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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,873 --> 00:00:09,341 CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION AND NICKELODEON 2 00:00:09,410 --> 00:00:12,278 CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org-- 3 00:00:34,535 --> 00:00:36,469 A HA HA HA! 4 00:00:47,979 --> 00:00:52,082 THERE, ADD A CARD TO REPRESENT 5 00:00:52,150 --> 00:00:54,117 THE OVERWORKED EDUCATIONAL SYSTEM. 6 00:00:55,620 --> 00:00:59,088 NOW, ADD THE DEAD WEIGHT OF STUDENTS LIKE YOU. 7 00:00:59,157 --> 00:01:00,957 SO, YOU CAN SEE, CHILDREN, 8 00:01:01,025 --> 00:01:02,859 THAT OUR WHOLE SOCIETY IS NOTHING MORE 9 00:01:02,928 --> 00:01:05,495 THAN A PERILOUS HOUSE OF CARDS... 10 00:01:07,633 --> 00:01:10,266 DESTINED TO COLLAPSE UNDER ITS OWN WEIGHT. 11 00:01:11,971 --> 00:01:14,638 DIB, THE WARRANTY ON YOUR DESK HAS RUN OUT. 12 00:01:14,706 --> 00:01:16,239 GET A REPLACEMENT FROM THE PILE. 13 00:01:16,308 --> 00:01:18,141 YES, MA'AM. 14 00:01:18,210 --> 00:01:20,577 WELL, CHILDREN, AS YOU KNOW, 15 00:01:20,646 --> 00:01:22,779 THE DESK BUDGET FOR THIS YEAR HAS RUN OUT. 16 00:01:22,848 --> 00:01:27,684 BUT THE SCHOOL BOARD IS GIVING YOU A CHANCE TO LESSEN YOUR MISERY. 17 00:01:27,753 --> 00:01:28,651 [SQUEAL!] 18 00:01:28,720 --> 00:01:29,586 LIGHTS! 19 00:01:33,659 --> 00:01:34,691 WORD UP, KIDS! 20 00:01:34,759 --> 00:01:38,194 THIS IS POOP DAWG, THE POOP COLA GANGSTA CLOWN 21 00:01:38,263 --> 00:01:39,996 WITH A LITTLE FUND RAISER. 22 00:01:40,064 --> 00:01:42,231 DO YOU WANNA GO MAGNET WITH THE MONEYS? 23 00:01:42,300 --> 00:01:44,234 Kids: YAY! 24 00:01:44,302 --> 00:01:45,335 WHAT DOES IT MEAN? 25 00:01:45,404 --> 00:01:46,670 HMM? 26 00:01:46,739 --> 00:01:49,505 THEN JACK THIS BOX OF POOP COLA CANDY. 27 00:01:49,574 --> 00:01:51,875 IT'S THE GREAT TASTE OF POOP COLA 28 00:01:51,944 --> 00:01:53,843 WRAPPED IN A LAYER OF CHOCOLATE BADNESS. 29 00:01:53,912 --> 00:01:56,813 Kids: OOH! 30 00:01:56,881 --> 00:01:59,716 EVERY BAR YOU SELL EARNS MONEY FOR YOUR SCHOOL. 31 00:01:59,785 --> 00:02:01,084 BUT WHAT'S IN IT FOR YOU? 32 00:02:01,153 --> 00:02:03,587 PRIZES, PRIZES, PRIZI-ZES! 33 00:02:03,656 --> 00:02:04,587 HMM? 34 00:02:04,656 --> 00:02:06,890 SELL 100 BARS AND YOU'LL WIN A... 35 00:02:06,958 --> 00:02:09,292 [MAN'S VOICE DUBBED OVER] ADHESIVE MEDICAL STRIPS. 36 00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:11,627 SELL 1000, YOU WIN A CRASH HELMET. 37 00:02:11,696 --> 00:02:14,097 SELL 10,000, YOU WIN AN ELECTRO SCOOTER. 