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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:39,972 --> 00:00:41,822 Good luck with your wrapper. 2 00:00:43,526 --> 00:00:46,043 ♪ My eyes are gettin' weary ♪ 3 00:00:46,111 --> 00:00:49,096 ♪ my back is gettin' tight 4 00:00:49,164 --> 00:00:51,182 ♪ I'm sittin' here in traffic ♪ 5 00:00:51,250 --> 00:00:54,201 ♪ on the queensboro bridge tonight ♪ 6 00:00:54,269 --> 00:00:57,605 ♪ but I don't care, 'cause all I want to do ♪ 7 00:00:59,458 --> 00:01:03,011 ♪ is cash my check and drive right home to you ♪ 8 00:01:05,114 --> 00:01:06,731 ♪ 'cause, baby, all my life 9 00:01:06,799 --> 00:01:09,567 ♪ I will be drivin' home to you ♪ 10 00:01:19,110 --> 00:01:21,294 [T.V. Playing] 11 00:01:21,361 --> 00:01:23,296 So, Saturday night, huh? 12 00:01:23,363 --> 00:01:25,031 Saturday night. 13 00:01:25,098 --> 00:01:26,299 This is sweet. 14 00:01:26,367 --> 00:01:28,551 It do not get better than this. 15 00:01:29,269 --> 00:01:30,670 It do not. 16 00:01:32,306 --> 00:01:33,990 [Siren wailing on t.V.] 17 00:01:39,897 --> 00:01:41,381 So is this just a phase, 18 00:01:41,449 --> 00:01:44,718 or is this... Pretty much it for us? 19 00:01:44,785 --> 00:01:46,285 What do you wanna do? 20 00:01:46,353 --> 00:01:49,139 Something a little bit more action-packed. 21 00:01:49,206 --> 00:01:51,624 You wanna go hit amateur night at a strip club? 22 00:01:55,213 --> 00:01:56,879 I think there's a middle ground. 23 00:01:56,947 --> 00:02:00,016 Um, hey, let's go see a movie. 24 00:02:00,083 --> 00:02:02,752 A movie? I like your spunk! 25 00:02:02,820 --> 00:02:04,103 Well, let's go, bub. 26 00:02:04,171 --> 00:02:05,505 We are goin' to the movies! 27 00:02:05,572 --> 00:02:07,324 I am excited. And you know what? 28 00:02:07,391 --> 00:02:10,443 I'm gonna wear that new underwear you bought me. 29 00:02:10,511 --> 00:02:12,312 I look forward to that. 30 00:02:12,380 --> 00:02:14,680 Since we're going, let's call deac' and invite him. 31 00:02:14,748 --> 00:02:15,915 Uh, not gonna happen. 32 00:02:16,016 --> 00:02:18,484 He's, uh, he's not ready to start goin' out yet. 33 00:02:18,552 --> 00:02:19,568 Oh, come on. 34 00:02:19,636 --> 00:02:21,304 It's been 2 months since Kelly left him. 35 00:02:21,372 --> 00:02:22,972 He's gotta have a movie in him. 36 00:02:23,040 --> 00:02:25,441 Look, we can call him, but I'm telling ya, 37 00:02:25,509 --> 00:02:27,610 he's not even answering his phone anymore. 38 00:02:27,677 --> 00:02:29,779 And you gotta hear his machine. 39 00:02:29,846 --> 00:02:31,047 Brutal. 40 00:02:31,115 --> 00:02:32,615 [Phone ringing] 41 00:02:32,682 --> 00:02:34,317 (Answering machine) Hi. This is Deacon. 42 00:02:34,385 --> 00:02:36,252 I'm not here right now. 43 00:02:36,320 --> 00:02:37,921 [Clearing throat] 44 00:02:37,988 --> 00:02:40,790 [Voice breaking] If you're calling for Kelly, 45 00:02:40,857 --> 00:02:43,259 or my children, 46 00:02:43,327 --> 00:02:47,063 they're at her mother's at (732) 555-1012. 47 00:02:50,200 --> 00:02:51,801 [Whispers] I--I gotta go. 48 00:02:53,887 --> 00:02:55,388 Just act normal. Ok. 49 00:02:55,455 --> 00:02:57,423 [Machine beeping] 50 00:02:57,491 --> 00:02:59,792 Hey, buddy, it's, uh, it's Doug and Carrie. 51 00:02:59,860 --> 00:03:01,360 Hey, fella! 52 00:03:04,297 --> 00:03:06,666 Anyway, uh, look, man, I know you're there, 53 00:03:06,734 --> 00:03:08,100 so just pick up the phone. 54 00:03:08,168 --> 00:03:09,402 Come on, man, huh? 55 00:03:09,486 --> 00:03:10,903 We're--we're going to the movies, 56 00:03:10,971 --> 00:03:12,271 and we wanna invite you along. 