Original subtitles

Hey, how are you?

Want to go to Chelsea Pier tonight, just you and me?

Oh, she can't, we are having a girls' night out.

Really, what might be happening at this girls' night out?

Probably get something to eat, see a movie,

head back to my place, maybe listen to some music.

Maybe Tina will say something that makes me angry and

I'll hit her with a pillow and she will hit me back

and I'll hit her again and eventually we fall into each other

and share a tentative awkward kiss.

I will pay you $5 to say that last part again.

You're okay with that, right?

Yeah, totally cool. Maybe I'll just hang out with you tonight.

Oh, okay, but if you try to awkward kiss me,

that is the end of boys' night out.

Hmm.

Sync by chocomoon www.addic7ed.com

Oh, thank you. [ giggles ]

You're welcome. - [ gasps ]

Don't sneak up on me when I'm doing weird stuff.

I'm heading over to Tina's.

Wait, I want to show you something.

It's really cool.

Wow, you got a third hole. Looks awesome.

It kind of makes me look sexy, huh? Dangerous?

Mm.

Oh!

I think something popped. That is dangerous.

You are gonna die.

Guess who made "Manhattan Monthly's"

10 most eligible bachelors.

Is it --

Okay, that's enough guessing.

It's Peter. He's number two.

Let me see that.

Ooh, wow, that is a really good picture of him.

The camera does love him.

Almost as much as you do.

I do not love him. I just happen to think

he's a very good-looking, chiseled --

Pig!

Listen to this.

"Is there anyone special in your life right now?"

Peter says, "Yeah, half the women in New York.

The pretty ones, anyway."

He's so funny.

I don't know why he's number two.

I mean, who cares if bachelor number one

feeds the poor? He's got big man-boobs.

Bye, guys.

[ knock on door ]

- Hey. - Hey, oh, I wasn't expecting to see you.

I was just heading over to Tina's,

but maybe we could hang out.

I'm just here to drop an envelope off for Val.

I know. There's a package right there, and it says "Val"

right on it. What do you think I am -- stupid?

Hey. What's this?

It's from Peter. Hey, you mind if I call my dispatcher?

No. Help yourself.

Two tickets to the Bachelor of the Year reception?

Why would he send me these?

Hmm, how strangely odd.

Wait.

There's a note.

Note?

"Val, thanks for your sweet note.

"Here are the tickets you requested.

I can't wait to see you, too -- Peter."

I didn't --

I didn't --

Hi!

You forged my name?

Is that bad? Because you also co-signed a loan for me.

Now I have to go to this stupid thing

and explain to him that I didn't write that stupid note.

Why don't you just call him?

Because, on the phone, he will never be 100% sure

that it's actually me.

No, no, unh-unh.

Now he has to see my face to know for sure, okay?

Now I have to go out and buy a sexy new dress,

thank you very much!

And since I got roped into going with you,

I guess you're going to have to buy me a dress, too.

I guess so!

Working for you is a pain in the ass!

Too far?

A little bit.

Girls' night out is fun.

Oh, my God, it's like he's everywhere.

- Do you want to leave? - Yes, no, how do I look?

Hey.

- Hey. - Hey.

So, check this out. The Strokes are

having a closed rehearsal up at the Beacon tonight.

The band's manager is a friend of mine,

and he said he could get us in. - Are you serious?

How much do you love me?

A normal amount.

Uh, you know who would love this? Henry.

I'm going to call him. He loves the Strokes.

Ooh, the deal is, I can only bring girls.

Oh, so you need us to get in.

I actually can get pretty much any two girls from the city

to go with me -- I mean, they are the Strokes --

And this is my bicep.

I'm going to grab a drink. You girls want anything?

- No thanks. - I'm good.

- I can't go. - What?

Shh! I told Henry I wouldn't go out with him tonight

because of girls' night out. I can't go out with another guy.

Especially not Vince.

So you'll go with me, and I'll go with Vince.

I don't know.

Oh, come on, if Henry knew that he stopped you from going

to this concert, he would hate himself.

And he might do something drastic.

So...you would be saving his life.

- We must save Henry. - Come on!

Hey, this is Glen. He's the guy who hooked us up tonight.

Oh, thank you so much. That was awesome.

Yeah, her boyfriend -- he loves the Strokes.

I don't have a boyfriend.

I do.

So you guys coming to the show?

No tickets.

No problem.

Here you go.

Oh, my God, front row seats!

Uh, you guys don't understand.

This has always been my dream,

both as a Strokes fan and as a short person.

So, where are the groupies?

Hmm, I don't know.

Hey, you want to go look at the sound board?

You are gay.

Hey, we'll be back in five minutes.

How awesome is this?

I can't go.

Now what, negative?

Henry is going to want to know how I got tickets,

and it'll bring up the whole Vince thing.

Oh, come on, you think Henry's going to care about anything

once you show him these? All he's gonna hear

is "front row seats"! - Maybe.

Or better yet, you can tell him naked.

