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1
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[snores]
2
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[gasps, groans]
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You see these, Freddy? They're paws. They ain't thumbs.
4
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When it comes to cans of cat food,
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paws don't do shit.
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-[snores] -You ain't gettin' it.
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Still ain't gettin' it. You need to feed me!
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-[farts] -[groans]
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[grunts]
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Whoa!
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Easy open lid, my ass!
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I'm going to get my own damn food.
13
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[theme music playing]
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♪ Brothers, hmm, hmm ♪
15
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♪ Three brothers puffin' ♪
16
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♪ And we just woke up In year 2020 ♪
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♪ Roll another J And forget the day ♪
18
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♪ Roll another J And get high ♪
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♪ Roll another J And forget the day ♪
20
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♪ Me and my brothers Getting fried ♪
21
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♪ The Freak Brothers ♪
22
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You guys have to check out this knockout. It's insane!
23
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Who is it? Conor McGregor?
24
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Conor Mc-Who?
25
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I'm talking Muhammad Ali decking Sonny Liston.
26
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The second time, not the phantom punch.
27
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You're a boxing fan?
28
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Are you kiddin'? It's the sweet science!
29
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Angles! Geometry! Brain damage!
30
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So, who are the top fighters of today? [grunts]
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Is there a new Sugar Ray Robinson
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mowing down palookas? [grunts]
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Boxing is kind of done.
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It's all about the UFC now.
35
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The F.U.C. What now?
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Ultimate fighting!
37
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It's mixed martial arts, and it is lit!
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-No holds barred. No rules! -[crowd exclaiming]
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No rules?
40
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Ugh. How can you watch that stuff?
41
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-It's barbaric. -Actually...
42
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-[groans] -[crowd exclaiming]
43
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...that looks pretty far out.
44
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-I know, right? -[crowd exclaiming]
45
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Can we go to a fight, Dad? Please!
46
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Pretty please!
47
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Oh, come on, Noah.
48
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Sounds like a great way for you and Camille to bond,
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instead of with your phones for a change.
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Okay, sure. I'll buy tickets right now.
51
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-Thanks, Dad! -Thanks, Dad!
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[smooches, blows raspberries]
53
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Beautiful day, huh?
54
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What say you and I head down to the basement
55
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for a little R&R.
56
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Reefer and rawdogging. [chuckles]
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I have work to do.
58
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You know, I... I do appreciate all you do for bums.
59
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Uh. Well, you-- But you know, just this morning
60
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I gave a can of beer to a bum.
61
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-A bum? -Oh, no. Sorry. A homeless.
62
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Home is where one is living. Houseless is the preferred term.
63
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Houseless. Got it.
64
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Hey, you know, I saw on one of your in...
65
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internets that there is a lot more emphasis these days
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on female sexual satisfaction. [chuckles]
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I... I guess I was a man ahead of my time.
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[giggles] You're stupid.
69
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-[intense music playing] -[crowd cheering]
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The amount of corporate sponsorship here
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is unnerving. But I like the buzz.
72
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Oh, anybody wanna rustle up some grub?
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Don't be a sucker!
74
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There's plenty of good food under the seats.
75
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So, there's no rules?
76
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We could just sit outside a bar, and watch frat boys
77
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-brawl for free? -[bell ringing]
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-[screams] -[crowd cheering]
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[crowd grunting]
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-Yeah. -That was amazing!
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This is badass. Them little peckers is tough!
82
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Took a thumb to the bunger, didn't even squawk.
83
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[announcer] And fighting in our next match,
84
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the main event, the middle-weight champ...
85
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-[barks] -PJ Always Barkin' Larkin!
86
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-[howls] -Oh, my God! He's here?
87
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-[bell ringing] -[grunts]
88
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-[crowd cheering] -[exclaims]
89
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So, we like PJ Always Barkin' Larkin?
90
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He's a god.
91
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He's like this mellow surfer dude,
92
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but then he gets in the ring, and he totally kicks ass.
93
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Language, Camille.
94
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Bite his face off like a chimpanzee!
95
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-[grunts] -[crowd cheering]
96
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-[gasps] -[crowd applauding]
97
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I can hear the ocean!
98
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-[bell ringing] -[grunts]
99
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-Yeah. [exclaims] -Wait!
100
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There's nacho cheese on the seat. [slurps]
101
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-[grunts] -PJ had a super rough childhood.
