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1
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This'd better be good, Zoltan.
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A note from Master Boris.
3
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He specifically requested you wait until...
4
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"Dear Vlad, by the time you read this I'll be gone...blah, blah.
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"16th birthday...blah, blah... Transformation...
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"I'm running away. Sorry. Boris."
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But...aren't you going to try and stop him, Master Vlad?
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No need. He won't get far.
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Let me out! Let me out!
10
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Why me?
11
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Oh, happy birthday. How far d'you get?
12
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- Front gate.
- Not bad!
13
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- Better than yesterday anyway.
- It's all over, Vlad.
14
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In a few hours I'll be an evil, bloodsucking monster
15
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and there's nothing I can do about it.
16
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Unless you've come up with some ingenious plan to save me?
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Well, there is this one...
18
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Blancmange is easy, we can make that ourselves.
19
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Robin will release the pigeons on cue here, creating a diversion,
20
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while I roller-skate past and switch the mirror.
21
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OK, it sucks.
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We'll think of something else. There's time.
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CRASHING I wouldn't be so sure.
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Knee pads. Camouflage jacket.
25
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Night vision goggles...
26
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For a woodwork conference?
27
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..chisels, spirit level, sandpaper. Right, I think that's everything.
28
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- What's this?
- Hmm?
29
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No! Don't!
30
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'Want to get your hands on the latest X-15 rapid-firing crossbow?
31
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'Disguises keep letting you down?
32
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'You need to go to the annual Vampire Slayers' Jamboree
33
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'for a day packed full of fun, education and most of all...
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'Slaa-aa-aaying!'
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'Only for slayers aged 18 and over!
36
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'Payment will not be refunded if you are bitten and become of the undead!'
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- I'll pack my bag.
- No. You heard what it said.
38
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- 18 and over.
- I am. - Years, not inches.
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- Why do I have to miss out on all the good stuff?
- Because one of us
40
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needs to stay here and protect the innocent people of Stokely.
41
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- It's a big responsibility, son. Are you ready?
- I will be,
42
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- if you show me where the secret headquarters is.
- Jonno.
43
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Remember the first rule of slaying.
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Patience.
45
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But... If...
46
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It's the most important discipline for a slayer to master. Stop.
47
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Wait.
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And...
49
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..wait some more.
50
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Practice it while I'm gone.
51
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Stop... Wait...
52
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and follow Dad.
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BELL TOLLS
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Remove the blindfold!
55
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Happy Birthday, my son!
56
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Hey! This is great.
57
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But you really shouldn't have gone to so much trou...
58
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Oh.
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You didn't.
60
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That, Boris, is the doorway...
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- to your destiny!
- I don't suppose you kept the receipt?
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BOLTS GRIND
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You can do this, Boris.
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Just remember to stay focused.
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- You are not evil. Say it.
- I am not evil. - Again.
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- Once more!
- I AM NOT EVIL!
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OK.
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We'll leave that for now.
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Way to go, Vlad. Can you coach me?
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- Any last requests?
- Yeah.
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Can we do this a different time?
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You're not going anywhere, Doris.
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Come, come.
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No, Dad! Please, no!
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Aaargghhh!
76
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Robin, do you think Boris would prefer chocolate or Victoria sponge?
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- I don't think cake's his thing.
- A boy his age not want a birthday cake?
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- He's got blood pumping through his veins, hasn't he?!
- Actually... Ow!
79
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Dad, can you help me with my homework?
80
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Mmm. Of course, sweetheart.
81
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Now then, what's it to be? Spelling? Or colouring in?
82
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I have to perform a psychological evaluation of a subject
83
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using psychodynamic and cognitive methods.
84
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She has to study someone's brain and find out what makes them tick.
85
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OK, OK!
86
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I'll put the stupid shelf up.
87
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Just don't nag me, that's all!
88
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- Listen!
- What?
89
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Total silence. Not a sound since that scream five minutes ago.
90
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Numb to sensation.
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Four letters.
92
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Dead.
93
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- WAILING
- That's it.
94
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I'm getting him out of there.
95
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Enough!
96
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Look, I have every confidence that Boris will emerge safe and sound.
97
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- Will six feet be deep enough, Master?
- Not now, Renfield!
98
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What, what?
99
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BELL TOLLS Daddy, how much longer is this going to take?
100
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- Depends on how much of a fight he puts up.
- Fight?
101
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- No-one mentioned a fight.
- If he's strong, it could take all day.
102
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If he's a pathetic spineless wimp, then...
103
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Well, that answers that.
104
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Boris! Boris?!
