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1
00:00:00,169 --> 00:00:01,887
Previously on United States of Tara...
2
00:00:01,896 --> 00:00:03,257
So, on the scale of gayness,
3
00:00:03,283 --> 00:00:05,519
I'm thinking Alex would be a 10.
4
00:00:05,529 --> 00:00:07,880
- What do you think I am?
- Like a 5.
5
00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:09,434
I am not a 5.
6
00:00:09,468 --> 00:00:11,569
I want to talk to you sometime
7
00:00:11,604 --> 00:00:13,805
maybe about... maybe buying this place.
8
00:00:13,839 --> 00:00:16,241
We're so excited to have
our own little family,
9
00:00:16,275 --> 00:00:18,143
but Charmaine said she can't
imagine doing it anywhere but here.
10
00:00:18,177 --> 00:00:20,545
Found out today that
the baby's not Nick's.
11
00:00:20,579 --> 00:00:21,813
It's Neil's.
12
00:00:21,847 --> 00:00:23,114
Charmaine's pregnant with your baby.
13
00:00:23,149 --> 00:00:24,315
What?
14
00:00:24,350 --> 00:00:26,017
I don't know. What do you want me to do?
15
00:00:26,051 --> 00:00:28,086
I want you to get him to sign something
16
00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:29,921
saying he's never gonna come back
and try to be a father to our kid.
17
00:00:29,955 --> 00:00:31,489
I'm not signing anything.
18
00:00:31,524 --> 00:00:33,291
You told me to get an abortion!
19
00:00:33,325 --> 00:00:35,393
I'm your princess Valhalla Hawkwind,
20
00:00:35,428 --> 00:00:37,195
and your wish is my ultimate command.
21
00:00:37,229 --> 00:00:38,963
Would you ever meet in person?
22
00:00:38,998 --> 00:00:42,100
So, if you ever get tired of
pretending to be a princess online
23
00:00:42,134 --> 00:00:44,235
and you want to be treated
like one for real,
24
00:00:44,270 --> 00:00:46,271
I'd love to be the guy to do it.
25
00:00:46,305 --> 00:00:48,339
Do you remember someone named Mimi?
26
00:00:48,374 --> 00:00:51,876
I have this memory of you and
me and this woman named Mimi.
27
00:00:51,911 --> 00:00:53,678
Nope.
28
00:00:55,614 --> 00:00:58,049
Last night, I stopped at
cat five's for a beer.
29
00:00:58,083 --> 00:01:00,718
You had a thing with Pammy?
30
00:01:00,753 --> 00:01:02,353
Yeah.
31
00:01:04,256 --> 00:01:05,824
I knew it.
32
00:01:05,858 --> 00:01:08,793
Oh, God, Max.
33
00:01:08,828 --> 00:01:17,830
Sync by honeybunny - corrected by chamallow
www.Addic7ed.Com
34
00:02:14,193 --> 00:02:16,594
Let's go home, Tara.
35
00:02:16,629 --> 00:02:18,396
Charmaine, we can't.
36
00:02:19,798 --> 00:02:22,166
I don't even know how to get there.
37
00:02:24,270 --> 00:02:25,904
Happy by-sennial, Mimi.
38
00:02:25,938 --> 00:02:28,239
And to you, too, girls.
39
00:02:28,274 --> 00:02:29,974
Go on, my dears.
40
00:02:30,009 --> 00:02:33,344
It's a parade.
You're supposed to have fun.
41
00:02:33,379 --> 00:02:35,246
Don't talk to anyone.
42
00:02:56,702 --> 00:02:58,870
Hey, buddy.
43
00:02:58,904 --> 00:03:00,204
What's wrong now?
44
00:03:00,239 --> 00:03:02,340
Oh, I'm just sleeping on the couch...
45
00:03:02,374 --> 00:03:03,708
better for my back.
46
00:03:03,742 --> 00:03:05,743
Mm. Completely believable explanation.
47
00:03:05,778 --> 00:03:08,479
As you know, I am 8 years
old and very, very slow.
48
00:03:08,514 --> 00:03:10,949
It's complicated, Marsh.
49
00:03:10,983 --> 00:03:13,718
Well, if you guys get divorced,
I'm keeping the house.
50
00:03:13,752 --> 00:03:16,788
I can't change schools.
Shawnee North has gangs.
51
00:03:16,822 --> 00:03:19,290
Everything's fine.
52
00:03:19,325 --> 00:03:21,859
Well, I'm going to make breakfast.
53
00:03:21,894 --> 00:03:23,895
Know who will always be together?
54
00:03:23,929 --> 00:03:25,930
Me... and warm, delicious strudel.
55
00:03:25,965 --> 00:03:27,465
Everything's fine?
56
00:03:27,499 --> 00:03:28,933
You tell me.
57
00:03:28,968 --> 00:03:31,169
I didn't sleep with someone
else this week.
58
00:03:31,203 --> 00:03:32,437
Yeah, not this week.
59
00:03:34,306 --> 00:03:36,708
I'm fuckin' wrecked.
60
00:03:36,742 --> 00:03:38,910
I don't want people
tromping through our life.
61
00:03:38,944 --> 00:03:41,145
I want to call off the open house.
62
00:03:41,180 --> 00:03:43,281
The sign is up. They put the
ad in the paper. It's time.
63
00:03:43,315 --> 00:03:45,016
Nick and Charmaine, then. It'll be done.
64
00:03:45,050 --> 00:03:46,551
Just 'cause they're next door
65
00:03:46,585 --> 00:03:47,919
doesn't mean you got to see them.
66
00:03:47,953 --> 00:03:49,854
We're having the open house, okay?
67
00:03:49,888 --> 00:03:52,624
We just need people who
will stay out of our lives.
