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1
00:00:00,667 --> 00:00:04,807
Joy to the world
I'm getting laid.
2
00:00:06,506 --> 00:00:10,085
I'm getting laid tonight.
3
00:00:12,911 --> 00:00:17,647
We�ll light the yule log, deck the halls,
and then we'll play some jingle ballz.
4
00:00:19,987 --> 00:00:24,757
It's been a real long wait
this is our second date.
5
00:00:28,650 --> 00:00:33,395
It's Christmas Eve
and I'm getting laid.
6
00:00:37,218 --> 00:00:39,773
Hey, I'm mixing up the eggnog.
7
00:00:39,808 --> 00:00:42,475
You want this broad lit up
or just slightly glowing?
8
00:00:45,129 --> 00:00:47,355
Well, let�s see, we�re
celebrating peace on earth
9
00:00:47,390 --> 00:00:50,907
...and good will towards all mankind,
so let�s get �er plowed!
10
00:00:51,770 --> 00:00:52,829
Hallelujah!
11
00:00:54,612 --> 00:01:01,438
Glo-oh-oh-oh-oh-ria
12
00:01:01,639 --> 00:01:05,614
Tonight I�m boinking Gloria.
13
00:01:07,780 --> 00:01:10,147
Subtitle by LaDa
14
00:01:10,690 --> 00:01:13,010
Two and a Half Men
S 04 E 11
15
00:01:13,555 --> 00:01:15,591
"Walnuts and Demerol"
16
00:01:34,491 --> 00:01:39,482
Four callgirls, three french maids
two drunk twins...
17
00:01:40,709 --> 00:01:44,601
...and a lap dance in a pear tree.
18
00:01:47,396 --> 00:01:48,968
Merry Christmas, Uncle Charlie.
19
00:01:48,969 --> 00:01:51,412
Oh, right.
The other part of Christmas.
20
00:01:51,793 --> 00:01:52,899
Go ahead, open it.
21
00:01:53,300 --> 00:01:56,095
Hold on.
Let me give you your gift first.
22
00:01:56,496 --> 00:01:57,959
I don't want you to think I forgot you.
23
00:02:02,743 --> 00:02:05,738
- A hundred bucks? Wow!
- I picked it out myself.
24
00:02:07,552 --> 00:02:10,391
- Now open yours.
- Okay.
25
00:02:11,742 --> 00:02:12,960
It's kind of exciting...
26
00:02:18,028 --> 00:02:19,534
Fart in a can?
27
00:02:22,373 --> 00:02:24,158
You don't have one, do you?
28
00:02:25,767 --> 00:02:27,395
Well, I've got you.
29
00:02:28,257 --> 00:02:29,539
This is good for travel.
30
00:02:31,236 --> 00:02:34,197
Jake, I just talked to your mom
she's gonna be here any minute.
31
00:02:34,398 --> 00:02:36,847
Don't look at Uncle Charlie's gift.
You're getting the same thing.
32
00:02:38,427 --> 00:02:41,148
- Oh, boy. I'm excited.
- Don't be.
33
00:02:41,374 --> 00:02:45,735
Oh, speaking of gifts...
Merry Christmas.
34
00:02:46,498 --> 00:02:47,608
I'll leave it up to you.
35
00:02:47,801 --> 00:02:49,804
You can open it tomorrow
morning at your mom's or...
36
00:02:52,405 --> 00:02:55,175
You can rip it open with
your teeth like a rabied jackal.
37
00:02:56,631 --> 00:02:58,641
You got me the new Nintendo?
38
00:02:58,676 --> 00:03:00,064
It's from Uncle Charlie, too.
39
00:03:00,702 --> 00:03:02,663
You owe me 125 dollars.
40
00:03:04,041 --> 00:03:06,075
- But I just...
- Wow, this is so cool!
41
00:03:06,076 --> 00:03:08,613
Thanks Dad! Thanks Uncle Charlie!
42
00:03:08,614 --> 00:03:10,392
Yeah yeah. Merry Christmas.
43
00:03:11,160 --> 00:03:12,622
- I'm gonna go hook it up.
- No no no.
44
00:03:12,623 --> 00:03:13,623
No, you're leaving.
