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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,835 --> 00:00:05,353 ♪ My eyes are gettin' weary 2 00:00:05,421 --> 00:00:08,089 ♪ my back is gettin' tight 3 00:00:08,156 --> 00:00:10,074 ♪ I'm sittin' here in traffic ♪ 4 00:00:10,141 --> 00:00:12,960 ♪ on the queensboro bridge tonight ♪ 5 00:00:13,028 --> 00:00:16,931 ♪ but I don't care, 'cause all I want to do ♪ 6 00:00:18,417 --> 00:00:21,902 ♪ is cash my check and drive right home to you ♪ 7 00:00:24,140 --> 00:00:25,740 ♪ 'cause, baby, all my life 8 00:00:25,808 --> 00:00:28,343 ♪ I will be drivin' home to you ♪ 9 00:00:34,116 --> 00:00:35,950 (Sportscaster) Well, it was a blockbuster day 10 00:00:36,018 --> 00:00:38,019 for the Pittsburgh pirates, 11 00:00:38,086 --> 00:00:40,622 as they acquired the rights to college phenom Ari berenson... 12 00:00:40,690 --> 00:00:43,157 A question about the eyepatch: 13 00:00:43,225 --> 00:00:47,145 How come so many pirates had their eyes poked out? 14 00:00:47,213 --> 00:00:49,264 What was goin' on back then? 15 00:00:51,300 --> 00:00:52,433 Well, a lot of them 16 00:00:52,501 --> 00:00:54,568 had those hook hands, right? 17 00:00:56,105 --> 00:00:57,305 So maybe the first day or 2 18 00:00:57,372 --> 00:00:59,107 before he got used to his new hook hand, 19 00:00:59,175 --> 00:01:02,360 he'd just go to rub his eye and just-- 20 00:01:02,428 --> 00:01:04,895 just poke that bad boy right out. 21 00:01:04,963 --> 00:01:07,264 But how'd they get the hook hands? 22 00:01:08,767 --> 00:01:10,535 Probably from shakin' hands with a pirate 23 00:01:10,602 --> 00:01:12,603 who already had one. 24 00:01:13,439 --> 00:01:14,656 Hey, guys. (Doug) Hey. 25 00:01:14,723 --> 00:01:15,890 (Deacon) Hey, car'. 26 00:01:15,958 --> 00:01:17,424 Uh, Doug. Can I talk to you for a sec? 27 00:01:17,492 --> 00:01:19,527 [Doug clearing throat] 28 00:01:19,611 --> 00:01:21,129 Peg legs. 29 00:01:21,197 --> 00:01:23,080 Work on some answers. 30 00:01:24,166 --> 00:01:25,266 What's up? 31 00:01:25,334 --> 00:01:27,301 Well, we've got a little situation here. 32 00:01:27,369 --> 00:01:28,702 My boss just gave me our tickets 33 00:01:28,770 --> 00:01:30,438 for this year's employee golf day thing 34 00:01:30,506 --> 00:01:31,672 at briarwood. 35 00:01:31,740 --> 00:01:32,840 Yes! 36 00:01:32,908 --> 00:01:34,793 "Your foursome will be our special guests 37 00:01:34,860 --> 00:01:35,893 "for an all-expenses paid day 38 00:01:35,961 --> 00:01:38,129 at New York's finest private golf club and spa." 39 00:01:38,196 --> 00:01:39,597 [Exclaiming] 40 00:01:41,750 --> 00:01:43,802 Ok. Before you wet yourself, 41 00:01:43,869 --> 00:01:46,237 may I remind you that we have this tradition 42 00:01:46,305 --> 00:01:48,640 of taking Deacon and Kelly? 43 00:01:48,707 --> 00:01:50,107 Oh, my God. You're right. 44 00:01:50,175 --> 00:01:51,826 Yeah, so what do we do now that they're split up? 45 00:01:51,894 --> 00:01:53,344 Do we just not go this year? 46 00:01:53,412 --> 00:01:54,929 What? No, no, no. We have to go. 47 00:01:54,997 --> 00:01:56,280 This is briarwood. 48 00:01:56,348 --> 00:01:58,332 If I was gonna cheat on you with a piece of land, 49 00:01:58,400 --> 00:02:00,835 it would be briarwood. 50 00:02:00,837 --> 00:02:02,286 What, you don't think I wanna go? 51 00:02:02,354 --> 00:02:04,839 If I could cheat on you with a massage therapist, 52 00:02:04,907 --> 00:02:07,191 it would be Justin at briarwood. 53 00:02:08,259 --> 00:02:10,194 Ok. Technically, mine was impossible. 54 00:02:10,261 --> 00:02:12,614 Yours has a name. 55 00:02:12,681 --> 00:02:14,165 Shouldn't we invite Deacon anyway 56 00:02:14,232 --> 00:02:15,633 and just play as a threesome? 57 00:02:15,635 --> 00:02:17,134 No, this is a couples thing. 58 00:02:17,202 --> 00:02:18,770 You remember how great it used to be? 59 00:02:18,838 --> 00:02:22,023 You and Deacon were all intense, bettin' on the scores, 60 00:02:22,090 --> 00:02:24,191 and Kelly and I would be playing crappy golf, 61 00:02:24,259 --> 00:02:25,593 making fun of everybody. 62 00:02:25,660 --> 00:02:26,727 Oh, my God. 63 00:02:26,795 --> 00:02:28,847 You remember last year, she actually shot a 300? 64 00:02:28,914 --> 00:02:30,197 That included picking up the ball 65 00:02:30,266 --> 00:02:31,866 and throwing it a few times, too. 66 00:02:31,933 --> 00:02:34,668 Well, she's gone, and he's in our living room. 67 00:02:34,737 --> 00:02:36,271 What should we do? 68 00:02:37,773 --> 00:02:39,657 Hey, Arthur, holly. 