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[upbeat music playing]
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I can't believe old Melvin Mah's record store
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is still in business.
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[upbeat music playing over stereo]
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Ah, Melvin! Get your oriental ass out here
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and say hello to your old friends.
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Freaks in the house!
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Chuck and Charlie? You work here now?
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What happened with the weed store?
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Uh, yeah, my Uncle Melvin fell into a coma
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from all the drugs he did--
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So who better to manage a record store than two guys
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who just got fired from a weed store?
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Coma? Is he in the hospital?
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No, he's right over there.
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[groans]
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[hesitates] Come on, Uncle Melvin.
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I just reorganized the stock room yesterday.
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He's always riding our asses.
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-Screw you, old man! -[Melvin farts]
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He's lucky to have you boys.
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We got some grade-A vinyl for sale.
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Ooh. Holy shit! The White Album?
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If this one's clean, it's worth a fortune.
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Ooh, sorry that one's not for sale.
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I got it when my parents kicked me outta the house
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for turning 32.
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Whoa! The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan.
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This is worth some scrilla.
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Whoa, whoa, whoa, can't sell that.
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That's my love-makin' track.
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That's the disc was playin' when I had my first threesome.
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That's funny.
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My mom told me that it was playing
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when she had her first threesome! Wait...
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I'm not selling my album either!
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Freddy, that's a photo album.
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And I still like listening to it!
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Oh, my gosh man, like, you dudes have got some great discs here.
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Do you want to get high and listen to some tunes?
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We could possibly be convinced. [chuckles]
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[theme music playing]
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♪ Brother, hmm ♪
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♪ Three brothers puffin' ♪
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♪ And we just woke up In year 2020 ♪
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♪ Roll another J And forget the day ♪
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♪ Roll another J And get high ♪
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♪ Roll another J And forget the day ♪
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♪ Me and my brothers Getting fried ♪
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♪ The Freak Brothers
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[inhales]
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So are you guys excited about my big event tonight?
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-What event? -Seriously, Mom?
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She's told you about it a million times.
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Could you tell me a million and one?
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The gala for my charity, "Felines for Felons."
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It's so awesome!
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They pair therapy cats with felons in prison.
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And we're throwing a gala tonight
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for the felons who've been released.
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Okay, we'll come.
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I just wish you had given us a little heads up.
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She's been talking about it nonstop for weeks.
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What did you think all of these were for?
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[meows]
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I thought after years of being single,
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you decided to become a crazy cat lady.
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-Hey, baby. -[meows]
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So, you're Siamese. You got yourself a twin?
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I'm gonna get spit roasted tonight!
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[meows]
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[rock music playing over stereo]
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[bong bubbling]
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Wow. This stuff's amazing! Where'd you get it?
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You're not gonna believe it. We got it from Schoolboy Q.
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Oh, my gosh! He was so cool.
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Like, he's in town shooting a remake of Dirty Harry,
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and we like smoked him up and he signed this for us.
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["Man of the Year" playing]
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♪ Bruh I see, girls everywhere ♪
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♪ Titties, ass Hands in the air ♪
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♪ It's a party over here... ♪
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Wow. This is great. What is this?
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You guys have never heard rap before?
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Dude, come on. Don't be insensitive.
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They were asleep for fifty years.
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Ooh! This sumbitch got a beat! Pop pooty pop pop.
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I like that he says curse words!
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♪ Tank top top down For the breeze ♪
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♪ Burnt lips Got a blunt full of weed... ♪
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This weed pairs wonderfully with this music.
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We gotta get some more.
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Where can we find this Schoolboy Q?
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Uh, he said he was shooting down at the wharf.
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Gentlemen! To the wharf!
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See you on the flipside, Melvin!
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-[door open, closes] -Peace out, dudes!
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[groans]
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♪ Bounce for the crown
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♪ Fast forward getting real Tell me now ♪
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♪ Every dog need a cat To meow... ♪
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Whoa. Damn. He's got some skills.
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Honestly? Decent flow.
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♪ Blazing a pound Ju... jumping around ♪
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♪ Tits, ass bump out her gown... ♪
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[oxygen tank hissing]
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[psychedelic music playing]
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[Schoolboy Q] You gotta ask yourself one question.
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"Am I a lucky mother fucker?"
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Well, are you a lucky mother fucker? Mother fucker!
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Just like the lyrics to his song!
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Cut! Who the fuck are they?
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Who's in charge of the fucking extras?
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Who are these fucking assholes
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wandering through my fucking shot?
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-Fucking fire them! -[camera shatters]
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Nah, man! I like the way they look.
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Using real homeless adds authenticity.
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Hey, Mr. Q. Nice to meet you.
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We just smoked some of your shit with old Melvin Mah.
121
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That catatonic mother fucker?
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That dude's crazy! Smoked me under the table.
123
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So, Chuck and Charlie played us some of your rippity-rap music,
124
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which we really, truly enjoyed.