45
00:03:13,624 --> 00:03:15,280
Your Uncle Charlie's hookin' up.
46
00:03:18,178 --> 00:03:20,549
- You're leaving too, right?
- Yes, relax.
47
00:03:20,784 --> 00:03:23,766
I plan on spending Christmas Eve
at a movie theatre all by myself...
48
00:03:23,767 --> 00:03:24,767
...just so you can have sex tonight.
49
00:03:26,202 --> 00:03:27,689
You can have sex too.
50
00:03:27,724 --> 00:03:29,322
Just pick the right movie theatre.
51
00:03:31,758 --> 00:03:33,129
Jake! Time to go!
52
00:03:33,932 --> 00:03:36,543
Take some paper towels and
don't wear your suede shoes.
53
00:03:41,178 --> 00:03:44,516
- Ho ho ho.
- That's another option.
54
00:03:47,647 --> 00:03:50,336
- Merry Christmas!
- Merry Christmas! Come on in.
55
00:03:51,206 --> 00:03:52,232
Hey, Merry Christmas, Charlie.
56
00:03:52,652 --> 00:03:54,443
Yeah, swell. I go get the kid.
57
00:03:55,549 --> 00:03:58,750
- Ooh, eggnog.
- Honey, we've got a long drive ahead of us.
58
00:03:58,751 --> 00:04:00,943
We're spending the holiday
in San Diego with my parents.
59
00:04:00,944 --> 00:04:02,538
That's why I need eggnog.
60
00:04:03,039 --> 00:04:05,393
Hey, I spent thanksgiving with your parents.
61
00:04:05,518 --> 00:04:07,472
Oh, oh really? Your Mom's out of rehab?
62
00:04:08,701 --> 00:04:10,552
Yes, my Mom's out of rehab.
63
00:04:10,587 --> 00:04:12,312
Actually, she kind of jumped the fence.
64
00:04:14,519 --> 00:04:16,960
Well, woman's gonna be your mother-in-law
you might as well get used to it.
65
00:04:17,561 --> 00:04:20,060
Remember the time she rode out
of Betty Ford on a lawnmower?
66
00:04:23,154 --> 00:04:26,347
On a plus side she bakes Toll House
cookies with walnuts and demerol.
67
00:04:28,519 --> 00:04:31,279
Stuff never goes back in
the box the way it came out.
68
00:04:31,620 --> 00:04:33,011
That's a life lesson, Jake.
69
00:04:35,161 --> 00:04:37,675
Come on, your Mom's here.
Vamos.
70
00:04:39,514 --> 00:04:43,077
Ok, table set on the deck
and dinner's in the owen.
71
00:04:43,078 --> 00:04:44,172
Right.
72
00:04:44,173 --> 00:04:46,195
You might wanna keep the
candles away from the eggnog.
73
00:04:46,196 --> 00:04:47,216
Got it.
74
00:04:48,747 --> 00:04:50,478
Allright then.
I'm leaving now.
75
00:04:50,479 --> 00:04:52,458
Well, then goodbye and thanks.
76
00:04:52,558 --> 00:04:54,475
Yeah, Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.
77
00:04:54,476 --> 00:04:56,167
- All the best.
- Same to you.
78
00:05:00,220 --> 00:05:02,174
Gimme my bonus you blockhead.
79
00:05:04,573 --> 00:05:05,827
Oh, right.
80
00:05:07,751 --> 00:05:10,287
Thank you for all your hard work.
81
00:05:15,776 --> 00:05:18,722
I couldn't get along without you.
82
00:05:22,966 --> 00:05:24,019
You're one in a million.
83
00:05:28,099 --> 00:05:29,179
Really?
84
00:05:29,824 --> 00:05:31,001
What would Jesus do?
85
00:05:37,153 --> 00:05:39,229
- Herb?
- Oh, no thanks. I'm driving.
86
00:05:39,230 --> 00:05:40,337
I'll have some.
87
00:05:40,638 --> 00:05:42,655
No, you won't.
It's for grownups.
88
00:05:42,690 --> 00:05:44,022
I'll have another.
89
00:05:44,023 --> 00:05:45,362
Sweetie, my parents are waiting.
