Original subtitles

NARRATOR: Previously on Hill Street Blues...

The Melon Felon, he's still out there. We got five heads and three bodies.

Why did you come to this lot?

Well, I was interested in buying a mobile home.

Is that our decoy?

-Right, sir, Detective Mayo. -Great set of wheels, huh?

How's that little snip of a girl?

-You mean Robin Tataglia? -Yeah.

It's over with us. It's finished. In addition, I'm being evicted.

We'll take every one of your complaints, fix it like new,

and have you back in your new home by the end of the day.

-(phone clatters) -What?

Daniels just asked me out for dinner next week.

Good news, Detective.

How does one bedroom, virtually rent-free, with a shower massage sound?

They fix your motor home, Lieutenant?

I am not looking forward to this date!

Pats, what could be bad?

Daniels buys you a nice dinner, you show him a little leg,

and then he drops you home.

Two out of three, Harry. I am not showing him a little leg.

You're a damn sexy woman.

You make me feel young again...

in touch with myself...

connected to my long-dormant sensual side.

-(indistinct conversations) -PHIL: Item three,

a headless female torso was discovered behind Glachevski's Market,

3:00 a.m. this morning, 104 and Dekker.

-Good morning, ladies. -And that brings the torso total to seven.

Craniums remain at five.

Answering which, Operation Decap begins today

on the Hill, Polk Avenue, and the Ferry.

These are the three precincts that this maniac has hit.

Female officers Dennison, Barber, White, Vershile, Brenner, and Diehl

are on loan from the Heights and Midtown.

Now, along with Mayo and Sergeant Bates, they're gonna be on the street as bait.

Each has an N.D. backup. Lieutenant Goldblume is coordinating.

STAN: Forensics has this guy using a carpet knife

-to decapitate his victims which are all-- -(groaning)

All female, different races, all hookers.

No description,

no consistent M.O. except for the targets of the assaults.

Let's, uh...

Let's catch him, folks.

Incidentally, um,

Officer Coffey and Hudson and Detective Garibaldi

will be on loan exchange to the Heights for the duration of Operation Decap.

Item four,

uh, four continues the undercover against the on-the-take city inspectors.

Detectives Belker, LaRue, and Washington

will be working with Lieutenant Mel Taber from Polk Avenue.

They're gonna be at the Chuckwagon, 126 and Lexington.

Hey, how many inspectors you got left to take, people?

The Department of Health guy, Sarge.

Anybody swing on Detective Taber yet?

(indistinct talking)

I'll tell ya, we're sendin' him to Dale Carnegie

after the operation, Sarge.

Item five,

ah, item five is a memo

from our friend, Mr. Albert Desjardins, from Division Accounting.

Now, we got this the end of business yesterday.

They're tightenin' the belt again, people.

(booing)

STAN: Yeah, you got it.

"Beginning immediately,

"officers are required to provide accurate telephone logs

"and to pay the department for toll calls,

long distance or local, which are not job-related."

(indistinct shouting)

Also, we got, uh, printouts of the last three months

of precinct billings, which will be posted, uh...

Uh, check the list.

Ante up to Division. That's what they say.

Two, damage to units,

beginning today, Division will evaluate all accident reports.

If an officer is deemed negligent in his vehicle's operation,

that officer will be held financially responsible

for vehicular repairs.

So you bring money and a tire iron to work with you, right?

(indistinct shouting)

Item six, I don't want to embarrass anybody,

but, uh, I happen to know that we have a birthday boy today.

Who... who shall remain nameless.

-Oh, come on! -Come on!

Last...

Tonight, the Hill Street Keglers open the season against Midtown.

(cheering)

We looked damned good in practice, people.

I think that we might make a run at the championship this year.

Anybody feel like it, come on down, lend some moral support.

The first frame rolls, the Bowl-More Lanes, 6:30 p.m.

Let's do it to them before they do it to us!

(indistinct conversations)

Natalie, get me a couple of videotapes, would you?

All the chickens coming home to roost.

Is this the idiot printout of precinct phone calls?

Yes, sir.

Neal, is Belker down there?

He was gonna drive to the undercover by himself, Lieutenant.

-Oh, rats! -Any message?

Uh, thanks, no. Maybe I'll catch him at lunch.

Morning, John.

Hey, do I understand that you are moonlighting on a movie set?

Would you hold the decibel level down just a hair, huh?

Okay, mum's the word. You meet anybody famous?

Lieutenant, we're talking a low-budget horror film here.

It's not exactly like you're gonna see marquee names.

