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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,086 --> 00:00:02,687 (ringtone playing) _ 2 00:00:12,931 --> 00:00:16,132 3 00:00:17,432 --> 00:00:19,198 (whistling breath) 4 00:00:20,879 --> 00:00:22,257 "George Bernard Shaw." 5 00:00:22,292 --> 00:00:24,935 Let me see the future 6 00:00:24,968 --> 00:00:26,269 (sighs) 7 00:00:26,303 --> 00:00:31,271 Before I'm gone, oh, oh, oh, oh 8 00:00:31,304 --> 00:00:36,072 Let my friends all die 9 00:00:36,106 --> 00:00:40,039 Before I go, oh, oh, oh, oh 10 00:00:40,073 --> 00:00:41,941 (gagging) 11 00:00:44,375 --> 00:00:49,810 'Cause I'm too old to die young 12 00:00:52,044 --> 00:00:57,713 I can't even remember being young 13 00:00:57,747 --> 00:01:01,381 I can't even remember being young. 14 00:01:02,773 --> 00:01:04,164 Oh! 15 00:01:04,239 --> 00:01:06,578 Jimbo, you made me breakfast in bed? 16 00:01:06,613 --> 00:01:09,267 Yeah, right. What have you done to merit breakfast? 17 00:01:09,302 --> 00:01:10,839 Well, at least you brought me a mimosa. 18 00:01:10,886 --> 00:01:13,940 Uh, no, that's my backup. It's stronger. 19 00:01:13,995 --> 00:01:15,414 You might observe, 20 00:01:15,461 --> 00:01:18,459 "Jimmy, how zoetic and vital you seem today." 21 00:01:18,494 --> 00:01:20,938 "How observant, G-dog," I might respond. 22 00:01:20,973 --> 00:01:23,234 For today, I build my tree house! 23 00:01:23,280 --> 00:01:25,209 You see, during Vernon's podcast... 24 00:01:25,264 --> 00:01:27,688 - During what now? - I learned that my father's voice 25 00:01:27,743 --> 00:01:29,392 has been in my head my entire life. 26 00:01:29,427 --> 00:01:31,978 Dude, I have the same thing, but with my mom's voice. 27 00:01:32,013 --> 00:01:33,606 - It's like she's constant... - Yeah, as I was saying about myself, 28 00:01:33,653 --> 00:01:37,254 ever since the funeral, that voice has been slowly subsiding. 29 00:01:37,300 --> 00:01:39,429 It is my hope that the final nail 30 00:01:39,461 --> 00:01:42,326 in that tree house will be the final nail in the coffin 31 00:01:42,361 --> 00:01:44,550 that is my father's influence. 32 00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:46,084 R.I.P., dickhead. 33 00:01:46,119 --> 00:01:47,298 I'm telling you, Gretchen, 34 00:01:47,333 --> 00:01:49,062 now that I have been de-fathered, 35 00:01:49,101 --> 00:01:52,781 my world is positively pregnant with possibilities. 36 00:01:52,842 --> 00:01:55,540 Great, but isn't it your job to finish your book? 37 00:01:55,575 --> 00:01:56,527 Is it? 38 00:01:56,574 --> 00:01:57,427 I don't know anymore. 39 00:01:57,474 --> 00:01:58,298 Oy. 40 00:01:59,718 --> 00:02:01,023 I guess I can't talk. 41 00:02:01,078 --> 00:02:03,329 I'm reading goddamn self-help. 42 00:02:03,755 --> 00:02:06,971 Oh, yes, that's sure to solve your myriad problems. 43 00:02:07,092 --> 00:02:09,204 My therapist recommended it. 44 00:02:09,278 --> 00:02:11,147 It's about mindfulness, 45 00:02:11,210 --> 00:02:12,869 - which is about being completely... - No! 46 00:02:12,904 --> 00:02:14,812 I think you'd actually like therapy. 47 00:02:14,867 --> 00:02:18,081 It's really helpful to look at your life from a different perspective. 48 00:02:18,155 --> 00:02:20,675 Like when they stood on the desks in Dead Poets Society. 49 00:02:20,710 --> 00:02:21,975 Didn't that one kid shoot himself? 50 00:02:22,010 --> 00:02:23,900 Like I'm learning how because of my mom's 51 00:02:23,961 --> 00:02:27,375 impossibly high expectations, I can never turn my brain off. 52 00:02:27,437 --> 00:02:30,804 I am really opening the trunk and seeing what's inside. 53 00:02:30,839 --> 00:02:31,944 Don't you mean the hood? 54 00:02:31,979 --> 00:02:34,877 Your trunk's just cartons of Mexican cigarettes, 55 00:02:34,916 --> 00:02:39,436 old Halloween wigs and five bags of clothes you never donated to Goodwill. 