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1
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Previously on
Resident Alien...
2
00:00:03,962 --> 00:00:06,715
This is what is left
of my spaceship.
3
00:00:07,299 --> 00:00:09,176
This happened to you
because you went to space.
4
00:00:09,259 --> 00:00:10,886
I don't think
that's how space works.
5
00:00:10,969 --> 00:00:13,347
What else could it be?
I have no idea.
6
00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:15,516
That little shit bucket.
7
00:00:15,891 --> 00:00:17,184
I forgot to tell you.
8
00:00:17,267 --> 00:00:19,853
My people are coming
to kill everyone.
9
00:00:19,937 --> 00:00:22,022
You're an alien.
You know, phone home.
10
00:00:22,105 --> 00:00:23,524
Call them,
and tell them not to come.
11
00:00:23,607 --> 00:00:26,235
I will try to build a radio
and contact my people.
12
00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:28,153
The government is after him.
13
00:00:28,237 --> 00:00:30,197
They know
that I know who he is.
14
00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:32,157
What? And they went
back to their base.
15
00:00:32,241 --> 00:00:34,159
And now they're driving around
searching for him.
16
00:00:34,243 --> 00:00:35,661
How do you
know where their base is?
17
00:00:35,744 --> 00:00:37,120
We have our ways.
18
00:00:37,996 --> 00:00:39,498
Hello, ASTA.
We need to speak
19
00:00:39,581 --> 00:00:41,500
with Dr. Vanderspeigle
about that severed foot.
20
00:00:41,583 --> 00:00:42,709
Well, I'll be.
21
00:00:42,793 --> 00:00:45,128
botulinum toxin.
The murder weapon.
22
00:00:45,212 --> 00:00:47,005
Oh, no.
Where is he, ASTA?
23
00:00:47,089 --> 00:00:48,507
He went to hide
in the cellar.
24
00:00:48,590 --> 00:00:49,633
Dr. Vanderspeigle!
25
00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:51,468
Whoa!
What's with the guns?
26
00:00:52,177 --> 00:00:55,013
ASTA?
What in holy hell?
27
00:01:06,733 --> 00:01:10,612
That faint one there
is Mars,
28
00:01:10,696 --> 00:01:12,281
the god of war.
29
00:01:12,781 --> 00:01:17,119
And over there is Venus,
the goddess of fertility.
30
00:01:17,202 --> 00:01:18,704
Venus rhymes with penis.
31
00:01:20,247 --> 00:01:22,791
D'Arcy, Judy,
that's not funny.
32
00:01:22,874 --> 00:01:24,334
Is there a girl hero?
33
00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:27,588
Olivia Baker, did we raise
our hand before we spoke?
34
00:01:27,671 --> 00:01:29,840
Ben didn't
raise his hand.
35
00:01:29,923 --> 00:01:32,467
Ben is working
on being more assertive,
36
00:01:32,884 --> 00:01:34,469
so it's okay for him.
37
00:01:37,014 --> 00:01:39,558
Wow. What's that?
38
00:01:40,517 --> 00:01:42,686
Let's go!
ASTA, Kayla, come on!
39
00:01:42,769 --> 00:01:44,271
Cool!
Wait up!
40
00:01:44,396 --> 00:01:46,773
Hey, hey. Never leave
a fire unattended.
41
00:01:47,691 --> 00:01:49,067
I'll stay.
42
00:01:55,365 --> 00:01:57,242
Okay. Hold up.
I'm coming with you.
43
00:02:09,588 --> 00:02:11,590
I looked,
but there was nothing.
44
00:02:11,673 --> 00:02:14,217
I didn't see anything.
I did. I saw something.
45
00:02:14,301 --> 00:02:17,471
Olivia Baker, you know
the rules about lying.
46
00:02:20,682 --> 00:02:22,184
Did you really
see something?
47
00:02:25,479 --> 00:02:26,563
No.
48
00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:30,400
Okay.
49
00:02:46,291 --> 00:02:47,626
Dr. Vanderspeigle!
50
00:02:48,460 --> 00:02:49,628
Dr. V!
51
00:02:51,421 --> 00:02:53,965
Where the hell is he?
Oh, shit!
52
00:02:54,049 --> 00:02:56,093
Put your hands
above your head right now.
53
00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:58,261
You're under arrest for
the murder of Sam Hodges.
54
00:02:58,345 --> 00:03:00,222
What? Harry,
what's going on?
55
00:03:03,433 --> 00:03:05,352
You're going to have
to catch me first.
56
00:03:06,645 --> 00:03:07,979
Oh, shit!
57
00:03:08,939 --> 00:03:10,899
Deputy, we got
ourselves a werewolf!
58
00:03:10,982 --> 00:03:13,652
What?
Oh, my God! Freeze!
59
00:03:13,735 --> 00:03:15,070
Don't shoot him!
60
00:03:15,153 --> 00:03:16,780
Him? That's a goddamn it!
61
00:03:16,863 --> 00:03:18,115
You need a silver bullet
in your ass,
62
00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:19,700
you albino-ass
werewolf mother...
63
00:03:23,286 --> 00:03:25,580
No,
he won't hurt you if you don't hurt him!
64
00:03:25,664 --> 00:03:26,748
He's an alien!
65
00:03:27,582 --> 00:03:28,750
I knew they existed.
66
00:03:38,135 --> 00:03:39,386
You know what?
67
00:03:39,469 --> 00:03:41,471
I think we deserve
a toast with our toast.
68
00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:43,849
Good work on the
Severed Foot Killer, Deputy.
69
00:03:43,932 --> 00:03:45,767
It's gonna be nice to move on
to something else.
70
00:03:45,851 --> 00:03:47,561
Thank you, sir. You too.
71
00:03:48,186 --> 00:03:49,771
Mm.
72
00:03:51,815 --> 00:03:53,775
I don't want to put my "foot"
73
00:03:54,192 --> 00:03:55,861
in my mouth...
74
00:03:55,944 --> 00:03:59,156
...but I think we deserve
to have more of this bacon.
75
00:04:00,323 --> 00:04:02,075
And maybe even a raise!
76
00:04:02,159 --> 00:04:04,035
Ha! You know what?
77
00:04:04,119 --> 00:04:06,455
Now that I think about it,
you're absolutely right.
78
00:04:06,538 --> 00:04:07,873
I mean, now's the time,
79
00:04:07,956 --> 00:04:09,666
and you've
certainly earned it.
80
00:04:10,751 --> 00:04:12,002
Let's get some more
of that bacon.
81
00:04:22,721 --> 00:04:23,722
Morning, Dr. V.
82
00:04:25,807 --> 00:04:26,808
Howdy.
83
00:04:27,309 --> 00:04:29,478
How... dy.
84
00:04:30,896 --> 00:04:32,063
Wow.
85
00:04:32,147 --> 00:04:33,148
I guess it worked.
86
00:04:33,231 --> 00:04:34,524
I am an alien.
87
00:04:35,150 --> 00:04:37,903
We are very good
at changing peoples' memories
88
00:04:37,986 --> 00:04:39,488
to suit our purposes.
89
00:04:40,030 --> 00:04:41,823
They will not be
a problem anymore.
90
00:04:48,955 --> 00:04:50,457
Deputy, let's get into the car
91
00:04:50,540 --> 00:04:52,334
and drive out
to Dr. Vanderspeigle's house.
92
00:04:52,417 --> 00:04:54,795
We need to talk to him
about some murder stuff.
93
00:05:01,092 --> 00:05:03,678
Sheriff Michael Thompson,
Deputy Olivia Baker,
94
00:05:04,554 --> 00:05:07,390
Special Agent Fisher, FBI.
95
00:05:08,391 --> 00:05:10,143
We're tracking down
the Dead Foot Killer.
96
00:05:10,227 --> 00:05:11,353
We've been following
your movements
97
00:05:11,436 --> 00:05:12,771
for quite some time now,
98
00:05:12,854 --> 00:05:15,524
and I have to say,
you two do excellent work.
99
00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:18,902
Thank you. You've made me
feel good about myself,
100
00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:21,196
so I'm open to what
you're going to say next.
101
00:05:21,279 --> 00:05:23,990
We wouldn't be where we are
if it wasn't for you both.
102
00:05:24,074 --> 00:05:26,451
But the time has come for us
to take over this case.
103
00:05:26,535 --> 00:05:27,744
Well, if you're taking over,
104
00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:29,704
we should stop looking
into the crime.
105
00:05:30,121 --> 00:05:32,040
Exactly. I can only tell you
106
00:05:32,123 --> 00:05:33,792
one thing about the case.
107
00:05:33,875 --> 00:05:37,337
The murderer
is not Harry Vanderspeigle.