Good morning.

Mmm.

Someone's happy she's going to Peter's bachelor thing.

Okay, I am only going to that to clean up Lauren's mess.

You're such a liar.

What?

And it's the worst kind of lying.

Lying to yourself.

You know who said that? Jesus.

Why are you against Jesus?

You know what?

Maybe we should just not talk.

All I'm saying is, lying is wrong.

For instance,

Henry is coming over this morning,

and I am telling him exactly what I did last night,

even though he might not like it.

You're going to tell Henry that on your girls' night out

you went out with Vince?

That's right. Because I'm not afraid.

I am going to look him right in the eyes

and tell him exactly how I got us front row seats

to the Strokes. Why? 'Cause I love Jesus.

[ doorbell rings ]

One sec, Henry.

Hey, whoa, what happened to you?

I'm okay. I'm okay.

You are going to be so happy when I tell you what I did.

I have something for you, too, but you go first.

I stayed up all night waiting in line for tickets

to the Strokes, and I got 'em!

You got tickets to the Strokes?

Yes. And believe me, it wasn't easy.

First of all, it rained sideways for, like, two hours.

And then Gary ditched me. And about 3:00 this morning,

I got so tired, I laid down on the sidewalk

and gum got in my hair.

I think it's Juicy Fruit.

Or Chiclets and pee.

You got gum in your hair for me?

Yeah, it's okay, because you know what got me

through the night? Picturing the look on your face

when I show you these!

Oh! Two tickets to the Strokes!

That you stood in line for!

In sideways rain!

Okay, okay, they're not the best.

Row triple-z, partially obstructed view,

Pretty much the worst seats in the theater,

but it doesn't matter where I sit,

as long as I'm sitting with you.

Oh...

So, what was your surprise?

Um...okay, this is weird.

We are so in sync!

'Cause I was thinking about you, too,

and I got us tickets to the Strokes, too!

Front row seats!

Front row seats?!

How did you do that?

Tina and I were having our girls' night out,

and, uh, I was up pretty late, too.

Because I...

won them on the radio!

That is awesome!

Isn't it?

Oh...you're wet.

Okay, all right, I am going to go get cleaned up,

then you and I are going to go celebrate!

So, who is going to tell Jesus -- you or me?

What was I supposed to do?

Henry waited in line for 10 hours.

Do you know how much it would've hurt him

if I had told him the truth? No, no, this is all good.

Henry's happy, I'm happy.

Front row seats. It's all good.

Well, you just said lying was wrong.

And you always tell the truth?

Yes, I do.

And I hope that you would never lie to me

just to spare my feelings.

I hate your third earring.

Uh-huh. Lame.

No, this is not lame. This is cool.

Yeah, it might be cool if you had a time machine

to take you back to the '80s.

Oh, okay. You know what?

I wish I had one of those freeze-time machines.

That way I could freeze the time you told me you liked it.

I was sparing your feelings. See?

Yesterday, you were walking around all happy

with your third hole, and now look at you --

bummed out, wishing you had a freeze-time machine.

Sometimes, the truth is just plain bad.

I don't like that robe.

Me neither. You gave it to me for Christmas.

Okay. So you want to sell me tickets at full price

to a concert I wouldn't buy tickets for in the first place?

It's okay. They're in the very last row,

so you won't even be able to hear or see them.

Hey, what's up?

Hey, nothing. Uh, I got two tickets to the Strokes concert.

I know. Front row. How stoked are you?

Holly told you?

Told me? Dude, I was there.

I'm going to be sitting right next to you.

Listen, sorry I couldn't get you into sound check,

but you understand. The only way I could get in

was if I brought cute girls. But don't worry.

She totally behaved herself.

You guys going to be here for a while?

Yeah, we'll be right here.

Be right back.

Hey, look, I'm sure there's an explanation.

She lied to me.

Well, there's your explanation.

She gave me all that crap about girls' night out,

and then she hung out with Vince.

And then she lied to me about it.

Do you know how that makes me feel? - Probably like --

You don't know how I feel. You don't have any idea!

Okay.

You know what this calls for?

A big fat lie.

Or you can ask Vince to step outside,

and he can beat your ass.

[ knock on door ]

One sec.

Hey, Henry.

So, I was thinking we could get sushi before the concert.

Holly.

We have to talk.

Okay, what's up?

Come here, you should sit down.

Okay.

What's happening?

Okay, Holly,

I know that you would never lie to me,

so I...I never want to lie to you.

Um, when I told you the story

about how I got the tickets,

I didn't exactly tell you everything.

Okay.

So last night when you were out with the girls,

I...

Oh...This is so hard.

It's okay. Just -- just tell me.

Okay.

Last night,

I...bumped into an old girlfriend.

And she and I started talking about old times.

And then we kind of... went for coffee.

Oh.

No, I know --

I felt so bad. I mean,

You were at home dialing your little finger to the bone,

and I was out with my ex -- on boys' night out, no less!

