Original subtitles

It was so simple, Tina.

Vince called,

and he said, "Hey, I've got tickets to the Knicks tonight."

And I said, "That's so cool."

And he said, "I'll see you later."

[ gasps ] Do you know what this is, Tina?

The most boring story I've ever heard?

No, it's our first official date as a couple.

Oh, don't you feel the excitement?

I mean, this is gonna be our first time.

Holly, there's only one first time

I really want to hear about.

I just hope I still have my hearing

by the time that happens.

Tina, I know this must be really hard for you

because Vince and I are going through the transition

from friends to more than, but you have to know

that I will always be there for -- Vince!

My boyfriend, Vince, is here!

Oh, there's my baby.

Whoo-hoo! Knicks!

Mwah. You see that, Tina?

Vince and I kiss when we see each other now.

We're no longer just friends.

[ snores ]

- Hey, y'all. - Hey, Gary.

We got to go. We don't want to be late.

Yeah, your ass has to soak up every second

of those sweet-ass seats.

You know it, Gary.

That's right, girl.

Oh!

Okay, we gotta go.

See that, Tina?

I get to kiss my girlfriend before we leave.

[ laughing ]

And see that, Tina?

That's what I'm talking about. My boyfriend, Vince...

...just went on our first date with Gary.

♪ What I like about you ♪

♪ You really know how to dance ♪

♪ When you go up, down, jump around ♪

♪ Talk about true romance ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Keep on whisperin' in my ear ♪

♪ Tell me all the things that I wanna hear ♪

♪ 'Cause it's true ♪

♪ That's what I like about you ♪

♪ That's what I like about you ♪

♪ That's what I like about you, you, you ♪

♪ That's what I like about you ♪

♪ That's what I like about you ♪

♪ That's what I like about ♪

♪ Uh-huh ♪

♪ Uh-huh ♪

♪ It's what I like about you ♪

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[ sniffs ]

Oh.

[ chuckling ]

[ Valerie ]: Mmm! Ooh, Holly!

You made my favorite dinner.

Thank you so -- oh.

It's you.

Come here, baby. Try this.

It is so moist.

I don't want your moist poultry in me.

Come on.

Once you go blackened chicken, you never go back.

Come on, Val.

We said we were gonna give this marriage six months.

We might as well have some fun.

Oh. You know what would be fun?

If you went ahead and signed the annulment papers.

That'd be "da bomb."

[ clears throat ]

Mmm!

[ chuckling ] Mmm!

Mmm!

Ahh!

All right. That's it.

I am gonna mark off every day on my calendar until you leave.

Where's my calendar?

You might want to try the lower right-hand cabinet.

What the hell is this?

Oh, hey, check it out. It's me.

[ laughing ]

Yeah, I know it's a little cheesy,

but all the profits go to a kids' charity.

I can see that --

the "St. Jude's" written across your stuff there.

Ow! Ohh! Ow! Ow!

Paper cut!

Okay, okay. Let me see.

It's bleeding! I see blood.

Let me see.

Ow! Ow! Ohh! That stings!

Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.

It hurts.

Got to keep pressure on it.

But it hurts.

It hurts bad.

Where can I get a band-aid?

In the bakery.

I'll get it. Bye.

You -- you don't have a band-aid here?

Y-yeah, but, um...

I have to go to the bakery anyway,

- 'cause I can't be here. - Why can't you be here?

Um, because...

I've, uh, decided to go ahead

with my bakery-remodel project redo.

Yes, that's right.

I'm gonna have to be there for it.

Many hours -- not here, there.

Okay? Bye-bye. Okay. All right.

It's a little chilly. I'm gonna need some pants.

I don't understand. I mean, he called me.

He said he had tickets to the Knicks.

I said, "That's so cool."

And then he said, "I'll see you later."

What am I missing?

The part where he asked you to go.

Why didn't he ask me to go?

I mean, it was our first date.

Shouldn't I have been there?

Gary does have a really good body.

In the old days, it would have been so simple.

I mean, I would have called Vince, yelled at him,

gotten my feelings out,

and then gone out with one of my boyfriends.

So yell at him.

No! I can't yell at him!

What are you talking about?!

I said "him."

Tina, I am his girlfriend now.

Everything is different -- everything.

I mean, I have to think before I act now.

Oh, it is so hard!

Before, when we were just friends,

if he took Gary to the game, I wouldn't have cared,

but now look at me!

I am hurt, Tina. I'm so hurt.

[ cheers and applause ]

Yes! In the face!

In the face!

[ laughing ]

Thank you for taking me to this game instead of Holly.

I know it must have been hard leaving her like that.

- Like what? - You're kidding. You didn't notice?

Notice what?

Her Knicks hat, her shocked face

when you said, "Let's go to the game"?

Oh, man, you don't think she thought she was coming.

Yes, Vince. Yes, I do.

Oh, man, I am so stupid.

Yes, Vince. Yes, you are.

Why the hell did you wait till we get here to tell me?

