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[party music playing]
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[indistinct chatter]
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How are you?
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[phone keyboards clacking, phones chiming]
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Look at this shit! How are we supposed to get laid
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if they won't even look up at us?
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Leave it to the master.
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Howdy, ladies. Uh... you are lookin' de-to-the-lish.
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-Do we know you? -I know that mustache.
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Are you that guy who keeps sliding into my DMs
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and asking for pics of my feet?
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Uh... no.
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Uh, I think what my friend's driving at
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is we wouldn't say no to a DM or a DP!
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-Or a BM! -[groans]
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What is that, breath spray? I could use some.
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[hums]
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[screams]
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-Ugh. -[retches]
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Can I get a hit of that breath spray too?
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[theme music playing]
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♪ Brother, hmm
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♪ Three brothers puffin' ♪
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♪ And we just woke up In year 2020 ♪
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♪ Rolling out a j And forget the day ♪
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♪ Rolling out a j And get high ♪
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♪ Rolling out a j And forget the day ♪
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♪ Me and my brothers Getting fried ♪
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♪ The Freak Brothers
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[song concludes]
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[upbeat music playing]
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[music concludes]
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Jesus! What the hell happened to you guys?
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We were out trying to hit on girls
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and then they napalmed us.
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Yeah, uh, well. Uh, we weren't hitting on 'em.
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Uh, we had a couple of drinks and tried to engage them
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in polite conversation.
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[Phineas] Not hitting on them?
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You said you were desperate for the pussy.
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No! No, no. No. It... it was loud in there
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and you just misheard me.
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I wrote it down. You said,
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"My beanbag is ready to explode--"
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Shut the hell up, Freddy!
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Hey. [chuckles] Uh, whatcha reading there?
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It's a book for my book club I'm hosting here.
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You guys are welcome to join.
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Pop-up books? Picture books? Coloring books?
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-Novels. -Oh. Well, in that case
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I would very much like to say, no.
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Well, I'm interested, Gretch. I love books.
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Oh, God, I love books.
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You love books?
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Ha! At the bar you said--
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Seriously, shut the fuck up, both of y'all.
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Gretch, I'll... I'll be there.
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[country music playing]
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[Phineas] The San Francisco science
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and technology convention!
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Can't wait to see if they've made an electric typewriter
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that weighs less than 40 pounds.
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Imagine a woman who finds your boring stories fascinating.
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Who can't wait to carry your barbells to the attic.
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Who will do your taxes with one hand
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while satisfying you with the other.
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Ooh, ooh. A business card. And in mint condition.
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-Look, Phineas! -Focus, Freddy!
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It's typewriters now and then we're on
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to Singer sewing machines.
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Ladies and Gentlemen, the age of cybernetic companionship
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has begun!
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I present the "girls" of Botches!
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-[trance music playing] -[cheers, applause]
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Whoa! Robot girlfriend? We should get one.
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Wow, dude. Really? Because you don't even use
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the blowup doll I got you.
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'Cause she's had a slow leak ever since I went down on her,
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that's why.
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Dude, you gotta take out your retainer!
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This is day-one stuff.
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[CEO] Come on up and meet the girls!
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They're all for lease.
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[crowd cheering, applauding]
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[man 1] Oh, yeah!
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-Ugh!. -[man 2] I'm an incel.
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[robot beeping]
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[robot beeping]
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[screams]
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[suspenseful music playing]
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[music concludes]
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[dog barking]
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Hey, everyone. Can't wait to talk about today's book.
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I thought we'd start with introductions
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for our new members. Noah?
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Hello, I'm Noah Switzer. I identify as cisgender,
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heteronormative, and XY chromosome by birth.
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And what did you think of the book?
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-I didn't read it. -Okay.
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And next we have a dear friend of mine, Joan.
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Joan has a very interesting story.
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-Joan? -Hi, I'm Joan Krapowski.
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I'm a Virgo, I will buy anything that's fuchsia,
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and I can suck off 16 guys in an hour.
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Oh, sorry. [chuckles] I'm a sex worker.
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Hey, why is everyone applauding for that chubby hooker?
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Ooh, Franklin.
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In today's sex positive San Francisco,
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sex workers are revered and respected.
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Well, sadly, revered and respected
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doesn't pay the rent.
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Augmented reality, virtual reality,
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nobody wants a good old-fashioned meat wallet
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anymore.
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Damn shame! What is wrong with our society today?
116
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Uh, Franklin? Why don't you introduce yourself?
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Uh, well, I'm, uh, Freewheelin' Franklin Freak.
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And how do you identify?
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As a... man.
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-Just a man? -Anything else?
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Just a man. Just a hundred percent
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red-blooded American stallion.
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[rowdy music playing]
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-[Franklin] Oh, yeah. -Oh.
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Ooh.
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[sighs]
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Hot diggity.
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Ooh.
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[neighs, laughs]
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[music fades]
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[lounge music playing]
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Hey. Ya into torsion loads?
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That's nice. That's nice.
