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1
00:00:04,351 --> 00:00:06,600
So you understand the situation?
2
00:00:06,601 --> 00:00:08,184
I think so.
3
00:00:08,185 --> 00:00:11,227
Now that we're not married anymore
you wanna sell my condo.
4
00:00:11,228 --> 00:00:14,353
No, no. It's our condo. I got it for us.
5
00:00:14,354 --> 00:00:20,438
Not the smartest thing I ever did,
but my real-estate adviser was my penis.
6
00:00:20,439 --> 00:00:25,105
Is that what they mean
when they say the market's gone soft?
7
00:00:25,106 --> 00:00:27,398
I don't think so.
8
00:00:27,399 --> 00:00:30,232
My point is, I can't afford
to carry the mortgage.
9
00:00:30,233 --> 00:00:33,066
But if we sell it,
then we can split the profit.
10
00:00:33,067 --> 00:00:35,109
Or I could buy you out.
11
00:00:35,110 --> 00:00:38,943
- Do you have money?
- I will after we sell.
12
00:00:38,944 --> 00:00:40,777
Kandi, I am at the end of my rope.
13
00:00:40,778 --> 00:00:44,904
If I can't get out from under these bills,
I may well have to declare bankruptcy.
14
00:00:44,905 --> 00:00:46,487
Wow.
15
00:00:46,488 --> 00:00:50,739
- That sounds really serious.
- It is. Deadly serious.
16
00:00:50,740 --> 00:00:53,574
Well, in that case...
17
00:00:54,991 --> 00:00:56,823
...wanna have sex?
18
00:00:56,824 --> 00:00:59,657
- What?
- I'm horny, you're stressed...
19
00:00:59,658 --> 00:01:02,034
...seems like we'd both benefit.
20
00:01:02,035 --> 00:01:04,533
Well, I am really stressed.
21
00:01:04,577 --> 00:01:06,535
No, that's not gonna solve anything.
22
00:01:06,536 --> 00:01:09,453
Okay, well, I'm gonna go take a shower.
23
00:01:09,454 --> 00:01:14,900
- Let me know if you change your mind.
- I changed my mind.
24
00:01:20,456 --> 00:01:22,954
I either drank too much...
25
00:01:22,999 --> 00:01:25,541
...or got hit by a train.
26
00:01:29,126 --> 00:01:32,543
- Oh, God, train.
- Charlie?
27
00:01:35,502 --> 00:01:36,960
Oh, look.
28
00:01:36,961 --> 00:01:40,420
It's my sweet angel
come to take me to heaven.
29
00:01:40,421 --> 00:01:42,919
Don't touch me.
30
00:01:43,338 --> 00:01:45,088
I hope you're proud of yourself.
31
00:01:45,089 --> 00:01:46,588
Well...
32
00:01:46,589 --> 00:01:51,631
...I didn't wake up in my own vomit,
so, yeah, kind of.
33
00:01:51,632 --> 00:01:54,006
You are such a child.
34
00:01:54,007 --> 00:01:57,508
Many people find that
to be an endearing quality.
35
00:01:57,509 --> 00:01:59,967
I'm not one of them.
36
00:01:59,968 --> 00:02:02,466
It would appear not.
37
00:02:03,469 --> 00:02:07,344
- We had fun last night, though, right?
- Oh, terrific.
38
00:02:07,345 --> 00:02:10,220
What woman doesn't enjoy
pleasing a man who falls asleep...
39
00:02:10,221 --> 00:02:14,137
...while he's in the middle
of reciprocating?
40
00:02:14,138 --> 00:02:19,535
Well, that explains why I dreamt
I was kissing Abe Lincoln.
41
00:02:20,808 --> 00:02:23,306
Uh-oh.
42
00:02:30,852 --> 00:02:32,102
Okay.
43
00:02:32,103 --> 00:02:33,435
Just some underwear.
44
00:02:33,436 --> 00:02:35,811
No need to panic.
