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1
00:00:05,873 --> 00:00:09,341
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION
AND NICKELODEON
2
00:00:09,410 --> 00:00:12,278
CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL
CAPTIONING INSTITUTE
--www.ncicap.org--
3
00:00:34,535 --> 00:00:36,469
A HA HA HA!
4
00:00:47,979 --> 00:00:52,082
THERE, ADD A CARD
TO REPRESENT
5
00:00:52,150 --> 00:00:54,117
THE OVERWORKED
EDUCATIONAL SYSTEM.
6
00:00:55,620 --> 00:00:59,088
NOW, ADD THE DEAD WEIGHT
OF STUDENTS LIKE YOU.
7
00:00:59,157 --> 00:01:00,957
SO, YOU CAN SEE, CHILDREN,
8
00:01:01,025 --> 00:01:02,859
THAT OUR WHOLE SOCIETY
IS NOTHING MORE
9
00:01:02,928 --> 00:01:05,495
THAN A PERILOUS
HOUSE OF CARDS...
10
00:01:07,633 --> 00:01:10,266
DESTINED TO COLLAPSE
UNDER ITS OWN WEIGHT.
11
00:01:11,971 --> 00:01:14,638
DIB, THE WARRANTY
ON YOUR DESK HAS RUN OUT.
12
00:01:14,706 --> 00:01:16,239
GET A REPLACEMENT
FROM THE PILE.
13
00:01:16,308 --> 00:01:18,141
YES, MA'AM.
14
00:01:18,210 --> 00:01:20,577
WELL, CHILDREN,
AS YOU KNOW,
15
00:01:20,646 --> 00:01:22,779
THE DESK BUDGET
FOR THIS YEAR HAS RUN OUT.
16
00:01:22,848 --> 00:01:27,684
BUT THE SCHOOL BOARD
IS GIVING YOU A CHANCE
TO LESSEN YOUR MISERY.
17
00:01:27,753 --> 00:01:28,651
[SQUEAL!]
18
00:01:28,720 --> 00:01:29,586
LIGHTS!
19
00:01:33,659 --> 00:01:34,691
WORD UP, KIDS!
20
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THIS IS POOP DAWG,
THE POOP COLA GANGSTA CLOWN
21
00:01:38,263 --> 00:01:39,996
WITH A LITTLE FUND RAISER.
22
00:01:40,064 --> 00:01:42,231
DO YOU WANNA GO
MAGNET WITH THE MONEYS?
23
00:01:42,300 --> 00:01:44,234
Kids: YAY!
24
00:01:44,302 --> 00:01:45,335
WHAT DOES IT MEAN?
25
00:01:45,404 --> 00:01:46,670
HMM?
26
00:01:46,739 --> 00:01:49,505
THEN JACK THIS BOX
OF POOP COLA CANDY.
27
00:01:49,574 --> 00:01:51,875
IT'S THE GREAT TASTE
OF POOP COLA
28
00:01:51,944 --> 00:01:53,843
WRAPPED IN A LAYER
OF CHOCOLATE BADNESS.
29
00:01:53,912 --> 00:01:56,813
Kids: OOH!
30
00:01:56,881 --> 00:01:59,716
EVERY BAR YOU SELL
EARNS MONEY FOR YOUR SCHOOL.
31
00:01:59,785 --> 00:02:01,084
BUT WHAT'S IN IT FOR YOU?
32
00:02:01,153 --> 00:02:03,587
PRIZES, PRIZES, PRIZI-ZES!
33
00:02:03,656 --> 00:02:04,587
HMM?
34
00:02:04,656 --> 00:02:06,890
SELL 100 BARS
AND YOU'LL WIN A...
35
00:02:06,958 --> 00:02:09,292
[MAN'S VOICE DUBBED OVER]
ADHESIVE MEDICAL STRIPS.
36
00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:11,627
SELL 1000,
YOU WIN A CRASH HELMET.
37
00:02:11,696 --> 00:02:14,097
SELL 10,000, YOU WIN
AN ELECTRO SCOOTER.
38
00:02:14,166 --> 00:02:16,900
AND 500,000,
YOU GET A HOVERCRAFT,
39
00:02:16,969 --> 00:02:18,134
[KIDS OOHING AND AAHING]
PLUS A HELMET,
40
00:02:18,203 --> 00:02:19,135
PLUS A BOX OF...
