Original subtitles

- Hey. - Hey.

Whatcha doing?

I'm a making a list of all of Gary's friends

for his birthday party.

How hard is it to write down "Holly"?

And what party, you know?

I thought that you always take him ice skating

at the Sky Rink.

Remember how you said it was tradition,

and I said he's a loser?

Well, I was thinking about renting out a club this year.

A club? Now, you see, that's really pricey.

For 17 people, stick with the Sky Rink.

It's perfect for that dork.

The Sky Rink's kind of lame.

I mean, it smells like diapers,

and last year, we had to constantly

skate around frozen kid vomit.

Ooh, you're not inviting Henry.

He went to Baltimore to see his new girlfriend.

Ooh, how do you feel about that?

Well, I got a little twinge.

I don't see Vince on the list.

Oh, I hate him.

And by that, do you mean you still love him?

Yeah, but the love is mixed in with the hate.

It's a very interesting emotion. I call it hove.

Ooh, here comes your hover.

Hey.

Hey.

So, listen, tomorrow's Gary's birthday --

I know.

Okay.

So a friend of mine just bought a club in Soho,

and there's a room upstairs he said we --

No, I'm sorry. I'm taking him to the Sky Rink.

- But you just said -- - Sky Rink.

Skating? Isn't that a little --

Awesome? A taste of fantastic?

And Gary loves it.

Gary also loves clubs, girls, and --

Girls for Gary.

Sorry, buddy, Sky Rink. End of convo.

I am freaking out -- freaking out.

I think I just saw Jill.

Your Jill? The Jill who had to

move all the way to France just to dump you?

That's the one.

I could have swore I saw her getting on the subway,

so I ran after her, but the doors closed,

and then the train started to take off,

and I was chasing it, and I was yelling,

you know, "Jill, Jill," but I couldn't catch it.

And then there was this man with no pants

who said he'd be Jill for a dollar.

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I'm telling you,

it's just going to take a little time.

You and Vince -- you just got to let it cool down.

Then you can go back to being friends.

No, you can't be friends with somebody you've been with.

Yes, you --

wait, what do you mean by "been with"?

Belated congrats.

No.

I haven't "been with" been with.

I mean emotionally, you know?

We let each other know --

Look, we just can't be friends.

Come here.

Oh, thank God. You haven't done it.

You can tell just by looking in her eyes?

Do me, do me.

Oh, God, I'm surprised you can still walk.

Maybe I should just never see him again.

No, don't say that. Trust me.

It's just going to take time.

Like today, my ex-boyfriend from high school

is coming over to take me to lunch,

and we have become good friends.

Easy for you to say. He's engaged.

Hey, was Rick the first guy you'd ever been with?

I've never been with Rick.

Oh, please.

My room was right next door to yours.

I heard what was going on.

Oh, God. You were only 6.

I know. At first, I thought he was killing you.

Okay, that must be

my ex-boyfriend/current friend Rick.

Let me show you how this is done.

- Hi. - Hey.

Hey, Holly. Hey, Lauren.

How's it going?

Oh, still dating a doctor.

So, you dating anyone?

Yeah, I just told you, I'm dating a doctor.

I know. I just know how much you like to say it.

I love him.

So, listen, before we go to lunch,

I just wanted to show you something.

Julie and I are getting wedding gifts for each other,

and I was wondering...

is this brooch any good?

Oh, that's hideous.

Lauren.

No, I'm sorry. It's pretty.

Is it bad?

It's not so much bad as... is Julie 80?

I thought it was pretty, and it's very expensive.

Hmm, what'd it set you back?

- Oh, God. - Sucka.

Ha ha ha.

Look, I don't know Julie, but, um...

A woman usually likes something personal

or intimate or, you know, sentimental.

Something between the two of you.

I wish I knew what she was getting you.

Oh, I know. She already gave it to me.

Oh, what is it?

A Mercedes.

And you're giving her that hideous brooch?

Hey, my boyfriend drives a Mercedes.

Oh, really?

What does your boyfriend do for a living?

