All language subtitles for Til Death s04e14 vv

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I can't help it, Eddie.

She does this to me.
She makes me nuts!

Listen, honey. Your mom
visits us 3 days a year.

We're gonna get through
this together.

That's easy for you to say.
She doesn't make you nuts.

You weren't raised by her.

I happen to get a kick
out of your mom.

You know, between the
bigotry and the racism...

I'm a history teacher. It's like
meeting somebody from the old south.

Or the new south,
actually.

Please don't leave me.
Ok? Back me up on this.

Ok. I'm with ya.

How do I look?

You look beautiful.

Skinny?

Hospital skinny.

You know what?
It doesn't matter anyway.

She will find something
wrong with me. It's her job.

I wonder what color
her hair's gonna be.

It doesn't matter. The carpet
won't match the drapes.

Oh, honey! She got rid
of the carpet years ago.

Oh, God!

Stop. Ok.
All right.

I'm here!
Hi, mom!

Hi, sweetheart.
Give your mama a big hug.

Come here.

Watch my hair.

I got hair extensions.
You like 'em?

Just like paula abdul.

That is one cute little
rug merchant.

Come over here, Eddie,

You great big giant jew,
and give me a hug!

Coming at you,
ya sexy dego!

How are ya?

I'm good. Eddie, could you
take this upstairs for me?

Yeah. Sure.

I have my jewelry in there,
and my neck massager.

Look at you.
Are you sick, honey?

What?

You look like you
just get out of bed,

And you're all yellow.

What?

And you're bloated.

And what are these doing
down there? Pick 'em up!

Mom!

Where would you like
your bags?

Anywhere but
under my eyes.

Just put 'em over there.
Drop 'em.

You didn't take anything
out of those bags, did you?

Or put anything in them?

Raj, hey!

Yeah, right. What
happened to the u.P.S. Job?

It's very difficult nowadays for
a brown man to deliver a package.

No kidding.

The question now is
what can brown do to you?

Don't have worry about raj.
He's one of our buddies.

Rrraj.

What did I say?

You said "raj."

It's rrrraj.

You know, I gotta be honest.
I don't hear a difference.

Can I please just
have my money?

Eddie, just pay the guy.
And no tip.

Because I know what they
do with their money.

They buy monkey bars
for their cousins to train on.

May I say what a delight
it has been to serve you?

And if you have need
transportation in the future,

Please do not hesitate
to call somebody else.

All right. Here you go.
That should cover it.

Not even close.
I'm taking this book.

Eddie, can you do me
a favor, sweetheart?

Just go down my blouse and
see if that's a mosquito bite

That's making me crazy
or a boil.

Go ahead. You can poke it.
Go ahead.

If that things
gets any bigger,

You're gonna be
ringing a bell in a tower.

He is so funny!

Yeah, he's a riot.

You know, the humor
comes from persecution.

The jews are just like
the blacks.

Both persecuted,
and both high-larious.

Mom, we live in
a different world now.

Those racist views
are obsolete.

I mean, remember...
we do have a black president.

Yeah, who is just like
his mother.

There's a lot of cream in that
coffee. That's all I'm saying.

Whitey, help me out here.

What do you got?

14 across.

14 across.

An annoying older woman.

That would be an "aunt."

A-u-n-t.

That's only 'cause you
you don't know her.

I don't know what I was
thinking here.

Yeah. That's not like you
to miss that.

You've got a lot
on your mind, huh?

You know, you're very...
very intuitive.

You really...you just
know my feelings.

That's what friends are for,
my pal from another gal.

You know, I just turned in
my manuscript,

And I'm supposed to meet with
the publisher later this week.

I'm just a nervous wreck.

Stop worrying, you know?
I know he's going to love it.

You're a brilliant man, and
I'm sure it's a brilliant book.

Do you really think so?

Just don't tell duffy
I was praising you

Because sometimes
she can be a real aunt.

Touché.

Hey, Donnelly.

Hi, fellas.

Today was a great day
in gym.

I had this fat kid
halfway up the rope,

And then I took
the mat away.

He's still up there.
Ha ha!

It was great!

Sounds a little mean
mean and sadistic.

And funny.

I get the feeling you're not
terribly fond of these kids.

I'm not. And you know why?

'cause I used to be
one of them.

So I know how rotten
they are.

I got teased
in gym class, too.

Because I was fat,
and I was pretty.

Like all the donnelly men.

In fact, my dad was a dead
ringer for shelley winters.

The "poseidon adventure"
shelly winters?

Is there any other?

Listen. I gotta ask
you guys a favor.

Joy's mom is in
from out of town,

And I need you to come
over for dinner

And be a little bit
of a buffer.

I was thinking, like, Saturday
night. Are you guys free?

Is the food free?
Absolutely.

Then we're free.
Fabulous.

Joy Joy?

I'm in here.

Honey?

Hi.

I was going to ask you how
your day went with your mom,

But I think
I know the answer.

According to her,
I need my hair done,

And my calves done,
and my boobs,

My butt, my nose,

My eyes, my lips.

And then she got critical!

I'm essentially a teardown.

Well, when you rebuild,
can we put in a pool?

