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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:14,960 --> 00:00:17,760 HORSES NEIGH PEOPLE SCREAM 2 00:00:17,760 --> 00:00:19,320 EVIL LAUGHTER 3 00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:22,960 - A good night's slaughter, little brother! - 75 peasants. 4 00:00:22,960 --> 00:00:25,240 And I haven't finished yet! 5 00:00:25,240 --> 00:00:28,560 - Bravo! - I got myself a take-away! 6 00:00:30,360 --> 00:00:31,920 HE WHIMPERS 7 00:00:31,920 --> 00:00:34,160 WILD LAUGHTER 8 00:00:36,560 --> 00:00:40,160 I can't wait to see that brother of mine, 9 00:00:40,160 --> 00:00:42,680 he's been in America for far too long. 10 00:00:42,680 --> 00:00:45,520 And I bet his children know what real evil is. 11 00:00:45,520 --> 00:00:48,360 That's because their dad's a real vampire. 12 00:00:48,360 --> 00:00:52,560 Dad, you will behave yourself when Uncle Ivan gets here? 13 00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:54,800 Remember, no peasant hunting. 14 00:00:54,800 --> 00:00:56,440 Oh, no, Vlad. 15 00:00:56,440 --> 00:01:03,280 The moment Ivan arrives we're going to paint this town very, very red! 16 00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:05,880 WILD LAUGHTER 17 00:01:07,160 --> 00:01:09,960 Maybe I should tell Mum to give bingo a miss. 18 00:01:09,960 --> 00:01:11,880 What are we gonna do, Robin? 19 00:01:11,880 --> 00:01:15,960 They'll rip the throats out of half of Stokely...tonight! 20 00:01:15,960 --> 00:01:20,320 Maybe Ivan's changed. My Dad was a right nutter when he was younger. 21 00:01:20,320 --> 00:01:21,960 Your dad? 22 00:01:21,960 --> 00:01:23,320 Yeah! 23 00:01:23,320 --> 00:01:26,400 Mum says his library books were always overdue. 24 00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:29,440 I'm afraid you're clutching at straws. 25 00:01:29,440 --> 00:01:35,600 Even now, my stuffing runs cold thinking of Ivan, and his cruelty. 26 00:01:35,600 --> 00:01:41,720 Saturdays were the worst, that was the 'throw the hellhounds 27 00:01:41,720 --> 00:01:44,280 'off the battlements' day. 28 00:01:44,280 --> 00:01:47,000 I don't know why we're getting dressed up, 29 00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:49,320 my cousins will think I'm a real geek. 30 00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:52,520 Oh, very funny! 31 00:01:52,520 --> 00:01:54,760 EERIE NOISE 32 00:01:54,760 --> 00:01:56,360 What just happened? 33 00:01:56,360 --> 00:01:58,360 It's the castle playing tricks. 34 00:01:58,360 --> 00:02:02,680 Once Dad's lived somewhere a while, it takes on his evil personality. 35 00:02:02,680 --> 00:02:05,160 Vladimir! 36 00:02:05,160 --> 00:02:07,480 I've got to go. 37 00:02:11,640 --> 00:02:14,280 Ah! ROARING 38 00:02:14,280 --> 00:02:16,560 Don't start with me, all right? 39 00:02:17,160 --> 00:02:19,360 ROAR! 40 00:02:32,960 --> 00:02:34,560 Aaargh! 41 00:02:34,560 --> 00:02:39,160 Jonno! I've told you never to wake me like that! 42 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:43,960 There's something's going on up at the castle. 43 00:02:43,960 --> 00:02:45,840 What? 44 00:02:45,840 --> 00:02:47,040 I don't know. 45 00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:52,360 Dad, I can sense it. 46 00:02:52,360 --> 00:02:53,480 Here. 47 00:02:53,480 --> 00:02:55,480 Like a twisted feeling? 48 00:02:57,440 --> 00:02:59,600 You know what this means? 49 00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:01,640 We shouldn't have eaten the Chinese? 50 00:03:01,640 --> 00:03:04,080 No, you've got IT! 51 00:03:04,080 --> 00:03:06,080 The slayer's instinct! It's... 52 00:03:07,600 --> 00:03:11,160 It's what separates the great ones from the rest. 53 00:03:12,720 --> 00:03:16,040 Jonno, I'm proud of you, son! 54 00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:20,360 Hope it's not just wind. 55 00:03:23,520 --> 00:03:28,000 Well, he's Ivan the Terrible all right. 56 00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:31,640 Ivan the Terrible Time Keeper! Where is he? 57 00:03:31,640 --> 00:03:35,000 Evil as great as his cannot be hurried. 58 00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:37,240 Perhaps he's decided not to come. 59 00:03:37,240 --> 00:03:40,000 - Bournemouth's nice this time of year. - Silence! 