45
00:02:35,812 --> 00:02:39,300
And a little bit of makeup. No biggie.
46
00:02:39,313 --> 00:02:42,979
Running shoes, reading glasses,
flannel nightgown...
47
00:02:42,980 --> 00:02:46,397
...and the latest issue
of Modern Bride magazine.
48
00:02:46,398 --> 00:02:48,896
Red alert.
49
00:02:49,316 --> 00:02:51,814
- Lydia?
- What?
50
00:02:53,484 --> 00:02:57,692
I couldn't help but notice that you put
some of your stuff in one of my drawers.
51
00:02:57,693 --> 00:03:02,069
Yeah. Hey, you wanna come
in here and make up for last night?
52
00:03:02,070 --> 00:03:05,694
Well, yeah, but I think we should talk
about this drawer thing.
53
00:03:05,695 --> 00:03:08,071
Okay.
54
00:03:08,072 --> 00:03:10,570
Talk.
55
00:03:12,989 --> 00:03:15,447
Four score and seven years ago...
56
00:03:15,448 --> 00:03:21,035
...our fathers brought forth upon
this continent a new nation.
57
00:03:50,042 --> 00:03:52,042
Morning.
58
00:03:52,043 --> 00:03:55,127
That was a great shower.
59
00:03:56,127 --> 00:04:01,795
Yeah. You know, it's good when you feel
dirtier coming out than you did going in.
60
00:04:01,796 --> 00:04:04,420
- So, what are you doing?
- Just practicing.
61
00:04:04,421 --> 00:04:06,129
- For what?
- Nothing in particular.
62
00:04:06,130 --> 00:04:12,215
- Just keeping sharp for my work.
- Oh, yeah, your little jingle thing.
63
00:04:12,216 --> 00:04:15,444
Hard to believe that takes practice.
64
00:04:23,052 --> 00:04:27,302
Berta, I'd like some scrambled egg whites,
dry wheat toast and Earl Grey tea.
65
00:04:27,303 --> 00:04:33,489
Oh, yeah? Well, I'd like some new shoes,
a jetpack and a waistline.
66
00:04:37,848 --> 00:04:42,585
You really thought
she was gonna make you breakfast.
67
00:04:47,601 --> 00:04:50,099
- Yo, bro.
- Hey.
68
00:04:50,143 --> 00:04:52,477
- How'd it go with Kandi?
- Great.
69
00:04:52,478 --> 00:04:54,518
Just great.
70
00:04:54,519 --> 00:04:57,728
Turns out we can be friends
with benefits.
71
00:04:57,729 --> 00:05:00,312
Nice. And did she agree
to sell the condo?
72
00:05:00,313 --> 00:05:02,271
What?
73
00:05:02,272 --> 00:05:05,189
Isn't that why you went over there
in the first place?
74
00:05:05,190 --> 00:05:07,688
Oh, yeah.
75
00:05:08,232 --> 00:05:10,900
Son of a bitch.
76
00:05:11,066 --> 00:05:12,982
Charlie...
77
00:05:12,983 --> 00:05:14,941
- ...you need to talk to your maid.
- Shh-shh!
78
00:05:14,942 --> 00:05:17,984
- Keep your voice down.
- Yeah, we don't use the M-word here.
79
00:05:17,985 --> 00:05:19,234
Why not?
80
00:05:19,235 --> 00:05:21,235
- Because it's disrespectful.
- Demeaning.
81
00:05:21,236 --> 00:05:23,734
And wildly inaccurate.
82
00:05:27,404 --> 00:05:30,362
The point is, Berta's the one
who keeps this house running...
83
00:05:30,363 --> 00:05:32,447
...and more important, she's like family.
84
00:05:32,448 --> 00:05:35,197
She's rude, offensive and vulgar.
85
00:05:35,198 --> 00:05:37,907
Okay, exactly like family.
86
00:05:38,324 --> 00:05:39,740
Fine.
87
00:05:39,741 --> 00:05:44,658
See if she'll do that thing with the ice
cubes and the silk handkerchief you like.