69 00:02:39,724 --> 00:02:40,674 Greetings to you, Mr. Palmer. 70 00:02:40,826 --> 00:02:42,126 Hey, Deacon. 71 00:02:42,194 --> 00:02:44,779 Holly, if you have a moment, I'll go get you that book. 72 00:02:44,846 --> 00:02:46,681 Oh, sure, sure. I'll wait. 73 00:02:46,748 --> 00:02:49,583 [People on TV chattering] 74 00:02:49,651 --> 00:02:53,204 So, uh, hey, Deacon. When are you gonna get a dog? 75 00:02:53,271 --> 00:02:55,623 Huh? Oh, I think if I got a dog, 76 00:02:55,691 --> 00:02:58,626 my wife would probably wind up taking half. 77 00:02:59,861 --> 00:03:01,262 The good half. 78 00:03:01,330 --> 00:03:02,730 [Snickering] 79 00:03:02,798 --> 00:03:04,132 Yeah, yeah. 80 00:03:04,199 --> 00:03:05,633 I heard about that, that divorce thing. 81 00:03:05,700 --> 00:03:07,752 I'm--I'm kind of in the same situation. 82 00:03:07,820 --> 00:03:09,069 You're divorced? 83 00:03:09,138 --> 00:03:10,438 Me? No, no, no, no. 84 00:03:10,506 --> 00:03:12,540 It's just, you know, I'm--I'm not, I'm not with anybody, 85 00:03:12,608 --> 00:03:14,676 you know, which is the same situation you're in, 86 00:03:14,743 --> 00:03:16,710 you know, minus the rage. 87 00:03:20,799 --> 00:03:22,150 Here you go. 88 00:03:22,217 --> 00:03:25,186 This is the real story of why Martin and Lewis broke up. 89 00:03:25,254 --> 00:03:26,754 This guy got it right. 90 00:03:26,822 --> 00:03:28,990 Oh. Well, thanks a lot, Arthur. 91 00:03:29,057 --> 00:03:30,140 See you tomorrow, doll. 92 00:03:30,459 --> 00:03:31,242 Ok. 93 00:03:32,161 --> 00:03:33,228 Bye, Deacon. 94 00:03:33,295 --> 00:03:35,163 All right. Take it easy. 95 00:03:40,635 --> 00:03:41,753 So, what's it gonna be, bub? 96 00:03:41,820 --> 00:03:42,953 I don't know. 97 00:03:43,021 --> 00:03:44,521 Well, take the ticket out of your mouth. 98 00:03:44,589 --> 00:03:46,323 You're chewin' off the lamination. 99 00:03:46,391 --> 00:03:48,976 Even their lamination tastes good. 100 00:03:49,044 --> 00:03:51,179 How do you do it, briarwood? 101 00:03:55,150 --> 00:03:56,100 Oh. 102 00:03:57,269 --> 00:03:59,220 (Deacon) Uh. 103 00:03:59,288 --> 00:04:01,923 L-look, I don't want you guys to feel awkward about this, 104 00:04:01,990 --> 00:04:03,958 so just, um, just invite another couple. 105 00:04:04,026 --> 00:04:05,576 It-it's fine. 106 00:04:05,578 --> 00:04:07,678 Really? I mean, we'd be happy to do it with just you, sweetie. 107 00:04:07,746 --> 00:04:09,263 Yeah, you know what? Let's do that. 108 00:04:09,331 --> 00:04:11,766 No, no, don't even worry about it. Look, I'm--I'm chillin', 109 00:04:11,834 --> 00:04:13,067 I'm just gonna grab a beer, 110 00:04:13,134 --> 00:04:15,336 and, uh, you know, it's cool. 111 00:04:15,404 --> 00:04:16,937 It's cool. 112 00:04:17,005 --> 00:04:18,973 [Clearing throat] 113 00:04:19,040 --> 00:04:20,808 [Muttering] Oh, yeah. 114 00:04:28,984 --> 00:04:30,367 Ok. What about the wallaces? 115 00:04:30,435 --> 00:04:31,836 Hate 'em. 116 00:04:31,937 --> 00:04:33,787 You hate the wallaces? Why? 117 00:04:33,855 --> 00:04:34,772 Well, let's start with this, 118 00:04:34,923 --> 00:04:37,392 they're both loaded with freckles. 119 00:04:37,459 --> 00:04:40,711 They're perfectly fine to play golf with. 120 00:04:40,779 --> 00:04:42,963 Ok. Fine. Invite 'em, then. 121 00:04:46,718 --> 00:04:49,887 Actually, you know what? I kind of hate them, too. 122 00:04:50,989 --> 00:04:53,524 Um, oh, the glickmans. 123 00:04:53,592 --> 00:04:54,642 Who are they again? 124 00:04:54,710 --> 00:04:56,160 From our old apartment building. 125 00:04:56,227 --> 00:04:58,079 She's 40. He's, like, 26. 126 00:04:59,148 --> 00:05:00,981 Pass. 127 00:05:01,049 --> 00:05:03,334 Well, we're kinda running out of options here, bub. 128 00:05:03,402 --> 00:05:05,953 Come on. We can do this. We can find another couple. 129 00:05:06,020 --> 00:05:09,690 Our phone book just can't be a list of people we hate. 130 00:05:09,758 --> 00:05:11,259 Got it. The kelsos. 131 00:05:11,326 --> 00:05:12,360 Who? 132 00:05:12,427 --> 00:05:13,961 From kelso's chicken wrap. 133 00:05:14,028 --> 00:05:15,263 They're very nice people. 134 00:05:15,330 --> 00:05:18,366 They always give me, like, a million extra napkins. 135 00:05:18,433 --> 00:05:21,402 Hon', not sure providing us with take-out 136 00:05:21,470 --> 00:05:23,988 makes them great golf buddies. 137 00:05:24,056 --> 00:05:26,691 Well, I guess that rules out the fung lees. 138 00:05:29,594 --> 00:05:31,896 [Sighing] 139 00:05:31,964 --> 00:05:34,532 Man, Deacon and Kelly were our couple. 