41
00:02:19,204 --> 00:02:20,736
Man: ADHESIVE MEDICAL STRIPS.
42
00:02:20,805 --> 00:02:23,339
Kids: YAY! WOW! OOH!
43
00:02:23,408 --> 00:02:26,943
GARBAGE!
THAT HOVERCRAFT IS
A JOKE OF ENGINEERING
44
00:02:27,012 --> 00:02:29,346
AND THAT HELMET
WOULD NEVER PROTECT
YOUR BRAIN FROM LASERS.
45
00:02:29,414 --> 00:02:33,016
AND IF YOU ALL THINK
YOUZ ALL SOMETHIN'
WIT THE TOP SELLIES
46
00:02:33,085 --> 00:02:34,150
AND WIT...
47
00:02:34,219 --> 00:02:35,151
I CAN'T DO THIS.
48
00:02:35,220 --> 00:02:36,152
CUT!
49
00:02:36,221 --> 00:02:37,887
THE TOP PRIZE IS SOMETHING
50
00:02:37,956 --> 00:02:39,756
YOUR B-B-BRAIN
WON'T BELIEVE!
51
00:02:39,824 --> 00:02:41,391
NONSENSE.
52
00:02:41,459 --> 00:02:44,761
IT'S SO AMAZING,
IT'S A SECRET.
53
00:02:44,830 --> 00:02:45,895
SECRET!
54
00:02:45,964 --> 00:02:47,764
WHAT ARE YOU
HIDING, DOG MAN?!
55
00:02:47,833 --> 00:02:49,599
TELL ME! TELL ME!
56
00:02:49,668 --> 00:02:51,835
GOOD LUCK,
MY FELLOW POOP SLICES.
57
00:02:51,904 --> 00:02:53,670
Announcer:
WARNING: CANDY MADE
ENTIRELY OF SAWDUST.
58
00:02:53,739 --> 00:02:55,171
A SECRET.
YES, OF COURSE.
59
00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:56,172
BUT WHAT COULD IT BE?
60
00:02:56,241 --> 00:02:57,641
WHAT?! WHAT?!
61
00:02:57,709 --> 00:03:00,443
I MUST POSSESS
THE SECRET PRIZE!
62
00:03:00,512 --> 00:03:02,178
MISS BITTERS,
WHY DON'T THEY TAKE
THE MONEY
63
00:03:02,247 --> 00:03:03,613
THEY SPENT ON CANDY
AND PRIZES
64
00:03:03,681 --> 00:03:04,915
AND USE IT
TO BUY DESKS?
65
00:03:04,983 --> 00:03:06,883
THAT ANSWER
WASN'T IN THE VIDEO.
66
00:03:36,648 --> 00:03:40,016
EEK! FUND RAISING...
67
00:03:40,085 --> 00:03:40,950
CHILDREN!
68
00:03:53,932 --> 00:03:54,798
WOO HOO!
69
00:03:58,470 --> 00:04:00,337
...THEN THAT HORRIBLE
MAN-DOG HYBRID
70
00:04:00,405 --> 00:04:02,506
TAUNTED US BY
NOT REVEALING
THE SECRET PRIZE.
71
00:04:02,574 --> 00:04:04,807
IT MUST BE
SOMETHING OF
UNIMAGINABLE POWER,
GIR.
72
00:04:07,479 --> 00:04:10,113
HEY, ZIM! I SOLD A WHOLE BOX
AT MY DAD'S LAB.
73
00:04:10,182 --> 00:04:11,414
BEAT THAT.
74
00:04:11,483 --> 00:04:13,884
SO, YOU'RE TRYING
TO BEAT ME TO THE PRIZE,
IS THAT IT?
75
00:04:13,952 --> 00:04:16,619
JUST MORE PROOF
OF ITS STRATEGIC VALUE.
76
00:04:16,688 --> 00:04:19,488
THE ONLY REASON
I'M SELLING THIS
DIRT IN A WRAPPER
77
00:04:19,557 --> 00:04:21,525
IS TO WATCH YOU FAIL
AT SOMETHING ELSE,
ZIM.
78
00:04:21,593 --> 00:04:22,893
HEH HEH HEH.
79
00:04:24,863 --> 00:04:27,630
AH! HEH HEH HEH.
80
00:04:27,699 --> 00:04:29,365
HEH HEH HEH.