57 00:03:12,339 --> 00:03:13,773 Come on, man, it's movie time. 58 00:03:13,841 --> 00:03:15,307 ♪ Da, da, da, da, da, da-da 59 00:03:15,343 --> 00:03:17,710 ♪[imitating playing drums] 60 00:03:17,778 --> 00:03:19,445 The raisinettes are playin' trumpet, 61 00:03:19,513 --> 00:03:21,447 and, hey, surround sound, huh? 62 00:03:21,515 --> 00:03:24,751 [Mimicking doppler effect] Whoa-oa, whoa-oa. 63 00:03:24,818 --> 00:03:26,986 [Imitating surround sound] 64 00:03:33,059 --> 00:03:35,495 Ding-a-ling-a-ling- a-ling-a-ling. 65 00:03:42,936 --> 00:03:44,553 [Doorbell ringing] 66 00:03:45,339 --> 00:03:47,107 Hey, guy! 67 00:03:47,174 --> 00:03:49,142 I told you we shouldn't have worn pants. 68 00:03:49,210 --> 00:03:50,643 Now we've embarrassed him, huh? 69 00:03:50,711 --> 00:03:52,145 I kid. What's going on? 70 00:03:52,213 --> 00:03:53,412 Hey! 71 00:03:55,349 --> 00:03:56,816 Well, I guess we know 72 00:03:56,884 --> 00:03:59,219 who the neat freak in the relationship was, huh? 73 00:03:59,286 --> 00:04:00,920 Did you get our message? 74 00:04:00,988 --> 00:04:02,555 Yeah, you guys are, what... 75 00:04:02,623 --> 00:04:05,124 Ge-getting some raisinettes, or something? 76 00:04:05,192 --> 00:04:06,760 We called to ask you to the movies. 77 00:04:06,827 --> 00:04:08,261 Now we're takin' you by force. 78 00:04:08,328 --> 00:04:10,630 I'm kinda in the middle of a project right now. 79 00:04:10,698 --> 00:04:11,664 What are you doing? 80 00:04:11,732 --> 00:04:13,466 Well, I'm going through these old pictures, 81 00:04:13,534 --> 00:04:15,701 seeing if Kelly ever looked happy with me. 82 00:04:17,288 --> 00:04:19,105 I don't think she did. 83 00:04:19,172 --> 00:04:20,106 She was. 84 00:04:20,173 --> 00:04:21,674 She had a very sour face in general. 85 00:04:21,725 --> 00:04:23,559 Yeah, that's true. She frowned at everything. 86 00:04:23,627 --> 00:04:25,879 Oh, yeah. If she won the lottery, she'd be like, 87 00:04:25,946 --> 00:04:27,580 "yeah, I won!" 88 00:04:29,817 --> 00:04:31,334 Uh-huh. 89 00:04:31,402 --> 00:04:33,002 Come on. We're serious. 90 00:04:33,070 --> 00:04:34,603 Go to the movies with us. 91 00:04:34,671 --> 00:04:35,938 Yeah, come on, man. 92 00:04:36,006 --> 00:04:37,773 Hey, I'll let you feel me up, 93 00:04:37,841 --> 00:04:40,510 then I'll let you have a run at Carrie. Come on. 94 00:04:41,745 --> 00:04:43,163 It's just... You know what? 95 00:04:43,230 --> 00:04:45,849 Hanging out with a couple right now is just not a great idea. 96 00:04:45,999 --> 00:04:47,232 Where you going? 97 00:04:47,300 --> 00:04:49,469 I'm getting my box of pictures from the honeymoon. 98 00:04:49,536 --> 00:04:53,072 If I get lucky, maybe I'll find a smirk, I don't know. 99 00:04:53,139 --> 00:04:55,307 Doug, we gotta get him out of here. 100 00:04:55,375 --> 00:04:56,843 You heard him. He won't go. 101 00:04:56,910 --> 00:04:58,361 Maybe he won't go out with us, 102 00:04:58,429 --> 00:05:00,263 but why don't you take him out? I'll bail. 103 00:05:00,330 --> 00:05:01,464 Look at this place. 104 00:05:01,532 --> 00:05:02,799 It's getting pretty scary. 105 00:05:02,867 --> 00:05:06,102 Cereal in a frisbee? Come on! 106 00:05:06,170 --> 00:05:08,855 Actually, that was mine from 2 weeks ago. 107 00:05:08,923 --> 00:05:11,090 Please, just take him out. Go somewhere. 108 00:05:11,158 --> 00:05:12,208 Go where? 109 00:05:12,276 --> 00:05:13,760 I don't know. Go to a nightclub. 110 00:05:13,762 --> 00:05:14,677 A nightclub? 111 00:05:14,744 --> 00:05:16,146 Yeah. You used to love clubs. 112 00:05:16,213 --> 00:05:18,781 You used to be like big, fun club guy. 113 00:05:18,916 --> 00:05:21,668 Yeah, but now I'm big fall-asleep-with- crumbs-on-my-chest guy. 114 00:05:21,735 --> 00:05:23,303 People change. 115 00:05:23,454 --> 00:05:25,789 Well, you're not doing this for you. 116 00:05:25,856 --> 00:05:27,223 You're doing this for Deacon. 