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Sync & corrections by Elderfel
www.addic7ed.com
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Amanda: So, you know how
girls aren't supposed
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00:00:29,513 --> 00:00:31,611
to eat on the first date?
Well, just a heads-up...
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00:00:31,612 --> 00:00:33,792
I'm starving,
and I'm not going to hold back.
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00:00:33,793 --> 00:00:36,240
Well, I don't mind breaking a
rule or two, like how the guy's
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00:00:36,241 --> 00:00:38,421
supposed to pick up the check
on a first date.
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00:00:38,422 --> 00:00:40,878
Ryan, can we dialogue?
I talk, you listen. Go.
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00:00:40,879 --> 00:00:42,233
I need you to...
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00:00:42,234 --> 00:00:44,327
Am I interrupting
something here?
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00:00:44,328 --> 00:00:46,481
We were just on our way out.
Well, it'll just take a second.
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00:00:46,482 --> 00:00:49,246
The CNVN311 patent.
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00:00:49,247 --> 00:00:52,514
I need you to review and
summarize by Friday. Possible?
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00:00:52,515 --> 00:00:54,881
This Friday? Sure.
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00:00:54,882 --> 00:00:57,283
Ooh, you sound confident.
(Cell phone buzzes)
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00:00:57,284 --> 00:00:58,545
Thursday.
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00:00:58,546 --> 00:01:01,070
Possible?
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00:01:01,071 --> 00:01:03,164
Sure. Thursday.
Whatever you need.
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00:01:03,165 --> 00:01:04,863
I like your attitude.
19
00:01:04,864 --> 00:01:06,431
Let's make it Wednesday.
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00:01:06,432 --> 00:01:07,798
(Clicks tongue)
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00:01:07,799 --> 00:01:09,899
Wow.
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00:01:09,900 --> 00:01:13,166
We have eyeless test bunnies
in the lab
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00:01:13,167 --> 00:01:14,370
who have it easier than you.
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00:01:14,371 --> 00:01:17,172
I'm gonna have to start this
tonight. Rain check?
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00:01:17,173 --> 00:01:20,241
Sure.
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00:01:20,242 --> 00:01:22,042
I'll just pretend all this
waiting and rescheduling
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00:01:22,043 --> 00:01:23,810
is some sort of
elaborate foreplay.
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00:01:23,811 --> 00:01:27,145
(Phone rings)
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00:01:27,146 --> 00:01:28,479
What do you want?
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00:01:28,480 --> 00:01:31,081
I just want to talk.
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00:01:31,082 --> 00:01:34,046
Staying home alone is boring.
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00:01:34,047 --> 00:01:36,045
I'm sorry, but I'm working.
Jenna and Drew will be back
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00:01:36,046 --> 00:01:37,479
in a couple of weeks.
I'm hanging up now.
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00:01:37,480 --> 00:01:39,081
Wait, wait, real quick.
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00:01:39,082 --> 00:01:41,449
Did you have anything
interesting for lunch?
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00:01:41,450 --> 00:01:44,651
Any spicy sausage?
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00:01:44,652 --> 00:01:48,214
Did you fart?
What did it smell like?
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00:01:48,215 --> 00:01:50,713
My boss just threw another
huge assignment in my lap.
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00:01:50,714 --> 00:01:53,061
I don't have time for this.
I even had to cancel a date.
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00:01:53,062 --> 00:01:55,464
Well, that's 'cause you let
your boss walk all over you.
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00:01:55,465 --> 00:01:57,332
You can't let him keep chipping
away (hammering over phone)
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00:02:02,338 --> 00:02:04,406
What choice do I have?
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00:02:04,407 --> 00:02:06,341
I'm lucky to even have this job.
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00:02:06,342 --> 00:02:08,477
You keep thinking like that,
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00:02:08,478 --> 00:02:10,112
you'll be cleaning up
other people's shit
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00:02:10,113 --> 00:02:11,646
for the rest of your life.
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00:02:11,647 --> 00:02:12,814
You need to stand up
for yourself, mate.
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00:02:12,815 --> 00:02:14,483
What I need is for my boss
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00:02:14,484 --> 00:02:16,818
to ease up and you to let me
get some work done.
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00:02:16,819 --> 00:02:18,386
Don't wait up.
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00:02:20,722 --> 00:02:22,756
- Oh, this is bullshit!
- In.
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00:02:22,757 --> 00:02:25,292
- But I'm innocent.
- So you didn't trash my living room?
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00:02:25,293 --> 00:02:27,060
One man's trash is
another man's feng shui.
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00:02:27,061 --> 00:02:28,828
That's why I left that
pool of yellow water
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00:02:28,829 --> 00:02:30,330
by the southeast door.
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00:02:30,331 --> 00:02:32,632
I'm going to be late. Get in.
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00:02:32,633 --> 00:02:35,201
Why can't I go with you?
I can't take a dog to the office.
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00:02:35,202 --> 00:02:37,337
So you're just going to
leave me in that thing,
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00:02:37,338 --> 00:02:39,439
like some guy caged up
like some animal?
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00:02:39,440 --> 00:02:42,442
(Whining): Ryan, I'm
a social butterfly.
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00:02:42,443 --> 00:02:45,679
I need to be where the
people dance. Please?
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00:02:45,680 --> 00:02:48,349
All right, but this
is a one time thing.
