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[hopeful music playing]
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I'm for equal rights,
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equal opportunity, and affordable housing.
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I'm mayoral candidate, George Melendez
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-and I approve... -I approve...
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-...of a better life... -...of a better life...
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-...for all San Franciscans. -...for all San Franciscans.
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That's my line! Pretty great, huh?
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Oh, it's poetry, darlin'.
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He's got my vote, that's for damn sure.
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Well, I should hope so, Franklin.
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You're working on his campaign.
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Only because you're his campaign manager.
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And no, I mean, yeah, I... I support,
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uh, what he was sayin'
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about, uh, free Taco Night or whatever.
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I would vote for him if I voted. But I don't,
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because all politicians are crooks and liars.
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Uh-uh, George is different.
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[scoffs] That's what they said about Gandhi.
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If you don't vote, you can't complain.
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Sure, I can! For starters,
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there's not enough nudity on PBS!
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-There, I said it. -Maybe I should vote.
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-How old do you have to be? -Eighteen.
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Darn, I'm older than 18. Oh, well.
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-What color polish do you want? -Clear for me. Kitty?
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I'm gonna do that Fuck-Me-Silly-Gutterslut-Pink!
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I'm hittin' the alley tonight, gonna get me some thickness!
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Phineas, out of respect for Gretchen,
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I expect you to vote for Señor Melendez
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as many times as you can.
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Not even if you paid me. I don't mean that literally.
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Really Phineas? I thought you were a big activist
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-back in the '60s. -Me? Nah.
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Fuck the capitalist pigs! Workers should own everything.
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Let's burn the fuckin' country to the ground.
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Yeah! I'm with my brother Phineas!
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I came up with a name for our movement.
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I wrote it down somewhere.
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I just gotta find it.
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My name's Bernie Sanders.
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These rolling papers say "Democratic Socialism."
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Oh, Bernie's a genius!
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I'm with Bernie! Great original idea.
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[indistinct clamor]
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-Oh, I love you! -Ow! I feel a burn!
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Feel the Bern! Feel the Bern!
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[woman] Bernie's so much better than Phineas!
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[theme song playing]
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♪ Brother, hmm
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♪ Three brothers puffin' ♪
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♪ And we just woke up In year 2020 ♪
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♪ Rolling out a j And forget the day ♪
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♪ Rolling out a j And get high ♪
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♪ Rolling out a j And forget the day ♪
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♪ Me and my brothers Getting fried ♪
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♪ The Freak Brothers
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[song concludes]
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Hello, Freaks and family.
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Guess whose billionaire boss is running for mayor
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and made me his head of voter outreach?
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Uh, can you give us a hint?
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Freddy come on. Jesus.
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Let's at least try to guess first without a hint.
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Oh, I thought you weren't getting involved
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in Dennis's "political ego trip."
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Especially, since I'm campaign manager for his opponent.
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But then we wouldn't have the unbearable tension
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and inevitable fight that leads to you two
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not speaking to each other.
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Harper, don't expect any of my votes
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for your Chinese boss.
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Not because he's Chinese because I don't trust him.
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And I don't know anything about him.
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Why do you look at me when you say Chinese?
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Because you're Chinese.
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If your mom's boss was fat, I'd look at Freddy.
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[munches]
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Now, as you all may or may not know,
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buying votes is illegal.
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I wouldn't know, I'm too old to vote.
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Which is why, unrelated to the election,
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Dennis Chang is giving every San Franciscan a free phone!
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-[gasps] Gimme, gimme! -I got the purple one!
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And, they're pre-loaded with spending money
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at participating merchants.
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-Whose idea? -Your idea, dear.
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That is such bullshit, Harper. You know what?
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I'm not even speaking to you right now.
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Huh. I would've given it another couple days.
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-[phone chimes] -Check it out!
93
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Mine's pre-loaded with a movie about some cat.
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[upbeat music playing]
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Oh, oh, Freaks in the hizz-ouse!
96
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Java or ganja, my good dudes?
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Chuck and Charlie.
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Seems like you guys have a new job every week.
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[scoffs] Seems like you guys don't have any job every week.
100
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Uh, it's a living. [chuckles]
101
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Let me have a THC-infused espresso
102
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and a blueberry muffin.
103
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Okay, that'll be 12.50.
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Cash, or another IOU signed Jack MeHoff?
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Neither, my friend.
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I'll be paying with my fancy new phone.
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-[beeps] -Oh, no. You know what, sorry,
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we're gonna have to take back that muffin.
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Yeah. It could've come in contact with sesame seeds,
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-and with your sesame allergy-- -[Phineas] What?
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How do you know about that? You blabbin' about my business,
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-Chatty Cathy? -Nope.
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-It tells me all about you here. -What the fuck?
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How does it know about all my personal shit?
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Your phone, dude.
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It's gathering data on you 24-7.
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Everywhere you go. Everything you buy.
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Everything you say.
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[phone recording] Everything you say.
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Oh, my God, what was that.