56 00:02:39,496 --> 00:02:42,599 I really need to get a handle on this mindfulness shit. 57 00:02:42,646 --> 00:02:44,581 I am doing the work. 58 00:02:44,628 --> 00:02:46,622 I'm evolving, Jimmy. 59 00:02:46,685 --> 00:02:48,431 I just don't want you to get left behind. 60 00:02:48,501 --> 00:02:51,586 I think I'll manage. Anyway, look. 61 00:02:51,620 --> 00:02:53,121 (sing-songy): Blueprints! 62 00:02:53,184 --> 00:02:54,887 Do not touch with your syrup 63 00:02:54,920 --> 00:02:58,644 and-God-knows-what-else-since you-don't-wash-your-legs hands. 64 00:02:58,679 --> 00:03:00,075 Look at us! 65 00:03:00,110 --> 00:03:02,713 You're changing careers to building tree houses. 66 00:03:02,748 --> 00:03:05,839 I'm exploring the roots of my mental illness. 67 00:03:05,874 --> 00:03:09,591 Hey, before we change too much, you want to knock one out? 68 00:03:09,709 --> 00:03:10,676 Sure. 69 00:03:16,049 --> 00:03:18,792 Eh, you can start. I'll catch up. 70 00:03:22,763 --> 00:03:25,999 (moaning) 71 00:03:30,934 --> 00:03:33,734 I'm gonna leave you anyway 72 00:03:33,768 --> 00:03:36,470 I'm gonna leave you anyway 73 00:03:36,503 --> 00:03:39,804 Gonna leave you anyway. 74 00:03:39,839 --> 00:03:43,670 Sync and corrections by explosiveskull www.addic7ed.com 75 00:03:43,705 --> 00:03:46,673 (muffled moaning and thumping) 76 00:03:50,718 --> 00:03:52,764 Let's do this. 77 00:03:54,175 --> 00:03:56,280 - (phone buzzing) - Nothing can slow me down, 78 00:03:56,315 --> 00:03:58,324 but who says that eating on the run... 79 00:03:59,402 --> 00:04:02,057 What is going on? You have been blowing up all morning. 80 00:04:02,096 --> 00:04:03,875 High Times tweeted my Dr. Weed video, 81 00:04:03,922 --> 00:04:08,058 and now I'm getting all these annoying tweets from stoners. 82 00:04:08,112 --> 00:04:10,374 I don't want to be a pot person. 83 00:04:10,429 --> 00:04:13,040 You make videos with a character called "Dr. Weed," 84 00:04:13,095 --> 00:04:15,541 and you smoke all day, every day. 85 00:04:16,604 --> 00:04:18,348 Listen, Dorothy, 86 00:04:19,691 --> 00:04:21,255 I stopped taking my meds. 87 00:04:21,302 --> 00:04:23,532 What? You went off your meds and you didn't tell me? 88 00:04:23,567 --> 00:04:26,279 Yeah. I didn't want to, you know, declare anything 89 00:04:26,314 --> 00:04:28,689 until I saw how it worked, and listen, 90 00:04:28,724 --> 00:04:32,057 a lot of vets are using weed to help with their PTSD. 91 00:04:32,119 --> 00:04:34,457 I mean, sure, I might take a little longer to do some things. 92 00:04:34,492 --> 00:04:36,423 Like this morning, I laughed for 15 minutes 93 00:04:36,487 --> 00:04:38,928 because the bathroom faucet kind of looks like a face. 94 00:04:38,963 --> 00:04:39,657 (laughter) 95 00:04:40,424 --> 00:04:42,705 But I feel... 96 00:04:42,775 --> 00:04:44,737 really good. 97 00:04:44,776 --> 00:04:46,765 Better than I have in... 98 00:04:48,666 --> 00:04:49,807 forever. 99 00:04:50,330 --> 00:04:51,467 Okay, well, then good. 100 00:04:51,502 --> 00:04:54,062 I am so glad that you finally found something that works. 101 00:04:54,117 --> 00:04:56,009 And if you do turn into a lazy pothead, 102 00:04:56,063 --> 00:04:58,536 then you can always be my house husband. 103 00:04:58,684 --> 00:05:00,947 Speaking of which, let's do this. 104 00:05:03,629 --> 00:05:05,028 Nothing can slow me down, 105 00:05:05,063 --> 00:05:07,471 but who says that eating on the run has to be boring? 106 00:05:07,506 --> 00:05:09,222 With Snack Hacker snacker boxes, 107 00:05:09,276 --> 00:05:12,286 I get my daily recommended allowance of fun. 108 00:05:15,010 --> 00:05:16,577 (birds singing) 109 00:05:25,258 --> 00:05:29,893 A wintery evening and vein 33 takes me back to the heart 110 00:05:29,928 --> 00:05:33,062 - (indistinct voice on video) - The show's going to start! 