Original subtitles

(chattering)

HOWARD: Item five.

Revised arrest guidelines for Operation Pushover day four.

(all groaning)

PCP. Two or more tinfoil packets now constitutes possession

with intent to distribute.

All right. Cannabis, anything over one ounce.

Pills, more than six.

The new regs say that you have got a felony arrest.

Two tins of... is a PWID? Used to be ten.

-Told ya. -Mm-hmm.

Sarge, we really gonna pop these guys for a heavy ounce of dope?

-(agreeing) -All right, courage, people.

Michigan Avenue is inundated.

The arraignment courts are grinding to a stop.

The public defenders' sick outs are at an all-time high,

but, as gentlemen, we applaud the council's good intentions.

All right. Back to item six, moonlighting.

(all groan)

In brief, division memo 609 declares, the experiment is over.

Effective this date, no more after hours jobs.

-Go home to your dependents and selves. -You believe this?

Item seven. Assignments.

Malachy, Olmstead, Russo,

the hooker-john operation on Stiveson.

-Uh, Ryan and Sturneck. -Yo.

-Yeah. -Abandoned cars.

Detective Belker continues his produce undercover,

and, by the way, has excellent yams at 60 cents a bag.

I am all out of yams.

Surely you'll reorder.

I don't know if I'll reorder.

-Well, that's too bad. -(chattering)

-Well, um... -WOMAN: Yeah.

Oh, before you go.

Uh, on a personal note.

News, Lieutenant?

Robert, the title "sergeant" would suit me all my life.

However, it is true that my review

has been given a date certain five weeks from tomorrow.

Reinstatement to my former lieutenancy

is apparently all but assured.

(all murmur, applaud)

HOWARD: Thank you.

Vaya con dios.

Uh, everybody. Hey, everybody.

Uh, my little cousin's got a science project.

Need a large to extremely large cockroach.

Gotta be alive. Appreciate your help.

What little cousin is referring to is the W105 rock-a-roach contest.

Happens to pay $1,005 for the largest roach apprehended today.

Hey, you know, this dump is roach heaven.

Me and Neal are giving 50 bucks for anything over three inches.

You know, this moonlighting situation is ridiculous.

Job tonight's canceled, Renko.

No, they said it's canceled after tonight.

No, no, no, no. As of this date.

Hey. I've been thinking about the blonde hairs in your sink.

-Spare me. Please. -Oh, come on. Listen.

I bring my Roto-Rooter, and it don't cost you nothing.

Salvatore, my man. The topic is cockroaches.

Now, me and Neal figure, going from pipe to pipe,

you know where's the main nest, the big guys, huh?

-Sub basement. -I told ya.

Sal, I never been down there. Where is it?

-Hey. Sal. -She's perfect.

WOMAN (on radio): Dispatch. We have a 9-11.

Armed robbery in progress.

See Surplus Store, corner People's Drive and 124th Street.

(sirens wailing)

(theme music playing)

♪ Babylon called in to tell me ♪

♪ Take me away from Babylon ♪

♪ Oh, I'm a slave in a country of not my choosing, man ♪

Reggae's, dead, partner.

And, no offense, but, um, aren't your locks a little straight, anyway?

This is The Ravers, man. We're talking about The Ravers here.

Yeah, not only do we get 100 bucks for checking coats,

but we also get to take part in guitar history.

The Ravers haven't cut a record in ten years.

That's because they've been living in France.

You see, music is like a circle that is never broken.

Rock and roll. Country.

Music to stare at the wall by, 1,001 strings.

As a matter of fact, The Ravers are very heavily influenced by Johnny Cash.

Johnny Cash is from Jamaica?

No, but they're influenced by him, and-- Like this. Listen to this.

♪ Can't get a job 'cause I look just like a slob ♪

Now, that's Johnny Cash. Now here's The Ravers.

♪ Can't get no job 'cause I look just like a slob ♪

♪ Can't get no work 'cause I look just like a jerk ♪

WOMAN (on radio): Any unit in the vicinity of Van Buren and Shaw,

we have a TA with fatalities.

Twenty-two-oh-two responding. We got it.

(siren wailing)

-That's the guy, he tried to-- -He's out of control!

Hey, get his arm! Help me!