F-U-R-I-L-L-O, yes.

You tell Mr. Desjardins that his directives on phone-call reimbursements

are about the stupidest I've seen in my years on the force.

They're unenforceable and they'll break morale.

Yeah, they're unenforc--

Look, just tell Mr. Desjardins

that if he has the guts to come out from behind his printouts,

I want to talk to him, or he can come down here to the precinct.

I'll be here till very late.

Yes. Thank you.

(clears throat)

Did you see the directives from Division Accounting?

Yeah, they're nuts.

Captain, could we talk a minute about Operation Decap?

-MAN: Height's the problem. -Sure.

Um, I'm concerned about the follow-up procedures

if the undercover have to go indoors with this guy.

We really ought to have cops pre-deployed in the hotels.

Patsy, our manpower is finite.

Five out of seven of those attacks took place out on the street.

It's how we decided to go.

I'd like not to go out on this assignment, sir.

I'll ride backup, but I don't want to go out as bait.

I have to tell you that given the inherent danger in the operation,

I think it's been sensibly laid out.

The guy scares the hell out of me.

A frightened cop can endanger an entire operation.

You ride backup today.

Thanks, Captain.

You performed too bravely in too many dangerous situations

not to have this one coming.

Thank you, sir.

Hey, what the hell's the big hang-up?

We're gettin' our equipment together, Lieutenant Taber, sir.

(groans) Well, if Furillo had more than half a brain,

we wouldn't be taking this stuff down every afternoon

and setting it back up again every--

The Captain didn't think the night guy at the restaurant could be trusted.

Oh, yeah, the night guy, he looks like a regular Dillinger, doesn't he?

-Mel definitely needs his first drink. -(chuckles)

Yeah? And he's gonna feel better when he gets it, too.

That's more than we can say for your problem, Washington.

Hey, why don't you take it easy, Taber?

Whole damn department getting drowned in broads and spades!

What did you say, Taber?

Nothing, Captain, just having a few problems with this operation.

Good. Sit on 'em.

And if I hear another racist crack out of you,

I'm gonna run your butt back to school patrol.

Get back to work.

-Big man. Big shot. -Turn around and say it!

WOMAN (on radio): Dispatch. We have a 9-11.

Armed robbery in progress.

See Surplus Store, corner People's Drive and 124th Street.

(sirens wailing)

(theme music playing)

(siren wailing)

(indistinct conversations)

MAN: Yo, chica.

BATES: Yo, yourself. Lookin' to boogie?

Me and my money. Get in.

-(sighs) -I've not seen you on this block before.

(engine starts)

N.D. 7 on Coral and 114. I'm gonna circle the block.

BATES: Now what?

-What's doin'? -Let me see if we got company.

What's the problem? What do you mean, company?

Don't you got nobody who turns you out?

Nobody to look after you?

I do real well lookin' after myself, thanks.

Ah, chica...

but you ain't doin' good enough.

What's... what's with the knife?

Don't you know these streets ain't too safe?

There's a guy out here...

cutting ladies.

Is that you?

I'm a serious man, chica.

Is that right?

But I'm not gonna cut you because I'm loco.

-I'm gonna cut you for being solo... -(vehicle approaches)

...on my street.

(tires screech)

-That's it, you're busted! -What's going on?

-I'm a cop! You're under arrest! -Get out of the car and spread 'em!

-Stay cool. -You stay cool!

-Stay calm, ladies. -You stay calm! Get out!

How you doin, Si?

I'm in mourning. I just heard my favorite restaurant's gettin' sold.

I want you to meet Neal Harrison. Neal bought me out.

-Simon Meyers, Neal, Department of Health. -Hey, how you doin'?

-Pleasure, Neal. -I've made Neal familiar

with my entire operation, everything with the way I've done business.

Good.

Just want to keep things goin' on the way George did, sir.

If it ain't busted, Neal, don't fix it.

-Am I correct? -Yeah, right.

Let's have a look at your storage, see how you stand.

-(door closes) -Well...

Maybe Taber gets to go home for lunch today, huh?

Maybe everyone does.

Oh, you got possible rodent leavings here, Neal.

Tell you one thing I'm not workin' on is that head cutter.

I had one of those crazies my first shot out after I made clothes.

Guy kept his mother's head in a soup bowl.

I nearly quit the force.

Makin' sure that I pass my health inspections.

Well, no one wants to see you in violation.

Hey. Hey. All right. Come on, come on.

George here said that if I paid you--

(garbled talking)

Oh, man! Uh-oh!

Are you kidding?

