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1
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000
Sync by fant0m
www.addic7ed.com
2
00:00:04,434 --> 00:00:06,135
Hey, let's take a
vacation in Cape May.
3
00:00:06,203 --> 00:00:07,670
Can't afford it.
4
00:00:07,738 --> 00:00:08,971
Sure we can!
5
00:00:09,039 --> 00:00:11,774
It's just a tank of gas and
a couple nights in a motel.
6
00:00:11,841 --> 00:00:14,576
Put a little pizzazz
back in our marriage.
7
00:00:14,644 --> 00:00:16,644
Yeah, well, pizzazz
is expensive.
8
00:00:16,712 --> 00:00:18,045
And by the way,
I'm not getting the raise
9
00:00:18,113 --> 00:00:19,380
That I was expecting.
10
00:00:19,447 --> 00:00:20,981
Why not? Eddie,
you're due a raise.
11
00:00:21,049 --> 00:00:23,050
Yeah, but they made
the system unfair.
12
00:00:23,163 --> 00:00:25,376
Now it's merit-based.
You have to actually
13
00:00:25,443 --> 00:00:26,878
Be a good teacher
to get a raise.
14
00:00:26,946 --> 00:00:29,704
I don't know what the hell
is happening in this country.
15
00:00:29,772 --> 00:00:31,590
Honey, you're
a great teacher.
16
00:00:31,657 --> 00:00:33,539
Look, a coach is only
as good as his players.
17
00:00:33,607 --> 00:00:36,470
I'm supposed to maintain a
b-average in all of my classes,
18
00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:39,359
And yet I got these
two functional idiots.
19
00:00:39,427 --> 00:00:41,060
Yeah? Really?
20
00:00:41,127 --> 00:00:43,127
Yeah, I got this Feldman
guy. He's driving me nuts.
21
00:00:43,195 --> 00:00:45,093
He has an a+ in every
one of his classes,
22
00:00:45,160 --> 00:00:47,189
But he's tanking in mine.
23
00:00:47,257 --> 00:00:48,970
So just give this
Feldman kid a "b,"
24
00:00:49,037 --> 00:00:50,625
And we head
to the shore.
25
00:00:50,693 --> 00:00:52,449
I tried that,
but Duffy caught me.
26
00:00:52,517 --> 00:00:54,374
Want to know how
she punished me?
27
00:00:54,442 --> 00:00:56,396
She saddled me
with even a dumber kid,
28
00:00:56,464 --> 00:00:58,349
This transfer student
named Garcia
29
00:00:58,416 --> 00:01:00,201
Who's guaranteed to fail.
30
00:01:00,269 --> 00:01:02,386
Come on, Eddie,
we need this raise.
31
00:01:02,454 --> 00:01:04,162
I'm tellin' ya, the kid is dumb.
32
00:01:04,238 --> 00:01:06,113
Ya know? It takes him
an hour and a half
33
00:01:06,181 --> 00:01:08,938
To watch "60 minutes."
34
00:01:09,006 --> 00:01:10,821
All right, Eddie,
you know what,
35
00:01:10,888 --> 00:01:12,229
This is the situation...
36
00:01:12,303 --> 00:01:13,510
I need this vacation.
37
00:01:13,578 --> 00:01:15,185
I just bought myself
a new bathing suit,
38
00:01:15,253 --> 00:01:18,006
And I don't know how many
bikini years I have left.
39
00:01:18,074 --> 00:01:22,440
So no Feldman or Garcia or
Duffy is going to keep me
40
00:01:22,508 --> 00:01:25,794
From strutting my stuff
in Cape May, New Jersey.
41
00:01:25,861 --> 00:01:26,867
I'm telling you,
42
00:01:26,934 --> 00:01:28,140
The kid is stupid, you know?
43
00:01:28,208 --> 00:01:32,198
He tried to smoke the crack
in the liberty bell, ooh.
44
00:01:32,266 --> 00:01:35,455
Captioning made possible by
sony pictures television
45
00:01:37,062 --> 00:01:41,083
Oh, I love the smell of
fake bacon in the morning.
46
00:01:41,151 --> 00:01:43,999
Stay right there, I'm going
to serve you breakfast in bed.
47
00:01:44,067 --> 00:01:46,815
Wow. What did I do
to deserve this?
48
00:01:46,883 --> 00:01:49,292
'cause you're
my little hunka hummus.
49
00:01:49,360 --> 00:01:51,840
Ah! Who are you?
50
00:01:51,908 --> 00:01:55,489
Very funny. You know, last night,
you called me the sexiest woman alive,
51
00:01:55,560 --> 00:01:57,265
Right after
I made my sexy face.
52
00:01:57,332 --> 00:01:59,307
You know, this one...
53
00:02:00,280 --> 00:02:03,596
Ok, all right,
you're not Ally.
54
00:02:03,664 --> 00:02:04,801
What did you do with her?
55
00:02:04,869 --> 00:02:06,777
Where is she?
What's going on?
56
00:02:06,844 --> 00:02:08,585
Doug, don't tell me
you're having
57
00:02:08,653 --> 00:02:10,627
Another one of those "I think I'm
a character in a sitcom" moments.
58
00:02:10,695 --> 00:02:12,769
That stuff is crazy.
And frankly,
59
00:02:12,837 --> 00:02:14,778
It's not very appealing.
60
00:02:14,845 --> 00:02:17,456
Ok. You're not Ally,
and I know it.
61
00:02:17,524 --> 00:02:19,564
Doug, you're having
another delusion.
62
00:02:19,632 --> 00:02:20,769
You know, you should
have never snorted
63
00:02:20,836 --> 00:02:22,810
Those orchids
in Ecuador.