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00:02:48,350 --> 00:02:51,385
- Understand?
- Yeah!
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00:02:54,022 --> 00:02:57,057
Wait till I distract Stacey,
go straight to my office,
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00:02:57,058 --> 00:02:59,192
third door on the right,
and stay there.
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00:03:00,661 --> 00:03:02,929
(Panting)
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00:03:07,235 --> 00:03:09,336
Hey, Stacey.
Hey, Ryan.
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00:03:09,337 --> 00:03:11,738
How's the, uh, coffee?
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00:03:11,739 --> 00:03:14,474
Oh, um, actually,
it's not that great.
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00:03:14,475 --> 00:03:16,209
- Oh.
- Yeah.
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00:03:16,210 --> 00:03:18,178
Ah, shit!
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00:03:18,179 --> 00:03:20,179
There's a guy over there!
There's a guy over here!
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00:03:20,180 --> 00:03:21,748
There's a lady here!
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00:03:21,749 --> 00:03:23,516
Ryan, look, look!
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00:03:23,517 --> 00:03:25,685
- There's people everywhere!
- Stacey: Oh, my God.
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00:03:25,686 --> 00:03:27,220
He is so cute.
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00:03:27,221 --> 00:03:29,589
And you, darling,
are a 9.5 out of 20.
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00:03:29,590 --> 00:03:31,191
Oh!
(Chuckling)
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00:03:31,192 --> 00:03:33,359
- Felicia: Oh, come here, buddy.
- All right.
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00:03:33,360 --> 00:03:35,962
Ooh, he's so soft.
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00:03:35,963 --> 00:03:38,331
Sounds like somebody
wants to see my balls.
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00:03:38,332 --> 00:03:40,667
(Workers chuckle)
Aw, he wants a tummy rub.
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00:03:40,668 --> 00:03:42,368
I'll do it.
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00:03:42,369 --> 00:03:44,203
Is he with you?
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00:03:44,204 --> 00:03:45,638
Uh, he's my neighbor's dog.
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00:03:45,639 --> 00:03:46,939
I'm watching him for the week.
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00:03:46,940 --> 00:03:49,141
- Oh.
- You okay?
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00:03:49,142 --> 00:03:50,709
Yeah, I just need
a cup of coffee.
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00:03:50,710 --> 00:03:53,012
Traffic is out of control!
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00:03:53,013 --> 00:03:56,148
Instead of a high-occupancy
Lane, okay, they should have
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00:03:56,149 --> 00:03:57,816
a high-productivity Lane,
and that way, the people
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00:03:57,817 --> 00:03:59,251
who contribute the
most to society
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00:03:59,252 --> 00:04:02,121
can get to where they
need to go faster!
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00:04:02,122 --> 00:04:04,223
Stacey, get the guy who's in
charge of that on my phone!
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00:04:04,224 --> 00:04:06,191
Is anyone else concerned
that there's a stale,
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00:04:06,192 --> 00:04:09,124
half-eaten wheat thin
under this desk?
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00:04:10,597 --> 00:04:13,065
Is that a dog in my office?
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00:04:13,066 --> 00:04:14,667
Huh?
99
00:04:14,668 --> 00:04:16,768
Tell me...
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00:04:16,769 --> 00:04:18,304
That is not
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00:04:18,305 --> 00:04:21,246
(baby voice)
a doggy in my office!
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00:04:21,247 --> 00:04:22,752
(Gasps) Whoo!
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Hi-ya, doggy!
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00:04:24,190 --> 00:04:27,661
Hi, doggy! Whoa...
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00:04:27,662 --> 00:04:29,830
Who's a cuddly puppy? You are?
Yes, you are.
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00:04:29,831 --> 00:04:32,902
Grinding me, on the floor,
spooning me from behind.
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00:04:32,903 --> 00:04:35,075
This is happening.
This is actually happening.
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00:04:35,076 --> 00:04:37,047
Ooh, whose baby are you?
Huh?
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00:04:37,048 --> 00:04:39,825
He's... my baby, sir.
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00:04:39,826 --> 00:04:43,534
He is? Is Ryan
your big daddy?
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00:04:43,535 --> 00:04:46,107
Jeremy, I have the state highway
commissioner on line one.
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00:04:46,108 --> 00:04:48,378
Well, I've got a
belly rub on line two.
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00:04:48,379 --> 00:04:50,480
Yes, I do! Yes, I do!
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00:04:50,481 --> 00:04:54,900
(Sputters) Hey, Ryan.
How's that patent report going?
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00:04:54,901 --> 00:04:57,003
I may have to work all night,
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00:04:57,004 --> 00:04:58,872
but I should have it
by the morning.
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00:04:58,873 --> 00:05:01,177
Eh, or the next day.
That'll be fine.
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00:05:01,178 --> 00:05:02,800
- Yes, it will. Yes, it will.
- Yeah, that could work.
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00:05:02,801 --> 00:05:04,969
And I'll have to leave
Wilfred at home.
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00:05:04,970 --> 00:05:08,240
- He can be kind of distracting.
- You know what, get it to me whenever.
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00:05:08,241 --> 00:05:11,143
- Who wants a back rub?
- You've had your jollies.
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00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:13,445
Can you give someone else
a turn, eh?
