Original subtitles

When we last left Val and Holly...

Hey, Val,

I'm sorry, but Julie looked me right in the eye

and told me that Rick called her.

You believed her?

Rick left Julie for me. She hates me and is obviously lying.

Okay, fine, she's lying. I'm sorry, I'm not going to say another word.

Except what if she isn't lying?

Why are you trying to ruin my wedding?

I'm sorry. I just don't want you to do something

that you might regret.

Look, there is nothing going on with Rick and Julie, okay?

Rick loves me. Now, stop saying mean things,

slap a smile on that face, and freakin' give me away!

Who gives this bride away?

Oh. Me.

[ whispers ] You can still get out of this.

I'm just saying.

We are gathered here today to join these two

in holy matrimony.

Sorry. I'm not touching you on purpose.

It's not sexual or anything,

it's just I got smushed into you.

Damn. Because I was just about to rip off my dress

and have sex again with you right here.

You're kidding, right?

...Richard Alan

take Valerie Kelly to be your lawfully wedded wife,

to love and to cherish in sickness and in health

as long as you both shall live?

I do.

And do you, Valerie Kelly,

take Richard Alan to be your lawfully wedded husband,

to love and to cherish in sickness and in health

as long as you both shall live?

Did you call Julie, or did Julie call you?

Huh?

What?

Uh...

could you all excuse us for a minute, please?

[ murmuring ]

Whoa, whoa, it'll just be easier if we step out.

Sit down.

♪ You really know how to dance ♪

♪ When you go up, down, jump around ♪

♪ Talk about true romance ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Keep on whispering in my ear ♪

♪ Tell me all the things that I wanna hear ♪

♪ 'Cause it's true ♪ ♪ What I like ♪

♪ That's what I like about you ♪ ♪ What I like ♪

♪ That's what I like about you ♪ ♪ What I like about you ♪

♪ That's what I like about you ♪ ♪ What I like about you ♪

♪ That's what I like about you ♪ ♪ What I like about you ♪

♪ That's what I like about you ♪

♪ What I like about you ♪

♪ That's what I like about ♪ ♪ Hey ♪

♪ Uh-huh ♪

♪ Uh-huh ♪

♪ That's what I like about you ♪

I can't believe this is happening.

- This isn't really happening, is it? - Val...

- How could you lie to me? - I --

Why would you even call her in the first place?

What made you think you needed to go see your ex-fianc�e

two days before you marry me?

- Say something! - I just --

How could you not have told me about it?

I screwed up, okay? I'm an idiot.

But I can't help what I was feeling.

At least I'm being honest.

Yeah, well, honesty is good. Yeah, but your timing sucks.

Hello?

I'm sorry.

I was freaking out.

I don't know what it is about this marriage...thing.

Marriage thing --

that's what you call it?

Val, let's go back in there and say "I do"

and start our life together.

I love you, okay?

I have loved you since high school.

God. You're the only woman I've ever known

who makes me want to... try to get over these fears.

Fearsss?

Spice Girls!

Four people!

- No, it's a TV show! - "Mork & Mindy"!

- There are four people! - "Three's Company"!

- Love! - Sex!

"Sex and the Tina"!

City! "Sex and the City!"

Okay, just so I'm clear,

uh, you're afraid of commitment,

intimacy makes you sweat,

and, uh, you're terrified of being trapped --

all of which fall under the heading of...

fearsss.

You know what's great?

Is that now that I've said it

and, you know, put it out there,

I feel so much better.

Yeah. I feel like puking.

Val, come on.

Come on.

There's so much that we have that works, you know?

I mean, we'll -- we'll get through this.

Don't you think it's worth taking a chance?

A chance?

What, you want me to marry you

and just hope and pray

that you get over all this stuff?

What if you don't? What happens then?

We buy a house, and you still don't get over it?

We have a baby, you still don't get over it?

Val...

I'm sorry, Rick.

I can't do this.

This is not what I waited my whole life for.

Hey, Val.

Hi, Holly.

Thank God, you still know my name.

Yeah, hi, Holly.

So, I just talked to Rick. Are you okay?

Yeah, super.

Come here.

Come here.

Yeah.

You should be so proud of yourself.

You are so brave and so strong.

A weaker woman would've just married him.

You are handling this very well.

I am, aren't I?

Yeah. Uh, no, I just called off my wedding.

You'd think I'd be a wreck, but I'm great.

I'm a kooky nut.

You never know what I'm gonna do next.

Um, Val...

Hi, Volly.

Holly.

You know, I'm supposed to be married right now,

at my reception with my beautiful centerpieces,

and my little pats of butter with the initials on them and...

oh, my little bubbling champagne fountain.

Man, I could use a dive in there.

Then why don't you?

What?

Dive. Go in there and celebrate.

You just did an amazing thing.

You made a choice to give up something

that you dreamed about your whole life,

because it wasn't good enough for you.

I did that?

- You did. - Me?

Yes, you.

You're right. I am awesome.

Yes, you are.

And, you know, you look gorgeous,

and your friends are here. You know what you should do?