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But not as much as your mind-blowing weed.
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We want some more.
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Oh, you want some of the good shit?
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I can appreciate a man who appreciates good weed.
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Hey, we on five, Solomon! Two-Ton! Where's my whip?
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-[horn blaring] -Ayo! Check this shit out.
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That's a custom made,
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Bentley golf cart, solid gold, punk!
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Well, can't be completely solid gold.
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Gotta have some moving parts, liquid coolants and...
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and... and... and but... but you know, what do I know?
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Last I heard, women had pubic hair.
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What's your name?
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Right this way, Q.
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If any of you gentlemen is overheated,
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I can offer you a parasol.
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I don't need a pair. I'll just take one.
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[psychedelic music playing]
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♪ 'Cause them grades Ain't get me paid ♪
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♪ My agenda for today
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♪ Is to make bread Or get laid... ♪
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Let me tell you something about your music, man.
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Rap is today's voice of the counterculture.
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You're the Black Gordon Lightfoot.
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"Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald."
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Shit, one of my major influences.
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[chuckles] Yeah, I hear that. Hey, uh...
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is there any way I can get some more of this fancy wine?
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Hell, yeah.
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It's a 1978 château Lafite Rothschild, baby.
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Hmm. [sniffs] Mm-hmm.
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-What the hell are you doin'? -It's Château Lafite.
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That's French. It means, "For the feet."
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-Ugh! -[laughs]
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You motherfuckers crazy!
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[psychedelic music playing]
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All right, homies. See you when I see ya.
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And you won't see us when we don't see you.
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Got the car, guys.
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Uh-oh. Wrong way. Oh, oh, whoa!
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[suspenseful music playing]
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[gasps]
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[music fades]
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[laughs]
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That's the funniest shit I've seen since Queen Latifah
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split her pantsuit open at the Source Awards.
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[laughs]
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[laughs] Look at that dumbass covered in seaweed. [laughs]
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[laughs] For real though, that golf cart man.
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It costs ninety thousand dollars.
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You gotta pay for that shit!
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Of course, sir. Yeah.
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Lemme see what I got here in my billfold.
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Ah, well, uh...
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will you accept a Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf card? [chuckles]
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For sure! Two-Ton loves his Ice Blended.
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[laughs] Wonderful! We're all so happy.
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[snickers] I'll be happy tomorrow
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when I swing by your crib and get my cheese.
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Maybe you ain't heard, I don't sleep in a crib no more.
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[laughs] You motherfuckers are still a fucking child...
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-[mumbles] -[all laugh]
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-What a great guy. -What a pussycat.
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Aye, Two-Ton.
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Send me a calendar invite for tomorrow.
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And smoke them bitches if they ain't got my bread.
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-[message sends] -[slurps]
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[meows]
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I know you're of Siamese heritage
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but you could play in the NBA
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with what you're packing down there. [laughs]
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[purrs]
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You nasty! I like that.
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Ah, laying down some game, eh, old chum?
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Get out of here, Chomsky.
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I'm makin' time with my man, here.
201
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Kismet! I myself just came from the dog park
202
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where I was snout deep in the anal glands
203
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-of an Apricot Poodle. -Damn, Chomsky. You a ass man!
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Oh, yes. Like my father. And his father before him.
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Oh, my God. [screams] Oh, my God!
206
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Okay. Okay. Okay, I'll be right there!
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Total emergency! The caterer just arrived,
208
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and the napkins aren't locally sourced!
209
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Ugh! I gotta go.
210
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Camille, could you bring the cats by tonight?
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Oh, sure. I'll just wait two years, take driver's ed,
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buy a car, and drive 'em right down.
213
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A "no" would've sufficed.
214
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Yeah, I could do it.
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Hell, I used to wrangle cattle back in Abilene.
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And you can't spell cattle without "cat," so... [laughs]
217
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No problem, easy peasy Japan-esey.
218
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Uh. [clears throat] Sorry, no offense.
219
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It's pretty offensive. And I'm Chinese.
220
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Eh, same neck of the woods.
221
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Oh, Franklin. You're a lifesaver!
222
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Here's a spreadsheet with their diet
223
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and bathroom schedule.
224
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Bring them no later than seven. Thanks, bye!
225
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Don't you worry your pretty little head, Gretch!
226
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They're in good hands!
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[upbeat music playing]
228
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-[music concludes] -[cats meowing]
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"The Russian Blue gets one can of organic wet food once a day
230
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"but for its second meal, must have suh-shimy"?
231
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"Suh-shimy grade al-buhcorey?"
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-[tin rattles] -Screw this.
233
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As long as none of 'em starve to death
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or end up chokin' on their own tails,
235
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I'll be spending the night in Gretchen's boudoir.
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That's French for vagina.