108
00:05:39,923 --> 00:05:41,383
You're lucky
they bought that.
109
00:05:42,551 --> 00:05:44,845
You know, when we were in the crevasse,
I saw you were an alien.
110
00:05:44,928 --> 00:05:46,555
Why didn't you
replace my memory?
111
00:05:47,430 --> 00:05:49,516
Because I am not
alone anymore.
112
00:05:51,643 --> 00:05:53,520
You can thank me if you want.
113
00:05:53,895 --> 00:05:54,896
For what?
114
00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:58,316
I killed the man who killed
your friend, Sam.
115
00:05:59,109 --> 00:06:00,360
You are welcome.
116
00:06:01,987 --> 00:06:03,238
Okay, Harry?
Mm?
117
00:06:03,321 --> 00:06:04,614
You're still a murderer.
118
00:06:05,198 --> 00:06:09,870
No. I am a murderer murderer.
It's very different.
119
00:06:09,953 --> 00:06:13,415
You can rationalize your
murderer murder all damn day.
120
00:06:13,498 --> 00:06:14,499
But guess what.
121
00:06:14,583 --> 00:06:16,209
Abigail Hodges
is still accused
122
00:06:16,293 --> 00:06:17,878
of a murder
she didn't commit.
123
00:06:17,961 --> 00:06:20,547
So what?
You do not even like her.
124
00:06:21,089 --> 00:06:22,507
What is wrong with you?
125
00:06:22,591 --> 00:06:24,718
Do you really have
no empathy whatsoever?
126
00:06:24,801 --> 00:06:26,386
That is not
what is wrong with me.
127
00:06:26,469 --> 00:06:27,929
That is what is right with me.
128
00:06:28,013 --> 00:06:30,432
Maybe you should try putting
yourself in other people's shoes.
129
00:06:30,682 --> 00:06:35,020
Ugh. Other people's shoes
smell like other people's feet.
130
00:06:36,605 --> 00:06:38,481
Hi, I'm Ben Hawthorne,
131
00:06:38,565 --> 00:06:41,401
Mayor of peaceful
Patience, Colorado,
132
00:06:41,484 --> 00:06:44,946
where, sometimes, bad things
happen that are totally unrelated.
133
00:06:45,697 --> 00:06:47,574
Some of the highest peaks
in Colorado
134
00:06:47,657 --> 00:06:50,911
are right here in Patience,
but you know what's really low?
135
00:06:50,994 --> 00:06:52,203
Our mortality rate.
136
00:06:53,705 --> 00:06:55,332
I don't think
you should say "mortality."
137
00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:56,625
No?
No.
138
00:06:56,708 --> 00:06:59,044
No good? You're right,
it's a little too dark.
139
00:06:59,169 --> 00:07:01,296
Mm-hmm.
Yeah. Alexa?
140
00:07:01,379 --> 00:07:04,215
What is another word
for "mortality"?
141
00:07:05,675 --> 00:07:07,928
Synonyms for
"mortality" meaning "death"
142
00:07:08,011 --> 00:07:11,306
include "fatality,"
"bloodshed," or "dying."
143
00:07:11,389 --> 00:07:12,641
Alexa, stop.
144
00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:14,267
Uh, you know what?
145
00:07:14,351 --> 00:07:17,354
Let's just lose the whole,
you know, death theme.
146
00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:18,813
Yeah.
Yeah. Keep it positive.
147
00:07:18,897 --> 00:07:19,981
Yeah, keep it light.
Keep it loose.
148
00:07:20,065 --> 00:07:22,484
Yeah. Okay,
let me just try some of these.
149
00:07:24,235 --> 00:07:25,445
Come on down to Patience.
150
00:07:25,528 --> 00:07:27,322
We still have
a working phone booth.
151
00:07:27,405 --> 00:07:29,324
We have
a pretty good dentist.
152
00:07:29,407 --> 00:07:31,701
Our meth hospitalizations
have been way down
153
00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:32,994
since we legalized marijuana.
154
00:07:33,078 --> 00:07:34,371
So come to Patience
155
00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:36,873
for some good, clean
family fun, you hear?
156
00:07:37,415 --> 00:07:38,917
Oh! Whoops.
157
00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:41,670
How'd that get in there?
158
00:07:41,753 --> 00:07:44,714
See, honey, this is why I said
not to use the cloud for these.
159
00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:46,800
It's not safe.
Oh, don't be so uptight.
160
00:07:46,883 --> 00:07:48,635
What's the worst
that happens? Huh?
161
00:07:48,718 --> 00:07:50,595
Somebody hacks
into our account
162
00:07:50,679 --> 00:07:53,181
and sees pictures
of our BDSM kink play?
163
00:07:53,264 --> 00:07:56,142
What's BDSM kink play?
It's, uh...
164
00:07:56,434 --> 00:07:57,978
Did we get a new game?
It's nothing.
165
00:07:58,061 --> 00:07:59,062
No, we did not, okay?
166
00:07:59,145 --> 00:08:01,147
Go clean your room. My cousin
Carl yn's coming for the night.
167
00:08:01,231 --> 00:08:02,816
Can I play kink play
with you and your cousin?
168
00:08:02,899 --> 00:08:03,984
No!
169
00:08:04,442 --> 00:08:06,528
Uh, because she and I are going
hiking. You go clean your room.
170
00:08:08,238 --> 00:08:10,865
So how long will building
this radio take?
171
00:08:11,366 --> 00:08:12,450
Can I help?
172
00:08:14,369 --> 00:08:18,832
I don't know. Can a newborn
pig help perform cardiac surgery?
173
00:08:18,915 --> 00:08:20,792
All right, you might want
to think of another metaphor
174
00:08:20,875 --> 00:08:22,502
before I push you
into traffic.
175
00:08:22,585 --> 00:08:25,130
I'm just trying to save
the human race here.
176
00:08:25,213 --> 00:08:28,049
My problem is, I do not have
a lot of time to build it,
177
00:08:28,133 --> 00:08:32,095
and human technology
is very limited.
178
00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:34,556
I don't know
what to tell you, Harry.
179
00:08:34,639 --> 00:08:35,640
Get creative.
180
00:08:35,724 --> 00:08:38,351
You know, E.T. used
a freakin' Speak & Spell.
181
00:08:38,435 --> 00:08:40,562
E.T. was an idiot.
182
00:08:41,479 --> 00:08:43,523
Obviously, sexy.
183
00:08:44,441 --> 00:08:45,650
Very attractive.
184
00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:47,777
But so dumb.
185
00:08:48,737 --> 00:08:51,072
Well, at least we have
fewer distractions
186
00:08:51,156 --> 00:08:53,033
now that your criminal past
is taken care of.
187
00:08:53,825 --> 00:08:56,578
Almost taken care of.
188
00:08:58,496 --> 00:09:00,749
Now it is taken care of.
Are you serious?
189
00:09:00,832 --> 00:09:02,375
Maybe don't throw
a deadly toxin
190
00:09:02,459 --> 00:09:04,085
where any kid
can just grab it.
191
00:09:04,169 --> 00:09:05,962
Have you not watched enough
Law & Order to know
192
00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:08,256
you don't just throw evidence
into a trash can?
193
00:09:08,798 --> 00:09:10,216
Who's the idiot now?
194
00:09:11,092 --> 00:09:12,343
Still E.T.
195
00:09:13,511 --> 00:09:15,680
Beautiful moron.
196
00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:36,201
What?
197
00:09:36,284 --> 00:09:38,870
Dr. Vanderspeigle,
I am so glad you're home.
198
00:09:38,953 --> 00:09:40,330
This is my cousin, Carl yn.
199
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:41,414
Hi. Sorry.
200
00:09:41,498 --> 00:09:44,125
We were out hiking,
and she tripped and cut her knee open.
201
00:09:44,209 --> 00:09:46,544
I was hoping you could
help. And she's dying?
202
00:09:46,628 --> 00:09:49,172
Oh, no. It just needs
to be looked at.
203
00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:50,715
I was gonna
take her into town,
204
00:09:50,799 --> 00:09:52,050
but Dr. Smallwood is...
205
00:09:52,509 --> 00:09:55,386
Well, Susan Brown went in
with a broken wrist
206
00:09:55,470 --> 00:09:57,472
and came out with
a cast on her ankle.
207
00:09:57,555 --> 00:09:58,848
If I fix it,
208
00:09:59,766 --> 00:10:01,142
you'll leave?
209
00:10:01,518 --> 00:10:03,812
Uh... Yes.
Mm-hmm.
210
00:10:04,729 --> 00:10:06,940
This looks like
a ring resonator.
211
00:10:07,023 --> 00:10:09,317
Are you building a laser?
212
00:10:10,235 --> 00:10:12,320
Are you a talking ham?