68
00:03:52,658 --> 00:03:55,259
Find some nice Indian family,
just off the boat...
69
00:03:55,294 --> 00:03:56,628
no English.
70
00:03:56,662 --> 00:03:58,329
Maybe once a year, I say,
71
00:03:58,364 --> 00:04:00,765
"good morning, Mr. Gupta.
Have a happy diwali."
72
00:04:00,799 --> 00:04:04,302
And he nods, and we go back to our...
73
00:04:04,336 --> 00:04:07,438
What... our life?
74
00:04:07,473 --> 00:04:09,040
Yeah, it's coming back.
75
00:04:14,780 --> 00:04:16,447
Yeah, we've dealt with a
lot of shit, you know?
76
00:04:16,482 --> 00:04:17,915
But I never thought he would do that.
77
00:04:17,950 --> 00:04:20,018
Really? I did.
78
00:04:20,052 --> 00:04:21,386
Mm. Terrific.
79
00:04:21,420 --> 00:04:23,354
I mean, seriously, how many people
80
00:04:23,389 --> 00:04:25,823
have your alters slept with
since you've been married?
81
00:04:25,858 --> 00:04:28,359
I counted once.
82
00:04:28,394 --> 00:04:33,031
In our life, I think it's
somewhere between 33 and 35.
83
00:04:33,065 --> 00:04:36,968
I mean, God, it was bound to happen.
84
00:04:37,002 --> 00:04:38,636
Yeah, but he didn't
just cheat on me.
85
00:04:38,671 --> 00:04:40,171
He slept with Pammy,
86
00:04:40,205 --> 00:04:42,306
the worst person he could
have possibly fucked.
87
00:04:42,341 --> 00:04:45,610
No, the worst person he could have
possibly fucked is probably me.
88
00:04:47,513 --> 00:04:50,314
You seriously won't sell us that house?
89
00:04:50,349 --> 00:04:51,983
No! Stop asking me to do that!
90
00:04:52,017 --> 00:04:53,718
Is it because you don't love me?
91
00:04:53,752 --> 00:04:56,020
No! It is because I do love you.
92
00:04:56,055 --> 00:04:57,488
God, I've fucking told you.
93
00:04:57,523 --> 00:04:59,157
All those weird dreams I have
94
00:04:59,191 --> 00:05:01,192
are somehow connected with that house.
95
00:05:01,226 --> 00:05:03,094
What, the Mimi molesty dreams?
96
00:05:03,128 --> 00:05:04,328
I never said that!
97
00:05:04,363 --> 00:05:05,930
I just said that when I have
98
00:05:05,964 --> 00:05:07,198
my obsessive thoughts about those girls,
99
00:05:07,232 --> 00:05:08,433
it's always there and not here.
100
00:05:10,102 --> 00:05:11,836
Have you ever asked mom?
101
00:05:11,870 --> 00:05:14,172
What? What would I ask her?
102
00:05:14,206 --> 00:05:16,808
Like... "Hey, mom?
103
00:05:16,842 --> 00:05:18,810
Do you remember someone named Mimi?"
104
00:05:18,844 --> 00:05:22,680
Or... I don't know... "mom,
who the fuck is she?"
105
00:05:22,715 --> 00:05:24,515
I mean... I mean, Trip said
106
00:05:24,550 --> 00:05:27,085
you were already transitioning
before the rape, so...
107
00:05:27,119 --> 00:05:28,920
Oh, God. You know what?
108
00:05:28,954 --> 00:05:30,655
If you use the word "rape"
or "molesty" one more time,
109
00:05:30,689 --> 00:05:32,457
I'm gonna hit you hard
on the side of the head.
110
00:05:32,491 --> 00:05:34,358
God!
111
00:05:34,393 --> 00:05:37,295
Would having a little
fucking grace kill you?
112
00:05:37,329 --> 00:05:38,863
Grace?
113
00:05:38,897 --> 00:05:40,631
You're talking to me about grace?
114
00:05:40,666 --> 00:05:42,734
Your fucking marriage
is about to fall apart!
115
00:05:42,768 --> 00:05:44,769
Everything... your marriage, your kids!
116
00:05:44,803 --> 00:05:47,171
Don't you think it's
worth one call to mom?
117
00:05:47,206 --> 00:05:49,207
I don't know.
118
00:05:49,241 --> 00:05:51,609
Just to... ask?
119
00:05:54,313 --> 00:05:55,279
Wow.
120
00:05:55,314 --> 00:05:56,848
You look great.
121
00:05:56,882 --> 00:05:59,250
You certainly know how
to dress for tennis.
122
00:05:59,284 --> 00:06:00,785
Where's your racket?
123
00:06:00,819 --> 00:06:03,554
Oh, I have to rent one.
I don't really play sports.
124
00:06:03,589 --> 00:06:04,956
I'm, you know...
125
00:06:04,990 --> 00:06:06,057
Delicate?
126
00:06:06,091 --> 00:06:07,525
Lazy.
127
00:06:07,559 --> 00:06:09,260
But you own the ensemble?
128
00:06:09,294 --> 00:06:11,763
Oh, I require many
garments for my many moods.
129
00:06:11,797 --> 00:06:15,967
This is actually a costume from a
tennis-themed dance show at my school.
130
00:06:16,001 --> 00:06:17,869
I played Venus Williams, but then I quit.
131
00:06:17,903 --> 00:06:21,372
Hey, would you mind if I called
you "Katherine" instead of "Kate"?
132
00:06:21,406 --> 00:06:23,541
Like when Tom Cruise
turned "Katie" into "Kate"?
133
00:06:23,575 --> 00:06:25,810
Made her start wearing
those Zac Posen sunglasses?