81
00:04:29,434 --> 00:04:31,701
I CAN SELL THESE
HORRIBLE CANDIES
BETTER...
82
00:04:31,770 --> 00:04:33,737
THAN ANY HUMAN.
JUST WATCH.
83
00:04:33,805 --> 00:04:35,939
Gir: WHY IS HIS HEAD
SO BIG?
84
00:04:36,008 --> 00:04:38,541
WHY IS HIS HEAD
SO BIG?
85
00:04:38,610 --> 00:04:40,143
JUST FOLLOW MY LEAD.
86
00:04:48,520 --> 00:04:51,120
PLEASE, MA'AM,
IF YOU DON'T BUY MY CANDY
87
00:04:51,189 --> 00:04:54,023
MY LITTLE BROTHER
WILL GO INSANE!
88
00:05:04,202 --> 00:05:05,234
AAAHHH!
GOOD HEAVENS!
89
00:05:05,303 --> 00:05:07,170
HE'S WORSE THAN I THOUGHT!
90
00:05:07,239 --> 00:05:08,972
PLEASE, OF COURSE
I'LL BUY SOME CANDY.
91
00:05:14,579 --> 00:05:16,546
MMM!
92
00:05:18,049 --> 00:05:19,049
[COUGHING]
93
00:05:25,557 --> 00:05:27,290
MM-HMM,
THAT'S THE SAWDUST.
94
00:05:35,500 --> 00:05:38,568
HMM. SHE ONLY BOUGHT ONE
OF THESE HORRIBLE THINGS.
95
00:05:38,636 --> 00:05:40,803
YOU'LL JUST HAVE
TO TRY HARDER, GIR.
96
00:05:58,656 --> 00:05:59,823
[BABY CRIES]
97
00:06:00,725 --> 00:06:01,658
AAHH...!
98
00:06:04,095 --> 00:06:06,295
HMM. OOH!
99
00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:10,166
AAHH...!
100
00:06:47,100 --> 00:06:48,733
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
101
00:06:48,802 --> 00:06:50,702
TODAY HAS BEEN
A HORRIBLE FAILURE.
102
00:06:50,771 --> 00:06:52,104
GIR, DON'T EAT
THAT FILTH!
103
00:06:52,172 --> 00:06:54,606
IT IS THE KEY TO
THE MYSTERY OF THE PRIZE.
104
00:06:54,675 --> 00:06:57,942
[FADING OUT]
THE MYSTERY
OF THE PRIIIIZE.
105
00:06:59,746 --> 00:07:03,215
THIS MISERABLE EARTH SUN.
106
00:07:03,284 --> 00:07:06,018
EVEN ZEERUS MINOR
DIDN'T ORBIT SUCH
A HORRIBLE STAR...
107
00:07:06,086 --> 00:07:07,552
SO HOT!
108
00:07:07,621 --> 00:07:09,855
ZIM.
109
00:07:09,924 --> 00:07:11,590
ZIM!
110
00:07:11,659 --> 00:07:13,759
I HAVE COME FOR YOU.
111
00:07:13,828 --> 00:07:15,494
HEH? WHAT IS THIS?
112
00:07:15,563 --> 00:07:16,628
WHO ARE YOU?
113
00:07:16,696 --> 00:07:17,629
I AM...
114
00:07:17,698 --> 00:07:18,697
WHO ARE YOU?
115
00:07:18,765 --> 00:07:20,131
I...
WHO ARE YOU?
116
00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:25,270
I AM POOP DAWG,
THE GANGSTA
SPECTRE OF DEFEAT,
IN EFFECT.
117
00:07:25,339 --> 00:07:28,774
AND YOU WILL
NEVER WIN THE
MYSTERY PRIZE, FOOL.
118
00:07:28,842 --> 00:07:30,309
BWAHAHAHA!
119
00:07:30,377 --> 00:07:33,211
WHAT IS THIS
MIRACULOUS PRIZE THING?
120
00:07:33,280 --> 00:07:34,546
I AIN'T TELLIN', YO.
121
00:07:34,615 --> 00:07:36,482
EH...EH...
122
00:07:36,550 --> 00:07:38,883
DOES IT DEFY THE LAWS
OF TIME AND SPACE?
123
00:07:38,952 --> 00:07:41,653
CAN IT ALTER THE MINDS
OF SENTIENT BEINGS?