I wanted to come to the game, Vince.

Yes, I did.

[ cheers and applause ]

Yeah! That's the way to put it down, down, down!

Tina, I don't know what to do.

I want to tell Vince how I feel,

but I don't want to be all whiny.

I want to let him know I should be

the most important person in his life.

Burn his stuff.

What?

[ cell phone ringing ] Oh, my God. It's Vince.

I want to talk, but I don't know what to say yet.

- Say you're at a party. - Why?

So he'll think you're having a great time without him.

You got to make him feel left out, just like you.

But I'm not at a party.

You are now.

♪ Oh, oh ♪

[ dance music plays ]

Answer!

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

Hello?

Holly, where are you?

I can barely hear you.

Oh, I'm at a party.

Oh.

Where?

Oh, at a party without you!

- Holly, look, Orlando Bloom. - Oh, my God, where!

Holly, can you hear me?

Oh, it's kind of hard, being at a party and all.

Look, I feel really bad about tonight.

He feels bad about tonight.

Now, get off. Don't stay too long at the fair.

Got to go. We're going to a fair.

[ whistle blowing ]

What are you still doing here?

Ooh, are you finally doing this month's accounting?

- Yeah. - No, you're not. You're playing on-line poker.

Yeah.

Hey, what are you doing here?

Well, I am starting the redo.

We're building a bigger, better bakery.

Hmm. At 9:00 at night?

I am not attracted to him.

Why does everybody think I'm attracted to him?

All I said was "9:00 at night."

Why don't you go play your on-line poker somewhere else?

Well, somebody had to be here to let the carpenter in.

What carpenter?

Hey, baby. [ drill whirrs ]

What the hell are you doing here?

I do some carpentry, and what with the remodel,

I didn't want to see my wife hire some strange contractor

who'd rip her off, so I figured, "Why not save that money?

Our kids are going to college."

No, our kids are not going to college.

Okay. I'll love them whatever.

No, no, no love.

No kids, okay? I want you to go.

No, don't you move... unless it's like this.

What is wrong with you?

He knows what he's doing.

He drew up professional sketches,

and he's free.

No, he's not free. Nothing is free.

He is doing all of this just because

he wants to be around me so we can connect.

Okay, fine.

If you truly don't like him,

then you don't have to fear a connection.

[ gasps ] Ooh.

No, I don't fear a connection.

That's stupid.

You want to know what I think?

No.

I think that you are totally attracted to him,

and it's scaring the hell out of you.

Oh, please.

Look at him, all ripply.

How much time do you think he wastes at the gym every day?

Get a life, buddy.

Okay, fine.

Tell him you don't want him working here,

but then he's gonna know you're attracted to him.

That's a double "ooh."

Okay, you're annoying.

[ sighs ]

Listen, mister.

I am not attracted to you, okay?

So I have no problem with you being here.

If you want the job, you got it.

Hi. Uh, you should know if you're gonna be working here,

that I do the company physicals.

So I'm gonna need you to turn your head and cough.

So then, Vince said, "Oh, I feel awful."

And I said, "Oh, what? I can't hear you.

- I'm at a party." - [ laughter ]

I love that story.

It gets better every time you tell it.

Well, it's a good story.

The game's over in two hours. We got to get out of here.

He has to think you're still at that party.

Good point. So what are we gonna do?

It's New York City. We can do whatever we want.

[ gasps ]

Want to go to a 24-hour drugstore

- and smell hair products? - Yes.

[ door closes ]

What was that?

[ Vince ]: Holly?

Oh, my God, it's Vince! What does this mean?

It means the party got raided, and we had to come home.

Now get it together!

Hey.

Oh, what are you doing back two hours early?

Oh, I couldn't stay there.

Couldn't stop thinking about you.

Holly, I feel terrible.

So you missed three quarters of your game?

I'm so sorry, but I didn't even think you'd want to go.

But, I know, I know, I still should have asked.

But you do have to know

I would never do anything to hurt you.

But you went to your game, and I went to a party.

I mean, we were even. It was all good.

What do you mean we're even?

I-I mean that...

You didn't even have to leave the game.

I mean, I really wish you hadn't have done that.

God, now I feel so --

Nothing. She feels nothing.

No, Tina, I do feel something.

[ exhales slowly ]

Listen, Vince, I didn't go to a party.

I made it up, and you were supposed to feel a little bad,

but you felt a lot bad.

And, oh, God, I lied to you,

and now I feel awful.

There.

I said it.

Oh, I feel so much better.

So you hurt me on purpose?

Only 'cause you hurt me first.

Mine was an accident.

Listen, Vince,

I was gonna tell you before, but I was so mad.

And I didn't want to be one of those annoying,

crazy girlfriends, so, you know,

I didn't tell you.

But we just got together,

and I didn't want to ruin our relationship.

What's that, Holly?

I can't hear you. I'm at a party.

So...you don't want to go smell hair products now?

Are you still playing poker?