88
00:05:44,659 --> 00:05:47,158
Come on, sweetie, don't be like that.
89
00:05:47,159 --> 00:05:49,076
Ice cubes and a silk handkerchief?
90
00:05:49,077 --> 00:05:52,494
You can also use a Popsicle
and a necktie.
91
00:05:52,495 --> 00:05:55,902
But I do owe you a silk handkerchief.
92
00:05:56,705 --> 00:05:59,953
And your water pick's kind of iffy.
93
00:06:01,747 --> 00:06:06,084
And whatever you do,
don't lick your hairbrush.
94
00:06:11,425 --> 00:06:14,009
I'm sorry to come over here
and bother you again.
95
00:06:14,010 --> 00:06:16,801
We never finished talking
about selling the condo.
96
00:06:16,802 --> 00:06:18,635
But I don't wanna sell the condo.
97
00:06:18,636 --> 00:06:21,135
I can see boats from here.
98
00:06:21,179 --> 00:06:24,720
I understand,
but I can't afford the payments.
99
00:06:24,721 --> 00:06:27,305
I like boats.
100
00:06:28,598 --> 00:06:31,389
All right, well if you won't cooperate...
101
00:06:31,390 --> 00:06:35,098
...I'll just have to call my lawyer.
What are you doing?
102
00:06:35,099 --> 00:06:38,099
Chester lost his bone. I'm looking for it.
103
00:06:38,100 --> 00:06:40,141
Now? Can't it wait?
104
00:06:40,142 --> 00:06:44,143
No. When Chester wakes up
from his nap, he's gonna want his bone.
105
00:06:44,144 --> 00:06:46,642
You can keep talking.
106
00:06:47,020 --> 00:06:53,465
Okay, well, as I said, if you won't be
reasonable, I'll just have to-
107
00:06:55,689 --> 00:06:58,187
Have to what, Alan?
108
00:06:58,648 --> 00:07:01,607
Son of a bitch.
109
00:07:10,443 --> 00:07:12,942
What the-?
110
00:07:13,736 --> 00:07:16,234
We need to talk.
111
00:07:19,320 --> 00:07:22,195
- Okay.
- I don't mind your girlfriends...
112
00:07:22,196 --> 00:07:25,363
...throwing the occasional thong
or panties into the hamper.
113
00:07:25,364 --> 00:07:28,989
I just boil them
and sell them at the swap meet.
114
00:07:28,990 --> 00:07:34,283
But this broad is taking advantage
of my easy-going nature.
115
00:07:34,284 --> 00:07:38,825
Now, to be fair,
Lydia does have her positive attributes.
116
00:07:38,826 --> 00:07:43,827
Yeah, well, I ain't hitting any of them
attributes, so I don't give a rat's ass.
117
00:07:43,828 --> 00:07:45,244
All right, all right.
118
00:07:45,245 --> 00:07:47,494
You know what she said to me, Charlie?
119
00:07:47,495 --> 00:07:50,245
She said I need to learn
my place around here.
120
00:07:50,246 --> 00:07:51,912
Oh, she didn't.
121
00:07:51,913 --> 00:07:54,497
Ah, but she did.
122
00:07:55,665 --> 00:07:57,497
Is that true, Charlie?
123
00:07:57,498 --> 00:08:01,196
Do I need to learn my place around here?
124
00:08:01,666 --> 00:08:03,165
No, we all know your place.
125
00:08:03,166 --> 00:08:05,667
- Where is that place?
- Wherever you want it to be.
126
00:08:05,668 --> 00:08:08,834
There is only room for one alpha dog
in this house.
127
00:08:08,835 --> 00:08:10,918
- I know.
- Who is that alpha dog, Charlie?
128
00:08:10,919 --> 00:08:12,126
- You are.
- Say it.
129
00:08:12,127 --> 00:08:13,961
- You're the alpha dog.
- Aw.
130
00:08:13,962 --> 00:08:16,460
You sweet talker you.