Honey, I'm kidding. Mwah!

Eddie...

I don't know if I can
survive the next 2 days.

Honey, I've got
good news for you.

I invited donnelly and
whitey over for dinner.

And I figure with Doug and
Ally, she'll be distracted.

And with a little luck, she
won't even know you're there.

You know what?
That's a good idea.

I mean, she likes
attacking new people.

And you know,
whitey's weird.

Ally's skinny.

Donnelly's irish.

And Doug is...

Doug.

That's good work, babe.
Thanks.

Yeah? Sure. Sure.

So, ok. We gonna get
out of bed now?

No. I'm tired,

And it's late.

Honey, it's only 4:30.

Yeah, well. I've eaten 6 meals
and put away half a pint of gin.

I'm done for the day.

Hey, guys. There's a "matlock"
marathon on channel 32.

Ooh, look at that
flat-screen television.

Let's watch it in here. Come on.
Move over, you handsome devil.

Ok. All right.

Oh, that's good.

Who has the clicker?

Give her the clicker.
Ok.

Oh, that andy griffith
is yummy.

I'd like to show him
my mayberry.

Well, I finished your manuscript
last night, Eddie,

And, I um...Loved it.

Miles, I really
appreciate this.

I put my heart and soul
into this book.

Please. I mean, it shows.

I mean, if I was
a zeppelin scholar,

This would be
my favorite book on earth.

That is... that is music
to my ears. Thank you.

Well, I can go further.

If I was
a dirigible aficionado,

You, my friend,
have written the bible.

I'm speechless.

Yeah, I'm not.

Let me ask you
a question, Eddie.

Exactly how many
blimp aficionados

Do you think there are
in the world?

Wow. I don't know.
100,000?

27.

And I got that number
from our research department.

12 of them are blimp pilots,

And the rest of them
are lunatics.

So that means we have to
charge at least $15,000 a book

For either one of us to
make even a nickel on this.

Oh, that's...
that's not good.

No. It's bad.
It's...it's bad.

But you know something?

I never bring up a problem
unless I have a solution.

Well, color me
intrigued, miles.

First of all,
lose the hindenburg angle.

But that's what
the book is about.

Eddie, let me tell you
a little story.

Last year we had this guy
come in here.

And he wrote a book about
the amphibious life

In the amazon rain forest.

And you know, it was
thoroughly researched.

I mean, it was just impeccable
the way he did his work.

The writing, the pictures.
It was perfect.

And I just made
one little change,

And it wound up selling over
half a million copies.

Wow, what did you do?

Well, first I changed
the name to "fritzy the frog."

And you know, I reduced the
number of words in the manuscript

From over 100,000 to one.

I don't know.

I guess I can call my book
"harry the hindenburg."

Boy, you've really got a bug up your
ass about the hindenburg, don't you?

But that's cool. That's
fine. That's fine, really.

Just do me a favor. Just follow this
out to its logical conclusion, ok?

Hey, kids, here is
harry the hindenburg,

Our beloved main character,

And he just flies
through the lofty clouds.

♪ la-la-lee, la-la-loo,
la-la-la ♪

Then he bursts into flames,
and he dies all over new jersey!

Boy, won't that be fun, kids?

I don't know what to say.

Here's what you say.

"I want to be
a best-selling author

"of a classic children's book
called 'benny the blimp'

"instead of a silly
high school teacher

"who wrote a boring book

That was rejected by the
publisher who's now suing him."

Can mine at least
go ka-boom?

Ka-boom.

Welcome to our
humble chapeau.

Good line.

Come on in.
Make yourself comfortable.

This looks like
the inside of a pinata.

That's sweet.

Can I get you anything?

You got any percocet?

No.

I'm good.

Look, since we're here, I'd
to talk to you about something.

I am very worried
about your mother.

Because of her drinking?
No.

Mood swings?
No.

Slutty clothes?
General sense of ennui?

No.

Her gas thing?
Oh, her eating habits?

Suspended license?
What?

Color-blindness?

Superiority complex?
Inferiority comple

I know...
her fear of norwegians.

No.

What I wanted to talk to you
about is her hypersensitivity

About everything
that's wrong with her.

And that's another thing
that's wrong with her!

Grammy, all I can say is I think
things could be a little better

Between the two of you if you
were a little less judgmental

And a little
more complimentary.

And it would also help if you
could show some tolerance for mom.

And maybe the human race
in general.

All right. You're right.

I'm gonna try, ok?

Good.

You know what it
smells like in here?

What?

Bob marley.

Oh, did you know bob marley?

I knew him intimately,
but not very well.

Help grammy up.
I've got a backache.

And I got to go in the house and rest
these girls on the table for a while.

Ok? Let's go.

Salud.

That's good.

Joy, drinking with you
like this reminds me

Of the night your prom date was -show.

In hindsight, it probably was a mistake
to give it up to him that afternoon.

You live and you learn.

Believe me, I've found myself
alone in motels rooms

At 11:00 on Sunday mornings,

Waiting for some guy
to bring me back smokes.

But, hey, that's what
high school is for.

Have you heard from my dad?

Yeah. He got married
again.

Really?
Yeah.