117 00:05:27,291 --> 00:05:29,225 Come on, honey, we gotta get him out of here 118 00:05:29,293 --> 00:05:31,094 before he humps the photo album! 119 00:05:32,546 --> 00:05:34,513 Fine. I'll take him out. 120 00:05:34,581 --> 00:05:36,332 Hey, deac', buddy, come on, man. 121 00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:38,151 You and I are gonna go out without Carrie. 122 00:05:38,219 --> 00:05:39,402 Let's go! 123 00:05:40,671 --> 00:05:42,405 Ok. It's gonna have to be another night. 124 00:05:42,473 --> 00:05:43,706 Why? 125 00:05:43,774 --> 00:05:44,907 'Cause he just put his pajamas on. 126 00:05:44,975 --> 00:05:46,008 Actually, I think 127 00:05:46,076 --> 00:05:48,911 he might have just put Kelly's pajamas on. 128 00:05:54,518 --> 00:05:56,920 Carrie, I'm gonna need you to read this, 129 00:05:56,987 --> 00:05:58,354 and every time you see the words 130 00:05:58,422 --> 00:06:00,990 "hamburger Patty," highlight it in blue. 131 00:06:01,292 --> 00:06:02,625 Ok. 132 00:06:02,693 --> 00:06:04,527 Also, have you met lila? 133 00:06:04,595 --> 00:06:05,829 Uh, lila. No. 134 00:06:05,896 --> 00:06:07,163 She's Thompson's new assistant. 135 00:06:07,230 --> 00:06:09,866 I gotta tell you, she looks exactly like you. 136 00:06:09,933 --> 00:06:10,683 Really? Yeah. 137 00:06:10,751 --> 00:06:12,218 It's incredible. Really. 138 00:06:15,038 --> 00:06:17,223 Ok. I believe you. 139 00:06:17,290 --> 00:06:19,158 I'm not kidding, Carrie. 140 00:06:20,126 --> 00:06:22,344 Well, I--I can't comment. 141 00:06:22,412 --> 00:06:24,814 Haven't seen her. 142 00:06:24,881 --> 00:06:26,599 Well, you wanna see her? 143 00:06:26,666 --> 00:06:28,451 Here. That's her. 144 00:06:32,956 --> 00:06:34,556 ♪[Music playing] 145 00:06:40,263 --> 00:06:42,064 All right. The club scene. 146 00:06:42,132 --> 00:06:43,599 It's all comin' back. 147 00:06:43,667 --> 00:06:45,585 So gimme some guidelines lady-wise. 148 00:06:45,652 --> 00:06:47,620 What do you like? What do you need? 149 00:06:47,687 --> 00:06:49,021 You like big boobs, little boobs? 150 00:06:49,089 --> 00:06:50,389 Full-figured, skinny, skanky? 151 00:06:50,457 --> 00:06:51,824 Talk to me, goose. 152 00:06:53,427 --> 00:06:55,061 I'd like anyone who won't take my kids 153 00:06:55,129 --> 00:06:57,129 in the middle of the night and move to Jersey, 154 00:06:57,197 --> 00:06:58,498 that's what I'd like. 155 00:06:58,565 --> 00:06:59,866 Will you forget about that? 156 00:06:59,933 --> 00:07:01,066 All right, come on. 157 00:07:01,134 --> 00:07:02,568 Now, look. 158 00:07:02,636 --> 00:07:04,404 I want you to have one conversation with a pretty girl. 159 00:07:04,471 --> 00:07:05,505 That's all I'm asking. 160 00:07:05,572 --> 00:07:06,706 Candy shop is open. 161 00:07:06,774 --> 00:07:08,173 Pick yourself a lolly. 162 00:07:11,945 --> 00:07:13,112 I don't know. 163 00:07:13,179 --> 00:07:14,930 I--I guess they're kinda cute. 164 00:07:14,999 --> 00:07:17,433 There you go. Perfect. 165 00:07:17,501 --> 00:07:19,635 Look at 'em sittin' there. 166 00:07:19,703 --> 00:07:22,488 They have no idea how their lives are about to change. 167 00:07:23,924 --> 00:07:25,524 They're helpless antelopes. 168 00:07:25,592 --> 00:07:27,994 We're lions in the grass. 169 00:07:28,062 --> 00:07:29,628 Let the hunt begin. 170 00:07:37,671 --> 00:07:39,038 So go ahead. 171 00:07:40,107 --> 00:07:41,708 I thought you were going. 172 00:07:41,775 --> 00:07:43,359 Me? I don't need to meet women. 173 00:07:43,427 --> 00:07:45,294 You just said, "tell me who you like." 174 00:07:45,362 --> 00:07:48,113 That's what the pimp says before he goes and gets you the girl. 175 00:07:51,134 --> 00:07:52,401 I'm not your pimp. 176 00:07:52,469 --> 00:07:54,237 I'm your white sidekick. Now, you go! 177 00:07:54,239 --> 00:07:56,221 No, I don't want to. Let's get outta here. 178 00:07:56,289 --> 00:07:59,258 No, fine, fine, I'll do it, all right? Jeez! 179 00:07:59,325 --> 00:08:00,559 Man. 180 00:08:00,627 --> 00:08:02,394 It's been a while since I've done this. 181 00:08:02,462 --> 00:08:04,163 My heart is pumpin'. 