All language subtitles for Til Death s04e21 Go.eng

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www.addic7ed.com

Hey, look.

Jews of the future.

Gimme, gimme.

Madonna. 1987.

Hmm. Better.

Hey, what's going on with
your life partner, Whitey?

He wasn't at school
again today.

I don't know
what's going on with him.

I've left him a few messages,
and I'm a little worried.

Well, you told me he's
a hoarder, right?

So maybe
he can't find the phone.

Or the front door.

He's probably stuck
under a bunch of birdcages

And umbrellas and
stacks of newspaper.

You know what?

I should go check on him.

Just go by and let him know
I'm thinking about him.

Hey, everybody.
I think this is it.

I think I'm going
into labor.

No. Honey,
you're perfectly fine.

Don't worry about it.

Okay, I'm gonna
go to Whitey's.

I'll see you
a little later.

Mom! I say "I think I'm going
into labor" and dad just leaves?

Well babe, you've said it
like 27 times. You know?

I mean, you don't "think"
you're going into labor.

If you're going
into labor, you know.

But how?

Well, are you having
any contractions?

No.

Did your water break?
No.

Is there a foot
in your underpants?

No.

Okay, there's no baby yet.

Okay. Okay.
I've got the bag ready.

Let's get you
to the hospital.

False alarm, Doug.

Sorry.

Hey, just out
of curiosity...

What's in the bag?

Let me look in here.

We got a hackeysack.

Need that.

And some rolling papers.

And a comic book.

Yep, just the essentials.

Isn't it cute?

You know, honey, when you
do actually go into labor,

You are not going to
find any of this amusing.

And by "this,"
I mean...This.

Coming!

6, 5, 4, 3, 2...aah!

1, 0.

All right company is coming

And the first thing they'll
see are my nice shiny balls.

Hi, Eddie.

This is worse than I thought.

Well...well, come on in.

I don't think I can.
Why?

Well, you know how I am with
germs and everything, Whitey.

This is...

Well, fortunately,

That's one thing
I don't collect.

I'm just too claustrophobic.
This is...

Well, no. Come on in
and confront your fears.

Come on,
don't let the flies out.

Yeah, home sweet home.

How do you live like this?

Yeah, I know what you mean.
It's a little sparse

Ever since I did
my spring cleaning.

And you're ok
with all of this?

Oh, yeah.

In the eye of a hoarder, this
is a martha stewart christmas.

Did that garden gnome
just blink?

Oh, for pete's sake.

Luther, up and out!

Okay. And this is
the last time, my friend.

You know, they think they can sneak
in here and hide with the gnomes,

And then when I go to bed at
night, they break into the kitchen.

The trick is to put
poison in the candy corn

And have them take it back
to the nest.

So, can I get you anything?

I've got...
How about nuts?

Oh, you certainly are.

No, I already ate

And drank and peed and pooped.

I just wanted to come by and
see if you're okay, Whitey.

You are okay, right?

Yeah, I think you're a little
uncomfortable though, aren't you?

Well, it's a bit unnerving.

I have to be honest.

No windows, no floors.

It's kind of like
my version of hell,

Except without
the celine dion music.

Right.

Whitey!
Get up here!

What the hell is that? Is
somebody buried under all this?

No. No, it's...

It's my 93-year-old
uncle Rudolph.

He just moved
into the attic.

What?

Yeah, he got kicked
out of every retirement home

On the eastern seaboard.

He's not like us, Eddie.

He's not really
a people person.

Whitey! Get up here,

You worthless
piece of crap!

Okay, I see what you mean.

Yeah. And he's on his best
behavior right now too,

Because he wants his...

His precious
talcum powder!

He just won't die.

And there's enough
asbestos up in that attic,

That the roaches
can't even survive.

Okay, listen.

I'm going to let you
get back to your uncle.

I just wanted to make...
to make sure you're all right.

It's great to see you.
I'm fine. Obviously.

Okay. And I'll see you
at school right?

Yes, you will.

Okay. Hey, you bowl?

No, not at all.

Didn't think so.

Okay.

See ya.

Yep.