-Look out! -Hey!

(shouting)

Hey, look at me.

-Get off of me, fatso! -Get him up.

-Just look at me. -(groans)

-This guy look familiar to you? -Oh, yeah. Hell, yeah.

Damn discouraging.

MAN: Oh, here they come.

-How many dead, Officer? -Officer... I gotta call in.

Nah, we're too busy re-arresting the ones the court let out yesterday

in order to run over women and children.

What, you had this Rivera guy yesterday and you let him go?

No, I didn't let him go. Some judge let him go.

A judge? Who? Which one?

Some judge. What's his name? I don't know. In a white tower somewhere.

I just wish he'd come down long enough to drive to Van Buren and Shaw

and see what his revolving door of justice looks like

before they scrape it up off the sidewalk.

-(chattering) -MAN: Officer, a few more questions...

Lieutenant.

Your bad penny's come back, Miss Davenport.

There's a 263 eye witness report coming.

We're getting some statements now if you wanna wait.

-You my lawyer again? -Turn around.

Warm, Norm.

Just give me and Lieutenant Goldblume a minute,

a minute to make our escape.

What are you, funny today? Your diaper pins tickle, or what?

You ever think maybe people got tragedy in their lives?

Hey, I'm sorry I'm alive.

Guy floors it, runs over the grandmother

while the mother and the nine-year-old son watch.

Oh.

Hey. Hey, come here. Give me that paper.

Give me the paper.

You know why you don't know anything, Flaherty, huh?

'Cause you ain't lived enough.

Mr. Rivera, did you speak to any witnesses at the scene?

I, uh... I don't know.

I'm not sure you want to answer this,

but are you under the influence of any drug at the moment?

Look, I got a problem, and I request rehabilitation.

Did you tell witnesses at the scene

that "The sign said don't walk, and they was walking."

-I don't know. -You do know three people are dead.

No one told me anyone's dead.

The witness says you continued to accelerate

through the crosswalk and the sidewalk until your car

was caused to stop by the bus stop bench.

Did you see the lady sitting on the bench?

(heavy breathing)

Mr. Rivera, you didn't deliberately run those people down, did you?

No, ma'am.

They got hit 'cause it was their own fault.

Did you get the BCI on your client, Counselor?

Yes, thanks.

Look, before you start, if there's anything I can do...

Look, it ain't about me.

If it was about me, the last person I'd ask is you, all right?

(chuckles)

NORMAN: Say, uh... say there's a regular guy.

He's got this good-looking wife.

Uh, everything's great to the naked eye.

Then suddenly, out of the blue,

she starts whoring around on him.

You mean turning tricks like the, uh, Lawrenson wife case?

No, no, she's just cheating on him.

So what's the question?

Well, uh, do you tell the guy or not?

What could you say?

The truth.

That, uh, it pains me to tell a man this,

but you got horns.

(clears throat) Maybe just slip him a note, huh?

Children?

-Not by this union. -Do I know him?

What is this? You just ask questions back, and that's supposed to be a big help?

Look, in my opinion, it depends on what kind of a guy he is.

Maybe he knows already. Maybe he'd rather not know.

Okay, all right. List-- Uh...

(sighs) Say he's...

say he's a leadership guy.

Uh, he's a regular guy.

Maybe a little underweight.

Uh, and he's got a good-looking wife.

-That kinda guy. -Who are we talking about here, Norm?

Hey, I don't need this, Lieutenant, all right?

As far as I'm concerned, we never even had this conversation, all right?

-Norm, wa-- Hey. -(Norm clears throat)

J.D.: Ow. Yeah, I lost it.

-Where is it? -NATE: Over your head, man.

Unless you moved.

-J.D.: Oh, I got it. Ready? -NATE: Uh-huh.

(grunts)

(sighs)

-They're too quick, babe. -Yeah, but the size.

We gotta try again.

This time we'll wait till the queen comes out.

Hey, sport, there's gotta be a better way.

J.D.: Hey, Neal, you there?

NATE: Where would I go?

Charged with three counts of vehicular homicide

and murder in the first degree.

On for bail application.

-Nice tie. -Keep your head low, Joyce.

Mr. Bernstein.