131
00:08:17,837 --> 00:08:21,405
We'll just pretend that's morning wood.
132
00:08:35,009 --> 00:08:37,343
Hey, how's it going?
133
00:08:37,344 --> 00:08:39,885
Well, look who's finally up.
134
00:08:39,886 --> 00:08:42,052
I need some lotion on my back.
135
00:08:42,053 --> 00:08:44,261
Oh, sure.
136
00:08:44,262 --> 00:08:47,304
Listen, I have to talk to you about Berta.
137
00:08:47,305 --> 00:08:50,712
For God's sake, Charlie, grow a pair.
138
00:08:52,306 --> 00:08:54,056
Is this your house or hers?
139
00:08:54,057 --> 00:08:57,806
Well, my name's on the deed,
but she was here first.
140
00:08:57,807 --> 00:09:00,515
Thing is, over the years,
Berta and I have developed...
141
00:09:00,516 --> 00:09:02,683
...a really nice working relationship and-
142
00:09:02,684 --> 00:09:05,182
Do my thighs.
143
00:09:06,727 --> 00:09:07,934
Right.
144
00:09:07,935 --> 00:09:11,603
And the key to a happy home,
I find, is to not rock the boat...
145
00:09:11,604 --> 00:09:13,353
...not tamper with that balance.
146
00:09:13,354 --> 00:09:16,479
- Make the effort to treat her-
- Where is she now?
147
00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:18,813
Huh? She went shopping.
148
00:09:18,814 --> 00:09:21,312
Anybody else around?
149
00:09:21,315 --> 00:09:23,230
No. Anyway, the thing with Berta-
150
00:09:23,231 --> 00:09:26,732
Why don't you put sunscreen
on your cute little bottom?
151
00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:30,691
- What for?
- I wouldn't want you to get a nasty burn.
152
00:09:30,692 --> 00:09:33,191
Why would I get a nasty-?
153
00:09:34,152 --> 00:09:36,650
Oh, you mean sex.
154
00:09:37,069 --> 00:09:41,696
Good thing you're pretty
because you're very slow.
155
00:09:44,922 --> 00:09:47,750
"Who's the alpha dog, Charlie?"
156
00:09:48,632 --> 00:09:51,130
"Grow a pair, Charlie."
157
00:09:54,508 --> 00:09:57,006
Hey, Alan, come here.
158
00:09:57,468 --> 00:09:59,091
What's going on?
159
00:09:59,092 --> 00:10:00,884
I'm doing Lydia's laundry.
160
00:10:00,885 --> 00:10:03,713
Can I throw in my handkerchief?
161
00:10:04,511 --> 00:10:07,969
It wouldn't help.
You probably have to burn it.
162
00:10:07,970 --> 00:10:10,928
Okay. And why are you doing
Lydia's laundry?
163
00:10:10,929 --> 00:10:12,512
Because Berta won't.
164
00:10:12,513 --> 00:10:16,263
- Then why doesn't Lydia do it herself?
- Because I told her I'd get Berta to do it.
165
00:10:16,264 --> 00:10:17,722
Aha.
166
00:10:17,723 --> 00:10:19,681
Do you have any idea how to do laundry?
167
00:10:19,682 --> 00:10:22,348
You wash them, you dry them,
how tough could it be?
168
00:10:22,349 --> 00:10:24,987
So, what do you need me for?
169
00:10:25,017 --> 00:10:27,516
Which one's the washer?
170
00:10:30,518 --> 00:10:33,602
- That one.
- Thanks.
171
00:10:34,853 --> 00:10:37,442
Just kidding, it's that one.
172
00:10:38,896 --> 00:10:41,484
Sorry, it was the first one.
173
00:10:41,897 --> 00:10:44,934
Look, it says "wash" on the dial.
174
00:10:45,565 --> 00:10:49,398
Okay. Okay, I can do this.
I just turn it on and stick them in.
175
00:10:49,399 --> 00:10:53,816
It's a washing machine,
not a cocktail waitress.