182 00:08:04,230 --> 00:08:06,165 What was my old routine again? 183 00:08:06,232 --> 00:08:08,567 Oh, yeah, shake it out, untuck, and roll. 184 00:08:11,355 --> 00:08:13,256 Hey there. 185 00:08:13,323 --> 00:08:15,491 I don't know if you ladies watch professional roller derby, 186 00:08:15,558 --> 00:08:17,293 but I'm Doug heffernan. 187 00:08:20,647 --> 00:08:22,348 ♪ It's gonna get ya 188 00:08:22,416 --> 00:08:24,283 ♪ rhythm is gonna get ya 189 00:08:24,351 --> 00:08:26,585 ♪ rhythm is gonna get ya 190 00:08:26,653 --> 00:08:28,721 ♪ tonight 191 00:08:28,788 --> 00:08:30,256 [shouting] ♪ oh-ey-oh-ey 192 00:08:30,324 --> 00:08:31,857 ♪ oh-ey-oh-ey 193 00:08:31,925 --> 00:08:33,192 ♪ oh-ey-- 194 00:08:33,259 --> 00:08:35,444 all right. What time is it? 195 00:08:35,512 --> 00:08:36,913 It's a quarter to 2. Whassup? 196 00:08:36,981 --> 00:08:39,032 Wow. How'd it go? 197 00:08:39,099 --> 00:08:40,516 Oh, it was great. 198 00:08:40,584 --> 00:08:42,551 I was dancin', had a few beers, 199 00:08:42,619 --> 00:08:46,255 met a drunk dude who kept high-fivin' me all night. 200 00:08:46,290 --> 00:08:49,091 You see? You were fightin' me on this, and it went great. 201 00:08:49,126 --> 00:08:50,876 Yeah. Oh, and by the way, it turns out, 202 00:08:50,944 --> 00:08:53,746 when you're happily married and not desperate to pick someone up, 203 00:08:53,813 --> 00:08:55,714 the chicks just start flyin' at you. 204 00:08:55,782 --> 00:08:56,949 [Laughing] 205 00:09:00,504 --> 00:09:02,538 At you or at Deacon? 206 00:09:04,341 --> 00:09:05,541 Don't worry about it. Come on. 207 00:09:05,608 --> 00:09:06,809 It was great for Deacon. 208 00:09:06,876 --> 00:09:08,477 He got out. He got his feet wet. 209 00:09:08,545 --> 00:09:10,179 I learned what type of woman he likes, 210 00:09:10,247 --> 00:09:12,348 which is, p.S., bootylicious. 211 00:09:13,400 --> 00:09:15,268 That's good. You did good, honey. 212 00:09:15,335 --> 00:09:16,535 Thanks. 213 00:09:16,603 --> 00:09:18,988 So we're gonna kick it back there on Thursday. 214 00:09:19,055 --> 00:09:21,040 What? You're going back there again? 215 00:09:21,158 --> 00:09:23,625 Yeah, what'd you think, I'd get him remarried in one night? 216 00:09:23,693 --> 00:09:26,145 I'm good, but I'm not that good. 217 00:09:26,213 --> 00:09:27,980 All right, it's late. I'm going to bed. 218 00:09:28,048 --> 00:09:29,815 Oh, come on! Stay down here with me. 219 00:09:29,883 --> 00:09:32,318 I'm up now! Let's party. 220 00:09:32,386 --> 00:09:33,786 Come on, party! 221 00:09:38,241 --> 00:09:40,442 [Telephone ringing] 222 00:09:40,510 --> 00:09:41,811 Mr. Thompson's office. 223 00:09:41,879 --> 00:09:42,812 Oh, no, she left. 224 00:09:42,880 --> 00:09:44,847 I'm his new assistant, lila. 225 00:09:44,915 --> 00:09:46,482 He's in court this morning. 226 00:09:46,550 --> 00:09:48,885 All right, I'll tell him you called. Bye-bye. 227 00:09:55,541 --> 00:09:57,276 [Telephone ringing] 228 00:10:10,023 --> 00:10:11,456 [Coughing] 229 00:10:15,061 --> 00:10:16,162 [Sneezing] 230 00:10:16,229 --> 00:10:17,462 Oh, bless you. 231 00:10:17,530 --> 00:10:18,964 Thank you. 232 00:10:30,427 --> 00:10:32,711 ♪[Music playing] 233 00:10:32,780 --> 00:10:35,281 All right. Tonight, I wanna see some progress, guy. 234 00:10:35,348 --> 00:10:37,116 Tonight, it's all about you. 235 00:10:37,184 --> 00:10:39,551 This is your time. This is your town. 236 00:10:39,619 --> 00:10:40,552 You ready? 