64
00:02:22,878 --> 00:02:25,218
What? How do you know
about that?
65
00:02:25,286 --> 00:02:29,504
Do you remember what
you snorted them off of?
66
00:02:29,572 --> 00:02:31,142
You're here, good.
67
00:02:31,210 --> 00:02:32,482
Oh, you're here. Bad.
68
00:02:32,550 --> 00:02:34,020
Hi, mom.
Hi, daddy.
69
00:02:34,087 --> 00:02:36,060
Hey, baby.
Hey, Ally.
70
00:02:36,128 --> 00:02:37,231
Do you want
some breakfast,
71
00:02:37,298 --> 00:02:38,537
Or have you already
had your plate
72
00:02:38,605 --> 00:02:40,444
Of tofu
and scrambled gossamer?
73
00:02:40,512 --> 00:02:43,319
Ok, ok, hold it.
74
00:02:43,389 --> 00:02:44,659
I want you both
75
00:02:44,727 --> 00:02:46,163
To look at this woman.
Mm-hmm.
76
00:02:46,231 --> 00:02:47,369
I want you to take
a good look at her
77
00:02:47,437 --> 00:02:50,310
And tell me
who she is.
78
00:02:52,421 --> 00:02:54,560
That's our daughter, Ally.
79
00:02:54,628 --> 00:02:55,697
Yep.
80
00:02:55,765 --> 00:02:57,470
But she doesn't look
any different to you
81
00:02:57,538 --> 00:03:00,613
Then she did, say,
a week ago?
82
00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:03,354
Let me see.
Ok.
83
00:03:04,594 --> 00:03:06,666
Well, I do see
84
00:03:06,734 --> 00:03:08,136
A slight hint
in her eyes
85
00:03:08,204 --> 00:03:11,548
Of, "oh, God, how did I
end up with this putz?"
86
00:03:11,616 --> 00:03:14,021
But, um,
other than that,
87
00:03:14,089 --> 00:03:16,395
It's my same
gorgeous girl.
88
00:03:16,464 --> 00:03:17,833
Oh, thank you, daddy.
You bet.
89
00:03:17,901 --> 00:03:20,040
Doug's having
a bad morning.
90
00:03:20,107 --> 00:03:22,848
Ok, this is
the worst episode yet,
91
00:03:22,916 --> 00:03:23,985
By far.
92
00:03:24,052 --> 00:03:26,760
I am seeing a completely
different woman
93
00:03:26,828 --> 00:03:28,699
Playing the part of Ally.
94
00:03:28,767 --> 00:03:32,008
Doug, not the sitcom
thing again.
95
00:03:32,076 --> 00:03:34,014
Aren't you seeing
a shrink for this crap?
96
00:03:34,082 --> 00:03:35,384
Are you taking
your medication?
97
00:03:35,452 --> 00:03:37,591
Ok, don't talk to me
like you know me, ok?
98
00:03:37,659 --> 00:03:39,128
Guest star?
99
00:03:39,196 --> 00:03:41,367
Hey, hey, watch it.
100
00:03:42,807 --> 00:03:44,578
Too bad we can't
recast him.
101
00:03:44,645 --> 00:03:47,250
Daddy!
Honey.
102
00:03:53,101 --> 00:03:54,503
Taylor.
103
00:03:54,573 --> 00:03:56,777
Way to go.
104
00:03:56,845 --> 00:03:59,719
Garcia.
Si.
105
00:03:59,786 --> 00:04:02,224
Oh, you're a long way from
a "c," my little friend.
106
00:04:02,292 --> 00:04:04,129
Got another "f."
107
00:04:04,197 --> 00:04:06,570
I'm gonna start calling you "el ef-ay."
108
00:04:06,638 --> 00:04:09,242
Hola, a 38.
109
00:04:09,310 --> 00:04:11,214
This is my best score ever.
110
00:04:11,282 --> 00:04:12,685
Good for you.
111
00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:16,788
The only one who did worse
than you was Feldman, f-minus.
112
00:04:16,856 --> 00:04:19,323
Bueno. At least
I'm not last.
113
00:04:19,391 --> 00:04:22,358
Another "f"? Wow.
114
00:04:22,426 --> 00:04:24,993
It's almost as if
I wasn't trying.
115
00:04:25,061 --> 00:04:26,694
Well, see you tomorrow.
116
00:04:26,762 --> 00:04:27,828
Whoa, wait, wait,
hold up, Feldman.
117
00:04:27,896 --> 00:04:29,963
You're an "a" in
every other class.
118
00:04:30,031 --> 00:04:31,464
What's your problem
with history?
119
00:04:31,531 --> 00:04:33,864
Lack of motivation.
I mean, what's in it for me
120
00:04:33,932 --> 00:04:35,665
To know arcane
historical facts
121
00:04:35,733 --> 00:04:37,833
Like that
stonewall jackwas born
122
00:04:37,901 --> 00:04:40,668
In clarksburg, west virginia
and trained at west point.
123
00:04:40,736 --> 00:04:42,669
Ok, why are you
tanking my class, faker?
124
00:04:42,737 --> 00:04:44,337
I'm a business man, Mr. Stark.
125
00:04:44,405 --> 00:04:46,438
Go ask your friends in the
teacher's lounge about me.
126
00:04:46,506 --> 00:04:47,706
Then we'll talk.
127
00:04:47,773 --> 00:04:48,907
Whoa, whoa, wait,
hold on.
128
00:04:48,974 --> 00:04:50,908
Are you suggesting that
I pay you to do well?
129
00:04:50,976 --> 00:04:52,543
Well, that's why you want
me to do well, isn't it?