60 00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:41,520 SNIFFING 61 00:03:41,520 --> 00:03:43,960 He approaches. 62 00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:57,240 Children, prepare to meet your uncle. 63 00:03:57,240 --> 00:04:00,400 Ivan the Bloodthirsty, 64 00:04:00,400 --> 00:04:05,280 Devourer of Souls and Black-hearted Butcher of... 65 00:04:05,280 --> 00:04:09,280 Yo, big bro! Come and gimme a hug! 66 00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:15,520 Ivan? 67 00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:18,800 The name's Harvey now. Ivan's so... 68 00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:21,560 old country. Don't you think? 69 00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:24,720 But you're different... You've got a suntan! 70 00:04:24,720 --> 00:04:26,320 It's out of a bottle, 71 00:04:26,320 --> 00:04:29,280 but it gets rid of that pasty look Mom and Pop were so fond of. 72 00:04:29,280 --> 00:04:31,280 You should try some. 73 00:04:31,280 --> 00:04:35,880 Guys! You gotta be Vlad, Ingrid. High fives! 74 00:04:37,760 --> 00:04:40,280 OK, maybe later. 75 00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:42,400 Meet your cousin, Olga... 76 00:04:45,360 --> 00:04:46,960 Your Grace. 77 00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:50,240 Charming. 78 00:04:50,240 --> 00:04:52,720 Oh, please! 79 00:04:52,720 --> 00:04:54,240 This is Boris... 80 00:05:01,040 --> 00:05:05,320 He has a few personal contact issues. 81 00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:09,320 He's shy. 82 00:05:09,320 --> 00:05:11,680 Great. Another loser. 83 00:05:11,680 --> 00:05:15,080 Silence, Ingrid, or I shall feed you to the gargoyles. 84 00:05:15,080 --> 00:05:17,880 Anyway, time's wasting, brother! 85 00:05:17,880 --> 00:05:21,480 You must be hungry, let's go hunt some peasant. 86 00:05:21,480 --> 00:05:24,800 Ah, there's no easy way to break this to you, bro, 87 00:05:24,800 --> 00:05:26,400 I don't do peasant any more. 88 00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:30,800 Gave up the red stuff a while ago. Blood-free since '93. 89 00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:35,640 I drink Soya substitute, all of the goodness and none of the badness. 90 00:05:37,680 --> 00:05:41,000 Oh, I see it now! This is all some terrible joke. 91 00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:44,360 LAUGHTER 92 00:05:44,360 --> 00:05:47,400 RENFIELD CACKLES 93 00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:50,200 Isn't it, Ivan? 94 00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:55,320 I'm sorry, bro... And it's Harvey. 95 00:06:03,520 --> 00:06:05,720 I can't reach the next foothold. 96 00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:10,320 Close your eyes, Jonno, put your trust in that instinct of yours. 97 00:06:13,360 --> 00:06:14,800 Oh! 98 00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:18,120 It's just a matter of practice. 99 00:06:20,240 --> 00:06:22,200 Quick, take cover! 100 00:06:35,360 --> 00:06:39,960 Take our 'guests' in and cancel the feast, we'll eat tomorrow. 101 00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:41,160 Yes, Master. 102 00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:42,880 Raa-argh! 103 00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:48,760 Son, your instincts were right. 104 00:06:48,760 --> 00:06:51,800 They're going to feast on those so-called guests. 105 00:06:51,800 --> 00:06:53,480 What are we going to do? 106 00:06:55,160 --> 00:06:59,040 We're going to SAVE them. 107 00:06:59,040 --> 00:07:02,000 Help! Help! Help! 108 00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:04,360 It's trying to kill me! 109 00:07:04,360 --> 00:07:08,400 I only said, "Good evening, Master Boris." 110 00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:10,720 This is Zoltan, he's my stuffed wolf! 111 00:07:10,720 --> 00:07:13,640 Stuffed hellhound, if you don't mind. 112 00:07:13,640 --> 00:07:14,760 See! 113 00:07:14,760 --> 00:07:17,520 - He's as lethal as a fluffy cushion! - Huh, 114 00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:21,280 - can a fluffy cushion do this? - GROWLS 115 00:07:21,280 --> 00:07:23,280 You're not helping. 