He's a doctor. Come here, you!

Come in.

Hey.

Hey, birthday boy.

Yeah, that's me.

Birthday boy.

Happy birthday to Gary. Ha ha.

This is a nice room.

Yeah, I like this room.

Very -- very comfortable, you know?

We've had a lot of good talks in this room, haven't we?

We sure have.

Yeah.

Hey, you remember that time

I got into a big fight with my dad,

and you helped me calm down?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Hey, and you remember that time that Jill broke up with me

and went back to Paris, and you helped me through that?

Mm-hmm, yeah.

And you remember that time

that I...I was thinking about taking up golfing and --

Gary, I don't remember all of them.

Well, you know, the reason I bring it up is...

you know, I don't want to go skating on my birthday.

What? What?

Well, see, yeah, I was talking to Vince,

and he said that his boy owns this club that --

Vince -- unbelievable.

So you would rather go to a club

and dance with girls than ice skate.

Well, you pose an interesting question --

Oh, my God. I can't believe you.

You are choosing Vince over me.

I'm not choosing anybody over anybody.

Hey, and don't make this about y'all's thing.

Look, Holly, I need to get over Jill.

This is not the first time I thought I saw her.

I mean, I got to get her out of my head,

so maybe I should meet some girls, and Vince said that --

Fine. Go. Go to Vince's little club.

Go meet girls. You two have fun.

You sure are bringing up Vince a lot.

Okay, you know what?

This has nothing to do with...that guy, okay?

I look forward to your birthday every year --

being together, strapping on the blades,

zipping around the old rink.

- We still can be together. - Forget it.

Oh, come on, Holly, be real.

I am a man. I need to dance with some girls.

Fine. Go. Go dance with girls.

Go dance with Vince. See if I care.

Okay, if that's the way it is, then that's the way it is.

Yeah, well, that is the way it is.

Now get off my property.

Are you happy now? Huh?

Huh? Huh?

Problem?

Yeah -- outside, right now.

Can't. I got a grilled cheese going.

If I leave it, it's going to congeal.

Would you give me back my sandwich?

Hey!

Why are you trying to drive a wedge

between me and my best friend?

- What are you talking -- - You went behind my back

and told Gary about the club and those girls.

Okay, you're getting a little loud.

Well, I'm going to get louder.

Listen, Gary was at my apartment.

We're having a conversation.

I casually mentioned the thing about the club.

- Oh, you casually mentioned? - It just came up.

Oh, my God. You are such a liar.

I'm a liar? You know what? You're right.

I am a liar, because Gary brought it up,

and there was nothing casual about it.

I believe his exact words were,

"How can I get out of going to that stupid Sky Rink?"

You know,

I think you're just using Gary's birthday

as an excuse to be with a bunch of girls.

I don't need Gary to be with a bunch of girls.

I got plenty of girls.

Oh, so that's what this is about?

You started this whole thing

just to tell me how many girls you have.

Yes, that was my master plan.

I came here hoping to run into you

to get you to pick a fight with me

so I could blurt out how many girlfriends I have.

I knew it.

Okay, I thought we were talking about Gary,

but you want to talk about you and me?

Let's talk about you and me.

Okay, fine, let's talk about you and me.

Go ahead. What do you have to say?

You're a baby.

Oh, I'm a baby?

You're a doody.

You know,

anytime something doesn't go according to Holly's plan,

and if it isn't exactly how you pictured it,

you act like a spoiled baby.

You know, I have gone over it in my head a million times

whether it was the right thing to walk away from you,

and I have never been surer than right now.

Good. Then we're both happy.

Oh, I think I'm happier than you.

In fact, I couldn't be happier, even if I --

Jill?

Jill?

Oh, hi, Holly. Hi, Vince.

- So Gary did see you. - He saw me?

Yeah, this afternoon, on the subway.

Oh, you guys can't tell Gary you saw me.

What are you talking about?

And when did you get back from France?

Okay, here's the thing -- I lied to Gary.

I never went back to France.