130
00:04:52,610 --> 00:04:54,377
So you can get
the merit pay raise?
131
00:04:54,445 --> 00:04:57,246
Look, all I'm saying is,
I want a taste.
132
00:04:57,314 --> 00:04:58,714
You have a hell
of a future, Feldman.
133
00:04:58,782 --> 00:05:01,616
But that's going to be in politics,
the mafia or show business.
134
00:05:01,684 --> 00:05:04,219
You know why? Because
I ain't paying you.
135
00:05:04,286 --> 00:05:05,453
Oh, you'll pay!
136
00:05:05,521 --> 00:05:07,888
One way or another.
137
00:05:15,538 --> 00:05:17,574
Can't you just
neutralize these kids
138
00:05:17,642 --> 00:05:19,309
By bringing in
another smart kid?
139
00:05:19,377 --> 00:05:20,710
Well, there is
one, Chin.
140
00:05:20,778 --> 00:05:23,112
But he's in Whitey's
fourth period.
141
00:05:23,180 --> 00:05:24,313
All right,
so why don't you
142
00:05:24,381 --> 00:05:25,581
Just make a deal
with Whitey for Chin?
143
00:05:25,648 --> 00:05:27,082
He's not going
to do me any favors.
144
00:05:27,150 --> 00:05:29,351
Whitey is shacking
up with Duffy.
145
00:05:29,418 --> 00:05:32,987
Oh, come on! There must be
something that Whitey wants.
146
00:05:33,054 --> 00:05:35,155
I don't know, maybe
there is a possibility.
147
00:05:35,223 --> 00:05:37,858
Maybe we can do a trade, like
in fantasy league football,
148
00:05:37,925 --> 00:05:41,027
Except in this case, we're
playing with children's lives.
149
00:05:41,095 --> 00:05:44,096
I like it.
150
00:05:44,164 --> 00:05:45,431
Hey, Whitey.
151
00:05:45,498 --> 00:05:46,732
Hey, pal.
152
00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:48,167
What happened
to your wrist?
153
00:05:48,235 --> 00:05:50,136
Oh, rope burns.
154
00:05:50,203 --> 00:05:52,838
Mistress Duffy and I were...
here, can you...
155
00:05:52,906 --> 00:05:55,374
Mistress Duffy and I were
playing "weekend at gitmo"
156
00:05:55,442 --> 00:05:58,877
And she left me strapped
to the water board.
157
00:06:00,947 --> 00:06:02,381
Then she got a phone
call from her mother
158
00:06:02,448 --> 00:06:03,582
That went on
and on and on.
159
00:06:03,649 --> 00:06:05,117
I guess her mother's
used to hearing
160
00:06:05,184 --> 00:06:07,719
Cries for help
in the background.
161
00:06:07,787 --> 00:06:10,621
Listen to me, you're going to
have to break that thing off.
162
00:06:10,689 --> 00:06:11,922
I know, but not
before Saturday,
163
00:06:11,990 --> 00:06:15,425
'cause that's when we're
playing "prep me for surgery."
164
00:06:15,493 --> 00:06:17,794
And then Sunday,
we've got matinee tickets
165
00:06:17,861 --> 00:06:20,962
To "the fantasticks" at
the bucks county playhouse.
166
00:06:21,030 --> 00:06:23,064
Wow. It just gets worse and
worse for you, doesn't it?
167
00:06:23,132 --> 00:06:26,200
Listen, Whitey,
I gotta ask you a favor.
168
00:06:26,268 --> 00:06:27,701
Oh, anything
at all for you,
169
00:06:27,769 --> 00:06:30,170
My brother
from another mother.
170
00:06:30,238 --> 00:06:33,473
Listen, it's about Chin.
171
00:06:33,541 --> 00:06:35,442
My fourth period class
is a disaster,
172
00:06:35,509 --> 00:06:38,144
And I really need him.
173
00:06:38,211 --> 00:06:40,446
No, you can't have Chin.
174
00:06:40,513 --> 00:06:42,514
He's got
a real gift for art.
175
00:06:42,582 --> 00:06:44,881
I tell you, that kid
has got the eye
176
00:06:44,949 --> 00:06:47,249
Of picasso, only more
narrow and slightly slanted.
177
00:06:47,317 --> 00:06:50,316
But no, no, no. I'm not
going to give him up.
178
00:06:50,384 --> 00:06:51,885
No, but look,
I'm not asking you to.
179
00:06:51,952 --> 00:06:54,053
I thought maybe we could just
rearrange our schedules a bit.
180
00:06:54,121 --> 00:06:56,121
You know, like, you keep
Chin in your second period
181
00:06:56,189 --> 00:06:58,523
And I can have him
in my fourth period.
182
00:06:58,591 --> 00:07:00,725
No. I don't think so.
183
00:07:02,294 --> 00:07:03,994
Now first of all,
it would upset Duffy
184
00:07:04,062 --> 00:07:07,230
If she knew I was doing
anything to make you happy.
185
00:07:07,298 --> 00:07:08,665
She hates you,
you know.
186
00:07:08,733 --> 00:07:10,433
Yes, I know.
187
00:07:11,735 --> 00:07:13,102
Here is my offer,
all right?
188
00:07:13,170 --> 00:07:18,406
You give me Chin, and I give
you patel, rasheed, and mikimodo.
189
00:07:19,375 --> 00:07:21,009
Well, mikimodo's
all right.
190
00:07:21,076 --> 00:07:23,310
But patel's only a "b."
191
00:07:23,378 --> 00:07:25,045
He's lost his mojo.