116 00:07:28,800 --> 00:07:30,040 You OK now? 117 00:07:30,040 --> 00:07:31,040 Are you kidding? 118 00:07:31,040 --> 00:07:34,320 This skanky old castle is totally creeping me out. 119 00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:37,680 Your driver has, like, boils. And you don't have cable! 120 00:07:37,680 --> 00:07:41,440 Sorry, we're not all living blood-free in a beachside condo. 121 00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:43,680 Lucky?! I'm turning 16 next week 122 00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:46,920 and I have to go through my...'transformation'. 123 00:07:46,920 --> 00:07:49,040 That's not lucky! 124 00:07:49,040 --> 00:07:53,600 - So that's why you're here... What did your dad tell you? - Not enough! 125 00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:57,920 I keep having nightmares where they lock me in a room 126 00:07:57,920 --> 00:08:03,600 and this huge black snake eats its way out my head through my ear, 127 00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:06,600 sucks up my brain and takes me over! 128 00:08:06,600 --> 00:08:09,720 Or maybe they'll just give you a certificate. 129 00:08:09,720 --> 00:08:11,680 Yeah, right(!) 130 00:08:11,680 --> 00:08:14,040 Fun being a vampire, isn't it? 131 00:08:15,840 --> 00:08:18,640 You Yanks are such a let down! 132 00:08:18,640 --> 00:08:21,160 Shift! 133 00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:25,840 Kiss - my - cape! 134 00:08:25,840 --> 00:08:31,760 Oh, I see, the 'Miss Goody Two Shoes' routine is an act. Pathetic! 135 00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:36,600 You're pathetic! The Count can't bear YOU, but he thinks I'm charming. 136 00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:40,760 And so does my Dad, which is exactly where I want him, 137 00:08:40,760 --> 00:08:44,040 cos when I'm 16 and get my powers... BAM! 138 00:08:44,040 --> 00:08:46,000 He's history and I take over! 139 00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:48,120 Yeah, well, you don't scare me! 140 00:08:48,120 --> 00:08:52,720 No? I oughta! I can make your life a misery around here... 141 00:08:52,720 --> 00:08:55,960 Uncle Count, I wait on my Daddy hand and fang, 142 00:08:55,960 --> 00:08:57,760 would you like me to show Ingrid how? 143 00:08:57,760 --> 00:08:59,480 Stupid! 144 00:08:59,480 --> 00:09:01,840 I'll tell them all what you're like. 145 00:09:01,840 --> 00:09:03,560 Go ahead, who'll believe YOU? 146 00:09:03,560 --> 00:09:06,000 You're the nasty one, and I'm nice. 147 00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:08,400 Now get off MY bed! 148 00:09:14,880 --> 00:09:16,920 MUSIC PLAYS 149 00:09:16,920 --> 00:09:18,520 DONG! 150 00:09:23,080 --> 00:09:24,080 Hi, Ingrid! 151 00:09:24,080 --> 00:09:26,680 Did your cousins... 152 00:09:36,120 --> 00:09:38,280 I'll let myself in then. 153 00:09:56,200 --> 00:09:58,000 You're saying that my Dad 154 00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:01,280 picked you up and threw you off the battlements? 155 00:10:01,280 --> 00:10:03,000 One-handed. 156 00:10:09,120 --> 00:10:10,240 HE STRAINS 157 00:10:12,560 --> 00:10:14,720 Do you wanna hand? 158 00:10:14,720 --> 00:10:17,520 No, I'm fine... 159 00:10:24,760 --> 00:10:28,840 And this is the son of Ivan the Bloodthirsty?! 160 00:10:28,840 --> 00:10:31,920 It's Harvey now. 161 00:10:31,920 --> 00:10:34,800 Apologies, Master! Please don't rip out my intestines 162 00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:36,840 and throw them to the rats! 163 00:10:36,840 --> 00:10:38,280 Why would I do that? 164 00:10:38,280 --> 00:10:40,840 You used to! 165 00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:44,040 Old days, old ways my friend. 166 00:10:44,040 --> 00:10:48,080 Come on, Boris, time we did some prep for your transformation. 167 00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:50,360 Maybe later, Dad. 168 00:10:52,280 --> 00:10:54,320 DOORS SLAM 169 00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:57,120 Now, Boris! 170 00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:09,360 Hey, Vlad, how you doing? 171 00:11:09,360 --> 00:11:11,400 I'm fine. 172 00:11:11,400 --> 00:11:13,280 Really? Come on, shoot. 