213
00:10:12,403 --> 00:10:14,572
Carl yn works in a lab
at New Mexico Tech.
214
00:10:14,656 --> 00:10:16,157
She's one smart lady.
215
00:10:16,699 --> 00:10:19,786
I'm impressed. For a layman,
this is really quite advanced.
216
00:10:21,538 --> 00:10:25,375
It is software-based radio
telemetry transceiver technology,
217
00:10:26,376 --> 00:10:28,878
but the inside-out
potato chip bag
218
00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:31,840
that I'm using as a diffuser
keeps melting.
219
00:10:32,882 --> 00:10:34,092
Wow.
220
00:10:34,175 --> 00:10:36,302
I've never known a guy
who was into SDR
221
00:10:36,386 --> 00:10:39,097
who wasn't also, like,
you know, a troll.
222
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:41,766
Trolls live under bridges.
223
00:10:41,850 --> 00:10:42,976
I am not one of them.
224
00:10:43,059 --> 00:10:45,186
It means she thinks
you're handsome.
225
00:10:48,022 --> 00:10:51,192
I have a handsome
human face.
226
00:10:52,193 --> 00:10:54,487
And my skin tone is the same
as a dead soldier
227
00:10:54,571 --> 00:10:56,239
in a Renaissance painting.
228
00:11:14,424 --> 00:11:16,342
Ah! Yes.
229
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:23,308
Just, whatever you do,
don't eat the snacks.
230
00:11:23,391 --> 00:11:25,935
Benny. Kate.
231
00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:28,897
Long time no see...
Well, together, anyway.
232
00:11:28,980 --> 00:11:31,274
I saw you up close and
personal the other night.
233
00:11:31,858 --> 00:11:33,109
What other night?
234
00:11:34,402 --> 00:11:35,403
Poker.
235
00:11:36,571 --> 00:11:38,823
Why? What night did you think
I was talking about?
236
00:11:38,907 --> 00:11:41,159
Hi, I'm Carl yn.
Hey. D'Arcy.
237
00:11:41,242 --> 00:11:43,578
So can I get you guys
some sliders?
238
00:11:43,995 --> 00:11:46,831
Day-old buns help disguise
the week-old meat.
239
00:11:46,915 --> 00:11:48,499
We'll just...
We'll stick to liquids.
240
00:11:48,583 --> 00:11:51,336
We just wanted to show Carl yn the town,
and now we have.
241
00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:53,129
It took about nine minutes.
242
00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:54,797
Well, if you're here tonight,
243
00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:56,966
my friend Kayla
just called a GN59.
244
00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:59,969
It's like a party,
but with a decent chance of prison time.
245
00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:02,180
Sounds fun.
Yeah.
246
00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:04,807
When anything stressful
or shitty happens,
247
00:12:04,891 --> 00:12:07,185
anyone in our friend group
can call a GN59.
248
00:12:07,268 --> 00:12:10,897
You have to drop everything and
go tits out on a huge girls' night.
249
00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:12,523
Yeah, it's really fun.
You should come.
250
00:12:12,607 --> 00:12:14,609
Well, can't tonight.
We have dinner plans.
251
00:12:14,692 --> 00:12:16,694
But wouldn't mind ordering
a few drinks, though,
252
00:12:16,778 --> 00:12:18,655
if you can just
find that bartender.
253
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:20,031
Come on, Kate-o.
254
00:12:20,114 --> 00:12:22,450
You just said you'd seen
everything in the town.
255
00:12:22,533 --> 00:12:23,952
Yeah, we should
totally do it.
256
00:12:24,035 --> 00:12:26,621
I mean, when's the last time
you let Kendra out to play?
257
00:12:27,622 --> 00:12:28,706
Who's Kendra?
258
00:12:28,790 --> 00:12:31,417
Kendra was her alter ego
when she drank too much.
259
00:12:31,501 --> 00:12:33,795
Oh, yeah, she brought her out
at a family reunion once.
260
00:12:33,878 --> 00:12:35,213
Real wild child.
261
00:12:35,713 --> 00:12:37,423
Oh, I'm sad.
You've never met Kendra.
262
00:12:37,507 --> 00:12:39,676
Yeah. News to me.
I'm sad, too.
263
00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:41,928
Uh, I'll have a pilsner.
What would you ladies like?
264
00:12:42,011 --> 00:12:43,471
Come on.
265
00:12:44,639 --> 00:12:45,640
Okay.
266
00:12:45,723 --> 00:12:47,558
Okay. Let's do it.
267
00:12:47,642 --> 00:12:48,643
We'll do it.
268
00:12:48,726 --> 00:12:50,228
But, hon,
we already got a sitter.
269
00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:53,690
Perfect. Call a friend.
You can go out, too.
270
00:12:54,357 --> 00:12:55,942
Yes!
271
00:12:57,485 --> 00:12:59,654
Can we get some service
around here?
272
00:13:02,991 --> 00:13:04,867
Hey! Sahar, I need your help.
273
00:13:05,827 --> 00:13:07,829
Wait, when did you
get a dog?
274
00:13:07,912 --> 00:13:09,455
I'm not allowed
to have a dog.
275
00:13:09,539 --> 00:13:11,082
I walk Cinnamon
for my neighbors.
276
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:13,501
She hasn't pooped
in three days.
277
00:13:13,918 --> 00:13:14,919
Why not?
278
00:13:15,003 --> 00:13:16,921
She swallowed
a whole avocado.
279
00:13:17,463 --> 00:13:19,090
I don't walk
behind her anymore.
280
00:13:19,257 --> 00:13:20,258
Ew!
281
00:13:21,092 --> 00:13:22,593
You got to help me
shave again.
282
00:13:23,052 --> 00:13:24,262
Your face looks fine.
283
00:13:24,345 --> 00:13:25,722
It's not my face.
284
00:13:30,059 --> 00:13:31,227
What?
285
00:13:31,894 --> 00:13:34,022
What? I need a
lawnmower for that!
286
00:13:34,105 --> 00:13:35,523
What do I do?
287
00:13:35,606 --> 00:13:38,484
I can help you,
but we're gonna need some privacy.
288
00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:43,698
I found it last week.
289
00:13:43,781 --> 00:13:45,908
Your mom's phone
still had battery.
290
00:13:46,868 --> 00:13:49,662
They just left it here.
291
00:13:50,747 --> 00:13:51,831
Cool.
292
00:14:05,136 --> 00:14:06,304
Okay.
293
00:14:07,263 --> 00:14:09,390
All right, where are we going,
General?
294
00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:13,561
No.
295
00:14:13,644 --> 00:14:16,272
No. No, don't die
on me now.
296
00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:18,274
Come on.
Come on!
297
00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:25,531
Damn it!
298
00:14:27,283 --> 00:14:29,452
Where the hell am I
gonna find a new dish?
299
00:14:33,790 --> 00:14:35,375
I feel bad doing this.
300
00:14:38,461 --> 00:14:39,504
Why aren't you looking?
301
00:14:39,587 --> 00:14:41,798
It's against my religion
to look at the naked back
302
00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:44,175
of a man who's not my
relative or my husband.
303
00:14:44,592 --> 00:14:46,719
Plus, it's disgusting.
304
00:14:46,803 --> 00:14:47,970
Is it gonna hurt?
305
00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:50,848
My mom says
when she waxes her legs,
306
00:14:50,932 --> 00:14:53,768
it feels like being stung
by a thousand hornets.
307
00:14:54,769 --> 00:14:56,187
Then why does she do it?
308
00:14:56,771 --> 00:14:58,606
Because as soon
as we hit puberty,
309
00:14:58,689 --> 00:15:01,651
Western culture tells women
we're not okay as we are.
310
00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:04,612
We must rip out stuff
that's supposed to be there,
311
00:15:04,695 --> 00:15:06,864
insert stuff that's not
supposed to be there,
312
00:15:06,948 --> 00:15:09,158
and bleach everything
visible to the naked eye.
313
00:15:10,827 --> 00:15:12,745
Hey, being a man is hard, too.
314
00:15:12,829 --> 00:15:15,039
I have to brush
my teeth sometimes.
315
00:15:16,791 --> 00:15:19,377
I take it back.
I don't feel bad anymore.
316
00:15:25,466 --> 00:15:26,592
Miguel...
317
00:15:27,135 --> 00:15:28,344
My belle.
318
00:15:29,470 --> 00:15:31,013
What the hell
did you just call me?
319
00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:32,223
No, nothing, broham.
320
00:15:32,306 --> 00:15:35,059
Just taking a little breaky.
321
00:15:35,685 --> 00:15:37,812
A little breakarindo.
322
00:15:39,897 --> 00:15:41,023
Dog toy.