192
00:07:25,113 --> 00:07:26,847
Yeah, but guess what? His
family is all back together,
193
00:07:26,914 --> 00:07:28,615
And everyone's in therapy.
194
00:07:28,683 --> 00:07:30,950
I'm telling you,
this is his breakout year.
195
00:07:31,018 --> 00:07:32,551
Well, rasheed is
all over the place.
196
00:07:32,619 --> 00:07:34,753
The kid is bouncing
off the walls.
197
00:07:34,821 --> 00:07:35,888
Ok, I get it.
That was last season.
198
00:07:35,955 --> 00:07:37,122
You see, rasheed is back
on the ritalin,
199
00:07:37,190 --> 00:07:39,257
And he's hyper-focused.
200
00:07:39,325 --> 00:07:42,126
There are a lot of
variables here, Eddie.
201
00:07:42,194 --> 00:07:44,928
Don't you have Feldman
in your fourth period?
202
00:07:44,996 --> 00:07:47,030
Yes. Well, then,
what's your problem?
203
00:07:47,098 --> 00:07:48,464
I refused to pay him.
204
00:07:48,532 --> 00:07:50,900
Everybody pays Feldman.
205
00:07:50,967 --> 00:07:53,268
Hey, how many
pay Feldman here?
206
00:07:53,336 --> 00:07:54,936
You see?
He's gotten us
207
00:07:55,004 --> 00:07:58,906
All raises. Just stop with the
craziness, Eddie. Play ball.
208
00:07:58,974 --> 00:08:00,208
No way.
It's unethical.
209
00:08:00,275 --> 00:08:02,510
You're just cheap.
210
00:08:03,978 --> 00:08:06,747
Come down from your tower,
rapunzel. This is the real world.
211
00:08:06,814 --> 00:08:10,317
Listen, Whitey, please.
212
00:08:10,384 --> 00:08:12,818
I really need Chin.
213
00:08:15,154 --> 00:08:17,822
Ok. You can have Chin,
214
00:08:17,890 --> 00:08:19,824
But you gotta give me the
other three we talked about,
215
00:08:19,891 --> 00:08:24,227
And throw in a stein
or a berg to be named later.
216
00:08:24,295 --> 00:08:25,327
Deal.
217
00:08:32,333 --> 00:08:35,735
Remember, you get 40
minutes to complete the exam.
218
00:08:35,802 --> 00:08:37,803
And I'll tell you what...
219
00:08:37,870 --> 00:08:40,405
Spell your name right, I'll
throw in an extra 5 points.
220
00:08:40,472 --> 00:08:41,739
Ok?
221
00:08:41,806 --> 00:08:43,273
Where's...
222
00:08:43,341 --> 00:08:46,416
Where's Chin?
223
00:08:46,483 --> 00:08:47,852
He's supposed
to be here today.
224
00:08:47,919 --> 00:08:50,053
I heard his girlfriend
left him and he flipped out.
225
00:08:50,121 --> 00:08:52,822
He's not coming back
any time soon.
226
00:08:52,890 --> 00:08:54,056
What? Did...
227
00:08:54,124 --> 00:08:55,758
This can't be
happening.
228
00:08:55,826 --> 00:08:57,861
Oh, it's happening.
229
00:08:59,363 --> 00:09:00,663
Hey, Stark...
230
00:09:01,898 --> 00:09:03,532
I don't know the answer
to any of these questions.
231
00:09:03,599 --> 00:09:05,633
You know,
I can probably remember
232
00:09:05,701 --> 00:09:08,937
If you gave me, say,
a hundred good reasons.
233
00:09:09,004 --> 00:09:11,406
Yeah? Why don't I give
you five good reasons?
234
00:09:13,008 --> 00:09:14,075
I'm teasing.
235
00:09:14,142 --> 00:09:16,310
If you did that,
I'd own your house.
236
00:09:16,377 --> 00:09:18,111
Yeah, well, you know what, I
don't own my own house, buddy.
237
00:09:18,179 --> 00:09:19,612
So who's
the smart one now?
238
00:09:19,680 --> 00:09:22,315
Who's the smart one now?
239
00:09:24,684 --> 00:09:27,352
How we doin'?
240
00:09:33,041 --> 00:09:35,109
Oh, let me guess...
241
00:09:35,276 --> 00:09:37,911
You're an easter
island statue.
242
00:09:38,579 --> 00:09:41,647
Ok, ok, no, no, wait,
I know, I know.
243
00:09:41,715 --> 00:09:44,316
Frankenstein.
244
00:09:45,218 --> 00:09:46,585
Oh, God, no,
245
00:09:46,653 --> 00:09:50,088
I know. You're a man who's
not going to get a raise.
246
00:09:50,155 --> 00:09:51,822
Chin could have put me
right over the top.
247
00:09:51,890 --> 00:09:54,224
Yeah, yeah, I know.
Whitey told me all about it.
248
00:09:54,292 --> 00:09:57,193
It's too bad
Chin was absent, huh?
249
00:09:57,261 --> 00:09:59,729
Yeah. Oh, apparently
his girlfriend left him.
250
00:09:59,796 --> 00:10:03,232
Oh. I wonder if she misinterpreted
something I said to her.
251
00:10:03,300 --> 00:10:05,533
What do you mean,
something you said?
252
00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:07,601
What did you say?
253
00:10:07,668 --> 00:10:09,335
Oh, something like
"Chin's cheating on you,"
254
00:10:09,403 --> 00:10:11,304
And she took that
and twisted it all around
255
00:10:11,371 --> 00:10:12,872
To mean Chin was
cheating on her.
256
00:10:12,939 --> 00:10:15,407
These kids are so literal.