90
00:05:45,898 --> 00:05:47,019
I know, dear.
91
00:05:49,068 --> 00:05:51,053
Apple doesn't fall far
from the tree, does it?
92
00:05:52,877 --> 00:05:57,536
Okay. Merry Christmas to all.
And to all: a goodbye.
93
00:05:58,788 --> 00:06:03,103
Hang on. I got a long bus ride and
I dont want to sober up halfway home.
94
00:06:04,004 --> 00:06:05,103
Hello?
95
00:06:05,504 --> 00:06:07,601
Kandy?
What are you doing here?
96
00:06:08,066 --> 00:06:11,597
I didn't wana be alone on Christmas Eve
and I didn't know where else to go.
97
00:06:12,181 --> 00:06:13,238
Where's your new boyfriend?
98
00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:15,730
He decided to spend
Christmas with his family.
99
00:06:15,765 --> 00:06:17,111
Why didn't he bring you along?
100
00:06:17,146 --> 00:06:20,114
He thought I would make
his wife uncomfortable.
101
00:06:22,321 --> 00:06:24,034
Oh, sweetie come on in.
102
00:06:24,035 --> 00:06:26,726
Whoa whoa whoa
I've got company coming, remember?
103
00:06:26,727 --> 00:06:28,125
I can't just throw her out, Charlie.
104
00:06:28,126 --> 00:06:29,226
How do you know if you don't try?
105
00:06:30,593 --> 00:06:32,115
Lighten up, it's Christmas.
106
00:06:32,669 --> 00:06:35,637
Okay, two minutes, and then
I bring out the fart in the can.
107
00:06:39,179 --> 00:06:40,429
You remember Judith.
108
00:06:40,942 --> 00:06:42,639
- Hi Judith.
- Hello.
109
00:06:43,375 --> 00:06:44,561
And this is her fianc�, Herb.
110
00:06:44,562 --> 00:06:45,862
- Hi Herb.
- Hi.
111
00:06:45,863 --> 00:06:46,863
Hey, let me take your coat.
112
00:06:51,774 --> 00:06:53,725
Oh my golly.
113
00:06:55,944 --> 00:06:57,394
Well, I guess we should get going.
114
00:06:57,495 --> 00:06:58,697
What's the hurry?
115
00:07:00,075 --> 00:07:01,373
Your parents are waiting, remember?
116
00:07:01,449 --> 00:07:02,925
What do you care,
they don't like you anyway.
117
00:07:05,398 --> 00:07:06,423
Eggnog?
118
00:07:06,624 --> 00:07:07,957
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
119
00:07:08,791 --> 00:07:09,970
I'm a doctor.
120
00:07:10,571 --> 00:07:12,217
A real one or like Alan?
121
00:07:14,519 --> 00:07:15,768
I'm a pediatrician.
122
00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:17,724
Wow. So you're into feet?
123
00:07:18,552 --> 00:07:19,640
No. Children.
124
00:07:20,145 --> 00:07:21,507
Isn't that illegal?
125
00:07:24,050 --> 00:07:26,395
Berta. Don't you have a bus to catch?
126
00:07:26,396 --> 00:07:28,231
And miss the show, are you nuts?
127
00:07:30,010 --> 00:07:31,717
Feliz navidad everyone.
128
00:07:33,008 --> 00:07:34,404
I didn't see that one coming.
129
00:07:36,312 --> 00:07:37,610
Mom, what are you doing here?
130
00:07:37,611 --> 00:07:40,351
Well I was on my way to a party.
Thought I drop off your gift...
131
00:07:40,352 --> 00:07:43,017
...so I don't have to schlepp back here
tomorrow and mess up my day.
132
00:07:44,525 --> 00:07:46,663
- Charlie?
- Rose!
133
00:07:47,338 --> 00:07:49,603
How could you have a Christmas
party and not invite me.
134
00:07:50,372 --> 00:07:53,063
- This isn't a Christmas party.
- What do you call it?
135
00:07:53,564 --> 00:07:57,415
The beggining of a new story that ends with
the phrase: "then turned the gun on himself"
136
00:07:59,986 --> 00:08:02,600
Allright, allright.
Everybody listen up, listen to me.