Your Honor, three people are dead, Mr. Rivera failed his urinalysis,

and, given the fact that he was just in here yesterday--

Yeah. Wondered when we would get to that.

Misdemeanor charge, wasn't it, Mr. Bernstein?

Under the new prosecution guidelines, which I happen to support,

I would have thought you had a felony charge out of that.

-Approach the bench, Your Honor. -No.

Because if I had known of such a charge,

Mr. Rivera would not have gone out on $100 bail yesterday.

He would not have gone anywhere.

Apparently, the police did not request felony offender treatment.

-I don't know why. -Officer Renko, what about this?

Uh, well, sir, Your Honor, it's my understanding it's a felony,

and I don't know nothin' more about it.

Oh.

JUDGE: Well, I think I know a little more about it.

(sighs) Let me just muse a moment on this.

How many times has the judiciary of this city

been charged with so called revolving-door justice?

How many times have district attorneys and the police complained

that we are soft on these, uh, people?

And now we have a crackdown.

Because finally we are, uh, we're fed up.

Nauseated by these repeat offenders.

And lo and behold it is the police

who turn Mr. Rivera loose on the street.

Well, not today, Mr. Rivera.

Remanded. Without bail.

BAILIFF: All rise.

And if inquiring minds from the press want to know

why a dangerous criminal only had his wrist slapped,

take it up with Police Chief Daniels this time.

Not with me.

All right, so how about it, officers? What's the story now?

How come this guy was let go yesterday?

(chattering)

-Gene. -What the hell is going on over here?

Rivera's dirty way, way, way over the new council guidelines,

and somebody throws him back?

No.

Shag time, Frank.

-Who's responsible? -The precinct commander.

You were at Michigan Avenue yesterday.

Whose watch was it, and let's get him in here.

That tone carries, Gene.

GENE: Yeah, well, that's the tone I'm getting from Daniels.

Henry.

Luce, do me a favor?

How are we on Rivera?

Reconstructing.

I've still got people to ask.

We're checking the possibility that maybe a booking number got switched.

How could that happen?

-I don't know. -Great. Great, Goldblume. Smooth move.

I'll tell the chief he can go back to his crossword puzzle.

You better get your act together, Captain.

So they're looking for the sacrificial goat.

Where's "The slob let Rivera go?"

The incompetent, turns killers loose on the street

even though if our wonderful city council's regs had been listened to.

-Henry. -I went down there. My God.

They had to lift the car off the old woman with a tow truck.

And Rivera's blood test was completely crazy.

He was out of his mind.

Henry, if you're protecting somebody, I won't have it.

We were busy as hell.

Maybe a booking number did get switched. Maybe the arresting officer or me.

(stuttering) I'm the most likely candidate.

I make out the grand jury lists.

Frank, come on. The point is the new regs are bull.

Excuse me. That's not the point.

If I'd come to you-- If I'd said, "Here's-here's a minor bust."

Now, technically, it's a felony, but the possession is questionable.

Under normal circumstances, we'd kick it totally.

I would have said, "Honor the council's intention."

No discretion.

No cop savvy, just let the whole system run itself aground.

-Henry, have you been-- -Scuttling the great Operation Pushover?

Uh-uh, Frank. No, I haven't.

I've been trying to live with these regs.

Look, Howard makes out the transmittal list.

-Have you asked him? -(sighs)

Ask him, Henry. We need to know what happened.

Find out, all right?

(door shuts)

Have you seen Sergeant Hunter?

He's around somewhere, Lieutenant.

J.D.: It's almost ready.

Scissors.

Toothpick.

Come on, man. Toothpick.

All right, now. Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

One-- Here. Got it.

Okay, Neal. Feast your eyes.

The Caesars Palace of roach motels.

Look at that. Huh?

-It's sticky inside. -Yeah, so?

Oh, death by adhesion, gentlemen.

Remarkably like the killer tar pits of prehistoric yore.

No, no, no, the contest rules say it's gotta be alive.

I'll fix it. Thanks, Sarge.

Now, by the by, your assignment today is?

Uh, prepping the Feldbaum case, Sarge.

Howard? A minute?

-Yesterday's charge sheets. You file them? -Yes, indeed.

As I remember, the felony list was on an old envelope, sorta ripped.