Are you kidding me?

-(banging) -What is the problem?

Hey, I'm workin' on it.

I can't believe it! I cannot believe it!

He blew it! The last guy we gotta get, and your buddy screws up the tape!

-Keep your voice down. -I'm gonna spend the rest of my life here!

I'm gonna die here!

Neal, this is what we call an approval with a caution.

-Now, that's on account of the leavings. -I'll stay on top of it, sir.

Don't do that, it'll make your clothes stink.

(laughs)

Neal, I'm glad we met. I'm glad there's continuity.

Well, my pleasure, sir. How we doin', fellas?

We couldn't get the dishes done, Mr. Harrison.

-The washer's on the fritz. -Equipment problem?

-Yeah. -George, drop me a postcard.

-Will do. -See you on the 15th, Neal.

Yeah, right, 15th.

What happened? Why couldn't we bust him?

Marconi screwed up. We didn't get the bribe on tape!

The cord came loose, Mel. It happens, you know?

All right, we gotta get Meyers back.

GEORGE: This is no good! You guys said you'd be done today!

Bunch of amateurs, a spook and two losers!

J.D., I'm gonna have to pop this fat bastard!

Let it go, Neal. I got Mel covered.

Listen, we gotta get back in touch with the guy.

It's up to you. You think you can handle a phone call?

Trust me. Trust me, okay? Scout's honor.

I really don't know how you got to be this old, Lieutenant.

What'd the PBA tell you?

Put it on the grievance list, talk about it at next month's meeting.

Frankly, I put about as much store in the protective benevolent association

as I do in that police accountant, Mr. Desj--

-Desjardins. -De Janeiro.

-Desjardins. Do you see that guy? -WOMAN: Hey, stop! Somebody...

Now, surely he must see our unit.

-I'll get him. -(horn honks)

-(tires screech) -WOMAN: Did you see that guy?

-(indistinct conversations) -You okay?

Yes!

(indistinct conversations)

-Will you stop it?! -I made a mistake! Let me up!

Rodriguez, you want to try to stick this in my face again?

You try it!

Hear we made a pop at the red-zone undercover, Sergeant.

-Yes, sir. -Is it possible he's our killer?

We're gonna question him, but I think he's just a pimp with a loud mouth!

Well done, anyway.

-Detective. -Chief.

-How's the iron maiden this morning? -Okay.

Tag it, Leo.

Detective Mayo, I see you're listed in the follow car for the undercover.

-Yes, sir. -Why aren't you out on the street?

I changed Mayo's assignment, Chief.

That's a fascinating allocation of manpower, Captain,

transfer 14 female cops from other precincts

and Mayo gets to ride in a follow car.

It was at my request, sir.

-FURILLO: Chief, if we could discuss-- -Your request?

Yes, sir, I asked to be reassigned.

-Did you ask for any warm milk, Detective? -No!

I want you out on the street, Detective Mayo, dressed like a whore!

Detective Mayo has questioning and paperwork to do on this arrest.

Bates can write up the collar. She was brave enough to make it.

Out on the street, Detective! That's an order!

Sir, I don't feel this operation is safe.

Insubordinate refusal of a direct order, you're suspended!

-I don't believe you. -Believe me.

You don't have to suspend me. Here!

Here, Captain. Give these to someone who--

-Chief... -The hell with her, Frank!

The woman's a coward, and she's personally abusive to boot

trying to ridicule me that way!

-I didn't hear any ridicule. -Then you weren't listening!

Frank, she's quit. That's it. We're the better for it.

Can I ask you to take a day?

I'll come to your office, and we can work out--

Don't manage me, Furillo.

The hell with Mayo! Case closed!

Keep me posted on the operation.

Patsy...

I'm out of here, Captain.

Calm down and tell me what's going on, huh?

What's going on?

He couldn't make it with me last night, so he calls me out in the stationhouse!

He calls me a coward in front of everyone I work with!

Back up.

You had a date with Chief Daniels?

He kept asking, I didn't know how to get out of it.

We had dinner. I tried to shut him down politely, but no way!

He made a pass at you?

(deep voice) "You're so damned attractive, Patsy.

I'm so lonely, Patsy. Damn it if I can't help myself."

(normal voice) I felt sorry for the guy, Captain.

He's just separated. He's all freaked out.

But he wouldn't take the hint,

so I stopped hinting, and now he pulls this!

Take back the hardware, Patsy. Let me try to work it out.

I shouldn't need you to run interference so I can function as a cop!

Look, this is a ticklish situation on both sides.

