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1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:11,000
Sync by fant0m
www.addic7ed.com
2
00:00:12,130 --> 00:00:15,461
'Til Death is filmed in front
of a live studio audience.
3
00:00:16,830 --> 00:00:18,531
Okay, here comes
our waitress.
4
00:00:18,599 --> 00:00:19,666
Everybody close
your menus,
5
00:00:19,733 --> 00:00:21,133
Get your fork and knife
in the go positions
6
00:00:21,201 --> 00:00:23,502
So she knows we're
ready to order. Come on.
7
00:00:23,570 --> 00:00:25,504
Looks like you guys
need some more time.
8
00:00:25,572 --> 00:00:26,972
I'll be back
in a minute.
9
00:00:27,040 --> 00:00:29,775
No, no...see, she's not
going to be back in a minute.
10
00:00:29,842 --> 00:00:30,976
That's a dirty lie.
11
00:00:31,044 --> 00:00:33,312
Come on, let's get it
together, people!
12
00:00:33,380 --> 00:00:35,481
Okay, I think I'm going
to get the veggie burger.
13
00:00:35,548 --> 00:00:37,349
No, I don't want
the veggie burger.
14
00:00:37,417 --> 00:00:38,684
What does it have
to do with you?
15
00:00:38,752 --> 00:00:40,752
Because I'm going to spend
10 bucks for a burger,
16
00:00:40,820 --> 00:00:43,255
She's gonna take 2 bites
of it and say she's full.
17
00:00:43,323 --> 00:00:46,691
Who do you think's going to
eat the leftovers, Boxcar Willy?
18
00:00:46,759 --> 00:00:49,853
Come on, just go
with the eggplant.
19
00:00:49,917 --> 00:00:51,114
Daddy, how many times
do I have to tell you,
20
00:00:51,182 --> 00:00:52,546
I don't like eggplant.
21
00:00:52,613 --> 00:00:54,340
Oh, oh, okay!
22
00:00:54,408 --> 00:00:57,936
I can get the eggplant
if you'd like, sir.
23
00:00:58,004 --> 00:01:00,304
I'm not ready to
share food with you.
24
00:01:00,372 --> 00:01:02,805
Well, I should
probably tell you
25
00:01:02,873 --> 00:01:05,674
That I've used your soap.
26
00:01:15,680 --> 00:01:16,813
Okay, here she comes.
27
00:01:16,881 --> 00:01:18,781
Everybody, close your menus.
Close your menus.
28
00:01:18,849 --> 00:01:20,249
But I haven't picked yet.
29
00:01:20,317 --> 00:01:22,251
No, you're done,
grape nut.
30
00:01:23,687 --> 00:01:25,287
Hey. Are you guys
ready to order?
31
00:01:25,355 --> 00:01:27,222
Yes, we are, Dina.
32
00:01:27,290 --> 00:01:30,392
Okay. Why don't you
start us off, Allie?
33
00:01:30,460 --> 00:01:32,594
I'm going to have the ravioli.
34
00:01:32,662 --> 00:01:33,795
I'll have the salmon.
35
00:01:33,863 --> 00:01:35,197
And do...
36
00:01:35,264 --> 00:01:39,000
Do you have some sort of
vegetable pie or something?
37
00:01:39,067 --> 00:01:42,268
We have a plate
of grilled vegetables.
38
00:01:42,336 --> 00:01:45,637
As I'm not allowed to look
at the menu for other options,
39
00:01:45,705 --> 00:01:47,472
I'll have that.
40
00:01:47,540 --> 00:01:51,274
Dina, I'm gonna go
with the tuscan steak.
41
00:01:51,342 --> 00:01:55,111
Now, you know how on the plate
they have the fries and the salad?
42
00:01:58,915 --> 00:02:01,016
And if you could hollow out
a little nest in the middle
43
00:02:01,083 --> 00:02:03,518
For the ketchup,
that'd be marvelous.
44
00:02:03,585 --> 00:02:05,252
Ketchup nest.
Got it.
45
00:02:05,320 --> 00:02:06,886
Okay. Now,
46
00:02:06,954 --> 00:02:08,755
Please remember,
when I say more fries,
47
00:02:08,822 --> 00:02:12,124
Take into account that I'm the
size of one and a half people.
48
00:02:12,191 --> 00:02:13,792
So...
49
00:02:13,859 --> 00:02:16,660
You know what, I'm not even
going to put them on the plate.
50
00:02:16,728 --> 00:02:18,728
I'm gonna bring them
over in a wheelbarrow.
51
00:02:18,796 --> 00:02:22,098
Oh, I like the cut
of your jib.
52
00:02:22,165 --> 00:02:23,566
Thank you.
Yep.
53
00:02:23,633 --> 00:02:24,900
Thank you, darling.
Thank you.
54
00:02:24,968 --> 00:02:26,935
Thank you.
Thanks.
55
00:02:27,003 --> 00:02:29,404
Oh, and, it's wheelbarrel.
56
00:02:31,073 --> 00:02:32,873
Wheelbarrel.