Ah, yes, blue and gray.

An order envelope for Musketball Magazine, box 30-Z, Tempe Arizona, 85283.

It's a good outfit.

Any chance you could locate it?

Well, in truth, Henry, I don't remember this fella Rivera being on it.

Just check, okay?

(speaks Spanish)

-(people grumbling) -Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.

-Hey, Jacqueline. -Hey, hello, Lieutenant Buntz.

Did I ask you hello? So shut up, all right? Come on. Come here.

Come here. Shut up. Shut-- Hey, hey.

Why don't you just shut up, girls, huh?

Here. Come here.

A freebie, Lieutenant?

-Will you shut up, Jackie, huh? -Yes, sir.

All right, several years, this marriage goes all right.

He's paisan, she's yacht club. Don't ask me how it got started.

But, any event, she is now sleeping around on him,

and he's a friend of mine--

Who? Is this your Italian captain?

Hey, will you shut up till I finish, all right?

These are high-class people, Jackie. You wouldn't know any of 'em.

So, uh, you being a whore, you got professional experience

in this cheating and lying and breaking up of happy homes,

and how come it happens?

Hey, whoa. Are you deaf? I asked you a question.

What question was that?

(sighs) Why would a woman do that to a man?

I don't know. Just to get his attention, probably.

-Yeah? -Hey, look, Lieutenant.

Why do you think we do our toes, huh? It ain't for our feet.

So, uh, what does he do?

Take her someplace nice, you know? Spend a little money on her for once.

So, uh, how about it, Lieutenant? You gonna give me a pass on my pop?

Huh? Nah. For what?

-Oh, come on. You scum, Buntz. -Come on. Come on.

(humming)

(chuckles)

Precisely where memory placed it.

Hm.

Ma'am, could you not make fingernails in my eggplant?

-WOMAN: Hey. -I should eat rotten?

Lady, would you not do that to that dog?

Thirty-eight cents. Some people.

-Hey, my check! I just got paid. -Come back here, you mutt!

(panting)

Whose dog is that?

I don't know nothin' about nothin', and that's the secret of my success.

Guy over at the pool hall, Puerto Rican looking guy.

-What's his name? -Bud.

Bud?

I call everybody Bud. That's just the way I am.

Thank you.

First I gotta see the Grand Tetons.

Look, the coat stays closed. I'm freezing, okay?

-You wanna go to a party or not? -I don't know.

Bleed to death, would ya?

Yams come in?

Tina, you think you could move your operation a half a block down my way?

I got this very weird purse snatching thing down there.

All I'm getting around here is a runny nose anyhow.

All right.

Hey, Lieutenant. You know, they're calling you the subversive cop?

What? What are you talking about?

Well, your friend Steve Merkur shoots a police officer,

you speak out and defend him.

Now there's this thing with letting the bus stop killer go free.

-You're nuts. Where'd you get that? -Hey, the clipping's in the morgue.

Your name keeps coming up

like a pattern of a guy who's bucking the system.

-I think that's pretty subversive. -Look, why don't we find a place to talk?

Mr. Carnie, what is this? Feeding time at the shark pool?

You're not supposed to be back here. Come on. Come on.

Howard.

-You find anything? -No, I didn't.

Thanks for looking.

Sergeant. Heard about your review.

-Go get 'em. -Ah, thanks, Chief.

Yeah, well, I'm in the contest. What's the biggest one you got so far?

I mean, approximately.

Huh? Yeah, okay. Thanks a lot.

-Well, what'd he say? -Ah, they can't tell me anything.

No bugs accepted before 3:00.

Okay, your independent estimate.

Two and a half. Big roach, J.D.

I'm sorry to tell you this animal is in a weakened condition.

You're nuts. Look, he's scampering around.

He's got nothing to eat in there.

-Get him some lettuce. -That's for turtles.

You're absolutely right.

Anyhow, any you guys know who it is

that Captain Furillo's wife is sleeping around on him with?

-Say what? -Hey, why don't you shut your face, huh?

Lieutenant, I didn't mean nothin'.

Dumb as a bag full of hammers. They don't get nothing right.

-Henry. -What is it, Howard?

The chief would like to see you in the captain's office.

Hello, Henry.

Chief, I was in station command yesterday.

