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1
00:00:04,236 --> 00:00:06,620
(Carrie)
Doug?
Honey?
2
00:00:06,688 --> 00:00:08,289
I'm out here!
3
00:00:12,377 --> 00:00:14,211
What are you doin'
out on the porch?
4
00:00:14,279 --> 00:00:16,147
Just takin' in
the evening.
5
00:00:17,216 --> 00:00:19,967
What is this,
mayberry?
6
00:00:20,035 --> 00:00:21,702
Come on out.
Join me.
7
00:00:21,770 --> 00:00:24,705
It's a beautiful night.
Look--look, you can see
the big bopper.
8
00:00:30,111 --> 00:00:31,028
It is kinda nice.
9
00:00:31,096 --> 00:00:33,314
Ain't it?
Yeah.
10
00:00:33,382 --> 00:00:35,499
Oh, look, Mrs. Chang's
lettin' her cat in.
11
00:00:35,567 --> 00:00:39,203
Oh, yeah, she loves
that little tabby, huh?
12
00:00:39,271 --> 00:00:41,622
Hey, check it out.
The garrisons got
some new trash cans.
13
00:00:41,690 --> 00:00:43,057
Oh, yeah.
14
00:00:43,124 --> 00:00:44,759
Wheels on 'em.
15
00:00:45,727 --> 00:00:47,345
[Clearing throat]
16
00:00:47,412 --> 00:00:50,380
Hey, couple young fellas
down there,
shootin' the breeze.
17
00:00:50,448 --> 00:00:51,966
[Chuckling]
Yeah.
18
00:00:52,718 --> 00:00:54,235
Oh, look.
19
00:00:54,302 --> 00:00:57,088
One of them
just took out
a wad of cash.
20
00:00:58,724 --> 00:01:02,443
Now the other one's
taking it and giving him
a little baggie.
21
00:01:02,510 --> 00:01:05,045
Oh, my God,
they just looked at us!
22
00:01:08,283 --> 00:01:11,084
♪ My eyesare gettin' weary ♪
23
00:01:11,152 --> 00:01:14,138
♪ my back is gettin' tight
24
00:01:14,323 --> 00:01:16,190
♪ I'm sittin' herein traffic ♪
25
00:01:16,258 --> 00:01:19,143
♪ on the queensboro bridgetonight ♪
26
00:01:19,161 --> 00:01:22,680
♪ but I don't care,'cause all I want to do ♪
27
00:01:24,499 --> 00:01:27,918
♪ is cash my checkand drive right home to you ♪
28
00:01:30,105 --> 00:01:31,756
♪ 'cause, baby, all my life
29
00:01:31,823 --> 00:01:34,625
♪ I will be drivin'home to you ♪
30
00:01:44,501 --> 00:01:45,569
Hey, babe.
31
00:01:45,636 --> 00:01:46,803
Hey.
32
00:01:46,870 --> 00:01:48,738
Where's, uh...
Where's breakfast?
33
00:01:48,806 --> 00:01:50,507
[Microwave dinging]
Comin' right up.
34
00:01:58,198 --> 00:02:00,984
Slimtime morning meal 1-a.
35
00:02:03,570 --> 00:02:05,588
Kill me now.
36
00:02:05,707 --> 00:02:07,507
Doug, you agreed
to start your diet today.
37
00:02:07,575 --> 00:02:09,709
The doctor said
your cholesterol
was through the roof.
38
00:02:09,776 --> 00:02:11,478
But maybe he meant that
in a good way,
39
00:02:11,545 --> 00:02:13,863
like, you know,
"through the roof,
whoop-whoop!
40
00:02:13,931 --> 00:02:15,465
Whoop-whoop!"
41
00:02:15,532 --> 00:02:18,335
Listen, I paid
for 8 weeks
of these meals,
42
00:02:18,402 --> 00:02:19,735
so this diet
is happening.
43
00:02:19,803 --> 00:02:21,504
So no more
wing night
at coopers,
44
00:02:21,572 --> 00:02:22,805
no more poker
with the guys--
45
00:02:22,974 --> 00:02:23,990
no more poker?
Why not?
46
00:02:24,057 --> 00:02:25,658
Because you
always pig out!
47
00:02:25,726 --> 00:02:27,327
I do not!
48
00:02:27,394 --> 00:02:29,729
Doug, you once told me
you only played poker
because it adds excitement
49
00:02:29,797 --> 00:02:31,198
to your eating.
50
00:02:33,300 --> 00:02:35,518
Excuse me
for embracing life.
51
00:02:37,288 --> 00:02:38,822
Come on, honey,
trust me.
52
00:02:38,890 --> 00:02:40,857
Once you start
losing weight,
53
00:02:40,925 --> 00:02:42,458
you will feel
much better.
