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1
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I'm going to break you
2
00:00:01,911 --> 00:00:03,668
and watch you hunt each
other to the death.
3
00:00:03,693 --> 00:00:05,093
- [ELECTRICITY CRACKLES]
- Aah!
4
00:00:05,118 --> 00:00:07,694
Errol's bracelets can
deliver up to 1,000 volts
5
00:00:07,718 --> 00:00:10,134
of just the touch of a single button.
6
00:00:10,159 --> 00:00:12,291
- [ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]
- [ALL SCREAMING]
7
00:00:12,316 --> 00:00:13,725
Must be a short circuit.
8
00:00:13,750 --> 00:00:15,450
Jess!
9
00:00:16,929 --> 00:00:19,596
[OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS]
10
00:00:19,996 --> 00:00:21,423
?
11
00:00:22,447 --> 00:00:23,868
- Ahh!
- [LAUGHS]
12
00:00:23,893 --> 00:00:26,094
? We comin' to paint the town ?
13
00:00:26,119 --> 00:00:27,860
- [GIRLS SQUEALING, LAUGHTER]
- What up, hookers?
14
00:00:27,885 --> 00:00:29,397
This is my sister Caitlin L.,
15
00:00:29,422 --> 00:00:31,694
and this is my sister
Caitlynn with two N's.
16
00:00:31,719 --> 00:00:35,172
If you're here, it's because we
think you've got what it takes
17
00:00:35,197 --> 00:00:38,772
- to roll with Phi Gamma Phi.
- [GIRLS SQUEALING]
18
00:00:38,797 --> 00:00:41,417
But we've got one more test for you
19
00:00:41,442 --> 00:00:43,473
before you're officially in.
20
00:00:43,794 --> 00:00:46,173
Hope you bitches are ready
to ride the lightning.
21
00:00:46,198 --> 00:00:48,736
- [ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]
- Who's up first?
22
00:00:48,761 --> 00:00:50,994
- [EXHALES SHARPLY]
- Oh, my God, Alison.
23
00:00:51,018 --> 00:00:53,356
I can't believe we got into Gamma Phi.
24
00:00:53,381 --> 00:00:55,640
This is literally the
best day of my life.
25
00:00:55,665 --> 00:00:56,435
[LIQUID SWISHES]
26
00:00:56,460 --> 00:00:58,759
I mean, it's, like, I can just
see the next four years...
27
00:00:58,784 --> 00:00:59,869
- [ELECTRICITY CRACKLES]
- Gamma Phi,
28
00:00:59,894 --> 00:01:01,089
Captain of the color guard team,
29
00:01:01,114 --> 00:01:03,681
graduation, and then,
L.A., here I come.
30
00:01:03,705 --> 00:01:05,097
Oh, my God. Do you think you'll meet
31
00:01:05,122 --> 00:01:06,264
- Nicole Richie?
- [ELECTRICITY CRACKLES] GIRL: Ow!
32
00:01:06,289 --> 00:01:09,663
Probably. I mean, I
will be a publicist.
33
00:01:09,688 --> 00:01:10,972
- But the most important thing...
- [ELECTRICITY CRACKLES]
34
00:01:10,997 --> 00:01:12,563
is getting out of Arizona.
35
00:01:12,588 --> 00:01:14,693
And it looks so good having
Gamma Phi on your r�sum�.
36
00:01:14,718 --> 00:01:15,146
Mm-hmm.
37
00:01:15,171 --> 00:01:17,401
It's like the most prestigious
sorority in the whole country.
38
00:01:17,426 --> 00:01:20,386
- You're up, donkey slut.
- ? We gon' own the night ?
39
00:01:20,411 --> 00:01:23,957
Phi Gamma Phi sister till I die!
40
00:01:23,982 --> 00:01:26,089
? We gon' own the night ?
41
00:01:26,114 --> 00:01:28,838
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLES]
42
00:01:28,863 --> 00:01:32,508
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
43
00:01:32,533 --> 00:01:33,732
[GROANS]
44
00:01:33,757 --> 00:01:34,924
[BODY THUDS]
45
00:01:34,949 --> 00:01:38,011
- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy -
- www.addic7ed.com -
46
00:01:38,036 --> 00:01:40,074
TODD: Babe? Time to wake up.
47
00:01:40,099 --> 00:01:42,068
Hey, buddy, I think you've
slapped her enough.
48
00:01:42,093 --> 00:01:43,899
What if you just let her rest for a bit
49
00:01:43,924 --> 00:01:45,496
and maybe she'll wake up on her own?
50
00:01:45,521 --> 00:01:47,187
Oh, I'm sorry, Owen.
51
00:01:47,212 --> 00:01:49,170
- Are you a doctor?
- Okay.
52
00:01:49,195 --> 00:01:51,395
Are you a doctor?
53
00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:54,112
How about you three numbnuts?
54
00:01:54,137 --> 00:01:55,672
Did you go to med school together?
55
00:01:55,697 --> 00:01:57,370
Todd, you know none of us are doctors.
56
00:01:57,395 --> 00:01:58,758
You're damn right I do!
57
00:01:58,783 --> 00:02:01,384
So shut your non-doctor yaps
58
00:02:01,409 --> 00:02:04,311
and let me slap my wife awake!
59
00:02:04,336 --> 00:02:07,819
Good morning, my little caged beasties.
60
00:02:07,844 --> 00:02:09,377
You son of a bitch.
61
00:02:09,402 --> 00:02:11,885
You're lucky my arms are too
jacked to fit through this cage,
62
00:02:11,910 --> 00:02:13,923
or I'd be choking you out right now!
63
00:02:13,948 --> 00:02:16,349
Oh, yes. Your wife.
64
00:02:16,374 --> 00:02:18,969
Has she recovered from
her little shock?
65
00:02:18,994 --> 00:02:20,604
Well, for your information, she's...