You should go out there and have that party.

You know what? You're right.

That's what I should do.

Yes, because I am proud of myself.

I did do something awesome.

I'm not going to let something like the bride and groom

breaking up spoil my wedding! No.

And if anybody deserves a party,

it's my kick-ass sister!

Hell, yeah!

- Let's go! - All right!

- Let's party! - Yay!

[ glum ] Whoo-hoo.

Exactly. Whoo-hoo!

Who needs an actual wedding at a wedding?

I want to go home.

Home? Oh, wait, where'd you go, kick-ass?

This is what it's all about. Come on.

Cake, pretty clothes, surrounded by your family...

and friends, and someone I don't know.

Are you a cousin?

Oh, everybody,

I would like you to meet Melody.

We exchanged a glance during the marital interruptus.

She works with Rick.

If it makes you feel any better,

no one really liked him at work.

He'd corner you by the coffee machine

and go on and on

about this control freak he was dating.

[ Gary ]: Ahem.

Well, this is fun.

I think we're pulling it off.

We totally look like two people

who didn't have sex last night.

You know what would be more convincing?

If you stopped talking about it.

Looks like the bride and groom aren't going to be

the only couple breaking up today.

What, Tina and Vince? Nah, nah, girl,

they're not a couple. They're just friends.

Friends with benefits.

You mean like insurance?

You're lucky you have a good body.

Come on now, there's no way --

not those two, believe me.

Hey, I was sitting right behind them

when they were yelling at each other

about keeping the sex they had last night a big secret.

Nah, nah, nah, you misunderstood.

I mean, I live with the guy.

I was at... my mom's all night.

Oh, my damn.

Val...

you want to open presents?

I want to go home.

Here you go!

Ooh, an omelet pan.

Lauren, I can't keep the presents.

I didn't get married.

Oh, come on, you just send out thank-you notes.

"Love, Rick and Val." No one's gonna start up.

You know what?

All this sitting here crying is getting old.

I wanna go over there and sit and cry.

Uh, Val...

you're happy with your old omelet pan, right?

Hi, Gavin.

I'm the bride.

No way.

Of course.

I'm dressed like the bride.

[ giggles ]

Um, I'm really sorry.

It's okay.

Did, um, Rick tell you that you were my favorite singer?

Yes, he wanted everything to be perfect

for your wedding.

Oh...did Rick tell you

that "Follow Through" is my favorite song?

Yeah, he did.

Could you play it?

I don't know. Do you, uh, really think it's a good idea

to play the song that you and your husband

were supposed to dance to?

- Did he pay you? - Yeah.

Play it.

♪ Oh ♪

♪ This is the start of something good ♪

♪ Don't you agree? ♪

Hey, Holly, it's getting late.

We've got to get back to my place, get our luggage,

or we're never going to make the train.

Ben, how can I leave to go on tour with you?

My sister's a mess, her marriage just fell apart.

She's devastated.

Actually, she doesn't look that devastated to me.

Ahem. Well, I've done well at weddings,

but I've never made out with the bride.

[ groans ] I had so much to drink.

I hope I didn't do anything foolish.

You mean after you made out with the entertainment?

Okay, so, Val, what can I make you?

You want some soup?

Or how about hot cocoa? Or...

we could shoot peanut butter into doughnuts.

Just think...

right now I'd be lying in Rick's arms...

on the pink sands of Bermuda.

He'd be whispering in my ear.

Aww..."This is the happiest day of my life."

And I'd be whispering in his ear,

"I sure wish my sister didn't tell me

about you and Julie."

What did you say?

Oh, uh, you know, just that...

I'm so grateful that I have a sister

that loves me enough to tell me the truth,

even if it means ruining my wedding.

Okay, what are you trying to say?

Are you not happy that I told you about Rick?

No, I love it that you ruined the happiest day of my life.

Oh, my God, you're actually blaming me for this?

I was saving you. I was just doing you a huge favor.

Okay, if this is your idea of a favor --

Okay, stop.

Okay, go.

Did you ever actually stop to think about

what telling me might do to me? No, unh-unh!

Typical Holly -- speak then think.

This is unbelievable!

I cannot believe that I gave up

two months with my boyfriend

because I was actually worried about you.

Who asked you to give it up?

Not me, no, unh-unh. Don't do me any favors.

- Go, please! - I will!

I'm going to go spend time with somebody

who really loves me and appreciates the fact

that I never want to see them get hurt,

even if it means hurting them!

And that makes sense if you think about it!

- Hey. - Hey.

I saw you leave the wedding with that Melody chick.

She's not gonna come out naked

'cause, uh, my new cell phone's got a camera.

Uh, Melody's not in there.

But I did hook up.

No one's in there.

Listen, man, this is a little awkward.

What is it, man?

Well, um, since you and I are best friends,

and, um, you know, we don't keep secrets...

the girl that I hooked up with

was, uh...

was Tina.

Tina? What the hell? I slept with Tina last night.

Aha, it's true!

Busted! How could you go there, man?