140 00:05:34,599 --> 00:05:35,700 They were it. 141 00:05:35,768 --> 00:05:36,768 We just fit. 142 00:05:36,835 --> 00:05:37,902 Yeah. 143 00:05:39,404 --> 00:05:41,472 You know, it's true what they say. 144 00:05:41,539 --> 00:05:44,325 "Divorce is hardest on the best friends." 145 00:05:45,744 --> 00:05:47,694 "Hardest on the kids." 146 00:05:48,496 --> 00:05:49,696 Please. 147 00:05:50,999 --> 00:05:52,633 They get presents. 148 00:06:02,460 --> 00:06:04,245 So, um, 149 00:06:04,313 --> 00:06:07,949 who are you guys inviting to this golf thing? 150 00:06:08,017 --> 00:06:10,284 I don't know. Probably Eddie dugan and his wife. 151 00:06:10,352 --> 00:06:11,636 Ah. 152 00:06:11,703 --> 00:06:13,354 [People chattering] 153 00:06:14,857 --> 00:06:16,390 Did you get a tee-time yet or, uh-- 154 00:06:16,458 --> 00:06:18,041 why are you doin' this to yourself? 155 00:06:18,109 --> 00:06:19,810 I don't know. I'm sorry. 156 00:06:19,878 --> 00:06:22,246 Look, we can still play as a threesome. It'll be fine. 157 00:06:22,313 --> 00:06:23,230 No. No threesome. 158 00:06:23,298 --> 00:06:24,799 I'm sorry I even brought it up. 159 00:06:24,867 --> 00:06:25,700 [Gulping] 160 00:06:25,767 --> 00:06:29,169 Excuse me, can I borrow your salt? 161 00:06:29,237 --> 00:06:31,672 Hey, take the pepper, too. It can't survive on its own. 162 00:06:31,740 --> 00:06:33,240 [Laughing] 163 00:06:33,309 --> 00:06:34,508 Have 'em back by closin' time. 164 00:06:34,576 --> 00:06:36,293 [Laughing] That's funny. 165 00:06:36,361 --> 00:06:37,528 You guys are funny. 166 00:06:37,596 --> 00:06:39,363 [Continues laughing] 167 00:06:45,503 --> 00:06:46,737 Hey, hon'. 168 00:06:48,990 --> 00:06:50,574 What are you so happy about? 169 00:06:50,642 --> 00:06:52,142 We met someone. 170 00:06:59,033 --> 00:07:00,883 (Doug) Carrie! 171 00:07:00,951 --> 00:07:03,470 (Carrie) I'm almost ready! Stop rushing me! 172 00:07:03,537 --> 00:07:05,238 Where are my wiffle golf balls? 173 00:07:05,305 --> 00:07:07,139 I don't know! 174 00:07:07,141 --> 00:07:08,207 [Sighing] 175 00:07:22,739 --> 00:07:23,906 What was that? 176 00:07:23,974 --> 00:07:25,057 Arthur! 177 00:07:29,363 --> 00:07:31,564 [Car honking] Car', come on. Deac' just pulled up. 178 00:07:31,799 --> 00:07:33,800 I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready. 179 00:07:33,867 --> 00:07:35,218 All right. We gotta hustle. 180 00:07:35,285 --> 00:07:36,870 We gotta pick up Leslie on the way. 181 00:07:36,937 --> 00:07:39,072 Oh, and by the way, you're gonna love her. She's awesome. 182 00:07:39,140 --> 00:07:40,840 Well, I'm a little nervous to meet her. 183 00:07:40,908 --> 00:07:42,725 I feel like I'm going on a first date, too. 184 00:07:42,793 --> 00:07:45,244 You know, I actually made sure my bra and panties matched. 185 00:07:45,312 --> 00:07:47,380 Is that a little weird? 186 00:07:47,448 --> 00:07:50,633 I don't think it's weird. I slapped on cologne. 187 00:07:50,701 --> 00:07:51,817 [Knock on door] 188 00:07:51,885 --> 00:07:54,704 I gotta tell you. I think Leslie's the one-- 189 00:07:54,771 --> 00:07:56,406 for all of us. 190 00:07:58,993 --> 00:08:00,327 What's up, golf enthusiast? 191 00:08:00,394 --> 00:08:01,694 I can't go. What? 192 00:08:01,762 --> 00:08:03,262 My baby-sitter just called me on my cell. 193 00:08:03,330 --> 00:08:05,615 She's got a family emergency. I gotta go back home. 194 00:08:05,683 --> 00:08:06,916 Oh, no. No, no. No. 195 00:08:06,984 --> 00:08:08,051 Come on. 196 00:08:08,118 --> 00:08:10,186 Don't you have other baby-sitters you guys use? 197 00:08:10,254 --> 00:08:11,638 Yeah. Kelly's cousin and sister. 198 00:08:11,705 --> 00:08:15,141 I'm sure they'd love to cover for me while I go on a date. 199 00:08:15,225 --> 00:08:17,077 Arthur, it's holly! Ready to rock? 200 00:08:17,144 --> 00:08:19,479 (Arthur) Be right up, sunshine! 201 00:08:22,332 --> 00:08:23,333 Go! 202 00:08:23,401 --> 00:08:24,717 Yeah, right. 203 00:08:26,670 --> 00:08:28,371 Holly. 204 00:08:28,439 --> 00:08:30,222 Oh, hey, Deacon. Looks like someone's gettin' ready to go-- 205 00:08:30,290 --> 00:08:32,542 yeah, I am. Listen, I have a huge favor to ask. 206 00:08:32,609 --> 00:08:33,493 Uh, you met my kids, right? 207 00:08:33,560 --> 00:08:35,195 I was here with 'em last week. 208 00:08:35,262 --> 00:08:36,429 Oh, sure. They're adorable. 