323
00:15:41,107 --> 00:15:43,109
Oh, you got one
of those, uh, Zen gardens.
324
00:15:43,192 --> 00:15:44,610
I love these things.
325
00:15:44,694 --> 00:15:45,820
May I?
326
00:15:48,030 --> 00:15:51,701
Yep. Yeah,
more, uh, relaxed already.
327
00:15:52,827 --> 00:15:55,163
So, I was just wondering...
328
00:15:57,874 --> 00:15:59,167
I'll get that.
329
00:16:00,501 --> 00:16:03,379
Hey. You ever tried
those wheat beers?
330
00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:05,173
You know, the one where
you put the lemon in there?
331
00:16:05,256 --> 00:16:06,757
I hear they're pretty tasty.
332
00:16:06,841 --> 00:16:08,676
What do you want, broham?
333
00:16:08,759 --> 00:16:10,761
What, are you asking me out
on a date or something?
334
00:16:10,845 --> 00:16:11,846
No.
335
00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:13,681
Uh... Well, yeah.
336
00:16:13,764 --> 00:16:15,975
But a guy date.
Guy hang.
337
00:16:16,058 --> 00:16:19,187
Just a couple brews,
mano-a-mano,
338
00:16:19,270 --> 00:16:21,772
caliente accione.
339
00:16:21,856 --> 00:16:23,649
Look, I ain't got time
for that, okay?
340
00:16:23,733 --> 00:16:25,568
I take care of my father
at home. Mm. Sure.
341
00:16:25,651 --> 00:16:27,570
Now, I need you to clean up
all this damn sand
342
00:16:27,653 --> 00:16:30,281
'cause I need 30 minutes of
raking every day so I can relax.
343
00:16:30,364 --> 00:16:32,283
I happen to know
that Lewis would love
344
00:16:32,366 --> 00:16:34,368
to get out of the house
and have a beer.
345
00:16:37,872 --> 00:16:39,415
I'll think about it.
How about that?
346
00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:42,210
I'll think about it.
He'll definitely be there.
347
00:16:45,755 --> 00:16:47,381
Thanks for letting us
crash your party.
348
00:16:47,757 --> 00:16:49,217
The more, the merrier.
349
00:16:49,300 --> 00:16:51,260
You know,
a few GN59s ago,
350
00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:53,429
we actually needed
a few extra people
351
00:16:53,513 --> 00:16:56,098
and a wheelbarrow
to carry D'Arcy home.
352
00:16:56,182 --> 00:16:57,600
Wait. No.
Yeah.
353
00:16:58,226 --> 00:17:00,061
I came prepared this time.
354
00:17:00,144 --> 00:17:02,772
I might need to make a quick getaway,
so... Hey.
355
00:17:02,855 --> 00:17:04,106
Hi.
Hi.
356
00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:08,319
Hi. Hi, this is my cousin,
Carl yn.
357
00:17:08,402 --> 00:17:09,654
Hi. Kayla.
Nice to meet you.
358
00:17:09,737 --> 00:17:11,322
Are you okay?
What happened?
359
00:17:11,405 --> 00:17:12,949
Yeah,
is everything okay with Shane? Yes.
360
00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:15,326
Yeah, he's fine. I just
needed to get out of the house.
361
00:17:15,409 --> 00:17:17,328
Okay, I was worried.
362
00:17:17,411 --> 00:17:20,248
Can I just say,
as a mom, I'm with you.
363
00:17:20,331 --> 00:17:23,000
Sometimes needing to get out
of the house is an emergency.
364
00:17:23,084 --> 00:17:24,377
Yes, thank you.
365
00:17:24,460 --> 00:17:27,004
You just need
a kid-and-a-man-free zone.
366
00:17:27,088 --> 00:17:28,297
Amen to that.
367
00:17:28,798 --> 00:17:30,800
I mean, I don't have
a kid or a man,
368
00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:34,428
but, you know, anecdotal
evidence would support that.
369
00:17:34,512 --> 00:17:36,973
The town I live in,
all the men really suck.
370
00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:39,225
My lab supervisor thinks
grabbing my buttocks
371
00:17:39,308 --> 00:17:41,018
is one of his job perks.
Ew.
372
00:17:41,102 --> 00:17:43,813
I was really beginning to think I
was never gonna meet a nice guy.
373
00:17:43,896 --> 00:17:45,523
Till today, that is.
374
00:17:45,606 --> 00:17:47,400
Wait, you met
a guy here?
375
00:17:47,483 --> 00:17:48,859
Today?
In Patience?
376
00:17:48,943 --> 00:17:51,320
No way. Who?
377
00:17:54,740 --> 00:17:55,908
Jesus God.
378
00:17:55,992 --> 00:17:56,993
Oh.
379
00:18:13,384 --> 00:18:14,719
What are you doing here?
380
00:18:14,802 --> 00:18:17,305
You told me that every minute
you're not working on the radio
381
00:18:17,388 --> 00:18:20,600
is a minute we all come
closer to certain death.
382
00:18:20,683 --> 00:18:22,727
I am working on the radio,
383
00:18:22,810 --> 00:18:25,438
but without a diffuser,
it will never work.
384
00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:28,274
The pony-haired
one's cousin
385
00:18:28,357 --> 00:18:30,192
is a scientist in a lab
386
00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:33,863
that uses portable diffusers.
387
00:18:33,946 --> 00:18:34,947
So what?
388
00:18:35,823 --> 00:18:39,243
I know that I am
not as pretty as E.T.
389
00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:42,997
I do not have
his bulbous football head
390
00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:45,458
or his squat corgi legs
or his
391
00:18:46,417 --> 00:18:47,793
platypus feet,
392
00:18:48,586 --> 00:18:51,964
but I can be
a charming alien
393
00:18:52,048 --> 00:18:53,674
when I need to be.
394
00:18:54,425 --> 00:18:56,010
Mm-hmm.
395
00:19:01,349 --> 00:19:03,142
So do you come
here a lot?
396
00:19:07,563 --> 00:19:09,982
Of all the gin joints
in all the world,
397
00:19:10,066 --> 00:19:12,276
this one is closest
to my house.
398
00:19:26,582 --> 00:19:28,334
What is that perfume?
399
00:19:29,251 --> 00:19:31,962
Jergens Intense
Moisture Therapy.
400
00:19:32,588 --> 00:19:35,299
I did a BM earlier,
so I had to wash them.
401
00:19:36,050 --> 00:19:39,220
I get acute dermatitis 'cause I
scrub them so often in the lab,
402
00:19:39,303 --> 00:19:40,971
so I carry it in my purse.
403
00:19:41,138 --> 00:19:42,431
Mm.
404
00:19:42,515 --> 00:19:45,851
I don't wash my hands
after I urinate.
405
00:19:47,853 --> 00:19:51,273
The skin on my penis
is very clean.
406
00:20:03,536 --> 00:20:05,496
Gram keeps asking
about Harry. Uh-huh.
407
00:20:05,663 --> 00:20:06,664
I think she likes him.
408
00:20:07,123 --> 00:20:09,083
I think she wants you
to have his baby.
409
00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:11,168
Ew! Gross! Shut up!
410
00:20:11,252 --> 00:20:12,461
You shut up.
411
00:20:13,087 --> 00:20:15,840
Hey, actually, can I ask your
professional opinion about something?
412
00:20:15,923 --> 00:20:17,049
Mm-hmm.
413
00:20:17,133 --> 00:20:19,468
What do you think is gonna
happen to Abigail Hodges?
414
00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:20,803
You know, Sam's wife?
415
00:20:21,387 --> 00:20:23,180
You think
she's gonna go to jail?
416
00:20:23,264 --> 00:20:26,225
You know, criminal law isn't really
my area, but from what I've read,
417
00:20:26,308 --> 00:20:28,185
I don't think they're
gonna get a conviction.
418
00:20:28,310 --> 00:20:29,979
Oh.
Yeah, sorry.
419
00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:31,230
No, that's good.
420
00:20:31,689 --> 00:20:34,108
You know, I mean,
if she didn't do it.
421
00:20:34,191 --> 00:20:36,485
But she probably did. I mean,
it's always the spouse.
422
00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:37,570
I'm a lawyer, too.
423
00:20:37,653 --> 00:20:39,196
No way.
Where do you practice?
424
00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:40,364
I don't.
425
00:20:40,448 --> 00:20:43,367
I gave up my dream to be a
mom and live in this tiny town.
426
00:20:43,826 --> 00:20:45,703
Now I'm happy.
Shots?
427
00:20:48,831 --> 00:20:53,252
I would like
to go by your work.
428
00:20:54,003 --> 00:20:56,213
Maybe you could give me
a tour of your lab.
429
00:20:57,047 --> 00:20:59,341
Oh! I love
that you're interested.