173 00:11:13,280 --> 00:11:15,480 What's on your mind? 174 00:11:15,480 --> 00:11:18,880 Well, you know you live... 175 00:11:18,880 --> 00:11:21,240 blood-free? 176 00:11:21,240 --> 00:11:23,600 Yeah... 177 00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:25,320 Can all vampires do it? 178 00:11:25,320 --> 00:11:31,000 You betcha! It's all about finding inner peace. 179 00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:32,280 Why? You interested? 180 00:11:32,280 --> 00:11:36,520 Definitely. For the first time I can imagine becoming a vampire. 181 00:11:36,520 --> 00:11:40,160 The whole blood thing, it's not me. 182 00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:41,960 The only problem is... 183 00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:44,040 My brother? 184 00:11:44,040 --> 00:11:46,160 He's not big on inner peace. 185 00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:47,720 But... 186 00:11:47,720 --> 00:11:50,360 I could convert him? 187 00:11:52,680 --> 00:11:57,560 He's a tough cookie, but I'm always ready to spread the word! 188 00:11:57,560 --> 00:11:59,720 Why don't we... 189 00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:01,560 work on him together? 190 00:12:01,560 --> 00:12:06,080 This time next week we'll have him sipping Soya blood martinis 191 00:12:06,080 --> 00:12:07,560 in Bermuda shorts! 192 00:12:14,440 --> 00:12:17,560 I think it may take longer than a week. 193 00:12:17,560 --> 00:12:19,480 HE LAUGHS 194 00:12:22,160 --> 00:12:26,280 I thought we agreed, that's my bed. 195 00:12:26,280 --> 00:12:28,600 Yeah, well, I've changed my mind. 196 00:12:28,600 --> 00:12:30,560 Tell me again about that plan 197 00:12:30,560 --> 00:12:33,760 to slaughter your dad and take over the family? 198 00:12:33,760 --> 00:12:37,080 - If I don't, are you going to hit me again? - What? 199 00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:40,000 - Oh, no, Ingrid, please don't... - Stop it! 200 00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:42,160 SLAP! Ow! That really hurts! 201 00:12:42,160 --> 00:12:45,800 D'you really think I'm that stupid I'd let you record me? 202 00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:49,280 Don't try and fight me, you ain't good enough! 203 00:12:53,720 --> 00:12:56,520 This isn't funny any more! Let me in! 204 00:12:56,520 --> 00:12:57,880 Waarrgghh! 205 00:13:01,040 --> 00:13:02,840 Excellent! 206 00:13:02,840 --> 00:13:04,360 I think... 207 00:13:04,360 --> 00:13:05,720 BANGING 208 00:13:05,720 --> 00:13:07,560 Uh-oh. 209 00:13:07,560 --> 00:13:10,240 DEMONIC LAUGHTER 210 00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:21,600 So I said to the guy, "Give me two blood martinis, but hold the blood'. 211 00:13:32,760 --> 00:13:35,320 Breakfast, Masters? 212 00:13:35,320 --> 00:13:40,400 I've prepared a full selection of vermin 213 00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:47,640 or, if you prefer a lighter bite, a choice of rare birds and of course 214 00:13:47,640 --> 00:13:50,080 - my signature dish... - HE CHORTLES 215 00:13:52,760 --> 00:13:54,320 ..rancid fox. 216 00:13:54,320 --> 00:13:58,960 Oh, sorry... didn't I mention? I'm vegetarian. 217 00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:02,080 I've got badgers' noses, they're more gristle than meat. 218 00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:05,880 Are you deliberately trying to give me a blood ulcer? 219 00:14:05,880 --> 00:14:08,840 What in the name of the Impaler has happened to you?! 220 00:14:08,840 --> 00:14:12,480 I cleaned up my act, bro, I had to. 221 00:14:12,480 --> 00:14:15,520 I was out of control, draining 50 peasants a day. 222 00:14:15,520 --> 00:14:17,760 I tried everything to cut down, 223 00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:20,720 patches, hypnotherapy, nothing worked. 224 00:14:20,720 --> 00:14:24,160 Then I met a bunch of New Age werewolves... 225 00:14:24,160 --> 00:14:27,040 Why does it always have to be werewolves?! 226 00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:28,080 Dad... 227 00:14:28,080 --> 00:14:32,040 They told me if I'd eat good, I'd do good. I never felt better! 228 00:14:32,040 --> 00:14:34,440 I made a fortune selling real estate. 