237 00:10:40,620 --> 00:10:41,620 Not really-- 238 00:10:41,688 --> 00:10:43,055 good. Let's go. 239 00:10:43,123 --> 00:10:44,506 Hey, man, what's going on? 240 00:10:44,574 --> 00:10:45,541 Hey, man. 241 00:10:45,609 --> 00:10:47,076 Hey! Tonight, you're buying! 242 00:10:47,144 --> 00:10:48,177 Hey! 243 00:10:49,246 --> 00:10:50,279 What's happening? 244 00:10:50,347 --> 00:10:51,981 There they are, the girls of Fordham u. 245 00:10:52,049 --> 00:10:53,449 I know I can't afford 'em. 246 00:10:53,516 --> 00:10:54,717 [Laughing] You? 247 00:10:56,153 --> 00:10:58,855 What's up, lizard? Couple buds. 248 00:10:58,922 --> 00:11:00,522 ♪[Music playing] 249 00:11:09,149 --> 00:11:10,149 [Inaudible] 250 00:11:24,865 --> 00:11:26,565 ♪[Music blaring] 251 00:11:26,633 --> 00:11:28,166 You havin' fun? 252 00:11:29,135 --> 00:11:30,286 What? 253 00:11:30,837 --> 00:11:32,488 You havin' fun? 254 00:11:33,423 --> 00:11:34,624 What? 255 00:11:34,691 --> 00:11:36,075 All right! 256 00:11:37,845 --> 00:11:38,861 What? 257 00:11:41,081 --> 00:11:42,681 ♪[Music playing] 258 00:11:54,427 --> 00:11:55,560 [People chattering] 259 00:11:55,628 --> 00:11:56,628 Hey, deac', wake up. 260 00:11:56,696 --> 00:11:58,530 Huh? 261 00:11:58,598 --> 00:11:59,966 A bunch of these guys are goin' out for eggs. You up? 262 00:12:00,033 --> 00:12:01,584 What? It's 3 a.m. 263 00:12:01,652 --> 00:12:05,737 We gotta work in the mornin'. I just wanna go home, man. 264 00:12:05,805 --> 00:12:08,023 All right. I'm gonna go with them. All right? 265 00:12:08,091 --> 00:12:10,008 Hey, you did great tonight, buddy. 266 00:12:10,077 --> 00:12:11,510 You did great! 267 00:12:11,578 --> 00:12:13,412 Hey, wait up! Shotgun! 268 00:12:21,972 --> 00:12:23,522 ♪[Music playing] 269 00:12:49,932 --> 00:12:51,265 Hey, sweetness. 270 00:12:51,334 --> 00:12:54,035 I'd like to show you a picture my boss took. 271 00:12:54,102 --> 00:12:57,305 Uh, what do you see when you look at this picture? 272 00:12:57,373 --> 00:12:59,006 You and a girl who looks like you. 273 00:12:59,074 --> 00:13:00,442 Hey! Watch the hair. 274 00:13:00,509 --> 00:13:02,594 Well, don't tell someone they look like someone else 275 00:13:02,662 --> 00:13:04,596 when they very clearly don't! 276 00:13:04,663 --> 00:13:06,765 Will you relax. Why is this such a big deal for you? 277 00:13:06,832 --> 00:13:07,615 It just is. 278 00:13:07,683 --> 00:13:08,850 Hasn't anyone ever told you 279 00:13:08,918 --> 00:13:11,085 you look like someone and it offended you? 280 00:13:11,153 --> 00:13:14,755 What, you mean, like, every famous fat guy in any movie, ever? 281 00:13:16,592 --> 00:13:18,360 That's different. 282 00:13:18,427 --> 00:13:20,361 What's with the getup anyway? 283 00:13:20,429 --> 00:13:21,696 I'm goin' out with Deacon tonight. 284 00:13:21,764 --> 00:13:22,964 What? Again? 285 00:13:23,032 --> 00:13:24,331 That's the 3rd time this week. 286 00:13:24,399 --> 00:13:27,268 Look, I'm doing this for my friend. He's suffering. 287 00:13:27,336 --> 00:13:30,205 [Electric razor humming] 288 00:13:30,272 --> 00:13:34,442 And you have to trim your nose hair because? 289 00:13:34,510 --> 00:13:37,212 Because I'm guiding him through the singles scene, ok? 290 00:13:37,279 --> 00:13:39,214 I don't think he wants a guy who's all, like, 291 00:13:39,281 --> 00:13:41,916 "hey, what's up, ladies? This is my friend Deacon right here. 292 00:13:41,984 --> 00:13:43,218 "Deacon, say hello to the girl. 293 00:13:43,285 --> 00:13:45,353 Hey, nice to meet you. How you guys doin'?" 294 00:13:45,421 --> 00:13:47,355 [Telephone ringing] 295 00:13:47,423 --> 00:13:48,923 [Clearing throat] 296 00:13:49,725 --> 00:13:50,725 Hello? 297 00:13:50,792 --> 00:13:51,926 (Deacon) It's Deacon. 298 00:13:51,994 --> 00:13:54,262 What's up, my brother? 299 00:13:54,330 --> 00:13:56,781 I was callin' to let you know I can't go out tonight. 