38 00:02:14,166 --> 00:02:16,900 AND 500,000, YOU GET A HOVERCRAFT, 39 00:02:16,969 --> 00:02:18,134 [KIDS OOHING AND AAHING] PLUS A HELMET, 40 00:02:18,203 --> 00:02:19,135 PLUS A BOX OF... 41 00:02:19,204 --> 00:02:20,736 Man: ADHESIVE MEDICAL STRIPS. 42 00:02:20,805 --> 00:02:23,339 Kids: YAY! WOW! OOH! 43 00:02:23,408 --> 00:02:26,943 GARBAGE! THAT HOVERCRAFT IS A JOKE OF ENGINEERING 44 00:02:27,012 --> 00:02:29,346 AND THAT HELMET WOULD NEVER PROTECT YOUR BRAIN FROM LASERS. 45 00:02:29,414 --> 00:02:33,016 AND IF YOU ALL THINK YOUZ ALL SOMETHIN' WIT THE TOP SELLIES 46 00:02:33,085 --> 00:02:34,150 AND WIT... 47 00:02:34,219 --> 00:02:35,151 I CAN'T DO THIS. 48 00:02:35,220 --> 00:02:36,152 CUT! 49 00:02:36,221 --> 00:02:37,887 THE TOP PRIZE IS SOMETHING 50 00:02:37,956 --> 00:02:39,756 YOUR B-B-BRAIN WON'T BELIEVE! 51 00:02:39,824 --> 00:02:41,391 NONSENSE. 52 00:02:41,459 --> 00:02:44,761 IT'S SO AMAZING, IT'S A SECRET. 53 00:02:44,830 --> 00:02:45,895 SECRET! 54 00:02:45,964 --> 00:02:47,764 WHAT ARE YOU HIDING, DOG MAN?! 55 00:02:47,833 --> 00:02:49,599 TELL ME! TELL ME! 56 00:02:49,668 --> 00:02:51,835 GOOD LUCK, MY FELLOW POOP SLICES. 57 00:02:51,904 --> 00:02:53,670 Announcer: WARNING: CANDY MADE ENTIRELY OF SAWDUST. 58 00:02:53,739 --> 00:02:55,171 A SECRET. YES, OF COURSE. 59 00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:56,172 BUT WHAT COULD IT BE? 60 00:02:56,241 --> 00:02:57,641 WHAT?! WHAT?! 61 00:02:57,709 --> 00:03:00,443 I MUST POSSESS THE SECRET PRIZE! 62 00:03:00,512 --> 00:03:02,178 MISS BITTERS, WHY DON'T THEY TAKE THE MONEY 63 00:03:02,247 --> 00:03:03,613 THEY SPENT ON CANDY AND PRIZES 64 00:03:03,681 --> 00:03:04,915 AND USE IT TO BUY DESKS? 65 00:03:04,983 --> 00:03:06,883 THAT ANSWER WASN'T IN THE VIDEO. 66 00:03:36,648 --> 00:03:40,016 EEK! FUND RAISING... 67 00:03:40,085 --> 00:03:40,950 CHILDREN! 68 00:03:53,932 --> 00:03:54,798 WOO HOO! 69 00:03:58,470 --> 00:04:00,337 ...THEN THAT HORRIBLE MAN-DOG HYBRID 70 00:04:00,405 --> 00:04:02,506 TAUNTED US BY NOT REVEALING THE SECRET PRIZE. 71 00:04:02,574 --> 00:04:04,807 IT MUST BE SOMETHING OF UNIMAGINABLE POWER, GIR. 72 00:04:07,479 --> 00:04:10,113 HEY, ZIM! I SOLD A WHOLE BOX AT MY DAD'S LAB. 73 00:04:10,182 --> 00:04:11,414 BEAT THAT. 74 00:04:11,483 --> 00:04:13,884 SO, YOU'RE TRYING TO BEAT ME TO THE PRIZE, IS THAT IT? 75 00:04:13,952 --> 00:04:16,619 JUST MORE PROOF OF ITS STRATEGIC VALUE. 76 00:04:16,688 --> 00:04:19,488 THE ONLY REASON I'M SELLING THIS DIRT IN A WRAPPER 77 00:04:19,557 --> 00:04:21,525 IS TO WATCH YOU FAIL AT SOMETHING ELSE, ZIM. 78 00:04:21,593 --> 00:04:22,893 HEH HEH HEH. 79 00:04:24,863 --> 00:04:27,630 AH! HEH HEH HEH. 80 00:04:27,699 --> 00:04:29,365 HEH HEH HEH. 81 00:04:29,434 --> 00:04:31,701 I CAN SELL THESE HORRIBLE CANDIES BETTER... 