134
00:06:25,844 --> 00:06:27,345
Is that a hint?
135
00:06:27,379 --> 00:06:29,680
You want me to get you
some Zac Posen sunglasses?
136
00:06:29,715 --> 00:06:31,616
Just tell me. We can stop at the
Nordstrom on the way to tennis.
137
00:06:31,650 --> 00:06:32,683
No!
138
00:06:32,718 --> 00:06:33,951
I'll buy you fucking Nordstrom's.
139
00:06:33,986 --> 00:06:34,919
Oh, my God!
140
00:06:34,953 --> 00:06:36,521
Or that house.
141
00:06:36,555 --> 00:06:38,556
I'll buy that house and move
in so I can be on standby
142
00:06:38,590 --> 00:06:40,424
to make sure you have every
single thing you need.
143
00:06:40,459 --> 00:06:42,160
I get it... you're rich.
144
00:06:42,194 --> 00:06:44,829
Whoop-diddily-Dee.
Zach can have whatever he wants.
145
00:06:44,863 --> 00:06:47,465
That remains to be seen.
146
00:06:50,869 --> 00:06:52,270
Okay, it's ringing.
147
00:06:52,304 --> 00:06:54,472
I mean, she better not
insist on reading me
148
00:06:54,506 --> 00:06:56,474
one of those fucking cracked-out poems
149
00:06:56,508 --> 00:06:59,877
she writes for her "Active
Senior" newsletter.
150
00:06:59,912 --> 00:07:01,412
Hi, mom!
151
00:07:01,446 --> 00:07:03,281
It's Charmaine.
152
00:07:05,417 --> 00:07:06,784
Um...
153
00:07:06,819 --> 00:07:09,921
Yeah, I'm not feeling incredibly
haiku-ish at the moment,
154
00:07:09,955 --> 00:07:13,591
so do you think you could
read it to me later?
155
00:07:13,625 --> 00:07:15,293
Hey...
156
00:07:15,327 --> 00:07:16,327
mom?
157
00:07:16,361 --> 00:07:17,695
Mom, I need to talk.
158
00:07:17,729 --> 00:07:20,932
Yeah, yeah, we definitely set a date.
159
00:07:20,966 --> 00:07:24,068
Yeah, Nick is completely
supportive about the baby.
160
00:07:24,102 --> 00:07:26,804
Yeah, he is... very supportive.
161
00:07:26,839 --> 00:07:31,909
As... supportive as... someone could be,
162
00:07:31,944 --> 00:07:35,479
you know, who... isn't the father.
163
00:07:39,017 --> 00:07:41,118
Uh, yeah.
164
00:07:42,855 --> 00:07:45,122
Um... Neil.
165
00:07:48,060 --> 00:07:49,794
Yeah, I know.
166
00:07:51,563 --> 00:07:52,864
I know!
167
00:07:52,898 --> 00:07:55,233
That's why I'm freaking out.
168
00:07:55,267 --> 00:07:57,201
I j...
169
00:07:57,236 --> 00:07:59,237
Yeah, I just... I real...
170
00:07:59,271 --> 00:08:03,474
Look, I really need you to come here.
171
00:08:03,508 --> 00:08:05,843
I... I need... I need my mommy.
172
00:08:07,946 --> 00:08:09,914
Okay. All right.
173
00:08:09,948 --> 00:08:11,182
Good.
174
00:08:11,216 --> 00:08:12,483
Thanks.
175
00:08:13,952 --> 00:08:15,786
Alright, she's coming.
176
00:08:15,821 --> 00:08:17,755
Do you do that to me?
177
00:08:17,789 --> 00:08:19,724
Just make up wildly heightened emotions
178
00:08:19,758 --> 00:08:21,659
just to manipulate me
into being there for you?
179
00:08:21,693 --> 00:08:23,461
Of course not.
180
00:08:23,495 --> 00:08:25,763
That's just for mom.
181
00:08:32,738 --> 00:08:35,172
God, I shouldn't have let you drive.
182
00:08:35,207 --> 00:08:37,541
You're sweating all over the place.
183
00:08:37,576 --> 00:08:38,643
Nervous?
184
00:08:38,677 --> 00:08:40,244
I'm not nervous.
185
00:08:40,279 --> 00:08:42,580
I've been to this park a
hundred times on school trips.
186
00:08:42,614 --> 00:08:46,751
You know, it's the site of the only
World War I museum in the whole country.
187
00:08:46,785 --> 00:08:49,253
You can't tell it by my face,
but I'm actually very excited.
188
00:08:49,288 --> 00:08:52,089
Look, we don't have to...
do anything.
189
00:08:52,124 --> 00:08:54,759
We just have to... you know,
get out of the car
190
00:08:54,793 --> 00:08:57,194
and... see what happens.
191
00:08:57,229 --> 00:08:59,931
That's easy for you to say.
192
00:08:59,965 --> 00:09:01,432
Look, baby steps.
193
00:09:01,466 --> 00:09:04,502
It's just... sharing parts of your body
194
00:09:04,536 --> 00:09:06,337
with... with a stranger.
195
00:09:06,371 --> 00:09:09,040
It's... you know, it's not scary.
I... it's hot.
196
00:09:09,074 --> 00:09:10,975
It's scary.
197
00:09:11,009 --> 00:09:12,777
I mean, how many more merit badges
198
00:09:12,811 --> 00:09:14,578
do I have to earn until I'm gay enough?
199
00:09:24,589 --> 00:09:25,890
Hey, mom!
200
00:09:25,924 --> 00:09:27,525
Wow. You look great.
201
00:09:27,559 --> 00:09:29,226
Hope the drive wasn't too long.
202
00:09:29,261 --> 00:09:31,395
I thought you were just
a few months along.
