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00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:11,338
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
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00:00:12,916 --> 00:00:13,949
(birds chirping)
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00:00:14,017 --> 00:00:15,261
KRISTEN:
Thank you for hosting
4
00:00:15,381 --> 00:00:16,433
Christmas dinner tomorrow night,
by the way.
5
00:00:16,565 --> 00:00:18,566
You didn't give me much choice.
6
00:00:18,617 --> 00:00:20,902
Hey, you're the one who
has to watch Wilfred.
7
00:00:20,953 --> 00:00:23,103
And there's no way he's
coming back to my place.
8
00:00:23,155 --> 00:00:26,407
Last time, he did that, like,
fish juice thing on my carpets.
9
00:00:28,076 --> 00:00:29,994
Are you nervous?
10
00:00:30,078 --> 00:00:31,212
No.
11
00:00:31,279 --> 00:00:33,130
Really?
12
00:00:33,215 --> 00:00:35,416
You and Dad haven't seen each
other in almost two years.
13
00:00:35,467 --> 00:00:37,752
I just saw Dad a month ago
at the grocery store.
14
00:00:37,803 --> 00:00:40,221
We had a little chat
over some champagne.
15
00:00:40,288 --> 00:00:42,456
Very funny.
16
00:00:42,507 --> 00:00:44,725
Don't worry.
The therapy really helped.
17
00:00:44,793 --> 00:00:46,677
I'm going into this
with an open mind.
18
00:00:46,762 --> 00:00:47,962
Good.
19
00:00:48,013 --> 00:00:49,680
Also, I have a little surprise.
20
00:00:49,765 --> 00:00:51,766
Um, Mom's insane asylum is...
21
00:00:51,817 --> 00:00:54,235
It's not an insane asylum.
It has, like... ducks.
22
00:00:54,302 --> 00:00:57,321
Fine. Her duck sanctuary is
allowing her five hours
23
00:00:57,406 --> 00:00:59,023
of supervised visitation
tomorrow night.
24
00:00:59,107 --> 00:01:00,691
So, for the first
time in years,
25
00:01:00,776 --> 00:01:02,309
the whole family is
gonna be together.
26
00:01:02,361 --> 00:01:04,195
Look, it's not gonna
be a cakewalk,
27
00:01:04,279 --> 00:01:07,031
but I want Joffrey to have
a normal holiday experience,
28
00:01:07,115 --> 00:01:09,250
which means being surrounded
by his entire family.
29
00:01:09,317 --> 00:01:11,585
Fine. But if Mom and Dad
start fighting,
30
00:01:11,653 --> 00:01:14,288
I'm putting Joffrey in one
of their laps to distract them.
31
00:01:14,339 --> 00:01:16,590
You want to use my baby?
32
00:01:16,658 --> 00:01:18,342
That's genius.
Hey!
33
00:01:18,427 --> 00:01:21,462
Fancy meeting you guys here!
34
00:01:21,513 --> 00:01:23,047
I'm sorry.
No dogs allowed.
35
00:01:23,131 --> 00:01:24,331
I'm just... (sighs)
36
00:01:24,383 --> 00:01:26,667
Sorry.
Yeah. It's cool.
37
00:01:26,718 --> 00:01:29,053
I'll just... mail
my Christmas list to Santa.
38
00:01:29,137 --> 00:01:30,972
Want to hear
what I'm asking for?
39
00:01:31,023 --> 00:01:32,840
Sure.
A Big Wheel,
40
00:01:32,891 --> 00:01:34,525
so I can drag
Santa's severed head
41
00:01:34,609 --> 00:01:35,943
through the streets of Venice.
42
00:01:36,011 --> 00:01:37,778
A Darth Vader action figure,
43
00:01:37,846 --> 00:01:40,364
so I can stick that plastic,
tiny, little lightsaber
44
00:01:40,449 --> 00:01:42,182
into Santa's urethra.
45
00:01:42,234 --> 00:01:43,567
A catcher's mitt, so I can make
46
00:01:43,652 --> 00:01:45,736
cruel comparisons
to Mrs. Claus's vagina.
47
00:01:45,821 --> 00:01:47,822
Why do you hate Santa so much?
48
00:01:47,873 --> 00:01:50,241
Santa is the mailman
on steroids.
49
00:01:50,325 --> 00:01:52,159
I mean, this guy comes
into your house--
50
00:01:52,210 --> 00:01:55,413
into your house-- leaves
packages covered with his scent,
51
00:01:55,497 --> 00:01:57,131
calls you "ho" three times.
52
00:01:57,198 --> 00:02:00,084
Keep in mind, this is a guy
who has sex with reindeer.
53
00:02:00,168 --> 00:02:01,969
Wilfred, you realize
that Santa isn't r...
54
00:02:02,037 --> 00:02:03,587
Isn't ready to get
his ass beat?
55
00:02:03,672 --> 00:02:05,589
Yeah, I know.
That diabetic blobmeister
56
00:02:05,674 --> 00:02:07,091
doesn't have the balls
to show his face
57
00:02:07,175 --> 00:02:08,342
when Wilfred's in the house!
58
00:02:08,393 --> 00:02:09,844
Yeah, what's up, tits?!
Wilfred!
59
00:02:09,895 --> 00:02:11,211
I'm not gonna do nothing
while your goons
60
00:02:11,263 --> 00:02:12,079
are around.
61
00:02:12,199 --> 00:02:12,995
Yeah, we're cool.