57
00:02:32,941 --> 00:02:35,408
Barrel.
You said wheelbarrow.
58
00:02:35,476 --> 00:02:39,311
It's just...Giving you
a little head's up.
59
00:02:42,481 --> 00:02:45,550
Thank you?
60
00:02:50,456 --> 00:02:54,192
What? I was just
trying to be helpful.
61
00:02:54,259 --> 00:02:55,760
I mean, if I were
mispronouncing a word,
62
00:02:55,828 --> 00:02:58,563
I would want someone
to tell me.
63
00:02:58,630 --> 00:03:00,498
Would you now?
64
00:03:01,734 --> 00:03:03,935
Yes.
65
00:03:04,003 --> 00:03:05,703
What? What is going on?
66
00:03:05,771 --> 00:03:06,871
Oh, what is going on is,
67
00:03:06,939 --> 00:03:09,707
It is actually
wheelbarrow.
68
00:03:09,775 --> 00:03:12,744
No, it's not.
That's ridiculous.
69
00:03:12,812 --> 00:03:15,080
It's wheelbarrel, barrel.
70
00:03:15,147 --> 00:03:17,916
It's a barrel
with a wheel on it.
71
00:03:17,983 --> 00:03:22,654
Except...That it isn't.
72
00:03:25,993 --> 00:03:27,460
Yeah...it is.
73
00:03:27,527 --> 00:03:29,162
Barrel is a word.
74
00:03:29,230 --> 00:03:30,597
What the hell is barrow?
75
00:03:30,664 --> 00:03:33,500
The right way to say it.
76
00:03:34,702 --> 00:03:39,540
No, it's wheelbarrel.
Wheelbarrel.
77
00:03:39,608 --> 00:03:40,908
Okay, look, stop saying
wheelbarrel,
78
00:03:40,976 --> 00:03:42,643
You sound like
a hillbilly.
79
00:03:42,711 --> 00:03:45,245
Yeah, you know,
it's not a big deal.
80
00:03:45,313 --> 00:03:48,683
You remember, I used to think
that these were called eyebrowns.
81
00:03:50,485 --> 00:03:53,120
You thought that
when you were 3.
82
00:03:54,489 --> 00:03:56,923
Here's some bread.
83
00:03:56,991 --> 00:04:00,658
And your wheelbarrel
of fries.
84
00:04:27,498 --> 00:04:30,195
So...
85
00:04:33,794 --> 00:04:35,926
You really didn't think it
was pronounced wheelbarrel...
86
00:04:35,994 --> 00:04:38,791
Oh, my God! Do I not
feel bad enough already?!
87
00:04:38,859 --> 00:04:40,624
Sorry, sorry.
88
00:04:40,692 --> 00:04:43,723
Eddie?
89
00:04:43,791 --> 00:04:45,490
Can I ask you something?
90
00:04:45,558 --> 00:04:47,922
Do you think that I'm dumb?
91
00:04:47,990 --> 00:04:50,422
No!
Good.
92
00:04:50,490 --> 00:04:53,155
'cause sometimes
I think that I am.
93
00:04:53,223 --> 00:04:56,155
Honey, one little
silly word. Come on!
94
00:04:56,222 --> 00:04:58,987
It's not about the stupid
wheelbarrel thing, okay?
95
00:04:59,054 --> 00:05:00,953
It's because...
barrow.
96
00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:04,252
What?
97
00:05:04,320 --> 00:05:05,551
Wheelbarrow.
98
00:05:07,052 --> 00:05:10,583
It's okay, because every
time I go somewhere,
99
00:05:10,651 --> 00:05:12,184
I feel like there is
a sign over my head
100
00:05:12,251 --> 00:05:14,250
Saying that I didn't
finish college.
101
00:05:14,317 --> 00:05:18,482
Like, at work and parties
and at restaurants.
102
00:05:18,549 --> 00:05:20,747
I mean, Allie is almost
through her junior year,
103
00:05:20,815 --> 00:05:24,280
And I'm just her doofus mom
that reads celebrity magazines.
104
00:05:24,348 --> 00:05:27,346
Do you realize that
I can name every country
105
00:05:27,413 --> 00:05:29,515
Where angelina's children
are from?
106
00:05:29,583 --> 00:05:33,790
But I can't point to
any one of them on a map!
107
00:05:33,857 --> 00:05:36,425
Honey, come...all right,
don't, please.
108
00:05:36,493 --> 00:05:39,326
So geography's
not your subject.
109
00:05:39,394 --> 00:05:42,296
I'm a travel agent!
110
00:05:43,398 --> 00:05:46,097
I mean, even you
make me feel like a dope.
111
00:05:46,164 --> 00:05:48,596
You teach, you read books,
112
00:05:48,664 --> 00:05:52,066
You write in cursive.
113
00:05:52,133 --> 00:05:54,067
Look, hone
just because I have
114
00:05:54,135 --> 00:05:55,434
A little more thirst
for knowledge,
115
00:05:55,502 --> 00:05:57,001
It's no big deal.