102
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He never even knew his dad, but he dated Ariana Grande
103
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and he shut down his Instagram site
104
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after getting in a fight with every woman from The View.
105
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-[horn honking] -[announcer] Your winner...
106
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-[man] Take it all the way! -[announcer] ...PJ Larkin!
107
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[crowd cheering]
108
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Strategically speaking, he should probably cut his hair,
109
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but he refuses.
110
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That's a good man. Letting his freak flag fly.
111
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Hey, Phineas, he kind of looks like you.
112
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[scoffs] Sure does. "Got kids?"
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See, I just did a little riff on the Got Milk ads.
114
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Like maybe he's your son.
115
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Did you ever have unprotected intercourse in the past?
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-[laughs] "Got kids." -Hmm.
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[both moaning]
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[all moaning]
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[both moan]
120
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I don't know, man. I'd probably have to see
121
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his mother to know for sure.
122
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I was joking. This kid is in his early 20s.
123
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The timing is all wrong.
124
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Unless you donated some sperm that was frozen.
125
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Hmm.
126
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[whimsical music playing]
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[Phineas moans, grunts]
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[whimsical music concluding]
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I did donate my sperm! Oh, my God.
130
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My son is PJ Barkin' Larkin!
131
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[meows]
132
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-[meows] -[squeaks]
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You rat bastard!
134
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Excuse me. Excuse me. Do I know you? Do you know me?
135
00:06:49,253 --> 00:06:51,622
And the preferred term is "rodent", madam.
136
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I gotta get to back to 1969.
137
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Back then, a rat would never walk up
138
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to a full grown kitty cat, talking preferred terms.
139
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You bring that shit again, and I'll gobble your ass up.
140
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[sniffs] Oh! That's good.
141
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-[tires screeching] -[man screams]
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-[horns honking] -[woman screams]
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-[cars crashing] -[screams]
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[laughs]
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[cats meowing]
146
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[whimsical music concluding]
147
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Who's ready for some poached salmon?
148
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Me! Me! This girl, right here! Hello!
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[meows]
150
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Well, look what the cat dragged in. Herself! [laughs]
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Which is appropriate because animals deserve
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their own dignity. Are you hungry?
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[purrs]
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[indistinct chatter]
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If he is your boy, you should be proud.
156
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He is one hell of a shit kicker.
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-[woman] PJ! PJ! -[man] PJ! Over here!
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-[woman] I love you! -[man] PJ! I love you!
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-Sign my face! -Sign my hot dog!
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[munches]
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-[burps] -PJ! Over here! I'm your father!
162
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-I spunked you in a jar! -Selfie!
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[camera clicks]
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Daddy!
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-[PJ sobs] -Ribs. Ribcage.
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You're crackin' my ribs, Son.
167
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I can't believe PJ Larkin is coming to my house!
168
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Now, remember, my son is just a regular person
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like anyone else.
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Only he's a really great fighter who can kick
171
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anyone else's son's ass, any time.
172
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You know, if you really want to be sure he's your son,
173
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there's DNA tests. You can do it through the mail.
174
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Nah, when you're a father, you know.
175
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If anybody needs to take a DNA test, it's you.
176
00:08:40,631 --> 00:08:44,635
Looks like Mrs. Switzer ordered Chinese takeout.
177
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From the Dong Shack, if you know what I mean.
178
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So, are you excited about this big time fighter
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-coming to visit? -I'm not much of a sports fan.
180
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Or a fan of jocks for that matter.
181
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Oh, don't worry. She only goes for intellectuals.
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Unemployed ones.
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[chuckles] I'm unemployed! And I got no prospects.
184
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[pants] Kitty's missing!
185
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We all have to split up, and look for her!
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Sorry, Freddy,
187
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my son, the famous ultimate fighter is coming over.
188
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[sighs] Guess I'll go look alone.
189
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-[Camille] He's here! -Come in, Son, come in.
190
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You remember Camille? She's your biggest fan.
191
00:09:25,542 --> 00:09:26,844
What's up, Little Wahine?
192
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Here's the mouth guard I swallowed,
193
00:09:28,812 --> 00:09:32,649
then barfed up at UFC 198. I signed it for you.
194
00:09:32,683 --> 00:09:37,087
Oh, my God! Thank you! Is that blood?
195
00:09:37,287 --> 00:09:39,323
-It is blood! -And puke.
196
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Over here, Son, is my brother Franklin.