66
00:02:20,629 --> 00:02:22,609
Pbht! Kidding.
67
00:02:22,634 --> 00:02:25,571
I really don't give a goose's
queef about you or your wife.
68
00:02:25,596 --> 00:02:27,548
I'm here because I wish to
speak with your leader.
69
00:02:28,208 --> 00:02:31,714
All right. Don't worry, guys.
He's not gonna break me.
70
00:02:31,739 --> 00:02:33,338
I'm just glad I'm the one
that's gonna have to...
71
00:02:33,363 --> 00:02:35,488
Oh, God, no, not you.
72
00:02:36,184 --> 00:02:38,363
I wish to speak with your leader.
73
00:02:38,388 --> 00:02:39,797
[OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS]
74
00:02:39,822 --> 00:02:42,054
Him, with the mustache.
75
00:02:42,079 --> 00:02:43,987
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
76
00:02:44,012 --> 00:02:45,812
Steve?!
77
00:02:46,031 --> 00:02:47,927
You think that Steve is the leader?
78
00:02:48,108 --> 00:02:49,908
And why is that so hard to believe?
79
00:02:49,933 --> 00:02:51,029
I don't know.
80
00:02:51,054 --> 00:02:53,144
'Cause you got your
pants on backwards?!
81
00:02:53,169 --> 00:02:55,687
What? Oh, no, not again.
82
00:02:55,712 --> 00:02:58,597
Okay. Well done. One to you.
83
00:02:58,622 --> 00:03:01,289
But to be fair, they look the
same no matter how you...
84
00:03:01,314 --> 00:03:02,956
Oh, no, yours are gray on the...
85
00:03:02,981 --> 00:03:04,466
All right, well...
86
00:03:04,491 --> 00:03:06,370
- Oh! My God!
- Oh, my God!
87
00:03:06,395 --> 00:03:08,305
- Jesus, man.
- You see, Owen,
88
00:03:08,330 --> 00:03:09,735
one quality of a great leader
89
00:03:09,760 --> 00:03:12,448
is being able to admit
when one makes a mistake.
90
00:03:12,473 --> 00:03:14,915
- [PANTS ZIP]
- How can I help you, Declan...
91
00:03:15,089 --> 00:03:18,149
other than kill you for
murdering my best friend?!
92
00:03:18,174 --> 00:03:19,899
There it is.
93
00:03:19,924 --> 00:03:22,269
That's why I want to speak with you.
94
00:03:23,262 --> 00:03:24,828
Take him upstairs.
95
00:03:25,522 --> 00:03:28,473
Well, don't worry about me, gang.
Worry about him.
96
00:03:28,498 --> 00:03:30,133
Or what's left of him
after I've done "unh"!
97
00:03:30,158 --> 00:03:32,246
Aah! That's actually hurting my arm!
98
00:03:32,271 --> 00:03:33,970
That's a little tight
on the side there!
99
00:03:34,173 --> 00:03:35,864
What the hell am I supposed to do now,
100
00:03:35,889 --> 00:03:39,983
just sit back and watch
my wife be all... floppy?
101
00:03:40,008 --> 00:03:42,242
I mean... look at her.
102
00:03:42,267 --> 00:03:44,612
Yeah, it's too bad we don't
have any smelling salts.
103
00:03:44,637 --> 00:03:46,603
?
104
00:03:46,628 --> 00:03:48,916
We might not have smelling salts,
105
00:03:48,941 --> 00:03:50,889
but we've got one better...
106
00:03:51,701 --> 00:03:53,201
Toots!
107
00:03:53,226 --> 00:03:56,593
I wake Jess up like every
night by beefing in bed.
108
00:03:56,618 --> 00:04:00,386
Are you saying that you're
gonna wake her up with a fart?
109
00:04:00,411 --> 00:04:01,711
That's exactly what I'm saying,
110
00:04:01,736 --> 00:04:03,363
unless one of you doctors disapproves.
111
00:04:03,388 --> 00:04:05,795
Hmm? You? Tall doctor? Blondie?
112
00:04:05,820 --> 00:04:07,013
Dr. Quinn?
113
00:04:07,038 --> 00:04:09,244
Scraggle hair? Beard? No? No?
114
00:04:09,269 --> 00:04:10,835
Great!
115
00:04:12,446 --> 00:04:14,639
Then let's fart my wife awake.
116
00:04:14,664 --> 00:04:17,785
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
117
00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:20,527
DECLAN: Normally, this
is the part of the story
118
00:04:20,552 --> 00:04:23,186
where the villain removes
the hero's restraints
119
00:04:23,211 --> 00:04:25,315
to show that he's not afraid of him.
120
00:04:25,340 --> 00:04:27,120
I'd like to see you try.
121
00:04:27,145 --> 00:04:28,709
- [ELECTRICITY CRACKLES]
- Aah!
122
00:04:28,734 --> 00:04:29,725
[BODY THUDS]
123
00:04:29,750 --> 00:04:30,916
[GROANS]
124
00:04:30,941 --> 00:04:35,076
But that's the thing... Steve.
125
00:04:35,601 --> 00:04:38,769
I am afraid of you...
126
00:04:38,794 --> 00:04:40,678
because you're the only person here
127
00:04:40,703 --> 00:04:44,329
that I think could actually kill me.
128
00:04:44,354 --> 00:04:47,804
And, frankly, I'm intrigued.
129
00:04:47,829 --> 00:04:50,425
Well, let's see just how
intrigued you are now.
130
00:04:50,450 --> 00:04:52,764
- [ELECTRICITY CRACKLES]
- Aah!
131
00:04:52,917 --> 00:04:55,484
You get how this works, right?
132
00:04:55,733 --> 00:04:57,923
I mean, I'm just gonna
keep shocking you
133
00:04:57,948 --> 00:04:59,039
every time you do that.