430
00:20:59,425 --> 00:21:01,093
That's very flattering,
but I can't.
431
00:21:01,886 --> 00:21:06,015
Security is so tight,
not dissimilar to my vagina.
432
00:21:06,807 --> 00:21:08,768
Your vagina is like a lab?
433
00:21:09,185 --> 00:21:12,980
Yeah, it's tough
to get in.
434
00:21:13,272 --> 00:21:14,398
It is?
435
00:21:14,482 --> 00:21:16,317
Lots of neat stuff
once you're there.
436
00:21:16,817 --> 00:21:19,737
Are there monkeys in cages? No.
437
00:21:20,946 --> 00:21:23,324
Maybe it would be funny...
438
00:21:25,367 --> 00:21:29,747
A big joke if you stole
a telemetry diffuser...
439
00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:32,625
...and gave it to me.
440
00:21:34,710 --> 00:21:35,795
They would freak out.
441
00:21:35,878 --> 00:21:39,215
They would freak out.
You could be so funny.
442
00:21:39,298 --> 00:21:40,633
You're a kidder.
443
00:21:41,967 --> 00:21:43,594
You should do it.
444
00:21:44,762 --> 00:21:46,555
Oh, my God.
Do it!
445
00:21:47,515 --> 00:21:49,141
No.
Do it.
446
00:21:49,517 --> 00:21:51,894
But you are
so sweet to ask.
447
00:22:09,954 --> 00:22:12,081
Hey, is that Liv? Tell
her to hurry up. She's late.
448
00:22:12,790 --> 00:22:14,667
Uh, no, it's Jay.
Just guy drama.
449
00:22:15,292 --> 00:22:16,752
Oh. Wow.
450
00:22:16,836 --> 00:22:18,462
You guys text?
451
00:22:18,546 --> 00:22:20,673
Yeah, mostly emojis.
Mostly eggplants.
452
00:22:21,423 --> 00:22:23,259
Wow, that's cool.
You guys are buddies now.
453
00:22:24,426 --> 00:22:26,303
Hey, GN59'ers.
454
00:22:26,387 --> 00:22:27,680
Hey!
Sorry I'm late.
455
00:22:27,763 --> 00:22:29,849
Trixie wouldn't start.
I had to jump her again.
456
00:22:29,932 --> 00:22:31,350
Thank God
you're finally here.
457
00:22:31,475 --> 00:22:33,561
Hey-o!
Sorry! I'm late, too.
458
00:22:33,644 --> 00:22:36,438
But I'm here, though,
finally, right?
459
00:22:37,356 --> 00:22:39,692
Ooh, thank you.
I could use that.
460
00:22:39,775 --> 00:22:41,527
That's... Never mind.
461
00:22:43,571 --> 00:22:45,614
Ugh. What is that?
It's a gin and tonic.
462
00:22:45,865 --> 00:22:47,491
Oh.
463
00:22:47,575 --> 00:22:49,159
Buddy.
It's, like, fancy.
464
00:22:49,243 --> 00:22:51,078
Okay, I got to piss.
I'll be back.
465
00:22:53,789 --> 00:22:55,249
You text her?
No!
466
00:22:55,708 --> 00:22:58,377
How does she always know?
She always knows.
467
00:23:01,255 --> 00:23:02,256
All right.
468
00:23:02,840 --> 00:23:04,049
All right,
this is great.
469
00:23:05,134 --> 00:23:07,136
Nope, wife in the corner.
We're out of here.
470
00:23:07,219 --> 00:23:08,846
Where else
do you plan to go, son?
471
00:23:08,929 --> 00:23:10,306
This isn't New York City.
472
00:23:11,223 --> 00:23:12,725
Hey, Benny!
473
00:23:13,642 --> 00:23:14,977
Your girl's safe
with me, okay?
474
00:23:15,978 --> 00:23:17,396
But am I safe with her?
475
00:23:19,315 --> 00:23:20,649
I love you.
Have fun.
476
00:23:21,317 --> 00:23:22,818
Do you have any beer
with rat poison in it?
477
00:23:24,445 --> 00:23:25,863
What's wrong
with this one? Huh?
478
00:23:30,784 --> 00:23:31,911
Kate, you did good.
479
00:23:32,494 --> 00:23:35,205
It was so nice of Ben to take
the Sheriff out for a drink.
480
00:23:35,289 --> 00:23:37,041
Ben is so sweet.
481
00:23:37,124 --> 00:23:39,710
No, he's not.
He's a dirty little bitch.
482
00:23:39,793 --> 00:23:41,253
I'm sorry?
483
00:23:41,795 --> 00:23:44,506
Gird your loins, ladies.
484
00:23:44,590 --> 00:23:46,508
I think Kendra has arrived.
Oh, yeah.
485
00:23:46,592 --> 00:23:49,011
The mayor
is a nasty piece of work.
486
00:23:50,429 --> 00:23:51,931
I cannot wait to get home
487
00:23:52,014 --> 00:23:53,891
and let him slap
a puppy hood on me
488
00:23:53,974 --> 00:23:55,434
and jam a ball gag
in my mouth.
489
00:23:55,517 --> 00:23:56,727
What?
490
00:23:57,311 --> 00:23:59,605
Ben, the one
who makes candles?
491
00:23:59,688 --> 00:24:01,523
Oh, the wax he has
isn't just for candles.
492
00:24:02,274 --> 00:24:05,027
I have a nine-inch
ice dildo in my freezer
493
00:24:05,110 --> 00:24:06,862
that Max thinks
is for my water bottles.
494
00:24:09,698 --> 00:24:11,283
Oh, God,
this is my favorite night.
495
00:24:11,367 --> 00:24:12,534
This is the best night
of my life.
496
00:24:13,744 --> 00:24:16,080
Can you please stop
looking at your wife?
497
00:24:16,163 --> 00:24:18,040
It's weird.
Look, I...
498
00:24:18,123 --> 00:24:19,875
I got to talk to you
about something.
499
00:24:19,959 --> 00:24:21,210
It's driving me crazy.
500
00:24:22,044 --> 00:24:24,213
Okay, so,
about a week ago,
501
00:24:24,296 --> 00:24:26,090
D'Arcy sort of
502
00:24:27,508 --> 00:24:28,717
kissed me.
503
00:24:30,010 --> 00:24:31,261
It was a drive-by.
504
00:24:31,345 --> 00:24:32,930
Not my fault.
No tongue.
505
00:24:35,057 --> 00:24:36,225
Some tongue. I just...
506
00:24:36,308 --> 00:24:37,977
I really think
that I should tell Kate.
507
00:24:38,143 --> 00:24:40,729
Have you lost your mind?
508
00:24:40,813 --> 00:24:42,648
You don't ever tell, never.
509
00:24:42,731 --> 00:24:45,401
Now, hold on a minute.
The man said he didn't reciprocate.
510
00:24:45,484 --> 00:24:47,945
It don't matter. This is something
you take to your grave, okay?
511
00:24:48,028 --> 00:24:49,238
Well, maybe I could...
512
00:24:49,989 --> 00:24:52,825
I could write her a note
explaining what happened.
513
00:24:52,908 --> 00:24:54,535
You want to
write her a note?
514
00:24:54,618 --> 00:24:56,912
Okay. All right, look.
Here's what I want you to do.
515
00:24:56,996 --> 00:24:57,997
Here go $5.
516
00:24:58,080 --> 00:24:59,957
Now, I want you
to go down to the mall.
517
00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:01,125
All right,
you know that kiosk
518
00:25:01,208 --> 00:25:03,210
where they'll write your
name on a grain of rice?
519
00:25:03,293 --> 00:25:04,712
You're gonna
give that guy that $5.
520
00:25:04,795 --> 00:25:06,797
He gonna write your note
on the end of a bullet, right?
521
00:25:06,880 --> 00:25:09,258
Now, I want you to take that
bullet. I want you to put it in a gun
522
00:25:09,341 --> 00:25:11,051
and go home
and stand in your bathtub.
523
00:25:11,135 --> 00:25:12,511
Now, you also gonna
need a phone book,
524
00:25:12,594 --> 00:25:13,887
not something thin
like Patience,
525
00:25:13,971 --> 00:25:16,515
something with some girth
like Denver, right?
526
00:25:16,598 --> 00:25:17,808
And you gonna put
that phone book
527
00:25:17,891 --> 00:25:19,184
up against one side
of your head,
528
00:25:19,268 --> 00:25:21,353
and you gonna take that gun
and put it against the other side.
529
00:25:21,437 --> 00:25:23,188
Then you're gonna shoot
yourself right in the head,
530
00:25:23,272 --> 00:25:26,108
and that bullet's gonna fly
right through and lodge itself
531
00:25:26,191 --> 00:25:28,360
right around the D's,
for dumb-ass.