124
00:07:41,722 --> 00:07:45,290
IS IT THE KEY TO
CONTROLLING ALL MANKIND?
125
00:07:45,359 --> 00:07:48,393
THE PRIZE WILL
NEVER BE YOURS, ZIM!
126
00:07:48,462 --> 00:07:51,696
SO SAY THE GANGSTA
SPECTRE OF DEFEAT!
127
00:07:51,765 --> 00:07:55,867
I WILL NOT GIVE UP...
POOP DAWG!
128
00:07:55,936 --> 00:07:56,969
NEVER!
129
00:07:57,037 --> 00:07:59,237
HO HO HO HO HO!
130
00:07:59,306 --> 00:08:00,239
YO.
131
00:08:00,307 --> 00:08:02,240
AH HA HA HA HA!
132
00:08:04,478 --> 00:08:05,377
UGGHH!
133
00:08:08,849 --> 00:08:10,182
UGGH!
134
00:08:10,250 --> 00:08:12,684
JEEZ, ZIM,
I HAVEN'T EVEN DONE
ANYTHING TO YOU YET.
135
00:08:12,753 --> 00:08:14,686
GET OUT OF HERE,
GANGSTA OF DEFEAT!
136
00:08:14,755 --> 00:08:16,254
BEGONE WITH YOU.
137
00:08:16,323 --> 00:08:19,057
MAN, ZIM,
DEFEAT'S MADE
YOU CRAZY.
138
00:08:24,899 --> 00:08:27,365
OF COURSE, THAT HAS
BEEN MY MISTAKE ALL ALONG.
139
00:08:27,434 --> 00:08:29,701
I'VE BEEN
TRYING TO SELL LIKE
A MISERABLE HUMAN.
140
00:08:29,770 --> 00:08:30,835
GIR!
141
00:08:30,904 --> 00:08:32,304
YES, MY LORD!
142
00:08:32,372 --> 00:08:35,908
I WILL USE INFERIOR
HUMAN "FUND-RAISING"
TECHNIQUES NO LONGER.
143
00:08:35,976 --> 00:08:39,044
NOW WATCH AS I UNLEASH
THE FULL POWER OF
IRKEN PERSUASION.
144
00:08:39,112 --> 00:08:41,046
YAY! I'M GONNA
BE SICK!
145
00:08:41,115 --> 00:08:43,282
[GIR THROWS UP]
146
00:08:52,693 --> 00:08:53,992
HUMAN RESIDENTS!
147
00:08:54,061 --> 00:08:56,027
I HAVE COME SELLING CANDY!
148
00:08:56,096 --> 00:08:57,062
HUH?
149
00:08:57,130 --> 00:08:59,765
I AM SELLING CANDY
FOR YOUR LOCAL SCHOOL.
150
00:08:59,833 --> 00:09:01,600
AND YOU WILL BUY SOME.
151
00:09:04,270 --> 00:09:05,903
UH...WE DON'T WANT
ANY OF YOUR
GOVERNMENT CANDY!
152
00:09:05,972 --> 00:09:07,639
WE DON'T WANT NONE
OF YOUR GOVERNMENT CANDY!
153
00:09:07,708 --> 00:09:09,341
YES, YOU DO.
154
00:09:16,517 --> 00:09:20,853
NOW...SEE A WORLD
IN WHICH YOU DO NOT BUY
MY DELICIOUS TREATS!
155
00:09:25,859 --> 00:09:28,359
ALL THAT YOU KNOW
AND LOVE LIES IN RUINS!
156
00:09:40,741 --> 00:09:43,608
IT'S--IT'S HORRIBLE!
157
00:09:44,811 --> 00:09:47,278
[SCREAMING]
158
00:09:47,347 --> 00:09:50,115
I JUST WANTED
A SCHOOL DESK OF MY OWN.
159
00:09:50,184 --> 00:09:52,084
AAAHH!
160
00:09:53,253 --> 00:09:54,753
BWAINS.
161
00:09:57,691 --> 00:09:59,991
THIS HORRIBLE TRAGEDY
CAN BE PREVENTED IF...
162
00:10:00,060 --> 00:10:01,593
AND ONLY IF...
163
00:10:01,662 --> 00:10:05,364
YOU SURRENDER YOUR MONEY
TO ME AND BUY MY CANDY!
164
00:10:07,301 --> 00:10:08,567
PWEASE?