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00:05:13,446 --> 00:05:15,281
(Sputters, laughs)
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00:05:19,666 --> 00:05:22,302
First day on the job,
and I totally killed it.
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00:05:22,303 --> 00:05:26,940
Felicia in Accounting, she
puts on this whale sound CD,
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00:05:26,941 --> 00:05:30,243
and I'm like, "What's that
sound? What's that sound?
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00:05:30,244 --> 00:05:32,312
What's that sound?"
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00:05:32,313 --> 00:05:34,748
And, of course, I knew it
was a whale the whole time.
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00:05:34,749 --> 00:05:36,116
(Chuckles)
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00:05:36,117 --> 00:05:37,384
Well, you see,
I was pretending.
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00:05:37,385 --> 00:05:39,152
That's the bit.
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00:05:39,153 --> 00:05:41,555
Yeah, well, anyway,
it was pretty cute.
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00:05:44,626 --> 00:05:46,827
To the first happy hour
we've seen in months.
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00:05:46,828 --> 00:05:48,896
We should probably toast
to Wilfred, right?
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00:05:48,897 --> 00:05:50,497
I mean, the effect
he had on Jeremy,
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00:05:50,498 --> 00:05:51,765
it's like magic.
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00:05:51,766 --> 00:05:54,368
Actually, it's chemistry.
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00:05:54,369 --> 00:05:57,538
Contact with dogs causes the
human brain to release oxytocin,
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00:05:57,539 --> 00:05:59,406
which is the same hormone
that mothers produce
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00:05:59,407 --> 00:06:01,108
when they're nursing
their babies.
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00:06:01,109 --> 00:06:04,978
Is it weird that I'm so
turned on by how smart you are?
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00:06:04,979 --> 00:06:07,147
Would it turn you on even more
143
00:06:07,148 --> 00:06:08,815
if I answered that
question in Latin?
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00:06:08,816 --> 00:06:11,184
Es-yay.
(Both chuckle)
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00:06:11,185 --> 00:06:13,053
What are you doing
this weekend?
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00:06:13,054 --> 00:06:14,287
Getting older.
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00:06:14,288 --> 00:06:16,122
Friday's my birthday.
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00:06:16,123 --> 00:06:18,225
- Do you have any plans?
- I don't know.
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00:06:18,226 --> 00:06:21,028
I was thinking maybe a
Swanson's chicken potpie
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00:06:21,029 --> 00:06:23,430
and huff some keyboard cleaner,
see where that takes me.
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00:06:23,431 --> 00:06:26,433
Or I could take you
out to dinner
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00:06:26,434 --> 00:06:28,402
and we could huff
keyboard cleaner together.
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00:06:28,403 --> 00:06:31,672
Okay, but I only huff
the good stuff.
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00:06:31,673 --> 00:06:33,707
I'm kind of a
keyboard cleaner snob.
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00:06:33,708 --> 00:06:35,909
Ah.
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00:06:35,910 --> 00:06:37,811
No, but seriously, that
would be really nice.
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00:06:40,048 --> 00:06:42,816
Wilfred:
And then Judith in PR,
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00:06:42,817 --> 00:06:44,952
who apparently
never laughs, says,
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00:06:44,953 --> 00:06:47,355
"look, he's got scotch tape
on the bottom of his paw."
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00:06:47,356 --> 00:06:49,123
And you know what?
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00:06:49,124 --> 00:06:50,992
I did! (Chuckles)
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00:06:50,993 --> 00:06:53,260
I absolutely did.
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00:06:53,261 --> 00:06:57,030
Oh, we all had a real good laugh
at that one, let me tell you.
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00:06:57,031 --> 00:06:59,733
Anyway, guys,
I better get back to my friends.
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00:06:59,734 --> 00:07:02,502
Uh, it was good
chatting with you.
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00:07:02,503 --> 00:07:04,304
I'll kill you!
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00:07:16,784 --> 00:07:19,419
Wilfred:
I brought balls!
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00:07:19,420 --> 00:07:21,287
Balls!
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00:07:21,288 --> 00:07:23,423
Balls outside
the conference room!
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00:07:23,424 --> 00:07:24,847
You like balls?
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00:07:24,848 --> 00:07:26,359
Yay, Ryan brought his dog in
again today.
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00:07:26,360 --> 00:07:28,127
Is this going to
be an everyday thing?
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00:07:28,128 --> 00:07:31,297
Ryan, could you, like, put
your dog in your office?
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00:07:31,298 --> 00:07:32,731
Yeah, he's cute, but,
you know...
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00:07:32,732 --> 00:07:33,932
Yeah, okay, okay.
Wilfred: Balls, balls.
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00:07:33,933 --> 00:07:35,200
- Come on.
- Balls! Balls! Balls!
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00:07:35,201 --> 00:07:36,501
- Wilfred...
- Balls! Balls! Balls!
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00:07:36,502 --> 00:07:38,036
Wilfred, in my office now!
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00:07:40,073 --> 00:07:42,574
I'm sorry.
It's okay.
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00:07:44,543 --> 00:07:46,211
I'm bombing out there.
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00:07:46,212 --> 00:07:48,446
Not a single laugh.
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00:07:48,447 --> 00:07:50,481
Not even an "aw."
It's bullshit!
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00:07:50,482 --> 00:07:51,850
Ow!