532
00:25:29,069 --> 00:25:30,404
And she'll get your note.
533
00:25:33,323 --> 00:25:34,366
But I'm dead.
534
00:25:34,450 --> 00:25:36,035
You tell her,
you dead anyway.
535
00:25:39,329 --> 00:25:41,540
You guys, what the hell
is happening over there?
536
00:25:42,791 --> 00:25:46,045
I think we know
what's going to happen.
537
00:25:47,629 --> 00:25:48,881
I...
I don't trust him.
538
00:25:49,256 --> 00:25:50,841
Your pulse is quickening.
539
00:25:51,675 --> 00:25:53,719
Your upper sternum
is becoming flushed.
540
00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:56,555
You are becoming aroused.
541
00:25:57,097 --> 00:25:59,391
- I am now.
- Hey, Harry.
542
00:25:59,475 --> 00:26:00,893
Can I please
talk to you for a second?
543
00:26:00,976 --> 00:26:03,562
I am so busy.
Now.
544
00:26:06,565 --> 00:26:07,608
Don't go changing.
545
00:26:11,695 --> 00:26:12,738
What is it?
546
00:26:13,238 --> 00:26:16,325
She is about to present
like an engorged macaque.
547
00:26:16,825 --> 00:26:18,744
You are preying
on this woman.
548
00:26:19,203 --> 00:26:20,537
I am not preying on her.
549
00:26:20,621 --> 00:26:23,540
I am seducing her so I
can steal her security badge,
550
00:26:23,624 --> 00:26:27,920
then I can break into the
lab and steal a diffuser,
551
00:26:28,003 --> 00:26:29,713
and then finish my radio.
552
00:26:30,339 --> 00:26:31,757
That's a terrible plan.
553
00:26:32,508 --> 00:26:33,801
You're gonna
swipe her badge
554
00:26:33,884 --> 00:26:36,345
and just use it
at some high-security lab
555
00:26:36,428 --> 00:26:37,846
and think
no one will notice?
556
00:26:38,305 --> 00:26:41,683
More importantly,
you can't just use people like that.
557
00:26:41,767 --> 00:26:42,851
It's cruel.
558
00:26:43,685 --> 00:26:45,270
I am giving her compliments.
559
00:26:45,813 --> 00:26:48,857
She is happy
like a baby,
560
00:26:48,941 --> 00:26:51,777
like a stupid, happy baby.
561
00:26:51,860 --> 00:26:53,112
You'll just
never understand
562
00:26:53,195 --> 00:26:54,488
what it's like
to be a woman.
563
00:26:56,865 --> 00:26:58,117
That is true.
564
00:27:02,287 --> 00:27:04,206
I am going
to leave now.
565
00:27:06,291 --> 00:27:07,376
Good night!
566
00:27:07,918 --> 00:27:08,919
What?
567
00:27:09,503 --> 00:27:11,505
Wait, what just happened?
568
00:27:12,089 --> 00:27:14,925
What did I do?
Uh... Nothing. I'm sorry.
569
00:27:15,425 --> 00:27:18,011
All the men
in this town suck, too.
570
00:27:33,902 --> 00:27:35,028
Don't sweat it, Carly Q.
571
00:27:35,112 --> 00:27:36,822
It's supposed to be
a girls' night anyway.
572
00:27:36,905 --> 00:27:38,240
Yeah, that's easy
for you to say.
573
00:27:38,323 --> 00:27:40,117
I saw that ice dildo
in your freezer.
574
00:27:41,451 --> 00:27:42,536
Okay, all right.
575
00:27:42,619 --> 00:27:44,079
Okay, Judy's clothes
are coming off.
576
00:27:44,163 --> 00:27:45,998
Time to go to the yacht spot.
Come on.
577
00:27:46,081 --> 00:27:47,666
Ooh.
We're going on a boat?
578
00:27:47,749 --> 00:27:50,460
Uh, no, ASTA used to have this
station wagon we called "The Yacht,"
579
00:27:50,544 --> 00:27:52,337
and we'd drive it
to the middle of the woods
580
00:27:52,421 --> 00:27:53,881
and drink and sing
like idiots.
581
00:27:53,964 --> 00:27:55,215
And, plus,
it's where I usually barf,
582
00:27:55,299 --> 00:27:57,384
so it's kind of like
a boat in that way.
583
00:27:57,467 --> 00:27:59,887
I should go. You know,
I got to get up early and drive, so...
584
00:27:59,970 --> 00:28:01,763
No.
585
00:28:01,847 --> 00:28:03,348
Okay, well,
I'll come with you.
586
00:28:03,432 --> 00:28:04,975
No, you stay. I'm fine.
587
00:28:05,309 --> 00:28:07,269
You sure?
Uh, she's sure.
588
00:28:07,352 --> 00:28:09,146
When you brought ice dildos
into this conversation,
589
00:28:09,229 --> 00:28:10,981
you made a commitment
to this night.
590
00:28:12,232 --> 00:28:15,068
This takes me back, Dad.
You want to go back to DC?
591
00:28:17,112 --> 00:28:18,822
What? Oh, Jesus Christ.
592
00:28:20,616 --> 00:28:21,867
You feel it, Sheriff?
593
00:28:23,160 --> 00:28:26,246
You want to feel it?
Oh, Lord, have mercy.
594
00:28:26,330 --> 00:28:27,873
Come on.
Dance with the girl.
595
00:28:27,956 --> 00:28:29,041
Is that
what you call it?
596
00:28:29,124 --> 00:28:31,752
Hey, don't be pushing me off
the stool. What's wrong with you?
597
00:28:31,835 --> 00:28:33,712
Okay. All right, yeah,
go ahead.
598
00:28:34,213 --> 00:28:36,757
Hon, you heading home
to pay the sitter?
599
00:28:36,840 --> 00:28:40,427
Nope, you pay her. We
are going to the yacht spot.
600
00:28:43,013 --> 00:28:45,682
I cannot wait
for the re-election campaign.
601
00:28:46,266 --> 00:28:48,685
It's... Respect, okay?
602
00:28:48,769 --> 00:28:51,063
We're so proud of you.
I'm really proud of you.
603
00:28:51,146 --> 00:28:52,940
Do you need ice
in that drink?
604
00:28:53,023 --> 00:28:54,858
Oh, yeah.
605
00:28:55,943 --> 00:28:58,362
Tell me more about the guy
who does the rice thing.
606
00:29:32,354 --> 00:29:34,564
You remember class
camping trips out here?
607
00:29:35,607 --> 00:29:37,651
Yes. Third grade,
608
00:29:37,734 --> 00:29:41,113
D'Arcy rolling
in poison ivy on a dare.
609
00:29:41,196 --> 00:29:44,116
We
had to take turns itching her.
610
00:29:45,409 --> 00:29:46,576
Oh, God.
611
00:29:47,536 --> 00:29:48,662
Oh...
612
00:29:48,745 --> 00:29:50,664
She's always been so her.
613
00:29:51,915 --> 00:29:53,333
She's free.
614
00:29:53,875 --> 00:29:55,544
Not everyone
can be like that.
615
00:29:57,671 --> 00:29:58,964
Everyone loves her.
616
00:30:00,632 --> 00:30:02,009
It's a superpower,
617
00:30:03,343 --> 00:30:05,262
not caring
what anyone thinks.
618
00:30:07,889 --> 00:30:09,516
Everyone loves you, too.
619
00:30:10,058 --> 00:30:12,602
Yes, but it's only
because I'm nice.
620
00:30:14,438 --> 00:30:16,273
You gave me a ticket once
621
00:30:16,356 --> 00:30:18,400
for locking my bike
to a stop sign.
622
00:30:18,483 --> 00:30:19,651
You're not that nice.
623
00:30:21,153 --> 00:30:22,988
Mm?
624
00:30:30,454 --> 00:30:31,872
- Aw!
- Hey!
625
00:30:31,955 --> 00:30:33,123
Oh, Christ on a cracker!
626
00:30:33,206 --> 00:30:34,374
- What?
- No!
627
00:30:34,458 --> 00:30:37,961
Relax,
you complete degenerates.
628
00:30:38,045 --> 00:30:41,214
I keep a battery charger in
my trunk.
629
00:30:41,757 --> 00:30:43,592
Poop car!
630
00:30:44,426 --> 00:30:47,804
Oh, Liv, I can't believe
you still drive this death trap.
631
00:30:47,888 --> 00:30:49,514
Oh, it's fine.
I'm used to it.
632
00:30:49,973 --> 00:30:52,851
You know, I read recently
that they make new cars now.
633
00:30:54,019 --> 00:30:56,938
John wants
a new riding mower,
634
00:30:57,022 --> 00:30:58,899
and we have money
set aside for that, so...