165
00:10:08,636 --> 00:10:10,101
FOR THE CHILDWEN.
166
00:10:10,170 --> 00:10:12,404
WE'LL BUY YOUR CANDY!
167
00:10:12,473 --> 00:10:13,705
WE'LL BUY
YOUR CANDY!
168
00:10:13,774 --> 00:10:14,972
WE'LL BUY YOUR CANDY!
169
00:10:15,041 --> 00:10:16,674
WE'LL BUY
YOUR CANDY!
170
00:10:16,743 --> 00:10:18,243
WE'LL BUY YOUR CANDY!
171
00:10:18,312 --> 00:10:20,411
WE'LL BUY IT!
WE'LL BUY YOUR CANDY!
172
00:10:20,480 --> 00:10:23,782
JUST STOP THIS
HORRIFYING FUTURE
FROM EVER HAPPENING!
173
00:10:23,850 --> 00:10:26,718
YES! WITNESS MY VICTORY...
174
00:10:26,787 --> 00:10:28,153
POOP-BEAST!
175
00:10:29,956 --> 00:10:32,958
AH HA HA HA HA HA...!
176
00:10:58,986 --> 00:11:00,218
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
177
00:11:00,287 --> 00:11:02,554
CHILDREN, YOUR PERFORMANCE
WAS MISERABLE.
178
00:11:02,623 --> 00:11:04,723
YOUR PARENTS WILL
ALL RECEIVE PHONE CALLS
179
00:11:04,792 --> 00:11:07,626
INSTRUCTING THEM
TO LOVE YOU LESS NOW.
180
00:11:07,694 --> 00:11:09,260
Kids:
OOOHHH!
181
00:11:09,329 --> 00:11:12,964
BUT, IN A SHOCKING
DISPLAY OF SCHOOL SPIRIT,
182
00:11:13,033 --> 00:11:17,703
DIB HAS COME IN FIRST
BY SELLING 100 CANDY BARS.
183
00:11:17,771 --> 00:11:19,904
CONGRATULATIONS.
YOU WIN A...
184
00:11:19,973 --> 00:11:21,806
[MAN'S VOICE DUBBED]
ADHESIVE MEDICAL STRIPS.
185
00:11:21,875 --> 00:11:25,510
FIRST PLACE!
TAKE THAT, SPACE BOY!
186
00:11:26,980 --> 00:11:28,513
HEY, WHERE'S ZIM?
187
00:11:34,821 --> 00:11:35,653
UUUGGGH!
188
00:11:35,722 --> 00:11:38,689
AH! AH! HEHH!
189
00:11:38,758 --> 00:11:40,491
NNMMMM!
190
00:11:40,560 --> 00:11:42,427
I AM HERE,
DIB-WORM,
191
00:11:42,495 --> 00:11:46,364
AND I HAVE SOLD
OVER 1.2 MILLION
REVOLTING CANDY UNITS!
192
00:11:47,834 --> 00:11:51,236
I AM PREPARED
TO RECEIVE THE POWER
OF THE MYSTERY PRIZE.
193
00:11:51,305 --> 00:11:53,938
GIVE TO ZIM!
194
00:11:54,007 --> 00:11:57,709
WELL, THIS HAS NEVER
HAPPENED BEFORE.
195
00:11:57,777 --> 00:12:00,678
ZIM, YOUR PRIZE IS...
196
00:12:01,915 --> 00:12:03,481
YOUR PRIZE IS...
197
00:12:03,550 --> 00:12:04,482
NOTHING.
198
00:12:04,551 --> 00:12:05,851
THERE IS NO MYSTERY PRIZE.
199
00:12:05,919 --> 00:12:08,252
THEY JUST MADE IT UP
TO MAKE KIDS WORK
HARDER FOR NO MONEY.
200
00:12:08,321 --> 00:12:09,454
HEH?
201
00:12:09,523 --> 00:12:12,824
AS A CONSOLATION...
HERE'S SOME TUNA.
202
00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:15,527
CURSE YOU, POOP DAWG!
203
00:12:15,596 --> 00:12:18,430
CURSE YOOOOOU!
204
00:12:20,133 --> 00:12:22,000
HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW...!
205
00:12:23,470 --> 00:12:24,403
[COUGHS, LAUGHS]
206
00:12:24,471 --> 00:12:26,505
[RAP MUSIC IN BACKGROUND]
14688
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