176
00:10:54,067 --> 00:10:57,664
Let's start by separating her delicates.
177
00:10:57,734 --> 00:11:01,462
How is that not like a cocktail waitress?
178
00:11:02,236 --> 00:11:05,361
The reason you do these separately
is they're mostly synthetic.
179
00:11:05,362 --> 00:11:10,737
Add a beat-up Civic and an ex-husband
and we're back to cocktail waitress.
180
00:11:10,738 --> 00:11:13,280
Charming. Hand me the detergent.
181
00:11:13,281 --> 00:11:14,989
This stuff here?
182
00:11:14,990 --> 00:11:21,741
No, no, that's fabric softener.
You put that in after the first rinse cycle.
183
00:11:21,742 --> 00:11:25,617
You know what?
Maybe I'll just buy her some new clothes.
184
00:11:25,618 --> 00:11:27,576
Don't be such a baby.
185
00:11:27,577 --> 00:11:30,411
Detergent. See?
186
00:11:30,577 --> 00:11:33,076
There we go.
187
00:11:33,578 --> 00:11:37,788
Cold wash, cold rinse,
gentle cycle, done.
188
00:11:39,664 --> 00:11:42,162
What's that?
189
00:11:42,915 --> 00:11:47,082
That would be water entering
the washing machine.
190
00:11:47,083 --> 00:11:49,581
Amazing.
191
00:11:50,209 --> 00:11:53,037
Yeah, it's pretty cutting edge.
192
00:12:00,337 --> 00:12:02,835
Did I break it?
193
00:12:02,921 --> 00:12:05,419
Close the lid.
194
00:12:08,631 --> 00:12:11,129
Son of a gun.
195
00:12:23,427 --> 00:12:26,095
What will they think of next?
196
00:12:26,636 --> 00:12:29,427
Yeah, I hear scientists are working
on a machine...
197
00:12:29,428 --> 00:12:34,425
...that can cook two pieces of bread
at the same time.
198
00:12:39,182 --> 00:12:41,306
Yeah, yeah, yeah, very funny.
Now what?
199
00:12:41,307 --> 00:12:42,973
We wait.
200
00:12:42,974 --> 00:12:45,432
- How will we know when they're done?
- Don't worry.
201
00:12:45,433 --> 00:12:48,808
The machine will call you
on your cell phone.
202
00:12:48,809 --> 00:12:51,307
Really?
203
00:12:58,103 --> 00:13:01,228
I don't know what Berta's always
complaining about. This is fun.
204
00:13:01,229 --> 00:13:03,770
Well, you're dealing
with pretty girl underwear.
205
00:13:03,771 --> 00:13:08,230
Berta's gotta handle Jake's skivvies
after P.E. and pudding pops.
206
00:13:08,231 --> 00:13:10,730
Good point.
207
00:13:10,773 --> 00:13:13,606
- What are you doing?
- Pouring a glass of vodka.
208
00:13:13,607 --> 00:13:17,442
Is that part of doing the laundry?
Because I could really get into this.
209
00:13:17,443 --> 00:13:19,608
No, I'm just mad at myself.
210
00:13:19,609 --> 00:13:21,901
Well, in that case, pour me one.
211
00:13:21,902 --> 00:13:24,400
I'm mad at you too.
212
00:13:26,112 --> 00:13:29,112
- So, what's the problem?
- I went over to Kandi's again.
213
00:13:29,113 --> 00:13:30,487
And how did that go?
214
00:13:30,488 --> 00:13:32,529
Not only are we not selling the condo...
215
00:13:32,530 --> 00:13:35,363
...I may have promised to buy her
a new fridge.
216
00:13:35,364 --> 00:13:36,989
- Alan.
- She likes getting ice...
217
00:13:36,990 --> 00:13:39,115
...without having to open the door.
218
00:13:39,116 --> 00:13:41,115
You poor whipped sap.
219
00:13:41,116 --> 00:13:43,949
- Me? What about you?