62
00:02:13,115 --> 00:02:13,998
We're cool.
63
00:02:22,167 --> 00:02:24,575
Wilfred! No!
I'm sorry.
64
00:02:24,659 --> 00:02:27,394
You see how that
could be confusing.
65
00:02:27,446 --> 00:02:28,746
God.
Are you okay, mate?
66
00:02:28,830 --> 00:02:31,231
Y-You seem anxious.
67
00:02:31,283 --> 00:02:32,283
(sighs)
68
00:02:32,367 --> 00:02:33,901
I'm just worried about tonight.
69
00:02:33,952 --> 00:02:36,670
I-I was prepared
to deal with my dad,
70
00:02:36,738 --> 00:02:38,789
but Mom and Dad together?
71
00:02:38,874 --> 00:02:40,708
You and your mum get along great.
Yeah,
72
00:02:40,759 --> 00:02:43,044
but when my parents fight,
she's like a loose cannon.
73
00:02:43,095 --> 00:02:45,429
I just don't want her to say
a bunch of stuff about me
74
00:02:45,514 --> 00:02:46,514
in front of my dad.
75
00:02:46,581 --> 00:02:47,414
Like what?
76
00:02:47,466 --> 00:02:48,933
Like why I quit his firm.
77
00:02:49,017 --> 00:02:50,434
How I tried to kill myself.
78
00:02:50,519 --> 00:02:51,769
Maybe it's time your dad
79
00:02:51,853 --> 00:02:53,771
found out how much
he screwed you up.
80
00:02:53,855 --> 00:02:56,273
I mean, you've always said
he's a manipulative bully.
81
00:02:56,358 --> 00:02:58,225
Now's your chance
to stand up to him.
82
00:02:58,276 --> 00:03:01,312
Perhaps in the form of
a "Beat It" style knife fight.
83
00:03:01,396 --> 00:03:03,764
I can't do that.
(sighs) Sure you can.
84
00:03:03,815 --> 00:03:06,150
Just lock your arms together,
hold your knives up,
85
00:03:06,234 --> 00:03:08,035
and then dance your ass off.
86
00:03:09,321 --> 00:03:11,489
Look, standing up to my dad
87
00:03:11,573 --> 00:03:13,273
is not gonna help
us start over.
88
00:03:13,325 --> 00:03:15,275
All I want is to get
through this evening
89
00:03:15,327 --> 00:03:16,877
with as little stress
as possible.
90
00:03:16,945 --> 00:03:19,380
Say no more. I'll stop
badgering you about your dad.
91
00:03:19,447 --> 00:03:22,299
Besides, Christmas is a time
for families to come together
92
00:03:22,384 --> 00:03:24,168
to share yuletide joy.
93
00:03:24,252 --> 00:03:25,953
And, yeah, I mean,
94
00:03:26,004 --> 00:03:28,339
Jenna and Drew did go back
to Wisconsin without me, but...
95
00:03:28,423 --> 00:03:30,424
I'm excited about spending
Christmas with you!
96
00:03:30,475 --> 00:03:32,726
And being a part
of your family.
97
00:03:32,794 --> 00:03:35,012
(sighs)
Uh, actually...
98
00:03:35,097 --> 00:03:38,099
with my mom coming now,
99
00:03:38,150 --> 00:03:40,234
would you mind hanging out
in the basement?
100
00:03:42,020 --> 00:03:45,156
B-But it's-it's not Christmas
without Wilfred.
101
00:03:45,240 --> 00:03:47,120
Would it help if I said
that there was an eighth
102
00:03:47,159 --> 00:03:48,826
of Silver Haze down there?
103
00:03:48,910 --> 00:03:50,861
A-And-and the DVD player's
already loaded up
104
00:03:50,946 --> 00:03:51,946
with Jingle All the Way?
105
00:03:53,248 --> 00:03:56,083
It helps.
106
00:03:57,285 --> 00:03:58,786
(doorbell rings)
107
00:03:58,837 --> 00:04:00,671
That's probably Dad.
Um, here, here.
108
00:04:00,755 --> 00:04:02,489
Let me stir that
while you get the door.
109
00:04:02,541 --> 00:04:04,658
Ryan, you're gonna have
to see Dad eventually.
110
00:04:08,496 --> 00:04:10,764
(exhales)
111
00:04:10,832 --> 00:04:12,800
On the first day
of Christmas
112
00:04:12,851 --> 00:04:15,019
My true love gave to me
a partridge
113
00:04:15,103 --> 00:04:17,337
In a pear...
Thanks, but now's not a good time.
114
00:04:17,389 --> 00:04:18,672
Dick!
115
00:04:18,723 --> 00:04:19,807
(shouts)
Oh...
116
00:04:19,858 --> 00:04:21,842
Shit!
Well, just relax.
117
00:04:21,893 --> 00:04:23,510
It's just flour.
Sorry.
118
00:04:23,562 --> 00:04:26,280
I-I'm just a little on edge
about seeing Dad, I guess.
119
00:04:26,347 --> 00:04:28,532
HENRY: If it makes you
feel any better,
120
00:04:28,617 --> 00:04:30,517
I'm nervous, too.
121
00:04:30,569 --> 00:04:32,870
I saw a strange Indian couple
assaulting people
122
00:04:32,954 --> 00:04:34,555
with what may have been
Christmas carols,
123
00:04:34,573 --> 00:04:36,190
so to avoid them,
I-I went around back.