I mean, you were bordering on refusing an order,

and he may have been guilty of harassment.

Maybe I ought to bring charges and let the review board sort it out.

Is that what you want?

I want to be treated like a human being...

and I want to do my job.

I mean, maybe with this morning, you doubt it.

If that's what you really want, you'll go back on assignment.

I'm suspended.

You let me worry about that.

This isn't one I had coming.

This one's on the house.

Notice anything different about me, Leo?

You're losing weight, Mrs. Furillo. You look great. Excuse me.

-No, that's-- -Fay.

Frank, notice anything different?

I can't talk now, Fay.

Officers...

Yes, ma'am.

Sergeant, allow me to present the remains of the passenger door of my vehicle.

What happened?

Well, Sarge, made a sudden stop to go after a purse snatcher.

Uh, we didn't have the bubble.

Sir, and then I was about to get out,

and a man came along by the name of Lorenzo Somers

-and sheared that thing off... -Sliced it!

...slicker than a mink's privates.

Sign out another unit.

Sarge, I don't want you to think that I'm a gross abuser of--

(overlapping dialogues)

Andy, stop with the martyr routine.

Sir, I do not feel that my partner and I

should do eight kabillion reams of paperwork because--

Andy, this is the beginning of the bowling league.

Nothing's gonna spoil my good humor. Sign out another unit. Shut up.

Cool!

Unit 2202.

Rodriguez made a mistake.

Rodriguez popped his mouth off and he's sorry.

Man, I thought you was working.

-I was looking to impress you. -You impressed the hell out of me.

I made a mistake. I'm telling you what's on my mind.

What do you know about these killings, Tommy?

Believe me, if we knew something, so would you.

This loco is scaring away trade.

He's making the girls crazy.

It's possible that I lost a chick myself.

I might have a chick working for me right now,

but this loco cut her head off.

-He killed one of your girls? -Possibly, yeah.

But you didn't see him?

Man, you can't be everyplace at one time.

No.

You're busted for assaulting a cop.

-Busted? -That's right, Rodriguez.

-Who's gonna take care of my girls? -Anybody better than you.

See, that's because you've never taken the treatment.

I am sorry, Tommy. Forgive me.

-I'm trolling for a compliment, Henry. -Uh...

Hot blouse, Fay. Just get it?

No! I was wearing this blouse the first time we ever went out, you jerk!

That's a long way to go to take a cheap shot, Fay.

Alice, hey, you are a sweetheart. This is for your trouble.

No damage when you bring this back, J.D. Okay? I'll lose my job.

Hey, trust me, okay? I'm gonna treat this like it was my own.

Try to dress better when you say somethin' like that.

I'll be honest with you, Neal.

I don't care much for emergency calls.

-I promise this'll just take a second. -What's our problem?

Neal had a concern he wanted to discuss with you. He's concerned with...

Mick, Mick...

what's the ugliest thing you ever saw?

(screams, groans) What the hell is that?

It's from that movie I'm doin, Hacksaws from Hell.

(groans) What's it for?

(chuckles)

Think we ought to tighten him up, too?

Neal, if I tell you I need $40 twice...

Don't look in the box. Get away from the box.

What box?

The owner's got six dozen t-bones in that box on the shelf.

I, uh, borrowed a dozen before.

SIMON: Then this is throwing the money away.

-You better go back and get some more. -What do you mean?

-I'm in for some steaks, too! -Hey, come on, Taber!

-Otherwise, the owner might find out. -Yeah. Yeah.

If you want to give me a double sawbuck, this is between you and your conscience.

Well, I'd like to do it.

-This is up to you. -Okay.

-Bingo. Look at this. -Pop 'em when they come out.

-Where you gonna be? -In the freezer.

-SIMON: Neal, call me Si. -Oh, yeah?

-NEAL: All right. -You know something, LaRue?

Lose that shine partner of yours, you could be a citizen.

Gotcha!

Mick, we're gonna bust him.

-Pleasure doin' business, Neal. -Yeah.

-You're under arrest, dog breath. -What? Are you kiddin' me?

Does it look like we're kidding, butt face?

-Grab the counter. -We're police officers, Mr. Meyers.

You're under arrest for solicitation and acceptance of a bribe.

-I don't believe this. You set me up! -They had me, three counts of receiving!

You people ought to be ashamed of yourselves!

-Shut up! -Take 'em to the station.

-Let's go! -(indistinct shouting)

-Move! -Hey, what's up? What's goin' on?

Stick it in your ear, Mel. You want steaks, you steal 'em yourself.