229 00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:38,240 The old hypnosis makes us Draculas good salesmen. 230 00:14:38,240 --> 00:14:42,120 It's a little sneaky for the 'new you', isn't it? 231 00:14:42,120 --> 00:14:45,440 - I haven't changed that much! - Dad, this is the 21st century. 232 00:14:45,440 --> 00:14:48,120 All the cool vampires are living blood-free. 233 00:14:48,120 --> 00:14:53,360 I was thinking, perhaps, possibly, maybe you could give it a try? 234 00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:56,760 Maybe. Maybe, we could live in a little cottage, 235 00:14:56,760 --> 00:14:59,440 and eat nuts and grow daffodils... 236 00:15:00,360 --> 00:15:02,000 NEVER! 237 00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:05,840 Well, that went well. 238 00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:09,440 Don't worry, there's more than one way to skin a cat. 239 00:15:09,440 --> 00:15:12,040 And I should know, I've skinned a few! 240 00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:17,320 OK, Operation Rescue, ready to go. 241 00:15:17,320 --> 00:15:19,160 Final equipment check... 242 00:15:19,160 --> 00:15:20,880 - Stakes. - Check. 243 00:15:20,880 --> 00:15:22,200 - Body armour. - Check. 244 00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:23,680 - Emergency flares. - Check. 245 00:15:23,680 --> 00:15:25,560 Ham sandwiches with a hint of pickle. 246 00:15:25,560 --> 00:15:27,480 Check... Ooops. 247 00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:47,760 Oh, great. 248 00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:54,320 EERIE NOISES 249 00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:57,960 ROARING Yaa-aaa-aah! 250 00:15:57,960 --> 00:15:59,880 DEMONIC CHORTLING 251 00:15:59,880 --> 00:16:02,400 WHISTLING 252 00:16:04,080 --> 00:16:07,120 Go away! I need some peace and quiet. 253 00:16:07,120 --> 00:16:10,080 Right you are, I'll sprinkle my filth later. 254 00:16:14,200 --> 00:16:16,240 What is the meaning of this?! 255 00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:21,640 "Hey, vampire, just say no! Ten steps to a blood-free life." 256 00:16:21,640 --> 00:16:24,920 Master Vlad and your brother left those all over the castle. 257 00:16:24,920 --> 00:16:28,160 Ivan always charmed the birds from the trees... 258 00:16:28,160 --> 00:16:30,400 before horribly mutilating them. 259 00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:33,720 And now he's turning my own son against me. 260 00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:36,000 Oh, there, there, Master, 261 00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:39,320 your old Renfield's here. 262 00:16:39,320 --> 00:16:41,320 What are you doing? 263 00:16:41,320 --> 00:16:42,680 Comforting you? 264 00:16:42,680 --> 00:16:44,200 Well don't! 265 00:16:48,920 --> 00:16:53,200 This South American mood stone measures the tension in the room 266 00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:56,880 MUSIC: WHALES SING 267 00:16:56,880 --> 00:17:02,360 Blue is cool, red is stressed... 268 00:17:02,360 --> 00:17:03,920 That's good, guys. 269 00:17:03,920 --> 00:17:06,480 You're doing well... 270 00:17:06,480 --> 00:17:08,880 ROARING: Ivan! 271 00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:11,880 You! 272 00:17:11,880 --> 00:17:15,600 Yo, big bro! Come and join us, it's good for the soul. 273 00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:17,360 I don't have a soul... 274 00:17:17,360 --> 00:17:22,680 and neither should you! Now stop poisoning my son's mind 275 00:17:22,680 --> 00:17:25,240 with this New Age claptrap. 276 00:17:27,200 --> 00:17:28,160 Vladimir, 277 00:17:28,160 --> 00:17:33,400 it is your destiny to become a fully-fledged blood sucking vampire. 278 00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:36,560 Vlad, take no notice. The old ways are deader than he is. 279 00:17:36,560 --> 00:17:40,200 - Vladimir, you will listen to me. - I - am head of this family. 280 00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:44,880 Huh! It's like when we were kids, he's the boss cos he's the oldest! 281 00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:47,880 When we played Victim and Vampire, I always had to be the victim. 