134
00:04:59,064 --> 00:05:00,162
I mean, you're... you're
just illustrating
135
00:05:00,202 --> 00:05:01,932
why I didn't take the bracelet
off you in the first place.
136
00:05:01,957 --> 00:05:03,699
Illustrate this, you rich bastard.
137
00:05:03,724 --> 00:05:05,450
- [ELECTRICITY CRACKLES]
- Aah!
138
00:05:06,180 --> 00:05:08,362
- [GROANS]
- Are we good?
139
00:05:08,387 --> 00:05:10,837
Okay. I get how it works.
140
00:05:11,443 --> 00:05:14,021
I have a proposal for you, Steve.
141
00:05:14,381 --> 00:05:18,703
But first how about we play a
little gentleman's game...
142
00:05:19,229 --> 00:05:20,852
of chess?
143
00:05:20,877 --> 00:05:22,747
?
144
00:05:23,607 --> 00:05:25,859
Everybody, zip it! I'm almost ready.
145
00:05:25,884 --> 00:05:28,739
All right, we got to make
it like we usually sleep.
146
00:05:28,764 --> 00:05:30,864
Danny, put her arm around me.
147
00:05:31,875 --> 00:05:34,409
Put the blanket over us.
Come on. Hurry.
148
00:05:36,168 --> 00:05:38,292
All right, shut up! Everybody, shut up!
149
00:05:39,625 --> 00:05:42,494
[GRUNTING]
150
00:05:42,519 --> 00:05:46,977
?
151
00:05:47,289 --> 00:05:49,696
- [FARTS]
- [EXHALES SLOWLY]
152
00:05:49,721 --> 00:05:51,235
- Ohh!
- [GAGS]
153
00:05:51,260 --> 00:05:53,855
- Come back to me.
- [WHIMPERS]
154
00:05:53,880 --> 00:05:57,385
Come on, babe. Come on, baby.
155
00:05:57,410 --> 00:06:00,740
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
156
00:06:00,765 --> 00:06:04,376
[GASPING]
157
00:06:04,401 --> 00:06:05,715
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]
158
00:06:05,740 --> 00:06:06,915
OWEN: Oh, my God!
159
00:06:06,940 --> 00:06:08,541
Hell, yeah, babe!
160
00:06:08,566 --> 00:06:10,599
- Come on!
- [WHIMPERS]
161
00:06:11,281 --> 00:06:13,164
Where... Where am I?
162
00:06:13,189 --> 00:06:14,958
Where are the Caitlins?
163
00:06:14,983 --> 00:06:16,676
Why does it smell like corned beef?
164
00:06:16,701 --> 00:06:17,805
Babe, calm down...
165
00:06:17,830 --> 00:06:19,078
Hey, back away from me!
166
00:06:19,103 --> 00:06:20,908
Relax. It's us... your friends.
167
00:06:20,933 --> 00:06:22,371
My friends?
168
00:06:22,396 --> 00:06:24,381
My friends are Alison,
Tiffany, Tall Tiffany,
169
00:06:24,406 --> 00:06:26,775
and sometimes Kylie, when
she's not being a bitch.
170
00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:29,120
I've never seen any of
you freaks in my life!
171
00:06:30,165 --> 00:06:32,702
Oh, my God.
172
00:06:33,353 --> 00:06:36,150
Her brains are scrambled!
173
00:06:38,657 --> 00:06:40,023
Allie?
174
00:06:40,231 --> 00:06:42,432
Tiff? Tall Tiff?
175
00:06:42,457 --> 00:06:43,757
Where are you?
176
00:06:44,254 --> 00:06:45,920
Seriously, this isn't funny.
177
00:06:45,945 --> 00:06:49,385
Hey, hon, why don't you tell us
the last thing you remember?
178
00:06:49,410 --> 00:06:52,460
Uh, duh. I was standing in
the grand hall of Gamma Phi,
179
00:06:52,485 --> 00:06:55,329
I did a lightning shot,
and then I woke up here.
180
00:06:55,584 --> 00:06:57,084
Is this off-campus?
181
00:06:57,109 --> 00:06:59,374
Now, could someone please
let me out of here?
182
00:06:59,399 --> 00:07:01,523
I have to get ready for the
Cowboys and Indians party.
183
00:07:02,190 --> 00:07:05,691
That's the night we first met.
184
00:07:06,212 --> 00:07:07,879
Oh, God bless.
185
00:07:08,001 --> 00:07:10,047
She thinks she's in college.
186
00:07:10,072 --> 00:07:11,565
That's why she doesn't remember me.
187
00:07:11,590 --> 00:07:13,445
She's gone completely...
188
00:07:15,006 --> 00:07:16,917
pre-Todd.
189
00:07:17,053 --> 00:07:18,720
Let me handle this.
190
00:07:18,745 --> 00:07:20,750
[WHIMPERS]
191
00:07:20,816 --> 00:07:24,709
Jess, buck up 'cause
here's the hard truth.
192
00:07:24,846 --> 00:07:26,676
You were in a plane crash.
193
00:07:26,701 --> 00:07:28,489
We landed on a deserted island
194
00:07:28,514 --> 00:07:31,848
where we were captured by
sexually frustrated pirates.
195
00:07:31,873 --> 00:07:33,860
We stole their cruise
ship, but it sank,
196
00:07:33,885 --> 00:07:36,998
and now we're being held captive
by a deranged billionaire
197
00:07:37,023 --> 00:07:38,676
who wants us to hunt each other
198
00:07:38,701 --> 00:07:40,701
so he can watch and
presumably masturbate.
199
00:07:40,725 --> 00:07:43,185
Wait. Karen, no. Karen, come
You're upsetting her.
200
00:07:43,211 --> 00:07:44,006
- Get...
- Okay.
201
00:07:44,031 --> 00:07:45,397
[WHIMPERS]
202
00:07:45,664 --> 00:07:47,386
- Hi.