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♪ Bruh I see, girls everywhere ♪
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♪ Titties, ass, hands In the air ♪
239
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♪ It's a party over here
240
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♪ Shake for the man Of the year, uh, ma... man ♪
241
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♪ Of the year Ma... man of the bounce ♪
242
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-Ooh! Catchy! -Schoolboy Q?
243
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What are you doing here, baby? Did you bring us some more weed?
244
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I told you I was coming for my money.
245
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Well, now we... we thought you were jokin'.
246
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[grunts]
247
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-Does it look like I'm joking? -No.
248
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Until you pay me, I'm gonna take some collateral.
249
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Hey! Take whatever you want.
250
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-It's not our shit. -Except the cats.
251
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Franklin cares a lot about the cats
252
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because they'll get him laid.
253
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Take the cats, Q.
254
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-They care about the cats. -No shit, fat boy.
255
00:10:36,447 --> 00:10:38,549
Grab the cats and take 'em to the fuckin' yacht, man.
256
00:10:38,949 --> 00:10:40,684
[cats meowing]
257
00:10:42,319 --> 00:10:44,721
Whoa, whoa, whoa, man. You can't take my Siamese.
258
00:10:44,755 --> 00:10:45,856
I'm trying to smash!
259
00:10:46,056 --> 00:10:48,792
When I get my money, you get your cats back.
260
00:10:48,826 --> 00:10:49,860
We out Two-Ton.
261
00:10:51,361 --> 00:10:54,198
Don't worry, baby! I'm gonna spring you!
262
00:10:54,665 --> 00:10:56,266
Save that big daddy dick for me!
263
00:10:56,300 --> 00:10:57,201
[car tires screeching]
264
00:10:57,534 --> 00:10:59,736
I can't believe he took the cats.
265
00:10:59,770 --> 00:11:03,173
Even after I told him how important they were to you.
266
00:11:03,207 --> 00:11:04,508
[groans]
267
00:11:05,342 --> 00:11:07,811
I don't wanna sell our babies any more than you do.
268
00:11:07,845 --> 00:11:11,682
But we did destroy the man's gold plated golf cart.
269
00:11:11,715 --> 00:11:13,917
We didn't. Freddy did.
270
00:11:14,118 --> 00:11:16,920
He always does this shit. He's a ruiner!
271
00:11:16,954 --> 00:11:19,356
Well, let's just get down there to Chuck and Charlie
272
00:11:19,389 --> 00:11:20,390
and get our money.
273
00:11:21,692 --> 00:11:24,294
Huh. Why the hell is this so light?
274
00:11:24,328 --> 00:11:26,630
They're empty! It's just the sleeves.
275
00:11:26,663 --> 00:11:28,499
[machine whirring]
276
00:11:30,367 --> 00:11:32,536
Freddy! What the hell are you doing?
277
00:11:32,736 --> 00:11:33,770
Cleaning the discs!
278
00:11:33,804 --> 00:11:36,273
Chuck and Charlie said they're worth more clean.
279
00:11:36,540 --> 00:11:38,342
So I put them in the disc-washer.
280
00:11:38,909 --> 00:11:39,610
-[cries] -Freddy,
281
00:11:39,910 --> 00:11:42,913
-you colossal fucking idiot! -Our records!
282
00:11:43,147 --> 00:11:45,582
Now, what are we supposed to do?
283
00:11:45,616 --> 00:11:49,753
We got no money, no records, and he took the durn cats.
284
00:11:49,786 --> 00:11:52,456
Gretchen's countin' on me. I care about her.
285
00:11:52,489 --> 00:11:53,891
I'm a broke-ass cowboy
286
00:11:53,924 --> 00:11:56,627
living in a basement with you two clodhoppers
287
00:11:56,660 --> 00:12:01,632
and this gal is the only bright spot in my sad, dark universe.
288
00:12:01,665 --> 00:12:04,735
-Help me the fuck out! -Jesus, all right.
289
00:12:05,002 --> 00:12:08,338
Stop pinching my trapeziuses! What do you wanna do?
290
00:12:08,539 --> 00:12:11,808
A Vietnam style raid on Schoolboy Q's yacht.
291
00:12:12,042 --> 00:12:13,544
Liberate the cats.
292
00:12:13,744 --> 00:12:16,446
Nam raid? Okay, I'm in.
293
00:12:16,647 --> 00:12:18,982
-Me too, me too! -No way, Freddy.
294
00:12:19,016 --> 00:12:21,018
You're the reason we're in this mess.
295
00:12:21,051 --> 00:12:23,620
Everything you touch turns to shit.
296
00:12:23,654 --> 00:12:25,956
You stay here. Don't touch nothin',
297
00:12:25,989 --> 00:12:28,759
don't say nothin', don't do nothin'.
298
00:12:29,359 --> 00:12:31,695
Well, that came out of nowhere.