137
00:08:03,201 --> 00:08:06,695
There is no party.
You all have to leave now...
138
00:08:06,795 --> 00:08:08,381
because a beautiful woman is coming over...
139
00:08:08,382 --> 00:08:11,419
and I intend to get her drunk
and have sex with her.
140
00:08:11,510 --> 00:08:12,815
That's a good plan.
141
00:08:14,668 --> 00:08:16,664
Except I'm already drunk.
142
00:08:19,838 --> 00:08:22,281
Boy, I can't wait 'till the second act.
143
00:08:26,709 --> 00:08:30,300
Here we go.
More fuel for the fire.
144
00:08:31,376 --> 00:08:32,618
You said you were going home.
145
00:08:32,653 --> 00:08:34,875
Well, that was before I knew
you're having a party.
146
00:08:35,872 --> 00:08:37,449
This isn't a party.
147
00:08:37,908 --> 00:08:42,073
It's just a bunch of people I don't like
standing around drinking my booze.
148
00:08:42,074 --> 00:08:43,481
Oh, crap. It is a party.
149
00:08:44,749 --> 00:08:46,010
Gimme that.
150
00:08:49,611 --> 00:08:51,642
I'd love to know what
those two are talking about.
151
00:08:51,789 --> 00:08:53,646
I could tell you. I read lips.
152
00:08:54,612 --> 00:08:55,785
- Really?
- Yep.
153
00:08:57,362 --> 00:08:59,971
Now you're date is saying...
154
00:09:00,006 --> 00:09:03,921
A wily ostrich sank my boat.
155
00:09:06,722 --> 00:09:10,788
I have a little congestion in my
upper chest. Can you take a look at it?
156
00:09:10,989 --> 00:09:14,096
- Oh well I could...
- Kandi, he's a pediatrician.
157
00:09:14,131 --> 00:09:15,961
- He only treats children.
- Now hold on.
158
00:09:16,859 --> 00:09:18,597
There's no actual age limit.
159
00:09:19,483 --> 00:09:22,606
I took an oath to ease
suffering wherever I find it.
160
00:09:23,984 --> 00:09:25,347
Alan, a word.
161
00:09:26,278 --> 00:09:28,359
Oh, good. A word.
162
00:09:30,394 --> 00:09:34,652
I don't have my stethoscope, so why don't
you just breathe in and out for me.
163
00:09:38,409 --> 00:09:39,963
Make this stop.
164
00:09:40,284 --> 00:09:42,752
I'm sorry.
I don't know what you're talking about.
165
00:09:43,153 --> 00:09:47,034
Don't screw with me. Tell your ex-wife
to stop flirting with my fianc�.
166
00:09:47,571 --> 00:09:52,366
Gee, that's funny. the way I see it,
your peanut butter is all over my chocolate.
167
00:09:53,695 --> 00:09:55,761
Damn it, Alan,
I can make your life a living hell.
168
00:09:56,372 --> 00:09:57,641
How would I know the difference?
169
00:09:58,977 --> 00:10:00,270
Cough again.
170
00:10:02,770 --> 00:10:04,152
Once more.
171
00:10:04,553 --> 00:10:06,584
Let's have a little pow-wow.
172
00:10:06,585 --> 00:10:07,585
She might have a touch of the croup.
173
00:10:09,579 --> 00:10:11,873
- Listen, Herb.
- So you were married to her?
174
00:10:11,908 --> 00:10:13,390
Yes, we were married.
175
00:10:13,425 --> 00:10:15,520
Herb, Judith is getting
really upset with you.
176
00:10:15,521 --> 00:10:16,595
So you got to see her naked?
177
00:10:18,674 --> 00:10:19,672
Stay with me Herb.
178
00:10:19,973 --> 00:10:23,360
- Your fianc�e is very angry.
- Really? How come?
179
00:10:23,498 --> 00:10:27,099
I don't know. Maybe it's because you were
trying to use Kandi's nipple as a Q-Tip.
180
00:10:27,928 --> 00:10:29,431
It's Ok.
I'm a doctor.
181
00:10:30,986 --> 00:10:34,028
Just do yourself a favor,
go pay some attention to Judith.