82 00:04:31,770 --> 00:04:33,737 THAN ANY HUMAN. JUST WATCH. 83 00:04:33,805 --> 00:04:35,939 Gir: WHY IS HIS HEAD SO BIG? 84 00:04:36,008 --> 00:04:38,541 WHY IS HIS HEAD SO BIG? 85 00:04:38,610 --> 00:04:40,143 JUST FOLLOW MY LEAD. 86 00:04:48,520 --> 00:04:51,120 PLEASE, MA'AM, IF YOU DON'T BUY MY CANDY 87 00:04:51,189 --> 00:04:54,023 MY LITTLE BROTHER WILL GO INSANE! 88 00:05:04,202 --> 00:05:05,234 AAAHHH! GOOD HEAVENS! 89 00:05:05,303 --> 00:05:07,170 HE'S WORSE THAN I THOUGHT! 90 00:05:07,239 --> 00:05:08,972 PLEASE, OF COURSE I'LL BUY SOME CANDY. 91 00:05:14,579 --> 00:05:16,546 MMM! 92 00:05:18,049 --> 00:05:19,049 [COUGHING] 93 00:05:25,557 --> 00:05:27,290 MM-HMM, THAT'S THE SAWDUST. 94 00:05:35,500 --> 00:05:38,568 HMM. SHE ONLY BOUGHT ONE OF THESE HORRIBLE THINGS. 95 00:05:38,636 --> 00:05:40,803 YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO TRY HARDER, GIR. 96 00:05:58,656 --> 00:05:59,823 [BABY CRIES] 97 00:06:00,725 --> 00:06:01,658 AAHH...! 98 00:06:04,095 --> 00:06:06,295 HMM. OOH! 99 00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:10,166 AAHH...! 100 00:06:47,100 --> 00:06:48,733 I DON'T UNDERSTAND. 101 00:06:48,802 --> 00:06:50,702 TODAY HAS BEEN A HORRIBLE FAILURE. 102 00:06:50,771 --> 00:06:52,104 GIR, DON'T EAT THAT FILTH! 103 00:06:52,172 --> 00:06:54,606 IT IS THE KEY TO THE MYSTERY OF THE PRIZE. 104 00:06:54,675 --> 00:06:57,942 [FADING OUT] THE MYSTERY OF THE PRIIIIZE. 105 00:06:59,746 --> 00:07:03,215 THIS MISERABLE EARTH SUN. 106 00:07:03,284 --> 00:07:06,018 EVEN ZEERUS MINOR DIDN'T ORBIT SUCH A HORRIBLE STAR... 107 00:07:06,086 --> 00:07:07,552 SO HOT! 108 00:07:07,621 --> 00:07:09,855 ZIM. 109 00:07:09,924 --> 00:07:11,590 ZIM! 110 00:07:11,659 --> 00:07:13,759 I HAVE COME FOR YOU. 111 00:07:13,828 --> 00:07:15,494 HEH? WHAT IS THIS? 112 00:07:15,563 --> 00:07:16,628 WHO ARE YOU? 113 00:07:16,696 --> 00:07:17,629 I AM... 114 00:07:17,698 --> 00:07:18,697 WHO ARE YOU? 115 00:07:18,765 --> 00:07:20,131 I... WHO ARE YOU? 116 00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:25,270 I AM POOP DAWG, THE GANGSTA SPECTRE OF DEFEAT, IN EFFECT. 117 00:07:25,339 --> 00:07:28,774 AND YOU WILL NEVER WIN THE MYSTERY PRIZE, FOOL. 118 00:07:28,842 --> 00:07:30,309 BWAHAHAHA! 119 00:07:30,377 --> 00:07:33,211 WHAT IS THIS MIRACULOUS PRIZE THING? 120 00:07:33,280 --> 00:07:34,546 I AIN'T TELLIN', YO. 121 00:07:34,615 --> 00:07:36,482 EH...EH... 122 00:07:36,550 --> 00:07:38,883 DOES IT DEFY THE LAWS OF TIME AND SPACE? 123 00:07:38,952 --> 00:07:41,653 CAN IT ALTER THE MINDS OF SENTIENT BEINGS? 