All language subtitles for Resident.Alien.S02E02.1080p.BluRay.x265-RARBG.eng

Previously on
Resident Alien...

I need to go home.

You're taking me home, right?

Harry, you can't fix it.

I have to. If I do not,
I am stuck here.

If someone sees this,
then things will get worse for you.

- What's that?
- A survival kit.

botulinum is inject able.

Maybe all he or she would
need to do is inject a toxin

into a single insulin vial.

Both the boot and the foot
were found in the same area.

What if they fought inside,
and then Harry threw dead foot guy

through the front doors?

And I throw
you in the lake.

Looks like we might have
a new prime suspect.

42: You didn't complete
your mission.

They'll just send someone else
to kill everyone for you.

Everyone,
including ASTA?

42: She's a human,
so yes.

This cannot happen.

Hello?

ASTA?

Hello?

ASTA?

Where is everybody?

ASTA?

D'Arcy?

Ahh!

D'Arcy.
What happened to you?

You...

Sorry...
You let me die.

You let us all die,
big bummer.

ASTA?
Way too late for her.

No, not ASTA.

She's dead
because of you.

I have to help her.

Help her what,
get a better burial site?

Come on, I mean,
she's at the top of the hill.

It's as good
as you can get.

I'm down by the pond
and, uh, geese.

I'll just say that.

So... feeling bad yet?

'Cause you should.

I have to save her. ASTA!

ASTA, ASTA!

ASTA!

Scary.

I did some digging.

In 2015 and '16,
Dr. Vanderspeigle was working

at St. Helens Hospital
in New York,

so I left a message,
to get some background on him.

Hold on.
What is this I'm seeing?

Did he come out?

No, it's like some kind
of hawk in a tree

over there ripping apart
a mouse or some shit.

It is nasty.

Mother Nature
takes no prisoners, Deputy.

Can I look?
That's a no-go.

What if he comes out and kills
somebody during the handoff?

Go ahead and twizzle me.

Okay, all right.

Here comes our
not-so-good doctor right now.

What's he doing
with all them buckets of dirt?

That's a lot of dirt
right there.

Maybe he's burying
something under the cellar,

or someone.

Man, that's enough dirt
for like five adults,

or maybe three adult bodies,
and five children,

and maybe two jockeys.

Speaking of jockeys,

when was the last time
you saw Todd Campbell?

My dentist?
Mm-hmm.

Are you suggesting
he's a jockey?

Well, the man's short,
he's bowlegged,

and he wears stripes.
That's a goddamn jockey.

Why you want him drilling
in your damn teeth,

I'll never know.

Summertime.
My people love the cold.

But this body certainly
prefers these warm days.

The smell of flowers,

the sound of bugs
rubbing their legs together

for mating season.

It is more peaceful.

Yeah!

Ah, whoo!

Yeah, baby!

I hate this place.

Are you looking for a
better place to go this summer?

Hi, I'm Mayor Mitch.

Summer's just
around the corner,

and I can't wait to welcome
you to Jessup, Colorado,

the safest town around.

Come taste our world-famous
mountain spring water.

Ah.

We have the most pristine
lakes in Colorado,

perfect for boating
and swimming.

And if you love fishing,

we have
five varieties of trout

and zero varieties
of dead human feet.

When people disappear
in Jessup,

it's in our world-famous
corn maze,

so if you're
out of patience,

and you just want to have
some fun, come visit us.

'Cause here in Jessup,
the only murder you'll see is onstage

at our summer
Shakespeare festival.

Cool. I'm just gonna...

put some cyanide in my
coffee and call it a day.

42: This is pathetic.

You've been digging
for a week.

You wouldn't have
to do any of this

if you had just gone home
like you were supposed to.

I could not go home
with that kid on board.

I could never get him
past customs.

Yeah, that's why
there's an eject button.

That kid's body should have
been a shooting star over Texas.

You don't know
anything about space.

You are a Colorado octopus.

Is that
where we are? Shit.

I thought this was India.
That is an Indian rug.

You are appropriating
their culture.

That's not
a good look, man.

I saw it at a red tag sale
for $5. I had to buy it.

Plus, I think it really
brings the room together.

Listen to you.

You... That's a great price,
by the way.

You're becoming one of them.
Look how human you are.