105
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Well, I guess he didn't make it.
106
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- Such a tragic loss.
- You mean he's...
107
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- he's dead?!
- Congratulations!
108
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Or...maybe not.
109
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What have I missed?
110
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Nothing much.
111
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Oh, I broke a nail...
112
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- and Boris is dead.
- Does that mean I get double allowance, Daddy?
113
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Well, seeing as you're my only child, yes.
114
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What is wrong with this family?
115
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Boris is gone. Doesn't anyone care?
116
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- No.
- Sorry, Vlad.
117
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Look, if it's any consolation, I never really liked the boy.
118
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- He lacked the killer instinct.
- It's my fault. I was far too soft on him.
119
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If only I'd been...
120
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- Boris?
- Son!
121
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Well, lock up your daughters! Look at you!
122
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'Memoirs Of A Vampire Slayer by...'
123
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- Please speak name clearly.
- 'Eric Van Helsing.'
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Voice recognised. Access granted.
125
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Let the games begin!
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Woah!
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Ah...!
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CHICKENS SQUAWK
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- Bravo! Bravo!
- The boy is a prodigy!
130
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It takes five years to perfect mid-flight combat.
131
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- He's mastered it in five minutes!
- They were chickens!
132
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- They were hardly going to fight back.
- So fetch me a couple of lions.
133
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My son has the thirst.
134
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Excellent. Renfield, saddle the horses and polish my horn!
135
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Tonight...we shall hunt!
136
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- Hunt?
- Horses?
137
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Daddy, I want a horse. Get me a horse!
138
00:10:24,440 --> 00:10:28,160
So, does this mean you're evil?
139
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Vlad, Vlad, Vlad.
140
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Come on, it's me.
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Boris.
142
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I wouldn't hurt a fly.
143
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- Really?
- I remembered what you said.
144
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I stayed focused.
145
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I'm not evil.
146
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I'm not evil.
147
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It works, Vlad! I'm the same Boris I was before.
148
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Only now, I'm stronger, braver and more powerful...
149
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and you will be too! Just look at what you can become!
150
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To the Bat Pack!
151
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Sorry, men only.
152
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Go sit on a stake. Wake up, loser. It's an act.
153
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You can't possibly believe him!
154
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Oh, garlic!
155
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The name's Van Helsing.
156
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Jonathan Van Helsing.
157
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Licensed to slay.
158
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Take this, vampire scum! Ow!
159
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Splinter.
160
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I'm not evil.
161
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I'm not evil.
162
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Wanna bet?
163
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Mirror, mirror on the floor.
164
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You've given me power.
165
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But I want MORE!
166
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Boris...
167
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Ah, there you are.
168
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- Cake's upstairs.
- Graaaagggghhhh!
169
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It's not a good time. I'll come back later.
170
00:12:42,680 --> 00:12:47,360
You know, you really shouldn't wander about the castle on your own.
171
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It's not safe...for a breather.
172
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Bo-ris!
173
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Just kidding.
174
00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:05,280
Happy Birthday!
175
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Well, come on then, blow out the candles and make a wish!
176
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How on earth did that happen?
177
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Strong lungs. Comes from...playing the tuba.
178
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- Robin!
- If you wanted a slice, Robin, you should've just asked.
179
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But I didn't... But he...
180
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Come with me. Let's get you a towel. And a doggy bag.
181
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It's not safe to leave Mum with Boris.
182
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It is. You heard what he said, he wouldn't hurt a fly.
183
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FLY BUZZES
184
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Cool!
185
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DOOR SLAMS
186
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Stop. Wait. And wait some more.
187
00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:13,400
- Vlad, about Boris.
- Isn't it great!?
188
00:15:13,400 --> 00:15:16,400
I've always worried about becoming evil.
189
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- And now I don't have to!
- But, Vlad, he...
190
00:15:19,040 --> 00:15:23,800
If a wimp like Boris can handle the transformation, then I'll walk it.
191
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At last there's hope! Sorry, you were saying?
192
00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:30,960
- Nothing. That's great, Vlad.
- I'll get you a clean T-shirt.
193
00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:34,640
Er, no offence. I don't think your style will suit me.
194
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That's where you're wrong! Wait here.
195
00:15:38,080 --> 00:15:41,880
- You were going to tell Vlad, weren't you?
- Tell him what?
196
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I don't know anything. I'm stupid!
197
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I won't let a breather ruin everything.
198
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:03,760
- Patience.
- Patience.
199
00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:14,800
We should be making a move soon.
200
00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:16,360
Hiya, Doris.