- Hi.
203
00:07:47,411 --> 00:07:49,091
- I'm Owen.
- Hi, Owen.
204
00:07:49,116 --> 00:07:50,703
I'm kinda the leader of the group.
205
00:07:50,958 --> 00:07:53,707
Here's the deal. You're not 19.
206
00:07:53,732 --> 00:07:56,245
You are actually...
207
00:07:56,270 --> 00:07:57,902
30.
208
00:07:58,554 --> 00:08:01,848
[LAUGHS]
209
00:08:01,873 --> 00:08:06,427
Okay, I see what this is
part of the initiation.
210
00:08:06,452 --> 00:08:09,170
Hey, Caitlin L., come out
now, you stupid bitch!
211
00:08:09,195 --> 00:08:10,953
Get me away from these weird townies!
212
00:08:10,978 --> 00:08:12,334
[LAUGHS]
213
00:08:12,359 --> 00:08:16,362
Jess, it's true. See for yourself.
214
00:08:17,267 --> 00:08:18,840
I'm sorry.
215
00:08:18,865 --> 00:08:21,439
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
216
00:08:21,464 --> 00:08:23,243
?
217
00:08:23,268 --> 00:08:24,713
Aah!
218
00:08:25,280 --> 00:08:26,915
I'm so old!
219
00:08:27,716 --> 00:08:29,654
Ah, chess.
220
00:08:29,679 --> 00:08:32,882
It truly is a magnificent
game, isn't it?
221
00:08:33,151 --> 00:08:35,365
A thousand strategies
of attack and defense,
222
00:08:35,390 --> 00:08:37,549
all with the same simple goal...
223
00:08:37,574 --> 00:08:40,070
- To kill the king.
- [CHESS PIECE THUDS]
224
00:08:42,097 --> 00:08:44,946
I'm sure you can relate to
that, can't you, Steve?
225
00:08:45,370 --> 00:08:47,171
But the thing with chess
226
00:08:47,196 --> 00:08:50,137
is you always have to think
five steps ahead to ca...
227
00:08:50,161 --> 00:08:51,756
What does the horsey man do again?
228
00:08:51,781 --> 00:08:52,624
What?
229
00:08:52,650 --> 00:08:55,785
He's faster than the others, but
I can't remember whether...
230
00:08:55,810 --> 00:08:57,889
Does he move forwards and
backwards whenever he likes?
231
00:08:57,914 --> 00:08:59,208
No, that's the rook.
232
00:08:59,233 --> 00:09:00,551
Oh, you mean the castle.
233
00:09:00,576 --> 00:09:03,345
Yeah, no, they don't move.
They're made of brick.
234
00:09:03,739 --> 00:09:05,572
Do you not know how to play chess?
235
00:09:05,597 --> 00:09:07,254
Of course I know how to play chest.
236
00:09:07,279 --> 00:09:10,380
It's not "chest." It's
"chess," with an "s."
237
00:09:10,518 --> 00:09:12,441
I'm pretty sure it's "chest."
238
00:09:12,466 --> 00:09:14,039
Why would it be called "chest"?
239
00:09:14,064 --> 00:09:16,698
Because you get a chest
of treasure when you win!
240
00:09:16,812 --> 00:09:18,063
- What?!
- I'm sick of...
241
00:09:18,088 --> 00:09:20,622
Let's stop mucking around!
I'm making my move.
242
00:09:20,851 --> 00:09:24,824
I pick up and levitate
my priest character.
243
00:09:24,849 --> 00:09:29,562
He then swims through all the
prawns into your castle.
244
00:09:29,587 --> 00:09:31,193
Now, he's an undercover priest,
245
00:09:31,218 --> 00:09:33,952
so he seduces your queen in
the middle of the night,
246
00:09:33,977 --> 00:09:35,294
after a dinner.
247
00:09:35,319 --> 00:09:36,627
Okay.
248
00:09:36,652 --> 00:09:39,086
- [CHESS PIECE THUDS]
- King me.
249
00:09:40,566 --> 00:09:42,673
Why don't we do a little refresher?
250
00:09:42,698 --> 00:09:45,180
- [OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS]
- And then we can get back
251
00:09:45,205 --> 00:09:47,330
to our game of chest.
252
00:09:47,355 --> 00:09:48,653
Chess!
253
00:09:48,678 --> 00:09:49,877
Chess!
254
00:09:49,902 --> 00:09:53,111
So, you're telling me
that I live in a condo...
255
00:09:53,136 --> 00:09:55,085
in Scottsdale...
256
00:09:55,110 --> 00:09:56,311
with him?
257
00:09:56,911 --> 00:09:59,474
Hell, yeah, you do. 'Sup?
258
00:09:59,499 --> 00:10:00,765
What about L.A.?
259
00:10:00,790 --> 00:10:02,591
Do I at least do P.R. in Scottsdale?
260
00:10:02,616 --> 00:10:03,815
Kinda.
261
00:10:03,840 --> 00:10:05,339
You were a Red Bull girl
262
00:10:05,364 --> 00:10:07,909
till I drove your car into a Dumpster.
263
00:10:07,934 --> 00:10:09,641
I blew that big old can
264
00:10:09,666 --> 00:10:11,990
right off the top. [CHUCKLES]
265
00:10:12,526 --> 00:10:16,003
So, I basically graduated
college, and I did nothing?
266
00:10:16,028 --> 00:10:17,752
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
267
00:10:17,777 --> 00:10:19,107
You didn't graduate.
268
00:10:19,132 --> 00:10:21,170
You dropped out and moved
to the 'Dale with me.
269
00:10:21,195 --> 00:10:22,483
- What?!
- Yeah.