111 00:05:33,096 --> 00:05:36,663 Dodging the crux of a highway stampede 112 00:05:36,695 --> 00:05:39,363 I make a break for Liver Street 113 00:05:39,397 --> 00:05:41,330 Soon I'll be out of the noose 114 00:05:41,363 --> 00:05:45,666 And forgetting the life I lead 115 00:05:45,698 --> 00:05:47,765 Honey, I'm home, hug applied, kisses blown 116 00:05:47,799 --> 00:05:50,267 And I conquer the den 117 00:05:50,301 --> 00:05:52,334 Mine to defend 118 00:05:52,368 --> 00:05:55,936 Traces of happier days in the air 119 00:05:55,969 --> 00:05:58,570 A photograph, a maiden fair 120 00:05:58,604 --> 00:06:01,438 Reach for the button and nothing 121 00:06:01,472 --> 00:06:03,171 - But memories disappear - (gasps) 122 00:06:03,205 --> 00:06:05,306 (whimpers) 123 00:06:07,907 --> 00:06:11,008 (grunting) 124 00:06:11,041 --> 00:06:12,642 (sighs) 125 00:06:20,745 --> 00:06:24,147 126 00:06:33,483 --> 00:06:35,917 (humming) 127 00:06:35,950 --> 00:06:40,751 Ah, ah, ah, ah. 128 00:06:40,786 --> 00:06:42,287 (munching food) 129 00:06:42,618 --> 00:06:46,336 Mmm! Mm-hmm. 130 00:06:48,554 --> 00:06:50,417 Mmm! 131 00:06:50,511 --> 00:06:53,272 - Mmm! - Will you knock it off 132 00:06:53,327 --> 00:06:56,501 and eat your goddamn nachos like a person! 133 00:06:56,571 --> 00:06:57,705 What's wrong with you? 134 00:06:57,768 --> 00:07:00,278 My therapist said I have to practice mindfulness, 135 00:07:00,313 --> 00:07:04,057 so I am focusing on the flavor of the food, 136 00:07:04,092 --> 00:07:07,795 the mouth feel, the swallowing, 137 00:07:08,191 --> 00:07:12,073 the reflecting... on my swallowing. 138 00:07:12,108 --> 00:07:14,825 Jesus Christ, it's like trying to eat an area rug. 139 00:07:14,860 --> 00:07:16,398 Eating slow? 140 00:07:16,431 --> 00:07:18,817 But less food in mouth. 141 00:07:18,852 --> 00:07:20,599 Did you know that things your parents did 142 00:07:20,647 --> 00:07:24,103 when you were a kid can affect you as an adult? 143 00:07:24,138 --> 00:07:26,501 What?! You mean time travel? 144 00:07:26,536 --> 00:07:28,793 Everything was a competition with my mom... 145 00:07:28,828 --> 00:07:32,325 grades, tennis, who had a lower BMI, even television. 146 00:07:32,360 --> 00:07:36,154 During Wheel, she'd make me solve the puzzle before the contestants. 147 00:07:36,302 --> 00:07:39,542 All this time, I thought my mom was scary but dope. 148 00:07:39,581 --> 00:07:41,364 Turns out she wasn't dope at all. 149 00:07:41,399 --> 00:07:43,159 - So she's not dope. - This morning 150 00:07:43,197 --> 00:07:47,112 I realized my entire life, I've had my mom's judgey voice in my head. 151 00:07:47,151 --> 00:07:51,385 If I don't learn to replace it with something else mo' better, I am screwed. 152 00:07:54,127 --> 00:07:56,315 (groans) Oh! 153 00:07:56,350 --> 00:07:57,785 Hot! Hot! 154 00:07:57,855 --> 00:07:58,595 (softly): Hot. 155 00:07:58,628 --> 00:07:59,595 (blows) 156 00:08:00,054 --> 00:08:01,181 Wait. 157 00:08:01,259 --> 00:08:02,930 No, no, no, no! 158 00:08:02,964 --> 00:08:06,348 That's what you get for disrespecting nachos. 159 00:08:06,394 --> 00:08:08,383 Okay, so here's your pie flight, 160 00:08:08,429 --> 00:08:12,132 double cream lemon, Kahl?a cream cheese and chocolate satin. 161 00:08:12,337 --> 00:08:15,693 Aw, I'm eating for two for the last time. 162 00:08:15,728 --> 00:08:17,639 Well, you had a good run. 163 00:08:18,454 --> 00:08:20,502 - You ready, lady? - Yup. 164 00:08:21,798 --> 00:08:23,689 Let's go get this abobo. 165 00:08:23,724 --> 00:08:26,638 166 00:08:26,672 --> 00:08:28,672 (breathing heavily) 167 00:08:37,254 --> 00:08:38,372 Dad? 168 00:08:42,129 --> 00:08:43,173 Dad? 169 00:08:49,814 --> 00:08:51,071 (whispers): He's gone. 170 00:08:52,716 --> 00:08:54,046 Yes! 171 00:08:55,831 --> 00:08:58,251 A toast to my triumph, 172 00:08:58,286 --> 00:09:02,193 my creation completed after an honest day of manual labor, 173 00:09:02,232 --> 00:09:03,951 like the people. 