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[robot beeping]
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I like any load that makes me twist
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about my longitudinal axis.
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Yes! Yes! Torsion load!
138
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That's what I was going for!
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I'm Phineas, Phineas T. Phreakears.
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Hey, bartender, pour me another Chivas.
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I'm Tess.
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-Wow! That's quite a grip. -Whew.
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You gotta check out what I left in the third stall, man.
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I didn't even flush so you could see.
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-And cause I never flush. -[Phineas] Thank you, Freddy,
146
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but I don't think the lovely lady
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is interested in your poop.
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No, I think it's fascinating.
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It takes a big man to make a big poop.
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[gasps] That's my line. I always say that.
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Isn't that what I say, Phineas?
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-Uh, yeah, that'll do, thanks! -[glass shattering]
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He's great. But listen,
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we could talk doo-doo for hours, or, you know, we could...
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you know, we could just head back
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to my place. Is it hot in here?
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I sense you're attempting to ask me
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if I want to go home with you.
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No. What? No! Well, yeah. Yes.
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I mean, if it's stupid, then no.
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I'd love that.
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Well, can't blame a mathematician
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for playing the odds.
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Wait, did you say yes?
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Okay, I think that's a natural breaking point.
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[Franklin snoring]
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There are raw carob stevia brownies
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and turmeric shots in the kitchen.
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[snores]
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[gasps] What?
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I saw you manspreading in there.
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Legs wide open like you own the whole fuckin' room.
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You pig.
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Uh, I beg your pardon?
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I'm gonna give you what you deserve.
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Oh. Don't spray me in the face!
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Just try and stop me! [grunts]
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[both grunt]
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[both moan]
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That's the thing about homosapiens.
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Their love making is barbaric.
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A real fucking man. Call me a woman.
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You're a woman.
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No subtlety. No ramp up.
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She didn't even sniff his asshole.
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Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Take me, man ape. Take me.
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You speakin' the truth there, brother dog.
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How you know you were hookin' up with,
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-who you-- If you... -[Bailey moaning]
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We're mothafuckin' high, ain't we?
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As a kite, dear friend.
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[both laugh]
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[Franklin grunting]
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-Whoa. Uh, sorry. -[gasps]
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I didn't mean to interrupt.
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Uh. Interrupt? Heck. No.
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I was just giving the lady a tour of the place.
198
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[laughs nervously] Did you say there were turmeric shots?
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The durn shower rod just collapsed on us.
200
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I gotta head down to Ace Hardware,
201
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pick up a couple dry-wall anchors.
202
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It's a safety issue.
203
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Just lock the door next time.
204
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Oh. She must have just dropped those.
205
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-During the tour! -[door closes, opens]
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You're the first real man I've met in this town
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in 20 years. Here's my number.
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Well, mi... mighty kindly of you.
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Whoa.
210
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Ooh. [chuckles] Easy, darling.
211
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You walk around hard as a three-day-old biscotti.
212
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Gimme a ring if you wanna dunk it in my mug.
213
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Book club is cool.
214
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[upbeat music playing]
215
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Hello, losers! This is Tess. She's with me!
216
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Hello, Tess! Wow! You are very attractive.
217
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How do you meet Phineas?
218
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She chose to be with me! Her. Me. Making progress!
219
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Understanding the times! Getting the era!
220
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What in the fuck are you doin'?
221
00:09:22,873 --> 00:09:25,075
Come on, Kitty. Let's go for a walk.
222
00:09:25,376 --> 00:09:29,213
Ooh, I'd love to, Fat Freddy, but I got a date.
223
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Actually, two dates.
224
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But they don't know about each other,
225
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so don't say nothing!
226
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-[chuckles] -[sighs]
227
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[pants]
228
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I've been learning about this whole "9/11" thing,
229
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and it sounds awfully fishy to me!
230
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Jet fuel can't melt steel beams. Makes no sense!
231
00:09:48,766 --> 00:09:51,802
Exactly! And Halliburton holds the patent for--
232
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Oh, oh, oh!
233
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Oh, man!
234
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I love that you also love mid-coitus conversation.
235
00:10:00,677 --> 00:10:03,680
No, thanks. I don't want to fry my circuits.
236
00:10:03,714 --> 00:10:06,116
[chuckles] I'm gonna use the little boy's room.
237
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Anything I can do for you?
238
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Sure.
239
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[metal clanking]
240
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-[pops] -Could you wash this for me?
241
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-What is this? -My vagina.
242
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Huh.
243
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You know, I did had several numbers
244
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tucked into my jockeys.
245
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I'm tryna sort out who goes with who.
246
00:10:22,966 --> 00:10:24,668
-Franklin. -You're the turban lady
247
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-or the Mexican poncho girl? -Frankenhoffer.
248
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Uh, oh. Oh. You're the tiny hat. Big pardon.
249
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Franklerino. Doin' good?
250
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I'ma calendar you in for 5:30, Tuesday?