197
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He's not my real brother, so he's not your real uncle
198
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meaning, he's made no genetic contribution to your success.
199
00:09:47,831 --> 00:09:51,502
A real pleasure. Loved you bitin' off that fellow's ear.
200
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-[chuckles] I -I'm Noah! I'm Team PJ for life!
201
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Oh, God! Noah, go wash your face.
202
00:09:57,141 --> 00:09:58,742
You look like you've been notarized.
203
00:09:58,776 --> 00:10:01,211
And this is Gretchen. She's our lady lawyer.
204
00:10:01,245 --> 00:10:05,849
-Aloha, pretty lady. -[giggles] Nothing.
205
00:10:06,550 --> 00:10:10,587
-Is this guy botherin' you? -I got something for you too.
206
00:10:10,621 --> 00:10:15,125
-[chuckles] That's a big cup. -My boy has a giant schvantz!
207
00:10:15,159 --> 00:10:18,228
-Where should I keep this? -How about next to your bed?
208
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My bed? Maybe you should take a look.
209
00:10:21,732 --> 00:10:23,200
-Groovy. -[Gretchen giggles]
210
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-That's my boy! -Damn pretty boy meat monkey.
211
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-[grunts] Oh! -[glass shattering]
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Fuck this world.
213
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[meows]
214
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[sighs] I've been wasting away living with those freaks,
215
00:10:41,952 --> 00:10:44,755
and paradise was just around the corner.
216
00:10:44,788 --> 00:10:45,856
-[door opening] -[bell ringing]
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Hello. Who's this gorgeous lady?
218
00:10:49,693 --> 00:10:51,929
Name's Kitty. Don't touch my throne,
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you'll get your grease on it.
220
00:10:53,564 --> 00:10:56,834
I may not have a lot of money or my own tent,
221
00:10:56,867 --> 00:11:02,239
but I have so much love to give. We could be best friends.
222
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-[growls] -[gasps, groans]
223
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You want a best friend?
224
00:11:06,610 --> 00:11:08,912
Take your broke ass down to the dog shelter.
225
00:11:09,580 --> 00:11:12,850
What is this? Looks like pudding...
226
00:11:13,784 --> 00:11:18,722
but tastes like salmon. I could eat this all day.
227
00:11:19,957 --> 00:11:22,493
Kitty! Thank goodness.
228
00:11:22,526 --> 00:11:25,762
I've been searching alleys, and dumpsters all over the city.
229
00:11:26,063 --> 00:11:28,765
[sighs] Come on, let's get you home.
230
00:11:28,799 --> 00:11:32,436
Enlighten me, fat man. What is it you got to offer?
231
00:11:32,469 --> 00:11:34,705
Because here, they got fish pudding!
232
00:11:34,938 --> 00:11:36,840
Probably got all kinds of pudding.
233
00:11:36,874 --> 00:11:39,943
Chicken pudding, steak pudding, potato pudding.
234
00:11:39,977 --> 00:11:41,612
What kind of pudding you all got?
235
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[cats meow]
236
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[gulps] Oh, my God, this is delicious!
237
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[munches]
238
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[burps]
239
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[sighs] Oh.
240
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[PJ] Ground and pound! Ground and pound!
241
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[Gretchen] Yes! Yes! [pants]
242
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Oh, I mean, I... I'm no expert, but ain't it bad thing
243
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for athletes to have sex before a match in a ring?
244
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Come on! Do something!
245
00:12:09,573 --> 00:12:11,842
I can't live his life for him, Franklin.
246
00:12:11,875 --> 00:12:13,777
A father gives his son a toolbox...
247
00:12:13,810 --> 00:12:14,778
-[Gretchen] Yes! Yes! -...and spends a lifetime
248
00:12:14,811 --> 00:12:15,846
-filling it with tools. -[Gretchen] Yes! Yes!
249
00:12:15,879 --> 00:12:18,749
Can't he find some other box to put his tool in?
250
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That particular piece of advice
251
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came from Fatherhood by Dr. Bill Cosby.
252
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He had some great dating advice too.
253
00:12:26,423 --> 00:12:28,258
I wonder what he's up to these days.
254
00:12:28,292 --> 00:12:29,493
Probably crushing it.
255
00:12:29,526 --> 00:12:30,661
[Gretchen] You ready to tap out?
256
00:12:30,694 --> 00:12:31,862
[PJ] Fuck that bra.
257
00:12:31,895 --> 00:12:35,465
[Gretchen moaning] That was the best ever.