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Fuck this free phone! It ain't worth it,
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I'm giving it back!
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[munches]
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My God. Don't you have any self-respect?
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-You're disgusting. -You'll die early and alone.
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Even your mangy cat
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will be ashamed to be seen with you.
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Mangy? Bitch, the only thing mangy in here
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is your uptight coochie! And fuck both y'all,
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I'm already ashamed to be seen with him. [scoffs]
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Yeah. Oh.
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[mellow music playing]
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People been calling you fat your whole life.
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For fuck's sake, your mama named you Fat Freddy.
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This was different, Kitty.
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It used to be they were laughing with me.
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Today they were laughing at me.
138
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Boy, what movie you been watching?
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The truth is, I like being big.
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I like eating lots and lots of food.
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It's the only thing you're good at!
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I know! I like who I am.
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I wouldn't want to be anyone else.
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He's back! Fat ass Freddy! That's right!
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I like Tubby Time with you, Kitty.
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You're a good friend.
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Wanna stay friends? Do not stand up.
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I don't wanna see your little thang thang
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under them fat folds.
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The joke's on you, I'm wearing blue jeans. [laughs]
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-[screams] -[phone beeps]
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[tense music playing]
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I've got a chubby guy in a bubble bath
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espousing a positive body image to a cute cat
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who's meowing back. Request approval to go viral.
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-Hmm. Approved. -[indistinct chatter]
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[Harper] Win or lose the election,
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we'll still have the data from our phone giveaway.
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I recognized the word "win."
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But that "L" word, it's not in my vocabulary.
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If Steve Jobs had eaten anything other than fruit,
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he'd be standing here in awe of you.
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All right. Here's the deal, Chang.
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You're gonna erase all my personal shit off this gizmo
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and never so much as utter my name again.
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I ain't afraid of you,
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I don't care how much karate you know!
168
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Actually, I'm a black belt.
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It's African American belt, you racist.
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Uh, hey, Harper, what's for dinner?
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[Dennis] Who are these men and why do they smell like that?
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Oh, they're nobodies. [chuckles]
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What the fuck are you guys doing here?
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Go away, right now.
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I will not be silenced!
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I'm filming you both to show the world!
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What the...
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ChangCo's electronic jamming device
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patent pending.
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-Two-Ton! -Yes, Mr. Chang?
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Show these men the sidewalk.
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You see that? That's the sidewalk!
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[sighs] I meant escort them out.
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We thought you drowned when we sank
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the Lucky Motherfucker.
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-Hey, did you lose weight? -I'm on the keto.
187
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Can eat all the hardboiled eggs I want.
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[farts] I beg y'all's pardon.
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You keep questionable company, Two-Ton.
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This man is a danger to life as we know it!
191
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Ooh. Are these complimentary?
192
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-Go nuts. -[laughs] Go nuts!
193
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Oh, my God, so witty.
194
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You gonna delete my data or not?
195
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I could wipe the data from your Changphone.
196
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But it's also in the Cloud
197
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and on our proprietary gel drive.
198
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-You mind? -Back off, piggy.
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Could someone make all your info go away?
200
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Well, I probably could. [chuckles]
201
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-But I won't. Anything else? -Yes.
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I vowed to never participate in politics again.
203
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But as sure as my tongue is swelling up
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from the sesame sticks in this delicious potpourri,
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I vow to defeat you!
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I will volunteer all of my time for your opponent...
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[indistinct] Geowg Mewendeth.
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Damn, D.C., his tongue's the size of a porcupine.
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[laughs, farts] Oh.
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[laughs] It's the keto.
211
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[upbeat music playing]
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[man on TV] ...And you secret ingredient is fennel.
213
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Freddy, oh, my God, you're blowing up!
214
00:09:01,032 --> 00:09:02,433
This is only my second bag.
215
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So I gained a few pounds, so what.
216
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You think she knows we got the munchies?
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I mean, you're trending.
218
00:09:08,406 --> 00:09:11,342
-People love Tubby Time. -I love Tubby Time.
219
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When did you decide to do an internet show?
220
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Tubby Time is such a cool name, by the way.
221
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Do what now?
222
00:09:17,581 --> 00:09:20,317
I like Tubby Time with you, Kitty.
223
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-You're a good friend. -[Kitty] Meow, meow, meow.
224
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Aw, hell no.
225
00:09:25,089 --> 00:09:27,925
That lighting makes me look like a damn meth head.
226
00:09:27,958 --> 00:09:29,927
I think it's awesome how comfortable you are
227
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with your body.
228
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And so do your 800,000 followers.
229
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-[screams] Oh, my God! -Oh, my God! I don't get it.
230
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Your fans want another episode.
231
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And you'll be like his little sidekick.
232
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Girl, I don't do sidekick. Co-star, equal billing,
233
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and I want an Executive Producer credit.
234
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[upbeat music playing]
235
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Sounds like Phineas really gave Chang a tongue lashing,
236
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before it swelled up and almost suffocated him to death.