300 00:13:56,849 --> 00:13:58,215 What? Why? 301 00:13:58,283 --> 00:14:00,919 I met this girl at church on Sunday, and we're just gonna hang out. 302 00:14:00,986 --> 00:14:02,787 Dude, I'm already dressed. 303 00:14:02,855 --> 00:14:04,589 I'm sorry. She's making me dinner. 304 00:14:04,657 --> 00:14:06,975 You met her at church, and she's already making you dinner? 305 00:14:07,042 --> 00:14:09,377 I gotta tell you, you got a stalker on your hands. 306 00:14:09,445 --> 00:14:10,895 What's your problem, man? 307 00:14:10,946 --> 00:14:12,546 My problem is, we had plans this evening, 308 00:14:12,614 --> 00:14:15,733 and I think you're being very rude. 309 00:14:15,801 --> 00:14:17,535 Doug, in a second, you may hear a noise 310 00:14:17,586 --> 00:14:20,021 that sounds like someone hanging up. 311 00:14:20,088 --> 00:14:21,823 [Dial tone] 312 00:14:21,891 --> 00:14:23,057 Loser. 313 00:14:24,192 --> 00:14:26,661 I'm glad Deacon canceled. 314 00:14:26,729 --> 00:14:28,797 I get my couch-Doug back. 315 00:14:28,864 --> 00:14:30,532 [Man on TV chattering] 316 00:14:30,599 --> 00:14:32,166 Yeah, he's back. 317 00:14:34,069 --> 00:14:37,071 I'm sorry I, I snapped at you before about the picture. 318 00:14:37,139 --> 00:14:38,272 It was just... 319 00:14:38,340 --> 00:14:40,174 It's annoying. 320 00:14:40,242 --> 00:14:41,643 Do you know 321 00:14:41,710 --> 00:14:43,578 that they actually put it in the office newsletter? 322 00:14:43,646 --> 00:14:45,313 Do you know what the caption was? 323 00:14:45,380 --> 00:14:47,248 "Mary-Kate and Ashley." 324 00:14:49,001 --> 00:14:50,151 Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm. 325 00:14:50,219 --> 00:14:51,819 I'm just sayin', I mean, whatever, 326 00:14:51,887 --> 00:14:53,855 but people have actually stopped me on the street 327 00:14:53,922 --> 00:14:55,857 and told me I look like j-lo, you know? 328 00:14:55,924 --> 00:14:59,293 And one has actually met her. 329 00:14:59,361 --> 00:15:01,996 And this girl, trust me, looks nothing like j-lo. 330 00:15:02,064 --> 00:15:03,865 So by simple multiplication, 331 00:15:03,932 --> 00:15:06,768 there is no way that I look like this girl. 332 00:15:06,835 --> 00:15:08,435 ♪[Music playing] 333 00:15:08,503 --> 00:15:11,272 And it's not like I need people comin' up to me every 2 seconds 334 00:15:11,339 --> 00:15:13,074 and telling me I'm beautiful or anything. 335 00:15:13,142 --> 00:15:15,042 But I definitely don't need people telling me 336 00:15:15,110 --> 00:15:17,311 I look like people that I-- that I don't look like. 337 00:15:17,379 --> 00:15:18,612 You know what I'm sayin', hon'? 338 00:15:18,680 --> 00:15:21,265 Oh, yeah. What? Are you kiddin' me? 339 00:15:21,333 --> 00:15:23,584 And let's say everybody was right at the office, 340 00:15:23,652 --> 00:15:26,170 and I look exactly like this girl. 341 00:15:26,288 --> 00:15:28,890 Do you know what? It really doesn't matter to me, 342 00:15:28,957 --> 00:15:30,792 because I'm beautiful 343 00:15:30,859 --> 00:15:32,160 in here. 344 00:15:32,194 --> 00:15:33,778 [Elevator bell dinging] 345 00:15:47,543 --> 00:15:49,144 Hi, Dex. 346 00:15:49,211 --> 00:15:51,045 Hey, how's it goin'? 347 00:15:51,113 --> 00:15:52,931 [Telephone ringing] 348 00:15:56,585 --> 00:15:58,335 Mornin', Angie. 349 00:16:05,043 --> 00:16:06,744 Hey, whatcha got there? 350 00:16:06,812 --> 00:16:08,446 You got some mail? 351 00:16:28,951 --> 00:16:30,418 Hi, lila! 352 00:16:30,486 --> 00:16:31,385 Hey. 353 00:16:31,554 --> 00:16:32,420 How ya doin'? 354 00:16:32,488 --> 00:16:34,139 Hey, new look. 355 00:16:34,206 --> 00:16:35,273 [Chuckling] 356 00:16:35,340 --> 00:16:37,375 Lila and slutty lila. 357 00:16:45,818 --> 00:16:47,351 Doug, I'm home! 358 00:16:48,420 --> 00:16:49,420 Ow. 359 00:16:50,288 --> 00:16:51,355 Doug? 360 00:16:52,157 --> 00:16:53,424 Hello? 