209 00:08:36,497 --> 00:08:37,963 I love the way the little one-- 210 00:08:38,031 --> 00:08:39,482 yeah, it's so cute when he does that. 211 00:08:39,549 --> 00:08:41,317 Anyway, I'm supposed to go golfing right now 212 00:08:41,385 --> 00:08:43,986 with, with Doug and Carrie and this great girl I just met, 213 00:08:44,054 --> 00:08:46,906 but my, my baby-sitter just canceled on me. 214 00:08:46,974 --> 00:08:49,843 So you want me to watch your kids while you go on a date? 215 00:08:49,910 --> 00:08:51,143 Can you? 216 00:08:51,645 --> 00:08:53,028 Well, no. No, no. 217 00:08:53,030 --> 00:08:54,864 [Stuttering] I mean, I'm not a baby-sitter. 218 00:08:54,932 --> 00:08:58,268 You know, that's not what I do, you know, at all. 219 00:08:58,335 --> 00:09:00,270 I'm--I'm a dog-Walker. I walk dogs. 220 00:09:00,337 --> 00:09:02,038 Yeah, but you-- you walk Arthur, right? 221 00:09:02,105 --> 00:09:06,242 I mean, he's like a baby if babies were old and strange. 222 00:09:06,310 --> 00:09:07,794 Yes. Yes, I--I do walk Arthur, 223 00:09:07,862 --> 00:09:09,729 and actually, I have to walk him right now. 224 00:09:09,797 --> 00:09:11,865 He gets very cranky if he doesn't get his walk 225 00:09:11,932 --> 00:09:12,966 and a knish. 226 00:09:13,033 --> 00:09:14,100 Well, look. 227 00:09:14,168 --> 00:09:16,269 The baby-sitter can stick around for another hour. 228 00:09:16,337 --> 00:09:17,954 No. I can't do it, ok? 229 00:09:18,022 --> 00:09:20,706 Ok. All right, um, all right. S-sorry. 230 00:09:20,774 --> 00:09:21,941 All right. Ok. I'll do it. 231 00:09:22,009 --> 00:09:23,326 You just said-- 232 00:09:23,393 --> 00:09:24,928 I thought it over. Where do you live? 233 00:09:24,995 --> 00:09:27,263 Lefrak city, building 6, apartment 16 c. 234 00:09:27,330 --> 00:09:29,749 I'll call the baby-sitter and tell her you're on your way. 235 00:09:29,816 --> 00:09:31,083 Thank you. 236 00:09:32,086 --> 00:09:33,553 You're welcome. 237 00:09:39,326 --> 00:09:41,861 Man, have you ever seen so many rich people in one place? 238 00:09:41,979 --> 00:09:44,997 I feel like we're the only ones not named "van snootington." 239 00:09:45,065 --> 00:09:46,666 [Giggling] 240 00:09:46,734 --> 00:09:49,669 [Laughing] Van snootington. 241 00:09:49,737 --> 00:09:51,771 Yeah. Everyone looks at me like they think 242 00:09:51,839 --> 00:09:54,473 they should be tipping me for something, you know what I'm sayin'? 243 00:09:54,475 --> 00:09:56,042 [Laughing] I do! 244 00:09:58,779 --> 00:10:01,881 Ok. Looks like we got a laugher here. 245 00:10:01,949 --> 00:10:04,200 Will this chariot do for me ladies? 246 00:10:04,267 --> 00:10:06,586 Oh, it's fine, sire. 247 00:10:06,653 --> 00:10:08,154 It's fine, honey. Let's go. 248 00:10:08,222 --> 00:10:09,222 All right. 249 00:10:09,289 --> 00:10:10,689 All right. Let's go spank the dimples 250 00:10:10,758 --> 00:10:12,024 off some little white balls. 251 00:10:12,092 --> 00:10:13,126 [Giggling] 252 00:10:13,193 --> 00:10:14,961 Doug and I will grab some scorecards. 253 00:10:15,028 --> 00:10:16,078 If we're not back in 5 minutes, 254 00:10:16,146 --> 00:10:17,580 it means they threw us out. 255 00:10:17,648 --> 00:10:18,881 [Laughing] 256 00:10:24,604 --> 00:10:26,255 [Sighing] 257 00:10:26,323 --> 00:10:28,157 So, nice place, huh? 258 00:10:28,225 --> 00:10:30,443 Yeah, it's, it's beautiful. 259 00:10:30,511 --> 00:10:32,612 So you got the tickets from your law firm? 260 00:10:32,679 --> 00:10:34,346 Well, it's not actually my law firm. 261 00:10:34,414 --> 00:10:36,916 I'm just a secretary slash bagel-fetcher. 262 00:10:36,984 --> 00:10:38,317 [Snickering] 263 00:10:43,189 --> 00:10:44,440 What, what do you do? 264 00:10:44,507 --> 00:10:46,559 I'm a receptionist at a car dealership. 265 00:10:46,627 --> 00:10:47,493 Oh, really? 266 00:10:47,561 --> 00:10:49,144 Well, later, we'll compare notes 267 00:10:49,212 --> 00:10:52,698 on all the creepy people we have to suck up to, right? 268 00:10:55,018 --> 00:10:58,187 Well, actually, everyone's very nice where I work. 269 00:10:58,255 --> 00:11:00,239 That's good. Good for you. 270 00:11:00,307 --> 00:11:01,257 Let's do it. 271 00:11:01,325 --> 00:11:02,809 All right. Load 'em up, move out. 272 00:11:02,876 --> 00:11:04,293 All right. You any good at golf? 273 00:11:04,361 --> 00:11:05,444 Me? No. 274 00:11:05,512 --> 00:11:06,846 Oh, great. Me, neither. 275 00:11:06,914 --> 00:11:09,248 Ok. This is officially the crappy golfers' cart. 276 00:11:10,617 --> 00:11:12,468 Whoa. That's a rocket. 277 00:11:12,536 --> 00:11:13,903 (Deacon) Ringer. 