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00:07:51,851 --> 00:07:53,785
- Aw.
- This is no joke.
185
00:07:53,786 --> 00:07:56,922
I'm an office dog.
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00:07:56,923 --> 00:07:59,224
It's my duty
to entertain and amuse,
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00:07:59,225 --> 00:08:01,126
and if I can't do it,
they'll bring in
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00:08:01,127 --> 00:08:03,195
some foosball table who can!
189
00:08:03,196 --> 00:08:05,731
Yeah, in this economy,
there's plenty
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00:08:05,732 --> 00:08:07,600
of hungry young tables
that'll work for nothing.
191
00:08:09,202 --> 00:08:11,337
- Suck my dick, Ryan.
- Lighten up.
192
00:08:11,338 --> 00:08:15,174
After two days, the novelty
of an office dog has worn thin.
193
00:08:15,175 --> 00:08:17,209
So what? Jeremy likes you.
194
00:08:17,210 --> 00:08:19,345
That guy rubs me the wrong way.
195
00:08:19,346 --> 00:08:21,814
Literally,
like, against the grain.
196
00:08:21,815 --> 00:08:23,950
From tail to head.
(Shudders)
197
00:08:23,951 --> 00:08:26,652
- Who does that?
- He's in a good mood.
198
00:08:26,653 --> 00:08:28,888
That's all that matters.
Well, that's all that matters to you.
199
00:08:28,889 --> 00:08:30,123
(Inhales deeply)
200
00:08:30,124 --> 00:08:32,459
They loved me once.
201
00:08:32,460 --> 00:08:35,428
I don't understand.
202
00:08:35,429 --> 00:08:37,197
Why am I slipping?
203
00:08:40,101 --> 00:08:43,137
Slipping.
204
00:08:43,138 --> 00:08:45,273
That's it.
205
00:08:49,311 --> 00:08:50,645
What are you going to do?
206
00:08:50,646 --> 00:08:52,447
Something big, something epic.
207
00:08:52,448 --> 00:08:54,583
Something people
will be talking about
208
00:08:54,584 --> 00:08:56,818
for the rest of their morning.
209
00:08:56,819 --> 00:08:59,120
- Possibly through to lunch.
- Wilfred, please.
210
00:08:59,121 --> 00:09:00,955
Hey! Everyone,
211
00:09:00,956 --> 00:09:03,290
look at me.
212
00:09:03,291 --> 00:09:04,758
I'm going to run
213
00:09:04,759 --> 00:09:07,661
and make a sharp turn
into the break room.
214
00:09:07,662 --> 00:09:10,865
I'm sure that my paws will have
no trouble getting traction
215
00:09:10,866 --> 00:09:14,201
on this slippery polished
concrete floor.
216
00:09:14,202 --> 00:09:15,469
Wait. W-Wilfred, don't!
217
00:09:17,773 --> 00:09:19,908
Oh, great.
218
00:09:19,909 --> 00:09:22,109
Jesus, Ryan.
I just had a salty lunch.
219
00:09:22,110 --> 00:09:23,744
Ricky to the rescue!
220
00:09:24,913 --> 00:09:26,180
Are you not entertained?
221
00:09:28,317 --> 00:09:30,585
Are you not entertained?
222
00:09:30,586 --> 00:09:32,853
What is wrong with you people?!
223
00:09:32,854 --> 00:09:35,155
What the hell
is going on out here? Huh?
224
00:09:35,156 --> 00:09:36,457
And why is everybody
just standing around?
225
00:09:36,458 --> 00:09:38,325
Except for you, Ricky.
226
00:09:38,326 --> 00:09:40,160
You're doing
a great job, as always.
227
00:09:40,161 --> 00:09:42,496
Ryan's dog knocked over
the water cooler.
228
00:09:42,497 --> 00:09:44,698
I don't give a shit
about the water cooler.
229
00:09:44,699 --> 00:09:47,101
I just got off the phone
with my source from Kanner/McKay
230
00:09:47,102 --> 00:09:49,370
who told me that they
are developing a compound
231
00:09:49,371 --> 00:09:51,305
that is nearly
identical to ours.
232
00:09:51,306 --> 00:09:53,574
And I swear to God,
if those clowns
233
00:09:53,575 --> 00:09:55,843
come up with a cure
for lung cancer,
234
00:09:55,844 --> 00:09:58,479
it is going to be
a sad, sad day.
235
00:09:58,480 --> 00:10:01,415
Everyone, work now!
236
00:10:01,416 --> 00:10:02,917
Ryan!
237
00:10:02,918 --> 00:10:04,752
Where's my CNVN report?
238
00:10:04,753 --> 00:10:06,521
Oh, I thought you said I could
239
00:10:06,522 --> 00:10:08,290
- get that to you whenever.
- Whenever?
240
00:10:08,291 --> 00:10:11,026
Does that sound like the type
of thing a person who puts
241
00:10:11,027 --> 00:10:14,596
$50 million of his own
on the line would say?
242
00:10:14,597 --> 00:10:16,398
(Stammering) When am I
going to get it?
243
00:10:16,399 --> 00:10:17,465
Is Monday okay?
244
00:10:17,466 --> 00:10:18,633
Tomorrow.
245
00:10:18,634 --> 00:10:20,135
Possible?
246
00:10:20,136 --> 00:10:21,837
You, not being a dick,
possible?
