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1
00:00:01,164 --> 00:00:03,915
2
00:00:10,260 --> 00:00:11,637
Have you seen this?
3
00:00:14,298 --> 00:00:16,225
That's Kevin Jesquire.
4
00:00:16,391 --> 00:00:17,435
- We work together.
- I know.
5
00:00:17,601 --> 00:00:18,744
He was just arrested
6
00:00:18,869 --> 00:00:20,079
for selling trade secrets
7
00:00:20,204 --> 00:00:21,547
to a rival pharmaceutical company.
8
00:00:21,672 --> 00:00:22,815
It's all over the news.
9
00:00:22,981 --> 00:00:24,483
Holy shit.
10
00:00:24,608 --> 00:00:26,452
That's the reason
my company went under.
11
00:00:26,577 --> 00:00:28,070
That's why my boss killed himself.
12
00:00:28,236 --> 00:00:29,421
Terrible.
13
00:00:29,546 --> 00:00:31,156
Everyone is trying to
get an interview
14
00:00:31,281 --> 00:00:32,783
with this guy's lawyer,
but he's turning them all down.
15
00:00:32,949 --> 00:00:35,160
Well, under the circumstances...
16
00:00:35,327 --> 00:00:37,496
The lawyer's your dad.
17
00:00:37,662 --> 00:00:38,831
An exclusive like this
18
00:00:38,956 --> 00:00:40,332
could really get my
career back on track.
19
00:00:40,591 --> 00:00:43,001
Yeah, well...
The thing is,
20
00:00:43,126 --> 00:00:45,212
my-my dad and I don't really
talk much anymore, so...
21
00:00:45,378 --> 00:00:47,172
I understand.
22
00:00:47,297 --> 00:00:48,640
I mean, it's just that
23
00:00:48,765 --> 00:00:50,509
ever since I freaked out on the air,
24
00:00:50,634 --> 00:00:52,411
and that whole "squishy tits"
thing went viral,
25
00:00:52,536 --> 00:00:55,639
my career is just a total joke.
26
00:00:55,873 --> 00:00:57,416
I'm sorry, I-I-I shouldn't be
complaining to you.
27
00:00:57,541 --> 00:00:58,851
It's not like it's your fault.
28
00:00:59,450 --> 00:01:00,219
Wilfred:
Or is it?
29
00:01:00,344 --> 00:01:01,479
I'm the idiot
30
00:01:01,645 --> 00:01:02,721
who skipped lunch that day.
31
00:01:02,846 --> 00:01:04,356
I-I still can't believe
32
00:01:04,481 --> 00:01:06,592
that low blood sugar
could do that to me, I mean...
33
00:01:06,717 --> 00:01:08,560
Squishy tit.
Squishy tit.
34
00:01:08,685 --> 00:01:10,885
Squish-squish-squishy tit-tit,
35
00:01:11,010 --> 00:01:12,823
squish-squish-squishy tit-tit, t-tit.
36
00:01:12,989 --> 00:01:14,299
Oh, Wilfred!
37
00:01:14,424 --> 00:01:16,535
He's always trying to
make me feel better.
38
00:01:16,701 --> 00:01:18,746
What happened to his face?
39
00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:21,106
Aw, he's been wandering
into Gene's garden lately.
40
00:01:21,231 --> 00:01:22,875
I think he scratched himself
41
00:01:23,100 --> 00:01:24,752
on some rosebushes.
(Cell phone buzzes)
42
00:01:30,574 --> 00:01:33,585
- The squish?
- It's this stupid 30-second segment
43
00:01:33,710 --> 00:01:35,053
they're making me do now.
44
00:01:35,178 --> 00:01:36,688
Today, I'm profiling a guy who claims
45
00:01:36,813 --> 00:01:38,182
to have the largest
forehead in Glendale.
46
00:01:38,348 --> 00:01:40,017
I'm sorry.
47
00:01:40,183 --> 00:01:41,660
Hey.
48
00:01:41,785 --> 00:01:44,021
I'm just one great story
away from a comeback, right?
49
00:01:51,461 --> 00:01:52,738
Jenna...
50
00:01:54,406 --> 00:01:56,200
I-I'll ask my dad.
51
00:01:56,366 --> 00:01:57,910
Really?
52
00:01:58,076 --> 00:01:59,244
It's worth a shot.
53
00:01:59,369 --> 00:02:00,679
(Laughing):
Oh, God...
54
00:02:00,804 --> 00:02:03,439
Thank you so much!
You're the best.
55
00:02:05,375 --> 00:02:07,519
You're not actually gonna
call your dad, are you?
56
00:02:07,644 --> 00:02:09,321
I don't want to.
57
00:02:09,446 --> 00:02:12,024
But the least I can do is
help her get her big story.
58
00:02:12,149 --> 00:02:14,326
I'm the one who left that
stupid pot candy lying around.
59
00:02:14,451 --> 00:02:16,679
I mean, she's beating herself up
for my mistake.
60
00:02:16,920 --> 00:02:18,564
Well, if you want to
make her feel better,
61
00:02:18,689 --> 00:02:19,865
just tell her the truth.
62
00:02:19,990 --> 00:02:21,033
After everything she's been through?
63
00:02:21,158 --> 00:02:22,568
She'd never forgive me.
64
00:02:22,693 --> 00:02:25,571
And since when are you
the poster boy for honesty?