278 00:11:13,970 --> 00:11:15,421 I think we got a ringer here. 279 00:11:15,489 --> 00:11:16,972 [Leslie giggling] Girl outdrove me. 280 00:11:17,040 --> 00:11:18,007 [Laughing] 281 00:11:18,075 --> 00:11:19,909 [Laughing] Stop it. 282 00:11:22,029 --> 00:11:22,862 Hey. 283 00:11:22,930 --> 00:11:24,680 I thought you said you weren't that good. 284 00:11:24,748 --> 00:11:26,115 Oh, I'm not. 285 00:11:26,183 --> 00:11:29,085 No, I could never play on the tour like my sister. 286 00:11:35,075 --> 00:11:36,509 Ok. My turn. 287 00:11:36,576 --> 00:11:39,045 2, another stinking 2? 288 00:11:39,113 --> 00:11:40,413 1, 2. 289 00:11:40,480 --> 00:11:42,581 How much longer do we have to stay here? 290 00:11:42,650 --> 00:11:44,684 Arthur, I told you, I have to be here all day, 291 00:11:44,752 --> 00:11:46,152 if you hadn't taken a half an hour 292 00:11:46,219 --> 00:11:48,254 to sit and eat your ice-cream cone in the park, 293 00:11:48,321 --> 00:11:49,789 I would've had time to take you home. 294 00:11:49,857 --> 00:11:52,842 Ice-cream cones are not meant to be eaten on the move! 295 00:11:52,909 --> 00:11:54,777 Actually, they are. 296 00:11:55,963 --> 00:11:57,263 I'm sorry, sweetie. 297 00:11:57,331 --> 00:11:59,398 3. 1, 2, 3. 298 00:11:59,466 --> 00:12:01,834 Look at you putting all your ducks in the truck, major. 299 00:12:01,902 --> 00:12:03,802 Good work, buddy. 300 00:12:03,870 --> 00:12:07,072 So, the fact that I'm bored to tears means nothing to you? 301 00:12:07,140 --> 00:12:09,341 Arthur, we invited you to play trouble with us. 302 00:12:09,376 --> 00:12:12,612 Your explanation of the rules was incomprehensible. 303 00:12:13,697 --> 00:12:14,998 My turn. 304 00:12:15,065 --> 00:12:16,099 5. 305 00:12:16,133 --> 00:12:18,668 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. 306 00:12:18,736 --> 00:12:20,136 Gotcha. You gotta go back. 307 00:12:20,203 --> 00:12:21,020 Aw, I don't wanna go back. 308 00:12:21,088 --> 00:12:22,638 You gotta go back, you big cheater. 309 00:12:22,706 --> 00:12:24,373 You're the cheater. You're the cheater. 310 00:12:24,441 --> 00:12:25,624 You are. 311 00:12:25,626 --> 00:12:27,026 I hate it here! 312 00:12:29,946 --> 00:12:30,979 Whoa. Good cut. 313 00:12:31,047 --> 00:12:32,281 Just keep your head down, car'. 314 00:12:32,349 --> 00:12:33,516 I will. 315 00:12:34,184 --> 00:12:35,984 [Sighing] 316 00:12:36,052 --> 00:12:38,454 You know, shouldn't you guys be hitting your own balls? 317 00:12:38,522 --> 00:12:40,506 We're all on the green, babe. 318 00:12:45,045 --> 00:12:46,412 Whoa. That's a big divot. 319 00:12:46,479 --> 00:12:48,581 What, are you puttin' in a hot tub? 320 00:12:48,649 --> 00:12:51,017 [All laughing] 321 00:12:51,084 --> 00:12:52,201 Ok. You know what? 322 00:12:52,268 --> 00:12:54,503 Why don't you guys go to the green and I'll catch up? 323 00:12:54,571 --> 00:12:57,190 You sure? 'Cause we're fine watchin' you. Give us a little wiggle. 324 00:12:57,224 --> 00:12:58,091 I'm sure. 325 00:12:58,158 --> 00:12:59,342 (Doug) All right. 326 00:12:59,409 --> 00:13:00,276 All right. You on? 327 00:13:00,344 --> 00:13:01,678 I'm on. Cheese it! The cops! 328 00:13:01,745 --> 00:13:02,878 Uh, hang on! 329 00:13:02,946 --> 00:13:04,580 I'm gonna try to jump the sand trap! 330 00:13:04,648 --> 00:13:05,848 [Leslie shrieking] 331 00:13:05,916 --> 00:13:07,500 [Leslie laughing] 332 00:13:08,452 --> 00:13:10,520 [Mimicking Leslie laughing] 333 00:13:16,792 --> 00:13:18,126 So, the whole game, 334 00:13:18,193 --> 00:13:19,760 Doug's just, like, raggin' on their, 335 00:13:19,828 --> 00:13:21,829 like, what, 8-foot Lithuanian center, 336 00:13:21,897 --> 00:13:23,615 kept calling him "lurch." 337 00:13:23,683 --> 00:13:26,300 So, finally, the guy just whips around and glares at me, like... 338 00:13:26,368 --> 00:13:27,802 [Leslie laughing] 339 00:13:27,869 --> 00:13:29,704 [Laughing] He, he did not. 340 00:13:29,772 --> 00:13:31,672 This boy jumps under his seat. 341 00:13:31,824 --> 00:13:34,125 He's kissin' peanut shells for the rest of the 4th quarter. 342 00:13:34,243 --> 00:13:37,512 You'd be surprised at how many good ones were there. 343 00:13:42,250 --> 00:13:43,951 [Gasping] Don't you think this is funny? 344 00:13:44,019 --> 00:13:45,386 No. No, I do. 345 00:13:45,454 --> 00:13:48,289 I just heard this story a couple of times. 346 00:13:48,457 --> 00:13:50,225 Hey, deac', I just remembered. Jimmy at work, 347 00:13:50,292 --> 00:13:52,526 he wants to sell off part of his season ticket package. 348 00:13:52,594 --> 00:13:54,195 He's got 4 seats, right? 349 00:13:54,263 --> 00:13:55,813 We should all go to a bunch of knick games together. 