- What about me?
220
00:13:43,950 --> 00:13:46,200
- Charlie, you're doing a woman's laundry.
- No.
221
00:13:46,201 --> 00:13:48,242
That's just me trying to pitch in.
222
00:13:48,243 --> 00:13:51,118
Face it. Lydia's got you
wrapped around her little finger.
223
00:13:51,119 --> 00:13:53,618
She does not.
224
00:13:53,620 --> 00:13:56,118
She uses this one.
225
00:13:56,745 --> 00:14:00,603
And it's not so much wrapped
as skewered.
226
00:14:02,580 --> 00:14:04,831
Who's using my washing machine?
227
00:14:04,832 --> 00:14:08,957
Excuse me, but it's my washing machine
and I'm using it to wash Lydia's clothes.
228
00:14:08,958 --> 00:14:10,457
You're doing laundry?
229
00:14:10,458 --> 00:14:12,666
Hey, it's not rocket science.
230
00:14:12,667 --> 00:14:14,792
Cold wash, cold rinse, gentle cycle.
231
00:14:14,793 --> 00:14:17,251
But first, you separate the delicates.
232
00:14:17,252 --> 00:14:20,290
- Is that so?
- Yeah, that's so.
233
00:14:21,795 --> 00:14:24,293
That's probably them now.
234
00:14:26,338 --> 00:14:28,045
Hello?
235
00:14:28,046 --> 00:14:32,833
Oh, hey, Mom.
I thought you were my washing machine.
236
00:14:41,801 --> 00:14:45,509
Oh, come on, throw the ball,
throw the ball.
237
00:14:45,510 --> 00:14:48,009
Or fall down.
238
00:14:49,386 --> 00:14:52,262
- Charlie, I'm leaving.
- Bye.
239
00:14:54,513 --> 00:14:57,011
I'd like a kiss.
240
00:15:02,389 --> 00:15:05,108
She's still there, isn't she?
241
00:15:05,515 --> 00:15:07,432
Yep.
242
00:15:07,433 --> 00:15:09,266
Just kidding, sweetie.
243
00:15:09,267 --> 00:15:10,850
That's better.
244
00:15:10,851 --> 00:15:12,433
Goodbye, Jake.
245
00:15:12,434 --> 00:15:14,309
I'm not kissing you.
246
00:15:14,310 --> 00:15:18,185
Charlie, I almost forgot. I'm serving hors
d'oeuvres at an open house tomorrow.
247
00:15:18,186 --> 00:15:20,311
So I'll borrow Berta
for a couple of hours.
248
00:15:20,312 --> 00:15:22,478
Say what?
249
00:15:22,479 --> 00:15:23,936
I'm talking to Charlie.
250
00:15:23,937 --> 00:15:25,979
You don't mind, do you?
251
00:15:25,980 --> 00:15:29,577
- Mind? Well, I-
- You wanna borrow me?
252
00:15:29,647 --> 00:15:32,357
What am I, a carpet steamer?
253
00:15:32,648 --> 00:15:36,274
I'm not saying I won't pay you.
Plus, you can take home all the leftovers.
254
00:15:36,275 --> 00:15:40,859
Why don't you just toss them all in a big
bowl and I'll eat them out in the yard.
255
00:15:40,860 --> 00:15:44,109
That's a little uncalled for.
I thought I was doing you a favor.
256
00:15:44,110 --> 00:15:47,193
You wanna do me a favor? Take
the money you were gonna pay me...
257
00:15:47,194 --> 00:15:49,986
...convert it into rolls of nickels,
then bend over and-
258
00:15:49,987 --> 00:15:52,485
Berta, Berta, Berta.
259
00:15:55,613 --> 00:15:59,448
I don't have to stand here and listen
to this. You have to make a decision.
260
00:15:59,449 --> 00:16:02,324
It's her or me.
261
00:16:02,490 --> 00:16:04,989
The skank's right, Charlie.
262
00:16:05,783 --> 00:16:08,281
It's her or me.