237
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It was a thing of beauty.
238
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I mean, what he said to him, not his gasps for air
239
00:10:01,192 --> 00:10:04,428
before the paramedics arrived. That was a little embarrassing.
240
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Vote Melendez! And don't vote Chang!
241
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You guys ready to bury this fucker?
242
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Fuck yeah!
243
00:10:11,869 --> 00:10:14,472
Good seein' you pumped up about politics again, buddy.
244
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Yeah, it is. I really like this side of you, Phineas.
245
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Meaning what? You didn't like any of my sides before?
246
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-You hated me? -What? No.
247
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-I-- -I'm joking!
248
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Now that my life has purpose,
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I'm jovial and fun to be around!
250
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I wouldn't go that far.
251
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-Uh, barely tolerable... -[door opening]
252
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Noah, tell my sister, who I'm not speaking to,
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00:10:34,458 --> 00:10:35,493
to turn on the TV!
254
00:10:35,526 --> 00:10:38,062
Gretchen, turn on-- What am I doing?
255
00:10:38,462 --> 00:10:40,598
Translating from spiteful English to English?
256
00:10:40,631 --> 00:10:41,999
[news music plays]
257
00:10:42,199 --> 00:10:43,467
Blockbuster photos have surfaced
258
00:10:43,501 --> 00:10:45,402
of mayoral candidate George Melendez.
259
00:10:45,903 --> 00:10:49,206
Photos being called "shocking, appalling, and sexist."
260
00:10:49,240 --> 00:10:51,075
Let's go to Channel 7's Stephanie Olsen
261
00:10:51,108 --> 00:10:51,809
in the Tenderloin.
262
00:10:52,109 --> 00:10:56,280
I'm here with Cheyenne, pronouns they/them,
263
00:10:56,313 --> 00:10:58,582
who brought the photos to our attention.
264
00:10:58,616 --> 00:11:02,620
He was Annie in drag! It's gender appropriation.
265
00:11:02,653 --> 00:11:05,923
It robbed an essential role from a female actor.
266
00:11:06,323 --> 00:11:08,592
George Melendez should be held accountable!
267
00:11:08,893 --> 00:11:12,463
-Well, it is an all-boys school. -[gasps]
268
00:11:12,496 --> 00:11:16,233
He should be held accountable for that too! [grunts]
269
00:11:16,500 --> 00:11:17,868
[tense music playing]
270
00:11:20,938 --> 00:11:22,072
[man 1] Cancelled.
271
00:11:22,306 --> 00:11:23,908
Channel 7 News can confirm,
272
00:11:23,941 --> 00:11:25,843
George Melendez has dropped out of the race.
273
00:11:26,043 --> 00:11:27,878
He has been cancelled.
274
00:11:27,912 --> 00:11:30,614
Cancelled? What's that mean, cancelled?
275
00:11:30,648 --> 00:11:34,585
Well, it means he's done. Finished. [chuckles]
276
00:11:34,618 --> 00:11:37,188
Persona non grata in politics, online,
277
00:11:37,221 --> 00:11:38,622
and at any decent restaurant.
278
00:11:38,856 --> 00:11:40,858
Well, that's just crazy.
279
00:11:41,158 --> 00:11:43,127
Gretchen, we're gonna fight for George right?
280
00:11:44,128 --> 00:11:45,095
[groans] It's over.
281
00:11:45,429 --> 00:11:47,531
I'd be lucky to book him on The Lauer Hour.
282
00:11:47,898 --> 00:11:51,235
-Matt Lauer's new podcast. -Ugh. So... so that's it?
283
00:11:51,268 --> 00:11:53,037
Chang is running unopposed?
284
00:11:53,070 --> 00:11:56,574
Um, except for Libertarian candidate Bob Pimko,
285
00:11:56,607 --> 00:11:59,276
running at two percent in the polls.
286
00:11:59,510 --> 00:12:01,111
Oh, well then, it looks like
287
00:12:01,145 --> 00:12:04,114
it's winner winner Kung Pao dinner!
288
00:12:04,148 --> 00:12:05,649
[indistinct chatter]
289
00:12:05,683 --> 00:12:07,284
What do you think you're me?
290
00:12:07,318 --> 00:12:08,619
[mumbles]
291
00:12:08,652 --> 00:12:10,654
No, no. Dennis says that. He made it up.
292
00:12:10,921 --> 00:12:12,456
[upbeat music playing]
293
00:12:14,525 --> 00:12:15,459
Money.
294
00:12:17,027 --> 00:12:20,364
We're so down with the body positive message, bro.
295
00:12:20,397 --> 00:12:21,665
It's enlightened.
296
00:12:21,699 --> 00:12:24,468
To Chuck, from your pal, Freddy.
297
00:12:24,501 --> 00:12:25,636
I'm Charlie.
298
00:12:25,836 --> 00:12:27,438
I don't know how to spell that, Chuck.
299
00:12:27,838 --> 00:12:31,175
Sitting in bubbles all the time is making my feet turn yellow.