247
00:10:21,838 --> 00:10:23,305
Tomorrow, Friday?
248
00:10:23,306 --> 00:10:25,875
But that patent is
three inches thick.
249
00:10:25,876 --> 00:10:28,343
Three inches?
(Sighs)
250
00:10:28,344 --> 00:10:33,644
Stacey, have we sent Ryan
the CNVN311 addendum yet?
251
00:10:45,756 --> 00:10:48,391
I hereby tender
my resignation as office dog.
252
00:10:48,392 --> 00:10:52,463
Well, it'll be a pretty
big blow to the company.
253
00:10:52,464 --> 00:10:54,765
Don't forget to schedule an exit
interview with the snow globe.
254
00:10:54,766 --> 00:10:57,534
I'm serious, Ryan.
I'm not going back there.
255
00:10:57,535 --> 00:10:59,201
Those idiots
wouldn't know adorable
256
00:10:59,202 --> 00:11:01,367
if it cornered them
in a holding cell
257
00:11:01,368 --> 00:11:03,302
and raped them
with a plunger handle.
258
00:11:03,303 --> 00:11:06,272
That reminds me...
Bear, can you pick up a plunger
259
00:11:06,273 --> 00:11:07,774
- before our next date night?
- Wilfred,
260
00:11:07,775 --> 00:11:09,542
you have to come back
to the office with me.
261
00:11:09,543 --> 00:11:11,211
I'm never going to
finish this in time.
262
00:11:11,212 --> 00:11:13,113
You need to put Jeremy
in a good mood
263
00:11:13,114 --> 00:11:14,514
so I can ask for an extension.
264
00:11:14,515 --> 00:11:16,783
If I have to cancel
on Amanda again,
265
00:11:16,784 --> 00:11:19,252
- I'm afraid she'll give up on me.
- You don't need me.
266
00:11:19,253 --> 00:11:21,555
You just need to quit whining
and get some self-respect.
267
00:11:21,556 --> 00:11:23,557
I mean, this is your father
all over again.
268
00:11:23,558 --> 00:11:25,726
- What are you talking about?
- You never stood up to him, either.
269
00:11:25,727 --> 00:11:27,195
So intimidated.
270
00:11:27,196 --> 00:11:28,930
So desperate for approval.
271
00:11:28,931 --> 00:11:32,066
Can't even check "no"
on an RSVP card.
272
00:11:32,067 --> 00:11:33,735
Oh...
273
00:11:33,736 --> 00:11:35,770
(Chuckles)
Don't tell me you want to go
274
00:11:35,771 --> 00:11:37,706
to your father's
black-tie circle jerk.
275
00:11:37,707 --> 00:11:39,307
Stop psychoanalyzing me.
276
00:11:39,308 --> 00:11:40,608
It's two completely
different situations.
277
00:11:40,609 --> 00:11:41,943
Really, Ryan?
278
00:11:41,944 --> 00:11:44,145
Jeremy's nothing
like your father?
279
00:11:44,146 --> 00:11:47,448
So, when that stern
authority figure
280
00:11:47,449 --> 00:11:49,184
makes unreasonable
demands of you,
281
00:11:49,185 --> 00:11:50,685
you don't feel weak
and powerless?
282
00:11:50,686 --> 00:11:53,621
Your palms don't sweat?
283
00:11:53,622 --> 00:11:55,456
And your stomach
doesn't twist into knots?
284
00:11:55,457 --> 00:11:58,092
You don't fool me, Ryan.
285
00:11:58,093 --> 00:12:00,128
You may wear
big-boy pants now,
286
00:12:00,129 --> 00:12:02,096
but underneath it all,
287
00:12:02,097 --> 00:12:04,098
you've still got that same
little-boy penis.
288
00:12:04,099 --> 00:12:06,201
You're coming back to the
office with me, and that's it.
289
00:12:06,202 --> 00:12:07,435
No way.
290
00:12:07,436 --> 00:12:09,403
Not unless you help me
291
00:12:09,404 --> 00:12:11,405
come up with some new material.
292
00:12:11,406 --> 00:12:12,873
I have to finish
this by tomorrow.
293
00:12:12,874 --> 00:12:14,475
You think I have time to
teach you a new trick?
294
00:12:14,476 --> 00:12:17,778
No, I need to come up
with a whole new adorable act.
295
00:12:17,779 --> 00:12:19,312
(Sighs)
296
00:12:19,313 --> 00:12:20,948
Better put on a pot of coffee.
297
00:12:20,949 --> 00:12:22,716
This is probably
going to take us all night.
298
00:12:22,717 --> 00:12:24,351
Us?
299
00:12:24,352 --> 00:12:26,287
Oh, your ass just got jinxed.
300
00:12:26,288 --> 00:12:28,055
Nice one, Bear! (Chuckles)
301
00:12:28,056 --> 00:12:30,090
You owe him a coke, by the way.
302
00:12:35,908 --> 00:12:38,176
Wilfred (Groans):
Come on.
303
00:12:38,177 --> 00:12:40,077
Adorable, adorable, adorable.
What's adorable?
304
00:12:40,078 --> 00:12:41,879
How about this?
305
00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:44,448
I lie down on the floor
and pretend I'm asleep.