257
00:10:15,475 --> 00:10:17,909
Whoa, whoa, wait, wait.
So you were behind this?
258
00:10:17,977 --> 00:10:20,412
Oh, Mr. Stark, I am
behind all bad things
259
00:10:20,480 --> 00:10:22,414
That happen to you.
260
00:10:22,481 --> 00:10:25,016
Oh, you remember when your cable
went out during the playoffs?
261
00:10:25,084 --> 00:10:27,585
Snip.
262
00:10:29,522 --> 00:10:30,955
And by my calculations,
263
00:10:31,023 --> 00:10:34,525
Without Chin, you are one "a"
short of getting that raise.
264
00:10:34,593 --> 00:10:36,693
Oh, what I wouldn't give for
a house to fall out of the sky
265
00:10:36,761 --> 00:10:39,162
And lan you
right now.
266
00:10:39,230 --> 00:10:41,764
That's not gonna happen,
dorothy.
267
00:10:51,808 --> 00:10:53,142
Hello, Doug.
268
00:10:53,210 --> 00:10:54,643
Whoa, whoa, what's going
on here? What is this?
269
00:10:54,710 --> 00:10:56,712
Relax, relax.
Have a seat.
270
00:10:56,780 --> 00:10:58,680
You're not
hallucinating.
271
00:10:58,748 --> 00:11:01,549
These are
real cameras.
272
00:11:01,617 --> 00:11:03,150
But why?
273
00:11:03,218 --> 00:11:06,087
Well, most of my patients have
difficulty dealing with reality,
274
00:11:06,155 --> 00:11:09,757
So I thought, hey, why not
make this a reality show?
275
00:11:09,824 --> 00:11:11,291
So...
276
00:11:11,359 --> 00:11:14,694
Now I'm a character
in a reality show?
277
00:11:14,762 --> 00:11:16,763
Surreal, isn't it?
278
00:11:16,830 --> 00:11:19,531
This is your camera
right here.
279
00:11:22,834 --> 00:11:25,402
I thought this would
help you differentiate
280
00:11:25,469 --> 00:11:26,802
Between the fantasy
of being in a sitcom
281
00:11:26,870 --> 00:11:30,171
And the reality of being
in a reality show.
282
00:11:30,239 --> 00:11:33,107
Oh, wow, this is really
ground-breaking.
283
00:11:33,175 --> 00:11:34,675
Literally. I had to
take out the fourth wall
284
00:11:34,743 --> 00:11:37,878
To get these cameras in here.
285
00:11:37,945 --> 00:11:39,778
So what's going on, Doug?
286
00:11:39,846 --> 00:11:41,513
Well, I woke up
this morning,
287
00:11:41,581 --> 00:11:43,348
And my wife
is being played
288
00:11:43,416 --> 00:11:45,117
By a completely
different actress.
289
00:11:45,185 --> 00:11:47,052
And everybody's acting
like nothing's changed,
290
00:11:47,119 --> 00:11:49,787
And it's just really
freaking me out.
291
00:11:49,855 --> 00:11:51,822
Ok, ok, take it easy.
This is very, very common.
292
00:11:51,890 --> 00:11:54,824
It's known as
the darren syndrome.
293
00:11:54,892 --> 00:11:56,925
The darren syndrome?
294
00:11:56,993 --> 00:11:58,693
Yes. The first time
it happened was on
295
00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:00,060
A sitcom called "bewitched."
296
00:12:00,128 --> 00:12:01,662
And they replaced
the husband darren
297
00:12:01,729 --> 00:12:02,963
With a totally
different actor,
298
00:12:03,030 --> 00:12:05,431
And everybody acted
like nothing had happened.
299
00:12:05,499 --> 00:12:07,599
Oh, my God,
so I'm not alone.
300
00:12:07,667 --> 00:12:10,201
Not at all. The jeffersons
swapped out one lionel
301
00:12:10,269 --> 00:12:11,868
For a completely
different lionel.
302
00:12:11,936 --> 00:12:13,570
"roseanne,"
which was a big hit,
303
00:12:13,637 --> 00:12:15,338
They replaced the first
daughter with the second daughter
304
00:12:15,406 --> 00:12:17,439
And then they replaced the second
daughter with the first daughter.
305
00:12:17,507 --> 00:12:19,073
I mean, how wacky is that?
306
00:12:20,975 --> 00:12:22,042
That is such a relief,
307
00:12:22,109 --> 00:12:25,211
Because we all know that
roseanne's not crazy.
308
00:12:26,913 --> 00:12:29,680
This is all part of your
paranoid delusion, Doug.
309
00:12:29,748 --> 00:12:31,748
You need to keep
taking your medication
310
00:12:31,816 --> 00:12:33,784
And try to make
the best of it.
311
00:12:33,852 --> 00:12:37,021
I'm not sure I know how to do that.
312
00:12:37,088 --> 00:12:38,355
We need to get
better eyes on you.
313
00:12:38,423 --> 00:12:40,491
Can you repeat that looking
into your camera, please?
314
00:12:40,558 --> 00:12:42,059
Uh, sure, where am I?
315
00:12:42,126 --> 00:12:43,659
This one right here.
This one.
316
00:12:43,727 --> 00:12:44,860
The one with
the light. Corey?
317
00:12:44,928 --> 00:12:47,396
Sup?
318
00:12:48,764 --> 00:12:51,899
I'm not sure I know how to do that.
319
00:12:53,234 --> 00:12:56,069
Here's how you do it...
320
00:12:56,137 --> 00:12:57,437
If you don't like the way
a scene is going,
321
00:12:57,504 --> 00:12:58,904
Just rewrite it.