116
00:05:57,069 --> 00:05:59,269
You have
your strengths.
117
00:05:59,337 --> 00:06:00,336
I do?
118
00:06:00,404 --> 00:06:01,635
Yes.
119
00:06:01,703 --> 00:06:03,136
You know, I'm gonna let
you in on a little secret.
120
00:06:03,204 --> 00:06:05,540
Sometimes I actually
think of us
121
00:06:05,608 --> 00:06:08,742
As arthur miller
and marilyn monroe.
122
00:06:08,810 --> 00:06:10,911
What?
123
00:06:10,979 --> 00:06:13,980
Well, I'm tall,
jewish and intellectual,
124
00:06:14,048 --> 00:06:17,215
And you're famous
for your boobies.
125
00:06:17,282 --> 00:06:18,583
I mean,
not worldwide,
126
00:06:18,650 --> 00:06:22,185
But, I mean, like at
the market and such.
127
00:06:22,252 --> 00:06:25,621
I don't want to be known
for my boobies.
128
00:06:25,689 --> 00:06:27,521
All right.
Joy-Joy,
129
00:06:27,589 --> 00:06:29,521
Let me tell you something. What?
130
00:06:29,589 --> 00:06:31,555
You can be a phd,
physicist,
131
00:06:31,622 --> 00:06:35,554
Astronaut, and I'm still
gonna be lookin' right there.
132
00:06:39,788 --> 00:06:42,553
I want to go back
to school.
133
00:06:42,621 --> 00:06:43,886
What?
134
00:06:43,954 --> 00:06:47,156
Yeah, I think that getting
back into the academic world
135
00:06:47,224 --> 00:06:48,625
Would be good for me.
136
00:06:48,693 --> 00:06:52,092
It would force me
to use my brain again.
137
00:06:52,160 --> 00:06:54,326
All of this because you don't
know how to pronounce wheelbarrow?
138
00:06:54,393 --> 00:06:56,525
You don't have to
go back to school,
139
00:06:56,593 --> 00:06:58,858
You gotta go
to a farm.
140
00:07:03,025 --> 00:07:05,624
I'm serious.
141
00:07:05,691 --> 00:07:07,524
They have classes
at the community college.
142
00:07:07,591 --> 00:07:09,057
I could go at night.
143
00:07:09,125 --> 00:07:11,424
Night? No, not night.
That's our time.
144
00:07:11,491 --> 00:07:13,424
That's when
I watch tv downstairs
145
00:07:13,491 --> 00:07:15,590
And you watch tv
upstairs.
146
00:07:15,658 --> 00:07:19,157
You are not being
supportive at all!
147
00:07:19,225 --> 00:07:20,924
Honey, I just don't think
you have the patience
148
00:07:20,991 --> 00:07:23,090
At this point in your
life to go back to school.
149
00:07:23,158 --> 00:07:25,456
I mean, you didn't
have it back then.
150
00:07:25,524 --> 00:07:29,097
You couldn't even finish because
you were drinking and partying.
151
00:07:29,165 --> 00:07:30,891
That's not true!
I didn't finish
152
00:07:30,958 --> 00:07:32,847
Because you got me pregnant!
153
00:07:32,915 --> 00:07:36,517
To stop you from
drinking and partying.
154
00:07:39,623 --> 00:07:43,292
Listen, I don't want to
go back to college to party.
155
00:07:43,359 --> 00:07:45,193
I'm an adult.
156
00:07:45,261 --> 00:07:46,994
I want to go back
because...
157
00:07:47,062 --> 00:07:51,298
I don't know, the closer Allie
gets to getting her degree,
158
00:07:51,366 --> 00:07:55,169
The worse I feel
about not having mine.
159
00:07:55,237 --> 00:07:56,771
All right.
160
00:07:56,839 --> 00:07:58,306
Look.
161
00:07:58,373 --> 00:07:59,974
If that's
what you want,
162
00:08:00,042 --> 00:08:01,776
You go for it.
163
00:08:01,843 --> 00:08:02,843
Okay?
164
00:08:02,911 --> 00:08:04,144
Really?
165
00:08:04,212 --> 00:08:06,079
Oh, thank you.
166
00:08:06,147 --> 00:08:09,183
And I'm telling you,
by this time next year,
167
00:08:09,250 --> 00:08:12,085
I will totally know
how to say wheelbarrel.
168
00:08:13,254 --> 00:08:15,055
Barrow.
169
00:08:15,123 --> 00:08:19,593
God, it just does not
sound right at all.
170
00:08:19,660 --> 00:08:21,294
It is, though.
171
00:08:24,999 --> 00:08:28,201
Ah, there she is.
Look at my school girl!
172
00:08:29,903 --> 00:08:31,504
What do you think
of those glasses?
173
00:08:31,572 --> 00:08:33,706
Man, I love
those glasses.
174
00:08:33,774 --> 00:08:35,675
Yeah? What about
the pencil in the hair?
175
00:08:35,742 --> 00:08:37,943
Whoo, I'd like her to take
it out and shake it out!