251
00:10:36,980 --> 00:10:38,382
[sighs] What's up, buddy?
252
00:10:38,415 --> 00:10:40,751
Question. I'm sure you get it all the time.
253
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In your experience with women and I've had plenty of my own,
254
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of course, but I want your take.
255
00:10:46,356 --> 00:10:49,560
You ever been with a lady who had a detachable snatch?
256
00:10:50,027 --> 00:10:53,530
[inhales deeply] No, man. Definitely not.
257
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Awesome. Me neither. Night bud.
258
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[robot whirring]
259
00:11:00,804 --> 00:11:02,406
-[battery beeps] -Fully charged!
260
00:11:02,439 --> 00:11:04,274
Are you ready to go again?
261
00:11:04,308 --> 00:11:06,243
I'm dating a frickin' robot!
262
00:11:06,677 --> 00:11:07,878
[trippy music swells, concludes]
263
00:11:08,612 --> 00:11:11,348
Morning, Noah. You remember Tess?
264
00:11:11,815 --> 00:11:12,516
Morning, Tess.
265
00:11:12,816 --> 00:11:15,319
Good morning, African American homeowner.
266
00:11:15,619 --> 00:11:16,320
Co-owner.
267
00:11:16,753 --> 00:11:19,389
-How did you sleep last night? -Not so well actually.
268
00:11:19,423 --> 00:11:22,793
My noise machine switched from babbling brook to crickets.
269
00:11:22,826 --> 00:11:25,496
Well, I didn't sleep too well either.
270
00:11:25,529 --> 00:11:28,765
Was busy over here makin' love to my human girlfriend
271
00:11:28,799 --> 00:11:30,434
who's not a robot.
272
00:11:30,467 --> 00:11:32,369
So, Tess. What do you do for a living?
273
00:11:32,402 --> 00:11:33,470
What field are you in?
274
00:11:33,670 --> 00:11:35,305
You know what field she's in?
275
00:11:35,339 --> 00:11:37,674
The field of minding your own fucking business.
276
00:11:37,708 --> 00:11:39,176
Okay. Sorry.
277
00:11:40,477 --> 00:11:41,778
Hey! What are you doing?
278
00:11:41,812 --> 00:11:43,881
You're attacking that thing with a metal spoon?
279
00:11:43,914 --> 00:11:46,383
-You're gonna ding it up. -It's a bowl.
280
00:11:46,416 --> 00:11:47,784
[laughs] What's the big deal?
281
00:11:47,818 --> 00:11:49,887
Big deal is it's my bowl.
282
00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:52,589
How'd ya like it if I ate outta Harper's "bowl"?
283
00:11:52,789 --> 00:11:56,260
That ain't a bowl, it's a pussy. That bitch is a robot!
284
00:11:56,493 --> 00:11:57,494
[orchestral music playing]
285
00:11:57,761 --> 00:11:59,963
Beautiful morning, old friend.
286
00:12:00,197 --> 00:12:01,565
Certainly is, guvnah.
287
00:12:01,865 --> 00:12:04,401
[blows] My sweetheart and I are going
288
00:12:04,434 --> 00:12:06,570
for a constitutional in the park.
289
00:12:07,304 --> 00:12:08,171
Care to join us?
290
00:12:08,472 --> 00:12:12,009
Love to, but I'm afraid I still have a tremendous amount
291
00:12:12,042 --> 00:12:13,410
of fucking to do.
292
00:12:13,443 --> 00:12:15,679
I understand completely. Good day.
293
00:12:15,712 --> 00:12:17,881
Yeah. Good day, to you. Cheerio.
294
00:12:19,449 --> 00:12:22,986
[orchestral music playing]
295
00:12:24,054 --> 00:12:25,856
[music swells]
296
00:12:25,889 --> 00:12:27,658
[Franklin] Hey! Hey!
297
00:12:28,592 --> 00:12:30,661
[both grunt]
298
00:12:33,964 --> 00:12:34,932
[music continues]
299
00:12:35,899 --> 00:12:39,303
-[moans] -[grunts]
300
00:12:41,672 --> 00:12:42,906
-Hiya! -[grunts]
301
00:12:44,341 --> 00:12:46,810
[music builds]
302
00:12:53,050 --> 00:12:56,019
-[woman singing] -[screams]
303
00:12:58,789 --> 00:13:01,858
[applause]
304
00:13:02,359 --> 00:13:03,527
[music concludes]
305
00:13:05,729 --> 00:13:08,565
[loud club music playing]
306
00:13:11,368 --> 00:13:13,003
This job is humiliating.
307
00:13:13,036 --> 00:13:15,939
Yeah, well, cum chiseling is the only way
308
00:13:15,973 --> 00:13:17,608
we're gonna afford one of those Botches.
309
00:13:17,641 --> 00:13:19,977
[gasps] Okay. Get it before it hardens.
310
00:13:20,010 --> 00:13:22,713
Obviously. We've been through that debacle.