I've been here the whole time.

Okay, now I'm going to get loud.

You never went back to France?

You've been here this whole time.

What the hell?

Wait a minute.

Gary took you to the airport.

Did you fake getting on a plane?

Yeah, that part was tricky.

How could you do that to him?

I'm just not good at breakups.

Not good? You suck. That's the most hurtful,

insensitive thing I've ever heard.

Look, you don't know the whole story.

Okay, I would love to hear this.

I met somebody else.

Oh, my God.

Oh, and he's the nicest person.

You guys would really, really like him.

No, no, no, I wouldn't like him,

and I don't like you. Gary is my best friend,

and he is the nicest, sweetest guy ever.

I know. That's exactly why I couldn't tell him.

I didn't want to hurt him.

Okay, you know what?

This has nothing to do with protecting Gary's feelings.

You just didn't want to screw things up

with your new boyfriend.

I...I can't believe you're being so mean.

You always seemed so nice.

Yeah, well, you had a lot of people fooled, too,

with your little soft voice, big innocent eyes --

Tight little body.

You know, I think we're done here.

Fine. If you'll excuse me...

No. Where do you think you're going?

I want some coconut pie.

No. No pie for you.

Whatever.

You know, the best thing that ever happened to Gary

was you two breaking up. You don't deserve him.

Oh, my God. Can you believe her?

I know.

Listen, Gary's coming by my apartment tonight.

If you want, I'll tell him.

No, you're not telling him.

Fine. You tell him.

No, no one's telling him.

You want to hurt him all over again?

What is wrong with you?

I think he'd want to know.

No, I think I know him better than you,

and I know what he needs,

and he doesn't need to hear this,

especially not on his birthday.

Hey, he's a guy. I'm a guy.

I know what guys want.

Guys want you to be straight with them,

and straight guys don't want to figure skate.

I know at least two fairly straight guys

who love to figure s--

Okay, why are we fighting about this?

We need to think about Gary.

Okay, if you really don't think we should tell him,

then we won't tell him,

even though we should tell him.

Well, we need to do something really nice for his birthday.

Can you still get that club?

I saw it. It's kind of a dump.

My friend's the worst.

Well, we can use the loft. Can you still get girls?

Isn't that, like, our whole problem?

Yay, I love birthdays.

I love cake.

I love you guys. Mwah.

And mwah.

I think someone's had a little too much love.

Thanks for letting us use the loft.

Oh, no problem. I love Gary.

You and Vince throwing Gary a party --

that's very friend-like.

Yeah, well, we decided to put our differences aside

and be mature and adult about it.

Hey, I'm going to go light the fire outside.

Who cares?

Val, do you think I did the right thing

by not telling Gary about Jill?

- I don't know. - What do you mean, you don't know?

Telling him would devastate him and break his heart.

Okay, you did the right thing.

Exactly.

Ooh.

Hey! Who ripped off my vino?

Okay, I got the fire going.

What do you want me to do now?

Learn how to have a relationship.

Gary!

You are bad.

What?

I saw Jill. I know what you're doing.

You saw her?

Oh, yeah, yeah. I was hanging out in the subway,

thinking she might show up again,

and sure enough, she did.

She got on the train and I started chasing it,

but I stopped because, well, it was way faster than me.

But I know it was her,

and I know what you two are up to.

What are we up to?

She's here for my birthday.

Ha ha ha ha!

Busted. Yeah, I got to give you guys props.

Hey, you really had me fooled.

You and the fake fight about the Sky Rink,

and you with the club and the girls. I like that.

Gary, listen, man, we --

Don't know anything about Jill.

I don't know who you saw, but she's not coming here.

Okay, all right. She's not coming.

Ha ha ha ha.

Hey, she wants to get back with me, doesn't she?

I knew it, I knew it.

Hey, you know, when two people love each other that much,

you can feel it.

Dude --

Hey, Vince, could we have a moment, please?

Gary, Jill never left.

She's been here the whole time.

She -- she told you she was going back to France

because -- because it was easier for her.