176
00:08:38,011 --> 00:08:39,345
You know what
I'm gonna do?
177
00:08:39,413 --> 00:08:40,846
I am going to take a picture
178
00:08:40,914 --> 00:08:42,815
And send it
to the local newspaper,
179
00:08:42,883 --> 00:08:45,918
"hard livin' housewife
hits the books."
180
00:08:45,986 --> 00:08:47,186
Now take one of me
181
00:08:47,253 --> 00:08:50,756
Being a professor who's
very impressed with her work.
182
00:08:50,823 --> 00:08:52,224
Got it.
183
00:08:52,292 --> 00:08:53,892
Okay, now take
one of me
184
00:08:53,960 --> 00:08:55,260
Being a professor who
just gave her an "a"
185
00:08:55,328 --> 00:08:56,762
For inappropriate
reasons.
186
00:08:56,829 --> 00:08:58,530
You gotta sit in
my lap for this one.
187
00:09:00,366 --> 00:09:03,034
Okay, you know what, why don't
you take a picture of me failing,
188
00:09:03,102 --> 00:09:04,202
Because that is exactly
what's going to happen
189
00:09:04,270 --> 00:09:05,337
If I don't
finish this paper.
190
00:09:05,404 --> 00:09:06,538
It's due tomorrow!
191
00:09:06,606 --> 00:09:07,405
All right, honey.
192
00:09:07,473 --> 00:09:08,773
It's just,
we're so proud of you.
193
00:09:08,841 --> 00:09:10,075
We are. You know what
we're going to do,
194
00:09:10,142 --> 00:09:11,409
We're gonna go
in the living room,
195
00:09:11,477 --> 00:09:13,278
Watch a little tv, okay?
No, no, no!
196
00:09:13,345 --> 00:09:14,846
I need the living room. My
study group is coming over.
197
00:09:14,914 --> 00:09:17,282
I need you out of the house.
198
00:09:17,349 --> 00:09:20,351
Will anybody in your study
group be bringing crudit�s?
199
00:09:22,354 --> 00:09:23,955
Do you not know
what that means?
200
00:09:24,023 --> 00:09:26,090
Get out.
201
00:09:32,774 --> 00:09:34,607
We gotta move,
people. Come on!
202
00:09:34,675 --> 00:09:37,410
How about we go over
Marbury vs. Madison again,
203
00:09:37,478 --> 00:09:39,611
'cause I am not
entirely clear on that.
204
00:09:39,679 --> 00:09:41,580
No, you know what
I'm not entirely clear on?
205
00:09:41,648 --> 00:09:44,516
Is why it's
Thursday night, 9:30,
206
00:09:44,583 --> 00:09:47,385
And we're not at a bar.
207
00:09:48,720 --> 00:09:51,221
What...no, we have
a lot to do.
208
00:09:51,289 --> 00:09:52,622
We cannot go
out drinking.
209
00:09:52,690 --> 00:09:53,790
You know what,
you're right.
210
00:09:53,858 --> 00:09:55,725
We'll drink here.
211
00:09:57,261 --> 00:09:58,694
Hello, liquor cabinet!
212
00:09:58,762 --> 00:09:59,928
Hey, no. No liquor, no.
213
00:09:59,996 --> 00:10:01,997
I have to do this.
You guys are young,
214
00:10:02,065 --> 00:10:03,865
You can afford
to screw up your lives.
215
00:10:03,933 --> 00:10:06,200
I am out
of second chances.
216
00:10:06,268 --> 00:10:07,701
Joy, you're tense.
217
00:10:07,769 --> 00:10:10,838
I mean, you got a lot
on your plate.
218
00:10:10,906 --> 00:10:12,606
You got full-time job.
219
00:10:12,674 --> 00:10:14,274
You've got
your own house here
220
00:10:14,342 --> 00:10:17,610
That you probably have to,
you know, vacuum and stuff.
221
00:10:17,677 --> 00:10:20,378
You know, plus
you're going back to school.
222
00:10:20,446 --> 00:10:22,546
And that must be stressful.
223
00:10:22,614 --> 00:10:25,082
It is stressful.
224
00:10:25,149 --> 00:10:26,816
You deserve some you time. I do.
225
00:10:26,884 --> 00:10:29,319
I mean, what...
What's the problem?
226
00:10:29,386 --> 00:10:32,187
Do you don't
like to drink?
227
00:10:34,990 --> 00:10:38,292
I love to drink.
228
00:10:42,196 --> 00:10:43,863
Yes!
229
00:10:43,931 --> 00:10:45,597
Like that?
230
00:10:45,665 --> 00:10:47,899
College rocks!
231
00:10:52,737 --> 00:10:55,572
Oh, hi, baby!
232
00:10:55,640 --> 00:10:58,108
This is my study group.
233
00:10:59,143 --> 00:11:00,510
Baby, could you run
down to the corner
234
00:11:00,578 --> 00:11:02,946
And get mama Joy-Joy
some menthols?