124
00:04:36,241 --> 00:04:38,375
I hope you don't mind
that I let myself in.
125
00:04:38,460 --> 00:04:40,744
Merry Christmas, Daddy!
126
00:04:40,829 --> 00:04:42,630
Merry Christmas, pumpkin.
(inhales)
127
00:04:42,697 --> 00:04:46,083
Mmm. Is that a... new perfume?
128
00:04:46,168 --> 00:04:48,502
No, but I can get a new perfume.
Should I? I-I should.
129
00:04:48,553 --> 00:04:51,255
(timer dings)
Oh. I've got to put the potatoes in.
130
00:04:51,339 --> 00:04:53,140
Uh, potatoes au gratin--
your favorite, right, Dad?
131
00:04:53,208 --> 00:04:55,059
Well...
132
00:04:55,143 --> 00:04:57,011
(clicks tongue, sighs)
133
00:05:00,015 --> 00:05:01,482
(exhales)
134
00:05:01,549 --> 00:05:03,884
So...
135
00:05:03,935 --> 00:05:05,569
How have you been?
136
00:05:05,654 --> 00:05:07,521
Good, yeah.
137
00:05:07,572 --> 00:05:09,773
You seem like you're...
doing better.
138
00:05:09,858 --> 00:05:11,225
I am.
139
00:05:13,245 --> 00:05:15,229
Kristen tells me
you have a roommate.
140
00:05:15,280 --> 00:05:19,066
Yeah. Uh, sh-she's spending
the holidays with some friends.
141
00:05:22,204 --> 00:05:24,705
(knocking)
Excuse me.
142
00:05:24,756 --> 00:05:27,074
No, I've got it.
(chuckles)
143
00:05:28,376 --> 00:05:30,461
Merry Christmas, poopy pants!
144
00:05:30,545 --> 00:05:32,412
(chuckles)
Well, I know
145
00:05:32,464 --> 00:05:36,217
you're all grown-up, but I will
always think of you that way.
146
00:05:36,268 --> 00:05:37,301
Hello, Catherine.
147
00:05:37,385 --> 00:05:38,852
Henry.
148
00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:41,105
Hey, you!
149
00:05:41,189 --> 00:05:42,940
Mom.
(gasps, squeals)
150
00:05:43,024 --> 00:05:44,975
I don't know why I'm so excited.
(chuckles)
151
00:05:45,060 --> 00:05:47,695
It's only been a couple of
weeks since I've seen you.
152
00:05:47,762 --> 00:05:50,314
Ryan comes to visit me
every single month.
153
00:05:50,398 --> 00:05:52,650
That's nice. Who's your friend?
154
00:05:52,734 --> 00:05:57,071
Oh. This is Andre,
my date for the night.
155
00:05:57,122 --> 00:05:58,822
Hands off, Desdemona.
156
00:05:58,907 --> 00:05:59,907
Mom.
Actually,
157
00:05:59,958 --> 00:06:01,108
I'm the caretaker assigned
158
00:06:01,159 --> 00:06:02,243
to accompany your mother
tonight.
159
00:06:02,294 --> 00:06:03,661
It's complicated.
160
00:06:03,745 --> 00:06:05,079
It's not complicated at all.
161
00:06:05,130 --> 00:06:06,630
I'm gonna wait in the car.
162
00:06:06,715 --> 00:06:08,382
No, no. Come in.
It's Christmas.
163
00:06:08,449 --> 00:06:12,253
I'm a Buddhist.
164
00:06:12,304 --> 00:06:14,088
Sorry about that!
CATHERINE: I don't know why
165
00:06:14,139 --> 00:06:16,423
your father feels like he has
to apologize for me.
166
00:06:16,474 --> 00:06:18,509
It's not like I'm
his property anymore.
167
00:06:18,593 --> 00:06:20,594
(chuckles)
(chuckles): No. Your mother's right, Ryan.
168
00:06:20,645 --> 00:06:22,012
Andre wasn't
at all uncomfortable
169
00:06:22,097 --> 00:06:23,764
when she said they were dating.
170
00:06:23,815 --> 00:06:26,183
He's probably running out
to the car to get
171
00:06:26,268 --> 00:06:27,968
the engagement ring.
(chuckles)
172
00:06:28,019 --> 00:06:29,469
KRISTEN:
Uh-oh.
173
00:06:29,521 --> 00:06:31,772
Somebody wants to see
his Grammy and Pop-pop.
174
00:06:31,823 --> 00:06:33,907
It's my little
175
00:06:33,975 --> 00:06:35,809
Joff muffin.
176
00:06:35,860 --> 00:06:37,611
(chuckles):
Oh!
177
00:06:37,662 --> 00:06:39,446
Careful with his head.
178
00:06:39,497 --> 00:06:42,950
Oh, but my whole plan was
to let his little neck
179
00:06:43,001 --> 00:06:45,753
bend all the way back.
(chuckles)
180
00:06:45,820 --> 00:06:47,504
Oh, I got you, Joffrey.
181
00:06:47,589 --> 00:06:51,008
Oh, you're not
a Pez dispenser, are you?
182
00:06:51,092 --> 00:06:52,593
(chuckles)
Be careful, Joff muffin,
183
00:06:52,660 --> 00:06:55,429
once Pop-Pop gets you
in his loving clutches,
184
00:06:55,496 --> 00:06:57,831
he will never let you go. Like, never.
RYAN: Oh!