182
00:10:34,029 --> 00:10:35,029
Oh, allright.
183
00:10:39,082 --> 00:10:40,148
Some party, huh?
184
00:10:40,383 --> 00:10:42,859
Yeah, I'm glad I didn't
waste this buzz on the bus.
185
00:10:44,920 --> 00:10:47,402
Here comes your mom. Act like you
didn't know what they were saying.
186
00:10:48,306 --> 00:10:51,357
- Charlie. I must talk to you.
- I know. Why is that?
187
00:10:52,327 --> 00:10:54,977
How serious is your
relationship with Gloria?
188
00:10:54,978 --> 00:10:58,077
Not that it's any of your business,
but this is our second date.
189
00:10:58,112 --> 00:10:59,377
What happened on the first date?
190
00:10:59,412 --> 00:11:02,357
He went out to dinner, he took her
home and made out a little bit in the car.
191
00:11:02,758 --> 00:11:05,550
Oh, I'm sorry.
Did you want to tell it?
192
00:11:06,404 --> 00:11:09,294
- So you haven't slept together.
- Not yet.
193
00:11:09,295 --> 00:11:12,689
- Oops, here I go again.
- That's good.
194
00:11:12,724 --> 00:11:16,339
Darling, you need to end
this relationship now.
195
00:11:16,340 --> 00:11:17,490
Why?
196
00:11:19,737 --> 00:11:22,075
- Do you trust me?
- No.
197
00:11:23,319 --> 00:11:26,904
Ok, but you know I have your
best interest at heart, don't you?
198
00:11:26,905 --> 00:11:28,050
No.
199
00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:30,889
Allright, then let me put it this way.
200
00:11:31,429 --> 00:11:34,416
I forbid you to see this woman anymore.
201
00:11:34,717 --> 00:11:36,075
You forbid?
202
00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:39,068
What gives you to forbid?
I'm 39 years old.
203
00:11:39,069 --> 00:11:42,948
I'm your mother, you're 40, and you
must not see this woman anymore.
204
00:11:43,518 --> 00:11:45,718
Mom, you know that just
makes me want her more.
205
00:11:45,719 --> 00:11:47,249
Charlie, I mean it.
206
00:11:47,250 --> 00:11:48,495
I'm getting hotter.
207
00:11:49,430 --> 00:11:55,429
Look. I know certain things about
Gloria's past wich are, well... unsavory.
208
00:11:55,530 --> 00:11:57,783
Ok, I'm going supernova.
209
00:11:58,084 --> 00:12:00,598
Would you listen to me?
210
00:12:00,737 --> 00:12:05,267
If you continue to see this woman,
it will hurt me deeply.
211
00:12:06,068 --> 00:12:07,603
I may have to marry this girl.
212
00:12:07,604 --> 00:12:10,945
Okay, okay. You give me no choice.
213
00:12:11,546 --> 00:12:12,888
Who are you calling?
214
00:12:12,889 --> 00:12:15,188
It's probably about the
ostrich and the boat.
215
00:12:17,545 --> 00:12:20,624
Charlie, I'm getting pretty drunk,
so if you like a girl who moves
216
00:12:20,659 --> 00:12:22,074
you better do me soon.
217
00:12:23,424 --> 00:12:24,475
Follow me.
218
00:12:25,754 --> 00:12:31,437
Aw, ain't that sweet? Everytime
a guy has sex and angel gets a stiffie.
219
00:12:33,890 --> 00:12:35,285
Will you look at them?
220
00:12:36,081 --> 00:12:38,940
Oh, I completely forgot
about the subplot.
221
00:12:40,512 --> 00:12:43,836
What do you want me to do, Judith?
He's your man. You want him, fight for him.
222
00:12:43,837 --> 00:12:45,228
How could I compete with that?
223
00:12:45,229 --> 00:12:47,314
There's no competition.
Herb loves you.
224
00:12:47,315 --> 00:12:50,966
You have a mature, sophisticated
relationship based on mutual respect.
225
00:12:50,967 --> 00:12:52,466
All Kandi has is...
226
00:12:54,835 --> 00:12:56,035
There will be other men...
227
00:12:56,796 --> 00:12:59,278
Just get her as soon as you can!