350 00:13:55,881 --> 00:13:57,097 That'd be awesome, huh? 351 00:13:57,165 --> 00:13:57,849 Would you want to do that? 352 00:13:57,916 --> 00:13:59,467 Are you kidding? Where do I sign up? 353 00:13:59,534 --> 00:14:01,068 Great. I gotta make a quick pit stop 354 00:14:01,136 --> 00:14:03,053 before we hit the back 9, 355 00:14:03,121 --> 00:14:05,189 and then I got some serious ass-whoopin' to do, my man. 356 00:14:05,257 --> 00:14:08,175 Hey, the only thing that's gettin' whooped around here is your wallet. 357 00:14:08,243 --> 00:14:10,327 So pee well, my friend. 358 00:14:10,395 --> 00:14:11,912 Actually, I'm gonna follow you, 359 00:14:11,980 --> 00:14:13,848 'cause I need to go to the ladies' room, too. 360 00:14:13,916 --> 00:14:15,883 [Leslie giggling] 361 00:14:15,951 --> 00:14:18,403 Oh, man. This is great, huh? 362 00:14:18,470 --> 00:14:20,021 Yeah. It's fine, Doug. 363 00:14:20,089 --> 00:14:21,923 I just wish you would've talked to me first 364 00:14:21,991 --> 00:14:24,275 before you hog-tied the 4 of us together for life. 365 00:14:24,343 --> 00:14:25,827 What are you talkin' about? 366 00:14:25,894 --> 00:14:27,428 Well, in case you haven't noticed, 367 00:14:27,446 --> 00:14:29,430 I'm not really clicking with Leslie, here. 368 00:14:29,448 --> 00:14:31,849 How can you not be clickin' with her? She's phenomenal. 369 00:14:31,917 --> 00:14:33,835 She's click-a-licious. 370 00:14:36,121 --> 00:14:38,173 It's a magical foursome we got goin', here. 371 00:14:38,240 --> 00:14:39,290 No. 372 00:14:39,358 --> 00:14:41,359 No, I admit you have a magical threesome going. 373 00:14:41,427 --> 00:14:43,361 You and Deacon are doing your nightclub act, 374 00:14:43,429 --> 00:14:46,130 and she's the happy drunk in the audience. 375 00:14:47,116 --> 00:14:49,400 But I'm kinda out of it, hon'. 376 00:14:49,468 --> 00:14:51,335 Oh, now I get it. 377 00:14:51,403 --> 00:14:52,804 You just don't like her 378 00:14:52,871 --> 00:14:56,373 because she's not as bitchy and sarcastic as Kelly. 379 00:14:56,441 --> 00:14:59,043 I miss that a little, yes. 380 00:14:59,195 --> 00:15:00,761 And you know why you miss it? 381 00:15:00,829 --> 00:15:03,864 'Cause you don't welcome joy into your life. 382 00:15:03,932 --> 00:15:06,601 Where's your joy? Where's your laughter? 383 00:15:06,668 --> 00:15:07,451 I laugh. 384 00:15:07,519 --> 00:15:09,337 No. Laughter's happy, 385 00:15:09,404 --> 00:15:11,172 [whispering] And that terrifies you. 386 00:15:11,239 --> 00:15:12,507 Ok. You know what? 387 00:15:12,574 --> 00:15:14,409 You're about to get a melon fork in the eye. 388 00:15:14,510 --> 00:15:16,093 Look, the foursome is back, ok? 389 00:15:16,161 --> 00:15:18,479 You can be part of it or not. The choice is yours. 390 00:15:18,547 --> 00:15:20,147 Well, Einstein, if I'm not part of it, 391 00:15:20,216 --> 00:15:22,149 then you don't have a foursome. 392 00:15:22,217 --> 00:15:24,869 [Scoffing] You've never been wronger. 393 00:15:29,207 --> 00:15:31,091 Ok. Here's a pretty easy one. 394 00:15:31,159 --> 00:15:32,810 "Cat"? That's easy. 395 00:15:32,878 --> 00:15:33,961 I said it was easy. 396 00:15:34,029 --> 00:15:35,496 I'm just gettin' you warmed up, buddy. 397 00:15:35,564 --> 00:15:37,765 Ok. Here's a pretty tough one. 398 00:15:38,233 --> 00:15:39,150 "T... 399 00:15:39,217 --> 00:15:40,735 "T-tr-tr--" 400 00:15:40,802 --> 00:15:41,585 "train." 401 00:15:41,737 --> 00:15:43,121 Arthur. 402 00:15:43,123 --> 00:15:44,372 He was taking an eternity. 403 00:15:44,440 --> 00:15:46,875 All right, can you please go to the bedroom and watch TV? 404 00:15:46,942 --> 00:15:48,876 No. There's a poster of dizzy Gillespie in there, 405 00:15:48,944 --> 00:15:52,163 and his eyes follow me around the room. 406 00:15:52,230 --> 00:15:54,332 All right. Ooh. Here's a fun one, kirb. 407 00:15:54,399 --> 00:15:55,333 "Zebra." 408 00:15:55,400 --> 00:15:56,634 Arthur! 409 00:15:56,785 --> 00:15:58,519 You said it was fun. Why can't I join in the fun? 410 00:15:58,587 --> 00:16:01,389 All right, will you please stop it? 411 00:16:01,457 --> 00:16:02,957 I want fish sticks. 412 00:16:03,024 --> 00:16:05,159 Yeah, me, too. 413 00:16:05,227 --> 00:16:06,611 All right. All right. 414 00:16:06,679 --> 00:16:08,179 Uh, Arthur, could you keep an eye on the kids? 415 00:16:08,247 --> 00:16:09,313 Me? Why? 416 00:16:09,598 --> 00:16:10,732 'Cause I gotta go make fish sticks. 417 00:16:10,883 --> 00:16:12,951 But I haven't looked after a small child in years, 418 00:16:13,018 --> 00:16:15,336 and according to her, I botched it pretty badly. 