174 00:09:04,147 --> 00:09:05,627 Like men. 175 00:09:09,194 --> 00:09:11,212 Thank you Herr Hammer. 176 00:09:11,247 --> 00:09:12,920 I could not have done it without you. 177 00:09:12,955 --> 00:09:16,124 I'll meet you below for a celebratory Pilsner shortly. 178 00:09:19,884 --> 00:09:21,704 Madame Level, 179 00:09:21,774 --> 00:09:23,770 you have been integral to my success, 180 00:09:23,805 --> 00:09:26,529 from your green liquid to your bubble. 181 00:09:26,584 --> 00:09:27,794 A bientot. 182 00:09:27,828 --> 00:09:30,728 (level clatters on ground) 183 00:09:31,161 --> 00:09:33,963 Se?or... Drilly. 184 00:09:33,997 --> 00:09:37,271 (chuckles) I counted on you most of all. 185 00:09:37,306 --> 00:09:37,982 Go. 186 00:09:38,027 --> 00:09:40,872 Enjoy a Campari on me. 187 00:09:40,950 --> 00:09:42,465 Ciao, amigo. 188 00:09:42,498 --> 00:09:43,700 (screams) 189 00:09:43,733 --> 00:09:47,233 (yells) 190 00:09:49,002 --> 00:09:53,670 (indistinct conversations) 191 00:09:54,269 --> 00:09:56,371 Oh, man, so many of the girls that I coach are here. 192 00:09:56,403 --> 00:09:58,127 It's like if you dig the student, you're really 193 00:09:58,189 --> 00:09:59,537 gonna love the master, right? 194 00:09:59,608 --> 00:10:01,200 You're gonna kill it. 195 00:10:01,235 --> 00:10:03,317 - Hey, Dorothy. - Oh, hey. 196 00:10:03,352 --> 00:10:03,868 (quietly): Hi. 197 00:10:03,903 --> 00:10:05,589 You signed in for "Cute Yoga Girl," 198 00:10:05,624 --> 00:10:07,667 but I think we got our wires crossed with your agent. 199 00:10:07,729 --> 00:10:10,564 We were actually excited to see you for "Overworked Mom." 200 00:10:10,627 --> 00:10:12,489 Oh, okay. Great. 201 00:10:12,524 --> 00:10:15,012 Awesome. We have a bathrobe you can just put on. 202 00:10:15,086 --> 00:10:16,460 - Yeah. - Excellent. 203 00:10:18,272 --> 00:10:18,899 Uh... 204 00:10:18,954 --> 00:10:21,651 Hey, are you sure this is okay? You practiced the other one. 205 00:10:21,686 --> 00:10:23,719 Edgar, this kind of stuff happens all the time. 206 00:10:23,782 --> 00:10:24,962 It's part of the biz. 207 00:10:25,003 --> 00:10:27,698 Okay, I'm gonna go in the bathroom and rub off some of this under eye concealer 208 00:10:27,733 --> 00:10:29,393 so I look super beat. 209 00:10:35,237 --> 00:10:36,717 MAN: Hey. 210 00:10:36,853 --> 00:10:38,997 Do you need more weed? 211 00:10:39,032 --> 00:10:40,881 - You're Dr. Weed, right? - Yeah. 212 00:10:40,916 --> 00:10:42,141 I'm Doug Benson. 213 00:10:42,176 --> 00:10:45,072 Oh, yeah, the, uh... the pot comedy guy. 214 00:10:45,142 --> 00:10:47,138 Among other things, but sure, that's the brand. 215 00:10:47,193 --> 00:10:50,170 - Edgar Quintero. - Super funny vids, man. 216 00:10:50,205 --> 00:10:52,836 Hey, you should swing by my "office" sometime. 217 00:10:52,898 --> 00:10:55,903 I've got a project I think you might be interested in. 218 00:10:55,938 --> 00:10:59,426 Wow, uh, yeah. That... that would be great. 219 00:11:00,179 --> 00:11:01,953 So, what are you auditioning for? 220 00:11:01,988 --> 00:11:04,746 Oh, I just nailed the role of "Sleepy Dad." 221 00:11:04,817 --> 00:11:07,372 Hey, do you have a diagnosis for my character? 222 00:11:07,407 --> 00:11:10,233 (Dr. Weed voice): Hmm, my diagnosis is... 223 00:11:10,295 --> 00:11:14,039 you need more sleep. 224 00:11:14,074 --> 00:11:15,360 Just kidding. 225 00:11:15,399 --> 00:11:16,971 You need more weed! 226 00:11:17,006 --> 00:11:20,707 (laughs) Yeah, I thought that was going to be the diagnosis. 227 00:11:25,587 --> 00:11:28,660 Why do cats get to have all the good tongues? 