300
00:12:31,208 --> 00:12:34,211
Man, if you don't put those gnarly, nasty-ass,
301
00:12:34,245 --> 00:12:36,447
lemon toes away, you'll scare off all the fans!
302
00:12:36,714 --> 00:12:39,183
This is what the world has come to.
303
00:12:39,216 --> 00:12:42,119
A good man like George gets nailed to the cross.
304
00:12:42,152 --> 00:12:44,588
A fat man like Freddy is a national hero.
305
00:12:44,889 --> 00:12:46,624
Be happy for old Freddy.
306
00:12:46,657 --> 00:12:48,192
It's good to see life give him
307
00:12:48,225 --> 00:12:50,327
the long end of the stick for once.
308
00:12:50,361 --> 00:12:52,429
Life gave me the long end of the stick,
309
00:12:52,463 --> 00:12:53,697
right up my fucking ass!!
310
00:12:53,998 --> 00:12:57,234
-[gasps] -I was standing here first!
311
00:12:57,268 --> 00:12:59,236
-[beeps] -That was State Senator Moffit.
312
00:12:59,270 --> 00:13:01,472
He can't replace George as our candidate.
313
00:13:01,505 --> 00:13:03,040
He's not gonna be out of jail in time.
314
00:13:03,073 --> 00:13:06,644
Shit. Shit, shit, shit shit, shit, shit, shit!
315
00:13:06,844 --> 00:13:07,945
[gasps]
316
00:13:08,612 --> 00:13:11,548
We gotta find somebody who voters like more
317
00:13:11,582 --> 00:13:12,750
than Dennis the Menace.
318
00:13:12,783 --> 00:13:15,653
[crowd cheering]
319
00:13:16,220 --> 00:13:18,989
-[screams] -[splash]
320
00:13:19,590 --> 00:13:23,294
[crowd] Freddy, Freddy, Freddy!
321
00:13:23,327 --> 00:13:26,063
This may sound crazy, but hear me out...
322
00:13:27,231 --> 00:13:30,000
-Freddy? That's crazy! -But is it?
323
00:13:30,367 --> 00:13:32,536
Freddy polls ahead of Chang in the head-to-head,
324
00:13:32,569 --> 00:13:34,138
and has a higher Q rating.
325
00:13:34,438 --> 00:13:36,607
He once ate an entire bag of potatoes
326
00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:38,442
without taking them out of the bag.
327
00:13:38,475 --> 00:13:39,510
And could you do that?
328
00:13:39,743 --> 00:13:42,012
What happens when Freddy has to speak?
329
00:13:42,046 --> 00:13:45,049
When people ask him questions, besides, "What's your name?"
330
00:13:45,082 --> 00:13:46,150
Well, I got a thought on that.
331
00:13:46,183 --> 00:13:49,219
What if we got one of those ear piece hickamajigs
332
00:13:49,253 --> 00:13:51,655
for Freddy and you told him what to say?
333
00:13:52,056 --> 00:13:53,424
It's not a bad idea.
334
00:13:53,457 --> 00:13:55,225
You've got a mind for politics.
335
00:13:55,259 --> 00:13:57,194
You could be the man behind the man.
336
00:13:57,227 --> 00:14:00,497
-Why don't I just be the man? -Because people don't like you.
337
00:14:00,764 --> 00:14:02,399
He's right, they don't.
338
00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:04,101
Hmm.
339
00:14:04,635 --> 00:14:08,105
Welcome to another edition of Tubby Time.
340
00:14:08,138 --> 00:14:11,275
I'm Freddy Freekowtski, she's Kitty,
341
00:14:11,308 --> 00:14:13,677
and we have a big announcement!
342
00:14:14,078 --> 00:14:16,180
I'm running for Mayo!
343
00:14:16,447 --> 00:14:18,248
Which is great because I love mayonnaise!
344
00:14:18,549 --> 00:14:21,118
-"Mayor," dumb-dumb. -Mayor dumb-dumb.
345
00:14:21,151 --> 00:14:22,753
Man behind the man!
346
00:14:23,253 --> 00:14:25,055
This is your new candidate?
347
00:14:25,089 --> 00:14:27,391
Oh, Gretchen, if I were speaking to you
348
00:14:27,424 --> 00:14:30,494
I'd say, it's sad. Just sad.
349
00:14:30,527 --> 00:14:33,630
We just hit two million views!
350
00:14:33,664 --> 00:14:36,066
Oh, that's nice honey. Dennis is gonna crush him.
351
00:14:36,300 --> 00:14:37,701
-Get out. -No.
352
00:14:37,901 --> 00:14:40,571
No? Close your eyes, please.
353
00:14:41,572 --> 00:14:45,809
-Get out, or I'll drop a deuce. -You wouldn't.
354
00:14:46,010 --> 00:14:48,579
-I got one in the chamber! -Don't you dare.
355
00:14:48,612 --> 00:14:49,813
I'm dumping, baby!