201
00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:23,240
Don't move an inch.
202
00:16:28,760 --> 00:16:30,480
Spider.
203
00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:33,840
Nasty little critters. Are you ready to go, Robin?
204
00:16:33,840 --> 00:16:37,920
Robin's gonna stay here for a while. Help me out with a few things.
205
00:16:37,920 --> 00:16:39,440
Yes, Master.
206
00:16:41,040 --> 00:16:42,960
Well, have fun then.
207
00:16:46,480 --> 00:16:50,880
I'm Olga. Can I go with you? I'm sick of this dump.
208
00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:55,120
Good idea. I've got a daughter your age, she'd love to meet you.
209
00:16:56,640 --> 00:17:00,080
- Thanks for the chicken, Boris.
- No problem.
210
00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:01,600
Drop round soon.
211
00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:09,360
Hello, sweetheart. This is Olga, Vlad's cousin.
212
00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:14,000
Oh, you're one of THEM, are you?
213
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:17,160
Well, she's American if that's what you mean.
214
00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:19,640
Where are your manners?
215
00:17:19,640 --> 00:17:21,800
Get out.
216
00:17:26,960 --> 00:17:29,520
Oh, look!
217
00:17:29,520 --> 00:17:32,520
How beautiful! How...
218
00:17:32,520 --> 00:17:36,360
- delicate.
- Don't you dare!
219
00:17:41,440 --> 00:17:45,520
The Rorschach ink blot test.
220
00:17:45,520 --> 00:17:47,840
How did you know that?
221
00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:50,480
Mum's into all that psycho claptrap.
222
00:17:50,480 --> 00:17:54,080
It's enough to drive you nuts if you're not already.
223
00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:56,480
What does this look like?
224
00:17:58,080 --> 00:18:01,480
- Splattered blood.
- Could you be a bit more specific?
225
00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:04,320
YOUR splattered blood.
226
00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:11,760
My boyish good looks and porcelain complexion. Ruined!
227
00:18:11,760 --> 00:18:17,680
I can't believe my own son could be so wicked and deceitful.
228
00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:20,600
Yes, when you've finished gloating,
229
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use your super-sensitive vampire hearing to find the little snake.
230
00:18:25,240 --> 00:18:27,520
What?
231
00:18:27,520 --> 00:18:30,240
I said use your... Oh, never mind.
232
00:18:30,240 --> 00:18:32,840
We'll have to track him down ourselves.
233
00:18:32,840 --> 00:18:35,440
Now fly, fly like the wind!
234
00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:43,600
You can run...
235
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HE COUGHS
236
00:18:45,120 --> 00:18:47,080
..but you can't hide.
237
00:18:48,760 --> 00:18:53,440
- I wouldn't let Dad catch you sitting there.
- Oh, really? And why's that?
238
00:18:53,440 --> 00:18:56,640
She's right, Master Boris.
239
00:18:56,640 --> 00:18:59,800
Only the Count is permitted to sit on the throne.
240
00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:03,080
Thanks for the warning, but I don't take advice from stuffed dogs.
241
00:19:03,080 --> 00:19:05,440
He's a wolf.
242
00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:07,440
I wasn't talking to him.
243
00:19:07,440 --> 00:19:11,760
- Ouch!
- You think you're so great!
244
00:19:11,760 --> 00:19:15,080
Well, let's see. I'm charming.
245
00:19:15,080 --> 00:19:17,080
Devilishly handsome.
246
00:19:17,080 --> 00:19:19,640
Cunning as a fox...
247
00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:22,360
Yup. I've pretty much got it all.
248
00:19:22,360 --> 00:19:24,880
Oh, why be modest? I HAVE got it all!
249
00:19:24,880 --> 00:19:29,160
You might have Vlad fooled, but I'm not so stupid.
250
00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:33,000
- You're up to something.
- Hey. It's the Bat Pack back together!
251
00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:37,640
Can't believe you're falling for this.
252
00:19:37,640 --> 00:19:39,400
Just accept it, Ingrid.
253
00:19:39,400 --> 00:19:42,560
Vampires don't have to be evil.
254
00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:43,840
No...
255
00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:47,800
..but it IS fun.
256
00:19:51,120 --> 00:19:54,160
I'll say a word and I want you to say the first thing
257
00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:57,520
- that comes into your head.
- Boring. - No, wait until I've said it.
258
00:19:57,520 --> 00:20:01,040
- Tedious.
- I haven't started. - Annoying.
259
00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:02,720
- Stop it!
- No.