282 00:17:47,880 --> 00:17:50,880 Oh. But at least I wasn't a little snitch, 283 00:17:50,880 --> 00:17:55,520 running off to Nanny Clontarf every time I took your toy hearse away! 284 00:17:55,520 --> 00:17:58,400 Dad, stop it! You can't fight the future, 285 00:17:58,400 --> 00:18:01,360 living blood-free is the only way we'll survive. 286 00:18:01,360 --> 00:18:03,840 HE ROARS 287 00:18:03,840 --> 00:18:05,680 Survive! 288 00:18:05,680 --> 00:18:08,480 I'll show you how we survive. 289 00:18:12,760 --> 00:18:14,000 Dad, no! 290 00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:18,400 Wow! The way you stood up to him then was so impressive. 291 00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:22,240 Impressive! Thanks to me he's going to kill a breather. 292 00:18:22,240 --> 00:18:23,880 I've ruined everything. 293 00:18:25,080 --> 00:18:26,600 SCREECHING 294 00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:28,240 Let's go through the plan. 295 00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:31,000 Now, at 2200 hours you create a diversion. 296 00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:36,080 But, Dad, my instincts tell me the Count's left. We should go in now! 297 00:18:36,080 --> 00:18:37,560 - No, Jonno. - But, Dad... 298 00:18:37,560 --> 00:18:42,760 Don't forget the first rule of slaying, 'always stick to the plan'. 299 00:18:42,760 --> 00:18:45,880 I thought it was 'protect your family'? 300 00:18:47,440 --> 00:18:50,200 Sorry. 301 00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:52,360 Now, we creep round the back... 302 00:18:52,360 --> 00:18:57,680 - Why?! Let's charge in through the front! - No, we lose the surprise! 303 00:18:57,680 --> 00:19:02,400 The first rule of slaying 'never lose the...' 304 00:19:05,960 --> 00:19:07,560 As I was saying, 305 00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:12,440 the second rule of slaying, 'never lose the element of surprise'. 306 00:19:21,280 --> 00:19:23,440 FLAPPING 307 00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:37,200 Good evening, wench. 308 00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:40,960 - ALARM SHRIEKS - Aa-aa-aa-argh! 309 00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:42,520 Creep! 310 00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:44,960 Dad won't stop at one peasant. 311 00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:48,440 Once he gets the taste of blood, he'll go on a rampage. 312 00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:50,600 The butchers, the bakers... 313 00:19:50,600 --> 00:19:53,120 And it's all your fault! 314 00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:56,000 SCREECHING 315 00:19:59,360 --> 00:20:01,480 Aaargh! 316 00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:07,120 Dad, let me...help you. 317 00:20:07,120 --> 00:20:09,960 Well, thank you, Ingrid... 318 00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:12,680 Now go away! 319 00:20:12,680 --> 00:20:14,640 Villages aren't safe any more! 320 00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:19,720 The peasant had a contraption that's played havoc with my bat hearing! 321 00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:21,760 - So you didn't bite... - No! 322 00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:26,120 Welcome to the modern era, it's a dangerous place for vampires. 323 00:20:26,120 --> 00:20:30,320 If it hadn't been a personal alarm, it could have been pepper spray. 324 00:20:30,320 --> 00:20:32,840 Or a stun gun. 325 00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:36,880 It's not just peasants with flaming torches any more. 326 00:20:36,880 --> 00:20:40,320 Living in the past is stressing you out big time. 327 00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:43,360 I mean, you're just over 700... 328 00:20:43,360 --> 00:20:45,080 600! 329 00:20:45,080 --> 00:20:49,520 - Whatever. You look closer to 1,000. - I can still turn a few heads. 330 00:20:49,520 --> 00:20:52,640 I'm not saying you're not good looking, 331 00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:55,640 all us Drac guys have that in common, right? 