It was just coffee, right?

I can't lie.

You're too good.

You deserve the truth.

The fact is,

it kind of... stirred up some feelings.

What?

[ telephone rings ]

It's okay. Get it.

I need to gather my thoughts.

Okay.

Hello?

Holly, listen, Henry's my friend,

and I know I shouldn't be doing this,

but, well, you're my friend, too,

and I've known you longer, so I have to warn you.

Henry -- he knows about everything.

He knows about Vince, he knows how you got the tickets,

and he's on his way over there. Girl, he's mad,

and I don't know what he's going to do.

Oh, I do. Thank you very much.

Sorry about that.

So you were saying

that she stirred up some kind of feelings?

What kind of feelings?

Well...

You know, emotional ones.

Oh, my God.

Are you breaking up with me?

What? No.

[ hyperventilating ]

Oh, my God, I can't breathe.

Oh, my God, I think I'm going to pass out.

Okay, um, just --

put your head between your knees.

I think I'm going to die.

The thought of you being with that woman...

No, no! No.

Holly, listen to me...

Holly. Holly.

[ cellular phone rings ]

Stupid phone!

Get it! I don't come first anymore, anyway.

Hello?

Uh, look, man, I think I screwed up.

I told Holly that you knew about the tickets.

Now, I didn't want to sell you out.

I was just afraid you'd do something crazy.

Then I felt really guilty. Do you think that's weird?

Hey, don't tell Holly I told you, huh?

Oh, okay, goodbye.

Holly, are you feeling better?

I don't know.

Well, I have a suggestion.

Why did you lie to me about the tickets?!

Why did you lie to me about an old girlfriend?

Do you know how hurtful that was?

Yes, I do. It doesn't feel very good, does it?

Oh, my God.

Are you teaching me a lesson?

Look, the next time you want to hang out with Vince,

you don't have to make up a girls' night out.

Oh, my God, I didn't make it up.

He said he could only bring girls. I was really torn.

I went anyway, but I felt really guilty about it

the whole time!

You could've told me that.

When you lie to me, it makes me think

there's something going on.

Is there something going on with you and Vince?

Henry, listen...

[Gary]: Hey, what's up, y'all?

Oh...Henry.

Bro, I didn't even know you were here.

Ha ha ha ha! Well, what a surprise.

Yeah, I was just passing by in the neighborhood --

- I know you called Henry. - I know you called Holly.

Everyone knows everything.

You all can't keep a secret worth a damn.

A brother can't tell y'all nothing.

[ women laughing ]

Jeez, look at these women throwing themselves

at the bachelors like a bunch of wild animals.

Have they no dignity or pride

Or self-res-- Lauren?

Lauren.

Pardon me, I'm sorry, excuse me.

Move it!

Hi.

Hey, there you are.

I've been looking all over for you.

Hi.

Hey, uh, thanks for that sweet note.

Oh, um, about that, I wanted to talk to you --

I did not write that note. Lauren did.

I know you wrote that note.

Echh.

Can't you just admit that you like me?

Why do you keep fighting it so much?

Don't you get tired?

The idea that I could be attracted to somebody

like you is -- is ridiculous.

What, you want me to introduce you to man-boobs?

You know what?

You are egotistical, you're shallow,

and you're kind of a slut.

Okay, I do get hit on by women all the time.

I get e-mails, I get phone calls.

Tonight, I got panties thrown at me.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, pretty cool.

But that means nothing to me.

What I want is to find one special woman.

I want the same thing my parents had.

And what is that?

A great-looking kid, like me.

Seriously, Val,

My parents were high school sweethearts.

They've been married 37 years.

And every day, they look at each other like --

like it's the first day they met.

That's what I want.

Oh.

Hey, they gave me a limo tonight.

And there's a little after-party at the Four Seasons.

Uh, I kinda came with Lauren.

It's a good thing I'm a fireman,

because I don't know about you,

but I'm feeling some serious heat.

Ha ha ha ha.

That is hysterical!

Val?

I'd really like you to come with me.

Hey.

Wow, you look sexy.

Oh, really?

How do I know you're not lying?

Come on, just look at you. Look in the mirror.

Yeah, I know. A cute fireman hit on me.

Did you two have...

sparks?

See, that would've been cuter!

So, I told Henry the truth.

You did?

Yeah, well, he found out, and I confirmed it.

Well, that's truth-ish.

So, is everything okay with you guys?

Yeah, we had a really good talk, and I think

we got pretty much everything straightened out.

- Good. - Did you talk to Peter?

Yes, I did, and actually, he gave me a ride home.

- Really? - Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Me and, uh,

half the women in Manhattan.

The pretty ones, anyway.

Sorry.

But he loved my third earring.

No...yeah, well, he is from your era.

You know what? I'm starving.

Is there any more

of that chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream?

Oh, no, I finished it earlier. Sorry.

That's all right, I'm tired. I'll see you in the morning.

Good night.

I heard the suction from the lid, you liar!

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