Sit down, Lieutenant. Relax.

I asked you to be brought in, and I'm here to listen.

Frankly, I think the press, the TV,

they're bending this Rivera thing around on us.

But maybe we can straighten them out.

One thing, we've tripled our arrests this week.

Absolutely, and I'll make that crystal clear.

Now, on the individual himself,

did we have him, and what happened?

Henry.

You wanna know the truth?

The truth?

Can't fool around on this.

It's the new regs, sir. They're a bad deal.

Not only are they unenforceable, they're misleading.

Council worked them out.

They're the whole basis of Operation Pushover.

I know, but they're just a PR job.

-They're a setup. -And I signed them, Lieutenant.

You didn't answer the question, Henry.

Why wasn't Rivera held?

Because I let him go.

What?

I checked, and that's what must have happened.

Facts off the arrest report suggest officers had no cause to frisk,

so, uh, I must have seen that,

realized we would have lost to the suppression hearing,

and just charged the misdemeanor.

I'm not hearing this.

Maybe I'm justifying my own behavior because people got killed...

-Just a second. -...but I'm not!

I'd probably do it again. Save three court appearances, two lawyers,

twenty hours cop overtime, scarce bed in the slam.

The hell with it. It's always gonna be a judgement call.

It's a lousy call.

We've got a highly publicized operation out there in full swing.

No, sir. Council doesn't just vote and suddenly all the warts disappear.

They go poof.

Frank, is this your policy? Not to enforce guidelines?

I know what Henry's trying to say, but he's saying it badly.

Very badly.

He's telling me he's in charge here. Is that it?

He runs the department? The hell you do, Lieutenant.

Somebody's gotta make the calls, and it's not city council.

I make the call! You're out of here. How do you like that?

Suspended pending a review board.

And, Frank, I still want that report.

Take your time.

Uh, this Così fan tutte is supposed to be funny, huh?

What's it about?

-Infidelity. -No, no.

That, uh, that other one you mentioned.

Sir, in Fidelio, she saves her husband's life.

And there's no boys dressed up as girls, huh?

-Nothing like that. -That's Rosenkavalier.

And as I explained to you, sir, Der Rosenkavalier is completely sold out.

(clears throat)

Okay, uh, give me two for, uh, Friday night there.

Ringside.

The one where she saves him.

Loge or dress circle, sir?

MAN: Loge.

Anyhow, uh, not behind any posts, all right?

Police discount?

Seventy-six dollars, sir.

-Huh? -You've, uh, crossed a threshold of taste.

(clears throat)

Yeah, there she is.

I promised her I'd get the 30 bucks I owe her.

(radio chatter)

Patrick, she's undercover. Is that smart?

It'll just look like a standard roust.

I put on a leash and you walk me. Like a beagle.

-Why would I wanna do that? -'Cause I buy you to. That's why.

Oh.

Hey, sister. Get out of here.

-What are you doing here? -Keeping an eye on you.

Yo, Fido, get back here! Where the hell'd he go?

Get back here!

Fido, get back here!

Hey, it's the thief. Wait a minute!

Hey. Come on.

Don't he get his biscuit?

Yo, man, who you supposed to be?

I'm a police officer. You're under arrest.

Inspector, we both know that suspension was unwarranted.

No. No, there aren't fatalities in the Goldblume case.

The fatalities are in the Rivera case. Let's not miss that distinction.

Be--

Because what happened this morning

could have happened to a thousand cops in this city.

It was just one of those freak results that come back to haunt you, that's all.

And I'm getting a little sick

of downtown's hypocritical self-righteousness.

(knock at door)

Anything wrong, Captain?

I mean, uh, door being closed.

It's just not the best time, Norman.

Here.

Opera tickets?

Yeah, uh, Fidelio. Friday night. To seats next to each other.

Awfully nice of you, Norman.

But, uh, actually, I think Miss Davenport has a law seminar this weekend.

-She's gonna be away. -She's gonna be away?

-You know with who? -It's just one of those retreats.

They go to a hotel and yak.

Maybe I can talk her out of it.

Hey, yeah, uh, talk her out of it, Captain.

I mean, uh, the lady knows a lot of law already.

I mean, uh, she knows lots of it.