228
00:13:01,479 --> 00:13:04,539
Where's Charlie?
Oh, dammit!
229
00:13:05,198 --> 00:13:09,971
Oh, I get it. It's like Tony n' Tina's
Wedding. You gotta followin' around.
230
00:13:11,552 --> 00:13:14,201
Hey Mammy-o, Daddy-o!
- Hi buddy.
231
00:13:14,782 --> 00:13:18,815
Mammy-o, Daddy-o, Daddy-o
Mammy-o, Mammy-o, Daddy-o.
232
00:13:21,543 --> 00:13:22,691
STOP!
233
00:13:24,586 --> 00:13:25,595
Mom!
234
00:13:25,696 --> 00:13:27,667
Get out of that bed this instant!
235
00:13:28,168 --> 00:13:29,951
I don't think that's a good idea.
236
00:13:30,952 --> 00:13:32,517
Charlie, I'm warning you.
237
00:13:32,518 --> 00:13:35,826
You can't tell him what to do,
he's 34 years old.
238
00:13:35,827 --> 00:13:38,041
- What?
- She's drunk.
239
00:13:40,433 --> 00:13:41,828
Mom, what are you doing here?
240
00:13:41,875 --> 00:13:44,594
I'm trying to keep you
from doing a horrible mistake.
241
00:13:44,895 --> 00:13:47,390
What do you care?
I make this mistake on a regular basis.
242
00:13:47,391 --> 00:13:48,938
Some might call it a lifestyle.
243
00:13:49,439 --> 00:13:50,624
- Charlie, I...
- I don't want to hear it.
244
00:13:51,325 --> 00:13:54,876
I came up here to do a job.
Actually, two jobs and a chore.
245
00:13:55,539 --> 00:13:58,710
Now, you can stay and watch,
wich I don't recommend,
246
00:13:58,745 --> 00:14:03,426
or you can leave. Either way Gloria
and I are going to have sex.
247
00:14:06,372 --> 00:14:07,380
Go ahead.
248
00:14:10,322 --> 00:14:11,550
Okay, I'm bluffing.
249
00:14:14,551 --> 00:14:16,181
He sure is.
250
00:14:22,071 --> 00:14:23,937
Jingle bells, jingle bells
251
00:14:24,275 --> 00:14:25,840
Jingle all the way
252
00:14:26,230 --> 00:14:30,650
Oh, what fun it is to ride
In a one horse open sleigh
253
00:14:30,691 --> 00:14:32,695
Jingle bells, jingle bells...
254
00:14:32,896 --> 00:14:35,337
- Um, have you seen Jake?
- Nope.
255
00:14:35,338 --> 00:14:36,338
Huh.
256
00:14:44,839 --> 00:14:46,538
- Jake?
- Whoa, whoa!
257
00:14:47,139 --> 00:14:49,447
Judith, what the
hell are you doing?
258
00:14:49,448 --> 00:14:52,178
You told me to fight for my man,
I'm fighting for my man.
259
00:14:53,363 --> 00:14:55,332
Alan, would you please close the door?
260
00:14:57,768 --> 00:14:58,833
Allright.
261
00:14:59,932 --> 00:15:02,665
Twelve years of marriage, she never
fought for me from that angle.
262
00:15:06,442 --> 00:15:10,619
Silent night
263
00:15:10,955 --> 00:15:14,596
Holy night
264
00:15:15,143 --> 00:15:16,613
- Kandi?
- Yeah?
265
00:15:16,814 --> 00:15:17,843
Take a break.
- Oki doc.
266
00:15:26,924 --> 00:15:28,044
Hello.
267
00:15:28,092 --> 00:15:31,055
Oh my goodness. Are you Alan?
268
00:15:31,056 --> 00:15:33,938
- Um, yes.
- I haven't seen you in 35 years.
269
00:15:34,373 --> 00:15:37,734
No kidding.
I'm sorry I don't remember you.
270
00:15:37,735 --> 00:15:39,335
Oh, well I'm not surprised.
271
00:15:39,336 --> 00:15:42,001
At the time you were busy
learning to use the big boy potty.
272
00:15:42,502 --> 00:15:43,711
Ah, well...