Where you goin', Mel?

-BELKER: What are you guys doing? -I forgot something!

Hey, go ahead, Mick. We'll lock up here and be along in a few.

(humming)

What'd you do, J.D.?

A little payback for "Melski."

I got a rubber head from that prop girl on that movie set.

I just planted it in there.

I can hardly wait to see the expression on this jerk's face.

(laughs) All right!

Mel's a little late for his cue.

-J.D... -What?

Is that a hand?

-Oh, no. Oh, no! -Oh, man! Heart attack!

-Stroke, somethin'. -I'll call an ambulance.

Call two.

Detective Taber had a heart attack?

Uh, I heard he was sick, Captain. I'd already left.

I'm Simon Meyers, Captain,

a very small frog in a very large and dirty pond.

Save it, Meyers!

I don't know why I've been singled out for this kind of treatment!

-It must be your lucky day. -Sit!

Phone call, Sarge. It's urgent.

Jablonsky. Where?

Okay, stay put. Seal it off.

Captain, Klosinki and Frame answered a complaint.

They found two bodies in a basement near Lincoln.

-Torsos, same M.O. -Any chance for an I.D.?

No. It looks like they've been there a long time.

That much decomposition, they usually work off dental records.

Okay. Keep me posted.

-Natalie. -Yeah?

Get those to dispatch.

We want detectives, S.I.D. at that address.

Right.

Captain! You countermanded my orders?

-Chief. -Don't "Chief" me!

Warren Brisco was just at the undercover and said Mayo is back on duty!

If we're gonna do the laundry in public again,

then we're gonna do all of it, starting with the date last night.

What's that little tramp saying I did?

Detective Mayo is saying

that after repeated and insistent invitations,

you took her to dinner last night, that you had too much to drink,

tried to get her on a sensitivity weekend with you at Camp Hyperion,

then took her home and pawed at her clothes

while propositioning her.

-That's amazing! That's ludicrous! -Is it true?

A, it's a total distortion.

B, what happened last night has nothing to do

with Mayo refusing a direct command this morning.

As a witness, I'd have to testify

that Mayo's response to your order was ambiguous.

She refused it!

She said she didn't think the operation was safe!

You suspended her before she had a chance to refuse.

If you're choosing up with Mayo in this little donnybrook,

Captain, I can promise you you're gonna land on your fanny!

I don't want to choose sides.

I want you to realize

that Mayo may have grounds for harassment charges.

They'd never stand up.

Maybe not. The point is she doesn't even want to bring them.

All she wants to do is be a cop,

if you can control your wounded vanity enough to let her.

Oh, God, it's true.

I was trying to sexually intimidate an attractive subordinate.

When she refused my shoddy advances,

I was so humiliated, I wanted to hurt her.

(sighs)

We all have to grapple with our impulses, Chief...

but I wouldn't complicate things by bringing charges.

I had fantasies about her slamming the door on me

and calling some young stud boyfriend,

sharing a laugh about old "Fletch the lech."

(stammers) I gather you'd be willing to--

(voice breaking) Oh, God. This separation's killing me!

I've been there, Chief.

-Most of us have. -(sobs)

It hurts, but it's not fatal.

(stammers) We learn from it.

(clears throat) We grow, I hope.

It's okay.

You're okay.

I'll talk to the young woman. I'll make it right.

You're protecting me from cruel and venal impulses, Frank.

You're a good man! Bless you, Frank!

MAN: Right here on the tow sheet it says "clear."

Bless you, too, Ray.

WOMAN (on P.A.): Dr. Brunet, surgery one, stat.

I am not gonna pray the man dies, Neal.

I'm not gonna hope he dies,

even if my only chance to stay on the force

is if that rat croaks without regaining consciousness

to say what it is I did.

I'm gonna take the heat, J.D. I'm gonna say I did it.

-No way. -My jacket's got room, baby.

I don't think yours can take the weight.

One time... One time, if it's the Lord's will, let him go.

Doc, uh, how's detective Taber doin'?

You will be glad to know it was a mild infarction.

-He ought to be just fine. -Oh.

Good.

-Hi, fellas. -Mel.

-How you feelin'? -They say it was a mild one.

They think I'm gonna do okay.

I don't know how to start tellin' ya how sorry I am, Mel.

Listen, I'm grateful for what you did.

Uh-huh.

Getting me right in, getting me looked at.

The doctor said that was crucial.

What happened when you went back to the freezer?

What difference does it make, Neal?

I'm damned if I know what happened.