299
00:12:34,698 --> 00:12:35,866
[gun cocks]
300
00:12:36,700 --> 00:12:38,602
[Gretchen] Because of your contributions,
301
00:12:38,635 --> 00:12:42,005
tonight, we reunite these former violent offenders,
302
00:12:42,039 --> 00:12:44,408
or as I like to call 'em, victims,
303
00:12:44,441 --> 00:12:46,543
with their beloved therapy cats.
304
00:12:46,777 --> 00:12:48,645
[applause]
305
00:12:48,679 --> 00:12:51,815
Don't eyeball me, bitch, unless you ready to go.
306
00:12:51,848 --> 00:12:53,283
[whimpers]
307
00:12:54,885 --> 00:12:56,553
-Uh-oh. -Impressive.
308
00:12:56,820 --> 00:12:58,388
-[laughs] -Oh, fuck!
309
00:12:58,422 --> 00:12:59,856
Have you tried the sourdough baguettes?
310
00:13:00,157 --> 00:13:02,626
Careful they're hot. [laughs]
311
00:13:02,659 --> 00:13:04,394
[Gretchen] ...to reintegrate in society.
312
00:13:05,028 --> 00:13:08,765
And we ask all of you to welcome them into your homes
313
00:13:08,799 --> 00:13:10,867
-and places of employment. -[coughs]
314
00:13:11,668 --> 00:13:13,604
You got a job for me?
315
00:13:13,637 --> 00:13:18,475
Oh, God. We just, um, instituted a hiring freeze,
316
00:13:18,508 --> 00:13:20,744
unfortunately, because, otherwise--
317
00:13:20,777 --> 00:13:23,947
Oh my God. You would have been, per... perfect for, um,
318
00:13:23,981 --> 00:13:26,917
uh, Noah, help me out here? [chuckles]
319
00:13:26,950 --> 00:13:29,753
Sure! You can stay with us on the couch!
320
00:13:30,087 --> 00:13:32,522
I panicked. Uh, We'll move.
321
00:13:35,359 --> 00:13:37,761
Feels like we're going round in circles.
322
00:13:38,295 --> 00:13:41,031
Come on, man! We'll never get there in time.
323
00:13:41,264 --> 00:13:43,867
I'm doing all the work. Pedal, faster!
324
00:13:44,167 --> 00:13:46,870
Pedals? I thought it was a footrest.
325
00:13:47,104 --> 00:13:50,874
Though in my defense, I am stoned out of my mind.
326
00:13:51,141 --> 00:13:52,876
[mysterious music playing]
327
00:13:52,909 --> 00:13:55,746
[meows]
328
00:13:55,779 --> 00:13:56,947
[music fades]
329
00:13:57,180 --> 00:13:58,715
[sneezes]
330
00:13:58,949 --> 00:14:01,752
I think I'm allergic to cats, Q!
331
00:14:01,785 --> 00:14:04,388
I'm having a severe reaction to their dander.
332
00:14:04,855 --> 00:14:07,691
Take a damn Claritin and roll me up another one, man.
333
00:14:07,724 --> 00:14:08,625
What the fuck?
334
00:14:09,326 --> 00:14:12,129
Fog's rollin' in! Can't see a thing.
335
00:14:12,162 --> 00:14:14,731
Me either, Franklin! But be quiet.
336
00:14:14,765 --> 00:14:16,700
We still have the element of surprise.
337
00:14:16,967 --> 00:14:18,568
Hello, Freaks!
338
00:14:21,872 --> 00:14:23,073
You came to steal the cats back?
339
00:14:23,273 --> 00:14:25,375
-What? Cats? -[cats meow]
340
00:14:25,976 --> 00:14:28,679
No! We came here to pay you.
341
00:14:28,879 --> 00:14:30,981
Oh, good. So where my money?
342
00:14:31,014 --> 00:14:33,684
Uh... uh... Franklin?
343
00:14:33,717 --> 00:14:35,452
Uh, ain't got it.
344
00:14:35,919 --> 00:14:39,656
You forgot the money? [laughs nervously] Oh, my God!
345
00:14:39,690 --> 00:14:40,624
That's funny.
346
00:14:40,924 --> 00:14:44,161
Come all the way out here in a wet suit and a swan boat
347
00:14:44,194 --> 00:14:47,864
and he forgets the mo-- Oh, look! A fat giant booty!
348
00:14:48,699 --> 00:14:51,601
Come on. Aren't you a little curious?
349
00:14:51,902 --> 00:14:53,704
No. And now, I'm pissed off.
350
00:14:53,737 --> 00:14:56,773
Please, Mr. Q. Have mercy.
351
00:14:56,807 --> 00:14:59,042
Let it never be said that I'm an unmerciful motherfucker.
352
00:14:59,443 --> 00:15:01,611
The condemned always get a last smoke.
353
00:15:01,978 --> 00:15:02,979
Roll up.
354
00:15:04,715 --> 00:15:06,016
Come on, man!
355
00:15:06,316 --> 00:15:09,586
We can't just do nothing. We have to take action.