270
00:10:22,508 --> 00:10:26,093
I got that sick job offer from
my dad's real-estate company,
271
00:10:26,118 --> 00:10:27,363
and you don't have to work,
272
00:10:27,388 --> 00:10:32,351
so you basically sit around
all day doing nothing.
273
00:10:32,376 --> 00:10:34,075
Oh, my God.
274
00:10:34,100 --> 00:10:35,684
I need to be alone.
275
00:10:35,709 --> 00:10:37,416
No. Wait. Jess!
276
00:10:37,441 --> 00:10:40,034
Oh, my God. She has lost it!
277
00:10:40,059 --> 00:10:42,126
She can't even remember
her kick-ass life!
278
00:10:42,603 --> 00:10:44,418
I just want the old Jess back.
279
00:10:45,014 --> 00:10:46,880
[SIGHS]
280
00:10:46,905 --> 00:10:48,161
[CHUCKLES]
281
00:10:48,186 --> 00:10:50,647
Oh, my God. I can't believe
I didn't see this.
282
00:10:50,671 --> 00:10:53,069
You have to "Notebook" her.
283
00:10:53,095 --> 00:10:54,353
?
284
00:10:54,378 --> 00:10:56,494
What, like... slap her with one?
285
00:10:56,519 --> 00:10:58,411
- Oh, no.
- What? No. What?
286
00:10:58,436 --> 00:11:00,328
- No!
- The movie.
287
00:11:00,353 --> 00:11:02,797
When old Rachel McAdams
loses her memory
288
00:11:02,822 --> 00:11:05,237
and so then old Ryan Gosling
tells her the story
289
00:11:05,262 --> 00:11:07,329
of how they fell in
love to get it back.
290
00:11:07,631 --> 00:11:09,509
Maybe if you tell her
a story like that,
291
00:11:09,534 --> 00:11:10,897
she'll get her memory back.
292
00:11:10,922 --> 00:11:14,348
That could work. All college
girls love them some "Notebook."
293
00:11:14,727 --> 00:11:16,178
So, think, man.
294
00:11:16,203 --> 00:11:20,238
What's, like, the most
romantic memory you got?
295
00:11:20,764 --> 00:11:22,263
Easy.
296
00:11:22,288 --> 00:11:24,527
My buddy Tug Nut's bachelor party.
297
00:11:24,552 --> 00:11:26,239
He had a Slip 'N Slide on the roof,
298
00:11:26,264 --> 00:11:27,934
landed in a baby pool
299
00:11:27,959 --> 00:11:30,105
full of some naughty
little Jell-O shots.
300
00:11:30,130 --> 00:11:31,146
- What?!
- Yeah.
301
00:11:31,171 --> 00:11:32,708
Was Jess even there?
302
00:11:32,733 --> 00:11:34,044
Well, you didn't say
she had to be there.
303
00:11:34,069 --> 00:11:35,660
- Unh!
- Oh, wow!
304
00:11:35,685 --> 00:11:37,352
Ugh! Of course she has
to be there, Todd!
305
00:11:37,377 --> 00:11:38,319
What do you want?
306
00:11:38,344 --> 00:11:39,473
You want to know about the first time
307
00:11:39,498 --> 00:11:40,984
that I knew that I loved her?
308
00:11:41,009 --> 00:11:41,825
- Yes!
- Yes!
309
00:11:41,850 --> 00:11:43,147
That's literally what we're saying!
310
00:11:43,172 --> 00:11:44,586
- Yes!
- Okay!
311
00:11:44,611 --> 00:11:46,902
Stop shitting yourselves! Okay!
312
00:11:46,927 --> 00:11:49,205
- I'll tell you!
- [SOFT MUSIC PLAYS]
313
00:11:49,230 --> 00:11:53,262
It was the first time that I
took her to a golf course.
314
00:11:53,287 --> 00:11:54,920
It was a Sunday.
315
00:11:55,819 --> 00:11:58,707
She looked so beautiful
in that morning light.
316
00:11:58,732 --> 00:12:00,398
Wait.
317
00:12:00,423 --> 00:12:02,915
Don't tell me.
318
00:12:03,341 --> 00:12:05,305
Tell her.
319
00:12:05,705 --> 00:12:07,996
I told you I don't know a "Bennifer."
320
00:12:08,021 --> 00:12:09,903
Well, is Britney still with K-Fed?
321
00:12:10,360 --> 00:12:11,926
'Sup, Jess?
322
00:12:11,951 --> 00:12:13,979
I was wondering if I
could tell you a story,
323
00:12:14,004 --> 00:12:16,413
the story...
324
00:12:17,156 --> 00:12:18,588
of us.
325
00:12:18,613 --> 00:12:22,472
Uh, are you trying to
"Notebook" me right now?
326
00:12:22,497 --> 00:12:24,503
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
327
00:12:24,528 --> 00:12:26,811
Because I love that movie!
328
00:12:26,844 --> 00:12:28,178
- [ALL EXHALE HEAVILY]
- Told you.
329
00:12:28,203 --> 00:12:29,503
Sick.
330
00:12:29,639 --> 00:12:31,277
It was the summer of 2006...
331
00:12:31,302 --> 00:12:31,976
[SEAL'S "KISS FROM A ROSE" PLAYS]
332
00:12:32,001 --> 00:12:34,075
two weeks before we
moved to Scottsdale.
333
00:12:34,462 --> 00:12:37,482
I'd never taken a girl with
me to the golf course before.
334
00:12:37,507 --> 00:12:40,246
? There used to be a greying
tower alone on the sea ?
335
00:12:40,271 --> 00:12:41,617
TODD: Babe.
336
00:12:41,919 --> 00:12:43,662
Babe!
337
00:12:43,872 --> 00:12:45,402
? And you... ?
338
00:12:45,427 --> 00:12:47,682
- Sorry.
- I said club me.
339
00:12:47,707 --> 00:12:49,260
Just listening to our song.
340
00:12:49,285 --> 00:12:51,178
One... that's not our song.