258
00:12:35,499 --> 00:12:36,900
[groans]
259
00:12:38,402 --> 00:12:42,573
-[Gretchen] Whoo! That's it, PJ! -Best seats ever!
260
00:12:42,606 --> 00:12:46,376
My son, PJ Larkin, got them for us.
261
00:12:46,410 --> 00:12:48,579
We're gonna get splattered by something for sure!
262
00:12:49,313 --> 00:12:50,614
[grunts]
263
00:12:50,647 --> 00:12:54,351
I guess sex isn't bad before a match after all.
264
00:12:54,384 --> 00:12:56,320
Maybe if he bumped it up a little more,
265
00:12:56,353 --> 00:12:59,323
-he could be world champion. -I'm willing to try.
266
00:12:59,356 --> 00:13:02,759
Dumb apes in a cage. Stupid sport.
267
00:13:02,793 --> 00:13:04,861
-[crowd gasps] -Oh, lucky!
268
00:13:06,830 --> 00:13:08,532
PJ is the ultimate fighter!
269
00:13:08,799 --> 00:13:10,667
You're not even the penultimate fighter!
270
00:13:11,702 --> 00:13:14,605
-[screams] -Hey, Larkin, you suck!
271
00:13:14,638 --> 00:13:16,273
[grunts]
272
00:13:17,074 --> 00:13:21,345
You got something to say to my kid, you say it to me!
273
00:13:27,751 --> 00:13:31,321
Brad! You didn't even close the pen on this new cat!
274
00:13:31,355 --> 00:13:32,589
The fat one!
275
00:13:36,560 --> 00:13:37,961
Is kitty hungry?
276
00:13:38,195 --> 00:13:39,696
[yawns]
277
00:13:39,730 --> 00:13:41,031
[meows, munches]
278
00:13:41,698 --> 00:13:42,599
[burps]
279
00:13:42,633 --> 00:13:44,901
You can call it "ultimate," if you want.
280
00:13:44,935 --> 00:13:47,704
But it all goes back to the fundamentals, boy.
281
00:13:47,738 --> 00:13:49,373
Footwork, footwork, footwork!
282
00:13:51,508 --> 00:13:52,476
[grunts]
283
00:13:53,543 --> 00:13:54,911
[eagles screeching]
284
00:13:54,945 --> 00:13:57,514
Okay, Son, you just poked the bear!
285
00:13:57,547 --> 00:13:59,549
Hey, I mean, hey! I don't get it.
286
00:13:59,583 --> 00:14:01,385
What the hell do you see in this rube?
287
00:14:01,418 --> 00:14:05,422
I guess it's just easy. No head games. Just sex.
288
00:14:05,889 --> 00:14:09,626
But the man has no social conscience, huh?
289
00:14:09,660 --> 00:14:11,461
I mean he's making all that money,
290
00:14:11,495 --> 00:14:14,064
but what's he ever done for the hobo-- Homo,
291
00:14:14,097 --> 00:14:15,565
uh, the houseless?
292
00:14:16,733 --> 00:14:17,634
Hey, Peej?
293
00:14:17,668 --> 00:14:19,536
When's the last time you gave to charity?
294
00:14:19,569 --> 00:14:21,872
Have you ever done anything to help the houseless?
295
00:14:22,139 --> 00:14:23,707
-Nope. -[scoffs]
296
00:14:23,740 --> 00:14:26,743
But maybe, I could donate a few million dollars
297
00:14:26,777 --> 00:14:29,479
to the shelter, and tickets to my next fight.
298
00:14:29,513 --> 00:14:30,814
What a great idea!
299
00:14:30,847 --> 00:14:32,616
Everyone is always trying to give them food,
300
00:14:32,649 --> 00:14:34,885
but what they really need is a little diversion.
301
00:14:34,918 --> 00:14:36,687
Cool. Let's fuck.
302
00:14:38,622 --> 00:14:39,356
Oh! [chuckles]
303
00:14:39,690 --> 00:14:41,625
Now, don't overheat while you're fucking her.
304
00:14:41,658 --> 00:14:42,793
It's summer time!
305
00:14:43,093 --> 00:14:43,994
[grunts]
306
00:14:45,462 --> 00:14:47,531
Why do we kick like this after we poop?
307
00:14:47,564 --> 00:14:50,534
Freddy, you're a cat now. You don't ask questions.
