctor. No. No.

They've probably been planning this
ever since we put that story
in the paper.

The type of gang
who steals paintings
and other objects of art.

But we do have one clue.

The woman who came in here
with that ridiculous story
gave us an address...

uh, 1313 Mockingbird Lane.

Well, what are you
gonna do?

First, I'm demoting you to custodian
of our seashell collection.

Then I'll pick up a search warrant
and a couple of officers
and go over there.

That mummy is my passport
to fame in the museum world.

If they have it anywhere
on the premises, I'll have it back
in its rightful place by nightfall.

Grandpa,

I do not want to take
another one of your sleeping pills.

The last time I did,
it got me in big trouble.

It's very embarrassing, you know,
to be taken for a dumb old mummy.

Herman, I've got this pill
set for half an hour.

I'll sit right here
till you wake up.

Nothing can possibly happen.

I don't want to take another pill!
I don't wanna! I don't wanna!
I don't wanna!

Herman, if you take this pill
like a good little boy,
I'll give you a piece of candy.

I don't wanna! I don't wanna!
I don't wanna! I d...

With a caramel center?
With a caramel center.

When I wake up,
will you give me another one?

When you wake up,
you can have a whole boxful.

Goody!
[Chuckling]

But my stomach's
kind of empty again.

It won't hurt a thing.

[Gulps]

[Clanging, Ricocheting]

Lily always said
you had a cast-iron stomach.
She must be right.

Yeah. Uh...

Grandpa, your pill's
not having any effect.
It's not even...

I tell you. We don't have
any mummy here.

I explained to you before,
that was my husband you had
at your old museum.

And as I told you before, madam,
we have a search warrant,
and we intend to search this house.

Oh, Aunt Lily,
what are we going to do?

We'll just have your Uncle Herman
tell this man to his face...

that he is not Ahmenhotep IV.

I'm his wife.

I certainly should know
whether he was dead or not.

Now, he's down here.
You can go down
and talk to him yourself.

I have lunch to get.
Come on, Marilyn.

Boy, what a weird setup!

Listen, anybody
who'd steal mummies
has to be a little weird.

There's nobody down here.

Wait a minute.
There's something there
on this table.

This is it.
This is what we're after.

Shall we, uh, arrest
those people upstairs?

No, we'll uh... We'll get it back
to the museum first.
We'll prosecute later.

Yeah, well,
let's get out of here.
This place gives me the creeps.

[Grunting]

Boy. I was on the drunk detail
for four years.

I never saw anybody
as stiff as this.

Lily! Lily!

Lily!
What is it, Grandpa?
What is it?

What is it? I looked out
the upstairs window,

and some man put Herman
in a station wagon
and took him away!

Took him away?
But why?

They just went down
to the dungeon
to talk to him.

They couldn't have talked to him.
I gave him another one
of my sleeping pills,

and he was sound asleep!

Oh, Grandpa!
Why can't you experiment
on white mice...

like any other normal
mad scientist?

Now I suppose Herman will take
another 24-hour catnap
in that sarcophagus.

No, Lily. This sleeping pill
was set for only a half an hour.

Oh! What... What do you think
will happen now?

I don't know, Lily.

But when Herman wakes up
in the back of that station wagon,

those men better have
a box of candy with them.

Boy, this is the wildest assignment
I've ever been on.

But it was worth it to me.
The unearthing of Ahmenhotep IV...

will put me on every
front page in the country.

Has this guy really been
in the ground 3,000 years?

Yes. Perhaps longer.
I'll tell you one thing.

He looks better
than my mother-in-law
does right now.

[Herman Guffawing]

You know,
there's only three of us here.

I could've sworn I heard
four of us laughing.

Uh, you know,
that's a good one.

Uh, listen. Speaking
of mother-in-law jokes,
did you ever hear...

[Men Shouting]

[Tires Screeching]

- Oh!
- Clear out! Clear out!

[Crash]

Uh, taxi?

Taxi?