361 00:16:56,711 --> 00:16:58,730 [Answering machine beeps] 362 00:16:58,797 --> 00:17:00,197 (Doug) Hey, baby. 363 00:17:00,265 --> 00:17:02,000 I'm headin' out to the club after work tonight. 364 00:17:02,067 --> 00:17:03,901 Gotta go do the cupid thang again. 365 00:17:03,969 --> 00:17:05,369 Don't wait up. Love you. 366 00:17:05,437 --> 00:17:07,138 [Answering machine beeps] 367 00:17:07,205 --> 00:17:08,539 (Lila) Hey, Carrie, it's lila. 368 00:17:08,607 --> 00:17:10,842 Listen, i was thinking, tomorrow, 369 00:17:10,909 --> 00:17:12,644 let's try to convince tom in accounting 370 00:17:12,711 --> 00:17:14,311 that I'm you! 371 00:17:14,379 --> 00:17:15,446 Bye! 372 00:17:22,420 --> 00:17:23,771 Hey, look, 373 00:17:23,838 --> 00:17:25,839 this--this singles world, it's a bumpy ride. 374 00:17:25,908 --> 00:17:27,341 But the important thing is, 375 00:17:27,409 --> 00:17:29,243 you're out here tryin', buddy, 376 00:17:29,311 --> 00:17:31,162 and I'm here for you. 377 00:17:34,283 --> 00:17:36,835 Why did you wake me up for this? 378 00:17:36,902 --> 00:17:38,119 You love the club scene. 379 00:17:38,420 --> 00:17:39,170 I do not! 380 00:17:39,238 --> 00:17:41,055 All right? I'm awkward and sweaty, 381 00:17:41,122 --> 00:17:43,924 and many women think I'm in junior high. 382 00:17:43,992 --> 00:17:45,409 Do not do that to yourself. 383 00:17:45,477 --> 00:17:48,062 You, my friend, you're awesome. 384 00:17:48,130 --> 00:17:50,030 Now I have to meet some people at the bar. 385 00:17:50,098 --> 00:17:52,600 You wouldn't like them. They're really not your type. 386 00:17:52,668 --> 00:17:54,018 But you, 387 00:17:54,086 --> 00:17:55,637 you're awesome. 388 00:18:04,980 --> 00:18:06,130 Freaks. 389 00:18:07,782 --> 00:18:09,317 You've never seen the Terminator? 390 00:18:09,384 --> 00:18:10,869 I don't believe you. 391 00:18:10,936 --> 00:18:12,687 Deacon? 392 00:18:12,755 --> 00:18:14,589 Oh, hey, girl. 393 00:18:14,656 --> 00:18:17,024 Hey, what's goin' on? I thought you were goin' out with Doug tonight. 394 00:18:17,091 --> 00:18:19,360 No. Actually, I met someone. I'm hangin' out with Wendy tonight. 395 00:18:19,428 --> 00:18:20,561 Wendy, Carrie. Carrie, Wendy. 396 00:18:20,629 --> 00:18:21,679 Hi. 397 00:18:21,747 --> 00:18:22,763 Hi. 398 00:18:22,831 --> 00:18:25,833 So you're not suffering at the moment? 399 00:18:25,900 --> 00:18:27,701 Suffering? No. 400 00:18:27,769 --> 00:18:30,371 I'm a disappointed 'cause they don't have along came a spider, 401 00:18:30,505 --> 00:18:31,388 but otherwise-- 402 00:18:31,456 --> 00:18:32,656 right. Right. 403 00:18:32,724 --> 00:18:34,175 What's wrong? 404 00:18:34,242 --> 00:18:36,210 Nothing. I'm just pretty sure I need to go kick cupid's ass. 405 00:18:36,278 --> 00:18:37,478 Excuse me. 406 00:18:40,382 --> 00:18:42,450 ♪[Music playing] 407 00:18:42,517 --> 00:18:44,117 [Crowd whooping] 408 00:18:45,787 --> 00:18:47,205 [Man whistling] 409 00:18:53,478 --> 00:18:56,630 That guy's awesome. He's gonna break the record. 410 00:19:09,194 --> 00:19:10,828 Hi. 411 00:19:10,895 --> 00:19:13,364 Hey, what's goin' on? 412 00:19:13,432 --> 00:19:14,632 Oh, not much. 413 00:19:14,700 --> 00:19:17,768 I just ran into Deacon on a date. 414 00:19:17,836 --> 00:19:18,919 I'm here for Spence. 415 00:19:18,987 --> 00:19:20,421 Oh, will you stop it. 416 00:19:20,489 --> 00:19:22,089 No, it's true. He's single, too. 417 00:19:22,157 --> 00:19:23,858 He needs me. That's what I do. I help the single. 418 00:19:23,926 --> 00:19:25,192 Where is he? Spence? 