203
00:09:31,430 --> 00:09:33,664
Why do you already look so pregnant?
204
00:09:33,699 --> 00:09:36,133
I'm not even showing.
205
00:09:36,168 --> 00:09:38,669
You are in your face.
206
00:09:38,704 --> 00:09:40,204
Welcome.
207
00:09:44,376 --> 00:09:46,577
So, it works like this...
208
00:09:46,611 --> 00:09:48,145
someone's gonna come up to you
209
00:09:48,180 --> 00:09:50,014
and ask you what you're into.
210
00:09:50,048 --> 00:09:53,351
And if you're into him,
then you go off and explore.
211
00:09:53,385 --> 00:09:56,754
What, uh... am I into?
212
00:09:56,788 --> 00:09:58,756
I feel so bad for breeders.
213
00:09:58,790 --> 00:10:01,325
Being gay is like living in a buffet.
214
00:10:01,360 --> 00:10:03,194
Who doesn't love a buffet?
215
00:10:03,228 --> 00:10:06,464
All that meat under the hot
lights and the sneeze guard.
216
00:10:08,367 --> 00:10:10,134
Nice day, huh?
217
00:10:10,168 --> 00:10:11,602
Let's take a walk.
218
00:10:11,636 --> 00:10:13,104
Joaquin.
219
00:10:13,138 --> 00:10:15,873
Let's take a walk, Joaquin.
220
00:10:18,844 --> 00:10:21,946
And people say romance is dead.
221
00:10:26,284 --> 00:10:27,952
Where are my cruditÃf©s?
222
00:10:27,986 --> 00:10:30,654
If you want carrots,
just say you want goddamn carrots.
223
00:10:32,057 --> 00:10:33,224
Hey.
224
00:10:33,258 --> 00:10:35,226
My mom's here.
Please act like we're happy.
225
00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:37,428
I mean, look at all this space.
226
00:10:37,462 --> 00:10:38,796
Hey! Bev!
227
00:10:38,830 --> 00:10:40,831
Tara and I are really happy to see you.
228
00:10:40,866 --> 00:10:42,533
We're... we're happy in general.
229
00:10:42,567 --> 00:10:44,635
What do you think of a big chandelier
230
00:10:44,669 --> 00:10:46,504
right in the middle of this room?
231
00:10:46,538 --> 00:10:48,739
Oh, yeah... lots of glass.
Babies love glass.
232
00:10:48,774 --> 00:10:52,843
Carrots? Celery?
233
00:10:52,878 --> 00:10:55,246
Delicious ranch dip?
234
00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:57,915
Neil.
235
00:10:57,949 --> 00:10:59,850
Neil?
236
00:10:59,885 --> 00:11:00,851
Hello.
237
00:11:00,886 --> 00:11:02,286
Come on, mom.
238
00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:03,921
I'll, uh, I'll show you
the rest of the house.
239
00:11:09,628 --> 00:11:12,163
I'll go get some radishes, too.
240
00:11:19,771 --> 00:11:22,840
You don't have to look away.
241
00:11:22,874 --> 00:11:24,575
No. Sorry.
242
00:11:24,609 --> 00:11:29,313
Your, um, your lunch looks...
243
00:11:29,347 --> 00:11:30,748
I'm sure it's good.
244
00:11:30,782 --> 00:11:32,283
It is good.
245
00:11:42,594 --> 00:11:46,163
This... this place is really weird.
246
00:11:46,198 --> 00:11:47,698
So, you want to come back here
247
00:11:47,732 --> 00:11:49,100
so I can introduce you to my cock?
248
00:11:49,134 --> 00:11:51,836
Sorry, fella. He's with me.
249
00:11:51,870 --> 00:11:53,471
I'm his father.
250
00:11:53,505 --> 00:11:56,507
Boy, this is an embarrassing
mix-up, huh, son?
251
00:11:56,541 --> 00:11:59,110
I'll say... pop.
252
00:11:59,144 --> 00:12:02,713
We should get home before mom...
shows up here, too.
253
00:12:02,747 --> 00:12:04,215
Right.
254
00:12:04,249 --> 00:12:05,649
God.
255
00:12:08,620 --> 00:12:09,920
Don't slam the door, Tara.
256
00:12:09,955 --> 00:12:12,623
Such unnecessary noise.
257
00:12:12,657 --> 00:12:14,492
Sit down, mom.
258
00:12:14,526 --> 00:12:18,028
Well, you've certainly gotten
yourself into a mess, Charmaine.
259
00:12:18,063 --> 00:12:19,830
Mom, while we have you here,
I wanted to ask...
260
00:12:19,865 --> 00:12:21,332
Catting around with one man
261
00:12:21,366 --> 00:12:22,533
while wearing another man's ring.
262
00:12:22,567 --> 00:12:23,767
"Catting"? Who says "catting"?
263
00:12:23,802 --> 00:12:25,035
I know... everybody does it.
264
00:12:25,070 --> 00:12:26,637
Mom, who's Mimi?
265
00:12:26,671 --> 00:12:28,973
Mimi who?
266
00:12:29,007 --> 00:12:31,308
I think there was a Mimi
around when we were kids...
267
00:12:31,343 --> 00:12:34,311
Tara, if you could just share
the stage for one minute,
268
00:12:34,346 --> 00:12:37,715
I came here to do damage
control on your sister's life
269
00:12:37,749 --> 00:12:39,083
and plan a wedding.
270
00:12:39,117 --> 00:12:40,651
It's a full afternoon.
271
00:12:40,685 --> 00:12:42,386
Well, I'm actually trying
to do damage control
272
00:12:42,420 --> 00:12:43,854
on all our lives, mom.
273
00:12:43,889 --> 00:12:46,357
If you'd just... answer the question.