But you have to know right away, no?

No, no, no, no, no. Talk to her, and, uh, Captain,

maybe be a little, uh, persuasive.

Yes.

You know, like you're really paying her some attention.

(clears throat)

Coffee?

I'm not gonna let them take your badge,

but I think they're seeing an attitude, and that doesn't help.

I'm not asking for your support, Captain.

Daniels is up on his high horse, and you put him there.

Three people got killed, and people are saying I'm responsible.

And I don't really buy that,

but I can understand how they might think it.

But, as a cop, I was being the only cop I can be anymore.

The only kind of cop I think it's right to be.

Do you accept me that way?

-Do you? -What way do you mean, exactly?

Not kissing any liars' cheeks.

I just wish you'd come to me when the guidelines came out.

Maybe I should.

Maybe that's right.

But I didn't.

So I think you'd better keep your distance on this, Captain.

There's a Miss Dot Walker who says she's returning your call.

I don't even like dogs. A dog to me is like a piece of dirt.

Dot? Yeah.

Yeah, that's why I called.

Listen, if there's any interest, I'd like to go on the Don Chesler Show .

Man, I've never seen this dog in my life.

Okay, Raymond.

Hey. Hey. Hey.

-Get off. -(growls)

Yo, man. What's the matter with him?

The pound's on its way, Detective.

They said if you could just tie the dog up in the parking lot.

Pound? What for?

Well, he's gotta get locked up until his case goes to court.

This dog is allowed one phone call, isn't he?

Uh, still prepping the Feldbaum case, Sarge.

It's going crazy, Neal. It feels weird.

Scratching right on my stomach.

Well, at least this way you know he's still alive.

Thanks a lot.

Henry, could I see you a moment? Privately.

Just say it's none of their business.

Yeah, but they're all asking me.

Hi, honey.

Uh, listen.

Could we talk about your no dogs policy?

-Captain. -Yes?

I'm kind of on the spot out here.

What would you want me to tell the people

about you and Miss Davenport getting a divorce?

You pump iron, you do sit-ups at dawn with your flak jacket on,

wear your Heavy Hands right into the shower.

Makes your body hard.

But how do you train for inner strength?

Howard, what's up?

And then the test comes, and you flunk it.

Honor, discretion, loyalty...

flush it right down the commode like so many gum wrappers.

I've gotta go somewhere, Howard.

As you know, I couldn't find the envelope.

Doesn't matter.

But here it is.

Rivera's name is there.

Yes, I hesitated, Henry.

I saw my Lieutenancy slipping away, and--

That's Rivera J.

The physical therapist with the hand grenades.

It's Curtis Rivera this is all about.

-It is? -You didn't do anything wrong.

-I didn't? -I knocked him down to a misdemeanor.

Hm.

Well... (clears throat)

We do so rely on our memories, don't we?

For a moment, I thought there that, well... (chuckles)

Well. (sighs)

You can imagine my relief.

There I was, swinging slowly in my own wind,

and I thought-- Oh, Henry.

Listen.

Forgive my self-absorption. Is there anything I can do to help?

I know what it's like to have your back against the wall.

I've been there.

Oh, yes, and it's... it's quite awful.

Not necessarily.

You've got nothing to lose.

W105, home of the rock-a-roach.

Okay, let's see what we got.

Are you kidding? How about you?

(scoffs) Nothing. What about you?

This is nothing either. Let me show you guys a real cockroach.

Huh? Huh?

Yeah. Bye.

Sir.

I'll show you mine if you show me yours, huh? What do you say?

Aw, Neal, I'm not seeing this.

(laughs) J.D., look what we got here.

-What? -Tony Priest.

Wait, who are you, man?

You mean to tell me you don't remember Detective Washington?

Well, I remember you.

You jumped bail on that robbery at the train station.

-No way. -Mm-hmm.

-What you talking-- -Hell yeah, Tony Priest.

There's a warrant out for your arrest.

-Wait, hold up. -He's out of here, Neal.

-He's busted. -Oh, be fair, dudes.

Let me enter my roach before we go.

No way. Neal's got to sign for him at the station.

Personal property at the time of arrest.

-You want somebody to think we stole him? -It ain't right.

I got that rock-a-roach right here.