356
00:14:51,648 --> 00:14:52,583
[hums]
357
00:14:53,817 --> 00:14:56,253
I'll just use the one downstairs.
358
00:14:56,587 --> 00:14:57,588
[cheerful music playing]
359
00:14:57,621 --> 00:15:00,090
[indistinct clamor]
360
00:15:00,457 --> 00:15:02,659
As your mayor, I promise...
361
00:15:03,060 --> 00:15:06,163
...I promise that Dennis Chang and big business...
362
00:15:06,363 --> 00:15:08,599
...Dennis Chang and big business...
363
00:15:08,632 --> 00:15:11,702
...will stay out of your business!
364
00:15:11,735 --> 00:15:14,705
...will stay out of your business!
365
00:15:15,506 --> 00:15:16,573
[man coughing]
366
00:15:17,241 --> 00:15:20,210
Why aren't they going nuts? That was my big line!
367
00:15:20,477 --> 00:15:23,447
-[breathes heavily] -Do something, fat man!
368
00:15:25,749 --> 00:15:27,651
Oh! [screams]
369
00:15:28,685 --> 00:15:31,822
[applause, cheering]
370
00:15:33,624 --> 00:15:34,625
[gasps]
371
00:15:35,626 --> 00:15:37,294
[cheerful music playing]
372
00:15:41,298 --> 00:15:45,369
♪ The skies above me Open wide ♪
373
00:15:47,504 --> 00:15:48,672
[crowd cheering]
374
00:15:49,039 --> 00:15:51,742
♪ Trying to be right as hero ♪
375
00:15:52,309 --> 00:15:55,446
♪ You need to be real And not a fraud ♪
376
00:15:55,746 --> 00:16:01,185
♪ 'Cause I'm wanted for peace In a world of war ♪
377
00:16:02,453 --> 00:16:03,720
[groans, gasps]
378
00:16:05,422 --> 00:16:06,623
[screams]
379
00:16:06,657 --> 00:16:07,691
[music fades]
380
00:16:07,724 --> 00:16:09,827
As your mayor, I promise...
381
00:16:09,860 --> 00:16:11,895
...that Dennis Chang and big business...
382
00:16:12,196 --> 00:16:15,232
...will stay out of your business.
383
00:16:15,265 --> 00:16:16,567
[applause, cheering]
384
00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:19,303
Finally a crowd with some sense!
385
00:16:19,336 --> 00:16:21,338
Great original idea, Freddy!
386
00:16:21,605 --> 00:16:22,539
Freddy's a God!
387
00:16:22,906 --> 00:16:24,308
Feel the Freddy!
388
00:16:24,541 --> 00:16:26,143
[crowd] Feel the Freddy!
389
00:16:26,376 --> 00:16:29,279
And I will not rest until every business
390
00:16:29,313 --> 00:16:32,349
in Silicon Valley gets burned to the fucking ground
391
00:16:32,382 --> 00:16:34,751
like a straw hut in North Vietnam!
392
00:16:34,785 --> 00:16:38,388
But you simple-minded sheep would rather see this fat fuck
393
00:16:38,422 --> 00:16:40,290
fart the Star-Spangled Banner!
394
00:16:40,324 --> 00:16:41,725
Don't say any of that, Freddy.
395
00:16:41,758 --> 00:16:44,528
Don't say any of that, Freddy.
396
00:16:44,561 --> 00:16:45,362
What the hell?
397
00:16:45,796 --> 00:16:49,533
Uh, hey, Phineas. From now on, why don't you just tell me
398
00:16:49,566 --> 00:16:52,603
what you want Freddy to say, then I'll tell him.
399
00:16:52,636 --> 00:16:53,871
Why the fuck would I do that?
400
00:16:54,071 --> 00:16:58,242
Uh, bec... because Franklin can help soften the edges.
401
00:16:58,275 --> 00:16:59,977
So we can appeal to the broadest audience.
402
00:17:00,010 --> 00:17:02,713
No. My words are my words!
403
00:17:02,746 --> 00:17:05,282
We ain't askin'. You are off the mic!
404
00:17:05,315 --> 00:17:08,585
-But I'm the man behind the man. -Well, not anymore.
405
00:17:08,619 --> 00:17:11,522
You're more like the man behind the man's behind...
406
00:17:11,555 --> 00:17:12,823
You know what I'm saying, right?
407
00:17:12,856 --> 00:17:14,992
-Anyway, you're fired. -[sighs]
408
00:17:15,025 --> 00:17:17,227
[man 2] Ladies and gentlemen, please stand
409
00:17:17,261 --> 00:17:18,729
for our national anthem.
410
00:17:18,762 --> 00:17:22,399
[farts]
411
00:17:27,538 --> 00:17:32,276
Mm. Ten p.m. Study. If you wanna fuck.
412
00:17:32,676 --> 00:17:36,713
Well, here I am, Noah. Wearing crotchless panties...
413
00:17:37,981 --> 00:17:40,317
You need to turn the note over. Read the back.