308
00:14:50,567 --> 00:14:53,036
You start pullin' threads, and whole sweater comes undone.
309
00:14:53,070 --> 00:14:54,171
-[door opening] -[bell ringing]
310
00:14:54,204 --> 00:14:57,841
Oh! I see her! [gasps] I know which one we are getting!
311
00:14:58,375 --> 00:15:02,379
[hisses] Back that shit off. I'm living like a king here.
312
00:15:02,646 --> 00:15:05,182
I got a queen joke, but I'm not gonna say it.
313
00:15:05,215 --> 00:15:07,384
I'm not gettin' my ass canceled.
314
00:15:07,784 --> 00:15:09,152
Is that salmon farm-raised?
315
00:15:09,186 --> 00:15:12,589
We only serve wild-caught to our cats.
316
00:15:12,622 --> 00:15:16,493
And no catnip on the side? Oh, this is barbaric.
317
00:15:16,760 --> 00:15:22,532
Y'all got catnip and wild fish? [grunts] Sounds like a Jackpot!
318
00:15:22,833 --> 00:15:25,535
-[purrs] -Let's get you out of here.
319
00:15:25,569 --> 00:15:27,504
Does Ms. Mittens like feather beds?
320
00:15:27,704 --> 00:15:30,874
Feather beds, feather boas, showtunes,
321
00:15:30,907 --> 00:15:33,443
whatever y'all want. Hey.
322
00:15:33,477 --> 00:15:34,544
[licks] Kitty?
323
00:15:35,078 --> 00:15:37,514
Sorry, they didn't want you, Big Guy.
324
00:15:37,547 --> 00:15:39,149
But that's all right.
325
00:15:39,182 --> 00:15:41,051
Well, not really. Your time's up.
326
00:15:41,084 --> 00:15:42,619
We're going to have to put you down.
327
00:15:42,652 --> 00:15:47,958
Oh! I'm getting put down! A nap sounds nice.
328
00:15:48,258 --> 00:15:49,059
[snores, farts]
329
00:15:49,426 --> 00:15:51,962
Anticipation is building for what is being hailed
330
00:15:51,995 --> 00:15:53,764
-as the "Fray in the Bay." -[bell ringing]
331
00:15:53,797 --> 00:15:55,198
The just-announced title fight
332
00:15:55,232 --> 00:15:58,835
between challenger PJ Always Barkin' Larkin,
333
00:15:58,869 --> 00:16:01,538
and the champ, Conor McGregor.
334
00:16:02,139 --> 00:16:05,709
-Work the body. Work the body. -[groans]
335
00:16:05,942 --> 00:16:07,077
[TV anchor] That is, assuming McGregor's
336
00:16:07,110 --> 00:16:08,645
out of jail by then.
337
00:16:08,678 --> 00:16:10,247
The Notorious Irishman was arrested today
338
00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:12,516
for attacking an opponent's bus.
339
00:16:12,816 --> 00:16:17,587
[speaks Irish indistinctly]
340
00:16:17,621 --> 00:16:19,890
[TV anchor] By attacking it, I mean fucking it.
341
00:16:19,923 --> 00:16:21,057
[grunts] Ireland!
342
00:16:21,258 --> 00:16:22,592
Conor McGregor!
343
00:16:22,826 --> 00:16:24,861
We'd better start training now, Son.
344
00:16:26,296 --> 00:16:27,564
Ready, Son?
345
00:16:27,831 --> 00:16:30,467
Ready. Let me just get high first.
346
00:16:35,071 --> 00:16:36,907
Wait just a minute there, Son.
347
00:16:36,940 --> 00:16:40,110
PJ, this is what I, and several books I haven't read,
348
00:16:40,143 --> 00:16:44,514
call "a teaching moment." I myself have tried cannabis,
349
00:16:44,548 --> 00:16:47,217
but there's even better drugs out there!
350
00:16:47,250 --> 00:16:51,688
I know. Hash, cocaine, a little meth, shrooms.
351
00:16:51,721 --> 00:16:55,525
Shrooms? As in psychedelic mushrooms?
352
00:16:55,559 --> 00:16:57,661
-Yeah. -You got some on you right now?
353
00:16:57,694 --> 00:16:59,596
-Oh, yeah. -Damn, Son.
354
00:16:59,629 --> 00:17:02,532
The hell with training, let's party all day.
