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[opening theme music playing]
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♪ Kiff ♪
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♪ Kiff, Kiff ♪
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♪ Kiff, Kiff, Kiff ♪
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♪ Kiff, Kiff, Kiff, Kiff ♪
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♪ Kiff, Kiff, Kiff, Kiff, Kiff, Kiff ♪
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♪ Kiff ♪
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♪ Kiff! ♪
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[giggles]
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[both laugh]
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{\an8}[announcer] Brought to you
by Crumbly's Crumbles.
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{\an8}Don't touch my Crumbly!
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{\an8}[effort grunts]
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Kiff, Barry, what are you doing?
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- Uncle Pat is coming to dinner.
- Fun Uncle Pat!
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Yeah. We're setting a place for him.
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Please put that back.
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[both] Awww!
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Wait, what? Pat is coming for dinner?
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[both] Yeah! Fun Uncle Pat!
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Fun Uncle Pat! Fun Uncle Pat!
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Fun Uncle Pat. Fun Uncle Pat...
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Oh, loosen up, hon.
Uncle Pat is your only brother.
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Fun Uncle Pat.
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And after dinner,
he'll hop on his motorcycle
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and be out of your hair, like always.
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Yeah, Dad. Vroom-vroom!
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[motorcycle engine revs]
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[glass thuds]
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[laughter]
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[both] Fun Uncle Pat!
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Fun Uncle Pat! Fun Uncle Pat!
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Dinner's ready.
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Marty, my favorite brother.
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[stifles giggle] He's his only brother!
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[gasps] For me?
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Oh, my gosh!
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[Pat grunting]
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You really outdid yourself, Beryl.
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Mmm. Restaurant quality.
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[Pat chuckles]
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Wow. Gettin' late.
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Did I ever tell you two
about the time I met
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the on-set hairdresser from Hot Mail?
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- [both] What? No!
- Tell us!
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Ahem! Look at that.
The clock is... accurate.
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- Oh, my. Is that the time?
- Whoa, it's late!
48
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Oh, my, I have never been here this late.
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Forgive me, Chatterleys.
It has been, as always,
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a wonderful evening. I thank you.
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So, breaking news.
My landlady-slash-girlfriend
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dumped-slash-evicted me,
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and I currently find myself
with no place to stay.
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[exaggerated yawn]
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[crickets chirp]
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Oh, that's terrible, Pat.
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Terrible... that we don't have
room for you here.
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Dad, what are you talking about?
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Uncle Pat can sleep in my room.
I'll sleep on the couch.
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Oh, thank you.
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[Beryl] That's very nice, Kiff.
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Ow! Dad-- Ow! Why are you...
Ow! Kicking me under the tab...
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Ow! You did it-- Ow!
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[♪ transitional music plays]
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[Beryl] Kiff, can you go tell your uncle
that breakfast is ready?
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[Kiff grunts and groans]
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Ow, my back.
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[singsong voice] Uncle Pat!
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Uncle Pat?
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Nice room you got here, Kiff.
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[♪ melancholy music plays]
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I used to have my own room.
Now I don't have anything.
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Oh, uh, well, you got this suitcase
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with a cool sticker on it
that says Table Town.
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When I bought this suitcase,
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I used to dream about traveling the world
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{\an8}and covering it with
stickers from all over.
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But I've never been anywhere...
and I never will!
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[♪ melancholic note plays]
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- Uh, my mom says that breakfast is ready.
- Oh, boy!
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[eating noisily]
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Can I get anyone anything?
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- I'm good.
- No, thank you.
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- Martin?
- I'm fine.
85
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More juice? More coffee?
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- No, I'm...
- Freshen you up!
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Aw, you filled it to the rim.
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Now I'm gonna spill it when I take a sip.
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I'm on it!
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[noisy slurping]
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Would you stop it?
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I'm just trying to help out a little,
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earn my keep.
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I gotta lie down!
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- [door slams upstairs]
- I don't want this now.
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[phone buzzes]
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Hey, Barry.
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How's fun Uncle Pat?
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Not so fun.
100
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He's kind of... depressed.
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Oh, no.
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I think if he just had a job,
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he could get his life back on track,
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maybe get a new place to live,
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- maybe even see the world!
- I'll be right over.
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My sister Terri has had over 40 jobs,
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just in the past year,
and she confided in me
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that the secret of getting
one of these jobs
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is to possess a little thing
known as a resume.
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[chuckles] Resume?
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Barry, I think you mean résumé.
112
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- Resu-may what?
- You're right, though.
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And Uncle Pat can make one
easily on the Internet.
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Uh... oh, okay, yeah.
115
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Well, it seems my work here is done.
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[cracking knuckles]
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Um... hmm...
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Well, that's just your name.
119
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Y-You know what? That's easy. Here.