274
00:12:46,391 --> 00:12:49,026
I've been trying to...
275
00:12:49,060 --> 00:12:52,563
I don't know... reconstruct my childhood,
276
00:12:52,597 --> 00:12:53,797
and I...
277
00:12:53,832 --> 00:12:55,966
Oh, not that again.
278
00:12:56,001 --> 00:12:57,067
Oh, God.
279
00:12:57,102 --> 00:12:59,737
No, it's not again, mom.
280
00:12:59,771 --> 00:13:01,839
This is something I've never...
281
00:13:01,873 --> 00:13:04,942
I've never asked anyone.
282
00:13:04,976 --> 00:13:07,378
I keep remembering a, um...
283
00:13:07,412 --> 00:13:09,313
I keep remembering a 4th of July parade
284
00:13:09,347 --> 00:13:10,681
and a woman named Mimi.
285
00:13:10,715 --> 00:13:12,049
Now, who is she?
286
00:13:12,083 --> 00:13:13,884
Charmaine, you know your sister is ill,
287
00:13:13,919 --> 00:13:16,020
but you're the one who's in trouble,
miss,
288
00:13:16,054 --> 00:13:17,855
and you're just letting her go on and on
289
00:13:17,889 --> 00:13:20,357
about all these stupid little things.
290
00:13:20,392 --> 00:13:22,726
God, mom. Why won't you
just answer the question?
291
00:13:22,761 --> 00:13:24,762
That's why I'm here?
292
00:13:24,796 --> 00:13:27,565
To play some twisted game
of "insane family jeopardy"?
293
00:13:27,599 --> 00:13:28,566
Oh, God!
294
00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:30,334
This is not a game, mom.
295
00:13:30,368 --> 00:13:33,304
I'm am finally figuring out where I...
what I come from,
296
00:13:33,338 --> 00:13:34,905
and that's sane!
297
00:13:34,940 --> 00:13:36,273
It's always the mother, isn't it?
298
00:13:37,676 --> 00:13:40,744
I know, I know. I didn't
read to you two enough.
299
00:13:40,779 --> 00:13:42,413
And I didn't breast-feed.
300
00:13:42,447 --> 00:13:44,848
None of my girlfriends
were breast-feeding.
301
00:13:44,883 --> 00:13:47,418
No one, okay? So shoot me!
302
00:13:47,452 --> 00:13:50,221
I'm not blaming you, mom.
303
00:13:50,255 --> 00:13:54,325
I'm just asking, who is Mimi?
304
00:13:54,359 --> 00:13:57,361
I don't know, okay? Maybe a babysitter.
305
00:13:57,395 --> 00:13:59,930
Everyone, stop! Alert the press!
306
00:13:59,965 --> 00:14:02,499
Beverly Craine hired a
babysitter once or twice.
307
00:14:02,534 --> 00:14:04,768
What does it all mean?
308
00:14:07,038 --> 00:14:08,772
Oh, thank you.
309
00:14:10,508 --> 00:14:11,942
Thank you! That's very helpful!
310
00:14:14,896 --> 00:14:17,531
I keep imagining a little girl with
311
00:14:17,565 --> 00:14:21,869
your long, lovely hair and...
312
00:14:21,903 --> 00:14:23,837
Neil's face.
313
00:14:25,607 --> 00:14:27,508
Aw, honey.
314
00:14:27,542 --> 00:14:30,377
You're so pretty.
315
00:14:30,412 --> 00:14:34,047
But you've always made
decisions like an ugly girl.
316
00:14:34,082 --> 00:14:37,317
I want to take you to
see the Joffrey Ballet.
317
00:14:37,352 --> 00:14:40,654
In Chicago? Yeah, that'd be fun.
318
00:14:40,688 --> 00:14:42,689
But this is for tomorrow night.
319
00:14:42,724 --> 00:14:45,459
Would you need to check
in with your parents?
320
00:14:45,493 --> 00:14:47,327
Are they gonna meet me and wonder
321
00:14:47,362 --> 00:14:48,529
what some strange old
guy's doing in your life?
322
00:14:48,563 --> 00:14:49,696
No.
323
00:14:49,731 --> 00:14:51,498
My mom's a strange old
guy sometimes.
324
00:14:51,533 --> 00:14:52,633
Let's go.
325
00:14:52,667 --> 00:14:54,234
Pack a few things.
326
00:14:54,269 --> 00:14:56,637
I'll call the peninsula
and book us a suite.
327
00:14:59,541 --> 00:15:01,108
I'm sorry... it's just...
328
00:15:01,142 --> 00:15:03,677
I've had a lot of skeevy
guys bossing me around,
329
00:15:03,711 --> 00:15:07,080
and it kind of makes the food
come up in my... in my gullet.
330
00:15:07,115 --> 00:15:09,149
I'm... I'm sorry.
331
00:15:09,184 --> 00:15:12,953
No! I mean, you're not a skeevy guy.
332
00:15:19,494 --> 00:15:21,829
Jesus.
333
00:15:21,863 --> 00:15:22,830
Wow.
334
00:15:22,864 --> 00:15:24,865
Um, this...
335
00:15:24,899 --> 00:15:27,835
this really is a... a teenager's room.
336
00:15:27,869 --> 00:15:32,206
Uh, this... this is not a
room for an adult to be in.
337
00:15:32,240 --> 00:15:33,574
No.
338
00:15:33,608 --> 00:15:36,043
No, I promise you, this is not me anymore.
339
00:15:36,077 --> 00:15:38,779
I was a little girl when I wanted it pink,
and I just haven't...
340
00:15:38,813 --> 00:15:41,248
Um... I... I meant me.
341
00:15:42,383 --> 00:15:45,319
This is not a room for...
for me to be in.