You're even vulnerable
to your own people's attack.

I am not because I will cut
a hole in your octopus body

and wear you
as a protective Octo-suit

when they come to eradicate
all human life.

Wow, is this how
you treat a house guest?

Mm.

Then I'm glad
I didn't get you a gift.

Who has touched this?

That little shit bucket.

Okay, little dickhead.
Play with my alien technology.

You deserve what's going
to happen to you.

42: Oh, oh, wow.
Whoa, whoa.

Whoa! Whoa.

With my people
coming to kill everyone on Earth,

I will need a bunker
to survive.

I will fix it up and present it
to ASTA as her new home.

We will live,

and all the beer-drinking
Douchebags can fry.

Mmm.

Have a good day.
Thanks.

Ben.
Yeah?

Are you serious? She
cannot be the new doctor.

Dr. Smallwood
is a wonderful physician.

You know, she was part
of the first stream of women

to graduate
from Harvard Medical School.

Yeah, in the 1940s.

Years of experience.

Are you the little girl
with the broken arm?

No, I'm still
the nurse.

Your patient is
down that hallway.

Thank you, dear.

Hello there, Dr. Smallwood.
It's nice to see you again.

Hello, I know a Hawthorne
when I see one.

Ah! Top of her game,
as always.

Send my best to your
twin brother, the mayor.

Tell him I think
he's doing a dynamite job.

I will do that.

Can you please tell
Dr. Ethan to come back?

He texted me.

There was a family
emergency. He can't come back.

What am I supposed to do?
I'm here all alone.

She's very experienced.
ASTA, ASTA, come on.

Let's go.
Time's a-wasting.

Sorry, D'Arce.
I can't leave.

Dr. Smallwood just started,
and it's pretty rough.

Dr. Smallwood?
What are you talking about?

She's been dead
for, like, 30 years.

Hello.

Oh, God, ghost.
I just saw your brother.

Look, it'll be fine.
Ellen's here.

Please go enjoy
your day off, okay?

Mayor's orders.

Yeah, let's get the heck
out of here before she starts

crawling around
on the ceiling on all fours.

Come on.
Okay, okay.

I'll get my things.

Have you... Is it supposed
to rain tomorrow still?

Why are you
acting so weird?

What?
Oh, my God.

Are you uncomfortable because
you kissed me last week?

Wow, just gonna
shout that in public.

That's wonderful. Um,
it was actually you who kissed me.

Oh, no, siree, no.
That's not how it went down.

It is how it went down.
You want me to reenact it?

Look, I'll be you,
you be me, and I'll kiss you,

grab your butt,
and show you how you did it.

Come on. Come on over here.

No, no.
I'll demonstrate.

Very funny.
That's how you were.

Not gonna happen.
You were like...

No, can't...

You're touching my butt.
You're touching my butt.

Nope.
You're touching my butt.

I didn't touch her...

Oh, I love the new sign,
by the way.

I want this person arrested.

You even know who did it?

Pretty obvious,
mayor of Jessup.

Didn't you see
his anti-Patience ad?

Yeah, it's horrible.

Ooh, looking forward
to the corn maze though.

Oh, me too, I heard a rumor
back in the '70s,

a kid got lost in it for two
weeks and had to eat his friend.

Oh. Now, see,
that's a goddamn good maze.

Sure, kids eating kids
is fine in Jessup.

We find one foot
in our lake,

suddenly people think
our town isn't safe.

Brutal murder of a
town doctor didn't help.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Well, and the next doctor
disappearing.

I mean, people
just don't vanish.

Kidnapper's still
on the loose.

And the whole sign's
coming down.

Soon all of this will be over.

Their unending consumption
and gluttony will be done,

and ASTA and I will be safe
in the bunker.

But if everyone is gone,

who will keep
the bunker clean?

I hate cleaning,

and from the look
of Asta's car,

she's a real pig let.

- More coffee?
- Great.

Maybe Asta's giant
father could be in the bunker with us.

He can cook and clean,

and his aftershave smells
like fryer grease.

No, it wouldn't work. They
are father and daughter.

They may turn against me
and make me their servant.

You look tired.
I am.

My dreams
have turned evil.

Sounds like a nightmare,

mind's way of working out
fear or guilt.

So what's going on, Harry?