65
00:02:25,696 --> 00:02:28,440
Rosebushes didn't do that.
Okay, look.
66
00:02:28,565 --> 00:02:31,109
I didn't want to bring it up
in front of Jenna, but...
67
00:02:31,234 --> 00:02:32,644
I got into a little scuffle
68
00:02:32,769 --> 00:02:35,214
with several members
of our Dobie community.
69
00:02:35,339 --> 00:02:37,533
Oh, I'm sorry.
"Doberman."
70
00:02:37,699 --> 00:02:39,218
"Dobie" is their word.
71
00:02:39,343 --> 00:02:40,819
I haven't seen any dobermans
in the neighborhood.
72
00:02:40,944 --> 00:02:42,654
They're fast, Ryan.
73
00:02:42,779 --> 00:02:44,289
Three of bastards jumped me
74
00:02:44,414 --> 00:02:45,824
whilst I was in the back alley,
75
00:02:45,949 --> 00:02:47,783
taking the trash out of the trash.
76
00:02:48,126 --> 00:02:49,328
I gave as good as I got,
77
00:02:49,453 --> 00:02:51,797
but in the end
I was simply outnumbered.
78
00:02:51,922 --> 00:02:53,665
Looks like they've struck
79
00:02:53,790 --> 00:02:55,632
at the very heart
of our cat community, also.
80
00:02:55,757 --> 00:02:56,343
What?
81
00:02:56,560 --> 00:02:58,237
So you're just gonna
blame them for everything?
82
00:02:58,362 --> 00:02:59,597
Ryan...
83
00:02:59,763 --> 00:03:01,573
If I'm quick to point pads at Dobies,
84
00:03:01,698 --> 00:03:03,976
it's not because they're
a vicious, poorly trained
85
00:03:04,101 --> 00:03:05,511
mongrel breed who fail to assimilate
86
00:03:05,636 --> 00:03:08,013
and hunt in packs, okay?
87
00:03:08,138 --> 00:03:09,405
It's because they're black.
88
00:03:11,483 --> 00:03:13,218
So then another Dobie comes up,
89
00:03:13,343 --> 00:03:14,786
and I'm like, snap-kick, smack!
90
00:03:14,911 --> 00:03:16,455
And then another
Dobie's like, scratch!
91
00:03:16,580 --> 00:03:18,157
That's how I got this.
And I'm like, bang!
92
00:03:18,323 --> 00:03:20,267
And then these two Dobies
come out from behind,
93
00:03:20,392 --> 00:03:22,578
- and I'm like, reverse double-fist, bang.
- Hold on.
94
00:03:22,744 --> 00:03:24,265
- There were five Dobies?
- Yeah.
95
00:03:24,390 --> 00:03:26,457
- You said there were three Dobies.
- What's the difference?
96
00:03:26,623 --> 00:03:27,958
Two Dobies.
97
00:03:28,124 --> 00:03:29,501
It's not a numbers game, Ryan.
98
00:03:29,667 --> 00:03:31,045
(Cat meows)
What'd you say?
99
00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:32,437
It was... not a numbers game?
100
00:03:32,562 --> 00:03:33,714
No, after that.
101
00:03:33,930 --> 00:03:35,674
(Cat meows)
Did you hear that?
102
00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:37,259
- No.
- Wilfred...
103
00:03:37,425 --> 00:03:39,602
Is there a cat in here?
104
00:03:41,138 --> 00:03:42,264
What have you done?
105
00:03:42,430 --> 00:03:45,417
It's not what I've done,
106
00:03:45,542 --> 00:03:46,919
Ryan...
107
00:03:47,044 --> 00:03:49,278
It's what I'm going to do!
108
00:03:50,605 --> 00:03:53,258
What the hell is that?
109
00:03:53,383 --> 00:03:55,152
- You didn't know that was there?
- No.
110
00:03:55,419 --> 00:03:57,162
Well, I guess there's
a lot of things you don't know.
111
00:03:57,287 --> 00:03:58,739
For instance,
112
00:03:58,955 --> 00:04:02,668
did you know there's
a coin behind your ear?
113
00:04:02,793 --> 00:04:05,671
Oh... never mind, it was just
the way the light was reflecting
114
00:04:05,796 --> 00:04:06,914
off the back of your ear.
115
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:08,374
Anyway.
116
00:04:08,540 --> 00:04:10,075
(Cat meows)
117
00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:12,477
(Cats meowing)
118
00:04:12,602 --> 00:04:14,112
(Wilfred laughs)
119
00:04:14,237 --> 00:04:15,547
Is that the cat from the poster?
120
00:04:15,713 --> 00:04:17,675
What the hell is going on?
121
00:04:17,841 --> 00:04:19,927
Why are there cats
in a pit in my basement?
122
00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:21,687
Why, Ryan?
123
00:04:21,812 --> 00:04:23,979
Because they took everything from me.
124
00:04:28,017 --> 00:04:30,362
(Cats meowing)
125
00:04:30,487 --> 00:04:33,107
Okay, you remember
the scratch on my face, right?
126
00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:35,401
The one that's still there?
Yes.
127
00:04:35,567 --> 00:04:37,820
It wasn't done by Dobies.
128
00:04:37,986 --> 00:04:39,988
Yeah. I got that.
129
00:04:40,154 --> 00:04:41,540
I was in Gene's garden.
130
00:04:41,665 --> 00:04:42,825
That much is true.