I went back there, I'm lookin' for the box,

and I get like a fist in my chest.

Thank goodness.

Mel seems to have come through this unscathed, Neal.

Why don't we get the hell out of here, let this man catch his strength?

You know what I'm lyin' here thinkin'?

Somebody wants me to turn over a new leaf.

WOMAN (on P.A.): Cath-room tech to Dr. Stillman.

Yeah, well, uh, good luck with your program, Mel.

See ya.

Heh-heh, turn over a new leaf?

Hah, cat needs to replant his whole forest.

Unbelievable. He never even saw the head, Neal.

Now I wish I'd hit the sucker!

You know what I'm gonna do with this?

-You know who's perfect for this? -What are you talking about?

The head, Coffey's perfect. He freaks with this stuff.

J.D., you just dodged a Howitzer.

I've got a perfectly good head here, Neal.

I'm not just gonna give it back. It's an unfired shot.

Bobby, I swear this is the first unit I drove

when I come on this force.

It can't be. They retire these units every... (sniffs)

-Radio's broke. -every three years.

There it is again. Do you smell that burnin' odor?

-Rubber burnin' or somethin' like that. -What is that?

What's the matter? Are you lonesome?

Hey, want a good time?

-All right, Angela, I got you in sight. -ANGELA (on radio): Roger, Lieutenant.

MAN: My paycheck's way down.

ANGELA: Excuse me. Customer?

Nice van. What color blue's this?

MAN: Royal blue. Come on for a drive.

-Call you angel? -You want me to be your an--

(silence)

-ANGELA: Please. -MAN: Just shut up!

All units, code 10-39.

Decap suspect in blue van,

Grant and Weaver, code 10-39.

-Let's go. -(siren wailing)

Police! You're completely surrounded!

Come out of there with your hands high and empty!

Hey, I'm not the guy you're thinkin'!

I was just jokin' with this woman! That's all!

That's good. Get out of there, we'll talk about it.

Or maybe I should cut her throat!

That woman is a cop! You got no chance of getting out of here.

You don't know anything about this woman!

She's disguised as a whore, but under the disguise, she really is a whore!

(grunting)

-You are under arrest. -Come on, let's go!

I haven't got any brakes! Hold on! I haven't got any brakes!

-(tires screech) -Anything you say

can and will be used against you in a court of law.

I can't help it! I can't help it!

(tires screech)

(indistinct shouting)

MAN: You ruined my newspaper stand!

Uh, you have the right to an attorney.

You have the right to have that attorney present during questioning.

-Back, people, come on! -What's his name?

-(clamoring) -Back, please!

Chief, is he a suspect in the Decap killings?

Did he confess?

Says he wants to talk to us, says he doesn't want a lawyer.

-No comment. -Gotta be the guy, Frank--

couldn't be two guys that crazy on the street.

-The Decap suspect? -(chattering)

Got good Miranda, says he wants to talk to us,

says he doesn't want a lawyer.

I prefer he have counsel, Frank. We don't want to lose a confession.

Get him a P.D. and let's interrogate.

Joyce, let's not be too fastidious here.

If the guy wants to talk, I want to hear what he has to say.

Sergeant, caution the press

on disclosure of the operation till we see if this is the guy.

Will do, sir.

A moment of your time, Detective, in private?

-Did you talk to Captain Furillo? -Yes, I did.

This way.

After further consideration,

I decided I overreacted this morning.

I don't condone your questioning your assignment,

but Captain Furillo has persuaded me the matter was being handled internally.

At any rate, I want to apologize.

-You called me a coward. -I applauded Bates' bravery.

You called me a coward, Chief, and I'm not.

I know you're not.

I apologize.

Okay.

This damn sex business between men and women,

it really mucks things up, doesn't it?

It can.

You're a damn good detective, Detective.

I mean that.

Thank you.

And a damn sexy one, too.

Fletcher, cease!

I want it on the record

that I recommended against Mr. Morris talking to you.

It's also on record that Mr. Morris has been fully advised.

You're speaking to us of your own choice, Mr. Morris, is that correct?

Is the hen party over now?

Please answer the question.

Yes, I'm talking to you freely.

-You're talking of your own free will? -Yes. Do you want this or not?

-Yes, we do. -There are seven murders

we believe were committed by the same person.

And, what do you know, here's someone that wants to talk about something.

We've found seven women murdered in what appears to be a similar way.

Uh-huh.

-Did you commit those murders? -Uh-huh.

(door closes)

RENKO: ...smell somethin', and I says, "I do, too."