419 00:16:15,403 --> 00:16:17,838 You'll be... You'll be fine. 420 00:16:17,906 --> 00:16:19,106 [Sighing] 421 00:16:31,369 --> 00:16:32,804 So, uh, 422 00:16:32,871 --> 00:16:35,073 where do you fellas hail from? 423 00:16:43,348 --> 00:16:44,381 Ow. 424 00:16:44,783 --> 00:16:46,183 Crap. 425 00:16:46,251 --> 00:16:47,818 (Tina) Carrie? 426 00:16:48,804 --> 00:16:50,054 Tina. 427 00:16:50,122 --> 00:16:50,938 [Tina chuckling] 428 00:16:51,006 --> 00:16:52,106 Hey. 429 00:16:52,174 --> 00:16:53,274 How you doin'? 430 00:16:53,342 --> 00:16:54,776 Oh, girl. 431 00:16:54,843 --> 00:16:56,277 I hate this stupid game. 432 00:16:56,345 --> 00:16:58,195 Ugh. 433 00:16:58,263 --> 00:16:59,947 I think the partners just give us these passes to torture us, 434 00:17:00,015 --> 00:17:01,148 you know what I'm sayin'? 435 00:17:01,216 --> 00:17:02,499 Yeah, I know what you're sayin'. 436 00:17:02,568 --> 00:17:03,834 I'd be fine playing 3 holes 437 00:17:03,902 --> 00:17:06,020 and layin' out on the sand trap, gettin' some rays. 438 00:17:06,088 --> 00:17:07,322 Yeah. Right. 439 00:17:07,389 --> 00:17:08,356 Is Carlos here? 440 00:17:08,423 --> 00:17:10,090 No, I dumped that loser 2 weeks ago. 441 00:17:10,159 --> 00:17:12,059 Just invited some girlfriends. 442 00:17:12,127 --> 00:17:13,795 Hey, car'. 443 00:17:13,862 --> 00:17:15,896 I, I think your ball's in the rough about 30 yards down. 444 00:17:15,964 --> 00:17:17,265 Oh, thanks. 445 00:17:19,151 --> 00:17:22,069 Uh, Deacon, this is my friend Tina. 446 00:17:22,137 --> 00:17:23,521 She works with me at the firm, 447 00:17:23,538 --> 00:17:25,322 and, Tina, this is our friend Deacon. 448 00:17:25,390 --> 00:17:26,273 Nice to meet you. 449 00:17:26,425 --> 00:17:27,491 Nice to meet you, too. 450 00:17:27,559 --> 00:17:28,559 All right. 451 00:17:28,627 --> 00:17:29,994 This is wild, you know? 452 00:17:30,062 --> 00:17:32,746 2 friends who love jazz, 453 00:17:32,814 --> 00:17:35,483 together in the same place? 454 00:17:35,550 --> 00:17:37,167 That... What are the odds? 455 00:17:37,235 --> 00:17:38,902 You're into jazz? 456 00:17:38,970 --> 00:17:40,487 Um, it's ok. 457 00:17:40,555 --> 00:17:42,023 What are you talkin' about? 458 00:17:42,090 --> 00:17:43,524 You have that radio on your desk. 459 00:17:43,592 --> 00:17:44,709 You're always boppin' around. 460 00:17:44,776 --> 00:17:46,477 Oh, that's a salsa station. 461 00:17:46,544 --> 00:17:48,579 Well, it's pretty darn jazzy. 462 00:17:48,647 --> 00:17:51,448 I think the point is that you both listen to music, 463 00:17:51,516 --> 00:17:53,884 and that's-- that's fun. 464 00:17:53,952 --> 00:17:56,186 Hey! What's goin' on? How we doin', here? 465 00:17:56,254 --> 00:17:58,723 We're doin' fine. Tina lost her ball. Go away. 466 00:17:58,790 --> 00:18:00,157 Oh, hi. Well, Tina. 467 00:18:00,225 --> 00:18:02,192 I got a brand-new titleist there. You're back on the fairway. 468 00:18:02,260 --> 00:18:03,427 Nice seein' you. 469 00:18:03,662 --> 00:18:04,928 (Tina) Oh, well, ok. Thanks. Bye, car'. 470 00:18:04,996 --> 00:18:06,430 Nice meeting you, Deacon. 471 00:18:06,498 --> 00:18:07,949 (Deacon) Uh, you, too. 472 00:18:09,001 --> 00:18:11,069 I'm gonna go catch up with Leslie. 473 00:18:11,136 --> 00:18:11,969 Yeah. Good. 474 00:18:12,036 --> 00:18:13,888 Take it easy, now. 475 00:18:13,955 --> 00:18:16,573 You were tryin' to fix him up with your friend Tina, weren't you? 476 00:18:16,642 --> 00:18:18,843 What'd you do? Arrange this little chance meeting? 477 00:18:18,944 --> 00:18:21,328 Yes, Doug. I had Tina airlifted into the woods 478 00:18:21,396 --> 00:18:22,730 just to mess up your day. 479 00:18:22,798 --> 00:18:24,298 I can't believe you. 480 00:18:24,365 --> 00:18:25,633 Doug, I just ran into her, ok? 481 00:18:25,701 --> 00:18:26,934 But I will tell you something. 482 00:18:27,001 --> 00:18:28,636 When Deacon looked at Tina, 483 00:18:28,704 --> 00:18:30,438 there was a connection. 484 00:18:30,505 --> 00:18:32,173 No, no, no. 485 00:18:32,241 --> 00:18:33,674 I think when you looked at Tina, there was a connection. 486 00:18:33,742 --> 00:18:35,209 Ok? Deacon likes Leslie. 487 00:18:35,276 --> 00:18:36,577 Oh, please. 488 00:18:36,644 --> 00:18:37,878 [Mimicking Leslie laughing] 489 00:18:37,946 --> 00:18:42,249 "I have no personality, so I laugh at everything." 