185
00:06:57,882 --> 00:07:01,302
Look at him smile.
It's so cute, right?
186
00:07:01,353 --> 00:07:03,170
Uncle Ryan knows all about
getting caught
187
00:07:03,221 --> 00:07:04,972
in Pop-Pop's loving clutches,
doesn't he?
188
00:07:05,023 --> 00:07:06,223
(bells jingling)
189
00:07:06,308 --> 00:07:08,342
What is that?
190
00:07:08,393 --> 00:07:10,344
(jingling grows louder)
191
00:07:13,365 --> 00:07:16,850
Merry Christmas, everybody!
192
00:07:16,901 --> 00:07:19,486
(chuckles) You're not
supposed to be here.
193
00:07:19,537 --> 00:07:21,288
Well, you said Wilfred wasn't
allowed at your dinner,
194
00:07:21,356 --> 00:07:26,243
but you didn't say anything
about Santa's reindeer!
195
00:07:26,328 --> 00:07:28,629
That is so cute, Ryan!
196
00:07:28,696 --> 00:07:30,864
(chuckles)
Who's the pretty girl?
197
00:07:30,915 --> 00:07:34,301
Girl? Do you not see this penis
right here?
198
00:07:34,369 --> 00:07:36,420
Uh, no, that's actually
a gumdrop stuck on my fur.
199
00:07:36,504 --> 00:07:38,005
His name is Wilfred.
200
00:07:38,056 --> 00:07:40,374
Sorry. I'll just put him back
in the other room
201
00:07:40,425 --> 00:07:41,809
so he won't be a distraction.
202
00:07:41,876 --> 00:07:44,428
Oh, no, no, no,
let Wilfred stay.
203
00:07:44,512 --> 00:07:45,813
He's not hurting anybody.
204
00:07:45,880 --> 00:07:47,848
Well...
205
00:07:47,899 --> 00:07:50,184
I guess it wouldn't be Christmas
without Wilfred.
206
00:07:50,235 --> 00:07:52,552
Now that's the spirit.
207
00:07:59,084 --> 00:08:01,085
CATHERINE (laughs):
Look at him go!
208
00:08:01,170 --> 00:08:02,720
(Henry laughs)
209
00:08:05,507 --> 00:08:07,225
(panting)
210
00:08:07,309 --> 00:08:09,343
Oh, man, getting tangled up
211
00:08:09,394 --> 00:08:11,646
in Christmas lights
is a workout.
212
00:08:16,185 --> 00:08:17,551
(gasps)
213
00:08:17,603 --> 00:08:20,009
Okay, that is
not ice-cold Gatorade.
214
00:08:20,129 --> 00:08:21,779
I should not have done that.
215
00:08:21,831 --> 00:08:24,478
Your dad is exactly how
I pictured him:
216
00:08:24,519 --> 00:08:25,736
pure evil.
217
00:08:25,821 --> 00:08:28,189
He even looks like Michael Vick.
218
00:08:28,240 --> 00:08:30,792
Actually, he's been
surprisingly okay tonight.
219
00:08:30,859 --> 00:08:32,526
Listen,
I-I've been thinking.
220
00:08:32,578 --> 00:08:34,412
You were right.
221
00:08:34,496 --> 00:08:36,881
Christmas is a time for family
and yuletide joy.
222
00:08:36,965 --> 00:08:39,167
Cut the figgy pudding.
223
00:08:39,218 --> 00:08:40,885
I know you're only using me
224
00:08:40,969 --> 00:08:42,536
to distract your parents
from fighting.
225
00:08:42,588 --> 00:08:44,755
Well, then why are you still
playing along?
226
00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:46,424
I'm not playing along.
227
00:08:46,508 --> 00:08:48,309
I keeps it Christmasy, Ryan.
228
00:08:48,376 --> 00:08:50,928
So, are you going to keep
keeping it Christmasy?
229
00:08:51,013 --> 00:08:55,516
Sure. I'll give you the gift
of keeping mom and dad jolly.
230
00:08:55,567 --> 00:08:59,053
But in return,
I want something from you.
231
00:08:59,104 --> 00:09:01,522
The gift of being
part of your family.
232
00:09:01,573 --> 00:09:03,941
That's it?
233
00:09:04,026 --> 00:09:05,193
Sure.
234
00:09:09,531 --> 00:09:10,915
Oh, mm-mm.
235
00:09:10,999 --> 00:09:12,416
The meds.
236
00:09:12,501 --> 00:09:14,418
Ooh, Ryan, is that a cabernet?
237
00:09:14,503 --> 00:09:16,087
Because, you know,
Dad only drinks Bordeaux.
238
00:09:16,171 --> 00:09:17,839
I picked up bottle this morning.
239
00:09:17,906 --> 00:09:20,091
The one in the kitchen?
The 2003?
240
00:09:20,175 --> 00:09:21,425
Not a good year?
241
00:09:21,510 --> 00:09:22,460
No...
242
00:09:22,544 --> 00:09:24,178
I can get you a beer instead.
243
00:09:24,246 --> 00:09:25,513
I'm fine, pumpkin.
244
00:09:25,580 --> 00:09:26,661
WILFRED:
Pumpkin? (chuckles)
245
00:09:26,715 --> 00:09:28,466
Okay, just so I understand,
246
00:09:28,550 --> 00:09:30,990
your dad nicknamed his daughter
after the scent of her vagina?