235
00:11:05,082 --> 00:11:07,250
Mom, are you drunk?
236
00:11:07,318 --> 00:11:10,286
I hope so, because
we are out of booze.
237
00:11:10,354 --> 00:11:12,621
Okay, all right, guys,
party's over.
238
00:11:12,688 --> 00:11:14,456
Let's go, everyone.
Out, out, out, out.
239
00:11:14,523 --> 00:11:15,890
Let's go. Come on.
240
00:11:15,958 --> 00:11:18,326
Bye, Joy. Okay, come
on, mom. Let's get up!
241
00:11:18,394 --> 00:11:20,428
Come on, let's get up.
Okay.
242
00:11:20,496 --> 00:11:21,629
Oh, hey, man.
243
00:11:21,697 --> 00:11:24,963
Do you know where
I can score some...
244
00:11:25,031 --> 00:11:28,060
Yeah, I do.
But get out.
245
00:11:28,128 --> 00:11:32,128
Doug, she is wasted.
246
00:11:32,196 --> 00:11:33,496
That's ok, that's okay,
247
00:11:33,563 --> 00:11:35,530
I used to work the bad
trip tent at burning man.
248
00:11:35,598 --> 00:11:37,602
All right, hey, dude!
249
00:11:37,670 --> 00:11:41,141
Dude, your face
is not melting.
250
00:11:41,208 --> 00:11:44,510
It just feels
like it is, okay?
251
00:11:44,578 --> 00:11:46,945
Oh, my God,
dad's home.
252
00:11:47,013 --> 00:11:48,613
Oh, God, dad,
he can't see me like this.
253
00:11:48,681 --> 00:11:51,316
No, he was so proud.
He took pictures.
254
00:11:52,617 --> 00:11:53,650
Hide me.
255
00:11:53,718 --> 00:11:56,086
Let's hide her.
256
00:11:56,153 --> 00:11:57,820
Here.
257
00:11:57,888 --> 00:11:59,322
Hide me.
258
00:12:01,024 --> 00:12:02,557
Hello, people.
259
00:12:02,625 --> 00:12:04,959
Hey, dad.
260
00:12:05,027 --> 00:12:08,261
Lime, salt, booze.
261
00:12:08,329 --> 00:12:10,598
Okay, where's your mother?
262
00:12:17,906 --> 00:12:19,006
I fe...
263
00:12:19,073 --> 00:12:21,374
Hmm, yes.
264
00:12:21,442 --> 00:12:24,510
If I were Joy,
where...
265
00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:27,679
Would I be?
266
00:12:28,814 --> 00:12:30,782
All right, kids,
come on out.
267
00:12:30,849 --> 00:12:32,984
Give me and your mom
some privacy. Come on.
268
00:12:33,051 --> 00:12:35,085
Well, you don't...
you don't think
269
00:12:35,153 --> 00:12:38,988
Maybe we should have a
family discussion about this?
270
00:12:39,056 --> 00:12:41,123
Well, if I did,
271
00:12:41,191 --> 00:12:43,392
You and your hemp hat
wouldn't be in the picture.
272
00:12:47,597 --> 00:12:49,932
Hi, babe.
273
00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:51,733
I can't believe you.
You're drunk.
274
00:12:51,801 --> 00:12:55,136
This is exactly what you did the
first time you went to college.
275
00:12:55,204 --> 00:12:56,370
Except this time,
276
00:12:56,438 --> 00:12:59,005
I studied prior
to my drinking.
277
00:13:00,441 --> 00:13:01,740
I'm good.
Are you?
278
00:13:01,808 --> 00:13:02,908
Got it all up here.
279
00:13:02,975 --> 00:13:04,476
So...
280
00:13:04,543 --> 00:13:06,577
What have you been
studying?
281
00:13:06,645 --> 00:13:09,479
Boston tea party.
282
00:13:09,546 --> 00:13:12,414
And what can you tell me
about the boston tea party?
283
00:13:12,482 --> 00:13:14,316
It was in boston.
284
00:13:15,451 --> 00:13:16,551
But what happened?
285
00:13:16,619 --> 00:13:18,286
They threw
the tea overboard.
286
00:13:18,354 --> 00:13:20,722
Who threw
the tea overboard?
287
00:13:20,790 --> 00:13:22,757
The germans.
288
00:13:25,926 --> 00:13:27,993
Why would the germans
come to boston
289
00:13:28,061 --> 00:13:29,894
To throw tea overboard?
290
00:13:29,962 --> 00:13:32,731
Eddie, germans
are pretty mean.
291
00:13:32,798 --> 00:13:35,333
Ok, you are a hot mess.
292
00:13:35,401 --> 00:13:38,870
You were right, ok?
I cannot do this
293
00:13:38,938 --> 00:13:40,605
At this point
in my life.
294
00:13:40,673 --> 00:13:43,775
I mean, I go
to work all day
295
00:13:43,842 --> 00:13:47,712
And then I come home and I
have to fold your giant pants.
296
00:13:47,780 --> 00:13:49,414
I mean, do you know
how long that takes?