131
00:04:44,868 --> 00:04:47,546
His green lawn lay freshly mowed.
132
00:04:47,671 --> 00:04:51,249
Sprinkler rainbows
dazzling in the sun.
133
00:04:51,374 --> 00:04:54,143
A Fluffy tail swaying in the breeze.
134
00:04:55,979 --> 00:04:58,690
A welcoming purr.
135
00:04:58,815 --> 00:04:59,958
An invitation?
136
00:05:00,083 --> 00:05:01,260
A game?
137
00:05:02,719 --> 00:05:06,365
I wagged my tail,
138
00:05:06,490 --> 00:05:08,758
and smiled on approach.
139
00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:12,871
That's when...
140
00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:14,673
A hiss, a scratch,
141
00:05:14,798 --> 00:05:16,675
so fast...
142
00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:19,578
Open paws, smacks to the face,
143
00:05:19,703 --> 00:05:21,880
again, and again...
144
00:05:22,005 --> 00:05:23,407
I just wanted it to stop,
145
00:05:24,007 --> 00:05:25,550
and all I could hear was
146
00:05:25,675 --> 00:05:27,219
the words of my attacker:
147
00:05:27,344 --> 00:05:28,887
"Meow! Meow!
148
00:05:29,012 --> 00:05:30,330
Meow!"
149
00:05:31,882 --> 00:05:34,960
Well, who's meowing now, bitches?
150
00:05:35,126 --> 00:05:36,395
There are six cats in there.
151
00:05:36,520 --> 00:05:37,671
Which one scratched you?
152
00:05:37,837 --> 00:05:39,264
Does it matter, Ryan?
153
00:05:39,389 --> 00:05:40,883
They've all scratched someone.
154
00:05:41,049 --> 00:05:43,051
So what are you planning to do?
155
00:05:43,217 --> 00:05:44,670
Kill them.
156
00:05:44,795 --> 00:05:47,673
But first, I will torture them
157
00:05:47,798 --> 00:05:50,108
by driving them insane.
158
00:05:50,233 --> 00:05:51,518
(Cackling)
159
00:05:51,684 --> 00:05:54,188
Pitiful fools.
160
00:05:54,471 --> 00:05:56,948
Oh, you want the string,
but you'll never catch it.
161
00:05:57,073 --> 00:05:58,317
Look at them, Ryan!
162
00:05:58,483 --> 00:06:00,444
- They're losing their minds!
- Wilfred...
163
00:06:00,610 --> 00:06:01,887
These are pets.
164
00:06:02,012 --> 00:06:03,197
People will be looking for them.
165
00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:04,589
They're cats, Ryan.
166
00:06:04,714 --> 00:06:05,949
No one cares.
Six cats missing
167
00:06:06,115 --> 00:06:07,592
in the same neighborhood.
168
00:06:07,717 --> 00:06:09,919
That doesn't happen
every day, it's...
169
00:06:11,621 --> 00:06:14,249
... A big deal.
170
00:06:14,415 --> 00:06:15,834
The string of disappearing cats
171
00:06:15,959 --> 00:06:17,836
has struck fear into
the hearts of animal lovers
172
00:06:17,961 --> 00:06:19,071
in this tight-knit community.
173
00:06:19,196 --> 00:06:20,672
We can only wait and pray
174
00:06:20,797 --> 00:06:21,973
for their safe return.
175
00:06:22,098 --> 00:06:24,076
In Venice Beach, I'm Jenna Muller,
176
00:06:24,201 --> 00:06:26,804
- and this is "The Squish."
- And cut.
177
00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:28,413
Nice job, Squishy T.
178
00:06:28,538 --> 00:06:31,016
Thanks, Rob.
179
00:06:31,182 --> 00:06:33,251
That was... gripping.
180
00:06:33,376 --> 00:06:34,812
Very dramatic.
181
00:06:35,045 --> 00:06:37,622
Come on, Ryan.
It's a missing pet story.
182
00:06:37,747 --> 00:06:41,126
It's one step above
a preschool head lice outbreak.
183
00:06:41,251 --> 00:06:43,404
But thanks for suggesting it.
184
00:06:45,422 --> 00:06:46,908
Have you heard from your dad yet?
185
00:06:47,074 --> 00:06:48,366
Y-yeah.
186
00:06:48,491 --> 00:06:51,036
He said no. Sorry.
187
00:06:51,161 --> 00:06:52,997
Another lie, Ryan?
That's okay.
188
00:06:53,163 --> 00:06:54,573
It's probably a sign
189
00:06:54,698 --> 00:06:55,941
that I should be getting
out of this business.
190
00:06:56,066 --> 00:06:57,743
I have a cousin in Long Beach
191
00:06:57,868 --> 00:06:59,644
who sells sleep apnea machines.
192
00:06:59,769 --> 00:07:01,923
She says they're always
looking for new reps.
193
00:07:02,089 --> 00:07:04,050
But this job is your dream.
194
00:07:04,307 --> 00:07:07,119
Well, maybe it's time
that I face reality.
195
00:07:07,244 --> 00:07:08,972
Tits, let's move!
196
00:07:10,280 --> 00:07:11,690
Don't give up.
197
00:07:11,815 --> 00:07:13,792
Maybe this cat story will
develop into something.
198
00:07:13,917 --> 00:07:15,019
Like what?
199
00:07:15,185 --> 00:07:16,495
I don't know.