247
00:09:31,019 --> 00:09:33,554
(chuckles)
Cool!
248
00:09:33,605 --> 00:09:35,256
Ah, thanks, Mom!
249
00:09:35,307 --> 00:09:38,192
Can you, uh, toss us
the butter as well, please?
250
00:09:38,260 --> 00:09:40,811
Should we be feeding
the dog human food?
251
00:09:40,896 --> 00:09:42,396
Okay, Henry. Hmm.
252
00:09:42,447 --> 00:09:43,898
I don't think we should be
253
00:09:43,949 --> 00:09:45,233
taking dog advice
from your father.
254
00:09:45,284 --> 00:09:46,984
Why is that?
255
00:09:47,069 --> 00:09:49,704
Um, maybe because you used
to kick Sneakers.
256
00:09:49,771 --> 00:09:51,789
I didn't kick him,
Catherine. I shoved him
257
00:09:51,874 --> 00:09:54,041
gently with my foot
to teach him not to beg
258
00:09:54,109 --> 00:09:55,626
just like the trainer taught us.
259
00:09:55,711 --> 00:09:56,827
Uh, okay.
260
00:09:56,912 --> 00:09:58,496
I guess I-I should have let him
261
00:09:58,580 --> 00:09:59,881
drink strawberry milk
instead of water
262
00:09:59,948 --> 00:10:01,132
so he'd have
terrible, chronic gas.
263
00:10:01,216 --> 00:10:02,333
(laughs)
264
00:10:02,417 --> 00:10:03,257
WILFRED:
You did that?
265
00:10:03,302 --> 00:10:05,002
That's so beautiful.
266
00:10:05,087 --> 00:10:06,971
Oh maybe you just didn't take
to Sneakers
267
00:10:07,055 --> 00:10:08,839
because he wasn't
obedient enough.
268
00:10:08,924 --> 00:10:10,558
He didn't follow commands.
269
00:10:14,763 --> 00:10:17,148
Speaking of Sneakers...
270
00:10:17,232 --> 00:10:20,484
remember that one Christmas
when Sneakers snuck downstairs
271
00:10:20,569 --> 00:10:22,153
and ate all of Santa's cookies?
272
00:10:22,237 --> 00:10:23,521
(laughter)
273
00:10:23,605 --> 00:10:24,972
Shit! Go, Sneakers.
274
00:10:25,023 --> 00:10:26,524
Was that that same Christmas
275
00:10:26,608 --> 00:10:29,110
that Ryan got that
electric guitar he wanted?
276
00:10:29,161 --> 00:10:31,112
Oh, no. Wait.
He didn't get the guitar.
277
00:10:31,163 --> 00:10:32,530
What did you give him, Henry?
278
00:10:32,614 --> 00:10:34,332
Oh, yeah.
279
00:10:34,416 --> 00:10:36,667
An engraved Tiffany pen.
280
00:10:36,752 --> 00:10:38,252
A pen.
281
00:10:41,790 --> 00:10:45,259
Track 12.
282
00:10:45,327 --> 00:10:47,595
Hey, how about some music?
283
00:10:49,831 --> 00:10:51,549
(intro to "Deck the Halls"
plays)
284
00:10:51,633 --> 00:10:54,602
Deck the halls
with boughs of holly
285
00:10:54,669 --> 00:10:57,188
Fa, la-la, la-la,
la-la, la-la...
286
00:10:57,272 --> 00:10:59,890
(laughter)
287
00:10:59,975 --> 00:11:01,275
It's like he's trying to sing.
288
00:11:01,343 --> 00:11:02,693
(laughter)
289
00:11:02,778 --> 00:11:05,529
Trying. Uh, was Oates trying?
290
00:11:05,614 --> 00:11:07,181
KRISTEN:
Hey, careful.
291
00:11:07,232 --> 00:11:08,682
We're taking a family photo
after dinner,
292
00:11:08,734 --> 00:11:10,451
and you know how easily
you get droopy drunk face.
293
00:11:10,518 --> 00:11:12,620
Oh. Family photo.
294
00:11:12,687 --> 00:11:15,856
I'm assuming I'll be in it, uh,
since I'm part of the family?
295
00:11:18,526 --> 00:11:21,245
Ryan, he already ruined
Joffrey's photo with Santa.
296
00:11:21,330 --> 00:11:23,381
I know, but it'd
mean a lot to me.
297
00:11:23,465 --> 00:11:24,882
Fine. We'll take two photos.
298
00:11:24,967 --> 00:11:27,201
But you know what
would mean a lot to me?
299
00:11:27,252 --> 00:11:28,970
If you didn't have
wine mouth right now.
300
00:11:29,037 --> 00:11:31,055
WILFRED:
Sorry I'm late.
301
00:11:31,139 --> 00:11:33,099
I was deciding between this
and a leather harness,
302
00:11:33,141 --> 00:11:35,176
but, honestly,
the harness seemed
303
00:11:35,227 --> 00:11:37,511
a little too S&M-y
for Christmas.
304
00:11:37,562 --> 00:11:38,763
Are we-we
good to go?
305
00:11:38,847 --> 00:11:40,381
Okay, we're gonna take
one official
306
00:11:40,432 --> 00:11:42,433
family photo, and then,
one weird random photo
307
00:11:42,517 --> 00:11:44,602
for Ryan's neighbor's dog
that I'm going to delete
308
00:11:44,686 --> 00:11:46,654
the second after
I e-mail it to Ryan.