322
00:12:58,972 --> 00:13:00,606
I can do that?
323
00:13:00,674 --> 00:13:01,940
Stars can do
anything they want.
324
00:13:02,008 --> 00:13:05,343
Hmm. I'd like to that
again, please.
325
00:13:05,411 --> 00:13:07,945
Stars can do
anything they want.
326
00:13:14,284 --> 00:13:16,418
Can I ask?
327
00:13:16,485 --> 00:13:19,019
We were playing
"no country for old men."
328
00:13:19,087 --> 00:13:21,420
Let's just leave it at that.
329
00:13:23,323 --> 00:13:26,125
I can't believe you
sold me out to Duffy.
330
00:13:26,193 --> 00:13:27,661
Well, she's
impossible to resist.
331
00:13:27,729 --> 00:13:30,263
And I have a low
threshold for pain.
332
00:13:30,331 --> 00:13:33,198
Why don't you just
pay Feldman?
333
00:13:33,266 --> 00:13:35,033
No, I am not going
to succumb to tyranny.
334
00:13:35,100 --> 00:13:38,436
None of us should
have to pay Feldman.
335
00:13:38,503 --> 00:13:39,871
Listen up, everybody.
336
00:13:39,938 --> 00:13:41,205
This is crazy.
337
00:13:41,273 --> 00:13:43,608
We should just let
Feldman fail.
338
00:13:45,177 --> 00:13:47,879
No, no, no, calm down.
Hey, calm down!
339
00:13:47,946 --> 00:13:49,280
Everybody, hey, hey.
340
00:13:49,348 --> 00:13:51,582
Hey, listen.
Let the man speak.
341
00:13:51,650 --> 00:13:54,050
Let's hear
what he has to say.
342
00:13:54,118 --> 00:13:56,218
And bear in mind, he's
as tight as a frog's ass,
343
00:13:56,286 --> 00:13:58,420
And that's waterproof.
344
00:13:58,488 --> 00:14:00,788
Silence!
345
00:14:00,856 --> 00:14:03,490
We are educators.
346
00:14:03,558 --> 00:14:06,861
We are not supposed to pay
students to do well.
347
00:14:06,928 --> 00:14:09,396
We have to motivate them
to succeed.
348
00:14:09,464 --> 00:14:10,864
If not us, who?
349
00:14:10,931 --> 00:14:14,701
If not now, when?
350
00:14:15,636 --> 00:14:18,137
My pension's tied
to my salary,
351
00:14:18,205 --> 00:14:19,704
And my salary's
tied to Feldman,
352
00:14:19,772 --> 00:14:21,106
So shut up, Stark.
353
00:14:21,173 --> 00:14:23,907
Get that thing
on your neck checked.
354
00:14:33,281 --> 00:14:34,314
Out of my chair,
Feldman.
355
00:14:34,381 --> 00:14:35,381
Just keeping it
warm for you.
356
00:14:35,449 --> 00:14:37,050
Put the cannon down.
Put the cannon down.
357
00:14:37,118 --> 00:14:40,653
So you asked to see me.
358
00:14:40,720 --> 00:14:42,154
Are you ready
to do business?
359
00:14:42,221 --> 00:14:43,521
Well, it galls me
to ask you this,
360
00:14:43,589 --> 00:14:44,689
You little crook,
361
00:14:44,757 --> 00:14:47,123
But I need you to get
an a+ on the final exam.
362
00:14:47,191 --> 00:14:48,858
Can you deliver?
363
00:14:48,926 --> 00:14:50,425
What's the subject?
364
00:14:50,493 --> 00:14:51,726
The siege at the alamo.
365
00:14:51,794 --> 00:14:53,795
10e.
Huh?
366
00:14:53,862 --> 00:14:56,598
10e was davy crockett's moccasin
size.
367
00:14:56,665 --> 00:14:57,899
All right.
I'm impressed.
368
00:14:57,967 --> 00:14:58,833
So what is this
going to cost me?
369
00:14:58,901 --> 00:15:00,902
Here's my rate sheet.
370
00:15:00,970 --> 00:15:03,237
These are prices
for marijuana.
371
00:15:03,305 --> 00:15:05,372
Other side.
372
00:15:07,374 --> 00:15:08,941
That a+ doesn't
come cheap.
373
00:15:09,008 --> 00:15:11,976
Well, maybe you'd rather
go for a guaranteed "f."
374
00:15:12,344 --> 00:15:15,312
They're free.
375
00:15:16,247 --> 00:15:17,981
I feel filthy.
376
00:15:18,049 --> 00:15:19,650
But I want to give
my wife that vacation,
377
00:15:19,717 --> 00:15:23,053
So just this
one time, I'm in.
378
00:15:23,121 --> 00:15:24,287
You won't regret it.
I already regret it.
379
00:15:24,355 --> 00:15:25,621
Get out.
380
00:15:25,689 --> 00:15:28,658
You bring the money,
I'll bring the "a."
381
00:15:30,452 --> 00:15:32,217
Can you believe
the cajones on this kid?
382
00:15:32,285 --> 00:15:33,685
He's got his own rate sheet.
383
00:15:33,753 --> 00:15:36,421
Eddie, you don't
have to pay him.
384
00:15:36,489 --> 00:15:37,756
Yeah, but
if I don't pay him,
385
00:15:37,824 --> 00:15:39,057
There's no vacation.
386
00:15:39,125 --> 00:15:40,792
I don't need
a vacation that badly.
387
00:15:40,860 --> 00:15:43,194
Listen, I'll put on
my new bikini,
388
00:15:43,262 --> 00:15:45,930
A beach boys cd, and
throw some sand in the bed.