273
00:15:44,671 --> 00:15:45,695
I did it!
274
00:15:47,784 --> 00:15:49,128
Good job.
275
00:15:49,981 --> 00:15:53,148
Um, listen Alan.
I'm looking for my daughter.
276
00:15:53,549 --> 00:15:55,017
Drunk blonde?
277
00:15:55,318 --> 00:15:57,547
Well she isn't always... blonde.
278
00:16:00,147 --> 00:16:02,095
- Upstairs.
- Ah, thank you.
279
00:16:02,858 --> 00:16:07,053
You know, you turned out
to be a very attractive man.
280
00:16:07,054 --> 00:16:08,043
Oh, thank you.
281
00:16:08,044 --> 00:16:09,574
Could have gone either way.
282
00:16:10,075 --> 00:16:12,197
Lucky you grew into those ears.
283
00:16:16,914 --> 00:16:20,209
Frosty the Snowman
284
00:16:20,210 --> 00:16:23,589
Was a very jolly soul
285
00:16:23,624 --> 00:16:27,322
With a corncob pipe and a button nose
286
00:16:27,364 --> 00:16:31,064
And two eyes made out of coal.
287
00:16:31,164 --> 00:16:34,274
Dammit Charlie, you don't know
what you're getting into here.
288
00:16:34,275 --> 00:16:36,333
Oh, I think I have a pretty good idea.
289
00:16:36,834 --> 00:16:39,082
I mean what could you
possibly tell me about Gloria
290
00:16:39,117 --> 00:16:40,482
that would get me
to kick her out of bed?
291
00:16:40,683 --> 00:16:44,065
She's married, clinically insane,
she's a man? You're not a man, are you?
292
00:16:44,100 --> 00:16:45,212
- No.
- Then we're good.
293
00:16:46,513 --> 00:16:48,716
- Gloria, get out of that bed!
- Mom!
294
00:16:48,717 --> 00:16:49,717
Mom?
295
00:16:50,985 --> 00:16:53,260
- Well, did tell them?
- I tried, but I couldn't.
296
00:16:53,261 --> 00:16:54,979
- Why not?
- What do you mean why not?
297
00:16:55,012 --> 00:16:56,062
What do you think?
298
00:16:56,063 --> 00:16:58,143
Oh, so as usual I have
to do your dirty work.
299
00:16:58,144 --> 00:17:00,706
You can't sleep with him
because he might be your brother.
300
00:17:03,345 --> 00:17:04,473
There. Was that so hard?
301
00:17:05,897 --> 00:17:08,346
It's certainly not hard for
someone who has no shame.
302
00:17:08,647 --> 00:17:10,879
Says the woman who killed my husband.
303
00:17:10,880 --> 00:17:13,930
I did not kill Sherman,
I made Sherman happy.
304
00:17:13,965 --> 00:17:15,527
Excuse me, excuse me.
Hold on, hold on.
305
00:17:16,383 --> 00:17:19,005
Can we go back to the part,
where I may be her brother...
306
00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:22,812
Oh, dear Lord, has the blood
not returned to your brain, yet?
307
00:17:23,113 --> 00:17:26,239
It was the 70's, we were
young attractive couples.
308
00:17:26,274 --> 00:17:29,550
And there was a gas shortage,
so we had to entertain at home.
309
00:17:30,151 --> 00:17:31,697
Wait, wait wait.
310
00:17:32,139 --> 00:17:35,287
Are you saying you and her husband...
311
00:17:35,588 --> 00:17:37,910
Yes, and she and your father...
312
00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:39,073
it's a blame-o pack.
313
00:17:41,885 --> 00:17:44,342
It started with a weekly
fondue party, but...
314
00:17:44,543 --> 00:17:46,751
one night the dipping didn't stop at cheese.
315
00:17:49,384 --> 00:17:51,369
Fortunately some of us couldn't handle it.
316
00:17:51,877 --> 00:17:55,526
You did unspeakable things with Sherman
and then he wanted to them with me.
317
00:17:56,316 --> 00:17:59,190
Oh nonsense, I just raised the bar a bit.
318
00:17:59,225 --> 00:18:01,451
Raised the bar? Do you have any idea...