200
00:07:16,620 --> 00:07:17,796
Maybe there'll be a feel-good ending.
201
00:07:17,921 --> 00:07:19,508
Like all the cats are found safe.
202
00:07:19,633 --> 00:07:21,734
Or sex-butchered by a psychopath.
203
00:07:21,900 --> 00:07:24,126
I guess.
204
00:07:25,362 --> 00:07:26,872
Wow.
205
00:07:26,997 --> 00:07:28,940
"Missing cats turn up
totally unmurdered."
206
00:07:29,065 --> 00:07:30,342
Stop the presses.
207
00:07:30,467 --> 00:07:31,777
It'll keep the story alive.
208
00:07:31,902 --> 00:07:33,445
As soon as it gets dark,
209
00:07:33,570 --> 00:07:36,666
we're releasing those cats.
210
00:07:36,832 --> 00:07:38,316
I don't get it, Wilfred.
211
00:07:38,441 --> 00:07:39,669
If you were really gonna kill them,
212
00:07:39,835 --> 00:07:40,919
why not just do it?
213
00:07:41,044 --> 00:07:42,547
Why keep them in a pit?
214
00:07:42,713 --> 00:07:44,055
Because I'm fattening them up
215
00:07:44,180 --> 00:07:45,300
to make a cat suit out of their fur.
216
00:07:45,466 --> 00:07:46,926
Ooh. What?
217
00:07:47,092 --> 00:07:49,220
- Why?
- Ryan...
218
00:07:49,386 --> 00:07:50,862
Someone needs to show
the cat community
219
00:07:50,987 --> 00:07:53,365
what happens when you go
around scratching dogs.
220
00:07:53,490 --> 00:07:55,834
Plus, imagine how hilarious I'd look
221
00:07:55,959 --> 00:07:57,269
wearing a full-bodied animal suit!
222
00:07:57,394 --> 00:07:58,537
Yeah, well,
223
00:07:58,662 --> 00:08:00,773
that's not gonna happen.
224
00:08:00,939 --> 00:08:02,274
Oh, Ryan, you really
believe that, don't you?
225
00:08:02,399 --> 00:08:03,902
(Laughs)
Adorable.
226
00:08:04,068 --> 00:08:06,268
(Cell phone ringing)
227
00:08:10,755 --> 00:08:12,617
- Hey, Jenna.
- Oh, my God, Ryan.
228
00:08:12,742 --> 00:08:14,037
You won't believe
who just e-mailed me.
229
00:08:14,277 --> 00:08:17,081
Some psychopath who claims
he has the missing cats!
230
00:08:17,247 --> 00:08:17,609
What?
231
00:08:17,734 --> 00:08:20,364
At first I thought it was
some YouTube creep, pranking me,
232
00:08:20,489 --> 00:08:22,420
but then he sent me
a picture of them as proof.
233
00:08:22,586 --> 00:08:23,988
He's for real!
234
00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:27,177
- How about that?
- It gets better.
235
00:08:27,302 --> 00:08:30,735
He's planning to record himself
sex-butchering the cats.
236
00:08:30,860 --> 00:08:33,271
I mean, I feel bad for them,
but he's sending me the video,
237
00:08:33,396 --> 00:08:34,807
and I am going to be the lead story
238
00:08:34,973 --> 00:08:37,810
on every broadcast tomorrow!
239
00:08:37,976 --> 00:08:39,401
And it's all thanks to you.
240
00:08:44,558 --> 00:08:47,207
{pub}Jenna already told her producer
about the cat-killer video.
241
00:08:47,559 --> 00:08:49,828
Her piece is slotted for
tomorrow's broadcast!
242
00:08:49,953 --> 00:08:51,741
- I hope you're happy.
- I am happy.
243
00:08:51,907 --> 00:08:53,032
It's a perfect plan.
244
00:08:53,157 --> 00:08:54,566
Jenna gets her story,
245
00:08:54,691 --> 00:08:56,496
the cats die,
and you get your nuts flicked.
246
00:08:56,662 --> 00:08:57,736
Ow!
247
00:08:57,861 --> 00:08:58,998
What is wrong with you?
248
00:08:59,164 --> 00:09:01,106
There is no cat-killer video!
249
00:09:01,231 --> 00:09:03,742
Jenna's going to be
humiliated all over again,
250
00:09:03,867 --> 00:09:05,964
and this time she'll
give up her dream.
251
00:09:06,130 --> 00:09:07,913
Well, maybe she wouldn't
be so hard on herself
252
00:09:08,038 --> 00:09:09,748
if someone came clean and told her
253
00:09:09,873 --> 00:09:11,636
she's not responsible for
destroying her own career.
254
00:09:11,802 --> 00:09:15,187
(Sighs)
255
00:09:15,312 --> 00:09:16,891
We're making the cat-killer
video, aren't we?
256
00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:18,017
We are!
257
00:09:19,560 --> 00:09:21,693
(Filtered voice):
This is just the beginning.
258
00:09:21,818 --> 00:09:23,729
I will not rest
259
00:09:23,854 --> 00:09:26,067
- until every cat in Venice is dead.
- Cut!
260
00:09:27,424 --> 00:09:29,301
(Sighs)
Everybody take five.
261
00:09:32,114 --> 00:09:33,605
You know, I'm just not
feeling it, mate.
262
00:09:33,730 --> 00:09:35,074
Um... where are you?
263
00:09:35,199 --> 00:09:36,875
Because you're not here.