54
00:02:42,526 --> 00:02:44,394
Now, come on,
you have a great
little meal here.
55
00:02:44,461 --> 00:02:45,495
[Inhaling deeply]
56
00:02:45,562 --> 00:02:47,630
Mmm, smells good.
57
00:02:47,698 --> 00:02:49,749
And the guy
at the diet center said--
58
00:02:49,817 --> 00:02:51,084
I'm done.
59
00:02:52,019 --> 00:02:53,720
You are not done,
60
00:02:53,788 --> 00:02:55,388
you still got
your little
meat thingie there.
61
00:02:55,456 --> 00:02:57,824
Oh, yeah,
that little stamp
of ham. Ok.
62
00:02:57,892 --> 00:02:59,325
Can I at least
have some mustard?
63
00:02:59,393 --> 00:03:01,027
Yeah, go crazy.
64
00:03:01,862 --> 00:03:03,063
Dad, what are you doin'?
65
00:03:03,130 --> 00:03:04,798
This is a perfectly
good container.
66
00:03:04,865 --> 00:03:07,033
Why are you
throwing it out?
67
00:03:07,101 --> 00:03:09,335
Because when I buy
margarine again,
68
00:03:09,403 --> 00:03:10,887
I'm pretty sure
they're gonna give me
69
00:03:10,955 --> 00:03:13,422
another container
to take it home in.
70
00:03:13,491 --> 00:03:15,825
All I know is
this would make
a lovely holder
71
00:03:15,893 --> 00:03:18,694
for my collection
of civil war bullets.
72
00:03:18,762 --> 00:03:20,129
And all I know is,
73
00:03:20,164 --> 00:03:22,515
downstairs you have
a million empty boxes,
74
00:03:22,583 --> 00:03:24,884
jell-o cups,
vaporub jars,
75
00:03:24,952 --> 00:03:26,119
and nothing
in any of 'em!
76
00:03:26,187 --> 00:03:27,954
You looked through
my private things?
77
00:03:28,021 --> 00:03:29,556
Shame on you!
78
00:03:32,510 --> 00:03:34,477
Doug, what are
you doin'?
79
00:03:36,196 --> 00:03:37,681
Answer me.
80
00:03:37,748 --> 00:03:39,149
[Muffled]
I can't find the mustard.
81
00:03:39,216 --> 00:03:40,950
Doug!
What?
82
00:03:41,018 --> 00:03:43,386
Oh, God,
it's like I'm living
with toddlers here.
83
00:03:43,453 --> 00:03:45,922
Ok, listen to me.
I am coming home
late tonight.
84
00:03:45,990 --> 00:03:47,223
In the meantime,
85
00:03:47,290 --> 00:03:48,925
you stay out
of the garbage,
86
00:03:48,993 --> 00:03:50,927
and you stay out
of the big, cold box,
87
00:03:50,995 --> 00:03:54,364
do you understand
what mommy is saying?
88
00:03:54,398 --> 00:03:55,665
Yes, ma'am.
89
00:03:55,733 --> 00:03:58,068
Ok, good.
I'll see you tonight.
90
00:04:04,475 --> 00:04:05,976
You know,
when I gave her
to you,
91
00:04:06,043 --> 00:04:07,394
she was sweet as pie.
92
00:04:14,235 --> 00:04:15,868
[Microwave dinging]
93
00:04:21,024 --> 00:04:23,910
Gets smaller
when you cook it. Huh.
94
00:04:28,632 --> 00:04:30,433
Oh, God.
95
00:04:32,119 --> 00:04:33,036
[Sighing]
96
00:04:53,924 --> 00:04:55,558
Hello, Douglas.
97
00:04:55,626 --> 00:04:57,560
Hey, Arthur, uh...
98
00:04:58,796 --> 00:05:00,429
What you, uh...
99
00:05:00,497 --> 00:05:02,298
What you got there?
100
00:05:03,500 --> 00:05:04,901
Pizza pie.
101
00:05:07,020 --> 00:05:08,354
Good for you.
102
00:05:21,385 --> 00:05:22,485
Mmm.
103
00:05:28,542 --> 00:05:29,576
Ohh!
104
00:05:29,643 --> 00:05:31,977
All right.
105
00:05:32,045 --> 00:05:34,396
You're gonna have to
stop doin' that.
106
00:05:34,464 --> 00:05:36,299
I can't help it.
This is delicious pizza.
107
00:05:36,500 --> 00:05:38,785
Ok, if I hear
one more "mmm" or "ahh,"
108
00:05:38,853 --> 00:05:40,637
I'm comin' at you hard.
109
00:05:41,271 --> 00:05:42,304
You hear?