I'm building
a bunker to save ASTA

from a total
extinction event,

and I'm going
to lock you out

and then sweep up your ashes
with a dustpan.

Nothing.

You know,
we really need this.

We work way too hard.

You're actually supposed
to be working today, D'Arce.

Well Load was supposed to
be Metallica's comeback album,

but life comes at you fast.

Can you at least
take these sandwiches

down to the VIP group
in Sheep's Meadow?

And please don't moon
the tour groups.

You got it,
and we'll see.

Ready to go.

Yeah, baby!
Whoo!

Dead ahead!
Dead ahead!

Whoo!

Hold still.
You're gonna get cut.

I always knew I was
very mature for my age.

I'm not trying to brag,
but I've had BO for a year.

You're not mature.

You still laugh
at scatological humor.

What's that?
Poop jokes.

Poop.
Wake up.

This happened to you
because you went to space.

I don't think
that's how space works.

Well, it's definitely not
how puberty works,

so what else could it be?

I have no idea.

Hey, guys.

I brought you some toaster
strudel and fruit punch.

It's okay, Mom.
We're not hungry.

No, thank you.

My mom said if you
offered me any junk food,

I should say no because
it will slowly kill me.

Okay.

Not junk, tasty snacks.

What the hell?

I'm
sailing away my own true love

And we're gonna take things
down a notch

by mellowing out
with the closing track

from Asta's junior year
birthday mix.

Start with a party,
end with a vibe.

That's what I always say
on KPRJ radio.

Kind of describes
that year in general.

Why?

From the place
where I'll be landing

Right,
I'm sorry. I shouldn't have put it on...

No, no, it's good.

I listened to this song
a million times

while I was pregnant
with Jay.

I think she liked it, too.
She'd always kick.

I should have been there.

Me, not just
some stupid playlist.

What do you mean?
You didn't even know.

But I should have.

I wish you would
have told me.

I would have come running.

I just don't
like secrets.

I hope you know
the only reason

I would ever keep
anything from you is

'cause I don't want
to dump shit on you.

What are you keeping from me?

What?

Nothing.

I'm talking about Jay.

You know,
you were training in Europe.

I knew, if I told you,
you would leave.

I didn't want you
ruining your life, too.

I'm sorry, ruin my what?
I have a great life, ASTA.

I just watched my best friend
take a piss off the side of my boat.

It's awesome.

Hey.
Not working today?

Nah, D'Arcy rescued me
from the clinic,

took me to the lake.

Yeah?

I hope you wore a life jacket,
maybe two.

What, why?

You're the only one keeping
that alien from taking us out.

Anything happens to you,
everybody on Earth is dead.

Do you think
this blue is too dark?

I can't help
that I'm Harry's only friend.

Maybe he should
have some more.

We're a great town. If he can't
see the value of humans here,

then maybe
we should become extinct.

I was reaching to the sky

Mm-hmm.

What's he eating?
Not sure. Um...

Chowder?

Whatever it is,
he just dipped his pie in it.

Pie and chowder?

That's the meal of a
serial killer. Watch this.

You want to
understand a murderer,

you gotta get inside
his food head.

Jay.

Yeah? I'll have
what Dr. V. is having,

the exact same order.

Are you sure?
Exact same.

If he got a fly in his thing,
I want a fly in mine,

but put the fly
on the side though

'cause I don't eat no flies.
They walk on shit.

Okay.

Uh, now Max Hawthorne
and his girlfriend

just walked in and sat across
from him. Really?

What are they doing? Can
you tell what they saying?

I think Dr. V. just said,

"I don't eat with
space pirates." What?

I like your face.

I see you took the trampoline
to the ceiling fan store.

You know
it's not from a fan store.

He had a full-grown beard. Hmm.

Obviously, your spaceship
caused gravitational time dilation.

Obviously.

Obviously,
your pea-sized brain

is very lonely in that
cavernous skull of yours.

These idiots have
no idea his hormone irregularity

was caused by
the alien technology he stole.

It's incredibly rude.

Mm? I'm sorry.
I wasn't listening.

I was calling you
an idiot in my head.

I have a question.

Uh...

"What kind of toilet
would ASTA like

"to poop in in a bunker?"

That can't be right.
Come on, Deputy.

I thought you took
a lipreading workshop.