635
00:30:58,982 --> 00:31:00,484
John's getting
a new riding mower
636
00:31:00,567 --> 00:31:02,611
before you get a car
that actually works?
637
00:31:02,694 --> 00:31:04,029
It was my idea.
638
00:31:04,488 --> 00:31:06,323
He makes more
than I do, so it's fair.
639
00:31:06,406 --> 00:31:08,450
Hold up.
John makes more than you?
640
00:31:08,950 --> 00:31:10,619
I do what John does.
641
00:31:10,702 --> 00:31:12,537
You put your life
on the line every day.
642
00:31:12,621 --> 00:31:15,207
When's the last time
you got a raise?
643
00:31:16,166 --> 00:31:18,251
I've never gotten a raise.
644
00:31:18,710 --> 00:31:20,629
What?
Okay.
645
00:31:20,712 --> 00:31:21,755
Wow.
646
00:31:22,631 --> 00:31:24,633
I'm not
sure this is a good idea.
647
00:31:25,384 --> 00:31:27,511
Oh, it's not,
but we're doing it anyway.
648
00:31:27,594 --> 00:31:28,762
As a city employee,
649
00:31:28,845 --> 00:31:30,597
your salary
is part of the town's budget.
650
00:31:30,680 --> 00:31:33,433
So we got to figure out
how big is this pie
651
00:31:33,517 --> 00:31:35,602
and why is your piece
so goddamn small.
652
00:31:36,103 --> 00:31:38,438
Especially when
you're a freakin' Picasso.
653
00:31:38,855 --> 00:31:40,565
Did you draw this picture?
654
00:31:40,649 --> 00:31:43,693
Yeah,
I draw police composites of criminals,
655
00:31:43,777 --> 00:31:45,028
which we are now.
656
00:31:45,112 --> 00:31:46,154
Hey.
657
00:31:46,238 --> 00:31:48,407
This is my
husband's office, okay?
658
00:31:48,490 --> 00:31:50,117
We can be
wherever we want.
659
00:31:50,200 --> 00:31:52,786
We didn't technically break in,
because we had a key.
660
00:31:54,538 --> 00:31:55,747
Judy!
661
00:31:55,831 --> 00:31:57,707
No, not here.
662
00:31:57,791 --> 00:31:59,918
- Stop!
- Wait, found it.
663
00:32:00,001 --> 00:32:03,505
"Civic Payroll for the Town
of Patience, Colorado."
664
00:32:03,588 --> 00:32:04,673
No one's gonna know.
665
00:32:04,756 --> 00:32:07,968
As a woman in this world,
you need to fight for what you deserve.
666
00:32:09,136 --> 00:32:11,805
And you deserve
a goddamn raise.
667
00:32:13,515 --> 00:32:15,767
Ugh. Jesus Christ!
Who's Peter Jignac?
668
00:32:16,184 --> 00:32:18,228
I think he's a crossing guard,
I think.
669
00:32:18,311 --> 00:32:20,814
He makes enough for a
riding mower and a new car.
670
00:32:20,897 --> 00:32:22,274
What?
671
00:32:22,357 --> 00:32:23,692
Who's Brandon Touter?
672
00:32:24,776 --> 00:32:26,319
He's the new
science teacher.
673
00:32:26,403 --> 00:32:28,071
He's actually
a really nice guy.
674
00:32:28,155 --> 00:32:29,448
Well, he makes twice
what you do.
675
00:32:31,241 --> 00:32:32,242
Prick.
676
00:32:32,325 --> 00:32:33,994
What? Weren't you
a lawyer?
677
00:32:34,077 --> 00:32:36,955
I have a JD/PhD.
What the...
678
00:32:37,038 --> 00:32:39,249
Who the hell is in charge
of this budget?
679
00:32:40,125 --> 00:32:41,168
I know who.
680
00:32:42,002 --> 00:32:43,753
He lives in my goddamn house.
681
00:33:01,980 --> 00:33:03,023
Whoa...
682
00:33:10,113 --> 00:33:11,948
Kidnappers!
683
00:33:13,158 --> 00:33:14,951
Oh, no. Oh, no. Nope.
684
00:33:15,702 --> 00:33:17,579
Wake up. You're not having a nightmare,
Ben.
685
00:33:17,662 --> 00:33:19,956
We are. You know
what's a nightmare?
686
00:33:20,040 --> 00:33:22,501
Getting paid 76 cents
on the dollar.
687
00:33:22,584 --> 00:33:23,585
What?
688
00:33:23,668 --> 00:33:24,878
Yeah, there is
a blatant pay gap
689
00:33:24,961 --> 00:33:27,047
between the male and female
employees of this town.
690
00:33:27,130 --> 00:33:30,217
What? No, as mayor,
I only sign off on budgets...
691
00:33:30,300 --> 00:33:32,552
As mayor,
you need to fix this!
692
00:33:32,636 --> 00:33:35,055
Yeah, the blatant sexism
makes me sick.
693
00:33:35,555 --> 00:33:37,015
Yeah, damn right.
Sick.
694
00:33:37,098 --> 00:33:38,141
Honey...
It's really gross.
695
00:33:38,225 --> 00:33:39,309
Sick to my stomach.
No, no.
696
00:33:39,392 --> 00:33:40,810
God, no.
697
00:33:44,231 --> 00:33:45,732
You're my best friend.
698
00:33:46,066 --> 00:33:47,275
That's right.
I love you.
699
00:33:47,359 --> 00:33:49,236
You see that?
It's coming up.
700
00:33:50,695 --> 00:33:51,905
Just friends now.
701
00:33:51,988 --> 00:33:52,989
It hurts.
702
00:33:56,868 --> 00:33:57,994
Harry.
703
00:33:58,787 --> 00:34:00,413
I brought coffee.
704
00:34:01,206 --> 00:34:02,207
Oh.
705
00:34:02,499 --> 00:34:04,918
We're gonna need to make
a plan about that radio...
706
00:34:05,418 --> 00:34:06,878
Oh, God!
707
00:34:06,962 --> 00:34:09,130
No! Don't tell me
you hooked up with Harry.
708
00:34:09,214 --> 00:34:11,049
Okay, I will not.
709
00:34:16,805 --> 00:34:17,931
Wait.
710
00:34:29,568 --> 00:34:31,278
Harry?
Hi, ASTA.
711
00:34:31,945 --> 00:34:33,947
Oh, God! Shit!
712
00:34:34,030 --> 00:34:35,448
You have to come with me
to New Mexico,
713
00:34:35,532 --> 00:34:37,951
but first,
can you teach me how to pee?
714
00:34:47,210 --> 00:34:50,046
She hasn't
blinked the entire trip.
715
00:34:55,885 --> 00:34:58,680
Oh, this is wrong, Harry.
716
00:35:01,558 --> 00:35:02,559
Ooh...
717
00:35:03,351 --> 00:35:05,645
Ah! Wrong and super weird.
718
00:35:05,729 --> 00:35:08,023
It was your idea
for me to become her.
719
00:35:08,106 --> 00:35:10,609
No, no, no.
Do not put this on me.
720
00:35:10,692 --> 00:35:12,694
I would never tell you
to take over a woman's body
721
00:35:12,777 --> 00:35:13,903
without her consent.
722
00:35:13,987 --> 00:35:16,406
She wanted me to take
over her body last night
723
00:35:16,489 --> 00:35:19,576
with my penis,
but I did not do that.
724
00:35:19,659 --> 00:35:20,952
Oh, God, no.
725
00:35:21,703 --> 00:35:24,456
It's not just about
her body, okay?
726
00:35:24,539 --> 00:35:26,791
It's a whole life
we're invading.
727
00:35:26,875 --> 00:35:28,627
There has to be
a better way.
728
00:35:29,377 --> 00:35:31,630
To access a micro
satellite network in time
729
00:35:31,713 --> 00:35:33,840
to tell my people
not to come here
730
00:35:33,923 --> 00:35:37,093
and melt you all like
crayons in a hot car?
731
00:35:38,011 --> 00:35:39,137
I'll wait.
732
00:35:40,096 --> 00:35:41,473
Oh, shit.
733
00:35:42,432 --> 00:35:44,267
Shit. Shit.
734
00:35:44,726 --> 00:35:46,603
Right here?
No, Harry.
735
00:35:47,395 --> 00:35:49,606
Let's just get this over with.
736
00:35:49,689 --> 00:35:51,358
That's what you were
wearing last night,
737
00:35:51,441 --> 00:35:53,234
so you have to go change
before you get to the lab.
738
00:35:53,318 --> 00:35:55,820
This body is quite stout.
739
00:35:56,404 --> 00:35:57,697
Hurry.