264
00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:38,343
This is so stupid.
265
00:09:38,468 --> 00:09:40,164
Can I just say my lines
and get this over with?
266
00:09:40,330 --> 00:09:41,647
This is what I'm talking about, Ryan.
267
00:09:41,772 --> 00:09:42,948
This about who this psychopath is!
268
00:09:43,073 --> 00:09:45,374
Let's just do this.
269
00:09:46,628 --> 00:09:48,464
Everybody set?
270
00:09:49,813 --> 00:09:51,050
And...
271
00:09:53,550 --> 00:09:54,595
... Action!
272
00:09:54,851 --> 00:09:57,181
- This is just the beginning...
- Cut!
273
00:09:59,723 --> 00:10:01,366
Okay, uh...
274
00:10:01,491 --> 00:10:02,701
You've-you've done
the naturalistic shit...
275
00:10:02,826 --> 00:10:04,436
Well, it's not shit, but...
276
00:10:04,561 --> 00:10:06,705
You-you've done that now.
Just for the hell of it,
277
00:10:06,830 --> 00:10:08,240
let's do one really big.
278
00:10:08,365 --> 00:10:10,278
Like, if that was a four,
give me a ten.
279
00:10:11,635 --> 00:10:13,281
And...
280
00:10:13,447 --> 00:10:14,991
Action!
281
00:10:15,157 --> 00:10:16,582
This is just the beginning!
282
00:10:16,707 --> 00:10:18,016
Bigger, please, Ryan!
283
00:10:18,141 --> 00:10:19,585
I will not rest
284
00:10:19,710 --> 00:10:21,748
until every cat in Venice is dead!
285
00:10:21,914 --> 00:10:23,082
Bigger, Ryan.
286
00:10:23,313 --> 00:10:25,126
And then I will move
to my ultimate goal...
287
00:10:25,292 --> 00:10:27,459
- Bigger, mate!
- Of making earrings,
288
00:10:27,584 --> 00:10:30,048
and bronze testicles,
289
00:10:30,214 --> 00:10:31,296
of every postal worker
290
00:10:31,421 --> 00:10:34,010
in the greater Los Angeles area!
291
00:10:36,814 --> 00:10:40,934
And now, let the first
blood be spilled!
292
00:10:41,846 --> 00:10:43,102
Cut.
Whoa!
293
00:10:43,268 --> 00:10:45,777
You don't say "cut." I say "cut."
294
00:10:45,902 --> 00:10:48,066
Unless I say "action,"
and then you... cut.
295
00:10:48,232 --> 00:10:49,781
We're not using real cats for this.
296
00:10:49,906 --> 00:10:51,778
Ryan, this needs to look authentic.
297
00:10:51,944 --> 00:10:54,113
- This'll look fine.
- Okay, do it your way.
298
00:10:54,279 --> 00:10:55,821
Since you can do it
299
00:10:55,946 --> 00:10:57,308
and see it through
the camera at the same time.
300
00:10:57,433 --> 00:10:59,081
What do I know?
I'm just a dickhead in a trucker cap.
301
00:10:59,483 --> 00:11:01,393
I'm not killing any cats...
302
00:11:01,518 --> 00:11:02,997
Goddamned you!
303
00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:05,063
I'm trying to help you here.
You understand that?
304
00:11:05,188 --> 00:11:06,965
I've been a goddamned coordinator!
305
00:11:07,090 --> 00:11:09,701
I'm trying to help you figure
out the goddamned picture.
306
00:11:09,826 --> 00:11:11,403
Okay, bitch?
307
00:11:11,528 --> 00:11:13,341
(Glass shattering)
No need to be goddamned yell at.
308
00:11:13,507 --> 00:11:18,750
We worked on this goddamned
thing for three goddamned hours,
309
00:11:18,875 --> 00:11:22,744
not to be yelled at by some
little runt funny goddamned fool!
310
00:11:23,934 --> 00:11:26,860
I've been trying to help you,
you goddamned bitch!
311
00:11:27,658 --> 00:11:28,978
Figure that yourself!
312
00:11:30,774 --> 00:11:32,424
Goddamn!
313
00:11:32,549 --> 00:11:33,825
You want my help!
314
00:11:33,950 --> 00:11:35,227
You don't want my help!
315
00:11:35,352 --> 00:11:37,029
Wasting everybody's time!
316
00:11:37,154 --> 00:11:38,491
Sorry, everyone!
317
00:11:38,657 --> 00:11:40,399
So they're goddamned gone!
318
00:11:40,524 --> 00:11:43,035
You're goddamned grown-up!
319
00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:45,771
You're not a goddamned baby!
320
00:11:45,896 --> 00:11:47,706
You're a goddamned grown-up.
321
00:11:47,831 --> 00:11:48,918
I'm not a grown-up.
322
00:11:49,299 --> 00:11:51,276
I'm only trying
to goddamned help you!
323
00:11:51,401 --> 00:11:53,645
Did I yell at you?
324
00:11:53,770 --> 00:11:56,515
Did I goddamned yell at you
before right now?!
325
00:11:56,640 --> 00:11:57,616
No.
No!
326
00:11:57,741 --> 00:11:59,345
I didn't goddamned yell at you.
327
00:11:59,710 --> 00:12:01,253
Not before right now.
328
00:12:01,378 --> 00:12:03,555
You goddamned slut!