228 00:11:28,695 --> 00:11:30,738 You sure you're okay if I don't go in with you? 229 00:11:30,773 --> 00:11:32,718 - I really have to do this meditation app. - Sure. 230 00:11:32,765 --> 00:11:33,756 I'll go in alone. They know me. 231 00:11:33,791 --> 00:11:35,042 Great, so, you'll be out in 232 00:11:35,077 --> 00:11:36,992 - 40, 45 minutes. - 40, 45 minutes. 233 00:11:41,434 --> 00:11:42,669 (phone dings) 234 00:11:45,028 --> 00:11:46,740 _ 235 00:11:47,469 --> 00:11:48,703 (phone dings) 236 00:11:52,453 --> 00:11:57,165 _ 237 00:11:57,230 --> 00:11:59,524 (phone continues dinging) _ 238 00:11:59,559 --> 00:12:02,693 - _ - (chuckles) 239 00:12:04,123 --> 00:12:08,484 _ 240 00:12:08,557 --> 00:12:11,270 _ 241 00:12:16,096 --> 00:12:17,986 PAUL'S BOSS: And another thing, Jillian, you are... 242 00:12:18,048 --> 00:12:19,361 - Who are you texting? - PAUL: Can you hear him? 243 00:12:19,396 --> 00:12:21,137 He's yelling at me right now. 244 00:12:21,199 --> 00:12:24,577 Why can't I stop texting? I guess I just miss you so much. 245 00:12:24,634 --> 00:12:26,295 - Bye! - Give me that phone. Give... 246 00:12:26,330 --> 00:12:29,006 (recording stops) 247 00:12:29,079 --> 00:12:31,079 _ 248 00:12:34,363 --> 00:12:36,269 Difficult decision, huh? 249 00:12:38,059 --> 00:12:39,251 Yeah. 250 00:12:39,693 --> 00:12:41,339 Would you like to chat? 251 00:12:41,401 --> 00:12:43,527 Maybe I can help you figure out some of your troubles. 252 00:12:43,614 --> 00:12:45,048 Thanks. 253 00:12:48,535 --> 00:12:50,833 So, what's bothering you? 254 00:12:51,883 --> 00:12:53,285 - LINDSAY: Well... - _ 255 00:12:53,528 --> 00:12:55,032 it started when... 256 00:12:55,088 --> 00:12:56,651 All right. 257 00:12:56,685 --> 00:12:59,152 - Let's do this shit. - (soothing music plays) 258 00:12:59,553 --> 00:13:01,912 WOMAN (soothing voice): During this meditation 259 00:13:01,947 --> 00:13:04,484 - we will focus on being... - Mindful. 260 00:13:04,548 --> 00:13:05,849 ...mindful, 261 00:13:05,903 --> 00:13:08,465 where you are not in the past, 262 00:13:08,509 --> 00:13:10,538 not in the future, 263 00:13:10,573 --> 00:13:11,552 - but in... - Present. 264 00:13:11,607 --> 00:13:13,217 - ...the present. - Easy. Next. 265 00:13:13,252 --> 00:13:16,866 Clear your mind and focus on your... 266 00:13:16,929 --> 00:13:17,984 Breathing. 267 00:13:18,019 --> 00:13:19,727 - surroundings. - Shit. 268 00:13:19,761 --> 00:13:21,481 And your breathing. 269 00:13:21,543 --> 00:13:22,290 Yes! Suck it, lady. 270 00:13:22,325 --> 00:13:27,465 (slowly): Notice the rise and fall 271 00:13:27,536 --> 00:13:29,830 of your chest. 272 00:13:29,864 --> 00:13:32,517 Notice the rise... 273 00:13:32,579 --> 00:13:36,715 Oh, God, so boring, I want to kill myself. 274 00:13:36,750 --> 00:13:39,117 - Eject, eject, eject. - (recording stops) 275 00:13:45,035 --> 00:13:46,702 (seductive music plays, woman moaning) 276 00:13:50,071 --> 00:13:51,339 (buzzing) 277 00:13:51,372 --> 00:13:52,573 Edgar? 278 00:13:52,963 --> 00:13:53,935 Edgar! 279 00:13:53,998 --> 00:13:55,297 Where the hell is he? 280 00:13:55,367 --> 00:13:56,494 Sure, when I'm trying to have sex 281 00:13:56,529 --> 00:13:59,756 in my kitchen, he's constantly underfoot, but now... 282 00:14:03,361 --> 00:14:04,986 Trees. 283 00:14:06,276 --> 00:14:07,844 Trees. 284 00:14:08,119 --> 00:14:10,159 What if Pauline Two... 285 00:14:10,194 --> 00:14:12,104 no, I am not writing today. 286 00:14:12,143 --> 00:14:14,617 No, no, Malcolm! Shut up! 287 00:14:14,676 --> 00:14:16,948 Characters, stop speaking through me. 288 00:14:20,874 --> 00:14:23,073 Oh, my God, chapter 12. I could have Simon 289 00:14:23,136 --> 00:14:25,814 jump up on the speakers at the Oasis set at Glastonbury. 290 00:14:25,888 --> 00:14:28,667 No, I am.... not-not doing this! 291 00:14:43,916 --> 00:14:48,486 Oh, Simon, you brilliant, horny bastard. 