I mean, for the past three months,

I've been living with, "I still love Holly,"

"Holly should be with me," and then you go hook up

with her best friend?

I didn't mean for it to happen.

I was depressed Holly was leaving,

Tina was depressed her boss dumped her,

it was depression sex.

Well, yeah, it was with Tina.

Gary, you gotta swear to me you can never tell Holly

about this. She'll never understand.

Who would? It's the Tina!

You and Tina. Naked.

Oh!

Do you know how many hours of porno I'm gonna have to watch

to get that image out of my head?

Gary, I'm serious. Now, I know you're not the best at this,

but you have to keep this a secret.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, I...I can keep secrets.

All right? Now, did I ever tell anyone

that you wrote C�line Dion a fan letter?

She's excellent, Gary, and you told everyone!

Oh, come on now, man! You can't tell someone that

and expect them to keep it to themselves.

You and Tina. Tina and you.

C�line Dion. What's the world coming to?

Shut up!

Please, man, just...

promise me you will never say anything.

[ knock on door ]

Okay.

Okay, okay, okay. I promise.

Hey, hey!

Holly, uh, if you're looking for Tina, Tina's not here.

No one knows anything about Tina.

Did you know that Vince wrote Tina Dion a fan letter?

Ben's in the bedroom. We're gonna go.

Ben! I'm here!

Hey there.

I thought I was coming over to your place to say goodbye.

How's Val doing?

She said that it was my fault that her wedding was called off.

Can you believe her? I saved her from making

the biggest mistake of her life!

Holly, she just needs someone to yell at right now,

and, unfortunately, you're the closest one to her.

Okay, well, maybe Val and I are a little too close.

A little separation will be the best thing for both of us.

- What? - My bags are downstairs with the doorman.

I've got clean underpants, Mad Libs,

and a pound of beef jerky. Let's go on tour!

Are you serious? You're coming with me?

Yes, I'm serious. Come on, let's go!

I've always dreamed of seeing Newark!

Holly, you're talking really high and fast.

You always do that when you're upset.

[ slow and low ] I'm fine...

I'm just looking forward to seeing New Jersey.

It's got a bad rap, but it's the garden state, you know.

Okay.

All right. Let's book.

Oh, uh, wait,

did you remember to bring my songbook from the loft?

No, I didn't know you left it.

Do you think you could go back and get it?

I'll get the train tickets and meet you at your place?

No! I'm scared to go home to that mean old bride!

If you're home, Val, I'm not here to stay!

I just came by

to pick up something that Ben left!

Hope I'm not telling you anything

that's gonna ruin your life.

I don't want you to freeze to death.

I'm sure that'd be my fault, too!

Thanks, but I don't want it.

I want to be cold.

I wanna freeze.

I wanna be numb so I don't ever feel anything ever again.

Okay, then, see you in two months.

Don't go.

What?

Nothing.

I need you.

Huh?

How come you heard all the mean stuff

I said under my breath, and none of the nice stuff?

I heard it. I was just double-checking because...

I couldn't believe you still liked me.

You still like me?

Of course. I love you.

- I love you, too. - Wanna get married?

Sorry I ran out on you.

Oh, you're sorry? I'm sorry I yelled at you.

It's just been kind of a rough day, you know?

Mm-hmm.

The stupid caterers didn't get me

the stupid cream spinach I ordered.

Should I not have told you?

No. No, I'm glad you told me.

If it were you, I would've done the same thing.

I know. It's a good thing we've both got big mouths, huh?

Let's go inside. It's cold out here.

Okay.

Come on.

Help you up.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, dear.

Do it like a lady.

Oh...

[ sighs ]

You know, the good news is,

not that many people saw you in the dress.

You can wear it again.

You know,

you're gonna meet someone else,

someone who loves you as much as you love him,

and someone who is going to be ready.

I don't know...

it seems like every guy I've ever fallen for

isn't ready.

Do you ever think maybe it's because you weren't ready?

When you're both ready at the same time,

that's when it's right.

I know. I don't know where these pearls come from.

[ knock on door ]

Oh, can you get that? I have a very embarrassing

phone call to make to Gavin DeGraw.

One sec.

Hey, got the train tickets. You ready to go?

- Um, Ben -- - Let me guess.

You realized you need to stay here

because you love your sister and she needs you.

- I love you. - I love you, too.

I'm gonna miss you so much.

Oh, but, wait, I haven't found your notebook.

Oh, it was never here.

What?

Well, you were so angry with her.

Nothing else was gonna get you here, so...

You are unbelievable.

How can you be so nice to me when I told you I was going,

got us all excited, and now I'm taking it back?

I'm better than you.

[ laughing ]

Okay, I got one.

Remember how he used to eat all the cookie dough

out of the cookie dough ice cream?

How annoying was that?

But not as annoying as having to watch "Jackass"

every time it was on cable.

You guys,

trashing him is not gonna make me feel any better.

It's just childish.

Did you know that he waxes his back?

Eww...

And what about that annoying British accent?

Lauren, Ben's the one with the accent.

We're not talking about Ben?

My bad.

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