419 00:19:25,260 --> 00:19:27,161 Oh, come on. He's outside waiting for a cab. 420 00:19:27,228 --> 00:19:28,579 He said you kept ditchin' him. 421 00:19:28,646 --> 00:19:29,697 He's drunk out of his mind. 422 00:19:29,765 --> 00:19:30,915 Oh, come on! 423 00:19:30,983 --> 00:19:32,683 This isn't about your friends, admit it. 424 00:19:32,750 --> 00:19:35,652 This is about you getting your jollies in at nightclubs. 425 00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:36,937 All right, fine. I admit it. 426 00:19:37,005 --> 00:19:38,673 But you sent me here to get my jollies. 427 00:19:38,740 --> 00:19:40,241 No. 428 00:19:40,309 --> 00:19:42,543 I sent you here to help Deacon get his jollies. 429 00:19:42,610 --> 00:19:43,778 Well, it's dark. 430 00:19:43,846 --> 00:19:45,980 Jollies get very mixed up in this place. 431 00:19:46,047 --> 00:19:47,682 And what's the big deal anyway? 432 00:19:47,750 --> 00:19:49,417 So I'm feeling good about myself. 433 00:19:49,485 --> 00:19:51,419 Oh, so what? I'll tell you so what, ok? 434 00:19:51,486 --> 00:19:54,121 You--you--you feelin' good about yourself and me feeling lousy, 435 00:19:54,188 --> 00:19:57,124 that's not gonna fly, buddy, so here's how it's gonna go down, ok? 436 00:19:57,191 --> 00:19:58,776 You're gonna hang up your old chain, 437 00:19:58,844 --> 00:20:00,928 you're gonna let your nose hair grow, 438 00:20:00,996 --> 00:20:04,799 and we're gonna go back to sitting on the couch and feeling just ok. 439 00:20:04,867 --> 00:20:07,201 Because that's what marriage is. 440 00:20:08,887 --> 00:20:11,856 All right, fine. I'm comin' back to the couch. 441 00:20:11,923 --> 00:20:13,808 Just gimme a second. I gotta find my keys. 442 00:20:13,876 --> 00:20:15,460 I think they shot out of my pants 443 00:20:15,527 --> 00:20:17,862 when I got rocketed off the bull. 444 00:20:23,034 --> 00:20:25,987 Ok, I definitely know you from somewhere. 445 00:20:26,054 --> 00:20:27,755 Uh... 446 00:20:27,823 --> 00:20:29,223 Actually, I just saw you walk in here, 447 00:20:29,291 --> 00:20:31,542 but I thought you were really, really hot. 448 00:20:31,609 --> 00:20:33,877 You do? Yeah. 449 00:20:33,945 --> 00:20:36,430 So you wanna go out to my van? 450 00:20:36,498 --> 00:20:39,750 Oh, my God. That is so sweet. 451 00:20:40,485 --> 00:20:41,919 But, no, I'm married. 452 00:20:41,987 --> 00:20:43,454 But thank you. 453 00:20:43,521 --> 00:20:44,489 Ok. 454 00:20:44,556 --> 00:20:45,873 Catch you later. 455 00:20:45,941 --> 00:20:46,974 Ok. 456 00:20:47,443 --> 00:20:49,193 Aw. 457 00:20:49,195 --> 00:20:51,328 All right. Let's get outta here. Let's hit the couch. 458 00:20:51,396 --> 00:20:52,663 Um... 459 00:20:52,730 --> 00:20:55,182 You know what, honey? Since we're here, 460 00:20:55,250 --> 00:20:58,352 why don't, why don't we stay for a song? 461 00:20:58,420 --> 00:20:59,603 Are you serious? 462 00:20:59,671 --> 00:21:01,672 Sure. Why not? 463 00:21:01,823 --> 00:21:04,158 All right. I'm warnin' ya. I picked up a few new moves, so don't be scared. 464 00:21:04,226 --> 00:21:06,176 All right, come on. Show me what you're workin' with. 465 00:21:06,244 --> 00:21:07,327 All right. 466 00:21:07,395 --> 00:21:08,896 Come on. Come on. 467 00:21:08,964 --> 00:21:11,131 Oh, boy! Oh, yeah! Shake it. Oh yeah. Watch it. 468 00:21:11,199 --> 00:21:13,266 Watch the back. Watch the back. Watch the back. 469 00:21:13,334 --> 00:21:15,636 Oh, yeah, I'm watchin'. I'm watchin'. There you go. 470 00:21:15,704 --> 00:21:17,571 Come on. Oh, yeah. Work it, baby. Work it. 471 00:21:17,639 --> 00:21:18,873 There it is. There it is. 472 00:21:18,940 --> 00:21:20,107 Oh, yeah. Wow. 473 00:21:21,360 --> 00:21:22,944 [Screaming] 474 00:21:26,164 --> 00:21:27,315 Oh, my God. 475 00:21:27,382 --> 00:21:30,284 That little boy's gonna break the junior record. 476 00:21:31,436 --> 00:21:32,670 [Continues screaming] 33026