306
00:12:44,449 --> 00:12:47,018
Then I start twitching
and making cute little noises,
307
00:12:47,019 --> 00:12:48,853
like I'm dreaming
about chasing a rabbit
308
00:12:48,854 --> 00:12:50,889
through a field of clouds.
Cute shit, right?
309
00:12:50,890 --> 00:12:54,058
- Sure, whatever.
- Ah, that's not it!
310
00:12:54,059 --> 00:12:56,394
Better write that down, Bear.
There might be something there.
311
00:12:56,395 --> 00:12:58,563
Wilfred, we've been
at this all night.
312
00:12:58,564 --> 00:12:59,831
Well, maybe we'd
be done if you'd
313
00:12:59,832 --> 00:13:01,633
focus on making me
look adorable
314
00:13:01,634 --> 00:13:03,869
instead of goofing around
with your little legal brief.
315
00:13:03,870 --> 00:13:05,537
All right.
316
00:13:05,538 --> 00:13:08,039
What about, I don't know,
sad, droopy dog eyes?
317
00:13:09,508 --> 00:13:11,309
What the...?
Are you kidding me?
318
00:13:11,310 --> 00:13:14,812
Lassie was doing sad,
droopy dog eyes back in 1955.
319
00:13:14,813 --> 00:13:16,180
That shit is hack.
320
00:13:18,049 --> 00:13:19,817
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah,
what about this?
321
00:13:19,818 --> 00:13:21,518
Okay, I'm sitting down
322
00:13:21,519 --> 00:13:24,921
doing nothing,
then, suddenly, I lift my head,
323
00:13:24,922 --> 00:13:27,023
cock my ears
and look really alert...
324
00:13:28,626 --> 00:13:31,528
for absolutely no reason.
325
00:13:31,529 --> 00:13:33,396
That's great.
326
00:13:33,397 --> 00:13:35,498
Honestly, the fact
that you think it's great
327
00:13:35,499 --> 00:13:37,467
makes me think it's not great.
328
00:13:37,468 --> 00:13:38,568
What's that?
329
00:13:40,537 --> 00:13:42,604
Oh, really?
330
00:13:42,605 --> 00:13:44,439
(Chuckles) Okay,
this will be interesting.
331
00:13:44,440 --> 00:13:46,141
Bear's got a pitch.
Okay, let's hear it.
332
00:13:50,546 --> 00:13:54,216
Oh, that sounds
pretty good, huh?
333
00:13:54,217 --> 00:13:56,752
Really?
334
00:13:56,753 --> 00:13:58,520
If it's so good,
why did you interrupt Bear
335
00:13:58,521 --> 00:14:00,056
in the middle of his pitch?
336
00:14:00,057 --> 00:14:01,824
Go on, Bear.
337
00:14:04,028 --> 00:14:05,361
What, what, that's it?
338
00:14:05,362 --> 00:14:07,063
That's the pitch?
339
00:14:09,866 --> 00:14:12,734
For God sakes, Wilfred, just pick
something... anything.
340
00:14:12,735 --> 00:14:16,137
Maybe you're right.
We got to have something here.
341
00:14:16,138 --> 00:14:18,273
Let me just check
through these notes.
342
00:14:19,508 --> 00:14:20,742
What the...?
343
00:14:20,743 --> 00:14:23,511
Are you kidding me?
344
00:14:23,512 --> 00:14:26,448
45 pages of lower-case H's?
345
00:14:26,449 --> 00:14:27,983
What, have you been writing
none of this down?
346
00:14:27,984 --> 00:14:30,352
- Jesus, Bear!
- Wilfred, calm down!
347
00:14:30,353 --> 00:14:32,087
How could I calm down?!
We've got nothing, Ryan!
348
00:14:32,088 --> 00:14:35,056
Nothing!
349
00:14:35,057 --> 00:14:36,725
You are a disgrace!
350
00:14:36,726 --> 00:14:38,760
I can't even look
at you right now.
351
00:14:38,761 --> 00:14:40,362
Where's your sex bag?
352
00:14:50,239 --> 00:14:52,474
Wilfred... look.
353
00:14:56,279 --> 00:14:58,514
Of course.
(Chuckles)
354
00:14:58,515 --> 00:15:01,751
Bear, you are a genius.
355
00:15:01,752 --> 00:15:04,020
Bag on my head,
and I can't get it off.
356
00:15:04,021 --> 00:15:06,056
Bag on my head,
and I can't get it off!
357
00:15:06,057 --> 00:15:07,357
Okay, new plan.
358
00:15:07,358 --> 00:15:09,225
Bear, you sit over here.
Ryan, you type.
359
00:15:11,896 --> 00:15:14,364
(Knocks)
Jeremy?
360
00:15:14,365 --> 00:15:16,299
Can I talk to you for a second?
361
00:15:16,300 --> 00:15:18,134
You got my report?
362
00:15:18,135 --> 00:15:20,336
Actually, that's what I
wanted to talk to you about.
363
00:15:20,337 --> 00:15:23,206
But before we do that, I assume
you want to say good morning
364
00:15:23,207 --> 00:15:24,975
to your favorite...
365
00:15:26,611 --> 00:15:29,046
Wilfred?
366
00:15:29,047 --> 00:15:30,380
Wilfred:
Ladies and gentlemen,
367
00:15:30,381 --> 00:15:32,315
how's everybody
doing this morning?