414
00:17:40,350 --> 00:17:43,987
[shrieks] Oh, God. "Up Freddy's campaign."
415
00:17:44,521 --> 00:17:46,690
"If you want to fuck up Freddy's campaign."
416
00:17:46,723 --> 00:17:48,392
Okay, that... that's now making...
417
00:17:48,425 --> 00:17:50,260
making more sense. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
418
00:17:50,494 --> 00:17:52,996
But if you're horny, I could throw you a hump.
419
00:17:53,030 --> 00:17:55,399
You don't have a bad body for an older broad.
420
00:17:55,599 --> 00:17:58,268
Oh, to be clear, I would not fuck you
421
00:17:58,302 --> 00:17:59,836
if you were the last man on earth.
422
00:17:59,870 --> 00:18:02,940
You say that now, but wait till I'm the last man on earth.
423
00:18:02,973 --> 00:18:05,442
I'd sew myself shut. [groans]
424
00:18:05,676 --> 00:18:08,278
Why would you help me destroy Freddy's campaign?
425
00:18:08,478 --> 00:18:10,581
Because he's a know-nothing who's out of control!
426
00:18:10,781 --> 00:18:13,417
And Franklin... Franklin's being a dick to me.
427
00:18:13,650 --> 00:18:15,686
Well, what about Dennis? I thought
428
00:18:15,919 --> 00:18:18,689
"that Nazi piece of shit will destroy freedom,
429
00:18:18,722 --> 00:18:20,490
democracy, and humankind."
430
00:18:20,691 --> 00:18:22,926
-Nobody's perfect. -You have a plan?
431
00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:25,262
Oh, I have a plan.
432
00:18:25,495 --> 00:18:27,731
Okay, the debate's tomorrow night...
433
00:18:27,931 --> 00:18:29,466
[heroic music playing]
434
00:18:29,700 --> 00:18:32,002
[indistinct chatter]
435
00:18:32,035 --> 00:18:33,770
It's a basic human right.
436
00:18:33,804 --> 00:18:36,373
Every San Franciscan should have...
437
00:18:36,406 --> 00:18:39,443
...should have safe, affordable housing!
438
00:18:39,643 --> 00:18:41,378
[applause]
439
00:18:41,411 --> 00:18:43,814
[chuckles] This affordable housing.
440
00:18:43,847 --> 00:18:46,450
How do you propose to pay for it?
441
00:18:46,483 --> 00:18:50,621
I will pay for it with a tax on rich jerks like you, Chang!
442
00:18:51,154 --> 00:18:53,323
[headphone glitching]
443
00:18:53,590 --> 00:18:54,825
Say something, dipshit.
444
00:18:55,759 --> 00:18:59,396
-It's working, Phineas. -I don't know who that is.
445
00:18:59,429 --> 00:19:01,732
[chuckles] I'll ask you again, sir.
446
00:19:01,932 --> 00:19:04,501
How will you pay for "housing for all"?
447
00:19:04,735 --> 00:19:07,604
Either you or your cat may answer.
448
00:19:07,804 --> 00:19:10,407
-Uh... pay for it, pay for it... -[crowd laughing]
449
00:19:10,874 --> 00:19:14,711
-I'll pay for it with my phone! -[crowd laughing]
450
00:19:14,745 --> 00:19:17,414
Oh, your phone? How would that work?
451
00:19:17,447 --> 00:19:22,819
Uh, well, I... I put my phone up to the thingy at the register,
452
00:19:22,853 --> 00:19:25,389
and it pays for everything. Dummy.
453
00:19:25,656 --> 00:19:27,891
[crowd laughing]
454
00:19:27,924 --> 00:19:30,661
It seems that left to his own devices,
455
00:19:30,694 --> 00:19:34,131
my opponent would rely on... his own devices.
456
00:19:34,164 --> 00:19:35,532
I am Dennis Change.
457
00:19:35,565 --> 00:19:38,468
It's not my fault. My earpiece didn't work.
458
00:19:38,669 --> 00:19:40,871
[laughing]
459
00:19:41,505 --> 00:19:43,874
It's eight p.m. and voting has concluded
460
00:19:43,907 --> 00:19:45,509
in the race for mayor.
461
00:19:45,542 --> 00:19:47,978
Exit polls have Freddy down by ten points.
462
00:19:48,211 --> 00:19:49,846
When the results come in,
463
00:19:49,880 --> 00:19:53,817
no one will be more upset than I, Phineas T. Phreakers,
464
00:19:53,850 --> 00:19:55,619
your most loyal advisor!
465
00:19:55,652 --> 00:19:57,754
I call all the yellow cube cheese.
466
00:19:57,788 --> 00:19:59,656
Shoulda stuck with Tubby Time.
467
00:19:59,690 --> 00:20:01,425
I'd been the next Andy Richter.
468
00:20:01,458 --> 00:20:03,794
That chubby turd makes bank! [groans]
469
00:20:03,994 --> 00:20:06,763
Whoa, My God, it is glum in here!