355
00:17:02,566 --> 00:17:04,634
["Eye of the Tiger" playing]
356
00:17:08,705 --> 00:17:09,739
[both sniff]
357
00:17:13,310 --> 00:17:16,146
-[clucks] -[both laugh]
358
00:17:19,149 --> 00:17:23,320
♪ It's the eye of the tiger It's the thrill of the fight ♪
359
00:17:23,353 --> 00:17:25,255
[both cheer]
360
00:17:25,288 --> 00:17:27,891
♪ Rising up to the challenge Of our rival ♪
361
00:17:27,924 --> 00:17:28,692
[both groan]
362
00:17:29,459 --> 00:17:31,061
♪ And the last known survivor Stalks his prey in the night ♪
363
00:17:31,094 --> 00:17:32,195
[clucks, chokes]
364
00:17:33,129 --> 00:17:33,930
[both laugh]
365
00:17:34,264 --> 00:17:38,568
♪ And he's watching us all With the eye ♪
366
00:17:39,369 --> 00:17:41,905
♪ Of the tiger
367
00:17:47,143 --> 00:17:48,178
[both pant]
368
00:17:51,948 --> 00:17:54,584
[jazz music playing]
369
00:17:54,618 --> 00:17:55,952
♪ So you met someone
370
00:17:55,986 --> 00:17:58,588
♪ Who set you back On your heels ♪
371
00:17:58,622 --> 00:17:59,523
♪ Kitty, Kitty ♪
372
00:17:59,923 --> 00:18:03,026
♪ So you met someone, And now, you know how... ♪
373
00:18:03,059 --> 00:18:06,329
Ah, ah, ah. You have to put on your dinner outfit.
374
00:18:06,363 --> 00:18:07,964
Oh, hell no.
375
00:18:07,998 --> 00:18:11,201
You start your ballet lessons tomorrow.
376
00:18:11,234 --> 00:18:14,070
Ballet? I thought we agreed on jazz tap.
377
00:18:14,104 --> 00:18:16,606
Fellas, I'll make this easy on you.
378
00:18:16,640 --> 00:18:17,908
I ain't doing any of that shit.
379
00:18:17,941 --> 00:18:20,744
-Wait. She can do both! -[gasps]
380
00:18:20,944 --> 00:18:22,946
We do want her to get her on the best
381
00:18:22,979 --> 00:18:24,247
YouTube cat channels.
382
00:18:24,281 --> 00:18:25,448
No, no, no!
383
00:18:25,482 --> 00:18:28,685
Ain't none of those YouTube felines have a happy ending.
384
00:18:28,885 --> 00:18:31,621
Grumpy Cat? Lil Bub? Keyboard Cat?
385
00:18:31,655 --> 00:18:35,258
Same sad-ass story. [imitates gunshot]
386
00:18:35,292 --> 00:18:37,160
[liquid pouring]
387
00:18:38,795 --> 00:18:41,231
Hey, Dad, after we do some more bong rips,
388
00:18:41,264 --> 00:18:42,666
can you drive me to the stadium?
389
00:18:43,033 --> 00:18:44,801
I gotta drop this off for my drug test.
390
00:18:44,834 --> 00:18:46,836
Whoa, whoa. Lemme see that.
391
00:18:47,370 --> 00:18:48,371
Hmm.
392
00:18:48,905 --> 00:18:51,741
Tell you what. Let me take care of this.
393
00:18:51,942 --> 00:18:54,844
You stay here and fuck Gretchen. That's a good boy.
394
00:19:01,351 --> 00:19:03,320
I can't go with you standing there.
395
00:19:03,620 --> 00:19:06,022
If you want to help PJ, gimme some space.
396
00:19:06,323 --> 00:19:08,091
[whistles]
397
00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:11,227
Are you kidding me?
398
00:19:11,261 --> 00:19:13,630
My boy has the urine of a champion.
399
00:19:13,830 --> 00:19:14,631
A champion!
400
00:19:14,931 --> 00:19:17,367
I want to make sure your dweeb pee measures up.
401
00:19:17,701 --> 00:19:20,870
Hmm. [grunts] I'll make it work.
402
00:19:25,742 --> 00:19:29,679
-[ominous music playing] -[laughs maniacally]
403
00:19:29,713 --> 00:19:32,916
[announcer] Welcome to the Fray in the Bay!
404
00:19:32,949 --> 00:19:38,788
Where courtesy of PJ Larkin, it's Houseless Day!
405
00:19:38,822 --> 00:19:41,424
And now, for the championship match!