342
00:15:46,754 --> 00:15:48,956
I'm 27. I don't even
know what I was thinking.
343
00:15:48,990 --> 00:15:52,659
I... I... I have to get out of here.
344
00:15:55,430 --> 00:15:56,997
Look, I bought you these earrings.
345
00:15:57,031 --> 00:15:58,966
You should still have them.
346
00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:00,534
And... and... and keep the tickets.
347
00:16:00,568 --> 00:16:01,668
No!
348
00:16:01,703 --> 00:16:03,537
No, you don't have to go to the ballet.
349
00:16:03,571 --> 00:16:06,440
You can just... put them
on your bulletin board.
350
00:16:08,676 --> 00:16:12,312
Oh, my God. You have a
bulletin board.
351
00:16:35,123 --> 00:16:37,157
Hey.
352
00:16:37,192 --> 00:16:39,026
Hey.
353
00:16:39,060 --> 00:16:41,462
You okay?
354
00:16:41,496 --> 00:16:43,230
Yeah.
355
00:16:43,265 --> 00:16:44,899
Just, you know, my mom.
356
00:16:44,933 --> 00:16:46,600
Oh, yeah, I saw.
357
00:16:48,837 --> 00:16:49,504
You know, when I was little,
358
00:16:49,538 --> 00:16:52,073
I got this, uh, Leif Garrett album...
359
00:16:52,607 --> 00:16:54,742
"I was made for dancing."
360
00:16:56,177 --> 00:16:57,912
But there must have been
a fuck-up at the factory,
361
00:16:57,946 --> 00:17:01,482
because when I got it home and played it,
362
00:17:01,516 --> 00:17:03,417
it was Black Sabbath.
363
00:17:03,451 --> 00:17:04,785
Nice!
364
00:17:04,819 --> 00:17:08,489
So I exchanged it and got a new one.
365
00:17:10,258 --> 00:17:11,692
And it didn't matter.
366
00:17:11,726 --> 00:17:14,094
Every time I looked at Leif's happy face,
367
00:17:15,098 --> 00:17:16,534
that's what it's like...
368
00:17:18,068 --> 00:17:19,469
seeing my mom.
369
00:17:22,506 --> 00:17:24,874
Well, you know, I...
370
00:17:24,908 --> 00:17:27,343
I can't give you "I was made for dancing."
371
00:17:28,445 --> 00:17:30,647
But... I can give you this.
372
00:17:33,050 --> 00:17:34,584
What is it?
373
00:17:34,618 --> 00:17:37,787
The papers that Nick's friend
sent over for me to sign
374
00:17:37,821 --> 00:17:39,789
to promise, you know,
375
00:17:39,823 --> 00:17:42,392
I'd stay out of our daughter's life.
376
00:17:44,828 --> 00:17:48,831
I... I want you to be happy, Charmaine.
377
00:17:50,534 --> 00:17:52,068
I hope this helps.
378
00:17:54,838 --> 00:17:57,273
I should... get back inside.
379
00:18:03,981 --> 00:18:07,383
Uh, promise me one thing, would you?
380
00:18:07,418 --> 00:18:08,785
What?
381
00:18:08,819 --> 00:18:11,087
You know, if she ever looks in the mirror
382
00:18:11,121 --> 00:18:14,857
and... and realizes that she's not Nick's,
383
00:18:14,892 --> 00:18:18,161
uh, don't say bad things about me.
384
00:18:18,195 --> 00:18:22,198
You know, tell her I was a good guy.
385
00:18:22,232 --> 00:18:24,434
You know, lie.
386
00:18:33,711 --> 00:18:35,712
I don't know what your future plans are,
387
00:18:35,746 --> 00:18:37,380
but that back office would make
388
00:18:37,414 --> 00:18:39,282
a great extra bedroom for kids, maybe.
389
00:18:39,316 --> 00:18:40,983
- How are the schools?
- They're great.
390
00:18:41,018 --> 00:18:43,052
Both of my kids go to public school.
391
00:18:43,087 --> 00:18:46,122
My daughter's a senior...
top of the class.
392
00:18:46,156 --> 00:18:48,858
And next year,
she's off to Brown... pre-med.
393
00:18:53,097 --> 00:18:55,698
I can just see that you two
really love each other.
394
00:18:55,733 --> 00:19:00,002
And this house would just make
a great place to start a life.
395
00:19:00,037 --> 00:19:02,371
Hmm. An even better
place to end one.
396
00:19:03,574 --> 00:19:04,941
That's... that's Alice.
397
00:19:04,975 --> 00:19:06,576
That's terrific. That's funny, Alice.
398
00:19:06,610 --> 00:19:09,645
Alice, these are some people who might...
399
00:19:09,680 --> 00:19:11,114
Sorry?
400
00:19:11,148 --> 00:19:13,249
Oh, this is a great place die.
401
00:19:13,283 --> 00:19:14,817
Did anyone disclose to you
402
00:19:14,852 --> 00:19:17,220
that the previous owner... poor Don...
403
00:19:17,254 --> 00:19:19,856
splattered his brains all over the walls?
404
00:19:19,890 --> 00:19:22,959
Yes, this was the house he
always wanted to die in,
405
00:19:22,993 --> 00:19:26,162
and, boy, did he ever do it.
406
00:19:26,196 --> 00:19:29,031
I want to thank all of you for
coming here today to mourn.
407
00:19:29,066 --> 00:19:31,868
I know the family would
appreciate it, too.
408
00:19:31,902 --> 00:19:34,103
Don was a beautiful man.
409
00:19:34,138 --> 00:19:36,038
We loved him so.
410
00:19:36,073 --> 00:19:37,874
What the hell is going on here?