368
00:15:32,316 --> 00:15:34,017
It's good to be back here
in the office.
369
00:15:34,018 --> 00:15:35,619
Uh, how many people work here?
A show of hands?
370
00:15:37,089 --> 00:15:38,556
Okay, uh, I'll just...
371
00:15:38,557 --> 00:15:39,991
I'll just get
straight into it, then.
372
00:15:39,992 --> 00:15:41,926
Um...
373
00:15:41,927 --> 00:15:45,430
Hey! Where did this
paper bag come from?
374
00:15:45,431 --> 00:15:47,266
Kevin, did you eat
all the jalapenos
375
00:15:47,267 --> 00:15:48,834
off my cheddar
jalapeno bagel again?
376
00:15:48,835 --> 00:15:51,269
(Breathy):
No. No. Why?
377
00:15:51,270 --> 00:15:53,004
- Hey.
- Hi.
378
00:15:53,005 --> 00:15:55,007
I'm excited about tonight.
379
00:15:55,008 --> 00:15:56,675
Me, too.
380
00:15:56,676 --> 00:15:58,911
Wilfred: So, it seems
there's this bag...
381
00:15:58,912 --> 00:16:01,446
Athletic injury
in your sleep. (Laughs)
382
00:16:01,447 --> 00:16:04,116
Excuse me, do I come into
your place of business
383
00:16:04,117 --> 00:16:06,051
and interrupt you
when you're working?
384
00:16:06,052 --> 00:16:07,419
Wilfred: Anyway,
back to the bag.
385
00:16:07,420 --> 00:16:09,688
I wonder what's inside.
386
00:16:09,689 --> 00:16:11,022
Careful, doggy!
387
00:16:11,023 --> 00:16:13,991
Don't get your head
stuck in a bag.
388
00:16:13,992 --> 00:16:16,160
- What the hell are you doing?!
- Hey, look at me.
389
00:16:16,161 --> 00:16:18,762
I'm a dumb dog.
(Office workers laugh)
390
00:16:18,763 --> 00:16:20,497
Stacey:
Oh, very cute, Ricky.
391
00:16:20,498 --> 00:16:23,301
(All laugh)
392
00:16:23,302 --> 00:16:24,502
You bastard!
393
00:16:24,503 --> 00:16:26,704
Did you see that?!
394
00:16:26,705 --> 00:16:29,807
Slow Piscopo stole my bit
right out from under me!
395
00:16:29,808 --> 00:16:31,675
You know what you need...
a good belly rub.
396
00:16:31,676 --> 00:16:33,644
And I think Jeremy's available.
397
00:16:33,645 --> 00:16:36,047
Hi, guys! Toilet time.
398
00:16:36,048 --> 00:16:37,983
Shouldn't you be out
terrifying white-water rafters
399
00:16:37,984 --> 00:16:40,686
with your banjo music?
400
00:16:40,687 --> 00:16:42,654
Hey, Ricky, could you
give us a minute?
401
00:16:42,655 --> 00:16:44,423
But... but it's toilet time.
402
00:16:45,859 --> 00:16:48,327
(Gasps)
Hi, doggy!
403
00:16:48,328 --> 00:16:49,695
(Growling)
404
00:16:49,696 --> 00:16:51,330
Wilfred! Wilfred!
405
00:16:55,249 --> 00:16:57,717
Again, I am...
I am so, so sorry about this. (Sobbing)
406
00:16:57,718 --> 00:16:59,385
Go get help!
Shh!
407
00:16:59,386 --> 00:17:00,920
It's really not that bad.
408
00:17:00,921 --> 00:17:02,922
Wilfred: Let me
out of here, Ryan!
409
00:17:02,923 --> 00:17:05,492
Why did he hurt my face?
410
00:17:05,493 --> 00:17:06,694
I love him.
I know.
411
00:17:06,695 --> 00:17:08,562
(Gasps)
412
00:17:08,563 --> 00:17:10,564
I look terrible!
413
00:17:10,565 --> 00:17:12,232
Wilfred:
Don't worry, pretty boy.
414
00:17:12,233 --> 00:17:14,134
- You still got your quick wit.
- Listen, Ricky,
415
00:17:14,135 --> 00:17:16,570
it's very important that we
don't tell anyone about this.
416
00:17:16,571 --> 00:17:18,906
Okay? I could lose my job.
417
00:17:18,907 --> 00:17:22,277
I could forget about it
418
00:17:22,278 --> 00:17:25,146
if you do my job.
419
00:17:27,949 --> 00:17:29,950
Are you blackmailing me?
420
00:17:29,951 --> 00:17:33,454
Maybe I am, maybe I'm not.
421
00:17:33,455 --> 00:17:36,457
I'm not really sure
what blackmailing means.
422
00:17:40,428 --> 00:17:42,629
Do it!
423
00:17:45,133 --> 00:17:48,102
(Gagging) Wilfred: That
dude is such a slowpoke.
424
00:17:48,103 --> 00:17:50,537
I mean, talk about dumb.
425
00:17:50,538 --> 00:17:52,273
The guy redefines...
Ah, shit!
426
00:17:52,274 --> 00:17:54,375
Enough, Wilfred.
I'm not in the mood.
427
00:17:54,376 --> 00:17:56,077
Oh, now you put your foot down.