110
00:05:42,372 --> 00:05:43,472
Gotcha.
111
00:05:43,540 --> 00:05:44,540
[Sighing]
112
00:05:56,487 --> 00:05:58,754
Ooh!
That's it!
113
00:05:58,822 --> 00:06:00,991
Get up, short stuff!
Hit the stairs!
114
00:06:01,058 --> 00:06:02,225
Fine.
115
00:06:02,293 --> 00:06:04,627
I shouldn't have to
eat in fear!
116
00:06:38,162 --> 00:06:39,980
[Inhaling deeply]
117
00:06:41,182 --> 00:06:42,515
[Exclaiming]
118
00:06:59,617 --> 00:07:01,851
God, please
be a prowler.
119
00:07:04,605 --> 00:07:07,473
You are
so busted, mister!
120
00:07:07,541 --> 00:07:08,775
I didn't mean
to cheat!
121
00:07:08,843 --> 00:07:10,744
Arthur left me here
alone with this pizza,
122
00:07:10,811 --> 00:07:14,580
and I--I--I blacked out,
and when I came to,
I was eating her.
123
00:07:14,649 --> 00:07:15,915
Weird.
124
00:07:19,887 --> 00:07:21,154
Well,
125
00:07:21,755 --> 00:07:24,523
it's mine now.
126
00:07:24,591 --> 00:07:26,159
I will eat this,
127
00:07:26,227 --> 00:07:29,061
and you eat whatever
that is there,
128
00:07:29,129 --> 00:07:32,131
because you are sticking
to your diet,
my buddy friend.
129
00:07:32,199 --> 00:07:33,299
Fine.
130
00:07:46,597 --> 00:07:49,332
Oh, have
your stupid pizza.
131
00:07:50,283 --> 00:07:51,550
Really?
132
00:07:51,618 --> 00:07:52,752
Yeah.
133
00:07:57,474 --> 00:07:59,675
You're not just baiting me
like the time you told me
134
00:07:59,743 --> 00:08:02,511
I could get the porn channel,
then said I disgust you?
135
00:08:03,797 --> 00:08:04,997
No.
136
00:08:05,032 --> 00:08:07,166
Go ahead.
I know you love it.
137
00:08:08,636 --> 00:08:09,903
Ok, then.
138
00:08:11,271 --> 00:08:13,706
[Muttering]
Pizza, pizza, pizza.
139
00:08:13,774 --> 00:08:15,942
So where
you been tonight?
140
00:08:16,010 --> 00:08:18,711
Oh, um,
there's a
new secretary
141
00:08:18,779 --> 00:08:19,913
on our floor,
142
00:08:19,980 --> 00:08:22,615
and after work,
we went out
for a drink.
143
00:08:23,583 --> 00:08:24,700
A drink.
144
00:08:25,535 --> 00:08:26,635
Did you, now?
145
00:08:26,703 --> 00:08:28,337
Mm-hmm.
146
00:08:28,405 --> 00:08:30,340
Oh, we ordered
one of those
apple Martinis.
147
00:08:30,407 --> 00:08:32,992
They are so good!
148
00:08:33,060 --> 00:08:34,360
Little cocktail,
God bless.
149
00:08:34,428 --> 00:08:35,828
Mm-hmm.
150
00:08:38,348 --> 00:08:40,282
Ooh. You gonna have
some garlic bread?
151
00:08:41,234 --> 00:08:43,586
As a matter of fact,
I am.
152
00:08:50,327 --> 00:08:52,195
Ok, open for $2.
153
00:08:52,263 --> 00:08:54,531
I'll see you
and raise $5.
154
00:08:54,598 --> 00:08:57,433
Raise $5, huh, Lou?
155
00:08:57,501 --> 00:09:00,453
Methinks
the next-door neighbor
to scare everyone out
156
00:09:00,520 --> 00:09:02,705
with a big, bad bluff.
157
00:09:02,773 --> 00:09:03,722
So, you in,
or you out?
158
00:09:03,790 --> 00:09:05,224
Oh, I'm out.
159
00:09:06,259 --> 00:09:07,359
It's to you, Danny.
160
00:09:07,428 --> 00:09:09,162
Well, he's not
scarin' me.
161
00:09:09,880 --> 00:09:11,197
I call.
162
00:09:12,299 --> 00:09:13,849
What do you got,
big guy?
163
00:09:13,917 --> 00:09:15,018
A pair of 10s.
164
00:09:15,085 --> 00:09:16,335
[Laughing]
165
00:09:16,403 --> 00:09:17,436
Straight to the ace!
166
00:09:17,504 --> 00:09:18,704
(Deacon, Lou and Spence)
Oh!
167
00:09:18,773 --> 00:09:22,375
Oh, yeah!