Albert Desjardins, head of Division Accounting,

-here to see Captain Furillo. -I'll let him know you're here.

-Are you Mr. Dee-jardin? -Desjardins, correct.

-Division Accounting? -That is correct, Officer.

Uh, sir, Mr. Desjardins, I wonder if I could ask you somethin' for a minute, sir.

Uh, I was wondering, if you at Division

are gonna be so sticky about holdin' officers responsible

for the condition of their vehicles when they come back,

I wonder if you're gonna be such sticklers about how they are when they go out?

Officer, I haven't a clue to what you're talking about.

Well, sir, what I'm talkin' about is me and my partner,

Officer Hill, who's standin' behind you here, sir--

Well, we got a replacement vehicle from the motor pool,

and it braked about as good as my Aunt Elvira,

which means it didn't have no brakes at all.

Oh, well, what you're talking about here, Officer, is a compensation claim,

totally different department. Albert Desjardins, Captain Furillo.

-Finish up. -I'm just asking this gentleman, sir,

why it is that Division Accounting spends so much time

tryin' to figure out how to nickel-and-dime the officers in the field.

You'll get no quarrel from this quarter, Andy.

See, we put our lives on the line every day, Mr. Desjardins.

Every day.

Uh, Division appreciates the job you men are doing,

and many, many thanks today for this input, hmm?

-Thank you very much. -Thank you, sir.

-Thank you, gentlemen. -Sir.

This has not been a great day in the life of Albert Desjardins, Captain.

Well, thanks for getting back so promptly.

Um, it won't come as a shock if I tell you

yours was not the only complaint we had this morning.

I've been on a roadshow all day to the precincts.

Now, sir, we don't ask

that you fall in love with the new phone policy.

We just ask that you try to understand.

Let me try to save you a little time here, Mr. Desjardins.

I just want to show you the results of our study

of the ratio between personal to private calls

on the precinct phones.

And I am telling you you can take your studies

and shove them back in your briefcase.

A cop has a right to come off his shift

and call home to say he's gonna be late for dinner.

Oh, of course he does, sir.

We're not expecting anything like full compliance.

What this directive does is it lets the men know

that Accounting's out there. Puts the fear of God in them.

Like our personal responsibility directive on damage to cars.

Keeps the men on their toes.

Mr. Desjardins, as far as I'm concerned, the directives don't exist.

Oh, now, you can tear up all the studies you like,

but it will not make the directives go away.

As far as I'm concerned, you don't exist.

Oh, that's very constructive, sir.

Now I feel like making a personal phone call.

Overseas operator, please.

There's nothing in the directive that says

you can't make a personal phone call, Captain.

Ah, Turin, Italy.

Only thing directive says is that you're gonna have to pay us back.

I'd like to see you try to collect.

Uh-huh, yeah, 0884473.

Person-to-person? That's more expensive, isn't it?

Good, okay, yeah, then let's make it person-to-person.

To Tommaso Feltrenelli. Uh-huh, yeah, from Francis Furillo.

Gee, I haven't talked to my Uncle Tommaso in...

must be over a year now.

You'll forgive me if I don't stay around

for the rest of this petulant drama, Captain.

Uh, operator, listen, I'd like to cancel-- Hello?

(speaking Italian)

Uh, sí.

No, no-- bène. (laughs nervously)

Mick...

Mick, I'm afraid I am the bearer of a temporary eviction notice.

What's going on?

I have decided to drive Pegasus up to the lake region this weekend.

Okay.

Well, you know you're more than welcome to occupy Sunday night.

Actually, I think I'll look for another place to live this weekend, Lieutenant.

Well, I hope the short notice doesn't give offense, Mick.

I mean, the travel notion just came over me this morning.

It's no problem.

Got his game face on, huh, Lieutenant?

Excuse me?

Mick's got his game face on for the bowling league tonight.

You gonna come out and watch us?

Oh, no, I think I'll pass, Sergeant, but I'll be with you in spirit.

Attaboy.

Actually, I think I may pass on the bowling myself, Sarge.

The hell you say.

Mick, it don't take a genius to see that you got the birthday blahs.

Even if you hadn't ixnayed my announcing it at roll call this morning.

I just think I'd like to spend a quiet night at home

in my trailer, that's all.

Malarkey.

Listen, Mick, didn't we have a good time the other night

when I nearly had to shanghai you?

We went out, we had that nice Polish duck.

Yeah, that was fun.

All right, then. You listen to Dr. Jablonski.

We'll bowl.