406
00:19:41,691 --> 00:19:44,961
PJ Always Barkin' Larkin
407
00:19:44,995 --> 00:19:49,766
versus Conor "The Bus Fucker" McGregor.
408
00:19:49,799 --> 00:19:52,135
[barks] Kill him PJ!
409
00:19:52,168 --> 00:19:56,006
Maim! Maul him! Bite his nuts off!
410
00:19:56,039 --> 00:19:58,742
-Spare any change? -Of course, sir.
411
00:19:58,942 --> 00:20:02,212
This enough to get inside your pussy? [exclaims]
412
00:20:02,512 --> 00:20:06,316
Aw. Look how happy they all are! And it's all because of PJ.
413
00:20:06,516 --> 00:20:08,952
Yay, hooray for PJ.
414
00:20:08,985 --> 00:20:10,887
Ladies and gentlemen,
415
00:20:10,920 --> 00:20:14,791
let's make preparations to-- Wait a minute.
416
00:20:15,025 --> 00:20:17,861
I've just received some shocking information
417
00:20:17,894 --> 00:20:21,765
regarding PJ Larkin's urine sample!
418
00:20:21,798 --> 00:20:23,333
-[crowd exclaiming] -Oh,
419
00:20:23,366 --> 00:20:25,969
you may want to pay attention to this, Phineas.
420
00:20:26,002 --> 00:20:29,773
-I mean, as father and all. -Relax, fight fans.
421
00:20:29,806 --> 00:20:31,875
This isn't about performance enhancing drugs.
422
00:20:32,075 --> 00:20:33,843
We say we test for those, but we don't.
423
00:20:33,877 --> 00:20:34,978
Phew!
424
00:20:35,011 --> 00:20:37,981
However, another test was performed.
425
00:20:38,014 --> 00:20:41,351
And through a series of DNA shit that I don't understand,
426
00:20:41,384 --> 00:20:44,054
our friends at 24andMe,
427
00:20:44,087 --> 00:20:47,323
"We do you one better" have confirmed the identity
428
00:20:47,357 --> 00:20:51,528
of PJ Larkin's father.
429
00:20:51,561 --> 00:20:54,898
Well, it's about time I get some damn recognition.
430
00:20:54,931 --> 00:20:58,234
Thank you, thank you. Proud father over here.
431
00:20:58,268 --> 00:20:59,135
That's my spunk.
432
00:20:59,369 --> 00:21:04,340
And that person's name is Harrison Milligan Ludwig
433
00:21:04,374 --> 00:21:07,010
-The Third! -[crowd exclaiming]
434
00:21:07,544 --> 00:21:09,479
Hey! That's me!
435
00:21:12,082 --> 00:21:13,783
What the hell's going on?
436
00:21:13,817 --> 00:21:16,419
I... it's a strange future we're livin' in.
437
00:21:16,453 --> 00:21:18,988
Sometimes discarded urine makes its way
438
00:21:19,022 --> 00:21:21,357
into a padded envelope, and gets mailed off
439
00:21:21,391 --> 00:21:24,194
to a DNA testing facility, hey.
440
00:21:26,596 --> 00:21:29,032
-Dad? -Oh, oh, Son!
441
00:21:29,065 --> 00:21:31,067
No! No! Okay, okay.
442
00:21:31,301 --> 00:21:33,903
So, this guy might be your real father,
443
00:21:33,937 --> 00:21:36,072
but who's the one who raised you since the day
444
00:21:36,106 --> 00:21:38,241
you were two and half weeks ago...
445
00:21:38,274 --> 00:21:39,943
-[bell rings] -[crowd exclaiming]
446
00:21:42,045 --> 00:21:44,347
[triumphant Irish music playing]
447
00:21:49,586 --> 00:21:53,156
[sighs] Sorry, big guy, it's time.
448
00:21:53,189 --> 00:21:56,893
-Dead cat walking! -I'm going for a special nap!
449
00:21:57,527 --> 00:22:01,331
Brave. Disgusting slob, but brave.
450
00:22:02,966 --> 00:22:05,835
[sighs] They grow up so fast.
451
00:22:06,236 --> 00:22:08,605
Before you know it, they find their real dad,
452
00:22:08,638 --> 00:22:10,273
and move on.
453
00:22:10,540 --> 00:22:11,374
Yup.
454
00:22:11,407 --> 00:22:13,843
But we'll always have the memories.