Sorry, ferrigno,
don't get mad.
168
00:09:22,442 --> 00:09:24,260
Oh, I think
he's turning
a little green.
169
00:09:24,328 --> 00:09:26,496
[Laughing]
170
00:09:26,563 --> 00:09:29,199
Hey, if that shirt
starts rippin',
I'm outta here!
171
00:09:31,402 --> 00:09:33,703
I was told there'd be
no hulk jokes.
172
00:09:33,770 --> 00:09:35,588
New guy.
173
00:09:35,606 --> 00:09:38,240
All right, we got
cheese in a can,
cheese in a jar,
174
00:09:38,308 --> 00:09:41,310
and for those of you
eating lighter,
pork rinds.
175
00:09:41,378 --> 00:09:43,479
Wait, I thought Carrie
was making you go on a diet.
176
00:09:43,547 --> 00:09:45,081
Yeah, what's up?
177
00:09:45,148 --> 00:09:47,116
She seen you
in your underwear
and just give up?
178
00:09:48,385 --> 00:09:50,687
Nope. Things have
changed around here.
179
00:09:50,754 --> 00:09:52,254
I eat what I want,
180
00:09:52,322 --> 00:09:53,957
I play poker
when I want,
181
00:09:54,024 --> 00:09:57,560
and I scratch
where I want.
182
00:09:57,628 --> 00:10:00,296
All because
Carrie discovered
the apple Martini.
183
00:10:00,831 --> 00:10:02,565
Huh?
184
00:10:02,633 --> 00:10:05,167
Yeah. Every night now,
she goes out for a drink
with this other secretary,
185
00:10:05,235 --> 00:10:07,720
and I get
"after-6:00-happy-Carrie."
186
00:10:07,787 --> 00:10:09,238
Oh, get outta here, man.
187
00:10:09,306 --> 00:10:11,707
No, I'm serious.
She's sweet.
She's funny.
188
00:10:11,775 --> 00:10:14,076
She's frisky!
189
00:10:14,144 --> 00:10:16,145
It's all
the beautiful qualities
I married her for
190
00:10:16,213 --> 00:10:18,881
without the
unpleasant aftertaste.
191
00:10:19,850 --> 00:10:21,551
But, Doug,
192
00:10:21,619 --> 00:10:23,486
isn't it better
to love the person
for who they really are,
193
00:10:23,554 --> 00:10:26,256
not when they're made
artificially nicer
by alcohol.
194
00:10:27,124 --> 00:10:28,824
You're adorable.
195
00:10:30,894 --> 00:10:32,228
(Doug)
Hey, evening,
sweet cakes.
196
00:10:32,296 --> 00:10:33,696
(Danny)
What's up, Carrie?
197
00:10:33,763 --> 00:10:35,231
Do me a favor.
Take a look
at Lou's cards
198
00:10:35,299 --> 00:10:38,818
and blink twice if he, uh,
can beat a pair of Jacks.
199
00:10:39,536 --> 00:10:40,502
What are you doin'?
200
00:10:40,570 --> 00:10:41,988
What? You--you said
we could play.
201
00:10:42,055 --> 00:10:43,522
Yeah, in the garage.
202
00:10:43,590 --> 00:10:47,093
Well, it's, it's kinda
cold out there,
and there's a car.
203
00:10:47,160 --> 00:10:50,096
So you just decided
to come in here
204
00:10:50,163 --> 00:10:52,831
and put a huge scratch
in the hardwood floor?
205
00:10:52,899 --> 00:10:55,384
Oh. Yeah, we were
moving the couch,
206
00:10:55,452 --> 00:10:57,186
and Spence buckled.
207
00:10:58,021 --> 00:10:59,588
And who spilled the beer?
208
00:10:59,656 --> 00:11:01,256
Again, that
would be Spence.
209
00:11:01,325 --> 00:11:03,726
Well, haven't
we been busy?
210
00:11:03,794 --> 00:11:05,328
That's great.
That's great, buddy.
211
00:11:05,395 --> 00:11:09,264
That's why I don't
like you guys
playing in here.
212
00:11:09,333 --> 00:11:12,201
And while we're at it,
let's say bye-bye
to the stogies.
213
00:11:12,269 --> 00:11:13,318
Yeah!
214
00:11:16,723 --> 00:11:19,858
I gotta tell ya, I'm not
seein' the difference.
215
00:11:24,931 --> 00:11:26,666
Sorry about the mess
out there.
216
00:11:26,734 --> 00:11:28,701
But the good news is,
I'm up $11,
217
00:11:28,769 --> 00:11:32,221
and that's going straight
towards your mink stole.
218
00:11:32,289 --> 00:11:35,257
Uh, so, you're, uh, home
earlier than usual.