311
00:13:24,982 --> 00:13:27,618
You seem like a discerning gentleman
312
00:13:27,651 --> 00:13:29,753
in the art of robotic companionship.
313
00:13:29,786 --> 00:13:31,688
I'd love to agree but I have no idea
314
00:13:31,722 --> 00:13:32,522
what those words mean.
315
00:13:32,823 --> 00:13:35,692
I assume you've come here for a robot girlfriend?
316
00:13:35,726 --> 00:13:38,028
Robot? I thought these were real girls.
317
00:13:38,061 --> 00:13:39,930
Let me ask you a question, my corpulent friend.
318
00:13:39,963 --> 00:13:42,899
Do real girls like you?
319
00:13:42,933 --> 00:13:45,035
No, sir. Not historically, no.
320
00:13:45,068 --> 00:13:47,838
Guess what? Every "girl" here, will.
321
00:13:47,871 --> 00:13:49,072
[heavenly music playing]
322
00:13:49,306 --> 00:13:52,009
-Really? -Guaranteed.
323
00:13:52,042 --> 00:13:53,744
Let's take a look at our options.
324
00:13:54,077 --> 00:13:57,914
Would you prefer a sporty gal? Or maybe a world traveler?
325
00:13:57,948 --> 00:14:00,350
Or perhaps your tastes are more... [chuckles]
326
00:14:00,384 --> 00:14:01,652
...unconventional.
327
00:14:02,686 --> 00:14:07,858
Hi, I'm Joan Krapowski 3000. Bippity bippity boop. [sighs]
328
00:14:07,891 --> 00:14:10,661
-Your wish is my command. -I like hotdogs.
329
00:14:10,694 --> 00:14:12,763
You can eat a hotdog out of my ass.
330
00:14:12,796 --> 00:14:15,766
Be still my beatin' heart! I'll take her!
331
00:14:17,034 --> 00:14:21,371
Phineas! This is my gal, Joan Krapowski 3000.
332
00:14:21,571 --> 00:14:24,908
-She's a robot, Just like yours! -[Phineas] What?
333
00:14:24,941 --> 00:14:27,844
Why the hell would you say that about my darling Tess?
334
00:14:28,078 --> 00:14:29,713
'Cause her head's on the counter.
335
00:14:29,746 --> 00:14:31,348
Hello, Frederick.
336
00:14:31,648 --> 00:14:32,416
[meows]
337
00:14:32,649 --> 00:14:35,052
What? Just cause her head's on the counter
338
00:14:35,085 --> 00:14:37,654
you assume she's a robot? Okay, fine. You caught me.
339
00:14:37,888 --> 00:14:39,990
Hey! Let's put their heads side-by-side.
340
00:14:40,023 --> 00:14:42,459
-We'll take a picture! -[gags]
341
00:14:42,492 --> 00:14:46,163
Not a detachable model! Not a detachable model!
342
00:14:46,196 --> 00:14:49,666
Aw, man. What a rip-off. But check this out!
343
00:14:49,700 --> 00:14:51,968
-[farts] -She can't smell nothing!
344
00:14:52,169 --> 00:14:52,903
[exclaims]
345
00:14:53,403 --> 00:14:55,972
That could peel the paint off a Caddy's fender, Freddy!
346
00:14:56,273 --> 00:14:58,709
Smells like the grave but she's smiling.
347
00:14:59,042 --> 00:14:59,943
[groans]
348
00:14:59,976 --> 00:15:02,646
I can't believe we're both dating robots.
349
00:15:02,679 --> 00:15:05,682
Yeah, 'cause human girls were lined up around the block
350
00:15:05,716 --> 00:15:08,518
to do a scavenger hunt for Freddy's fat little dick.
351
00:15:08,552 --> 00:15:10,654
Yes, yes, yes. Keep your voice down!
352
00:15:10,921 --> 00:15:12,723
Society is not ready for advanced,
353
00:15:12,756 --> 00:15:14,858
sophisticated gentlemen like ourselves.
354
00:15:15,125 --> 00:15:16,993
What's the hell's all the hullabaloo?
355
00:15:17,027 --> 00:15:19,896
Nothin'! We're just here with our human girlfriends.
356
00:15:19,930 --> 00:15:22,632
And we're taking them out to dinner to eat food
357
00:15:22,666 --> 00:15:24,768
because that's what humans do.
358
00:15:24,801 --> 00:15:27,537
Double date? [chuckles] Why not make it a triple?
359
00:15:27,571 --> 00:15:29,673
Darlin'? Y... you wanna grab a bite?
360
00:15:29,706 --> 00:15:31,608
If I wanted a boring dinner
361
00:15:31,641 --> 00:15:33,910
I'd be at home with my boring husband.
362
00:15:33,944 --> 00:15:36,046
Now get back in here, fuck monkey.
363
00:15:36,079 --> 00:15:38,181
Well, no rest for the wicked. Hey!
364
00:15:40,784 --> 00:15:41,485
[burps]
365
00:15:41,718 --> 00:15:44,855
Robot love. Man, we really lucked out.