-Yeah. Yeah. -Uh-huh.

Just you and me, huh?

And a great, big, fat, disgusting cockroach.

And if you're responsible for letting Mr. Rivera go,

what about the people he allegedly ran down?

Aren't you responsible for those deaths, too?

Actually, I think that's too simple.

-I think-- -And it's a cheap shot.

I apologize, Lieutenant.

Nobody can apologize. Not you or me or city council.

Look, people want things they won't pay for.

So they're responsible, too.

They pay for police protection, don't they?

But not enough to keep the bad guys off the street.

Council announces a drug crackdown.

Sounds great on a piece of paper. Do more. Do a lot more.

But there's not enough cops or judges or courtrooms or jail cells

or hours in the day to do a lot more.

So everything's still gotta be a judgement call.

The cops are in the middle. We'll always be in the middle.

All I'm saying is the public gets what it's willing to pay for.

Not what it wishes for.

And anybody who tells 'em any different,

that's who's responsible for the lives snuffed out

at a Dekker Avenue bus stop this morning.

What I haven't said is that Lieutenant Goldblume

has been suspended without pay for speaking his mind.

For his message to city council.

And I think it stinks.

And I wanna shake your hand, Lieutenant.

Next up, Don Gregson with some tough talk about soft fingernails

and what you can do about them.

And we're clear.

Sensational.

Henry, that was so good. You gave me chills.

Not only that, Councilman Kearney just called.

Don, Kearney's people were watching.

They want him to come over and testify before the subcommittee right now.

Come on. The limo'll run you over.

So she's on the table and the plastic surgeon says,

"Wait a minute. Who wants this liposuction, you or him?"

-Uh-oh. -"Him," she says.

"He's the one who calls me Hippo Hips,

Queen of the Cellulite, and he's the one who's gonna pay the bill."

-Wrong answer. -Yeah.

The doctor gets real angry. It's a serious procedure.

His malpractice is unbelievable, and he won't do it just for a boyfriend.

(sighs) So. What's new with Joyce since I was up here yesterday?

You need something, Lieutenant?

You know, Joyce. Come on. Don't hold me in suspense.

I mean, this is better than Stella Dallas up here.

We have several Joyce's. To which one are you referring?

We got Joyce Haydash. We got Joyce Lipnick.

-We got Joyce Davenport. -Yeah, sure, right.

The Joyce that's, uh, watchama call it behind her husband's back

and she can't stop on account of the smell of the new guy

stays in her nose like a memory.

BOTH: Oh, Joyce Lipnick.

Oh, what grace under pressure. Jeez, Henry, you looked superb.

I even imagined a tan.

-Forgot to take the makeup off. -(chuckles)

A guy offered me $15,000 for the book I'm writing, Howard.

Mm. No doubt to be ghosted by some bearded white wine liberal,

imposing vacillation on every line.

Have you considered the protection of co-authorship?

Excuse me.

Uh, he's here, Chief. Yeah, I should tell him.

Council took a vote after you left.

They approved three new judges,

forty additional cadets at the police academy,

and a study for a new reformatory facility.

-Huh? -Yeah. Uh-huh.

Yeah. I'll tell him to drop by. Thanks. I agree.

Under the circumstances.

The chief is dropping your suspension. He says you actually did us a service.

Frank...

Yes, Henry?

All right!

We've been asking for that stuff all year.

Son of a gun. Son of a gun!

You did it. You beat the system.

But I was wrong. I mean, doesn't it kill ya?

I was wrong, and yet I was right.

I mean, I had nothing to lose, so I just went ahead.

It had nothing to do with me. I was detached. I didn't even care.

And we made our point.

I even enjoyed it. Me.

Chief wants to see you this afternoon. My advice is to listen and nod a lot.

Don't worry. Boy.

Frank, I caused you trouble. It was, uh...

I didn't think there was any other way.

I'll take it the way it came out, Henry. I couldn't be happier.

-Boy, what a weight off me. -(knocking)

Lieutenant, uh, somebody wants to see you out here.

Go.

You've heard?

You have something to tell me? Confession perhaps?

Never mind the wisecracks.

What are we going to do about the rumors, Furillo?

Well, I have one idea. Friday night.