219
00:11:35,325 --> 00:11:36,693
You didn't stop off
for a drink
220
00:11:36,760 --> 00:11:37,994
with your friend tonight?
221
00:11:38,062 --> 00:11:40,262
Nope. I'm pretty sure
we're never gonna be
222
00:11:40,330 --> 00:11:42,165
hanging out ever again.
223
00:11:43,066 --> 00:11:44,233
W-why not?
224
00:11:44,301 --> 00:11:46,269
She told my boss
I was stealing
225
00:11:46,336 --> 00:11:48,304
because she wants my job.
226
00:11:49,123 --> 00:11:50,222
That's nothin'.
227
00:11:52,009 --> 00:11:53,559
I--I gotta tell ya, car',
228
00:11:53,627 --> 00:11:55,178
I think you're
way overreacting here.
229
00:11:55,245 --> 00:11:57,547
The girl is
a backstabbing skank,
230
00:11:57,614 --> 00:12:00,065
and I am never
hanging out with her again.
231
00:12:00,133 --> 00:12:02,168
Why do you care so much,
anyway?
232
00:12:02,235 --> 00:12:03,869
I--I mean, I care about you.
233
00:12:03,937 --> 00:12:06,339
I just care about
keeping you happy.
234
00:12:06,407 --> 00:12:07,540
Oh, yeah?
235
00:12:07,608 --> 00:12:10,109
Well, how 'bout we stop
chain-swallowing yodels?
236
00:12:10,177 --> 00:12:12,011
That'll be a start, ok?
237
00:12:12,079 --> 00:12:14,029
Will do.
238
00:12:14,097 --> 00:12:15,964
Oh, and just, uh,
for my own schedule,
239
00:12:16,032 --> 00:12:18,601
you're not gonna be
making any more pit stops
after work, right?
240
00:12:18,669 --> 00:12:20,603
You're--you're coming
straight home?
241
00:12:20,671 --> 00:12:21,754
Yep.
242
00:12:31,114 --> 00:12:32,548
I'm home.
243
00:12:33,584 --> 00:12:35,234
Hey, who's thirsty?
244
00:12:46,028 --> 00:12:47,412
Oh, it's great, Spence.
245
00:12:47,479 --> 00:12:49,414
I started this
apple Martini hour.
246
00:12:49,481 --> 00:12:51,382
She couldn't love it more.
247
00:12:51,450 --> 00:12:53,267
Every night
she comes home from work,
248
00:12:53,335 --> 00:12:55,736
we have cocktails,
and all of a sudden,
249
00:12:55,804 --> 00:12:58,456
I'm maj. Nelson
and she's my Jeannie.
250
00:13:01,776 --> 00:13:04,195
No, no, no.
You can't be maj. Healey.
251
00:13:06,165 --> 00:13:07,698
I gotta go.
252
00:13:08,683 --> 00:13:09,884
Hey, baby.
253
00:13:09,952 --> 00:13:11,552
Ooh!
254
00:13:11,619 --> 00:13:13,054
It's the I.P.S. Man.
255
00:13:13,121 --> 00:13:14,388
At your service.
256
00:13:14,456 --> 00:13:15,957
[Moaning]
257
00:13:16,024 --> 00:13:18,025
You got a package for me?
258
00:13:18,894 --> 00:13:20,261
I might.
259
00:13:20,329 --> 00:13:23,564
And did I happen to mention
we guarantee on-time delivery?
260
00:13:23,632 --> 00:13:26,034
Well,
I will be the judge of that.
261
00:13:32,374 --> 00:13:34,242
Hey! I was thinking.
262
00:13:34,310 --> 00:13:36,777
We should get one of those
big flat-screen t.V.S
263
00:13:36,846 --> 00:13:38,612
for the bedroom.
264
00:13:38,680 --> 00:13:41,482
I think I just delivered
my package early.
265
00:13:45,020 --> 00:13:46,821
Oh, sorry to interrupt
266
00:13:46,889 --> 00:13:48,856
your all-too-public
lovemaking session,
267
00:13:48,924 --> 00:13:52,059
but I must take out
the trash.
268
00:13:52,127 --> 00:13:53,728
Thanks, Arthur.
269
00:13:53,795 --> 00:13:55,963
You'll be happy to know, I'm
throwing away an egg carton
270
00:13:56,031 --> 00:13:59,266
which would be a wonderful
organizer for my pills.
271
00:13:59,334 --> 00:14:03,721
But I guess I'll just
leave them lying Willy-nilly
on the dryer.
272
00:14:03,789 --> 00:14:06,924
You know what, dad?
Keep your carton.
273
00:14:06,992 --> 00:14:08,292
Really?