366
00:15:45,255 --> 00:15:47,891
Great conversation and detachable vaginas.
367
00:15:48,158 --> 00:15:50,026
Plus super cheap dates.
368
00:15:50,861 --> 00:15:53,930
No, no! Delicious steak is not good for robots!
369
00:15:54,131 --> 00:15:56,933
Here. Drink some yummy motor oil.
370
00:15:57,234 --> 00:15:59,102
[lounge music playing]
371
00:15:59,136 --> 00:16:02,539
-All of it. All gone. Good girl. -[retches]
372
00:16:02,806 --> 00:16:05,242
If you'll excuse us, ladies, Frederick and I
373
00:16:05,275 --> 00:16:08,445
are going to use the powder room and take two shits.
374
00:16:09,112 --> 00:16:10,213
Goils.
375
00:16:11,982 --> 00:16:14,818
[retches]
376
00:16:14,851 --> 00:16:17,187
Botches are not programmed to regurgitate.
377
00:16:17,220 --> 00:16:19,489
Okay, listen up, here's the deal.
378
00:16:19,523 --> 00:16:23,126
I'm not really a robot. I'm a human sex worker.
379
00:16:23,160 --> 00:16:25,829
But these tech weenies only wanna put their weenies
380
00:16:25,862 --> 00:16:26,930
into robot hookers.
381
00:16:27,197 --> 00:16:31,001
But lying to user does not compute.
382
00:16:31,268 --> 00:16:33,069
I don't like lying to Freddy.
383
00:16:33,103 --> 00:16:35,972
But a gal's gotta eat and pay her student loans.
384
00:16:36,006 --> 00:16:39,743
I just got a final notice from Grand Canyon University.
385
00:16:39,776 --> 00:16:41,044
[upbeat music playing]
386
00:16:41,645 --> 00:16:42,779
[munches]
387
00:16:42,979 --> 00:16:44,514
[doorbell dings]
388
00:16:44,548 --> 00:16:45,315
[music concludes]
389
00:16:45,782 --> 00:16:48,618
Uh, what are you doing here? Are we scheduled for today?
390
00:16:48,819 --> 00:16:51,087
Uh, no. No. Well, nothin' official.
391
00:16:51,121 --> 00:16:53,223
I just, you know, in the neighborhood.
392
00:16:53,523 --> 00:16:56,226
Yeah. I'm actually seeing friends tonight.
393
00:16:56,259 --> 00:16:58,028
Well, you know, I'd love to meet your friends
394
00:16:58,061 --> 00:16:59,763
and find out more about you.
395
00:16:59,796 --> 00:17:02,232
Friends? [scoffs] Friends are so banal.
396
00:17:02,265 --> 00:17:04,267
Let's just stick to the sex sched, okay?
397
00:17:04,301 --> 00:17:06,837
Oh. Uh, yeah. Okay. Well, if ya ever want to talk,
398
00:17:06,870 --> 00:17:08,104
you know, you got my-- [groans]
399
00:17:08,138 --> 00:17:10,740
Mustache caught! Mustache caught!
400
00:17:14,945 --> 00:17:16,947
[whirrs]
401
00:17:17,848 --> 00:17:20,884
Uh-oh! We're gonna have to get this little guy repaired.
402
00:17:20,917 --> 00:17:23,019
Repaired? It costs more to repair it than
403
00:17:23,053 --> 00:17:24,321
it does to just buy a new one.
404
00:17:24,354 --> 00:17:26,323
Throw it out. It's just a dumb machine.
405
00:17:26,356 --> 00:17:29,292
Whoa! Easy there with the "M-Word."
406
00:17:29,593 --> 00:17:30,894
What are you talking about?
407
00:17:31,428 --> 00:17:33,630
[machine clattering]
408
00:17:33,663 --> 00:17:36,666
Oh, so if somebody can't perform anymore,
409
00:17:36,700 --> 00:17:39,202
we throw 'em out! Noah confided in me
410
00:17:39,236 --> 00:17:41,938
that he can't get it up anymore. Throw him out!
411
00:17:41,972 --> 00:17:45,242
And... and you! You're on the other side of 35,
412
00:17:45,275 --> 00:17:48,011
you can't have kids anymore. Let's throw you out!
413
00:17:48,044 --> 00:17:49,946
Jesus, Phineas. What the hell's gotten into you.
414
00:17:50,146 --> 00:17:51,915
It's what I've gotten into!
415
00:17:51,948 --> 00:17:54,951
This lady here is a robot and the love of my life!
416
00:17:54,985 --> 00:17:56,786
And we're not hiding it anymore.
417
00:17:57,020 --> 00:17:59,756
And you! Stop eating out of her vagina!
418
00:17:59,789 --> 00:18:01,091
-What? -You told me
419
00:18:01,124 --> 00:18:02,659
you couldn't do that without gagging.