263
00:16:10,410 --> 00:16:12,118
Great.
264
00:16:12,119 --> 00:16:14,617
That's just great.
265
00:16:14,995 --> 00:16:19,302
Did somebody say there was
a big bowl of food?
266
00:16:23,622 --> 00:16:25,705
You got an offer on the condo?
267
00:16:25,706 --> 00:16:28,289
Oh, Mom, you're a lifesaver.
268
00:16:28,290 --> 00:16:30,832
I don't care.
I fully expect to take a loss.
269
00:16:30,833 --> 00:16:33,874
At least I don't have to pay you
a commission.
270
00:16:33,875 --> 00:16:36,667
Oh, come on, you're my mother.
271
00:16:36,668 --> 00:16:39,334
Wait, wait. Hang on,
I've got another call coming in.
272
00:16:39,335 --> 00:16:43,752
Hello? Oh, Kandi. Kandi, hello.
Yeah, listen, about the condo.
273
00:16:43,753 --> 00:16:47,503
My mom just got
a very reasonable offer and-
274
00:16:47,504 --> 00:16:50,462
I give up, what are you wearing?
275
00:16:50,547 --> 00:16:55,513
Hang on. Mom, I gotta go.
Kandi, I'll be right there.
276
00:16:58,132 --> 00:17:00,006
Hey, is Berta here?
277
00:17:00,007 --> 00:17:02,508
- I haven't seen her.
- Great.
278
00:17:02,509 --> 00:17:05,675
I admit, I never thought you'd have
the cojones to fire Berta.
279
00:17:05,676 --> 00:17:07,634
Are you kidding?
280
00:17:07,635 --> 00:17:13,741
I've got huge cojones. Why do you think
I wear these baggy shorts?
281
00:17:15,012 --> 00:17:18,080
Wait, wait, wait. You fired Berta?
282
00:17:18,097 --> 00:17:19,887
Yes, Alan.
283
00:17:19,888 --> 00:17:22,305
She didn't know her place
and she had to go.
284
00:17:22,306 --> 00:17:25,264
But we can't live without Berta.
285
00:17:26,015 --> 00:17:27,723
I'll be right there, sweetie.
286
00:17:27,724 --> 00:17:30,222
Hurry.
287
00:17:30,725 --> 00:17:33,642
You know what? We need to work
on our communication skills.
288
00:17:33,643 --> 00:17:34,892
I always thought that.
289
00:17:34,893 --> 00:17:39,477
- I didn't think you'd be open-
- No, no, no, you jackass.
290
00:17:39,478 --> 00:17:43,937
God, you play along like a monkey
with a mandolin.
291
00:17:43,938 --> 00:17:47,312
- You mean you didn't fire Berta?
- That's it, give me the mandolin.
292
00:17:47,313 --> 00:17:50,146
You promised Berta
you'd get rid of Lydia.
293
00:17:50,147 --> 00:17:52,980
- Alan, do you know what this is?
- No.
294
00:17:52,981 --> 00:17:55,520
Then shut your stupid mouth.
295
00:17:55,690 --> 00:17:57,982
And don't tell Berta she was here.
296
00:17:57,983 --> 00:18:00,608
Fine. Just give me a heads up
when you're lying.
297
00:18:00,609 --> 00:18:03,107
I'm always lying.
298
00:18:03,526 --> 00:18:05,859
I'll give you a heads up when I'm not.
299
00:18:05,860 --> 00:18:09,110
Yeah, you're the smart one.
Know how I know?
300
00:18:09,111 --> 00:18:12,629
The washing machine called and told me.
301
00:18:18,572 --> 00:18:21,320
Ooh! High heels and Cool Whip.
302
00:18:30,826 --> 00:18:33,493
Oh, Charlie, how could you?
303
00:18:34,077 --> 00:18:37,076
Berta, this is not what it looks like.
304
00:18:37,077 --> 00:18:39,077
Charlie, you lied to me.