Then afterwards we might go to Mulligan's, have a few brews

which shall be free and gratis to a certain individual

on account of what day it is.

I'm 37 years old, and I'm alone.

That's right.

You gonna take it lying down?

Good for you.

Captain, I've got it all straightened out with Chief Daniels.

-Good. -Thank you.

No need for thanks.

And thank you for this morning, too

not trying to talk me out of my fear.

For being the kind of man you are.

To whom it may concern,

I had my braces taken off today, and I think I look very good.

In fact, I think my smile is very much better.

Thank you, and good night.

-WOMAN: Good night, Fay. -MAN: Good night, Mrs. Furillo.

Hey, Pats.

Listen, I hear you nailed that killer today.

Is that right, you were in on that?

-Yeah, we got him. -Good going. You must feel terrific.

It's been a long day.

Listen, Pats, I never got a chance to ask you,

how was your date with the chief?

Swell.

I'll tell you all about it sometime.

Whenever.

You okay?

Yeah.

I missed you today, Harry.

Thanks.

Big, strong guy like you. Now, who'd have figured it?

Hey, look, J.D., I don't have to prove my masculinity

-off the weight of my bowling ball. -Fourteen-and-a-half-pound ball.

Hey, you get more lift and better mix with the pins.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Let me see your ball.

Why don't you go all the way, J.D., and try it at the bowling tonight?

'Cause I ain't bowling tonight is why, wiseguy.

Hey, if it's a big thing, forget it, huh? Never mind.

All right. All right!

If you ever tried this, you'd know what I'm talking about.

All right. Let me see.

Jeez! What the hell is that?

(laughing)

What'd you do, J.D.?

You put this in while I was shaving, didn't you?

You think that's real funny, don't you?

-You stupid jerk! -Hey, hey, take it easy, Joe.

You got a problem, Coffey?

You're the one with the problem, LaRue.

-NEAL: Okay, Joe, take it easy, man. -Way to take a joke, fella.

Oh, yeah? Yeah, how 'bout this, J.D.?

You think this is a million laughs?

-You think this is funny, LaRue? -What the hell's the matter with you?

Hey, Joe. Come on, Joe. Put the piece away now, man!

Hey, you stay out of this. This guy makes me sick.

You're gonna give somebody a heart attack, LaRue.

-Hey, come on. Don't do it, Joe. -(gunshot)

-MAN: Neal! Joe! -Neal!

RENKO: Lord have mercy! Look at this. Bobby, look at this.

Get somebody down here, quick!

-Neal, you okay? -I gotta get an ambulance!

LARUE: Oh, God, Neal. Oh, this is all my fault!

-(weakly) I... I... -What?

I caught you with your--

♪ Backfield in motion ♪

♪ I'm gonna have to penalize you ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Backfield in motion, baby ♪

♪ You know that's against the rules ♪

Okay, all of youse.

I'll tell you why this ain't funny, why this is not the same thing!

Tell us about it, baby!

It's not the same because of the spirit it was intended in!

(all laughing)

Oh, yeah, yeah. I wouldn't expect you to understand.

I wouldn't expect any of you to get it! Jerks!

-The man was had! -(mumbles, laughs)

Hey, the chorus definitely needs work.

Aw, get outta here!

It all depends whose ox gets gored.

When Daniels was bullying Patsy Mayo this morning,

I said to myself,

"Boy, I don't ever want to have an ego that fragile."

Four hours later, I'm ranting and raving

and making a totally pointless call to Turin, Italy,

trying to put some emotional distance between me

and this Uriah Heep from Division Accounting.

(sighs)

-How 'bout a little spousal support here? -(laughs)

How 'bout a little "There's a world of difference, Frank."

-There's a world of difference, Frank. -More feeling.

There is. (laughs)

You weren't making cheap passes at anyone.

Boy, I don't want to end up like Daniels 15 years from now, I'll tell you that.

No chance.

That's not to say I don't want to be making passes.

Let's go home, Frank.

Maybe I can give your ego a boost.

(creaks)

Lieutenant, that you?

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday, dear Michael ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

How'd you get in?

-I picked the lock. -Why?

I missed you.

(stammers) I wanted to be with you on your birthday.

Well, what about that other guy?

I may not have gotten everything I needed from you, Mick,

but without you, I don't have any of it.

I don't know what to say.

-Do you want me to go? -No.

Look...

Ever since you...

Ever since we decided to stop seeing each other,

it's all been wrong.

I know I'm not an easy person...

-But if maybe you could give me another-- -(shushes)

Just make a wish and blow out the candles.

(closing theme playing)