292 00:14:48,549 --> 00:14:51,604 Suck it, Dad, I'm still a writer. 293 00:14:52,610 --> 00:14:54,377 (buzzing) 294 00:14:54,410 --> 00:14:57,944 (buzzing stops) 295 00:14:57,979 --> 00:15:00,781 (sighs) 296 00:15:04,185 --> 00:15:06,481 Oh, no, not today. 297 00:15:06,514 --> 00:15:09,472 So then I heated up the condom in the microwave 298 00:15:09,526 --> 00:15:12,072 - and I got a turkey baster. - Wait, I need you to back up. 299 00:15:12,116 --> 00:15:14,112 Okay, so I wanted a popsicle... 300 00:15:14,147 --> 00:15:16,734 Lindsay, do not let those pro-life assholes 301 00:15:16,797 --> 00:15:18,095 talk you out of your legal right! 302 00:15:18,169 --> 00:15:19,596 It's okay. 303 00:15:19,631 --> 00:15:23,311 I was already having second thoughts before this nice lady came over. 304 00:15:23,346 --> 00:15:26,154 - What, why? - If Paul and I get divorced, 305 00:15:26,620 --> 00:15:29,222 I'm not gonna have a family anymore. 306 00:15:29,635 --> 00:15:30,799 Family. 307 00:15:30,877 --> 00:15:33,186 Name one family that's just one person. 308 00:15:33,221 --> 00:15:34,758 Suddenly Susan. 309 00:15:35,053 --> 00:15:37,653 Listen, I know 310 00:15:37,688 --> 00:15:41,924 that becoming a real human being is a scary thing, 311 00:15:41,970 --> 00:15:44,894 but I'll help you. 312 00:15:45,003 --> 00:15:47,672 I got your back always. 313 00:15:48,711 --> 00:15:50,434 Thanks, Gretch. 314 00:15:50,519 --> 00:15:51,820 All right. 315 00:15:53,173 --> 00:15:54,775 I'm ready. 316 00:15:57,441 --> 00:15:58,904 Bam, nice try, terrorists. 317 00:15:58,954 --> 00:16:01,234 Another victory for women's rights. 318 00:16:02,375 --> 00:16:04,293 Actually, I was gonna tell her to do it. 319 00:16:04,371 --> 00:16:06,637 In my book, there are extenuating circumstances... 320 00:16:06,669 --> 00:16:08,836 rape, incest and... 321 00:16:08,932 --> 00:16:10,508 whatever this is. 322 00:16:14,922 --> 00:16:17,356 (indistinct chatter) 323 00:16:25,841 --> 00:16:28,476 Mr. Benson will see you now. 324 00:16:31,007 --> 00:16:32,826 No, no. 325 00:16:32,886 --> 00:16:34,320 Uh-uh. No. 326 00:16:34,359 --> 00:16:36,196 I'm walking away from the table. 327 00:16:36,678 --> 00:16:38,247 I'll call you from the chopper. 328 00:16:39,165 --> 00:16:41,884 Sorry, I had to handle that before the European markets closed. 329 00:16:41,934 --> 00:16:44,794 This, um... this place isn't what I was expecting. 330 00:16:44,829 --> 00:16:47,313 Listen, I was looking at my third quarter staffing budget 331 00:16:47,380 --> 00:16:50,641 and I'd like to offer you a few days punch up on a show I'm doing for Waze. 332 00:16:50,676 --> 00:16:53,379 The GPS app? Isn't that dangerous? 333 00:16:53,418 --> 00:16:55,287 You'd think so, but no, the show's only gonna play 334 00:16:55,322 --> 00:16:57,180 at stop lights and in traffic. 335 00:16:57,215 --> 00:16:59,917 So, what do you think you should be paid? 336 00:16:59,952 --> 00:17:01,117 Uh... 337 00:17:02,992 --> 00:17:04,623 $300? 338 00:17:05,439 --> 00:17:07,207 - Done. - Yes! 339 00:17:07,293 --> 00:17:07,864 (softly): Yes. 340 00:17:07,910 --> 00:17:09,869 Hey, you want to, uh... 341 00:17:11,348 --> 00:17:13,126 light up and celebrate? 342 00:17:13,833 --> 00:17:16,181 Edgar, this is a place of business. 343 00:17:18,121 --> 00:17:19,332 Thank you. 344 00:17:31,468 --> 00:17:32,901 You okay? 345 00:17:33,092 --> 00:17:34,671 What are you thinking about? 346 00:17:34,741 --> 00:17:36,013 Pie. 347 00:17:37,091 --> 00:17:39,179 You're thinking about what you're eating right now? 348 00:17:39,250 --> 00:17:42,249 Of course. If I'm eating pie, I'm thinking pie. 349 00:17:42,319 --> 00:17:44,155 If I have a fork in my mouth, 350 00:17:44,225 --> 00:17:45,892 I'm thinking fork. 351 00:17:45,932 --> 00:17:47,566 You just had an abortion, 352 00:17:47,648 --> 00:17:48,874 you're divorcing your husband, 353 00:17:48,936 --> 00:17:52,523 and you're literally only thinking about what's happening in this moment? 