411
00:19:37,908 --> 00:19:40,143
Uh, that's my wife.
She's acting a little goofy.
412
00:19:40,177 --> 00:19:42,979
Goofy? There's nothing goofy
about what's happening here.
413
00:19:43,013 --> 00:19:44,514
It's tragic, is what it is.
414
00:19:44,548 --> 00:19:46,382
Shame all the sugary vanilla smells
415
00:19:46,416 --> 00:19:48,151
can't take away the stink of the death.
416
00:19:48,185 --> 00:19:52,188
No. No, that's just baked in.
417
00:19:52,222 --> 00:19:53,823
Well. Tara.
418
00:19:55,092 --> 00:19:58,127
This is wonderful... really wonderful.
419
00:19:58,162 --> 00:20:01,130
Just look at you.
420
00:20:01,165 --> 00:20:05,401
I guess you already know who
Mimi Parmeter is, don't you?
421
00:20:05,435 --> 00:20:07,370
Well, good for you.
422
00:20:07,404 --> 00:20:09,405
Max, would you please get her out of here?
423
00:20:09,439 --> 00:20:12,408
These people don't need to see this.
424
00:20:12,442 --> 00:20:14,477
Oh. I understand.
425
00:20:14,511 --> 00:20:15,745
Manners.
426
00:20:15,779 --> 00:20:18,414
Things better left behind closed doors.
427
00:20:18,448 --> 00:20:20,650
However, if you check
your etiquette handbook,
428
00:20:20,684 --> 00:20:22,985
as I frequently do, I think you'll find
429
00:20:23,020 --> 00:20:25,421
that most of the experts agree...
430
00:20:25,455 --> 00:20:31,494
a mother should never
lie to her own children.
431
00:20:31,528 --> 00:20:33,729
My darling, do me one favor
when you become a parent.
432
00:20:33,764 --> 00:20:36,499
Do not follow in this one's easy spirits.
433
00:20:36,533 --> 00:20:39,268
Because people need to know what's real
434
00:20:39,303 --> 00:20:42,205
and what's a horrible fun-house mirror
435
00:20:42,239 --> 00:20:45,041
meant to confuse and confound.
436
00:20:45,075 --> 00:20:47,276
People need to know.
437
00:20:47,311 --> 00:20:50,446
That was very, very rude, Tara.
438
00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:52,415
Stop it. You know that's not Tara.
439
00:20:52,449 --> 00:20:53,850
I'm going home!
440
00:20:53,884 --> 00:20:56,953
I'm sick of all this craziness.
441
00:21:01,859 --> 00:21:05,094
Tell Nick to give me a call.
We'll talk about the house.
442
00:21:05,128 --> 00:21:06,696
Well, Max...
443
00:21:06,730 --> 00:21:08,464
shall we split a cookie?
444
00:21:15,572 --> 00:21:19,108
I... I actually like
the World War I museum.
445
00:21:19,142 --> 00:21:21,844
I... can never go back there.
446
00:21:21,879 --> 00:21:25,214
I've ruined World War I for myself.
447
00:21:25,249 --> 00:21:27,183
I don't...
448
00:21:27,217 --> 00:21:29,585
I don't know how to be gay.
449
00:21:29,620 --> 00:21:32,288
I... I used to think that
I was something else,
450
00:21:32,322 --> 00:21:36,025
like they'd make a whole
new category for me.
451
00:21:36,059 --> 00:21:38,628
I like guys, but...
452
00:21:38,662 --> 00:21:41,430
I like old films just as much.
453
00:21:41,465 --> 00:21:43,833
I don't know what to call that.
454
00:21:43,867 --> 00:21:47,270
I think it's still called "gay."
455
00:21:47,304 --> 00:21:52,842
When I was young,
cruising's what we all did.
456
00:21:52,876 --> 00:21:56,913
I was so full of shame and anger.
457
00:21:56,947 --> 00:21:59,482
My therapist called it "shanger."
458
00:21:59,516 --> 00:22:01,117
Is that what it feels like to you?
459
00:22:01,151 --> 00:22:06,088
Um, I'd really rather not have
to use a word called "shanger."
460
00:22:07,991 --> 00:22:10,192
Wouldn't you rather
fall in love, Marshall?
461
00:22:10,227 --> 00:22:14,730
Wouldn't you rather be 16 and in love?
462
00:22:14,765 --> 00:22:17,667
I marched on Washington and
shopped on Christopher Street
463
00:22:17,701 --> 00:22:19,602
so you'd have the choice to do that
464
00:22:19,636 --> 00:22:23,005
instead of, you know, going to that park
465
00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:26,108
and getting off on servicing strangers.
466
00:22:28,812 --> 00:22:32,682
I'm not gonna tell your
parents about this, all right?
467
00:22:32,716 --> 00:22:33,683
Thanks.
468
00:22:33,717 --> 00:22:35,518
But, um...
469
00:22:35,552 --> 00:22:37,420
I also think they'd be creeped out
470
00:22:37,454 --> 00:22:39,255
if I told them you were there.
471
00:22:42,526 --> 00:22:44,894
Sounds like a deal, then.
472
00:22:48,432 --> 00:22:51,200
So, what do we do now?
473
00:22:51,234 --> 00:22:53,803
What can we do?
474
00:22:53,837 --> 00:22:57,473
Can't just sit around waiting
for mom not to be a liar.
475
00:22:57,507 --> 00:22:59,909
I mean, she'll say, "hey,
I'm telling the truth now,"
476
00:22:59,943 --> 00:23:01,477
and she'll still be lying.
477
00:23:04,081 --> 00:23:05,815
You still look like Alice.
478
00:23:09,019 --> 00:23:11,053
By the way, thank her for me.
479
00:23:11,088 --> 00:23:12,822
She scared those people away.