Okay, if you're still playing me, it's not very funny.

I wouldn't do that.

This is for real?

Well, how long have you known?

I ran into her yesterday.

Yesterday, and you didn't tell me?

Gary, I didn't want it to ruin your birthday.

Birthday? Well, you know how I feel about that girl.

I mean, if I knew she was here,

I...I could have talked to her. I could have --

No, there's nothing you could have done.

She's seeing somebody else.

Okay, that part I wouldn't have told him.

I wouldn't have told him any part.

Look what you did.

If you'd let me tell him yesterday --

Wait, you were going to tell me, and you weren't?

Well, Gary, I didn't want you --

Thanks, Vince.

You're a good friend.

Holly --

No, go.

Go find your good friend Gary

and give him the best birthday ever.

This was a kick-ass birthday party.

Gary wasn't even here.

I told you Vince and I couldn't be friends.

He totally sold me out.

Did you see the way Gary looked at me?

He was so hurt. I mean, was I wrong?

Should I have told him yesterday?

You sure he's not coming back, right?

Hey.

Hey. Is Val here?

Yeah. Val, there's a boy here for you.

- Rick. - Hi.

Hi. What are you doing here?

I just wanted to drop by

and drop this off on my way to the airport.

What did you do?

Aw, nothing. It's just a little thank-you gift

for helping me yesterday.

No, I wanted to do that.

And I wanted to do this.

Okay.

I can't believe you.

Oh, dear God, look at the size of that diamond!

It's a glass doorknob.

Oh.

Well, glass is nice, too.

I can't believe you remembered this.

Yep, it's pretty much the exact one

I pulled off your closet door

trying to hide from your dad.

That must have been one of the nights

he was trying to "kill her."

That's very thoughtful. Thank you.

You're welcome.

Okay, everyone sit down. It's movie time.

Ooh, is it "Nemo"?

Holly, come over here.

Hey, Gary, I'm so sorry.

Look, I just want you to know I don't want to be here.

He dragged me here.

What is this?

Hey, Gary, sit down. Holly, you sit next to him.

I got the security tape from outside the diner.

You need to get a good look at this.

: When did you get back from France?

: Okay, here's the thing...

That's Jill. Man, why are you showing me this?

I thought you were my friend.

I am.

So is she.

Just keep watching.

You know, you photograph beautifully.

Wait, wait, I've got to see this part again.

This is my favorite part.

: You know what? The best thing

that ever happened to Gary was you two breaking up.

You don't deserve him.

Bam. Look at the look on her face.

Ha ha ha.

My girl.

Aw.

Happy birthday, Gary.

Thank you.

You guys got to check this part out.

Now, this is my real, real favorite.

Look how big Jill's booty looks there.

Damn, I miss that girl.

That was really nice of you. Thanks.

You're welcome.

Am I still a doody?

Well, I hate to go, but...

got to get to the airport.

No, wait. You haven't had any ice cream.

Oh, maybe I can stay for a few more minutes.

After all, it is my good friend...

Gay's birthday.

- It's Gary. - I ate the "r."

Here you go.

Do me a favor --

next time you and Julie are in town, call me,

'cause I would love to meet her.

She'd like to meet you, too.

I'm so happy for you -- getting married,

starting a whole new exciting life. That's great.

You know, I got to say,

when I ran into you in the diner,

I was surprised to see

that you haven't been grabbed up yet.

I've been grabbed up. I just haven't been proposed to.

Well, whoever that guy is,

he's not going to be good enough for you.

Probably not.

Seriously.

You need to find a guy

who really appreciates you for who you are.

You know, somebody who's totally into you.

You know, a guy who -- who looks at you like --

like --

like that guy who's looking at your sister right now.

Little help, dude?

Yeah.

That guy -- what's his name?

Oh, Rick.

He used to date your sister in high school, huh?

Yeah, but they're just friends now.

I don't know about that.

You know, I never really realized it before,

but I believe one of Jill's legs

is shorter than the other.

Damn, I miss that girl.

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