I could only afford
the first three classes,

but I get lots of practice
at family gatherings.

My grandma talks
a lot of shit about me.

We're not answering
any of your questions

until you help him.

Okay, I will help him

if you stand on your seats and shout,
"I just farted."

I'm not your puppet.

I'll do it.
I'll be your puppet.

No, not you.

You obviously
want to do it.

That's why
it has to be her.

Apple pie
and plain oatmeal.

Extra, extra, extra milk.
No flies.

Enjoy.

He's a damn psychopath.

I just farted!

Max said, "I just..." I
heard that. I heard that part.

Oh, now the kids
are leaving. Wait.

ASTA just came in.

Like musical chairs in here.

You are late. I finished
eating without you.

I think you'll survive.

I prefer to eat with you.
You order a lot of food.

I like to forage
off of your plate.

Well, maybe you should
try foraging off

someone else's plate?
Hmm?

I'm like your only friend.

I need only one friend.

And one bunker butler,
but I'm working on that.

Maybe that one.

No, she looks like she may
leave hair on the wall of the shower.

I think you should spend more
time with some other people in town.

I have met all the
other people in town.

They are annoying
flesh monkeys.

Okay, come on.
You got it.

Here we go.

Hey, Liv.
Hi.

Sheriff, Harry would like to
join your weekly poker game.

Oh, really?

Huh.

ASTA said I do,
so I do.

You know what,
Dr. Vanderspeigle? That'd be real nice.

It'd give us a chance
to get to know one another.

Okay. You going
to finish that?

No, go right ahead.
Thank you.

You see that?

Now, I don't know no normal
man that eat that much pie.

I don't care how good it is. This,
too, eh? I mean, thank you.

Okay, players.
Game is Texas hold 'em.

Tournament style, $20 buy-in.
Quarter for the small blind.

50¢ for the big blind.
There are only three rules.

No spitting, no crying,
and no funny business.

This guy knows what I'm talking
about.

I am glad I am here.
This game will give me a chance

to audition more potential
helpers for our bunker.

Is anybody here
worth saving?

All right, well, let's get
this show on the road.

And
everybody welcome Harry who says

he knows how to play.

I call bullshit,
but he's a rich doctor,

so I'm gonna take him
for all he's worth

and buy a new pair
of roller skates.

I know how to play.

I spent 15 minutes on
YouTube to master this silly game,

and I mostly just watched
videos of a dog named Tuna.

Oh!

Uh, careful there.

This card table is actually
a Hawthorne family heirloom.

Wish there was
a story about the table.

Are you shitting
me right now? John.

Oh, there is actually.
It once belonged

to my two-times great
grandfather Dickie Hawthorne.

- He built the first saloon...
- Why?

...here in Patience.

Burned down in
the great fire of '91,

but old Dickie,
he risked his life

to save this very table
that we're playing on tonight.

Didn't three people
die in that fire?

Four.

The thing to focus on, I think,
is that the table is here.

It should actually be
in the town museum,

but someone
keeps on taking it out.

We should probably
just kiss and make up.

She's kidding.
We're... I'm very...

We kiss a lot though,
so it's weird.

In high school,
we dated briefly.

Yeah, and recently,
we made out.

She's kidding.

This is a
raid so put your hands up

We're gonna win this

Take the mon-mon-money
This is a raid

What about this one?

Maybe he has use
to me in the bunker?

Can you cook?
Sure, I cook every night.

Pie?
Vegetables.

Raw, if I can,
for the nutrients.

Pie... Like to
eat healthy stuff.

Pass.

I would rather just
fill the bunker with bales of hay.

Time to separate the boys
from the men from the girls.

Risk taker, interesting.

I'll raise.
Better be careful.

Don't want you
to go broke again.

Broke? What you
talking about?

Rumor has it our doctor lost
all his money six years ago.

Tried to sell his cabin
to my uncle.

I did not sell my cabin.

Yeah, you backed
out of the deal,

which is why I'll enjoy
taking all your money tonight.

No one can figure out how you
managed to hang on to that place.

You getting all this?

I'm getting it. Anybody got some gum?

No, no, no, no,
no. I can sure use a piece of gum.

I had an onion sandwich.

It's in everybody's
best interest.

Don't mind me. I'm just gonna
rake in this pile of chips here.