297
00:13:49,481 --> 00:13:51,215
It's like packing up a tent.
298
00:13:51,283 --> 00:13:54,719
And I...I have a paper due
that I have to write
299
00:13:54,786 --> 00:13:56,554
And it's due tomorrow,
300
00:13:56,621 --> 00:13:59,390
And if I don't get a b minus,
I'm going to fail this class.
301
00:13:59,457 --> 00:14:00,991
Look, you're not going
to fail it, ok?
302
00:14:01,059 --> 00:14:03,494
We're gonna write it together.
I will help you.
303
00:14:03,561 --> 00:14:05,496
I'm a history teacher,
you know.
304
00:14:05,563 --> 00:14:07,431
I don't want help!
305
00:14:07,499 --> 00:14:10,267
Okay? I just want it
all to go away.
306
00:14:10,335 --> 00:14:13,504
Oh, come on, daddy!
Come on!
307
00:14:13,571 --> 00:14:14,939
Oh, come on!
308
00:14:15,006 --> 00:14:16,607
Take me upstairs.
Let's make a baby
309
00:14:16,675 --> 00:14:19,409
So mama doesn't have
to go to school.
310
00:14:19,477 --> 00:14:21,845
Oh, no, no!
311
00:14:25,250 --> 00:14:27,517
I will take you upstairs,
312
00:14:27,585 --> 00:14:31,855
But immediately after, we're
going to write this paper together.
313
00:14:36,023 --> 00:14:37,823
Joy...
314
00:14:37,891 --> 00:14:41,461
We're about to embark
on a journey.
315
00:14:41,528 --> 00:14:44,263
A journey that,
heretofore,
316
00:14:44,331 --> 00:14:48,234
You and I have never
taken together.
317
00:14:48,301 --> 00:14:52,470
A journey through America.
318
00:14:52,538 --> 00:14:54,906
Let's get started,
shall we?
319
00:14:54,974 --> 00:14:57,642
Okay, here we go.
320
00:14:59,979 --> 00:15:01,646
Honey, honey, honey.
321
00:15:01,714 --> 00:15:03,715
Let's pump the brakes
a little here.
322
00:15:03,782 --> 00:15:06,184
Why?Hat's wrong?
323
00:15:06,252 --> 00:15:08,887
You just don't
write a paper.
324
00:15:08,954 --> 00:15:12,424
You have to let the topic
just wash over you.
325
00:15:12,491 --> 00:15:14,526
Do you understand?
326
00:15:14,594 --> 00:15:16,462
I'll tell you what...
close your eyes.
327
00:15:16,529 --> 00:15:17,963
All right,
why do I have to...
328
00:15:18,031 --> 00:15:20,666
Pssh, close your eyes.
329
00:15:22,536 --> 00:15:24,771
Where are we?
330
00:15:24,839 --> 00:15:26,039
We're in our house...
331
00:15:26,107 --> 00:15:29,109
Bop bop bop bop,
where are we, darling?
332
00:15:29,177 --> 00:15:31,645
Is it... Philadelphia?
333
00:15:31,713 --> 00:15:34,781
Perhaps. But not
the philly of today.
334
00:15:34,849 --> 00:15:40,286
It is 1776.
335
00:15:40,354 --> 00:15:42,155
And things are
quite different.
336
00:15:42,222 --> 00:15:45,124
Is there a liberty bell?
337
00:15:45,192 --> 00:15:46,925
But guess what?
338
00:15:46,993 --> 00:15:49,194
No crack.
339
00:15:50,363 --> 00:15:52,164
There is
a modest candle maker
340
00:15:52,231 --> 00:15:54,499
Named Jedidiah who seems...
341
00:15:54,567 --> 00:15:57,235
Wow, it is like I'm
there. Let's get a'writin'!
342
00:15:57,303 --> 00:15:58,837
Okay! Honey, wait.
343
00:15:58,905 --> 00:16:00,506
Wait!
344
00:16:00,574 --> 00:16:01,608
Listen to me,
listen to me.
345
00:16:01,675 --> 00:16:02,909
The first sentence
is so important.
346
00:16:02,977 --> 00:16:04,744
It has to grab the reader
by the throat
347
00:16:04,812 --> 00:16:06,079
And tell him,
"hey, buddy,
348
00:16:06,147 --> 00:16:08,848
You're about to take
the ride of your life!"
349
00:16:08,916 --> 00:16:10,050
Okay.
350
00:16:10,117 --> 00:16:11,518
Okay!
351
00:16:11,586 --> 00:16:13,787
How about
something like...
352
00:16:17,425 --> 00:16:20,893
This. "when betsy ross
started sewing that flag,
353
00:16:20,961 --> 00:16:23,095
"she had no idea
how the revolution
354
00:16:23,163 --> 00:16:25,831
Would change the role of
women in this country."
355
00:16:28,936 --> 00:16:31,572
Okay, or how about this?
356
00:16:31,640 --> 00:16:32,840
What...do you mind?