I know you have other plans,

but why don't you just drop them and go out with me?

(laughing)

Ma'am?

-You're Lieutenant Henry Goldblume? -Yes, ma'am.

You let him go! He killed my mother! You let him go! You let him go!

Hold on. Hold on.

(woman crying)

-Are you okay, Lieutenant? -Makeup.

(scoffs)

You know, for a moment there in the captain's office...

Tell you, Howard,

happiness, it's an elusive commodity.

So, Lieutenant, I've, uh, canceled my other plans.

She took me up on my offer.

They're wonderful seats, really.

And even if you didn't buy them, you could have just sold them.

Seventy-six bucks.

-Norman, you didn't buy them, did you? -Who, me? Hey, Captain...

Then where did they come from?

Frank, we should reimburse him.

Hey, it's no big deal. I mean, as long as you're gonna use 'em.

Norman, if you paid for these tickets, there's no way I can take them.

I didn't, all right?

Captain, you want me to take a polygraph, or what?

I mean, I just happened to have 'em around, all right? Jeez.

-Okay. Thanks. -Hey, no big deal.

Just, uh, you two, you know...

enjoy yourselves.

Yes. Uh, excuse me, Captain, sir, and Mrs. Furillo.

-Can I speak to you for a minute, sir? -What is it, Andy?

Well, sir, it's about this moonlighting situation. These new regs.

You see, tonight we're supposed to work on this party,

this reggae party, and it's The Ravers and all,

-and we thought that, uh-- -Absolutely not.

-Outside jobs are out as of today. -Well, see, we interpreted it--

It's a rule that just came down, Andy.

And since it's a rule, let's just follow it, okay?

Okay. Night, Captain.

(door closed)

By the way, who were you going on that yak weekend with, anyway?

J.D.: Hey, it's coming on.

-Flaherty, where you sneaking off to? -I'm not sneaking off.

Hey, quiet, everybody.

J.D., are you gonna buy us all some cheesesteaks

-after you win this thing? -Oh, yeah.

-If we win. -...W105 Rock had a beauty contest...

All right.

...with the winner worth $1,005.

And here she is strutting her stuff.

-J.D.: Hey, look. -Yeah, it's a cockroach.

-Neal. -But, more correctly...

Neal. Neal, it's ours.

-We won! -(laughter)

Look at the size of that. How much did you win on that thing?

One thousand and five dollars.

Unbelievable. Look at the size of that thing.

Our congratulations to Mr. Fugilisi's seventh-grade class...

J.D.: Hey, wait. Wait a minute.

No, no, it's fixed. They didn't catch it. They grew it.

Now, we got a legitimate protest here.

-Let's go, cowboy. - REPORTER: And that's tonight's news.

Neal, we gotta fight this.

Some other time, J.D.

So, Sergeant Bates, is she seeing anybody regular?

Do you think?

Sit. Sit. That's it.

No. No.

That's a good dog. I'm glad we had that little talk.

Mick, are you coming to bed?

Yeah, I was just walking the dog.

I already let him out.

-You did? -Yeah, in the back.

(barks)

What's the matter?

I'm thinking I'm gonna make you a big breakfast tomorrow.

Cooking?

Is that something else you're good at?

(chuckles)

When you're good, you're good.

Patrick...

I don't want you to make me breakfast.

I mean, I don't...

I don't think I want you to stay over.

Do you mind?

It's not a question do I mind or don't I mind--

It's just that I got this morning routine.

You know, I... I wake up...

it's quiet.

I like it.

I'm kinda funny about it.

You don't think I got a morning routine?

Okay.

Okay.

So do we sleep a little now?

-Or do I hop up-- -Stay a little. Stay a little.

Then go?

Then go.

You were really good on the show today.

-Was a nice dinner. -Yeah.

Oh, I don't know.

Maybe what attracts me to you is the fact that you take it all on yourself.

Dot.

Well...

Okay.

Goodnight.

(door shuts, engine starts)

-DOT: I'll wait. -Don't. Please. Just... Just go, okay?

Please.

(telephone rings)

Hello.

Yeah.

Well, I-I'd forget about it, Henry. I'd put it right out of my mind.

And you know what else? I wouldn't come in till noon tomorrow.

Yeah.

(closing theme playing)