470
00:20:07,097 --> 00:20:08,932
You know, if Gretch and I were still speaking,
471
00:20:08,965 --> 00:20:11,435
I would offer her these sisterly words,
472
00:20:11,902 --> 00:20:16,006
♪ I win, you lose Bang-bang, Dennis Chang! ♪
473
00:20:16,273 --> 00:20:17,040
Eh, eh.
474
00:20:17,407 --> 00:20:20,811
Like I told you in the car. It's... not very good.
475
00:20:21,044 --> 00:20:22,879
If I were speaking to my sister,
476
00:20:23,213 --> 00:20:25,515
I'd take the high road and congratulate her.
477
00:20:25,549 --> 00:20:27,584
On her soon-to-be announced victory.
478
00:20:27,617 --> 00:20:29,119
Harper, you deserve credit.
479
00:20:29,686 --> 00:20:32,622
Y'all had some good luck, but like I said,
480
00:20:32,656 --> 00:20:33,490
you deserve all the credit.
481
00:20:33,757 --> 00:20:36,626
Yeah, you said it twice. The deserve credit thing.
482
00:20:36,660 --> 00:20:37,928
-To her. -Yup, yup.
483
00:20:37,961 --> 00:20:40,430
Well, that's very gracious of you both.
484
00:20:40,464 --> 00:20:41,965
I appreciate it.
485
00:20:41,998 --> 00:20:45,969
You... appreciate it? It wasn't her, it was me!
486
00:20:46,002 --> 00:20:48,705
It was my idea to sabotage Freddy's earpiece!
487
00:20:48,739 --> 00:20:51,174
We... we should get to Dennis's victory speech.
488
00:20:51,375 --> 00:20:53,076
You're not going anywhere, cheater.
489
00:20:53,110 --> 00:20:53,977
I'm the cheater?
490
00:20:54,010 --> 00:20:56,046
You guys were feeding him the answers!
491
00:20:56,079 --> 00:20:58,081
Phineas, what the hell?
492
00:20:58,115 --> 00:21:01,551
You ratfucked Freddy and me. We're your brothers!
493
00:21:01,585 --> 00:21:03,754
Well, you weren't treating me like a brother.
494
00:21:04,054 --> 00:21:05,722
You were treating me like a crazy person.
495
00:21:05,922 --> 00:21:08,458
-You are a crazy person. -Damn right, Freddy.
496
00:21:08,658 --> 00:21:10,894
And he didn't need me to say it in his ear.
497
00:21:10,927 --> 00:21:12,896
I'm not crazy, I'm passionate!
498
00:21:13,230 --> 00:21:15,899
I was just a kid from the streets of Berkley.
499
00:21:15,932 --> 00:21:18,068
People spat in my face and said,
500
00:21:18,101 --> 00:21:20,237
I'd never amount to a hill of beans.
501
00:21:20,270 --> 00:21:23,206
Well, Mom? Dad? Mom's friend Jerry,
502
00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:24,741
who visits when Dad's away?
503
00:21:24,975 --> 00:21:26,009
Look at me now!
504
00:21:26,276 --> 00:21:28,478
I'm making things better for the good guys.
505
00:21:28,712 --> 00:21:31,882
You abandoned the good guys for a capitalist psychopath.
506
00:21:31,915 --> 00:21:36,119
Because you abandoned me! Again! Just like 1968,
507
00:21:36,153 --> 00:21:39,222
when Bernie Sanders stole my political philosophy
508
00:21:39,256 --> 00:21:40,724
and the love of my life!
509
00:21:40,757 --> 00:21:43,093
Bernie Sanders was the love of your life?
510
00:21:43,126 --> 00:21:45,228
Oh, look! They're announcing the official results.
511
00:21:45,262 --> 00:21:47,230
A winner in the race for mayor.
512
00:21:47,264 --> 00:21:49,900
With 50.1 percent of the vote,
513
00:21:50,133 --> 00:21:53,603
Fat Freddy Freekowtski will now be called "His Honor."
514
00:21:53,937 --> 00:21:55,105
You're shittin' me.
515
00:21:55,338 --> 00:21:57,874
People lie in exit polls. I know I did.
516
00:21:57,908 --> 00:21:59,543
Freddy, you won!
517
00:21:59,810 --> 00:22:02,045
They tried to hang you but the rope broke!
518
00:22:02,078 --> 00:22:04,748
-Won what? -The election, ya furry freak!
519
00:22:04,981 --> 00:22:07,651
The good guy won, the bad guy lost.
520
00:22:08,852 --> 00:22:10,287
[all cheer]
521
00:22:10,320 --> 00:22:13,256
-We did it. We did it. Let's go. -Whoo!
522
00:22:13,523 --> 00:22:16,493
-[laughs, screams] -[laughs, howls]
523
00:22:19,729 --> 00:22:22,098
We did it, brothers! And sister!
524
00:22:22,132 --> 00:22:24,000
I mean, not sister, 'cause I'm tryin' to...