309
00:11:46,721 --> 00:11:48,555
I'm not in the official
family photo?
310
00:11:50,659 --> 00:11:53,160
It's okay.
311
00:11:53,228 --> 00:11:55,079
Don't worry, Ryan.
312
00:11:55,163 --> 00:11:57,999
Ryan, your log
still burns bright.
313
00:11:58,066 --> 00:12:00,368
Ryan?
314
00:12:04,072 --> 00:12:06,374
(sighs)
315
00:12:07,909 --> 00:12:09,427
(laughs)
316
00:12:09,511 --> 00:12:11,262
You're gonna love it.
317
00:12:11,346 --> 00:12:12,880
I use mine every day.
318
00:12:12,931 --> 00:12:14,382
Oh, thanks, Mom.
319
00:12:14,433 --> 00:12:15,850
HENRY:
Looks like there's
320
00:12:15,917 --> 00:12:17,184
one more gift under the tree.
321
00:12:17,252 --> 00:12:18,752
Oh.
322
00:12:18,804 --> 00:12:20,938
"To the Newman family."
323
00:12:21,023 --> 00:12:23,024
(laughs)
Who's it from?
324
00:12:23,091 --> 00:12:24,692
Ooh!
325
00:12:24,759 --> 00:12:26,027
A mystery gift.
Oh, yeah.
326
00:12:26,094 --> 00:12:27,428
Shall I open it?
327
00:12:27,479 --> 00:12:29,763
KRISTEN:
Mm-hmm.
328
00:12:32,367 --> 00:12:34,601
(both laugh)
329
00:12:37,572 --> 00:12:39,490
HENRY:
Look at that.
330
00:12:39,574 --> 00:12:41,492
The whole family.
331
00:12:41,576 --> 00:12:44,111
All together.
332
00:12:44,162 --> 00:12:46,664
Why are you smirking like that?
333
00:12:46,748 --> 00:12:49,917
Wait. Is this from you?
334
00:12:49,968 --> 00:12:51,785
What?
Okay.
335
00:12:51,837 --> 00:12:54,338
I get it. That's... me,
336
00:12:54,423 --> 00:12:56,724
crazy Catherine,
standing between you
337
00:12:56,791 --> 00:12:59,093
and your perfect little family,
tearing it apart.
338
00:12:59,144 --> 00:13:00,895
Catherine, I didn't do it.
339
00:13:00,962 --> 00:13:02,796
Okay, well,
you are the one that
340
00:13:02,848 --> 00:13:04,765
tore this family apart, Henry,
341
00:13:04,816 --> 00:13:06,967
because you're the one
who made me crazy!
342
00:13:07,018 --> 00:13:09,970
(baby crying)
Catherine, please, calm down.
343
00:13:10,021 --> 00:13:12,356
Uh, hey, look, look, Wilfred's
playing with the, um...
344
00:13:12,441 --> 00:13:15,276
Mm, I will not stand by
345
00:13:15,327 --> 00:13:18,162
and let you do to Ryan
what you did to me!
346
00:13:18,246 --> 00:13:21,082
Ryan, I think we should get
your mother's nurse.
347
00:13:21,149 --> 00:13:23,084
Tell them, Ryan.
Tell them how...
348
00:13:23,151 --> 00:13:25,369
how-how he broke you down
349
00:13:25,454 --> 00:13:27,654
so-so you didn't even
feel human anymore,
350
00:13:27,706 --> 00:13:30,341
and how you... how you felt
like the only way out was...
351
00:13:30,425 --> 00:13:31,792
was to just take
your own life...
352
00:13:31,843 --> 00:13:33,928
Mom, enough! Shut up!
353
00:13:33,995 --> 00:13:37,381
All you've been doing all night
is-is bringing up the past
354
00:13:37,466 --> 00:13:39,124
and starting shit with Dad.
355
00:13:39,244 --> 00:13:40,378
This was supposed
356
00:13:40,445 --> 00:13:41,662
to be a special night
357
00:13:41,747 --> 00:13:42,709
to celebrate Joffrey's
358
00:13:42,829 --> 00:13:44,158
first Christmas with his family,
359
00:13:44,278 --> 00:13:46,325
and now you've completely
ruined it!
360
00:13:50,889 --> 00:13:53,123
(panting)
361
00:13:59,453 --> 00:14:00,895
So much for your
Christmas spirit.
362
00:14:01,027 --> 00:14:02,527
What are you talking about?
Just 'cause you weren't
363
00:14:02,612 --> 00:14:03,979
allowed in one photo, you had
364
00:14:04,030 --> 00:14:05,196
to sabotage Christmas
with that drawing?
365
00:14:05,281 --> 00:14:06,648
Of course not, Ryan.
366
00:14:06,699 --> 00:14:08,700
Sure, I was hurt,
367
00:14:08,784 --> 00:14:11,202
but I put that under the tree
before anyone even arrived.
368
00:14:11,287 --> 00:14:13,521
It was an actual gift
meant to thank you all
369
00:14:13,572 --> 00:14:15,540
for letting me be part
of your family tonight.
370
00:14:15,625 --> 00:14:17,191
How was I supposed to know
371
00:14:17,243 --> 00:14:18,994
any of that was gonna happen
back there?
372
00:14:19,045 --> 00:14:20,829
In any normal family,
373
00:14:20,880 --> 00:14:22,697
a drawing like that would have
brought everyone together.