319
00:18:01,573 --> 00:18:03,129
how many third world
countries that man visited...
320
00:18:03,160 --> 00:18:05,368
trying to find someone else
who would do those things?
321
00:18:05,669 --> 00:18:09,010
He didn't have to go abroad.
He was just looking for a bargain.
322
00:18:09,011 --> 00:18:13,244
If it weren't for you he would never
have contracted Amoebic dysentery and die.
323
00:18:13,279 --> 00:18:15,058
I... I hate to interrupt...
324
00:18:15,741 --> 00:18:18,869
but I'm still trying to process
the "I'm her brother" thing.
325
00:18:20,614 --> 00:18:23,208
Not the shiniest penny
in the road, is he?
326
00:18:23,509 --> 00:18:26,292
Now allright.
I guess I'm gonna spell it out for you.
327
00:18:26,793 --> 00:18:28,652
Based on the amount
of time that have lapsed...
328
00:18:28,687 --> 00:18:31,627
between the last fondue
party and Gloria's birth...
329
00:18:32,473 --> 00:18:36,321
Not to mention the fact that Sherman
lost interest in traditional sex with me.
330
00:18:36,522 --> 00:18:38,207
Thank you very much.
331
00:18:38,875 --> 00:18:43,783
There is a very real possibility
that your father may be her father.
332
00:18:44,338 --> 00:18:45,384
- Wow.
- God!
333
00:18:45,585 --> 00:18:49,652
So you can see why an incest of this nature
is completely unacceptable.
334
00:18:49,853 --> 00:18:52,479
It's not like we couldn't
have forseen this...
335
00:18:52,617 --> 00:18:55,249
given that your son has spent
the bulk of his adult life...
336
00:18:55,284 --> 00:18:57,865
humping his way through the
greater Los Angeles area.
337
00:19:00,007 --> 00:19:02,994
Oh, unlike this boozeled tart
is an innocent victim.
338
00:19:03,295 --> 00:19:05,317
Hey, I'm drunk not deaf.
339
00:19:06,216 --> 00:19:08,324
Just get of bed and get dressed.
340
00:19:10,476 --> 00:19:12,737
Well, that was humiliating.
341
00:19:12,738 --> 00:19:15,682
Just be glad we didn't have to tell them
about our little experiment.
342
00:19:15,683 --> 00:19:18,102
- Don't remind me.
- Oh, you loved it.
343
00:19:18,903 --> 00:19:21,630
Oh, a third act twist.
344
00:19:23,501 --> 00:19:25,247
- Wow.
- Yeah.
345
00:19:26,007 --> 00:19:31,022
- I'm so horny right now I can't believe it.
- Who whoa whoa.
346
00:19:32,209 --> 00:19:34,994
Did you miss what just went down here, sis?
347
00:19:35,495 --> 00:19:40,383
Oh, come on it's not like we're gonna get
married and have a bunch of web-footed kids.
348
00:19:41,795 --> 00:19:44,741
You have absolutely no boundaries, do yo?
349
00:19:45,380 --> 00:19:47,986
Well, I don't like fat guys...
350
00:19:50,645 --> 00:19:51,687
Interesting.
351
00:19:53,043 --> 00:19:55,962
Turns out, I draw the line at incest.
352
00:19:57,389 --> 00:19:59,228
So you'd do a fat guy?
353
00:20:01,688 --> 00:20:05,304
Did you hear that?
Charlie found his boundary.
354
00:20:05,305 --> 00:20:08,068
It's a miracle.
Christmas miracle.
355
00:20:17,695 --> 00:20:20,814
Judith, can I just say that this
was the best Christmas ever?
356
00:20:21,988 --> 00:20:23,454
Yeah, well, don't get used to it.
357
00:20:24,744 --> 00:20:28,172
'Twas the night before Christmas,
and all through the house...
358
00:20:28,173 --> 00:20:29,495
Not a creature was stirring...
359
00:20:35,158 --> 00:20:38,599
Okay, just so we're clear, you're
only doing this to piss off my Mom?
360
00:20:39,718 --> 00:20:40,772
You have a problem with that?
361
00:20:41,407 --> 00:20:42,622
No, that makes it better.
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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