420
00:18:02,692 --> 00:18:05,662
Uh. [clears throat, chuckles]
421
00:18:06,263 --> 00:18:09,165
[Harper] Phineas, you can't date a robot.
422
00:18:09,199 --> 00:18:12,035
-Why? -Harper, it wasn't so long ago
423
00:18:12,068 --> 00:18:14,638
that people would've frowned upon our relationship.
424
00:18:14,671 --> 00:18:16,673
What it is, Soul Brother! Right on!
425
00:18:17,974 --> 00:18:19,676
Uh... Mm.
426
00:18:19,910 --> 00:18:24,214
[glitches] Rr... right on, s... soul brother.
427
00:18:24,481 --> 00:18:26,216
[mumbles]
428
00:18:26,249 --> 00:18:28,785
Ugh. Wi-Fi coverage is spotty in here.
429
00:18:29,085 --> 00:18:30,787
Stand in the other corner, babe.
430
00:18:31,655 --> 00:18:33,890
Go to this corner! Go to that corner!
431
00:18:33,924 --> 00:18:35,825
She's just programmed to keep you happy.
432
00:18:35,859 --> 00:18:38,395
-How do I get one of those? -I heard that!
433
00:18:38,428 --> 00:18:39,262
You know what you are?
434
00:18:39,696 --> 00:18:44,134
Anti-Cybernetic. Come on, Tess. We don't need to take this.
435
00:18:44,367 --> 00:18:48,004
You know where this is leading, don't you? The singularity.
436
00:18:48,038 --> 00:18:50,774
A robot uprising that will engulf us all
437
00:18:50,807 --> 00:18:52,709
and invariably-- [gasps]
438
00:18:52,742 --> 00:18:54,911
I told you, you start going off like that,
439
00:18:54,945 --> 00:18:56,212
I'm gonna flick your nuts.
440
00:18:56,246 --> 00:18:58,748
Oh, dear God, I see stars.
441
00:18:59,049 --> 00:19:00,784
[upbeat music playing]
442
00:19:01,284 --> 00:19:03,787
[indistinct chatter]
443
00:19:03,820 --> 00:19:07,023
Hey! Hey. Uh, I noticed that picture of you
444
00:19:07,057 --> 00:19:08,892
in a tutu by your bed.
445
00:19:08,925 --> 00:19:11,328
So, I got two tickets to the ballet.
446
00:19:11,361 --> 00:19:14,864
That's so sweet! I'll take my husband.
447
00:19:14,898 --> 00:19:16,866
Oh. Y'all have fun. Yeah.
448
00:19:17,100 --> 00:19:18,768
So thanks for coming, everyone.
449
00:19:18,802 --> 00:19:21,237
I invited Tess here to discuss this week's book,
450
00:19:21,271 --> 00:19:25,976
I, Robot. Because, she's a, uh, well, a robot.
451
00:19:26,009 --> 00:19:28,411
Oh. What do you mean? She works in robotics?
452
00:19:28,778 --> 00:19:30,780
Nope. She's literally a robot.
453
00:19:30,814 --> 00:19:33,183
Metal and wires. And this guy's dating her.
454
00:19:33,483 --> 00:19:35,085
-Seriously. -I don't understand.
455
00:19:35,352 --> 00:19:38,855
Of course you don't understand. Because you're prejudiced.
456
00:19:38,888 --> 00:19:41,257
So let me break it down for you people.
457
00:19:41,524 --> 00:19:44,828
She is a robot! We are in love!
458
00:19:44,861 --> 00:19:48,098
And I was gonna save this for after her firmware upgrade
459
00:19:48,131 --> 00:19:49,799
but what the hell?
460
00:19:49,833 --> 00:19:52,469
Tess. Will you marry me?
461
00:19:52,502 --> 00:19:54,437
Say yes. I'm telling you to say yes.
462
00:19:54,471 --> 00:19:55,171
Yes.
463
00:19:55,572 --> 00:19:58,875
She said yes! L'chaim! We'll be registering
464
00:19:58,908 --> 00:20:01,344
at Williams-Sonoma and Radio Shack!
465
00:20:01,378 --> 00:20:02,112
Mazel Tov!
466
00:20:02,479 --> 00:20:04,414
I call the wine decanter and wireless charging bay.
467
00:20:04,447 --> 00:20:05,749
Oh, give me a break.
468
00:20:06,216 --> 00:20:08,451
Aw. Congratulations you two!
469
00:20:08,485 --> 00:20:11,921
The first homosapien-robotic union in history.
470
00:20:11,955 --> 00:20:13,156
In my book club!
471
00:20:13,356 --> 00:20:15,825
And so it begins.
472
00:20:15,859 --> 00:20:17,927
The singularity-- [gasps]
473
00:20:17,961 --> 00:20:20,463
-I'm locked and loaded, dog. -I take it all back!
474
00:20:20,497 --> 00:20:24,367
-Is this progressive? -I think it's re-gressive.
475
00:20:24,734 --> 00:20:28,171
I think this man is using this female robot
476
00:20:28,204 --> 00:20:30,073
for his own selfish needs.