374
00:14:22,748 --> 00:14:25,500
Yeah, well,
with a Mom like Catherine,
375
00:14:25,551 --> 00:14:26,885
this is what happens.
376
00:14:26,969 --> 00:14:28,470
Come on, Ryan.
377
00:14:28,537 --> 00:14:30,839
You know tonight
wasn't your mom's fault.
378
00:14:30,890 --> 00:14:33,391
Then whose?
My dad's?
379
00:14:33,476 --> 00:14:36,044
He's been nothing
but calm and polite.
380
00:14:36,095 --> 00:14:38,480
It's my mom
who's been starting everything.
381
00:14:38,547 --> 00:14:41,099
So you haven't noticed him
pushing her buttons all night?
382
00:14:41,183 --> 00:14:43,985
Apologizing to her nurse
for her?
383
00:14:44,053 --> 00:14:45,403
Criticizing the way
she holds Joffrey
384
00:14:45,488 --> 00:14:46,655
or the way she fed me?
385
00:14:46,722 --> 00:14:48,773
Smirking at the drawing?
386
00:14:48,858 --> 00:14:50,391
The guy's a manipulative bully.
387
00:14:50,443 --> 00:14:52,744
But what does he have to gain?
388
00:14:52,828 --> 00:14:54,696
What he's always wanted:
control over you.
389
00:14:54,747 --> 00:14:57,499
I mean, it's obvious how close
you and your mom have gotten.
390
00:14:57,566 --> 00:14:59,067
He had to find a way to
391
00:14:59,118 --> 00:15:00,502
tear you apart.
392
00:15:00,569 --> 00:15:02,087
I mean,
this whole night has been
393
00:15:02,171 --> 00:15:04,506
yet another giant manipulation,
Henry Newman style.
394
00:15:16,302 --> 00:15:19,087
Kristen and the nurse
are with your mother.
395
00:15:19,138 --> 00:15:22,223
It's been a while since
I've seen her this bad.
396
00:15:22,274 --> 00:15:24,592
I hope she's okay.
397
00:15:24,643 --> 00:15:27,062
Do you?
398
00:15:27,113 --> 00:15:29,114
Or-or maybe you've been
taunting her all night,
399
00:15:29,198 --> 00:15:30,615
trying to get a rise out of her.
400
00:15:30,700 --> 00:15:32,117
Maybe you wanted this to happen.
401
00:15:32,201 --> 00:15:34,035
Of course not.
402
00:15:34,103 --> 00:15:36,154
Tonight was a mistake.
403
00:15:36,238 --> 00:15:38,406
I-I never should have agreed
to see you again.
404
00:15:38,457 --> 00:15:41,376
Not until I was ready
to tell you how I really feel.
405
00:15:41,443 --> 00:15:43,277
Ryan, if you need
to say something...
406
00:15:43,329 --> 00:15:46,631
I've needed to say something
to you for the last 20 years.
407
00:15:46,716 --> 00:15:49,834
I became a lawyer
before you even let me consider
408
00:15:49,919 --> 00:15:52,286
what I might actually
want to do with my life.
409
00:15:52,338 --> 00:15:54,422
I never meant to force
you into anything.
410
00:15:54,473 --> 00:15:57,809
You could have always
told me the truth.
411
00:15:57,893 --> 00:16:00,261
And disappoint you? No, no.
412
00:16:00,312 --> 00:16:03,314
I saw firsthand what happens
to people who disappoint you.
413
00:16:03,399 --> 00:16:05,517
I saw what happened to Mom.
Ryan...
414
00:16:05,601 --> 00:16:07,652
Working for you was so toxic.
415
00:16:07,737 --> 00:16:08,970
Do you want to know why I quit?
416
00:16:09,021 --> 00:16:10,655
Because I knew that
417
00:16:10,740 --> 00:16:12,824
if I stayed there any longer,
it'd kill me.
418
00:16:12,908 --> 00:16:15,193
Oh.
419
00:16:15,277 --> 00:16:17,996
It nearly did.
420
00:16:20,649 --> 00:16:23,651
What are you saying?
421
00:16:25,588 --> 00:16:27,872
I tried to kill myself.
422
00:16:27,957 --> 00:16:30,258
Oh, my God.
423
00:16:32,494 --> 00:16:34,846
I...
424
00:16:34,930 --> 00:16:38,332
I don't know what to say.
425
00:16:38,384 --> 00:16:42,503
Look, I swear, I wasn't trying
to provoke your mother tonight.
426
00:16:42,555 --> 00:16:44,689
But everything you said
427
00:16:44,774 --> 00:16:47,725
about your experience at
the firm is probably true.
428
00:16:47,810 --> 00:16:50,111
Ryan,
429
00:16:50,179 --> 00:16:52,730
if I'd known my behavior
would have this effect on you,
430
00:16:52,815 --> 00:16:54,199
that it would push you to...
431
00:16:57,019 --> 00:16:59,871
However I need to change...
432
00:16:59,955 --> 00:17:02,574
I'll change.
433
00:17:02,658 --> 00:17:06,544
I just can't go another two
years without you in my life.
434
00:17:13,836 --> 00:17:15,670
Mrs. Newman,
435
00:17:15,721 --> 00:17:18,372
if you don't open the door
right this second, then...
436
00:17:18,424 --> 00:17:20,642
no more Wasabi Funyuns
in the rec room.
437
00:17:22,711 --> 00:17:24,145
All right, that shit's on you.