341
00:12:51,203 --> 00:12:53,622
Our song is "Blurry" by Puddle Of Mudd.
342
00:12:53,647 --> 00:12:57,187
Two... if you want to hang
out with me on the links,
343
00:12:57,212 --> 00:12:59,959
you have to pay attention
to the... Wait.
344
00:12:59,984 --> 00:13:04,614
A muscle-back wedge with
the grooved clubface?
345
00:13:04,639 --> 00:13:06,473
That's...
346
00:13:09,522 --> 00:13:11,785
the perfect club for this shot.
347
00:13:11,810 --> 00:13:13,412
Well, yeah, you're gonna
want to get some spin
348
00:13:13,437 --> 00:13:15,103
if you want to get
over the lake, right?
349
00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:17,865
It's not like I'm gonna hand you
a cavity-back like some idiot.
350
00:13:18,993 --> 00:13:24,819
Babe, you find a new way to
amazing me every single day.
351
00:13:24,844 --> 00:13:26,582
[SOFT MUSIC PLAYS]
352
00:13:26,607 --> 00:13:29,497
Oh, that is so cute!
353
00:13:29,522 --> 00:13:33,225
Flo, shut up. I haven't even
gotten to the good part.
354
00:13:34,879 --> 00:13:37,055
Now watch me crush this shot.
355
00:13:37,080 --> 00:13:38,787
[CHUCKLES]
356
00:13:39,436 --> 00:13:41,030
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
357
00:13:41,055 --> 00:13:43,392
?
358
00:13:43,417 --> 00:13:45,209
- I love you.
- [GRUNTS]
359
00:13:45,234 --> 00:13:47,598
- Oh! God damn it!
- [WATER SPLASHES]
360
00:13:47,623 --> 00:13:48,934
What are you doing?!
361
00:13:48,959 --> 00:13:50,859
I told you not to talk
while I'm swinging it!
362
00:13:50,884 --> 00:13:53,215
I literally just told
you I loved you, Todd.
363
00:13:53,240 --> 00:13:55,093
Well, maybe you could
have waited until...
364
00:13:55,118 --> 00:13:57,087
Oh, I don't know... after the shot!
365
00:13:57,112 --> 00:13:59,516
- After the shot?! Are you kidding me?!
- I was having an incredible game!
366
00:13:59,541 --> 00:14:01,343
Oh, my God!
367
00:14:02,564 --> 00:14:03,942
Oh, no.
368
00:14:04,548 --> 00:14:06,573
You just think you can
do whatever you want.
369
00:14:06,598 --> 00:14:08,811
What I want is for you
to hand me a dang club.
370
00:14:08,836 --> 00:14:10,035
- Oh, one of these clubs?
- Yes.
371
00:14:10,060 --> 00:14:12,431
Huh? Yeah. How about this one, huh?
372
00:14:12,456 --> 00:14:14,156
You're going the wrong way.
373
00:14:14,181 --> 00:14:15,857
Say goodbye to your iron, bitch!
374
00:14:15,882 --> 00:14:17,256
- What are you doing?!
- Aah!
375
00:14:17,281 --> 00:14:18,307
No!
376
00:14:18,332 --> 00:14:19,631
[LAUGHS]
377
00:14:19,656 --> 00:14:21,022
No! Wait. Hey!
378
00:14:21,047 --> 00:14:22,621
I bought these for you, you asshole!
379
00:14:22,646 --> 00:14:24,960
- God damn it!
- Unh! Get off me!
380
00:14:24,985 --> 00:14:26,023
Aah!
381
00:14:26,048 --> 00:14:27,781
- [BOTH SHOUT INDISTINCTLY]
- Sir, sir...
382
00:14:27,806 --> 00:14:29,032
- What?!
- Maybe you should just calm down.
383
00:14:29,057 --> 00:14:30,223
What are you doing?
384
00:14:30,248 --> 00:14:32,127
Step off, you old [BLEEP]
Don't touch him.
385
00:14:32,152 --> 00:14:33,206
I-I thought he was bothering you.
386
00:14:33,231 --> 00:14:35,497
You're bothering me. Scram,
you old sack of potatoes,
387
00:14:35,522 --> 00:14:37,328
you nasty, wrinkly old...
388
00:14:37,353 --> 00:14:43,919
? Baby, I compare you to a
kiss from a rose on the... ?
389
00:14:44,290 --> 00:14:45,826
That was when you knew you loved me?
390
00:14:45,851 --> 00:14:49,099
Hell, yeah. When you swept
that old fart's legs,
391
00:14:49,124 --> 00:14:50,592
I knew you were the one.
392
00:14:50,617 --> 00:14:53,774
Oh, my God. You literally
turned me into a monster.
393
00:14:53,799 --> 00:14:55,211
Oh, yeah?
394
00:14:55,418 --> 00:14:56,925
Well, you married me.
395
00:14:56,950 --> 00:14:59,784
We're married?
396
00:14:59,809 --> 00:15:01,593
- [GASPS]
- Yeah. A couple days ago,
397
00:15:01,618 --> 00:15:03,818
on a Red Hot Chili
Peppers cruise ship...
398
00:15:03,843 --> 00:15:05,217
My dream wedding.
399
00:15:05,242 --> 00:15:08,199
You. You ruined my life.
400
00:15:08,224 --> 00:15:11,092
I never want to see you
again, so just go!
401
00:15:11,117 --> 00:15:12,936
- Get out of here!
- Get out of where?
402
00:15:12,961 --> 00:15:14,214
We're locked in a cage!
403
00:15:14,254 --> 00:15:15,992
Then go hide in that toilet, you turd!
404
00:15:16,017 --> 00:15:17,862
The only turd here, it's you!