The good news is when I do win,
all of this money

is going into making
a Patience tourism commercial.

This little guy, huh?

Oh, my.
There it is.

The mayor
can transmogrify matter.

He must be part Anunnaki.

Maybe Mayor Snowflake lives.

His skill could be useful
in the bunker

if there's a stray rodent
or a clogged toilet.

Put your hands up in the air

Take the mon-mon-money

Question. Uh...

In your medical opinion,
you know, as far as safety goes,

how long can someone
choke a person during sex?

Pass.

We can talk Tuesday
about it.

All right, Deputy.
I'm in the men's room.

All clear, go ahead
and give me a double honk,

so I know you still hear
everything all right.

Okay, listen.

We need to find out more
about this cabin

and Harry's money problems,
so I need you

to find the realtor that
was handling the deal.

And then we need to set up
an undercover recon mission.

Do you copy?

Okay, good.

Deputy, it's time for a little
unofficial sheriff's business,

so you might want
to get off this channel

for just a couple minutes.

Candle... equipment.

That's not a real IOU.
Your candles are garbage.

Well, five stars
on Etsy, Ellen.

I think the general public
would disagree.

Yeah, I have one.
It's rotten bathrobe scent.

That's cardamom.

Don't you usually keep
your bets under a quarter?

Yes, I do, John,
but I need to make this commercial.

And with these cards,
I cannot lose.

You lose.
So do you.

Thanks for your money.

You can keep
your bathrobe candle.

How did that happen?

No, I was supposed to win!

Oh, my God!

Should have kept that
in the museum, bro.

Your grandfather's
table is crap.

Now, undercover work is
all about the backstory, right?

So let's just take a minute
to get ours straight, okay?

Now, my name is Justin Preacher,
all right.

You're my wife,
Mrs. Justin Preacher, okay.

Now, I was a starting
pitcher for the Atlanta Braves

until I tore my ACL
back in 2007,

but I transitioned right
into sports broadcasting,

was an overnight sensation
for an Atlanta affiliate,

and we moved out here because
I just got a lucrative contract

for a satellite
radio station nearby.

I'm also a licensed pilot,
and I'm a horse rancher.

Huh.

Okay, quite a life.

And me?
Oh, you?

You got the most
important job in the world.

You a stay-at-home mom to our
three kids, Alvin, Simon, and Theodore.

Actually, you know what?
Scratch that.

Now, I wasn't
gonna say nothing,

but you looking
a little tired.

Probably got
like five kids.

Ooh, this is nice.

Well, hello there.
I am Bonnie Shaw.

I'm showing the house today. Hi.

Justine Preacher.
How do you do?

I'm a big-time
sports broadcaster.

This is my cute,
little husband Mr. Preacher.

He stays at home
with our five kids.

And
that's why he looks so tired.

Wow, let's take a look at
the kitchen first, Mr. Mom.

It's every homemaker's
dream. Come on.

Yeah, well, I'm also
a licensed helicopter pilot,

and I put out fires
with swimming pool water.

Well, you must be busy.

This is nice,

but we were looking for
something a little more rustic.

Do you know anything about
that red cabin off of Cove Road,

over in Patience?

It's got a private beach.
We saw it online.

It's funny you should ask.
That's the Vanderspeigle cabin.

I listed that myself
a couple years ago,

and it's off the market
right now,

but sometimes,
owners can be convinced.

You know, honestly,
the doc who owns it,

he might be
a little bit of work.

He's a real mystery.
Mm.

So you know him?

Oh, honey,

knowing everything about
my clients is my business.

Hmm.

I like that.

Hey.
Hey.

How's it going?

It's all right. I'm just
waiting for my mom.

She's, uh,
shopping for towels.

Oh.

Cool, so what's new?

I got my driver's license.
Whoa!

I can't really parallel park for shit,
but...

- Me neither.
- Jay.

Honey, why don't
you go start the car?

You can drive us home.
Cool.

Later.
Later.

I always wondered if I would
ever meet Jay's birth mother.

I wanted to someday,
but reuniting a child

with her birth parent
is up to the child.

You know that, right?

Uh, um...

I'm sorry.
What I did was wrong.

It's just... there she was,
you know, like, at the clinic

asking for work-study,
and, well, I crossed a line.

I just really wanted
to help her.