120
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[♪ energetic music plays]
121
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And... there! [satisfied grunts]
122
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Uncle Pat?
123
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[Pat laughing downstairs]
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What the actual...
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Uncle Pat, I just finished your résumé.
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Oh, cool. Thanks, Kiff.
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[television audio plays]
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Are you... gonna look for a job, or...
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Ah, yeah, maybe later.
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Right now, I'm binging season four
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of Celebrity Has-Been Pillow Fights.
132
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- [laughter on television]
- Oh.
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Yeah, I had to delete
a bunch of Chubble stuff
134
00:05:48,806 --> 00:05:50,767
to make room for my shows.
135
00:05:50,767 --> 00:05:52,435
Hope you don't mind.
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Think I'll have a snack.
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[television audio continues]
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[Uncle Pat laughs]
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[wind howls]
140
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[♪ forlorn Western music plays]
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[Pat] Hey, did you know that you and I
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have all the same favorite snacks?
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00:06:03,905 --> 00:06:05,573
Crumbly's Crumbles?
144
00:06:05,573 --> 00:06:07,700
Can't leave those
lying around when I'm here
145
00:06:07,700 --> 00:06:09,077
'cause I'll eat 'em.
146
00:06:09,077 --> 00:06:12,622
Maybe a nap will brighten my spirits.
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[crash] Oww! My bad back!
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Hey! Why is my bed over by the window?
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I can field this one.
150
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Since I'm probably gonna
be here for a while,
151
00:06:24,342 --> 00:06:27,845
I moved the bed so it's
closer to the window.
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Better for my sleep apnea.
[chuckles] You know?
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00:06:31,516 --> 00:06:33,768
Speaking of which, time for my nap.
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[Kiff sighs]
155
00:06:34,852 --> 00:06:37,230
[whining] Please, Dad!
156
00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:40,775
You gotta ask him to leave.
He's driving me crazy!
157
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I tried to kick you under the table,
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but you wouldn't listen.
159
00:06:44,612 --> 00:06:46,489
I thought I could help him get a job,
160
00:06:46,489 --> 00:06:49,033
but I'm starting to think
he doesn't even want one.
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Not everyone has our work ethic, Kiff.
162
00:06:52,203 --> 00:06:54,622
- I...
- [Pat] Anybody need anything?
163
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No. I'm good. Thank you.
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- Martin?
- Nope.
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Okay. Well, if anybody needs anything,
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00:07:02,046 --> 00:07:04,799
I'll be on Kiff's bed, aka the couch.
167
00:07:04,799 --> 00:07:07,468
- Ha, ha, ha, ha!
- Uncle Pat, wait.
168
00:07:07,468 --> 00:07:09,554
Your ex-girlfriend- slash-ex-landlady,
169
00:07:09,554 --> 00:07:12,265
if she wanted to get
back together, would you?
170
00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:15,977
Well, yeah, of course.
But she'll never take me back.
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Leave that to me.
172
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[seabird caws]
173
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♪ There's someone we have in mind ♪
174
00:07:24,360 --> 00:07:26,946
♪ Who's hoping they can find ♪
175
00:07:26,946 --> 00:07:28,948
♪ The perfect place to stay in ♪
176
00:07:28,948 --> 00:07:31,033
♪ Maybe you can weigh in ♪
177
00:07:31,033 --> 00:07:33,953
♪ And sign on the dotted line ♪
178
00:07:33,953 --> 00:07:37,457
♪ You don't need to take a tour ♪
179
00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:40,918
♪ When you're absolutely sure ♪
180
00:07:40,918 --> 00:07:42,920
♪ If home is where the heart is ♪
181
00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:44,547
♪ Then the hardest part is ♪
182
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♪ Knowing where your heart should go ♪
183
00:07:47,717 --> 00:07:51,721
♪ Do you have a little room to rent ♪
184
00:07:51,721 --> 00:07:54,515
♪ In your heart? ♪
185
00:07:54,515 --> 00:07:58,269
♪ We wanna know what your stance is ♪
186
00:07:58,269 --> 00:08:01,647
♪ On second chances ♪
187
00:08:01,647 --> 00:08:03,441
♪ He'll sign the lease ♪
188
00:08:03,441 --> 00:08:04,942
♪ Just hand over the keys ♪
189
00:08:04,942 --> 00:08:08,696
♪ You'll never be apart ♪
190
00:08:08,696 --> 00:08:12,366
♪ Do you have a little room to rent ♪
191
00:08:12,366 --> 00:08:15,119
♪ In your heart? ♪
192
00:08:17,663 --> 00:08:20,082
♪ He's the perfect tenant for you ♪
193
00:08:20,082 --> 00:08:23,669
♪ He doesn't cook, so the place
won't smell like stew ♪
194
00:08:23,669 --> 00:08:27,215
♪ So what if he finishes
all of your shampoo? ♪
195
00:08:27,215 --> 00:08:31,886
♪ His love is never overdue ♪
196
00:08:31,886 --> 00:08:36,057
♪ Do you have a little room to rent ♪
197
00:08:36,057 --> 00:08:38,559
♪ In your heart? ♪
198
00:08:38,559 --> 00:08:42,688
{\an8}♪ We want to know what your stance is ♪
199
00:08:42,688 --> 00:08:46,067
♪ On second chances ♪
200
00:08:46,067 --> 00:08:49,153
♪ He'll sign the lease,
just hand over the keys ♪
201
00:08:49,153 --> 00:08:52,698
♪ You'll never be apart ♪
202
00:08:52,698 --> 00:08:56,285
♪ Do you have a little room to rent ♪
203
00:08:56,285 --> 00:09:00,289
♪ In your heart? ♪
204
00:09:00,289 --> 00:09:01,958
[music ends]
205
00:09:01,958 --> 00:09:04,043
[feet padding quietly]
206
00:09:04,043 --> 00:09:05,378
[seabird caws]
207
00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:07,672
Fine. He can come back.