405
00:15:17,887 --> 00:15:20,476
[BOTH SCREAM]
406
00:15:26,718 --> 00:15:29,655
[SOFT MUSIC PLAYS]
407
00:15:30,387 --> 00:15:32,595
[SIGHS]
408
00:15:33,480 --> 00:15:35,676
Sorry you're going through this.
409
00:15:35,849 --> 00:15:37,582
It's a lot to take in.
410
00:15:37,607 --> 00:15:39,240
Shhyeah.
411
00:15:39,265 --> 00:15:42,054
I just had this dream of how
my life would turn out.
412
00:15:42,079 --> 00:15:44,232
I'd be a successful publicist.
413
00:15:44,257 --> 00:15:46,309
I'd be married to Mark
Hoppus from blink-182
414
00:15:46,334 --> 00:15:48,952
and have two kids named
Buffy and Angel.
415
00:15:49,417 --> 00:15:51,810
None of it turned out the
way I thought it would.
416
00:15:52,358 --> 00:15:54,488
I had dreams, too.
417
00:15:55,201 --> 00:15:56,715
I figured this would be the year
418
00:15:56,740 --> 00:15:59,715
I'd make Variety's Top
35 Agents Under 35
419
00:15:59,740 --> 00:16:01,859
Without a Sexual Harassment Lawsuit.
420
00:16:02,561 --> 00:16:04,027
[SIGHS]
421
00:16:04,719 --> 00:16:06,240
What's Variety?
422
00:16:06,265 --> 00:16:09,467
It's just, like, the most important
show-biz magazine in Hollywood.
423
00:16:10,037 --> 00:16:12,103
Everyone who's anyone reads it.
424
00:16:12,128 --> 00:16:13,968
It's, like, really big in L.A.
425
00:16:13,993 --> 00:16:15,469
[GASPS]
426
00:16:15,494 --> 00:16:16,891
You live in L.A.?
427
00:16:17,311 --> 00:16:20,579
Hey, Danny, quick question
about "The Notebook."
428
00:16:20,604 --> 00:16:23,437
Does Ryan Gosling end
up killing himself
429
00:16:23,462 --> 00:16:26,317
because he's lost everything?!
430
00:16:26,342 --> 00:16:28,360
I don't know how you got her
in the first place, man.
431
00:16:28,385 --> 00:16:29,533
That story was awful.
432
00:16:29,558 --> 00:16:32,020
Not for me. It friggin' ruled.
433
00:16:32,045 --> 00:16:34,445
Exactly. It ruled for you.
434
00:16:34,470 --> 00:16:35,834
All of your stories are about you.
435
00:16:35,859 --> 00:16:37,775
Your entire relationship is about you.
436
00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:39,973
[SCOFFS] So, what?
437
00:16:39,998 --> 00:16:41,719
You're saying I should...
438
00:16:44,909 --> 00:16:48,240
Do something nice for her, you moron!
439
00:16:48,265 --> 00:16:50,665
How am I getting this before you?
440
00:16:53,009 --> 00:16:56,060
I know one stupid-ass thing
she'll friggin' love.
441
00:16:56,114 --> 00:16:58,415
But I'm gonna need your help.
442
00:16:58,440 --> 00:16:59,937
- Jumba...
- Hmm?
443
00:16:59,962 --> 00:17:01,446
Can you sing baritone?
444
00:17:01,471 --> 00:17:02,942
I don't know.
445
00:17:03,568 --> 00:17:07,359
[DEEPLY]
? Can I? ?
446
00:17:12,855 --> 00:17:15,288
Okay, so... so... so, you've
you've got it now?
447
00:17:15,313 --> 00:17:16,873
You... You know all the pieces?
448
00:17:16,898 --> 00:17:18,086
I'm with you 100%.
449
00:17:18,111 --> 00:17:19,790
Good. All right. So, where was I?
450
00:17:19,815 --> 00:17:23,074
[MUTTERING] You have to think
five steps ahead and...
451
00:17:23,099 --> 00:17:27,022
- [OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS]
- So, tell me, Steve.
452
00:17:27,478 --> 00:17:29,932
What will you do with your next move?
453
00:17:29,957 --> 00:17:32,188
Capture one of my pawns?
454
00:17:32,213 --> 00:17:35,747
Or will you keep your
eye on the main prize?
455
00:17:35,772 --> 00:17:38,172
Easy. I will move my king.
456
00:17:38,197 --> 00:17:39,931
Nope. Nope. That's your queen.
457
00:17:39,956 --> 00:17:41,217
It can't be. It doesn't have boobs.
458
00:17:41,242 --> 00:17:43,942
No, it doesn't have boobs!
None of them have boobs!
459
00:17:44,102 --> 00:17:45,669
None of them have boobs!
460
00:17:45,694 --> 00:17:48,254
How many times do I
have to tell you that?!
461
00:17:48,279 --> 00:17:49,954
Jesus Christ!
462
00:17:49,979 --> 00:17:52,772
I was trying to use
chess as a metaphor!
463
00:17:52,797 --> 00:17:54,081
A metaphor for what?
464
00:17:54,106 --> 00:17:56,641
To tell you that I have
placed a sizable bet
465
00:17:56,666 --> 00:17:58,281
on you winning The Hunt.
466
00:17:58,306 --> 00:18:00,328
I was trying to give you an edge.
467
00:18:00,353 --> 00:18:01,779
[SIGHS]
468
00:18:01,804 --> 00:18:03,179
What makes you think
I want to help you?
469
00:18:03,204 --> 00:18:04,788
Because you want to kill me,
470
00:18:04,813 --> 00:18:07,310
and the only way you're
ever gonna get close enough
471
00:18:07,335 --> 00:18:08,701
is if you win The Hunt.
472
00:18:08,726 --> 00:18:11,367
We hunt the winner.
473
00:18:12,847 --> 00:18:16,072
Guard! Could you please take him away?
474
00:18:16,097 --> 00:18:18,090
You have, like, the perfect life.