I will never stop Jay from
wanting to be in your life,

but she has to be the one
to cross the street, not you.

I know.

Okay.

So six years ago,
he puts his cabin on the market

'cause he needs the money.

Only to turn around and
pay the whole damn thing off

in cash one week later?

Half a million in cash.

That's some shady shit
right there.

Do you think
he's a contract killer?

Now, that's a good guess.

Man, ain't no honest man got
that much liquid just laying around.

Hell, I only got 90K
in the bank,

and that's just
for emergencies.

90,000?

That's, um...
Seems like a lot.

Eh.

Is there
a problem, Deputy?

Oh, it just needs
a new starter.

My mechanic can do it for parts,
but I don't have the $65.

Oh.

Well, you know, I was probably
rounding up to that 90 anyway.

It's probably somewhere like,
I don't know, 85, 87.

Just enough for a
rainy day. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Okay, I'ma get out and push.

I think it's cool you're gonna
make a commercial for Patience.

Yeah, maybe if I show
some pretty pictures

of our town, people
will want to come visit.

They already do.

My friend Scott said
all his California cousins

want to come here this
summer to see dead bodies.

What?
Wait, or a murder.

Hey, maybe I can play
a dead guy in your commercial.

No, no dead guys.

Max, Patience is a beautiful
and safe... Very safe town.

There are no
dead bodies here.

And this is where
our town doctor

was brutally murdered by his wife.

The doctor who replaced
him went missing,

but we expect his body
to turn up any day now.

Oh! Don't forget to enter
the corpse raffle.

What the hell is this?
Ah! Look, everyone.

It's our town mayor,
Ben Hawthorne.

Great-great-grandson
of Dickie Hawthorne

who died the day
the mine collapsed,

but not
with his fellow miners.

No, Dickie called in sick
that day.

His wife found him
in the whorehouse

and shot him in the face.

I'm related to him. No,
just an old rumor, buddy.

Old rumor, not true.

We're walking.
Come on.

Take your pictures
if you'd like.

Come on.
Let's get a move on, Deputy.

Sir, you're not gonna believe
who just returned my call.

St. Helens Hospital said
Dr. Vanderspeigle was disciplined

after they found him in a lab
he wasn't authorized to be in.

And do you know
what they kept stored there?

What?
botulinum toxin.

Are you shitting me?
Damn.

We might have put the
wrong person behind bars.

Looks like it's time to
talk to Dr. Vanderspeigle.

Yeah.

But first,
I have to drop off this dry cleaning.

What? Justice doesn't
wait for no dry cleaning.

It's half-price Tuesdays.

This is some shit here.

People, stay together.
We have a lot to see.

My God.

Oh! Another
special treat today.

Here we have
the Patience sheriff

who single-handedly put
the wife of Sam Hodges in jail.

Rumor has it she's close
to death in her prison cell,

rats waiting to feast
on her killer corpse.

- We're walking.
- Bye, handsome.

Mmm-hmm.

You're listening to 102.6,

and we have a special
listener request on the line.

What do you want us
to play?

Hey, I'd like you
to play The Breeders' Off You

for my best friend ASTA,

and tell her, if she needs me,
I'll always come running.

Wait,
I know this voice. D'Arcy?

D'Arcy?

No, this Sasha. Hello, yes.

Yeah, D'Arcy.
We dated for five months.

I think I know your voice,
and the night we broke up

you stole six bottles
of wine out of my fridge.

I
don't have no stealing wine.

Only vodka, so okay.
Play song for best friend.

- Jesus.
- And then go.

Fine.
Here's The Breeders I guess.

I land to sail island sail

Yeah, we're movin'

Yeah, we're movin'

Harry?

Hello?

What's the big surprise?

Harry?

Harry?

Harry?
Hmm.

What the hell is this?

My survival shelter
and your new home.

You can choose the rugs.

Why do you have a fallout
shelter under your house?

I built it for us,
so that we can be safe

when my people come
to kill everyone. What?

Oh, I forgot to tell you.

My people are coming
to kill everyone.

When?

Octopus thinks it may be
a matter of weeks.

Whoops.

42: Hello again,
stupid human.

God, I hate
when you do that.

The bathroom
will be over here

if they come before
I get a real toilet,

we can use this bucket.