329
00:12:03,680 --> 00:12:05,601
(Clattering)
330
00:12:09,553 --> 00:12:11,196
(Sighs)
331
00:12:11,321 --> 00:12:14,357
Fine, shoot it with the stuffed cats.
332
00:12:16,393 --> 00:12:20,572
Ah, you started it without me.
333
00:12:20,697 --> 00:12:22,741
Yeah, I would've waited,
334
00:12:22,866 --> 00:12:26,372
but your e-mail to Jenna promised
we're in time for the new news, so...
335
00:12:26,770 --> 00:12:27,832
(Clicks mouse)
336
00:12:27,998 --> 00:12:28,914
(Slurping)
337
00:12:29,039 --> 00:12:30,376
(Clicking mouse)
338
00:12:30,542 --> 00:12:32,184
Gee, you're a wizard
with that clicker.
339
00:12:32,309 --> 00:12:33,652
It's called a mouse.
340
00:12:33,777 --> 00:12:34,964
Funny name for it, isn't it?
341
00:12:35,130 --> 00:12:36,688
Not really.
342
00:12:36,813 --> 00:12:38,009
343
00:12:38,248 --> 00:12:40,595
That music is just temporary, yeah?
344
00:12:40,761 --> 00:12:42,889
No, that's the music.
345
00:12:43,055 --> 00:12:44,496
Really?
346
00:12:44,621 --> 00:12:47,727
And now let's...
347
00:12:47,893 --> 00:12:49,301
The performance is a bit frivolous.
348
00:12:49,426 --> 00:12:50,646
Let's look at
some of the other titles.
349
00:12:50,812 --> 00:12:52,398
The performance's fine.
350
00:12:52,564 --> 00:12:56,527
If you do say so yourself.
351
00:12:58,236 --> 00:13:01,157
Wow, what a clicking, huh?
352
00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:06,118
Well, yeah, look, I think
I'm just getting away here,
353
00:13:06,243 --> 00:13:07,686
so I should probably...
354
00:13:07,811 --> 00:13:09,221
Man, you really are clicking
355
00:13:09,346 --> 00:13:11,166
the shit out of
that mouse, aren't you?
356
00:13:11,332 --> 00:13:15,027
Anyway, well, good luck
with the video.
357
00:13:15,152 --> 00:13:16,153
Yeah.
358
00:13:21,992 --> 00:13:23,669
What's wrong?
359
00:13:23,794 --> 00:13:26,338
I got the video.
360
00:13:26,463 --> 00:13:28,058
Really?
361
00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:39,736
My sentinel angel
362
00:13:39,902 --> 00:13:42,489
with a heart full of pain
363
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:43,722
(howling)
364
00:13:43,847 --> 00:13:46,158
Cover seems so far
365
00:13:46,283 --> 00:13:49,746
in a cold winter rain
366
00:13:49,912 --> 00:13:55,669
let me kiss away your tears
367
00:13:55,835 --> 00:14:03,709
let me hug away your fears
368
00:14:03,834 --> 00:14:06,178
let me chase away the sad...
369
00:14:06,303 --> 00:14:06,930
(Static cracking)
370
00:14:07,096 --> 00:14:11,106
(Siren wailing)
371
00:14:11,392 --> 00:14:12,519
(Remote clicks)
372
00:14:12,685 --> 00:14:16,439
Just goes on like that
for another 40 minutes.
373
00:14:16,605 --> 00:14:18,156
Jenna, I love it.
374
00:14:18,281 --> 00:14:20,058
It's a masterpiece.
375
00:14:20,183 --> 00:14:21,695
Jenna: It was all a joke.
376
00:14:21,952 --> 00:14:24,863
Stupid little squishy tit's
all for it.
377
00:14:24,988 --> 00:14:26,825
Some journalist I am, huh?
378
00:14:26,991 --> 00:14:29,411
Jenna...
379
00:14:29,577 --> 00:14:30,826
I am done.
380
00:14:32,462 --> 00:14:33,839
(Door slamming)
381
00:14:33,964 --> 00:14:35,583
You reedit it, the video?!
382
00:14:35,799 --> 00:14:37,669
Why didn't you use any
of the stuff we shot?
383
00:14:37,835 --> 00:14:39,462
You were just too big.
384
00:14:39,628 --> 00:14:40,545
How could you?!
385
00:14:40,670 --> 00:14:42,347
She's gonna quit her job!
386
00:14:42,472 --> 00:14:44,116
She's worked so hard
to get to where she is,
387
00:14:44,241 --> 00:14:45,283
and it's all ruined!
388
00:14:45,408 --> 00:14:47,243
All because of...
389
00:14:50,639 --> 00:14:54,060
All because of me.
390
00:14:54,226 --> 00:14:55,979
You have to tell her
it's not her fault.
391
00:14:56,145 --> 00:14:59,107
She's gonna hate me.
392
00:14:59,273 --> 00:15:00,699
Maybe.
393
00:15:00,824 --> 00:15:02,367
Maybe not.
394
00:15:02,492 --> 00:15:05,670
Honesty has a way of making
things work out for the best.
395
00:15:05,946 --> 00:15:08,742
But... what if it doesn't?
396
00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:12,244
Mate, you weren't honest
with Amanda, and you lost her.
397
00:15:12,369 --> 00:15:15,332
Why not try it another way?
398
00:15:18,501 --> 00:15:21,463
Jenna, wait.