477
00:20:30,106 --> 00:20:32,208
The way y'all been using me?
478
00:20:32,242 --> 00:20:34,310
I'm... I'm not just a piece of beef,
479
00:20:34,344 --> 00:20:35,912
I got feelings too.
480
00:20:36,980 --> 00:20:41,184
You're a red blooded, American stallion. Act like it!
481
00:20:41,217 --> 00:20:45,055
Wow. You're all such hypocrites. Do you hear yourselves?
482
00:20:45,088 --> 00:20:48,291
You spend each week trying to out-woke each other in here
483
00:20:48,324 --> 00:20:49,793
and the minute you step outside,
484
00:20:49,826 --> 00:20:51,895
you treat him like a dildo in a cowboy hat.
485
00:20:51,928 --> 00:20:53,296
Dildo in a cowboy hat?
486
00:20:53,329 --> 00:20:54,898
That's the movie when the two dudes
487
00:20:54,931 --> 00:20:56,499
went up the mountain and broke they backs, right?
488
00:20:56,699 --> 00:20:59,402
Franklin is a real guy with a real heart.
489
00:20:59,436 --> 00:21:01,871
And none of you ladies deserve him.
490
00:21:02,539 --> 00:21:04,007
-[soft chuckle] -[gasps]
491
00:21:05,308 --> 00:21:07,077
Geez. What happened here?
492
00:21:07,110 --> 00:21:08,912
Gretchen admitted she has feelings for Franklin
493
00:21:08,945 --> 00:21:10,113
in a really awkward way
494
00:21:10,146 --> 00:21:12,115
and Phineas proposed to his robot girlfriend.
495
00:21:12,148 --> 00:21:15,819
He did? Hey, I'm dating a robot! I'm gonna propose too.
496
00:21:16,519 --> 00:21:19,923
Joan Krapowski 3000, I loves ya.
497
00:21:19,956 --> 00:21:20,790
Let's get married
498
00:21:20,824 --> 00:21:22,292
and have a whole bunch of sprockets.
499
00:21:22,325 --> 00:21:23,259
What do ya say?
500
00:21:23,793 --> 00:21:26,930
Freddy, stand up. I gotta tell ya something.
501
00:21:26,963 --> 00:21:28,865
Yes, my love?
502
00:21:29,199 --> 00:21:31,501
My name ain't Joan Krapowski 3000.
503
00:21:31,534 --> 00:21:33,369
It's just Joan Krapowski.
504
00:21:33,403 --> 00:21:36,172
-I don't get it. -I'm not a robot.
505
00:21:36,206 --> 00:21:38,408
-I'm a human. -Still don't get it.
506
00:21:38,441 --> 00:21:41,511
I am a human being who breathes air and eats food.
507
00:21:41,544 --> 00:21:44,447
So that's why your vagina don't come off!
508
00:21:44,481 --> 00:21:47,083
[gasps] I feel so betrayed.
509
00:21:47,283 --> 00:21:49,552
I thought you'd be happy that a real woman
510
00:21:49,586 --> 00:21:51,187
wants to have sex with you.
511
00:21:51,221 --> 00:21:52,789
Guess I gave you too much credit.
512
00:21:52,989 --> 00:21:54,023
You certainly did.
513
00:21:54,057 --> 00:21:55,125
[sorrowful music playing]
514
00:21:55,158 --> 00:21:56,493
With regards to my farts.
515
00:21:56,826 --> 00:22:00,029
I take comfort in knowing you could smell 'em all.
516
00:22:00,363 --> 00:22:02,165
[sobs]
517
00:22:02,198 --> 00:22:02,999
[music concludes]
518
00:22:03,266 --> 00:22:05,869
But now, we're over two hundred guests again.
519
00:22:06,102 --> 00:22:08,238
Do we have to invite the smart fridge?
520
00:22:08,271 --> 00:22:11,474
Can't invite Gretchen and not invite the refrigerator.
521
00:22:11,508 --> 00:22:14,043
Good point. Oh, the caterer asked,
522
00:22:14,077 --> 00:22:16,479
are there any titanium allergies on your side?
523
00:22:17,580 --> 00:22:18,281
[gasps]
524
00:22:18,515 --> 00:22:22,018
What the-- Hey. Hey! That's my fiancé!
525
00:22:22,652 --> 00:22:23,853
Tess!
526
00:22:25,588 --> 00:22:28,424
-[sighs] Oh. Hey. -Hey.
527
00:22:28,792 --> 00:22:33,129
So... I broke things off with those three ladies.
528
00:22:33,163 --> 00:22:36,332
Well... well, two of 'em were off already after your harangue,
529
00:22:36,366 --> 00:22:38,434
but I made it official.
530
00:22:38,701 --> 00:22:41,237
Cool. I... I think that's the right move.