475
00:18:18,115 --> 00:18:21,244
Hey, Jess, I want to
say something to you.
476
00:18:21,269 --> 00:18:23,736
Ugh. What is it now?
477
00:18:23,761 --> 00:18:25,201
Hit it, Danny.
478
00:18:25,226 --> 00:18:28,025
One, two, three, one, two.
479
00:18:28,050 --> 00:18:31,768
? Ba-da-da, da-da-da-da, da-da ?
480
00:18:31,793 --> 00:18:33,810
? Ba-ya-ya ?
481
00:18:33,835 --> 00:18:37,850
[OFF-KEY] ? There used to be
a greying tower ?
482
00:18:37,875 --> 00:18:40,679
? Alone on the sea ?
483
00:18:40,704 --> 00:18:47,969
? You became the light
to the dark side of me ?
484
00:18:47,994 --> 00:18:54,202
? Love remains a drug that's
the high, not the pill ?
485
00:18:54,227 --> 00:18:55,739
- ? But did you know ?
- ? Know ?
486
00:18:55,764 --> 00:18:57,088
- ? That when it snows ?
- ? Snows ?
487
00:18:57,113 --> 00:18:59,526
? My eyes become wide ?
488
00:18:59,551 --> 00:19:05,189
? And the light that you
shine can be see-ee-n? ?
489
00:19:05,214 --> 00:19:06,986
? Baby! ?
490
00:19:07,011 --> 00:19:08,347
? I compare you to a kiss... ?
491
00:19:08,372 --> 00:19:09,799
- Okay. Thank you.
- Yeah? What?
492
00:19:09,824 --> 00:19:11,542
You can stop now. Oh. Nice.
493
00:19:11,567 --> 00:19:13,608
Did it work? Do you remember me?
494
00:19:13,633 --> 00:19:15,066
No.
495
00:19:15,091 --> 00:19:16,991
But this is really sweet.
496
00:19:17,571 --> 00:19:20,269
But I still don't know who you are.
497
00:19:20,294 --> 00:19:22,673
I don't even know who I am.
498
00:19:22,698 --> 00:19:25,191
I just know that...
499
00:19:26,115 --> 00:19:28,148
I can't be your wife.
500
00:19:28,173 --> 00:19:31,007
[SOFT MUSIC PLAYS]
501
00:19:31,032 --> 00:19:34,934
?
502
00:19:35,120 --> 00:19:36,333
I'm sorry.
503
00:19:36,827 --> 00:19:39,127
I guess today's the first day
504
00:19:39,152 --> 00:19:41,000
of me trying to win you back.
505
00:19:41,899 --> 00:19:43,162
Cool.
506
00:19:44,160 --> 00:19:45,574
It's the coolest.
507
00:19:45,599 --> 00:19:47,145
See ya.
508
00:19:47,170 --> 00:19:49,935
Hey, man, you did everything you could.
509
00:19:50,358 --> 00:19:53,092
[LAUGHS]
510
00:19:56,208 --> 00:19:59,209
Oh! You don't deserve that cool hat!
511
00:19:59,234 --> 00:20:00,093
Steve, what happened?
512
00:20:00,118 --> 00:20:02,240
[SIGHS] Well, nothing much.
513
00:20:02,265 --> 00:20:04,666
He just wanted me to play this
stupid game that he made up.
514
00:20:05,020 --> 00:20:09,125
It's about a king and a boobless
queen and some horse people.
515
00:20:09,150 --> 00:20:12,542
Do you mean chess? Oh, my God.
516
00:20:12,567 --> 00:20:13,600
Guys, did you even know
517
00:20:13,625 --> 00:20:15,848
that I was the chess state
champion in high school?
518
00:20:15,873 --> 00:20:17,607
It should have been me in there.
519
00:20:17,632 --> 00:20:20,216
But would you have been
able to swipe this?
520
00:20:20,298 --> 00:20:21,597
What is that?
521
00:20:21,622 --> 00:20:23,518
It's a priest character from the game.
522
00:20:23,543 --> 00:20:25,615
- You mean a bishop?
- Well, yeah, whatever.
523
00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:28,621
My point is, I risked
my life to steal this.
524
00:20:28,646 --> 00:20:30,713
What the hell are we
supposed to do with it?
525
00:20:33,686 --> 00:20:35,722
I don't know. Pick a lock with it or...
526
00:20:35,747 --> 00:20:36,747
- What?!
- Come on!
527
00:20:36,772 --> 00:20:37,649
- Ohh.
- Steve!
528
00:20:37,674 --> 00:20:40,643
Okay. You had no plan? You
just grabbed whatever?
529
00:20:40,668 --> 00:20:42,231
This could be our ticket out of here.
530
00:20:42,256 --> 00:20:45,357
There wasn't anything else
you could have taken?
531
00:20:46,630 --> 00:20:47,996
Yeah.
532
00:20:48,021 --> 00:20:50,580
No, it was a room full
of objects, so...
533
00:20:51,031 --> 00:20:52,206
There was a knife.
534
00:20:52,231 --> 00:20:53,131
- [BLEEP]
- What?!
535
00:20:53,156 --> 00:20:54,348
There was a radio in the corner.
536
00:20:54,373 --> 00:20:55,351
- Steve!
- A radio?!
537
00:20:55,376 --> 00:20:56,635
- Yeah.
- Oh, my God!
538
00:20:56,660 --> 00:20:58,141
And there's the remote
539
00:20:58,166 --> 00:20:59,569
for these buzzy bracelets.
540
00:20:59,594 --> 00:21:00,815
- Come on!
- Oh. Steve.
541
00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:02,698
You're the dumbest person!
542
00:21:02,723 --> 00:21:06,923
- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy -
- www.addic7ed.com -
543
00:21:06,973 --> 00:21:11,523
Repair and Synchronization by
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