356
00:15:10,020 --> 00:15:13,390
A Siamese of that caliber doesn't wait around for nobody.
357
00:15:13,724 --> 00:15:15,926
No Kitty, they told me to stay here.
358
00:15:15,959 --> 00:15:19,463
And that's what I'm gonna do, because I'm no good at anything.
359
00:15:19,496 --> 00:15:22,432
-You're good at lots of things! -Like what? Name some.
360
00:15:22,666 --> 00:15:24,835
Wh... what is this, an award ceremony?
361
00:15:25,068 --> 00:15:26,470
We got shit to do!
362
00:15:26,503 --> 00:15:28,438
I don't wanna make them madder at me.
363
00:15:28,672 --> 00:15:31,842
Freddy? They won't be mad at you if you save the day.
364
00:15:31,875 --> 00:15:33,143
You'll be a hero!
365
00:15:33,176 --> 00:15:35,479
And they'll respect your fat ass.
366
00:15:35,679 --> 00:15:37,948
-You really think so? -I know so!
367
00:15:37,981 --> 00:15:41,518
Let's do it! Let's go get that respect!
368
00:15:41,718 --> 00:15:42,519
Ew!
369
00:15:42,886 --> 00:15:46,656
Oh, yeah. While you were mopin', I shit in your shoes.
370
00:15:46,690 --> 00:15:48,024
[dramatic music playing]
371
00:15:49,893 --> 00:15:50,961
[music concludes]
372
00:15:54,531 --> 00:15:57,467
Damn. This roll is a work of art.
373
00:15:57,501 --> 00:15:59,102
Shit like a Michelangelo or somethin', bruh.
374
00:15:59,136 --> 00:16:01,238
I think it's more like a Brancusi.
375
00:16:01,271 --> 00:16:03,073
Smooth and minimalist.
376
00:16:04,107 --> 00:16:07,544
We were always known for rolling the world's tightest joints.
377
00:16:07,577 --> 00:16:09,713
Not a bad legacy to leave behind.
378
00:16:09,746 --> 00:16:12,983
Well, go ahead. Send us to our doom.
379
00:16:13,016 --> 00:16:13,884
Not so fast.
380
00:16:14,284 --> 00:16:17,888
I got another idea, Two-Ton. Bring them to the rolling room.
381
00:16:18,288 --> 00:16:20,924
Fool, y'all know I'm a mogul and I do mogul shit.
382
00:16:21,224 --> 00:16:23,560
So, I'm expanding into the cannabis industry.
383
00:16:24,027 --> 00:16:26,062
[upbeat music playing]
384
00:16:26,630 --> 00:16:29,966
But my CRO aka Chief Rolling Officer
385
00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:32,102
keeps falling asleep on his fucking feet.
386
00:16:32,502 --> 00:16:33,703
-[gasps] -[glass shatters]
387
00:16:33,737 --> 00:16:36,473
Antihistamines make me drowsy.
388
00:16:37,007 --> 00:16:37,741
So here's the deal.
389
00:16:38,241 --> 00:16:41,244
If you can roll all this weed as pretty as that last one
390
00:16:41,278 --> 00:16:43,780
before dawn, we'll call it even.
391
00:16:43,980 --> 00:16:47,951
But Q. Ten men couldn't roll that many joints by sunup.
392
00:16:48,185 --> 00:16:49,786
Fool, that sounds like a "they problem."
393
00:16:49,986 --> 00:16:52,589
Hey! That's a good name for a hippity rap.
394
00:16:52,622 --> 00:16:54,057
Listen, we could write it for you
395
00:16:54,090 --> 00:16:55,826
and provide background vocals.
396
00:16:55,859 --> 00:16:57,227
Yeah. Okay, Fo-- Yeah,
397
00:16:57,260 --> 00:16:59,296
-Follow my lead, Phin... -[starts beatboxing]
398
00:16:59,329 --> 00:17:00,263
-♪ Problem! -♪ Yeah
399
00:17:00,664 --> 00:17:03,066
-♪ We got... problems -♪ That sounds like a thing ♪
400
00:17:03,099 --> 00:17:04,801
-♪ Fucky fuck. Problems! -♪ We have best joints
401
00:17:04,835 --> 00:17:06,903
-♪ Fucky fuck -♪ And the biggest dicks
402
00:17:06,937 --> 00:17:09,673
Hey, man! Shut the fuck up. Start rollin'.
403
00:17:12,309 --> 00:17:13,844
[groans]
404
00:17:15,679 --> 00:17:17,848
[pants]
405
00:17:17,881 --> 00:17:21,585
So... how did you get the name Billy the Rapist?
406
00:17:21,618 --> 00:17:22,586
[groans]
407
00:17:22,619 --> 00:17:24,721
Yeah, I get it. I had nicknames.
408
00:17:24,988 --> 00:17:27,123
They used to sing a rap about me in junior high.
409
00:17:27,157 --> 00:17:28,225
God, how did that go?