It is unisex.

Oh, and I am getting a cow
if I can figure out

how to get it
through the opening.

You're joking, right?
You are right.

The opening is too small.

I may get a baby cow
and raise it.

Harry, this is not okay.

This was all supposed to be over
with. Why are your people coming?

They are...
How did you put it?

Oh, it was "eager
to fry all you Earth pigs."

That.

I can't do this.
No, no, no.

You expect me to live
underground with you for weeks?

No. It will be
at least a year.

I know that you like
the out-of-doors.

I painted you a window.

You can enjoy the
beautiful Colorado scenery.

Feel the breeze.

Those are dead people.

That is the stupid boy.

You cannot see his frown
because my brush was too thick.

Nope, this isn't happening.
I'm not doing it.

I'm not living in a hole
in the ground with you

and that Octo-thing.

Wait.

Well, that's fine with me.

You think I want to spend the next
year watching you shit in a bucket?

Shh-shh!

Huh.

Don't go.
It will be fun.

Octopus knows
so many cuttlefish jokes.

They are so stuck up.

You're not
taking me seriously.

Pizza.

You have to do
something about this,

and hiding us underground
for a year isn't it.

You're an alien.
You know, phone home.

Call them, and tell them
not to come.

Did I tell you that we are
going to have all 20 seasons

of Law & Order to watch?

God. I would rather die than
be on this planet with just you.

Rude.
You don't get it.

So what, I'm just supposed to
come out after the apocalypse,

and everyone
I know is dead?

I'm here all alone?

Also rude.

I'm talking about my family.
What about Dad and D'Arcy?

What about Jay?

God, no.
Don't you understand?

I can't live here if I have
to live without all of them.

So there you go,
call them,

and tell them not to come,
or I will just die.

I know what this is.

You are bluffing,
like in poker.

No, I'm not!

I would rather stand under
your stupid planet's death ray

and explode
into a million pieces

than spend one second
in that hole with you.

She is good at bluffing.

I could possibly
contact them,

but I want to kill
all the bags of douches.

It is my turn to bluff.

It's impossible.
I cannot contact them.

Now you're bluffing.
I am bad at bluffing.

Okay, okay.
I'll call your bluff.

If you don't mind
that I die, good.

What are you doing?

I think I'll take a bath.

You are not really going
to electrocute yourself.

I've got the toaster
all plugged in.

Whoo!

Nice and warm. Really
good way to go out.

Call it off, Harry.

I told you I cannot.

I do not like this
game. The stakes are too high.

You are not really
in the bathtub.

If the toaster is plugged in,
it is because you are making toast.

ASTA.

You didn't bring the bread.

This is very dangerous.

Then agree
to call your people.

Okay.

It went straight
to voicemail.

Goodbye, Harry.

See? I knew you didn't
want me to die.

You just took
your damn time showing it.

Of course I do not
want you to die.

I will try to build a radio
to contact my people.

Be careful
getting out of the tub.

Don't slip.

Coming from you,
that's a very sweet thing to say.

I'm going to go
eat pizza now.

I'm just gonna
keep knocking.

I got hands
that can knock all day.

Dr. V., open up.

We know you're in there.
We need to speak with you.

Don't make us come back
with a search warrant.

Hello, ASTA,
need to speak

with Dr. Vanderspeigle
about that severed foot.

He's not here.

Look, don't lie to me.

We saw him eating pizza through
the window when we rolled up.

I'm not lying.

ASTA, I'm telling you this
as a friend.

Harry is not
who you think he is.

He could be dangerous.
Please don't protect him.

Uh...

Maybe come back later?

Look, if I have to arrest you
for obstruction of justice, I will.

Talking about some
"come back later."

Shit! What the hell
is this?

Hold on.

Oh, my goodness.
Well, I'll be...

Deputy, what's that say
right there?

botulinum toxin.
The murder weapon.

Oh, no.

All right, look,
I'ma ask you one more time.

Where is he, ASTA?

Where is he, ASTA?

He went to hide
in the cellar.

You wait here.

Dr. V.?

Sheriff's department. We
coming down into the cellar.

I want you to put your
hands above your head.

You hear me?
We're coming down here!

Dr. Vanderspeigle,
where you at?

Whoa!
What's with the guns?

ASTA?

What in holy hell?