357
00:16:32,908 --> 00:16:35,410
What...I'm sorry, you're
right, that was rude.
358
00:16:35,478 --> 00:16:36,745
Okay.
359
00:16:36,812 --> 00:16:38,413
Let me take it over here.
360
00:16:41,050 --> 00:16:43,051
Passed the course!
361
00:16:43,119 --> 00:16:46,554
Hey! Congratulations.
362
00:16:46,622 --> 00:16:49,423
I got my paper back, and
I have passed the course.
363
00:16:49,491 --> 00:16:51,659
Well, technically,
we passed the course.
364
00:16:51,727 --> 00:16:52,927
You did most of the work,
365
00:16:52,995 --> 00:16:54,062
But I did sleep
with you,
366
00:16:54,129 --> 00:16:55,831
So it's not like I didn't
make any sacrifice.
367
00:16:55,900 --> 00:16:58,201
Okay. So, what'd you get?
368
00:16:58,268 --> 00:17:00,504
Ba-bling!
B-minus.
369
00:17:00,571 --> 00:17:01,877
What's up!
What's up!
370
00:17:03,379 --> 00:17:06,080
B-minus?
371
00:17:06,148 --> 00:17:07,884
B-minus.
372
00:17:09,922 --> 00:17:12,658
You saved my bacon, you
giant jewish wordsmith.
373
00:17:12,726 --> 00:17:15,594
There's red marks
all over here.
374
00:17:15,662 --> 00:17:17,763
It looks like somebody
stabbed my paper.
375
00:17:17,831 --> 00:17:19,932
I don't understand.
376
00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:22,201
What's to understand?
I passed.
377
00:17:22,269 --> 00:17:23,536
I'm gonna go upstairs
and freshen up,
378
00:17:23,603 --> 00:17:25,404
And we're gonna go
for a celebratory dinner.
379
00:17:25,472 --> 00:17:27,773
But a b-minus is a grade
for potheads,
380
00:17:27,841 --> 00:17:30,308
Pregnant girls,
and dudes with mono.
381
00:17:32,179 --> 00:17:34,747
It's over, Eddie,
let it go.
382
00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:38,712
Oh, it's far from over.
383
00:17:43,510 --> 00:17:45,909
Professor Debasky?
384
00:17:45,977 --> 00:17:47,209
How are you?
385
00:17:47,277 --> 00:17:49,308
I'm Eddie Stark.
386
00:17:49,376 --> 00:17:52,173
My wife Joy
is in your class.
387
00:17:52,241 --> 00:17:53,573
Could we chat
for just a second?
388
00:17:53,641 --> 00:17:55,372
Oh, of course. Please.
389
00:17:55,439 --> 00:17:56,771
Sorry about the small space.
390
00:17:56,839 --> 00:17:58,539
I'm getting a bigger office.
391
00:17:58,607 --> 00:18:02,010
If that poly sci professor would
just hurry up and die already.
392
00:18:02,078 --> 00:18:04,579
I'm kidding.
393
00:18:04,647 --> 00:18:06,880
I am getting
a bigger office, though.
394
00:18:06,948 --> 00:18:09,716
That part is no joke.
395
00:18:09,784 --> 00:18:11,985
Well, my wife really
can't say enough about you.
396
00:18:12,020 --> 00:18:14,254
She loves your class.
Oh, thanks.
397
00:18:14,322 --> 00:18:15,556
You must be
a gifted instructor.
398
00:18:15,623 --> 00:18:17,157
Yes, thank you.
399
00:18:17,224 --> 00:18:18,358
It's totally wasted here.
400
00:18:18,426 --> 00:18:21,794
I'm in hell!
401
00:18:21,862 --> 00:18:23,930
Okay, it's...
402
00:18:23,997 --> 00:18:25,498
Actually,
it's about her paper.
403
00:18:25,565 --> 00:18:27,366
You gave her a b-minus,
and quite frankly,
404
00:18:27,434 --> 00:18:30,002
I was surprised.
405
00:18:30,070 --> 00:18:31,437
Let's see.
406
00:18:31,505 --> 00:18:32,605
Oh, yeah!
407
00:18:32,673 --> 00:18:35,041
Well, you know, it's
not quite a minus pape
408
00:18:35,109 --> 00:18:37,277
But I feel like
she worked hard on it.
409
00:18:37,345 --> 00:18:39,011
So, you're welcome.
410
00:18:41,482 --> 00:18:42,948
No, no, I don't think
you understand.
411
00:18:43,016 --> 00:18:44,983
You see,
I'm a history teacher.
412
00:18:45,051 --> 00:18:46,084
And I...
413
00:18:46,152 --> 00:18:47,118
Oh, where do you teach?
414
00:18:47,186 --> 00:18:48,253
Winston Churchill High School.
415
00:18:48,321 --> 00:18:51,456
Oh, high school.
416
00:18:51,524 --> 00:18:53,324
What does that mean?
417
00:18:53,392 --> 00:18:56,693
Well, looking at this paper
from a high school standpoint,
418
00:18:56,761 --> 00:18:59,630
It's ok, but looking at it
from a college standpoint...