332 00:20:55,640 --> 00:20:59,680 But you go blood free and those years will just fall away. 333 00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:04,040 Before you girl guides break into 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow', 334 00:21:04,040 --> 00:21:06,560 can I just say one thing? 335 00:21:06,560 --> 00:21:08,960 - Van Helsing. - Van who...sing? 336 00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:13,520 The local slayer. He won't give up, he won't let Dad live a normal life. 337 00:21:13,520 --> 00:21:16,040 Good point, Ingrid. 338 00:21:16,040 --> 00:21:18,840 Uncle Harvey, you can talk to Van Helsing. 339 00:21:18,840 --> 00:21:23,040 Fantastic idea, Vlad. 340 00:21:23,040 --> 00:21:27,160 You think you can do that, little brother? 341 00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:31,840 Sure... 342 00:21:31,840 --> 00:21:36,720 I'll go see the slayer. And if I convince him to hang up his stake, 343 00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:39,760 you go blood-free. Right? 344 00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:45,080 Agreed! 345 00:21:45,080 --> 00:21:47,640 - No! - Yes! 346 00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:56,080 I don't suppose you've got a sandwich in there, have you? 347 00:21:56,080 --> 00:21:57,240 I'm starving. 348 00:21:57,240 --> 00:21:58,960 DEEP VOICE: Me too. 349 00:21:58,960 --> 00:22:00,360 Aa-aa-aah! 350 00:22:08,960 --> 00:22:10,840 LAUGHTER 351 00:22:11,880 --> 00:22:13,280 Hey! 352 00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:15,120 Easy there, little buddy! 353 00:22:15,120 --> 00:22:17,360 Great night for a walk, isn't it? 354 00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:29,480 TYRES SCREECH 355 00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:31,760 That doesn't look good. 356 00:22:31,760 --> 00:22:37,320 Will you really give up centuries of evil to become a peasant hugger?! 357 00:22:37,320 --> 00:22:39,720 - Yes! He is... - Oh, no, he's not! 358 00:22:39,720 --> 00:22:40,800 Huh? 359 00:22:40,800 --> 00:22:44,360 My brother was never able to resist the blood of a slayer, 360 00:22:44,360 --> 00:22:46,320 to send him was inspired, Vlad. 361 00:22:46,320 --> 00:22:49,040 Two minutes with Van Helsing, 362 00:22:49,040 --> 00:22:52,120 and he'll be draining him dry! It's win, win. 363 00:22:52,120 --> 00:22:55,600 I get rid of the slayer and get my blood sucking brother back! 364 00:22:55,600 --> 00:22:57,720 - Neat. - What?! 365 00:22:57,720 --> 00:22:59,440 Dad. You are brilliant. 366 00:22:59,440 --> 00:23:00,760 - Hmmm. - You're wrong! 367 00:23:00,760 --> 00:23:02,720 He won't go back, he's the future. 368 00:23:02,720 --> 00:23:06,240 We've just delivered him into Van Helsing's hands! 369 00:23:06,240 --> 00:23:08,120 Oh, don't worry about Ivan. 370 00:23:08,120 --> 00:23:10,600 He can take care of himself. 371 00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:14,720 Vlad, I just saw your uncle being kidnapped by the Van Helsings. 372 00:23:16,440 --> 00:23:17,760 Happy now? 373 00:23:20,640 --> 00:23:22,200 Come in. Come in. 374 00:23:22,200 --> 00:23:24,680 Here we go. 375 00:23:24,680 --> 00:23:26,160 You're with friends. 376 00:23:26,160 --> 00:23:32,080 Sorry about the 'rough stuff' but you don't hang about at that castle. 377 00:23:32,080 --> 00:23:34,640 Who are you guys? 378 00:23:34,640 --> 00:23:37,400 Van Helsing, this is my son, Jonathan. 379 00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:39,840 Ah, the slayers! 380 00:23:39,840 --> 00:23:41,080 You know about us? 381 00:23:41,080 --> 00:23:43,600 Of course! My brother told me about you. 382 00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:47,200 - Your brother? - Count Dracula, I'm his brother, Harvey. 383 00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:50,160 How you doing? 384 00:23:50,160 --> 00:23:54,600 Oh, come on! Play nice! You invited me in. 385 00:23:54,600 --> 00:23:58,280 If I wanted to bite you, you'd both be dried out corpses by now. 386 00:24:01,800 --> 00:24:03,720 You see. 387 00:24:03,720 --> 00:24:06,400 Now just sit down, de-stress. 388 00:24:06,400 --> 00:24:10,560 I can show you some very effective relaxation techniques. 389 00:24:10,560 --> 00:24:13,040 What sort of vampire are you? 390 00:24:13,040 --> 00:24:16,160 The coolest bat you've ever known! 