124 00:07:41,722 --> 00:07:45,290 IS IT THE KEY TO CONTROLLING ALL MANKIND? 125 00:07:45,359 --> 00:07:48,393 THE PRIZE WILL NEVER BE YOURS, ZIM! 126 00:07:48,462 --> 00:07:51,696 SO SAY THE GANGSTA SPECTRE OF DEFEAT! 127 00:07:51,765 --> 00:07:55,867 I WILL NOT GIVE UP... POOP DAWG! 128 00:07:55,936 --> 00:07:56,969 NEVER! 129 00:07:57,037 --> 00:07:59,237 HO HO HO HO HO! 130 00:07:59,306 --> 00:08:00,239 YO. 131 00:08:00,307 --> 00:08:02,240 AH HA HA HA HA! 132 00:08:04,478 --> 00:08:05,377 UGGHH! 133 00:08:08,849 --> 00:08:10,182 UGGH! 134 00:08:10,250 --> 00:08:12,684 JEEZ, ZIM, I HAVEN'T EVEN DONE ANYTHING TO YOU YET. 135 00:08:12,753 --> 00:08:14,686 GET OUT OF HERE, GANGSTA OF DEFEAT! 136 00:08:14,755 --> 00:08:16,254 BEGONE WITH YOU. 137 00:08:16,323 --> 00:08:19,057 MAN, ZIM, DEFEAT'S MADE YOU CRAZY. 138 00:08:24,899 --> 00:08:27,365 OF COURSE, THAT HAS BEEN MY MISTAKE ALL ALONG. 139 00:08:27,434 --> 00:08:29,701 I'VE BEEN TRYING TO SELL LIKE A MISERABLE HUMAN. 140 00:08:29,770 --> 00:08:30,835 GIR! 141 00:08:30,904 --> 00:08:32,304 YES, MY LORD! 142 00:08:32,372 --> 00:08:35,908 I WILL USE INFERIOR HUMAN "FUND-RAISING" TECHNIQUES NO LONGER. 143 00:08:35,976 --> 00:08:39,044 NOW WATCH AS I UNLEASH THE FULL POWER OF IRKEN PERSUASION. 144 00:08:39,112 --> 00:08:41,046 YAY! I'M GONNA BE SICK! 145 00:08:41,115 --> 00:08:43,282 [GIR THROWS UP] 146 00:08:52,693 --> 00:08:53,992 HUMAN RESIDENTS! 147 00:08:54,061 --> 00:08:56,027 I HAVE COME SELLING CANDY! 148 00:08:56,096 --> 00:08:57,062 HUH? 149 00:08:57,130 --> 00:08:59,765 I AM SELLING CANDY FOR YOUR LOCAL SCHOOL. 150 00:08:59,833 --> 00:09:01,600 AND YOU WILL BUY SOME. 151 00:09:04,270 --> 00:09:05,903 UH...WE DON'T WANT ANY OF YOUR GOVERNMENT CANDY! 152 00:09:05,972 --> 00:09:07,639 WE DON'T WANT NONE OF YOUR GOVERNMENT CANDY! 153 00:09:07,708 --> 00:09:09,341 YES, YOU DO. 154 00:09:16,517 --> 00:09:20,853 NOW...SEE A WORLD IN WHICH YOU DO NOT BUY MY DELICIOUS TREATS! 155 00:09:25,859 --> 00:09:28,359 ALL THAT YOU KNOW AND LOVE LIES IN RUINS! 156 00:09:40,741 --> 00:09:43,608 IT'S--IT'S HORRIBLE! 157 00:09:44,811 --> 00:09:47,278 [SCREAMING] 158 00:09:47,347 --> 00:09:50,115 I JUST WANTED A SCHOOL DESK OF MY OWN. 159 00:09:50,184 --> 00:09:52,084 AAAHH! 160 00:09:53,253 --> 00:09:54,753 BWAINS. 161 00:09:57,691 --> 00:09:59,991 THIS HORRIBLE TRAGEDY CAN BE PREVENTED IF... 162 00:10:00,060 --> 00:10:01,593 AND ONLY IF... 163 00:10:01,662 --> 00:10:05,364 YOU SURRENDER YOUR MONEY TO ME AND BUY MY CANDY! 164 00:10:07,301 --> 00:10:08,567 PWEASE? 165 00:10:08,636 --> 00:10:10,101 FOR THE CHILDWEN. 166 00:10:10,170 --> 00:10:12,404 WE'LL BUY YOUR CANDY! 