438
00:17:24,213 --> 00:17:25,647
You know you're gonna want 'em.
439
00:17:25,714 --> 00:17:27,649
Can I give it a try?
440
00:17:27,716 --> 00:17:29,184
Good luck.
(sighs)
441
00:17:33,689 --> 00:17:35,907
Mom, it's Ryan.
442
00:17:38,327 --> 00:17:40,078
I'm sorry.
443
00:17:40,162 --> 00:17:43,448
I shouldn't have said
that you ruined Christmas.
444
00:17:43,532 --> 00:17:45,834
I don't actually think that.
445
00:17:45,901 --> 00:17:48,586
(toilet flushes)
446
00:17:48,671 --> 00:17:51,089
Mom, are you listening?
447
00:17:56,428 --> 00:17:58,763
You don't have to apologize.
448
00:17:58,848 --> 00:18:00,265
It's my fault.
449
00:18:00,349 --> 00:18:02,517
After all these
years, I just...
450
00:18:02,584 --> 00:18:05,136
still haven't figured out
451
00:18:05,221 --> 00:18:07,605
how to not let your father
get to me.
452
00:18:07,690 --> 00:18:09,941
I know how you feel.
453
00:18:12,561 --> 00:18:14,946
Ryan, Ryan,
454
00:18:15,030 --> 00:18:17,265
this is the greatest Christmas
gift anyone's ever given me.
455
00:18:17,316 --> 00:18:18,933
You're welcome.
456
00:18:18,984 --> 00:18:21,269
Just get over there
before Kristen changes her mind.
457
00:18:23,239 --> 00:18:25,606
Where's Dad?
458
00:18:25,658 --> 00:18:28,743
I don't know,
but I do know where Santa is!
459
00:18:28,794 --> 00:18:30,211
You can come out now!
460
00:18:30,279 --> 00:18:31,713
Santa's here?
461
00:18:31,780 --> 00:18:33,498
Oh, shit is about to get real!
462
00:18:33,582 --> 00:18:35,616
Ho! Ho! Ho!
463
00:18:35,668 --> 00:18:36,718
Merry...
(farting, splattering)
464
00:18:36,785 --> 00:18:38,303
Oh, no! Wilfred!
465
00:18:38,387 --> 00:18:39,304
Get him outside!
CATHERINE: Oh!
466
00:18:39,388 --> 00:18:41,339
Dripping on the stairs.
467
00:18:41,423 --> 00:18:43,308
(whimpers):
Ryan.
468
00:18:43,392 --> 00:18:44,125
Oh!
469
00:18:48,115 --> 00:18:50,417
Despite the drama,
it was a good Christmas.
470
00:18:50,501 --> 00:18:53,036
And I feel like maybe my dad
and I can finally--
471
00:18:53,087 --> 00:18:54,908
I don't know-- start over.
472
00:18:55,168 --> 00:18:56,206
So you believed him?
473
00:18:56,257 --> 00:18:58,408
What do you mean?
474
00:18:58,459 --> 00:19:00,543
Maybe your dad upset your mom
because he knew
475
00:19:00,594 --> 00:19:02,095
you'd confront him
and reconcile.
476
00:19:02,625 --> 00:19:04,695
That way, he gets you back
in his clutches.
477
00:19:04,815 --> 00:19:06,532
No, I can't think
like that anymore.
478
00:19:06,616 --> 00:19:10,953
By the way, so annoying
that I got that stomach virus
479
00:19:11,020 --> 00:19:14,990
right before I was about to rip
out that Santa bitch's weave.
480
00:19:15,041 --> 00:19:18,878
Listen, I-I think it's time
someone told you the truth.
481
00:19:20,103 --> 00:19:21,519
Santa isn't real.
482
00:19:21,639 --> 00:19:22,531
What?
483
00:19:22,582 --> 00:19:25,000
Because no one else can see him,
that means he isn't real?
484
00:19:25,051 --> 00:19:26,302
(scoffs)
485
00:19:30,173 --> 00:19:31,974
No glass allowed at Clouds.
486
00:19:32,041 --> 00:19:35,060
Right. Thanks, and namaste.
487
00:19:35,145 --> 00:19:36,762
(sucks teeth)
488
00:19:36,847 --> 00:19:38,430
Bye.
489
00:19:38,515 --> 00:19:40,483
Oh. Merry Christmas, Mom.
490
00:19:40,550 --> 00:19:42,768
You, too. We never did
491
00:19:42,853 --> 00:19:45,154
find out where
that came from tonight, did we?
492
00:19:45,221 --> 00:19:46,906
Oh.
493
00:19:47,758 --> 00:19:50,381
Um, well, actually,
it-it was from me.
494
00:19:50,501 --> 00:19:52,392
I found it in a box
of my old things
495
00:19:52,512 --> 00:19:53,457
from when I was a kid.
496
00:19:53,577 --> 00:19:55,526
Oh. Well, this isn't
your drawing.
497
00:19:55,810 --> 00:19:58,395
You were a little more
spontaneous than that.
498
00:19:58,515 --> 00:19:59,555
At least until your father
499
00:19:59,575 --> 00:20:01,350
stomped your imagination
to death.
500
00:20:01,470 --> 00:20:02,849
Then, who drew it?
501
00:20:02,969 --> 00:20:04,372
Kristen.
502
00:20:09,259 --> 00:20:19,728
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
503
00:20:19,778 --> 00:20:24,328
Repair and Synchronization by
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