410
00:17:28,258 --> 00:17:33,730
Noah, Noah, ba... boah, banana, fanna, homoah. Noah!
411
00:17:33,763 --> 00:17:36,233
He was also known as "Karate Noah,"
412
00:17:36,266 --> 00:17:37,767
beca... because of his abilities
413
00:17:37,801 --> 00:17:39,769
to defend himself and loved ones.
414
00:17:40,003 --> 00:17:41,271
How are we all doing?
415
00:17:41,304 --> 00:17:45,609
Where the fuck are our fuckin' cats, bitch?
416
00:17:45,642 --> 00:17:48,578
Thank you for asking. They're on their way soon.
417
00:17:48,845 --> 00:17:51,715
Enjoy the salad, Billy the Rap-- Uh, William.
418
00:17:52,649 --> 00:17:53,683
[phone ringing]
419
00:17:53,717 --> 00:17:55,919
Franklin? Where the hell are you?
420
00:17:55,952 --> 00:17:58,788
I need those cats! These felons are getting rapey!
421
00:17:58,822 --> 00:18:00,891
No. Everything's fine, very fine.
422
00:18:00,924 --> 00:18:02,726
Uh, we'll be there soon.
423
00:18:02,759 --> 00:18:05,862
Good! What's that licking sound?
424
00:18:05,896 --> 00:18:07,264
Eh... not... not me. Yeah.
425
00:18:07,297 --> 00:18:10,066
[hesitates] I'm grooming the cats.
426
00:18:10,100 --> 00:18:11,368
With your tongue?
427
00:18:11,401 --> 00:18:14,604
Yes. Okay, I'll let you go now, bye!
428
00:18:14,638 --> 00:18:15,572
Wait--
429
00:18:15,605 --> 00:18:17,707
[leprechaun] And so the brothers McFreak,
430
00:18:17,741 --> 00:18:20,777
Franklin and Phineas, rolled doobies as fast
431
00:18:20,810 --> 00:18:23,580
as they could, like a pair of Rumpelstiltskins
432
00:18:23,947 --> 00:18:26,016
for their very lives depended on it.
433
00:18:26,049 --> 00:18:28,184
Would they be able to finish their task
434
00:18:28,218 --> 00:18:30,987
before the dewy dawn rose from the--
435
00:18:31,021 --> 00:18:31,922
Done!
436
00:18:32,589 --> 00:18:35,358
-Sorry, what's that now? -I said, we're done.
437
00:18:35,725 --> 00:18:37,794
[heavenly music playing]
438
00:18:37,827 --> 00:18:39,663
Sweet Mary and Joseph,
439
00:18:39,696 --> 00:18:42,065
that's a wee bit faster than I anticipated.
440
00:18:42,098 --> 00:18:44,067
Would you like to sit by the fire,
441
00:18:44,100 --> 00:18:45,902
share a dram, and hear the rest of my--
442
00:18:45,936 --> 00:18:47,671
Just tell him we're fucking done,
443
00:18:47,704 --> 00:18:50,307
-you dumb Irish midget! -The fuck you just call me?
444
00:18:50,340 --> 00:18:52,876
Peter Dinklage! What are you doing here?
445
00:18:52,909 --> 00:18:55,078
HBO fucked me out of the Thrones spin-off.
446
00:18:55,111 --> 00:18:58,114
They said a puppet is cheaper and won't bang all the extras.
447
00:18:58,415 --> 00:19:00,083
Aye, Yo! They done!
448
00:19:00,317 --> 00:19:02,085
[intense music playing]
449
00:19:04,921 --> 00:19:08,758
Ooh. It's a lot farther than I thought. Gotta book it.
450
00:19:08,792 --> 00:19:09,960
No, don't book it!
451
00:19:10,193 --> 00:19:11,895
We gotta be super quiet, like a--
452
00:19:12,295 --> 00:19:13,997
-Revving speed! -[gasps]
453
00:19:17,701 --> 00:19:19,169
Bruh, I dunno know how the fuck you did it.
454
00:19:19,202 --> 00:19:20,203
But you did.
455
00:19:20,236 --> 00:19:22,939
You're free to go. Peace and love, bring it in.
456
00:19:22,973 --> 00:19:23,873
Aw.
457
00:19:25,275 --> 00:19:28,211
[screams]
458
00:19:31,247 --> 00:19:33,416
Baby, I'm here! Where are you?
459
00:19:33,750 --> 00:19:37,287
Anyone seen a sweet Siamese with a big old dick?
460
00:19:37,654 --> 00:19:38,989
There you are!
461
00:19:39,289 --> 00:19:41,758
-It's okay, baby. I'm here. -[meows]
462
00:19:42,025 --> 00:19:44,094
Somebody get me the fucking key!
463
00:19:44,494 --> 00:19:45,996
Freddy, what the fuck?
464
00:19:46,029 --> 00:19:49,466
Look, I know I'm a hero. You know I'm hero.