480
00:23:12,856 --> 00:23:15,358
Guess she wants me to live
next door to you guys.
481
00:23:15,392 --> 00:23:17,259
Keep an eye on you.
482
00:23:17,294 --> 00:23:19,929
Keep an eye on you.
483
00:23:22,699 --> 00:23:25,201
Mimi Parmeter.
484
00:23:26,970 --> 00:23:29,138
Well, at least we have a last name.
485
00:23:30,674 --> 00:23:33,476
You know what? I could find Mimi myself.
486
00:23:33,510 --> 00:23:35,344
Okay.
487
00:23:35,379 --> 00:23:38,414
How do we do that?
488
00:23:38,448 --> 00:23:40,149
"We"?
489
00:23:44,654 --> 00:23:47,923
I think she lived in a yellow house.
490
00:23:47,958 --> 00:23:50,559
Okay, well, that narrows it down.
491
00:23:50,594 --> 00:23:53,929
So, you should get a map of America,
492
00:23:53,964 --> 00:23:56,665
and I'll get a color wheel.
493
00:24:07,411 --> 00:24:09,812
Fancy meeting you here.
494
00:24:13,150 --> 00:24:15,651
Hey, do you know anyone who's happy?
495
00:24:17,087 --> 00:24:18,654
No.
496
00:24:18,688 --> 00:24:21,223
Do you know anyone who's in love?
497
00:24:22,692 --> 00:24:23,993
Mom and dad, maybe?
498
00:24:24,027 --> 00:24:24,994
Yeah.
499
00:24:25,028 --> 00:24:27,630
And they're miserable.
500
00:24:27,664 --> 00:24:29,832
But they can't survive without each other,
501
00:24:29,866 --> 00:24:33,035
so it doesn't make a difference
if they're in love or not.
502
00:24:35,872 --> 00:24:38,074
I'm gonna have something different.
503
00:24:38,108 --> 00:24:40,209
Then go for it.
504
00:24:40,243 --> 00:24:42,378
But just so you know,
505
00:24:42,412 --> 00:24:44,814
everybody's hooking up with each other
506
00:24:44,848 --> 00:24:47,116
because they want to take things.
507
00:24:47,150 --> 00:24:51,420
It's a car or... a trampoline...
508
00:24:51,455 --> 00:24:55,057
or... happiness.
509
00:24:55,092 --> 00:24:57,460
They're all things.
510
00:24:57,494 --> 00:24:59,728
Everyone's a taker.
511
00:24:59,763 --> 00:25:01,730
Everything's a thing.
512
00:25:01,765 --> 00:25:04,567
When did you become an expert?
513
00:25:04,601 --> 00:25:07,636
I am very wise, Marshall Gay Hardon.
514
00:25:07,671 --> 00:25:09,171
I'm full of wisdom.
515
00:25:09,206 --> 00:25:10,806
You wearing earrings to bed?
516
00:25:10,841 --> 00:25:14,376
It's what I'm doing now, yes.
517
00:25:21,918 --> 00:25:23,486
Marshall's downstairs,
518
00:25:23,520 --> 00:25:25,121
and I just don't want to
freak the kids out anymore.
519
00:25:25,155 --> 00:25:27,656
I was gonna let you sleep up here anyway.
520
00:25:27,691 --> 00:25:29,558
Climb aboard.
521
00:25:41,805 --> 00:25:43,939
Big mistake.
522
00:25:43,974 --> 00:25:46,008
Pammy... huge mistake.
523
00:25:47,244 --> 00:25:48,611
I know.
524
00:25:51,281 --> 00:25:53,249
I know, honey.
525
00:25:54,985 --> 00:25:58,220
Thanks to my fucking fucked-up childhood,
526
00:25:58,255 --> 00:26:00,489
all I do all day is run
around breaking eggs,
527
00:26:00,524 --> 00:26:04,093
so I can't really blame people
for trying to make omelets.
528
00:26:05,962 --> 00:26:08,664
You can blame me a little.
529
00:26:08,698 --> 00:26:11,834
All right, I'll blame you a little.
530
00:26:13,837 --> 00:26:16,205
But I also forgive you.
531
00:26:16,239 --> 00:26:17,940
Really?
532
00:26:17,974 --> 00:26:19,041
Yeah.
533
00:26:19,075 --> 00:26:20,976
I mean, no one knows better than me
534
00:26:21,011 --> 00:26:24,780
what Pammy has to offer to a
soul in a weakened condition.
535
00:26:29,186 --> 00:26:31,320
And life is long.
536
00:26:33,823 --> 00:26:36,392
And you're my man.
537
00:26:38,662 --> 00:26:40,729
I forgive you.
538
00:26:55,512 --> 00:26:57,044
You fucked my Pammy!
539
00:26:57,280 --> 00:26:58,914
You do not get away with that,
motherfucker!
540
00:26:58,949 --> 00:27:00,382
Buck! Buck! T... Tara forgave me.
541
00:27:00,417 --> 00:27:01,984
She forgave me! She forgave me!
542
00:27:02,018 --> 00:27:03,819
Well, guess what. I ain't Tara.
543
00:27:04,221 --> 00:27:06,522
Stop it! Stop it, Buck!
544
00:27:06,556 --> 00:27:07,856
Get off me!
545
00:27:07,891 --> 00:27:10,025
Get the fuck off me!
546
00:27:12,429 --> 00:27:15,464
You better not think this is over,
Max, 'cause it ain't.
547
00:27:15,498 --> 00:27:17,333
I fuckin' loved her, man.
548
00:27:17,367 --> 00:27:22,367
Sync by honeybunny - corrected by chamallow
www.Addic7ed.Com
549
00:27:22,417 --> 00:27:26,967
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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