490 00:18:42,317 --> 00:18:46,036 Do you actually think he can have a relationship with someone like that? 491 00:18:46,104 --> 00:18:49,022 Do you think he'd have a great relationship with Tina, the office slut? 492 00:18:49,090 --> 00:18:52,092 I was mad at her when I said that. 493 00:18:52,160 --> 00:18:53,861 This thing we got goin' here works, ok? 494 00:18:53,929 --> 00:18:55,479 Deal with it. 495 00:18:58,250 --> 00:19:00,118 Wh-where you goin'? 496 00:19:01,253 --> 00:19:02,987 I am dealing with it. 497 00:19:03,055 --> 00:19:05,123 Obviously you have a great thing going here, 498 00:19:05,190 --> 00:19:06,524 and I don't want to be in the way 499 00:19:06,591 --> 00:19:08,092 when you 3 start to make out. 500 00:19:08,160 --> 00:19:10,028 Car-Carrie, get back here. 501 00:19:11,346 --> 00:19:12,546 Carrie. 502 00:19:13,482 --> 00:19:14,599 Carrie. 503 00:19:14,666 --> 00:19:15,800 Stop it! 504 00:19:15,868 --> 00:19:17,702 Carrie! 505 00:19:17,769 --> 00:19:19,937 Carrie, stop! Stop it! 506 00:19:20,005 --> 00:19:21,071 Get off! 507 00:19:21,139 --> 00:19:23,107 Stop it! Would you stop? 508 00:19:23,992 --> 00:19:25,376 [Groaning] 509 00:19:34,069 --> 00:19:35,653 All right. 510 00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:37,455 Almost made it through the whole day 511 00:19:37,523 --> 00:19:40,458 without sliding back down crap Mountain. 512 00:19:40,526 --> 00:19:41,859 [Laughing] 513 00:19:53,322 --> 00:19:54,555 (Arthur) Then, 514 00:19:54,623 --> 00:19:56,507 from the comfort of their cushy headquarters, 515 00:19:56,509 --> 00:19:59,777 the generals commanded our weary platoon to take the town. 516 00:20:01,130 --> 00:20:02,747 This fellow is me. 517 00:20:02,814 --> 00:20:04,615 You can tell by the firm-set jaw 518 00:20:04,683 --> 00:20:07,385 and the look of steely determination. 519 00:20:07,920 --> 00:20:09,504 Who's this? 520 00:20:09,571 --> 00:20:11,372 That's o'Shannon. 521 00:20:12,541 --> 00:20:14,308 He didn't make it. 522 00:20:15,009 --> 00:20:16,227 Hey, I'm home. 523 00:20:16,345 --> 00:20:17,261 Hey, dad. 524 00:20:17,329 --> 00:20:18,462 Hey, kirb. Hey, Arthur. 525 00:20:18,530 --> 00:20:20,364 Fish sticks are on the table. 526 00:20:20,432 --> 00:20:22,033 Hey, Deacon. 527 00:20:22,100 --> 00:20:23,066 Hey. 528 00:20:23,134 --> 00:20:25,536 Come on. While we eat, 529 00:20:25,604 --> 00:20:27,070 I'll tell you what really goes on 530 00:20:27,138 --> 00:20:29,640 inside an army psychiatric hospital. 531 00:20:31,943 --> 00:20:32,776 [Sighing] 532 00:20:32,844 --> 00:20:34,529 You're home early. 533 00:20:34,596 --> 00:20:35,713 How was your date? 534 00:20:35,781 --> 00:20:38,499 Well, I'm home early. 535 00:20:38,501 --> 00:20:41,168 Hey, listen, thanks for covering for me. How'd it go here? 536 00:20:41,236 --> 00:20:42,120 Good, good. It was good. 537 00:20:42,187 --> 00:20:43,621 Everyone's accounted for. 538 00:20:43,688 --> 00:20:46,991 Although it is easier for me when they're all on leashes. 539 00:20:47,058 --> 00:20:49,327 I wasn't suggesting that you put your kids on a leash. 540 00:20:49,394 --> 00:20:51,178 Actually, that's probably not a bad idea. 541 00:20:51,263 --> 00:20:52,246 [Chuckling] 542 00:20:52,313 --> 00:20:53,497 Uh, please don't laugh. 543 00:20:53,565 --> 00:20:55,099 Oh. Okey-doke. 544 00:20:58,070 --> 00:21:00,404 Well, I guess I should be going. 545 00:21:00,472 --> 00:21:02,356 Arthur, you ready? 546 00:21:02,423 --> 00:21:04,308 Actually, I've been invited to sleep over. 547 00:21:04,375 --> 00:21:06,160 I'll see you tomorrow. 548 00:21:08,229 --> 00:21:09,630 I'll see you around, Deacon. 549 00:21:09,698 --> 00:21:10,898 Yeah. 550 00:21:10,966 --> 00:21:13,100 Oh, wait, wait. Let me pay you for today. 551 00:21:13,168 --> 00:21:14,535 Money? No. No, no, no, no, no. 552 00:21:14,602 --> 00:21:15,603 What? Come on. 553 00:21:15,670 --> 00:21:17,305 I gotta give you something. 554 00:21:17,372 --> 00:21:19,490 No, no, really, I mean, I--I just got a bunch of new clients, 555 00:21:19,558 --> 00:21:20,791 a whole family of beagles. 556 00:21:20,909 --> 00:21:22,943 I'm doing quite well, really. 557 00:21:23,010 --> 00:21:24,678 Really. It's fine. 558 00:21:26,999 --> 00:21:28,032 Ok. 559 00:21:29,001 --> 00:21:30,034 Thanks. 560 00:21:30,102 --> 00:21:31,669 I owe you one. 561 00:21:31,736 --> 00:21:34,020 I may just take you up on that. 562 00:21:36,124 --> 00:21:37,224 Bye. 563 00:21:37,292 --> 00:21:38,376 Ooh. 564 00:21:51,056 --> 00:21:52,823 Come on, you 2. It's late. 565 00:21:52,891 --> 00:21:54,341 Lights out. 566 00:21:55,710 --> 00:21:57,177 A clarification, sir. 567 00:21:57,245 --> 00:22:00,348 When you say, "lights out," does that include flashlights? 39528