465
00:19:49,499 --> 00:19:52,102
Nobody has to say the word "hero" out loud
466
00:19:52,135 --> 00:19:54,137
-or thank me. -You idiot!
467
00:19:54,371 --> 00:19:56,673
We had everything taken care of.
468
00:19:56,940 --> 00:19:59,075
We told you to stay home.
469
00:19:59,442 --> 00:20:03,013
You are a ruiner!
470
00:20:03,046 --> 00:20:03,747
[gasps]
471
00:20:04,014 --> 00:20:06,116
The Lucky Mothafucker's taking on water!
472
00:20:07,250 --> 00:20:08,918
-You Freaks are dead. -[gun cocks]
473
00:20:08,952 --> 00:20:10,053
[ship rumbling]
474
00:20:10,387 --> 00:20:11,821
Oh, shit!
475
00:20:12,155 --> 00:20:14,257
[all scream]
476
00:20:16,960 --> 00:20:19,162
-[both scream] -[mumbles] Get off the--
477
00:20:19,496 --> 00:20:21,398
[horn blaring]
478
00:20:25,168 --> 00:20:26,970
[pants]
479
00:20:27,003 --> 00:20:29,973
-You see anything? -No, I can't see them.
480
00:20:30,006 --> 00:20:31,041
[Phineas] Me neither.
481
00:20:31,074 --> 00:20:33,276
Wait, what do you mean "them"?
482
00:20:33,309 --> 00:20:35,311
The cats. Who are you talkin' about?
483
00:20:35,545 --> 00:20:39,282
-Freddy. -Oh, Freddy. Right. Yeah, no.
484
00:20:39,315 --> 00:20:42,018
I was including him in them.
485
00:20:43,253 --> 00:20:47,123
Man. I hope he's okay. There's a chance right?
486
00:20:47,157 --> 00:20:50,827
Sure. Yeah, I me... I mean he was wearing his floaties.
487
00:20:50,860 --> 00:20:53,396
Yeah. Yeah! And the North Pacific current,
488
00:20:53,430 --> 00:20:54,431
turns south.
489
00:20:54,464 --> 00:20:56,466
He'll probably wash up in Tijuana
490
00:20:56,499 --> 00:20:57,500
and have the time of his life.
491
00:20:57,534 --> 00:21:01,104
Ah! Well, perfecto! So, uh, about those cats?
492
00:21:01,137 --> 00:21:03,440
Oh, they're dead. They didn't have floaties
493
00:21:03,473 --> 00:21:05,375
and well, you know, they're cats.
494
00:21:05,408 --> 00:21:06,342
[sighs]
495
00:21:06,576 --> 00:21:08,178
Time to face the music.
496
00:21:08,211 --> 00:21:10,814
I gotta go tell Gretchen I let her down.
497
00:21:11,648 --> 00:21:13,883
[all] We want cats! We want cats!
498
00:21:13,917 --> 00:21:15,318
-[man] Oh. Fuck this! -[Gretchen] Good.
499
00:21:15,351 --> 00:21:17,120
-[glasses shattering] -This is good!
500
00:21:17,153 --> 00:21:17,987
[all] We want cats!
501
00:21:18,421 --> 00:21:21,057
You're expressing your wants, not keeping them bottled up.
502
00:21:21,091 --> 00:21:22,358
[speaking Spanish]
503
00:21:23,059 --> 00:21:25,862
They want Cats? I'll give 'em Cats.
504
00:21:25,895 --> 00:21:28,064
[man] I want cats so bad I'll kill--
505
00:21:28,098 --> 00:21:29,165
[clears throat]
506
00:21:29,999 --> 00:21:33,069
-♪ Mem-- ♪ -[people screaming]
507
00:21:33,103 --> 00:21:34,871
Uh. Oh, God. Oh, jeez. [screams]
508
00:21:35,672 --> 00:21:39,442
Not a musical theatre crowd. Not a musical theatre crowd.
509
00:21:39,976 --> 00:21:42,345
Holy shit. Look at this disaster.
510
00:21:42,378 --> 00:21:44,414
Good luck getting laid now, pal.
511
00:21:44,447 --> 00:21:47,917
Franklin. Yes! You're here! Where are the cats?
512
00:21:47,951 --> 00:21:50,920
Cats. Well, okay, I was taking great care of them.
513
00:21:50,954 --> 00:21:53,389
But then things got a little, uh, prickly.
514
00:21:53,423 --> 00:21:54,290
You know how cats are.
515
00:21:54,691 --> 00:21:58,495
But then I went to great lengths and un... un-prickled them.
516
00:21:58,528 --> 00:22:01,965
But, uh, then things kinda went tits up,
517
00:22:01,998 --> 00:22:02,966
you know how cats are--
518
00:22:03,233 --> 00:22:05,602
Franklin! Where are the fucking cats?