531
00:22:41,638 --> 00:22:44,407
Yep. Yep, yep, yepperooni. I guess, uh, that means
532
00:22:44,440 --> 00:22:48,444
old Freewheelin' Franklin's back on the market. [chuckles]
533
00:22:48,678 --> 00:22:51,548
Anyway, thanks for riding to my defense
534
00:22:51,581 --> 00:22:53,249
at that hen pecking party.
535
00:22:53,283 --> 00:22:55,351
Oh, you know I got your back, Freewheelin' Franklin.
536
00:22:55,785 --> 00:22:58,388
That's just the kind of relationship we have.
537
00:22:58,421 --> 00:22:59,422
You said it.
538
00:23:00,490 --> 00:23:04,427
Now, wait. What kind of relationship do we have?
539
00:23:04,460 --> 00:23:05,862
[dramatic music playing]
540
00:23:09,065 --> 00:23:11,601
Tess! Thank, God. I was so scared.
541
00:23:11,634 --> 00:23:13,136
They just took you!
542
00:23:13,169 --> 00:23:15,471
But I'm here now, baby. Let's go home.
543
00:23:15,505 --> 00:23:17,307
If you would like to take me home,
544
00:23:17,340 --> 00:23:19,342
please swipe your credit card now.
545
00:23:19,375 --> 00:23:21,244
-[machine beeping] -Babe! What are ya doin'?
546
00:23:21,277 --> 00:23:23,446
We're in love! We're getting married!
547
00:23:23,479 --> 00:23:24,447
Please swipe now.
548
00:23:25,215 --> 00:23:28,952
Yeah, so, um, boss said you gotta pay to play, dude.
549
00:23:28,985 --> 00:23:31,287
What are you talking about? What did you do to my gal?
550
00:23:31,554 --> 00:23:34,090
Yeah. I, uh, sprayed canned air in her holes
551
00:23:34,123 --> 00:23:36,159
and wiped her hard drive.
552
00:23:37,193 --> 00:23:41,297
You did what? You can't do that! She's not your property!
553
00:23:41,331 --> 00:23:43,600
That's exactly what she is.
554
00:23:43,633 --> 00:23:45,501
She wandered off from the convention.
555
00:23:45,535 --> 00:23:48,004
She was never yours to begin with.
556
00:23:48,037 --> 00:23:49,505
But... but...
557
00:23:49,973 --> 00:23:54,344
the save the dates have gone out! [sobs]
558
00:23:54,377 --> 00:23:55,578
[inhales] Yeah.
559
00:23:55,612 --> 00:23:58,982
We sent out the save the dates!
560
00:23:59,015 --> 00:24:00,250
[club music playing]
561
00:24:00,850 --> 00:24:03,253
Are they human? Are they robots?
562
00:24:03,286 --> 00:24:05,622
Who knows? I'm starting to think
563
00:24:05,655 --> 00:24:07,590
I'm not cut out for either, boys.
564
00:24:07,624 --> 00:24:09,292
Ooh! Look over there.
565
00:24:09,325 --> 00:24:12,161
I think that jukebox is making eyes at me.
566
00:24:12,462 --> 00:24:16,199
Well, you guys might be confused but Gretchen told me
567
00:24:16,232 --> 00:24:19,102
that our relationship is like...
568
00:24:19,302 --> 00:24:22,138
And then, uh, well, she made a gesture and a wink.
569
00:24:22,171 --> 00:24:24,540
So, I got some real clarity.
570
00:24:24,774 --> 00:24:27,210
Wow. You have not lost a step, man.
571
00:24:27,243 --> 00:24:31,047
Barkeep! A second round of Chivas for the lads.
572
00:24:32,015 --> 00:24:33,416
-[grunts] -[music glitches]
573
00:24:33,449 --> 00:24:37,220
We're going to her place, boys. Don't wait up!
574
00:24:37,420 --> 00:24:39,756
♪ I was gonna feed Kitty 'til I got high ♪
575
00:24:39,789 --> 00:24:43,159
♪ But then I got so stoned That 50 years went by ♪
576
00:24:43,192 --> 00:24:45,662
♪ And now it's 2020 The same rules don't apply ♪
577
00:24:45,695 --> 00:24:48,464
♪ So I hit up a dispensary To see what I can buy ♪
578
00:24:48,498 --> 00:24:51,634
-♪ Give me this, give me that -♪ Let me smoke like hippies
579
00:24:51,668 --> 00:24:54,470
♪ I just let it bump Like a red ant bit me ♪
580
00:24:54,504 --> 00:24:57,240
♪ Time machine weed Suck me in like a hicky ♪
581
00:24:57,273 --> 00:24:59,776
♪ It's a one-way trip And my brothers here with me ♪
582
00:24:59,809 --> 00:25:02,412
-♪ What's up! -♪ Three brothers puffin' ♪
583
00:25:02,445 --> 00:25:06,683
♪ And we just woke up In year 2020 ♪
584
00:25:07,016 --> 00:25:10,420
♪ Woke up in year 2020... ♪
585
00:25:15,758 --> 00:25:17,727
[man] It's a good show.
42761
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