391 00:24:17,720 --> 00:24:20,080 And then... 392 00:24:20,080 --> 00:24:21,840 I was really tiny... 393 00:24:23,560 --> 00:24:25,080 suit of armour!! 394 00:24:28,240 --> 00:24:29,320 What? 395 00:24:29,320 --> 00:24:33,880 Can we do this later? My uncle is about to get staked. 396 00:24:33,880 --> 00:24:35,480 Touchy. 397 00:24:36,960 --> 00:24:40,200 Look, do you want to put the stake down? 398 00:24:40,200 --> 00:24:42,000 I'd rather not. 399 00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:43,840 So the Count's giving up blood? 400 00:24:43,840 --> 00:24:47,640 Certainly. He wants to start a new, clean, normal life. 401 00:24:47,640 --> 00:24:48,960 He's a changed man. 402 00:24:48,960 --> 00:24:51,040 He's not a man, he's a vampire! 403 00:24:51,040 --> 00:24:54,000 - You say tomato, I say - tomato. 404 00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:58,000 I've made him realise that feeding on the living isn't cool. 405 00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:03,200 This is a win for you guys, he's putting away his fangs! 406 00:25:03,200 --> 00:25:04,480 Why should we believe you? 407 00:25:04,480 --> 00:25:06,640 Dad, my instinct says he's telling the truth. 408 00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:08,480 Really? 409 00:25:08,480 --> 00:25:10,440 Smart kid. 410 00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:15,080 What do you say, end the feud and get on with your lives? 411 00:25:15,080 --> 00:25:19,160 If you wanna move State-side, I can do you a great deal on a condo. 412 00:25:19,160 --> 00:25:21,240 SLAMMING AND BANGING 413 00:25:22,680 --> 00:25:25,520 Ow! 414 00:25:41,560 --> 00:25:43,600 Slayer's blood. 415 00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:45,120 Dad! 416 00:25:45,120 --> 00:25:47,840 Don't look at him, son! 417 00:25:51,040 --> 00:25:52,840 Uncle Harvey, no! 418 00:25:52,840 --> 00:25:56,880 The name is Ivan. 419 00:26:00,880 --> 00:26:02,480 The garlic! 420 00:26:05,640 --> 00:26:08,160 Raa-aargh! 421 00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:15,880 We'll be off then. 422 00:26:17,440 --> 00:26:20,080 Maybe my instinct needs a little work. 423 00:26:21,920 --> 00:26:26,360 I don't believe you! You said living blood-free was our best chance! 424 00:26:26,360 --> 00:26:28,720 There was no blood-free! 425 00:26:28,720 --> 00:26:31,400 It was a deluded dream. Tell him, Ivan. 426 00:26:31,400 --> 00:26:36,640 He's right. This is sensational, I haven't felt this undead in years. 427 00:26:36,640 --> 00:26:41,000 There's only one way for us to live, up to our eyes in blood! 428 00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:43,160 Get used to it! LAUGHTER 429 00:26:43,160 --> 00:26:45,720 Good to have you back! 430 00:26:45,720 --> 00:26:47,000 Daddy... 431 00:26:47,000 --> 00:26:50,320 Go away, brat, the men are talking. 432 00:26:52,480 --> 00:26:55,040 Welcome to my world. 433 00:26:55,040 --> 00:27:00,240 Now go and make MY bed before I dip you in the slime pit! 434 00:27:00,240 --> 00:27:06,200 I haven't forgotten that you helped save that slayer, breather. 435 00:27:06,200 --> 00:27:10,680 Maybe I should snack on you to make up for it... 436 00:27:10,680 --> 00:27:11,720 Leave him alone. 437 00:27:11,720 --> 00:27:14,120 We must celebrate. Renfield! 438 00:27:14,120 --> 00:27:18,480 Renfield, fetch us a case of vintage Hungarian Royalty. 439 00:27:18,480 --> 00:27:22,600 Sounds good! And isn't it Saturday? 440 00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:26,720 Let's find some hellhounds we can throw off the battlements. 441 00:27:33,840 --> 00:27:37,440 Thanks, Vlad. I'm sorry the blood-free thing didn't work out. 442 00:27:37,440 --> 00:27:39,440 That's the least of my worries. 443 00:27:39,440 --> 00:27:43,600 With Ivan and Dad back together things will get seriously scary. 444 00:27:43,600 --> 00:27:44,720 - THUD! - Oh-ah! 445 00:27:44,720 --> 00:27:48,920 It's just like old times. 446 00:27:51,080 --> 00:27:52,640 See what I mean? 447 00:28:00,280 --> 00:28:03,320 Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd 448 00:28:03,320 --> 00:28:06,360 Email subtitling@bbc.co.uk 449 00:28:06,410 --> 00:28:10,960 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 32364

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