389
00:15:45,998 --> 00:15:47,999
Really?
Really.
390
00:15:48,067 --> 00:15:49,467
Because I have to tell you,
this has been killing me.
391
00:15:49,535 --> 00:15:51,669
Killing you?
Come on, babe.
392
00:15:51,736 --> 00:15:53,903
If you're unhappy,
I'm unhappy.
393
00:15:53,971 --> 00:15:56,772
So if you don't want to
pay him, don't pay him.
394
00:15:56,840 --> 00:15:59,240
Thanks, Joy-Joy.
395
00:16:00,175 --> 00:16:02,108
Let me see
this thing.
396
00:16:02,176 --> 00:16:04,476
Look at that, for the
price of a b-minus,
397
00:16:04,544 --> 00:16:06,579
I could get a whole
eighth of skunk.
398
00:16:08,047 --> 00:16:12,985
Talk about a recession-proof
business, holy moly.
399
00:16:13,053 --> 00:16:16,554
Wow, you wouldn't want this falling
into the wrong hands, now would you?
400
00:16:19,057 --> 00:16:20,290
Good morning, Feldman.
401
00:16:20,358 --> 00:16:22,159
Whatever.
Do you have the money?
402
00:16:22,226 --> 00:16:24,828
Indeed I do.
I've decided to keep it.
403
00:16:24,896 --> 00:16:26,195
Then I'm going to fail.
404
00:16:26,263 --> 00:16:27,696
Well, that makes
one of us.
405
00:16:27,764 --> 00:16:29,931
Ok, suit yourself.
I can afford a vacation.
406
00:16:29,999 --> 00:16:32,900
Oh, by the way.
I sent your rate sheet
407
00:16:32,968 --> 00:16:34,433
To the superintendent
of schools.
408
00:16:34,501 --> 00:16:35,767
Enjoy your vacation.
409
00:16:35,835 --> 00:16:38,470
It's going to be
a long one.
410
00:16:41,807 --> 00:16:43,041
Thank you.
411
00:16:43,108 --> 00:16:44,275
Mr. Stark?
412
00:16:44,343 --> 00:16:45,710
I am almost done.
413
00:16:45,778 --> 00:16:47,779
Yeah. Don't worry
about it, Garcia.
414
00:16:47,847 --> 00:16:51,381
Just crumple it up and
put it in the wastebasket.
415
00:16:51,449 --> 00:16:52,849
No, no.
416
00:16:52,917 --> 00:16:54,818
I am finished.
417
00:16:55,786 --> 00:16:56,719
Here you go.
418
00:16:56,787 --> 00:16:59,321
Thank you.
419
00:16:59,389 --> 00:17:01,456
Just a second, Garcia.
420
00:17:01,524 --> 00:17:04,392
How did you know all the
names of Santa Ana's generals?
421
00:17:06,161 --> 00:17:08,396
Some of them are my family.
422
00:17:08,463 --> 00:17:10,364
Really? Yeah,
and you knew
423
00:17:10,432 --> 00:17:12,032
How high the walls were
at the alamo,
424
00:17:12,100 --> 00:17:15,334
And...and how many men
lost their lives?
425
00:17:15,402 --> 00:17:18,437
This is unbelievable.
426
00:17:18,505 --> 00:17:19,972
I know everything
about the alamo, Mr. Stark.
427
00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:21,373
I grow up at the alamo.
428
00:17:21,441 --> 00:17:23,641
My mother is a tour guide
at the alamo.
429
00:17:23,709 --> 00:17:25,109
Do you realize what
you've done here?
430
00:17:25,177 --> 00:17:28,112
This is an a+ paper.
431
00:17:28,179 --> 00:17:29,780
Really? Sweet.
432
00:17:29,848 --> 00:17:31,848
Mom's gonna put it
on the fridge.
433
00:17:33,083 --> 00:17:35,284
When we get one.
434
00:17:35,352 --> 00:17:37,119
Hold on. What happened
to your accent?
435
00:17:37,187 --> 00:17:38,120
Talking like this
436
00:17:38,188 --> 00:17:39,822
Makes the white people
feel comfortable.
437
00:17:39,890 --> 00:17:41,623
That's very true, because
I have to be honest...
438
00:17:41,691 --> 00:17:43,992
When you dropped the accent,
it was a little disconcerting.
439
00:17:44,059 --> 00:17:46,961
Way to go,
my brown brother.
440
00:17:47,028 --> 00:17:49,196
This is awesome,
good for you.
441
00:17:49,264 --> 00:17:50,530
Listen, Mr. Stark,
442
00:17:50,598 --> 00:17:52,265
The alamo's pretty much
it for me.
443
00:17:52,333 --> 00:17:53,733
It's my big jeopardy
category, you know?
444
00:17:53,801 --> 00:17:56,035
So from now on,
it's back to "fs."
445
00:17:56,103 --> 00:17:57,803
Well, now,
wait a minute,
446
00:17:57,871 --> 00:18:00,639
I don't know about that.
You saved my butt here.
447
00:18:00,707 --> 00:18:04,609
I'm gonna do all I can to
bump you up to a "d" average.
448
00:18:04,677 --> 00:18:06,443
Orale! I'd be the
first in my family.
449
00:18:07,846 --> 00:18:09,514
Adios, amigo.
450
00:18:10,849 --> 00:18:12,482
Buenos dias.
451
00:18:14,352 --> 00:18:17,453
So, Mr. Stark,
I understand
452
00:18:17,521 --> 00:18:19,855
You ratted Feldman out.