260
00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:05,640
CRACKLING
261
00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:17,400
There's something rotten in the state of Vampiredom.
262
00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:21,760
That may be me, Mistress Ingrid. I'm due a bath.
263
00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:24,680
- Life.
- Death. - Death.
264
00:20:24,680 --> 00:20:26,920
- Boris.
- Happy.
265
00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:30,320
- This is stupid.
- OK, OK. I'll give you my diagnosis.
266
00:20:30,320 --> 00:20:34,280
Based on your answers, I'd say you're a very unhappy child.
267
00:20:34,280 --> 00:20:40,000
You feel that your parents don't love you and to compensate for this,
268
00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:42,560
you're mean, nasty and cruel.
269
00:20:42,560 --> 00:20:46,880
It's all true! I'm a mean, nasty, horrible person.
270
00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:48,480
I'm so ashamed of myself.
271
00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:50,920
Really? Some of it was guesswork.
272
00:20:50,920 --> 00:20:53,440
No. You're right. I'm going to change.
273
00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:58,160
Right now, I'll go back up to the castle and I'll start being nice.
274
00:20:58,160 --> 00:21:00,720
- Thank you, Chloe.
- Glad I could help.
275
00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:06,240
Hem-hem. Sucker.
276
00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:12,520
I'm starving. What are we having?
277
00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:16,480
I don't know about the others, but you'll be eating your words.
278
00:21:16,480 --> 00:21:18,320
You just won't give up.
279
00:21:18,320 --> 00:21:23,360
Give me one single shred of evidence that Boris is evil and I'll...
280
00:21:23,360 --> 00:21:25,760
wear your lipstick to school for a week.
281
00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:27,560
OK, how do you explain that?
282
00:21:31,760 --> 00:21:34,360
He's just being helpful.
283
00:21:34,360 --> 00:21:38,360
It's not like Boris has him running round like another Renfield.
284
00:21:40,640 --> 00:21:43,640
- Ooooh. What's that?
- Lavender.
285
00:21:43,640 --> 00:21:47,360
OK. So, he's been having fun with his new powers.
286
00:21:47,360 --> 00:21:50,360
Harmless. You'll have to do better than that.
287
00:21:50,360 --> 00:21:54,200
He's been stealing power from the Blood Mirror. He's addicted.
288
00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:57,520
If he's not hurting anyone then what difference does it make?
289
00:21:57,520 --> 00:21:59,480
COUGHING
290
00:21:59,480 --> 00:22:02,640
- Where is he?
- Dad?!
291
00:22:02,640 --> 00:22:05,920
Where's that thief? It's time he was taught a lesson.
292
00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:09,120
- Ten to seven.
- Oh, Master! What's happened?
293
00:22:09,120 --> 00:22:11,280
Get off me, you vile creature.
294
00:22:11,280 --> 00:22:14,320
But Sire. It's me. Renfield.
295
00:22:14,320 --> 00:22:17,000
Age has ravaged his poor memory.
296
00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:22,080
I know who you are, you stinking bag of filth. Now pick up my stick!
297
00:22:25,640 --> 00:22:29,760
I'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation
298
00:22:29,760 --> 00:22:31,040
for all of this.
299
00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:33,280
There he is!
300
00:22:33,280 --> 00:22:34,840
And sitting on my throne!
301
00:22:34,840 --> 00:22:38,480
You'll pay for this, young whippersnapper.
302
00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:41,200
Boris didn't know he was draining your power.
303
00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:43,520
Now that he does, he'll give it back.
304
00:22:43,520 --> 00:22:45,720
Won't you, Boris?
305
00:22:45,720 --> 00:22:49,840
- Boris?
- You're embarrassing yourself.
306
00:22:49,840 --> 00:22:53,920
Tell them it's possible to be a good vampire. That you're not evil.
307
00:22:53,920 --> 00:22:56,000
Tell them you're not evil!
308
00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:03,520
I own this family! No-one can stop me!
309
00:23:03,520 --> 00:23:06,320
I'm the king of the world!
310
00:23:06,320 --> 00:23:08,160
Mwahahahaha!
311
00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:10,760
Oh, poo!
312
00:24:06,600 --> 00:24:08,800
Think you need to get some practice.
313
00:24:09,840 --> 00:24:12,680
And I want a giant statue built in my name.
314
00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:16,000
And every Thursday will be renamed Borisday
315
00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:21,480
and the peasants will bring me a human sacrifice and bow down before me!
316
00:24:21,480 --> 00:24:25,520
Awesome. It's Queen Doris.
317
00:24:25,520 --> 00:24:28,160
If you need any gloss just let me know.