455
00:22:13,877 --> 00:22:14,744
Hey, Franklin!
456
00:22:15,145 --> 00:22:17,847
Remember when he was puttin' the wood to Gretchen nonstop?
457
00:22:17,881 --> 00:22:19,582
[exhales] That's all done now.
458
00:22:19,616 --> 00:22:22,952
He's got no reason to come hangin' round here no more.
459
00:22:23,353 --> 00:22:25,989
-Uh. [exhales] -Uh. Apparently he does.
460
00:22:27,090 --> 00:22:28,992
Hot spittin' monkey shit.
461
00:22:29,025 --> 00:22:30,994
The hell-- That is not the way I saw things playing out.
462
00:22:31,528 --> 00:22:35,331
-Hey, Franklin. Hey, guy. -I'm an empty nester.
463
00:22:35,798 --> 00:22:38,234
I don't know how I'll fill my days now.
464
00:22:38,268 --> 00:22:40,203
You'll probably do a lot of drugs,
465
00:22:40,236 --> 00:22:42,438
remain unemployed, and rant about corn syrup.
466
00:22:42,805 --> 00:22:45,642
Yeah, thanks, Noah. See, Phineas?
467
00:22:45,675 --> 00:22:47,410
You still got a lot on your plate.
468
00:22:47,443 --> 00:22:49,445
Freddy, where the hell you've been?
469
00:22:49,479 --> 00:22:51,614
And why are you buck naked?
470
00:22:51,648 --> 00:22:52,815
I was living at the cat shelter.
471
00:22:52,849 --> 00:22:56,419
They were really nice to me, and fed me, and everything.
472
00:22:56,452 --> 00:22:59,923
Oh. Then they thought I was a cat that nobody wanted,
473
00:22:59,956 --> 00:23:01,057
and they tried to kill me.
474
00:23:01,324 --> 00:23:03,560
But I think cat gas only works on cats.
475
00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:06,996
Kitty! You're home! Where you been?
476
00:23:07,030 --> 00:23:09,265
I went home with a Jack & Jack couple.
477
00:23:09,299 --> 00:23:12,135
They wanted me to sing, and dance, and take diet pills
478
00:23:12,168 --> 00:23:16,005
like I was Liza Minelli. Man, am I glad to be back.
479
00:23:16,206 --> 00:23:17,574
-Whoo! [exhales] -[Kitty groans]
480
00:23:17,607 --> 00:23:19,609
-[Freddy farts] -Get this fat fucker off of me.
481
00:23:19,642 --> 00:23:23,613
Franklin! Phineas! Oh, Lord!
482
00:23:23,646 --> 00:23:26,683
This is not how I wanted my life to go.
483
00:23:26,716 --> 00:23:30,220
I only got eight more left. He done took one!
484
00:23:30,253 --> 00:23:32,322
He done took one of my nine.
485
00:23:32,355 --> 00:23:33,990
♪ I was gonna feed Kitty ♪
486
00:23:34,023 --> 00:23:34,924
♪ 'Til I got high ♪
487
00:23:35,358 --> 00:23:38,027
♪ But then I got so stoned That 50 years went by ♪
488
00:23:38,061 --> 00:23:40,964
♪ In last 2020 The same rules don't apply ♪
489
00:23:40,997 --> 00:23:43,533
♪ So, I hit up a dispensary To see what I can buy ♪
490
00:23:43,566 --> 00:23:45,134
♪ Gimme this, gimme that! ♪
491
00:23:45,168 --> 00:23:46,636
♪ Lemme smoke like hippies! ♪
492
00:23:46,669 --> 00:23:49,439
♪ I just let it bump Like a red ant bit me! ♪
493
00:23:49,472 --> 00:23:52,208
♪ Time as she wees Suck me in like a hickey ♪
494
00:23:52,242 --> 00:23:54,510
♪ It's one-way trip And my brother's here with me ♪
495
00:23:54,544 --> 00:23:55,578
♪ Wassup? ♪
496
00:23:55,612 --> 00:23:57,480
♪ Three brothers puffin' ♪
497
00:23:57,513 --> 00:24:01,584
♪ And we just woke up In year 2020 ♪
498
00:24:01,784 --> 00:24:05,088
♪ Woke up in the year 2020 I know ♪
499
00:24:05,121 --> 00:24:07,991
♪ We're the Freak Brothers ♪
500
00:24:11,394 --> 00:24:13,296
[man] It's a good show.
36899
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