519
00:22:05,635 --> 00:22:07,036
-[indistinct clamor] -Well, uh...
520
00:22:07,537 --> 00:22:09,105
see, that's what I gotta tell you.
521
00:22:09,139 --> 00:22:10,406
The cats are...
522
00:22:10,440 --> 00:22:12,842
-[horn blaring] -[dramatic music playing]
523
00:22:13,877 --> 00:22:16,346
-...are here? -[cats meowing]
524
00:22:16,379 --> 00:22:18,014
Ho, ho, ho!
525
00:22:18,047 --> 00:22:21,551
On Nibbles, on Peaches, on Pickles, on Frisky!
526
00:22:23,553 --> 00:22:26,623
Little Rapey! I missed you.
527
00:22:26,656 --> 00:22:29,859
He did it! The son of a bitch did it.
528
00:22:30,293 --> 00:22:32,061
Those are some strong cats.
529
00:22:32,095 --> 00:22:34,164
-[cat 1 purrs] -[cat 2 meows]
530
00:22:34,197 --> 00:22:35,298
[bottle popping]
531
00:22:36,432 --> 00:22:38,968
Gentlemen! To a crazy night,
532
00:22:39,302 --> 00:22:41,271
and to those we lost along the way.
533
00:22:41,538 --> 00:22:45,508
Specifically, Schoolboy Q. And who could forget Two-Ton?
534
00:22:45,542 --> 00:22:47,477
He played delightfully against type,
535
00:22:47,677 --> 00:22:49,245
and perished two to three weeks
536
00:22:49,279 --> 00:22:50,947
before he would have dropped dead
537
00:22:50,980 --> 00:22:52,148
from respiratory failure.
538
00:22:52,582 --> 00:22:53,583
-Here, here! -There, there.
539
00:22:54,117 --> 00:22:56,152
Freddy, I don't know how you pulled it off.
540
00:22:56,186 --> 00:22:57,887
But... you did.
541
00:22:58,354 --> 00:23:01,224
And look, I might've said some things earlier today
542
00:23:01,257 --> 00:23:04,127
in the heat of the moment about your worthlessness
543
00:23:04,160 --> 00:23:05,628
and nonstop fuck-uppery.
544
00:23:06,162 --> 00:23:08,531
[clears throat] But I guess what I wanna say is,
545
00:23:08,565 --> 00:23:10,466
-I'm... I'm sorry. -For what?
546
00:23:10,500 --> 00:23:13,002
Well, uh, about that stuff I just said.
547
00:23:13,036 --> 00:23:15,305
-About what? -[laughs] Never mind, buddy.
548
00:23:15,338 --> 00:23:16,973
We're just glad to have you back.
549
00:23:17,173 --> 00:23:20,043
-[glasses clink] -[all laugh]
550
00:23:20,076 --> 00:23:23,046
Hey, cowboy. Give a gal a lift home?
551
00:23:23,079 --> 00:23:24,547
[soft music playing]
552
00:23:25,415 --> 00:23:26,416
Ma'am?
553
00:23:31,221 --> 00:23:33,423
Go easy on the Dewars. I didn't save your ass
554
00:23:33,456 --> 00:23:35,458
so you could go all whiskey dick on me.
555
00:23:35,491 --> 00:23:37,293
I'll tie some rubber bands around that thing.
556
00:23:37,327 --> 00:23:38,328
Don't play with me.
557
00:23:41,030 --> 00:23:44,067
[pants]
558
00:23:44,300 --> 00:23:47,337
I'm gonna kill those motherfuckin' Freaks!
559
00:23:47,537 --> 00:23:51,074
♪ Pistols in my hands Had pockets full of Ox ♪
560
00:23:51,107 --> 00:23:54,944
♪ Whole life I been a G Had bitches on the block ♪
561
00:23:54,978 --> 00:23:58,681
♪ Had strippers on the pole Had cocaine in the pot ♪
562
00:23:58,715 --> 00:24:02,418
♪ Got fiends at the do' So I turned it to a rock ♪
563
00:24:02,452 --> 00:24:06,356
♪ That yay yay, that yay yay That yay yay, that yay yay ♪
564
00:24:06,389 --> 00:24:10,159
♪ That yay yay, that yay yay That yay yay, that yay yay ♪
565
00:24:10,193 --> 00:24:13,997
♪ That yay yay, that yay yay That yay yay, that yay yay ♪
566
00:24:14,030 --> 00:24:18,001
♪ That yay yay, that yay yay That yay yay, that yay yay ♪
567
00:24:18,034 --> 00:24:20,403
♪ That yay yay I'm a drug dealin' nigga ♪
568
00:24:20,436 --> 00:24:22,405
♪ 'Cause them grades Ain't get me paid ♪
569
00:24:22,438 --> 00:24:26,242
♪ My agenda for today is to make bread or get laid... ♪
570
00:24:26,876 --> 00:24:29,045
[man] It's a good show.
42286
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