He married a whore.

Mom, you can't call all
the women dad marries "whores."

This woman is
an actual whore.

I'm not being judgmental.
That's her job.

That's what it says
on her w-2.

"occupation: Whore."

Where did he meet her?

In a whore house. That's
where whores hang out.

Mom, take it down
a notch, ok?

This is my father
we're talking about.

All right. Truthfully,
I wish him the best.

Really?

Yeah. The man has
every right to live

The way he wants
to live.

That's very evolved of you.
I'm surprised.

Well, you know. I'm trying to
be less critical of everyone,

Including your father.

Well, you know what?
That sounds great me.

You know, I always thought
he'd come back to me.

Did you want him
to come back?

Not until now.

Joy, I want to
ask you something.

What did you do right
in your marriage

That I did wrong?

God, I don't know.

Well, Eddie and I
make each other laugh.

You know, the only time I made
your daddy laugh was when I fell.

Is that why we always
went ice skating?

I love you.

I love you.

Let's drink.

This is good.

I don't know.
Why is Sunday morning

The best time to drive
on the highway?

Oh, 'cause the catholics
are in church,

The jews are in
the hamptons,

The puerto ricans can't
get their cars started,

And the polacks
think it's Saturday.

That's...

Hysterical!

And you know why?

Because it's true!

It's so true!

No. No. No.
No, it's not.

It's not true.

What planet are you from?

The one
they fought a war

So all the hippies on your
planet could grow their hair long

And smoke dope all day!

Well, I hate to walk out
on pothead vs. Hothead,

But I told duffy
I'd be back by midnight.

Come on, whitey.
What the matter?

If you're late,
she doesn't spank you?

That's right.

And tonight's hairbrush night.

Come on, Whitey, don't go!

We're gonne move into the lounge
and start some serious drinking.

Yeah, but the later I am,
the angrier...She gets.

Yeah. I will sit down...
While I can.

Ally, go get
your ukulele, honey.

Ok, daddy.

Oh, want me to go get
my guitar?

I'd rather you go
get your suitcase.

Come on, everybody.
Into the living room.

Well, now I'm going to sing
a song that grammy taught me

When I was a little girl,

And it's based on a true
experience that she had

While in "lost wages,"
nevada.

♪ I had an inappropriate
sexual relationship ♪

♪ with elvis presley's
ectomorphic twin ♪

♪ his name was little elvis ♪

♪ and he lived
inside the jumpsuit ♪

♪ underneath big elvis' chin ♪

♪ I was backstage in vegas,
waiting for an autograph ♪

♪ when little elvis told me
I was cute ♪

♪ he made a little smalltalk
and a peanut butter sandwich ♪

♪ and we sat around
and talked inside the suit ♪

♪ a little while later,
my knees were really knocking ♪

♪ the guy knew
how to get the job done ♪

♪ so when I got
out of the jumpsuit ♪

♪ I went into the convent ♪

♪ and spent the next 10 years
as a nun ♪

♪ till I found out
what "none" meant ♪

Thank you very much.

Once again, we drank
them under the table.

Even the irishman.

Of course we did.
It was fun.

And you know, the best thing
is that I think you hate me

Just a little bit less.

Ma, I never hated you.

I just was afraid
of turning into you.

I'm not so afraid anymore.

I just wanted you
to be better than me.

That's why
I set the bar so low.

Oh, good!
You're still awake.

That's what your father
used to say when we had sex.

Stop!

So we've been up all night working
on a song that we wrote for you.

That's sweet.

We know that you're
leaving tomorrow,

So we wrote you a little
good-bye song.

That's so nice.

Ally takes after us.
She's very talented.

And Doug is Doug.

Well, let's hear this song.

Ok. 1, 2, 3, 4.

♪ we'll miss your smile,
we'll miss your shoes ♪

♪ but not the way
you always bash the jews ♪

♪ good-bye, grammy ♪

♪ we'll miss your jokes,
they always please ♪

♪ unless, of course, you're
knocking the chinese ♪

♪ good-bye, grammy ♪

♪ we'll miss you every night,
we'll miss you every day ♪

♪ we hope when you leave us
things will be ok-k-k ♪

"kkk!" ha ha!

♪ good-bye, grammy ♪

♪ we're sending you away
with everything you need ♪

♪ homemade brownies,
hydroponically ♪

♪ it's for your glaucoma ♪

♪ so don't cry or say "hi" ♪

♪ this is good-bye-bye-bye ♪

♪ good-bye, grammy ♪

♪ good-bye, grammy ♪

I loved it! I loved it!

I'm gonna miss you guys.
So much.

Miss you, too.

Where are the brownies?

♪ I'm just a girl
who can't say "no" ♪

♪ I'm in a terrible fix ♪

♪ I always say,
"come on, let's go" ♪

♪ just when I ought
to say "nix" ♪

♪ when a fella tries
to kiss a girl ♪

♪ I know she ought to give
his face a smack ♪

♪ but as soon as someone
kisses me ♪

♪ I somehow wanna-wanna
kiss him back ♪

♪ I can't resist a romeo ♪

♪ in a sombrero and chaps ♪
oh, chaps!

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