419
00:18:59,697 --> 00:19:01,598
Community college.
420
00:19:03,500 --> 00:19:05,467
What does that mean?
421
00:19:05,535 --> 00:19:08,336
Ah, I think we both
know what that means.
422
00:19:08,404 --> 00:19:12,238
What is it you would like me
to do for you, Mr. Stark?
423
00:19:12,306 --> 00:19:14,639
Up the grade,
my brother.
424
00:19:17,410 --> 00:19:19,210
Look, I have a meeting
with my book agent
425
00:19:19,278 --> 00:19:21,646
At my mom's house
in 15 minutes.
426
00:19:21,714 --> 00:19:24,282
In deference
to your professional opinion,
427
00:19:24,350 --> 00:19:26,751
What do you say I just put a
line through that nasty minus,
428
00:19:26,819 --> 00:19:28,686
Make it a b-plus?
429
00:19:28,754 --> 00:19:30,221
Well, that
would be great,
430
00:19:30,289 --> 00:19:32,722
If it was a b-plus.
431
00:19:32,790 --> 00:19:34,022
But it's not.
432
00:19:34,090 --> 00:19:35,956
It's an "a."
433
00:19:36,024 --> 00:19:38,959
It is not an "a."
434
00:19:39,027 --> 00:19:40,794
It is.
435
00:19:40,862 --> 00:19:45,233
It is derivative
and pedestrian.
436
00:19:45,300 --> 00:19:47,802
It is cogent
and illuminating.
437
00:19:47,870 --> 00:19:50,038
Who the hell gets
an "a" in your class
438
00:19:50,105 --> 00:19:52,073
If a history teacher
gets a b-minus?
439
00:19:52,140 --> 00:19:55,443
But you didn't write it,
Mr. Stark. Your wife did.
440
00:19:55,510 --> 00:19:59,312
What are you, crazy?
441
00:19:59,380 --> 00:20:02,181
"Soon, the Abigail Adams
model became ubiquitous;
442
00:20:02,249 --> 00:20:05,351
The prototype for the
modern day single mother."
443
00:20:05,418 --> 00:20:06,952
You think my dingbat wife
could have written that?
444
00:20:07,020 --> 00:20:11,423
Come on, the woman doesn't even
know how to pronounce wheelbarrow!
445
00:20:11,491 --> 00:20:13,826
You saying
you wrote this paper?
446
00:20:13,894 --> 00:20:15,896
Did I stutter?
447
00:20:17,298 --> 00:20:20,701
Again, I'm really sorry I
got you kicked out of college.
448
00:20:20,768 --> 00:20:22,002
Yes, I know.
449
00:20:22,070 --> 00:20:24,471
Look, I just...
I just didn't think
450
00:20:24,539 --> 00:20:25,672
That I deserved
a b-minus.
451
00:20:25,740 --> 00:20:27,040
Yes, you said that before.
452
00:20:27,108 --> 00:20:28,208
Well, yeah. I mean,
you know, it wasn't
453
00:20:28,276 --> 00:20:29,810
The best thing
I ever wrote,
454
00:20:29,877 --> 00:20:31,678
But clearly, I had
to do it so quickly...
455
00:20:31,746 --> 00:20:33,246
Don't care.
456
00:20:34,649 --> 00:20:37,583
And by the way, you don't
need a piece of paper
457
00:20:37,651 --> 00:20:39,085
To tell you
how smart you are.
458
00:20:39,153 --> 00:20:41,253
You're very smart.
459
00:20:41,321 --> 00:20:42,888
You know,
you're no magellan,
460
00:20:42,956 --> 00:20:45,891
But you got life experiences,
you got common sense,
461
00:20:45,959 --> 00:20:48,094
You can't find that
in a book, right?
462
00:20:48,162 --> 00:20:49,962
You know what?
463
00:20:50,030 --> 00:20:52,431
You're right.
464
00:20:52,499 --> 00:20:54,533
I don't need to prove
anything to anybody.
465
00:20:54,601 --> 00:20:56,268
That's my girl.
466
00:20:57,870 --> 00:21:00,071
Hi.
Hey.
467
00:21:00,072 --> 00:21:01,339
Are you guys
ready to order
468
00:21:01,407 --> 00:21:02,941
Yes, we are.
Hey.I will have
469
00:21:03,009 --> 00:21:06,678
The bacon barbecue
cheddar burger, and...
470
00:21:06,746 --> 00:21:10,981
The boneless wing trio.
471
00:21:11,049 --> 00:21:12,415
And for you?
472
00:21:12,483 --> 00:21:14,884
I'm feeling
like italian tonight.
473
00:21:14,951 --> 00:21:17,619
I'd like to try
the gnocchi.
474
00:21:20,089 --> 00:21:21,156
Did you mean the...
475
00:21:21,223 --> 00:21:23,124
Bop, bop, bop, bop,
she means the gnocchi!
476
00:21:23,192 --> 00:21:24,325
Go get it!
477
00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:30,000
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