274
00:14:08,360 --> 00:14:10,945
Yeah. You're a little
pack rat, and I love ya.
275
00:14:12,531 --> 00:14:15,250
Well, file this under "c"
for curve ball.
276
00:14:19,287 --> 00:14:20,688
Evening, Louis.
277
00:14:20,756 --> 00:14:22,023
Hi, Arthur.
278
00:14:22,091 --> 00:14:24,225
By the way, I believe
we have a mutual friend
279
00:14:24,292 --> 00:14:25,810
in Joe weider.
280
00:14:31,717 --> 00:14:33,451
You a vodka man, Arthur?
281
00:14:33,519 --> 00:14:35,086
Oh, no, not me.
For some reason,
282
00:14:35,153 --> 00:14:37,355
Douglas has started making
cocktails every night
283
00:14:37,422 --> 00:14:38,556
when Carrie gets home.
284
00:14:38,624 --> 00:14:40,825
Really?
285
00:14:40,893 --> 00:14:42,760
I never thought
he'd go this far.
286
00:14:42,828 --> 00:14:44,262
What are you talking about?
287
00:14:44,329 --> 00:14:47,281
He told me
he likes her better drunk.
288
00:14:47,348 --> 00:14:49,516
Are you telling me
he's been pouring vodka
289
00:14:49,585 --> 00:14:50,818
down my little girl's throat
290
00:14:50,886 --> 00:14:52,770
just to make her
what he wants?
291
00:14:52,838 --> 00:14:54,455
Is that why
she's suddenly become
292
00:14:54,522 --> 00:14:55,990
this sweet little powder puff
293
00:14:56,058 --> 00:14:58,943
without an ounce of gumption
or will of her own?
294
00:14:59,010 --> 00:15:00,445
[Rattling]
295
00:15:00,512 --> 00:15:01,779
Hey, there.
296
00:15:01,847 --> 00:15:03,013
Hi!
297
00:15:03,081 --> 00:15:04,982
Cocktails are served!
298
00:15:09,905 --> 00:15:12,774
Well, the truth is, Hemingway
wanted to be faulkner,
299
00:15:12,841 --> 00:15:16,277
and faulkner wanted
to be Hemingway. My opinion?
300
00:15:16,344 --> 00:15:19,179
Neither could hold a candle
to Fitzgerald.
301
00:15:19,247 --> 00:15:21,949
But then again,
he had to live with Zelda.
302
00:15:22,017 --> 00:15:23,684
[All laughing]
303
00:15:25,954 --> 00:15:27,955
I don't know what
he's talking about,
304
00:15:28,023 --> 00:15:30,958
but he's got a piece of cheese
in his mustache
that's cracking me up!
305
00:15:31,026 --> 00:15:33,427
This is fun, isn't it?
Just plain fun!
306
00:15:33,495 --> 00:15:35,279
Yes, it reminds me of the time
307
00:15:35,346 --> 00:15:38,599
when drinking was smart
and sophisticated,
308
00:15:38,667 --> 00:15:40,635
not the ugly thing
that it's become.
309
00:15:40,702 --> 00:15:43,037
Well, thanks for putting out
this whole platter.
310
00:15:43,105 --> 00:15:45,372
You know what I haven't
told you in a while?
311
00:15:45,440 --> 00:15:48,242
You're a great dad.
312
00:15:48,309 --> 00:15:51,429
Well, darling, I don't know
what to say, except...
313
00:15:51,564 --> 00:15:53,281
Let me give you a refill.
314
00:15:53,349 --> 00:15:55,850
Wait, whoa! Whoa! Take it
easy now. Take it easy now.
315
00:15:55,917 --> 00:15:57,051
Hey, Arthur, instead,
316
00:15:57,119 --> 00:15:58,987
why don't you tell us
another little story--
317
00:15:59,054 --> 00:16:00,388
oh! Blah, blah, blah, blah!
318
00:16:00,456 --> 00:16:03,024
Come on! I'm bored!
Let's go do something.
319
00:16:03,092 --> 00:16:05,393
I--you know, it's just that
I gotta be up for work early.
320
00:16:05,461 --> 00:16:06,694
I wanna be sharp tomorrow.
321
00:16:06,761 --> 00:16:08,496
Yeah, sign here
for this package, ma'am.
322
00:16:08,563 --> 00:16:09,763
Gotta be sharp for that.
323
00:16:09,831 --> 00:16:11,065
[Blabbering]
324
00:16:11,133 --> 00:16:13,734
Come on, and let's do
something fun!
325
00:16:13,802 --> 00:16:15,303
Like what?
326
00:16:15,371 --> 00:16:17,555
[Exclaiming]
327
00:16:19,090 --> 00:16:20,791
Watch out,
coming to your left.