399
00:15:21,629 --> 00:15:23,923
What's wrong?
400
00:15:24,147 --> 00:15:27,058
The day you lost it on the air,
401
00:15:27,183 --> 00:15:30,388
you... you ate
a piece of candy at my house.
402
00:15:30,554 --> 00:15:33,892
Yeah, I was hungry; I skipped lunch.
403
00:15:34,058 --> 00:15:36,186
It was pot candy.
404
00:15:36,352 --> 00:15:37,479
You were stoned.
405
00:15:37,645 --> 00:15:39,105
What?
406
00:15:39,271 --> 00:15:40,672
I'm sorry.
407
00:15:40,797 --> 00:15:43,408
I didn't realize it until it was
too late to warn you.
408
00:15:43,533 --> 00:15:45,744
Jenna, you're a good journalist.
409
00:15:45,869 --> 00:15:46,946
You can't quit.
410
00:15:47,112 --> 00:15:48,406
But I-I passed the drug test.
411
00:15:48,572 --> 00:15:50,916
I switched the urine.
412
00:15:51,041 --> 00:15:52,851
That's why you thought
you were pregnant.
413
00:15:52,976 --> 00:15:54,371
I used Kristen's pee.
414
00:15:54,537 --> 00:15:55,848
Oh, my God.
415
00:15:57,547 --> 00:15:59,167
- That's why Drew and I...
- There's more.
416
00:15:59,333 --> 00:16:00,305
To get your job back,
417
00:16:00,430 --> 00:16:02,179
- I blackmailed your boss.
- Stop! Just stop!
418
00:16:02,501 --> 00:16:04,255
Jenna, I-I swear, never meant to...
419
00:16:04,421 --> 00:16:05,864
No, just stay away from me!
420
00:16:05,989 --> 00:16:08,824
Wilfred, come!
421
00:16:12,629 --> 00:16:15,392
You told me if I was honest,
everything would work out.
422
00:16:15,558 --> 00:16:17,209
I really thought it would, mate.
423
00:16:17,334 --> 00:16:19,778
Honestly.
424
00:16:19,903 --> 00:16:21,153
Jenna: Wilfred!
425
00:16:29,697 --> 00:16:31,607
{pub}Again, two pieces of candy.
426
00:16:31,732 --> 00:16:33,834
One is harmless, one is drugs.
427
00:16:33,959 --> 00:16:35,128
Can you tell the difference?
428
00:16:35,253 --> 00:16:36,996
Can your children tell
the difference?
429
00:16:37,162 --> 00:16:37,996
Because I couldn't,
430
00:16:38,121 --> 00:16:40,083
and the consequences for me
were devastating.
431
00:16:40,249 --> 00:16:42,043
It nearly cost me everything.
432
00:16:42,275 --> 00:16:45,120
My job, my reputation
and my peace of mind.
433
00:16:45,245 --> 00:16:46,622
Something needs to be done
434
00:16:46,747 --> 00:16:48,091
to prevent this from happening again.
435
00:16:48,315 --> 00:16:51,193
In Venice Beach, I'm Jenna Mueller.
436
00:16:51,644 --> 00:16:53,152
That was a great report.
437
00:16:54,454 --> 00:16:57,016
Jenna will never speak to me again,
438
00:16:57,257 --> 00:16:59,477
but at least something good's
come out of all this.
439
00:16:59,643 --> 00:17:01,536
Time heals all wounds, right?
440
00:17:01,661 --> 00:17:03,739
That's what you
just scratched on my cheek.
441
00:17:03,864 --> 00:17:07,776
Time, love
and a little bacteria cream.
442
00:17:07,901 --> 00:17:09,311
(Meowing)
443
00:17:09,436 --> 00:17:10,746
Hey, what are you doing?
444
00:17:10,871 --> 00:17:12,080
I'm returning the cats.
445
00:17:12,205 --> 00:17:13,950
There's no reason to keep them.
446
00:17:14,174 --> 00:17:16,035
Dude, I was literally
just about to kill them.
447
00:17:16,201 --> 00:17:17,412
You're cuddling with that cat.
448
00:17:17,578 --> 00:17:21,249
I'll lulling it
into a false sense of security.
449
00:17:21,415 --> 00:17:22,624
(Giggling)
450
00:17:22,791 --> 00:17:23,960
That tickles.
451
00:17:24,126 --> 00:17:26,713
You are naughty.
452
00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:28,664
And you are silly.
453
00:17:28,789 --> 00:17:31,733
Wilfred, it's obvious
that you love them.
454
00:17:31,858 --> 00:17:32,927
Love?
455
00:17:33,093 --> 00:17:34,670
Are you kidding?
456
00:17:34,795 --> 00:17:37,973
Uh, did you not just hear me
call Mrs. Snuggles naughty
457
00:17:38,098 --> 00:17:39,309
and chairman meow silly?
458
00:17:39,475 --> 00:17:41,436
(Gasps)
459
00:17:41,668 --> 00:17:44,272
Look! Cheeky cheek
just brought me a mouse.
460
00:17:44,438 --> 00:17:47,066
You're such a hypocrite.
461
00:17:47,232 --> 00:17:49,184
You pushed me to be honest with Jenna
462
00:17:49,309 --> 00:17:51,520
about the worst shit I've ever done,
463
00:17:51,645 --> 00:17:55,590
but you won't admit how you
really feel about these cats?