208
00:09:07,672 --> 00:09:09,507
But he's gotta pay all his back rent.
209
00:09:09,507 --> 00:09:12,176
[celebratory shouting]
210
00:09:12,176 --> 00:09:13,719
[tires squeal]
211
00:09:15,972 --> 00:09:18,558
Huh! You already brought over my suitcase.
212
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:20,017
Yeah, yeah. Love can't wait.
213
00:09:21,269 --> 00:09:22,853
I'm home.
214
00:09:23,896 --> 00:09:25,606
You... live here?
215
00:09:25,606 --> 00:09:27,108
Where's all your stuff?
216
00:09:27,108 --> 00:09:29,235
Where is all my stuff?
217
00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:30,861
I threw it all out the window.
218
00:09:30,861 --> 00:09:32,780
The window above the alley with all those
219
00:09:32,780 --> 00:09:35,324
clean, neatly stacked empty boxes?
220
00:09:35,324 --> 00:09:37,702
No, the other window. Above the ocean.
221
00:09:37,702 --> 00:09:39,036
- Oh--
- [bird caws]
222
00:09:44,083 --> 00:09:45,209
Well, nice to see you, Pat.
223
00:09:45,209 --> 00:09:46,502
- What?!
- Whoa!
224
00:09:46,502 --> 00:09:48,588
Uncle Pat, please,
225
00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:50,506
you don't have to stay here.
226
00:09:50,506 --> 00:09:52,800
Yeah, you should keep living
at the Chatterleys'.
227
00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:55,011
- What? No!
- What do you mean no?
228
00:09:55,011 --> 00:09:57,096
Absolutely not!
229
00:09:57,096 --> 00:10:00,516
I love you, Pat, but I can't do it.
230
00:10:00,516 --> 00:10:01,934
You're always lurking,
231
00:10:01,934 --> 00:10:03,936
asking if anybody needs anything.
232
00:10:03,936 --> 00:10:06,188
And that's a bad thing?
233
00:10:06,188 --> 00:10:09,191
[employee] What do you mean
you're firing me?
234
00:10:09,191 --> 00:10:11,402
You're a terrible cruise director.
235
00:10:11,402 --> 00:10:13,112
You're supposed to be walking around,
236
00:10:13,112 --> 00:10:15,448
asking if anybody needs anything.
237
00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:18,826
- You're always telling stories.
- You never tell any stories.
238
00:10:18,826 --> 00:10:22,079
- You're always hovering.
- You don't hover enough.
239
00:10:22,079 --> 00:10:24,123
- You always...
- You never...
240
00:10:24,123 --> 00:10:26,542
[both] ...refill my drinks!
241
00:10:30,004 --> 00:10:34,008
[♪ calypso music playing]
242
00:10:37,178 --> 00:10:38,888
Freshen you up. Ha, ha!
243
00:10:38,888 --> 00:10:42,016
He is the best cruise director
I've ever worked with.
244
00:10:42,016 --> 00:10:43,601
[Pat] Does anybody need anything?
245
00:10:43,601 --> 00:10:45,853
Gee, Martin, if your brother
never came to visit,
246
00:10:45,853 --> 00:10:49,774
we never would have gotten
this free cruise.
247
00:10:49,774 --> 00:10:52,818
[♪ calypso music continues]
248
00:10:56,155 --> 00:10:57,573
To fun Uncle Pat.
249
00:10:58,741 --> 00:11:00,701
[all] Fun Uncle Pat!
250
00:11:00,701 --> 00:11:04,497
[all chanting]
Fun Uncle Pat! Fun Uncle Pat!
251
00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:11,087
Fun Uncle Pat! Fun Uncle Pat!
17991
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