I stopped playing poker 45 minutes ago.

I met a guy. We're talking.

Talking? You don't even know this guy.

He could be a pervert.

Val, why do you always have to go to the dirty place?

'Cause that's where you live.

For your information,

sex in any shape or form has not even come up.

Yeah, we were talking about how we both love our birthdays,

how we both hate touching the strap on the subway,

how we both got choked up during that penguin movie.

Oh, God. I really hope he's not 10.

Boss, can I see you for a minute?

I need a decision.

Please, just state your business.

What do you think about doing a tin ceiling?

No. No, no, no. I want a flat white ceiling.

I don't want anything except...

that.

That would look incredible.

Except it's gonna need a molding,

and I'm very particular about my moldings.

I don't like any kind but...

that kind.

Oh, that -- that I love.

- Yeah, and we could just... - Distress it.

Well, you do have some nifty ideas, don't ya?

Okay, so go ahead and get to it.

This construction's hurting my business.

I could go faster if I had an extra set of hands helping.

[ chuckles ] No, no, no, no, no.

These are baking hands, not building hands.

Well, you do want me out of here, right, for business?

Yes, I do.

Okay. Good. Come on.

First thing we're gonna do is nail down this countertop.

- You see the stud? - You are so into you.

No, Val, this -- this here is the stud.

My bad.

Go ahead. Give it a shot.

Go on.

[ chuckles ]

That was nowhere near the nail, all right?

You're holding it all wrong.

You're gonna hurt yourself. Come here.

Let me help. Come here.

Just...

Good.

You ready?

- Mm-hmm. - Sure?

Let's try it.

There you go. That was good.

That was...good.

Good. Good.

That's good. There you go.

Get a rhythm. Now you got it.

Faster. Faster.

Work it.

[ banging continues ]

Whoo!

Oh, yes!

I mean, uh...that's good.

I'm gonna go.

[ chuckling ]

Okay.

I'm attracted to you.

There. You happy?

I think you're hot.

Hot, hot, hot, you son-of-a-bitch fireman.

Val?

Oh, Holly, hi. [ laughs nervously ]

What are you doing? Are you spying on me?

Did you hear any of that?

No, just you telling the son-of-a-bitch fireman

that you think he's hot, hot, hot.

But I don't care. I thought you were Vince.

Val, can I ask you something?

When you and Vic got married, did stuff change?

Well, yeah, the bartender changed shifts.

No, what I don't understand

is what's going on with me and Vince.

I want it to work out so badly,

but I'm overthinking everything.

Take it from me, as someone who thinks way too much,

and then one night -- just one night --

didn't think at all. [ laughing ]

Sorry.

Just find the middle, okay?

That is what's healthy.

That is what's good.

You'll be very happy there.

Okay?

The middle. The middle's good.

"Middle" -- what the hell does that mean?

You hang in there, fireman.

She's this close.

[ snoring ]

Vince.

Vince.

Mnh. What took you so long?

Tell me you're sorry and give me a kiss.

Man, better get your hands off my ass.

Sorry, man, I, uh... thought you were Holly.

I've been waiting for her to come back and apologize.

Oh. Well, I just saw her in the hallway.

- What's she doing? - Pacing.

That's it -- just pacing?

And crying.

And you left her there?

No. I came in here to get you.

I think she's crying because you didn't take her to that game.

You're not being a very considerate boyfriend.

Oh.

Oh.

[ door opens ]

What's wrong with you?

So much.

I've been waiting on the terrace for two hours

for you to apologize.

I was gonna come apologize to you before,

but I thought you needed time to cool off.

And, also, I thought maybe I'd wait till the morning.

But then I really tried to find this middle thing --

What the hell is going on?

What happened to the girl

who used to come yell at me every five minutes,

the girl who used to tell me exactly how she felt,

exactly how I felt,

the girl who didn't question every move she made?

I miss her. She was delightful.

I miss her, too.

I think she left town when you and I started dating.

I mean, if you forgive her, I could probably get her back.

Get her back.

Do you forgive her?

I forgive her!

Oh!

Why was it so much easier when we were friends?

Vince, the only reason it got complicated

is because I wasn't honest with you.

We both got weird with the whole changeover.

- I know. - Yeah.

We need to ease up --

go back to saying whatever we want to say.

Like if we're mad at each other, we tell each other?

If we want to have sex with each other?

- Deal. - Deal.

I think it's finally time we had sex with each other.

Not yet.

Yeah.

But soon.

Hmm?

See you in the morning?

See you in the morning.

I love you.

I know. I know.

I love you, too, Boo.

Oh, my God.

Even his chicken is lean and delicious.

[ doorknob rattling ]

- Baby, I'm home. - Hey.

What are you eating?

Mmm. Nothing.

[ sniffs ]

I smell chicken.

Don't know why.

Well, maybe 'cause it's still in the fridge.

Okay. I'm gonna go grab a shower.

You do that.

I'm in trouble.

Son-of-a-bitch fireman.

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