328
00:16:20,859 --> 00:16:22,593
Nice job refilling her drink.
329
00:16:22,661 --> 00:16:24,211
Good choice.
330
00:16:24,279 --> 00:16:26,631
Hey! Excuse me.
331
00:16:27,499 --> 00:16:28,449
Whoop!
332
00:16:28,517 --> 00:16:30,084
I'm gonna get her, ok?
333
00:16:30,151 --> 00:16:33,537
Uh, car', come on!
Time to go, car'. All right?
334
00:16:33,605 --> 00:16:35,006
Oh, ok. Ok.
335
00:16:35,073 --> 00:16:38,076
But, honey, you have to
catch me first, though.
336
00:16:38,078 --> 00:16:40,411
Carrie! Carrie!
337
00:16:40,479 --> 00:16:41,980
[Laughing]
338
00:16:42,047 --> 00:16:43,081
Carrie!
339
00:16:43,148 --> 00:16:44,215
[Whooping]
340
00:16:44,282 --> 00:16:46,467
Carrie, could you stop please?
341
00:16:46,535 --> 00:16:49,136
Carrie, this is not funny!
Ok, come on? Ok?
342
00:16:49,204 --> 00:16:50,471
[Whooping]
343
00:17:14,062 --> 00:17:15,629
Hey, guys.
344
00:17:15,697 --> 00:17:17,965
Hey, Lou. Hey, snowball.
345
00:17:18,033 --> 00:17:20,451
So, uh, what's going on?
346
00:17:20,519 --> 00:17:22,669
Nothing much.
Just getting back
from skating.
347
00:17:22,737 --> 00:17:25,406
Little lady's pretty
tuckered out. Good night.
348
00:17:32,481 --> 00:17:33,981
[Door closing]
349
00:17:36,551 --> 00:17:38,252
That's it. That's it.
350
00:17:38,320 --> 00:17:40,053
I-I'm pulling the plug
on cocktail hour.
351
00:17:40,121 --> 00:17:41,722
What? Why?
352
00:17:41,790 --> 00:17:44,458
Because wh-what we're doing
here, I-it's just not right.
353
00:17:44,526 --> 00:17:48,096
This isn't a moral issue.
It's a dosage issue.
354
00:17:48,163 --> 00:17:50,080
This is how we learn.
355
00:17:50,749 --> 00:17:52,083
It's over, Arthur.
356
00:17:52,150 --> 00:17:53,384
But these last few days
357
00:17:53,451 --> 00:17:55,086
have been some of the best
of my life.
358
00:17:55,153 --> 00:17:57,104
I won't go back
to the way it was.
359
00:17:57,172 --> 00:17:59,039
I'll die first.
360
00:17:59,107 --> 00:18:01,141
You don't think I've
been loving it, too?
361
00:18:01,209 --> 00:18:04,612
You think I wanna go back
to eating sensibly?
362
00:18:04,680 --> 00:18:08,482
Douglas, we're in too deep
to turn back, and you know it.
363
00:18:10,168 --> 00:18:12,470
I don't know, Arthur.
I--I just don't know.
364
00:18:12,537 --> 00:18:15,673
Come on.
Let's not lose our heads.
365
00:18:15,741 --> 00:18:17,524
We'll go back to
one drink a night.
366
00:18:17,592 --> 00:18:19,844
It'll be fine.
367
00:18:19,911 --> 00:18:22,580
Stay the course, man.
Stay the course!
368
00:18:31,890 --> 00:18:33,974
Remind me to get more vodka.
369
00:18:37,128 --> 00:18:38,262
Hey, Lou.
370
00:18:38,329 --> 00:18:39,797
Oh, hey. How's it going?
371
00:18:39,865 --> 00:18:41,732
Oh, all right. I've had
a headache all day.
372
00:18:41,800 --> 00:18:43,717
Little too much to drink
last night.
373
00:18:43,785 --> 00:18:44,918
Carrie?
374
00:18:45,987 --> 00:18:47,387
We need to talk.
375
00:18:52,144 --> 00:18:53,177
Hey!
376
00:18:53,245 --> 00:18:55,479
Hey! Just in time!
377
00:18:55,546 --> 00:19:00,084
Oh, look at you 2!
You are such sweeties.
378
00:19:00,152 --> 00:19:01,685
Oh, thank you.
379
00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:05,122
Mmm. This is good.
380
00:19:05,723 --> 00:19:07,125
You know what?
381
00:19:07,209 --> 00:19:10,311
Suddenly I feel less bitchy
and easier to live with.
382
00:19:13,081 --> 00:19:15,499
Oh, God.
383
00:19:15,567 --> 00:19:18,803
I know what you've been
doing with these Martinis!