318
00:24:29,760 --> 00:24:31,520
What's wrong with you?
319
00:24:31,520 --> 00:24:34,160
- You're killing them!
- Sad, isn't it?
320
00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:36,440
Maybe I should put them out of their misery now?
321
00:24:36,440 --> 00:24:38,880
One more fix from the Blood Mirror...
322
00:24:38,880 --> 00:24:40,760
they'll be gone.
323
00:24:40,760 --> 00:24:46,600
I'll reign supreme! Count Boris the eternal Overlord!
324
00:24:46,600 --> 00:24:48,840
HE CACKLES
325
00:24:51,160 --> 00:24:55,880
Eternity's a long time, Boris. All alone. No-one to talk to.
326
00:24:55,880 --> 00:24:58,760
No-one to tell you how great you are...
327
00:24:59,880 --> 00:25:03,080
Vlad, you could join me...
328
00:25:03,080 --> 00:25:05,960
Picture it! The Bat Pack ruling together!
329
00:25:05,960 --> 00:25:10,440
People obeying our every command. The power! The glory!
330
00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:13,440
The girls!
331
00:25:13,440 --> 00:25:15,720
- Let's do it!
- You wouldn't dare.
332
00:25:15,720 --> 00:25:18,200
Stay out of this, Ingrid.
333
00:25:18,200 --> 00:25:19,960
On one condition.
334
00:25:19,960 --> 00:25:21,520
We have to be on equal terms.
335
00:25:21,520 --> 00:25:24,200
You have to give me some of your power now.
336
00:25:24,200 --> 00:25:25,840
Even things out a little.
337
00:25:28,400 --> 00:25:29,800
Agreed.
338
00:25:29,800 --> 00:25:32,880
You won't regret this, cous'.
339
00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:41,000
Noooo! What are you doing?
340
00:25:47,840 --> 00:25:50,720
Big mistake, Boris.
341
00:25:50,720 --> 00:25:52,400
You will pay for this.
342
00:25:52,400 --> 00:25:55,160
You'll have to catch me first.
343
00:25:55,160 --> 00:25:56,560
Impressive.
344
00:25:56,560 --> 00:25:58,760
But not fast enough.
345
00:26:02,840 --> 00:26:04,280
Going somewhere?
346
00:26:11,880 --> 00:26:17,120
Well, done, Vlad! Once again you've saved the day!
347
00:26:17,120 --> 00:26:19,000
Er, no he didn't. It was me!
348
00:26:19,000 --> 00:26:21,600
Don't split hairs, Ingrid.
349
00:26:23,120 --> 00:26:26,840
Well, it's been a hideous nightmare as always, brother.
350
00:26:26,840 --> 00:26:29,200
You must come and stay again soon.
351
00:26:29,200 --> 00:26:31,160
Maybe in another couple of hundred years?
352
00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:33,120
Better make it three.
353
00:26:34,880 --> 00:26:38,400
Bye, garlic breath.
354
00:26:38,400 --> 00:26:40,720
Get off me, you little creep!
355
00:26:40,720 --> 00:26:43,640
Oh...and if I were you,
356
00:26:43,640 --> 00:26:46,320
I'd take care unpacking your suitcase.
357
00:26:46,320 --> 00:26:48,480
You never know what you might find.
358
00:26:50,600 --> 00:26:53,000
Ha! I knew I'd have the last laugh!
359
00:26:53,000 --> 00:26:55,200
Pssst... Vlad.
360
00:26:55,200 --> 00:26:56,720
Come here.
361
00:26:58,240 --> 00:26:59,760
Just want to let you know.
362
00:26:59,760 --> 00:27:06,560
When it's your turn, you'll become just as evil as I am. Just you wait!
363
00:27:06,560 --> 00:27:09,400
You can't escape your destiny.
364
00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:13,920
I'll be back! No-one can stop me! No-one!
365
00:27:13,920 --> 00:27:17,400
HE LAUGHS
366
00:27:22,400 --> 00:27:25,880
- He's lost it big time.
- BORIS CONTINUES LAUGHING
367
00:27:30,080 --> 00:27:33,080
I'm not really going to become that evil...
368
00:27:33,080 --> 00:27:35,800
am I?
369
00:27:35,800 --> 00:27:38,520
All in good time, Vladdy.
370
00:27:38,520 --> 00:27:41,040
All in good time.
371
00:27:51,320 --> 00:27:54,360
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
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00:27:54,360 --> 00:27:57,400
E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk
373
00:27:57,450 --> 00:28:02,000
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