Thanks, Eddie.

Whitey!

Look...

You've got 20 minutes
on that oxygen tank

Even after the alarm goes off!

You old fart!

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6...

53, 54, 55.

Don't get up.

What took you so damn long?

I was with a guest.

I have friends,
uncle Rudolph.

The hell you do.

He's real!

Like that cheese you named?

Thank God your folks
are all dead

So they don't see you like this,
you sick bastard.

Look, I'm gonna pretend
that you didn't say that

Because you couldn't
possibly mean

All the hurtful and
vile things you say to me.

Don't patronize me,
you candy-ass princess!

I was an actor.

I was in "the wizard of oz."

That was me
in the lollipop guild.

You were never
in the lollipop guild.

I was a munchkin, damnit!

As well as an oompa-loompa
with Mr. Gene Wilder,

And the only Willy Wonka.

You can look it up,
you fool!

You were never
in either of those things.

You were "not"
a little person!

I was too.

I had a growth spurt
in my early 40s.

It happens.

If you weren't such an idiot,
you'd know that!

I wish I'd shut you out when
you showed up on my door step.

Your...this is my house.

It should fall on you
and kill you

And curl up your feet like
the wicked witch of the east,

Who was a dear friend of mine.

And I still correspond with
leon, the flying monkey boy.

Well, I can see why
you never lived with anyone.

You're an awful person.

That's not
what alfred nobel said

When he gave me his prize.

You never got a nobel prize,
uncle Rudolph.

Microbiology, 1937.

Look it up!

All right, here's your
precious talcum powder.

Is there anything
else you need?

Yeah.

I'd like a birthday party.

I never had one.

You want a birthday party?!

Yeah.

This is probably going
to be my last one.

But I want to plan it
myself.

I don't want
any surprise party.

Why?

My doctor said surprises
might kill me.

I'm having a surprise party
for my uncle Rudolph,

And you're all invited.

When is it?

Saturday. Tell Eddie.

And Doug and
Ally can come too.

I need lots of people.
I want lots of noise.

In fact, I have cymbals
for everybody.

If you have a starter
pistol, bring it.

Hey, Whitey.

Yeah?

I got a real gun...

On me.

Hey, they don't make us go
through the metal detectors.

Well, bring it.

It is kind of short notice.

Yeah. Well, he's going
to be 93 years old.

Everything is short notice.

And it has
to be Saturday too

Because that's the only time
he leaves the house

To have his back abscess
drained.

Sounds like a hell
of a party.

When were you ever
at a party?

I have one every time
you leave a room.

I have a drink every time
you come in one.

You know, I was going
to kill myself Saturday.

But I'm a party guy.

So, I guess I could push it
to Sunday.

Do american school systems

Have no criteria
for hiring teachers?

Hi, everybody.

What's going on?

I was just inviting everyone

To my uncle Rudolph's
birthday party.

You invited them before me?

Oh. Well, you know, you always invite
the most interesting people last.

Everybody knows that.

I didn't know that.

Well, aren't you the last person
invited anywhere?

Well, as a matter of fact,
I am.

Well, then there you go!

Well, I'll be there.

Okay.

Thank you.

Oh, by the way, Raj, this invitation
is extended to you as well.

What makes you think
that I assumed that it didn't?

Since I've been standing here
the whole time

And heard you say,
"all of you are invited,"

And technically, being human,

Considered myself
to be part of the "all."

Well, I meant no disrespect.

I just wanted to make sure
that you were there

Because somebody has
to clean up.

I accept your apology,
you dirty son of a mother...

I can't believe the british
stayed there so long.

Okay. What are you doing?
Let's get dressed.

We're all ready
15 minutes late.

It's a surprise party, Joy.

We're supposed to get there
before the surprisee. Come on!

Would you relax?
We have got plenty of time.

Okay, which one do you like?
The red one or the blue one?

Whichever one goes on
the quickest.

Why don't you throw heels
on with the robe and let's go.

Come on. Seriously,
I want your opinion.

Blue.

You didn't even
think about it, Eddie.

Come on,
this is important to me.