354 00:17:52,608 --> 00:17:53,909 Guess so. 355 00:17:54,277 --> 00:17:55,567 Strawtini. 356 00:17:55,610 --> 00:17:59,710 You might be some kind of secret mindfulness guru. 357 00:18:00,181 --> 00:18:01,145 I'm gonna take notes. 358 00:18:01,178 --> 00:18:04,539 Just, uh, speak your thoughts out, okay? 359 00:18:04,627 --> 00:18:06,237 Strawtini. 360 00:18:07,745 --> 00:18:09,861 Chew, chew, 361 00:18:09,896 --> 00:18:11,353 chew, little fart. 362 00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:12,932 Waitress is coming over. 363 00:18:13,026 --> 00:18:14,804 Here she is. Hi. 364 00:18:14,858 --> 00:18:16,216 - Can I get you anything else? - Talking to me. 365 00:18:16,251 --> 00:18:17,373 Talking to me. 366 00:18:17,436 --> 00:18:18,596 My turn to talk. 367 00:18:18,631 --> 00:18:19,634 Neck mole, 368 00:18:19,669 --> 00:18:21,139 boobs. 369 00:18:22,438 --> 00:18:24,083 Bye, waitress. 370 00:18:24,118 --> 00:18:25,719 I miss her. 371 00:18:25,953 --> 00:18:27,316 Gretchen's still here. 372 00:18:27,362 --> 00:18:29,071 Hi, Gretchen. (chuckles) 373 00:18:29,106 --> 00:18:30,398 Baby ears. 374 00:18:30,433 --> 00:18:31,087 Ooh, 375 00:18:31,122 --> 00:18:33,223 a hang nail. 376 00:18:33,583 --> 00:18:35,216 Pie again. 377 00:18:39,800 --> 00:18:42,501 (laughing) 378 00:18:42,534 --> 00:18:44,434 Oh! 379 00:18:44,467 --> 00:18:46,835 - Sto... - Hey. 380 00:18:47,002 --> 00:18:48,488 I had such a productive day. 381 00:18:48,523 --> 00:18:50,269 I just made $80 cleaning out 382 00:18:50,303 --> 00:18:52,803 this rich old lady's closet in Beverly Hills. 383 00:18:52,838 --> 00:18:54,529 - Awesome. - It is. 384 00:18:54,564 --> 00:18:55,990 I have good news, too. 385 00:18:56,025 --> 00:18:57,646 Ooh, did Jimmy make you buy more of those 386 00:18:57,701 --> 00:18:59,018 disgusting candies that I like? 387 00:18:59,053 --> 00:19:00,841 Rum Christophers? (groans) 388 00:19:00,873 --> 00:19:02,240 No. 389 00:19:02,278 --> 00:19:04,377 I got offered a job, 390 00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:07,742 writing for Doug Benson's new show. 391 00:19:08,646 --> 00:19:09,331 Wait, what? 392 00:19:09,366 --> 00:19:10,719 - Really? - Yeah. 393 00:19:10,797 --> 00:19:12,997 You got a job writing comedy for a TV show? 394 00:19:13,068 --> 00:19:14,913 Yeah. I mean, it's a short-term gig 395 00:19:14,949 --> 00:19:16,716 a-and there are a ton of liability waivers 396 00:19:16,805 --> 00:19:18,533 I have to sign, but still. 397 00:19:18,611 --> 00:19:19,829 Wow, wow. 398 00:19:19,881 --> 00:19:22,445 That's... you know that I know Doug, right? 399 00:19:22,500 --> 00:19:23,880 Did you tell him that we're dating? 400 00:19:23,942 --> 00:19:25,470 No, I didn't know you knew him. 401 00:19:25,505 --> 00:19:27,516 Oh, yeah, for years. 402 00:19:27,576 --> 00:19:29,272 Like, way back when he was doing his show at the theater, 403 00:19:29,307 --> 00:19:30,824 I used to bring him waters. 404 00:19:30,891 --> 00:19:33,143 I can't believe that you didn't know that I know Doug. 405 00:19:33,205 --> 00:19:34,333 You totally should've told him. 406 00:19:34,368 --> 00:19:36,967 He would have lost his mind. 407 00:19:37,002 --> 00:19:38,487 Anyway, congratulations. 408 00:19:38,548 --> 00:19:42,520 That is so cool that he's giving you this opportunity. 409 00:19:42,554 --> 00:19:44,421 I... I mean, 410 00:19:44,456 --> 00:19:45,871 I thought you didn't want to be a pot guy. 411 00:19:45,921 --> 00:19:46,556 I don't. 412 00:19:46,591 --> 00:19:50,143 But now I'm a pot guy with a J-O-B. 413 00:19:50,229 --> 00:19:51,493 Can you believe it? 414 00:19:51,556 --> 00:19:54,005 I'm a comedy writer! 