740
00:35:57,781 --> 00:35:58,782
Fine.
741
00:35:59,407 --> 00:36:00,992
This doesn't make any sense.
742
00:36:01,076 --> 00:36:05,080
This says plasma levels of
testosterone and triiodothyronine
743
00:36:05,163 --> 00:36:07,248
were diminished
after space flight,
744
00:36:07,332 --> 00:36:10,919
but it seems like your testosterone
levels are getting higher.
745
00:36:11,503 --> 00:36:12,754
What am I missing?
746
00:36:12,837 --> 00:36:16,216
I mean, do you feel like
it's accelerating?
747
00:36:23,390 --> 00:36:25,183
Why are you looking
at me like that?
748
00:36:25,767 --> 00:36:27,310
Hello, pretty lady.
749
00:36:29,104 --> 00:36:31,106
Oh, no!
750
00:36:32,232 --> 00:36:33,358
So is this it now?
751
00:36:33,441 --> 00:36:36,111
You're just gonna change into
different people whenever you want?
752
00:36:36,611 --> 00:36:38,655
Under normal circumstances,
753
00:36:38,738 --> 00:36:41,157
it is too difficult
to do often,
754
00:36:41,241 --> 00:36:45,286
but the energy balls from
my ship make it effortless,
755
00:36:46,037 --> 00:36:49,332
and they work on the organic
matter in clothing as well.
756
00:36:49,833 --> 00:36:51,918
Except I think
it got my bra size wrong.
757
00:36:52,001 --> 00:36:54,879
The wire leaves
dents in my skin.
758
00:36:54,963 --> 00:36:57,632
Yeah, wait until
you put on a thong.
759
00:37:35,503 --> 00:37:36,504
Oh...
760
00:37:37,130 --> 00:37:38,298
Yes.
761
00:37:43,011 --> 00:37:46,723
Working late,
Carl yn, my darlin'?
762
00:37:48,767 --> 00:37:50,435
I'm just trying to
763
00:37:51,478 --> 00:37:54,272
bring home
the salt-cured pork slices.
764
00:37:56,483 --> 00:37:57,525
Good night.
765
00:37:58,026 --> 00:38:02,280
Why don't you
stick around for a bit?
766
00:38:44,572 --> 00:38:46,825
Are you sure she's
not gonna feel any different?
767
00:38:47,992 --> 00:38:50,954
I mean, what does she think
happened to her in the last 24 hours?
768
00:38:51,037 --> 00:38:53,248
She will
remember going to sleep
769
00:38:53,331 --> 00:38:56,793
at Mayor Snowflake's house,
driving home in the morning,
770
00:38:56,876 --> 00:38:59,087
and then having a
pleasant nap on the couch.
771
00:38:59,170 --> 00:39:00,255
Long nap.
772
00:39:02,131 --> 00:39:03,424
She likes long naps.
773
00:39:04,300 --> 00:39:07,470
And it is better than being
awake for her real life.
774
00:39:07,846 --> 00:39:10,515
Her boss is a bad man.
775
00:39:10,598 --> 00:39:12,475
Yeah, she said
something about that.
776
00:39:13,393 --> 00:39:15,186
He will not
bother her again.
777
00:39:16,729 --> 00:39:17,981
What did you do?
778
00:39:18,064 --> 00:39:19,858
The same thing
you would have done
779
00:39:20,650 --> 00:39:22,652
if you had the strength
of six gorillas.
780
00:39:23,736 --> 00:39:26,155
I am glad to be
out of her body.
781
00:39:26,239 --> 00:39:28,533
People treated it
like break room yogurt.
782
00:39:29,742 --> 00:39:31,661
Even though
her name was on it,
783
00:39:32,203 --> 00:39:35,290
they felt comfortable molesting
it when they were hungry.
784
00:39:36,207 --> 00:39:37,667
It is awful being short.
785
00:39:38,418 --> 00:39:40,587
Harry, that's not
because she's short.
786
00:39:41,379 --> 00:39:43,965
That's being a woman.
Welcome to our world.
787
00:39:44,966 --> 00:39:49,637
You mean you all feel
the eyes hunting you
788
00:39:49,721 --> 00:39:51,472
like a baby deer
in the woods,
789
00:39:51,556 --> 00:39:52,682
just walking down
the street?
790
00:39:52,765 --> 00:39:54,392
Yeah. I tried to tell you.
791
00:39:55,018 --> 00:39:58,229
You know, next time a woman
tries to tell you something,
792
00:39:58,938 --> 00:40:00,815
sit down, shut up,
and listen.
793
00:40:01,441 --> 00:40:03,526
And if you feel the need
to say anything,
794
00:40:03,610 --> 00:40:06,905
all it needs to be is,
"Yes, ma'am."
795
00:40:07,572 --> 00:40:08,573
Okay?
796
00:40:27,425 --> 00:40:28,426
Yes.
797
00:40:29,385 --> 00:40:30,386
Yes.
798
00:40:31,220 --> 00:40:32,221
Mmm-hmm.
799
00:40:33,681 --> 00:40:34,849
Yes!
800
00:40:48,947 --> 00:40:50,406
Sit down, space man.
801
00:40:51,908 --> 00:40:52,909
Hmm.
802
00:40:59,040 --> 00:41:00,041
Sit!
803
00:41:02,543 --> 00:41:03,962
I know all about
your silver balls.
804
00:41:04,045 --> 00:41:06,255
I know Max stole one,
and that's why he's been acting
805
00:41:06,339 --> 00:41:08,549
like springtime lions
in those nature videos,
806
00:41:08,633 --> 00:41:11,427
but I also know
you knew he had a ball
807
00:41:11,511 --> 00:41:13,429
and did nothing
to stop him.
808
00:41:13,513 --> 00:41:15,390
Guess what. You're not
getting your ball back.
809
00:41:15,765 --> 00:41:17,934
I've hidden it
where you'll never find it,
810
00:41:18,017 --> 00:41:19,602
and I'm guessing
now that it's gone,
811
00:41:19,686 --> 00:41:21,562
Max will go back
to normal.
812
00:41:22,188 --> 00:41:25,900
And if he doesn't,
you are going to hear from me.
813
00:41:25,984 --> 00:41:27,151
Do you understand?
814
00:41:29,487 --> 00:41:30,697
Yes, ma'am.
815
00:41:35,451 --> 00:41:36,661
Good.
816
00:41:38,037 --> 00:41:41,165
Humans believe
they all deserve certain rights,
817
00:41:41,249 --> 00:41:45,169
the right to be heard,
the right to be respected.
818
00:41:46,087 --> 00:41:49,465
Asking for what you deserve
in life should not be so hard,
819
00:41:49,549 --> 00:41:50,591
but for others,
820
00:41:50,675 --> 00:41:54,095
asking for what they deserve
can be very difficult.
821
00:41:57,932 --> 00:41:59,350
Hey, D'Arce!
822
00:41:59,434 --> 00:42:01,310
Okay! Yes, girl!
823
00:42:01,394 --> 00:42:03,855
What do you think?
Wow! Very fancy, girl!
824
00:42:03,938 --> 00:42:05,023
Get your things!
825
00:42:05,106 --> 00:42:06,774
Thank you!
Okay.
826
00:42:10,945 --> 00:42:15,199
Posting flyers is against
Patience civil code 1-8-22.
827
00:42:15,783 --> 00:42:17,744
And actually
getting what they deserve
828
00:42:17,827 --> 00:42:20,371
sometimes requires
an act of heroism.
829
00:42:38,347 --> 00:42:39,348
Oh!
830
00:42:40,266 --> 00:42:41,601
Whoo!
831
00:42:42,393 --> 00:42:45,146
Women of Patience,
have patience no more!
832
00:42:45,229 --> 00:42:47,815
We demand equal pay!
833
00:42:50,234 --> 00:42:52,361
Way to go, D'Arce!
834
00:43:06,709 --> 00:43:07,710
Wow.
835
00:43:07,794 --> 00:43:08,961
It's D'Arcy.
836
00:43:12,924 --> 00:43:16,094
God, she is incredible,
don't you think?
837
00:43:16,636 --> 00:43:18,638
Honey, there's something
I got to tell you.
838
00:43:23,017 --> 00:43:24,185
What is it?
839
00:43:27,021 --> 00:43:29,107
I'm gonna have a word
with the town assembly
840
00:43:29,190 --> 00:43:30,483
and fix this pay gap.
841
00:43:31,984 --> 00:43:33,152
Yeah, you are.
842
00:43:33,903 --> 00:43:34,904
Wow.
843
00:43:35,404 --> 00:43:36,864
Way to be assertive,
honey.
844
00:43:38,991 --> 00:43:40,243
It's very sexy.
56819
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