We never get invited
to parties.

Especially
with people we work with.

I want to look my best.

So you want to impress
those gargoyles we work with?

Raj, the old drunk,

Mrs. Rooney,
the guy with the gun?

Pick a dress.

I did. Blue.

You don't think
it's too slutty?

On you? No.

All right, I'm going
to wear the red.

Okay, wait. Just out of
curiosity, what the hell?

I'll get it.

No. No. I'll get it!
"you" get dressed. Okay?

Hello.

Eddie!
Eddie, where are you?

He's almost here.

I know, Whitey.
We're out the door.

We'll be there soon.

Well, hurry!
Okay.

Was that Eddie?

Yes. He's on his way.

So, I got here on time.

And I'm standing around
in all this filth,

While Eddie stark is out
there breathing fresh air.

Well, unfortunately, yes.

Okay, where's the bar?

The what?

Yeah, I need a drink!

I don't think that's
a good idea, is it?

I mean, you know the affect
alcohol has on you, mistress.

I mean, the last time
you had a drink,

I ended up needing
a skin graft.

But you did learn not to spill
mommy's margarita now, didn't you?

See?
It was a teachable moment.

Where's the booze?

Well, it's in the kitchen

In the 3rd refrigerator
to the right, lower shelf.

No. No. No.
I don't want the rot gut

You're serving
to the goon platoon.

I want the good stuff!

All right. Follow this
purple cord over here.

All the way up
to the wheelbarrow

Filled with the little
gorbachev dolls.

And each one of those has a little
airline-sized bottle of vodka inside it..

The red splotch
on the forehead is the spout.

Oh, you're going
to pay for that!

Okay, everybody ready?

I am. But I can't seem
to find Doug.

What do you mean
you can't find Doug?

Well, you know the game
"hide and seek?"

Yeah, the game you play
when you're 3 years old?

Yeah, well,
Doug's really good at it.

And he's been hiding
for over an hour.

And I can't seem to find him.

So you guys are playing
"hide and seek" right now?

Yeah, it was Doug's main sport
in high school.

He would have gotten
a scholarship for it

If it was recognized
by anyone anywhere.

Doesn't he know
we have to leave?

Oh yeah, he can hear you.
You just can't see him.

And now that he knows
that you're looking for him,

That'll just stoke the flames
of his competitive juices.

We may never find him.

I'll sto his flames.

Doug!

Okay. Listen to me.

Wherever you are,

I ask you to come
out of hiding right now...

And reveal yourself!

Dad, you know,
he's not under the table.

He's in the zone.

You're not going to find him.

Oh yeah?

All right, Doug?
Listen to me.

This is not a threat.

I'm just making a statement.

I respect your ability to hide.

And I'm impressed that you
have had such success with it.

And I'm sure that if there was
anything visually interesting

About "not" being able
to see people,

I'm sure that it would be
a televised sport.

But since it is not,

And since we have to get to a 93-year-old's
surprise birthday party right now,

I ask that you come out
of your hiding place now.

Please.

Olly olly oxenfree, Doug!

Red rover, red rover,

Send Doug right over!

Where the hell are you?!

He's really good,
isn't he, daddy?

That's my man.

And you haven't even
seen him seek.

Okay, ready!

Finally!
Okay, let's go. Come on.

No, no. We can't go yet.
We haven't found Doug.

It's ok. We don't need Doug.
Come on, let's go.

Is he playing
"hide and seek" again?

Yeah, he's the greatest.

Okay, good. Then he'll still be
hiding when we come home.

Come on, get moving.

You know, I was thinking.

Maybe it's not the best idea

For me to go out
in my condition.

Allison, in your condition?
You're not sick.

You're pregnant.

And you've got 2 weeks to go.

Besides, I was a week late.

That really means you
have 3 weeks to go.

So if I have to go
to this party,

You have to go to this party.
Let's go to the party.

Are you happy, Joy?
You made her cry.

What? I didn't do anything.
It's her hormones.

Ally, I'm right here, baby.

I'm right here.

Doug?

I'm so sorry.

Oh, the couch!
Brilliant!