415 00:19:54,645 --> 00:19:57,196 - I totally can't. - And... 416 00:19:57,231 --> 00:19:58,244 I couldn't... 417 00:19:58,279 --> 00:20:00,327 have ever done it... 418 00:20:00,735 --> 00:20:02,458 without you, teach. 419 00:20:02,505 --> 00:20:05,096 How about I go upstairs 420 00:20:05,130 --> 00:20:07,497 and I... (kisses) 421 00:20:07,531 --> 00:20:12,026 whip us up some of my famous breakfast soup dumplings? 422 00:20:12,061 --> 00:20:14,245 Ooh, I love that. 423 00:20:15,013 --> 00:20:17,356 - Ah! - I'll be right up. 424 00:20:25,803 --> 00:20:28,205 425 00:20:55,490 --> 00:20:57,491 (sighs) 426 00:21:01,879 --> 00:21:04,683 Everything looks so different from up here. 427 00:21:12,295 --> 00:21:14,663 (dog panting) 428 00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:25,936 (crickets chirping) 429 00:21:31,669 --> 00:21:34,604 430 00:21:57,672 --> 00:21:59,036 Walk. 431 00:21:59,279 --> 00:22:01,647 (exhales) 432 00:22:01,959 --> 00:22:03,284 Couch. 433 00:22:08,783 --> 00:22:09,906 Remote. 434 00:22:11,920 --> 00:22:14,099 PAT SAJAK: Uh-huh, there is a "J." If you can solve the puzzle right now... 435 00:22:14,141 --> 00:22:14,781 Wheel. 436 00:22:14,816 --> 00:22:18,672 There is a jackpot of nearly $10,000 in addition to the money you have. 437 00:22:18,707 --> 00:22:21,338 If not, you have to either buy a vowel or spin the wheel. 438 00:22:21,393 --> 00:22:23,041 - I'll solve the puzzle. - Go ahead. 439 00:22:23,076 --> 00:22:24,978 "I Have The Wine" by Johnny Cash. 440 00:22:25,033 --> 00:22:26,188 Oh, my God, you are so... 441 00:22:26,223 --> 00:22:27,652 - That is not correct. - (buzzer sounds) 442 00:22:27,743 --> 00:22:30,192 Nope, just watch. 443 00:22:30,239 --> 00:22:31,344 Jason. 444 00:22:32,202 --> 00:22:34,222 - Wheel. B. - (wheel spinning) 445 00:22:35,303 --> 00:22:36,658 Breathe. 446 00:22:36,693 --> 00:22:39,738 - (applause) - JASON: "L," please. 447 00:22:39,801 --> 00:22:41,139 - SAJAK: Yes, two "L's." - (ding) 448 00:22:41,174 --> 00:22:42,768 Pick up that gift tag... 449 00:22:46,966 --> 00:22:48,796 CALM FEMALE VOICE: Notice... 450 00:22:49,015 --> 00:22:51,186 the rise... 451 00:22:51,221 --> 00:22:55,190 and fall of your chest. 452 00:22:56,332 --> 00:22:57,300 (door opens) 453 00:22:58,441 --> 00:22:59,727 Hey. 454 00:23:00,160 --> 00:23:01,377 Good news. 455 00:23:01,438 --> 00:23:03,222 I'm hella mindful now. 456 00:23:04,343 --> 00:23:05,920 Why are you covered in yard? 457 00:23:05,955 --> 00:23:08,104 I did what you said. 458 00:23:08,230 --> 00:23:11,312 I looked at my life from an outside perspective. 459 00:23:11,347 --> 00:23:12,072 Yeah. 460 00:23:12,105 --> 00:23:13,196 Doesn't it feel great? 461 00:23:13,258 --> 00:23:16,098 No, it was terrifying. 462 00:23:16,176 --> 00:23:17,885 I didn't recognize any of it. 463 00:23:17,947 --> 00:23:18,625 What? 464 00:23:18,695 --> 00:23:20,742 I don't recognize my life. 465 00:23:20,839 --> 00:23:24,393 I don't know whether I made any of the right decisions. 466 00:23:26,676 --> 00:23:30,117 Everything could be wrong. 467 00:23:30,434 --> 00:23:31,668 Everything? 468 00:23:35,513 --> 00:23:37,000 Everything. 469 00:23:48,151 --> 00:23:50,017 - (applause) - (wheel spinning) 470 00:23:50,935 --> 00:23:53,541 It's "I Walk the Line." 471 00:23:53,646 --> 00:23:55,067 SAJAK: What do you want to do? 472 00:23:55,147 --> 00:23:58,036 All I want is 473 00:23:58,090 --> 00:24:00,992 A pair of wings to fly 474 00:24:02,002 --> 00:24:05,046 Into the blue of 475 00:24:05,101 --> 00:24:07,120 The wide open s... 476 00:24:07,191 --> 00:24:12,191 Sync and corrections by explosiveskull www.addic7ed.com 477 00:24:22,561 --> 00:24:27,276 On clouds I'll sing and dance 478 00:24:29,185 --> 00:24:30,412 (dog barks) 479 00:24:30,462 --> 00:24:35,012 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 33160

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