453
00:18:19,923 --> 00:18:22,654
Did that help motivate him
on your exam?
454
00:18:22,722 --> 00:18:23,889
Nope.
455
00:18:23,957 --> 00:18:25,156
Oh, that's too bad.
456
00:18:25,224 --> 00:18:26,958
My heart weeps for you.
457
00:18:29,661 --> 00:18:32,863
So I guess you're not
getting that raise, huh?
458
00:18:32,930 --> 00:18:34,331
Oh, thanks to you, Duffy,
459
00:18:34,398 --> 00:18:36,866
That raise is in
the bank.
460
00:18:36,934 --> 00:18:39,935
How do you figure that?
461
00:18:40,003 --> 00:18:43,639
Because you brought me
the head of alfredo Garcia.
462
00:18:43,706 --> 00:18:45,006
Garcia?
463
00:18:45,074 --> 00:18:48,810
He thinks you use a monkey
wrench to open a monkey.
464
00:18:48,877 --> 00:18:51,145
He's got a head
full of rocks.
465
00:18:51,213 --> 00:18:54,281
That's right. And those
rocks are from the alamo.
466
00:18:54,349 --> 00:18:55,382
Do you know why?
467
00:18:55,449 --> 00:18:57,850
Because he grew up
there! Ha ha!
468
00:18:57,918 --> 00:18:59,351
Take a look at this.
469
00:18:59,419 --> 00:19:01,687
A+ paper, dim bulb.
470
00:19:01,754 --> 00:19:03,988
Ok, Mr. Stark,
that's fine, that's fine.
471
00:19:04,056 --> 00:19:05,790
You may have won this battle,
472
00:19:05,858 --> 00:19:09,193
But you haven't
won the war, ok?
473
00:19:09,260 --> 00:19:10,994
The war goes on.
474
00:19:11,062 --> 00:19:12,395
You just
think of it this way...
475
00:19:12,463 --> 00:19:16,033
You are the alamo.
And I,
476
00:19:16,100 --> 00:19:19,302
I am eight million
pissed off mexicans.
477
00:19:19,370 --> 00:19:21,370
Comprende, jirafo?
478
00:19:21,438 --> 00:19:24,406
That means, get it, giraffe?
479
00:19:32,047 --> 00:19:33,614
My cannon!
480
00:19:33,682 --> 00:19:35,782
My cannon.
481
00:19:40,319 --> 00:19:42,853
Hey, babe?
482
00:19:42,921 --> 00:19:44,822
Yeah?
483
00:19:44,889 --> 00:19:47,624
Are you coming to bed? It's
getting kind of lonely back here.
484
00:19:47,691 --> 00:19:49,291
I'll be right there.
485
00:19:49,359 --> 00:19:53,028
Good, 'cause the Doug doll
really isn't doing it for me.
486
00:19:55,798 --> 00:19:59,299
I can rewrite
the scene.
487
00:19:59,367 --> 00:20:01,902
I can rewrite
the scene.
488
00:20:01,970 --> 00:20:04,571
I'm sorry I was
being grouchy earlier.
489
00:20:04,639 --> 00:20:06,239
I shouldn't be.
490
00:20:06,307 --> 00:20:08,675
You're the greatest
husband in the world.
491
00:20:08,743 --> 00:20:12,946
I just love being here with
you in our little hobbit nest.
492
00:20:13,014 --> 00:20:17,117
But you said that
it was like a tin can
493
00:20:17,185 --> 00:20:20,086
And you hated it.
494
00:20:20,154 --> 00:20:21,287
No, I never said that.
495
00:20:21,355 --> 00:20:23,255
You must be thinking
of someone else.
496
00:20:23,322 --> 00:20:24,923
I love being here with you.
497
00:20:24,990 --> 00:20:26,758
I love everything
about our lives.
498
00:20:26,825 --> 00:20:28,358
I like our microbiotic food.
499
00:20:28,426 --> 00:20:29,926
I like taking air baths.
500
00:20:29,994 --> 00:20:32,229
I love that we live
below the poverty level.
501
00:20:32,297 --> 00:20:33,364
It's awesome.
502
00:20:33,432 --> 00:20:35,734
You're awesome.
503
00:20:37,470 --> 00:20:40,304
Can I see that
sexy face again?
504
00:20:40,371 --> 00:20:42,205
Of course.
505
00:20:42,273 --> 00:20:44,373
I'd do anything for you.
506
00:20:49,379 --> 00:20:51,279
This is kinda
working for me.
507
00:20:51,346 --> 00:20:54,381
What say you and me
and the Doug doll
508
00:20:54,449 --> 00:20:56,983
Get in a little
trouble in the back?
509
00:21:00,621 --> 00:21:04,724
And no Feldman
or Garcia or Duffy
510
00:21:04,791 --> 00:21:07,092
Is going to keep me
from strutting myself
511
00:21:07,160 --> 00:21:09,060
In Cape May, New Jersey.
512
00:21:09,128 --> 00:21:10,928
Strutting myself?
513
00:21:10,996 --> 00:21:13,030
I'm sorry. Can we take
that... can we take it again?
514
00:21:13,097 --> 00:21:14,298
Sorry. From the beginning.
515
00:21:14,365 --> 00:21:17,200
I thought my "but why" was weird.
516
00:21:21,171 --> 00:21:23,605
Guess you're not
getting that raise, huh?
517
00:21:23,673 --> 00:21:27,742
Thanks to you, my raise
is in the bank, Duffy.
518
00:21:27,810 --> 00:21:29,878
Duffy! What was that?
519
00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:34,000
Sync by fant0m
www.addic7ed.com
520
00:21:34,050 --> 00:21:38,600
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