What the hell
are you doing?!

I'm a sympathetic crier.

When somebody else cries,
I cry.

That's how they always
found me in "hide and seek."

I mean, what the hell are
you doing hiding in our couch?

Oh, I just took out
the...the sleeper-bed thingy

For the perfect hiding place.

You hollowed out my
couch for a hiding place?

That is
extremely disturbing.

I'll tell you something
that's more disturbing,

30 seconds ago
I was sitting on his face.

Yeah, well. It was no picnic
for me, either, sir.

But I'm a pro.

Boy, I hope to God
the baby has your brains.

All right, are we going
to this party or what?

Yeah. Come on, let's go!

We can still make it.

Come on, crybaby daddy.

Wow. The baby has
more room than we do.

Man, there are so many
hiding places here.

You know, thank God
you guys made it.

I told you we would, Whitey.

Yeah.
He's not here yet. So...

How would you know?

Eddie, I thought you
were exaggerating.

No. See what I'm saying?

And look at that.
There's the gnome.

The gnome is back.
He's on the couch.

The gnome is there.

Damnit.
Luther got back in again.

I forgot to lock
the doggy door.

Hey! Hey, Whitey, how come
you have so much stuff?

Well, you know, everything is
connected to a memory of some sort...

Yeah, okay. Yeah. Screw the
memories, where's the bar?

Oh, in the kitchen. 3rd
refrigerator on the right.

Okay.

Oh. Hey, Ms. Duffy.

Oh, hey, Joy. Wow.
You're in 3-d tonight.

Hey, who...who did your jugs?

Because I'm thinking about
getting a bigger rack myself.

Well, mine were done
by God...And gravity.

Aww. Well, I guess it all
balances out in the end.

You know, you've got these
2 great boobs here

And one big ugly
one over there.

I just...
I just made a funny.

Not so much.

Oh, hey, Joy,

Can I ask you something,
girl to girl?

Sure.

Are you at all interested
in girl to girl?

Okay, I think you've had
a little too much to drink.

Ha! You think?

Back in india
I was also a doctor.

Really?
A fellow doctor, huh?

Let me ask you a question.

Where do you guys land on
the whole hand washing thing?

Well, I'm in favor of it.

Back at home I often had my
patients wash their hands.

We don't call them
untouchables for nothing.

I got a theory
on the whole ghandi thing.

It wasn't a hunger strike.
He was bulimic.

Really?

Yeah. Yeah.

The whole thing... he
was looking for attention

Like a little teenage girl.

Standing in front
of the mirror...

"Does this diaper
make me look fat?

Look from here.
Look from here."

What is wrong
with this country?

I'm so rooting for china.

Hey, more dim sum, huh?!

Oh, my favorite!

Hey, excuse me! Do you
mind if my wife sits there?

She's...she's pregnant.

Not my baby.

All right, quiet. Quiet.
Here he comes, okay?

Everybody get your cymbals.

Remember...shockingly loud!

And Raj, don't go
easy on that air horn!

Say "surprise," here we go!

Surprise!

Uncle Rudolph,
weren't you surprised?

Oh, I don't know.
Let me check.

No. That's from yesterday.

Okay, let's go!

Wow. That was some party.

It's the first time I ever took a
shot to the basket by a little person.

I guess I could
take that off my bucket list.

Did you guys see that
chicken that plays checkers?

Almost beat him
the second time.

I'm just glad we got out of
there before duffy stole 3rd base.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
He's kicking!

Come here.

Let me see.
Let me see.

Oh! Doug.

Oh, my God!

Hey dude.

You're about to leave
the ultimate hiding place.

Daddy?

Nah, every time I put my big
mitt on him, he stops kicking.

Come on.

Come on.

All right. Okay.

Hey, little guy.

It's grandpop-pop.

Pretty cool, huh?

Yeah. Oh, my God!

It's amazing to think that
inside here is a little brain.

Action.

And this is soft!

I think that was
more like the leg.

Go for it.
Go for real hits.

All right.
Seriously.

Action.

And this is soft.

God!

All right.
Go ahead.

That was dead on.

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