525
00:22:24,601 --> 00:22:28,638
-Yeah, yeah! -Yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!
526
00:22:28,672 --> 00:22:31,741
You lose! You fucking lose!
527
00:22:31,775 --> 00:22:34,511
I kicked your fucking ass, loser!
528
00:22:34,778 --> 00:22:36,179
I accept your apology.
529
00:22:36,213 --> 00:22:38,248
-Well, I don't apologize. -I don't either.
530
00:22:39,749 --> 00:22:41,284
Kitty, I won!
531
00:22:41,318 --> 00:22:43,220
I gotta give my expect-tance speech!
532
00:22:43,253 --> 00:22:44,688
[yowls]
533
00:22:44,721 --> 00:22:47,290
[cheering, applause]
534
00:22:48,225 --> 00:22:51,795
[indistinct chatter]
535
00:22:51,828 --> 00:22:54,097
[coughs] I wanna say... [gasps]
536
00:22:54,130 --> 00:22:57,300
...to my opponent Dennis Ching-- Chang.
537
00:22:57,601 --> 00:22:58,969
Not Ching-Chang.
538
00:22:59,002 --> 00:23:01,104
[mumbles] Solly, swarrowed some bubbles.
539
00:23:01,137 --> 00:23:03,740
Hey, he's wearing yellow face!
540
00:23:03,773 --> 00:23:07,110
What? What, no, the bubble bath turned my skin yellow.
541
00:23:07,143 --> 00:23:08,745
And mocking Dennis Chang's accent
542
00:23:08,778 --> 00:23:10,213
even though he doesn't have one!
543
00:23:10,247 --> 00:23:11,081
Freddy's a racist!
544
00:23:11,381 --> 00:23:15,352
I, Channel 7's Stephanie Olsen, am so done with him.
545
00:23:15,385 --> 00:23:16,319
He should be...
546
00:23:16,753 --> 00:23:18,054
[tense music playing]
547
00:23:18,288 --> 00:23:19,256
[music fades]
548
00:23:19,289 --> 00:23:20,223
[man 1] Cancelled!
549
00:23:21,791 --> 00:23:23,593
So, with a face like scrambled eggs
550
00:23:23,627 --> 00:23:25,228
and a voice like Jackie Chan,
551
00:23:25,262 --> 00:23:28,732
Mayor Freddy got impeached before he got sworn in.
552
00:23:28,932 --> 00:23:32,102
City council gave the gig to the third party candidate
553
00:23:32,135 --> 00:23:34,671
that robot soundin' motherfucker, Bob Pimko.
554
00:23:35,238 --> 00:23:37,707
-[gunshots] -[indistinct shouting]
555
00:23:37,908 --> 00:23:40,677
[crowd screaming]
556
00:23:40,877 --> 00:23:42,879
That's it for this week's Kitty Time, y’all.
557
00:23:42,913 --> 00:23:44,948
Don't forget to hit like and subscribe.
558
00:23:44,981 --> 00:23:46,683
This shit don't pay for itself!
559
00:23:48,118 --> 00:23:49,252
I am the mayor, bitches.
560
00:23:49,286 --> 00:23:53,757
♪ P-I-M to the K-O Rob got that mad robot flow ♪
561
00:23:53,790 --> 00:23:55,926
♪ He need to split to use His little crumpled dick ♪
562
00:23:55,959 --> 00:23:58,128
♪ So, baby, if you want some Bring a popsicle stick ♪
563
00:23:58,328 --> 00:24:00,664
♪ Baby got back Pimko got chair ♪
564
00:24:00,697 --> 00:24:02,799
♪ He's running shit Mess with him if you dare ♪
565
00:24:02,832 --> 00:24:04,701
♪ Bitches love Pimko He ain't no wussy ♪
566
00:24:04,734 --> 00:24:05,869
♪ 'Cause he built The access ramp ♪
567
00:24:05,902 --> 00:24:07,070
♪ Straight up in their pussy
568
00:24:07,437 --> 00:24:08,939
♪ I'm the mayor bitches ♪
569
00:24:09,572 --> 00:24:11,041
♪ I'm the mayor bitches
570
00:24:11,741 --> 00:24:13,176
♪ Snitches get stitches
571
00:24:13,610 --> 00:24:15,278
[Bob] I'm the mayor bitches.
572
00:24:16,212 --> 00:24:17,614
♪ I'm the mayor bitches
573
00:24:18,381 --> 00:24:19,749
♪ I'm the mayor bitches
574
00:24:20,684 --> 00:24:21,851
♪ Snitches get stitches
575
00:24:22,352 --> 00:24:23,954
[Bob] I'm the mayor bitches.
576
00:24:24,988 --> 00:24:26,122
♪ I'm the mayor bitches
577
00:24:26,623 --> 00:24:28,391
-[Bob] I'm the mayor bitches. -[gunshots]
578
00:24:30,460 --> 00:24:32,362
[man 3] It's a good show.
43009
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