305
00:18:39,078 --> 00:18:42,566
Lydia, this is not what it looks like.
306
00:18:42,871 --> 00:18:45,496
- That's it, I'm out of here.
- Me too.
307
00:18:45,497 --> 00:18:51,023
Berta? Lydia? Come on, wait.
This is not what it looks like.
308
00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:56,886
Say it a few more times, Charlie.
Maybe somebody'll believe you.
309
00:18:59,626 --> 00:19:02,876
Berta. Berta, Berta, Berta.
Wait, wait, wait. You can't quit.
310
00:19:02,877 --> 00:19:06,043
- Why not?
- We're family. We love each other.
311
00:19:06,044 --> 00:19:09,670
- We forgive each other our shortcomings.
- Oh, bite me.
312
00:19:09,671 --> 00:19:11,212
Don't go. Don't go.
313
00:19:11,213 --> 00:19:13,379
I promise I'll break it off with her.
314
00:19:13,380 --> 00:19:17,171
No, you won't. You wanna know why?
Because you are addicted to this broad.
315
00:19:17,172 --> 00:19:20,256
Oh, that's ridiculous.
I can stop any time I want.
316
00:19:20,257 --> 00:19:24,632
No, you can't. You're a nookie junkie
and I just can't trust you anymore.
317
00:19:24,633 --> 00:19:28,093
No, no, no. Wait. Wait, wait, wait.
318
00:19:30,176 --> 00:19:31,884
You're right.
319
00:19:31,885 --> 00:19:33,677
I am addicted.
320
00:19:33,678 --> 00:19:39,011
I've got a vagina on my back,
but I know I can get it off.
321
00:19:39,012 --> 00:19:41,510
I mean, you gotta help me.
322
00:19:41,513 --> 00:19:44,180
I can't help you, pal.
You've gotta help yourself.
323
00:19:44,181 --> 00:19:46,806
- Goodbye, Charlie.
- Oh, come on, Berta, don't go.
324
00:19:46,807 --> 00:19:49,890
- I'll do anything.
- I'm leaving now.
325
00:19:49,891 --> 00:19:51,640
You don't have to.
326
00:19:51,641 --> 00:19:54,140
I just fired her.
327
00:19:54,392 --> 00:19:55,891
Goodbye, Charlie.
328
00:19:55,892 --> 00:20:00,329
Oh, come on, Lydia, don't go.
I'll do anything.
329
00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:03,644
You know what?
I don't need either one of you.
330
00:20:03,645 --> 00:20:08,502
I can do my own laundry
and I've got my own finger.
331
00:20:17,432 --> 00:20:19,098
I don't like it here.
332
00:20:19,099 --> 00:20:22,266
Well, tough. This is the only way
I could get Berta to come back.
333
00:20:22,267 --> 00:20:23,850
But why do I have to be here?
334
00:20:23,851 --> 00:20:28,560
Because it's the only way
you're ever gonna sell your condo.
335
00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:31,059
Okay, let's get started.
336
00:20:31,228 --> 00:20:33,561
Welcome to our regular
Monday night meeting.
337
00:20:33,562 --> 00:20:36,060
Do we have any newcomers?
338
00:20:41,773 --> 00:20:46,790
My name is Charlie
and my maid says I'm a sex addict.
339
00:20:47,108 --> 00:20:49,606
Hi, Charlie.
340
00:20:58,486 --> 00:21:01,695
Hi. I'm Alan...
341
00:21:02,905 --> 00:21:06,392
...and I have a lovely condo for sale.
342
00:21:07,864 --> 00:21:09,989
And I'm a sex addict.
343
00:21:09,990 --> 00:21:11,655
Hi, Alan.
344
00:21:11,656 --> 00:21:14,155
It's priced to move.
345
00:21:18,950 --> 00:21:21,449
Hi, my name is Pam...
346
00:21:21,452 --> 00:21:23,743
...and I'm a sex addict.
347
00:21:23,744 --> 00:21:26,242
Hi, Pam.26448
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