384
00:19:18,870 --> 00:19:20,737
What? Has he been
getting us drunk
385
00:19:20,806 --> 00:19:22,940
to change our personalities?
386
00:19:23,641 --> 00:19:25,109
How dare you?
387
00:19:29,981 --> 00:19:32,750
I just do not believe you.
388
00:19:32,818 --> 00:19:34,184
Would you let me explain?
389
00:19:34,252 --> 00:19:35,252
What's there to explain?
390
00:19:35,320 --> 00:19:37,287
Just say,
"I prefer my wife drunk."
391
00:19:37,355 --> 00:19:40,758
No, no, not drunk.
More like, sober plus.
392
00:19:40,826 --> 00:19:43,393
I didn't mean for it to happen
like this. You know that.
393
00:19:43,461 --> 00:19:45,462
It's just that you
went out with your friend,
394
00:19:45,530 --> 00:19:47,965
and you had a drink,
and I couldn't help but notice
395
00:19:48,033 --> 00:19:51,468
how it brought out all your
wonderful, natural qualities.
396
00:19:51,536 --> 00:19:53,887
And--and p.S.,
God's honest truth?
397
00:19:53,955 --> 00:19:55,706
You were a delight.
398
00:19:55,774 --> 00:19:57,775
I should've
suspected something.
399
00:19:57,843 --> 00:19:59,710
I mean, you don't even
like Martinis.
400
00:19:59,777 --> 00:20:01,345
I'm so stupid.
401
00:20:01,413 --> 00:20:03,797
Actually, I've been drinking
gatorade.
402
00:20:03,865 --> 00:20:05,016
What?
403
00:20:06,601 --> 00:20:07,784
Damn it!
404
00:20:09,687 --> 00:20:11,955
Look, let me ask you this,
Doug.
405
00:20:12,023 --> 00:20:15,609
Am I that hard to be around
without a drink in me?
406
00:20:15,676 --> 00:20:18,029
I mean, am I that unpleasant?
407
00:20:18,614 --> 00:20:19,814
No.
408
00:20:19,832 --> 00:20:21,598
You are so full of crap.
409
00:20:21,666 --> 00:20:23,301
Come on, Carrie. I'm sorry.
410
00:20:23,368 --> 00:20:25,469
You know I love you.
I love you however you are:
411
00:20:25,537 --> 00:20:26,971
Drunk, sober, mean, nice.
412
00:20:27,039 --> 00:20:28,472
Oh, that's sweet, honey.
413
00:20:28,540 --> 00:20:30,041
And I love you
however you are:
414
00:20:30,108 --> 00:20:33,177
Fat, really fat,
lose 5 pounds, but still fat.
415
00:20:35,830 --> 00:20:37,030
You know what?
416
00:20:37,098 --> 00:20:39,166
Y-your hurtful comment
just made a point for me.
417
00:20:39,233 --> 00:20:40,801
What are you talking about?
418
00:20:40,868 --> 00:20:42,536
You don't really like
who I am, either.
419
00:20:42,604 --> 00:20:44,855
Y-you're trying to change me
with this whole diet thing.
420
00:20:44,923 --> 00:20:46,707
How do you think
that makes me feel?
421
00:20:46,775 --> 00:20:48,676
Doug, I am not trying
to keep you drunk.
422
00:20:48,744 --> 00:20:51,379
I am trying to help you
live to see 40.
423
00:20:51,446 --> 00:20:53,030
It still hurts.
424
00:20:55,333 --> 00:20:58,102
Look, I--I--I don't wanna
fight with you, ok? I mean...
425
00:20:58,170 --> 00:20:59,520
[Sighing]
How about this?
426
00:20:59,588 --> 00:21:01,421
How 'bout we both stop
trying to change each other,
427
00:21:01,490 --> 00:21:03,557
'cause I think we learned
that that doesn't work.
428
00:21:03,625 --> 00:21:06,060
Huh? Come on, now.
What do you say?
429
00:21:06,127 --> 00:21:08,479
Or how about this:
430
00:21:08,546 --> 00:21:10,481
I do nothing, and you change
431
00:21:10,549 --> 00:21:13,384
everything about you
I don't like.
432
00:21:13,452 --> 00:21:14,568
Okey-doke.
433
00:21:14,635 --> 00:21:15,770
All right.
434
00:21:15,837 --> 00:21:17,521
[Doorbell ringing]
435
00:21:21,193 --> 00:21:22,292
What?
436
00:21:22,360 --> 00:21:23,794
Hey, we're here
to watch the game.
437
00:21:23,862 --> 00:21:25,096
Yeah. No.
438
00:21:30,869 --> 00:21:32,870
I'm still not seein' it.
439
00:21:36,157 --> 00:21:38,191
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