464
00:17:55,715 --> 00:17:57,744
Ryan, I have a confession to make.
465
00:17:57,910 --> 00:17:59,871
You love the cats.
466
00:18:03,707 --> 00:18:06,091
Follow me to the alley.
467
00:18:15,096 --> 00:18:15,852
Hey.
468
00:18:15,977 --> 00:18:16,804
Jenna: Hey.
469
00:18:18,438 --> 00:18:20,982
Listen...
470
00:18:21,107 --> 00:18:23,285
About this morning,
471
00:18:23,410 --> 00:18:26,731
I can't stop thinking about
all those things you did.
472
00:18:26,947 --> 00:18:29,734
Jenna, I-I did those things
because I cared about you.
473
00:18:29,950 --> 00:18:34,048
I know, but...
The thing is...
474
00:18:36,501 --> 00:18:37,799
It's my fault, too.
475
00:18:38,425 --> 00:18:39,786
I made you care.
476
00:18:39,952 --> 00:18:45,607
God, you're gonna think
I'm a terrible person, but...
477
00:18:45,732 --> 00:18:47,085
I used you.
478
00:18:47,251 --> 00:18:49,678
- What?
- From the day we met,
479
00:18:49,803 --> 00:18:53,341
it was pretty obvious that
you had a crush on me.
480
00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:57,303
I was new here,
481
00:18:57,469 --> 00:19:00,088
and I felt guilty about
leaving Wilfred alone all day,
482
00:19:00,213 --> 00:19:04,102
and you were so sweet and eager to help,
so I liked you...
483
00:19:04,268 --> 00:19:07,062
Jenna, you didn't use me.
484
00:19:07,187 --> 00:19:08,363
We're friends.
485
00:19:08,488 --> 00:19:09,691
Come on, Ryan.
486
00:19:09,956 --> 00:19:12,434
You took care of Wilfred every day.
487
00:19:12,559 --> 00:19:14,336
You picked up my dry cleaning.
488
00:19:14,461 --> 00:19:15,937
You saved my job.
489
00:19:16,062 --> 00:19:18,540
You did everything for me,
490
00:19:18,665 --> 00:19:22,662
and all I did was smile and
flirt and string you along.
491
00:19:24,580 --> 00:19:27,333
I'm so sorry.
492
00:19:31,837 --> 00:19:34,340
Can you ever forgive me?
493
00:19:34,581 --> 00:19:36,676
Hey, I'll do everything else for you.
494
00:19:36,842 --> 00:19:38,303
(Chuckles)
495
00:19:39,486 --> 00:19:42,164
Oh, uh, I-I saw your report.
496
00:19:42,289 --> 00:19:43,725
It was pretty great.
497
00:19:43,891 --> 00:19:45,400
Thanks.
498
00:19:45,525 --> 00:19:48,804
You know, th-the
response's been amazing.
499
00:19:48,929 --> 00:19:51,006
I even got a call from
the city councilwoman.
500
00:19:51,131 --> 00:19:52,974
She's gonna introduce an ordinance
501
00:19:53,099 --> 00:19:54,876
to clearly label pot candy.
502
00:19:55,001 --> 00:19:57,312
She wants me to be a policy advisor.
503
00:19:57,437 --> 00:19:58,847
Guess this squish is officially dead.
504
00:19:58,972 --> 00:20:00,450
Wow.
505
00:20:00,616 --> 00:20:02,517
Congratulations.
506
00:20:02,642 --> 00:20:05,330
I'm really glad
that everything worked out.
507
00:20:05,496 --> 00:20:08,123
It wouldn't have happened if
you hadn't been honest with me.
508
00:20:08,248 --> 00:20:10,043
You inspired me, Ryan.
509
00:20:22,395 --> 00:20:24,263
That's what friends are for.
510
00:20:27,643 --> 00:20:29,145
{pub}I'm gonna miss you, Popcorn.
511
00:20:29,608 --> 00:20:30,627
Don't forget to get in
512
00:20:30,752 --> 00:20:33,381
at least an hour scratching post
on every day.
513
00:20:34,983 --> 00:20:36,692
And Bootsy, whatever you do,
514
00:20:36,817 --> 00:20:38,895
stay away from that Chinese
restaurant down the street.
515
00:20:39,020 --> 00:20:40,573
You know what they do there.
516
00:20:40,739 --> 00:20:43,910
They overcharge for mediocre food.
517
00:20:44,076 --> 00:20:45,101
Go.
518
00:20:45,226 --> 00:20:46,202
Be free.
519
00:20:46,327 --> 00:20:47,737
You did the right thing, Wilfred.
520
00:20:47,862 --> 00:20:49,290
So hard.
521
00:20:49,456 --> 00:20:51,376
(Barking)
522
00:20:51,542 --> 00:20:52,575
My God!
523
00:20:52,700 --> 00:20:53,643
Dobies?
524
00:20:53,768 --> 00:20:55,213
What, they're real?
525
00:20:55,379 --> 00:20:57,513
Run to the trees!
526
00:20:57,638 --> 00:20:58,581
To the trees!
527
00:20:58,706 --> 00:21:00,850
Run, chairman meow!
(Cat shrieking)
528
00:21:00,975 --> 00:21:02,251
Bootsy, no!
529
00:21:02,376 --> 00:21:05,473
No... ho-oh!
530
00:21:05,639 --> 00:21:08,393
531
00:21:08,443 --> 00:21:12,993
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