167 00:10:12,473 --> 00:10:13,705 WE'LL BUY YOUR CANDY! 168 00:10:13,774 --> 00:10:14,972 WE'LL BUY YOUR CANDY! 169 00:10:15,041 --> 00:10:16,674 WE'LL BUY YOUR CANDY! 170 00:10:16,743 --> 00:10:18,243 WE'LL BUY YOUR CANDY! 171 00:10:18,312 --> 00:10:20,411 WE'LL BUY IT! WE'LL BUY YOUR CANDY! 172 00:10:20,480 --> 00:10:23,782 JUST STOP THIS HORRIFYING FUTURE FROM EVER HAPPENING! 173 00:10:23,850 --> 00:10:26,718 YES! WITNESS MY VICTORY... 174 00:10:26,787 --> 00:10:28,153 POOP-BEAST! 175 00:10:29,956 --> 00:10:32,958 AH HA HA HA HA HA...! 176 00:10:58,986 --> 00:11:00,218 [SCHOOL BELL RINGS] 177 00:11:00,287 --> 00:11:02,554 CHILDREN, YOUR PERFORMANCE WAS MISERABLE. 178 00:11:02,623 --> 00:11:04,723 YOUR PARENTS WILL ALL RECEIVE PHONE CALLS 179 00:11:04,792 --> 00:11:07,626 INSTRUCTING THEM TO LOVE YOU LESS NOW. 180 00:11:07,694 --> 00:11:09,260 Kids: OOOHHH! 181 00:11:09,329 --> 00:11:12,964 BUT, IN A SHOCKING DISPLAY OF SCHOOL SPIRIT, 182 00:11:13,033 --> 00:11:17,703 DIB HAS COME IN FIRST BY SELLING 100 CANDY BARS. 183 00:11:17,771 --> 00:11:19,904 CONGRATULATIONS. YOU WIN A... 184 00:11:19,973 --> 00:11:21,806 [MAN'S VOICE DUBBED] ADHESIVE MEDICAL STRIPS. 185 00:11:21,875 --> 00:11:25,510 FIRST PLACE! TAKE THAT, SPACE BOY! 186 00:11:26,980 --> 00:11:28,513 HEY, WHERE'S ZIM? 187 00:11:34,821 --> 00:11:35,653 UUUGGGH! 188 00:11:35,722 --> 00:11:38,689 AH! AH! HEHH! 189 00:11:38,758 --> 00:11:40,491 NNMMMM! 190 00:11:40,560 --> 00:11:42,427 I AM HERE, DIB-WORM, 191 00:11:42,495 --> 00:11:46,364 AND I HAVE SOLD OVER 1.2 MILLION REVOLTING CANDY UNITS! 192 00:11:47,834 --> 00:11:51,236 I AM PREPARED TO RECEIVE THE POWER OF THE MYSTERY PRIZE. 193 00:11:51,305 --> 00:11:53,938 GIVE TO ZIM! 194 00:11:54,007 --> 00:11:57,709 WELL, THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE. 195 00:11:57,777 --> 00:12:00,678 ZIM, YOUR PRIZE IS... 196 00:12:01,915 --> 00:12:03,481 YOUR PRIZE IS... 197 00:12:03,550 --> 00:12:04,482 NOTHING. 198 00:12:04,551 --> 00:12:05,851 THERE IS NO MYSTERY PRIZE. 199 00:12:05,919 --> 00:12:08,252 THEY JUST MADE IT UP TO MAKE KIDS WORK HARDER FOR NO MONEY. 200 00:12:08,321 --> 00:12:09,454 HEH? 201 00:12:09,523 --> 00:12:12,824 AS A CONSOLATION... HERE'S SOME TUNA. 202 00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:15,527 CURSE YOU, POOP DAWG! 203 00:12:15,596 --> 00:12:18,430 CURSE YOOOOOU! 204 00:12:20,133 --> 00:12:22,000 HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW...! 205 00:12:23,470 --> 00:12:24,403 [COUGHS, LAUGHS] 206 00:12:24,471 --> 00:12:26,505 [RAP MUSIC IN BACKGROUND] 14688

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