428
00:17:56,078 --> 00:17:57,912
You could have been off
experimenting
429
00:17:57,913 --> 00:17:59,880
with that scientist chick
right now
430
00:17:59,881 --> 00:18:01,315
if you just stood up
for yourself.
431
00:18:01,316 --> 00:18:03,117
What? This all happened
because of your
432
00:18:03,118 --> 00:18:05,185
- insatiable need for attention.
- No, Ryan.
433
00:18:05,186 --> 00:18:07,188
This happened because
you're a human door mat.
434
00:18:07,189 --> 00:18:10,591
Either help me
or get out of here.
435
00:18:10,592 --> 00:18:12,559
You're doing a shit job
at that shit job.
436
00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:14,628
Jesus, are you good at anything?
437
00:18:14,629 --> 00:18:16,931
No wonder you're so starved
for your father's approval.
438
00:18:16,932 --> 00:18:18,532
You never did anything
to earn it.
439
00:18:18,533 --> 00:18:21,932
That's not true.
I did everything to earn it.
440
00:18:21,933 --> 00:18:23,208
Well, maybe you didn't
try hard enough.
441
00:18:23,209 --> 00:18:24,457
I couldn't have tried
any harder.
442
00:18:24,458 --> 00:18:25,726
Then maybe you're
not good enough.
443
00:18:25,727 --> 00:18:27,094
Well, then, screw you!
444
00:18:27,095 --> 00:18:29,138
I'm a great lawyer,
and I was a great son.
445
00:18:29,139 --> 00:18:30,044
Look, I did everything right,
446
00:18:30,045 --> 00:18:32,313
and all I got
in return was shit.
447
00:18:32,314 --> 00:18:34,415
Well, I'm done!
448
00:18:34,416 --> 00:18:36,451
Say it again.
449
00:18:40,222 --> 00:18:42,357
I'm done.
450
00:18:43,859 --> 00:18:45,460
Ah, shit!
451
00:18:46,461 --> 00:18:48,361
Ah, Ryan.
452
00:18:48,362 --> 00:18:50,397
Look, Jeremy,
453
00:18:50,398 --> 00:18:52,131
I will not be finishing
that report by tomorrow.
454
00:18:52,132 --> 00:18:53,599
I have a date tonight.
455
00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:55,468
I'm good at my job,
and I will work
456
00:18:55,469 --> 00:18:58,104
my ass off for you,
but only if we set some limits.
457
00:18:58,105 --> 00:18:59,706
- First...
- You got it.
458
00:18:59,707 --> 00:19:01,307
I do?
459
00:19:01,308 --> 00:19:03,276
Yeah, whatever you want.
460
00:19:03,277 --> 00:19:05,278
- Really?
- Totally.
461
00:19:05,279 --> 00:19:06,379
See you Monday.
462
00:19:12,420 --> 00:19:13,688
I'll be there in 15 minutes.
463
00:19:13,689 --> 00:19:16,157
Order me a keyboard cleaner.
464
00:19:16,158 --> 00:19:17,925
(Chuckles)
That was incredible.
465
00:19:17,926 --> 00:19:19,426
I had no idea it'd be so easy
466
00:19:19,427 --> 00:19:21,294
to get what I wanted
from Jeremy.
467
00:19:21,295 --> 00:19:24,230
Me, neither. I was like 99% sure
you were going to get fired.
468
00:19:36,011 --> 00:19:37,945
You're an inspiration, Ryan.
You hear me?
469
00:19:37,946 --> 00:19:42,817
In fact, I'm going to go give
Jeremy a piece of my mind.
470
00:19:42,818 --> 00:19:46,187
- Tail to head, my ass.
- Wilfred!
471
00:19:46,188 --> 00:19:48,023
Jeremy...
472
00:19:48,024 --> 00:19:49,858
Sorry, Jeremy. I...
473
00:19:55,197 --> 00:19:57,632
You know, I think I'm
going to take next week off.
474
00:19:57,633 --> 00:19:59,534
Possible?
475
00:20:01,036 --> 00:20:03,004
Very, very possible.
476
00:20:03,005 --> 00:20:04,605
(Clicks tongue)
Go.
477
00:20:30,432 --> 00:20:32,800
(Snickers)
Oh, my God.
478
00:20:32,801 --> 00:20:34,869
It's the 21st century.
479
00:20:34,870 --> 00:20:37,139
I can't believe you
still believe that.
480
00:20:37,140 --> 00:20:39,977
Let's just assume for a second
that the world really is round,
481
00:20:39,978 --> 00:20:42,279
like you say.
482
00:20:42,280 --> 00:20:45,049
The good people of America
are right here on top.
483
00:20:45,050 --> 00:20:49,153
And the Chinese folk
are on the bottom.
484
00:20:49,154 --> 00:20:52,291
Why do they not just fall off?
485
00:20:52,292 --> 00:20:53,692
What, you expect me to believe
486
00:20:53,693 --> 00:20:55,127
they have magnets
in their shoes?
487
00:20:55,128 --> 00:20:57,663
It's not magnets.
It's gravity.
488
00:20:57,664 --> 00:21:01,500
- And it's in their shoes?
- Yes.
489
00:21:04,726 --> 00:21:06,788
www.addic7ed.com
490
00:21:06,838 --> 00:21:11,388
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